Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Remembering Paul Reubens

Episode Date: August 5, 2023

Conan shares memories of the great Paul Reubens before revisiting their interview on the podcast. Original episode release date: March 9, 2020

I woke up Monday to devastating news that Paul Rubens had passed away. And, you know, you lose, we lose people all the time. There's always hearing about people that have died. And obviously, you know, some, some you know better than others but it really hit me that Paul was gone. He didn't tell a lot of us. I don't think any of us that that he was sick. He's been sick. He's been fighting, I think, his illness for a number of years. And I just adored this guy. And I think one of the things that people need to know is that obviously the character of Peewee was just mind-nummingly funny and surreal and hilarious and original. He was so funny as Peewee, but Paul, when he was Paul Rubens, he was so quick, so razor

sharp, such a delightful person, a very sensitive guy. And I sent this out in a tweet, he would always be sending over on anyone's birthday. If he knew them even slightly, he would fill their inbox that day with all these silly cartoons and memes about birthday. Old Disney cartoons, old weird memes about birthday and cats falling into birthday cakes. And he would do it all day long.

And it wasn't just me. It was just anybody that he encountered. He would do this for and such a lovely way of we all just want to feel seen or recognized and for someone like Paul to do that for so many people is just a gorgeous kind of statement. That's a gorgeous statement of who he was and I have a bunch of memories but one thing you know he came to my Christmas party this year and he brought I think 15 gifts all individually wrapped and they're all silly things, but individually wrapped gifts. My Christmas party the year before he brought a peeweed, chia pet head.

So I put it out on display this last year and Paul came and it was, did you guys see him? Yeah, I did. He was there and, you know, it's hard to believe this is what five months ago, whatever it was, but he was at the party and he brought all these gifts so many that Paul died on Monday and I came up stairs and it really hit me hard and I walked into the area just right next to my kitchen and I suddenly saw it. But I remembered there were, we opened up all of them but there were so many, we didn't get to two and they're still there, wrapped, and I can't do it.

Like I cannot open them because that feels like, you know, finishing, I just wanna leave them wrapped for right now and I will unwrap them, but I wanna leave them unwrapped. But then the other thing that happened last night, which just is surreal and magical. As you know, so now I'm not a computer person. And so I've been trying to get better at some guitar licks recently, and I have this really

good guitar teacher who's been helping me out. And his technique is, he sits with me for like two hours two hours works with me and then he sends me these files. It's videos of him explaining once again how to do it so I don't forget. And I'm not good at this. I'm terrible at this so I you know he sent it to me I press the button to download it and it went somewhere in my computer and I wasn't sure who her it went. So, last night, I start looking around in the file part of my computer, which I never do. I never do that. You can attest it.

This is not something I do. And I'm looking at like the Google Chrome and I'm looking at this and I'm like, where would this go? And then I find a big thing of files and I'm going, and I never do this. And I'm going through the whole thing of files and seeing all these JPEG 33

This many millabytes whatever I'm sorry really imbuing those with personality that they don't have I know I'm sorry. I apologize. I'm seeing numbers and I'm seeing files and some of them are Miscellaneous things we did for the covid shows for the late night show during covid some during, I mean, just literally just filled with stuff. And then I see this tiny, tiny little square and it's this little person. And I, and I'm thinking, that looks like Paul. And I click on it. And it's a message from a year ago that he sent me that I had watched at the time. And it was for my birthday year before last, which, you know, a year and two months, 14 months the time and it was from my birthday year before last, which you know, a year and two months, 14 months ago, whatever it was, 15 months ago.

And he just suddenly comes up on the screen and talks to me. And I remember this message because I loved it so much and saved it, but it was, but I had forgotten. And he sent, he, it's just him talking to me and telling me, in a way, it's felt like he was saying goodbye because it was him saying, you know, how much he values our friendship and I'm not going to get into, you know, details about it, but it was such a, I was just stunned and it was, I think, six minutes long and really funny, but also just incredibly sweet and him talking to me.

And I just, when it was done, I went in and I told my wife what I had just watched. And she was, she's just crying and she said, oh my God, good for him. Like, he went out of his way to tell people what they meant to him. Do you know what I mean? He went out of his way to be sweet and kind. And, you know, I know he's, I don't know. And I'm sure he did that for a lot of people. And it made me realize, what a generous thing to do if, you know, this is just a year ago. So he knows he's not well. And to do that, to, to extend yourself like that and do that. And it's such a gift because we lose people and we have no idea how, you know, and this was a

nice thing he did. I've, it sounds crazy, but it made me feel so much better. Do you know what I mean? It's like he just showed up on my computer magically and had this nice conversation with me. I don't know. I just, I've been thinking about him constantly and it felt appropriate. He was on the podcast in 2020. And again, this is Paul. This is not Peeway. This is Paul.

And I don't know how well you guys remember it. But he's so quick and so agile and fast and delightful. And I still remember him being pretty humble about things, so agile and fast and delightful. I remember him being pretty humble about things, you know, not wanting to overstep verbally and things like that. Yeah, yeah. He's, I don't know, not, we shall not see his like again.

You think about all the people in comedy and how certain people work certain niches. And then there's this one person. He's a singularity. You know, he created this absolutely. No one could, whatever in a million years, think of Peewee Hermann. And then, and it was so funny in so many different ways that character. It's universally loved too. My dad and I have very different senses of humor generally and we both love that movie and we watched it so much when I was a kid that I texted him when he passed away and we had this little moment of you know the end of an era because we love that movie so much.

Yeah. He does my dad. He was very you know 50s dad will bust out in that P.B. laugh and just love that man. Yeah. Well, this is, we wanted to, in honor of Paul, play his, this is a rebroadcast. We're gonna play for you right now. It's from, as I said, 2020. And I think what makes me happy is I think, Adam, you said he was talking to you and that he had had a really good time.

And yeah, I'd run into him a couple times. We had, with meetings, and I ran into him. And both times that I saw him that followed the podcast, he brought up how much fun he had, how much great feedback he got after he did the podcast, and just how comfortable he was, and it just made him feel good. Well, that's why I wanted to put a spotlight on Paul, obviously it's hard to compete with Peewee, but what I loved is that Paul came on. And you could see, I mean, my God, there's a few handful of people

who are so lightning fast that it makes me question if I should be in this business. Martin Short is one. Paul Rubens was so fast and thought in this weird lateral left brain way and was such a delight that anyway. He was so playful. Yeah, very playful. And so we have, I think we should just, there's not much more to say other than we love you, Paul. And thank you for your generosity of spirit.

And for your silliness and your loveliness. And here's Paul having fun. And let's letter rip. B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B- The artist formerly known as Prince. And I want to say right now at this very moment that I feel fantastic about being this person. That's so sweet. Do you really? I really do. Fall is here, here and now, back to school, ring the bell, bend his shoes, walk in You showed up and the first thing you did was demand hand sanitizer.

That's right. And you said that you were petrified of catching the cold. Well, it's flu season, I want to remind you. That's very good. You suddenly were doing a public service announcement. Well, I mean, I'm kind of walking public service in that space. So, I mean... And also, can I just say this?

You applied it on your hands, I think, for a full 10 minutes. Liberally. Liberally, and can you have it? Have people jump in if I'm telling the truth? You're lying, I believe. You, and you rub your hands for a long time as if you were not sanitizing your hands, but planning world domination.

I want to just say that I thought the hand sanitizer thing was off limits, but nothing's off limits here. His podcast is on the edge. Wow. You like that? Yeah, we're doing the ZG as I am. Yeah. A ZG.

Oh, ZG. Very nice. You imp, you impish imp. Yeah. Being the ZG as I am. Yeah. As ZG. Oh, ZG. Very nice. You imp. Yeah. You impish imp. Yeah. Who doesn't love you? I mean, you're, seriously, you're, you know, I wake up feeling that in the morning when I get up, I'm like, who doesn't love me? And then, you know, all day long, I'm reminded of all the people who don't. Oh, okay. We'll just start trying to take that good feel in the morning and then stretch that out for the whole day. Speaking to public service announcements. Oh, okay. We'll just start try and take that good feel in the morning and then stretch that out for the whole day. Speaking to public service announcements.

There you go. Yeah, we should all feel better about ourselves. This message brought to you. We really should. When I first started watching Pee Wies Playhouse, my thought was, how did this get on TV? At that time, many of the people who were in charge of children's programming were severe alcohol. And I had no idea what it was. I mean, you must be kidding. If Judy, if you're listening, I'm just joking. And Judy, you know who you are. Yes, she does.

And she's absolutely, I think, a T-Toe or so. Yeah, in place. She took it as a joke. We're talking about Dame Judy Dance, am I not? Exactly. Okay. She used to be head of CBS Children as a joke. We're talking about Dame Judy Dentch, am I not? Exactly. Okay. She used to be head of CBS Children's Program. But anyway, not to name drop.

Yeah, CBS. Yeah, wow. Nice. That's a real network. Yeah. It is. I. That's the noise I make to fill when I don't know what to say.

I love that noise, and I'm going to copy that. Did they really not know what to say next, isn't it? I love that noise and I'm gonna copy that. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Did they really not know what was going on? Because it was such a strange show and still remains a brilliantly strange and innovative show. But in those times, did they not know what this was? You know, I don't have any idea what they knew.

Did they give you notes on the show? Did they say things like? They gave me very few notes. The first note we ever got, we maybe got four notes in five years. And the first note I ever got, which by the way, just is the first thing in the very first episode. So what was a note I didn't follow, but they said, you can't stick pencils and potatoes. What?

I think because it was dangerous or it was a weapon or whatever. Right. And I said, why? And they went, okay, you can. So I think they just said it because they wanted to know and they didn't have a reason, so they let me do it. And it's the first thing we did, as I just mentioned. They're, they're, I have found over the years, many years in television. Thank you. I'm glad you like my work. I'm filling in stuff that you could be saying. But that's ridiculous.

Please, Paul, I'm just a person. Just not a guy. All right, well, gosh, I mean, I have to be really quick, right? No, no, no, I'm not. So, I mean, you never, they have the thing go waiting a beat? Yeah, yeah. There's no time. I'm not. So, I mean, you never. They have the thing go waiting a beat? Yeah, yeah.

There's no time. I'm not going to live long. All right. I hope it's wrong. High-end. I'm really sincerely sweet. That's wrong. I have a diet very high in saturated fats.

I have found in my years of television that they often give notes because they have to give notes. Now, sometimes they give really good notes, and I have had many good notes in my career, but I've also had them say things where it's clear they're getting a paycheck, they need to say something, and so they desperately say something. Like, no corn on the cob can never be mentioned. Never mention corn on the cob, and you don't know what they're talking about. And they say it. I know who gave, I know that I have had that say note. You had a corn on the cob?

Yes. She gives that note to every single shaleen. Sh. You had the corn on the coffee? Yes, she gives that note to every single shaleen, shaleen, the corn on the cob girl. Always gives that note. She's been giving that note for over 75 years and started in radio with that. See, somebody had smarter her and took the corn off the cob before they saw her. I love it.

She had nowhere to go. I love it. This is gonna go all over the place because that's my style. I'll be the judge of that by the way. Thank you. Go ahead. I love the fact that maybe once or twice a year my phone will light up.

It'll be either on my birthday or it'll be on Halloween and you'll send me the nicest little gifts and animations on my phone and on my birthday. You bombard my phone and I've shown it to you, Sonia, my phone will be... It happened on this podcast. It happened on the podcast. I think that was Halloween. Yeah, it was Halloween and you cannot imagine how many people have told me about it.

Like I didn't know, you know, like when people go like remember when you sent Conan a GIF, a GIF, a GIF? Don't say GIF. Well, it's only a tell-in-a-tell-in-how it's pronounced. I think it's technically pronounced GIF. Did you just take his side? I'm sorry. Son, whenever I turn to you,

and I say, can you please tell celebrity guest what the real deal is, always think of what I said, and then make sure it lines up a nice set. Let's go to the other prediction area. Paul, it's pronounced a GIF. No. I think it's actually either one. Either one you like. Why don't I get I'm sorry it's so it's been a

long time since I've been that angry and I apologize. I flew off the handle. But it was we were here we were shooting a podcast taping a podcast whatever the kids say and my phone makes a like a little vibrating sound because I'm kind enough to turn off the the noise and I look and there's a dancing animated

skeleton wishing me a happy Halloween and there's a dancing animated skeleton wishing me a happy Halloween and it's from you. But the really impressive thing is on my birthday, you do it all day long. You start early in the morning and you go all day and I am such a child, I go up to people and I go look at Paul Rubin, set me and it's a gif that anyone can send, but I'm so delighted

that it came from you. And it's always this great 1930s, 1940s animation, and it's, you know, happy birthday stuff. It's really fun. I like it myself. I'm happy to, and I do it all day long, like you just said. I'm going to just repeat what you're just saying. I know, but what I'm curious about is on that day, on my birthday, I'm gonna just gonna repeat what you're just gonna do. I know, but what I'm curious about is, on that day, on my birthday, I'm gonna be doing a tink, everybody.

When is it? April 18th. So you haven't had it yet this year? No. In 2020. Is this 2020? You don't know when this is gonna air, but I think it's gonna air before April.

But I'm gonna tell you this, on April 18th, and please, if you have to get me a gift, you know. I'm getting a gift, not a gift. But you multiple gifts, quite a few, as you just mentioned, to all your readers. I mean, your listeners. Their readers, this is put out as a magazine. Really?

Yeah. We're doing this, we tape it, and then we have a very nice person here at the show who types it out, in a stenography pool, and then sends it off. And it's distributed as a magazine, it does very poorly. Wow. It's a very bad idea. We lose a lot of money on it. The point is this, you clearly spent your whole day thinking, I got to send Conan

Samor, I got to send Conan Samor, and that meant that I was on your mind all day on my birthday. You know what's really on my mind on your birthday and many other people's birthdays? You wouldn't know, so I'm going to tell you. I'm, this is so weird, because I do it anyway, but I'm like kind of paranoid that I'm overdoing it, which I am overdoing it, obviously. It's funny how you would do it.

I kind of think, you know, is so-and-so, is Conan going like, oh my god, like, will he stop? I mean, and I think like, you're not in a position to really like reign on my parade in this particular kind of thing. You can't like, text me. I mean, you could, but you would be, if I said stop sending me happy, dancing birthday cakes, then I'm a jerk. Yeah.

So I feel like, I'm kind of like I'm, oh, there's an edge of cruelty to it. Well, there, no, there's an edge of like schizophrenia about it because I'm really literally going, wow, should I do it again? You know, is, you know, what time is it? Is it dinner time? And then I think like, yeah, send. Right, send, send. You did it right up until almost midnight, just before midnight, you squeezed one in under the wire. I wasn't sure where you were either. Oh, I, you know, I do go past midnight also sometimes

thinking like if you're still up, it's still your birthday. That's my thought on it. Right. Maybe your readers want to like chime in on that and say they don't agree with that kind of a thing, or they pronounce it Jeff. No, it's Jeff. I think it's Giff.

I go with Giff. And you know what, I was gonna put that out there in the universe, I'm going with Giff, and let's all agree on Giff, okay? Mm-hmm. No, I make noises here. Oh, I can't believe you're making my noise over there. I thought I changed it up a little bit.

You did change it. Yours is less desperate than mine. Some more I've got a milky. Mm-hmm. Yours is less desperate than mine. Some more of got a milky. Yours had yours was drier. Mine was like a little flavor of early Jerry. That would be Jerry Orbach. Jerry Herman.

Yeah. Jerry Lewis. Jerry Lewis. Yeah, I don't know why I'm bringing Jerry Lewis. Well, first of all, I noticed that many of your references today date from the 40s and 50s. The 1940s and 50s. I like to make references from the the 40s and 50s. The 1940s and 50s. I like to make references from the 2040s and 50s, because I see well-inced future. Yes, I do. But we'll get there. Mine are all really old references.

As you just said, you know, because I've noticed that you love old show business, and I know that as a kid, I mean, your first love was the circus. You wanted to join the circus. I did. You did join the circus or you did want to. I did want to. Yeah. And I did join.

No, I didn't join. What would you have done in the circus? I was just practicing just like, yes. One line, you know, one word answers. Just for just one second, I won't do it again. Okay. No. And do you like that?

Yes. And you did murder. Hmm. No. And do you like that? Yes. And you did murder. Oh. But you thought about joining the circus. So you loved old time show business. You know what, we moved when I was a little kid around fifth grade, fourth grade, we moved to Sarasota, Florida, from upstate New York.

And Sarasota at that time was the winter headquarters of the Ringling Brothers Circus. And so to me, I already was obsessed with show business and wanting to be an actor and perform. And so when I got to Florida and you could walk in the supermarket and go circus, circus, circus, normal person, circus performer, regular person, circus performer. I was so excited by that. And I kind of thought, this is as close, I mean, never get closer than this is terms of show business. So I kind of panicked a little bit and thought, you know, maybe you should figure out what you could do in the circus if you don't actually ever get to Hollywood

or New York. Because when I was even younger, when we lived in upstate New York, I would sit on the floor watching I love Lucy or watching my dad watch like Phil Silvers show. Right. Right. Right. And I would watch my dad laughing at that. Or I would be watching Lucy Obal and laughing my head off and thinking like, I would look around and I'd be like, this can't be my real life.

Like these can't be my real parents. And like, you know, I've got to get into this somehow. Yeah, how am I ever going to get out of Onion to New York and get to Hollywood? This would be when I would be like four years. Yeah, but you took it a step further. You actually tried to get jobs. Didn't you like right Walt Disney, a letter? I did right

Walt Disney. Well, you know a lot of stuff. I wrote Walt Disney a letter. I waited by the mailbox for months for an answer. The letter came with a recording. I recorded a song in Senator Walt Disney also. And it was on a real-to-real tape. And it was me singing Haley Mills song, let's get together from the parent trap. And my letter was like, dear Mr. Disney, I am so much better than Kevin Corcoran. He was like moochie. He was the kid who was in every district. You see wrote a letter that said, hey, that guy who's your Disney star, I'm better than him. You should see me, Mr. Disney, because I am so way better than this other kid.

That's incredible. Yeah. And then you, of course, you can close the tape of you singing. And you get a letter back from Walt Disney. No. Oh no, I wouldn't say that part. No, no, I waited every day by the mailbox and nothing ever came. Maybe he passed away around that. It's possible that he could have,

I checked to make sure that he was still alive each day. They said the day he died, he opened a letter and got really mad and then dropped dead. That's a true story. He said he opened a letter, a recording fell out. Walt Disney was in. He listened to my recording and dropped it. No, no, no.

Walt Disney was enraged at the affrontary that someone said, I'm so much better than who you've got. He said, what child would have the nerve and then he just dropped? That's what I've always known. I know the answer to that too. I'll tell you what child would have the nerve and that would be Kevin Corcoran's sister,

Noreen Corcoran, who is also a child actor. She was older than him and she was the daughter, you know, maybe some of your listeners right now could get out their smartphones and look up Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren.

Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren.

Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. Noreen Quarkren. I care so deeply you care very deeply about norin cork rain if you're listening right now good luck Because you would I think she's passed away, but no she probably hasn't she probably you're a terrible Oh, there you go right there. No, we're in cork ran what she was the daughter on she did pass away

Yeah, she passed away to did no not today Passed away quite a quite a while. This is just a downer all the way around. And a terrible moment for podcasting. I just want to say. What date is today? Well, we never get to eat. Oh, we can't say, but you can. No, you're on what I think might be today.

Seriously, I'm not giving you. Is that today, stay? January 15th. Was that yesterday? What's today? Today's the 17th. Wait, you managed to bring up this woman who nobody listening knows about.

And then we check into her and we find out that she died on the day that we're recording this podcast. Don't forget. Noreen. I forgot her name. Oh, for God's sake. You just said it. Noreen Corcoran sent ya.

It's like a large, marked sentia kind of story. You know, I'll never forget the first time I met Noreen Corcoran. I don't like just like this. I know everything about every child star at the time. So you, the Mills was my all time obsession. You desperately wanted to be a child star and you were angry at the existing child stars because you thought you were better. Did you you be honest, demonstrably have better skills than they did at the time? Absolutely. I mean, I wish there was someone around

who could back that up, but, you know, there isn't. Could you dance? I mean, I wanted to be in an entertainer when I was a kid and I made my parents get me tap dancing lessons. Oh my God. Because I thought, and this is like the 1970s, I thought that you needed to know how to tap dance to be in show business, because the only movies they did.

Yes. At one point. No, in the 30s, in the 1930s, in the 70s, you needed to know Martin Scorsese, and you needed to have a brooding sort of cloud over your head. No, there was no, I don't know why I got that misinformation. This makes some, now I understand why you insist on tap dancing at all your parties. I'd never connected with that. I make everyone sit.

And then they hear everyone's happy to do it seriously. They love it. They love watching your tap. You often leave halfway through. I'm noticing. It's like, 40 minute routine. I'm just going outside to have like a, take a deep breath. Right there. It's just to collect myself, because I'm so blown away by your tapping.

So are you, to this day, do you wish you'd been a child star? Are you thinking, I mean, it all worked out so well for you. Yeah, so when I actually finally, quote unquote, made it in Hollywood, I was so happy that I was older. That I was in my late 70s, I think, and that happened.

And I was very, very happy that I didn't make it as like a teenager or 20-year-old. It goes so badly for anyone who gets in as a child. So badly that the only example they have of it going well is Jody Foster. Of all the hundreds of thousands of people that have been child stars they always say jody foster turned out okay so there is one everyone else murders and sets fires before they're 15 years old is that true son of i don't know Natalie Portman murderer okay she was in con she committed a series of crimes in the pacific northeast ryan Reynolds. No, I'm thinking about Ryan

See you can even do it Ryan Gosling was in the Mickey Mouse Club. Yeah Ryan Gosling our son is oh Convicted you said Jason Bateman. Yeah Jason Bateman. Have you hung out with Jason Bateman? Oh, I just didn't turn out well. Yeah, okay Runawhored Ron Howard Stole jewelry from Graves. That's a true story. When I first met her, these are all true stories about celebrities and don't even buy that a look at us, it's just that true.

And don't bother to mention it to them or their lawyers. Ron Howard, a grave robber. I'm having dinner with Ron Howard as soon as this is over. Well, notice this one. There isn't no about it yet. Guess what, notice this. Take a good look. He'll be wearing four watches and six rings dinner with Ron Howard as soon as this is over. Notice. There's a no about it. Yes. What? Notice this.

Take a good look. He'll be wearing four watches and six rings and they'll be covered in dirt. Oh my God. I was at a meeting many years ago. Well, I have two Ron Howard stories. I'd like to tell you really slowly. One of them is when I first met Ron Howard, I auditioned for night shift. Was that the movie with Michael Keaton?

Yes, Michael Keaton, I believe yes. That was Michael Keaton's breakout role. I auditioned, well, that could have been my Rocky. That could have been me. Did you audition for Rocky as well? I did not. You auditioned for Ron Howard for this big role, the role that you're bringing me back. You're bringing me back.

You bet. I have to. So, yes, and I blew the whole audition. I mean, one of many reasons I blew the audition, but the main thing is I couldn't not go as soon as I sat down to go, I got to just tell you Mr. Hart, I was so jealous of you when I was a kid because I, and I, you know, practically had to lay down and like tell my story. You told him how much he resented him as a child actor.

Yes, I did. You never told you this? No, no, but I'm just saying that what a mistake to tell him I bitterly hated you when you were. My sight is 2040, isn't it? Like, is that what people say? I would have known not to do that at the time And I think it's kind of I did not I didn't know so you told my second audition the only other audition

I'd ever had for a movie before that was in the chosen with Robbie I can't even say that without without laughing but Robbie Benson was the teen heartthrob of that could have been my rocky We all find the path that we're meant to find. And I read that somewhere, I think it was on a cookie. Well, I later went to a meeting in a skyscraper with Ron Howard and his partner. And in the middle of a pitch, I was just sort of nervously reaching around behind me. And on the couch I was sitting at and I stuck my hand in the crack of the couch and there was money in it.

Like coins had fallen down. And I stopped in the middle of this pitch and practically squealed like a pig and went, oh my god, there's money back here and I stood up and pulled the cushion out and started like pulling like coins out. And I turned her out and everyone in the room's mouth, Jarls, and I stood up and pulled the cushion out and started pulling coins out. I turned her out and everyone in the room's mouth, Jarls, wore a drop-up and I was like, oh my God, I mean people were looking at me like, are you kidding me? You're a disaster. It was, I made so many mistakes like that.

Right. Many, and I'd like to tell you all 40 or 50. I want to hear them, but first we're going to take a quick break. And now we're back. Good break, huh? Oh, that was quick. I feel like we didn't even have a break, but we really didn't. They're inserting some commercials later on. Commercials that'll earn us hundreds of dollars. Okay. You'll see small, small price. Oh, so? Yeah, okay. I share the wealth equally with everyone in this world. Really? You have points in this podcast?

This particular one episode? I'm just not you. You say yes, right? You got it. Whatever. Hey, whatever change you can find here. Whatever coins you can find, you can keep. And as your page.

I just like the point that I'm not even on a couch. I mean, you know, what is this? It's an office chair. What do you call this a chair? Can I just say one of the things that delighted me so much in your work is the, that you would call a chair, a chair, that everything was alive. When I was a kid, that was my sense of humor is that everything was alive. And everything ended in E. Well, in E.

And everything ended with E. But I really was the kind of kid that would put something in a drawer and say, thanks drawer, and the drawer would be like, I'm just doing my part. And, you know, I'm still, I'm still like that. I still, I love a world where everything's alive. I think that's the kind of world I want to live in. I used to like that.

Now I like a world where everything is dead. I'm not good at this. I'm just kidding. I kid because I'm a professional kid. And I, although you would be the judge of that better than me. I don't think so. I'm not trying to set you up here or myself. But I, yeah.

You seem like a kid to me that would have just based on your sense of humor in what you came up with that you would have had an active imagination and worked out all these fantasies in your head when you were a kid. There are people like, comedians I talk to where I say, yeah, I picture them up in their room creating a whole world. And then there's the other type of comedian that just angerly goes out and they craft their comedy out of loathing in revenge. Which one are you?

I'm going to bet the first one. Hmm. I mean, think about that for 15 or 20 minutes. You really don't understand this format, do you? No. I was going to ask you and then we just jumped in so fast, but the pod part of it is the part I didn't really understand. And I was going to look it up before I don't know. I've been not been doing this for a long and I don't know why they're called podcasts. I don't know anything about it. I do it. People that have put a lot of thought into podcasts are enraged by my indifference to the whole medium, but I enjoy it, but I don't know what pod means.

I don't know what it's called podcast. Yeah, I mean, either. And I don't even really care. I mean, I'm here, right? I mean, I didn't go like, you know, unless you can explain what pod means, I'm not doing it. Okay, I just hear for a free meal. Can I just jump in with one story I just thought of

that I was trying to think of like that? That's the whole point of what we're doing. Oh, you're allowed to when you think of something that you think would be good. I just put it in a pod and you just ended off. Yeah. Um, so when I put the headphones on, they still call these headphones. Yeah. I call, I put the headphones on and I listen to my voice coming through the headphones

and I'm like, wow, who is that? Who's that nasally voice there? on and I listened to my voice coming through the headphones and I'm like, wow, who is that, who's that nasally voice there? Because you know, I just like, I don't ever like to listen to my voice. So I won't be listening to this podcast. I'm just telling you now. But when I made my tape to Walt Disney, soon after that, I believe, I think it was shortly after that because it was the end of my singing career for many, many believe, I think it was shortly after that, because it was the end of my

singing career for many, many years. I went to New York with my dad and we went in a booth where you could make a record. You put money in and you would sing into a microphone and then a record would come out. And we lived really far away. And I probably sang the same song that I had sang for Walt Disney. This was a couple of years later, so it was different technology. I went from real to real tape to vinyl.

And I like to take a break, commercial break, and come back to the rest of the story in a couple of hours. Yeah. I held that record on my lap all the way back to O'Neill, to New York like a two or three hour drive from Manhattan and ran in the house and put it on the record player and listened to about the first four notes. It was I think like maybe the first or second time, maybe the first, I probably recorded that thing for Walt Disney and never even checked it.

So this might be the first time you're really listening to your voice. Right. And I freaked out so bad that I grabbed the record and ran outside and smashed it on the sidewalk and didn't sing again until I auditioned for some musical when I was like a young teenager, like 13 or something. So you heard your voice for the first time. I mean, now with phones and everything, the technology we have now, everyone hears their voice all the time. But yeah, you hadn't heard your voice for the first time. I mean, now with phones and everything, the technology we have, no, everyone hears their voice all the time.

But yeah, you hadn't heard your own voice. No, no, it hadn't. Go to the head. You heard it before. No, it was, it was a horrible. Was that one? I think a crime. I couldn't tell.

I don't know what it was. Okay, well, it was bad acting. Finding the change in the couch did not cost you that addition. Oh, I think it was that crime. Good thing this is your show. How about it? Nick, how are you, buddy? I was just good thing. This is your show. Nick, are you buddy? I was just dead.

I wish you would. No, I, uh, that's pretty common. That's pretty common. That's pretty common. That's pretty common. That's pretty common. That's pretty common. That's pretty common.

That's pretty common. That's pretty common. That's pretty common. That's pretty common. That's pretty common. That's pretty common. That's pretty common. That's pretty common. That's pretty common. That's pretty common. That's pretty common. I picture it being snowy and there's snow banks and I picture you rushing out into the snow and hurling it against the asphalt and it shatters and then I see a bread truck going by

and Mr. Panchetta leaning out and going, what's a mataboy? And you say, my voice, my voice, I'll never make it in the business. He says, he would have a warm biscuit and he hands you one and you bite into it and you know things will work out. It's so close to what really happened

except he leaned out and said, it's GIF! In that accent that you just had. I don't do accents. You worked with, I want to bring this up because I worked with the man at Cernet Live for a number of years Phil Hartman. I know you guys worked together. Did you improv with Phil? Yes, back in the day. Yeah, he was in the groundings. He was just so fantastic. I just found a whole bunch of photos of Phil in a box that

I'm going through all these looking for all this stuff to show during the Puyi's Big Adventure 35th anniversary tour. Right. So I found a bunch of photos of Phil. Because Phil worked on the movie with you. Phil co-wrote, big adventure. Yeah, yeah. You know, people always ask me about Phil, and I always say, well, for my money, he was the best utility player that Sonnet Live has ever had. He could play anything.

He could be the dad in one sketch, then the juvenile delinquent in the next sketch. And so he was amazing that way. And the other thing I loved about, that was remarkable about Phil is that all the years I work with him, people say, well, what was he like? He was always in character, kind of,

when I would try to talk to him. I'd come in and I'd go, hi, Phil, I'd be like, hello, kid. And then he'd say, keep him flying, boys. To me and the other rioters, keep him flying. That's the way to go. Fellas, and he would always talk like a, he was in a sort of a parody of a World War Two movie.

And then I'd see him out in the world sometimes. I'd see him walking down the street and be like, hey, Phil, how are you? It's Aces, kid. I thought, I don't know. No, he was like that. I don't know if you broke through and saw a different Phil, but that's the Phil I always saw. No, he was just like that with me. Me and Phil and John Paragom were the three kind of guys

at the groudlings and we would sit in my car in the parking lot and just spend all hours and hours fantasizing about what it would be like if we were ever working actors and made our living as actors and stuff. And it was just, when I think back out of now, it was so amazing and corny. You turned me on to this amazing like secret magic show once, which we don't have to

talk about. And we can't, I don't know. No, no, it's, but you took me to, you said, hey, I've got something you might be interested in. And I thought you were going to sell me drugs, to be honest with you. And I was hoping that that's what would happen. But you didn't. You took me into this really interesting part of Los Angeles to this magical place where they put on kind of a burlesque show. And I took my wife, and it was just amazing. And then there was a party afterwards. But it felt like it was this secret world

that nobody in LA knows about. And I'm sort of loathed to even talk about it because I don't want to ruin this sort of coolness of it. Well, in actuality, they're making a documentary that's going to include quite a bit of stuff about that. The place you're talking about, the actual location of it is called Brookledge. That's the name of this property.

And it was at one time the destination for magicians before the magic castle. And the family, the Psyllarsson family that owned that property and still owns that property. And the two Larson brothers founded the magic castle. But their property, one of their property, Brooklidge, had a little theater, has a little theater in the backyard that seats, I think it's about a 70 seat theater. It's a property, it's Brookledge, had a little theater, has a little theater in the backyard that seats, I think it's about a 70 seat theater. It's tiny. And it's over a creek. There's a real creek that runs through this property

in the middle of Los Angeles. And it's, there's, I guess, an underground, this is, I don't know, this would be something you might know about. I've never heard of it. You haven't heard of this, because it's not so up your alley. There is a, I don't know who you think I am, but there's a apparently like a river that runs underneath

Los Angeles, and then it surfaces or a creek and it surfaces in this one little neighborhood, and it runs right through this estate. What? And so there's a little babbling brook. Part of Los Angeles. I can't say. Oh, I think that's too personal. I think it was a mistake. I was even say. Oh, I think that's too personal. I think it was a mistake.

I was even saying, was it? No, no, the reason is because they're making a documentary about the magic castle and this family, that Brooklyn. And this will be part of it. There's quite a bit of stuff about Brooklyn. Well, it was magical. And I think you must know about all kinds of stuff like that. That's the absolute best one I know about.

I do know about a few other places. Like a couple of times the podcast is called Conan O'Brien needs a friend and you and I have talked recently about getting together and getting a meal and I don't want to pick the place. I want you to pick the place. I send you a great places, like three places. I thought we'd be doing it after this podcast, but you know, I never heard back from you. That's not true. I did. back from you. That's not true. I did. It is true.

It is not true. Don't make me go and re-send that. You sent me an email that invited me to... I said, like, what do you do after the podcast that I'll be doing on this date, like weeks ago? Weeks. I mean, I'll give you one thing. It was over the holiday, so...

Oh, that might explain it. You were probably in... I was in Stod. In Stod. No, I was in Stodd. I was in Stodd. I was in Stodd with some of the biggest celebrities you can imagine. The weekend. Oh my god. True story. I was in Stodd with the weekend. Why are you laughing at that? Why is that funny to you? I feel like you just said any name that you think is hip and cool.

You just saw him cut, Joe. Yeah, that's why. No. I was in Stod with the weekend, and if you doubt me, you can ask the weekend. Oh, I'm sorry to use it in my- Was it for the weekend? Yeah, you were in Stod for the weekend. I think you're mistaken.

No, I don't mean that. I want to do more episodes of this. I- first of all, we'll see. We'll see how this pants out. I get it. I don't I don't I didn't mean that I want to do more episodes of this I First of all we'll see we'll see how this pants out. I get it But we want to be but the weekend also by the way do you the week day Listen all of your references so far have been Betty Betty Grable is the newest reference You can I just said the weekend you just repeated me and I said it because I think I saw it on a blog. Anyway, I was in Shada with the weekend. So I did not see what you're talking about.

And I'm a notoriously bad emailer. I'm not comfortable in the world of email. I prefer a letter in the mail. It's really how I prefer things. I sent you several letters too. I resorted to email. They were only after, as I was saying to Grace Kelly and Monica, just recently, about this very subject.

But you're just what I want to know. Over the weekend, are we going to, I kept thinking, I want Paul to figure this out because I want to go someplace interesting. If it's up to me, it's going to be the cheesecake factory. And that's where I wanted to go. No, really? No.

I was going to go to the cheese something factory. But what are you doing? I'm going to write down the name so I don't have to say it out loud and see if you've ever been to this restaurant because it's so you have been there. I have been there. That's where I was going to suggest. Right. He just wrote Hooters.

Only on a piece of paper. I've been there. Only if you had never been here because. But I'd go there again. It's close to here. And this time of year, the view is incredible. We're not talking about Hooters by the way. That was just, you're just kidding, right?

No, no, no, of course. I did what was called a joke. I'm in a joke. Who tears? Who tears? Who gives? I will go there with you to that place. We can't say because if we get sound, what's face? I call Rubin as a Conan O'Brien. I go into a restaurant.

I wasn't sure if you could even go out. Like if you go out places and people just talk to you all the time. You know what I do? I go out dressed as lesser celebrities so that I'm not hassled. What? I really do. I go out disguised as a celebrity who I believe is a notchertu below me. And I don't want to say any names, so I think that's hurtful. But that way. Right one down. Oh my God. Oh, I'm in a total agreement over that one. Yeah. See? But then there's this one right here. Ooh, go Steve.

No, I want to be bothered somewhat. I don't want to go out into skies. I want people to kind of recognize me. And that's why I go out as someone who was like in sitcom in the 1980s and hasn't worked much since. So that people go, oh, you know, and I get some attention, but not it's not the overwhelming, there's Conan O'Brien. Well, you can just imagine the mania

that would break out if I were seeing it. I can only imagine it. So even with me many times, and it gets out of control. It does not get out of control. It gets completely out of control. Some people look at you and they're like, yeah. Is it him?

No. Yeah. I feel like people look at me and go like, oh my God, it's, no, it's not, I can't be him. Well, let's talk about that because you made it in this huge way as this other entity. But when you walk around, people, do they know it's you right away?

I don't think they do, but you know You know this to or maybe you don't like you can I can never tell and I'm always very into like as I walked on the street I'm like does this person recognize me? Do they recognize you thinking about that all the time? Oh every second I'm wondering are people recognizing me or not? You know, it's funny. So, if they do, there's a little anxiety, I bet, that they will recognize you, because then you have to engage in conversation,

and the bubble will be broken. But if they don't recognize you, then your feelings are hurt. So you're in a fucked-up situation. I was at your party at Christmas speaking with somebody about this very subject. I'm not making this up and going by the way. I am always in situations where people start to go,

oh my God, I really love you and I love that thing you did. And it turns out to be you, the person that I was talking to it was Martin Short, really. All the time people, I'm halfway through and I'm like, well, well, wait a minute. You're talking about Ed Grimley, not Pee Wee Herman. And they're like, oh, I mean, they never go like two different, but they're kind of like.

People confuse you with Martin Short. Yes. Quite often. And do you think anyone ever goes up to Martin Short and thinks that they're Paul Rubens? If they do, Martin Short wasn't kind enough to tell that. That would have been nice if he said that to you. He could have even made that up.

You know what I get a lot? You're listening Marty. I know your friends call you Marty. God, you're so much, you're so filled with venom. I am. A lot of nerve, hit a nerve. Ooh, yeah. A lot of people think I'm Greta Gerwig.

I get that a lot, man. They do. People say, oh my God, you're so young and you're beautiful. You're so much taller than me. Yeah, you're very tall. How did you do little women? How did you direct little women? And I go, and I'm happy in the first part.

And then I suddenly I'm like, no, no, no, no, I'm not Greta Gerwig. And then I talk to Greta Gerwig. And she said she does not get mistaken for me. I want to meet Greta Gerwig. And then I talk to Greta Gerwig. And she said she does not get mistaken for me. I want to meet Greta Gerwig. I really do. That's a serious, real thing. I'm saying it on your show in case she's out there.

Any of her friends are going, go Greta, he could be sending you gifts or gifs or whatever on your birthday. This, a lot of celebrities listen to this podcast. Really? And I'm gonna say, and I'm not even kidding, there's a 95% chance that Greta Gerwig is listening right now.

Well, I'm out to her people already. Yeah, well, this is faster. All right. You're never gonna get through her people. Okay. You know, after Little Women, that's a lot of people. I loved Little Women and I loved the other movie that she made before that.

Lady Bird. Lady Bird. Lady Bird. I really loved it. I knew it didn't I know it. Lady Bird. That's the Lyndon Johnson story, right? It's the story of Lyndon Johnson and the musical score was by The Weeknd. So it all comes together.

It all comes together. It all comes together. Yeah. I know a lot of cool modern references. You seem to be very backwards and dated. Back backwards and back in the 40s and the 50s But a day doesn't go by that I'm not listening to the latest rap by aquafina or You know you know wearing the latest threads

I know what to do. You can't even think of another person today. I said aquafina and I think that's enough. I don't think I should be required to know other names than that. Paul, you and I, I think, don't need to know about the modern world because we both live in our own heads. We're happy where we are. We don't need to know who all these rappers are. You know? Why do I need to know? What most deaf is doing. You're asking the wrong person though, really. I mean, this is...

Most deaf, that's another one, right? Yeah. This is one actor now. I'm sorry, I know. One voice of Alabama leading the blind voice of Alabama. Just to make a fairly current reference from some of the group from the last 40 or five years. I don't think you and I should be communicating in this modern medium.

The podcast is a modern medium. Listen to by a lot of very young, cool people and you and I are not qualified to be here. What's the difference between a podcast and a radio show, by the way? Exactly. I think that all the time. Because I'm making a radio show and people keep going, no, no, no, you're making a podcast. And I go, I think I know what I'm making. And they go, no, if you think you're making a radio show, then obviously you don't.

A podcast. I love that story, don't you? I like the beginning and I like the middle. I didn't like the end. Okay, ending was disappointing. I love that story, don't you? I like the beginning and I like the middle. I didn't like the end. Okay, ending was disappointing. I can fix the end. I'll take that note.

Yeah. Podcasts, can be listened to at any time, I suppose that's one of the big differences. Yeah. Podcasts comes from iPod, it's a pun on broadcast, but it was invented or sort of like popularized by the iPod. I didn't know that, and I've been doing one of these for a year and a half, and I didn't know that and I've been doing one of these for a year and a half and I didn't know that.

I bet a lot of people that are listening right this moment didn't know that and we would have no way of knowing whether they're lying or not. Just a, yeah. I assume they're all lying. Guys, you go one of them. Look at that, you go and-

They're all liars. You go angry and bitter every time. Ever since you smashed that every second. Sonograph record in the snow. Another baker. You're bitter every time. Ever since you smashed that every second. Phonograph record in the snow, another baker. You're delightful fellow. You really are. And I know you're...

Is that me and we're out of time? No, you're wrapping it up right now. I can do whatever I want. I am, I am. The great thing about a podcast. I'm curious. No one's breathing down right now. I'm concerned my energy.

How are we gonna go out to this place that you wrote down? You mean right now? I mean, I can't go out to this place that you wrote down. You mean right now? I can't go now for hot reasons. I can't go now in a working hell. Ring ring ring ring, pick up hell. Hello.

Who, you mean that line of celebrities out there was all waiting to do their next hot gathering? You mean the back street boys, Griffin Dunn? Oh my God! Wow! Uh. That's good. Damn.

Oh, no. Are you challenging me to come up with like, boys to men? Boys to men, waiting out there in the hallway. Man at work. Yeah. Man at work out there there in the hallway. Men at work. Yeah. Men at work out there. Thompson twins. There you go.

If it's an 80s name, I know it. We weren't doing 80s. You're gonna be a little late. No, but Shade is out there. I'm waiting to talk to me. Sade. She told me it was Shade. Yeah, well, she pronounced it, get false I was still.

Did you really have this this evening booked? Did you think you were at UNI were gonna have to go to dinner tonight? Cause I wanna go to dinner with you. I hoped. Let's just say I used the word hope in my mind, but- But as I got in the car to come over here, I realized, yeah, I haven't heard from him still.

What is it now? Seven weeks? I take it easy. I was in- I got in the car to come over here, I realized, yeah, I haven't heard from him still. What is it now? Seven weeks? I take it easy. I was in a stod with the weekend. What I want to do is make sure that we do this meal. For three months. You were there? I'm, oh, okay.

Go ahead. Cheers show. The weekend is a very slow skier. Listen. You and I. Downhill skier. Isn't that the name of a movie? Oh my god.

You. Downhill racer? Downhill something. What't that the name of a movie? Oh my God. Downhill racer? Downhill something. What are you okay with? I don't know. Dunhill cigarettes. I'll take things to begin with done for a hundred. Well I think we're done.

How about that? Ding, ding, ding. Ding, ding, segway. Pretty good, huh? Yeah. We are at a time. I do have to go and speak to all the guests that are waiting to speak with me I have a lot of the lawyer for

Rauld Julia. Oh, you do. Oh, absolutely. You just made it very clear that you had dinner blocked out there. Yeah, no I take it all back. Do you have someone you can have dinner? We do a second take of this whole show I think we just did this is fantastic. I think you should be very happy with it. I'm thrilled. I'm so thrilled. I'm trying my best not to go dark and bitter, right this second, but no, I like it. And my people will be contacting you immediately. It's like at the car.

You have no people to you. No. No. Pong. Listen, you seem really busy. I'm gonna let you let me run. And that was defensive. I will, you and I are going to have this dinner.

We're going to have this dinner. And it's going to be a really good time. Early 2021, I'm thinking. Right? We're going to do it this month. Oh. We're doing it this month. Huh.

I wish I could. I mean, I wish I was a little one. You're not your book the whole month? Well, I'm going out on tour. I don't think I've mentioned that more than two or three times, have I? How can people see this show? We got to get the word out. They can't, it's sold out.

So I've never used to plug it. I never went to plug stuff that's sold out. Yeah, thank you. Fuck you. You're a good feeling. I wanna come. Good luck. Good luck.

You missed the boat fast, get- Get-holes. Um, but you're problem. It's a sorry. It's a candy. Okay. Paul, thank you so much. When we do go to dinner, I will pay for two-thirty. Oh, thank you.

And you can't thank me enough, I feel. You can't do enough for me, I feel. You have dad eyes. I'll just say that at the end. You're just looking right through me. Ooh. Dead eyes. I'll just say that at the end. Just looking right through me.

Ooh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. It's scared. Frightened. Now you're just making sounds.

This is the end of the podcast. It's Paul Robins. Goodbye everyone. Pfft. Pfft. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley, executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Your Wolf.

Themesong by The White Stripes, Incidental Music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our Associate Talent Producer is Jennifer Samples, engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Melnick, Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode.

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