Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Ryan Reynolds

Episode Date: May 12, 2025

Actor Ryan Reynolds feels philodendrous about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Ryan sits down with Conan to discuss complex father-son relationships, playing within the cultural landscape as Deadpool, the unsung heroes of collaborative productions, and more. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.

["Fill a Dendron"] Hi. My name is Ryan Reynolds. ["Fill a Dendron"] And I feel... Philodendron. Oh my god. About being Conan O'Brien's friend. Little Who's Harry Crumb reference there for you.

Philodendron, look it up. Look it up! I believe he says Philodendron, but that didn't work. So you changed it to philodendros? Correct. You know what you are? Uh, yes. And I'm sorry.

You're a son of a bitch. Oh, I am. Fall is here, hear the yell. Back to school, ring the bell. Brand new shoes, walk and lose. Climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends. I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Hey there and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. And I do, I need a friend. It's never too late to become my chum, joined by Sonam Avsesian. How are you, Sona? Hello. Good to see you. I'm doing all right. You're doing okay?

Yeah. And Matthew Gourley. Hi. And Sona, quickly, we should address the fact that you did lose your house in the fire, but you guys have found a new place that you might be moving into. We have, yeah.

In fact, I was there yesterday for an inspection and I ran into a really nice man named Richard walking his dog. And he said, I usually listen to you while I'm walking my dog. Wow. Yeah, and I was like, I get to live by a fan. That's nice.

Yeah. That's nice. Yeah, it is nice. Yeah, well, you hesitated for a second. No, I mean, like, you know. There's a lot of people. It's good, it's good. It's a good thing.

He's really nice and it's a really nice place. And I'm excited not to live at my mom and dad's house. Yeah, that sounded like, I mean, I love your mom and dad, but it can be difficult to live with your parents. Yes. Not meant to at a certain point. Nope. I'm guessing, is it Nadia?

Is it your mom who can kind of, she can wear on you a little bit sometimes? You know, yeah, she can. Yeah. And she means well, she's well-intentioned. They are unbelievably, it was so nice to let us stay there. But they also, they watched a lot of Turkish soap operas. What?

Yeah, it's like all day. I mean, not all day, but it's like a lot of Turkish, cause they're from Turkey, they're Armenian. It's important to note that, but they're from Turkey. But wait a minute, where do you, where does one get, cause I'm constantly looking for Turkish soap operas. Oh, I got a guy, you need some audience. Do you really?

No, no, no. You know what's up? YouTube. Oh, so they watch them on YouTube. Yeah. Do you follow the stories? No, I don't watch it with them. I'm in my room watching TV on my laptop, like a dork.

Yeah, you're watching The Pit or something like Current. Yeah, I got really into The Pit lately. Yeah. Would you, do you ever, I mean, I'd just be curious what happens in a Turkish soap opera. Are they the same kind of model as every soap opera everywhere? It's just, oh, it's Turkey?

I think the lighting is different. They're all gorgeous and have beautiful skin. And then they... Eduardo, you want to jump in here. Everything feels very dramatic. I'm only familiar because my mom watches a Turkish novella. It's basically a Turkish soap opera, but the Spanish channels have put subtitles and there's people speaking in Spanish over them. And I asked her where they were from. She's like, oh, it's in Turkey.

So they're popular, I guess. Yeah, there's certain countries that have dominated, like Korean soap operas are legit. My mother-in-law watches those. Oh really? In my travel shows, whenever we can, I try to do a local soap opera. And we've done them in a bunch of countries.

And I cannot tell you how many times someone from Mexico has said I look familiar to them or they know they kind of know who I am but they're not sure and I say I'll show you who I am and I call up when I was on the telenovela. Yeah. In it was in the Mexico City episode and I show it to them and they always enjoy it because I'm speaking Spanish the whole time, my version of Spanish.

Yeah. And I love it because I have a mustache. Oh yeah, you always have a mustache. I always try and have a mustache. That's good. And try and exude authority, but I love being in foreign soap operas and I realize I haven't done a Turkish soap opera.

I'd love to be in one. Yeah, yeah. No, you don't seem thrilled about it. I think you could do it. You could do it. I did an Armenian show. Yeah, you did. Was it a crime show? I played a crime boss.

You played a crime boss. First of all, they tried to make you look Armenian, and it did not work. Oh, that's right. I don't know what they did to me, but they like painted dark wrinkles on me or something. They put dark eyebrows, and then they put a dark wig on you. Yes, on the palest man in the world. Yes!

They gave me jet black, curly hair, and a crazy eyebrows, and I'm a drug lord. Yeah, and you just ordered guys to beat up another person. Yes, and I had to say it in Armenian, which was very difficult. Do you remember your line? No, I don't remember.

It was, Hedike, or Hedika, which means enough. Hedika, like, oh, they were beating him up. They were beating him up, and I said, enough, Hedika. And then you had a cigar in your hand. I had a cigar in my mouth, and I just sort of was trying to be like the Tony Soprano of Yerevan, Armenia. But I have to say, in the new Max series,

for the second season, I think, yes, I did a medical drama, like their version of The Pit. Yeah. I did a medical drama in, and it was in New Zealand. And I'm really excited for that to come out because I had to know all of this. They gave me an impossible amount of medical jargon because I think they really wanted me to fuck up badly.

Did you do American accent or New Zealand? I didn't do, I didn't attempt the accent. I did not. So sorry for that. But I think I did nail the medical jargon. Do you remember your lines? No, I don't remember my lines. Do you guys, did you guys ever watch American soap operas?

I did for a summer or two. Me too. My friend once lied to us when we were like 12 and said she made out with Austin Peck from Days of Our Lives and we believed her. So we watched Days of Our Lives and then we found out she didn't ever make out with Austin. How old was she at the time?

She was like 14. So he'd be under arrest. Well, we didn't like think of it that way. We're like, oh my God, she made out with Austin Peck, but she just lied to us. Just blatantly lied to us. And we believed her. And we all got into days of our lives

to support the guy that she made out with. To support him? Oh wait, so how old was he at the time? He must have been in his 20s. I had no idea. He had no idea who she was. What an interesting, so she just stuck with this lie. Just lied about it. Did you still talk to her?

No, that broke everything up. Oh, yeah. I wonder how she's doing. She lied about a lot of stuff. She also lied. She said she was a model, and we were like, you're 5'2", but okay. Like, we believed everything she said. I don't believe anybody now. I wish I had known you then, because you were very gullible.

Yeah, no. Hey, can you give me some money? I'm an ATM. And I ran out. Okay, you don't look like anible. Yeah, no. Hey, can you give me some money? I'm an ATM, and I ran out. Okay, you don't look like an ATM. I don't remember having to put cash into an ATM, but okay. I guess they do have to be restocked. But you do have arms and legs and a head. Well, anyway.

I'm a baby that only eats wallets. Yeah. We're just so gullible. We really, it wasn't just me. It was like my friend group. But you're unfailingly honest. You didn't lie? No, what do you mean?

Lie about what? You're a very honest person. So there are kids that will just say stuff. Like my brother Neil growing up, he went to a different school than I did and he would come home and he would just, I'd say, what did you learn today? And he'd say, oh, today we learned.

And then he would just tell me things that were completely untrue. And I was just a little kid, so I believed him. And you'd take them back to school thinking you knew some stuff? Yeah, I'd say, my brother said- Like he's so cool. Yeah, he told me, oh, today we learned

that there's a hole that they found in the earth, and they lowered a camera in it, and it went to the center of the earth and they took a couple of pictures with it. Luke. And when they, then they felt a tugging on the line and they pulled it up and the camera was all mangled but they were able to develop the film

and they could see a T-Rex charging. And I was like, what? And he went, yeah, proof that there's a T-Rex at the center of the earth. And Neil's a couple of years older than me and knew better. Oh, Neil did this. This is Neil. No, no, Luke was always like a priest.

He was just really good and like, well, I wouldn't tell an untruth. Neil would just fuck with me all the time. He told me so many lies and still does. I talk to him every day. He's always lying to me. Did you do that though to Justin? No, I didn't lie. You did. him every day, he's always lying to me. Did you do that though to Justin? No, I didn't lie.

You did. No, no, I didn't lie to Justin. Justin was 10 years younger than me, he was a little kid. And so what I did to Justin was just broke his mind with strange games. So he just wanted to play cops and robbers. And I would say, oh, yeah, I told you this, right? And I would just tangle him up in paperwork.

That's so funny. You drew your pistol, and he'd be like, what, you drew your pistol, there's paperwork. And I would get pads of paper from my dad's office. You need to fill out these, fill out forms. It's a bureaucracy. That's a big part of being a cop. That's worse than what Neil did to you, I think. My neighbor saw The Shining before I did

and told me about it, recounted it, and completely lied about it. And then when I saw it, was just forever wondering where. He said that Jack Nicholson got his arm cut off, and you know how a human can grow an arm back. He grows an arm back. And all this stuff, and I just was expecting... Was this a kid?

It was a kid, yeah. It was my age. Oh, that's okay. Kids are just crazy. I think it's okay if you're a kid. For a moment, I pictured like a 35-year-old neighbor. And then it's time to call somebody. Wait, why are you guys getting on my case about believing that my friend made out with Austin Peck when you guys believed all this shit your brothers

and your friends told you? Good point. Good point. We were all dumb. Can I say something? You just stood up for yourself in a way that I thought was deserved. Yes. Thank you. I don't know. I still think you're dumb, but.

It doesn't change anything. It doesn't change anything. It's impressive what you did. Yeah, think of the three of us. It's crazy that you believed that, though. It is pretty stupid. All right, well, let's get this podcast going. My guest today, I am thrilled he's here.

He starred in the Deadpool films and the FX series, Welcome to Wrexham, which returns for a fourth season on May 15th. Absolutely delighted he's here today. He's an incredibly talented screen actor, television actor, but also one of the funnier people you will run into in life. He's crazy talented and a good soul.

Ryan Reynolds, welcome. You didn't leave the pause. Oh, sorry. Let's keep this. Oh, what'd I, welcome. You didn't leave the pause. Oh, sorry. Let's keep this. Oh, what'd I do wrong? You didn't leave the pause. We talked about this last episode. Before you say the name, you're supposed to.

I think I'm just excited that Ryan's here. I understand. And I should have told you literally seven years ago when we started this podcast. He was 15. But you did remind him right before we started recording. Yeah, but you know what you have to do is you have to hold up a sign that says pause

because I'm a busy man. And I get excited when it's Ryan Reynolds. Okay. All right, let's give you the pause. I'm thrilled he's here today. ["The Sound of a Belly"] Oh, this nose go, nose nose nose. Ryan Reynolds, welcome. Oh, the God. He's in a mic. Oh, his nose go, nose nose nose. Ryan Reynolds, welcome.

Oh, the mouth noises. I have to say, this is, well, there's no rhyme or reason to these interviews, but I've talked to you about this a while ago, Just Friends. I watched that with my wife. It was a movie that may have been mis-marketed. I don't understand, you know, it came out, didn't make a big splash. Hilarious.

One of my favorite, one of my favorite Christmas comedies. It has so many hilarious performances in it. And then we showed it to our kids. And I mean, but everybody, it is a relentlessly funny movie. And I remember telling you a bunch of years ago, I swear to God that movie will endure. It's gonna stick around and it's... But you don't know about those kinds of movies.

I mean, you never know. You never know when you're making it. You're gonna be like, this is gonna work, this is not gonna work. You could, when you're older, I think you can trust your experience and your instincts that line up. But then when you're older, you also go, nobody knows anything.

So, but just friends, I, God, that was, we shot in Regina, Saskatchewan. So my few times that I've ever been scared of like going to jail, because we, just as a joke, me and the art department, we made a sign that would go over, it would snap over the welcome to Regina sign, and it just said, welcome to Regina, which rhymes with fun.

And they, I got in trouble though. You got in trouble? But then they thought it was funny because it snapped off. So at first it was vandalism. Right. And then it was class. Then it was an art installment. Yeah.

That could come down. Yeah, yeah. And I come from RCMP. My dad, my brother is currently RCMP officer. I always say, you guys just say agent. It sounds better. You're an RCMP agent. It sounds better. You're an RCMP agent.

Isn't that Royal Canadian Mounted Police? I believe I was a Royal Mounted Policeman in Canada. We did a week of shows in Toronto a long time ago and one of the remotes I shot, I either was sworn in temporarily or we just stole the costume. Either way I operated at the border, I threw snowballs at people trying to come in

and out of Canada dressed in that outfit. And man, I've never felt more power in my life. And polite. And polite. Yep. I had pancakes in my pockets. Oh my God. Instead of a gun.

Yep. Yes, exactly. Syrup, little cartridges of syrup. My dad used to bus guys with confetti. He would just like walk up and throw the confetti at you. And it's always fun when you and your brother, you have three older brothers, so it's just mayhem. It's actual mayhem.

I mean, this is a horrible situation because I'm the youngest from the moving target They're brothers, you know, I'm just moving or harvestable organs But as I got older we would get out in this in this on the lawn and it would be like an old-fashioned like Tom Cruise in far and away with the like the knuckles up and we would just beat the living shit out of each other. The neighbor would call the cops and the cop would be my dad. That's not a cop we wanted to mess with. Yeah but my dad got out of copping, you know, I don't I mean he wasn't big on the truth so I don't know why but yeah he got out of copping and then became a food broker, which we're like, -"Come on, that's CIA, right?" -"What?"

And he's like, no, I'm really a middle man for jars of jam. And, uh, and tiny yogurts. What? He works for Meghan Markle. Yes, yes. Really tiny jams, harvestable jams. Yes, exactly. Made from the oils of Montecito.

If Jimbo Reynolds wasn't dead, I would say he is Meghan Markle. Adjacent. Many people have likened the two. Um, I have to say, you, uh, there's so much to talk about here. I am thrilled that you've come on the pod. And you know, you fascinate me because, and anger me and enrage me.

Because you have the leading man looks and all the abilities that come with being a movie star. But when you send me a text, it is one of the funniest written texts that I've received. And I read, you blasted me a couple of weeks ago with these texts and I was reading them and I thought, this is a class A comedy writer. You have a comedy writer's brain.

That took me 41 days to compose that one. And it was just in case. Before that I had no idea I was gonna be on the show. I could tell, it took a long time to compose. You said day nine at one point. You broke up the sentences. Day nine, me, Wilson, you. I basically, I think it was about like the dwindling licensing rights at the Academy Award show and how the

fate of the future of film and television of course is on your shoulders. Please don't fuck this up. There are a few hundred thousand people who are like, very selfish and dependent upon food and shelter. Yes, yes, yes. And, you know, adequate medical attention for the children. I was reading this thing, and I don't ever do this, but you sent me this really funny, and my son loves your work, really loves Deadpool,

and he is a 19-year-old gentleman, and I just said, I never do this, but read this email. And he was laughing out loud. Oh, that's great. No, no, I mean, just, and it's really funny because I don't know you're in a class by yourself of people that can, I think, work both ends of that spectrum.

It's lonely at the top. Oh, I know. I know you know. We're up there together just holding each other. No, no, I'm at a different top. Oh I know. I know you know. We're up there together just holding each other. I'm at a different top. Oh sorry. You're at the big top. You're at that top. You're at the top of like Everest. I'm at the top of a hill. An anthill. Oh no, quite a hill. I'm in the prairie of Canada. I'm in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, where the tallest hill is a curb. Kids can sled on my hill.

That I stand atop. I can see my house from the curb. No, yeah, both that's a very kind thing. No, no, no, I know you're not kind of like a compliment, but your facility, and also it's so perfect. I know it took you forever to get Deadpool made. And there's a whole saga of you saying, I know how to do this.

This needs to be a movie. And I can't believe it took so long to make. But the Deadpool's facility with language and his sort of rubber, it's not just physical rubber man quality, but also the verbal alacrity you have to have. You've got that and I'm thinking that's because your brothers beat you.

Because I had older brothers too that beat me and I don't have as much of it as you. They weren't as strong as your brothers. And my dad was a microbiologist, so he couldn't- Fuck off. So I'm saying he couldn't come in with that heavy cop energy. My dad came in every now and then with like a slide of a paramecium and it's now that's enough of that

I'll release this paramecium My yeah you developed You evolved into a higher being because you had more more to contend with that's what I say to you sir there I have exited some rooms through drywall, I'll say that. And my father was, yeah, he was definitely very, well, I'm just gonna say it, emotionally abusive, but no. Oh, Jesus. No, no, no.

It's actually odd because my dad was tough and he was very, very like coiled. And I think when you, as you get older, and he's passed away for, I don't know, 10 years now or so, cause of death, uncertain. No, he died of something tragic. But anyway, it was... How do you get laughs with that line?

You shouldn't. So I'm... He died of something tragic. Big laugh from this side of the room. Out of trust, I'm going to leave a large air hole now. OK, and as I was saying, you know, he was he was the story changes when people pass away, too. It's like your your memory becomes like a less of a reliable narrator

and it becomes more of a feeling. Like I was, you know, I've been, I'm pushing 50 here, I've had some experience, I have some experience under my belt, and I'm listening to, I'm realizing I don't know as much now as I thought I did then. So when I think about my dad and I think about how I internalized, however he was raising me and the other brothers

and certainly his relationship with my mom, it's not what it, I started asking myself, is that true? Is that true? Was he really that or was that more romantic to think of it like that? And he was not great in some ways. And in other ways, he was great. Like he really was. And I think it just... in time that changed... When you die, they will love you. Oh, God. You will, will we? We don't have to worry about that. We will not have to worry about that for four years. So let's just settle down, everybody.

That's true. It's gonna be like an ex-president, he's gonna have a huge effigy built. The Conan O'Brien Library. Library. The Bruce Ville Lange log. The Conan O'Brien... Bruce Ville Lange Bible. He'll be giving the tours. Yes, no, no, no, Bruce. Bruce Valanche Bible.

He'll be giving the tours. Oh, God, yeah. No, it's interesting you say that because I have the same experience. First of all, my therapist would say your dad did the best he could. And then I would say to my therapist, no, he didn't.

Oh, wow, see, I'd cry. And then we'd fight. But let that sit for a second. Your dad did the best he could, given what he had. Yeah, he did. But he really did. My dad's dad would come home from his job. He was like a city councilman in Alberta and then moved to British Columbia.

They bought their house for, I don't know, like a half glass of water and spit. And like lived in this house. But he would get out there and mow the lawn after work and he'd take his jacket off, not his tie, and he would fold his shirt up one cuff and then mow the lawn. Like, this is, this is not a man who knows how to fuck. So, you know, like, very, like, conservative, right? I mean, very conservative. Well, wait a minute. Maybe he just put up one and then the other and then jackhammer. A Meketa power drill.

I mean, I'm saying a lot of people assume I might fall in that category. But what I do is I put one and then I put the other up, loosen the tie a little. And I show them how the Vikings took Iceland. Uh, yes. Um, no. Huh?

Was that how they did it? I say every bully has a bully, right? So he had those elements, but he also was, he showed up. He once went a long, long time without speaking to me. And it was over something, was over something trivial and dumb. But he would never miss a game. Never miss a football game, never miss a baseball game. Always there for a catch,

even though it would be silent and super fucking awkward. He would do it, yeah. And he had, that guy had a right arm that you would not believe. He broke the little bone in my finger. I had to switch to a catcher's mitt and he did that underhand. Like, so when people are like,

oh, that's a softball question, I was like, have you ever fucking caught a softball from Jim Reynolds? No, you haven't. Shut up about that sport. God, if pickleball were around, there'd be a lot of dead people. -♪ MUSIC PLAYING -♪ So my question is, did your dad get...

Obviously, I think the answer is yes. He must have seen your career blow up, and was it unalloyed joy or was it complicated? No, it was joy once I kind of in his eye, whatever his measure of making it means, then it was. Yeah. Except, you know, he didn't go to university, but he didn't talk about that.

He had Parkinson's, he said the word Parkinson's maybe three times in his life. Also former boxer, former who knows what, you know. So he was very reserved with praise, which is why I have an insatiable desire for validation. So we can unpack that later. Never. I love you guys. You don't need that.

Well, I don't know what you're talking about. Someone who has no need for validation. Absolutely not. But he would, when I made, quote unquote made it, I think then he accepted it. He's very bummed that I didn't go to university. I did though. I went for, I'm not making this up. I went for 45 minutes.

I wanted to meet the one teacher who's like a guy that, Dr. McClain was his name. He was a, he got his doctorate in prison. He was, I think a Hells Angel or something but went to jail for 20 years or something, long time. And then but got his education in jail and became an author and wrote a book and I read this book. I went there, I met him. Beautiful, lots of prison tattoos but also beautiful pastel sweater. And then I walked back out the door of Quantlin Polytechnic University in British Columbia,

and I drove to Los Angeles. So you went in knowing, I'm gonna meet this one gentleman, and then I'm turning around and I'm going to Los Angeles. Yes. Okay, so you knew. Well, no, no, I really knew once I was inside. I just thought, I'm not ready for this.

Like, I don't think I can do this. I only had one brother who really was adamant about going to university and it stressed the hell out of him and I just thought, I don't want to be a food broker. So, and you don't, my dad did it without a university education, so. Did you do groundlings when you got to LA? I think you did. I did do groundlings,

but I moved to LA to be in groundlings. And of course it doesn't work like that. You don't just show up and go ready for the main stage, everyone. I can give you strides, I can give you everything you want. No, you go through the class. That's what I did.

Oh, you did it. When I showed up in LA and I was like, I'm ready to perform. And they said, you will take these classes. And I said, yes, I will. And I did, but at least I got stage time. That's the thing. And got to improvise with some great people.

Yeah, oh God. And so- Well, they're so good. They're all so in shape and they're like, you know what I mean? That's a muscle, like that kind of ability. Oh, I thought you meant physically. Physically, no, no, no, no.

God, at least for comedians. I was never been in shape. Those are people fighting a battle. I was confused. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, they get home and just vanish into a jar of, you know. But I would think you as an improviser, that would be, I could see you being devastating

as an improviser. I think it would be, that would be your fun space. Just, I mean, just in the times that I've encountered you, we start fucking around instantly. And I could see like, oh, this is someone who wants to play 24 seven is the vibe that you give. I don't know if that's true. Yeah, but also I would say that you are a person

that does it as well, but you can also pivot quite quickly to something that's emotional. Because most people that are funny, I think, have some pretty, you know, they have deeply emotional people as well. I think like comedy and drama subsist on the same thing, tension, subverting it makes, moves you. And if you have a, like a film that has emotion,

then you can, or anything, redemption, call it whatever you want, but it makes all that funny stuff so much more funny and rich and powerful. So I loved Groundlings when I did do their shows. I used to do it like once in a while, like a Thursday cooking with gas show they had. And I would do, I think I did Armando a couple of times here.

And then I loved it because there was no limit to it. But on a film set, I don't wanna, it's almost like method acting. I'm not gonna, like when people are coming on a film set, a Deadpool film, anything, I'm not gonna make my process their process. So like, I'd never wanna be that guy. So I was, I chat and we talk and we say,

cause how can I help you feel awesome? And like, you know, even an actor who's a day player comes in for one day, that's a hard, that's the hardest job in show business. Because he's got two lines and he's gonna over the fuck do it like you wouldn't believe. Because in his mind, you know, there's no small parts, just small actors. I gotta crush the shit out of this.

And then you, but you, if you can make it safe, I always love the- Your soup, sir! Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah. We're going to liquify you and, I'm gonna snort your ashes on the top of the Plastivos. Oh my God. Just to say I did it.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I always say to them when they're leaving, you say, hey, look, if you just give me that moment, you're going to drive home. And yeah, when day players, you drive your cell phone. And you have to touch everything in the car, too, by the way. You're going to get in that car, and you're going to go, fuck, I should have done that.

And then I was like, then we go like, okay, take 10 minutes and think about what that is. And then let's go do that. And it's like this fun little trick. And then you do that and then you say, now do the worst version you can do. Like I'm telling you, you're safe, would never use the worst version, trust me.

But like do the worst. And then that's always the take, that's up in the show. Because now you've basically said like, you're safe as you could ever imagine. And I love that feeling. So I'm not like a... I... My improv is like, I've written 10 alts for each joke, but not just for me, but for my co-stars, you know.

And it's a, well, here's the menu. Is there anything you'd like here? Wesley Snipes was like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. I was like, you did not read that fast. Come on, this one had a beginning, middle, and end. Like, come on. Wesley Snipes has gotten pretty far on nope, you know? Oh my God. But then he delivered. He was like, you know, I gave him this ice skate uphill line. He was like, I'll do it.

Right. It was like, I'll do it. There was, right? So much, you know, when I watched Deadpool and Wolverine, the, I mean, I'm just, I'm thinking the credit sequence at the top, you know, the- It served nine, it served nine purposes pretty much, but yes. Well, but I'm thinking, I'm hard pressed to think of

how much was packed into one film and to just be watching. So my son and I love that we were going to that movie and something went awry and we got there and I just said, oh, trust me, we're just gonna miss like two seconds up top. And we missed, I think we missed like 45 seconds of the opening. That would have hurt. That would kill me if I knew that.

And you know what? It killed me to the point that we went back and watched it later on. But it's rare that you can miss 45 seconds of a movie at the top and feel like, oh shit, I missed some sweet, sweet syrup because the whole thing was jam packed. You just missed me singing along to the Marvel theme song.

The bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum. Marvel, they're so stupid. You know, make your own movie. You know, but it was, they were amazing. You could like make, I mean, Bob Iger was, you know, he saw the film, the first time he saw the film, he was in pretty good shape, and he said, you gotta get out and remove the one line, Ryan.

And I was like, what line? You know the line. I went, Mickey Mouse? He's like, yeah. I was like, the Bob, the whole movie orbits around that line. That line is the film, it's the thrust, the thesis, it's everything. It's because my brain, when he says the one line is like, precious. Yes.

Must keep the line. So I really had to walk around his office a little bit, do a couple of laps and then it was fine. We were good. We switched it up. He just didn't want the Mickey Mouse joke in. Now, not because of me, they released this script for like WGA awards season and stuff. And they literally just shower these kinds of movies with awards.

So, you know, I was dancing behind you and trying to suggest things at the Academy Awards. Yes, you were. Yes, you were. What we're calling the Academy Awards situation. You were in the situation. I love that nobody knows that when I hosted the Oscars, that really was you as Deadpool. Oh my God.

No one knows, you know? Well, yeah, most of them assume arthritis at this stage of the game. They have pills for that too. Did you have, I have a question, which is, did you have an idea of what you wanted your trajectory to be? Would you have been happy if TV had hit

and that had worked out, or did you always know like pretty much where you wanted to end up? Well, it's so different now. It's like now people who are in film are hoping to gain enough respect to get a TV show. Right, if I could get like Lotus. Oh my God, a limited series.

Yeah. Yeah, I know everything happened perfectly. My whole career was an aggregate. It was very slow. It was never, I never experienced Everything happened perfectly. My whole career was an aggregate. It was very slow. I never experienced that overnight fame thing. Honestly, I think about how lucky I am because a lot of the guys that I came into the business with are gone, and a lot of them are passed away or took these tragic turns where you hear about it one random Wednesday. You're like, what?

You know, you just can't. These are friends of yours? Yeah, you know, in Los Angeles, when I first met you, I lived in East Hollywood and, you know, everyone was partying, everyone was doing, you know, this and that, and I just, it was scary. It's a scary place to, you know, to be young and to have fame and money is a very, very odd combination of things.

And I thankfully was so slow with everything. I wasn't, I wouldn't consider like I sort of hit it in a way that when you asked me earlier with my dad, he never made it to Deadpool. Like he never made it to that coming out. He made it to, I was in post-production on October 25th in 2015 when he passed away, it was three months earlier. My daughter, James is named for him.

So he's James Reynolds. James does not like it when I call her Jimbo. Uh... Uh... Show grow to love it. James does. I know. Uh, yeah.

I'm... And that's our dog, Hawk Tua. Um... Yeah. Uh, okay. You know what? I'm gonna stop naming things. Yeah, don't name anything anymore.

Oh, here comes my parakeet Adolf. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. Poor sons of bitches around that time, right? Who had that, stuck with that name. God damn it. I mean, we had a feeling at his first speech, right? Putsch!

You know the Putsch? It was nuts! You were nuts! Um, yeah was nuts, you were nuts. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what the fuck we were talking about, but. Well, your trajectory, but you just, you took it one step at a time. Yeah, and I think it allowed me to enjoy it in points. I'm always uncomfortable with the thing

that I'm also pursuant of, right? Like your fame is a weird thing. It has a little power to it, it's odd, but like I found a way to kind of make myself appreciate that part of it more because I love acknowledging and playing with the cultural landscape, whether it's in a movie, a commercial, sports, like I don't care, I just, I don't discriminate.

I love that they're in all those areas. So sharing fame made it way it way less weird for me. Like, when a kid comes up and says, can I get a selfie with you? I'm like, who's the most important person in your life? And they're like, my dad, Frank. And I'm like, video, switched to video. I'm like, Frank, I'm here with...

Fuck's your name? No, it's Will. Will. This is not a hostage situation. He's fine. But he wants, you're the most important person and he's like, you're the one, you were the phone a friend, that was you. You know, and then you let go. It takes just a few seconds longer than a selfie.

But like now it's a fucking memory for them forever. And it's a thing that happened. And I walk away feeling like good about it. It's a great philosophy, you will attest. I pursue people who don't want a selfie with me. Oh God, yeah. And say, okay, now come on in, you're gonna like it.

It's gonna be funny. I've chased children into traffic. Give me your phone. Give me your phone, it'll be good, it'll be good. Who's the most important person in your life? I don't know who you are. Oh my God. Yeah, so there's neediness and then there's neediness,

but they will enjoy that one day. I once made a video for Lorazepam. You know, I mean, somebody said Lorazepam was the most important thing in their life, and I was like, oh, well, I'll make a video for that. I've seen it, they air it now. That's a lot of money. Yeah, with the disclaimer at the end.

You missed out on that. I know, and I just want to say, because I have to say this now every time I bring it up, is that if you're having clay colored stool, right, you have to sign the facts. Please consult a doctor immediately. Razapam, I feel like me again. Trademark, Vitzer Corporation.

You can bleep those out, right? No, we're going to get that money. Okay, good. Thank you very much. They got a lot of money. We will not share it with you. You will get none of it. The clay colored stool thing really cost them a lot too, because like you don't want that.

Or do you? Or do you? You can pass it off as clay in our class. If you listen to it while you're on the toilet and you put some unchained melody on and that comes out, you're like, uh, it's never going to happen. But if you do. Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. It's never gonna happen, but if domain darling

Learn a humble fore your touch And tac is holding you and you're both on the toilet Yeah it's you Sona They have reverse toilets So you can sit this way I've never done this before, but can we just turn off the mics? Just cut it Just cut the rap early. I used to work with a studio executive

who will not be named until we stop recording. And he always aimed at someone, whoever's talking. Jesus. Is that over here? Yeah, what do you mean Jesus? I mean, yes, we'll do your idea. Yeah, of course. It means you don't point your crotch at me.

I'm going to, yeah, for those at home, Conan just went back in his chair and then aimed his crotch at everyone he was speaking to. Yes. I learned from the best. Yes, he did. You learned from the best. And that man could use some underwear,

I tell you that much, because that also is, yeah. We are in a moment where, of course, politically, there's some tension between Canada and the United States over tariffs. What do you guys send us? What do we send you? And it occurred to me today that we have been getting some of the greatest comedians and comic minds and actors

of all time from Canada. I don't think we've sent you shit. No. I don't think we've sent you shit. I don't think we've exported much to you in the comedy realm. And I think if someone were to do a reckoning just comedically, and you started to add up the Ryan Reynolds and the Martin Short and the Lorne Michaels and the Mike Myers,

and it just goes on and on and on. There's too many to even begin naming. Seth Rogen went to the high school up the hill from me. There you go. No, no, Seth Rogen went to high school. Oh my God. He can read? Yeah, fluent.

A lot of kids who go to high school can't read. You can pass. I had to do a commercial in French Canadian the other day and it was sort of like a very scary thing because when you're in those schools, you have to know French Canadian, you have to speak it fluently. And it just goes away like a very scary thing because when you're in those schools, you have to know French-Canadian, you have to speak it fluently. And it just goes away.

It just goes away. You don't use it, it's gone. So I was trying to do French-Canadian, it's just like everything. This is a terrible sob story. All the- So you're French-Canadian. You're straight, you should do a really sad tour

where you go like, people think I've got it all. No, yeah. Ryan Reynolds, but I can't speak French-Canadian. Until I asked for a pastry in Paris. And they're like, oh, is that French Canadian? You're speaking. You need a chocolat pour moi, yeah? Yeah, it's no, no, not good.

We realize that Canada does have a lot of fun. Mostly Toronto. But the thing is, you've sent us, and I'm thinking, what have we sent you guys? It's not a fair, there's an imbalance. Bird flu. Yeah, bird flu. Thanks, thank you. So there is an imbalance. Bird flu. Yeah, bird flu. Thanks, thank you.

So there was an imbalance of trade in that respect. And that's about as political as I get, but I think it's gotta stop. And it's gotta stop now. It's gotta stop now. Good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had the acroid voice in my head all day.

You've heard me doing my bad impression, but I can't get it out. Now you've had some- I can't get it out. Out, out kid. I'll tell you what kid. Now, you've had some- Oh, sorry, I can't get it out. Oh, out kid. I thought you were a kid. He is a- And you're fuck off, back to Canada.

Dan Aykroyd, legendarily funny guy, but not someone, he's an unusual man. You don't meet a Dan Aykroyd every day and- Nope. And- One of the more underrated though, I think, talents. Oh my God. Like one of the smartest people you'll ever talk to.

But yeah, eccentric. But we were talking about how his comedic ability to, I mean, he did it on SNL in so many ways, but to fire information out of his mouth with great authority and accuracy. No, but no one else could do that like him. Like he could pump like half of the movie's boring exposition, make it funny, make it entertaining

into your mind in like a third of a second. It was the crazy, I've never seen someone speak as fast as Dan Aykroyd does. In Ghostbusters, she has this, a speech that must have been that long on the page and it just comes out. And you know it, you still hear it all. That's the trick. And I just think he's, I'm kind of, I think I'm a little obsessed with him in some ways.

So he invited you to hang with him a little bit, right? Yes. But then he also wanted you to take off at some point. Yeah, you gotta come up here to Ontario, kid. And then we're gonna eat a dinner and you're gonna sleep over, and then in the morning we're gonna do the interview and you're gonna fuck off back to where you came from.

That's what we're gonna do. Bring an extra Order Canada pin for me. And put it on and do it. Let's go. You know what I love is there's a reason he made the Dragnet movie because he is Jack Webb in some ways. I think he is Jack Webb.

Because Jack Webb, if you ever watch old Dragnets, it's all Jack Webb just spitting out all this information, really square, cop, 1960s, these are Bennys, those are high-hives, if you have a, in his palm, he would have a list or a whole bunch of pills and he would rattle them out really quickly. Those are blue butterflies, that's what I'm talking about.

Oh my God. And it was hilarious. And then he did the Dragonet movie with Tom Hanks and he was fantastic at it. That was back when the miscellaneous line item on a production report is just like all cocaine. And then you guys spent $80,000 on miscellaneous in one night. What the fuck is that?

That's always the thing. Dan also shows a thing, a bit that Candy, John Candy, you saw, I think you saw in Plains Trains, which is where you're seeing him. A performance that's heartbreaking, funny, vulnerable, and all the things, all the reasons I have always been and will always be very much in love with Mr. John Candy. But Dan Aykroyd, if you've ever seen Gross Point Blank, he gives the most unexpected villain performance I've ever seen.

It wasn't over the top. It wasn't over the top, it was just grounded and weird and infinitely watchable. When I finally tracked him down, because he's elusive, I said I owe money because I've stolen so much from him that I believe I owe him $41 million. Yeah, 41. Don't put that on paper.

No, not at all. Because he'll take it. I heard him jot it down, yeah. $41. Don't put that on paper. No, not at all. Cause he'll take it. I heard him jot it down though. But no, he's just a real gentleman too. Like really, you know, just made a good stuff. And he sells a tequila that comes in a skull. Vodka, crystal skull vodka. Crystal skull vodka.

He's really into actual crystal skulls, right? And aliens and things. And UFOs and aliens. Yeah, but come on. Did you try anything? Did I try? I think I've tried everything that exists at some point, you know.

I think I tried. I've tried it twice, right? Yeah. Clay colored stool. Yes. You can smoke it. We don't have to go back there. Yeah, but don't smoke the lorazepam,

because I also have another PSA for that, and you don't want those side effects, oh my God. Or baby formula, don't smoke baby formula. Um... Are we gonna list things you shouldn't smoke now? Yes, most of them, when you smoke, you don't know you're peeing anymore. For the rest of your life.

You just like your life. It's warm. It's cold. It's warm and comforting all of a sudden. But now? Like the womb. Little stingy, little cold. Um...

Yeah, no, no, no, no. Yeah, but I didn't... I was never big on all of that. Anyway. Yeah, me neither. That's probably why I'm like, as I come down a real, real heavy case of alive. Yeah. Yeah. I've always wanted to do a non-alcoholic commercial for like one of those, you know, I wrote one,

I haven't figured out how to end it all yet, but like where people do the same things drunk people do, except on their non-alcoholic beverage. Yes. Where they're like, you know, the next morning they're like, you know, there's a woman who's like, I went out with Gail and the girls the other night and I don't drink, but I had a one night stand.

I'll get this guy. And then the camera just shifts over to him and he's like, and let me tell you something, I don't drink either. And I felt everything. You know, and she's like, and let me tell you something, I don't drink either. And I felt everything. You know, and she's like, I was awakened. And basically says, you know, we got crazy in the middle of the night and we just decided, fuck it. Let's have a baby.

And we just met. I didn't know his last name. And basically experiences that each person has that you would not like the groom or the, sorry, the best man at a wedding You know gives a speech that's just fucking profound You know and it's not like just the letter L for five straight minutes and then a like an anecdote about himself You know just nails it

Topic everything so I've always wanted I've always wishes that's a bag Those like a little bit angle that's the angle that would be fun with a- You could have been in advertising. You missed out. Yeah. Because I can tell when you do your, whether it's Mint Mobile, and I'll give you guys a plug. I think it's a fine service. That's okay, yeah.

It is a fine service, very good. Your ads are very funny, and I get the impression that you are behind them or steering them because you have that kind of brain. You like to say this is a commercial, but also call out that it's a commercial you love. They know they're being, I mean, consumers know they're being marketed to.

Yes. So don't do, it's not a very special episode of Dharma and Greg. It's a fucking, you know, it's a fucking tide stick commercial. I love that episode. Yeah. But it's, well, it's, you know why I like them

and it's sort of, it's not just me, certainly. I have a, like a, I have some of the greatest, smartest people that quite frankly I find threatening, who are, I get to work with. I mean, Sean Levy, who I've done three movies with now, you know, it's like a brain trust and like there's a real, I mean, every movies that you sort of quote control are like, you're not controlling it, they just trust you. You know, you said like, hey, I'm gonna land the plane. I remember trying to get my Deadpool and Wolverine movie made

and I just focused on that. I was like, I will return your investment. I will return your, I got you. I am not a reckless pilot. I will land the fucking plane on a dime. It will be a four quadrant R rated film. I'm gonna make Disney's first four quadrant R rated film. And this is after they said no to 18 different things,

including a movie where Deadpool is after the hunter who killed Bambi's mom. They said, we don't touch Bambi. And I said, you said you don't touch Mickey Mouse. We don't touch Bambi and we don't touch Mickey Mouse. You know what? Given the profits and what you've shown, I think you can do it now.

Yeah, no, we did. Yeah, but that's a part of our responsibility too, is people that produce the movie and we go write the movie and we're back to all those things. It's like making sure it works. Cause I've done movies that are, you know, small films that are in Sundance and all that stuff. And I loved making them and they were hard to make.

And they would get great reviews and everything, but then you'd find out later, it just bankrupted whatever little tiny studio made it. And I thought, I'm going to be out of work. They're getting out of work. I got to find a job that fits. So it's a win-win. If I want to do it for the rest of my life,

I'm going to have to figure that out. And then it grew to all of it, like all the other thing. I loved commercials when I was a kid. Like if you saw a good commercial, it stayed with you. Yes. And I was one of those kids, like you probably were, you're sitting there two inches from the TV and just trying to stay up as late as humanly possible.

Being irradiated, because TVs back then ran on plutonium. Oh my God, right? And my face was melting. He's 22. By the way. Uh, and that is- Scarred for life. Oh my god, right? And my face was melting. He's 22. By the way. Uh, and that is uh. Scarred for life.

Oh god, yeah. Oh my god, yeah, no. We sometimes turn off the lights in the studio and I'm a grinning skull. Yeah, just. The teeth whitening, it's gotta stop. ["The Last Supper"] Really, the biggest change for me was Green Lantern because it didn't work. I watched a studio throw money at problem, at the problem, after problem, after problem,

instead of creating. Constraint is the greatest creative tool in the world. That's why I like commercials because there's an economy to them. You can't have to make them quick. You have to be not precious about them. You know, it's a fucking commercial. Who cares? It doesn't have to be a Fellini film.

It'll either work or it doesn't, or it moves at a speed of culture. So it's at least relevant. Like it's a easier way to kind of fix it, you know? But that movie was where I changed my life because I just saw money. You saw this is going down or this isn't, I don't think this is coming together

and they're just throwing more millions at it. Yeah, and it was really like, that's hard for everyone because it's, too much money, too much time will murder creativity. Like if you have to, if you're under constraint, like the next movie I did was Deadpool, which had a $56 million budget, I believe, which is nothing.

Like, I think they probably spent $250 on Green Lantern, and this one had nothing. So you had to supplant or change all of these action spectacle set pieces into movies that, like, you remember the dialogue, not the thing. Because audiences are also inured to special effects. Like if you—the world in danger. I was like, I'd love that the characters like, I don't give a shit about the world. Like I care about those people and no one else. I've been saying this for years.

I refuse to see a movie at a certain point I declared, I will not see a movie that has a portal. If a portal opens up. Oh my God, the portal thing. We did use the portal. I know. But we did call it the Marvel Sparkle Circle. Yes, you had fun with it and made fun of it.

There are so many movies where, clearly, they don't know what to do. So what they have is six people put the nine stones together, and then the sky opens, and anything can come out, and it doesn't have to make sense. I love that this is your cause, because most people are like, oh, politics and kids these days. And people are like, oh, politics and kids these days, and you're like, oh, your horse.

Portals, portals, portals, portals. I saw another portal today. Yeah, he used to be get off my lawn and get out of my portal. A dragon made of fire and lava came out of the sky and punched Captain America, who's a strong man. Yes. And he fell down, but then got up and punched the dragon, and it went flying.

Preach, sister. I'm telling you. I'm sorry. I know that there's people think there's problems with racial inequality, gender inequality. There's a poverty, poverty in the world. Don't even get us started on tariffs. But all of that can be fixed by portals if you'll just allow it. No, a dragon will come in and smash it all.

Bullshit. I love the use of it because you could say anything in the Deadpool movies. I loved watching Kevin Feige watch the thing back, cut together where Deadpool's like that. He's like, you know, listen, we don't have to do this. You know, there's a big fight about to happen and they're like, no, we're gonna fuck you up

or whatever the line is and he says, no, I mean the multiverse. It's just, it's not working. It's not great. It's just been miss after miss after miss. It's been two Ant-Man's forward and one Black Adam back. And it's not working. And you know, Kevin Wintz on each miss after miss.

So funny. And yeah, but then what a sport. Like he was like that. But you make a really good point, which is that I do find that that's what's missing is a good movie gives you a couple of people and you, if they're doing it right, you really care about them. I know it sounds corny,

but I was watching the third man Orson Welles, Joseph Gump. Oh, Vienna. Vienna, and I watched that a couple of nights ago and God, they had me caring about these three people in Vienna in 1948. And I think the movie cost $11. But oh my God, it's fantastic. And I do think that CGI had people thinking,

oh, we don't need that so much as long as, because people really care that that portal gets closed. And you're like, I'm not sure they do. They don't really care if the portal gets closed. But I'm sorry. He's back on the portal. care if the portal gets closed. But I'm sorry. He's back on the portal. He's back on the portal. Like let the portal report it.

I knew we were going back there. I could see the gravity. Oh my God. The scene that we've seen so many times where one character is on one side of the glass and there's the radiation and it's you, it's Deadpool. I spocked him. Yes, Deadpool, Wolverine.

And it's the parody of that scene. And one of the things that in a weird way I got suckered into caring, I was caring about the people in the scene and then you start fucking around. Once we did, I did it just to make you laugh. And I swear to God, there's one, it's actually, we had to realign my head a couple of times

because the going down the stairs didn't work quite well. So we were like rejiggering it, trying to get it right, but I just did it to make you laugh. Cause there he is, shirtless, hasn't had a carb since the eighties. He's like, oh my God, like, you know, can we just get through this scene so I can have a bagel? And you know, I am fucking around,

it's just terrible, a horrible friend. Yeah. You know what's so sad? The first time he said it, I thought he said to make you laugh. I am fucking around. This is terrible. You're a horrible friend. Yeah. You know what's so sad? The first time he said it, I thought he said to make you laugh. I thought so too. And I thought he was saying, Conan, I put that in just for you.

And then I realized, no, he means Hugh Jackman. And I suddenly lost interest in you as a person. Well, I actually had the same problem with the Whitney Houston song, oh, the Dolly Parton song, but I always thought it was Hugh. I always loved Hugh. And then I was like, wait, you?

Oh shit. No, she meant it. She wrote it about Hugh Hefner. Which is weird, because it's, yes, it's very sexist. Yeah, yeah. She likes that he's commodified, women's sensuality. I don't know, it's terrible. Commodified, that word's come up three times today. It has? Yeah, yeah,

I was sitting next to someone who said co-modified, and I was like, I think you mean co-modified, and he's smart as shit. So I felt the power in that moment, right? I was like, oh, I have something over you right now, don't I? No, I knew what I was doing because I've trademarked co-modify. Oh. I got you to say it.

You and McElhenney because it was McElhenney. Robert Copernicus, now McElhenney. McElhenney was walking around here earlier. You guys were working on something in our... We often use your office. I let you use my office to shoot a major film. No, one of your, I think for your Wrexham project, you guys were shooting something and I said, yes, yes,

of course, Mikasa Tsukasa, which I believe is, I think that's Spanish, I think. Yeah, no, that's German. Oh, it's German, I guess, mein casa is. Mein casa, yeah. Yeah, su casa. But it's angrier. Anyway, I saw you when I first walked in,

I see you and I see McElhenny and I give you a hug and it's like, this is, Ryan Reynolds takes good care of himself, works out. I hug you and I'm like, well, this is an impressive lad. And then I turn to McElhenney, I hug him. That guy is alabaster. Yes, no, heart is a rock. Heart is a rock.

No, heart is a rock right now. He is- Just describing it, your heart is a rock. McElhenney, I sung without his shirt. How you feeling now there? You guys were expertly lit and in slow motion in my mind when I saw you guys coming together. No, no McElhenney Don't don't don't sleep on that body if well sleep on it if you can Happily married though, so don't try it. But he's yeah, he's a rock. He's a beast incredible

So yeah, Rob, I I treat with respect you better with kindness. Yeah Occasional condescension and that's about it. Yeah, mostly just those things. But you did say comodified, which is not great. He fucked up, not me. I wouldn't do that. Just finished like two years of just in the guts of something, you know, with them.

I always think of filmmakers, like Sean Levy is more like a brother. We just love each other. Three movies together, we're gonna do a fourth one at some point. But that, like, filmmaker word is not broad enough, though, because, like, it's so... When movies work... You guys talked about this on one of the shows.

I think it was, like, Adam Scott. How, like... They're hard to make a movie. A movie's hard to make, right? It's impossible. Yeah. Like, everyone has to be excellent. Like, really, and care. People sort of underestimate how valuable caring is.

And, you know, when you work with a props department or a production designer who, in his cells, wants to make the best possible... Our Deadpool and Wolverine Ray Chan, he passed away, unfortunately, on our last fucking day of shooting, too. It was really sad. But it was one of those things where, in post, we got to put Easter

eggs of them everywhere in the movie. But that movie would never have done what it did or connected with people the way it did without this guy. And I consider a production designer, a filmmaker, sometimes a costume is a filmmaker. Sometimes it's a, you know, cinematographer. It's just, these are, it's a vat more vast to pool than I think people realize. You know, there's a lot like it's part of why it changed my trajectory when I was at

the right time was, you know, you do a movie and you're working with people who if there's one person in charge and that is it, my way or the highway, you get everyone into a yes, sir, no, sir. You know, like when I pitch a joke, I'm always like, okay, here's the shittiest version possible. And what I'm actually doing is inviting dissent. I want you to disagree, like disagree with me, because then we're gonna have fun. It's gonna get better.

And you may have an idea that it's amazing that you've suppressed because I'm like, this is the way. But that pool always has to be expansive and then you make great stuff. And then it's why movies are like, I was so happy you were hosting the Oscars because like you I think you've now and have always understood the joy of collective effervescence it's why you work in front of a live

audience a lot too which is why you know some friends with people which is always the the magic is we this is a group of us if you have a good audience you can make them part of it. I like, I think it's coming from a family. I like to do things with people. That's another example of why I love this man. And now I guess you guys are so confused. No, he's pointing to me.

Gail, Cone Cone, has anyone ever gone Cone Cone? Never gone Cone Cone. Let's not do that. Uh, the, um, the reason I love you is that you don't, you don't punch down, like, it's not your vibe, and it's a good... Oh, no, I would very much like to be the joke. These are the best targets. Yes, me too.

Like, I've done it, I did it once in my life, and I deeply, deeply regretted it. And it was 22 years ago, and it was such a lesson they'll never forget. And I said something on late night, but it was a little bit like when the, just a comedian or the guy with the microphone starts picking on someone, you're just like,

they don't have a microphone as well. It's not fair, you know? And it's just that land that left a mark that I'll never, ever forget. Yeah, you can't, but you think you've really hurt someone's feelings. As crazy as it sounds, and you're in comedy, if you really think you've hurt someone's feelings,

unless it's Mussolini or Stalin. Oh, fuck, how did you know? How did you know? You, George told you. You have trouble, like, I can't sleep, you know? You wake up and you're just, you know. 3 a.m., wide awake. It was, yeah, and the person, it gets worse.

I wrote a long note to the person afterwards and I said, I don't know why that came out of the mouth. And it was because I'd seen them, like, a couple days before. Yes, yeah. Near the apartment I was renting in Santa Monica. This is so long ago. And I sent, I wrote a long letter to him, sent him a case of champagne. I don't know, I was young, no one drinks champagne, right?

I don't know. And later I read a story about his wife saying that he fell off the wagon back in June. Oh no! Yeah, no, I had no idea. This was before you don't just Google someone. Like, I didn't know. So you mocked him, and then your apology

was to send him the substance that he had successfully kicked. Fuck me. Like I really, and then so that's where I got the lesson to never apologize. Never. You hold your ground. If you're listening right now, don't apologize.

Yeah, no, no, I did tell you, he's fine and wonderful. And may I say thriving, but yes. I will tell you that I have had the same thing just like twice in my career where I said something, it just slipped out of my mouth, I'm doing a volume business. It got back to me that the person's feelings were hurt and it felt like I had been shot.

And I wrote a letter and sent it to them. Like, I'm so sorry that you, you know. That means everything. I mean, as parents, you see, I mean, no. Yeah, exactly. Blake and I do that all the time with the kids. If you get down, kneel down to their level and say, hey, when we, last night when you wouldn't go to bed and you did all the, sorry, street art on the wall, I could have handled

that better and I wasn't great. I wasn't good at dadding. And I'll even do the do-over. I'm like, can I try? Can you make some more street art? Fuck. Over there. But on the paper, and I will come in and I'll do it again better.

I love that you're asking for a retake. Yeah. Basically, that is what I'm doing. I'm imposing. Who doesn't want a child actor? Sociopathic monster. Let's skip showbiz and just enroll you straight into cocaine. Right here? And then go into showbiz with all your injuries,

emotional injuries. We have to wrap this up because we've kept you for too long and you're a man in demand. Ryan, you are one of my favorites. I say that at the end of every podcast. I know. I know, but I'm still gonna react. Sometimes I'm talking to absolute criminals in jail and I say you're the end of every podcast. I know. I know, but I'm still gonna react. Sometimes I'm talking to absolute criminals in jail.

And I say, you're one of my favorite people. And I believe you're innocent of those 19 murders. Yes. Which you would confess to. Jay Leno fell. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that.

We were all looking for the Hampton Inn. You pushed him down that hill. Who doesn't look for a Hampton Inn when you're a millionaire? Ryan, you are so fast. You were so fast and so funny and making so many people happy. And I'm thrilled that we could spend time today and hang out.

I've never seen four hours go by as fast as it just did. No, I'm serious. This is one of those things where I could tell in your voice it's time to wrap it up and I got genuinely sad. Because you are an idol of mine, you are somebody who I've watched and dare I say, that the risk of overpraising, look up to.

And I always have, always will, because you're kind, you have integrity, and that doesn't mean it costs you subversive comedy or any of those things, all that edge is there, and it is a high bar you set, you always have. And that's why I did the Jay Leno thing. I just, I fucking snapped. I don't know what you're talking about. I forget everything before 2010.

It's all gone. But you didn't forget my wire numbers. Oh, Cayman Islands. Ryan, thank you so much and God bless. I bless you and I am a God, so God bless you. I know you are a deity. Deus? What is that?

Isn't that what they call it? No, deus is the thing you stand behind when you talk. It's codemodified. Hey, at least we stopped the landing going out. That's the important thing. Also, we talked about a lot of Canadians. Thank you for that. I'm saying, and there's a huge trade imbalance here.

Yeah, we're gonna work on that. We're gonna have a caucus. Is that what we say? We caucus on it. Okay, don't do that. Legislative branches, your worship in Canada. That's a fun one. You have to say your worship to the judge.

Do you have the little honor of Canada yet? Have you had that? I do have it, yeah. You know who one of the people I think wrote the letter was? Lauren. That's nice. That's a nice man. I think. He won't admit to it. All right, sir.

Thank you. Go with. Thank you, guys. Thank you all. Go with the blessing. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leow. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

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