Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Seth Rogen

Episode Date: May 10, 2021

Actor, comedian, and writer Seth Rogen feels fantastic about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Seth sits down with Conan to talk about getting started in comedy writing jokes for a mohel, close encounter with Nic Cage and George Lucas, and incredible pornographic discoveries. Later, Conan enlists his team in an attempt to showcase his vocal sound effects. Check out Seth's new book Yearbook here. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.

Hi, my name is Seth Rogan, and I feel fantastic about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Hello and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I have a wonderful show planned today. In fact, very much looking forward to talking to our guest. And I have a feeling that this gentleman and I have so much to talk about that we will go on for quite a while. So I think, you know, can do our normal babble up front. But I don't think we should get crazy because I want to leave plenty of room for Mr. Rogan. Sona, how are you? I'm doing well. What's wrong? That was weird. Yeah, that was really weird. You spoke like a hostage who had just been handed the phone. I know. I don't know why I did that. Tell him, tell him you're alive. Tell him. I'm fine.

Blink if you're okay. When you ask me a simple question like that, I freeze, but I'm okay. I'm good. I'm doing fine. I'm fine. It's cool. Everything's good. I'm calm. I don't know why I get so mad. Matt Gorley, how are you? I'm good. I'm keeping it tight. I'm good. Keep it tight. Don't talk to me. Keep going. No, no, no. We're not in that big a rush. I mean, I want to make sure we leave room because I read his book and there's a lot to say and he has so many funny anecdotes, but I really cherish the time I have with you guys up front. Who says that talking to an incredibly funny writer, comedian, actor, producer is going to be better than a chat with you guys. There's no rule that says his will be superior to what you guys come up with right now. What

you got? Well, we've already heard the interview and it is superior. I know. We just recorded it. You're making it sound very mysterious, but we already did it. The jig is up. You denied my reality. Yes, we have. Well, that's terrible. That's bad show business and it's bad improv. It is. You can't just deny someone's reality. I set up. Yes, we did the interview first with Seth Rogan and it's really fun. I just had a joy doing it and it was wonderful and you can't say I had a joy doing it. That doesn't work that way. It's weird. It was joy. Yes, talking to you, but you can't say I had a joy unless I had an almond joy. Yes, I ate an almond joy as I spoke to Seth Rogan and it was wonderful. So I had a joy doing it, but it went long and I was just

going to try and act like Seth standing by ready to talk and build up the momentum. But the fact that you guys just blew it and said, I've already talked to Seth, it takes away all the excitement of, yes, that Seth is waiting in the wings and I'm going to bring him out. What if I think the listeners know? I don't think they do. I think the listener, our job is to almost like magicians create a different reality and we suspend their disbelief. And I think they believe that Seth is standing by and right now he's going to step in and talk to me and there's like an electricity in the air that I felt for years before people would come out pre-COVID. And now you guys have taken that suspense away. You want people to think that we make the guests wait while

we talk complete nonsense in the beginning of these podcasts and some of which goes on for like 20 minutes. Yeah, even longer possibly. Yeah, and you think you want people to think we kept like Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton. Of course, you know why? Because the implication is that that's how big a star I am. That I can just babble nonsense about whatever comes to mind and we can have these purely ridiculous conversations and while that's happening, a former first lady is waiting, waiting patiently to come and speak to me because that's the weight that I carry in this business. That's the illusion I want to create. But you just said, no, the rabbit came out through a trapdoor in the bottom of the hat. We can recreate this. We can say Laura Bush is waiting right now

and she's not even scheduled to be on the episode. She's just hoping to get on. We want people to believe that Laura Bush can't get on the podcast and is desperately trying. She has a Netflix special that she wants to promote, a standup special where she just kills it and she can't wait to get on and promote it. And Conan O'Brien needs a friend. All these people have nothing better to do except just listen to the three of us babble. But I think we should start saying things like, look, I know Seth Rogen's a big deal. He's very successful. I'm not ready to bring him out just yet. Hang on, Seth. Just hang on. It occurred to me the other day that what is acne? And then whatever I can... What is it really? What's God trying to say with acne? What is that all about?

If he takes a life, we understand, but what acne? That's just irritating. And I could do a 20-minute free form jazz comedic riff that Seth Rogen has to wait. Yeah, let's do it. I think that's pretty cool. I'll definitely take all that stuff out about us knowing that he's not here. Yeah. Set it up. You definitely will. No, I definitely will. I promise. Well, you know what? I trust you. You're a trustworthy guy. Thank you. Gosh, I hope this interview is going to be real good. You know what? I have a feeling Seth Rogen always delivers. He's been waiting patiently. I am recording this from home. He is sitting on the edge of my bed. Just staring at you. He is smoking the largest... Well, I call it a jazz cigarette.

You might know it as a marijuana cigarette. Oh my God. What just happened to you? He just left. Did you notice Seth wrote this last... Seth, come on. Come on. Seth. Okay. I'm sorry. Come on back. He's coming over now. He's coming over. He insulted his culture. Seth, please. I'm ready now. So excited to talk to him and hear about the things he has to say. Well, you should be. My guess today is... Three full stories like that. So, no. Sorry. You're over doing it. You're over playing your hand.

I'm sorry. Okay. I'm done. I'm done. Are you really? Didn't think so. You've never done what I say you are. My guess today is... Well, we kept it tight. Nicely done. You always slip the knife in at the last second. My guess today is a hilarious actor, comedian, and writer who was starred in such movies as Superbad, Knocked Up, Pineapple Express, and Neighbors. He now has a new book. It's called Yearbook and it's available tomorrow. It is a very entertaining look at this gentleman's life. It's packed with good stuff. I'm thrilled. He's with us and he's coming into the room right now.

Have a seat. Thank you. Seth Rogan. Welcome. I think of you often, Seth, because you did a very nice thing, which is you came and appeared when I was doing a big tour across the U.S. You kindly agreed to come on and make a live appearance because we were in your hometown of Vancouver and you took this black and white photograph backstage. Yeah. That's my favorite showbiz photo that anyone's ever taken of me. It's me on stage and you can see the whole crowd and I'm wearing a leather body suit that was meant to be what Eddie Murphy wore in Raw. If you don't know the context, it looks like I've just lost my mind.

But it looks like it's going well because it's a sold out house. It's a beautiful venue in Vancouver. It's this beautiful black and white photo and I'm there holding a mic with this body suit zipped down to my groin. I'm standing on stage like some kind of panther animal just prowling the stage. You took this photograph and you sent it to me and I framed it and then I thought, wait a minute, and I would tell people, Seth Rogen took this photo and they'd be like, yeah, maybe. Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't. So I sent it to you and asked you if you would sign it and you signed it and sent it back to me and it's one of my favorite possessions. That's so lovely to hear. Yeah, thank you. I'm glad you enjoy it. It was a pleasure to take.

No, it's just one of those things that my wife has wondered, why is it in our front hall in our house? I hung it over a picture of our children. Literally over in front of them. Yes, on top of and I say, look, if anyone wants to investigate the photo underneath. There's more underneath, but yeah, they can see that if they want. I have a copy of the same picture and it's up on the wall, I think in my office somewhere, like somewhere. It's prominently featured in our office. You know what I would do instantly is I would see where it was in your office and I would immediately start calculating, there's a picture of Sandler that's larger. Who has more prominent photos? Yes, and much, much closer in a larger venue and why is David Spade even closer to the action

than my photo? I've had filmmakers shamelessly tell, in a way that still is shocking will be at my house. I've had not that many parties, but sometimes I'll have one and a filmmaker will come over and be like, you have my movie on DVD and I'm like, you're looking like that's a thing you do when you go to people's house. It's amazing how sensitive you and I both came from worlds very far from show business, but the idea that I would finally get into show business and realize that people are just as thin-skinned and as neurotic as I am, people I idolize, people who have proven themselves a million times over are, I mean, at the late night show, we had this all the time. We had celebrities come and they would look around and they would see that their picture

wasn't up and they would ask me. They would come up to me and go like, you're the one. Yeah, and I used to say like, oh, I don't really know much about that, but that didn't help because what I more or less said was that's up to someone whose job it is to gauge where you are in show business. And of course, that just made it worse. This is based on actual rankings. Yeah, this is not my personal thing. Oh, it's not me. This is based on where you stand in show business now. Now, don't get me wrong. Eight years ago, you'd have been near. You were up there. Yeah. You were there. You were there and then you know what happened. And four years ago, we took you down. You know, you can't still be up there after what happened. No, it's a, yeah, I'd be lying if I haven't

stalked the halls of a place or two, eyeing my phone and seeing if I made the cut, but I don't expect it. I don't expect to be there. That's good. You're a humble man. And I do. Yeah. And like some famous people like are exactly how you think they're going to be. And some are like regular people, you know, and some are nothing, not at all what you think they're going to be. This gets me right into, I'll start with a compliment. I thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed your book. They got me a electronic copy of it. And I'm going to be honest with you, I've been sent electric copies of other people's books ahead of time and I haven't looked at them. I'm going to be honest with you. I've said like a kid in eighth grade, I thought Faulkner really

nailed it in this short story and I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about. I really liked the part that took place in the south. He nailed that. He nailed that southern part. And you know, I was curious about your book and they got it for me. And I was genuinely curious about how does a Seth Rogen come about? Because you are a very unique comedic voice. And I mean that in the only praise I really are. I take everything as praise regardless of how it's intentional. One of the benefits of a lot of marijuana is just to take everything as praise. I literally just hear what I want to hear. Yeah. No, I remember many. I've encountered you in Los Angeles several times and I've just lit into you. Exactly. You motherfucker.

And you just, you smile and you say thanks. I like your work too. It's so good to see you. It's a distorted reality. I've sued you several times and you have responded with the kindest notes. The nicest word. Thank you. I appreciate all those times. What I love about your book is that you, right up front, you say, look, I'm telling what happened and it's going to involve some famous people. There's going to be some awkward encounters when this book comes out. And what you describe is the reason I haven't written a book yet. Yeah. Because, and I've sometimes thought that if I ever wrote a book, I would seriously call it, I waited for them to die. I did not. These are people I will 100%. I know. I'm reading the book

and this is what really, first of all, you're obviously a very funny writer. I didn't realize you started stand up that young and writing jokes for a moil. For a moil, yeah. For a moil, a guy whose job is to remove the foreskin surgically at a sacred Jewish ritual, the bris. You were hired by a moil to write jokes for him and you did. When I did. Because I was like 14, 15 years old. Yes. And then the moil, you said, you have to pay me $500 for these jokes and you're like 15, 16 something and he didn't like all the jokes. So he said, maybe I'll pay you 300. You're like, no, I want all the $500. And you stood up to this moil in Vancouver and you had the meeting in like a Lamborghini sports car. So this is just, I'm giving people

a small taste of these fantastic stories that you tell, which are really fun. But the moil, I don't care his name. You go on to talk about telling stories about like Nicholas Cage, which are fantastic, but you're going to hear from Nicholas Cage. Oh, yes, I will. I'm used to, I mean, I'm used to, I'm used to, I'm used to hearing from famous people like us to some degree. I've done it because I have a hard time and it is, it's an awkward thing to reconcile. Being someone who likes to be honest and who likes to tell stories that they find interesting and that they genuinely feel other people will find interesting and, and that likes to mine from their own life. And there was a point, yeah, where I'm like, oh no, like a lot of the things

that are happening to me involve these other very famous people because that is the life I lead. And, and so, but I guess I've experienced in the past where I have told in the, I have told stories about other famous people on talk shows and I do hear from them and I have made jokes because also in our films we make a lot of jokes about famous people and we're highly like referential to pop culture in our films. And I've also been told to my face by some of those famous people that they really don't like it. Yeah, but I, and the truth is, can I just quickly ask you, how does that make you feel in that moment? Because I've had this, I've had this happen many times and what happens is I immediately go into a shame spiral. For sure. Yeah, and I think that it's something that

I tried in the book, I tried not to be mean to people that I genuinely didn't. Like I tried to be candid but not derogatory in a way that I wouldn't be jokingly derogatory, I guess, in like any other kind of like a talk show type setting, I guess you'd say, you know. But yeah, I'm 100% sure I'll, yeah, someday I'll have a very awkward interaction with Nicholas Cage, but I've already had a few so I'll just add it to the list. Yeah, that's, you know what I love is you tell this story, I don't, you can stop me at any point and say, oh, don't give that away. No, I don't care. I don't know how to promote a book, just tell, just tell everything. Well, you tell this really funny story of having this very awkward meeting with Nick Cage, Nick Cage,

who he had met once before, and he basically only has the meeting so he can accuse you, basically, you helped rip him off. And it's the only reason he asked for the meeting is to tell you to your face, you rip me off and then storms out of the restaurant. Yeah, it's insane. It's madness. It was more, it's madness. It was more of a question, appointed question that that did, did we rip him off? But yeah, that was, he had auditioned, not auditioned, he was going to be in the Green Hornet, and he had done a character that was like, yeah, a bohemian man. And it did, and he performed it for us. And, and it was, it was startling. And thank God, our reaction, I think, was so negative to it, because just the idea of Nicholas Cage as a white bohemian man in

not bohemian, bohemian. You're saying bohemian. And everyone's thinking, what's wrong with him doing a bohemian character? This is the problem. Yeah, it's like, and that's the problem. It's actually when they first pitched it to me, I thought it was bohemian. And in my head, I was like, that's okay. It was bohemian. It was like, he pitched it as a white Jamaican man was, was the idea. Yes. To which we were like, I don't think that's a, I, I, we would rather not do that I think ultimately. To which we were kind of told, see him do it. Watch, let's hear, let's see it. And we did, and we did not love it. And it was, it just didn't seem like it would work. And in this moment that you described so well, Nick Cage is doing something that you learned very quickly that

A-list celebrities, powerful people are used to, powerful people are used to, when they do something, they get adulation immediately from everyone around them. So you know that Nick Cage has been doing this Caribbean, bohemian accent for people, everyone's just been crying and saying, this is fantastic. Then he encounters you and you're the first person who is looking at it just saying, I didn't like it. I couldn't, and I couldn't, I couldn't pretend I liked it. And, and, and, and then at that, so then we were all supposed to have dinner and he left right away. Right. He is, and I get why it was uncomfortable. It wasn't like, it's one of those situations though. And to his credit, it's one of those situations you're like, I wish I could just leave this, but I can't. He

did. Like, it's like, if you're, it's like, if you're at the beginning of a long meal and you're like, well, I can't just get up and leave, like that would be, you can't just do that. I think I have to secure this. You can if you're Nick Cage. If you're Nick Cage, the answer is like, no, you could just get up and go. And he literally just. He got on a flaming motorcycle. His head turned into a skull and he drove away. He, he just got up and left. And I do remember thinking like, wow, I didn't do like my whole life. I didn't know that was an option. I could just leave an awkward situation. If I don't want to be in it anymore. So yeah, then years later, yeah, there's a movie that he was going to be in that we were maybe going to produce. And yeah, he called us in to

meet with him. And I thought, and the premise was, let's clear up what happened in the past, which I got like, yeah, it was like, that was awkward. And to me, it was awkward. So if anything, I was like, great, let's like, just talk it out. We'll explain what happened. No hard feelings. Yeah. Instead we get to the meeting and he's like, like that guy, the character in spring breakers, is that a ripoff of what I did for you that day? We were like, oh my God. No. And he was like, all right. And then we were like, when we start talking about the movie that we were meeting on more. And like after a few minutes, he was like, uh, I got to go. And then again, he just got up and left. And I'm like, wow. Like again, what a move. What a move. But I love that. That meeting

was just so under the guise of let's straighten out what happened and then talk about the next project. He tricked you into coming to a meeting and then got you to brought up something and more or less accused you of something. You said, no. And then he just left again. Yeah, he just left again. He got back on his flaming motorcycle. He had a chain. It's like, but in a good way. Stunned by a few things. I'm stunned by how thin skinned some people can be. And I'm also stunned at the degree to which very famous people who you'd think their ego has been ladled with praise, like basted with praise. Like it's always picture. Like the ego is like a nurturing, loving way. Yeah. Like a golden turkey. Getting every inch of their ego. Yeah. And you know, the way there are

really good chefs at Thanksgiving, they'll, they'll keep cracking the oven and they'll keep putting, keep ladling more gravy onto the turkey to keep it moist and to just make sure it's absolutely perfect. That's what's been happening to their egos for all this time. And yet the surprising degree to which many of them are bitter and feel that they've been screwed. Oh yeah. And I'm thinking, what do you, you know, if I made a promise to myself when I got into show business a long time ago, however, I, whatever happens to me, I refuse to be bitter. Now that, you know, didn't work out. And very bitter. I'm not at all. I'm not bitter at all. Not bitter. I'm not bitter. I'm not bitter. No, I'm, I really am not. I'm really just delighted

that I get to do this. Look, I'm heavily medicated. That helps. All kinds of just science has really helped me. Yeah. Like you meet and then you do meet all the famous people who do seem genuinely grateful and do navigate their, their lives with, with true gratitude and grace and, and, and genuinely go out of their way to make, understand that how they are viewed and work against that. I don't do that nearly as much as I probably could. I look at other famous people being like, I try. I really, again, I don't think, and I think most people who come in across me probably hopefully have a positive interaction. Yes. Yes. One of the defining, I remember a moment where I was on the Sony lot and I, I ran into Will Smith who I had maybe met

once before, but I was talking to him on the Sony lot. And then around a corner comes a tour group of like 30 or 40 people or something like that. And they see us just standing there, talking to each other. And we look at each other and we both look to the tour group. And we then make eye contact again as though we both have reached in my head the same conclusion. But what I realized is we actually reached opposite conclusions because what I did was literally turn around and run away as Will Smith walked up to the tour group to take pictures with every single person in the group. And I was like, that's why Will Smith is the biggest movie star on the planet and has been for a very long time. And I am like a guy who ran away. I physically

was like, peace. Like I can't deal with this. This is too much for me. I don't know. There's too many people. It's just too many people. It was just too much for me to navigate. And literally, I booked it as I looked back to see Will Smith like embracing a family and taking a selfie with them. So I'm not going to say anything, but you should tell Seth, you've known me for very well for 11 years. Which one am I? You are Will Smith 100% to a sick degree. Yeah. To a sick degree. I go towards anybody who wants any of my time. And and it's not cool. It's the opposite. It's bad. It's not cool at all. You're push Will Smith out of the way. I push. Yes. I knock Will Smith. Chase Trams. They're having it. I chase Trams. Really a dog. Chase is a buzz. The tour

guy. I chase Trams. Welcome. And they're like, why is that lady running after us? And and yeah, I if people are at all happy to see me, I talk to them until they start making nervous eye contact with Sona. Like, how do we make this? How do we get away? I'm reminded of another thing in your book, which was just fascinating to me, because I find him to be such an interesting guy is you had this meeting with Steven Spielberg and and George Lucas shows up. And I think you were unaware that George Lucas was going to be there was going to pop by. And well, you can relate what happens in this story, which is which is pretty startling. Yeah. What happened was so this was 2000. It actually was it was the it was the

beginning of 2012. And I don't know if people remember, but there was a theory at the time that in December of 2012, the world was going to end. Because that's when I believe the Mayan calendar ended, which is in retrospect, a shaky theory to be making real decisions based on they were right about everything else. Yeah, like, like Conan said, I me and Evan were called into a meeting with Steven Spielberg, which was a real treat and an amazing I'd met him a couple of times very impassing, but it was it was a thrill, you know. And we got to the meeting and we were waiting in his office for him. It's like a doctor's office. They take you in first and you wait for them to come in. And he came in with George Lucas, which was amazing, which was mind blowing. Like

you just they're they're there together. It truly, you know, for like a nerdy kid, like one of the most amazing things I've ever seen in my entire life. And at which point Spielberg, if I remember, like it's kind of like making phone calls and doing some stuff as as he's like, I need a few minutes as George Lucas sits down and talks to me and Evan, at which point, very quickly, the conversation turns to like, how's it going? Not great. We're nearing the end of 2012. And the world is going to end essentially. And yes, and to which me and Evan are like, is he joke? Then a question that still haunts me to this day. And I again, I think I know the answer is, was he joking? I really don't think it did not appear. So we tried to prod and we're

like, we're, you know, we're making jokes. It's like, oh, like what's supposed to happen? It's like, oh, a giant fault is gonna earthquake. He's very seriously saying, yeah, it's a fault line. It's a fault line. I'm like, oh, good thing the Skywalker Ranch is on the other side of the fault line. And he's like, oh, that's not a coincidence. Like, and we're like, oh, like what? He's thought it all out. He's really thought it all. He's, yeah. And so at which point we make, we making a joke like, oh, well, like, if you got a spaceship to escape Earth, like, you know, can we got, can we get a seat on that thing? And he was like, no, which again, like, it makes me think he wasn't joking. Because if you were joking, you would just say yes to go, like, to at least placate us

by, by, by granting our wish to go on the spaceship. But no, he said, he said no. And thank God. But yeah. And again, to this day, I'm, I'm confounded and plagued by that story. I don't know if he had a spaceship. He did. I don't know if he was on it that day, but it must have been a weird morning. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that, uh, have you met him? Oh, yes. Yes. Do you buy that maybe he thought that was real? I think it was, I think it was real. Uh, you know what, I would say Spielberg's reaction would probably tell you everything you need to know. Steven was a little bit like, uh, he was kind of like, sorry for my, my slightly weird friends. Right. So that tells you that he was absolutely serious. I ran into, uh, I ran into the last time I ran into George Lucas,

and I ran into him and he was like, hello, Conan. I was like, Oh, hello, George. Good to see you. And he's like, good to see you. And I think at the end of the conversation, I said, it was brief, but I just said, I've got a, you know, go, I got a show to do, you know, show to tape. And he said, you don't tape a show, you're retired. And I said, uh, no. And he went, yes, you are. Like, he knows that, you know, so yeah, I'm not on a network, but I'm not retired. But, you know, so I'm not, whatever, but he just, he was telling me that I was retired. Well, I'm not, I have a show and I also did this and that and that. And he was kind of like, no, no, no, no, almost as if I was, isn't it sad that Conan doesn't know? Someone should have told him that a long time.

I have a similar, I actually had heard a similar story where that I'm retired. That you're retired. I don't know what I'm doing here. I haven't seen you since Vancouver when I took that film. Thank you for coming out of retirement to record this episode. I am the J.D. Salinger of comedy. I had heard a story that George Lucas, uh, was on the set of the, the solo movie and went up to the lead actor whose name is Alden. I don't. Aaron Rick. Aaron Reich, which Alden Aaron Reich and went up to him and went, hey, congratulations on a baby driver. And he said, I'm not in baby driver to which I was told George Lucas responded. Are you sure? Yes. That's what he told me. He essentially told

me. He doubted me. Don't you realize, Conan, you're, you don't make shows anymore and you haven't since, uh, since you left NBC. And I was saying, um, no, I do make, no, you don't. And so, you know what? I'm starting to think, I'm starting to think he's right. He's right. This isn't happening. The world ended on 2012 and this is all like a weird echo of George Lucas' consciousness that we're living in. I think, yeah, the world did end and we're living, he survived and we're living in his mind. This is all a construct. If anyone could come up with this, George Lucas, the guy's a world builder. He does good world building. There's so many ways in which I can relate to you. And then you have this

nerve, I think, or daring that I don't just, I don't have, which is, I have, I mean, I was very interested in comedy like you and it never would have occurred to me to start doing stand up at 16 with really very little encouragement from people around me. And the way you set out to be in show business at such a young age and said, I really don't think college has much to offer me and this is what I need to do. I think I have an inner voice that knows what I should do, but it's very quiet. It's sleepy and it's an old man. He doesn't talk, he mutters and you seem to know, you just knew. Well, mine was very nurtured. Like my parents were very supportive and like,

although they were not in show business and have anything to do with it, they seem to think I was funny. And I think I also had like a very realistic, and I naturally did this luckily, but you know, they say like, if you have a big goal, you just got to set a lot of small goals, you know what I mean? So like that it was like, I started, I was like, I'll do stand up comedy in Vancouver, like not, not the loftiest ambition one could have on the grand scale of things. And then it was like, I'll get in, you know, they filmed things like Vancouver is like, you know, it's a city in Canada, but like it is also where a lot of stuff was filmed. Like, so it wasn't like, you know, some wild, it's not like I'm from like Gary, Indiana. And I'm

saying like, I'm going to go make stuff. It's like, you saw, you saw that there was this thing called show business and they would film movies at our high school every once in a while. Like things like that. You just see trailers around. So like it was, and stand, yeah. And I'm from an actual city, which I think is also something that I credit because like you were, I think you have confidence and you're exposed to the real world and nothing seems as like far-fetched when you're from like a city. And I'm from like Vancouver, like the city of, I'm not from like the suburbs or the outskirts. Like I grew up in like an actual city environment, you know? So there's, again, there's theaters, there's plays, there's, there's, there, they're, they're filming movies.

They filmed the X-Files in Vancouver for you. They filmed tons of movies in Vancouver, you know? So I think it was, it was far-fetched in some ways, but it seemed like in my head, I was like, if I, I could do stand-up comedy, then maybe I'll get an agent, then maybe I can start getting parts on these movies or TV shows. Maybe I'll get one day, like in my head, like, and also this just speaks to the time. I was like, maybe I'll have a sitcom one day. Like that was like my, like, I was like, oh, like Seinfeld, like I'll get like my own sitcom. And then, and then it all kind of changed and evolved from there. But, but like the, the, the start, the start was very simple and obtainable feeling because in my head, I was just like, if I could make just enough money to never

get a real job and do comedy, writing jokes for Moils, like just headlining whenever I could. I was, that was fine. Like I was like, maybe I'll write on a TV show. Maybe I'll, you know, like it was, but then it also, because I start like, I was a writer for a TV show when I was 18 years old. Like it all happened very young, young as well. So like there wasn't a ton of time. I had stretches of unemployment, but there was always like very encouraging signs that I was on, like the right path as well. I think, you know, and the truth is though, like to what you're saying, and I'm sure you could speak to this in America, comedy is the least respected art form there is period. And in Canada, that is not the case. Like Canada actually has a lot of respect

for it. And I'm not saying they, I say this with no judgment. I'm not saying it should be more respected. I'm just saying they factually are not that respected in America. And they always want to be made out to be buffoons as someone who makes comedy and makes more dramatic movies. I've just have seen like, oh, every dramatic movie we make, people think was like way harder and way more challenging to make than every comedic movie we make, which is in no way accurate, you know? Yes. And, but in Canada, they actually respect comedy as like a something like a big part of their output, a big export of theirs, like a real like global cultural contribution. They see that so many Canadian comedians have made like a global impact. And, and they're

genuinely proud of it in a way that is very nurturing. I think much more than in America, I would imagine, you know, I had a very strong, I mean, this, I felt like I've always felt I indebted to Canada, not just because of all the great comedy that I grew up watching and the great comedians that I enjoyed so much. But, but also because when I started the late night show in 1993, we were met with, you know, absolute derision. And the reaction here in the United States seems to be, you know, yeah, could you just go eat some cancer, please? Which I don't say edible cancer pop. But, but, but in Canada, it was, it was just like, oh, no judgment and just, you know, love, love the weirdness, keep it coming. And so I, I think I

always, you, you, you were incredibly popular among me and all my friends. And I guess we had no idea that, that maybe I like, I honestly didn't know that in America, that you weren't smoking of as high. Well, because I got some stuff I could tell you. But yeah, I would say no, like, no, we were having a weird Canadian sensibility to it. I think to us, like, I think it reminded us more of like kids in the hall and the stuff that we liked, because it was fucking crazy and weird. And like, totally out of left field compared to what we had been watching on the other stuff. And the other thing is like, there's a lot of bad, like, because comedy is so fostered in Canada, there's also a lot of bad Canadian comedy, you know, which we don't see exactly, which you never

see, but we see a lot of. So then like, I remember, yeah, when your show came on and it was like, oh, this is like a big American thing. But it feels like it is, it has this super weird sensibility, which we are generally used to seeing come from our own country was, was thrilling, honestly. Yeah. Can I ask you a question actually about a story I've heard? Yeah. You can't just know this is a one way street, Seth. Is there a story involving you at Domiano's Pizza Place that was on Fairfax across from Cantor's Deli, where someone fell through a ceiling? Yes. Yes. Why? I'm like, you're firing a neuron that hasn't been fired.

And it's, it's not like a, it's not like a famous, it's a story because I used to live right there and I would go there all the time. This pizza place, it's closed now, it's called Domiano's. You know what it was? It was right across the street from Cantor's Deli. Yeah, exactly. And in my groundlings days, when I was like doing improv in sort of that general Fairfax area, Melrose, I would go to Domiano's Pizza because it was the closest thing to like a Boston pizza. It was sort of like the most East Coast pizza in LA. Yes. And so I would go to Domiano's and why do I remember, I have a vague memory about. The story I was told is that you were sitting at a table and I don't know who the fuck even

told me this story, but the story I was told is you were sitting at a table with someone and a man fell through the ceiling and landed on your table. Yeah. Someone, it was like a drop ceiling and someone was doing work up above and came crashing down. And I think I tried to like say, cause it's like dust and asbestos all over my pizza and the guy's work boot. And I think they just gave me another pizza. I think I just got another pizza. It wasn't, you know, today I'll try and say I was, I was triggered. I was upset. You know, I want the Domiano family to pay me $2 million. But I think I got another, this was in the old days, guys, when you just got another pizza.

A human would fall into your pizza and all you got was a new pizza. This is what happens when you've been around for a while and according to George Lucas, retired as long as I've been. You start forgetting. You do it absolutely zero. You start forgetting all this stuff that happened to you. Like I had a friend recently remind me, I forgot this, that we were both in like a bar or restaurant. That's not that you have another man fell through the ceiling. Same guy. Same guy.

Same guy. George. George again. This time I was eating ramen and they gave me another ramen. But my friend Randy said, remember that time we were in a bar and we heard a loud noise and a guy on a motorcycle had been racing down like Melrose, wiped out on his motorcycle and he and the motorcycle got wedged underneath a car and the motorcycle burst into flames. And he was lying kind of near the motorcycle and the motorcycle was underneath the trunk

of the car, which was starting to catch fire. And I just grew up watching movies where the gas tank explodes. So I, I've not, I don't even think I'm this kind of person. I dashed out of the crowd, put my arms around the guy who was lying there in his leather jacket and dragged him away from the motorcycle because it was going to, the car was going to explode, which is what happens in every movie. And I dragged him far away and then he was like, why the fuck did you move me? And I was like, what? And he was like, my leg. And I looked down and his leg was kind of fucked up. And I was like, well, I'm sorry that the car is about to explode. And we look over, the car didn't explode. They don't explode a movie. And I went,

you know, every TV show I watched as a kid, the car blows up and I just saved you from that. And we were both looking at this very small smoldering fire and he was not grateful. And, but my friend Randy was like, that was really brave what you did. And I said, well, actually, no, the guy's mad. And then I forgot about it until Randy just reminded me of it. But I'm thinking, I, I don't know, I need people to start reminding me of things that I did because I forgot about the guy coming through the roof at Damiano's Pizza completely. I'm amazed you forgot it. That's a story I would remember. I would have. Look, I'm a guy, a lot of interactions, everything. So many things have happened to me. When you get to my stage in life, and you have retired,

just years, retired, occasionally running into an apparently dismissive George Lucas, dismissive, determined to rewrite reality itself. Look, if you, if, if George Lucas says I'm retired and he has created the large credit, had the largest cultural impact of anyone in film in the probably the 20th century, I think he's right. I think I am retired, my friends. I have to ask you, you talk about your, your, you talk about your obsession, obsession, your enjoyment of pornography in a very healthy way, in a very healthy and open way. And, and then you talk about how you were so into it. And young people need to know this porn is at your fingertips right now. Anywhere you go in the world

in high def. But there was a time when you had to be aroused by like the curve of someone's ankle in a feeding glimpse in a, in a movie where everyone's fully clothed, you know. But you were really, you know, you're a guy who was interested in how can I get more of this. And you were so interested that in, you went to the 2003 adult video awards, AVN awards, which you, you know, if anyone doesn't know, that's the Oscars of porn, which I think the, I think the Oscars should be the porn of porn. The Oscars of porn. The AVN of movies. But you went to that and, which I didn't see you there, which surprised me. Exactly. You are back here. Well, that's the year I won. Yeah, you killed the winner. I won. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. The funny speech, you just

wrote it. Funniest, I got funniest, funniest naked, naked. Funniest come shot. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. How did you get it to angle off to the side like that and make that, how'd you make silly string come out? Listen, I had a career before whatever it is I'm doing now. And that's what I did. But it was George Lucas retired you from that as well. Yeah, exactly. Remember when I did porn, George? You're retired. You're retired, I do. Okay. All right. But what I love is that you talk about your one day perusing some adult material online and you make this incredible discovery. Yeah. So, and it's a discovery that other people I know have made, shockingly. And it was, and in order... Can I just point out quickly before you say it? It's not, this is not, the discovery was

not a one shot COVID cure. No, exactly. This is not, it's not at that level. If you're all excited now, it's like a true... Books will be written. Discovery might be a grandiose term for what this is. Discovery. Yeah. In order for this to be relevant, I cannot speak enough to the obscurity of the porn site I was looking at at the time. This would not come up, this is not like a top 20 site, I would say. Like it was, it had a lot of, yeah, it seems highly Eastern European. Yes, yes. Yeah, I was looking at a page of thumbnails and a house that I recently moved into has like a pretty distinct like water fountain in the front yard. And I noticed amongst like these dozens and dozens of thumbnails what looked like the water fountain in my new front yard.

And I clicked on the link and it very much was a porno movie that was filmed in the water fountain in my new front yard. And it was, doesn't the real turn, doesn't the real turn have to disclose? You know, they're supposed to say, okay. They don't have to tell you if there's been pornography shot there. I guess, well that's true. But also like at the end of the day, ultimately any house you've lived in, people have fucked it. Unless you built it, there's, someone has fucked in that house, someone's fucked in your house, someone's fucked in all your houses. No, I live in a nunnery. I live in a nunnery that closed down on, I actually bought it and evicted the nuns. You bought it under the premise no one had fucked in it. There's two types. It's not a

box you can click on Zillow. I don't think. If it was, I don't click. So you maintain that if someone's living in a home in Los Angeles, there's a what, 30% chance? I'd say 40. I'd say 30, 30, 40% chance porn has been filmed in your house. I think so. I love your house, but definitely porn's been shot in your house. Yeah. And then it was, I met someone I, someone I know lives in the neighborhood I moved into and they're like, oh, you moved into that house, huh? And I was like, what is that? It's like my fear again. It's like, is it a murder house? Is that they's like, no, it's the porn house. And I was like, oh, no, I moved into the porn house. I guess I did. I guess. Do you still live there? I do live in the porn house. It's great. Very erotic. You know what's nice?

Lots of candlelighting everywhere. Just you know, it'd be great. Every element of the house. I would describe it as architectural erotic. You know, it's funny because sometimes when you buy, like I come from the East coast, you know, I come from Boston and in the outlying Massachusetts area. And when you buy a house, you're always going and finding out the history of that house. Yeah. And the former owners will give you, well, here we have pictures of it from the 1920s. And then someone else will say, oh, you know, I found a picture from 1895 of the house you moved into. You know, it was once a granary. And I just love that in LA that the version of that is you getting all this really nice, these very lovely people saying, oh, we, yes, we have footage.

Oh, it's a great house. We have footage from 2001 of the foyer. It's all anal, but you're going to know, you know, I know so many people that like another one of my friends, and this is much worse, had porn shot and he found a porn shot in his house, but like in like an upholstered banquette that was there like that. And the same upholstery was in that. That's that's that absorbs that. That's in there. You got to, you got to steam that out. Yeah. I think ultimately, yeah. But like, again, people have fucked in your house. So like, do cameras make a big difference? I don't know. Does that's like at the end of the day? Well, it's the, yeah, it's the amount of sex. It's just the, the amount of it and, and the varieties of it. Yeah. Yeah, I think it does. It's a

photogenic. It films well. They showed you some good angles. I have to say, you know, we've been talking about your book, which I read your book, and it's just packed with really fun stories like this. It's very enjoyable. And it occurred to me as I was getting to the end of the book that you're someone, and this is a kind of person I really admire who figured out how to make their life exactly the way they would have wanted it to be when they were 14. You know what I mean? Like you, you have, you were very early on interested in comedy. Okay. You've put yourself right at the center. You can make television. You can perform. You can make and produce movies. You're sort of, you've put yourself right in the sort of hub of this comedy universe.

You were very interested in pornography. Well, you live in a home where porn was created. And also you went, you're welcome at the adult video awards anytime you want to go. And they'd happily have you and they would, you know, it would be the drinks would be on the house. And then manifest your dreams. Yeah. And then the same thing, like this is, this is Oprah's manifest your dreams, but taken in probably in a direction that Oprah didn't expect. And then, and then you were very interested in how can I get marijuana, which was not easy to procure. And you were interested in this and you found out this is something that you really enjoyed. It was helpful to you. It was going to be an important part of your life. Now you have this

company houseplant. Uh-huh. You've completely bioengineered your life to be everything you would want it to be. Yeah. That's insane. That is, I think the highest compliment I can pay someone. I'm going to be super honest. A large part of it is because I don't have children. If I did, none of this would be possible. It's like, and I, and I, and it's, and it is the, like I, it is, I have the time to do all these things because like, because I don't have kids. And if I had kids, I could not do half this shit. I've never, I've never hated, I've never hated my two children more than I do now because my son and my daughter have stood between me and a marijuana empire. Exactly. You know, regular outings at the adult video conference.

But people are always like, how do you do so much? And that is always like, as I've gotten older, I think it's because you can just do less than I can because you have this whole thing you're doing that I'm not doing. Yes. Creating other children. Exactly. It seemed genetically incapable of showing gratitude. Exactly. Okay, listen, I went to a dark place. Good. That's how I always hope this will go. Seth, you've been incredibly nice to me over the years. And you've been. Yeah. Well, and I will point out, I did, you did shoot a, before I went into my retirement, you did shoot a Clueless Gamer with me. I think it was you and Zach Efron in which you drew penises on my forehead. That's right. But I did

not feel good about that, I'll be honest. I didn't feel great about it when I found out that it was a Sharpie. They were Sharpies and they didn't come, it didn't, I think I drove home from us shooting that bit with a cock and balls drawn. One by you and one by Zach Efron, very clearly on my forehead and cheek. And I do have children. And I couldn't, we couldn't get it right off. And I was driving home on like the 10 freeway, just thinking about the choices I had made in my life. I've been there, man. I've been there. So I have to thank you for that. I remember being on the set of a movie having a dog eat a beef jerky out of my ass. So it seemed like it was sniffing my butt. And it was a moment where I was like, you made these choices, Seth. This is you. You made

this bed. It is time for you to lie in it. Huge. Nothing Chaplin wouldn't have done to think about it. Well, I want to make sure I get this book, your book. It's really, as I said, it's available tomorrow. And you should check it out because it really is delightful. And it's got so much, it's just packed with really funny, honest stories. And I don't know, congratulations. You've done, you've done it again. Everything seems to work out for you. And it's enraged me. Thank you so much. Good. I do remember you came to our office once and we're visibly angry at how big it was. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. We don't have that office anymore. But I remember. Yeah. No, no, I remember, I shot some, I shot some bit you kindly helped me out with. And I had to come

through your window, I think your office window. And it meant that I was in your office for half an hour while they set up cameras to shoot this quick thing. I think it was for MTV. I don't know, it was for like the video or something. And I had to come in through the window and all I could was this beautiful, gorgeous office that like Louis B. Mayer would have had in the 40s. It was, it literally was Louis B. Mayer's office. Was it really? Yes. And I was, I was like, look, I love Seth and I know that Seth has had a lot of success. I was shaken. I was shaken to the core because I think I then I went back to like my office that gets no light in the corner. I'm like, I've been doing this. I remembered saying I've been doing this 30 years. And Seth Rogan,

that pothead, you just, you had like a, you know, everything was absolutely gorgeous. You had clearly had a decorator. I was, I was so, I think someone in a white jacket brought you a joint halfway through the silver tray and you, and it was lit for you. The only reason we had that office is because we had been kicked out of, it's cause it was, it's one of the only standalone buildings on the Sony lot. And we smoked so much weed that we kept getting kicked out of the other offices, but they needed us on the lot because we were working there. And so they were like, I guess we have to give you this building because it's the only building that we could be in that we wouldn't get kicked out of because we didn't share any walls or ventilation with any. Well,

that is the last piece of advice that people should get out there. Exactly. If you want the good office, smoke too much weed to be in any other office. Yeah. I leave you, you know what I said earlier in the podcast, I never wanted to be bitter. Yeah. You have brought up the memory of your office and all the offices I've had. I am extremely bitter right now. Good. And that's your fault, Seth. Perfect. Hey, Seth, really, thank you so much. Thank you, man. And I can't wait till we see each other in person at your 700,000 square foot office. Exactly. It'll be amazing. I'll thank you. Casting me in the part of the Irish leprechaun. Perfect. Thank you so much. This was lovely. I genuinely appreciate it. If you're a regular listener of Conan O'Brien

needs a friend and you're always jonesing for more, we have started doing something that I'm having a lot of fun with. On Thursdays, we drop Conan O'Brien needs a fan. And this was an idea just because I have lovely fans and they're really funny. And when I encounter them on the street in life anywhere around the world, they always make me laugh. And I thought, wait a minute, why just talk to celebrities? Let's have a way that I can have inane, insane left brain conversations with my fans. People that listen to the show or even people that just barely tolerate me aren't necessarily fans but want to crack at talking to Conan. That's right. I'm talking about myself in the third person. That's a sign that I'm getting to like Caligula levels of insanity.

So anyway, we started doing that. And you don't have to do anything if you subscribe to this show. If it's in your... What's the way to say it, Matt? If it's in your... Your podcast feed. If it's on your Lazy Susan... Your podcast carousel? If it's on your podcast carousel, if it's in your... If you have Conan O'Brien needs a friend, these will automatically show up on Thursday. You do nothing. I just show up there like a bad penny over and over and over again.

If you have one of those Home Depot pneumatic tubes, it will just come out Thursday morning out of one of those. Is that pretty good? That was good. Yeah. I auditioned to be doing the voiceover Gaia on those police academy movies, but they turned me down from Michael Winslow. So here I am now. Here's a door opening. Here's a door closing. What?

What? I don't want to be a sound effects guy who kind of says what he's doing as he's doing it. Well, I'll just unlatch this door. Unlatch. I'm just going to pick up this vase. Well, better time to perform this surgery. Incision. Wouldn't it be great if I... I want to do a scripted podcast where I say that I can do all

the sound effects and it's a scripted drama. It's a drama and I'm not even in it as a character. I just do all the sound effects, but I don't use any sound effects devices. It's like, all right, listen, you, I've had enough. I've got a gun. See, draw. Let's try this. Sonya and I will be the surgeons and we'll set up tools and you do the sounds. All right. So Matt, you set the scene and I'll provide all the sound effects in a way that only I can. Okay. Dr. Mufsesian, will you please turn on the EKG machine? You say yes, Sonya. You have to set. What are you doing? No, it's a radio show. It's a podcast. You don't just do it. Let's try that again. Good God.

Sorry. You just, you can't see this ladies and gentlemen, but she just silently hit a switch. It's a podcast. She's queuing you to make your sound. No, she hit a switch silently. I thought you were gonna... No, I need you to... I used to say like, yes, turning it on now, that kind of thing. I tried again, Matt. Oh my God. All right. All right. All right. Dr. Mufsesian, please turn on the respirator machine. No, God, Sonya. I do that. You don't do anything other than say, you have to, like a radio show, you play the character and go, yes, doctor, I'm doing it now. And then I take care of the rest. Oh my God. All right. You're crying. I'm crying. You started crying.

I'm already crying. You just said, you did it. Oh my God. You made the motion, which you don't have to do because it's radio. And then you said, turn on, which is what I'm supposed to do. I love that the sound effects guy is also the asshole. The sound effect guy is just an asshole yelling at the actors. You're so mad. This is me. This is why this, this show, we'll never get more than six minutes into the action of this drama, this podcast drama, because I, the sound effects guy, I'm just yelling at people. Let's try it one last time and then we can give up if it doesn't work. Maybe you should start with, you know, different things since we've already explored the device. Okay. Dr. Mufsesian, will you please bring out the surgical

sponge? Yes, doctor. Reveal. Sorry. Dr. Mufsesian, did you hear the sponge say reveal? I, yes. I thought you said bring out. I thought you said bring out. Oh, this is the worst. I thought you said bring out and I went reveal. Let's try. These are, you know what I'm loving is the sad attempts are better than anything we're going to come up with. This is the worst thing we've ever done. And, uh, okay, let's try it. Oh my God. Here we go. Okay. Okay. Dr. Mufsesian, please turn on the iron law. Yes, doctor. Dr. Mufsesian, I'm afraid the patient is flat lining. Oh no, Dr. Burley. Flat lining. Flat lining. Flat lining. Dr. Mufsesian, hand with the defibrillators.

Here you go, Dr. Burley. I was going to say hand paddle. We were doing so well. Okay. We can edit this part. Try it again. Dr. Mufsesian, please hand me the defibrillators. Yes, Dr. Burley. Hand over. Charging. Electricity building. Clear. Electricity discharge. The patient is making noises. Oh, my God. These are noises. And here's me handing over my resignation. I'm getting out of here. Oh, my God. We're terrible people. There's a lot of turmoil in the world, and we're just wasting people's time. Everybody. Everybody's time. On the back end, the front end, behind the scenes. The back end, the front end, from any side. Yes. Yes. Well,

I think I've got something there, you know? And I think we're going to have to see if we can't patent that, make sure that no one else steals it from us. I'm shocked you didn't get that role in police academy. Pretty good. Shocked. Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink. Sona's having a little water right now. Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink. Swallow. Pretty good, huh? Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Sona Mobsessian and Conan O'Brien as himself. Produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Salatarov, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair,

and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. The show is engineered by Will Bekton. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review featured on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.