Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

Woody Harrelson feels supercalifragilistic about being Conan O’Brien’s friend; Ted Danson feels scared. Woody and Ted sit down with Conan to discuss their new podcast Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson (Sometimes), meeting, and pranking each other, on the set of Cheers, houseboat aspirations, and more. Later, Conan consults with his de facto assistant David Hopping about his presence on TikTok. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].

My name is Woody Harrelson. I feel supercalifragilistic about being here on Conan. Thank you so much. Hi, my name is Ted Danson. I feel scared about being Conan O'Brien's friend. ["Fall Is Here"] Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a friend, joined as always by my good pals, Sonamufsesian, hey Sona. Hey. And Mr. Matt Gourley. Hi boss.

Please don't call me boss. Hi lackey. You went completely the other way. Hi friend. It is a little strange because other podcasts tape here as part of our company, our growing empire. You say it are, but it's yours. Yeah, it's implied.

Well, now it's official, it's ours. Oh, okay, we can be. Oh yeah, that's legally binding. But Mr. Ted Danson is here all the time, working, who's one of the most delightful, cool people ever. And he'll walk in and he'll go, hey boss, to me. And I'll be like, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's cool. He does it as kind of a joke, but there's no realm.

There's a hierarchy and a ranking in show business. And Ted Danson is way above me in every way. And I think it's very funny when he walks by and says, hey, boss, good to see you. And I feel like telling him, yeah, go clean that toilet, Danson. Yeah, you weren't waiting for us to be like, no, no, you guys are on the same,

you weren't waiting for that. No, I knew I wasn't fishing for it. And also I kind of did for a bit and no one said a word. Okay, I thought so, because neither one of us was gonna say anything. No, no, you went out of your way to fill a tall glass of water. Yeah.

And then drink all of it. And then you took a 10 minute nap. And in that period of time, I was still waiting. No, it's just funny. He's got a, it just reminded me that it's fun seeing him around. got a, it just reminded me that, it's fun seeing him around. Which one of you is taller?

It's a good question. I haven't lined myself up with- Him, I don't know. He carries himself a little taller. He was here the other day sleeping. Remember when he was sleeping on a couch? I wasn't here, but I wish I was. Yeah, he was here and he was sleeping on a couch.

I would have just looked at him. And the door was open. We all walked by and we were staring at a sleeping Ted Danson. When you see a celebrity sleeping, it's fascinating. You didn't have like an impulse to go up and just kind of nuzzle and cuddle him? No, no, that's a crime. I was gonna ask if you were gonna put a blanket on him.

You said nuzzle and cuddle him? No, he was perfectly fine and happy. Did anyone here witness it? You saw it. But I think putting a blanket on him would have been nice. Speak up, please? You saw it. Yeah. But I think putting a blanket on him would have been nice. Speak up, please. I saw it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

We're not talking to people in Dealey Plaza. It wasn't, I mean, for Christ's sake. This was like you saw, you seem traumatized. It's, I wouldn't say it's funny, ha ha funny. It's just kind of arresting to see someone who, literally, think about all the shows he's been in, how dominant he's been, he's funny, ha ha funny. It's just kind of arresting to see someone who, literally, think about all the shows he's been in, how dominant he's been, he's beloved, and then he's completely inert and his computer's shut down

and he's stretched out on a couch. It was fascinating to see. It's vulnerable, yeah. You do it all the time. Well, no, I didn't think of that. What's that? You nap all the time, but you like to lay down, like to recharge yourself.

Maybe he was just recharging. But have you ever seen me sleeping? Oh, I've seen you sleeping. Oh. Well, I know, and I found the hole in the wall, by the way, you creep. There's more than one. There's more than one.

There's a whole network. It's when I'm asleep at night. No, have you, Sona, over the years, you've probably seen me sleeping, right? I have seen you sleep. Have you stared at it? When we were on tour, I think there was a time when you were like,

I'm just gonna nap for a bit, and I had nowhere else to go, so I just stayed in the room and was on my computer. Right, so you saw me completely out. Yeah. Did you get the impulse to nuzzle him? No, not at all. No, and I didn't wanna put a blanket on him either.

Matt, just to be clear, what you're talking about is creepy. It's creepy. It's not creepy for the aggressor. Okay. Oh, God. I'm trying to get more women to weigh in on this. What was the question? Is it creepy to nuzzle and cuddle someone

when they're napping and not knowing it? It is, it is. You have to give her a chance to answer. I'm sorry, yes. I'm loving giving so little. I know, Joe just likes to just keep it close to him. I'm loving, it's giving so little. I know, Joe just likes to just keep it close to him. I love that, I love that you give so little that it's very funny to me.

Yes. No, yes. Is the world ending tomorrow? Yes. No. No. Good, that's a good answer. Yeah, you can't be nuzzling people,

but I just found it kind of fascinating. I know, I think that's a good answer. Yeah, you can't be nuzzling people, but I just found it kind of fascinating. I know, I think that's pretty cool. And I'm such a dynamic personality, it must be kind of strange to see me completely shut down. You know, it's like a, you know those- You pointed at me like, back me up. Yeah, what I'm saying is,

imagine to a one of those mechanical bucking Broncos, but you see it shut down and on its side. Must be kind of strange. Or a whirly gig or Ferris wheel. Something that's very dynamic and entertaining to all, but it's shut down. It's the point, like, back me up. Come on.

That's your cue. Because if I just say it myself, I sound like a dick. But point to you, you back me up and it's okay. A warehouse full of the most fantastical fireworks anyone's ever seen, but unlit, lying inert on their side in a dank warehouse, right Sona? And go, just a quick yes, that's all we need.

Anyway, so Ted Danson was here napping, huh? Yeah, he was napping. That's pretty cool. All right, well, we gotta get to it. We got a lot to talk about. Who's our guest? Well, let'son was here napping. Yeah, he was napping. That's pretty cool. All right, well, we gotta get to it. We got a lot to talk about. Who's our guest? Well, let's hope he's napping. I was gonna say, if ever there's someone you could nuzzle.

Yeah. You are King Creek. Love a good cuddle. Actually, we are blessed with two guests today. This is unusual. Yeah, they start on the legendary sitcom, Cheers. Now they have a new podcast called Where Everybody Knows Your Name. New episodes release every Wednesday,

wherever you get your podcasts. This is a joy. [♪ MUSIC PLAYING FADES IN, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES IN, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES OUT, MUSIC PLAYING FADES and Woody Harrelson, welcome. MUSIC You and I have never seen eye to eye. No, and you're my boss, which makes this really awkward. You know, it's so funny. You always reference me as your boss, which is very sweet. I don't think I am.

Really? I don't think it's possible that I could ever be the boss of either one of you. You guys are higher than me in the showbiz totem pole. It's not possible, right? It's just not possible. It's absolutely not possible. He's definitely my boss and we don't even like care.

Yeah, it doesn't imply respect. Yeah, there's no respect needed. This begs the question, what are we doing here? Exactly. This was a huge booking mistake on somebody's vote. Listen, I'm so thrilled to talk to you. I know you guys have a podcast you do together, and I am delighted that you are here

and I get to speak to you. You're both drinking what looks like blood out of glasses. Woody, maybe, but mine's apple. Okay. I mean, watermelon. I think we should address the elephant in the room. Woody, we started a little bit later than we thought because you had a bit of a tumble.

Is it fair to call it a tumble? I think a tumble's a fair term. Yeah. Did go over my handlebars. You went over the handlebars? Yeah, I was honestly, and embarrassingly, I was passing this Tesla on the left that I felt was moving a little slow, but I didn't realize

he was moving slow because he's taking a left. Oh. Yes. And you were slow because he's taking a left. Yes, and you were on a motorcycle. On a motorcycle. Yes, and is that your primary way of getting around a motorcycle? Well, I always feel like the shortest distance between two points in LA is a motorcycle.

So I do tend to take it, but today it proved not to be so very fast in terms of... Right, because we lost some time while people were figuring out, are you alive? Your soul had to reenter your body. Did you think for a second, when you were going over the hood of the Tesla,

did you think this is gonna be a huge problem, or the whole time were you thinking, I'm all right? No, I always thought I'd be okay. I just felt like there was some pain involved. I felt the pain, but I never thought I'd be you know killed or anything. Okay. Or maimed. Your hand is wrapped up like someone in a cartoon. That's because I wrapped it. Is this true? I wrapped it and I thought it looked funnier that way. So let me get this straight. All of your first aid training is helping people in a way that will look funny.

Yeah. It's not going to help him not get infected or anything like that. You didn't set the bones in the proper way. You set them in the funny way. Funny way. Okay. And we're in the bathroom and I'm like, didn't you play the doctor, right? And he says, yeah, I also played a lawyer

so we can sue the guy. I said, well, I think it's gonna have to be a lawyer for the defense. It's not, cause it was a bad call. She might not as good with that, sorry. So this is fascinating just to be behind the scenes and know that Woody, you're headed here to do the podcast with your friend, Ted Danson.

You wipe out on the motorcycle, you hit a Tesla, you get it together, you're headed here to do the podcast with your friend Ted Danson. You wipe out on the motorcycle, you hit a Tesla, you get it together, you come here, you need medical attention. So Ted Danson is the one that helps clean the wound and wrap you. Yes. Why aren't we called a real doctor at any point? I take Ted Danson over a real doctor.

Thank you. Thank you very much. By the way, his confidence, his demeanor, everything about the way he does it is you feel like, yes, I'm in the best hand. So never doubt it. I did kind of have that. I was choking back tears, but I was efficient.

First of all, I'm very happy that you're OK. Me too. It was weird when he asked me to disrobe, but I'm going to... For hygienic purposes. It's for hygienic and also tax purposes. Thank you. So, what kind of protection do you wear when you ride? Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where are you going? No, no. We're not doing that protection. The other protection. Are you armored in any way? Are you wearing a helmet? I was wearing a helmet. Okay. Yes. And so I actually did help me because I did hit my head, but the helmet. So no problem.

Okay. Good. What do you have? This makes me sad, buddy. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Don't be sad.

I am. I'm sad. Sad. And why sad? He could have been hurt badly. Badly. It makes me sad. Does it inform what you might do in the future?

Might you? No, that's out of the question, I'm sure. Yeah. It probably, it should. It certainly should. Yeah, but this is how you are, right? You're living life on the edge. Yeah, maybe, maybe, yeah, right.

In other words, maybe I should just slow down in life. And just take it a little easier. Hey, you're doing great. You skinned your hand. Man up. Sorry. I switched. I switched.

You just switched. I had my period moment. Sorry. Literally, 15 seconds ago, you said, I'm so sad, I'm so sad. I'm over it. You're afraid that I'm so sad, and then you're telling him to shut the fuck up.

Right. Yeah, but my sadness didn't play in the room. Sorry. You thought about me going slower. My sadness. and then you're telling him to shut the fuck up. Right. Yeah, but my sadness didn't play in the room, so I was feeling it. You thought about me going slower. My sadness, my sadness didn't play in the room. That is such a sick thing to say. Such a sick thing to say.

Oh wow, we're here in the ward with the terminally ill children. Hope you guys feel better soon. Tough break. Hey, that didn't play, well. Let me try something else. Hey, Timmy, how long you got? Jesus Christ, Ted. I know what you mean though, Woody.

There's something about Ted. Every time I've talked to him, see him out in the world, I'm immediately, I just get this calm. You have a very calming presence. And I don't, yes. Is some of it maybe related to the fact that you are so ubiquitous and well-known? Yes.

But do other people say that? You just, you'd be like an amazing therapist. You know, I'm doing these moderate to severe Plaxoriasis commercials, which I think tells you all you need to know that under this, I am, by the way. Yeah. You can calm other people, but there's no calmness in the interior.

Yeah. Do you suffer from this malady, or is the money just too much to turn down? I live on the edge of fear, basically. Really? Yes, I remember you sitting me down once during Cheers, and I think I was about to get divorced or something. And you said, Teddy, why are you so fearful?

Stuck in my head all the time. And that's what I find amazing. You may have fear and all of that, but you take such big chunks out of life. And I love that. And yourself, apparently. I lost a chunk today. Larchmont. Is this on camera, by the way?

I think we're gonna see this. It's comical. That's the thing one of the three stooges would put on their heads when they had a headache. I know. That's crazy. Does anyone have an ice pack? I haven't seen an ice pack like that in 50 years.

It's not a bad idea, though. Yeah. Yeah. Does it look cool? Oh yeah, it looks really cool. Well, this is, okay, this is a dichotomy you two have. You guys meet on Cheers. You come in second season?

Third. Third season. No, fourth. Yeah, fourth. Fourth. Okay, so you... We remembered well. Yeah. But you guys worked together, and when you came in,

the show was hitting on all cylinders. Close to. We were working our way up from dead last, and I think we were in the 20s maybe when you arrived. Right. It was Bill Cosby and his show that pulled us up by the bootstraps. Right. Then you become The Show, which is for a long time and not just popular, but also beautifully written, really well acted,

just perfectly done show and sort of iconic sitcom. But you come into this thing, and this is curious, were you scared when you came onto the show? Because I don't think of you as a guy that would be too worried or self-conscious, would you? Well, I got to say, I'll never forget the time where you're standing. I'm standing offstage, ready to enter the bar, and there's a red light that goes on, as Teddy knows.

And so I'm just waiting for this red light, and I know that there's whatever, 500 people in the audience, as well as, you know, it's gonna be seen nationally, which is stuff I've never experienced. So, I mean, I had experienced a lot of theater in college, which is what really helped me not just fall completely apart. I don't know how someone who hadn't had a little bit of that going on prior could just go into that situation and not just melt, you know? But I do remember the fear and then that red light came on and then boom,

just walked in and you know, started talking to Teddy behind the bar. And he hit a home run. I mean, your first joke was through the roof. And the audience immediately. I think it was where I was saying I used to exchange what is it when you're pin I was pin pals with with coach and he goes So, oh, would you exchange letters and go I got no pins Which was so brilliant I mean you nailed it But the writing is so brilliant because here's the person who's going to take the slot, in essence,

that kind of pure innocent slot that Nick Colasanto, the coach, played. Right, who had passed away. And you immediately say, oh, they're kindred spirits because they're both exchanging pens and thinking it's wonderful. You know? Kind of brilliant.

Now, I've heard that you guys kind of wanted to haze Woody when he first showed up, because the whole crew is, the whole cast is very tight, famously tight, and you guys wanted to haze him by playing basketball. Well, we were 37 when he showed up, and he was 25, I believe. 24. 24?

Fuck stick. Um, sorry, we can cut that out, I'm sure. No, no, you said, Your Honor, he said Fuck stick. Sorry, we can cut that out, I'm sure. No, no, he said, your honor, he said fuck stick. Sustained. Sustained. Thank you, thank you. 37 is when you realize you're no longer 25 or 24. So, it was more not like hazing it.

We just wanted to kick his ass in anything we could find. Sure. We started with basketball, and then as you later found out in life, he's a really good basketball player. So he kicked our asses there. Next, I have a vision of Johnny Ratzenberger, who played Cliff, out on the lawn by the stage doing, you know, the leg wrestling where you're both on your back

and you try to flip the other guy with just your leg. Johnny's strong. Johnny's got some, John's strong and got some thighs on him. Woody kicked his ass. I literally have a bad elbow to this day because I wouldn't give up arm wrestling. I did finally give up because he was kicking my butt. So then we moved to chess. Fuck this, you know, sorry, to heck with this physical stuff.

We're going to beat him mentally. Killed us at chess. So from then... This is all in the first week. Really. So from then on, it was like if you had some awful, mean prank to pull, you would not waste it on anyone else except Woody. So you, you know... And to this day, that's Woody Harrelson. RL It was the greatest reception I could imagine. Everybody was so lovely, so kind. I just remember

one moment that did kind of freak me out a little was I I remember just Shelly like was standing there and I was behind the bar instead of coach and she's just like, Oh, I miss coach. You know, something like that, which was a perfectly understandable. You should have said he's dead. Snap out of it. He ain't coming back. I'm sorry. That's how I talk to people. Maybe I should have tried that. You should have tried it. Yeah, you knew, you just do it.

It's my job now, see? But, you know, I just saw these guys dealing with the loss of their dear friend and teammate. But boy, they couldn't have been nicer. Just, it was the most wonderful job. Teddy at the head of it, Teddy and Jimmy really. Jimmy Burroughs, Les and Glenn. They're just amazing people.

Teddy to this day is just always, you saw how he took care of me. No, he literally took you into the bathroom and wrapped you up, which he offered to do to me about a week ago. And I still don't know what that was all about. He said, no, I wish to wrap you. Come on, man. Come on, dude.

All right. I said, I have various salves and wrappings. Ted, you've said that you are really not at all like Sam Malone. That you are quite different in that, you know, of course, Sam Malone's a ladies man and I would just, I just would have assumed that, you know, good looking guy and... No, no. I literally, literally would have to have a woman stark naked in front of me and I'd still be going, me? Me? I didn't go to bars. Looking behind you, is there someone behind me? Here's my mode of seduction when I was younger was,

it's just me, Ted, one of the girls. Let's take our clothes off. LAUGHTER How did this penis get here? Maybe it's time he's talked to you for a minute. So, clean this up. So, does that trick, does that work ever? How did this penis get here? Maybe it's time he's talked to you for a minute. So, clean this up. So, does that trick, does that work ever?

I'm just one of the girls. I mean, it would work if it's Ted Danson, honestly. Yeah, I think it would. Okay. Yeah. So you're suggesting I not try it? I would not try it if I were you. Good, okay.

Good advice. Do you feel like you're closer to Woody than, I mean, aside from your name being Woody, Woody Boyd than Ted is to Sam Malone? I mean, it's hard to say because there's so much of ourselves in any character we play, but, you know. You're way the fuck smarter than Woody was, bless his heart.

But... Sorry, is that... That hurts a little. Yeah, I his heart. Sorry. Is that- That hurts a little. Yeah. Thanks for saying. No, but I just felt he was more naive than- Yes, very good. I mean, that was my standard go-to. He's naive, not stupid. Sorry. Trusting.

Yeah, trusting. All good qualities. That's hard to gauge. I don't think I could gauge that, yeah. It's so funny because since Cheers, you've both gone on and played all these different parts. I think it'd be difficult for some people to move on from an iconic sitcom like that. And both of you, it's been,

it's from my perspective, been a cakewalk. Like, you've both just taken on all these very different roles and handled it beautifully and found all kinds of other playgrounds to play in. And I know that there's some luck involved, but clearly that's also a gift and craft. Can you guys handle that compliment? Yeah, I can. Very, very much.

Yeah, yeah. That was good. I think that went down a little too easy. I saw no struggle. We're expecting something a little. I felt like a vacuum with that compliment. Just sucked it right up. Can I ask Woody what his first movie was

after playing Woody Boyd? First movie? After. After. Natural Born Killers. Oh, that's right. Talking about changing the subject. Talk about a 180.

Yeah. Yeah. That was astounding. MUSIC I talked to you about this, Woody, but I love, love, love, I'm a big Coen Brothers fan, but I love No Country for Old Men. The scene you have where your character knows it's over, but, and you're sitting in your chair

talking to an assassin who you know is going to kill you, and it's this fidgety mixture of, I accept this and I'm gonna try and talk my way out of it at the same time. And I just I love that performance. And I thought, you know, for both of you, you've had a chance to have these these moments where you get to really play these different shadings and do these different things that you would never would have gotten to do on Cheers.

Oh, which is really cool. That's totally true. You know, as to that scene, like, I was shooting another somewhat forgettable movie in Vegas at the same time, so I was going back and forth. And that was in New Mexico, the one not, no country. So I came back and I got this stuff out of the book, because it was a book, no country. And I got these things out of the book that I thought were kind of cool in the scene.

But I'd heard they don't like to change much in terms of the script, the Coen Brothers. But anyway, these things are so good. So I added these little elements, rewrote the scene. Rewrote it? Well, you know, I just typed it. Yeah, anyway, I come in, I get a hold of Javier, who's the other character in the scene.

Javier Bardem. Javier Bardem. Then we meet over at his hotel room and we rehearse, rehearse, come in the next morning, rehearse it again and then they come into my trailer and then me and Javier perform the newly written scene for the brothers and at the end of it they're like, oh, we like it the way it was, it's good. It's good.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Didn't change a word. It is.

Did you both laugh? It's classic. Did you laugh, do you remember? I don't think we laughed right at that moment. We'd done a lot of work to try to, but anyway, later, of course, they turned out to be right. Probably right then they were right. Yeah, if we got them on the line, they would say,

no, no, at that moment we were right. There was no getting to be right. Those guys, man, they're incredible. But I was thinking about Ted for, if you look at, you have obviously Becker, Damages, but then The Good Place, I thought, was such a, talk about a show where you were allowed to inhabit all these different realities

that were fantastic. It almost felt like a children's morality play. Yeah. You know, it had that quality to it. It's one of the things I'm most proud that I was part of. It wasn't easy. No, I wouldn't think so. To shoot, the language was so elevated,

you just had to work your ass off to get it. There's Mike Schur, Yeah. brilliant showrunner, creator. There's a moment at the end of the first season of The Good Place where, for anyone who hasn't watched the show, you need to binge watch it, but there's a huge O. Henry twist

at the end of the first season, which I did not see coming. And it all hinges on your face because you're busted on something and your face has to, we have to find out who you really are and you transform in that moment. And I was like one of the best things I've seen on TV in memory. It was great. That's cool. It went that whole kind of ending went viral at the same time that Netflix picked it up

to run it on Netflix. Yeah. And it just catapulted us in its great way. All of a sudden, people are going back and watching the whole season. So... By the way, we are all but sworn to secrecy about the ending. Naturally, even before we started shooting, I blew it. I...

I was... No! Don't give me a secret. If it's really important, I'll blew it. I was... No! Yeah, don't give me a secret. If it's really important, I'll keep it. Wait, on which? On the ending of the whole series or the... The ending of the first episode. The first episode. This moment you're talking about.

You blew that? Well, I didn't blow it, but I did have loose lips, yes. I was talking to my friend, John Krasinski, and I was telling... He said, what are you doing next? I said, oh, I'm working with your friend, Mike. Sure. You know, it takes place, it's in the afterlife. And I start telling him what it's about and I can see him go, the office but in heaven,

you know, in his head. And I go, no, no, no, no, wait a minute. You don't get it. See what happens at the end is blah, blah, blah, blah. And I gave away the whole secret. Into a megaphone. And then had to pretend in front of everybody in all these kind of cast meetings of,

let's keep this private, please don't blow this. I go, yeah, no, no, yeah, you're absolutely right. You want to take the lead in that. You want to stand up and go, this is really important, guys. Listen up. Listen up, because someone's been squawking to Krasinski, who I'm not a fan of, and don't talk to. He's literally like one degree of separation

from everyone. From everyone, yeah. He knows every soul. Yeah, and of course, Larry David. You work with Larry David. You've been such a big part of Curb Your Dizz. We both worked with Larry. You were on this year, weren't you? Yeah, you were. I got to be on one.

What was your bid on the show? Well, thanks for, you know, watching it. But you weren't in it, so I don't expect you would. But no. Did you watch mine, Woody? Did you watch my episode? Yours was great. I wanted to say...

What was your favorite moment of Congress? Did you like me as a magician? I was in some top... That's so funny. You know, the thing with the scars, man, all the scars. I couldn't believe it. I wasn't a magician. Poor scars.

I tricked you. Wow. Yeah, what was your episode? I do a thing where it was funny because I'm supposed to, I play myself, but I'm going on, I'm getting an Academy Award and then I do this whole thing where I talk about mistreatment of cows. He wants to do a show with me, so I go over and I meet with him and then he's pitching at the thing or something and then I'm like, it's milk.

You have, is that milk? And he remembers, because he saw the, oh, oh no, no, that's from my cow on my farm. And then, well anyway, so I'm like, we should go out there and see the, and anyway, so things go bad out on the farm and in the end, and in the end of it I'm like I'm throwing cherries at him or something and I'm saying Ted Danson was right about you

I'm always the asshole on his show. But you know what's funny is that I improvised that. That wasn't his idea. Once again. Yeah yeah yeah. Once again. Hey, the Coen brothers were wrong. I know what you're thinking. You wanted to throw cherries at Javier Bardem in this emotionally packed scene. Can I tell you how wounded I have been over the years? I knew he was gonna. Horribly wounded.

I once panced him in front of a full audience and he decided he was his day of going commando or something. So it was very effective and it pissed him off. But later, a year later, because he's like a killer, he waits and he waits and he waits. He invited me to his premiere of his movie. It was Doc Hollywood.

He's a hick in the movie and then at the end, all the, pardon the slang, hicks come to Hollywood and they're sitting around watching. But he comes to me and he says, Ted, I really want you to come to my movie, the premiere. I so respect what you think, and it would mean a lot to me. And he just laid it on, and I was just so chuffed. I felt so happy.

My new friend loved me this much, and I show up and he says, Ted, Ted, over here. Sit right behind me, right? I got a great seat. So I was sitting right behind him. God bless Woody Harrelson. I love him so much. The end of the movie comes and all the Hicks

are sitting around this coffee shop in Hollywood. And you hear the last two lines are, there's a movie star. And then was it you? Said, no, no, that's Ted Danson. The whole audience roared with laughter. And I had to ha ha ha. Beautiful. It was deep.

Beautifully done. Beautifully done. Yeah. Revenge is a dish best served cold. All right, well, on the theme of revenge is a dish best served cold, I've got a bone to pick with you, Woody. Thank you.

Good. Here we go. What did I do? Well, let's say you guys are, I don't know how many, it was maybe six months ago, you guys are recording a podcast here. And afterwards, you're out in the hallway and you come up to me and we're chatting and you say, hey, Conan, how about going in 50-50 with me on a houseboat in Amsterdam?

And I never in my life said yes faster. Not because I want a houseboat, not because I want to be hanging out in Amsterdam, which is a fine place, but I wanted to be able to say, yeah, I co-own a houseboat with Woody Harrelson. I think that's in Amsterdam I think that would be the coolest thing in the world to say So I said to you yes, and you went well, you need to talk to your wife and they went nope

We're in whatever it costs. I don't care. I'm in you went. Well, that's great. That's great Cuz we're we're really thinking about doing this and I said well, I'm in I'm in I'm your guy and you went well great Great, man. This will be great come in Come in, don't see you for a while, come in like two weeks later, and you're in this room interviewing Flea in Red Hot Chili Peppers, and you say, hey man, you wanna go in 50-50 on a houseboat in Amsterdam? And I'm out there and I'm like, asshole!

Asshole! Conan. Just cause Flea came along. Who's cooler than Conan? He came to me. No! But he changed the fucking city to Copenhagen. What? A houseboat in Copenhagen.

What's going on? I'm serious, this is not a bit. Hey America, this is not a bit. What are you doing? Is there a houseboat? Is there a houseboat? And where is it? And now you've got Flea on the line, I'm on the line, Ted's on the line. What are you doing? Is there a houseboat? Is there a houseboat? And where is it?

And now you've got Flea on the line, I'm on the line, Ted's on the line. We went, no, we were in Copenhagen after this and Mary and I went to see the boat that he's in. It exists? Well, the one they were looking at exists. We took photos and selfies and nothing. You're still in this. I'm not still in it.

I'm not still in it. No, no question. I'm not still in it. Well, nail him down on the city for good. You and me and Teddy. So Flea is just a passing fancy. It's Copenhagen. I was so excited.

It was gonna be like the third thing in my bio after I worked on The Simpsons. It's gonna be co-owns a houseboat with Woody Harrelson. And I didn't care if I took a total bath. I didn't care. I'd take everything I have and put it into that just to be able to say, and maybe have one experience where you and I

are hanging out in the houseboat with our wives and it's not going well and I just write it all down. I was dying to do that and then flee, flee! Passing fancy, this is happening. Now you as a friend of what you should tell me, would that be a terrible mistake? Yeah. Okay.

Bad idea. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's a true story. Oh my God. I was all excited. This man broke my heart. By the way, I didn't know he'd come to you, or Fleet for that matter. I just thought he'd come to Mary and myself. And here's the thing. Once this goes out, once this podcast goes out,

people are going to be left and right all over Hollywood. And probably in parts of the world where people aren't even in show business are going to say, no, no, he can't be in Hollywood. He can't be in be left and right, all over Hollywood. And probably in parts of the world, where people aren't even in show business, are gonna say, no, no, he came to me. That man come to me. It's a house about. He was on the cheerers at the Woody.

Why? Why are you doing this? What perverse sick pleasure do you get out of this? I know. I know it sounds a little twisted when you put it like that. I don't remember that whole flea thing that was, as I said, passing fancy, but you, me, Teddy, we're going to have a houseboat. One and a half shares. I am in. Adjust your sights to Copenhagen. I'd check with your wife. I would check with your wife. Guess what? Nothing.

Check with your wife. Right. No, no, you're right. How many times I'd be like in that situation, oh, believe me, I wear the pants in this relationship. Do you guys enjoy doing the podcast together? Yes, I'll speak for us. I haven't seen them for a while, but yes. You're not in all of them.

I'm gonna be clear about that. You're there on some and then in some your hot air balloon crashes and you can't get to the studio. So you're there for some, but you guys have a great chemistry. It's really fun. Yeah, and Woody's friends with the world and the people that have come in because of

Woody has been this really a treat for me. I got to meet so many new folks and we got to reminisce and we laugh and I love you. I love you. I'm getting teary again. I love you brother. Yeah. Bastard. There's always the I love you followed by bastard. Yeah. Bastard. Amsterdam.

There's always the I love you followed by bastard. It's such a fine line between love and hate. It can be both. They can coexist. Well, anyway, I love doing it. I love our podcast. It's not a show, one of those Show Watch podcasts where you watch episodes and talk about it. I'm sure people would like that, but I actually think this is more fascinating

to hear you guys, you're just great at shooting the shit and talking to people. And there's some reminiscing, but it's very, very, you know, here and there. I think the conceit was, hey, let's hang out together. We miss each other. Let's catch up with each other. And I'll share my friends and he'll share,

you know, we'll share friends with each other, and that was kind of the conceit of getting together. Because the truth is, it's to hang out with each other. Right. Yeah. If you can turn a friendship into moneymaker. I wasn't going to go that way. I wasn't going to go that way.

Sorry, sorry. We'll cut. No, no, no. We're going to keep that in, because that's essentially what it is. How can I monetize this friendship? I do think, though, the big, uh... I mean, there's not a day that goes by where I don't realize that most of the things I've done in my career, whether it was a late-night show

or any of the shows I've written on or the podcast or the travel shows, I'd be doing that anyway. You'd be doing what, I'd be doing that anyway. You'd be doing what? I'd be doing that job anyway. Or monetizing. I would not be monetizing it. In fact, I want to make it clear,

I've always refused to take any payment for any of my work in comedy. Any. No, it's amazing how you can get by. Oh, in comedy, but that works out though, right? Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Yes! Oh, direct hit! Yes! Oh, my God. The SS Conan sinking beneath the waves. Steam and hot oil pouring from the portholes. New patron saint. I wouldn't have lasted three seconds on Cheers. No.

I'm glad. Oh, it was a tough group, though. Boy. We used to, towards the end, when guest stars would come, at first we would all over them. We'd give them mugs, and we'd tell them, we're going to do this. And then we'd go, oh, we're going to do this. And then we'd go, it was a tough group though, boy. We used to, towards the end, when guest stars would come, at first we would all over them, we'd give them mugs

and we'd take them to lunch and we'd do all of this stuff. Towards the end it was like, I hope you can swim. Basically is what we would say to them. We'd have our straws, smitten. Oh my God. Yeah, you guys would shoot spitballs at each other all the time. Not at each other, at a specific target.

You'd open your mouth as wide as you could to give them a target. And then every once in a while you get one in the back of your gullet. Did you ever do this on a line? Hey, who groaned? I did. Yeah, we did. Really? I did.

Spitballs? Spitballs in the mouth? In the mouth. Yeah. No. I mean, that's the best way to transmit the disease. We would sit across from each other like this and you have yours, I have mine.

You start, you open. Coo. I missed, it goes here. Then you go and you keep going back and forth until. Oh. Did this ever show up? Oh. Oh.

Oh. Did this ever show up on camera if you're looking at old episodes? I swear that I thought it was George Wendt. Yeah, George has spitballs in his hairline. Because one of the things that happened. I thought that was a skin condition. No, no, spitball. One of the things, during rehearsal,

if somebody was having trouble with a hefty amount of dialogue, we'd all go, we'd all look at each other and say, we'll be there for you on the night, pal. And then just pepper them with spitballs. And relentless. And then I remember to do that thing, you know, Georgie was the best at it, where you just close one eye as he's talking to you, like the camera's over him,

so you can't see it. It's the simplest thing, but goddamn, it starts to get funny if the guy keeps, you know... Oh, you know. Did you guys have a ritual after the taping? You know, if the foosball, booze and, or maybe not so much booze, but definitely pot, foosball and pot. Okay. That sounds like a fun ritual.

I was in the one show a day business. Yeah, you can't. We had a party the first night we did one in 1993. We were all hung over the next day and realized, if this goes well, we have 30 more years of these to do every day. We can't have any parties. But you could Friday night, you would.

No, everyone was just too tired. Yeah, and they would go, everyone just wanted to get away from each other. So we never had that. You know, you'd have a Christmas party or something, but never had that, which I would think, in that kind of television where you're making, what, 22 a year and it's these weeks.

26. 26? Sometimes 26. 24. Yeah, 26, 24, 22, bounced around. But you were not just performing, you were writing. You gotta have all your brain cells firing to do that. We could show up the next day. No, we were doing, yeah.

Not exactly. Sorry. Yeah. All brain cells firing from the masturbating bear. Do we got a good shot of what's going on with Woody here? I know. Yeah, you should see. I think there's a camera right there. No, just a little, by the way.

Rappin' by Mr. Danson. So, Rappin' by Danson. Yeah, you should see No, just a little by the way Dancing wrapped by dancing RBD. Yeah Medically it makes us anyway Drink more of your blood You got your weed socks on and then you have your own dispensary. Is that the idea? Right down the road. I haven't seen you there yet. No, no, I'm not much of a...

What's the address, Woody? Well, you know, you can just come and hang out in the Ganja Giggle Garden. Yeah, it's right there. I would love to be in Dumois once for being in the Ganja Giggle Garden. Instead of always here, he's having sushi. There he is chatting up some people and taking selfies when they don't want selfies. A little bit sick that way.

Um, the Ganja Giggle Garden you have at your Yeah, it's really spectacular. McCaws and like, it's beautiful. It's like you're in the tropics or something. It's right, right down Santa Monica, just east of Sweetser. Okay. I'll check it out. This is the guy who won't do commercials

on the podcast, but except for... Except for promoting the woods. The woods, yeah. And also Holy Water. Now there's a bar too, under the same roof, but... But separated by law. Separated by all the nonsense the government insists. But it works, it works. Yeah, no, it works great. Yeah. It's actually beautiful. Separated by all the nonsense the government insists.

But it works, it works. Yeah, no, it works great. It's actually beautiful, you should go. Okay, I'm gonna go. It's the most beautiful dispensary ever, for sure. I don't go to a lot of dispensaries and I have nothing against it, it's just that in your experience,

Sonia, you've noticed that it doesn't, when I've tried. It doesn't hit you. Doesn't hit me, it somehow doesn't fit my personality. I metabolize it very quickly and turn it just into more self-hate. Are you inhaling? Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh! I think you're supposed to blow it at other people. Oh. Yeah, I got to get into it. Because you're a gummy person, Sona. I do it all. I don't discriminate. I move to gummies.

You move to gummies? You're going to have to come. I do, I absolutely do. And I want to. I live in Altadena, so it's hard for me to go further. But you know what, maybe after work. It's literally seven minutes from here. That's great, we're trying to get her to work. Oh, maybe I'll go before.

She'll be in the giggle garden, the ganja giggle garden. So Ted, you find the gummy, the gummy relaxes you. Yeah, it's also, I'm not trying to put smoke in my lungs anymore. So the gummies work. Smart. Yeah, the gummies work. I take gummies to go to, not to go to sleep,

but to stay asleep. You can get the CBD with THC combo and it really helps, really works. And you've done that for years, Sonya. You've always said to me, you're gummy and you got a great night's sleep. Oh, I love my gummies. Now, when you were breastfeeding, no gummies, right?

No, no, not, yeah, no. And when I was pregnant, no gummies. But as soon as I was done. What a purist. Well, you know. That's true. I don't know, I don't wanna get my babies high, do I? I don't know, they could have been, she had twins, and then't want to get my babies high, do I? I don't know.

They could have been, she had twins, and then what if they were born and they high-fived each other on the way out? On the way out? I don't know, they're just immediately, they're born cool, you know? They're just like, they're relaxed. They saunter out.

There's little leather jackets waiting for them? Yeah, they slip. No, they come out in the leather jackets and they high-five and they saunter. Yeah, okay. They've had a really good nine months sleep. That's true. Yeah, start as you mean to continue, you know, get them.

That's a really good idea. You know what I mean? You know, Woody, I sometimes wasn't sure you'd have the best advice, but I think that's very good. I should just give them some now to see if it'll help them sleep. Yeah. Why not?

One milligram. Two. Who is that gonna hurt? Says the guy with two ice packs on his body. Says the guy who basically ate at Tesla about an hour ago and is covered in bandages saying, do as I do. Ironically, not high. No?

See how we're on camera with this. Tell the truth. Is it starting to ache a little bit elsewhere? No, it's starting to ache less. It was quite aching. This hand was just feeling, oh man, I cut it open in several places. Do you think you should go to the hospital? I mean, I know talking to me is a priority, but would you, do you think that maybe

it would be a good idea to get it checked out? I feel like Dr. Danson took care of everything for me. Thank you, bud. Yeah. Love you, man. Yeah, I will need some form of a painkiller, no question. I understand. I did decide to quit. I just came back from San Francisco the night or no yesterday those two days I had I'm like I'm done

I'm done smoking. I'm done drinking. I'm not doing any of it anymore And then after this accident, I'm like I'm getting back on the phone You might have been if you hadn't quit for two days, you might not have hit the Tesla. When you think about it. Maybe you tensed up and everything because you weren't in an altered state. Tensed up. Well, we have terrible ideas on this podcast.

We're telling people all kinds of shit. You wouldn't have been in that motorcycle accident if you had been sober. But the guy was great. The guy was so cool. Ben, hi, sorry, I said it wrong. First of all, it was his son's car, so he was feeling bad about that part of it,

wasn't even his car. But he was the coolest guy, his name's Ben, and he's like trying to get me, so he says, all right, what is your number? So I can, and I said, well, I don't, I don't have a phone. And he's like, you don't have a phone? It sounds really evasive. This is my life. Cause you do not have a phone.

You do not have a cell phone. No. You never have. I know. I know I had, I had it until four and a half years ago and I got rid of it. So I was already seeming evasive to him. And then he's like, well, okay, what is your insurance? And I said, I don't know.

Are you serious? Like I would know what my. That was tough. Then he wants to see, okay, show me your license. Show my license, which I'm a Texan. It's a Texas license. He's like, don't you have an LA license? A California license? No, I don't have.

Well, luckily anyway, we used his phone, called my wife, she came and then she cleared everything up. She had the entry. He recognized you immediately, yes? He did once I took the helmet off, yes. Okay, so this guy's in his Tesla, he's taking a left turn, Kathankathunkathunk.

Oh my God, he's taking a left turn, kathang, kathunk, kathunk. Oh my God, he gets out and there's a guy lying there. He takes off his helmet. I didn't take it off immediately. For a little bit, I had to get, shall we say, the mandatory lecture. Why are you passing me on the left? Why would you do that? I shouldn't have. But why? And anyway... Then you take it off. The helmet off. Then we had the bike. Oh, by the way, you find out how nice people are. There's so many people stopped. Are you okay? Da-da-da-da. Yes, yes, please. People are like it's a long line of cars going both directions, like slowing down. And I don't know if they're lucky or

lose, but it seemed like many were trying to be helpful. And then we try to push the bike, but the bike somehow the brakes are just locked up on that bike front and back wheel. So we're trying to move it and it's pushing against the brakes. So it was just to get it the few feet out of the road. It's still sticking a little bit in the road. Honestly, at a certain point, couldn't push it anymore. And the guys, and then I take off my helmet and he goes,

oh, I know you. He says, I can't remember your name. Which, yeah, of course, would he. And then we started talking and he was actually a very nice guy. He had a really the best joke of the day, which was, you know, after Laura came and she showed him the insurance card and everything. And I says, and you make sure you have the number.

And he goes, yeah, but you're married. Nice. And Laura laughed laughs, he's cool, I'm gonna hang out with him again. I think I know what your opening line's gonna be, have I got a houseboat for you. It's gonna be, I'm gonna show up at that houseboat and there's a guy, Ben's gonna be there. You and I will be in scuba equipment drilling holes in the boat. Wiley Coyote holes in the bottom of the boat. Woody, for God's sake, take care of yourself, alright? Because you are beloved, people love you, and just take care of yourself. Thank you, sir. Alright? And go slow, don't pass on the left. Just be careful, okay?

Okay, sure. Thank you. I want to tell you both, honored to sit here with you and talk to you both. Hilarious and just a great hang. I mean, really, it's a treat, and I'm looking forward to your show. I know the first one just dropped. They're coming fast and furious now,

and I wish you nothing but success. As my people say, Mazel Tov. Mazel Tov to both of you. Thank you. Mazel Tov to you and your people. I don't know what. But seriously, it's, it's just cool to sit in a room with you guys.

It's very cool. Back at you. Thank you. Back at you. Thanks, man. Thanks very much for it. Thank you very much for doing this. And I think we should get you some real medical attention.

Hoi, hoi, hoi. I'm sorry. And then slap in the face. Yeah, we're gonna get George Wynton here who apparently just graduated from some Wisconsin medical school. We do wanna let people know that on our show, we also interview Conan.

That's right. That's right. And I think a wonderful interview. Beautiful, beautiful interview.. That's right. That's right. And I think a wonderful interview. Beautiful. Yeah. Very respectful. It's not how I remember it. Respectful. I remember going home crying, weeping, but, um, yes.

And I'll do it anytime. Anytime you guys, you know, on our show back in the day, when a guest fell through at the last minute, my first guest was always Al Roker. I'll be your Al Roker. Anytime you need... Oh my God. Anytime someone falls through, I'll come in. Thank you, sure.

I love Al Roker. Yeah. Can we not get out? Oh, I see. Aim higher. Assholes! Assholes! We're gonna do something a little different right now. Matt Gourley could not be with us today.

He's out buying spats, I think, which was a popular covering of a shoe from the 1930s. It takes all day. Yeah. He's going all over Pasadena to get really authentic spats. But because Matt Grohli's not here, you know, when life gives you lemons, they say you should try and make lemon juice. So isn't that the saying?

It's lemonade. Wasn't it some sort of juice? Juice of the lemon, I think, is what you say. Anyway. No, it's lemonade. When life gives you lemons, you should crush the lemons. No. And the secretion then should be put into a glass.

Don't say secretion. The secretion word is what ruined that for you. Okay, let's move on. Yeah. No, let's keep, let's keep mining this. You'll get there. When life gives you a sour fruit, harvest that fruit, crush it, to make a bitter-tasting juice.

Uh, listen, because Matt Grohli isn't here, David Hopping is filling in. Hello, David. Hi. Now, David, fair to say you are pretty much my full-time assistant now that Sona has twins. Why are you saying no? I mean, he is. Well, yeah.

It just feels like a dig is coming at me. There's no dig. Okay. Yeah. All right, yeah, yeah, yes. Pretty much does everything for me and... I taught him everything. Oh, no, no, no.

You text me sometimes when the car is in front of my house to take me to the airport. We never did switch that over. We never switched that over. My phone number is still associated with. Yes, so I won't hear from you for a long time, and then suddenly I get a text, your car is waiting for you to take you to the airport.

Yeah. And the phone number, so you can get in touch with whoever is driving you. Yes. That's called assisting. Yes. And that is what I'm doing. Okay.

Well, listen, thank you for that, I don't know, 200 things I need in my life. That is one, and thank you. Yes, you're welcome. Now, but when it comes to getting my creams, my balms, my ointments. Actually, Sona's number is still on a lot of things. I am.

Sona follows along anytime I do something. I do. Various potions and powders that keep me looking pretty. Yeah. Help my body stay healthy. My number is still associated with a lot of those. So then I'll take data. Did you ever get a call where you're like,

Conan's on that? Yes. Because, you know, as I start to fall apart, Oh, start? Rough. Well, I'm sorry, but you know, There's so many filters on. Various orthopedic structures are applied to my body.

Anyway, um, huh? Your orthopedic structures? Braces and... Neither of our numbers are on for now. Oh, I think Adam gets those. I don't know why. Um, huh? Your orthopedic structure? Braces and... Neither of our numbers are on for now. Oh, I think Adam gets those. I don't know why. Anyway, um, I want to talk to you, David,

because as you know, I don't really go on social media much. Right. I'm pretty ignorant of what's going on out there. I know TikTok's a big thing. It is. I don't really go on TikTok. And I'm just curious, do I have any presence on TikTok? Am I someone who's on TikTok? Because I don't put things on TikTok.

How does it work? Well, first of all, you technically are on TikTok because there's the at teamcoco account. Okay, so that's something I'm, and this is by the way, I feel not that we ever get political here, but it's when they quiz Trump about his businesses and he goes like, I had no idea. I actually have no idea.

I have no idea that, we have an amazing social team here, incredible, Blay, Ruthie, Sam. I mean, just, they're killing it. Yeah, they are. You guys kill it. And they do an incredible job making me look cool. I don't know about these things, but they put stuff on TikTok. I mean, there's a good chance that you right now,

talking about not knowing you're on TikTok, is on TikTok right now. OK. OK. Yeah. You never know. Well, thank you, Chinese government. I hope I please my overlords. Your overlords? You don't like to get political or anything? No, I just, I wish I please my overlords. Your overlords? You don't like to get political or anything?

No, I just, I wish to please. Shout out to the Chinese government. Well, I'm sorry. Yeah. You know, I know it's what? Back to your presence. Am I on TikTok? You are.

Okay. And what kind of ways would I be on TikTok? Would they just be showing clips of things? I just want to know. Yeah, clips showing clips of things? I just wanna know. Yeah, clips from the podcast, clips from the TVS show. But then you also have like fans on there. Cool. Let me pull up. Give me one second.

You should do those dances. Which dances? You should do one of those like synchronized dances that they do for TikTok. Right, you know how old I am, right? I do. Yeah. Yes, I just think it's cool.

Nope, you don't. You just want to see me make a complete ass of myself. I do. He has a dance other people have emulated, the string dance. Oh. That's a very famous dance. I was doing those 30 years ago.

Right. You were TikToking before TikTok even happened. Exactly. Maybe I invented TikTok and maybe I invented China. Maybe. Maybe I went too far. There's probably a statue of me in Beijing. Conan, the first TikToker.

All right, what are you doing now? Take your time with the phone, by the way. Thank you. Well, for some reason, I'm not on the wifi. So now I'm anyway. So there's this trend where people are saying who's a male celebrity that they would feel safe alone in a room with. And a lot of people are for who's a male celebrity that they would feel safe alone in a room with.

And a lot of people are, for some reason, saying you. Wait a minute. I don't know how to feel about that. Because that just means they see me as what? Not a threat. Not a threat. Well, I want to be thought of as... Well, not as a threat in a bad way, but just like, oh, I don't know, I might lose control

if I was in a room with Conan O'Brien. Oh, like they might lose control around you, but that you would not lose control. Oh, no, I would not lose control. I'm very afraid of any sexual situation. So anyway, so what they're saying is that they, that's a good thing, right? It's a good one.

Women are saying they would feel safe around me. Well, they should, because I'm completely inert. Aw. No, I'm not. Come on. No, yeah. I'm just kidding around. Watch your ladies, guys. You're just going to be in a room with your lady,

and their pants are going to fall off. Is that what you want? No, I just think it would be nice. Sometimes if people say, it's like that old thing where a bunch of women are in a room, and they go, oh, Conan, you're just one of the girls. You can gab with us. That feels terrible. And then you look down and you're wearing a bikini.

Why? Look as you put it on because it made you feel like your true self. Wait, what's happening? You want to be like the Beatles on Ed Sullivan. You want the girls to be like, yeah. No, no, no. I have realistic expectations,

or should I say, sexpectations. You don't have to say that. This is why, this is why. Oh, it just came in, no one feels safe anymore. Yeah. Just change. Well, ladies, I'm glad you feel safe around me, because... No, you're not.

I don't know, I don't know that that's a, you know... But like, if Brad Pitt got on the elevator, it would be a charged environment, right? Yeah. Or Austin Butler. The environment would change. What they're saying is if I got on an elevator and Cone O'Brien was on it,

there'd be no change in the atmosphere. Who said elevator? They just said a room. Yeah. You just put yourself on the elevator. You're creating scenarios in the atmosphere. Who said elevator? They just said a room. Yeah. You just put yourself on the elevator. You're creating scenarios in your mind. Yeah, I think that's a common one. You're on an elevator.

Okay. Someone else gets on. You wanna make sure they feel safe. You're fantasizing about being in an elevator with Brad Pitt, cause you wanna. Or Brad Paisley. Any Brad, or Brad Garrett. It just has to be a Brad.

I love Brad. What you're saying is like like you're like sexual insulation. Yes. Yeah. I'm a foam that blocks out and neutralizes any sexual energy. Yeah. I'm a, yeah, I'm a foam. What else?

What else is going on in TikTok? Okay, well there's like fan accounts. There's this one that pops up a lot. It's called Just Bits and Pieces. And they do a lot of like compilations of like U2 and not the band. Sona and I. Yeah.

And- Not the band. Like they did this one that's kind of like a thirst trap of Conan. What? What? What's a thirst trap? You'll see in a sec.

Oh wow, look at that clip of me from a long time ago. Oh, this is like they're looking at you in a sexual way. Yeah, there you go. Even I'm aroused. Oh, check you out. Don't I have a beard and I'm drinking wine? Hey, at Bits and Pieces. God, hey, Bits and Pieces,

you got the right idea about Conan O'Brien. That's the guy. I want that guy out there. And from Bits and Pieces, you got the right idea about Conan O'Brien. That's the guy. I want that guy out there from Bits and Pieces on TikTok. Where do you think he got those clips from? They're out there. Yeah. I know, but that could change my profile a little bit from being sexual insulating foam to a guy who's a real man's man. I feel like you need to come up with some kind of

TikTok trend for people to do. That's probably a good idea. Do you have any ideas? Because this is not something I'd be good at. Sona, do you have a good idea for a TikTok trend? I mean, aren't the trends a lot like dances or like sound bites? Sound, like sound bites that people talk over and do things with.

I have no idea. And so I turned to you, Sona, and you don't know what you're talking about. No, I don't. What, you guys ready? There's a lot of challenges out there, you know, like, oh, hey, like, remember there was that big thing, the cinnamon challenge, where you took a spoonful of cinnamon,

the cinnamon, there's like a lot of challenges. So you could do a challenge, something maybe that you're good at that you're challenging other people. How about my challenge is to get nine hours of sleep. And then it's just footage of me sleeping for nine hours, but like really cool music is playing in the background. I think that the max you can do is like a 10 minute video. Yeah, but little clips of me at different parts

of the night, just getting a good sound nine hours of sleep. The well rested challenge. Yeah, a super cut. That's my challenge, the Conan O'Brien well rested challenge. Yes. That's what we're gonna do. Just what everyone wants.

Yeah. Now watch out for that ladies. A before and after, so like, you know, you're like, okay, I'm Aaron Blurred, I'm gonna take the well rested challenge, then I take, and then I show clips of me sleeping, and then how do I look after, am I well rested? You're glowing?

No, you just look well rested, and you say that was very satisfying. And that's it. And that's it, yeah. Can you sleep for nine hours? Not really, I used to be able to, but not anymore. You can't do your own challenge. I wake up, I know, I wake up a lot in the night

and think, why, why, why? That's all the clip is? You're starting a challenge you can't do yourself. I'm not gonna be able to do it myself, no. That's why I like this challenge. All right, David, thanks for stopping by. Of course. I think you helped, and Sona, thank you for always

letting me know when a car is gonna take me to the airport. Good job. Okay. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fischer at Earwulf.

Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional Production Support by Mars Melnik. Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode.

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