Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Social Morays

Episode Date: March 24, 2022

Conan talks to Rebecca in Seattle about working as a professional organizer and how Conan disposes of his unwanted belongings.  Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan

Hey, Rebecca, it's nice to talk to you. It's so nice to see you, and I'm looking at you right now. You've got, I'll say it, you've got a very hip vibe. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Doesn't she, doesn't she, Sona, Matt? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I like it. I love your hair. I love what you're wearing. Yeah. Tattoos kind of blend into your shirt, too. Yes. It's really cool.

Yeah, I was just told that. I didn't plan that, but. You seem like a free spirit, someone who refuses to conform. Exactly. To modern mores, and I just love saying mores, because I don't get to say it enough. I would agree with that. So, Rebecca, I know nothing about you. Where are you from?

Where are you talking to us from? I'm in Seattle right now. Oh, I probably say this too often on the podcast, but my wife is from Seattle, so I spend a lot of time there going back to see her parents and apologizing for each thing that I do. She's got to keep making the trips. Yeah, but no, I really, every month, I go on my apology tour to, mostly just apologizing for my genetic contribution. Oh.

Yeah, she's, yeah, anyway, I married up, as I always say, but no, I do love that town. I really do. So. It's great. And I have to say, there's so many cool people who refuse to conform to social mores. Come on. I'm sorry. I'm going to try and get that.

Let's put a third in there. Oh, trust me, I'm getting five. I'm getting five in. We could stop there. That's enough. Well, you could, I could go for less or for mores, you know. That's a bonus point. Nice.

Thank you. So Rebecca, you're from, you're living in Seattle, which is one of my favorite towns, one of my favorite places to hang. And tell me a little bit about yourself. What do you do? So I have a couple of jobs. My first job is, I work at a bar. I do a little bit of bartending, serving, I run the social media.

What kind of, what kind of bar are we talking about? It's like a nautical tiki bar. It's called Bait Shop. Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, cool. I love a tiki bar because I don't feel awkward ordering my favorite kind of drink, which would involve, well, I'll be honest with you, it involves a rum and then some kind of candy

bar that's been put in front of me. And then at least, you know, yes, I used to like them really sweet. Now I, I don't like them as sweet as I've, as I've matured, but I still have to tell you like a rum punch, man, a rum punch with a big umbrella in it. And I mean, I like a real functioning umbrella resting in my lungs, full-size, resting. We get a lot of people that leave those and lost and found, so it's Seattle. So we got a lot of people.

But, but anyway, so what would be the drink for me if I came into your tiki bar? Oh, well, you said you like rum. We have, it's not just our cocktail, but a classic tiki cocktail is a painkiller. It's rum, coconut, orange juice, pineapple, nutmeg and cinnamon, but we put it in a blender and we put an umbrella in a little plastic animal on it. And it's one of the, one of the ingredients is, is like what, 80 milligrams of Oxycontin. Is that right? Yeah.

Oh no. It's like a sprinkle of Advol on top. You're being investigated by the Justice Department and the Food and Drug Administration. Well, that sounds, I mean, is that going to be too much for me to think I can handle it? You can handle it. You can handle it. Yeah. It's delicious.

I like it. I like those kind of drinks because you get all of your carbs done for the day, actually for the week. You know, you get everything. Because you've celebrated like three Halloweens just with one drink. Yes. And just a great hangover the next day. Yeah.

I like to order a drink like that and then hook myself up for some, you know, some kind of diabetic treatment. But anyway, so I'm curious, so you run the tiki bar, you said you have a couple of jobs. What else? Yeah. So my other job is a business I started last year called Sorted and I do like home and business and office organization and interior design. And my tagline for my business is get your shit together.

That's really good. So okay, that's fascinating. I find this whole concept of organizing very interesting and I've gotten somewhat involved in it. Oh, that's great. Well, you know, it started with that theory from a couple of years ago. What's her name? Cando.

Marie Cando. And, you know, and she wanted you to say goodbye to each item and bless it on its journey. And I realize I don't treat people that nicely, so why would I talk to my underwear that way? Do you make fun of it? Do you do bits about it? Do you like to eat your underwear? Most of my belongings are really happy to get the fuck out of it. I'll say that about my organizing technique.

I've got like old picture frames that are like, we are so happy to go. We don't care if we're in a landfill. Just let me out of here. So that's really fascinating. No, I believe in it. I do believe and I've experienced this that, you know, I come from, let's just say, some members of my family like to hang on to stuff. And I think I have almost a reaction to it.

I am sentimental, but I do try to constantly give things away. And I find that I just feel so much better after I do that. I just, that the stuff starts to weigh on me, you know, if I have, and also what I didn't used to realize is that things are constantly coming in. We just pick up stuff. I'll hand you something, something comes in the stuff accumulates like silt in a riverbed. And so this isn't something you do once. This is something you have to do constantly.

Which is why I have repeat clients. Now do you find when you're teaching people, what about when you're dealing with someone who doesn't want to let the stuff go? Is that a problem or do you just get rid of it? I never really go into these appointments like thinking I'm going to force people to get rid of things. It's always like a bonus because I love, I just love throwing stuff out. I think it's, you know, like you were saying, it just feels really good.

But you know what, can I use it a different phrase? Yeah. Throwing stuff out used to make me feel, because I was brought up, well, you can't waste. It's a sin, you know, because I was raised Catholic, you can't do that. Giving it away, giving it to someone else, that is the huge difference. Making sure that someone else, oh, good. Someone else is going to enjoy this. Yes.

So when I'm going through things with clients, I make different piles for them and like, it'll be keep, donate, throw away if it's like gross or old or something or broken. And then I do like a two month pile and that's where like, that's usually for like clothes or shoes when people are like, I don't know if I want to get rid of this yet, but I don't really need it. So we put it in like a, like a bag, an IKEA bag, put it under the bed and I have them set like a two month date on their phone calendar. And when that goes off, it's like, go check that if you didn't miss any of that stuff, donate it.

Oh. Yeah. Here's a, one rule I heard is if you can look at something and you haven't worn it for a year, it should go. And I have the same rule with people. Oh no. Yeah. And relatives.

And I haven't, if I haven't spoken to the, yeah, people in my life, one of my brothers, we haven't, you know, just, and it's, there's nothing personal. We just are both busy. We haven't really talked and it's been, it's been almost a year and if we get to a year, I'll never speak to him again. He's out of my life. It's a harsh, but okay. No.

You know, and, and, and guess what? I'm fond of him and he's a really good guy, but it's just been a while. It's been almost, it's been about 11 months and probably 11, 11 months and two weeks. So. But who's counting? Yeah. Yeah. But if it, if two more weeks go by, it's, you know, I'll never speak to Justin again.

That's it. You've got two other ones. That's fine. Yeah. Exactly. And, and guess what? Justin may be my favorite of all of them. So that, it's tragic, but I, yeah, I mean, and for me, he's actually, I don't think it

sucks for him. It sucks for me because he's a wonderful person. He's great. He's got a, I like it. Why don't you reach out to him? Because I set up this rule. Yeah. He's been avoiding you for, for, for a year so this could happen.

Yeah. Maybe he planned this out. I think he planned it out. Several times I've called him to say hi and someone's picked up the phone who sounded like Justin. And then when I say, Hey, it's Conan, they quick, it sounds to me like their voice changes and suddenly it's this Greek, an old Greek man saying that Mr. Justin is not here. And I'm like, who are you?

And he's like, I fished for the fish in the sea. I am the fisherman. And then he hangs up. Do you think it's, do you think it's possible that that's Justin? Yeah. You're being reverse catfish. Yeah. You're being fishcatted.

I know. Oh my God. I'm the, I'm the first person to be reverse catfished in this modern era. And guess what? I think happens. It happens a lot. It's a lot of people who I call and I just try to want to connect to them, like, you know, be like my old writing partner, Greg Daniels and be like, Hey, Greg, how you doing?

And it sounds like Greg, but once I identify myself, suddenly, uh, he's Portuguese and uh, and he's, he sells pans for a living. I didn't know you could do this. I'm going to have to implement some changes. Yeah. Yeah. The next time I try and talk to Matt, I'm just going to come up onto this podcast in a mustache.

Who are you going to be when I call you Matt and I say, Hey, Matt, this is, it's me. It's Conan. Oh, okay. Well, I'm, I'm sorry, but when Matt does come by, could you tell him that Conan called me? Yeah. All right. Well, very good.

Hey, maybe I'll try and call Sona now. Uh, hey, Sona, how are you? It's, uh, it's Conan. Uh, let's, let's chat. Oh, Sonan, how's chess, Sonan, cannot, we just tell him cannot. Yeah. Wow. Sonan, I love his house chain.

Is that Armenian? Are you doing an impression of Andy Kaufman is Latka? Or are you running a tape backwards? Yeah. Those are actual real Armenian words. Thank you very much. I, yeah, I actually used my Armenian for the first time. You just said, please, may I have more dried and pressed apricot?

Okay. Oh, I'm sorry. Or did you say dried or pressed pomegranate? I'm sorry. They were, I was offered two things while I was there for dessert and that was it. They both, you're actually, you're right. That's that's pretty much it. Both times.

Okay. I was like, what do you have for dessert? This is when I took, uh, Sona to Armenia, both times. And I loved it there. I love the Armenian people. But, but both times I was, uh, okay, let's look at that dessert menu and they would say what menu you can, you can have a dried pressed apricot or a dried pressed pomegranate. Yeah.

That's it. And I wonder why anybody would avoid you for a year. I don't know. It sounds like you've got the tiki bar, you've got the, uh, organizing business. So what would you do if you were organizing my life? I mean, I don't know that you can even tell how I live, um, Rebecca, but what do you think? I, I think it would. So usually when I like, so I do a lot of, I do like half organizing, half like decorating

and designing. Oh, decorating. Okay. Yeah. I've also recently painted a mural because I like to do art too. So I, I just keep adding all these services. Yeah. It's a little, I'm a little, a little overwhelmed with it, but I like to do a lot of things,

but I don't know. Maybe I would like check out your, your artwork and see if I could like make a cool gallery wall of like a bunch of different pictures of your face or something. I don't know. Oh. Yeah. Sonia will tell you that, uh, if there's one thing I don't need, it's more representations of me.

Uh, you know, uh, I'm like, it's like, uh, 1948 and I'm Stalin and I'm just driving through Moscow and all I see are massive paintings of comrade Stalin. That's what it's like to be in my life. Now when we were doing our, we wrapped up our late night show after all these years, but before that, Sonia, this is, you'll testify to this, it was, you couldn't, every single square inch of wall was either photos of shows that we had done in big venues or posters or fan art, tons of fan art that was sent in. So much fan art.

I will say the first time I came in for a podcast recording, I walked down the studio hall and there was all these statues of you and posters and I just went, what have I got myself into? Am I joining a cult? The giant bobblehead. That's like 30 feet tall. I don't even know. There's a Lego statue of him.

Yeah. I know. Yeah. No, a lot of it was, uh, I have to say a lot of it was really cool stuff. It was fan art, but I did feel like a Batman villain walking around in his lair because it was insanity and, um, well, no, I'm going to say it wasn't enough. I thought it was, no, no, no, you misread me, Rebecca. I thought it was absolutely amazing and I have to say, uh, you know, it's funny because

in my house that I live in, we don't, there's, you know, I, I live here with my wife and my children. And so we have very, uh, there's just regular nice things on the wall that have nothing to do with me. And then if you come into my study where I work and where I'm podcasting right now, um, yeah, there's, it's all pictures from, I mean, stuff that was special to me, but I'm usually in the picture with one of my heroes. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. But my daughter came in here the other day and she went, yeah, this is sick. I was like, okay, I know, but it's just one room. And, uh, you know, yeah, it's, uh, so yeah, you may, you may actually, when you decorate my space, which you will, these, this will come to pass. You just let me, um, you are probably going to be saying, at least in the study, either less Conan or much more Conan, cause you can't, you got to go one way or the other. The question is, would you, would you look at a picture of yourself and, and you ask

yourself, does this spark joy? Yeah. Well, all I noticed is that in the, all the pictures of me, there's no joy coming out of my face. So why would a picture of me joyless, spark joy? So that was, uh, yeah, that's, um, so I don't know, we'll, we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. So what we'll do, what we'll do is we'll combine your talents.

You'll make us some killer rum drinks. And I'm going to want, uh, I'm going to want Sony here and Matt, you're invited as well. Um, That, that seemed like an add-on. Oh, I knew, I knew exactly what I was doing. Uh, no, no, of course, Sona and Matt will be here and you'll make, uh, make us some rum drinks, I hope. And then, um, you'll, you'll look at the wall and you'll say, I don't see enough Conan

in this dead. I think there should be more Conan. Yeah. And then we're just going to, maybe we all have a canvas and we all make something. We can all contribute. I just thought of an idea for my yard, see if this is too much. I love an equestrian statue. I think they're really cool.

What I'd like is an equestrian statue, uh, bronze, uh, on a pedestal that's maybe 25 feet high. Um, that's too, that's too crazy. 20 feet high. It's okay, that makes more sense, but it's, uh, it's me wearing a sort of 19th century military uniform, uh, and, and I'm riding on a horse, but here's the catch. The horse's head is my head. And are you also you?

So I'm still me. I'm me. And then the horse's head, because I'm that self-involved, the horse's head is more, the horse has a horse's body and then it morphs into my head. You know, it's me riding a horse with my head. That was a plot twist. And guess what? I'll pay, I'll pay any price.

As long as it's under $1,800, that's my ceiling. I can't wait to see what you'd get for $1,800. And it's got to be real bronze or tinfoil, whatever comes first. Rebecca, did you have a question for me or? You kind of answered it a little bit. I, I bet I did. I talk a lot. The statue.

The statue answered. Yeah. The statue answered it. So you were going to say, what would I, what item am I looking for in my life? I, yes, you already answered it. I was just wondering, like, because I, with a lot of my clients, I'll make them or we'll donate something or throw it out. I guess I was just wondering, like, what do you do with things you don't want anymore?

Do you donate it? I do. Is someone walking around in your clothes somewhere? Actually, yes. I do. No, I honestly do. An honest answer is I love giving things to people I know. And also there are all these places now where you can donate clothing and it's nice.

It's nice to think that this, okay, I'm not wearing this anymore, but someone else will be wearing it. So, yeah, somewhere out there is someone walking around, probably who doesn't speak English, who's, who's wearing a Conan rocks t-shirt that I had made. And they don't realize what a horrible, what the, what the shirt says. That's the only reason they're wearing it. The minute they meet a friend who does, is fluent in English, you know, they're just, they've just come from like, you know, I don't know where they've come from.

They've come from the Netherlands and they, they're wearing a Conan rocks t-shirt. But the minute they, they meet someone who explains to them what that means, they will remove the shirt and destroy it. Or maybe they'll donate it to someone else. No, they'll destroy it. Yeah. Okay. But Rebecca, you're a very, very cool person.

And I love how you're multi, clearly multi-talented and you have tons of energy and we're lucky to have you as a fan. Seriously. Thank you so much. This was the best Friday I think I've ever had. So. Wow. Wow.

Why, why did you limit it just to Friday? I mean. Cause I've had other birthdays. Oh my God. How long was it being the best day of your life? Why did it have to be Friday? Just take the compliment. Thank you.

How about, what you don't know is she has to live in a dungeon every Friday. Yeah. Friday, Friday, all her life, Friday is the day that she's tortured. I got, I got to come out to do this podcast. It's been. Good. I'm glad, I'm glad we cleared that low bar, but Rebecca, so nice to meet you. And I look forward to crossing paths with you in real life when I'm in Seattle next

time. Come visit. We'll make you drinks. Oh. You had me at drinks. Great. Last words. Last words.

I know. I wasn't listening to you till I heard drinks. When I said you had me at drinks, what I meant was I totally wasn't listening to you. I was like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, drinks and I was like drinks. That's the equivalent of you had me at goodbye. You had me at the end. All right, Rebecca, take care. Thank you guys.

Bye. Bye. Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gorely produced by me, Matt Gorely, executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Soloteroff and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson at Earwolf. Executive produced by Jimmy Vivino, supervising producer Aaron Blair, associate talent producer Jennifer Samples, associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm, engineered by Will Bekton.

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