Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Patton Oswalt Returns Again

Episode Date: June 8, 2026

Comedian and actor Patton Oswalt feels relieved about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.   Patton sits down with Conan once again to discuss the ridiculousness of the modern day press tour, obsessing over Martin and Lewis knock-offs, and exploring the idea of finding comfort in being overwhelmed in his newest special Tea & Scotch.   For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, my name is Pat and Oswald, and I feel relieved about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Relieved? Relieved. You thought you were just barely hanging on with me? Hanging on by my fingertips? I know you got way bigger people you're hanging out with. Yes, I do. When everyone grabs the chocolate chip cookies, you learn to like the oatmeal.

You learn to like the oatmeal cookies. Fall is here. Hear the yell. Back to school. Ring the bell. Brand new bells. Walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends. I can tell that we are going to be friends.

Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend. I'm Conan O'Brien. Big surprise, joined by Sonam of Sessian. Hello. Matt Goreley. Hi. And very exciting show today. And I'm excited because this is a follow-up.

You know, every now and then something comes up in a podcast and maybe it peaks the listener's interest and then we get to follow up with new information that changes the whole story. Do you know what I'm talking about here, man? Once you take the ball. Well, in an episode not long ago, we were talking about the epic time that Adrardo called Conan the little bitch. Yeah. Well, I don't know if it's epic time. It was epic. Maybe the darkest hour.

One for the age. In the history of our nation. Monumental. Clutched my pearls. The hero of mine. And actually, we were all reveling in it. Yes, and just make it clear, we were talking on a certain subject, and then Eduardo out of nowhere just called me a little bitch. Out of nowhere.

I know, out of nowhere. Yeah, I think. We're going to litigate this again? Because I'm talking about the time we were talking about that time. Which was very recently. But it didn't bother you at all because you don't, you know. I know. It sort of felt a little out of left field.

And not at all in keeping with my stature. But, yes, we were discussing that time. Everyone here, of course, was doing the ha-ha, wasn't that great, wasn't that great. Colin sure got his. And then Sony, you admitted something that's kind of surprised us. I kind of stopped us all. Stoped us all. I don't think I would ever, I don't think I could ever call you a bitch.

It just feels like, and then you said, you still have a little bit of professional fear. And I think I do. And it was. It's so funny because you have kicked my ass to the curb in so many different. I've called you a dick. Sure. I've called you an asshole. Well, I am those things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know why bitch feels like it's a little too harsh. No, but to you, it stopped you a little bit. And you were surprised that Eduardo said it. Yeah. And you thought I couldn't go that far. Yes. Okay. Well, some information has come in over the transom. And Matt, you were the keeper of this information. Care to tell us about it? Well, as soon as we left that segment, Sam Curry, who handles all the wonderful social media, put a clip in all of our faces. Let's just roll the cliff. We can talk shit, right? The dreaded Sonom of Sessian, who's terrific at Cornhole.

Yeah. I'm terrific. Come on, you little bitch. You fucking can't throw, you little bitch. What wasted height. God, this is embarrassing for you. Luser? You can't fucking talk to me.

I didn't interfere. I'm not worried about this at all. I can't get better at this. If we did a competition where we built wooden airplanes, you'd win. Thork. Someone's getting hurtful because he's loser. I don't think I've ever seen you throw anything. Let's cut it back a little bit.

Three points for Conan. Yeah, I do have a problem. Twice, twice, you call him a little bitch. Twice you call me a little bitch. And that's one of 700 awful things you said to me, just as we're playing cornhole within like a two-minute period. Oh, my God. So you call me a little bitch twice.

I was brutal. I was. So explain. Yeah. How can you think you've never done it because you never in a million years would? and then you said it twice within seconds of each other. I legitimately thought

that I had never called you a bitch. I really did. And then the moment that that started, I was like, I remember that. And I think that, can I say something in my defense? Sure. I'd love to hear it.

I had, at that point, I was buzzed. I was buzzed. Were you drinking? That was one of those, that was a summer s'mores. So you were drinking alcohol. Yes, I was. I don't even remember,

but you probably made the cocktail. I did, I think. Yeah, I had some liquid courage. Yeah, so you... The chocolate one? Well, no. I don't know. Okay, I guess my point is your defense is that you were drinking.

Yeah. And we all know that in vino veritas, truth comes out of drinking. So all that reveals is that you really do think I'm a little bitch. Here's what I know. I know I get competitive. And I know we were competing. And I'm even more competitive when I'm competing against you. Yes.

And you'd been drinking. And I've been drinking. So you're trash talking. And I love to just trash talk. And you're a little bitch. Yeah. Well, I... Yes.

I mean, we'll get to that later. Whether or not I am a little bitch. We have... I just came back from the doctor. The tests are in. We'll talk about that a little later. I think this also means I clearly don't have any sort of professional theater. You don't.

Also, if you remember... I demolished you in that cornhole game. I beat you and you were mad. You were really mad. And I think that's where a lot of this came out. Yeah, that was like an uncomfortable day. I remember feeling like my parents were fighting. Oh.

I wasn't fighting back. I don't think. No, you were smug as hell. You were so smug. You are the worst person to lose to. Because I won in Cornhole, which means that I'm the best person that ever lived. No, you are an awful person to lose. I'm already competitive and then went, look at your stupid face right now.

now. Look at your stupid face. Hey, if you want to see my stupid face, go to the video on TeamCoco.com. Oh, you're so smugged. Just thinking about it. And remember how cranky you was? The whole thing started with you complaining about ducting for like 20 minutes. Cunduit. It was covered in ducting in conduits. And hey, get me started on conduits and I need a drink. But the facts are, the facts are that you were shocked that Eduardo called me a little bitch. I was. You said I would never do such a thing. And then we immediately. Immediately, thanks to Sam Curry, had footage of you calling me a little bitch, not once, but twice in rapid succession. So what else have you done in your life that you think you haven't done?

Yeah, you probably walk around thinking, I didn't do that. I would never, I would never kill a hobo. You guys never had those nights where you went drinking and you woke up the next morning. It's us. Are you kidding? No. What are you talking about? What happened?

Yeah, I once had a rum flavored lozenges and woke up in the library. You're looking at two little bitches here. Yeah, I'm a little bitch. And bag away, that's the big. That's the big reveal from my doctor is, yes, it came back. No, I mean, when I used to go out and I would, you know, I would drink pretty heavily. And then I would. Sure.

Don't add. Don't add commentary. Okay. Oh, sorry. I thought this was a podcast with my fucking name on it. I don't need your audio additions on. Can we talk on this podcast. I do. And I think I would. It's not that I blacked out. It's that I was loopy-dupy-dupy.

You went into a fugue state. And I went into like, hey, man, I'm like limber and loose and chill and we're competing against each other. And you're a little bitch. And I was like, just shit talking. Okay. So now we do. You know what? Now I think Eduardo's looking at you and he's like game recognizes game. You two. Well, sure. You probably intercepted it in my mind. Now I know where I got it from. Yeah. There's a little bitch virus going around. Well, you know what? There's nothing I can say other than I probably had it coming. We solved a lot here.

We solved that you did indeed call him a little bitch and you are indeed a little bitch. We did it. Yeah, yeah. We did. We solved a lot of problems here. And I think everyone listening can rest easy. Yeah, and I drank too much. I don't even remember who won.

I don't even remember who won that game. remember. I think you won, so no. Yeah, sure. Sure, you did. Well, we have, we have a wonderful show today, and I think we should begin. Okay. My guest today is a comedian and an actor who's late, what's so funny to you? I feel like sometimes you, in your mind, you're like, is this an intro or are we ending the episode? I don't know. My guest today is a comedian and an actor whose latest comedy special, T. and Scotch is available to stream on YouTube. This gentleman, is one of my all-time favorite people. I love it when he pops in. Pat and Oswald, welcome.

I'm on that one of those promo death marches for my new special. And listen, I'm flattered than anyone wants to talk to me, but there is nice to get to occasionally do a show like this where we're clearly just bullshitting. Yes. There isn't that like, it's coming out here and push it, push it, push it.

We're just, this interview, I'll be amazed if we even, mention the special. Yes. We're going to wander around everywhere. We will, but it'll be a miracle when it happens. It will be, it'll be like a little Easter egg that pops. I'm like, oh, that's right.

We're doing it. There's a reason he came by. But on the way, we'll somehow mention Marty Allen and the Treaty of Ghent. It'll be the most unproductive. Oh, the Treaty of Ghent. I can't believe that it said it. Oh, God. Oh, God.

That's how all kids who are like 14 and 15, all 14 and 15 year old girls, know me is the guy that talks about the Treaty of Ghent. It's their favorite topic. At the food court. Yeah. They're all eating Swedish fish and gummies and... They know you as the man to stay away from. Yeah, right.

At the mall. Because I talk about the Treaty of Ghent. Oh, he's going to quiz us. He's going to quiz us again. It's so funny you bring up this, the media death march, which most people aren't aware of because in this siloed world, they come across the thing that they like and, oh, great, you know, patents on, but they don't know that in order to reach a number of people to watch

your special, they need, you had to do 107 of these. I swear to God, this is a thing that was said to me maybe 75 times on the old late night show and shows after that, but over like a 28 year career of doing late night television, many times, much more than you'd think, people said to me, oh my God, I've been doing so much press, but this is the last stop. And they would say that without any sense that it's insulting. Yeah. Like I did everything and then, you know, we all know that at the very end. If there's time.

If there's time, you do the Conan O'Brien thing. I swear to God, they said that so many times and I would like look out at my two-shot camera and go, why? Why? That's being broadcast. Yeah. People hear that. This is one of those things like when I do. double threat with Tom Schropping and Julie Klaus.

Oh, this is the dessert in the middle of all of the boombo. Because we were talking before we went on when you're promoting things now. You are doing a million. It isn't even talk shows anymore. It is stunts. Yes. You have stunts lined up all day. You're going to go on this thing.

You're going to both be at a salmon hatchery. And you're going to be falling. You're going to be, you know, squeezing the. thing to get the whatever the row. Yeah, the row out. And then you'll be talking about it. It's called all in a row with a micro.

Yeah. And listen, it's 800 billion viewers. They love watching celebrities squeezing out salmon. We were talking about this because I did this. I was telling you, I did this movie with Rose Byrne last year. And they said,

you know, no, I don't do movies. And so I was new to all of this. And it used to be, oh, to promote your movie, you'd go on maybe one, maybe two late night shows. This is back in the day. It's all changed seismically since then.

Yes. So the next thing I know... Seismically is a good way to put it. Yes. I am talking to a young woman's interviewing us while Rose and I are finger painting. And then that would be over and they'd say, get rid of the finger paints.

Get rid of the fingerprints. And then they'd bring in a little blonde Austrian boy named Goethe. And his bit is, you'd be... both have to put on Flemish armor while Goetheir throws ping pongs at you, ping pong balls, and they have little questions, and you have to catch them and then answer the questions you catch. And 900 billion views. And you do these, and it's one thing for me to do it, because people are used to me being humiliated all the time, but Dame Judy Dench has to be lowered into a giant toilet filled with hot caramel, and then the person asks her questions about her career.

And it's called, you know, Schittgenhausen. Yes, exactly. We're promoting the movie The Queen and what better way to do it than on Royal Flush. Yeah, yeah. That's where we. But okay, here's what's even weirder, though. You're in a movie called If I Had Legs, I'd Kick You, which is a very, like, kind of, it has funny parts to it, but it's a drama. It's a very dark drama.

And you're doing finger painting. Yes. So that's like having Willem Defoe and Charlie Sheen. like doing, playing Gnipknop going, go see Platoon. It's a really dark movie about, oh, you got through Willem. The loss of America's innocence.

Man's in humanity to man, got it. My hippo beat your hippo. I guess I was hungrier, Willem. No, it is what's become. And so here's another thing. I'm going to be, I'm in Toy Story 5. It's coming out in June. Now, you did Ratatooie,

and it was probably a long enough ago that there was some of this, but now it's gone haywire. And already I've done things where I'm, they'll say, now they don't even trust us to know the context. They don't even trust the comic or the performer to know the context. So they'll say, just say,

rope a dope a dope, squiddly D. And you go, roper dope a squidly D. And they now say, rope a dope squidly D, hello, Brazil. And then they get all these things out of context and you do it. And they say, trust us. It all fits into a bigger thing because, you know, Tom Hanks has done it and Tim Allen's done it and, you know, Joan Cusack's done it.

And when it all fits together and is shown around the world to 900 billion people, it's really funny. And I'm like, how old are you? I'm 21. I'm the charge of all Disney Hulu, Pixar. And so it's amazing. I'm 21 and the success of this movie hinges on me getting to these outlets, all these online outlets, or your screen. if you don't have me. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. It's just fascinating to me how this is what it is. And I'm a big believer in you don't, don't come, I'm not complaining about it. I'm marveling that it changed. Yeah. It just all changed and now it's this. And I'm an old white guy who's like, whoa, look what's happening. You know, just losing my relevance fast, but I'm just enjoying all the changes.

Yes. And I'm enjoying, and I'm very anxious to see who is going to do the next great like producers, Dr. Strange Love style satire on this moment. Like what how crazy this is. Yeah. But it's going to be hard. I'm in a movie called The Goat and it's a delightful animated movie. And so to promote it, we, a bunch of the actors, we all went and did goat yoga.

They filmed us doing goat yoga. So there was a goat on my back. And it was, I don't want to get graphic, but it was spraying goat turds. and apparently By the way, not graphic at all Well, yeah I literally just said I don't want to be graphic

Spraying And by the way What I had found out that day is It's on your back Well, go turds come out like pellets These are these little pellets Sure, it's a giant pez dispenser It is

But as I'm doing this They went okay cut And they're doing this But I still have a goat on my back And it's It stopped spraying for a second And then somebody was on their front And then

Oh man, we just went to war with Iran and then the goat started spraying pellets again and I'm just like so where was where was Hollywood when the war was declared and they just cut to me like Go see goat Yeah Well Pat Nosswald was holding on the Fort in America

Doing his part for our boys overseas I just love it Hollywood answers the call But I'm telling you You're a regular Capra Yeah but you know it You can't think of something You know, you can't think of anything that's weirder or funnier as a comedian to parody this than what's really happening.

Yes, than what you're doing. You, with a goat on your back as it shoots pellets out its ass, was a real thing. And that's what one, you know, and I accept that's go eat hot wings, you know, with Sean. Yeah, yeah. Go eat chicken on a chicken shop date. And those, their shows are really funny. The interviewers are great. I love it all.

But it's fascinating that those shows now, you know, people talk about late night TV and what's happening to it. And I think, well, obviously there's a political component to it and there's all kinds of stuff going on, all kinds of factors. But none of us can, no late night show can compete with these shows that cost $2 to make. Nothing. And they're watched by, you know, hundreds of millions of people all around the country. It's kind of stunning. I, somebody, I remember I did a late night talk show, I won't say which. one, but they basically said, um, no one's actually watching this show. We hope that one of our

clips goes viral tomorrow. That's where we get our viewers. That's where the promo happens, which is why there are so many stunts and craziness going on. They want the viral moments. Yeah. And there, and no one has the patience now. I just rewatch that there's that Dick Cavett episode where they remember they're promoting husbands. So it's Peter Falk, Ben Gazzara, and John Cassavetti's come out. And they are so tanked. And the whole, and it's, It is, it's like a better movie than the movie they're promoting is them drunk and, and Ben Gazzara takes his shoes off at one point and Casavetti's falls asleep. And it's such an event.

And now that would have to be cut up into little seven second things. You wouldn't watch the whole event anymore. Yeah. No, I mean, it reminds you of the way things have changed that Dick Cavett could, you know, could have James Baldwin on. and they could talk about the state of being black in America for like 35 minutes. Yeah, and it's one of the most celebrated authors of all time. And it's, you know, but now they would say, you know,

that's great, Mr. Baldwin. We want to talk about that. But first, you have to hold this exploding pig. We've stuffed a lot of starbursts into it, and they're time to go off in five minutes, and then when it blows, you have to catch as many in your mouth as you can, but one raspberry and you get a goo-go-go-point, which means you have to sit on the bomb-bong throne.

You'd watch all of the things that you're describing right now. I would watch everything you're describing. Mr. Baldwin, that was a really incisive take on the white liberal. Try the next hot sauce. See how hot that is. Are you feeling it yet? That's the second one. He's so busy screaming eating the hot sauce and at the very end,

they just have to jam in. And remember, racism may be endemic in our society. Anyway, that's all the time we have. Let the record show he The seven sauce was the one that got him. A little rough. Whenever I talk to, I'm reminded that you have this insane knowledge of history

and also movies, pop culture. And all I will say is that there's a thread around that you are part of and a bunch of other really sharp, really funny people. And I rarely contribute because I have a knowledge of these things, but I can't keep up with you guys. I feel like someone who's got a single shot Derringer,

and you all have these very sophisticated gas-powered Russian machine guns firing away. And I'll just keep in. The word insane, a combination of genuine knowledge of history and then the most useless showbiz trivia you've ever heard. In equal amounts. And this is what I want to bring up

because we might as well go for it. There's this obsession. that you and your cohorts have. And I think I have it a little bit too, but not as much as you guys with, everyone knows Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin, Lewis and Martin. And then at some point it was decided there should be,

it was guess a rip-off or something, but it was these two guys who were supposed to maybe like, okay, Lewis and Martin are kind of winding down. So it's a shameless, it's two guys. One is Sammy Petrillo, the other's Duke Mitchell. and and it's not it's Martin and Lewis but it's not Martin and Lewis and it's kind of horrifying like when they replaced the Duke brothers I mean the Duke boys that is and by the way I'm not saying this be joking that was subtle compared to what we're talking about yeah and like this mutant amplified version of what Martin and Lewis were they were in Ikelbeck Sammy Petrillo and Duke Mitchell and Sammy Petrillo was doing Jerry Lewis like almost like it's body horror like like it looked like it's face was going to come apart. It's so unsettling.

It's a real thing. And then they do these movies like Sammy Petrillo and Duke Mitchell meet. They did one movie. They only did one called Bella Legosi meets a Brooklyn gorilla. Uh-huh. There's no Brooklyn gorilla in the movie. I mean, a guy, Duke gets turned into a gorilla. I can't believe I just tried to qualify that.

I just said, well, Duke gets turned into a gorilla, as you know. So there is a gorilla. It's Bella Lagozy at the height of his morphine addiction. it's these two. And those on the poster, too. At the height of his morphine addiction. You've never seen him like this before. Coof to his eyeballs.

We all organized a night to go see it at the New Beverly recently. Yeah, I think I was doing a travel show. I would have gone to that. I was out of town, but I, you know, I check in on this thread because you guys are going all the time. I mean, you guys are chattering away at 4 a.m. And occasionally, you know, when I'm up in the night, to apply a cream or anointment.

I'll check in with you guys and it's like, oh my God, there it is. But you guys have this endless fascination with this mutant version of Jerry Lewis, which is a funny sentence. Yes. Because you don't need a mutant version of Jerry Lewis. But they found one.

They found one. And there they are. It's in the face. Boy, they both look like them in a bizarre way. Yes, yes. Exactly. Yeah. But you can see it.

And it's like you can tell how angry Beala Lagozi is, being in this movie. Like, he is openly snapping at Sammy Petrillo. And unlike the Jerry Lewis movies where when Jerry's doing his stuff, people are kind of laughing or enjoying it, all the other characters in this movie are openly hostile. It's like, shut up, stop. Like, they're just yelling at him.

You're not Martin and Lewis. No, stop this. And then they, I could, listen. Let me tell you what this. Listen, I like how you just said, listen, like this marriage is over. No, no, no. I want to show you the essence. of this thread. One night, we, for some reason, we sort of all texting and emailing back and forth

about soupy sales. And then you shined in and it was, it is 3 a.m. I'm in a tent in Africa. This is the one hour that I get Wi-Fi and you have me looking up soupy sales videos on YouTube. Like, you're literally in the cradle. He goes, I'm in the cradle of civilization. And you idiot. I'm watching soupy sales videos on YouTube. And also, you know what's amazing is you guys draw me in. Oh, yeah. And you were talking about the Ritz brothers. That was...

That might have been it. I think it was the Rich brothers. The Ritz brothers who were sort of a version, you know, they... Again, mutant Marx brothers. Mutant Marks Brothers. And you were talking about one of the Ritz brothers, and I am in Ghana. And I'm shooting a travel show. That's right.

And I'm shooting a travel show. and I can't sleep and it's three in the morning and my phone goes, Z, Z, Z, Z. I'm like, what the hell? Maybe it's Liza contacting me to say that our house was just stolen. And I look at it and you guys are all talking about Harry Ritz. Harry Ritz, he was the funny one.

I wanted him to leave his brothers. He wouldn't do it. He wouldn't do it. He was loyal, but then he made this movie late in his career. And it's kind of embarrassing. And I'm suddenly looking at clips of it. And then I come in to Harry Ritz's defense. and I'm like, click, click, click, click, click, click, click.

And yeah, yeah, you're again, I am in the cradle of civilization. In a tent. I should be on the belt. You should be like connected to the, here's, here's what made me laugh so hard. I've never mentioned this to you. I, when you said, I'm in a tent in Ghana and I'm looking at Rich Brothers videos on YouTube, I just picture like there's this, like a, like a cheetah or something like in the, like, looking over.

and there's this all silent tent and suddenly this little light goes on in the tent and he says, Mr. Fentin had his head he went halfway one day ooh-oh! And he hears these little rich brothers songs like this cat's like,

oh fuck is that weirdo doing. I'm just trying to get away from it. But that happened at one point this little glowing on in a tent and that was Conan because of us. Oh my God. I just loved, but I just, I had to bring that up

because if you if you guys want to amuse yourselves Sammy Petrillo, Duke Mitchell. And also there was this feel, there was this almost sense, I remember reading an interview with Jerry Lewis where he blessed these guys. He was like, I blessed them at first.

He blessed them because he said, well, someone's got to keep it going because we're almost, you know, we're winding it down. And I want to, I'm tired. And so I want someone to take over being Jerry Lewis. And I thought, that's not how it works. We don't need someone.

else, maybe you should go away for a while. I just have the idea that I would say, you know what? I'm stepping to, I can't step down yet because I haven't found someone else who can be that would have the funny name and the hair and the, you know, the

pitchy voice. I haven't found someone who would disconnect from the atmosphere of Africa to watch soupy sales getting hit to the pie at 3 a.m. And I'll know that when I see it in his eyes, I'll know it, but I haven't found it yet.

And then I can rest. Then I know. Then I can retire to my ancestral manse and write my memoirs when I find another idiot to do this shit that I'm doing. But I think one of the reasons that we are so obsessed with this stuff is because, you know, show biz is a very rough up and, this is nothing nude, but showbiz is very up and down. And there can be extremes of up and down. And some people, they think the up will last forever and it doesn't. and you still have to show up

when you're not necessarily doing what might be the most glorious or looked at work. And this past week with, you know, like Netflix is a joke. I know that a lot of people are like, well, this guy's in an arena, but you get to do comedy.

You still get to do it and you get to show up. Like, Nicholas Cage has made some bad movies, but he was never bad in him. He showed up and did something unique. And even with, when you watch Bella Lagosie meets a Brooklyn gorilla, as pissed as Bella is with Sammy Petrillo, who's literally hanging on him. And one time he openly yells at him,

and it's clearly not in the script. He just is like, go close the tag! He's like just screams at him. But he's still showing up and doing the work. And that always fuels me when I see it. That's why I'm obsessed with that level of showbiz. You and I have several things in common, I believe.

But I think, our height, our brute strength. Yeah. Our Celtic blood. But, you know, like, one of the things that I think you've made this point and I've made this point, which is that we weren't class clowns. I was never a class clown. And in fact, I never liked the class clown.

Not that I was jealous. I just thought he's making too much noise. And I was very quiet and kind of shy about being funny. I was, I wasn't the class clown, but I was in the class clown. clown click. In other words, we were the comedy nerds, but we weren't the, hey, it was the, we knew all the routines, we knew all that. I mean, but we like went deep, when other kids, when other kids were like quoting Monty Python, my group could quote Derek and Clive, like we would always go for the even deeper stuff. Yeah. Yeah, it was that, that's the kind of

comedy we liked. And so you would, you're not the kind of person that would get up in front of everyone else and do something when you're in high school or grade school. I'd feel a little, no. Yeah. Not quite. Yeah. So when you get into stand up, did you have to fight through a reluctance to get up in front of people to, in order to do it?

Yeah, I had to, well, it's weird. For the first thing that I did was because I was so reluctant to go up, I did this bigger version of myself to hide the fact that I'm not comfortable with myself being up here. So it was very much a stage persona and a stage presence. And it took me like six years to work through that. It wasn't until I moved to San Francisco four years into it. I started seeing comedians like Brian Possein and Margaret Cho and Greg Barron and Greg Proops that were actually themselves on stage rather than, hey, I'm talking to you now.

You're going on. I got to get into my state. They could literally be mid-sentence ago. I'll be right back and they would just go up and talk. And so now it doesn't really feel like I'm nervous when I'm on stage because, I've become so comfortable just being up there and going, this is what's going on and here, you know, and I've also got over the whole, let me point out what's stupid about the world. And here's my cool take.

Now my point of view is so much more, listen to this idiotic thing I did. You're not going to believe this. Like it's more insightful that way. But it's weird. I had to get over that by first embracing that out of nervousness. And then now I can just kind of be myself. It takes years to grind that out of you. to the point where you can go up and say,

I know who I am, you know who I am. Yeah. That's one of the things, on the one hand, I'm so glad with a lot of the new online media and cell phones and social media that people have way easier access to, the gatekeepers don't quite have the power that they used to have.

I don't think there are gatekeepers. That really, there's not really anymore. But the one bad thing about it is what you just talked about, the years that it takes for you to get through that persona sometimes and become yourself, A lot of people, because they're immediately filming themselves as they start, they're not,

they don't have those years in the wilderness that people like my generation had where you figure out who you are. And a lot of people are getting stuck in a very early persona that they're comfortable with. But as they grow and mature and evolve, they're like, I don't want to do that anymore. I want to do this thing. You know, like, I just think of all of the rock stars that we know and love now that what if they had been stuck in their early personas forever. Well, I brought, you know, my example was.

if the current world had existed in 1962, everyone would have been sick of the Beatles before they even got to the Ed Sullivan Show. Yes. Because they would have seen, I mean, no matter where you were on the world, you've seen thousands of hours of videos them in the Cavern Club, and then British Beetlemania,

they're touring over there in the Netherlands, they're in Germany, and then they're coming to the Ed Sullivan show, yeah, we know. We know them. And you know what? I think their best work was their early work. Yeah. To us, that was the big introduction after they had been, had their legendary. Where did they come from? Where did this come from?

These haircuts. Yeah. And so. And we would have seen a version of the Beatles and that's how we would have peg them. Yeah. They would have been the ones in the German strip club in Hamburg in the leather jackets, lighting condoms on fire and throwing them into the audience and doing antics and being crazy. Like, that's the Beatles I know. And then by the time Brian Epstein got a hold of him, made them the ones that became, they're like, I don't know. Put the lead beat. You guys are goofballs. Yeah. Yeah, we wouldn't have accepted it. No, I think that's, that's, it's weird to say, but it was a luxury.

Although now there seems to be a quiet rebellion against that, where there does seem to be, whatever the generation after Alpha, a lot of them seem to be like, you don't need to film me yet. We'll wait until I figure it out, which is, what, because they're learning from the mistakes of the ones that came before them. Yeah. A lot of the influencers that are now trapped in the, oh, God, I got a, I got a muckbang again. That's what people are watching. I gotta eat 10 cans of baked beans

if I want to sell my new book. I don't know what I said. Anyway, my guest today is Conan O'Brien. Conan, you got a show coming out? Yeah. Conan, why are you wearing a yachting cap? Something I thought I tried in 1982, but I thought I should bring back out again.

You look like an idiot. You know, one of the things that your fame and your success is not wasted on you because you get to, do all these things that you're genuinely passionate about. You get to dip into these projects and these things, not just stand up, but there are so many different ways that you have taken your, you know, natural ingrained obsessions,

and then you get to jump into your in this Star Trek strange new world. Yeah. And you're like, this is, I could picture you, if someone suggested this to you when you were 11 or 12, of you'd say that's that's insane that could never happen right and also the fact that I am in a show that is being made by people that grew up at the same time as me that loved Star Trek that that also went but what if this thing had like everything that you love you will always then but then why don't they add this aspect to it so the fact that yeah I'm playing a Vulcan but it's a Vulcan who's

obsessed with human culture and um his name's Doug his name is Doug he's a Vulcan named Doug Which is my favorite thing. But his parents were obsessed, so they gave him. It's the same way as, like, people like hippies giving their kids names, you know, like American Indian names or, you know, first day turned into like. Star Shine. Yeah. Exactly.

So why wouldn't that happen in another culture? Why wouldn't they try to do that? And he, unlike Spock, who has kind of struck this balance, he's so clumsy with it. Yeah. But because he really loves it. And that's a really real thing to play. So a Vulcan with an artistic edge. With an artistic edge.

I love that. Because these aren't even logical. How can you be a Vulcan who's like, well, that is, I mean, I'm not, it's, I'm just curious how it all comes together. It comes together of, I have to play it of all of my, the way that I usually am passionate about something like on movie or something. But what if I have to, I'm forced by my biology to always filter it through this calm logic and what would that feel like? So it's always this like kind of bubbling underneath. And you can see him wanting to, you know, kind of pop up a little bit. But he's like, no, that's not what Vulcans do.

I'm not capable of doing that even though I'm feeling it. Does he wake and bake? Is he? He's constantly still very logical. I'm going to require a couple of days of bed rotting. Like, you know, I don't really know what a Vulcan artist would do like that. Yeah, how would he, I am not feeling this, which is strange because I should not be ruled by my feelings and yet there is not oh i never thought of it now you know what i'm doing

some more episodes so maybe they'll just talk to that about that yeah yeah exactly you know it's it's a possibility i'm there's another obsession i've had and my uh head writer mike sweeney has it as well we're both obsessed with uh the show that ran pretty much at the same time as star trek called lost in space oh oh boy lost in space is insane and when you when you watch star trek it is It looks like the most, the highest art possible when you compare it to Lost in Space. And there are these clips that you can watch on YouTube of, and the character to keep your eye on is Dr. Smith,

Dr. Zachary Smith. For many reasons. For many reasons, he's played by Jonathan Harris, who doesn't just chew scenery, he inhales it into his lungs and then shits it out. It is amazing. Truly incredible. And the storylines, I think everyone was on acid

who wrote this TV show. But the other day I happened on one where an alien ray turns Dr. Smith into a hippie. And he's got long hippie hair, and he's dancing. And of course, you know, you're like, and there's a crazy, wacky, because clearly the show is trying to get down with the scene. Yeah, it's a bunch of 51-year-old writers,

probably at Renmar or Warner Brothers. Like, see this in the paper? Can we work this into the, work this in an episode, the hippie thing? Yeah. But how would there be hippies in space? A ray? Just starting with a ray?

No, everything's just a ray. Yeah, yeah. And then they would clearly, to come up with ideas, go to the prop shop at Warner Brothers or wherever, and they'd say, hey, I just found a giant Cleopatra, you know, uniform. Okay, there's a big puff of smoke, and a Cleopatra alien shows up. And she has a ray that turns out.

turns them all into mummies. Yeah. Like they just worked backwards from the costumes that were available. What's available. Yeah. Somebody pointed out there's a, there's an episode of The Outer Limits that is, was the basis of the movie The Terminator.

It's written by Harlan Allison called Soldier. And there's a helmet that this future soldier wears in his future soldier battles. And that helmet is the helmet that Robin Williams wears in the opening episode of Morck and Mindy when he comes to Earth. Same one. It's same one. But they were not. Like Gary Marshall, he should wear some kind of out of space.

Can we use this? Like they're just in the, like you said, they're in the warehouse. That's this alien thing. That's like the famous guy in Empire Strikes Back evacuating Cloud City is carrying the space equipment, but it's actually an ice cream maker. You can hear it churning away. And they've given him a name and a whole backstory. They've written him into the thing.

He's a guy. And that ice cream. was an ice cream maker. Someone found out. If you look at it, someone matched it with it. At the time, they just clearly just spray painted it white and go here. Yeah. But then they worked that prop into the first season of the Mandalorian.

That's right. It's a thing for transporting, like, biological matter. So they had to work that into the, yeah. So that's what they worked that in. You could, I mean, we live in this world that's so, I mean, you know, people decry, oh, the internet era. Are we losing our humanity? Like, yeah, but.

think of the connections you can make. You could do an amazing documentary where someone could make an amazing documentary where they track a prop that's made in the 1950s for like a goofy movie. But then it shows up here but then it shows up there

because people didn't throw stuff away and it went back into the prop room and I've been in some of the prop warehouses. There's stuff like, oh, if you should shoot this from a different angle, this could work as this. Yeah. But all those, there's a Tom Sharpling, who I mentioned earlier, does the best show, does. Hilarious.

So funny. He did this thing. I think about it like once a week. And I didn't know this until he pointed out. You know the show The Monsters? Yeah, of course. Yeah. There's 73 episodes of that show.

Do you know how many seasons they ran? Two. Two. Yeah. And they, so they were cranking that thing out. And Tom was like, this is a writing session on the Monsters. Have we put Herman in a, like, a baby? Bonnet holding a rattle yet.

All right, write that in. I'm going to go to Muso and Franks, have four martinis and a steak and then drunk drive home. I'll see you tomorrow. That is how those shows were what do we have, what can we use? Yeah.

We got to do 38 of these. But also, no one was thinking about reruns. No. No one was thinking about this being a body of work. Boxed set. Or boxed set. No one's thinking about that. Everyone's thinking,

get this thing done, get it out. and then let's do another one. Let's get our check, and then we'll go to Muso and Franks and drink at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. Oh, and there's Jack Webb at the next table, and he's completely smashed. And he's six martinis ahead.

Yeah. But you look at these shows and you just see they weren't afraid to use all the same plots. Nope. There's an old... Same actors. Yeah.

Over and over and over. And the same, the plots over and over and over again. Same actors within the same show, different characters all the time. Yes. Yeah. And one thing they did was, I don't know how many times when I was a kid growing up

watching different TV sitcoms and reruns, I'd see the two people have a fight. So it's like the skipper and Gilligan on Gilligan's Island have an argument. So they paint a line down the middle of the hut. And then it's, you stay on your side. I'll stay on mine. But your side has the door.

Then you'll have to use the window. You know, but your side, my side has the food. Well, then you could, you know, it's, and then you'd watch the monsters and Grandpa and Herman have a, fight and they paint a line down the middle of the room. And then you watch the monkeys and they do it. And you're just like, no one had any shame about number 17.

Yeah. Let's crank it up for this week. Yeah. Let's do a number nine on them. We got to get listed. I got to get my martinis. It's 1230. And it always was a white line too.

That even down to that detail. Yeah. And, you know, yeah. That kind of stuff is. And also they didn't understand, well, they didn't, because no one could predict it. YouTube, freeze frame, you know, being able to. capture little moments. We're like, oh, my God, look at this in the background.

You know, there's an episode of that show The Naked City. Yes, yeah. Which was shot just handheld in New York in the early 60s, which now it's so valuable because, A, it's all this stuff in New York that doesn't exist anymore that they just casually filmed. And also, it's all the first roles of people like Dustin Hoffman and Robert Duvall. And they're all in this. It's like day players.

But there's an episode with Burgess Meredith, where he plays a Greenwich Village poet who wakes up drunk and there's been a murder and he doesn't know. And he stops at a newsstand to look at the paper like, what day is it? And behind him on the newsstand is copies of Amazing Fantasy Number 15, which is the first appearance of Spider-Man. Oh, my God. And the prop person just put those up. Or they went to that newsstand.

Can we just film here? Fine. Done. And then just walked. And you know when the comics came the next week, the guy was like, well, these didn't sell. Boom. Like, that's like, that's millions of dollars. of props just hanging there in the background.

No one used to think there would ever be freeze frame available. And more in line with what we were saying, which is people were just cranking the stuff out and moving on. No one ever thought that there'd be whole cults of people that love to hate watch and then have the power of freeze frame. So recently, I think Matt O'Brien and I or Sweeney and I were watching one of the Death Wish movies with Charles Bronson. And there's a scene where Charles Bronson wants to kill these guys in a restaurant.

And it's the most insane plot. He comes in and pretending to be a wine salesman. He takes out, I'm not kidding. He takes out, he should just go in there with a gun and kill the people who are sitting in a booth. That's what he does in every other scene. Right, I know. This one, he comes in and pretends to be a wine salesman. And he goes over to their table and says, hey, I got this wine here.

You might like it. It's a good wine. And they're like, huh? Well, we're okay. He goes, spoken like a true wine. Yeah, exactly. And he goes, hey, it's red. You ever see red wine?

You ever see red? But you didn't think that. I want to see something new. Red. It's wet and it's red. And it's wet on your mouth. You can sip it. And he says, I think he opens the bottle and he sets it down in front of them. And then he gets real nervous.

And a guy says, who's sitting at the table with the other mob figure says, hey, don't I know you? And he goes, I don't think so. I got to go. And he's trying to get away because clearly. something's up with this bottle of wine. And the guy goes, I think I know you. And then Charles Bronson squirms away. And basically, he runs off and runs into the kitchen

of the restaurant, covers his ears like Wiley Coyote. And there's a huge explosion. You cut back to the table. There's a huge explosion. Freeze frame. You have freeze frame now. So what they did was... Yay.

Here we go. Cut to Charles Bronson running away and going to the kitchen, putting his hands over his ears. They cut back to the table. They replace the mobsters with mannequins. Oh, boy. And put them in the same suits.

It looks terrible. And it's just two frames, but you can freeze on it. And some of these guys are mannequins. And then I guess they tried a real explosion, but it didn't work. So they just did one of those things where they made smoke go in front of the film in some awful way. So you see these guys freeze frame. And then a cloud. And you're like, they were.

We're just trying to get through the day. And I'm watching it over and over and over. You have it? Over and over and over again. And I'm just overjoyed. Do you want to see the whole clip or just the mannequins? I want to see it all. I can edit it down.

Let it down. Go ahead. Let her roll. Let's have some fun. Oh, Chuck. To the beginning. By the way, when they rigged from the beginning. What a minute 30?

When they rigged this explosion, Charles had already left. Mr. Bronson's already left. Just do this. He's not here anymore. He starts by convincing him that he's really, he's got a good wine. This is late Death Wish, you can tell by his costume, too. Yeah. Exactly.

Not bad. Let's see what your customer say. No, I don't think that's a good idea. They'll love it. I'm just going to randomly pour liquor for a year. I'm a guy off the street. Lucky day today, a bottle of wine on the house. Hey, not bad.

Hey, don't I know you from someplace? I don't think so. Is that Danny Trailer? Yeah. Oh. Oh. I know your face. Did you ever live in San Francisco?

I'm from Idaho. I'm from Idaho. I'm from Idaho. Boise? I'm thinking of opening up a don't know you. I never forget. Oh, look. Oh, wait, you got to go back and freeze.

Oh, my God. Go back and freeze. Okay. Oh, look at a ride at Knott's Berry Farm. Oh, my. Isn't that great? Why? Why?

You know, the sunglasses guy's not so bad, but the Danny Trejo guy. Danny Trejo, they did not. I mean, that is, isn't that one of the great? You want to put a mustache on this Gregory Peckmanigan we have? It's close enough. I don't know what to tell you. Look at the stains on the ceiling. Oh, my God.

I just, but here's the thing. I always say there's good and bad in everything. And when people decry this new era we're in, I think of the joy that I have had on YouTube being able to freeze frame people just trying to get through the day. Or they're making this TV show in the 60s. They're doing the best they can. They don't think anyone's ever going to look at it. It'll air once.

Who's going to watch it again? Why would you? They're never going to, wait a minute, there's going to be a thing called DVDs. They're going to collect every episode and put it in a butt. That doesn't make sense. Who would do that? It's going to be on a cloud that anyone can see at any time. And people are going to have radio shows where they criticize it over and over and over again?

Yeah, people are going to have, hang on, a red-headed giant's going to freeze frame this. Him, he's going to sit with the Hobbit and they're going to laugh at our work. That doesn't make sense. It'll never happen. You're in fear in La La Land. We'll be right back with more red-headed giant and hobbit. Talk to me about tea and scotch. This is, you've done, is this your 10th?

11th. 11th is my 11th session. But who's counting? Well, I mean, that's, I didn't even realize it was my 11th until we were, they were putting together all the promo materials and went there. I was like, this is my 11th. So that's, yeah, that's a, I mean, at this point now, I'm not trying to think in terms of, I think that like, posterity, reputation and cooler just traps.

Yep. To get in the way of you doing the work you're supposed to be doing. It's other people that short out your legacy later do the work now. 100%. Yeah. And it, but it took me a little while. I was getting in my own head about stuff. And now I'm just like, no, I get to do comedy and people want to come see me.

And I get to do venues that I really love. And this is me at a very, very small club. I did a club. It's in Madison called Comedy on Maine, Comedy on State a couple of years ago. And it was, I hadn't done a club in like years. And they were like, hey, I was getting ready for doing another special. They went, why don't you do this little club to get ready? and the show was so electric.

The audience is right there. And I was like, how do I shoot something in this space small? So that's what I did. I directed it. We set up the, you can see the other cameras, the lights. Like I wanted it to look raw. I wanted it to be, I just, and I don't fault anyone being in big theaters and arenas, that's fine.

But there's some, I just don't, it's like some rock and roll. When it gets too gigantic, it kind of loses the. No, I've had the same thing. thought many times that that's why some music just sounds amazing in a small club. It's why some food just, I don't know what it is, but it tastes better when it's a small restaurant. Or a stand that you've grabbed, you know, you're walking around, like you're just right there. Yeah.

I had a small studio for the late night show. Six-A was a very small studio. And I remember seeing it for the first time and thinking, this is too small. We need something bigger because we've got to do crazy ideas. We're going to have a triumph the comic dog. and we're going to have, you know, all these crazy characters and we're going to do this big stuff. It turned out it was such a blessing to have this small space.

And I think that's something that's I now don't take for, I don't take it for granted. I think it's really good for comedy. But also something like this is even in that small space, you feel that clock ticking until the next commercial break. Yeah. We can get at things that you can't get at on a TV panel segment because there's no clock ticking.

We're going to talk and talk and we'll cut out some of the rough spots. but we're actually talking. And there's a whole different, it's what you always said about SCTV. It's the least needy sketch show ever done. And this format is not needy. And doing this smaller club, there was so less neediness about it

because we're all right here. I'm not like, oh, God, I got this big theater. I got to make this count. This is like, we're doing a few shows, this little club. I can be loose. Yeah. And what I'm learning,

especially from, I don't know if you've seen Josh Johnson, right? Yeah, yeah. Incredible. The turnover now is so much quicker. I can shoot this stuff, get it up on, I'm on a new platform called 800-pound gorilla. I've heard of it.

Yeah, yeah. Gorilla Comedy Plus. And get it up on YouTube so much quicker and be so much more immediate. And so that feels like, oh, one less gatekeeper. Yeah. You know, now I can just, and I can set up the next one. Like, once this comes out June 9th, I'll never do that material again.

I'm working on the new stuff. And it just keeps me working. And there's just so much less pressure. Yeah. It just feels so much better. Yeah. And the themes you're exploring. Are they new themes?

Well, there is, is there anything new in this? I mean, obviously your stuff is always, it's always fresh material, but is there a theme that has surprised you that's come along at this stage in your life? Yeah. The thing that has surprised me is I'm becoming way more. And then I was kind of touching on this a little bit in the last special, we all scream too, is that I'm becoming way more comfortable with being overwhelmed

and not having an answer to things. And I think that comes with I'm a big believer in, you got to know when it's time to let the next generation kind of come up and maybe they have the answers that you don't. I think a lot of people white knuckle their youth and they white knuckle their authority and you got to go. And you can still, I'm going to do comedy forever. I love doing standup,

but there will be this embracing of, this is beyond me. Like I do a whole thing about AI, and the whole point of the bit is, at one point I'm like, I don't have an ending to this because this is such a massive subject, but that is so much more honest

that I'm overwhelmed by the horror of this. And I think that's a thing that a lot of comedians are nervous to embrace is that you will eventually come to a point where you're like, I don't know what this is, I don't know what is happening. This is, you know, I did my part.

You guys got to do your part. I'm going to talk about the weirdness now off to the sides. When someone tells me they're not sure, I am immediately attracted to them. I like them and I trust them. When someone tells me I know exactly what's going to happen and I know all things. I want nothing to do with them. And there's a kind of comedy that I never been a big fan. of, which is I know and you don't.

Let me tell you how it is. Yeah. I'm here to tell you how it is. I'm here to tell you how it is. And then I've always liked people that admit that they're down in the muck with me. I'm in the muck. Yeah. Help me find a way out here.

It's what we talked about, the last one was on the show, that your term wisdom rock. Yeah. You hate wisdom rock. It's that, let me take my hand. No, you're 20. And there's a lot of that now in stand up. I think Mark Maren, said there's some comedians doing comedy,

there's some comedians holding rallies. Yes. And that was such a, yes, that's kind of what's going on. And we need to get back to the confidence of someone that can get up there and go, I have no idea. I don't know what is going on. Maybe we will get to that. But that's where I am and I'm so much more comfortable being in that point.

And also being able to look back at some of my earlier stuff where I was doing me, tell you guys how it is. oh, you're 23. That's why you're saying that, because you know, which is a, that's also kind of real wisdom is when you're like,

let me tell you what an idiot I was. I used to say this kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you can laugh at yourself at that period. Yeah, so there's a lot of that and there's a lot of just very raw, um, there's,

there's a lot of, uh, my daughter, it's, it's, it's, the relationship with my, he's a teenager.

And so now it's, it's becoming more about, oh, she's actually right about this and I'm not. And maybe I need to like, okay, you figure this out. It's also an interesting place to get to where it used to be like, oh, here's this goofy thing that my daughter did and we got to help guide her. Now it's like, oh, my daughter just explained this thing to me that I didn't understand and just completely laid it out for me. So that's really interesting. The roles have shifted. How old are your, um, during the late 40s? Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. So, I had my daughter when I was nine.

No, I have a daughter who's 22 and a son is 20. But you know what? They've been smarter than me for so long. And you will attest to that. Absolutely. When they were kids, little kids and would come by the office. Yeah. They were not having my bullshit.

Anything technology related, we'd just be like, ask Beckett. This was when he was like six years old. The times that I've handed my phone or iPad over to Alice and go, can? Please. Oh, me. Yeah. Make it do the thing. Make the screen go away.

I've handed that thing to her. Oh, boy. Yeah. Well, tea and scotch is coming out. It's going to be on YouTube. June 9th. June 9th. And I'm really looking forward to it.

Thanks. You're always funny and delightful. I just going to end with this. You were on my TV show 44 times. Oh, my God. Yeah. I looked that up today. and even the computer was upset.

And on this podcast, as many as many as anybody, right? I think you've been, this is the fourth time. So, yeah, which doesn't. But it's always, it's always funny. Like, when you were on the show on TBS, as long as I've been working for coming, when we knew you were coming on,

we knew we were going to laugh. And that it was going to be just a really good interview. Well, but also, when I came on to this show, I knew that, yes, we would do pre-interviews, but it was always like it'll turn into just us going, oh man, this thing. Yeah, yeah. And that's going to be better than anything.

Yes, exactly. Yeah. That's good. It's the stuff that, you know. It was dessert. It was like, oh, I can relax a little bit. Yeah. Yeah.

So I was always very, and I know I speak for a lot of comedians who are like, oh, when you're on conning, you're just, you're actually talking with someone else that understands comedy and it's not, we're looking for a, got to get a punchline every 10 seconds. Right, right.

Hey, we can just chill, let's talk. And it always end up being way more funny because of that. Oh, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, it's a mitzvah, a blessing. Anytime you come by, please come back for anything and everything. My daughter and her friends watch old Conan clips, the NBC show. And freeze frame it.

Look, Conan's a mannequin. You didn't even try to hide that stuff, though. No, you embrace. I would embrace it. You embrace it the same way that, like, SCTV were like, we don't have any money. Look at this. Yeah, yeah. But I just love the way that they will react to, like, whenever I showed her Artie Kendall,

the singing ghost. Yes, yeah. And her whole thing was like, he just makes it worse and worse. Like, every time he's like, well, let me do this one. And then it's 10 times where it like, they just love that it just never lets up. Brian Stack is a crooner ghost who would come on the show. And he was a ghost. And then he would sing, because he died in the 30s, he would sing songs that were sexist, racist,

you know, all this stuff. And I'd be. Also, that he thinks. you're like, you're welcome. Here's a nice little song. And it's always the worst thing you've ever heard. Oh, I got a little... Kodunel, I got a little something about the Irish.

Oh, the Irish loved to drink and all this stuff that's not appropriate anymore. And then I think in one episode I said, I'm surprised people stood for this. And he went, well, they didn't. I was killed by a mock. That's how he told you. I'm sorry, I've watched this thing. I'm surprised you weren't murdered. He goes, I was murdered.

A bunch of women threw me down a well. And then you're like, well, good. He goes, hey, you have a hundred. Irish temper. I wrote a little song about the Irish. And then it's the worst thing you've ever. And also, but like that stuff of,

by the way, and I remember I watched the very first Artie Kendall sketch. I was in a hotel room in New York. I watched, it's the very first one where you don't let him finish his third song because you're just like, no,

we're cutting away. And I had to rewatch it to say that, I else, it's about the Irish, Irish people's brains are made of corn. Yeah. And I texted Brian Stack. I was like, I am laughing so hard at this guy already completely.

And now there's like collections on. It's like YouTube is like this mini criterion collection of great comedy sketches now. No, I just always love. Well, shout out to Brian Stack. Oh, my God. And also my favorite concede is that I was always supposed to be the host who would, but I would entertain all our sketches were me saying, okay, what's that, sir?

Yes, I'm a beekeeper. I'd be like, well, okay, you can have, like, I in no way say no. This is a show. I'm always saying, oh, well, okay, what are your nine rules for living forever, mummy from the future? I don't know like, why? I'm a crazy man off the street. Okay, crazy man.

Take your 10 minutes. It's like you're at the bottom of the decision-making ladder on a show that you're hosting. That I'm hosting. It has my name. That has my name in it. Pat and Alice Wald, we salute you. We love you. Come on back 44 times, please.

Oh, I will. Thank you. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Goreley. Produced by me, Matt Goreley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leo. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair. and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brick Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan?

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