Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Summer S’mores with Conan and the Chill Chums Season 4 Episode 3

Episode Date: August 8, 2024

Conan and the Chill Chums get into a very heated and very timely Summer S’mores discussion about fake Christmas trees, snow, and One Tree Hill.

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Well, here we are, Summer S'mores, episode three at Sona's house. Maybe we should start this episode by putting another log on the solo stuff. Yeah, log it up. Log it up. Log it up. You have a nice yard, Sona.

Thanks. I think I want to do some stuff to it, but you know, I like it. How long have you lived here now? Four years. We moved here right before COVID, right before the lockdown. Remember you said, should I buy a house? And I said, I think you should. There's going to be a pandemic. Remember? Yeah. You said those exact words and it was like two years before it even happened. I'm always looking ahead. I had done, I had my ear to the ground. I knew stuff was brewing.

And so, uh, yeah, I remember coming over here and you've done some very nice, the place looks great. You know, it's nice. It still needs a lot of stuff. Your house is beautiful. It's wonderful. Oh, I appreciate that, but I need new bathrooms. Can you just do it?

What do you mean? I'll just pay for it if you want. Yeah, that's what I'm asking. Can you just give me money so I can just, I wanna redo my bathrooms. I want a bathroom. I wanna, what's wrong with the bucket I Can you just give me money so I can just redo my bathrooms? I want a bathroom. What's wrong with the bucket I gave you? It's full.

You're supposed to empty it occasionally. You idiot. I don't need a bathroom. I get it. Okay. You didn't understand how the bucket works. It's full. Well, I guess I'll never excrete anything again. Tremendous stomach ache. Also, I don't know this area as well. I guess I'll never excrete anything again. Tremendous stomach ache.

Also, I don't know this area as well. It's a very different area of Los Angeles, so it's nice to get here. Yeah, it is. Altadena, next to Pasadena, where you live. Christmas tree lane is here. Why do they call it Christmas tree lane? It's amazing.

There's these big deodar trees. I don't know if I'm pronouncing it right. And they put lights on all of them, and it's this long street. And you driving down it's like you're driving by a bunch of really tall Christmas trees. It's beautiful. Okay, this just, it's like therapy, it just sparked the memory. So when I was a kid we used to have just regular Christmas trees, you know, sawed off Christmas tree and you put a little water at the base just to keep the needles green for whatever, 15 days, 20 days until it would start to die

and then you'd toss it out after New Year's. So then I remember sometime in the mid 70s, my dad who was always trying new things found out that you could get a Christmas tree that had the root ball intact. And that way, and he said, this is amazing, it's fantastic. We're going to have our Christmas tree have its root, we're going to bring in a live tree with its root ball.

Listen to this. We're going to bring in a live tree with its root ball into our living room, and then we're going to plant it in the side yard after we're done, and it will live with us forever. And over the years, the different trees that we have will create a forest. Now, I need to explain to the listener that we have really no side yard.

Our side yard is like a 45, it's a 45 degree angle drop. And before you get to the Strom's house who are next door, it's a 45 degree, it's like a cliff and it's very narrow. I mean, maybe, maybe it's 15 feet across, if that. And so... What a lush forest. And so my dad, sure enough, Christmas is over and we all had to haul this tree out to the... Even the birds are laughing at this story.

We had to haul this... It's true, it's true. He's off to tell the other birds. You won't believe it, this guy's dad was an idiot. So we would then have to like dig a hole. You actually did it. Yeah, we would have to dig a hole and it was really hard ground and my dad was like, come on, hurry up.

And he'd be like, I just want to play with my Christmas toys. Hurry up. So we'd dig it, and we'd put the tree in the ground. We did this for like five Christmases in a row until they would always leave soil all over the place. My mom was always furious and saying, Tom, Tom, there's soil all over the place. We were like, the tree, it'll shelter us.

There'll be a forest. And finally, my mother said no more of this because I think one year the root ball completely exploded and there was just soil all over the first floor of the house. So that killed that. But anyway, those trees, they never did shit. No? Like they died pretty quickly.

I think there's one or two that are still there. But they look like the Charlie Brown Christmas tree and it's been like 35 years. So you go back home and you see the trees that you planted long time ago, and they're still kinda there? Here's what's funny, I go back to visit, my parents still live there, my brother Neil is there,

I try to go, and the other last time I was there, I tried to go into the side yard, and first of all, it's like descending a mountain in Switzerland. You need to tie a rope around your belt to go down. And I go down and I'm just looking at these little... Oh, hi there. Like, it's not the mighty tree my dad thought it was gonna be. Oh, it's not a forest? No, it's not a forest.

But that's a nice idea because otherwise you cut it... First of all, did you guys go get the trees yourselves? Yeah, it was 1720. Okay, we would get in a sleigh. We would go out and get the trees ourselves No, we went to a lot like everybody else. I didn't know that they did that with the root What is it's a root bulb a root ball root ball. I didn't even know that existed But I also any tree that's transplanted has a root ball, you know And I did not know that or a plant. Okay, you understand these things, right? I suppose I do. Okay, you know what a root ball is. You've heard root ball before

I feel like you're gonna be mad at me if I say yes Have you heard you have to just be honest? Root ball Matt when she's this out of control in this wrong you have to stand out of control I'm not wrong. I've just never heard of the words root ball. I don't know what that is. But okay, I'll just, I'll take your word for it. Yes, basically the roots are still intact

and they sit in a ball of soil, a burlap sack, if you will. Okay, yeah, I do know what that is. I was trying to picture it. Okay, you didn't know what it was though. I don't think I did, but then when, the burlap sack thing. See, you're the weird one. Who knew what a root ball was?

Everybody here? Did everyone hear? Okay, Jeff, you don't care. Yeah, a lot of people are saying yes. Stop, no, nobody knows. You invited your neighbors to come listen. And your neighbors just showed up and they all gave the thumbs up.

Thank you for showing up. I love that. You guys should go now probably. I'm so glad that it's my neighbors that live on Common Sense Lane. Anyway, isn't it funny how all I heard was Christmas Tree Lane, and it took me on this memory lane of my dad saying, I've got an idea. Our Christmas trees will create a magical forest.

And he was wrong. He was just wrong. Do you think he'd ever be like, he was wrong he was just wrong do you think he'd ever be like I was wrong about the trees but my father admit he was wrong yeah no oh anyway yeah You pass your dad's traits. From his dad. You can't share your parents. Sounds like no one knows it. The cannabis. You're wrong, Gene, it's passed on from the mother. That's, any geneticist will tell you that. That's just common science.

Do they still get Christmas trees? Do I? Do they? Do your dad and mom still get Christmas trees? Yeah, there's still a Christmas tree there. A real one? I went fake a couple years ago. Oh, no, no, no, no. We would never do fake.

Yeah, I wouldn't either. I would never do fake. You do fake? Yeah, I do fake. That's gross. That's a blasphemy. That's a sin. Oh.

That's weird. My grandparents. You guys have a fire hazard in your house, and you have to go buy one from an out lot somewhere. What do you mean? You mean get to go buy one. And then you put it on your car, and then you drive home with it. What do you mean, you mean get to go buy one. And then you put it on your car and then you drive home with it.

This is like- What do you have? You have something that inflates? It is in a box in our, it could be Christmas at any time in this house. That's just sad. It's in a box in our garage. That's sad.

And you know what? I think everyone here thinks you're sad. That's just sad. It smells like plastic. Oh, another poll. Nobody else here does a fake tree? Thanks, Deb. Hey, my neighbor's coming through for me this time.

It's one to one. Nice. Who else? Yeah, David too. We win. No, you don't win. Yeah, I do win. Because you lose because you don't get the fragrance.

If you have a fake tree. You can stink the fragrance. No, you cannot. If you have a fake tree, it's just, you might as well, you're just saying, I don't want to live life. I choose not to live life. I agree.

You know? I hate that I agree, but I agree, and this is like the s'mores thing. Yeah. When you're right, you're right. It's just a fact. I'm not right a lot, but I mean, I'm in the upper 90s, but when I am right,

which is 98, 99% of the time, I am so right. It's crazy, it's off the charts right. And you have to have a real tree. That just, it's- You don't have to have a real tree. That's part of the spirit of Christmas. So where did you buy this thing? Also, what happened to your tree after?

Where did you buy it? Where did you buy the tree? Target. Home Depot. Oh my God. Oh, that's a nice tradition. I said tradition, you buy it once, that's the good thing about it.

You buy it one time and then you have, I grew up with a fake tree. We're fake tree people. Oh, that explains a lot. That's awful. What is, what? You guys have a tree in your house, it dies and then you just toss it.

What a waste of a tree. You know what makes me sad? The Armenians are the oldest Christians. They are. We are the oldest Christian nation. 301 AD. They are the oldest Christian nation. You guys should be representing real trees.

You shouldn't be going to Home Depot and getting something that, by the way, I'm gonna check it out. I bet you what you got is a bicycle rack and you think it's a tree. You're putting lights on a bicycle a bicycle rack and you think it's a tree. You're putting lights on a bicycle rack. How do you know it's a tree? I, cause it's a tree.

I don't know. I can't. It's a tripod with a couple of things coming off of it. I'm not going to confuse a tree with a bike rack. It's a hat rack. It's a bike rack. Here's my question. You brought up Christianity.

We're in the Bible. Does it say you have to get a real tree for Christmas? Page one. Does Christmas even exist in the Bible? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Of course it does. It talks about, oh, Santa Claus? New Testament says yes and ye shall get the tree. Does Christmas even exist in the Bible? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Of course it does.

It talks about, oh, Santa Claus? New Testament says, yes, and ye shall get the tree. The tree shall be of the earth, of God made. The tree shall smell of fragrant green. I'm going to tell your mom that you're making shit up for the Bible. You shall be smitten and smitten. And God chased Abel, because Abel had a tree that was made from Home Depot. I don't care.

Out of rubber and steel. Don't you remember? Have you ever read the Bible? No. Okay. All right. I love someone who's shouting about, show me in the Bible where it says. Oh, you proved me wrong.

Sorry, I didn't know that. Wrong, soft G. Oh, I didn't know that the Bible mentioned Home Depot. Where'd you get the hard G, Home Depot? The important thing is that we're all here together and it's not Christmas. Oh. Do you know that our sponsor Whistlepig is the world's leading independent American whiskey

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Ha ha ha. Hey, it must be beautiful here at Christmas in Altadena, huh? It is really pretty. Are there any special traditions here in Altadena at Christmas time? Christmas tree lane. Christmas tree lane. I know, but what, I mean, besides that, do you all? It's beautiful here at Christmas in Altadena, huh? It is really pretty. Are there any special traditions here in Altadena at Christmas time? Christmas tree lane! I know, but what, I mean, besides that, do you all-

Well, the lighting of Christmas tree lane is really fun. Does it happen at a certain moment? Yeah, it happened, we went this past year, you go and there's like a lot of like food trucks and little things. You know what's weird though? And then it just, at a certain time, it just lights up. But there are hours, it's like closed at certain points, you know? Like they don't light it up.

Well, it's not gonna be on all the time. Hey, I have a question. Do you ever get snow up here? Yes. You're at a higher elevation. I bet you get some snow. Do you remember when it was cold as balls? I don't remember when it was cold as balls.

No, no. I remember when it was very cold. Do you remember when it was so cold in LA, and then it was like insane? I love it. I love it when it's cold. And it snowed here at one point. That's great. That would make me happy. I love it. I love it when it's cold. And it snowed here at one point. That's great. That would make me happy.

I love snow. I don't need it. You have to shovel. You want to shovel snow? No one shovels snow in LA. You wait 10 minutes and it goes away. Oh. Yeah, but when you like lived in snow,

did you have to shovel it? Was that a chore for you? Yes, I had to go shovel out the driveway. We had our house neighbor, thebored, the Murphy brothers. The Murphy brothers were Irish guys from Ireland. Oh my God. So we would shovel out our driveway while they- That's too much Irish.

So you had the Stroms and the Murphy boys. Yeah, Stroms Jewish family, Murphy brothers on the other side were these Irish brothers. They would be shoveling out their driveway and my mother would send me, Neil, Luke, whoever down to shovel out our driveway. And that's where I learned what a real Irish accent is. Because I thought that the Irish accent was Lucky Charms, elf.

Yeah. You know, oh, because I should be Gora. The leprechaun. Oh, that's what I thought from cartoons an Irish accent was. And these were real guys from the countryside in Ireland. And I go, oh, hello, Mr. Murphy, how are you? You are noise. Where are you? I take it is when you're here.

You are noise. I'm like, what the fuck is that? That's a bunch of, that's like a pirate whose jaw's broken. And that's how, and then you go to Ireland, it's like, if you go out to the countryside, that's how they sound. That's an Irish accent. Anyway, sure, I did my time. I grew up in a different era than you, Sona.

Oh. I'm 110 years old. But. People shovel their snow now. I mean, I'm just saying, I didn't know, I can't see you out there like doing manual labor like that. You had to back then. Okay, I didn't know that.

It's just something I can't picture. Back then, you had to do things. You just had to. Do you ever get out in your yard now and kind of pull weeds or, you know, prune hedges or anything like that? Do you do any kind of manual? Do you... Are you alive? What I do, I'm in a room. When I say a room, it's more of a hyperbaric chamber.

Okay. Let me paint the picture for you. In the morning, the timer goes off and my chamber opens. Ksh-choo! Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss I can have out of a pack. And then I sit and I look at a screen and I see hundreds of workers working on the compound. Oh. And I suspiciously watch them about their tasks. Okay. And every now and then I point with my gnarled old finger

to one area that I think needs more tending. And people are dispatched to tell the workers in that sector 7G what to do. I was gonna say you're turning into Mr. Burns. Yeah. You are becoming him. When you guys get a Christmas tree, do you go out as a family and get it,

or do some, you have somebody for that? We go to Home Depot. Well, first of all, not you. And you go to the garage. See, this is where I criticize Sona. She. This is where you criticize me? Hold on, listen, you.

That's all you do. You went to Home Depot once every year, every year at Christmas time, come hell or high water, I call my agency, William Morris Endeavor, and I say it's tree time. Rick Rosen calls the literary department, the literary department, calls the film department,

the film department calls someone who works way, way, way down in the bowels there, and they go out and they get a tree. And they bring it to my house. And they also have to bring a B-list actor, too, to put the... Like who? Who have been some in the past? Well, Chad Michael Murray. Oh, jeez.

Oh! You had his name teed up! It wasn't teed up. The guy, I come down every year, and he's putting the lights on. It's because you're obsessed with One Tree Hill a little bit. I'm always like, good job, CMM. And he's always like, no problem, Mr. O'Brien. And I say, hey, it's Dr. O'Brien.

And then I say, hey, weren't you married to one of the cast members on One Tree Hill for like a brief time? And he goes, who, Sophia Butch? And I go, yeah, but it was brief, right? And he goes, yeah, kind of brief. And then he says, how come you know so much about this when you're kind of an old guy, Conan?

And I say, well, I'm a bit of a perv. And Chad Michael Murray says, yeah, but I mean, were you even watching One Tree Hill? And I said, yeah, I had a One Tree Hill poster that I had Sona get for me. It was in my office. I know all about One Tree Hill, Sophia Bush, and your marriage to her.

Now, hey, why don't you put a star on top of the tree, Chad Michael Murray? Let's go, buddy boy. You know, we're losing daylight here. You knew they were married just from having the poster in your office. I drove them. Don't act like you didn't Google them all the time.

The whole cast. I didn't. I never Googled them. Why did you have their poster up? I just knew stuff. For some reason, we were somewhere on the Warner Brothers lot, and I saw a One Tree Hill poster,

and I remember saying to Sona, Sona, get me that poster, thinking you never would. The next day, that poster framed was in my office, and people would always come in, and there was like, there's a picture of me with Johnny Carson, there's a picture of me with David Letterman, there's, you know, a picture of me with Adam Sandler. And then picture of me with David Letterman. There's a picture of me with Adam Sandler.

And then there would be this, but bigger than any other photo. It's huge. I'm so afraid. Actually, the biggest photo in the office was one of Lincoln on his deathbed. Don't ask, not a photo obviously, but a drawing, a painting.

I don't know why I had that. Being attended by like 30 people, historically inaccurate, it was a very small room. But anyway, and then next to that was- What do you mean you don't know why you had that? That sounds very much like you. But then the thing that really always killed me was people would come in and go, what the? And there was a big picture of the cast of One Tree Hill.

Where did you get it, Sona? She just went to the Warner Brothers. Yeah, because it's a Warner Brothers show. And if you just say, hey, Conan wants a poster of One Tree Hill, they're like, uh, OK. And then they just send it to you. But I also realized, he said that about every poster we walked by, and I didn't realize he was joking.

So I actually did get him a poster of One Tree Hill, but then he would just do that bit. He'd be like, I want that poster, give me that poster. I'd be like, oh, he was joking. And there are posters of shows that you've forgotten about from a long time ago, like Klepler's Way. You know, you're like, Klepler's Way? There's a bunch of people looking real intense,

standing around, and they've got padded shoulders because it's 1986. And those things always fascinated me because they would keep them up on the wall. You know? I mean, it would make sense to me, like, okay, yeah, you keep the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air up, or you keep this up, or you keep that up.

But Klepler's way, what are you talking about? I don't know. So I got him at one Tree Hill poster. Yeah, and it was in my office. I don't even, and you know what? I bet I still have it because everything goes into storage. Somewhere when I go, and I hope it's not for a long time,

but judging by the tone of my voice, it'll be sooner rather than later. When they go through my storage, it's gonna be nuts. It is crazy. Because the stuff that's in there, there's a whole remote of me going through my storage unit. Oh, this was funny because we went, I went with my wife to the storage unit one day,

and I don't remember if you were with us or not, Sona, but we went to the storage unit and we were like somewhere in the valley, and then we were just looking at the storage unit and then someone said, see that storage building over there, that's the Kardashian storage building. And I was like, damn, that's the,

I mean, mine is all things like, you know, a statue of Rutherford B. Hayes that I purchased. It's been put into storage. It's made out of tobacco, you know? And then, but there's, can you imagine what's in their storage facility? There's like basically a closet. Yeah.

That's what I heard is that it's like all of their clothes and bags and stuff. Right. It's just, they- Previous husbands are in there? The basketball player. I bet he's in there. He's just, he's just standing in a unit, just waiting to be let go. Oh no, Kim.

He just, yeah. What's that? Humphries. What's his name? Humphries. Chris Humphries. Yeah, she was married to a basketball player and then they just put him in storage.

They weren't even legally divorced. They just put him into storage. And he's there with their clothes and stuff. Imagine having so many clothes, you need a storage facility. That's basically just another closet. See, our storage facility is not that big and there's no clothes, but it is crazy things fans have sent me over the year.

Yeah. Like fans that find out that I like to noodle around on the guitar. One of them took a bathroom scale and used it as the base and made a guitar. And I think they're in Switzerland or something. They made the craziest guitar out of a bathroom scale. Plays like shit. But accurately measured my weight. It was then I knew I had to drop 15 pounds. And I never did.

That's nice. It's nice that you kept that stuff. I keep everything. I've got it all. I've got it all. Well, hard not to get nostalgic here up in Altadena. It's nice that you kept that stuff. I keep everything. I've got it all. I've got it all. Well, hard not to get nostalgic here up in Altadena. It brings back so many memories of when I got here for the first time about an hour ago. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

It is really nice here. It's quiet. I should come up here more often. You should. No, you won't. And you know what? Your kids were happy to see me. My kids really love you a lot.

They said, Uncle Coco, Uncle Coco. I know, they actually really like you and they were excited that you were coming over today. Yeah. Did you tell them I was coming? I did. Yeah, they showed me their bedroom. Yeah, they did.

They were really excited to show, we already talked about it, but. They have a monkey in there, a stuffed monkey. I said, what's its name? And they said monkey. That kind of bummed me out a bit. Yeah, they don't have names, like Charlie has a- I said, what's the name of the monkey? And they said monkey. That kind of bummed me out a bit. Yeah, they don't have names. Like, Charlie has a-

They said, what's the name of the monkey? And they said monkey. Charlie has a fox. And I just got sad. And it's called Fox. Fox is fox. Fox is fox. My daughter does that too, but she doubles it.

You go like, what's this alligator called? Allie Allie or Monkey Monkey or something. Well, sometimes my boys will go Armenian. So, Charlie, Mikey has bears and he calls them arcsuks. So they're bilingual. It's not a big deal. My kids are bilingual. It's not a big deal. My kids are bilingual.

It's almost, you know, English is sort of stressed. That's the important thing. It's important, it's the important thing. Well, just make sure that it's stressed. Were you recording when he said that's the important thing? No, I'm just saying. Oh, you're just saying. Geography, you know.

Listen, what is it? The birds really don't like you. Crows, yeah. Yeah, those crows. Crows. Well. Did that anger you with the birds? Does that make you upset that they're loud while you're trying to talk?

It doesn't anger me. This is true. And my brother Neil's the same way. When a bird in a distance crows or caws, we think it's really funny. I don't know why. I've always thought that was funny when a bird goes, bah, bah. Iws, we think it's really funny. I don't know why, I've always thought that was funny when a bird goes,

-"Baa! Baa!" I just, I always think they're mocking humans. I always think birds know more than we do, and they think that we're ridiculous. So whenever a bird in a tree goes, -"Baa!" I just think, you know, they know that our endeavors on this spinning blue globe we call Earth

are but foolish. Foolish and ephemeral. I think they're just trying to mate with each other. Oh, well, yeah. Trying to get it done. Get her done. Get her done. All right.

Well, I think that's a really good note to go out on, he said, untruthfully. The important thing we learned here is that Chad Michael Murray puts up the lights on the Christmas tree that William Morris Endeavor places in my home, and that I have done no manual labor since probably about 1974. God bless us, everyone. God bless us, everyone. From Altadena, this is Pasadena saying good night.

Summer S'mores with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Leal, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Melnick, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in association with In-A-Wolf.