Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - People Be Doin’ It

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

Conan chats with Hannah from Vancouver about working on a yacht, the name of Conan’s boat, and how to handle high maintenance guests. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamkoko.com slash callkonan. Okay, let's get started. Hi Hannah, welcome to Konan O'Brien needs a fan. I'm doing a push talk for you. Hi there Hannah. Nice to see you.

Tell us where are you coming to us from? I'm in I'm back in Vancouver. I flew in last night and I'm in my parents Christmas living room. I love Vancouver. I love actually I love Canada in general. I love the people. It's a beautiful place to be and everyone has such a great sense of humor. But then Coover, I particularly love. So wonderful place. Yeah, I think they were pretty spoiled. We're very lucky yourself. Tell us a little bit about your life, Hannah. Like from birth or yeah, yeah, I want to say I'm not going to start from birth, but I'm going

to say start from like four hours after birth. You've been cleaned. I've got all post-insertion, everything. You're wrapped, you're under a heat lamp. No, I just meant I want to get a sense of do you live in Vancouver full-time? What do you do? So I work on boats like yachts and so I'm always in a no whenever I get any holiday or any leave I come home to see family and friends But I'm not permanently here when you say you work on the boats You mean not building the boats but but living on the boat and helping people. Is that what you do? Yeah, so I'm not a craftsman, but I'm a chef on a okay, you're a chef on a boat. Yeah. Oh, okay Well recently my wife got started

I had to travel a lot. She took a lover, which she tends to do when I leave town. It was me. Yeah, it was it was goryly. They're quite she's quite happy when she's with him. He apparently listens to her. But no, I got back and she had become hooked on below deck. The reality show. And there's one, I guess, that takes place in Australia. Down under, yeah. It's like below deck, down under, below deck, down under, which I thought was ridiculous. But yeah. So I'm just curious if it's at all like that when you watch a show because what you see

on that show is all the people running around getting on each other's nerves in a very contained space. Is that at all what it's like when you're working on a yacht? I haven't seen the show myself. I've got friends that watch and from what I gather, it's similar, but obviously a dramatized version of reality. Right, right. But it is a very small space to live and work together with a small group of people.

So I have to say, I think being a chef would be tough enough. But to be a chef on a boat, where if you suddenly need something, oh, we need paprika, we need non-fat yogurt, we need iceberg lettuce, and you can't get it because you're at C, plus the boat's constantly moving. It sounds like it's 10 times harder than being just a regular chef. I mean, you make provisions for that. You try to stock up on as much as possible. If people are coming on board, you get a list of their preferences, dislikes, et cetera.

So you try to prepare accordingly. But yes, there's always the occasional thing where you'll be in the middle of nowhere and someone wants many cucumbers. I don't know something. And you have to try to find that. So let me guess it's mostly rich people, affluent people that you're waiting on if they're living on a yacht. Yes. Yeah, that's pretty much the. Are you ever tempted to say, no, we don't have it. You know, no, sorry. We don't have that.

You're on a boat. Get your thumb out of your ass. You ever say that to anybody? Basically, I'm not front facing. It's always the other staff who have to deal with the guess face to face. I'm in the gallery tucked away. It's nice. So we can get the order and we can all stare each other

and disbelieve and then we can proceed versus them. They have to listen to this person making an insane request and they have to smile. Right. And so they're the one that's hearing, I would like a pistachio, vanilla, mousse, three-tiered cake that's decorated only with yellow M&Ms. And then they come down and they tell you and you guys stand around in the kitchen and talk

shit about them for like 15 minutes, right? I heard you ordering that the other day. I like that. Okay. And I demand it. I see why you're asking. And I did it on an American Airlines flight. I was in business.

What did you say about your ass? with my thumb securely at my ass. But it sounds like it would be, how long have you been doing this for? I'm in off for the last nine years, so once I finished university, I started doing this. That sounds, I mean, first of all, it's very romantic to go to sea. I think that sounds really cool, you know, to... Yeah. It's nice to be... You're yeah, it made it sound like no, it's not. It's so easy as I'm weighing there for a second.

It can be. There's lots of nice places you get to go that I would never choose to travel to. Like, it'll be a very small, tiny island in Greece, for example, which is lovely. But you get to see different parts of the world from a boat that you went to say versus a normal road trip, etc. That's nice. Have you ever crossed the ocean, the Atlantic Ocean? I think this last fall I did my sixth crossing. So what? Oh, wow.

Yeah. That's cool. I've never crossed an ocean on a boat. That's probably on a bucket list for me. I'd love to do that. Obviously, my ancestors did it when they were asked to leave Ireland. Oh, yeah. When you get asked to leave America, yeah, exactly.

Maybe I'll do it then. That is, I have to say that's very impressive. That sounds like, now, do you think this is, you're going to be your gig for the long run or do you see something else for you in the future? At a certain point, just being on a boat, then like, yeah, been there, done that. Well, it's very fun, but it is a very weird existence,

where you're sharing a room with somebody, you've got a bunk or someone's above you, or it's just a very bizarre life as an adult with sharing a bunk who's not your sibling So that's strange so I don't see this forever, but I figure keep doing it until I stop enjoying it I still enjoy it so I'm gonna get real personal here And this does not include you, but I'm just saying are there there's gotta be hookups on a boat I mean, Sonah, come on. Yeah, I said people be fucking okay. Well, okay

No, I said people be fucking. Okay, well, okay. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know, she's, Hannah, do people be fucking? Yeah. No, she's from Vancouver. That's a lot of different.

They're very lovely people. But people in Vancouver don't be fucking. Don't stop saying that. It's not cool. I'm, Hannah, I apologize for my very crass friend, but. Uh-oh. There she is. No, I think she, it looks like you froze on Zoom,

but I think you froze because of the course language. Oh, sorry, I mean, people be making love. Yeah, make love. Yeah, people be doing it. But that must, it must get complicated when you have men, women, hormones, small boat, yes? Yeah, I'm not gonna name names, but no, of course not. I would never ask you to, we'll do that on a separate phone call. I would. There's definitely been, you

see why there's a TV show made after this, because there's been some pretty absurd situations of, say, someone being romantic with someone and then perhaps pursuing somebody else. That's in the same department and you're all in this little bow and to say the least it all gets around word spread. Yeah, everyone finds out. There's no way. This stuff happened on Moby Dick, you know? I mean, any classic seatail, there's always people hooking up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would forget the boat's not mine. Yeah, that's probably true. That's something. How do you mean? Like, I would start to be like, is this my boat? This is my yacht. And then I would start sleeping

in like their minute mean bedroom and stuff. Like does anyone do that? Is that just me? No, we have fun. I mean, perhaps. Oh, okay. I'm shown this onto something here. Yeah.

That's interesting. On a crossing, you'll have some captains that are very kind and generous, and they let crew use the guest areas when we're on a crossing, because there's no guest on board. But typically, you have to wear white with this show or with my general personality. Do you think I would do well on a long crossing? Or would I instantly go quite mad? So the thing is, it's beyond it. Be honest.

It's a small space. And typically if you're in a arena, you can step off, have some space to yourself, but on a crossing, you realize just how tiny it is. And people tend to go a little nuts. I think you would try and entertain everybody to the best of your ability. Yes, I would. But also, as you see, that could be a problem. I think you start eating other people,

even though there's full provisions on board. Yeah. They make you walk the plank. I would start drinking my own urine, even though there's plenty of water. I would do it as a culinary choice. No, but I think one of the problems might be, as you guys work in a small space with me,

and I'm looking at the problems might be, as you guys work in a small space with me, and I'm looking at four people right now, we're in a very small space with me on a regular basis. And we'll just do an hour together, and I can see that you guys are ready to time out. Me on a boat, on a six day crossing, in a confined space saying, hey Hannah, what about this bit? I don't pick do wanna rob a DD, but a DD,

do you think I'd be killed like two days in? I, personally not by me, but perhaps everybody else. I don't wanna speak. No, no, no. Hannah, I don't think you could possibly understand what you're in for. You know what I love? Hannah didn't say, not by me, but maybe by someone else.

She said, not by me, but by everybody else. Yeah. It would be murder on the orange express. The answer is everybody. Everybody, I think you would take on a persona. I think you'd like think you were a pirate and then you would start talking like one. We're a captain. I would bring a stuffed parrot and glue it to my shoulder.

Oh, God. I mean, I think similar. Do you aspire to have your own boat? Or do you ever dream of having your own boat one day? No, I mean, as somebody who works on that, I should be more respectful, but they're personally just a money drain from what I've gathered. You buy it and you can't,

and you have to flow money into it. It's just constant. It's like children. That's the same thing I found. That's what I found. My son and my daughter just money goes in, and I don't see, you know, okay, great. You got an education.

What's this for? You know, it doesn't how do I benefit so yeah? Okay, that's interesting. I'm curious Well, you can't name your boat, but everyone comes up with cool names for boats Yeah, what would Conan's boat be named I picture more of a warship for you so like SS Conan or the SS O'Brien. I don't know. Something more of that nature for you. You know, it's, no, it's got to be the water blade. You know, it's got to blade. It's got to be something that, I don't know. Everyone would want it to be like the Rusty Shamrock or you know

any me. I'll let you mention it. Yeah. Yeah. The sickly torso, you know, I did everyone would want it. Everyone would include it. It'd be some kind of humiliating name, but I want something cool and warlike. I just have to think about it. But it's gonna say something regal. Yes. Well, the HMS. Oh Oh our majesty's yeah, what is that her majesty's Service ship service what is the I love ship? Wait, you're James Bond guy. Don't you know this? Yeah, but that's Service, but I don't know the majesty ship. What's a ship his majesty ship? Yeah, okay? I mean, he's I guess he is a he's. He never. Yeah. Oh, that's true. Okay. All right. None of this will make it. No, that one

podcast. That's called a cul de sac. Yeah. Um, Hannah, what would you name your boat if you had one? Honestly, someone asked me this in all this spot, I just panicked and said the dump truck. And then now I feel connected to that. So what a beautiful thing. This is the dump truck. We're going down by the bow. HMS. This is the HMS.

This dump truck. All souls on the dump truck were lost. Chris and with a bottle of four loco. What is your, have you ever risked serious injury while cooking at sea? We've had, obviously, several incidents. It's just nature, a part of the course, where everything is moving, and obviously there's hot things.

Like, if you're boiling a pot of water all of a sudden, you just have to stand there and watch it, so it's very time-consuming. And my chef and I, that we are working and we are underway, and we are just trying to power through, and all of a sudden, we had a big turn, and everything flew off and like a knife stuck into the cupboard and we both kind of looked at it. Oh my god.

Like let's just call it for an hour maybe and then we'll reassess. That is so what a cool image. You're cooking and suddenly storm and a knife goes flying into the side of the door. That's kind of cool. I mean, I'm sorry that you were almost killed, but I mean, what's the old expression that a watched pot never boils, but you literally have to sit there and watch pretty much. Yeah, all of a sudden everything takes forever. You're just watching pots boil and I'm like, this is pretty sad. But yeah, I was going into a typhoon and that was the chef on a yacht. I think I would decide maybe I'll deep fry that turkey later.

Maybe we'll put that off till we maybe make anchor, you know. Judgmently, they have to put up signs above deep fires on all the boats. Because if you're going to deep fry underway, please alert the bridge because I guess people have thought that to be a good idea. There should not be deep friars on a boat. That's just ridiculous. Everyone should just eat pop tarts and shut the fuck up.

It's ridiculous. I would love to see you in a room that's built to go like the waves. In a full chef's gear, trying to deep fry a turkey. Trying to deep fry a turkey. Just screaming every time I get splashed. That's good. I'm saying, you know. Were you ever in just screaming. Yeah. Every time I get splashed. That's good.

I'm saying, you know, we were you ever in a storm where you thought your life was it's mean like you thought this could be it. We really not the only time we've encountered a hurricane. We were in port. We were in Florida and a hurricane was due to come. So everybody just decided to leave. But I was on watch with two other people.

So me and the two other guys kind of look at one other being like, I hope nothing happens. Uh, because we, you cannot leave the vote. It has to be people on board for safety reasons. So yeah, even during a hurricane, we just had to sit there and hope for the best. And thank you. Nothing happened. Here's a difference between us, Hannah. I would make up something.

You're like, no, there was one time we were in port, everything was pretty secure, but we did have to kind of ride it out, but we were in port. I would say, oh, it was nice, it was. The foam was four yard arms high. And the tea tied when he said,

I told that, I knew. I would just start babbling about, you know, so that's where we're different. You told the truth and it was a very safe story and I would have just gone to town. Is it more safer, less safe to be in a boat during a hurricane? You mean is it safer than land? Yeah, yeah.

I mean Florida seems pretty unsafe in general. I don't know if the water would help. Well, we're not gonna get into the politics. I appreciate it. Do you have any questions for us, Hannah? Yes. How do you handle high maintenance guests? Or do you have any tips for handling high maintenance folks? Oh, well, in the old days, when I had a TV show for 28 years, I would say, we'll take a break. We'll be right back. Commercial breaks were so fantastic, because when I had a guest who was just driving me crazy, I could go to commercial. Usually I try and get one laugh from the audience. And then if I got that laugh, I'd say, we'll take a break.

We'll be right back. You won't be seeing this shithead sit next to me. So that was it. And I've had a problem in life since I stopped doing that show, which is that sometimes I'm at a dinner party and I'm having a hard time with somebody, and I look to a camera that isn't there and say, we'll take a break, we'll be right back, and everyone just looks at me awkwardly. There's no official option. There's no official option. I will try that at work.

I don't know how to go. Yeah, so, but it's nice. Now that we do the podcast, I'm almost exclusively talking to people I really like to talk to. So it's really nice. It's true. I don't have that issue anymore. But I should start pretending it's a ship. And if I'm having a difficult time with someone, just a guest, just can find them to their

quarters. You know, you have a little captain. There's a little captain's hat here on the podcast. Oh, yes, yeah, pipe down, pipe down, certainly. Well, Hannah was lovely meeting you, and I'm a big fan of Vancouver, and your parents want to look lovely, and thank you for the invite. I'll be by soon. And stay safe. Have a good luck at sea. Take care of yourself, okay? Thank you very much. Have a good night.

Bye-bye. Thank you. Bye. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Ear Wolf.

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