Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Ramy Youssef

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

Actor, writer, and comedian Ramy Youssef feels the inevitability of God coming into our lives about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Ramy sits down with Conan to discuss sharing personal history with castmates on his Hulu comedy series Ramy, the universal concept of “refinancing” with God, and filming in the West Bank. Plus, a bacteria sharing Conan’s name inspires debate over Conan and his team’s relative celebrity status.

My name's Rami Youssef and I feel the inevitability of God coming into our lives about being Conan O'Brien's friend. I feel like I've wanted to meet you for such a long time. This is the only correct answer anyone's ever given. Right? Yeah. That is the correct answer. God made this happen.

Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. And I do need a friend. Like we all need a friend. The operative word here is need. Yeah. I really do need someone to be my friend and you should be. I'm joined as always by Matt.

How are you Matt? I'm good. Thanks. Okay. That went well. Sona how are you? Nice. I'm good.

Okay. That's good. Went well. That's nice. Why don't you guys ask me how I'm doing? I'm okay. Okay. Wow.

Well in case you hadn't noticed I took a big chunk out of my face. What happened? Are you serious? No. I never do that anymore. Shaving with. I thought the dermatologist. No.

No. No. But it's funny because here's the thing. I did this two days ago and you know that I'm just shaving. But are you just shaving or are you like are you shaving with a Zamboli? Sona tell them. This is honest. This is true.

Well I think because anything you do is just very like I just want to get this over with right. Like so I feel like you're just like angrily. That's what I shout as I'm making love. I just want to get this over with. It's been 40 seconds. This is intolerable. Oh my God.

My wife is a saint. Most everyday things, things that you just have to do you're annoyed by. Well it's not that I'm annoyed I just and I've seen my father does this too like when my father would wash his hands he the way Superman squeezes a piece of coal into a diamond. That's how my father would wash his hands. There's something in my genetic or cultural makeup which is when I all those years Sona when I do a show and I'd have makeup on afterwards they'd give me these nice moist you know towel ettes that take the makeup off I would shred them against my face like I was trying to

eliminate all of my features of sandpaper and so what happens is I have to tell myself when I'm shaving just chill you don't you know they always tell you you don't push down especially with these you know modern blades and they have the swivel action head the atra whatever they're just you're just supposed to really got it and I took now you guys are gonna get mad at me but I have a very strong jaw line and so which is it's not we're not mad it's more just pity I guess oh is that what I don't know I have what I'm saying is okay I have a very you know strong handsome jaw line it's when you say things like that and one of the cannons of beauty male beauty for many years and so when it has to take

that turn sometimes when I'm impatient and so I have this deep chunk that I took out of the side of my face here's the interesting thing it's really noticeable and it's like a long scrape and scar it'll heal up in a couple days no one's said a thing no one has said hey Conan what happened which makes me think that people think that I like try to have a face I'll tell you exactly what it is because it is a gash that you would not associate with just a razor Nick yeah it seems like you have a condition or like you've got I don't know shingles or something like that Jesus well and you still didn't say anything why didn't you say anything well I don't want to point that out if you would have already

known it I'm sure did you notice it so Adam you noticed it Adam's coming over I did we were talking in the kitchen earlier yeah I did notice it but why not say hey what happened I thought it was like you went to the doctor and they took a biopsy so yeah it's like it's a divot in your chin Eduardo did you notice it I did not know that's right you're not really that into me or my welfare watching the soccer games over there I do think a lot of people who do know you maybe saw it and we're like cut himself shaving angrily again I do classic Conan just angrily shaved his face and ripped a part of it off what is that because you've seen it in action sona and I don't just again it's this I'm gonna shave

now energy and I honestly don't know but that's the approach I take to eating like I'm gonna get this food in me yeah and then I've just got to get to my coffin and I bet oh my god it's like where is this whole thing and I bet like brushing your teeth you brush it angrily I do that too well that's why I've seen you put hair product in your hair and you're like get a fucking hair product I don't put hair product in my hair yes you do I've seen you sona I don't okay I've never put hair product in my hair that's not something I would ever do okay I'm sorry what happened you don't want to we're just going to tell the party line okay is your food thing and maybe I can relate to this I don't really do anymore because

now I appreciate food and you can tell because my belly's grown and become a fat daddy but listen is it that your meals are just like oh these are in the way of the rest of the day this is just utilitarian stuff I got to get through to I remember it as a kid and this is true wishing you know the way they came up with Soylent in Silicon Valley this sort of warm milky drink that gives you pretty much everything you're supposed to have and it was a big thing because coders and quote geniuses they don't need to be distracted they can just sit there and go gloop and gloop and gloop and get everything they need while they're coding I remembered coming up with that idea when I was in fifth grade because

I was so intense and focused and a little crazy that I was thinking why isn't there just a cube yeah I can have like a blue cube that I just eat and it gives me what I need and then I can get back to hating myself so yeah it's like you're so aware of it why don't you just change change yourself listen to what you're asking I don't know I mean why don't you like when you're angrily saving just be like Conan no I but you have yes yes but you have to be on it all the time and I am pretty good I'm better than I used to be but then my wife is constantly saying to me no one's taking that away from you we'll be in a restaurant and I'm just she's like no one's taking that away from you and she

always says Neil isn't here my older brother she's like Neil's not here he's not going to take that pork chop now I do think Neil is going to get that pork chop he's in the he's in the vents of the restaurant with a fishing rod he's gonna get that but but yeah I do think this was a moment where I forgot and it's not just a little Nick I took a piece of my face off yeah what if you do an artery or something and then we have to say like oh he was just angrily shaving his face what a way to go actually not a bad way to go what are you bleeding out because you were shaving feels like falling asleep come on man come on Annie should we wrap this up seems like it's pretty good no I yeah yeah don't

shave yeah would you ever bring the beard back I don't know it's funny people were split on the beard oh really it's on their business I think women liked the beard and and and men it seemed to irritate them will ferro it and raged him get rid of that beard he even shaved it he was the one that shaved it off your face your choice you could do whatever you want that's right thank you yeah thank you you can go half face beard half face not no you don't know what that's weird no this is trend-setting what I might do is grow crazy long sideburns like real choppers you should those were the good well I did I tried it once in the late 90s and a TV critic who liked me wrote a piece and said wrote nice things

about the show but then said Conan who lately has morphed into a riverboat gambler now that's not all together bad maverick I was a cart sharp but yeah I'll do something but I don't know the beard and I did it it felt like that was then this is now I got you but you just need to just slow down what I fixed you wow that's pretty good yeah can you fix me no I do I've always thought one of the reasons that you and I click if this is actually us clicking but no it is is that you embody many of the things that I can't be and maybe I embody some things you can't be and yeah and so you do to be very honest you have an ability to take things as they come and I've always been this you know sort of grinding

I mean Kevin Neal and always talks about me back at SNL like grinding my fingers together yeah I mean there's something about all that that's you know allowed you to do a lot of the things you did but you know you're good now you did it yeah you made it over the finish line just done well not the finish line but you won that you won your race you get you just you get to cruise this is a shocking joy here's your watch this is a horrible turn of events I mean I'm glad I'm very fortunate for he's a jolly good fellow I bought an RV all right well we got to get to it because my career is over I got to wrap this up my guest today is the creator and star of Hulu's hit series Rami I'm very excited to chat with

him today Rami Youssef welcome I mean the way we like came in and hugged you and I was like I'm such a fan we haven't met and then we meet with this hug is I know you watch in the room I went to shake your hand you said I've got hand sanitizer so we ended up hugging and then I refused to let go of you well yeah and the hand sanitizer thing was just for the hug right yeah I was like let me have a wet hand so that we and then I noticed you would sanitize your back which was weird your back was all oh it was it was wet and smelled of alcohol yeah but I wanted to be clean for you I can't just show up dirty I love it I love I was really excited because we were planning this trip to New York and

I thought it'd be so great to get to talk to you because I love what you do I'm a big fan of your work and so it was just a nice happening that you were able to do this you were able to come in yeah that's really exciting yeah it is it's exciting for me and I never get excited it's just I'm so medicated I'm in a lithium coma yeah I wish people could feel what it's like being in the room with you because yeah I definitely feel that it's like a melatonin of sorts yeah that's why they put me on late night television is to get people to go to sleep just ready yeah it's the only way America can know and you know the ratings always were solid because people fell asleep in front of the TV and

couldn't change it right so people are like your consistency among viewers is incredible yeah yeah and then they looked into it and they were oh they've all passed out yeah in front of the TV first of all thank you so much for doing this I have so many questions I'm just gonna start with I love your show I really do I love your show and I love the combination of the humor is so sharp and it's so well written it's so beautifully cast oh thank you I mean really the the everybody is so solid on the show I mean they're it's an incredible cast it's really crazy I mean and then it's cool too because I think a lot of the roles are written for everyone who's there and I think there's this thing with

that I don't think people understand with TV is that you have very little time to rehearse like a lot of times you're meeting people at the table read or you meet people the day of or whatever it is we have this really cool thing with our cast where so many of us have kind of known each other from different parts of life for many years and I think you could feel it on screen I think that was something immediately when we shot even our pilot or the first season there was this immediate chemistry and everyone was like it's the writing is and it is on a level I think but I also think there's just this well we know each other and there's this deep comfort so we see your friends on the show are people you've known for a while the guys

you hang out with on the diner yeah yeah I mean like Moe and and and Dave who plays Ahmad in the diner we've all lived together at different times Steve my buddy you know Muscular District I've known him since the third grade so that even on a core level the May who plays my sister we knew each other for years Leith who plays my uncle I knew him since I was 18 so there's this like deep history and and I didn't even go to the network being like these are my friends they just won in the audition tapes but I knew while I was writing I was like oh this is this will feel really good with them okay so an obvious first question and it's something that when I watch the show I'm fascinated by is is that guy you completely or is he a version of you I mean I

think like you know we and I'm sure you relate to this but I think a lot of the time without the idea of writing without the idea of comedy I was writing and making things since I was really young and then I know the same thing for you so it's like I think a lot of this guy's like man if I didn't have that outlet starting at 14 or 15 yeah there'd probably be this void because I don't think there was anything kind of in quote unquote real world or a real career that I could have ever imagined you know I'm not fit to do anything in the real world and I'm so impressed and stunned when when someone is building something anywhere near me I'm amazed and every now and then I'll meet someone like a Nick Offerman who's funny and creative but also oh I just made a canoe

oh dude out of mahogany that I repurposed and I don't understand because I have no function other than acting like a fool that's the only thing I know how to do no it's really wild like I um I set up a wi-fi routing system in the house and that was that was I was like whoa I'm really handy like that was the closest I could get to my dad I have to say that sounds really impressive oh dude it's plugging certain things in in the right spot and you got to route it and that was the most I never felt like I'd use my hands as a man right and then it kind of ends there yeah just stop there and I would think back to like history I'd be like what would I do in a different era oh that's all I think about is and I've always often thought it's a field in Ireland some really crappy boggy

part of Ireland and everyone is building a stone wall and I'm in the corner doing bits yeah and they're all like fucking oh Jesus doesn't shut up doesn't fucking shut up and you're so tall and I'm not doing anything I'm not I'm not or I'm doing a bit about like put you know I'm doing a bit with the stones and well look at me I'm stony stonerson and I'm gonna make a stone wall and you're like just fucking build a wall we got to get this farm wall built you fucking ass a jester was a thing though yeah yeah yeah but I'd have been murdered very quickly I think I would have been beaten by the townspeople you know what I mean well I would I would I think about this a lot and then yeah I would see murder for sure I feel like I would maybe be like a food

tester for the king just to make sure that like kind of that like is there poison in this hey rami come over here take a bite of this here's what never made sense to me about food testers poison does take a little while I never got that where someone's like you taste this pudding okay I tasted it I'm still alive very good I'm going to eat great quantities of this pudding the guy dies four hours later the king half an hour after that right that's how it should work maybe it's maybe it's always been like a 15 minute kind of like when they wait after the vaccine to make sure you didn't maybe 15 minutes has been like the universal it's like now with Pfizer or whatever but it's sure since then it's like we'll know in 15 minutes yeah nothing is

everything is 15 minutes everything's 15 minutes nothing's that slow release wow this is good to know but yeah so not much else I could have done you know I think I was trying to go to college for a bit and I left pretty quick I wasn't able to do it but it was because I had something that I really loved right and so I think the character is without love and I think in a way that that kind of hole that he has you know we kind of all try to fill that yeah people can fill it with a passion with a relationship with God with with whatever it might be and I think he's kind of struggling with with what goes in that in that kind of empty puzzle piece in him the character is trying so hard to find his relationship to his religion and God and is that you is that's yeah that's your struggle

as well in a different way probably I mean I think that like for him you know the answer feels incredibly elusive I think for me in my life I've found you know ways that I relate I've found teachers I really gravitate towards I've found you know the the meditative nature of prayer all those things have genuinely made my life better but I think I like the idea of conceiving this character by someone that's caught in the industry of religion caught in the cultural wars of religion caught in all those things that make religion pretty shitty which is kind of how it is right now and so I think that yeah there are totally you know glitches where people kind of get a good slice of it I think I kind of wanted to show him really in the crosshairs of all the reasons why

this doesn't work right now you know what for me watching your show one of the things that I find myself drawn into and kind of attracted to is all the ritual that goes along with Muslim prayer and I think you know I was raised Catholic very Catholic and I'm sort of drawn to this whole concept of everyone comes together at the mosque and and the the rugs and the praying and the you know the ritual of it seems very calming and welcoming to me yeah and I think that's because I grew up with you're gonna get in this pew it's really hard wood it's not comfortable I mean there's some things about it like in for example in Catholicism you can pray wherever you are yes you can literally be in an elevator and just cross yourself and you're done yeah so it's

very user-friendly that way totally I mean I don't need a rug yeah I don't need to be no which direction is east or west you know what I mean there's nothing they made it they dumbed it down so much in Catholicism well we have you know we have two different we have that that kind of like you can you know direct line anytime you just put your hands out like put your hands out making this little kind of v shape and you can just ask out for anything that's anywhere and then you you also can pray anywhere and you see that a lot in New York there's just like a guy in the middle of the sidewalk praying and just in everybody's way but he'll do it it's funny like I was kind of wanting to get a cab this was like a couple weeks ago and there was this taxi cab pulled over and and the

light was off so it was available but then you know I looked in and and there was a couple they're like looking in they were like this guy's gone crazy and then I walk by and I look at him and he's like praying on the steering wheel but I could tell like with what he was doing with his head like what point of the prayer he was in and I was like oh he's almost done like I'm about to get this cab like they went it was a long block long block and they just start walking towards house and I'm like sweating and I'm like you guys don't even understand this is the last part of the prayer he's gonna be done in 10 seconds he finishes he looks at me I'm like yo and hop right in you're right right right so your knowledge your your deep understanding of the of the prayer

cycle got you a cab saved me from going on the subway yeah it was unbelievable but yeah the the carpets are soft so no hardwood and pews when you go in the mosque and I think that the the ritual is the most beautiful part of it to me I think the cleaning yourself too I mean I was not aware there's so much I've learned from watching your show um and and this is one of the things I really love about it I learn a lot the show is not it's so far from preachy it's so far from you know um trying to instruct yeah it's it's about people it's about people really funny people and a lot of awkward situations and I know that you're a Larry David fan and it it it evokes some of the in a great comparisons to just awkward great comedy situations and humanity it's just you know

in the program in the show I love the fact that I watch it and when I come away I feel I know not just your characters better but I feel like I have a better understanding of what it might be like to be Egyptian Muslim and come here to the United States you know yeah well I think like part of the design for us was making it clear that we're kind of giving people a window into some of those rituals into some of the rules into some of what's going on and then the second we introduced that we're making it really clear that everyone here is doing it wrong and I think that's what makes it funny where it's like I'm going to show you the thing but then also it's so clear that this is not instructive because man these people are dealing with their egos on level

10 and they're making a mess wherever they go and I think that's that to me is what makes it a fun thing to make because I never want to be in a situation where I need to feel like an educator or preachy or whatever because all that shit's just like it's anti-comedy but I do think what I've really enjoyed you know in terms of looking at the history of comedy is I think the idea of a character going to church in and of itself is a joke like it's a joke that someone would believe in the unseen and I think here we've kind of flipped the joke where it's like none of the unseen thing is a given like that relationship isn't what we're making fun of we're kind of making fun of everything that happens under it and I think that um has opened up situations that I

feel get to be unique to our show because we're we're kind of we have this different um machine as to like what we're interrogating and and I think yeah a lot of people have been like dude your show is my favorite show about Catholic guilt you know oh and then like because it's all the same yeah it's all it's guilt we're all I mean it's so funny to me is anyone who was raised in religion has these ideals that they're supposed to live up to and then we all have the workarounds yeah and and that's the part that cracks me up is all the characters in your show doing workarounds for yeah I don't drink but I'm gonna drink or I'm not supposed to really have sex but I'm gonna have a lot of sex um but we're gonna figure this out we're gonna work this out later and I think

that's every religion is people you're you're handed these lists of very severe rules early on and you can have every intention of being down with that but then you have your yeah we're gonna work around that but still I am a devout Muslim but I man it's Ramadan but I'm gonna eat I'm gonna because that's a big mac and we'll figure this out later you know what I mean it's this feeling of like constantly like refinancing with God you know and I think that's really like that's a great way to put it yes let's yes and and and it's just by the by the by the end you're just terribly in debt you're just I mean I think we're all doing that you know we're all constantly saying look I'm gonna just put this on my tab yeah just put this on my tab God and we'll figure this out because

I just had a ninesome I had sex with eight different people I had a ninesome and um and then I had a cocaine enema but we're gonna figure this out because I love you God and trust me I'm very devout we're gonna figure this out is I mean that's the energy you know for I think that's what keeps us all going it's also um I love what is something that uh fascinates me because I see it in Catholicism as well the double standard with men and women because it's something that I saw growing up where it I mean Rami you party you go out with your friends and your parents think oh that Rami it's just adorable and then your sister who's on the I think on the show she's you know 25 26 yeah and just very attractive

modern woman if she wants to do anything it's where are you going you have to be back by nine and that exists you know when I was growing up I know my mom like my brothers and I would be chewing gum yeah and she wouldn't say a word and then if one of my sisters started chewing gum she'd be like spit that gum out yeah you know you don't want people to think you're trash you know you're not some common ragamuffin I mean that's how my mom spoke and uh gum chewing is very ragamuffin behavior it is and we won't have that just to be clear there'll be no rag and mufflery around here so just work that into Rami yeah characters to start talking about I'm no ragamuffin and people say the writing is off this year what happened and then you see the cone on a brian writing credit

at the end special cultural consultant special cultural consult please put me in as a special cultural consultant done yeah yeah just in the in one of the prayers there's many mentions of ragamuffin tom foolery chicanery people I I think they lost the thread this year what happened did you watch to the end I did did you see the cone on a brian cultural credit I mean that might be a problem no but what you're talking about is is is amazing to me because I think that is something that in making the show so many people will relate to that thing even that that disparity between men and women because obviously and I think we see this more and more especially lately that's a real American problem as well yeah the way that in the microcosm of a family you know how are the

sons treated and how are the daughters treated and it's something that I think we put on um you know this muslim family and I think that obviously there's some comfort in in kind of this like I think there's an american comfort in being able to say oh wow like look how that is in the middle east because there's kind of all these things of like oh women there can't drive oh you know and then you kind of start to break that down and you're like well no that's only just in saudi and then you're like oh wait well in saudi now women can't drive and abortion seems to be just about as hard in both places you know and then you start to kind of zoom out and you're like whoa we have a lot of these problems and I think that's part of why the show resonates because it's at

first you're like oh I'm learning about this other thing but then you dig into it and you're like oh wait this is in my family too you know this is here too and and and I think that starts to kind of open up what I hope could be a bridge does your family watch the show and think wait a minute I never did that you know I didn't I never stole a blender I just made that up that's not a plot point but I know that you know what I mean I know that if I did a show called Conan and it was I hired actors to play my parents and my all my brothers and sisters I would be constantly getting calls like what the what the fuck was that you know you had me steal a scrunchie you know you you know what I mean no totally I there was this big period in my life where my

parents weren't seeing any of the comedy I was doing I mean I think I did stand up probably I wouldn't I wasn't putting anything online I wasn't doing anything I just kind of did it silently for for you know almost 10 years just trying to get it you know where I wanted it to be and and then you know when the show was coming out and my stand up was coming out I kind of told my parents I was like look this is really I'm taking from everyone in the community you know and there's a writer's room it's not just me you know and and and I think I worked hard to create enough likeness but also enough distance between all the individual family members so I think my parents were kind of like okay he's doing something different and they're also really big

fans of television like my parents watch everything you know they they they like would know specific bits of yours like they my dad loves comedy he'll watch late night he watches everything on HBO so he he I think at first maybe had a little bit of this like why are you doing this and and and we had a couple of those conversations and then very quickly like the TV fan and him kind of clicked on and then you know you know he'll watch the seasons and now we're at the third season and he's like oh yeah you really nailed the tone you know and I'm like oh cool I'm like talking about tone with my dad that's like really cool you know so that's my father has never said to me you really nailed the tone dad that's what every son hopes coming coming home I'm in the east coast

just try to muster a you really nailed the tone and then something about ragamuffins um that's what every Hollywood son would love to hear from his father you know nailed the tone don't even get me started on the lighting just really that's where it gets emotional your show went to the middle east and I'm really fascinated by this tell me exactly where you shot yeah so season one we shot in Egypt um and then season three we shot in Egypt and we shot in Jerusalem right yeah and so we took my character you know from the first season we've kind of seen him he again he doesn't really have a passion he gets in his uncle's family business yes and he's selling jewelry in the diamond district right which was based on a couple of my buddies that I grew

up with who were like the three Lebanese dudes in the district and everyone else is mainly Jewish and and I would walk in and just the banter would be hilarious I mean everyone's just going at everybody and it's the same guys everyone's going back and forth like saying really really crude shit and then yeah and also being and making deals and like the whole thing which crazy too is your uncle character is so anti-Semitic yes you know and uh that's you know obviously uh to have an anti-Semitic character but also at times he and this sounds insane but uh the stuff he's saying is absolutely crazy but almost cartoonishly crazy and you're just saying nope that's okay now that's not true and he's just but you also give him some dimension so that there are times where I almost feel for

him do you know what I mean or where I think okay I see there's a human being in there which I think is next to impossible to do yeah I mean I think I think you know we wanted to kind of show him in this position where we have the Rami character and so much of his thing is like I'm looking at things in my family I'm looking at things in my tradition I'm looking at all these things and I'm figuring out which things do I want to move forward with you know what things do I want to be part of my life so on one hand there's the spiritual element of it where I think he's really grasping towards a lot of these great things that he wants but then there's a couple of cultural things and family things that he's like you know this you know there's certain level of strictness that's wild

and then there is this like uncle who walks around with his antisemitism and just watching Rami kind of bat that away and what that struggle is is really exciting and because I think it's so real and so I think when people see it they're like I think it's clear what the intention is as to why we're showing it and how we're showing it and it exists in every family I mean there's actually this really great show that follows a Jewish family called Stistle and they have an uncle I love that show oh it's so good and they have the uncle who hates Muslims you know so it's like it's so funny because it's like you see oh yeah that's and that's another thing that I've heard from from you know my Jewish friends who watch the show they're like dude I have that

uncle he just says it's like it becomes algebraic you know he just says insert whatever thing and then you gotta you're trying to fight that off from that generation well the cross currents of kinds of racism when you see in cultures if you'll sometimes you'll I'll be talking to someone who's from Mexico and they'll be like oh look at that guys from Nicaragua and those people and you're like what are we doing you're not even I don't you know what I mean you're and then the the person in Nicaragua was like just you know keep that Bolivian away from me those people I don't know how you do it and you you know and you realize that this is happening in China there oh yeah they've broken it down 75 different ways and oh that province well you know can't marry into that

family and you realize that these this is something uh in our genes it's everywhere and I've always felt like it's a little bit unfairly attributed to being like only white people you know right because I think white people are just the best at racism like I think they like you know institutionalized in many ways but it's right we turned it into like McDonald's we took people like you know people are like a hamburger and then white people said no no there's a way to do this much more efficiently and on a massive scale just branded it yeah exactly but it's not just there's a lot of organic homegrown racism right in all of our communities uh that that you know just isn't branded in the same way but it really even something like Islamophobia you know I've

always felt like yeah there's this idea that people who aren't muslim hate muslims but I've never seen anyone hate a muslim more than another muslim because they're not the type of muslim that they think they should be like there's like Islamophobia then there's like muslim Islamophobia where it's literally like just put Indians and Pakistanis in a room and it's just like man can we find what we have in common why are we so against each other right and I think that's a lot of what we have in the show too is just some of those elements of again like looking at something that is a human virus and I don't want to be in the position where okay I'm making this show and I need to show everyone uh Arabs and muslims are really lovable and you know don't hate us because

then it just feels so sanitary and it feels so unreal and it feels you just kind of don't believe it so we have a character like my uncle who exists for that reason just to say we're putting it all out on the table yeah that's I think the thing is you're getting really near these third rails and kind of touching them a little bit which I think is important to do I feel like that that's a good way to put it that third rail or that button you're not supposed to touch all those things to me feel like the best thing that we could contribute as comedians like to do that as thoughtfully as possible and then do it in a way where hopefully we're not just like spreading the issue or I would say adding to the problem but yeah that that feels like the most useful thing I could do because I

don't think any of us are um you know that well read or um you know fit to like lead the country in any sort of direction but I do think if we can kind of get into emotional complexities and play with them a bit that that starts to feel really fun and you know we're also just trying to be funny so I think that that helps yeah that's the important thing I think is it's gotta be comedy first yes comedy first and um dedication to telling it truthfully and well I think sometimes people go into comedy with a message or a purpose or a cause and you just have to make sure the comedy's gotta be there yeah you know uh and if the cause and the message starts to take over the narrative you're you know what do you really what do you have yeah I mean I think even ethnicity or

or culture any of those things you know and the cause that to me is icing like I really do feel like the main base of it should be the engine of what makes it funny you know the engine of someone's struggle you know I do love Larry David because it's so clear what's making everything funny about him is his anger you know it's just really funny yeah and and and for me I was in everything that I explored on stage I was like oh the thing that I find the most fun to talk about and that makes anything funny is just like my massive indecisiveness it is my you know belief in my higher self and my continually living in my lower self and it creates this fucking tension that you know at times it's really sad but at times it's really funny and then and the more

that I kind of turn that into something the more that it's like oh yeah someone finds an entry point into that like I find the entry point into you know the anger that that I see in in people but they they turn it into something where it makes those feelings you know more digestible I guess right but what was your experience so your where'd you go did you go to the west bank yeah so we were we were in our plan was really to shoot between Haifa Tel Aviv and the west bank when we were there we weren't able to actually shoot in the west bank there was this really kind of just horrible thing that happened this this journalist Shireen Abouachla was killed you know and that happened while you were there or just before you went there on our locations on your oh Jesus

oh yeah so it was kind of this thing too where you know my mom was like what are you gonna shoot there can't you just shoot it somewhere else I'm like no we have to go there like we want I want to work with the crews there whatever and it'll be safe don't worry don't don't believe that she said Vancouver yeah shoot Vancouver for Tel Aviv that's how much my parents I didn't really have sort of that many fir trees in Israel that's incredible my parents know that much about the industry they're pitching Vancouver no it would really be great they're like no no the rates in Vancouver are great so you gotta let my dad's you gotta lead with the tax incentive all right go to Vancouver go to Toronto be smart save the production this reminds me of I was watching

I went and saw a top gun with my son and at the end they have that big you know they go we go together with like we go to war with a fictional country and you it's kind of not clear where it is but there's just a lot of fir trees and a lot of snow and it looks really beautiful and like the lights came up afterwards and I said why do we go to war with New Hampshire but I could see it's a really funny to me is that's a funny idea someone who's like you know we could go we probably should go to Tel Aviv I don't know we got such a good rate in Vancouver and who's gonna really know don't think New Mexico wasn't thrown out on a call really Conan do you know enough to know New Mexico was thrown out absolutely yeah absolutely

that's thrown out on a call by the way no one talks about how woke the new top gun is they really don't mention another country it's kind of nice you don't well you don't know who it is you'd like to say it's woke you could also say that they wanted to make sure that it did well in every market internationally which is I suspect what was really going on there you know I call that financially woke yeah that's beautiful hey let's start that movement the financially woke movement just like no no whoa that's very financially that was very offensive well but financially very woke financially very woke yeah I did I did walk out of that going wow I didn't hear Arabic I didn't know what country was pretty impressive look at that they did it look way to

go Tom I was excited I was in there I was like whoa it was so generic as a country and I thought this place looks beautiful I don't know where they are but because this Turks and Caicos yeah exactly I also love that in the movie they had far superior fighter planes than the United States and I'm like which country is this it's a country I've never heard of that looks suspiciously like Maine and they have fighter jets that are like three generations ahead of ours wait a minute don't we have the most expensive military in the world who laid down on the job and let Switzerland get all these amazing planes so that kind of blew my mind yeah no you would say and that's why I brought you in here by the way is yes I wanted to sort of rope-a-dope you with we'll talk about

Rami and we'll talk about you know your religion and the struggle but I really want to talk about Top Gun yeah and how I wanted to know about that country yeah I think we walked out of that movie as Americans with a lot of questions for our government you know what where where are these planes why don't we have them the other thing that I love and I'm going to keep going talking about Top Gun is that Tom Cruise is the best pilot ever you know Maverick has dedicated his whole life to serving his country he's absolutely amazing everyone says hands down he's the best and his superior officer like get in here you shit what was that stunt you pulled or you did that really amazing thing and saved everybody's life well sir I shut up shut the fuck up and I ran

I ran into John Hamm somewhere he was obviously as everyone knows he's in addition to being great actually he's a very funny guy but I was like what was your problem with Tom Cruise all he's done is and he's like I know I know and all you do is and then it's like do you see what Tom Cruise just did do you see what Maverick just did he just saved America and that person was lost and he rescued him and then he put a plane together out of Legos and got everybody out of there yeah get him in here you piece of shit well because I think you're forgetting the beginning of the movie he blows up an expensive plane right which goes against the movie's principles of financial wokeness that's you know the biggest issue okay you know like I mean all right you're kind of

tracking the line of what they care about the guy's fucking up I mean it's not about the country I mean it's about the budget you're right you're right and and so I see it now but he did blow up that plane again you little shit you're ruining our budget if you save more lives one more time it's just that old trope that's in everybody caught movie where you have to get chewed out even though you've clearly done an amazing job oh you're handsome you're skilled somehow you're the underdog yeah I don't know how literally just gorgeous like like just better skin than my sister I know and I don't know I root for that guy because I think we are about the same age and I'm just when I'm just you know he like takes his shirt off in that movie and I somehow felt that I had gotten in

shape yeah and I just was like see I am a movie star my wife was like what are you talking about well we're the same age right but he's got all these genetic gifts that you do not have and he works out like crazy and you do not and I was like me me me me me me me I think you should write like a thing piece you know it's just like Tom Cruise got jacked for my whole generation he did I think he did it for all of you yeah thank you beautiful I think you're shocked when you saw me in person and how old I look I think you look great and I thought you're very tall that's really what struck me because when we were hugging it was this long hug and I was just firmly mid in the middle of your chest I held you I held you for a while it was cradled you it was a really nice

cradle yeah your feet did not touch the ground I lifted you I held you for a while I put you in a baby Bjorn remember that and we walked around around the serious exam office and everyone was like wow we don't know what this is but if you don't know what it is but it feels progressive it feels very progressive feels like the future I felt that I was like wow maybe maybe things can change well I'm really looking forward to the season where you again visit the Middle East but shoot it like in a place that can't pop it Canada you know someplace northern Canada and you have to keep coming up with you keep having to write in justifications for why there's a big bear and did the ground is littered with pine cones all those streamers are you know

everyone's just figuring out like what's going on with money just if you know our fourth season is so clearly going to be Toronto it's going to be crazy it's just we're going to just be in downtown Toronto and and just making it work right that's what it's going to be right but the fact that we got to go it look it was it was unbelievable I mean it was we were there for that massive event it shifted a lot of our shooting I think there was a few American crew and then we had our Palestinian crew right and we were in the middle of Jerusalem you know and and we went to a funeral and this journalist who got killed is Christian and so it's so it's like we're at a church in Jerusalem with this really just diverse group of people and you know because there's Americans there

American Jewish crew and and American Muslims and and Palestinian Christians and you know Christians in Israel and and it's like I think everyone kind of walked away especially when you go there and you've been yeah we shot a show there and it was fascinating because we shot first in Tel Aviv yeah and then we went to Jerusalem and what I remember very clearly is we had our team that was Israeli and then when we went over to shoot in Jerusalem that the teams had to shift over so it's different security because they need to be Palestinian and so you understood that it's crazy because all you've ever heard yeah is this amazing horrible conflict that no one can seem to figure out and then this was just okay we're going to stop here and then

these guys are going to take over hey guys yep okay thank you very much and they had it all worked out yeah which it just made me feel like maybe the the answer is on a show biz level people figure things out they do and and maybe that's the answer in the Middle East is we how do we turn this into show business yeah and then everyone's going to be like okay wait a minute all right I can see I see how we can do this I see how we can figure this out it's so funny that you say that because that we had these these kids who came from this area called Janine which is one of the most dangerous areas in the West Bank there there's there's a lot of unjust violence happening and these kids have this thing called freedom theater in the middle of all of it and they're working on becoming actors

they don't it's like and it's unbelievable they sent in these audition tapes and these kids are like I'm going to be a big actor and it's like wow and we saw these two kids we fell in love with work they got to be in the show and we were going to go and shoot by them then this happens and we can't and so we had to ask the government for a visa to get them in to Jerusalem and everyone's like this is impossible it's not going to happen and somehow it did so I mean to your theory that somehow show business makes things work I'm like these kids have never gotten a visa their whole life to come over and then this kid came and he went to the sea for the first time like he went to the water for the first time in his life oh wow to shoot our thing and so we he was like this is

the best week of my life shooting this tv show and there was this really interesting thing that did happen where you're there and you're just seeing all the pieces work even though this horrific thing happened while we were there everyone kept cool everyone was like okay we're going to just figure this out somehow the visa still cleared like all these things that you would think wouldn't be able to happen happen and I agree with you when you're there on the ground you're seeing people speaking you know like one of our guys is driver Palestinian dude he speaks English Arabic Hebrew and a bunch is everyone so he's like he knows Hebrew and he's walking around he's speaking to a to a Israeli soldier in Hebrew and then they're they're going

somewhere else and then he's speaking Arabic and and you just see this desire to keep making things work and somehow pep in the step and somehow just like we're going to get through this we're going to figure it out right and and I don't know if you felt this but I walked away and I was just I was inspired you know I've done all these travel shows and gone to these different countries and ended up with this philosophy that I think there's a tendency for people to want to make things simple and there's a lot of pundits that like to say it's easy you know whether it's in America they like to say it's an easy choice and I like and I like to point out that things are very complicated things are extremely complicated and so that's been a little bit of bone of

contention of mine is when you go and you see that it there's there is no simple truth that explains it's very it's so complex that when people act like no no no this is easy on one side or the other I think I get offended by that mmm yeah because it feels the kind of just like underwrite a bunch of real complicated human experiences right well I mean you know my my therapist will say a lot of times things are simple but that doesn't mean they're easy right like sometimes the hardest things are the simple things right you know and that's where a lot of the complications come in in that vacuum of like well it should be you know we like it is a very hard thing to achieve simplicity even at home right you know with your family to be able to do

the simple thing and and so I think that the thing that gives me hope when I'm there is seeing certain microcosms of how people deal with each other that can be inspiring but you know and and I think my hope comes from like okay what if we were able to get enough microcosms right that the macrocosm would solve itself and I actually think that probably is like in in many ways a pattern that would work but it's really hard to nail a microcosm it's really hard to nail just what's going on in your own house well that's I think again going back to your show that it's all about this is a family and years and years and years ago when I worked on the Simpsons I remembered thinking my job here is just to think of the funniest jokes I can and the funniest

situations I can and then sort of hearing the people that that ran the show said you know you have to remember first and foremost they're a family and I thought what is this drivel I'm gonna write the craziest mr burns jokes you've ever seen I don't care about that but they were right it's first and foremost a family which is what makes it work and I think that's the same thing with uh I think the reason that your show has an impact when you watch it is because I relate to this family because it's really not that different from any other family yeah you know in in there are specific things that of course very different but that's why I'm there that's why I'm invested is because like the episode you made about your mom and her struggles and

she becomes a lift driver and just I felt terrible for her I felt like no one's seeing her no one's no one's taking care of her you know you blow her off for dinner you're out the door and she's made this great dinner and um you suck by the way yeah yeah you're a bad guy yeah yeah why did you do that I got mad at you when you did that I'm like can't you see your mother made that nice meal and then you're like mom I gotta go I gotta meet my friends and she just the door shuts and she's there with a lot of food and she's alone I mean I didn't fuck you Rami sorry but come on so many people you know will say that to me like man I fucking hate your character but I do the most heartbreaking line in that scene to me was in the way she delivered it she really made it even

better than than it had been written but she was like you know I think my facebook's not working like I haven't gotten any likes you know and I was like oh man that's hard like like that's always the hardest how you explain to someone yeah it's like no it's just you just didn't get any likes you just didn't get any like it's so like and I think there's so much in that episode we're like and in those dynamics where it's like man we feel everyone feels this thing for their mothers on a level even when the relationships are complicated where whether you feel it a lot or you see it in a glimpse or you have a window of looking at your mother and being like man she gave up a lot yeah she gave up a lot and and and and especially in a time where we crave our individuality

and we crave our our self-expression in in this era you know and then you're looking at that you know a mother and you go wow she she put it all to the side for us and I think again that creates a little bit of the show so much of it is about obviously it's not just even just spiritual guilt it's even that kind of guilt you know that guilt that you can have right in in just what was sacrificed for you and and I think in the design of also yeah making this character I mean you know this because you you know you walk and it's different in a way because I made a fictional thing but like I think the level of self-deprecation that's in your humor and the way that things roll off of you is I just have always felt like you're you present in a way where it's not this

like look at me look at me like kind of thing and I think it's it's it's why you're one of the greats and then when I was hugging you earlier when you were kind of like it was a bit of like a stronghold you had me and I wouldn't let go I wouldn't let go yeah you wouldn't let go and I felt it in that too where I was like yeah this guy is like a real fucking dude I love this and and I think in making the show for me I didn't want to make this character was like oh rami the hero looking at me he's just struggling I and and I think sometimes I've got a little bit of the criticism that I go too far but I really I like leaning into those more you know lower self parts of me on screen and I like leaning more into the like I don't want you to think oh this is a hero

I'm rooting for him I'd rather you know put my character in a position where yeah he's really he's dealing with his ego and and and it feels a lot easier for me to live with like I just don't even think I'd have fun making the show if it was just like oh man he tried his best but he's such a sweetheart and right you know like it was just something about that rings false to what I like about comedy yeah like you know comedies where I get to be a little shit like I this is a part of me that like I have fun being a little fucking shit yeah and it's also it I think the life-saving thing for me in comedy has been I was raised to be you know very I'm supposed to be you know polite there's all these rules that you're supposed to follow and I think I was a good rule follower

and then I found this world where you can act in the most insane manner and it's part of your job and everyone's like good job what are you talking about I just I screamed at Jordan Shlansky you know this guy that works for us and or I threw him through a window and they're like I know it was fantastic it was great great job and part of that I think is how you were raised because it's like just on a real base base level it's so clear that you're such a good boy you know like it's so clear it's so clear that's why you do that stuff and then it's like oh I get the spirit that it's in right and there is comedy I watch where I'm like oh this is just mean and I don't like it and I'm just like oh I don't care about this like I'm not interested in this right

this is I think this person is mean I think this person is just taking a shit on everybody and then there's just something with with the things I like where it is it's like you were raised to be but and I think it's so clear that you are and that's why you're able to do all that stuff and it's so funny well I hope so until someone says no wait a minute I think he is an asshole so are you done now you've completed the third season yeah third season is is out and yeah I mean it's it's funny it's like there's so many things out it's so crazy I mean and and and we put it out last month and then I think people are just kind of finding it like people come to me like hey did it come out yet I'm like yeah yeah it came out last month no but it's but it's it is uh I mean I

ended my late night show so it's been almost like a year and a half since I ended my like whatever almost 30 years in late night and all the time people come up to you in the street and go like man I love your show it's you're killing it and I'll be like you know I don't do it anymore I do a lot of other things but I don't do that and they they I mean I swear to God I've had people say to me like man every night I'm watching it and I was loving it and I think it's just hard for there there's no awareness of and and it actually it's very humbling but there's so much content out there and I think what's happened is it's very hard for I I have a philosophy that good work is never wasted yes and I believe that if you make something good it's the field of dreams

idea if you build it they they come yes and by keeping your head down and doing your good work we live in this world now the flip side of there's so much out there is that things don't go away no it's always going to be there and there are shows I watch um that I think have probably been off the air for like 15 years that I didn't find yeah when they were first on uh and or borgin about you know what's the government in Denmark and I'm like I'm watching this show and I really like it and I'm like this is great this new show is fantastic yeah people say that shows from 2009 asshole yeah I didn't know no I mean someone's starting Breaking Bad this morning you know yeah exactly watching it for the first time right they're home and they're like I can't

keep hearing about this thing so I agree like it's it's it's it is right and I think in this career too and you're such a great example of it I think it's just like it's a lifelong thing and it's and it's you just keep doing it and you just keep you know because you keep growing from it and hopefully you keep getting better at it yeah that's the that's that's the inspiring part is could I get better at this could I do it differently it's a different world now with different technology that's been a huge thrill of this podcast is this was a total arc and I love these conversations more than the conversations I had you know for almost 30 years on late night I love those they're very different and they're performative but these mean a lot more to me in some way

because it's a real connection if you if we're talking on a late night show I will not get this no sense of you you know what I mean I would have loved to do the couch on your show but it that never happened as it was ending and I was kind of just getting into a position to be able to do that stuff but this is so much more like to get to sit and hang for an hour and you can really smell me right now like you smell what I smell like yeah and that never happened we had all kinds of fans and deodorizers on the late night show but now you're smelling my musk I would say that's the biggest difference you know seeing you is you realize yeah on your show is so it's such a deodorized version of like on tv and I and I think sandalwood yeah that's what the

all those years I was on mbc or tbs it was a sandalwood yeah hints of uh of cinnamon and then this is just me this is who I am and what I smell like so you're gonna have to deal with it it's beautiful I think it's raw you know I think I think it's uh it's it's special you know well my only request I'm gonna wrap this up is first of all so cool getting to talk to you and no seriously you're a lovely fellow you're so talented and I really do like your work so my hat's off to you and I'm not wearing a hat um why did I do that it's no one even knows what I'm wearing so you could have been wearing a hat I'm wearing a willy wonka top hat and I'm tipping it to you right now and that takes a lot of finger strength it does it's a big hat it's a 35 pound hat uh it's made of

copper and iron um very cool having you here and I want you to keep doing your thing you know and uh we're gonna hang I know we're gonna hang I love that and my only request is that you figure out an organic way to work me into the show of course a very tall Irish Catholic guy but I have to play Conan O'Brien oh okay it's not an acting part you have to be it's gotta be one of those jump the shark episodes okay where Rami bumps into Conan O'Brien and brings him to the mosque and I keep looking into camera and saying like well this is gonna be you know this is gonna be an interesting turn of events you know what I'm saying you know and uh you know uh yeah last time I saw a rug that big I was at a wig store and I'm looking right into the camera I mean I'm gonna get a real tone

lecture from my father but I'll do it I'll do it you'll be like why I'll do it your thing was going so well we raised you for tonal consistency and then you pull this cone and shit I'm sorry dad it's the episode where Rami jumps the shark completely look who I found I bring him to the diner it's Conan O'Brien hi guys looks right into camera and hello out there audience fuck why did he do that he broke the fourth wall he didn't seem to understand much about the religion or the culture maybe I'll just end at season three science and history let's just get into it don't know much about history okay this is very interesting this is a headline from a news article you ready

the bacteria conan super resistant to radiation could survive a million years on mars it's nicknamed conan it's named conan why yeah why do they need well I guess it's actually conan conan the bacteria but I thought that that might be relevant well I mean I'm very resilient in my career yeah many times there have been attempts to destroy me and I come back like a persistent bacteria so I see it I see it yeah I'm proud to be linked to a rare bacteria that can exist in the harshest harshest climates you are I wouldn't want there's a lot of things to be named after me I wouldn't want bacteria to be one of them what would you like to be named after you a building oh come on why not why don't we name this building the sonum of cesium hall I don't

I don't think we can because I really think of this as Erica browns oh yeah that's more relevant Erica takes care of this place and runs it and she's you know this is Erica's house I agree so um I say can I have a wing no and it's just wing it's not winga there's no hard g why do you always do that you waste everybody's time every single time you have I have a winga can I if there's a g at the end of the word I don't know why why do you think you're right you're not right I am well I think Matt will tell you come on don't bring Matt Matt be honest it's wing it's not wing guy who's just like me no offense but you guys are like yeah we're yeah we're my family's bigger forever so we know English better than your people excuse me I wasn't going

to defend you and then you threw me under the white man's bus yeah that's wrong well first of all gorelly you've been in the country the longest personally well no I mean your family my family yeah I think your people they you look like guys that were working on a podcast on the Mayflower that's right over that's absolutely right and um there's a hundred percent well we left a great podcast famine of Ireland people were eating microphones and they're like we got to get out of here um what year did your family come over well I want to say it was a late 1860s 1870s and but but as we've said many times my people made the dreadful mistake of um not diversifying the line right um and so um like royalty like royalty I am much like royalty and then I am horribly

inbred uh Irish trash anywho um my children have been saved because my lovely wife uh embodies many different genetic strains and so my children uh have surpassed me they have powers that I could only dream of they're only half inbred that's a nice way to say did you say that about my children yeah I did okay yeah actually I'm thinking about it and it's just true yeah it is oh it's just true okay I was gonna get mad and then I was like oh it's just true yeah but yeah I sort of know if this is not in me giving you a hard time because you you know came to this country as a child that's not I didn't I born here we've been through this no I was born here you can't convince me that I was not born in this country just because you say it often because I was born here born

where exactly Monabello Monabello is not in the United States it has been over there no it is I grew up in two cities away from Monabello yeah yeah yeah just because you don't you like I think it's a Monabello is an island in international water no oh my god I'm pretty sure anyway the point is anyway just name a wing after me I winga I don't care maybe get a winga at the Monabello town center oh I'll take it yes and you should is there anything honoring you in in Monabello no you should be you're a celebrity you're a legitimate celebrity uh well I'm not but you are you have a you have a book that was a New York Times bestseller right um it's out right now and uh you I bring up your name in front of any crowd you get big cheers that's nice you are known you are a known person

and well who are you competing with what are the celebrities are there in Monabello you know what I don't know Eduardo Eduardo's from Monabello Monabello yeah do you know anybody from who's the great son in my session no don't you think so I mean I'm gonna just put this out there yeah I do think Sona should have some kind of recognition by Monabello I agree I don't know if it's a park bench um I want I think I'll take I'll take a park I think you should be grand marshal in the Monabello Christmas parade yes is that Christmas I don't know there should be we'll make a parade and I'll be the grand marshal I don't know I think the people always want me to do things because they think you'll do them with me yeah but that's called the old bait and switch yeah I know what uh oh so I

just pulled up on Google Monabello celebrities and on the short list of like eight people Sona's name is what number is it and above or below who else it's uh three after Sir Han Sir Han Robert Kennedy's assassin you should feel pretty good she's number seven and who else is on there anyone we'd know uh Gina Rodriguez oh yeah actress yeah actor yeah uh the rest I don't know that I know just say some names Kim Langford nope Chelsea Rendon nope actress Michelle Bauer you're bigger than all these people what Michael Trevino also an actor and Deborah Foreman yeah oh yeah oh yeah okay I bet if I looked up Brookline Massachusetts notable people from Brookline Massachusetts don't

say Eduardo but it would probably not include me because it's because I so many famous people John F. Kennedy you guys both had presidents from your cities that's right that's very cool and I'm you know what I mean and so would say things like John F. Kennedy number one number two Wilson Fetterman number three Alicia Cornwallis number four no can we see what number you are on the list your number two for sure famous Brookline I googled it Conan's number two I knew I knew it nice just number one John F. K. he always wins what about what did he ever do your ass not what your country can do for you oh my god it's getting what I'm sorry I have to I have to keep making it a stranger and stranger impression yeah um god he always beats me out he should he always will

yeah you need a library you need to do a library there there needs to be a Conan O'Brien live this is a bad idea this is a great idea hey about this in Manabello I bet I could get a Conan O'Brien library if they put the Sonoma Cecian bench out front I'll take a bench if but you gotta you want a library yeah okay it's there's more fun buildings like fun than the library Gourley what do you make of that blasphemy I don't want to take sides okay don't you want to school wouldn't a school be cool if it's named after you I go to O'Brien high yeah we're uh how about that yeah Conan O'Brien school where all the kids are bullied there are no bullies only kids who are bullied they go on to be huge bullies exactly they have to bring people in to bully them but they aren't actually part of the

curriculum but then they leave as bullies they get trained into being bullies hey I was taught by my older brothers who bullied me not Luke Neil definitely bully um but then you passed it on probably to like Kate and Justin and really Justin I went hard after Justin that's not nice it's not nice but I tried to make it it was done to you and you did it to your younger brother that's not cool I don't know O'Brien high yeah no O'Brien high only bullied kids no bullies oh god I just don't know why they bust the bullies in why don't they stop they bust them in it's just what the Conan O'Brien school is all the kids wear pants that don't fit they're not long enough where did they get the bullies from is that another school or like yes the bullies are

professional bullies that are shipped in they're paid the same way that the teachers are paid they have a union they're brought in they bully and hey what do you think you're going bang hey what's stuff in the locker hey guys it's three o'clock all right time to check out let's go get in their cars and drive away where would anyone go there anyway look for it soon uh Conan O'Brien uh elementary school and you can find it because the uh Sonoma of Sassian three-legged bench oh I don't even have four no that's expensive and anytime you try and sit in it it dumps you it falls over and dumps you out of the lawn also there's also a bacteria on Mars named Conan oh yeah hey your own okay why we really we really had fun with that story

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien Sonoma of Sassian and Matt Gorely produced by me Matt Gorely executive produced by Adam Sacks Joanna Solotarov and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Year Wolf theme song by the White Stripes incidental music by Jimmy Vivino take it away Jimmy supervising producer Aaron Blair associate talent producer Jennifer Samples engineering by Eduardo Perez additional production support by Mars Melnick talent booking by Paula Davis Gina Patista and Brit Khan this episode was mixed and edited by me Brett Morris you can rate and review this show on Apple podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode got a question for Conan call the team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821

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