Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Separated at Birth

Episode Date: January 18, 2024

Conan chats with Katie from Massachusetts about her job as a social worker for a kidney transplant list, her Conan made out of Legos, and what characteristics Conan would pass down via organ transplant.Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamkoko.com slash callkonan. Okay, let's get started. Stop it, stop it, you two. Stop it. I'm going to stop this podcast. I'm going to turn this, oh, Katie, you've come at a bad time.

Oh, boy. No, no, Katie, we were just. Come on. I was trying to hit, this is full disclosure, I was trying to hit Sona with a Queen X box and she was batting it away with her fists. Do you know that we've had an episode start almost verbatim to this before?

Well, this is who we are. We're very, and also I choose from the weapons that are near me. And it's either that or this generic iced tea bottle. So, I, and that would be more hurtful. So I go with, listen, Katie, let's not make it about us and our squabbles. Let's make it about you and your fights with people using Kleenex boxes. It's so great. Katie, where are you coming from? I am in Longmeadow, Massachusetts. So I'm a kind of west side of the state. We are not quite to the Berkshires, but well-passed, Worcester, around Springfield.

Okay, well, all my people are from basically either Worcester or Stirbridge, you know, Millbury, that kind of area. So just keep going west a little bit and become a cross-us, yes. Yeah, we never did grow west of there. Listen, I'm sorry that I was interested for a moment. It didn't entertain you. Katie, I was just giving you an idea of where I come from. These towns sound fake. Yeah, they don't sound real. Yeah, well, like Glendale, Alton Dina. Well, I'm sorry, Katie, again, that's our feud. So you and I could be related. I have a sister Kate, and she has a similar color hair

as you, so we could be related. Yeah, could be. I've got some Irish, so it's possible, yeah. Well, it's good just to have some, not too much. Yeah, not too much, I agree. I agree. Katie, tell me a little bit about yourself. What do you do for a living? Well, actually, if you don't mind, before I tell you about what I do for a living, I wanted

to share something kind of cool. So not, we have the exact same birthday, like same years and date every. Okay, well now I'm bored. October 13, 1982. 1982. I mean, okay, slang difference. I was born in a hospital. You came on some type of wicker basket.

Okay, sorry. Yeah, that's like, K-8-8. K-8-8. I like you the K-8-8. I said this. No, so that's me. K-8, to be honest, to be honest, and we've looked, there were no records

taken where a sonar was born. That's because maybe you two were separated at first. Very similar. Well, then, Sonia, I am so sorry I made that joke. I actually hate myself for making that joke. Don't. Don't. Conan, you're a real dick when you make a joke like that.

Yes. That's a real bad joke. Thank you. I couldn't help myself. I'm not my mom, so. I love when fans call in and tell me I'm a real dick. I'm so excited. I lied to you too. Me too. No, listen. I love when fans call in and tell me I'm a real dick. That's always a highlight.

I do too. Me too. Now listen, I love that. I love that. No, that's awesome. Tell me a little bit about yourself. That's cool though, that you have these exact same. Yeah, absolutely.

You are your doppelganger for Sonan, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, so I'm married, I've got two awesome kids. Probably the most interesting thing I have, thing I have going for me is I'm a social worker in a kidney transplant program. So I work with people who need kidney transplants and then I work with people who want to be living donors.

So people who want to donate an organ to somebody. So kind of a cool, amazing world I get to work in. That's fascinating. So obviously, kidney donor, you can donate to kidney because you have two, right? Pratt. So it's not like I can walk in and say I want to be a heart donor, but then I want to leave the hospital. That's not going to happen. But I mean, there are other things that we have two of, anything we have two of, we can donate one.

Okay. A long. You could. I mean, no, I don't think it would be a good idea. That's pretty radical. Personalities. I think they do pieces of long. Oh, yeah. So you have some outfits. I'd give a whole long. You would?

No, of course. I don't think so. Well, that's actually a very cool thing you do. So you need to match people, right? So that they don't reject the organ, is that true? Well, it's amazing. They have made so much progress in terms of, you have to match ultimately to have one organ go into

somebody else, it has to be compatible as kind of the term that we use. But there's so many ways to do it. Like you can swap, you can just, there's people who don't have an intended person in mind, they just wanna be a donor and they can still make it happen. So yeah, it's the's the public. That takes, I mean, that is an incredible person that comes in and says, I understand it, you know, if a friend or a loved one or someone you know really

needs a kidney, but to come in and say, I just want to offer up one of my kidneys because someone will be able to use it is incredible. It really is, yeah. Yeah. And we see it fairly often. People come forward and they, um, it changes them. Like you can just see how much it means to them to help somebody. So it's really beautiful. I'm afraid I'm kind of a hoarder. I'm looking for a third kidney. Oh no. I want many extra kidneys put in me just because it's one of those things where it's like, you know, I can't, I can't throw these out and I want to end up getting more. The way my brother Neil collects toaster dovons. It's the same thing.

Yeah. So you do that and people come in and they, now how do you, you work with other people that do this as well, right? Yeah, so we're a whole team, so everybody's kind of got their specialty. Obviously the medical is kind of the big part, but as the social worker, my job, I'm really focused in on, you know, how are they going to cope with this? Do they have the right resources? Do they have the right support? Like, how are they going to do handling, either being a living donor going through that process or getting a kidney transplant? Do you ever have, because sometimes people have sellers remorse.

Do you have people that give a kidney, and then they come back a couple of months later and they say, you know, I'd like that back. Is that, or is there a paperwork that protects you from such an event? There is paperwork, absolutely. Consense must be signed. It's something we spend a lot of time educating,

really trying to make sure somebody is aware that you're what you're getting into, what you could feel afterwards. And thankfully, I've never had somebody come back and say I regret it. Certainly, there's things that are challenging about it, but no, I've never had that out. I tried to start a kidney loaning program.

Oh, no, you can't say that. I'll just loan the kidney, and then maybe I, but I want it back after a month. Were you charging? Yeah. Yes, I was charging. I wanted to really have it be a money making scheme. I'll just loan the kidney and then maybe I you know, but I want it back after a month. Were you charging? Yes. I was charging. I wanted to really have it be a money making scheme.

As you can tell, Katie, I don't have a good heart. I have a dark, dark heart. He's a new heart. What does a black market kidney go for? Ooh, are you asking me or Conan? Me? Oh, because I have the answer. You do.

Oh, you can get us to talk about it. No, I don't have the answer. It's a terrible question. Now, do you work with you work exclusively in kidney donation? Do you work with? Do you work alongside people or with groups that handle other kinds of donations, organ donations? We donate our centers so every center is a little different. There are liver donor centers and there's organ transplants, you know, heart, lung, liver. We're kind of a smaller program, so we just focus on the kidneys here. What about this whole budding science of this concept of growing organs? You know that we're gonna have

the ability soon to grow organs that we could then I almost said sell. I shouldn't say. Again I'm sorry I work with people that monetize everything. And you should have Conan O'Brien need to friend merch organs. Yes, that's what I'm saying. You can get a kidney that says Conan O'Brien needs a friend on it for $9.99.99. Do people walk in saying, I want to donate my liver

and you're like, like the fuck out of here What do you mean I know like they come in confused thinking they're gonna donate the wrong thing? Yeah, but wait a minute. Why would she say get the fuck out of here? Why wouldn't Katie who seems very nice just say oh, I'm sorry you this misunderstanding we do kidneys right there down the street They're on tremor street. Why would she say get the fuck We do kidneys. They're down the street. They're on Tremont Street. Why would she say get the fuck out of here? They're competitors, don't you? Yeah.

Katie, how do you like your soulmate over here? Yeah. Yeah, excuse me, I thought I'd donate I get the fuck out of here. What do you think this is? We do kidneys and kidneys alone Though at the door it hits in the ass Katie can I compliment you on the lovely art behind you, Conor Bryan doing the iconic

string dance? What is that made of? It looks like it's made of tiles. It's Lego. And no? Well, kind of. It's made of Lego bricks. Oh cool.

So, yeah. So, my husband actually works for Lego. So, we are crazy Lego. He works for the Lego group. Wait a minute. your job is great and all, but the real thing, yeah. The real humanitarian is the man working for Lego. Yes, you don't need to feed if you go on this. He actually is hilarious. He always talks about what a hard day he had and I'm like, oh really, was it so tough, you know, working with you like Lego bricks and

selling new stuff. Yeah, you're actually saving lives. Yeah. And you know, he with you like Lego bricks and filling your own actually saving lives. And you know, he's building like a fake oil Derek or whatever a merry go round. I'm sorry. It's true. What's, um, but it's very cool the thing behind him. I think that looks great. It's you doing the same thing. Yeah.

Yeah. So I know exactly what you're saying. Huge waste of a lot of Lego bricks, but. Hey, no, this is the best because despite me using some not too nice language at the beginning, I love you, Conan. And so this is actually supposed to be Marilyn Monroe. So the set was supposed to be Marilyn Monroe's face like the Andy Warhol really brightly colored. And I mean, she's great. But I was kind of like, I don't know if I want that. So I was like, oh my gosh, I'm going to make Conan. So I made that made that, so that's not, but that's, that's, wow.

Wow. I like laid everyone in those little studs and you're doing the string dance, touching your nipple, saying, keep cool, my babies, or some version of that. That's like equally iconic to Marilyn Monroe, singing Happy Birthday, Mr. President in my mind. Trust me, not just in your mind,

but I think worldwide. No, I think that's really cool looking. I mean, that's what our merch department should be selling right there. Not a chill chums cock cozy. I mean, it's just ridiculous the stuff they sell. Cock cozy. No, please, like you don't know, like you haven't bought a tag. You basically take a beer cozy in you.

Anyway, I don't wanna tell you. It's something that everyone did. All the kids are doing it. I haven't seen this on the website. Where do you gotta go to get this thing? And concozie.org. You can get your organ and cop so is the all in the same cart. I'm here, merged.

I have been, I had a major argument yesterday, earlier today with our merch team because they showed me some chill chums blanket that's made of a highly flammable material that looks very uncomfortable. And he said, just stop making this stuff. Stop it. Just stop it.

Look what's behind Katie right there. That's beautiful. Well, you got to have a collaboration with Lego to do that. Yeah, I'll take care of that. Hey, maybe your husband could help me collaborate with Lego because a Lego Conan podcast or the classic Late-night set from the early 90s. These are things that would sell tens of copies What does it do for Lego? I would be one other dude. Yeah So the joke that is that I don't know what his actual title is and I people ask me this all the time

He's like a business-y number guy. He does sales Oh and people ask me this all the time, he's like a business-y number guy, he does sales, he makes sure the right, no, no, no, but it's not like that. It's not putting the bricks together. No, he's not, but they, at all of their meetings, they have like sets in the middle of their table so they can build and they're very, they're very cool. It's a wonderful, complex.

I did you hear that, you, I have to. Because you're calling in, you said in other meetings, they have sex in the middle of the table and I thought wow Lego Yeah, yeah, that's cool. That's we're even right they do those kind of things there Yeah, you're a peanut from Denmark right? Yeah, it's Denmark. It's all about things fitting into other things I'm sorry, but that's the whole Lego's a very perverted toy. Click. There you go. It's very erotic.

Yeah. They call that click, Lutch Power. That's the term. Lego has good clutch power. I don't know if I make that sexual, but yeah. What is clutch power? Is that like a... It's like the click. It's like the click. Yeah. It's like the click. I love it so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, so it's like, on your year your date is a freak. I'm sorry. Oh Katie, I forgot. I forgot Katie. Do you have a question for Conan? I do. So it kind of goes back to the the kidney transplant. I'd like

to really think before I donate because I'm saving mine. I was saving it for you know there's I might want to have it be part of some weird ritual at some point, but we'll see Yeah Well, and I don't know that you'd make the cut anyway, so it but that's Wow Hey, quickly, how does one make the cut because I am fairly healthy, but I might be too old Right, but remember I'm well though age would be fine Remember I mentioned those psychos socially stable good mental health Try and stay away from like egomaniacs

self-deprecating. People who may be struggle with boundaries, secondary gain, you know, is kind of thing. You know, it's just kidding. How about people that mutter and go, that's red flag number one. Do you really think, is it possible that, because I bring something a good point, there's a school of thought I've heard, I don't know if it's just a wives tale, that if you take an organ from one person who has certain traits and put it into another person, that person can maybe pick up some of those traits.

Now that doesn't logically make sense, because I don't understand how that would affect neural pathways, but do you ever think it's true? Yeah, so this is perfect. That was exactly what my question is. This is a phenomenon that we see all the time. So quick story, we had a patient who received a living donor kidney from an anonymous person. So he had no idea who it was. And one day we're meeting a couple of weeks after his transplant and he said, every time I go to the bathroom, I feel like I want to sit down to pee. And he's like, I just really think my kidney came from a woman.

And I was like, you're crazy. Sure enough, his kidney came from a woman. And that's kind of a more dramatic example, but we hear things like people talk about their taste in food, changing, they talk about, just what they liked. And I don't know what I believe, but I hear it all the time.

So my question is, if you were to ever be a donor, what Conan thing might end up getting passed on I hear it all the time. So my question is, if you were to ever be a donor, what, what Conan thing might end up getting passed on to somebody that received your kidney? Oh, wow. Well, I hope it will be one of my positive qualities. Uh-oh. Which, uh-oh. Why don't you guys just start listening on my positive qualities? What do you guys think? You just looked at a watch. Did you not wear. Yeah, I gotta go get a watch. I see a little bit. Okay, looking as nothing going, I gotta get a watch. Well, I don't know what qualities would be passed on.

You keep looking at us, it isn't gonna happen. Okay, I think that, let's say I gave my, I donated a kidney and I didn't know what was going to, but it went to this bald man. I think he would be phantom combing up a giant popcorn all the time. It wasn't even there. And he'd have a comb in his back pocket and he'd be doing all the motions. And people'd be saying, what are you doing?

And he'd say, I don't know, but I feel like I just have to pile this invisible something on top of my head like a pastry. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's what would happen. Yeah. Because it's such a fundamental part a pastry. Yeah. I think that's what would happen. Because it's such a fundamental part of who I am, I think. Yeah.

I think that's what gets transferred is the essence of the person, right? Right. That makes sense. Right. I'm very intrigued by this whole Oregon donor process. I am an Oregon donor. It says that on my driver's license. That's important to know.

There's other ways if you don't, if there's people out there that are interested in being donors, you know, and you don't want to think about a living donor thing, you can put it on your license, that makes a huge difference. People are people who are, people who are changed every day. Yeah. So some day theoretically, someone could end up with your kidney. Yeah. Yeah. Or, or worse. Or worse. Yeah. Yes. I mean, or it's an organ, right? My my penis is I said the plus side of my penis is it's hardly you Literally like a car that has maybe nine miles on it Like is this what was this warehouse? Did you warehouse this in 1963 and mothballs? It's perfect!

It's cherry! Yeah, when I was single I'd hear that from women all the time. Oh my God! Wow! It still got that new dick smell! Oh God! Hello everybody! Tip your waitress! Tip your oh! Oh I gotta get a watch. Sax doesn't like it. Sax is saying no, no, no. Thumbs down. Oh, this is bad. Oh, god. I don't like it. Oh, no. I couldn't have said car smell.

Well, I did what I had to do. Katie, I can see Katie is going to, the minute this call is over, she's going to start dismantling the Conan Lego behind her. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Turning it into a weird alianca vick. Anyone but Conan. Katie, I am all crazy, stupid, horrible joking aside.

I think what you do is very cool. And you really are saving people's lives and helping them. And I think, although we are really fascinated by your husband's work for Lego, we think you are the superior of the two beings. Thank you. I'm going to let him know that. But yeah, his work is definitely cool.

It's pretty awesome. I don't know. Sounds like he's a more vulnerable keeper. Anyway, Katie, thank you so much and take care. Thank you. All right. Bye. Bye.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Matt Gourley, produced by me, Matt Gourley, executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Year Wolf. Themesong by the White Stripes, Incidental Music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair

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