Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Sebastian Maniscalco

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

Comedian and actor Sebastian Maniscalco feels honored about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Sebastian sits down with Conan to talk about the terror of reading to children, the hardest venues in which to perform comedy, and casting Robert De Niro as his dad in his new film About My Father. Plus, Conan shares the story of getting gerbil’d in public for the first time.

Hi, my name is Sebastian and the scalp goal. And I feel honored about being Conan O'Brien. That's very sweet. Hey, welcome to Conan O'Brien, Needs a Friend and some exciting stuff to talk about today. As always, by Sonam obsessedion. Hello. And the sturdy and reliable Matt Gorley. Sturdy. Oh, he is. You are a tugboat beating against the tide.

Is he? He is. Okay. You are very reliable and you're a good fellow. Fine fellow. You're more fragile, but reliable. Where do you get? Anyway, he's made of all cartilage.

It's okay. No actual bones. You fight both I know something exciting to talk about enough of this dithering and dathering which is we announced Just a couple days ago that I have been making this show for HBO Max, which I believe is now called Max We'll see what it's called in another few weeks max, which I believe is now called max. We'll see what it's called in another few weeks. It's called Conan Bryan Must Go, and it's this idea that's been in the works

for quite a while, which you guys are well acquainted with, where as you know, I do the interviews with celebrities and those drop on Monday, but then later in the week, we drop a interview with just anybody out in the world. Fans. Fans, just fans. Not anybody.'t they have to know who you are. Yeah, that's only 98% of the world's population. Oh, hey.

Boo. Conan. Boo. No, you're right. It's fans. I should be more specific fans of the of the podcast. And I've really loved those conversations. And that's where the idea came from, which is just I love talking to people so much what if And I also used to do travel shows That I that was one of my favorite things that I got to do all those years at TBS So the thought originated what if some of these guests that actually end their Interviews where they say well come visit sometime Conan. Yeah, and the idea came what if I just show up And so that was the origin for the concept of this show, Conan and Brian must go.

So we announced it and they put together a little sizzle reel of some of the episodes that were already in the can. And people seem excited about it. You guys, you saw this is all real, right? It pains me to praise you, but I just know a lot of other people worked on this. It looks so good. It really looks good.

Also, there's a brief glimpse of you and me in there. And that really ups the... I think that really adds to the show. Yeah, it's weird because the data says the opposite. Oh, yeah, you look at the data. Yeah, I look at that. Yeah, you really look at that in your life? You've never seen data in your life. No, I'm a big data guy and I really got in there

and I like microdata and megadata and I got in there and massive drop offs. No, it was, yeah, it's nice because you see us talking to them and then suddenly I'm there in their face and you surprise them. Yeah, well, it's funny because you try to and some are easy to Easier to surprise than others, but it was We put together this kind of quick maybe two-minute

piece that that ran and Then tweeted it out and the response was really nice people seem excited about the show the show is and this is important to seem excited about the show. The show is, and this is important to point out, the show cannot be completed right now because the WGA, the writer's Guild of America, is on strike. So we've stopped everything, and I'm really looking forward to finishing the show. But we're not going to do anything until everything gets resolved and the writers get taken care of. So we are on hold for the moment. You traveling is such a, it's, you're so good at traveling. I mean, you're good at a lot. You're gonna love things, but you're

really, when you travel, you have many strokes when you say anything nice about me. You know, yeah, you're really funny. It's so Yeah. Yeah. You're going to have a neurologist soon, say, Sonia, have you been complimenting Conan recently? Because there's a lot of dried blood near your cerebellum. No, but when you travel internationally, there's some of my favorite things that you've ever done. Well, it is throughout the course of your whole career. I like it a lot. I really enjoy it. And we have gone to some great locations. We have some other great locations planned. So I just find it so kind of reinvigorating

to get outside the United States and meet people and run into all these people who have no idea who I am and find out what they're up to, what they're doing. It's just, I stick out. I stick out everywhere. I think I could go to Ireland and stick out. It's just so weird. Yeah.

I'm just odd looking in so many ways, but it's, yeah, very quickly identifiable. But so yeah, Conan O'Brien must go on max, we'll be coming up, but not until the writer strike gets resolved. Can you talk about where you've been to already or is that you don't wanna? I think so, you can see in this,

just a little bit. The two plays we went was to Norway to visit fans there. And that went really well. And then visited some fans in Thailand, in Bangkok. And that was fantastic. Anyway, it's been a lot of fun making the episodes we've made already. And if you want to see the promo, which is fun last about two minutes, you can find it easily on YouTube on your channel, your team cocoa, team cocoa. And it's called Conan O'Brien must go. And the thing I should bring up is that if you are a fan of this program and you want to talk to myself, Matt and Sonah, that's always possible.

We do it all the time and you never know. I might end up visiting you. You can go to teamcoco.com slash call Conan if you would like to reach out to us and have a chat. Again, that's teamcoco.com slash call Conan. You can experience how irritating it is to speak to me in real time. You have no idea.

You have no idea. All right, we should get into it. My guest today is a hilarious comedian who was sold out arenas across the country. Now he has a new movie which he co-wrote and stars in called about my father and guess who places father in this movie? Robert Eldanero. Exactly. Is it really L?

I don't know. You just allow, okay. That would be... Maybe you... Son, make it. That's like an attorney. Robert L. D'Nero. I'm excited he's here today's Sebastian,

Manus Calco. Welcome. Listen. I know we've met, uh, you've done the show many times. On a kid. Yeah, but we haven't really had a relationship outside the show. It's not like I'm calling you going, what are you doing Friday night? We're having some wine.

You want to come by. I just don't know why. I'd love it if you had done that. But you didn't do it for me either. You know, well, that's not going to, bastion, there are rules, you know? I was the host of the show. And so, no matter, you've become huge, you're massive.

You're as big a comedy star as I can imagine. But still, you know, because I was the host of those shows, I had to have a wall up. Okay. You understand. I do understand, but my question is being a host of a show like that, right? And you got a lot of people coming through the door day and day out. Have you made friendships over the years with a lot of your guests? Yes, I have.

Okay. And I have with a pretty, actually a pretty good number. You just click with people. And one of the things that takes is just bumping into them someplace else. That's usually what has to happen. Is you bump into them someplace else. So I'm sure if I had bumped into you and we were hanging out, you would have thought, this is the greatest fucking guy ever in my life. And then you would have shagged them to the waiter, you know, more wine over here. And I'd have said, let me get it Sebastian.

This is on me. You'd have been like, I love this guy. And then the next thing I'd be at your house, that would have happened, but we never bumped into each other. Because you were very careful not to bump into me. Yeah, I didn't go out much. When I was around, you were always out on the town,

on the minute you read Conan O'Brien's in town, you would lay low. You would lay low until I passed through. No, You were always out on the town on the minute you read Conan Rob Ryan's in town. You would lay low. Yeah. You would lay low until I pass through. No, I'm very happy for you. You know, you're very funny comic. You are an amazingly successful comedian and you've done really well as an actor and I was trying to think, what is it that Sebastian does that always made me laugh whenever you would come on the show? I realized today it was, you're amazement. You do amazement better than most comedians I know. You're totally amazed by how screwed up or fucked up something is. And that is a big part of your personality. You stretch it out. Your physicality is really great.

Your personality like inflates when you're saying, what's going on with this? I don't understand. And there are a lot of comedians that do what's going on with blank. Your amazement is, you're the Olivier of amazement. You really are. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah. I'm constantly shocked and amazed at, you know, whether it be human behavior or situations or what have, you know, just having an exaggerated way of looking at things. It's been the way I've kind of looked at life since I was a kid. So it's not like it's something that I'm putting on for,

I mean, obviously, it's comedy, so you have to exaggerate a little bit, but the seat of it is coming from complete awe and shock of what I'm seeing. So yeah, that tends to be kind of the the core of the comedy. But you know what's great is you tie it in with your history as an Italian-American, you know, your dad, I know, and we'll get to this because it's a huge part of your movie. And I cannot believe you got Robert De Niro to play your dad. I mean, this is, this is most, there are people out there that say, I want to make a movie

about my life. I'll find someone to play my dad. And I don't even want to know who I would be able to get. It would, it would, it would wheels or turn. I know your wheels are turning. It would not be Robert De Niro. Orville Reddenbach. But yes, we all do that. We exaggerate. We take who we are really, and then we turn up the knob to like 15 for, for the comedic sake, but the core of it is pure.

And what you do is it, it feels it's a very Italian attitude about what the fuck is this all about. Yeah, it's in the culture. So the upbringing in my father's a huge part of my comedy just because I came from Sicily, he's when he was 15 years old and he brought a lot of those old world values to America with him. And then in the upbringing, those kind of values were passed on to me. And yeah, it's just, I noticed Italian people. I just did a TV show and the other actress on the TV show was Italian. And when Italians get together, it's almost like other people are looking at us.

And it's like we speak like dolphins. They don't even know the communication. Like, I thought there was gonna be a fight that was gonna break out at any minute when you guys were talking, but it was, we kinda just know there's a familiar way that we communicate with one another, and then when we start speaking outside of the culture,

a lot of people tend to see it and go, oh, oh, this is a different kind of take on life. And the take comes from pretty much my dad. Yeah. It was a huge personality and has a lot to say. And I don't know. I just took what basically we were talking about at the kitchen table as a kid and then made a living out of it. I have said for many years that it all starts at the kitchen table, I think you've said that there's almost a negativity with an Italian point of view that's built in. Constantly negative. Everything is always bad. Nothing is ever good. We can't talk about it being good because if you talk about being good,

something bad's going to happen. So that's, it's just the way it is. Yeah, it's like, I now have trouble enjoying the fruits of my labor. I don't know if you guys have this problem, but I'm at a point in my life where I should really be extremely happy about what's happening to me. Yet there is a part of me that is always kind of looking for the next thing. And am I doing enough? You know, like, I got a podcast. Is it good enough?

I'm doing a TV show. Is it good enough? So I doing a TV show. Is it good enough? So I can't sit there and relax. Right. And I don't know if that's just me or is that people who get to a certain level in their career and feel like they got to maintain that level or and you can't relax.

And I'm reading this book called, Die With Zero, right? Because I'm having an issue with spending money. And the issue being you're spending too much, you're not spending it. I don't know what to spend. Like, I grew up working middle class. Right. And it was the, money was a huge topic in our house.

And it was always safe. Save your money, because you don't know if your tongue is to fall out and you can't do this anymore, right? Which does happen. I wouldn't worry about that one particular thing. Give me some break on that. Yeah. During COVID, you weren't worried at all about COVID. You're worried. don't worry, you're clear on COVID. Mike Tongue! The tongue could go at any time. What? Yeah, well, I mean, COVID was a great example. It's like, you save for a rainy day, right?

And the rainy day came and I was still going, you know, like I didn't even use the savings. Right. I was just trying to figure out how I could make money and live off whatever doing corporate zooms, you know, what I was doing. I wasn't doing like stand up in my living room, but it would be like a moderator asking me questions and I would be making the company laugh on zooms. I did like 38-edities things. Oh my God.

And let me just put this in context for our listeners, who don't know, and many people are aware of your massive success. You sold out four shows at Madison Square Garden. That's insane. That's an insane achievement. That's you and a microphone sold out Madison Square Garden. Four of them. How many of those people were on Zoom though? Yeah, I'm not. Half.

To be fair, they put a lot of TV screens, TV screens. Look at me. Hi everybody, I'm 60. I don't know if you've met me. I think that works. I think that works. What I zoom, it's a TV. I was picturing televisions with rabbit ears in a Zoom coming over. Let's just let it go. But my point is, Sebastian, I'm just wanting to put it in context for people that you've had this insane. This isn't, there are plenty of people in the business that book a sitcom, but they're being careful with their money. Or this is that, you've had unprecedented level of success

that I can promise you right now is not going anywhere. You have talent and ability, and it's not going anywhere, and you have a devout following. But it's fascinating to me that when it stops for a little bit, you're thinking, oh my God, how am I gonna make the rent? And to me, that is, this is a very common situation. And I do think that it may not be a coincidence that your dad immigrated here

because, I mean, famously, Bob Hope, biggest comedian maybe of the 20th century, he came from, he immigrated from Wales as a kid and was incredibly poor growing up and tried to make it as a boxer and his family worse like Stone Masons. I mean, he had nothing and he scrounged and scrounged and scrounged and finally made it and then bought up all the orange grows in California when he started making money and by the time he's in his 90s, I think the richest entertainer in the United States of America. He's just an incredibly wealthy man and I know for a fact that he would go into the valley

with coupons for Carl's Jr. And to me, that shit doesn't go away. And although you didn't experience that maybe firsthand, you inherit it from your dad. And it's very powerful. So, I mean, to me, it makes sense that you're that way. Yeah, but my whole challenge now is I got like one foot living in that world and I got a one foot living

in the world I'm in right now and I'm trying to like just be a little bit more relaxed when it comes to You know enjoying my success. I guess that's that's the struggle. I'm having at this current point right in my life It's a good problem. Yeah, it's a problem But I know what you mean and I recommend medication but I know what you mean. And I recommend medication. A lot of it and all kinds. Don't even just get it from other people.

I don't even see a psychopharmacologist. I think just get it, random pills from other people and try them out. Okay, terrible advice. Well, I think it's, please, you do it immediately. Okay. Yeah. What do you think drives you now? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to go out. I mean, I was working at Fudrockers when I was 14 years old.

I was one of my first jobs and never really stopped working since I was 14. So yeah, that definitely comes with my father. And, you know, I don't know, for me, I felt like it was extremely fun coming up through the clubs and getting my first spot on your show and doing these things for the first time. No one really know who I was.

It was exciting. Now, the pressure is a little bit higher to maintain the standard. Keep the jokes as good as they were. That's the whole thing. It's like, you know, I did a comedy special that came out on Netflix this year and I got kind of like people, like, yeah, that was good as your, that, that, that was good as this and that was good as that. So that never really happened to me before.

And not that I'm sitting there looking at, you know, what people are saying, but you got to be a fool not to like put your ear to the ground and go, is this hitting with people? I mean, people kind of getting this and trying something different. I normally am a physical comedian, so this one, I'm like, let me throw it back to the rat back

and wear a tuxedo. I don't know where a tuxedo, because it kind of hinders my movement. I'm not as comfortable, but I'm like, yeah, let me do something different. And I got some backlash of, oh, he's not as physical as he once was. That's just, I'm 50. No sympathy in this room.

We all fought in the Korean War. Everyone in this room. I died in the Korean War. Yeah. And as a ghost, you're old. He's an old out of shape ghost. Ghost with a low back problem. That's the other thing too is,

to me, the biggest driving thing is, if someone's disappointed with something I've done, it makes me physically ill. It's that fear of failure, which doesn't diminish. You think it would diminish and it doesn't. And if I'm someplace and it's a small group and I'm supposed to go up and give a toast or something, I get anxious.

And if I feel like the toast wasn't good enough and people are like, what are you talking about, the toast? What are you worried about that for? I don't think that goes away. No, that's with you. I could relate to that. My kid just had a birthday party and I got on the microphone goes away. No, that's with you. I could relate to that. My kid just had a birthday party. And I got on the microphone to kind of like,

is we were gonna play these games, these old school games that my kid's birthday party. So I got on the microphone, and everybody was gonna do the, and I got off and I got off. Oh my God. I just felt like I let him down, you know? Professional comedian.

All your kids birthday party. All you're doing is saying the pin that's on the donkey's over here on the right and the dunking board is over there and the bounty castle, you know, that's all you're there to do. Ah, no, I should start it with the bounty. Then you elevate to the donkey sh**. Absolutely. And now that we're talking about this, this really has happened last week.

My daughter's birthday, and my wife and I went into, I guess, the parents read to the class on the day of the birthday of the kid. So we walk in and we had our daughter's favorite book and the plan was, my wife was gonna read half of it and I was gonna read half of it. So my wife starts to read the book and she's burning through the book. I just like,

and I'm looking at this as a, you know, those kids, you know, and I'm like, give me the book. And I'd never read the kids before. It's a group of six year olds. I've never read to them before. I started getting into the book and then I started like incorporating the kids and doing my own lines from the book.

We hate Veronica. Don't we? Yeah. And I told the teacher, I'd love to read that the kids every Friday, if I had... Could I be a TA? Yeah. But I just think it's in eight. It's in us to, if we get a group of people, I think it's in eight for us to like not disappoint. It's so funny you bring that up. We're gonna have to hang out and get wine. I'm sorry because there's too much to

there's too much common ground here, but when my daughter was younger, I it was read to the kids day and I went over and this is to the over to the school. You remember this and I went over there and I had a story to read and the the story, I remember looking at it, it's only like nine pages long, because the kids are little. And I was like, oh, it's not much to work with here. I remember thinking that, like flipping through it, like, all I've got is nine pages.

So what is, I go to sit down and they go, okay, now, you know, Neb's dad, Mr. O'Brien, and I sit down, and I notice that there's this like stuffed dragon right behind me, whose face is kind of looking at me So I kept doing these physical takes before I even read the book is like well kids nice to see you and And the kids started laughing really hard So I kept doing all this stick with the dragon and it was and it was doing really well And the teacher

The teacher came up the teacher came up on there, forgetting she put her hand on my shoulder and said, you just read the book. You just read. And I was looking at her like, you kidding? This is killing. You don't step on that. You know, but I know exactly what you're talking about, which is that need, you know, it's something, this is something I also want to talk about because there's so many things, it's something

I really appreciate about you is that you have your performing persona and have noticed whenever I'd come in and talk to you in the dressing room beforehand or afterwards or even when I talk to you here today at the podcast, you are a very quiet, thoughtful man. And I'm curious if you encounter, you're so well known out in the world when you're yourself, with your family, with the kids, are there people that want that other Sebastian? Do you know what I mean? And you are a very dignified, intelligent, quiet guy

who is not performing at this moment. Yeah. Yeah. People do think that's who I am on a everyday basis, not loud, but overexpressive and what not when I get together with you, which is talking as normal and what have you. Yeah, listen, I'm not a life for the party by any means. And I think that's the misconception with some comedians where they go, I'll invite the comedians going to make the room laugh. You know, if you invite me over to your house and there's other people there that I don't know,

I tend to be, you know, I don't call it shy, it just tends, it takes me a while to warm up to the group. Even when I do these things, these podcasts, which I don't do a lot of them, just because, I mean, I don't know, I just feel like, is this going to be an environment where I'm going to be comfortable to kind of be myself and like express my feelings and then obviously with uh... you six that i've fit right in here that's what we like to think it's a welcoming environment

that's what we like sometimes you go in it's like i don't you know i don't know but what do we we know well also i've noticed that a lot of people think comedy is a thing like you hire a plumber, they come over, oh, I see what the problem is and they fix it. I remember early on where people, you know, the corporate event, you know,

corporate events generally speaking are notorious for this. We're like, yeah, no, we're gonna have a comedian and then you get there and then it's just a dance floor and then the people, you know, it just a dance floor and then the people. You know, it's like you got to have the people near me, you know, you can't be, you know, 40 feet away. Right. You're not Mussolini, you know.

You need people, yes, exactly, exactly. So then you would have to do a quick adjustment and I'm going, all right, I'm going to perform now on the dance floor. Now I'm going to have to go, you know, and so you got to make it right. And it works in life too, I think, you know, sometimes I think you're in a situation where it's a social setting. And you know, maybe the expectation is, you know, for you to be funny, but you haven't

looked at the environment, you know, this is the same, the same the environment for me to like excel here. So then I go like, I'm like, I'm like, a shud in. I don't say nothing. And then my wife's like, why don't you talk and I go, it's just not right. You know, it's, it's, yeah.

I don't know. I feel uncomfortable sometimes around like, went to a birthday party yesterday, kids' birthday party, right? I just, I don't know. I just felt like, I'm just gonna hang out my kids here because I just didn't feel like any like pockets or any situations where I could

get involved and really kind of start to get something cooking. Yeah. Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. I was, I was at an event that I was supposed to, that I'm MCD. It was really good cause. I was supposed to raise money for wounded military vets and so it's a great cause and I was really glad to do it. It's this big event.

I'm never forget I'm backstage and I'm going to go out and I know what I'm going to do. Just before I went out they came out and they played taps. Oh shit. Da, da, da, da. You know, and they played, they played taps and the whole room gets really solemn and then a voice of God just went, it is in gentlemen Conan O'Brien. Oh, it's just like, this is the, this is like a dare, you know. How do I get from where we are now,

which is very sacred and solemn and appropriate, but why did you, why did you want to come on after that? Yeah, it's difficult to come out to that environment. I did something similar, I could do it. I was at 9-11 gig and they show a video at 9-11 and the people and this and that and then they're, please welcome, subession and I come out and I'm like, okay, you know, let's get into my dad. My dad? Or else you're doing comedy about how you've had a hard day. Oh boy, the day I had.

Oh really, did two towers collapse? Oh shit. And thousands and thousands of people. Hold on, hold on, I know, I know, but let me talk about my day. I mean, it's just impossible. It's like a Harry Houdini thing where it's like, we're gonna take Sebastian and Rapp Chains around

and put him in a bank fault and throw him in the Hudson River. And then let's see if he can get out. Yeah. Um, I know that like me, you probably grew up very Roman Catholic. Yeah. Did you do the whole nine yards where you uh, uh, choir boy, you know, Hunter boy, did the funeral, did you do the funerals? No, I was the, because they could tell that I could actually annunciate pretty well. They made me the what's called the lectern, which is the the guy who reads,

you know, certain passages. We didn't have that. Yeah, well, they would, you know, it's usually like the pre-stuff, but they would have someone step in and read a couple of passages and they were like this guy can annunciate and he knows. Yeah, Literally, they're like, this kid enunciates. And in Boston, nobody enunciates. You know, everyone else just sounded like they had a bunch of clamshells in their mouth. And then I, and the corner, I was saying, and on the third day, he rose in full film into the scripture. He seated at the right hand of the father.

He'll come again and glory to judge the living and the dead. They're like, we got to use this guy, you know, so they had me doing that, but I envy the, you know, like you get to ring the bells. I didn't get to ring the bells. That was a bell guy. I'm a bell guy. Yeah, bragging. Yeah, it's like I'm getting guys for a bank job. Do we have a bell guy. Yeah, it's like I'm getting guys for a bank job. Do we have a bell guy? I'm a bell guy. I held the water, you ever held the water for the...

No, no, no. They fling the water at people. Yeah, so I had the little bucket. Yeah, I did the whole thing over at Shakespeare's, Cecilia Parish in 1985. Wow, you guys are so cool. You weren't Sakes Cecilia's in 1985, huh? I was at St. Ignatius, St. Lawrence.

I worked a couple of churches. This is the 70s. I'm an older guy than you, but the 70s was really the time to be in a Catholic church. I'm telling you something. All of our priests were pretty much, they were either Italian or Irish, but we had one guy whose, his thing was to, he had always had change in his pocket. And as he was, and he was real like a club comic and he would jingle the change in his pocket. And as he was, and he was real like a club comic, and he would jingle the change in his pocket and walk around and, you know, and, and give the homily. And it was always in like a very folksy and kind of working jokes and and stuff. And then he'd always

end the, and the, and the mass by saying, there's supposed to just say, you know, so go in peace to love and serve the Lord, you know, that's what they're supposed to do at the end of the mass And be like go and peace to love and serve the Lord. Have a nice day. Have a nice week. See you around What's Jesus think about this ending? Different did you do confession? Did you go to confession? It's confession. I always froze in confession. I didn't know what to say. I would make shit up. Oh really? Yeah, I would say I'm murdered a man And so I mean I would say anything but I never I don't I didn't confess anything real Oh, I mean there's nothing going on back then where I couldn't walk in when I was 13 and say oh yeah

Get admitted adult treating me. There's nothing at that It was my neighbor's wife You got to see this broad. Yeah, I did all that. I did the confession. I went every Sunday, you know, did the, gave the money. Chris, my being Italian, you just give the money, and we never put it in the envelope that you're supposed to put in.

They give you like an envelope, you put it in, and then you put your name so you gave, and you just peel it off, just a crisp 20 right into the, nice. That made me think of like some wiseass kid, that it was Christmas time, and they had this beautiful crash,

the little manger, and there was a, you know, everyone's gathered around Mary and, you know, everyone's there. They're all the shepherds, the wise men and the sheep, the donkey, and they're all looking over in great reverence. And someone, some wiseass had taken the baby Jesus out and put a $20 bill back. So it looked like, oh, they're all, it's the almighty dollar. I remember really thinking that was funny and my mom swatting me saying, no, that's not funny, but I don't think they ever found that Jesus.

Let me ask you about this because you've done something that is pretty extraordinary. You've made a movie that's about you and your father, and it's called About My Father. And as I mentioned earlier, so much to talk about here, but you did an extraordinary thing. You cast, I want to say cast, it'd make it sound like De Niro was hoping he got the part. Did you give it a audition? Try it again, Bob. Bob, try it again. Bob, it's between you and two other guys,

but I think you did a pretty good job. What does your father think about Robert De Niro playing him? Yeah, so we wrote the movie, my writing partner, Austin Earl, and I wrote the movie my writing partner Austin Earl and I wrote the movie we kind of have the same pattern of life and in the sense that we've both married in the money and We've always kind of wrote about this life of two guys who kind of married a better cut of cloth in our wives So the movie kind of centers around my father and I going to a country club environment,

which I do every summer. My wife, family has a home in North Carolina that we go to. Country club, very white. You know, when I show up, I look like I cut the lawn. I'm like, I'm dark, you know what I'm saying? So, sometimes you do cut the lawn. Just because, you're like, I think I could do that better than that guy.

So, it's just kind of these two worlds kind of colliding. The movie centers around that. But the Nero, listen, we never set out to get him. We didn't write the movie with him in mind. You just don't even think that's a possibility. Right. And then once I worked with him in the Irishman, and then he subsequently came to see me

do comedy at Radio City Music Hall. He came backstage. We talked a little bit. And I'm sure you've met the man. He's not highly engaging as far as conversation. He's kind of quiet to himself. So it's not like, you know, we had wine together. I don't have wine with nobody.

So it's not like we had a social relationship, but we sent them the script and he really gravitated towards it and he wanted to read it out loud with a bunch of actors. So we sat down, we did a table read. And then after that, he made the decision that he wanted to do it. Now, the narrow being the narrow being the actor that he is

wanted to hang out with my dad. Right? Now, that's crazy. Yeah. Because he's method, he wants to, you know, this is about your dad, he wants to spend time with your dad and absorb this man's characteristics.

Yeah. So they get on the phone and he wants him to come to Oklahoma where DeNiro is shooting the movie with Scorsese in Decabrio. And my dad, he was a hairstylist, is going to go, first he's bitching that he's got to take off work. For this bullshit. Yeah.

I got a guy job and a mole while I'm frying. He has priorities. So, uh, he goes to Oklahoma and he goes to the narrows home there that is rented for the movie and the narrows asking there that he's rented for the movie. And the narrows are asking him, when you wear your hat, I wear your hat. And my father's like, oh, wear like this. And when you smoke a cigar,

and you smoke it, then he wanted to know some Italian Sicilian slang that the narrows wanted to put in there. And, you know, and I'm dying to hear how this is going. I mean, you have to understand, this is a guy that had posters on my wall growing up the narrow. Of course, yeah. Seeing him, good for, was, at that night,

I watched this guy, no, no, he's playing my father. So for me, I'm trying to wrap my head around. It's so afterwards, I said, you gotta call me as soon as you get out of there. All right, so he calls me, I go, I wasn't, yeah, I wasn't, yeah, I wasn't, yeah. That kept me here for four hours. Oh, yeah.

My dad's bitching about the house. Wow. Then he's asking me, you know, like, I'm getting banned for this. Like a little something for me. I go, I don't, I don't. That's so perfect. You know, like, I mean, listen, he was, he was, I mean, he was beside himself. But, you know, there's also that, you know, way we grew up of, you know, we're gonna lose

clients and I'm here and this and that and you know, I think. And he's on set as the Neuro Wanted Month set because there's a, there's a scene in the movie where we're in a hair salon and the Neuro being the actor that he has wanted to know how to do a die job with the foil. So my dad is teaching Denero the foil and this and that. I'm looking at this, going, this is, the salon looked like the salon I grew up in with my father. And now he's teaching Denero how to do hair.

And I'm like, I was just so proud that my dad was alive to see this all going down, right? So the new one, I'm the leaf to set. You're like, oh, you're going. I'm going back to work. I'm going to work. Tomorrow, we got a nice scene. That's like, I got a boom.

That's fantastic. Yes. So now, they want to use my father in a lot of this promotion that we're doing for the movie. So, we're doing my father and I are going on Kimmel together. And, you know, my father's really excited about him being involved in the press, which I was nervous about because my father's a type of guy when we're hanging around a group of people,

he's a life at a party, as soon as the camera pops on him, he kind of goes into a shell. However, we did a press event in Las Vegas and they were asking him questions. And I was like, well, this guy's like, my dad speaks broken English because, you know, he's from Sicily and he's answering questions. I'm like, it's okay. We need a camera on him to speak proper English. I mean, the, oh, suddenly, suddenly, pronouncing word right. Right. So, uh, he's another annunciator. Get another annunciator.

That's fantastic. Yeah. So, yeah, we shot the movie in Alabama, which was difficult for me just because I got two small kids. I was going to be there for eight weeks. And, you know, I was wrestling with like, God, you know, like, again, me thinking, overthinking things. This is a great opportunity, yes,

but then I'm also thinking that should be home. I'm a father. How am I doing in Alabama? You know, I have to be with my kids. But, I don't know what you're talking about. That's all bullshit. Those kids do better when I'm not around. They thrive when I'm out.

Yeah, but I know what you mean. Yeah, I mean, I'm a family guy. So anyway, it was an unbelievable experience. It was a acting lesson for me. For seven, eight weeks, however long we shot this movie. There was a time where I had a cry. Now, listen, I'm a sensitive guy. I could cry, you know, in just conversation. But to do it like in a movie, I never did this before, and now I'm doing it with arguably one

of the best actors of our time, he comes. And when he's supposed to cry in the scene, he's crying, right? And I ain't crying. Where is it? It ain't called me. And I'm looking at him like like almost like a fan. I go this guy's crying. I can't you just grab one of his tears. That's what I would do. The minute no one's looking, get it the near-oatier. Yeah, I was hoping I could get some spill off. It's a plan out. And then they said, cut and then did it again, still didn't cry. And then I told them, I go, bro, I gotta talk to you, man. I need help here. So me and him privately, there was an airplane scene.

We go into the airplane together and I go, I can't, can't get there. And he goes, well, I didn't know, I was gonna tell you, I'm gonna give you some advice, but I didn't know your process. They ain't no process, guys. I'm just hoping this clicks into, you know, it's no method or nothing like that.

I'm just doing the lines, hoping I can get said. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is the lines, hoping I can get said. Yeah. That's true. That is the method, Aguil. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh.

So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh.

So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. So, uh. Oh my God. Now I crying because he's crying about talking about his son. I got to use this and I get out of the plane and I'm supposed to be out of breath during the scene. Now I got sciatica ripping through my right leg, right? And I don't really run because of the pain. Now I'm running crying with sciatica on amap, trying to get out of breath, right?

So I come into the scene and I'm crying already, but I'm not supposed to be, but I'm like, fuck it. You know, I'm all in throughout the scene. Cut. All right, we're going to do it again, guys. That's so like that. We're going to do it again. Guy, that's so like that. We're gonna do it again.

We're gonna do this nine times. We need to rehydrate. That's fantastic. Yeah, it was a lot of thing. I mean, it's just the way he, just the way he, I learned like when you're acting to have an activity. A lot of times I would just get my mark, doodaline, and that would be it.

But he's like, okay, what am I doing here? Am I playing with you? Like just using the environment? Yes, yes. Which, you know, an actor who doesn't, I don't do this a lot. So I picked up a lot of nuances from him and then applied it to this TV show I just did, which definitely helped. So, being around him,

you just almost absorb a lot of this just by watching the man work. So I'm sure you were heavily involved in editing and, you know, where you allowed to be in there. I was a lot of one in there. I didn't like dig deep into the editing. There was moments I go, I think there was a better take and we looked at that,

but I was like, not the whole like day in, day out, editing of a film. I wasn't heavily involved in that, no. My experiences whenever I say, what about the other take that was really funny? Guys, we'll just look at me and go, yeah, we looked at it. It's not funny. Yeah.

And then I just, my penis retracts up into my body. Oh, my God. Takes months to lure it back out again. Put out little crackers and stuff for it. A 1980s playboy, Adrian Barbot, nothing. I said too much. A little bit more. Yeah, I could talk to you forever.

I'm a big fan of your work. You really make me laugh, but I also appreciate that you're a, you are a very thoughtful guy and you are someone who has taken his career really seriously and made it all happen through sheer force of will and a ton of talent, but put a lot of work into what you've done. And I hope that you are able to find moments of relaxation. And that's, I think, there's no such thing as I want to get to the point where I'm just blissfully happy all the time, because that means you've had a neurological accident, you know? But what I'm hoping for is that you get better and better at finding moments

where you say, Jesus Christ, look at what I'm hoping for is that you get better and better at finding moments where you say, Jesus Christ, look at what I've done and enjoy and say, yeah, I'm going to get the biggest lobster they have here. What off the coupon? Hey Sebastian, thank you so much for being here and I'm excited for about my father. I think that's so cool. Thank you And one more thing before we leave after we take the headphones off Look you just You just crossed you just crossed the line You just crossed the line. You just crossed the line.

You just crossed the line. And what if you just said that in four security guards walked in quietly? Yes, you will get my number. Okay. You will get my number. And then we gotta get wine at some point. Yeah, no, we have a lot of parties at the house.

Small, nice, nice group of people. You come up and... I'm gonna be loud and jok joking even if I don't feel it. Even if I don't feel like this, the mood is right. If someone's up there talking about a disease, they just got diagnosed with, I'm still gonna go for it. I think these are all children's birthday parties. Give me a crack.

I kill at those things. I kill. All right, well, thank you very much. You got it. It's great. Thanks. Thanks for having me. So I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. No, go, go, go. Ready? Okay. No, go. Just go. Roll. Okay. Sonas laughing really. And for good reason, ladies and gentlemen, Sonia, don't cover up your mouth. Your laughter is the fuel for this podcast.

Yeah. I was just recently on the East Coast. And Sonia, I got gerbled. You got gerbled. I got gerbled. Okay, this is true. God, this is the hardest I've seen someone laugh in a while. I totally got Jerbal. For anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about, I put it out there

recently as as many of you know, the way for any fan of the podcast or regular listener to let me know when they see me strolling around in man, I'm hard to miss is to shout out Katechai as God made her. Some Katechai just works, but so many people shout out Katechai as God made her. Some Katechai just works, but so many people shout out Katechai as God made her. And I think you guys have been with me, but ask anyone who walks around with me, Adam, you've seen this happen. When I walk around, so many people shout out Katechai.

It's happened to me. It's happened to you. It's happened to me. That's cool. I just, everywhere I go, I hear a Katechai, and I always turn and go, yes! I saw it in San Francisco. You saw it in San Francisco? That's right. Eduardo, you

and I were walking around San Francisco as we often do together. We help our little weekends. That's our business and I don't know. It's nice. We feel accepted there. And anyway, recently, I was talking to someone on the podcast and I brought up, you guys were here for this,

that one of the early guests on the late night show, actor Mickey Rooney, who in 1940 was the biggest star in the world. And Mickey Rooney came on the show and I was talking to him. He got off track on something and he was trying to talk about, he wanted to come up with the name Richard Geer. And he was saying, that actor, you know, the actor, what was that actor's name? And of course, there's that famous rumor about Richard Geer. So I'm trying to think like, well, what actor we're talking about here? And we're an Andy and I at the time, this like 1993, this might be the fall of 1993. We're both children doing this late night show. And we're trying really hard to help him come up with the name and like, well, who is it?

Who is it? And Mickey Rooney said, all of a sudden says, and he says it very ominously, like he's telling a ghost story. There was talk of gerbils. And immediately Andy starts howling. I start howling. And we say, Richard gear. And he's like, that's right. Richard gear.

And so we then decided, we start laughing. And then we decided there was talk of gerbals should be the new catacai. Catacai has been retired. Has been retired. And the new one is there's talk of gerbals. Now, that episode I think had just gone out and where am I?

I'm in New York City. And of course, it's very crowded. It's, you know, spring has sprung. Everyone's out and around. The weather's perfect. I'm in Midtown because I go to serious to record the podcast there and I'm walking along and I just hear there was talk of Sherbels.

And I, I was like, yes. And then I turned around and I walked over and I hugged the guy. Oh, I gave the guy a hug, which by the walked over and I hugged the guy. Oh. I gave the guy a hug, which by the way, he seemed happy with the hug. Had I sensed any reluctance, I would have let go after 15 minutes.

I think someone who's gonna yell there was talk of gerbils out loud and public is gonna be fine with the hug. What, yeah, he's happy with the hug. Anyway, I told him he was the first. Wow. Did it take you a second to process it or did you immediately know

what that was for you? I immediately knew. I immediately knew and I turned around and Neri was and very nice young fellow, maybe 20s, 30s, but I just immediately was like, I had to tell you you are the first. And then it happened one or two other times while it was in New York City and I thought it's spreading. There was talk of gerbals. You're reigniting that rumor. I bet Richard Gears really happy. I know.

Yes, we're asking. Yes, we're asking for a year to get Richard Gears to yell it to you in public. You know, there's only one person angry than Richard Gears right now and that's the gerbil. Okay. He's still a little bit. The gerbil finally, oh yeah, no, these gerbils live a long time. What about the tall thing itself would have killed him?

No, no, no, no, no. They don't get, they don't suffocate. No, no, lots of nutrients up there anyway. Oh my God. Oh my God. And so, no, somewhere there's a gerbil with a, I think we know where it is. No, no, he's gone, he's long gone. Oh, okay.

He burrowed out. Yeah. He's constantly texting Richard gear and Richard gear isn't returning his test. Oh, he's ghosting the gerbil and the gerbil is like, what the fuck? It's a broken heart situation as well. Well, the gerbil also was kind of happy that I put this behind me. There was a time where he tried to, I think he was on like a VH1 reality show for a little bit. Oh, yeah. And he was hanging around with, you know, you know, child star and- Mori Feldman. Yeah, exactly.

But he's now, he finally put it behind him and then now this is re-ignite. He put it behind him, huh? All right, don't do that. Come on. Come on, you're better than that. That's the bar. Come on. That's the bar.

You just hit the bar. Grow up. Sonia, H. Mufsession. How dare you? You keep inserting false middle initiatives into people. I have a cool. So if someone comes up to us and says,

Ketakai, do we go like, we're not allowed to. I'm not. Dic. Yeah. Hey, prick. You didn't get the memo. 2022 much.

Fuck. Oh, he's shit. Ketakai. Hey, prick. You didn't get the memo? 2022 much fuck off. Oh, he's shit. Kedekai. No, I don't know. No, Kedekai is still accepted. Okay, it's still. Oh, it is. I thought it was retired. No, it's not retired.

But it's not. But it's not as redeemable for the same amount of praise. I'll say this. I've been in this business long enough to know that any recognition or acceptance is a golden coin. I am not about to give people a hard time for saying the wrong thing to minute when I'm walking by. But yeah, he was the first. We had, and I rewarded him.

Yeah. Sure both. Was the hug the reward? I was a word. Oh, I had another, I had another moment in New York City. So many things happen because you're just out there and you're, and there's a lot of fans of the podcast out there, which is really nice. And I actually mentioned this story at the Sirius XM upfront in front of a big audience of appetizers and they found it quite amusing. But I'm walking with my friend Eric. You know Eric well. Yes, they do. And Eric. Eric and I have these long walks. We're both interested in, you know, politics and history and Eric just shouts at me most of time. Yeah. His and I he's louder than I am. He is louder than you, which is really saying something, but we have a great time. And when we go to restaurants together, he's always saying, what's your daughter's tan about

Lyndon Johnson? Oh my God. Is when he named Abe Fortis to the Supreme Court, he didn't know and people are always looking over it, but I love it. I love him and we always have a blast together. What didn't he know about Abe Fortis? Hold on. Yeah, I'm kind of on pins and needles myself. We'll get to you. I'll give you your Abe Fortis man.

It's about time Abe Fortis came up on this podcast. Big shout out to everyone at the Lyndon Johnson library. Came up in the segment about gerbals. Yeah, exactly. I say, wait, what other, what other podcaster in the history of the medium segues from Richard Gears gerbals to Abe Fortis, the Supreme Court, the nominee by Lyndon Johnson to the Supreme Court. Any who. I really got sewn in today. But anyway, this is good, guys. So I'm walking along and we're headed to this restaurant that's actually in at the

Museum of Modern Art that Eric knows about. He says, oh, we should go to this restaurant. So we're walking in this very like accomplished looking young woman who seems very cool. Last name is just she says, oh hi Conan, you know fan of the podcast and we're chatting just a little bit before we just before we go to the restaurant and And she's great. She's fantastic. She seems very cool and cool. I mean she seems very cool and cool. Yeah, that's great, Con. Let me fix that part. I'm very flustered. I saw a girl.

Now I'm leaving this in. Now you have to leave it in. I saw a girl and got excited. Anyway, wonderful young woman chat, and then I'm about to head back into the restaurant and I say, hey, would you like a selfie? I offer it up. I just say, hey, would you like a selfie? And she says, no, I'm good. And, but she said it just like, you know, no, I'm not that kind of fan, like, but she just says, no, I'm good. And I say, but a lot of people like to

get a selfie. And no, and here's what she said. She said, oh my God, you're needy just the way you are on the podcast. Hey! Hey! And I said, she had this kind of moment of you really are that guy. And I said, yes, I am that guy. But I thought that was a funny moment. She thought you were, this is a character?

Well, no, I just think she liked experiencing in 3D. Yeah. But she's heard, you know, sonically, the neediness, but then she ran into... She saw it in person. Yes. So, oh, man.

So you didn't take a picture with her? No. Oh. And then the crazy thing is... I thought eventually she'd be like, um, okay. I don't know. No, no.

She didn't. We got a courtroom artist to do a sketch of both of us. Oh, okay. No, no, no, she, she didn't. We got a courtroom artist to do a sketch of both of us. Yeah. But anyway, we may hear from her too, because I think, because this is crazy, I'm not even kidding, I ran into her a second time in New York. When you were just following her trying to get her to take a picture of me. No, I didn't. Yeah.

You sure you don't want a selfie? You want a selfie? You want a selfie? Selfie with me. Why don't you want one? I was in a dirigible flying over New York looking for her. No, I accidentally ran into her again. Then I gave her David Hopping's info and David Hopping, uh, may hear from her in which case maybe we'll link up with her on the podcast

because she can, she can tell the story herself. But anyway, she probably won't get into it. Yeah. No. No, she wants out. She lost that number. Yeah. I called David every four minutes. Have you heard from the lady yet? They didn't want to selfie. All right. Let's move on to bigger and better things. Goodbye. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley, executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at

Teen Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Your Wolf. Themesong by the White Stripes, incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Gimmie. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our Associate Talent Producer is Jennifer Samples, engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Melnick,

Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the team Coco Hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien, Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever Fine Podcast podcasts are done.