Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Old Sharp-Ass

Episode Date: November 9, 2023

Conan chats with Brice from Ames, Iowa about haulin’ horses, whether horses get jet lagged, and riding sidesaddle. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: ...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit slash callkonan. Okay, let's get started. Quiet. Hi Bryce, welcome to Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Hey Bryce, how are you? Good yourself.
Starting point is 00:00:21 Well I'm good now. I'm checking out your facial hair. And you, you are incredible, just incredible. Let me describe for our listeners who aren't watching this on the internet right now. Would you say it looks, it's a wild bill. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Big old mustache and short little beard and long hair. Yeah. I don't know if I'd be like to be class this wild bill, but you know close enough. Okay, well, let's see what else have we got? Texas Turkey Creek Jack Johnson? Yes, there you go. Okay. No, you look incredible. You know, you look like you the lead singer with the silver bullet band, uh, you look incredible.
Starting point is 00:01:06 Oh my goodness. Yeah. Yeah. People say I look like I'm off like term bike, troubadours or something. So that, that or a tombstone, well, uh, let me understand something, Bryce, tell us a little bit about yourself. Uh, where are you coming to us from? Uh, currently I'm in stillwater, Oklahoma, um, but I live in Ames, Iowa. I
Starting point is 00:01:27 have a transportation company via Hall Horses, um, across the country. And so it kind of put me, put me down here when it's time to talk to you guys. Okay, so you Hall Horses, how many horses do you haul at a time? Sorry, it came out a little trash. So much trouble. Yeah. Well, I'm sorry. You hauled the horse this. You hauled the horse this. You hauled the horse this? I don't know what happened there.
Starting point is 00:01:53 I had a, we call it up, uh, uh, up where I'm, the parts where I'm from, uh, cerebral occlusion. Any hoots? Bryce, you haul horse flesh. Yeah, it's still living, but yeah. Yeah, that's okay. That's okay. How many horses do you haul at a time?
Starting point is 00:02:16 It depends. So right now I have a three horse trailer, so I can haul a max of three five horses trailer. I figured that out. Yeah, when you said three horse trailer, I figured it was three. Now, you know, five, six, but else is trailer. You said three, all straight, I figured it was three. Now, you know, sometimes you gotta break it down. Does each one get to look out a window when they drive?
Starting point is 00:02:30 This is important to me. Yeah, oh yeah, they get a window, they get water, they get hay, and I have a camera facing them so I can keep an eye on the whole time. You know, I have to say, I love nothing more in life than a horse looking out a little window. I do, I love it. When I'm on the highway and a horse is looking out a little window, I'm in heaven. You guys share a little moment. No, it's true because a horse is so unselfconscious.
Starting point is 00:02:55 That's why when I'm watching a movie and there's a horse in the scene, I just look at the horse because he doesn't know he's in a movie. It's fantastic. I love a horse looking out a window. I could look at that all day. So if I was driving down the turnpike and I saw or the interstate and I saw three horses peaking out of three windows I would just start following I would just start following you guys wherever you went. Oh Goodness, yeah, I hold him you all the other day and I forgot to Open his window and he just start kicking. Yeah. He was not very happy. Then I opened the window and perfectly fine. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:28 Yeah. Well, I have those windows so they can see. I do that on a plane sometimes. If someone has before me has pulled the screen down, you know, the shade down, I just start kicking. And often the flight attendant will say, sir, you can just lift that yourself. But that's how I am.
Starting point is 00:03:44 I just start kicking. You lowered it in the first place, you can just lift that yourself. But that's how I am. I just start kicking. You lowered it in the first place. Probably. I wanted to kick. So this is cool, Bryce. Now, why are you traveling these horses all around? What's the point of traveling these horses? Is this delivering them to customers who purchase them?
Starting point is 00:03:59 Yeah, why are you traveling? Why are you traveling these horses? Well, I'm just trying to, I'm sorry. But I, and the parts that I come from, we say that we're plain spoken in my part of Brooklyn Mass. Rice. Yeah. Why you hoeing all these horses?
Starting point is 00:04:15 Yeah. Yeah, you know, that's exactly how JFK talked. So you're right. Whoa, we're going to haul these horses, not because it's easy but because it's hot. No, yeah exactly what you said a lot of people buying horses or shipping horses to shows or moving across country stuff like that. There's also a lot of importing from overseas. Got it. So I'll pick them up at an airport and take them somewhere. What do they like when you pick up a horse at the airport?
Starting point is 00:04:46 Can a horse get jet lagged? Are they sleeping? Are they waiting there? Yeah, and then hey comes down a little carrot a little carousel But can you tell that they're jet lagged like they're they think it's 9 a.m. But it's really you know It's really like 4 p.m. You know what I mean? Yeah Generally they don't have a watch on so they can't They're obviously a little bit tired and you know, so yeah, I just Just got to got to get a move and hey Bryce if at any point my questions get too stupid
Starting point is 00:05:25 Feel free to just tell me in any way because they're stupid. They got there were stupid in the beginning I feel like I forgot that horses don't wear watches you said do they know it's nine o'clock What it's supposed to be you know how you get off the plane? Sometimes I bet they're wearing like pajamas or sweatsuits when they get off the plane Well, you see you're actually not far off though. Sometimes they'll be wearing a sheet or a blanket. Yes. I do that I've gotten off planes. I did a transatlantic flight and I got off and I was just wearing a sheet My naked body and a sheet Tackle me tackle me at the Starbucks
Starting point is 00:06:02 So so tell me about yourself. This first fall, I love horses. I think this sounds like kind of a cool job. How did you get into this whole thing? Yeah, so I married a horse trainer. So that's kind of how all this started. And yeah, so I used to ride horses when I was little out in Colorado and whatnot. And then as I grew up kind of fell away from it,
Starting point is 00:06:27 married a horse trainer and got back into riding horses and got my own Mustang that I adopted from the Bureau Land Management. And yeah, it's exhilarating. It's nice having a horse and, you know, especially when they're allowed to be themselves and have their own person out. Oh, you mean like sometimes people have horses and the horse feels they need to conform or be a certain way and you're just letting the horse be the horse. Yeah, sometimes they act like you know,
Starting point is 00:06:58 you know, a teenager, not wanting to listen to their parents and whatnot, but you know, you got the other ones who actually want to want to have fun and be themselves and listen. This is like Montessori for horse drowning. It's all right. Don't listen to me, Bryce. Go on. It's not you, Bryce. No, blank.
Starting point is 00:07:17 It was a blank. I almost thought it was a screen for us. No, no, that was really happened, Bryce. You know what? I'm just picturing a bunch of horses just looking out windows with blank expressions, not knowing what the hell just happened. Usually I try to back you up, Baba. That was... You've got to keep that in.
Starting point is 00:07:38 That's got to stay. It's fantastic. I'm not only keeping in, but I stand by it. Yeah, stand by it. I know there's at least one other person out there in this world. And if you're listening, thank you. Tell me, I don't know much about riding horses. Are there different styles, different styles of cowboy?
Starting point is 00:07:58 Oh, yeah. There's a whole bunch of different styles of riding, but mainly in the United States you've got You know English style writing it I could go on it on but yeah cowboy and there's a lot of regional type of cowboy People have made fun of me because I write side saddle Yeah, I wear a 18th century gown when I do it. And of course, again, of course. Get a little breeze, it's fine. Yeah, I know my head all.
Starting point is 00:08:29 Sometimes a breeze is just what I need. Hey, I have a question for you. Do you think I'd be any good as a, you know, writer of forces as a cowboy? Do you think I'd, do you think I'd, and be honest, Bryce, we know each other well enough. How do you think I'd do? I don't know. I think if somebody invited you to go writing, you would show up dressed as howdy-duty. Yeah, Jack. Correct. I'd have a bandana and really starched. Like, my jeans would have a crease. My shirt would be real starched and I'd have a hat that had never like had no dust on it. Like, and it was way too big for my head.
Starting point is 00:09:19 Yeah, and then you would complain about shaving because everything's so starched. Yeah. You'd be riding a horse like rubber down a junior in oh goodness. What's that movie? Bad horse rider. Sure like home. Oh, does he sit in there just a horse? Oh, yes. That's right. He's not a good yes. In one of the Sherlock Cummins movies, he's on a horse and he's not good at it. Interesting. I have a problem and Sonia has worked for me for a long time and she can attest to this. I have no flesh at all on my bottom. There's just nothing there. I'm just a pelvis, like a lab skeleton pelvis. So if I was riding a horse, I think I'd be in a lot of pain unless can you put a cushion down? What can you put on the saddle and and not be made fun of?
Starting point is 00:10:06 Nothing If you put something on there, you will get made fun of What if no one could see it? What if I just coated it with a thick gel a clear gel that was cushiony and And also had certain medicinal properties Maybe numbing the nerves of the ass so that you pad inside your pants So you have like a big old booty, but it's real soft. Yes stuff stuff your pants. Well, I do that But you mean in the back? Yeah, okay, so
Starting point is 00:10:39 so Bryce I just move it to the back. Yeah, yeah, just take what's in the front, put it in the back. Yeah, okay. And then there's just a huge concave space in the front. That's real funny. That's real funny. Just move the old zucchini to the back. So Bryce, I think I do okay.
Starting point is 00:11:01 I'm pretty adaptable and I think I'd be a good cowboy. I know that, yes, with my ass gets sore, it would, but I'm a lot of fun out on the trail. I think I'd have good stories around the campfire at night. Is there a campfire at night? Absolutely. There's campfire and coffee. Regardless if you stop at midnight, you're making a pot of coffee. Well, I can't do that.
Starting point is 00:11:22 I'll be up all night. So, can you guys ever make decaf? The cowboys don't think it. Yeah, no, we literally pour grounds into a pot of boiling water and then drink it. Okay, I'm gonna bring with me a machine that's rather large. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:11:39 The decafinates the coffee. It's an $8,000 Swiss machine. And that's gonna have to be pulled by six horses. I hope that's okay. Killed so fast if you were a cowboy. No, I mean, probably. I think it'd be left behind. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:11:55 Yes. Hey, but what if the other cowboys start to go, you know, I like this decalf coffee. Let's keep this Conan guy and his Swiss machine around. I mean, have you seen, have you seen a cowboy in line at Starbucks with the horse outside? I don't think they're going to really be drinking. Yeah, right, right. You guys are, yeah, I guess that's, yeah, I have a lot of admiration for cowboys. And well, cow folk in general, you know, I, I do.
Starting point is 00:12:22 It's part of the great American dream. Nothing looks cooler than being on you know, I do. It's part of the great American dream. Nothing looks cooler than being on a horse, I think. And, no, I'm pulling up somewhere, you know, clapping up and then just jumping off the horse and tying it up to a post and going inside and having a shot of whiskey. That's something I grew up watching all the time
Starting point is 00:12:40 on television and it never happened. Well, Bryce actually has a really good question for you regarding this. Bryce, do you want to ask your question? Yes. happened. Well, Bryce actually has a really good question for you regarding this. Bryce, do you want to ask your question? Yeah, ask my question, Bryce. Yeah, what would your nickname be? What would your cowboy nickname be on the trail? Wow, let's see.
Starting point is 00:12:58 Sharp ass. Oh. Old sharp ass. He's got an ass like a meat cleaver. Just bone, you know, just bone. You could slice ham on that guy's ass. You know, you wouldn't want it, but you could. Yeah, old sharp ass, they'd call me.
Starting point is 00:13:15 Here comes sharp ass. Hey, sharp ass, what's up? Oh, not much. I was just here with my $8,000 machine, decafinating these beans. What's up with you guys? What do you think? Pretty sure they come decaffeinated. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:31 Yeah, what? The machine decaffeinated the beans? Yeah, it's very expensive. You just have a pile of beans. You could just bring decaffe beans. Oh. I already bought this machine. Oh, man, you gotta return it.
Starting point is 00:13:45 No, I can't because I had the wheels that were on it taken off. And ones that were appropriate for the trail put on. Oh, no. No, no. And I was anticipating this conversation. This is such a bad idea. Yeah, it's got shock absorbers. It's got a little cow catcher.
Starting point is 00:13:58 Oh, you spruced it up too. I spruced it up. It's got incredible suspension. I've put over $35,000 into this $8,000. Oh my God. Conan, that's so unnecessary. Yeah. Well, sharp ass to you. Okay. Bryce, I think that I'd be a pretty good cowboy and I'd, and I'd like it. I would really like it. I would love to go out on a ride. I really would what's the longest ride you guys go out for?
Starting point is 00:14:27 The longest ride I've been on was 11 days and over you know, or probably around like 120 to 150 miles. Wow That is so cool. Do you think we could arrange it? So we're sort of near a four seasons hotel? Oh, man No, but you know what I mean? That's kind of what we're trying to avoid, but we could probably who's gonna care about circles around the block. Yeah, what I'm saying is we ride, but then I disappear for, I don't know, 15, 18 hours at a time and I come back and you smell massage oil and I've had an incredible Cobb salad just incredible. Yeah I guess I guess we could figure that out or you could just have the four seasons of being outside.
Starting point is 00:15:12 Oh yeah, sharp. I don't know. I don't know. Bryce, there's a certain way I like things you know. I like to be able to just pick up the phone and order the food and it comes. So I guess that's part of the way. You could bring Sonah and Matt with you and then they could just take care of you. Oh no. Oh no. And their Bryce look, I was interested
Starting point is 00:15:36 until you said that. No. It sounded fun, but yeah. I don't think. I don't think he'd do all sharp ass. Yeah, we'll be with you guys. And then when he leaves, we give everyone the signal and we just keep going Yeah, also right just so you know
Starting point is 00:15:48 Sonna was my assistant for like 15 years and didn't take care of me then yeah, so why would she on the trail? You know, that's not gonna happen. That's true So then that assistant would do things yeah, well his name is David Hopping and he does do things. Yeah incredible Sorry, I taught him everything assistant would do things. Yeah, his name is David Hopping and he does do things. Yeah, incredible. Sorry. Todd him everything you know. I don't think so. I think like, I really want to do that argument. What kind of horse would you put Conan on?
Starting point is 00:16:11 Like a spirited one, a tame one, a stag? Oh, it absolutely have to be, you know, a forage horse, like a little kid's horse. Yes! It just, it have to be something that wouldn't blow up or anything It would be like shorts and acres little miniature pony shnelly I want one more your knees are like all the way up to your face
Starting point is 00:16:32 I want one where you you have to put quarters in Oh, it gently rocks me Everybody froze Um, you know, Bryce We can still hear you Yeah, we can still hear you, Bryce, don't worry about freezing Sometimes it just looks like you're really thinking about stuff. Well, I don't care what you say, Bryce.
Starting point is 00:16:47 I think I would make an incredible cowboy. Work cowgirl or just cowfolk. Why do we have to get into the gender of it all? You'd be a cow dandy. A cow dandy. A cowfop. Yes. I'm a cowfop.
Starting point is 00:16:59 A cowpop in J. Uh, ha ha ha ha. Thank you very much, Bryce. Very nice meeting you and, uh, onward. Onward and upward. much, Bryce. Very nice meeting you and onward, onward and upward. Thanks, Bryce. Konen O'Brien needs a friend with Konen O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
Starting point is 00:17:14 Produced by me, Matt Gourley, executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leal, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Your Wolf. Themesong by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples,
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