Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Rob Lowe

Episode Date: June 1, 2020

Actor Rob Lowe feels optimistic about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Rob and Conan sit down to talk about advice from Cary Grant and Paul Newman, what’s in store with Rob’s new podcast Literally! With Rob Lowe, and which Supreme Court justice Rob considers a friend. Plus, Conan reviews submitted pieces of risqué fan art. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.

Hi, my name is Rob Lowe, and I feel optimistic about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Hey there, and welcome to another installment of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. The podcast is now, well, I guess we're almost wrapping up the second season. Two full seasons of what Time Magazine called the most influential podcast in the history of the medium. I made that up. That's not true. But I've found that you can just make up quotes, and some people who aren't really paying attention will think it's true. The Wall Street Journal said Conan O'Brien, using his voice alone, has changed the culture for the better. Podcast monthly, all hail Conan O'Brien. That's a publication that doesn't even exist, and nothing I've said so far is true.

I want to welcome the people who help me, or kind of help me, help me, and I think sometimes occasionally hurt me, in this endeavor. My assistant, Sonam Obsesion. Hey, Sonam. Hi, Conan. How are you? I'm doing great. Yeah. I have nothing else to add to that. I'm sorry. Great. Well, as I said, sometimes help, sometimes hurt.

Matt Gorley, producer extraordinaire. Matt, I give you a hard time. Occasionally, sort of like you're a younger brother, but it's all with affection. We are nearing the end of our second season, and once again, you've done a stellar job, and I salute you. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Well, I've got nothing either. Okay. Well, surrounded by shitheads. Absolutely. Is that you? Is that podcast monthly? No. That is, hold on a second. This is my phone.

Oh, my God. Turn it off. What are you doing? I had it on because occasionally, my wife likes to call me to find out if the marriage is still on. And then I pick up and I go, yeah, let's roll it over into the next quarter, is what I usually say. I'm not good with technology. I'll admit that. Huh? I often think that my iPhone is a bar of soap. I've taken it to the shower several times, lathered my whole body with it. Ew. It is weird. They do lather up. I don't know. I'm just going to put that out there. iPhones lather up. They do.

Yeah, that's battery acid. Still gets you clean. It literally burns the oils and dirt from your body. That's a little life hack out there. If you don't have any soap, use an iPhone. It will overheat. The battery acid will leak out and burn the dirt and skin from your body. So I like life hacks. Those are things that I like to come up with every now and then. Life hack shows that I'm cool and I'm young and I know the term life hack. That's pretty good, huh? Anybody? How am I doing? Not great. Is this the end of the podcast like forever? I mean, this one-

We got one more episode this season, but we- But what if that's it? I mean- It should be. But that, you know what? First of all, Sona, your contributions today, and I don't mean to be harsh, have been awful. So far you've said, I don't know, got nothing, huh? Why did you do that? Blah, eh, blah. Terrible improvisation. Awful. I'm not- I don't improv. This is also not improv. It's a conversation.

Yeah, I don't know why everything has to be improv-y. It's just this- I have zero comedy background besides working for you. I don't even know why I'm here if I'm gonna be super honest. Every time I do this, I'm like, why, of all the people on your staff, am I on this when I have zero experience with- Do you know why- Do you know why you're here, Sona? Uh-uh. You are working for Next Enough. Yeah. Sort of as part of your assistant duties, you have to sit over there and say something occasionally.

And you do, and you've done a fantastic job, and you've really not been adequately compensated for it. It's fantastic. Oh, that's nice. Thank you very much for not adequately compensating for anything. I congratulate you for your lack of business acumen. Well, you know, my thing is that when you expect me to bring the funny, I'm looking at the guy who's been on television for 27 years, and I feel like it's your responsibility on Conan O'Brien needs a friend to, like, do something. I'm sorry, did you just say bring the funny? The worst, worst phrase ever, bring the funny. Comedy and humor is not a commodity that can be delivered to you in an Amazon package.

When people say bring the funny, I become enraged. You should never tell me when something enrages you, because now I'm going to say bring the funny so often that it's going to just piss you off. Say it all you want. You're just going to alienate the comedy community. No one in the comedy community says bring the funny. What am I supposed to do without the comedy community? Oh, no. My life is over. Sona, you're bringing the funny. Yeah, you are bringing the funny. Your lack of respect for the comedy community is appalling.

They're the ones that like this podcast, you know? Oh, no. No? Oh, no. What am I supposed to do with my life without the comedy community? No, I know. They've been so nice to me. Why don't you show us some of your characters, Sona? I have a couple.

Oh, I would like to see them. Let's hear your French person. Go. Oh, come on. Wait, that's your French person? That's someone choking on a roll. That's not a French person. I can't do most of my characters when I'm sober. So if you give me a minute, I'll go get high real quick or just take a few shots.

What are your characters? There's French person. There's French person. Sometimes I call my friend Erica Brown at work and I do Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip. Let's do that. Let's hear that. Let's hear it. It's really stupid. Let's hear it. Hold on. Good. Okay. Hurry. I'm going to pretend I'm calling Erica.

Okay. Erica? Is Queen Elizabeth? I really hope you can come in with me and my colgis very soon. And then that's Queen Elizabeth. And then Prince Philip is like, Erica! Little Prince Philip! I just hunted some pheasant and I'm back and I'm really happy to call it all.

Prince Philip! So, I love an ad for words after you did your impression of Queen Elizabeth. You went, that's Queen Elizabeth. I've got any impression as to who says what the impression is afterwards. Which, by the way, is necessary in this situation. Sonnet, you just did do a whole comedy segment. For someone with disdain for the comedy community, you just... Okay.

No, seriously. I applaud you because you did well and you did it under fire. Yeah. Well done. I brought the funny. Yeah, you did. We're towards the end of our second season and I know that usually it's you guys like laughing at the maestro.

But this was really great that we've shown a spotlight on your abilities. That's great. Oh, I hope my comedy career takes off. Matt, you probably have a good impression, right? I don't... This is about you. It's not necessary. I don't know.

I hear in the business that you have a mean HR geiger. How do you know about that? It's something that's out there. Oh, no. Is it okay if we hear that? Do people even know who that is? I'm googling him right now. Why don't you say who it is?

He's the Swiss sculptor slash like airbrush artist who created the Alien for the movie Alien, the Xenomorph, but he does all this erotic like cyborg art and he's really something. Yeah. This is an impression that everybody has in their back pocket. It's right up there with Jimmy Cagney and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, let's hear your HR geiger. Let's hear it. Sometimes I like to take a bath in a kind of squid ink, but only if there are cryotubes

that go into my widened pores. So I get a type of inky, huge transfusion and then do a painting for my mother. I love it. I love it. Now that was very good, Matt. Very good. I now would like it if HR geiger had a quick conversation with Prince Philip. Let's say that right now.

Hello, Your Majesty. Do you have a type of fluff in your throat? I don't have a fluff. I was hunting pheasant. Oh, could I borrow the pheasant so I could make a kind of bodice for my wife? Absolutely. Let me ask the queen of the world to give you some of my pheasant. Not a word.

They didn't get a word. I'd like to take a second and apologize to everyone listening to this episode. First of all, if you tuned in to hear HR geiger talking to what may be Prince Philip, but also may be a Sasquatch who's trying to swallow a tree trunk, then congratulations because you're getting exactly what you bargained for. Anything else? I don't know what. I'm blown away.

First of all, I commend you both for rising to the occasion. Maybe the next season of the podcast will be mostly you guys doing that. And I can sort of just chill. There will be a next season. Can I get a raise? Well, I'll look at your contract. Sona, do we go to the bargaining table together as a kind of favored nations? Let's do it, Matt.

But we negotiate as Prince Philip and HR Giger. Oh, Sona, I'm going to guess that your, quote, lawyer is someone that you're related to. Is it? Is it someone? She's not answering. She's not answering. I'm going to bet your lawyer is, last name is Mufsesian. And they live somewhere, Montabello, maybe?

No? Maybe. All right. You're right. You know, I just know a lot of people who do things and why would I go outside of my house because you might want to get cash instead of use the barter system. You know, that's all I'm saying. I don't want to have to pay you in chickens.

All right, we have to get, we have to get into it today. We have a terrific show, my guest today. And I want to point out this was recorded just before the quarantine went into effect. So it was done in studio. That's why we sound like we're in the same room because we are. And I'm excited because my guest today is a very talented actor and storyteller who's been in the industry for over 35 years, starred in such movies as St. Elmo's Fire about last night, Austin Powers, The Spy You Shagged Me, Kit Television Series, Parks and Rec, West Wing.

You know all his work. He's got so much of it. Well, now he's hosting a new podcast literally with Rob Lowe. Yes, right here on the Team Coco podcast network. We're very proud to have this show in the family, so to speak. Rob is one of the great rack and tours of Hollywood stories. He's got a killer lineup of guests, many of whom don't often go on podcasts. So you'll be hearing their stories for the first time.

The trailer is available to download now. The first episode premieres on Thursday, June 25th. I'm going to be an early guest on the show as well. I hope that's not a turnoff, but I got myself in there. No, this is a guy who really should be doing a podcast because he has met everybody in the business and he's got so many great stories. You want to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes. Literally is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, wherever

you get your podcasts. And now without further delay, here he is. Rob Lowe. We've crossed paths many times over the years and we've bonded over many things. You and I are both very attractive leading men. I don't know why that's a funny... Why is that a funny... Why is that a funny thing?

Why is that funny? Because you're not though, right? It's okay. No, no, no. Rob is and you are at a talk show. Rob is a... I think you're on a talk show. You are at a talk show.

I think as talk show hosts go... Okay, not even that category. Let's put it this way. You and I have both been endowed with special gifts. Yes. I'll say this. You did compliment my hair many years ago. You said that I had memorable hair, I think is what you said.

And I took that to be a compliment. It's the brand at this point, I think. I made a choice back in the 80s to go with the pompadour, a style which then was completely gone. And I've stuck with it and I've had no positive affirmation on it. No, you doubled down on it. You did. You doubled down on it.

I liked it. I was very... And I continue to. Yeah. Look, you have hair. Let's celebrate that. We both have. You're not a young man.

Okay, what was that all about? We both know that I'm 38 years old. I'm perpetually 38 years old. That's right. Exactly. Is that the age? At what age you just stopped counting? I am 56.

Yeah, so we're the same. I am a 56-year-old male. I am a male. Let's just get that out of the way. Is your pronoun his hymn? Yes. That's my preferred pronoun. My pronoun is red.

Look at the ears. Just call me red. That would work fine. Yeah. Very nice to have you here. Thank you. We crossed paths many times over the years, but I've always thought, this is a very funny guy.

Thank you. And you've proven it many times. Lauren Michaels, who's done a lot for both of us, gets some credit for identifying you very early as, no, Rob is funny, and people need to see that side of him. How did he know? I mean, obviously, he just got to know you personally. Well, no. And by the way, just hearing you say that makes me so happy because I'm sure like a

lot of people, I was continued to be an SNL Uber nerd. I mean, I learned everything I ever knew about comedy from watching a SNL when I was a kid. So to hear that, like, Lauren's the guy that discovered me in that way is so cool. Well, what happened, I do remember there was a big, and I don't remember what the joke was, but it was a very long setup. And it was me and Phil Hartman. I know what it was. The notion was, I'm in prison with Phil Hartman.

Yeah. And Phil was very excited to have me as a roommate. Yeah. You can do the math. Was he playing his character Mace? Yes, he was playing Mace. Mace was this great character. I didn't know that was an ongoing character.

It was a character. Yeah, he was kind of like Mace. He was this really hyped up character. And you want to screw with me? Oh, you don't want to screw with me? It was that kind of... That's right. And Phil, obviously, brilliant, but I love the idea of Mace sharing his presents up with

you. He was selling a cell with me. And Mace was, as we all were in that week of 1990, obsessed with a lambada. I remember that. Yeah. That dance. You can Google that if you want, if you're listening. So it ended and I screwed the setup to his ending of the sketch.

Right. I blew the line. Now there's literally no ending. Right. There's nothing. It's live. And Phil's got the big saucer eyes. He has nothing to say because I screwed up and I ad-libbed an ending and it crushed.

Right. And Lauren came to me and was like, you're really Harry Houdini, aren't you? And we've been friends ever since then? Until he hears that impression. Yes. And that's over. As if he's never heard anyone do an impression of him. Do you think Mike based Dr. Evil on me wrong?

No, Lord. He did not. No. Yeah. I love the choice, the choice to have you play a young, the young version of Robert Wagner. That was Mike's idea. Mike Meyer's idea.

When they decide to go back in time and they need a young Robert Wagner and you come out doing a young Robert Wagner. It's so absurd. It was hilarious because I was obsessed with Robert Wagner. Me too. He did the show on Cernot Live when I was there as a writer and I was just like, he's the ultimate, classic, handsome headed actor from the studio system in the fifties and he never changed.

He always played these characters where he called women, well, yes, my darling. And it was perfect. He was so incredible. And then for you to come along and play the younger version, that was perfect. It's so funny you say that the way he spoke, because my whole character was based on the fact. And this is what I did for Mike. We're playing golf.

I'll never forget it. I remember what hole we were on up in Santa Barbara and he was talking about Austin Powers and I knew Robert Wagner, RJ, as he prefers to be called. And my notion was that all he talks about when he talks about restaurants is who the Mater D's are. In like a very early sixties way. Yeah. It was like, do you know Gigi at the Palm?

And so I was doing that for Mike and he really liked it. And that was kind of that. And I forgot about it. And then about six months later, he sent me Austin Powers 2 to read, just to read. And I read and in it in the character description is, you know, young Robert Wagner, parentheses as played by Rob Lowe, close parentheses. That's fantastic. Yeah.

Yeah. And people in the, I think the studio were like, what? Yeah. He's going to do, Rob Lowe's going to be, what? Yeah. Robert Wagner, RJ as you call him. RJ. I have to call him Mr. Wagner.

Yeah. But he was, he hosted Cernot Live when I was there and I wrote a sketch where he's just the impeccable handsome man on a date and he's just the impossibly suave guy. And he's with, I forget who, he's with this woman, I think it was Jan Hooks. He's just impossibly charismatic and he's saying things like, well, I need to skip off to Buenos Aires and one of my, one of my investments has done a little better than expected. And he's ordering for her and he's being perfect. And then the food comes and he eats like an absolute pig.

That's spontaneous. And I remembered coaching him on how to eat like a pig because that's how I ate. And of course, Robert Wagner had never done anything, but, but he was like, oh, yes. This is quite enjoyable. Yes. Oh, I see. And I literally had instructions where he takes, he says something suave and then puts his hands in the mashed potatoes and jams them all over his face and sucks it up.

And he was like, hmm, yes. And I just felt a peek into the world of being this guy who was, came along in the 50s in that old system. And we had great stories. And he'd be like, have you ever met Fred Astaire, Rob? He's like, you know, the thing about Fred, he wears a lot of street makeup. I never heard the phrase, which is just, that's just makeup you wear when you're going to the, you know, go out to the market.

I think one of the things that, by the way, he never said that I, there's like Fred Astaire people out there. I have no idea how much or didn't work. I don't know. You didn't have to apologize for that. There's, there's no Fred Astaire people out there. I mean, there are, but they don't know whether he did or not. I don't want the Fred Astaire mob.

No, you don't want them coming. They're like, Peter, you don't want to kiss them off. I know. That's what I'm saying. They're in here right now. You were in the business at a very young age. And I think you probably got to meet all these people of a generation or so many of these people of a generation that are gone by the time I have my show in 93.

I'm thinking of people like Kerry Grant, like you knew Kerry Grant. Yep. And that's just insane to me. You've sort of, as they say in the, in the journalism parlance, buried the lead on this one. But so my first time I ever get a big show, it's called, it's an ABC after school special. And they were like huge in the day. Do you guys remember that?

And they always had really provocative titles like, you know, my mother is suicidal or whatever. I was like, really. Right. And I, and I got one called school boy father and I used it to go up to the most beautiful girl in my high school and ask her on a date and come watch my after school special together. And she's like, well. How many kids can say that, by the way? That's what I was thinking.

How's the plan? I just wonder if you could come watch my after school special. Yeah. That's what was the plan. My line at that age was, do you want to come watch me after school? It'll be special. It'll be special. Yeah.

Robert Wagner will be there with us. Anyway, go ahead. Go ahead. So, and she says, she says, yeah, why don't you come to my house? My dad's enacting. We can watch it together. And I remember driving all the way. I had my learners permit and so I could barely drive and I drove to Beverly Hills the first

time ever. Turns out she lived in a mansion. I didn't know that. It's the first time I'd ever seen a mansion and I knocked on the door of her dad's house and Carrie Grant answered the door. Carrie Grant was her father and I never, I never knew that and he answered in a white terry cloth bathrobe. Oh my God.

And he was like, Jennifer's waiting for you in the bedroom. Of course, it's my bedroom, so don't get any ideas. And we watched my after school special together. I watched the first leading man role, well, 15, I watched in Carrie Grant's bedroom. Carrie Grant, his daughter, Jennifer. And I know he gave you advice and it's quite interesting, this advice. This advice came later and never eat any food when you're sitting on a dais. And it's funny because I think he actually said, he said hot dogs one point.

Yeah, well because then he said because someone will take a picture of you with a hot dog in your mouth. Who? Yeah, and it was psych. I was like, how many hot dogs are served on dais? I thought about that for a minute. The dais is yon. Yeah.

It's kind of down market for Carrie Grant. Yeah. But you know, you think about it and you think, and this falls in the Robert Wagner category and I find this fascinating and which is that there was an industry. The handsome man industry? The handsome man industry. The actors that came through the studio system, like a Robert Wagner, like a Carrie Grant, I think they were told by people, if you're on a dais at a big event and you take a bite

of food or you take a big bite of a hot dog, you're going to look, it's not going to look good. It's going to, you're going to look less than elegant and they had all these rules that were taught. I know they did. RJ, again, used to tell me, you know, we used to break into Metro, used to say Metro, which I love. For MGM.

For MGM. Yeah. Or which is now not even MGM at Sony. And we used to look at the dummies they would use to build the women's costumes. God. Jesus. What? God.

I mean, that's the way they could see what their bodies look like. Yeah. Yeah. But they didn't tell them not to do that. Right. No, no, no, no. I'm not going to sit on a dais, but maybe not Google the costume bodies. I stole the Gino Lola Brigida.

Put it in the back of my car. Let me tell you that Jill St. John. I think of also another guy like that who has great stories is George Hamilton. George Hamilton is another guy of that of that era who I don't know if you know him at all, but he came out with a biography a couple of years ago and was just packed with these. Oh, I have to pick that up. But it's great.

Yeah. I remember it at the time. I flipping through it and just the stories of, you know, people that came up through that era. Yeah. And so getting to know them, I think, would be a real blessing. It was, you know, in Paul Newman a little bit. How'd you know Paul Newman?

I ran into him at a urinal. I used to wait at urinals for Paul Newman. He never showed. Never showed. Born into that lucky star. I understand. You know what I'm saying? So you met him?

It was a Williamstown Theatre Festival. His wife Joanne was directing something and I was doing, I think you'll love this, a version of Chekhov's Three Sisters with Christopher Walken, which was everything you think it would be and more. And he walked in and we were peeing together, didn't say anything, and he's like, kid's good to see up here. He says, you know what, no matter what, you always have the theatre. Then he went.

Yeah. It was great. It was just like, it's like, well, Butch Cassidy came in here, peed, gave me like the perfect kind of Butch Cassidy acting advice and bailed. It was great. Right. And then so you got to know him a little bit. And then we would see each other around and I had some project I was interested in doing

with him and was lobbying him. And I just remember one day when my assistant was like, oh, it's Paul Newman in line three and I thought this is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I can retire and but he was interesting when you talked about acting, he wasn't that interested in it. But if you talked about racing, he lit up and he looked like Paul Newman. Right. Yeah.

Because that was his passion. Yeah. I once had the pleasure of getting to speak on the phone one or two times with Johnny Carson. Oh, wow. And they just told me, they told me, Johnny Carson's on the line. And so I went and I looked at the phone and it had the little light, you know, for like line two was blinking and the light looked different because it was Johnny Carson.

Do you know what I mean? The way that we've all seen the flashing light when and it's it's it's a spouse or it's your brother-in-law calling or whatever and you're like, OK, I'll get that. Or it's my orthodontist or it's the guy who makes my inserts for my arches and the light looks different when it's someone who means the world to you. Yeah. Carson would be unbelievable. I never got to do Carson.

I'm really disappointed. I it was really stupid that I didn't do it. You obviously had the opportunity to do it. Yeah. And it was that time. I know this sounds insane, but where if you had a choice, you didn't do Carson. You did it with Joan Rivers. Oh, because she got better ratings.

And at that and there was that notion that Johnny was towards the end and kind of phoning it in, right, whatever. And so I did Joan a bunch and she was great and I loved her, but I never met Carson. And I think also at that time, it was probably a complete either or meaning. Yes. If you did Joan, then you weren't going to do Johnny. Yeah. Then you were Joan's person or whatever.

But I did live on I lived on Point Doom and I would see Johnny in his tennis outfit all the time. I lived out there. It was as tennis whites driving his. He what did he draw? He drove a white Corvette Corvette. That's it. And he got a new one every year.

And I know because I because you drive one because I get a new one just to be considered in his ranks. I drive a white Corvette and I only wear tennis whites, but only because I've been locked out of my house. But he would be a great affectation for you, Conan. You should think about that, but also not play tennis at all. No, of course not. Where the sweater tied around my neck and the tennis whites in the shorts and wear it all

the time. You know, it's like when Warren Beatty and heaven come way, we wears the polo outfits and he goes, do I play polo and I go, no, it's not really great for you. You know, Johnny Carson once when I was writing on the Simpsons, he came by and he did a voice and then at the end I'm this kid and I'm outside the voiceover booth and he came out. I'll never forget he had a phylofax and two fresh packets of cigarettes that were still in their wrapper. First of all, phylofax.

Can you take a minute? Yeah. For that reference. Yeah. Phylofax. Look that up too. Fred Astaire. Fred Astaire street makeup.

And he got in his Corvette and he asked me, which way is the exit? And I panicked and I just said, you go down there and you take a right. And so he said, thank you. And he took off in his perfect white Corvette and took a right on the lot. This is on the Fox lot. Took a right. And just as he was taking the right, I went, fuck to the left, the right's the dead end. God fucking dead.

And I waited. I was horrified and literally three beats later after it would take a car to do a, like a three point turn in a narrow alley, I see it go back the other way. And I know he was just thinking, that fucking idiot, for sure, right? So they all call him and he'll put me on hold. So you, you do parks and recreation. You get this great part. And it was really nice because you got to be funny in this very specific way.

And that must have been a nice, you know, revelation for other people. Maybe who, yes, they'd seen you do be funny in these different movies, but now you were consistently playing this character who could, you could find little nuance here. Yeah, it was great. What it originally happened was there was a, I don't know how true it was or not, but sort of there was a notion that maybe they were going to have a nemesis for Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock. And I was like, well, I love that show and I love Tina and I love Alec and I want to

do that. And then the network was like, but would he ever join Parks and Rec? It was really truthfully, it was a shotgun marriage. The network kind of demanded it to pick the show up for the year because it wasn't doing great and right. And Mike sure, like God bless him was like, I don't know anything about this guy. And I came in and I met Mike and it was like a love fest and it was to do six episodes and then we would all reconvene and see how we all felt about it and I loved it and they

liked having me and I stayed on and I just loved playing that character and, but there was no notion about what I would even play or what the character would be like. And I just trusted them kind of implicitly, like I have always done with, whether it's Mike and Dana or Lorne or Ricky Gervais or any of these people that I've had the ability to work with, I just kind of let them see what they see in me and try to deliver on that. Well, see, that's, it's, it's a little skewed because everyone you just mentioned, you can trust.

Yes. You know what I mean? But we both know that there are plenty of people in the business where if your philosophy is trust everyone, they'll know how to use me and of course, no, I've had that. You've been very fortunate that you've known all these people who just understand and I, I know exactly how to, how this person could, could fit in this world and, and they trust you. Yeah.

And that's true because I have had it the other way and you know, there's nothing that's more depressing than, than being affiliated with or being around or watching bad comedy. Like I'd rather watch bad drama a hundred, I could be in bad drama and be happy every fucking day if I had to be, but if I were in bad comedy, I would literally want to blow my brains out. Let me just tell you that you get used to it. You. Yeah.

Yeah. This is his way, kid. You shiny-eyed kid. Trust me, Rob. Yeah. After a while, it's like you're a test pilot. You get used to the G-Force and you learn to tolerate or when I take a quick break, we'll be right back.

And we're back. Did you enjoy the break? That was good. I'm going to remember that. I know that you have certain regimens. I like the way you said that with soft G. Yeah. I'm sure you have. Is that a, is that a Harvard thing?

Oh God, no. No. It's not a Harvard thing. No. It's not. What am I, Thurston Howell III? I mean, listen, I had never. It's a GIF thing.

Because you say GIF. I say GIF. That's, it's the same thing. Okay, good. Okay. And I say giraffe. This is, you know, this is what I prefer, but I, Rob, let's not kid each other. I know you have certain regimens, various serums and creams that you use.

And I would love, I would love help because I am rotting like an old pumpkin in the sun and I desperately need help. And I know that you could give me help. I know that you have some secrets and some tricks that you could tell me, moisturizers maybe bombs. I actually have my own skincare line. I know. That's why I brought it up.

I know. You're so nice. Yeah. No, it's called Profile. You can Google it. And because, look, here's the thing. I've been doing what I've been doing since I've 15, since, since Kerry Grant in the, in the bathrobe.

Right. And, you know, you see. That just out of context, I've been doing what I've been doing since I was 15. I mean, since Kerry, since I met Kerry Grant with a bathrobe. They hug a whole other kind of difference, yeah, doesn't it though? And by the way, speaking of products, he had products, just so you know. And he marketed them or were they just tricks that he had learned, like use avocado and you know.

No, no. He chased me down the driveway that day after the after school special in his robe with a handful of skincare. Maybe that's where I got it from. I'm just putting this together now for the first time because a young man, we do like some Faberge Brutes soap on a rope. And, and I suffer for it. So he literally was holding different files and potions.

Yep. He was. And my, my prized possession for months was I had soap on a rope from Kerry Grant in the shape of a microphone. Did you used to do like pretend concerts in the shower? Always. As it melts away. Melts away.

But yeah. So I, so I've been having the best in the world, take care of my skin and take care of me for forever. And I'm like a regular dude. I'm like, whatever, I'm not into it. But now I'm, you know, my fifties and you see the results of somebody doing for me what I would never have done for myself. Right.

And I wanted to get a regimen that guys could do because people ask me all the time, what's the deal? So I have this line and it's awesome. It's simple and it's just for regular guys and it's not, not, not a big deal to get some good results. I, I definitely need help. I, there's certain things I don't think I could do anything about. I have a very prominent eye vein.

I have a vein that. Prominent eye vein. I have a vein that, that, that runs underneath my right eye and it runs sort of above the surface and it comes out during, uh, if, if, uh, I'm on alert, this eye vein pops out. And the true story, I was interviewing the great, uh, uh, broadcast journalist, Mike Wallace once and I'm interviewing him on the show and we get to a commercial break. And I go, we'll take a break more with Mike Wallace after this, but up, but up, and he looks over at me and he takes his finger and he places it on my eye vein and says, what

are you going to do about that? No. Yes. Yes. That's the greatest story ever. He put his finger on my eye vein. I can never forget his finger was on the eye vein so I could feel it pulsing cause it, you know, and he went, what are you going to do about that?

And I thought, I think I said to him, I think that supplies blood to my brain. So I don't know. No. It's not like, oh, I'm going to remove that and talk with a slur. Right. Just so I know. Would you sing it in a health way or a show business way? Oh, he was saying it definitely in a show business way.

That's. You know, it was not a health thing cause it's, everything's working perfectly. It's just, I have very translucent see-through skin, very white. And I have this vein that, that's right beneath my eye and not much I think I can do about it. Which is why this is now a podcast. Yes. It is the number one reason.

You know, we found that the podcast has been a huge success. After years of pretty good success in TV, I switched to the podcast and immediately people said, this is how we prefer him. That should be that less eye vein. Yeah. Correct the series. Enjoy Conan without eye vein, podcast, now available wherever podcasts are sold. But yeah, it is one of those things where, okay, that's, it's really not the only thing

that helped me back. There's a lot of features, I'm sure. Sony, you could list them off, thin lips, beady eyes. Oh. What? No, no, no. Sorry. Oh, did you not offer a fit there?

Jesus, you, man, you phoning it in. I don't want, no, I'm not. I don't want to say all the things about you that are weird because there's not time. There's not enough time. No, I really, that's just mean. You could do it to yourself. I don't want to do it. Okay.

Are you, let's talk about this and talk about podcasts since we're on the subject for a long time. And because I've encountered you in different situations over the years and know you to be a raconteur, I've thought, this guy has great stories. And when we started doing this podcast and people were saying to me, who'd be good on a podcast? I was like, yeah, I could listen to Rob Lowe. Rob Lowe would have amazing stories.

Oh, thank you. And so I know that you're now jumping into the podcast world. I am. I'm doing my first interview today and this podcast is called Literally with Rob Lowe. A nod to what? Well, a nod to the Parks and Rec gang and Chris Traeger. And what I love about doing it, even though I haven't done it, but I love being one. What I love about doing something that I haven't done yet is this, whenever I'm on a podcast,

this long form talk and it's not segmented. I grew up watching raconteurs. You could watch even Carson, I think in the days when I was coming up and you could still do that. Now even on that, it's like, we'll be right back and he's going to throw a pie at me. And then I'm going to, you know, none of it is talk and stories. And this is where it all lives and podcasting. And I'm excited to talk to my friends and people I admire and it's also an offshoot

of doing my one man show, which I've now been doing a bunch of, you know, sort of the book, the one man show, the podcast, it's all about storytelling, storytelling, connecting to people and just having fun. And, you know, if I can be half as good as this one, I'll be a happy camper. Aim for more than half. More than half, I think. If I could be as three quarters, as good as this podcast, it's going to be good. It's going to be good.

It's going to be fun. Yeah, I think. And no, Ivan. Oh, God. It's going to be my favorite. Ivan is going to be. It's going to be one of those things where I'm going to be half asleep tonight, just about to nod off.

Ivan. Right. Wake up and laugh. Right. Right. As long as you're not aroused. No, but I'm just, I'm curious. I think that there is something about letting people talk.

This is what I've found so refreshing about this format is that the tight turns, it's like being a skier when you have these shows, you need to take these tight turns and you can get people telling a story, but then you've always got to be thinking, I've got to get to commercial in two minutes, one minute. You know, I can stretch it a little bit, but then I got to take a sharp turn and say, that was great. We'll take a break. We'll be right back when we come back.

Abe Vigoda, you know, and it was always Abe Vigoda. I know. He's always the second guest. During sweeps. You got to keep him watching. You can look up sweeps. It's right under Fred Astaire's makeup and Fyla Fax. Do you remember sweeps?

Do you remember sweeps? I do remember it. You've got to do some big stunts for sweeps, which is when they would measure who's watching your TV show. May? Yeah, it was in May. And I think they would have another one in February. I think February.

Yeah. I thought it was November. In November. There was a November. There's a microphone there. I know. I'm so sorry. You are so lazy.

I'm not. I'm enjoying listening to the conversation. Isn't it May and November? Okay. Okay. There you go. Getting you a pillow back here. Oh, come on.

Push your head forward. I think sweeps was a big, big deal. But doing that version of talk is completely different than this. Well, now I need guidance. I need to give me some secrets. You've done this a long time. You're good at it. What should I not do?

What should I do? Oh, okay. So this will be your fault if it's bad. Good. Yeah. Everything in your career has worked so far. And then you asked for my advice. Yeah.

And then it was... That's a recipe for disaster. I do think that one of the things that has helped me a lot is everybody on the podcast. And I've tried to do this with my show as well is someone I want to talk to. Right. For sure. And the more you can avoid, well, this person, I have no interest in them, but I need to talk to them because large corporations are going to make this marriage happen.

The more you can avoid that, the better. That makes sense. Because you relaxed and having a good time and talking to friends of yours who you've known forever, come up in the business with, I mean, I would listen to you and RJ talk. You know what I mean? And it would be fascinating. I would listen to you talk to anybody that you came up with or anyone you came up with in the 80s or late 70s when you guys were getting started.

Yep. That's going to be a lot of that. Yeah. So it's... And what's fun is that is to have those conversations with, you know, I've been doing it for 40 years. So it can be, you know, Brat Pack people, it could be West Wing people, Parks and Rec people, it could be people that I... People are surprised that I'm friends with.

There's a whole... There's that whole thing as well. It's going to be really, really fun. Right. I'm really looking forward to it. Who would people be surprised that you're friends with? Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Are you guys really close?

I told you. See? Look at that. You're out of those eyes. That eye vein popped when you said that. The actual blood came out of it. The blood came out. Yeah, but he's a guy and like people would go, wait, you know him?

Wait, you do know him. I do know him. Okay. So I got inducted into the Horatio Algiers Society a couple of years ago, which is another one to Google, which is great. It's a very exclusive, very amazing society that provides scholarships for kids who come from just terrible, terrible backgrounds, but they're the best and the brightest in their classes, and the society of people in it are pretty studly.

He's one of them. So that's how we met. They put the medal on me in the halls of the Supreme Court, which is the only private ceremony allowed in the Supreme Court. So you were in a private chamber in the Supreme Court and who put the medal on you? Justice Thomas. Wow. Okay.

But it's like, it's people like, you know, Buzz Aldrin and really kind of interesting Americans. I've encountered Buzz Aldrin a few times in my life. He'll show up at parties in Los Angeles. He goes for it, man. He goes for it. He does. I was at one party and Buzz Aldrin was wearing, I swear to God, and this was about, I want

to say 12 years ago, he was wearing a Nehru jacket and he had a medallion, not like a Sammy Davis Jr. medallion, not an award, like a groovy medallion. So good. Like he hadn't gotten the memo, but it's Buzz Aldrin. He, you know, one of the, the second man to walk on the moon, seconds, seconds after Armstrong, you're like, you can do whatever you want. He does. I think he does.

He does. He dresses like Tom Jones. Yes. Which is how we all should dress. It really is. I've heard, I think I heard this about Clarence Thomas, that he likes to like RV, I'm serious. I don't know if that's true, but I think he and his wife like to like cruise around, not cruise, I shouldn't say that, but they like to drive around, you know, and RV and

that they're like very enthusiastic about that. I don't know if that's true. You'll find out. Ask him about it. The reason I bring it up is he's one of those people who, who occupies such a perception in people's minds. And then, and then you meet him and he's like, if you ever need anything, call my number. This is my cell phone.

And then my son, Matthew, uh, it was going to law school. So I had some ideas about clerking and things like that. So I call this cell phone and he answers it and you're like, geez, shouldn't there be like a vetting process? And he was 45 minutes giving me advice on what my son should do. He's a V law school and clerking and, and whatever is really, how many kids do you have? I have two. I have Matthew is my oldest to just, he just passed the bar at Loyola.

So he's, he's out there. Yeah. That's great. A lawyer in the family is always good to have. It helps bring down the overhead. Constantly thinking about the overhead. Always. Always thinking about how you are.

Are you one of those people in show business always thinking about their nut? By the way, that's the worst phrase ever. What? Thinking about their nut? Covering your nut. Covering your nut. No, I know. It's gross.

I've had people, I won't say their names, but I've had people in show business. Covering your nut. Say to me, oh, this is what it takes to cover my nut. You know, every year. No, they say it. They say it. And it's, and it's, it's, they've really worked out this is, and it feels like a show busy thing.

It doesn't feel like, I mean, I could be completely wrong, but it doesn't feel like something that an investment banker would say. I come to think of it. I've never heard anyone in finance. And that's another thing I know weird people in finance. I've never heard them use the phrase nut. No. I mean, in show business, I have found, have figured out to the penny, I've got this place.

I've got that place. I really like my catamaran. This is what it takes to maintain it. And this is my nut. And this is what I have to make every year to cover my nut. What's a nut? I'm sorry. I'm, I have no idea what it's.

You've never heard the, wait, honestly, you've never heard that phrase. Never. Monthly nut is another way. Monthly nut. I've never heard this before. It's your, it's your, it's your, you're allowed to speak on the microphone. I know. Keep pushing it away in fear.

She thinks it's a nut. I know. It is, uh, it's what it costs you to live. Oh. And so it's this, and I think it's a phrase that's been around forever, but for some have 50s. Yeah. 50s are 40s.

Like this is my nut. This is what I got to make in order to survive. Oh, it's got to come from nut. This is my nut for the winter gathering. It has to be. Right. I think so. Yeah.

I mean, you don't need a testicle to survive the winter. Okay. All right. I'm sorry, but you don't mind. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was going. No, I don't think so.

Oh, well, that's embarrassing. Yeah. Oh, anyway, I always thought of it as, take this much to, for my testicle to survive for the winter. Oh my God. Uh, but the. What is wrong with your testicle? Well, it's, it has needs and, it's a very elaborate lifestyle, my testicle.

Just the one. What's the other one doing? The other one left a long time ago. We didn't get along. It moved out. It had a little suitcase. I'm out of here. It voluntarily left your testicle.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. It lives in San Diego. It had to make its nut on its catamaran. But no, it isn't. It's a very showbizny. Bizny.

It's a very showbizny. Bizny. As in Disney. Yeah. Just a little shout out to the good people of Disney. It's a very showbizny thing. Uh, and I've had, I would say older people in show business say that to me, like, you know, what's your nut?

And I'll be like, what are you talking about? I, it was just weird to me. Yeah. It's, it's so like personal to talk about any of your nut. But it feels like vaudeville. It feels like something that's left over from, this is what I made this year on the circuit. And really covered my nut. Yeah.

You know, Cary Grant was worried about it. I know. Listen, when I work for Fabrige, it helps cover my nut. That actually works both ways. It does. It's a cream that, uh, let me tell you, when I was doing heart to heart, it more than covered my nut. It just, it's, I'm going to bring that phrase back.

Yeah. Cover my nut. I'll help you. If you do it, I'll do it. And by the way, I am the antithesis of that. I have no idea about any of it. I've been working since I was 15 and paying taxes since I was 15. I hate math.

I hate numbers. I designed my whole life around not having ever to deal with any of it. And I know that that's probably not a good thing, but I'm not good at it. And the idea of, of like going, okay, if I do this, then I was, it's like, I just can't do it. I don't say it in any proud way. I mean, I, I, I just, I wish I, I wish, or I'm not that guy at all. I know that I got to work.

I work and I work and it all works out. Yeah. And you enjoy it. You like it. And I love it. And then what am I, I'm, yeah, I would be doing it even if they didn't pay me. Yeah. I would.

That's the secret. But I don't, don't anybody actually do that. I know. I've said that a few times and then I thought, oh, that's going to get out that I'd do it for free. We have the evidence right here, Mr. O'Brien. That it. Do you go hell of skiing?

Yeah. It separates us. I like skiing, but I will never in my life jump out of a helicopter and start skiing. Well, it's pretty intense when they drop, when, when you jump out and you have to duck down and you hear the blades and the snow and it's insane. And then it's gone and dead silent. And you realize you're in the middle of nowhere and it's untracked and now they have, they're going to like, you know, make sure there's not going to be an avalanche and you go.

It's pretty, it's pretty awesome. I would like to do hell of skiing, but on a very crowded intermediate slope. You should helicopter to veil a helicopter comes and it's literally, it's, they're not even difficult. It's like green slopes and a giant helicopter that's just slowly and snow is kicking around and children who are learning to ski are scattering. And then I'm gently get out one leg at a time of the helicopter, go down a simple run and I'm picked up again down by the lift.

That's what I want. We need to go and film that. If you put, put to the film crew, I mean, it's great. I can't wait to tell my producer, Robin, I had this really funny idea. It'll cost $600,000 and we'll get 30 seconds of a bit that's funny, but doesn't go viral. That's what they're looking for. Non-viral bits. I mean, you know, when they're ready for non-viral, I'm ready to go.

I know. With your GIFs. It's a soft, I want to get that going. It's your GIFs. You are. You haven't heard anyone say GIF. But I don't know. I, it, it, what is it really seriously?

It's GIF. It is GIF. Everybody says GIF. I think the guy who created them said it's GIF, but it's GIF. Everyone says GIF. It's a GIF. It's a GIF. Like a GIF.

It's a GIF. I'm giving you a GIF of a GIF. Yeah. What time is your podcast today? What time do you have to do this interview? Whenever I want. That's a good about it. No, I'm, I'm going to take a little, a little lunchy lunch and then I'm going to get a salad

from G.G. at the Palm. When you go to any restaurant with that era of star, you know that the menus are as big as a table. There's big as a table. And there's giant, this is the era of giant men giant menus and there's always a lot of tipping. There's the end of the, they're very much into like tipping is sort of a lost star. I mean, people obviously tip those guys, man.

They were throwing, you know, twenties around also it's an era now where you swipe the card. Oh, that's yeah. You pay and then they give you the, you know, options for tip and it's also bloodless. There's no swagger involved. There's no swagger. There's no, I mean, I think Frank Sinatra literally had like $50 and $100 bills and he'd be throwing them around. I met him once.

He smacked me in my face. Did he? What? Yeah. Frank Sinatra hit you in the face? Well, playfully. Playfully. Yes.

He'd still smack me. It'd be great if he had someone else hit you playfully. Jilly hit him. But make a playful. That's right. So what happened? What was he like? It was some black tie event.

It was towards the end, but he performed and he was awesome and we were introduced and he looked at me, squinted at me and grabbed my face really, really, really hard with one hand and squeezed my cheek and smacked it with the other and said, my grandkids love you. Oh my God. It's also like sort of a threat too. Oh, it was. Don't let him down.

It was something. I don't know what, but it was definitely no one's ever done that before. I got to see him perform. I think the last go around, but I never got to meet him. That was really the end of an era, right? For sure. Well, I think when I go, it'll be the end of an era. Yeah.

I started to turn it back around. Morbid. Yeah. No, no, I'm not going to go for it. It's going to be another four years at least. I really don't take care of myself. That's not true, by the way. You look very good.

Thank you. Are you into like biking? Is that what it is? Biking and then recently I sort of started to back off biking a little bit just because of I started to worry about getting hit by a car. Yes. So I started running, which I don't know why that's. You get a big frame to be out there running it like that.

That's what everyone says. Whenever I say I run, people look at me and say, you're too big to run and too big to fail, too big to run. Exactly. Yeah. I look like Snuffle-Ophegous running down the street. Manute Bowl. Look that one up, kids.

It's not pretty. It has been an absolute delight speaking with you and I'm really looking forward to your podcast. Thank you. It's been, everything I thought it would be a more and I'm more than optimistic. That's nice. You've sort of moved into. I'm into it.

Cautiously. Yeah. I'm into it. You're into it. I'm into it. Maybe we'll hang out. I think we might. Just tell me quickly, what are you going to have for lunch?

What's your lunch so that I can replicate it? Now we're here at Warner Brothers. Everything like RJ predicated where he ate on the Mater D's. I do it on what studio I'm near, which is kind of the new version of RJ. So. So is it going to be a lot of vegetables? Is it going to be a lean protein? There will be lean proteins.

There will be salsa. You eat a lot of salsa. I got to spice it up. That's the secret. The secret of life is salsa. You heard it here. It's lots of salsa. It's all he has.

Roblo, thank you very much for being here. It was awesome. Thanks. A few episodes ago, your genitals in a sleeping cap got brought up as a hashtag. A hashtag for people to do fan art called Lil Sleepin' Guy. We start babbling. I start babbling and then I don't remember what we talked about. And then you tell me all this great fan artwork is coming in of a happy little penis with

a sleeping cap on. That was like, but why? And then it was explained to me that that was a long riff that I went on, which I have no memory of. And I was sober, but I'm told the fan artwork is absolutely incredible. It is and it almost feels like a waste of their talents to make them illustrate a little penis that's sleeping with a glass of wine and a romance novel next to them. I mean, some of these are incredible.

I have not seen them and I don't know how to feel about this. And so maybe you're right. Maybe this is a waste of their talents or maybe the truest expression of their talent. Who can say? I think it's a waste. I guess, yeah, probably a waste. The listeners can go to Teen Coco podcasts on Instagram and see the exact same drawings we're going to see in the order that we're going to talk about them.

The first one here is we're starting simple. This is from Blake likes cake and it's just a line and pen and ink drawing on ruled paper. Wow. School paper. It's just, yeah, just pen and ink. He has a confident line. I don't mean the penis. I mean, the artist has a very confident line.

Firm scrotum. Yeah. Hair on the scrotum. That is a nice detail. Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet. All right. Well, this one's got it's got little it's got little Z's coming out and it's got a little not so much a sleeping cap is a the only thing I'll fault them for is that's more of a skiing

cap. It is, but it also implies that this guy is ejaculating Z's, which is just trouble. I don't know why you have to talk in such a dirty way about a penis sleeping. Or that could be the sleeping cap is a normal size, but the penis is just so big. That's my interpretation of this work of art. All right. Looks good. I like it.

Onto number two, because these are going to get increasingly more involved. This is Tony Carrillo and here he did us the favor of just having you peek out of some pyjamas. This is fly. This is not me. This is the penis. This is. But it's your penis.

Yeah. But it's coming out of the fly and it's sleeping and I love it's got a little tray and oh my God, it's got a little candle, it's got a little candle and a glass of wine. Oh, pink you are. Just stop saying me. It's not me. It is you. You made it so.

No, please. Just just settle down with the you, you, you. I love that little tray. It's got that. I want that tray. I wish I had a tray like that. Look at that. Tiny pillow.

What a sweet, happy guy, Tony Carrillo. Very funny. Oh my God, this is amazing. This next one is number three of five. This is Johnny Ratt. Wait, what's happening here? This penis is having a heart attack. That is so weird.

This penis is having a full on it's clutching it's, I want to say chest, shaft. I don't know. Good God. This penis is. Pictures in the back. The family portraits. There's another penis and a banana. Well, I think there's a fire in the fireplace, a little glass of wine.

Why is it clutching? Does anyone else see it to feel like it's in cardiac arrest? It does. It definitely does. It's funny how there's a, there's a blanket over the balls. Why do you keep, you know, Matt, you're being a little indelicate about this testicles in Matt's defense. My eyes always drift towards the balls too.

Yeah. But it's like an FDR lap blanket over the balls. Yeah. Oh my God. Here we go. Are you serious, Conan? Yeah. That's, that's Jeff Ross.

That's your producer. Trying to do a podcast, Jeff. I'll call you back. You have to silence your phone. What are you doing? No, I'm doing that on purpose. I want him to have interrupted the podcast. That was Jeff Ross, the producer.

Doesn't he know we're busy looking at drawings of my penis, having a glass of wine? I never get to say that. Okay. Next little sleeping guy is D.C. Oh my God. Oh, that's fantastic. This one is just the best all around for feel and tone. Yes.

That is. Composition. Look at the face. The face is so happy. That's a happy, happy person. The full moon is just shining in through, the lighting in this is incredible. The lighting is gorgeous. Cheroskiro.

Is that what it's called? The, I believe Cheroskiro is the effect of using light and shadow. On the mound of the balls under the blanket. Do you see those? There they are again. Yes. That's traditionally how Cheroskiro is used by such great painters as Raphael. Beautiful.

That is really a gorgeous, that is a penis that put in a good day, had some good times and now is relaxed and knows, knows that it's leading a good life and tomorrow's a new day. I like the detail because you mentioned that your penis is reading a Fabio romance novel and I feel like that's an actual Fabio cover on this little. This person, who is this? D.C. Stupner. D.C.

Stupner. A very talented artist. Really. That is a firm ridge on the face of that penis. Okay. Just down the center. What is your problem, Matt? That's a strong, strong penis.

It's a strong penis. Girthy. It's got a lot of features and it's no hair whatsoever anywhere. No eye vein. Oh God. You know, I'm not happy right now. This would be the place to have the vein. I love the depiction.

I don't like your criticism of it. I think you're going towards the more childish and base nature of what's happening here. You're making all of your penis jokes and your wee wee jokes and your pee pee jokes but you two are missing the point that this is beautifully, whatever this creature is, be it penis, be it man, it is content, it is happy and it's bathed in a forgiving moon. That's the title. Beautiful. All right.

Here we go. Last one and this is really something. This is Kevin. Oh. He injure. He injure on Twitter. Okay. I don't know.

Wow. No, I don't like this at all. It is using its balls as a pillow which I think is very creative. It's got a lot of orange pubic hair which is going to haunt me. Well, I have to say, this one's really disturbing to me. It looks like a trout or a fish, right? It looks like a Disneyland fish. Am I right about that?

Yeah. I think it has a British man's mustache for just its grooming. I'm seeing a penis. I am just seeing a penis. I also like that that book is by Chip Whitley. Yes. I don't know if you noticed that. Chip Whitley is my gnome de plume that I've often brought up over the years.

I've often referred to myself as Chip Whitley. This one is disturbing me. Yeah, where the other one was having cardiac arrest, this one is asphyxiating and turning blue. Yeah. Well, I'm unhappy about the, I'm really unhappy about this. Which one gets the closest? I don't want to do this anymore.

I don't like it. You did this. No. I was during a comedic riff. I, look, sometimes Einstein would go into a reverie and come up with various formulas that explained the edge of the universe, speed, light, and sound. He couldn't be held accountable for it later on. You specifically said to make artwork of your penis sleeping with a sleeping cap.

I think I did that. Oh, did you do that? Yeah. I don't think I did that. I don't think I would ever tell people to draw my genitalia. That's not me. I'm more highbrow, but thank God I have the old lowbrow gorely helping me out to get such fine artwork done.

You created the image, Matt just told people to draw it. Yeah, that's true. I prefer people imagining things with the Emersonian mind's eye, not actually drawing it, but that beautiful artwork. Well, you're a muse, you know? Yeah. I'm sort of just a fountain of creativity, and if other people want to sit from that fountain, so be it.

Well, you can find these on Team Coco Podcasts on Instagram. Yeah, and it sounds like people are rushing right now. You know they are. Konan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Sonam of indirectly produced by me Matt Gaurly. Executives produced by Adam Sacks and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Collin Anderson and Crisp Robinson atyearwolf theme song by the white stripes. Incidental music by Jimi Vavino. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer

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