Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Paddywhackery

Episode Date: July 6, 2023

Conan talks to Dave from Galway about life as a working musician and how Conan might manage to win over his wife.

Kona no Brian needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoCo.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hey Dave, welcome to Kona no Brian. Thanks boss. How are you doing? Dave it's sorry for that unprofessional introduction, but Matt's high as a kite.

Dave, tell us where you're coming from right now. Where are you in the world? I'm in your motherland Conan. Oh, I'm in Galway. Oh, you're in Galway. Oh, terrific. Oh, well, I don't think you've been there. I don't know if I've been to Galway.

No. I've been to what have I done? I went years ago, I went to bring a carry, and then I drove across Ireland and ended up in Dublin. I've been to Belfast to do a thing with the game of Throne's people. And I think I remember, did you do something in Limerick where you basically went around and did a load of

like patty wakery? Why don't you just like, you know? No, everywhere you go. I was like, I mean, when I do, when I do, I don't know what you mean by patty wakery, but when I do patty wakery and where it's my business. But no, I did not do any patty wakery. Why the Irish, the Irish are so, so paranoid

that someone's there to make fun of them. Ah, you're here to make fun of patty, are you? No. I was there to do my distinctive brand of comedy. And it had nothing to do with wack and patty, if you know what I mean. I'm actually surprised you haven't broken out the accent, yet. No, no, no. You've been showing great restra. I have shown incredible restraint and I think I should be applauded for it. Dave, so you're living in Galway in Ireland and what do you do? I basically, well, I'm a musician. Like, I've been a musician my whole life and kind of up until just before COVID, like I was playing with my band, that's what I was doing for a living.

What's your band's name? My band's name was Legalixie. I've kind of started a new thing called Fake Name, but my previous band was Legalixie, and we kind of like, we did pretty well in Ireland, not everyone's mammies would have heard of us, but we made a living from it, and we kind of did festivals and stuff like that.

That's terrific. No, if you can make a living with your music, that is quite an achievement. That's the dream, that's the dream really. When you come down to it, we've got to do it. And I mean, that follows me now in terms of even like, I kind of chose the worst possible time to, you know, as it, you know, in retrospect,

just before the pandemic to kind of quit that band and start a new project. I see you quit the old band. You quit the old band and said, it's time to go out on my own, see us suckers. Or some COVID hit. or some COVID COVID hit Pretty pretty much yeah, but I moved to go away around then as well

So it was a really big change and just like suddenly coming down and I was coming down to be my my now wife My partner we'd be we'd been kind of long distance for at that stage probably about 10 years. What's her name? I was up and down clear clear clear Claire is in here. Okay. So Claire, you you have and you and Claire moved in together? Yeah, well, I'd been kind of spending half my time down here and then I'd be off doing this stuff at the band and I might stay with family and Dublin and then I'd come down to go away whenever I wasn't there. So I think I did. I worked at one stage. I did almost the distance to the moon and local buses over 10 years. Going up and down from one side of the country to the other. You should have gone to the moon.

Yeah. That's how they train the original astronauts. Because they had them get on buses back and forth to Galway. And once they had done the distance, they knew that they were ready to go. But in other way, people say, oh darling, I love you to the moon and back. Well, it's like, unfortunately, I almost got just almost just before got to the moon the first time. So maybe not quite as much. All right. So, so I understand this correctly. COVID hits, you decide to move in with Claire. And

now you're married, is that right? That's correct. Yeah, we were very sneaky. We got married during one of the lockdowns. So the wedding party was literally me, Claire, our son, and my best friend, and his partner, my best friend, it was the witness. So there was five of us in the entire wedding, which was brilliant. We really just got to dodge all the kind of wedding craziness

that allowed you to do that. That's nice. I'm glad. And so how's it going? You're living with Claire. And that's a big adjustment when you're I know was for me and my wife when you're living with your partner for the first time. How's that how's that proceeding? Yeah, I mean, it like we had been kind of like I say, kind of I'd been here like a lot and I'd been here kind of say for half the week

at a time, but it's still quite different from bassy life Or so the world's kind of adjustment a definitely an adjustment period and certainly like you know me moving down all my bits and pieces here behind me And doing all that it's kind of starting to take over in the houses and like that. So yeah, this is the adjustment period But it's just like just everyone goes through it. I guess you know Sure, I think so as long as Claire is tolerant she doesn't mind all of your musical instruments crowding the house. She's cool. I'm very lucky. Well, sometimes I'll come home with like a particularly large thing. And what she'll be fine about is, but it's just like I know it's like no, I'll get the saddest as soon as I can. But it's beautiful. She's a synth behind you. Thank you very much. I will admit that that's a reproduction of a moge. It's not an original moge, but it's I could tell that's why I didn't comment on it. I could tell that that was a

repro. Yeah, but yeah, but but Goryle fell for it. Yeah, that's funny because I've heard you mentioned moge before, but you call it moog. No, no, no, there's two ways to do it. First of all, yeah, the Dutch call it moog. We won't get into that now. Dave, if I can call you Dave, what's your last name? Please do. I'm a glucklin. Oh, I'm a glucklin. Okay, Dave, I'm a glucklin. That's a good name. Oh, what are you drinking there, Dave? It's a local IPA. Oh, very nice. It's quite delicious. I think that's okay. Although most of it's gone at this stage, it's important. Well, that's right. You're at a different time zone where we are, it was

it's one 15 in the afternoon. And so I thought you were hitting it kind of hard early, but no you're not this is a Don't pretend you haven't drank by this stage in a day ever cone You you have got me dead to rights You are are you drinking right now you are the peri Mason of gallway and I applaud you for it Um, I saw the whiskey bottle go into the table when you put me on. I actually have a camel back that bicyclists use. I got a little straw that comes up underneath my shirt and I take a little slurp every now and then to keep me going. I thought you being like a multi-millionaire media corporation head, you'd have

like some sort of doctor that would administer and intravenously up your triad delay. You know what? I've looked into it. I've looked into it. I have not found every doctor I have found so far has ethics and I get in the way. Dave from Galway, how did you get to know us

through the podcast? Are you a podcast listener? Are you listening to our nonsense regularly? Yeah, I mean, I listen through the podcast? Are you a podcast listener? Are you listening to our nonsense regularly? Yeah, I mean, I listen to the podcast. And probably I probably have come, like being listening to most during the podcast, I'd say, because you know, I'd like if I think back in the day,

we didn't really have SNL in Ireland up until like the early 90s. So kind of what a missed your tenure there. The first thing I can remember seeing of yours was probably the early 90s. Yeah. And certainly by the time you'd been in the Simpsons, I knew who you were, which I think was around 90, maybe. Yeah, early 90s. Yeah, early 90s.

93 maybe. Yeah, 91, 92, 93. And then I can remember getting clips, you know, pre-YouTube obviously. I remember getting clips from people sent around via email or, you know, they'd have burned you a CD of something and like, there'd be like Conan O'Brien clips and so on. Yeah that was back in the day people had to mail each other clips because it was there was no internet so you had to actually put the clip in an envelope and post it. It was a very different time. And actually now that I think of us one of the first things I saw which I don't know if you can claim this material I remember you

had this guy on he was a guest on one of the late night shows. Well, he wasn't a guest, it was a bit and it was basically like a floating head. And I think it was supposed to be like a ghost in the studio. Yes. But essentially, he did this kind of little catchy little kind of 1940 style number about how every Irish person hooked on dope. Yes. But I guess it helps those lazy bastards cope. Yes. Something like that. No, what it was. And you're going to choose me of patty wakery, but what in our defense, we a ghost would come who used to work in the studio back in the 1940s, because rock frail center was in our studio. And the whole trick was, I think, well, this is enchanting. We have this wonderful ghost from this past time. Then it turns out he's incredibly racist about Italians, Chinese people, the Irish.

And he's very sexist about women. And we always said, and at some point I'd say, you're an awful person. I'm surprised that people tolerated you. And he would go, no, they didn't. Conan, I was murdered by an angry mob. So it was actually a very funny, very funny bit. And not true, it marked the concept of Paddy Wackery, but was not in and of itself.

That's true. Yeah, I look absolutely. There was a distinction there. But also there's nothing that endures you to an Irishman, like a good Irishman joke as well. I was very good. I mean, one of genuinely would have been one of the first things where I was like, this is amazing. Because it as well. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good.

I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good.

I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good.

I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. I was very good. She just doesn't like Conan. What is she? She's not Conan. You know what? She really likes, she likes, she doesn't, she can't stop. Well, she kind of can't stop Conan. Like, if I'm listening to a podcast, like, if I was doing something in the house and she goes out for an errand she'll come back and I'm listening to the podcast on the speakers.

Yeah. And she would just like, you know, she is like our house's version of so, you know, where she would just like eyes rolling. Oh, it's so funny. So it's like, I'll put in the headphones. But she does of course, the charisma vortex that is Jordan Slansky, like she will sit down and watch entire bits with him. Wait, I'm sorry, excuse me.

What the fuck, Dave and part, it's a word that's become popular here in America. What the fuck, Dave? She doesn't like Conan O'Brien, but she likes Jordan Schlansky. I don't know if she likes Jordan Schlansky. Certainly she's fascinated by Jordan Schlansky, which there is a positive side to that, I guess,

but yeah, she just doesn't get a Conan, what can I say? I don't know, this is upsetting to me, Dave, because I don't understand a world. I don't understand a this is upsetting to me, Dave, because I don't understand a world. I don't understand a world where you could have chosen a partner in life who doesn't like my comedy. I think two partners you have here today. I think so. I'm just blocking them out.

This is very upsetting, Dave. That to me should have been a deal breaker. When you were courting this woman, that should have been a deal breaker. Because you're a fan, you've been a fan for years, and then I have this podcast, you like the podcast, and then she says, I don't like him. I don't think he's funny. That's when the relationship ends. Yeah, but in my defense, I didn't realize that till far too late.

We actually had moved in together and talking about those kind of growing pains in your relationship when you move in together, that was, you know, if you want for the sake of the podcast, I'll pretend that that was a big bone of contention in a relationship, we almost did. No, I don't want you to pretend anything. If anything, I wish you had pretended

that Claire was enamored with me. You could have managed that. You itch it, but no, you could not. He can't even listen to the podcast in his house. So you're so. He can't. So one of the rules that your wife has in this relationship is that she doesn't want to hear my voice

because she finds me annoying. Pretty much, yeah, yeah. Yeah. She is. She is. Is it the tone of his voice or the content of his voice or both? I think it's everything.

I'm starting to feel bad about this, but I mean, if I'm just going to answer the question, I think it's more just that idea of he thinks he's so funny. And I mean, to me, I think she completely misses the point where it's like, you know, you're, you know, you're, you're, you're like a machine gun of ideas and wish. And it's just like, it's for some people, and it's not. For some people, that'll seem like trying to hard, but for you, it's like, you know, I know you're the kind of guy that if you kind of crash landed into a jungle by yourself, you'd, you know, you'd be painting faces on rocks and doing

car twills for them, you know, sooner than you'd be looking for water. I think that's amazing. That is absolutely genuinely, that is, you know, that is an exact, that's an exact description of what I would do in any survival situation. Well, I genuinely, if I may be genuine for a moment, I genuinely do love that about you, but I think she kind of sees that as maybe a little bit desperate, which I don't, of course. You know, right. So Claire, have you met Sona? Have you met Sona?

Claire thinks that there's an, would you say that Claire thinks there's a neediness to co-op, right? 100% there, yeah, 100% that's it. And she finds that, I'm going to say repellent. Sounds like we should get her on the bottom. Yeah. Also say, yeah. She's a repellent repulsive. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm curious one thing. Does she know that you're talking to me right now? Yeah. She does, but I've made sure to lock two sets of dollars in between. Yeah, awesome. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Even a second of my voice. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Wow.

So she knows, was she okay with you talking to me? 100% actually you know what? Genuinely she was like I put in the mail to talk to you guys ages ago. It was so long ago I kind of forgotten about it. So I was kind of surprised when I got the message back. We're not very we're not very organized here. I just put that out there. But so you were surprised that I was going to call. And did she say, oh, not that horrible man? No, like I say, I was surprised when I got the email up. But I was almost like, I don't know, it's like, should I do it?

It's like, you know, kind of getting a bit nervous about the idea of doing it now that it was a reality. And she was like, no, you should absolutely do it. So I wouldn't be sitting here today talking to you with X X her. Yes, what she said was better you than me. Wow, okay. Well, this is going to stick with me for a while because I'm very thin skinned. And if 99 people like me and one doesn't, I will follow that one person until they're dying breath and trying to convince them. So this is a problem now.

You have created a real problem. I have got to convince Claire that I love this. I've got to convince her that I'm not needy. I know. I know. I will go to the ends of the earth to convince her that I don't need her approval. I Will die Convincing Claire that I am not a needy desperate comic

He's gonna love now that I've thrown her into the bus like this. You know, we've been talking with this for a while Yeah, I can't I don't want want to know. I mean, I can't get beyond it. You could probably, you could list a million other facts right now, like, well, you've just been made president of Ireland. I'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Claire. Now has she seen this sketch? Oh, did she see that remote? I'm worried for Claire. You're going to show up on her doorstep and this is scary. No, I'm pleased. We all know I'm not a physical threat. I'm a very weak man, but I will. This is going to haunt me for a little bit.

I will wake up. I'm going to wake up at four o'clock in the morning and think, why? Why isn't Claire like me? That's what's going to happen. I'm telling you that right now, Dave. So I kind of saw you as more or less like, you know, I'll show them, you know, that kind of like fighting Irish like you know what I mean.

But you see what I do next. Yes, well, there's that component of it, but there also I need to win Clare over. Yeah, but it's on a fundamental level. Like you just need to change yourself as a person and then go meet Clare Claire because you can't stop the meaniness that you have and that's the part of you she doesn't like. Do you think it's possible that there are more women like Claire out there than I could

is Claire the only one who you think there are other women out there that think, yeah, Conan, there's a little bit of a desperation there. As you're a bit honest, I'm going to say, then yeah, of course, there's a lot, not just women, but men too. We think there's a lot of people out there who probably like, cool, Conan. Yeah. This is, this is, this is, this is, uh, this is like an intervention for me right now. But, you know, why can't you focus on the fact that Dave is a big fan here?

Right. And he likes you. Why do you have to focus on Claire? Why? Because that's the way it works. Okay. I know that I've got Dave. I've got Dave.

You know, now I'm obsessed with what don't I, who, who isn't in the tent? And why aren't they in the tent? I know. Claire is outside the tent and won't come in. I've got who isn't in the tent and why aren't they in the tent I know Claire's outside the tent and won't come in I've got to get Claire into the tent but there's a party in the tent just chill in the tent yeah the tent's cool there in the tent fun Gory and I are in the tent Oh, God you guys are in the tent to no you're not in this tent Well why we want to be in the tent because you're the one that told me there are plenty of people out there that don't like me So I kicked you out of the tent three minutes ago. You made me answer all you want me to say every person in the world likes you come on you know that

I just assumed they did you don't So you don't have to change the name of this podcast All right, I know you're the needs is in the title of your podcast All right, you're trademark all right. Let's let's talk to you guys where known as the chill chalms. Like, what the hell has been on here? I know. Well, first of all, Dave, we introduced you to the equation. We were the chill chalms.

I'm thinking you could. I'm thinking you could. Then you're clutching a pillow. You're fucking good. And you're moved into the farthest corner. You're having a nervous breakdown. Dave, what would be the best way for Conan to win over Claire? Like does she have a vulnerable avenue or something she would appreciate that Conan could?

I think he'd have to be fluent. He could put them to that, you know, like, and I'm definitely not this guy but for Conan to turn this thing around, I think he'd have to turn into, you know, those kind of like the high school movie guy where it's like, he doesn't give a damn and just doesn't even look bad. Yeah. Oh, it's a bit of a bad boy. I'd say I got it. I think I think you're right.

The problem is that's fundamentally not who I am. But you're saying if I, if I showed up and I was a cool guy, cool and somewhat remote and maybe had a cool guy. Yeah. Cool and somewhat remote. And maybe had a different face. Right. Claire would, Claire would maybe accept me. I'm curious about who Claire likes. Like, what kind of, who's the, who's someone she likes? What's she into?

What's she into? I mean, like, she's into like, kind of grunge music. Is it like that? I'm kind of a, you know, kind of heavy metal and stuff. Oh, she likes heavy metal. Yeah, sorry. I have a helicopter going by. I've just realized I left my window open.

You guys are okay. That's all right. Don't worry. But I love that you call it a helicopter. Yeah, that's right up there with Patty. What should I call us? What? How do you call us?

We don't call it helicopter helicopter. Helicopter. Helicopter. When did the people stop saying aeroplane and start saying aeroplane? I guess when they change the spelling. Yeah, I didn't know they ever called it an aeroplane. Oh, Smith. Yeah.

Okay. Listen, Dave, you took us down a very unproductive path there. And that's you're going to pay the price for that. Maybe you could be a grunge guy. Yeah, can we get a head of the tank? So this like you knock on the door. You could be a grunge guy. Yeah, can we get a heavy metal guy? Like you knock on the door, I'm Claire open the door. Yeah.

All right. Oh, is it? What can you try and Irish accent? Fucking hell, who's it? Someone's a party walkerie. There's a helicopter outside. Let's go hurry up. That's amazing, Matt.

You've captured her Tombro perfectly. Oh, yeah, hey Dave here. Who's Dave? I'm here. I'm just fucking here to see Dave. Oh my god. We're gonna just uh, I don't know. We're gonna go play some grunge or something. I know. Say it's be praised. You have a name. Hey, look, where's Dave? Is he here or not? I don't have time to talk to you. Dave may be here, but he's gone for my life at this point because you're all I care about.

Just step aside, would you, lady? Dave! Dave, I'm not even going to make eye contact with you. Dave, where's Dave? I got to go... we got to go to that Grunge Club. Oh, my God. Why'd you voice James? Called Grungees. We got to go to Grungees. You got to Grungees? I love Grungees. We're going gonna go have a pint at grungies. I was just pulling a bowl of grungies.

Lady, I'm not here to see you, okay? Okay. I don't inform attachments. I just have incredible sex with women and then move on quickly. It's like, so that's just a whole thing. I gotta go fight, car weather. Dave, where are you? Where the fuck is Dave? Dave! What's that about Dave?

I'm here. Look, I'm not interested in you. I'm a guy who hits it and quits it. What if I changed my name to Adrian? You're Adrian! I'm not here to talk to you! Say it, be brave, say the albigora. Jesus Christ, I'm just a guy that's really good at sex. It doesn't make eye contact with women. What the fuck? I want to talk to Dave

Dave, we're all right. Hey Dave. Good to see you man. How's it going? Yeah, good. Sorry. Who are you? It's me. It's Colonel Brian. You can we're not going on to that crunch club. Wait, you're cutting up, Brian. You're gonna we're not gonna to that grunge club wait your card in a bright fuck off. Thank you Police the name the name sense familiar bus, uh, you know, yeah, oh you don't think this is the real me Oh, you didn't think I'd be this buff in person. Yeah, I work out. I worked out on the ariot plane on the way Listen, I think I think she's gonna like the new me. I really do. I'm convinced that she's going to like the new me. I really do. I'm convinced that she's going to fall for me.

And then I get to say I'm not that into you. That's what I really want to do. So wow, Dave. I think you've got your wish though, you probably ended our marriage though. No, I didn't want to end your marriage. I think you should have a trial separation. Until she and her assets should be seized, until she tells me that I'm funny.

Like a Russian oligarch that assets a frozen. I'm gonna seize Claire's assets. Wow, Dave, this is, I've got my work cut out for me, but I'm excited. I'm going to win her over. I really am. I promise you. Thank you, Dave.

I'm the porters. Yeah. No, you do seem like a lovely fellow, Dave, and I promise you, if and when I do make it to Ireland, there'll be no patty wackerie from this fellow. Okay? There'll be none of that. You understand? Absolutely.

Someone visit me. Well, visit the both of you. You and your wife. She probably won't pay much attention to you. Oh, you will see about that. Fakini. We'll see about that. I hear a challenge thrown down. Yeah. I'm warming up. We're firing up the Helio Coptor right now. And the Aeroplane. And the Aeroplane. You'll be hearing from me, pal. Oh, you'll be hearing from me.

We're going to settle this thing. All right. In Galway, we're going to sell it Conan style. Yeah. I got to keep working on this voice. Anyway, Dave, it was good talking to you. All right. Jerry, thanks a lot, Conan.

And thanks to all your staff and stuff as well, the well-being great. Well, no, it's serious. Seriously, I joy talking to you. You're a very funny fellow. And I do hope we cross paths one day. Seriously, and thanks for listening to my bullshit. I'm happy anyone does.

So thank you. Thanks. Thanks for having me, Coden. All right. Take care. Thanks, Dave. Good luck, see you, bye. Bye. Coden O'Brien needs a fan with Coden O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Matt Gourley,

produced by me, Matt Gourley, executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leal, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Year Wolf, incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Supervising producer Aaron Blair, associate talent producer Jennifer Samples, associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.

Engineering by Eduardo Perez, please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien, Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been 18 Coco Production, in association with Ewol.