Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Quoll-nan O’Brien

Episode Date: July 8, 2021

Conan talks to Brenna from Louisville, Colorado about herpetology and what kind of species Conan would want to be named after him. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Conan, Sona, meet Brenna. Hello, Brenna. How are you? Good. How are you? Good to see you. Good to see you as well. Tell us. I have so many questions for you. Brenna, tell us a little bit about yourself. I see that you like the color purple because the wall behind you is painted a very dynamic purple. Yes, it is. Well, my name's Brenna. I'm from Louisville, Colorado, and I graduated with a degree in biology, and I was studying herpetology, which is study of reptiles and amphibians. I thought that was a study of

herpes. I got confused for a second. Basically what everybody thinks. Yeah, well, it's not the first joke I've made that everyone else has also made. So, herpetology is the study of reptiles. Yeah, reptiles and amphibians. And that's what you studied. Do you use that in your current life? Do you use the fact that you studied reptiles? Well, during college, I went and I studied abroad in Australia, and so that's like the home of the best reptiles and amphibians, in my opinion. Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm a proud American, so no. I think we've got the killer. I don't like this. I go to other countries for the good reptiles. If you like those countries so much, why don't you marry them? I'm sorry. I snapped at you,

Brenna. I'm really way too keyed up. You went, of course. Of course, I've been to Australia, and I love America, but I do think Australia has the better reptiles. Yeah, they're definitely really cool. But anyway, so then after I graduated, I worked at the Cornell Lab of Ornithology, and back in Australia, though, and I was studying birds. So that was a different thing, but it's not technically what I do for work right now. Do you feel like you betrayed the reptiles to study birds? Well, some people say that birds are just like modern-day dinosaurs, so they're basically a reptile, but not really. Yeah, I don't say that at all. They say there are reptiles and there are birds. So I don't care what some people say who are misinformed and took the wrong

message away from Jurassic Park. Anywho, here's what I'll say. You've studied these things. I'm very proud of you because I love meeting young people that are learning and studying and just aren't on TikTok all the time, you know, and eating their gummy weed. But you actually have studied things. What do you do now? So I work for a really cool nonprofit called Reverb, and what we do is we work with touring musicians and bands to make their tours more environmentally friendly. Oh, that's a very cool idea. Yeah, so it's kind of combined science and my other love of music and art and things like that. I like that because I love music and I think it's important to take care of the planet. So let's say I was going to go out on the road with my band,

The Bad Clams, and we were going to perform our newest album, Taking It to the Limit, and we were going to go out there, I'm just making this up, but I'm out there with my band, The Bad Clams, and we're doing our album, Taking It to the Limit, and I want to do a tour. How would you advise me to be environmentally friendly? So there's things that we do like front of house and then backstage. Backstage we do things like make sure there's recycling and compost and all the basic stuff, but also we have fans come. So your fans at The Bad Clams would come and they would basically be volunteers and they would volunteer for an hour, give their time, talk about some cool environmental things that we're doing, maybe sell some water bottles to raise

money for some local nonprofits, and maybe we'd have your tour bus be powered by environmentally friendly eco fuels or things like that. But here's the problem, Brenna, I don't know if you know what my fans are like, especially fans of my bands, The Bad Clams. What are they called? Your fans? They're called clambers or clam heads, whatever. But when clam heads show up at my show, they're all smashed on Molly. So when you try and get them to gather around out by the bus that burns French fry oil and has a rainbow painted on the side, they're going to be like, screw this man, Bad Clams, Bad Clams, bring out the band, you know, and they'll be spinning and jumping around and playing hacky sack, even though there's no hacky sack pillow, they'll think there is. So that's the

problem is I think sometimes rock and roll and environmentally conscious meetings just before a rock show may not mix. Do you ever have that problem? Well, we work with a pretty diverse amount of like artists of different types of genres and ages and things like that. And we haven't really had that problem. I think a lot of it has to do with that these people get to go to the show for free. So they volunteer and then they get to go. Yeah, free. I see what you're doing free. Anyone will show up and they'll do as they're told. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Well, I like what you're doing. Do you think your love of reptiles is ever going to come back into the picture? Do you think you're ever going to get back to reptiles back to your true passion? I hope

so. So I hope to go to grad school in the future and maybe get my PhD. Are you trying to save up for grad school? Is that the idea? Yeah, but you're working for a nonprofit. Are they paying you at the nonprofit? Yeah, they are. You gotta go to Wall Street, man. Go to Wall Street and buy some Bitcoin. You know, a lot of science jobs are fully funded when you go to grad school, so you don't have to pay a whole lot. Right. That's cool. Right. I applaud you and I applaud what you're doing. And I think it's very cool. I do too. I really think you seem like a good person. Now, let's hear about, look, we've heard about Brenna, the herpetologist. We've heard about Brenna, the nonprofit, eco-friendly orchestra and band organizer. We've heard about that. We've heard

about that Brenna. But what about the real Brenna, the flesh and blood Brenna, who lives and breathes who I'm speaking to now? Tell us about you. What do you like as a person? What kind of family do you come from? Who are you? Well, I come from a family of four. I have a mom and a dad and an older brother. I've got two snakes and a tortoise and a dog. I like, I like music. You have two snakes. What kind of snakes do you have? I have a ball python and a Borneo short tail python. What? Can they attack you and kill you? No, I wouldn't think so. They're about four feet long. I wouldn't think so. I wouldn't think so. I wouldn't think so means that you've put very little thought into this. Well, they're not that big, but if you maybe were just like gave up, maybe they could.

What you're saying is that if you got into a fight with your four foot long python, the only way you would die is if you decided what's the point. Yeah. Okay, so if a four foot python attack is combined with severe depression, then that would be the end of you, right? Other than that, you'd be fine. Okay. Sonya, you just keep making noises like, oh, I'm sorry. You know what's so weird? Sonya is very pregnant and you're super empathetic right now. She said, I come from a family. She said, I have a mom, a dad and an older brother. And you went, oh, she just described the most common nuclear family in the world. And you went, oh, that's like my family though. Oh, for God's sake. She said, I come from a giant Irish family of six

people with six kids. If Brenna had said, and I mean this, if Brenna had said, if I'd said, Brenna, so tell us a little bit about yourself. Well, right now I'm wearing sneakers. You'd have gone, aw, sneakers, pillows for the feet. Brenna, I want to know a little bit. Tell me about your dad. I like to know about the dad. I think the dad is often the key, the psychological key. I know he is with me. If you're listening, pop, you know what you did. Go ahead. He's not listening. I know. He's not listening, trust me. My dad works for a company called the Kong Company. If you've ever heard of it, they make dog toys and cat toys and things like that. You're kidding. I know Kong. I know Kong too. Yeah. And so he designs a lot of dog toys.

So I, let me explain to our listeners in case they don't know Kong is, it's almost this, it's got kind of a three-dimensional triangular shape, but it's rounded. Kind of like a small man. Like a snowman or a cone. And then there's a hole in it and you put a dog treat in it. And the genius move behind it, it's kind of sick and sadistic, but it works, is you throw it in the middle of the lawn and your dog goes trotting over and he knows there's a treat in there, but he can't get at it. So he spends hours, hours trying to get the treat out. That sounds awful. Well, that's what Kong is and Kong works. Okay. Yeah. It works. What is it, what is it supposed to do? It's supposed to keep your dog's mind busy. So like, or if they, maybe

if they have separation anxiety or something, when you leave the house, you could give them the Kong, it keeps them busy, keeps their mind occupied while you're away, things like that. It's basically, look, if I told my older brother, Neil, there's a strawberry rhubarb pie in that room, but I locked it and you're not going to get in there. And, and I took away all of Neil's tools. That's basically what it is. That's what Kong is. And, and Neil was just pawing at this door. I'm sorry, but my brother doesn't know how to use his fingers. He just paws at things. But anyway, Kong is kind of ingenious. It worked with our dog for a while. And then I think our dog went online and, and ordered an exacto blade and just, and, and just chopped up the Kong and got the treat out.

I would do that. Yeah. So, um, but it's good for your dad. So your dad works for that company. He works. Have you noticed something? Your father indirectly works with animals and your dreams to work with animals. Yeah. And it's also kind of a cool creative job and I do art and things like that. So I guess I get that from him, but my mom also had a degree in graphic design. So I guess it's a little bit. You come from a smart family. Do you have a question for me, uh, Brenda? Because I do like to try and help people if I can. Okay. So picture this. You, you have a fan who is a biologist, but like an explorer and they've gone into the Amazon or into the jungle in Australia or somewhere in the world and they found a new species. What would you want that species to be?

And they're your fans. So they want to name it after you. So what is that animal? It could be a plant. It could be a mineral if you really want, but what would it be named and what would it be? Well, first, let me get a plant or a mineral. No, no, no. It's not going to be a plant or a mineral. I despise plants and minerals. Oh, I won't eat a salad and I think rocks are a huge waste of time, uh, and should be crushed into the smallest size possible. Um, I do. I've always been, I've been, I've been, uh, anti rock my whole life. What do they do? They're just there and everyone's like, dude, look, it's a rock. Um, so no. What an important position. Yeah. Well, sorry. I like to stake out controversial positions and I'm not afraid. Um, I get some online hate for my anti

rock views, but I'll stick by them. Brenna, first of all, I love how you said picture this. Imagine there's a fan and then you described yourself to a team. A woman whose dad designs a dog toy. Let's call it a glong. Um, and let's just imagine, if you will, that she studied reptiles, uh, and is maybe going to study reptiles again and go to, say, Australia, the only place you've been. So you're not fooling anyone, Brenna. It's clear that that was your way of telling me you're a huge fan and, uh, you know, you just were too embarrassed to say it. I think that's what, yeah, got you. What would I want? I would want, I have to say, when I was over in Australia, I loved those animals, uh, that just sort of hang around, you know, like your sloths or your, what's the one

that, uh, koalas. I like a real chill animal, but I think that most people wouldn't associate that with me. No. So it's probably going to have to be some kind of a lemur, a lemur with darting, Steve Buscemi eyes. Yeah. And it's like me. It's hyped up. It thinks way too much. It's, it's on something. Um, and it's hyper. It doesn't live as long as other mammals. Uh, but it's super jittery and it's got a lot of ideas and it talks too much. So that would be the animal that I would want. Am I describing an animal that actually exists? Yeah. Based off of what you were saying and like short lived kind of just like goes for it and is also kind of orange. Um, I never said orange. I never said orange. I never said orange. And you really hit the short live

thing. Let's not hit that too hard. You said so many things and short lived is what she went off of. Because I had in my mind, I was thinking of a quoll, which is an Australian mammal that only lives for about a year. Okay. Yeah. But what a year. I mean, I know it's only a live for a year, but the female quolls know it's only around for a year. So they, he's got like a bad boy reputation. He's like a James Dean. They know. And so he gets a lot of action. He hits it and quits it pretty much. Yeah. Right. So it's a quoll. Yeah. It's really cool. You should look it up and see what it looks like sometime. Yeah. So I'm gonna do that for me. I don't look things up. Uh, uh, quoll. How do you spell that? Q-U-O-L-L. Q-U-O-L-L. That's what I want. I want to be a species

of quoll. Oh my God. Let me see it. Oh God. Let me check it out. Let me take a look at this quoll here. It's not cute. It is cute. It's cute. You know what? I want to say it is an exotic rat. It's a rat. It's not a rat. It's a marsupial. I'm telling you what it looks like. Oh, does that mean it has a pouch if it's a marsupial? Yes. Okay. Look at me. Oh, you got a pouch. Yeah. So it's, it looks like a rat that's traveled a lot in Europe, has family money, and has a fanny pack, i.e. pouch. That's what the quoll looks like. And you know what? We have to name a quoll after me, Conan O'Brien. That's what I want. I want, I want the quoll. What does it only live for a year? Does it ride a motorcycle? What is it? What's the problem with the quoll?

You know, I was talking to my professor about this and I had these same questions and I'm not entirely sure if I got the answer or if I just don't remember, but. I think it's. I love your honesty. My professor told me he either, I don't know. I don't think I was listening. But we were on a camping trip and he studies spotted quolls in Australia. And it's like one of the shortest lifespans of any mammal. So I think they just, you know, they get what they need done quickly. Yes, you have to be efficient. Yeah. If I was a quoll and people were saying to me, hey Conan, do you mind? I want to, hey, hey, hey, I got a year. I got a year. No, I'm not, no, I'm not going to tell you which cork board I prefer. That's your decision. I don't have time

for this. Yeah. What would you be, do you like working on your novel? No, you just, you said it yourself, hit it and quit it all the time. Living life to the edge. I would be traveling constantly. So many drugs. Oh man, to be a quoll. Yeah. It's only a year, but what a year. Well, Brenna, um, you're an inspiration to me and I'll tell you why because you're young and smart and you see them like a cool person and you're using your mind and those are all things that impress me a great deal. Thanks. So, and, and I think you're going to get a quoll named after me. Maybe. What do you mean maybe? Just say yes. Well, it's kind of hard to find new mammals these days. Tell me about it. I'll try. What? I just like, tell me about it. Hard to find new mammals.

Tell me about it. Conan, are you looking for mammals? I'm in the bars all the time. I can't meet a decent new mammal. Okay. Um, Brenna, you've pretty much promised me you're going to find a new species of, of quoll that has not been named yet and, and you have to give me the Latin equivalent of Conan, whatever that would be. Okay, sounds good. I mean, Conan is Conan. Conan-ness. I don't know. Well, don't make it sound like penis. Have two parts. So you got to have two parts to that. No, I know they have to have two parts, but it has to be like Conan. We got to figure this out. We got it. Conan-ness. Conan-ness. Oh, Brian-ness. No, no, let's Lizzie a Brian part. Oh, you don't want it. That's, that's, yeah, I guess giving my, uh, my brothers and sisters a free ride. So many animals

have just like the same name twice. Like gorilla, gorilla is scientific name for a gorilla. Conan-ness. Conan-ness. Or Conan-conan. Just Conan-conan. It gets the name out twice. It's good for marketing. Doesn't sound like a Latin name. Excuse me. We've decided. Okay. You were going down conious and gloonious and that's no good. You said you didn't like it to rhyme with penis, so I just kept going with, with that. Well, guess what, Brenna, we're out of time. Sona is really getting on my last nerve. I really like talking to you and best of luck. And where are you right now as we speak? I'm in Louisville, Colorado. Oh, very cool. All right. How's the weather there? It's really hot today. Oh, outside Boulder. Man. Yeah. It's like 90 something right

now. Brenna, a true joy and a pleasure. Thank you very much for joining us. Well, thanks for having me. I just wanted to thank you. When I was in the Bunya Mountains, I had to do a lot of work just in the field by myself and I started listening to the podcast and it brought me a lot of joy. It was you and Arcade Fire who really got me through 2020. So hey, I'm in good company. I love Arcade Fire. I love them too. If anyone from Arcade Fire is listening, just know I love you. Okay. But sort of more, a little more Conan than Arcade Fire. Well, you know, no, I love you. Brenna, I only have a year to live and that's how you treat me. Yeah. I'm a very short, I'm a very short-lived mammal. She came on the podcast just to get to Arcade

Fire. You're using me to get to Arcade Fire. I love it. No. Brenna, seriously, thank you very much. Just one more thing. The DIY Conan episode that you did this last year. My dog and I were in it. I played Sona. My dog played you, Conan. Oh my god. Do you want to show you the picture? Yeah, show me the picture so you can find it. Yes. I remember that. I remember that. That was really funny. Thanks. That was great. And so we got the little Conan Funko Pops. I saw that in the back. Do you see that Funko Pop? Yeah, we want those back, by the way. We realized your, yeah, your entry wasn't legitimate. So you need to return. Okay. Well, yeah, we're coming for them right now. I'm sending three marsupials to get them back. Hey, Brenna, thanks for being such a cool fan.

I really appreciate it. Well, thanks for having me. It was really special. Yeah, we'll see you soon. I know we will. Where are Pazzle Crosse? You'll see. We'll do. Bye-bye. Bye. Um, engineered by Will Bekton, please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Teen Coco production in association with Stitcher.