Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Slimealier

Episode Date: January 25, 2024

Conan talks to Patti from Austin, TX about working as the art director for a slime company, turning 30, and internet slime girls. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hi, Patty, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Hi, Patty, how are you? Hi. Oh, you know what I love?

A cat just, it's like a cat heard our voices and walked in in the background. Like that sounds like Conan, Matt and Sona. What's your cat's name? My cat's name is Nugget. She's sitting on my lap now. I can show you what she looks like. I saw Nugget make an appearance briefly and really ran in like I hear excitement.

It was exciting. Yeah. It was exciting to see that because I live with cats and they hate me. And so it was nice to see a cat hear my voice and come running, that was thrilling for me. But listen, Patty, enough about me. Where are you right now? So I'm coming to you from Austin, Texas at the moment.

Nice, I like Austin. It's very nice, very pleasant place. Yeah, it's very cold right now and very drizzly, which is unfortunate. Well, what do you define cold to you? Cause I grew up in Boston. What's cold in Austin? Oh no, okay.

It's to me like 30 to 40 is cold. That's like I'm not going outside. That is cold. That is cold. That is cold. Yeah, that's legitimate. That's legitimate. Thank you for justifying me.

It is cold. So cold. Yeah, no, we justify you and dignify you with your temperature calculations. That's all I want. That's all I want. What? Patty, tell us a little bit about yourself.

First of all, I love the room you're coming from is very orange. It's very nice. And you seem like a cool person. Tell us a little bit about yourself. What do you do? So what I do for a living is I am an art director at a slime company.

So we mass produce slime for people who are really into collecting slime. Okay. Now I know slime is the thing kids love these days. They love their slime. And when you say you mass produce it, meaning what does it come in? What is the slime sold in stores that you make?

So we don't do as much wholesale slime. We primarily sell from our personal website, but we make all of the slime in the warehouse that I also work in. What you're talking about is a bespoke slime. Artisanal slime. Artisanal slime. A designer slime. Yeah, yeah, an artisanal slime. Yes, exactly. Artisanal slime. A designer slime.

Yeah, yeah, an artisanal slime, exactly. So this isn't just some goop that would drop on someone on Nickelodeon show. This is the really good stuff. This is the real deal. This is like very, it's very complicated. I didn't know anything about slime until I got this job and I know more about slime than I ever wanted to know

in my life. So I have lots of wisdom to impart. I know, well good, because I don't know anything about. I know, well, good, because I don't know anything about slime other than it's slimy, but I don't know anything. What is slime composed of primarily? So slime is primarily made of glue, water, and borax. Those are kind of your base components,

but depending on what type of glue you use or what kind of add-ins you put in it, you can get a lot of very different textures. So we have slimes that are clear, we have slimes that are more opaque, we have some that are crunchy. There are a lot of, it's so many things you can do. Okay, so first of all, is there such thing as like

a slime sommelier, someone who can- Oh boy. A slime- Yeah, a slime-all-yay, someone who can open up the package and feel it and go Ah, yes. Yes. I see what they've done. They've used a borax from the Tampa area and I'm sensing I'm sensing a glue that's more of a resin

Detect that it's from the northern Canadian woods. Yeah, or is there like a vintage to slime? Yeah. In a weird way, yes, to both of those questions. I have kind of myself become a slime sommelier because we need to figure out like different types of glue make different types of textures. So like a wood glue is gonna give you a different slime than a school glue.

Well, the core glue is gonna give you different- slime than a school glue. Well, of course. Well, of course, I'm sorry Patty, but of course. Of course. I mean, this is just insulting. You're not speaking to idiots here. Yeah, I mean, well. Okay, I'm sorry. You think we were born yesterday?

So, and what is the slime that you create, that you sell, what does it come in? Does it come in an egg? Does it come in a plastic bowl? I'm over enunciating for no reason. What does it come in? No, it's really good. It was really good. I can show you, I have a bunch of slimes over here.

Of course you do, yes, you're in your room and that's when you keep slime. What do people do with slime? Well, hold on one thing at a time, so, please. That's a valid question. I want to know. Yeah. I love fielding all of these questions about slime.

This is the container. It's just like a little cute plastic container with a lid on it. Try to keep it airtight in there. We also do clays. Like we do clay toppers for the slime. So this is a deli container that we put a little like clay toast in.

There's a lot to it. We do a lot of different things. A clay, a toast that's made of clay. I have to show you this. Okay, you are dealing with idiots here. So yeah, I don't know why would you have toast made of clay and slime goes on top of it? What is that?

What are you accomplishing there? Oh, basically you can kind of make like a DIY kit. So like this is a honey toast DIY kit. So you can kind of see this like cute little like clay that looks like a toast. Yes. Oh, and then you spread the slime on it. Yeah, you kind of like put it on top of the baseline

and then you put this little honey syrup on top of it and kind of like drizzle it. So you're pretending to make a food item But nothing is edible. Yes, exactly nothing is that that's why we have to put do not eat on all of our label Oh, I love that you're making pretend toast for children pretend honey for children and then saying just don't eat it That's fantastic. Oh, we made a tricycle. What's it made of? Explosives. Better not get on that tricycle, you'll blow up.

Looks so cool. I know. We call it a tricycle just to confuse kids. Hope they don't get on it. I don't know, Patty. I'm really concerned. You would be surprised by the amount of there are also a lot of it's not just kids that buy the products. It's actually a lot of like people in their 20s and like kind of young

adults and older people who just like they like the kind of texture of the slime. And it kind of becomes like a like a comfort. Well, it's also is it all about like holding the slime and you squeeze it and it gloops through your fingers? Yes, very much so. It's like very like this. Oh, look at that. Oh, yeah.

Oh, that is pleasing. It's pretty good. This one is not from the company that I worked for, but it's a it's basically like a tide slime. Like it smells like laundry detergent and it kind of looks like tie. Do you think people use this? Does anyone ever, is there talk? Do they bone it?

Yeah, is there ever talk in the industry about people pleasuring themselves or having an erotic adventure with the slime. It was so hard for me not to make this sexual. I'm glad I'm not the one that took us down that path. You're all thinking it. I know, but I always am the one who has to take us there. I knew I was gonna come up.

Yes. But is it okay, Patty, to talk about this? Actually, I'm qualified to answer this one. Yeah. It's, listen, I'll say this, we do not make slime for those purposes. If there is someone out there who does that, I am not aware of them, but like shout out to them,

my guess is that what I'm like- Yeah, I mean, Penhouse Magazine was basically for the articles. Listen, all I'm saying is that it comes to mind- Yeah, that people are fucking it. Well, notice there's a- No, sorry. There's a say that.

There's a do not eat label on there, but not a do not fuck. Okay, guys. Yes, that's what we're saying. This is true. Well, I didn't bring this there. I was trying not to go there. No, in no way.

I appreciate you for not trying to go. Thank you, Patty. I really see that and I respect that. Thank you. Patty, just to be clear, I would like to distance myself from my friends. I wasn't talking about someone having intercourse with the slime.

I was thinking of someone spreading it over their body, sexually, for the two of us. So now I know what you're into. And yeah, and maybe immersing themselves in a tub of it and just wriggling around and going, ooh, ooh, ugh. You're more of a romantic angle like a Valentine's Day kind of bath of slime with some candles. Yeah, I was, nothing, there's no, you guys are being very crass about this.

What I was thinking about was scented candles and then a big tub of slime and then little rose petals on top of the slime and then you get a blurch, glurable. What we essentially have here is a round of fuck Mary kill with slime. and then little rose petals on top of the slime, and then you get it in blurch, glurable, and lower-bill. What we essentially have here is a round of fuck Mary kill with slime. Yeah, I wanna- You wanna marry. I wanna marry the slime.

You wanna take it out to dinner. You wanna go to dinner with slime. And the slime will have the beef, please. What's your first date with slime? Like, what movie are you and slime going to see? Well, I'm sure we're gonna go to see- Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters, yeah, very good. we're gonna go to see Ghostbusters.

Yeah, very good. I'm gonna see Vintage Ghostbusters. ["Vintage Ghostbusters"] Well, so, okay, so this is fascinating. There's this whole world of slime, and I bet there are people who really like pulling it out of the jar and just squeezing it, right? Isn't that part of the pleasure? Yeah!

And we're back. I can demonstrate for you. If you don't mind, I'd like to see you. If you don't mind, I'd like to see you. Really? I'm not having a second thought. I'm having a lot of second thoughts. You should. No, no, I'm asking legitimate questions.

Oh, good Lord. So it kind of depends on the texture. So like this is a differently textured slime. That's very thick slime. Oh, that's like matte. Yeah, exactly. This is more of like a thick kind of clay based like cloud type of slime.

And you kind of get like a different poll from this than you would with like the clears or anything like that. There are some slimes that are, they're made for different types of, oh, I don't want to say this because you're immediately going to take this and run with it. They're made for different types of play, okay? They all have like-

No, no, we're not. Go ahead. Continue, no, we don't, we don't, nothing here. Yeah. Nothing to see here. Go ahead, continue. No, we don't, we don't, nothing here. Nothing to see here. So there are different kinds of, different kinds of ways that you can play with slime, depending on what you're interested in.

And slime is huge with kids, right? Kids love slime. But you said older people like it too. It's become kind of a phenomenon, has it not? Yeah, for sure. It's crazy how like big the world of slime is. We even have a full team of people who just make content based on the slimes that we produce.

Like they'll make TikToks of scooping the slimes, scooping ASMR videos. Oh, we're really, really popular. Where people love the sound of the slime coming out. Is that it? And what does it make? What kind of sound does it make? It's like a, it's like a shlorp, shlorp,

a shlorpy squishy bubbly pop. Some of them actually pop when you like squeeze them hard enough. And people listen to that and they, they enjoy it. They enjoy hearing that. Yeah. Okay. Okay. How big a batch do you guys make in the factory?

Like, is it big enough of like batch do you guys make in the factory? Like, is it big enough like someone could fall in and become the Joker, or is it just like, you know... Yeah, that's a good question. Yeah, that is a good question. I would definitely say you can fit a person in the mixers that we used to make this. Great. Let's talk after this. Yeah, you can come to the factory and just have a little dip.

If someone fell into the vat, would they be able to get out or would they be smothered? Is it just like sucked in? Yes, it possible to climb your way out or if you're submerged in slime, are you pretty much done for quick slime? That's a good murder. I thought that, you know, that would be a good. No, I honestly don't know. I don't know. I'm just curious. So I have I have helped the people who mix the large batches of slime.

I don't think you could truly, if you stuck your face in it, you would definitely suffocate and die. But if you're just digging your hands into it and moving it around, it's more heavy than anything. I wouldn't say slime is sticky. It's just very, very heavy in large batches. And we use industrial to give you an idea. What we use to heavy in large batches. And we use industrial, to give you an idea, what we use to make the large batches of slime

is like industrial dough mixers. So they're like very, very large. What is the shelf life of slime if you were to leave it uncovered? Does it last for thousands and thousands of years? Definitely not thousands and thousands of years. I would say if you cover it and keep it like nice and tight and probably like, depending on the type of slime,

it can last for a really long time. If you leave it for like a few months or longer, it's kind of like slowly starts to revert back to like just glue. So you actually need to have, I'll show you, we have these activator pens that are water and borax mixed together and you spray this on the slime and it like reactivates it.

And it makes it playable again. Reanimates it. Yes, yes. It brings it back to life. It brings it back to life. It brings it back to life. Isn't it interesting that they say that mankind came from slime.

You know, we originated from slime and we've over millions of years evolved into- Into gods, essentially. Yes, but now what do we choose to do? With the slime? We choose to create our own slime. That's what I mean. Yeah, what I'm saying is we have completed the cycle.

We're obsessed with our own origin, and we are now, once slime, we have become humans, homo sapiens, and now we make slime, and we love it. So it's interesting how. We've like returned to the primordial ooze. Yes, we have. Very good. I like that.

I like that. Well, Patty, I wasn't gonna guess that this is what you did for a living, but I find it interesting. And quasi-erotic. That's why I was asking about, could I float in the tank? Yeah, I got that part.

Just make sure that, yeah, find out if someone would drown if they broke into your slime warehouse, removed all their clothing and got inside the tank. Just find out if you could. Oh, come on. I'm just on the numbers on my point. We're naked in it? Well, you know what, yeah, of course,

that's part of the whole fantasy. That's a PR nightmare. For them, not me. Any publicity is good publicity. No one should do this. Some kids don't. No one listens to this. Yeah, please do not listen to this.

So you have a question for me, I believe. I do. So my question is, I am going to be turning 30 in a few months in March, which I know is when you were that age when you started doing late night. And as someone who has perhaps not reached all of my goals by the age of 30, do you have any advice moving forward?

Is it possible that I could become a talk show host at 30? I'd hope that you would aim higher than talk show host at 30. No, I have to say this. Well, first of all, everything's changed so anyone can be a talk show host now. You have a camera and you can, yeah, so I came along at a time where you had to trick a large network, one of three, into letting you have a talk show. But now anybody with an iPhone and access to the internet can, or any phone, I just said iPhone first in case they send me something.

Oh, geez. But I know, my advice too is that nobody has achieved all their life goals at 30. I certainly didn't, or 40 or 50. And you just, so it sounds like you're putting way too much pressure on yourself. I think when people put all this pressure on themselves to do something by what is an arbitrary date

is way too much pressure. You've gotta relax like slime. You've gotta just be loose. You've gotta just, you know what I mean? Climb into one of those vats. Well, no, no, no, don't do that. I'm really worried about people's safety. But no, I think it's way too much pressure

to put on yourself, you know? Look at you, you're a wonderful person. You know more about slime than anyone I've ever talked to. And you've got a nice life going for yourself. So who knows what's going to happen? Who knows what will unfold? Many kinds of lives, many kinds of slime. We just don't know what's going to happen, Patty, but don't put too much pressure on yourself on this 30th birthday. Yeah, enjoy it.

Okay. Just enjoy it. No, that's great. This was like a nice little therapy session for me. I really enjoyed that. Oh, I'm enjoying just thinking about climbing into that slime. I'm sorry. I would like how much would it cost me to get enough for a whole... No! Bath tub, bath tub full of slime. No! The crunchy kind! Just a bunch of slime and put it in a bath tub. The kind with little crunches in it.

Once you get it, you can do whatever you want. Okay, all right. As long as you know that. I'm sorry. No, I'm feeling it. You guys just make it. You don't know, you can't control what people are doing. And you can't monitor it either. There's no way to monitor.

You're acting like they're like Smith and Wesson or Winchester. Time doesn't have sex with people, people do. Exactly. Do you ever fear that lightning would hit the slime, and the slime could come to life? Oh, jeez. Because as we've learned from science fiction, if lightning hits something, it suddenly becomes a monster.

Well, I was going to say that the thing is, there is a huge, so you talk about jokingly, I hope, engaging with the slime in a somewhat sexual manner. There are monster girls that some people on the internet are very into that are fully made of slime. This is a corner of the internet. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. What do you mean monster girls?

So these are women, it's slime that's molded into the shape of a woman, is a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. What do you mean monster girls? So these are, these are women. It's slime that's molded into the shape of a woman. Is that what you're saying? That is exactly what I'm saying. And that is a prominent genre of anime woman on the internet that people are very into. That is the thing that exists. So what, and you say people are into it,

meaning they like the idea of a woman made of slime. Yes, that is how I would put it. It's like, you know, people are really into vampire girls and werewolf girls and other monster girls, Frankenstein girls, are also into slime girls. I'm so sorry I had to reveal this information to you. We're all gonna Google it. Matt seems to know exactly what you're talking about. Oh, I married one. Oh, no! It's true.

We're learning a lot about how to do things. But she's locked out of the house. You can just go through the mail slot. Okay. Her name is... Lurch. No! She's lovely, I love, of the Connecticut. Yes, they come from,

it's near Litchfield. Well Patty, this got very, very weird. I'm so sorry. No, trust me, it was not you. It was us. It was us, it was us and primarily Sona, but. What? I didn't do it.

That's what I wanna make sure everybody knows. No, you're a terrible person. Okay. Slimefreak. I see you, Sona. I see you. You are a slime freak. Thanks, Patty.

Patty, it was really nice talking to you. Be well. Happy birthday ahead of time. And just like yourself. You're doing great. Oh, thank you so much. I've been such a huge fan of your show literally since I was like a kid.

So like going on 15 plus years, it's like so crazy to talk to you because like genuinely just my whole life really. Yeah, so. Thank you for liking my weirdness. I appreciate it. And go in slime, you know, go in slime. Yes, yes, I will. Slime strong. in all go in slime you know go in slime yes yes I will slime strong so I'm strong I'm strong yeah all right take care bye bye

yes you too thank you so much Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gourley produced by me Matt Gourley executive producedced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Year Wolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

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