Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Owen Wilson

Episode Date: October 5, 2026

Actor Owen Wilson feels good about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Owen sits down with Conan to discuss how military school led him to a creative partnership with Wes Anderson, learning how to wear a cowboy hat, bringing Timothy Olyphant on for season two of Stick, his new film Rolling Loud: The Movie, and more. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, my name's Owen Wilson, and I feel good about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Okay, this is clearly like a hostage situation. Police feel, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are going to be friends. We are going to be friends. Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend. friend, a slightly different situation today. We have Sonam of Sessian, as we always do. Good to see you, Sona. Hey, good to see you too. You look very nice today. Oh, I, yeah, I dolled up. Yeah, you do.

You look really nice. And Matt Groley is out. He's got, I think, a cold. He's got two little kids in his house, and I think he has a, he's just going to be in that situation where he has a cold, I think, every five days. Yeah, well, I mean, Glenn just started school. And the schools are cesspool. Incubators. incubators. Of disease. Kids always have snot coming down their noses. Yeah, I suppose that's true.

And so we have David Hopping sitting in. And David, I know I had a little hitch in my voice there in my sentence like I wasn't happy to see you, but I am. Oh, I didn't even notice the hitch. Oh, well, then maybe I shouldn't have to write it up. But I've overcome my reservations about you taking over for Matt Corley. Step in from time to time. You're a fine assistant. Hey, thanks.

And I'm sure there are people who love you. Now, let's get them on the phone. You have something that you wish to talk about. Yes. A fan of yours reached out, and I just wanted to share this message and get your thoughts on it. I always like to hear from the fans. Occasionally, a king likes to put on a disguise and walks among his peoples. And so this is my chance to find out because I'm up in the cloud sitting on my golden throne.

You're unreachable. Unreachable, untouchable, a god. Yeah, you walk in here and we all like bow and we revere you and no one's like laughing at you and stuff. Why would they laugh at me? With you. With you. That's what I meant. Okay.

Let's hear it. Okay. Says, hi, David. I'm reaching out in need of your help. My name is Seth and I'm a huge fan of all things Conan. My wife and I are expecting our second baby this November. We are currently in the process of deciding on names. We do not know the gender.

but if the baby is a boy, I would love to name him Conan. My wife is not on board with this name. She did say, though, that if I were to get Conan to agree with us naming our future child after him, she would be on board. Any assistance on this matter would be greatly appreciated. Hopefully hear from you soon, Seth. Wow. Conan's cool. Is it?

I don't know. I have to say, this is a delicate matter because it's a huge decision naming a child. When I was born, first brother was Neil, then Luke. And then when I was born, I was unnamed, I think, for a few days, is according to my mom, who told me this later on. And my dad went to the library. This is way back at 1963 and started looking up interesting names. And he had this whole theory about how names should be, it should be striking, but not complicated.

And it should. It lied with the last name. So Conan No, Brian. Oh, yeah. But he did all this research and found the name Conan. he didn't know anything about Conan the Barbarian. He didn't know anything about it. Because they were at that time, like graphic novels or something.

He didn't know anything about that. And there were no movies yet. So he just found this name Conan, which had some, like from the Middle Ages or something like that. So he gave me that name. And for a while it was kind of cool. And then that movie came out. And everyone was like, hey, Conan, where's your sword? And then the beatings would commence.

Oh. But that was going to happen regardless. The beatings, yes. Yeah, yeah. The beatings were just going to happen. Even if your name was like Brad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The beatings are.

But why, why you? Why not? Why didn't he stress out about Neil or Luke's name? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe he saw that I was the chosen one. It was a golden light. I was the only one that had, uh, when I was born, I had bright orange hair like an orangutan.

Oh. And, uh, my mom said you look like a fat Buddha with like a Lucille ball wig. And I was like, I love you too, Mom. But anyway, so I have the name Conan. This is a big decision. And I have to say I have fans occasionally show me that they've had a Conan caricature, like put on their ankle or something. And I always think, I don't know how I feel about that.

Did you ever think about naming Beckett Conan Jr.? Yes. You did really? Yeah, he was Conan Jr. for four years. And then he took us to court. And he was four? Yeah. He took this to court when he was four.

The judge immediately, immediately sided with Conan Jr. No, no. Not for a second. No, my God, that'd be awful. Were there celebrities that you wanted to name your kids after? No. But you're also, you have a very special, like, thing of you can just be one name. Because your name is so unique.

Yes, I'm up there with other one-name celebrities. Yes. All you have to do is say Rihanna. Okay. Well, you can. You can say Rihanna went to a party with Conan. Madonna. My queen share.

Yeah. You even say my queen share. Just share. I know. Let's say this again. Share, Rihanna, Madonna, and Conan went to a party. No one thinks that's a weird sentence. No one says, wait a minute, hold on a second, because I'm a one-name celebrity.

Yeah. You're making jokes, but that's true. And that's really cool. You really think if you heard that Conan, Rihanna, share, and Madonna went to a party, you wouldn't spit out whatever you were drinking? I think it would be more like what party that Madonna, Rihanna and Cher are at did they invite Conan? But I would know it's you. No, no, no, that wasn't my question.

My question is they're all one-name people. I'm a one-name person, but I shouldn't be in there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The bouncer should have stopped. I would want to know which one of the three invited you. I know. Oh, none of those people were inviting me. No, no, that's one of those things where they're out having a party.

and then I'm there inspecting the HVAC and I wander by their table. And then someone gets a picture and suddenly my name is in with them but they don't include the part about repairing the HVAC. I think, no, I, I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to side with,

with the wife on this one. I think, yeah, right? I just side with him. Really? I think it's a really, I think it's a cool name. It's different. Eduardo. There's a Conan Gray.

Be honest. He's a young chap. My feeling is it's a unique name, and if you let somebody else start to use it, it becomes less unique. So for your own brand safety. But what do you think about singer Conan Gray? Don't we root against him now? No, we don't. Okay, good. Well, and what do you think, David?

Yeah. No. Yeah. Also, can I just say, David, you have a lot of, the name Conan triggers you. Yeah. Insane requests at 4 a.m., you know, constantly insisting you pretend to be paparazzi so that I look like I'm really making the scene. Yeah, trying to clear the area.

Even though you're just not, you're holding an invisible camera and you say click, click. I'm going to say, yeah, I think it's a, it's a no, you know? Sorry, sorry, Seth. I think Miles is a really good name. I like the name Miles.

I like Miles. Yeah. I like my, but I also do like Conan. I think it's a really cool name. And I think that you need to. Yeah, but not for others. I think we just let it, we let it lie.

And also, I'll find myself, I'll be, and by the way, they said they don't know the gender yet. We haven't determined my gender yet. So Conan, works either ways. I'm having a gender reveal party next year here on the podcast. All right, let's do this. My guest today has starred in such movies as Zoolander and Wedding Crashers. His Apple TV Plus series Stick returns for its second season in November. And starting October 2nd, you can see him in Rolling Loud, The Movie. Very busy but endlessly enjoyable. Owen Wilson.

is here. Owen, welcome. It doesn't happen all the time, but I'll mirror the person that I'm talking to. And the minute I saw you, I walked in and I saw you, I slowed down my speech. And I started to notice that I'm kind of, I wasn't doing it intentionally. I'm kind of talking like Owen, you know? And I'm sort of like. And I'm going the other way.

I'm revving myself up. Yeah, yeah. Do you hate yourself? Do you hate yourself now? How much do you hate yourself right now? Are you needy? A needy guy who hates people, hates himself? Well, I am super thrilled you're here because I think we have a lot to talk about.

This is the Owen Wilson Takedown interview. Good. Because you've been riding high way too long. Yes. You get away with murder. I really believe that, and this is a takedown. I was trying to find, start with a point of commonality. Like, you're from Dallas.

I'm from Boston. We could not come from more different places. Except my parents are from my dad. It's from Boston. Oh, really? My dad's from Belmont. You're kidding. Yes.

That's what my parents lived before my mom got pregnant with me. And true story, the landlords, she had two kids already, Luke and Neal. The landlord saw my mom was pregnant with the third and said, you got to, you can't stay here. This was like 19, you know, this is like 1963 when you could say, hey, you're pregnant. Get the fuck out of here. Was this against the Irish? Yeah. Yeah.

He was like, oh, my God. She's probably pregnant with seven kids. So they had to move and they moved into Brookline and then I was born like months later. And I know that's why you came here today to hear that story. That's that were Dukakis. What's that? It was Dukakis from Brookline. Brooklyn.

Yes. Michael Dukakis who ran in, let me get this straight. Was it 1988? I think he ran for president. 88. And he was the governor of Massachusetts. But yeah, he was. And the day, true story, he runs for president.

He loses to George H.W. Bush. And the next night, my brother sees him in line at the Brookline Star Market. And he's buying soda pop for his secret security detail that's leaving that day. He was in line like wearing a rain. This is the greatest empire the world has ever seen, the most powerful country in the world. And he, you know, missed by some points becoming the leader of that free world. And he's at the star market, eight item or less line. Because those guys are leaving.

That's kind of a point. Yeah. And I don't think the Secret Service should do that, but they broadcast all protection is leaving Mike Dukakis right now. Just this soda pop? That's what we get. But that's a true story. There was something with him, wasn't there sort of a photograph that they say sort of hurt his campaign in the tank? Yeah. Where he had the helmet. He was touring a military base. Yeah. And he got into a tank with his head sticking out and someone put a big helmet on him. didn't look powerful. No. Looked. No. Yeah.

It looked like he was in a go cart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he just looked kind of, yeah. Like, I didn't know that your dad's from, from Belmont. So you know that wearing the hat thing about JFK when he came to Texas, you know, they tried to get him to put on a cowboy hat. He wouldn't do it.

He had enough sense to be like, well, I'll come back. Like he didn't get knowing that would go around. that would all have, oh, remember that great picture of JFK and a cowboy hand? Yeah, yeah. They have a sense of himself that, like, that's not how I want to be. Yeah. No, he didn't put on the hat. He wouldn't, he didn't like to wear hats.

I mean, he had cool hair. He had the coolest hair of any president. Yeah, I think that was like when E.B. White wrote his sort of, that was his little tribute to JFK, he, uh, they did not wear a hat. I got to look that up. I wrote E.B. White a fan letter. You did. Yeah.

when I was a kid just about how much I admired his writing, and he wrote me back. I got the letters, I got the letter back, I think, in 1980. We've mentioned it here before, but it bears repeating. Clearly, I said to him, I want to be a writer, or be creative, or be out there, but I'm afraid of criticism.

And he said, well, if you're afraid of criticism, you're going to have a rough time of it because everyone gets criticized. And then I chose comedy. I chose the thing where everybody can say, Anytime you suck. So that's funny. The E.B. White, that was my

quote that when I was applying to college was from Stuart Little, was live and learn. And that was my dad because I'd been kicked out of school. And once we found out

that the college, that they would see that because we weren't sure, are they going to see that I was kicked out or will it just show, oh, yes, they're going to see. And so that's when we pivoted. And my dad had his old ad agency working on my essays. How to turn you're getting kicked out of school into a positive. That's when we moved the quote to live and learn. And I still remember the first sentence of it, you know, my dad was a good writer.

He goes, while my record may not reveal this, I feel it's important for me to address this. We knew it was going to reveal, but we were getting out in front of this. That's genius. For cheating. Wait a minute. You were expelled for cheating. Yeah. Cheating in geometry.

And then he cheated on his personal essay for God. He wasn't cheating. He didn't cheat. He didn't cheat. That's not cheating. I was in books, too. I was there. Yeah.

I was there. I had read Stuart Little. Yeah. You know, I knew. I got this. Owen was there. He was there with... It's just a takedown.

He was there with the 15 other copywriters and the CEO of the ad company. He didn't say anything. I got this. They saw through it because I did not get into Wesleyan or Dartmouth or Williams or Washington and Lee. Wow. But you did go to military school. Yeah. Yeah, and this, this blows my mind because I just don't picture you.

Why? You don't get a real military demeanor real square to a way. You know what? I take it back. I just got a better look at you. And man, you can bounce a quarter off his bed every morning. Those are hospital corners. Private first class.

Yes. So you didn't shoot through the ranks. chewed up through the ranks there at military school. But you know what, honey, so many times a great military, doesn't always happen, but great military leaders or people who are very brave in combat were at the bottom of their class at West Point. Yeah. So you might be a great, great military figure that just be, I'm just saying it's possible. But I think there are, like, because there's sort of attention given to the guy who's first in the class, but the guy who's last at, like, West Point. There's some sort of kind of. It's not a great story, but

General Custer was last. But he was very easy. There's another guy besides Custer that was last. Yeah. I think they were called the goat. Yeah. I can't remember where Grant was. I think we'll get, Sonny.

Sonny, you can pipe in any time. But I think Grant, I remember how well Grant did it at West Point. Yeah. But, you know, I encourage all of our listeners to write in because I know everyone's shouting out answers right now. 21st out of 39. Who? Grant.

Okay. And where was, where was Patton? And I mean, Patent Oswald. Patent Oswald was first. He and Eisenhower have the highest ranking. You just big surprises.

46 out of 103 cadets. Yeah, so they're not in the middle. I'm just saying, Owen, what I'm trying to, and I want this to be the point, and we'll get to your projects and your big successes.

We'll talk about all that and we'll get the word out. Well, we still were on commonality, right? Because we got, We're on Belmont, and then that somehow, then we got on to E.B. White. We're on E.B. White. Or no, yeah, then I had the thing about the JFK.

Yeah, JFK, he did not wear a hat. He did not, yeah. He did not wear a hat, which is what a great tribute after JFK's death. No, it can be said of him as a few men in a like position that he did not fear the weather, but instead challenge the weather itself to get it to blow more gently and kindly on the world and its people. Something like that. He did not wear a hat, but instead challenge the weather. That's what it was. It was something like that. I was going to move forward with something else because you in military school still strikes me. It's very funny and a rich subject, but I will return to it

and say, it has never surprised me that your first love and your first instinct, a lot of people would know this, was writing because you're a very accomplished writer. You clearly read a lot. And your plan was not to be an actor, and it really wasn't to be one of the most notable comedic actors of a generation. That was not the plan. The plan was probably writing, right? Yeah, I mean, well, the plan was probably to go into advertising. Because I had a connection with my dad. But, yeah, it was.

There's still time, by the way. It was, I still think about it. Like, guys, I do like commercials. And I feel like, yeah, when you see a good commercial, it sticks with you. And they're rarer and rarer. Yeah. I like the ones that are, you know, you're becoming your parents. Yeah.

I mean, now they're, I mean, they've mined them for a lot. But some of those were really good. Yes. Where they're trying to say the names of, I think, Kinhua and somebody says, Joaquin. Yeah, yeah. No, that's a really good idea that. Yes.

And I just love how chatty they are with salespeople. I feel like I am. Well, no, I watched those and I think, shit. I know. That's me. I'm the guy going, hey, huh? I'm the one chatting with the valet saying, I bet you see some real beauty of cars, huh?

And they're like, why won't this lady leave me alone? Yeah, with the writing and it was sort of, you know, meeting Wes at at UT and then him wanting to be a director and then kind of getting me to write with him. But it's funny when I came here today, we edited bottle rocket, I think, next door. Really? Yeah. So. And that's the first time I met you. You're not going to remember this because you've, you've had many. Gracie films? No. You, there's this new, I was doing, it was early, early days in my late night show and you were coming on to promote, I didn't know who you were and you were coming on to promote this new independent film that was getting, and I went and saw it and I really liked it.

They got me a screening and you came on the late night show to promote Bottle Rocket. And I was like, I like this guy. This guy's really funny. I liked the movie. It was very different. And it was my, I think my first exposure to that Wes Anderson kind of vibe. Yeah. You know, where it's not ruthlessly linear, like go to thing to thing to thing. It takes its time and it turns and undulates in ways you wouldn't expect. And I loved it. It was great.

Thank you. Yeah. It was a big day for you too, meeting me, I guess. Oh, and you still here? He just nodded off. Did you see that? He did. completely went to sleep.

He did. Yeah. He just shut down. I think it was true. I think it was such a, it was so much emotion. Oh. Processing all the emotion of meeting me that day in 96 and you just shut down. No, no.

Yeah. Well, I mean, it wasn't, you know. If you have nothing nice to say. You love Bollarock. So I was like, I was a bit stuck with it. I liked it. You know. Yeah.

But. But. Yeah. You didn't like it enough. It was 30 years ago. I mean, It was 70 years ago. I don't know where you've been.

It's 2086 right now. You know, it's funny is that you're going to military school is indirectly how you met West because it was a friend of yours, wasn't it a friend of yours that you knew in military school who introduced you to West or is that incorrect? Yeah, that was my roommate at military school was from Houston. And so then when I went to, after I didn't get into those schools, I applied to, I ended up at University of Texas. And he was friends with West from Houston. And then that's how, yeah.

That's so cool to me that you'd think if you're a creative, if you're a creative person, if you had, you know, succeeded, quote, and gone to one of those names. schools, you don't meet West Anderson, and this is this thing I'm saying time and time again, it certainly happened with me. I don't get the thing that I think is absolutely crucial for my future. I don't get it. I get knocked to the side and I think I'm screwed. And that's when I bump into the opportunity. Yeah, exactly. That later on looks like it's much better. Oh, yeah, the role that kind of luck and chance kind of play in your life and just sort of, you know, it's a long baseball game. You don't know how everything kind of fits together.

Which is all I tell young people. Yeah. Because, you know, I tell my daughter, I tell my son, I say, like, look, you have no idea how young you are. Things are still unfolding. You just, you know, you take every day as it comes. But, yeah, a lot of young people don't know that. They think this is it. Yeah.

No, it's not it. Yeah. As you say, a long baseball game. Yeah. And right. And if you don't know the way things, you sort of have to kind of resist the urge to kind of get in and lay, well, this is a bad thing that's happening. This is a good thing because you don't know how, you know. And if you don't know, then to try to view the whole with, you know, with wonder is a better way to go. Well, I'm just, I'm, I marvel at your creative partnership with Wes Anderson. You guys are so simpatico in this cool way. I have to tell you. Rushmore might be if I had, I'm going to say 10 movies. Rushmore, every time I see it, it's just such an unusual, fantastic, amazing film.

And what an accomplishment. I mean, that's, and that's not even mentioning Royal Tenen bombs. And then, you know, you've also been in a bunch of Wes's movies. Yeah. I love Bill Murray and Rushmore and the relationship between him and Jason Schwartzman. Yes. Yeah. And actually the speech that Bill Murray, you know, when he talks about taking, my dad had a real thing against inherited wealth and against, like, you know, rich kids.

And so that speech that Bill Murray delivers and Rushmore, get the rich kids in your crosshairs and bring them down. My dad wrote that whole thing. I don't know if you're going to jump on me for this. And Wes. Does he get a credit, Owen? No, but when we screened it, like, I think it was at the New York Film Festival. And, you know, at the end of the movie, my dad leans over to my mom. I goes, did you see that my scene got the biggest laugh in the movie?

Your dad also. The biggest laugh in the movie came from actually a line that Luke had, the, where Jason Schwartzman says to Luke's character, like, oh, I like that. Nurses, you know. or SACT OR scrubs, oh, are they? Yeah, that was, yeah, Luke, that was Luke. But also, Jason Swartzman's delivery of that line, he's like James Bond saying, Bond, James Bond.

I know. He delivers it, like, have I got the perfect ice dagger for you? You're like, that's the lamest joke. You're being rude. Your dad, many people don't know, cinematographer for wedding crashes and also the stunt expert. I'm just making your dad key part.

That's good. I like that. Back story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People don't know. It was totally Zoolander, all your dad's idea. Your dad got screwed if you think back on it. Think of a career he could have had.

You know, it's funny. Well, if we were bringing up my dad because he's a very, you know, smart, funny guy. And I always have to do that. joke that my dad did talking also about the not getting into colleges, because this always gets a laugh. My dad said he was the charter member of the 3790 club, which stood for three sons, seven high schools, nine colleges, zero degrees. And by the, and this brings us back to JFK, who said the most. important trip of his presidency was going to Ireland and what he liked about the Irish wasn't so much a

sort of, you know, cliche gift of gab. It was sort of using humor as a way to sort of deal with life. And that's definitely my dad because that wasn't a proud thing for my dad. But it was a way that he found to kind of, okay, well, let's get, you know, let's get a laugh out of this, find a way to deal with it. Yeah. And, and, and, and, yeah. And I found kind of in my own life when something's kind of been happening when I'm able to sort of turn it into a story, you know, or something, then it becomes a lot easier for me to sort of deal with in the times that, you know, I've struggled is when, I can't really turn this into a story. But your dad, is your mom Irish as well?

Yeah, but my mom seems to kind of distance herself from the Irish because, you know, wise, very wise. I think it's like she doesn't like that kind of the Boston. Irish, I think. So, you know, because my dad will say that I was named after the first Irishman and our family to settle in, you know, someplace in like Watertown, Massachusetts or something. And my mom goes, he was not named after the first Irishman. He was named. So, yeah. My mom was always trying to make sure everyone understood that, yes, we're Irish, but we're the good Irish. That's my mom. And I'd be like, you know, this isn't a.

good road to go there. She would say, we are lace curtain Irish. You know that? That's my mom is a little bit like, we would prefer to be English, I think. Yeah. You know. Well, my mom would say we're lace curtain Irish,

and then she once said, like, you know, there's the one toilet Irish. Like they have one toilet in the house. They all share, but that's not us. And so I started to say, people need to know, mom, we are lace toilet Irish. And she was like Margaret Dumont

and Mark's brother's movie. She'd be like, now don't you say that. Which just made me want to be groucho all the more. I don't like that, she'd say, I don't like that. My dad, like, he would kind of tell us stories about, you know, him and his friends and kind of, you know, getting into trouble and stuff. And he went to Dartmouth. And I think that he said that, you know, Animal House was based on his fraternity. And so he, you know, had these kind of great stories.

And my mom would always be, don't tell the boys these stories, you know, because my mom would try to pretend that nothing had ever happened. You know, so that's two different styles of kind of parenting. And I think my mom's was like, you know, don't say this stuff because you could have a kid end up at military school. I think they take some of them. So what if he becomes a big comedy star? I don't know what's the right way, you know, to do it. Yeah. What is the right way?

I know that Willie Nelson when I, you know, when Ford, My son was born. I was kind of talking to him. And he said that, so what advice would you give me, Willie? And he said, be yourself. And so, yeah, there is that sort of style. And don't try. And I do think kids know if their parents are kind of, you know, with my mom, you know,

the way she'd try to present things. You kind of, I don't know if I quite buy that. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah. It's fascinating. Like, no one, you just mentioned Willie Nelson, It made me realize few people exemplify, be yourself better than Willie, because for years, he didn't quite know who he was. And you see these pictures of Willie Nelson.

You mean early. In the 50s. And even into the 60s, he's wearing, at one point, he's wearing like a Nehru jacket. Yeah, he looks like to be an accountant. Yeah, and he's got beads. And you see early photos and he does look like, well, I'm here to do the books. He didn't know. He was a brilliant songwriter, but it wasn't clicking.

And he'd, you know, he'd have some success. He wrote crazy. but yeah, it hasn't quite still come together, and he kept trying these different guises. And then I guess he moves to Austin at one point and says, this is who I am. Screw it. I don't care about trying to be anything anymore.

I'm going to grow my hair along, and I'm going to sing what I want to sing, and then he becomes the most beloved country personality of all time. Yeah. Yeah, but it is almost jarring seeing those early pictures because that you're like, that's not Willie. But yeah, and that song. Oh, my God.

Yeah, there he is. Look at him. But also, there's a photo there. That's not Willie, right? No, it doesn't look like Willie. No, we're looking now. But also, there's a photo in there of him when, I mean, look at the turtle that he's, or he's got like a. Yeah.

Oh, I look, I like the one on the far left where he looks like he works at your dad's adage. I'm here to help with your son's application. Yeah, and then he becomes this other guy. Yeah. I asked him about that song crazy, and I said originally it was called Stupid. And he was joking. Patsy Klein, yeah. Stupid.

There's a great. There's a great. It drains a lot of romance out. Stupid for thinking. It said there's a great story about him. He writes that song and he tells it to someone. And he goes like, oh, we should get that to Patsy Klein, who was a huge star at the time. And he was like, we were like, we should get that to Patsy Klein, who was a huge star at the time.

And he was like, we were. We got to get it to her now, and they drive over to her house, and he pitches it to her late at night at her house. And she goes like, that's a hit. I just wanted to take some time and talk about that story. I'm going to get back to you. Right now, your publicist is jumping out a window. What are they doing? How is this moving product?

You know, one of the things that you did that I always really loved is your, I'm just, again, out of nowhere, but your role in Night at the Museum playing off of, of Steve Coogan and also Rob, I mean, getting to be on set with Robin Williams. Yeah. Did you get to know him at all, Robin? Robin actually wasn't really on set because he, you know, all the stuff I just did all my stuff with Steve Coogan. Yeah, yeah. Obviously miniature, but I, they paired me for my, you know, all the press stuff I did with Robin. And so that was the easiest press junk.

ever done because you didn't have to say anything. It literally could be that asked me a question and Robin would be right there and I'd say, well, Robin, the thing about sunglasses and boom, he would go to the whole thing. Oh, chief. Yeah, and he's off and running. Yeah, often running. And I remember, yeah, somebody tried to bring up sort of something that I think that's why they wanted to pair me with Robin just because there's some stuff that they just, didn't want me to have to talk about. And a reporter asked something, and Robin just immediately was like, don't you go there? You get slapped upside your head if you go there.

So that was great. Oh, and by the way, the thing with Robin, I remember at the, and you've done one of those press trunks where you're stuck in the room. Yeah, yeah. Not a lot, because it's not a big part of my thing. But every now and then I got to do it. Yeah, and they'll have like 80 people. that they kind of cycle through.

Yes, yes, I've done those. And so you're sitting there and you kind of give these canned answers. You kind of start to have, okay, they're going to ask that. And I kind of give this joke or, you know, this story. And you always feel a little bit like a hat because the guy's filming and stuff are there with you all day. So they're hearing you give these same answers and stuff. And the same joke.

Same joke. Yeah. And Robin, of course, never repeated himself the whole day. and at the end of the day, those guys started clapping. It was the only time I've ever seen, you know, those guys. Which you need to know about those. And they're like the guys like from that, you know, that Albert Brooks movie, you know, like I think you saved the movie. Like those unions.

Yes. Because they're not easily impressed by anything. And to have those guys entertained and clapping, I mean, that was. There is a, there's no more discouraging room because you basically go into a cube, a black cube. and you sit down, they put a camera on you, and then they say, you're going to talk to 35 outlets across the country today,

you know, about your TV show stick. And, you know, it's coming, season two is coming up, you know, Apple TV, and you're like, okay, here we go. And then, hey, Houston, you know, hey, Salt Lake City, hey, and you do it.

And the guys in that room, they've, this is all they do, their whole life. I don't think they ever let them outside. So they're just about it. And if you can get one of them to laugh, you know that you've cracked the atom. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, Robin was just such a, he was super sweet to me, always, like just a mensch.

Yeah. Just a lovely guy. Yeah, a great guy. And into, he was into cycling. Oh, no, because I am and he was into it. And then he one day found out that I was into it. So you do that for exercise? Is that like your main? I do it for like mental health. I like to, but you're getting a workout. You get a workout. I don't go. I used to go crazy. Now I don't go as crazy on the workout part of it. You don't ever go on the PCH, do you? No, I do not. I don't get those guys. You know what? I did it once.

I was with a- When you're driving on the PCH, you're like, what are they thinking? Well, you know what? I was in a group once that was like, I'm just with them and then they hit the PCH and I thought it's all exhaust, first of all. Yeah.

And, um... No shoulder to ride on. There's no shoulder on the ride on. And you're just like... I just think, unfortunately, I've been to Amsterdam. I've been to cities that are made for people on bicycles. L.A., no.

And every now and then they'll paint like a little strip and say, it's the bike lane. And basically they're just identifying an area where you're killed. Just for convenience. Can everyone be killed on this little strip? But I like to go, a mountain bike, go up in the hills. And there I think I'm not going to die. No one's going to hit me while they're texting.

I might be attacked by, you know, a coyote or a cougar. but I will probably survive the attack and have a good story. Yeah. You know? So, I mean, so I do that. Yes. But I actually, yeah, I love it. You can drive like right behind my house and within 30 seconds you feel like you're in rural China.

It's just like, you know, just mountains. And it looks like the opening of mash, you know, just where the helicopters are coming over. And what do you do for exercise? Like, that's, do you have like a decent thing? I also, as you can tell, I lift. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just going to wait a little bit.

Yeah. I lift. Nothing heavy. Mostly things that are in my way. You look, I mean, you're going to think I'm like kidding, but there is a bit of a cowboy look to your face. Well, you know, it's funny. And it struck me even when you kind of came in.

Like, okay. So I have a cowboy hat. I have like a legit cowboy hat. When I put it on, I swear to God. I'll tell you my cat, yeah, go ahead. Well, no. it's funny because I'm this Irish guy from Boston, but I put a cowboy hat on. And if you look at early pictures of John Wayne, you're going to think I'm crazy. But if you look at pictures of John Wayne when he

was like in his 30s, he's got the same kind of face structure and eyes that I do. And when I put a cowboy hat on, it's just kind of, it's, I've had people say like, oh, you look like. I'm telling you. I mean, I did when I was much younger. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For this guy who no one associates with manliness. It's kind of hilarious. I got a cowboy hat from a friend. And during COVID. you know, you kind of stuck in the house and then see this hat that I'd gotten years before, never really worn, and then kind of started putting it on one day. But you have to kind of get through that feeling of like, hey, I'm wearing a cowboy hat, you know, and which you feel a bit self-conscious. I like to sort of blend in. And I know, I'd kind of put it on and stuff.

It's COVID. I bet it looks great, though. And, well, it made me feel great. And I'm sure, you know, that I felt like, I kind of look good in this like this. is like a good look. And I remember like, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm going to start like wearing it. And I remember I got like a FaceTime call from a friend. I had the cowboy. I go, Orner, I might have taken it off. Like where? Why would I take it off? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have got nothing to be embarrassed. I'm from Texas. I can do it.

FaceTime. He says hi. And he's got Sandler with him. Who I don't know that well. But like immediately I'm like, do I take it off or do I say why? I'm wearing it. And of course, like, I can't say anything. I'm just going to go with it. If you take it off, you're admitting defeat. Yeah. But, um, yeah.

I do this thing where if I put on a hat, you've seen me do this a lot, so now. If I put on a hat of any kind, I sort of become, it's like when I said I'll mirror you a little bit at the top and be like, hey, Owen, how's it? And I'm kind of mirroring your energy. If I put a cowboy hat on, uh, I swear to God, I do. this. And I just did it the other day when I was with my wife in Aspen. She wrote this play and was getting a production there. And I'm walking around and I had this cowboy hat on. So everyone wears one in Aspen and I like putting on a funny hat and walking around. And when women would walk by,

I do the thing where I touched the brim. And I was doing that. And then I realized I was like a dog would go by and I'd do it to the dog. But I loved it. And I just want to do that. And if I have a cloth cap, I want to act like I'm applying. for a loan. I got no money and I'll pull at the edges of it and go, if you could see your way clear. I don't know. Yeah. It's fun. Yeah, mine is now kind of broken in and I have completely, you know, yeah, feel comfortable wearing it. But I remember asking Jim Brooks, like, Jim, if you had to wear a cowboy hat or a beret for a year, which would you wear? And he is like, I'm sorry.

That's hard because a Jewish guy wearing a cowboy hat says deep schmuck. Yeah. He goes, but a beret. He said, I think, I don't know, the beret is really making a statement. It's not a good one. I love how much thought he gave it. It's a great question, though. Yeah, yeah.

You know, you have this reputation for, you love games and you love organizing challenges for people and they're creative. Is that true? I've always heard that you, like even as a kid, as a kid, I was kind of good at sort of, yeah, coming up with the game and, you know, changing the rules to maybe suit my strong points. And just growing up in a, you know, one of three boys and just very competitive. And so still, yeah, I can get in. I can spend all day, like, you know, let's see who can hit that telephone pole and get really into it.

And then you'll start adjusting the rules. Adjusting it. And, I mean, there are games where like you can only stand on one foot, but people do it for hours, right? Some of these games take a long time. Yeah. Is that your preferred kind of game where everyone's involved? That one sounds like standing on one foot. I'm not familiar with that.

I made it up. I made it up. There was a game tip horse that was kind of a combination of horse and one-on-one basketball. And I think that was a really great game that could catch on. Because when I've shown it to other people, they're like, this is a great game. Can you just tell me the basics of it? How does it work? It's playing horse.

Except if you miss your shot, I can tip it in. You know, my feet have to be off the ground and you can defend your tip. So suddenly it becomes an instant one-on-one. Yes, it's pretty quick. Instant because you can't be on the ground. So it's like you could miss your shot and I go in the air and then you try to block it. And then you could get that tip and go in. But it's just kind of a more athletic version of horse.

I remember we would play stick ball in my neighborhood, which sounds like I grew up in the 20s. But we did. It was if you, if you, my brother Luke would, you know, spray paint this like perfect pitch zone and you get a thin bat and use a tennis ball. And then you'd have all these rules. Like if it hits that tree, that's a single. If it hits, you know, that person in a wheelchair, it's a double. You're just making these random rules, but you really get into it. And then, of course, I wasted everyone's time by coming up with who my character was.

and making long speeches about my guy did time in prison, but he's out now and this is his chance to redeem. And people hated me, as they do now. But I understand where that comes from. I really do. Yeah, we would have BB gun wars and Roman candle wars and, you know, just passing the time. No one really talks about passing the time anymore. But you know what I mean?

It's such a nice, like, yeah, I'm just going to pass the time. This is a nice way to pass the time. We're also obsessed with maximizing, like, I got our phone and I accomplished this and I did that. I mean, that is something they say with kids that you kind of, you know, you've got to let them be bored a bit and kind of come up with stuff. And now there's this sort of panic. Oh, my gosh, they're bored. We got to figure out something for them to do. And it's like, no, let them be more.

Let them figure something out. Yeah. Bortem is a great thing. Yeah. It's where all the creativity comes, I think. Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, yeah, we got a lot of stuff from, you know, these Roman candle wars and BB gun wars. I don't know how we're now thinking about like fire fireworks to each other? Yeah.

Yeah, Roman candles. And yeah. Did you mention this in your application? Skills, I can fire a rocket at you. Dartmouth thinks no. Yeah. Not the kind of boy we're looking for. But, yeah, there was a, I feel like that was in one of our movies.

There was sort of, in Roman Candle, it was every man for himself and this guy, a friend Max, who joined in thought that we were on the same team. I'm like, there are no teams in Roman Candle. He got hit in the back, and he got hit in the back where his hair kind of caught on fire. And, yeah, I had to get a haircut to kind of make it look, you know, not so crazy. But, yeah. So, Keith, when he realized that there are no teams. And then Andrew has a BB in his hand from, yeah, that we showed in the Royal Tenen bombs.

Yeah, yeah. And that's from. You can push it around. He can push it around. Yeah, yeah. From where he got shot. But I don't know, man, we better move off. No, I think it's good to encourage people.

You've got fireworks or BBs. And I've already told him if you're on a desert island by yourself. Yeah. We're going to put all these trigger alerts on the front of this podcast. Let's talk about Stick because you're coming back with season two. And I envy you because Tim Oliphant is a friend of mine. He's also a thorn in my side. He enrages me because he's the best looking guy in the world.

and he's also incredibly funny, which always felt to me like, no, my humor is my consolation prize. Right. And I always just assumed that like that, okay, and then this guy comes along who is like leading man, good looking, and really, really funny and quick.

So I'm thrilled he's part of Sticknow. Yeah. And I mean, he was great for his character, Clark Ross, and he kind of, excuse me, he has a bigger role in season two, but yeah, I kind of felt like you. It's just some people you just kind of hit it off with. Yeah. You know, he was just a guy just kind of instantly got along with.

And then in season two, kind of he and Mark Marin were together a lot and hearing those guys kind of bicker and. Yeah, no one bickers like Mark. Mark has always got, I love Mark, but he's known forever. But he's got complaints. And then Mark, we kind of get on that Tim talks too much. I'm like, Mark, you talk a lot too sometimes. You know what amazes me about Tim Oliphant is that I've never seen him get rattled. And I think about if he was in Pompeii today and Vesuvius went off again.

And people were screaming and running because lava and ash and noxious clouds of gas are floating down. Tim would be like sauntering around maybe one hand on the side of his torso looking around like, making kind of a lot comments about that guy just got ashed, you know. But it's true. And I never saw him get sort of impatient or, you know, you know, people always think of me as kind of late back, but I do, I can't, you know, I do have a little bit of a temper sometimes. Do you really? I don't picture that. Yeah, and I can get kind of, you know, irritable and stuff. And never that guy. Tim, you never see him. And you can't quite imagine it. I think he's always just what you just, you know, we're doing that kind of. Yeah, that's his kind of

demeanor. Yeah. On Deadwood, he had this incredible intensity, but. Right, because he kind of early on played, you know, guys were kind of. Like really troubled and menace, but the real Tim is someone who, whenever I see him, I just start chuckling. Because I'm like, this guy is just, he's got it figured out on some cosmic level. Yeah. He's like, I don't think Andy's from a family of three boys and usually there's sort of kind of that's, you know, that shared kind of Lord of the Flies kind of energy, but he doesn't have that. He kind of escaped that. Yeah. He doesn't, you know, he's not crazy kind of competitive and stuff. Although there was a Gallagher machine on set that we all, we all three got into playing a lot. What is? I don't know what that is. What is Gallagher? It's like asteroids or. defender.

Oh. Like a classic old game? Old game. Yeah. And, um, yeah. And Mark Marin was the best at it. And he's competitive. And it was fine.

And that's, I guess that's kind of what I like about, uh, games and stuff is that, you know, that most of us are kind of, you know, when we get to be adult and so, what you're doing. So I like games because you kind of then break through that to kind of see, okay, let's see what this guy's really about a lot of, I mean, you see what Conan is like, I'm going to take this bike and I'm really. Where it's like all of a sudden that goes down the winter, you see kind of, okay, this is the real person that lived down the street. This isn't this BS version that I'm getting.

And so with Mark, you kind of see, okay, yeah, you like to act like you're kind of bummer, you really want to win at this. That's hilarious because famously golf is a game that reveals who you really are. People say golf will reveal your true nature. Yeah. And there's a bunch of games like that, but you're absolutely right. Like, again, though, in most sporting situations, I'll- Any kind of competition, you start to kind of see, yeah, kind of how people. Yeah, yeah, it starts to kind of come out and, um, in, yeah, and, you know, good ways and bad ways.

But, yeah. I also envy you working with Judy Greer, who I think we all have crushes on. Every guy has a crush on Judy Greer. She's great. She was here at once and I, you know, hearts were flying out of my head. Just love that. love her. I know. She's a big reader because she kind of was always and knitting. But yeah, she sent me a couple books and she always has great recommendations. But yeah, I mean, we're just kind of lucky

with, you know, with that cast, you know, everyone, you know, pretty good. And also, I'm just going to mention you got a movie. Yes, Rolling Loud. Rolling Loud. And that's no, no problem. And that's this music festival that they put on that's, do you guys know it? You guys know? It's rap. It's crap. And so the idea of this movie is I've taken my kid and his mom says, absolutely not. You're not going to Rolling Loud.

And then we go and I lose them at the concert. But my kids are really into Rolling Loud. And Rolling Loud came to Los Angeles and we went to go see. And rap is very different from, you know, I remember it, from how I remember it. And so when I went to go see the Rolling Loud and I mean, it's intense kind of. Yeah. This Playboy Cardi that we saw. And even Travis Scott when he's in the movie, but kind of seeing him in Miami, you know, fire coming up.

And it's like intense energy kind of. The rap that you and I, because I think were similar vintage, the rap that you and I were, no, yeah, the rap that you and I used to perform, that's not where I'm going with this. But when I first heard rap, it was all that, my name's blank, and I'm here to say, I'm going to bring rap to the USA, you know, and it's like, early 80s rap had this kind of plodding, you know, and then, you know, run DMC was like slightly accelerated beyond that. But you listen to it now and it.

It is, you know, it seems to be metal meeting rap and sort of a similar kind of. But yeah. So I love us talking about rap. This is the best part of the conversation. I feel like I'm not even saying the word right. It's like, how else can you say it? But I feel like even when I'm saying it, I say it. When you and I say rap, it's not good.

It's like, Jim, boy. I apologize for just hanging wrapped. Well, the thing about the movie Rolling Loud, when I was checking it out, I was like, oh, I've had this experience many times because my daughter, one of the ways we connect is we go to, she says like, oh, I really like to go to the outside land. So I go with her. Go to where? Outside lands or, I mean, we've been to. Cotello. We did Coachella.

We go to these. And it's really fun because that's where I will put on a cowboy hat and walk around. You know, just to, I think I'm blending in. them in people are like, why is Big Bird wearing a cowboy hat? Yeah, I don't blend in. You can never. No, I know. My hat says, I am Conan O'Brien.

And then, well, I'm going to wrap it up. I'm always super. This one quick. Yeah. Yeah. I'm happy to talk to you longer. Yeah, it was very nice. Have we ever chatted about the Killer Angels, the book?

Killer Angels? Do you know that book? No. Oh, man. Okay, I'm going to get you this book and you're going to read it. It's the book that changed my life. It's the best historical fiction I've ever read. It's one book, and it was written by an author named Shara, who passed away shortly after he wrote it, and it's about Gettysburg.

And it's poetic and beautiful, and I'm going to get it for you. The Killer Angels. Oh, okay. I read this book in, like, 1980. It's funny. It will sound, we better get back on rap after I say this, but I was talking about the Civil War last night at dinner. Yeah. And that Joshua Chamberlain.

The Civil War stirred as a rap battle that got out of hand. It was Grant and Lee both rapping. And then it got out of hand. And millions died. But you know that Joshua Chamberlain, the guy. That's what's in the killer angels. Okay, so he kind of protected that. He's the hero of the killer angels.

Okay, yeah. He's a great character from history. I can't believe you haven't read this book. Yeah, okay, great. You're going to read this book, and then I'm getting you into Dartmouth. Okay. By the way, I'm still sort of when I meet somebody, you know, that went to an Ivy League school, I always am impressed. You shouldn't be.

You shouldn't be. But I can't help it. And if I meet someone, I can't help because I've got my dad in me of like, I should befriend this person because you never know now with my boys coming up. If I could, you know, have like a little bit of a connection here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd want to lay low with my connection. We know Conan O'Brien. Oh, really?

It's military school for you. Owen Wilson, just a crazy joy every time I get to talk to you. Thanks for having me. That was great. We're taking voicemails again. It's been a while. It's been a long time. The system went down.

We couldn't figure it out. We mean a system went down. It's back. Don't worry about it. Yeah, that means it didn't go down. Just no one called us. No one called. Are you sure? No one called?

Even this one, I just started cold calling people. Do you have a question for Conan? Hey, Conan. This is Mark from calling from Tyson's Corner, Virginia, also as a Clay, Virginia. So I actually have a question, any of a survey. I want to pose to you and the room. Sona, Matt, Blay, Eduardo, Adam Sacks.

Anyone in the room, really, David Hopping. Who is there? Nice. This is a theory I have. Essentially comes down to this. My theory is this. that, you know, if you love a certain character, whether you're animated or not, that you essentially are likely to become that character.

And I think it's become clear from listening to the podcast that over time it's more more likely that you're becoming Mr. Burns. I love to the anachronistic references to many things that I have to Google afterwards or in the moment. If anyone in the room wants to weigh in on this, please do. And there you go, right? Well, Mark, I think you hit the nail on the head. When I was a Simpsons writer, all I wanted to do was write for Mr. Burns. And I wasn't the only writer who found him fascinating. But yes, I do think that

very much so I'm becoming Mr. Burns, not just in that I am evil and obsessed with things that happened in my boyhood in the late 17th century. But yeah, his total lack of sentimentality. and his desire to destroy everyone around him. Those are all things that I think I inhabit. And so, yeah. Is Sona your Smithers? I think David is Smithers. David.

David is Smithers. You're my Homer. Oh, come on. I don't want to be Homer. Yeah, no, it's a good thing. And I'm always forget. It's a good thing to be Homer. And also, whenever you do something,

I'm like, who is this, Sona? I'm obsession, eh? I like the cut of her jails. And then someone else reminds me, but wait a minute, you've gone to Armenia with her. Yeah. She went with you to Morocco. You want smashed her car. Yeah.

You know, whatever. They list the 750,000 times that you and I have had adventures together. And I go, yeah, it's no, it doesn't ring a bell. Yeah. So, yeah. Is it your Flanders? Oh, my God. Totally, totally, totally, daily.

You are. You are very Flanders-esque. You are very Flanders. Well. Yes. Flanders Homer. I'm Burns. And of course,

David Hopping is definitely... Who would Eduardo be? Yeah, I'm trying to think. Mo? What's that? Who would Eduardo be? He's kind of Mo. Who's cool?

No, he's not. No, he's not. No, he's too... Anybody cool? I don't think there's anyone that lines up with Eduardo. He's, because here's the problem. He's just, he's super cool and chill

and centered and he doesn't, he's not a terrible caricature of a human being, which the rest of us are. Yeah. Oh, Adam can be Lyle Langley. From your monor. Yes.

He's just a business. And then, I mean, obviously, Blay is Barney. Yes. I think you thought that, too. Blay is Barney. That's fantastic. Yeah, but he, yeah,

I think Blake, because Blay's just like a fun guy. Oh, and Jeff Ross is Marge. I wouldn't do it if I were you. Oh, I don't think it's a good idea. Oh, I'd be Lisa. I'd be Lisa.

Oh, you would be Lisa. You would be, Bart even. No, he's not Bart. Bart is more maniacal. No, no, he's more of Lisa. I don't want to be Homer. Can I be someone else?

You are so Homer. Don't make me Homer. Look, if I do love donuts. I do love donuts. Homer's won up from Ned Flanders. No, Flanders has the shit together. Not in a good way. No.

No. No. You would rather be Homer. Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. I would way rather be made gliders.

You should be so happy with being Homer. He's so dumb sometimes. Yes, of course. Also, Homer has no control over his appetites in every field. That's true. You are Homer. You know that. Yeah.

Okay. But, you know, you're, so you're Mr. Burns? I'm Mr. Burns and very proud to be Mr. Burns. I have a hyperbaric chamber. I have a massive estate with closing gates. When children are starting to leave the house, I say release the hounds. The couple times I've had a mustache, I have immediately shaved it because I look like Ned fucking flanders. Yeah.

It's a real shame because theoretically, I'd love to have a mustache, but it's just not happened. Oh. Yeah. I bet. I bet you don't. This was a great question because everyone, it was very apparent who everyone was very quickly. And it's perfect. Yeah, I think so.

I mean, I think that that just goes to show how cool The Simpsons is, right? I don't know. Sure. Yeah. I'm a plug. Okay, I'm sorry. The Simpsons on Fox. Tune in.

Fantastic. Great question, Mark. Thank you so much. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Goreley. Produced by me, Matt Goreley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brick Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message.

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