Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Pre Bottled Urine
Episode Date: July 1, 2021Conan talks with copywriter Chloe about his happiest memory from the last year. Then he chats with Elizabeth about the new words he’s invented and his preferred pick-up lines. Wanna get a chance t...o talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan
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Okay, let's get started.
Conan meet Chloe.
Hey Chloe, how are you?
I'm great, how are you?
Chill chums.
I'm good now.
Yeah, I'm feeding off your enthusiasm.
Wow, look at that.
You've spelled out chill chums in letters on your wall behind you.
Yes, yes, I pulled a sona and dipped out of work five hours early to decorate.
Oh, Chloe, Chloe, I love you.
A good sona slam is always.
Yes, I love sona though.
She's my spirit animal.
Oh, I love you too, Chloe.
That's nice.
Can a person be your spirit animal?
Is that possible?
Maybe, hopefully.
I feel it.
That's so cool.
Yeah, I feel like, I don't know, I hope the exclamation point may not be as chill,
but you know.
Yeah, chill chums exclamation points a little like you're yelling it,
you're angrily yelling it.
Right.
Chloe, tell me a little bit about yourself because I love meeting the people out there
that listen to us that have that kind of patience and level of self-esteem.
Tell me about, what's your last name, Chloe?
Bora, like Bora Bora, but half the fun, you know.
Oh, wow, okay.
Wow.
Wow, you've got a whole club act worked out.
I know, I've tried that a couple times, I'm not going to lie.
No, no, it's good, it's good.
When you get something that works for you, you stick with it.
Yeah, that's very good.
Exactly, yeah.
So, what do you do?
What do you do for a living?
Yeah.
So, what's your trade, so to speak?
So, I'm a copywriter, so I write Instagram captions.
For what?
For Abercrombie, Abercrombie Stitch, yeah.
Oh, you write that?
That's a really good copy.
Yeah.
I swear to God, I'm not kidding.
I was not being snarky or facetious.
The Abercrombie and Fitch, that's really nice stuff.
And when I read the descriptions, I'm drawn in.
Oh, wow.
I mean, late at night, if you're on the Abercrombie and Fitch site,
and you get pulled, I mean, I go on some sites.
Are you on it late at night?
Yeah, what are you doing?
What are you doing on the site?
And you're just reading the copy?
Yeah.
I really like the copy.
I could tell it was written, Abercrombie and Fitch.
I like the models.
Listen, there's some attractive people in there.
You know, I thought maybe it was possible to contact them
through the site.
It's not.
Honestly, Conan, you could be a model for them.
I could see it.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Chloe.
That's very nice of you, Chloe.
But I've been on this planet a long time
and no one's ever said you could model
without then revealing that it's one of those prank shows.
It's all about personality these days anyway, so.
Oh.
Well, why did you say that, Chloe?
Well, then in that case, you can't be a model.
Yeah, Chloe.
Chloe, why didn't you stick with it?
Double down and go those cheekbones, those piercing eyes.
The pompadour.
The pompadour.
Yeah.
Your rake-ish gaze.
Why couldn't you have doubled down?
You immediately abandoned.
I could be a model and went, eh, it's all about personality.
What's your favorite?
Have you written any copy recently that you really loved
or for a product that you really loved?
Not that I can think of at the top of my head.
It's all, I mean, it is a very fun job.
I really like to kind of be the voice or, you know, try to.
Yeah.
It's just, I've always loved storytelling.
So to kind of like.
Storytelling.
And I love it personally, if you could do this.
I love it when they talk about a sweater
and they start talking about it as if it's a food.
You know what I mean?
Like the warm oatmeal, merino wool, you know,
and then sometimes they, they say, you know,
they keep talking about the sweater and you swear to God,
like you're hungrier after they're done talking about it.
Yes.
No, it's, that's, that's the magic of words.
And it's, it's so funny.
Cause I feel like I'm really good at writing words,
but when it comes to like speaking them,
it's all just alphabet soup.
Like it's. Well, no, that's, that's not true.
So far you're speaking very well,
but many famous writers were terrible at speaking.
Yeah.
Very famously, you know, Herman Melville,
when he opened his mouth, people just assumed he was a moron,
a complete fool.
That's not true.
I just made that up to make you feel better.
That does make me feel a lot better.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Good confidence.
Yeah.
Shakespeare apparently, every time he opened his mouth,
it was just a lot of dog.
Just a lot of gibberish.
Yeah.
A lot of like dog, mango, go write play.
And then we're here to sit down and oh my God.
So eloquent.
Just the beautiful language.
And then they'd say, how's it going Shakespeare?
I write good play.
I write words.
So don't worry about that.
So what do you like to do?
Obviously you, you enjoy occasionally listening to our podcast,
which we appreciate.
Oh yes.
But tell me more about yourself Chloe.
Yeah.
So I've definitely been trying to make the most of my time during
quarantine and pick up some new hobbies and most of which I
quickly dropped just as fast as I picked them up.
You don't see it through?
No.
I kind of, well the heart's there, you know.
I give it my all for like five seconds.
And then it's like, okay on to the next thing.
Five seconds.
Like give me an example.
What are we talking about?
And please don't say adopt a child.
Oh no.
Although I did get, I did get a dog though.
I did get a dog.
Oh no, no, no, no, no.
Did it stick though?
Did it stick?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's still alive, which is great.
I can't say.
Okay.
Now you sound, you sound like you've got, you're holding a ransom.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
He's still alive.
But unless my terms are met, is the dog with you and well?
He is.
He's currently eating some peanut butter off of a toy so that he
doesn't disrupt our pod party.
Oh, I'm going to pick them up real quick.
I do think I hear it.
Yeah.
I heard someone munching peanut butter on the floor and I just thought, oh,
he's up.
Is he a pug?
What is it?
Yeah.
As God made him.
As God made you.
As God made him.
As God made him.
What is his name?
Freddie.
Oh, hey, Freddie.
How are you?
Freddie looked excited.
So the way to calm Freddie down is to give Freddie a load of peanut
butter.
That would do it.
Yes.
Yes.
A lot of snacks.
I mean, he's a sidekick, but, you know, he sleeps on the job.
He eats too much snacks and.
Well, maybe you're feeding him a lot of snacks.
I have to say, when my son was born and we had two kids, it was
tough to look after him all the time.
And so I would used to just put just big strips of pork fat down on
the floor and he would just nibble on it and it'd be quiet for hours.
Keep him busy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now he's 800 pounds.
We take him around in a wheelbarrow, but he's happy.
Hey, that's all that matters.
Yeah.
Doesn't just run me during phone calls.
So, so you've got a dog.
I'm glad you stuck to that.
What are the things you've ditched?
What are the hobbies you've, you've tried that you've ditched?
Well, I used to be an avid runner, but I kind of go through phases.
So I just bought a pair of new running shoes and still haven't put
them on and running them.
So there's that.
I tried the whole baking bread thing, but I think I'll switch to
turning butter instead.
I wouldn't do any of that.
Why are you picking these 18th century hobbies?
And I'm going to get some leeches.
I'm going to drop blood out of people.
Yeah.
The new juice cleanse, you know.
Do you own a butter churn?
No, I should.
I should buy one of those.
I should.
Do you think they have them on Amazon?
Probably.
They have everything on Amazon.
I'll love it.
You can get a butter churn.
I think I should do that.
It must be the overalls, I think.
This was unintentional.
Yeah, you're dressed.
You've committed to real farmers.
I'm describing to our audience at home.
You've committed to real farmers overalls with the strap.
Yeah.
And, um, but I like that it clashes with your wearing very bright
red, like Beats headphones.
It looks like.
So, so it's clear.
I like what you're doing is the clash, which is, uh, yeah, I've got
these super cool bright red modern headphones, but also I might be a soy farmer, you know,
from like another century.
Yes.
I'm like, oh, there you go.
Oh, look, you've got, we just, Mr. Gorley just found butter churns.
There are plenty of butter churns online.
Get a butter churn.
Oh, that's lovely.
Yeah.
They've got some primary color ones that would match your headphones too.
So you could kind of have both things going.
I love the things, Gorley.
Would you, would you really use a butter churn?
I probably give it a go, but I have like really weak arms.
So I feel like it would just be like armed.
What do you mean you have weak arms?
What are you talking about?
Like little chicken wings for arms.
I've been trying to work out during quarantine and it's not obviously going well.
Well, you don't have, you're a very attractive young person and you have the
commensurate strength of a young, uh, you know, person.
So no, you're not, what do you mean I have weak arms?
I couldn't churn butter.
If people had that attitude, we'd all, we wouldn't exist.
None of us.
That's so true.
It was, you can't have that attitude.
You've got to get a butter churn.
You saw some of them are very reasonable.
Yeah.
There's some reasonable prices there.
It's it.
And you could get a butter churn.
And the next time I talk to you, I want you to be churning butter.
There's the whole time.
Yeah.
With massive Popeye arms.
Yes.
I have the tattoos to match it.
I like the tattoos.
The tattoos are very cool.
Thank you.
So, uh, you know, maybe, uh, there's some way that I can help you.
Yes.
Yeah.
Do you have a question for Conan?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want to know like what's been, um, you know, obviously this has
been just a crazy time for everyone.
Um, but what's been your, uh, happiest memory this year?
Hmm.
Happiest memory this year.
You know what?
I'm going to say that, uh, my happiest memory was during the,
like the height of COVID in the winter when we all had Christmas break.
This isn't a funny answer, but it's an honest answer.
Uh, and when you can't be funny, just be honest.
I love it.
You know, we couldn't fly and we want it to be responsible.
So we took a road trip and so my wife and my two kids and I, uh,
jammed into a car and we drove like for two days.
I think it was a two and a half day trip and we drove, uh, you know,
we're in Los Angeles.
So we drove northeast just to get up like into the mountains and the snow.
And I was remembering that, oh my, I haven't done a road trip since I was,
I think 22 and before that when I was a kid and, you know,
because everything else now has been flying obviously and we couldn't do
that.
So I loved that.
I, you know, stopping off at gas stations, buying, you know,
beef jerky and cheese popcorn and making that a meal.
Uh, and drinking it with like Dr. Pepper and all the chic stuff you're
supposed to eat to take care of yourself for wellness.
All goes out the window when you're in a car.
So you can break every rule and we had a blast.
We really had a good time.
And so I'm going to say it was because of this pandemic,
I took a road trip that I wouldn't have otherwise taken.
And, um, maybe in its own way, that was the most important journey I ever took.
Wow.
That's beautiful.
Sorry.
I threw that in at the Yanks.
I realized I'm talking to a really good copywriter.
I needed to add to it that, you know, it was, it was about the journey,
not the destination to quote Aerosmith quoting someone else.
Come on.
Yes.
Come on.
Pull out more cliche.
Well, I'm just saying with, you know, each mile, I feel like, uh,
we accrued more than just mileage.
There was a wisdom that came with each, uh, mile of asphalt.
Uh, there was another drip of knowledge, uh, that, that,
that leached into my soul.
And I do mean leached.
Can you leech into or you're more leech out of, you don't leech into the journey
of a thousand steps.
It did.
It did.
I realized I remember my wife before we started said,
how are we going to make this journey, uh, for this, you know, 900 miles.
And I said the journey of 900 miles will begin with the first mile.
And then she divorced me.
She divorced me in the car.
I didn't realize you can do it.
There's an app on the, you can get on your phone.
She divorced me instantly.
But then in Vegas, we got remarried.
Oh, there you go.
Did you pee in a bottle?
What's that?
Oh.
Did you pee in a bottle?
I wanted to, but I wasn't sure that I thought I might get nervous.
So I brought pre-bottled urine just so that I could have it in the car.
Yum.
You know, cause she wants to like, what if I, and I, and I wanted to be able to say,
oh yeah, I can get in these bottles.
So you can get actually, it's from a, uh, I hate to get you in trouble,
but Abercrombie and Fitch does offer on their site,
pre-bottled urine that comes in.
Uh, they said it's these golden, huge urines.
Uh, we'll add authenticity to any road trip.
Oh, beautiful.
I didn't just get you fired.
Did I?
It's okay.
You know, maybe, maybe this is the start of a new journey.
You know?
Yeah.
I mean, getting you fired from Abercrombie and Fitch.
Well, what do you, now you answer that question.
What's been your highlight?
Um, well, not to, not to, you know, give you a big head or anything,
but definitely talking to you guys.
I think, you know, you guys have all been such a bright spot during this time.
And, um, I just, yeah, I love you guys.
And this is,
Oh, that's so nice.
It's just been great.
That's really nice.
So, man, I feel like we can't hang up because I feel like we have to keep Chloe going.
You know what I mean?
What if you just left us on your computer and you just lived your life.
And the three of us stayed on.
I'm not saying this in a pervy way.
Like, you know, anguish towards the wall, you know, you know what I'm saying?
So no, it's like a live cam on the Eagles nest with the eggs,
but we just come and go and you see our natural.
Yeah, no, exactly.
I could just put you in my little overalls pocket, you know,
it'll be like, hello.
And then, you know,
Where your little friends that come with you through life.
Yeah, it's great because like before,
I would just talk to you guys on the podcast,
but now you can actually hear me.
So,
Guess what?
We could hear you before.
Oh,
We could.
Scandalous.
Yeah.
Yeah, that stuff you said was insane.
It was crazy.
Anyway, good luck at Abercrombie and Fitch.
You know, I will tell you this,
I have a lot of respect for someone's coming in behind you.
Oh, your dog just kicked the door open.
Did you see that?
I thought it was a human.
But your dog just totally kicked the door open.
That was very impressive.
Yeah, he was super.
He's like, he wasn't ready to say goodbye just yet.
Well, I have a lot of respect for writers.
And I think a lot of great writers started out in advertising.
My wife's a very talented writer.
She was in advertising when I met her and she was writing ad copy.
So,
It's amazing.
I say, yeah, I'm very, I'm very impressed.
Very impressed with you, Chloe.
I think that's keep, keep going on your path.
Because remember, it's not about the destination.
It's about the road you're on and how you get there on the road.
Because the road is the experience that you've having.
It gets you to the destination.
Wow.
See what I'm saying?
I see that.
There's a lot of gas here and there.
No one says as they die, I made it, you know.
Right.
Actually, I'm going to do that.
I'm going to say, I'm going to try as I'm leaving this earth.
Instead of saying, I love you to my family.
I'm going to shout, I made it.
Like, it was all about the destination.
And then I'm going to die.
That's what I'm going to try and do.
Sona, remind me to do that.
Okay.
Okay.
I'll be long gone.
That's right.
She doesn't mean she's going to be dead.
She means that she's going to have left my employee.
Yes.
He's out.
Hey, Chloe, you were an impressive and funny young person and I root for you.
I think good things are headed your way.
I really do.
Thanks so much.
Yeah.
So nice talking to you.
Nice talking to you.
Remember, just leave us on.
Point us towards the corner.
Okay.
And we'll be here for the rest of your life.
All right.
Ready also?
Uh-oh.
Your dog is objecting.
I know, I know dog and your dog just said, lose, lose this creep.
All right.
Well, thanks a lot, Chloe.
This was really cool.
Thank you.
My gosh, my gosh, my gosh.
Conan meet Elizabeth.
Hi, Conan.
Oh, hi, Elizabeth.
How are you?
I'm great.
How are you?
I'm doing really well.
Uh, first of all, do you go by Liz?
Do you go by Liza?
I guess.
Well, I know your wife's named Liza.
I would never co-op that.
Uh, well, she didn't, she didn't come up with it first.
She was sued by Liza Manelli.
That's why you don't, that's why you don't come up with the name.
When she was born.
Yeah.
And, uh, she's still paying that debt off.
Her name is Elizabeth, my wife's name.
Uh, most of her friends call her Liza and I call her woman.
You should.
Um, no, it's very nice to have you here.
Where do you, where do you live?
I live in Los Angeles.
Um, oh, so you're probably near me.
I'm seeing your house looks very nice.
I see, uh, I see very nice molding around your doorways.
Yeah.
The house looks like it has some vintage to it, which I like,
unless that's fake.
No, it's an apartment that I rent.
So I can't take credit for any of it, but.
Well, yes, you can.
You chose the apartment.
That's true.
You could have chosen any apartment.
You could have chosen some flop house,
but you chose what looks to be a very attractive apartment with a
very nice, uh, woodwork.
I, it looks like it's the twenties to me.
I think it was built around the 1920s, this building.
And it's lovely floors.
I'm very good at this.
I'm not bragging, but I'm just, I immediately nailed 1920s.
And that is a Virginia pine that they've stained in the background.
And Elizabeth, I hate to tell you this,
but a murder was committed in your apartment.
I'm getting, I'm getting a murder vibe and you committed the murder.
Uh, I knew this was a trap.
I knew it.
Yes.
The police will be coming.
I called the not very good police.
They're coming in about four days.
So they're like,
Why can't you do Conan?
There's so much I can do.
So, uh, how can I, how can I help you?
I really want a to make friends.
Okay.
You know that that's something that's important to me because that's
a large beverage you just had.
What was that?
Was that a tea?
It's tea.
Yes.
Is it an herbal tea?
It is an herbal tea.
I forget what kind it is, but yeah, I can tell you it's an Oolong tea.
It's got a little parsimmon in it.
A little bit of parsimmon.
It's been poisoned.
No, no.
No, you only serve that to your murder victims.
How can I help you Elizabeth?
I want to help you.
I want to answer any question I can.
Okay.
Great.
First of all, I want, do you want to say hi to Conan, Matt?
I don't want to ignore, you know, the lovely people that make your show run.
I know it's all done.
Oh wow.
You just got on, you just got on my bad side.
Thank you.
Yeah.
We like you.
We do.
No.
Matt helps the show run, so does both.
She helps and hurts, I would say, in equal measure.
Oh, okay.
That's accurate.
I think that's accurate.
It's fair.
Yeah.
Well, they've been said hello too.
That's time wasted.
Time will never get back.
Elizabeth, what can I do for you?
Well, I came out, I'm from Ohio and then I lived in New York for many years and I came
out here in LA to pursue a career in entertainment.
So any advice you have in that, I'm a writer.
What kind of writing do you like to do?
Well, I have a huge improv background, so I mostly do comedy.
Oh, very good.
I didn't know you had an improv background.
I do.
I hate to say it because then people like improvise right now.
Well, now that you bring it up.
Elizabeth, what an unusual candy shop you have here.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, such an unusual candy shop.
Wait a minute.
This is so weird.
What's in this bucket?
Why, that's our licorice bucket.
What's this green flavor licorice?
That is vomit flavored.
Oh.
Least popular licorice.
And scene.
That was terrible.
I'm sorry.
No, that was fine.
That was fine.
That, you know, when you hear it's a vomit flavored licorice, you've got to get out immediately.
Right.
Before someone in the audience patents that and then you've lost the copyright.
So, so you're out here and what kind of, are you, are you interested in comedy writing?
Well, I mostly do comedy, but I would love to, I actually have a drama script that because
of the pandemic, I, we decided a friend of mine and I are producing it.
We're turning it into a scripted podcast series.
So basically Elizabeth, you've called in, you've posed as a fan and now you're doing
an ad for your scripted podcast, which is coming up soon on anchor.
Yeah.
You know, what's going to happen Elizabeth is people are going to listen to you.
Yeah.
And they're going to say, Oh, I see.
So what's going to happen is someone's going to call me and go, I'm Bill.
Oh, hi Bill.
Love the show Conan.
I'm a real natural guy, just a normal guy.
Cool Bill.
Where are you from?
Oh, just a guy who lives here in the city, just having my own fun.
I just wanted to ask you a question.
How much do you love Serta mattresses?
Don't you love them Conan?
And then that's what's going to happen to this whole segment.
You asked how you could help.
I always listen, listen, Elizabeth.
That's true.
I always ask how I can help.
My little trick is that I never help.
Now what happens?
I sort of get the, the patina of a good guy.
You know, people, the word on the street is that Conan.
I heard him.
I heard him on the radio on one of those podcasts.
She was talking to a nice lady called Elizabeth.
He offered to help her.
What a good guy.
Did they ever follow up and find out that I did nothing to help?
No.
I thought since we were both, I had Irish roots, maybe we could.
Oh, don't bring that up with me.
I despise the Irish.
I am a self loathing Irish person.
Me too.
No, Sona is very proud of her.
Sona is Armenian and she are in Armenia Day.
She has her flags on her car.
Armenia Day.
Well, I don't know.
You're just very proud of the fact that you're from Armenia.
And you talk about it a lot.
I'm not from Armenia.
But you don't see me walking around,
wearing a little green hat and saying,
be gosh, begora.
I don't do that.
You don't have to just looking at you and people are like,
I don't know what you're trying to hide.
I don't know what you're trying to hide.
I would like it noted that Conan changed his screen name to Teddy
Roosevelt.
I don't know what you're trying to hide.
Well, I just, you know,
whenever I go online as Conan O'Brien, you know,
it usually goes wrong very quickly.
Teddy Roosevelt's wanted for many crimes on the web.
Right.
But Elizabeth, I'm excited.
I'm excited for you.
Maybe you have more personal questions.
Maybe they don't involve me.
Steering some business your way.
You know,
maybe they just involve us as two humans on this spinning blue
globe we call earth.
Absolutely.
If you could invent a new word,
what would that not to put you on the spot Conan,
but like, you know how the Germans and have these great words
that only they can come up with to explain things.
And I think the Japanese.
Special words like invade, you know,
that they come up with, destroy, dominate, dominate.
Yeah.
They have so many words for basically the same thing.
Have you ever thought of a new word?
Like,
Well, first of all,
I'm going to flip this over to my coworkers who will attest to
the fact that I don't use real words in my regular life.
Yes.
All I use are nonsense words and babble.
I sometimes say whole sentences.
And Sona,
you actually speak pretty good Conan, don't you?
I do.
Yeah.
You know,
the other day you were like,
you know,
you had left your glasses and I was like,
oh,
I found your glasses like,
no, no, no,
they're Dom Ogleby.
And there are glasses.
I call glasses Dom Ogleby's.
It's just,
yeah.
Yeah.
And I'll say like,
hey,
where's my Dom Ogleby's?
And she'll say,
oh God,
you mean your glasses?
But a lot of times I'll say,
where are my Dom Ogleby's?
They're right here.
And she knows what I'm talking about.
So I refuse to use regular words.
When I was in college,
I got sick of my friends coming up to me
and talking to me about their relationship.
A guy would come up to me,
a friend of mine in college would come up to me,
and his name was Tom Hill,
and he'd say,
yeah,
my relationship isn't going that well.
She and I aren't getting along.
And I said,
don't call it relationship.
Let's call it a bueno,
which is the Spanish word for good.
And so I actually got
a bunch of people in college saying,
oh,
having trouble with my bueno.
Oh my God.
Having a little trouble with the bueno.
And I actually got people doing it.
And whenever I can do that,
I'm very happy.
Mush it means let's eat.
So our producer now,
Jeff Ross,
comes up to me and says,
let's mush it.
Let's go.
Let's mush it.
This is good mush.
And so I am constantly,
what,
gom,
gom,
I use for a lot of things, right,
Sona?
Yeah,
mostly for your phone.
So it's like,
hey,
I found your gom,
gom.
I know that means,
and I'll say,
I can't read my gom,
gom,
because I don't have
my Dom Oglebies.
And she knows that that means,
or I would have responded to your text
about mushing it means.
So you break that down.
I didn't have my glasses.
So I couldn't read my phone
and see the text that you wanted to know
when we're having lunch.
So those,
that's,
that's me all the time.
That's all I do is make up words.
It sounds like you do this
to get out of things.
Is that?
Well,
no,
you know,
there's actually a proud
Irish tradition.
Joyce made up a lot of words.
I like to elevate what I'm doing
to say that,
you know,
a lot of the great
Irish writers,
they twisted the modernists
in,
in Irish literature,
twisted language beautifully.
When they do it,
it's genius.
When I do it,
it's because,
oh,
Conan,
something's wrong with him.
You know,
he's,
why is he so weird?
No one,
no one says,
oh,
Conan,
a vageroo.
Cockaroo.
Cockaroo.
Magoosh.
So Magoosh was a company
that used to advertise with us.
And then they stopped
because I talk about them constantly
and they don't have to pay me any money.
I don't even know what Magoosh does.
I'm going to be honest with you,
I have no idea.
I forgot what Magoosh does,
but I love saying,
I'm a goosh.
I'm a goosh.
It just,
it gives me so much joy.
And so now Magoosh needs to become a word.
Yeah,
probably for
my briefs,
you know,
like,
I need new Magoosh.
You know,
it's like,
it's the briefs that I wear.
I'll find a good use for Magoosh.
Wait,
what?
My briefs.
What did you just say?
I need new Magoosh.
So does your
cockaroo go in your Magoosh?
You know what?
We're trying to keep this clean, Matt.
This,
we're trying to sell this format to Nickelodeon
and you just ruined it.
I forgot.
Yeah,
you forgot.
You always forget.
You know how many Nickelodeon deals
you've blown for us?
Because I've just about sealed the deal
and you go,
what is the cockaroo go?
And then no more.
We're out.
Elizabeth,
I like you.
I think good things are going to happen for you.
I really do.
I'm excited about your upcoming endeavor.
Thank you.
If you want to give me,
if you did to ask for personal,
so if you have a great pickup line post COVID
that I can use when I get back out into the dating world,
I'll take that as the final advice when you come.
Oh,
you want to hear your line?
You want to pick up line
for post COVID?
When we get back out to dating and stuff,
what can I say?
Hey there.
I lived.
I don't know.
What do you say post COVID?
That's pretty good actually.
I lived.
I made it.
I made it.
That's what I'm going to do.
If I was dating,
I would say like,
I lived.
Hey, I lived.
I'm here.
I made it.
Is that so bad?
Yeah.
It's pretty bad.
Why?
Because we should all be grateful for what we get.
Some of the dating sites are filled with people bragging about,
this is what I drive,
this is what I do.
People should just say,
I'm alive.
That's just the standard is so low.
You should also try to like compliment the person.
That's what the line does is like, hey,
did it hurt falling from heaven?
We know.
Oh, I didn't know angels flew so low,
but my coffee could use a little sugar.
Oh, classic.
Put your finger in there
and swirl it around a little bit.
Come on.
No.
That's terrible.
I used to do that pre COVID.
I used to walk around.
That was my pickup line.
Yeah, my coffee.
It could show you some sugar.
Do you mind sticking your finger in there?
People would say,
what if there's a terrible respiratory disease going around?
And I'd say,
that's never going to happen.
If it does,
the Chinese will be very upfront about it.
That government talks about everything.
It took a weird turn.
I know.
I'm sorry.
It took such a weird turn.
We're going to call this segment weird turn.
All right, Elizabeth.
Take care.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Thank you.
Yes.
Thank you.
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