Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - The Hoppining: A Chill Chums Holiday Whodunit

Episode Date: December 28, 2023

When one of their own mysteriously disappears, Conan and the Chill Chums are forced to put their detective skills to the test. Welcome to... The Hoppining! 

The Fall is here Clear of his head Back to school Ring the bell Brand new shoes Walking blocks Climb the fence

Bucks and cans I can tell That we are good friends. Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien. Needs a friend joined us always by my stalwart team, son of a Sessinghawarissona. I'm doing all right.

Yeah, you seem good. And Matt Gourley. Yeah, Matt Gourley. It took me a second. Five years I've sat here. Of course from you. Seems like we're like a lot more than four, what?

Less than six. I would put it around. Yeah, five I guess. Okay. It's an interesting thing. I'm just thinking about this today because I was walking past a mall and it was walking past my Some cousins visiting and they wanted to go to the mall. They're from Seattle. These are little kids So I said okay, I'll take them to the mall down in Santa Monica and we're walking around and I saw all these different movie posters And I swear to God it's seasonal seasonal but half the movie posters are for horror. So there's one, I don't know why it is, but you see

a silhouette of like a pilgrim and he's holding an axe. What's that one called? Eli Roth's Thanksgiving. Yeah, Thanksgiving and then it's like there are no leftovers. Oh, cool. And I'm like, what's I thought was fantastic and then I then I noticed, oh wait a minute, the last couple of years in a row There's been I mean guess there's like a silent night deadly night, and you know It's one of the best horror movies of all time. Is it really? Yeah, okay? I really I really love horror movies But the thing that's kind of blowing my mind is how horror has become this almost like well It's Christmas time. Yeah, and that used to mean put up the tree, put out the bells. Now it means release your horror films

where Santa comes down the chimney with a siphon and lops everyone's heads off. I know. It did used to be like, Jingle all the ways coming out. Now it's like, that's all. I think it's used to be Halloween was horror. Now it's just October, November and December. It's just horror movie.

Yeah, and it's probably keep going, though, just gonna be like Mother's Day. Do you know what I mean? There's basically a horror movie for every holiday. It's April Fools, New Year's evil, leprechaun. It's like its own subjohn. It's pretty impressive. Yeah, I don't know.

I guess I'm down for it. I have not seen a lot of the Christmas horror ones, but I'm game to give them a try. Black Christmas. And have you heard anything about this Thanksgiving one? I want to see that. I've heard it's great. I also know that it's based on a just a fake trailer for the Grindhouse Tarantino movie. Oh, okay. Fantastic. And what's 15, 16 years later, he decided to actually make it because Eli Roth made the trailer and he's like, well, he's had that idea since he was a kid. He's gonna make it.

Might as well make it. Might as well make it. Hey, David Hopping was supposed to bring us in some coffee for this discussion. Does anybody see? I asked actually for a, which I don't do often, I asked for a latte. And in his hopping-esque way, he said he'd do it.

And he's always, I have to say this about David. He took over kind of for you, son, and when he became like a big star and then had kids and everything and wrote a book and started touring with us and had around fan club and big house and stuff. Anyway, it's a pretty nice house. Do you want me to say thank you? Because you listed it. Little late.

Oh, okay, okay. Too late, too late. But my point is you used to take your time and I wouldn't be suspicious at all. David, I asked him to get me a latte and then I think you guys put in coffee orders and that was like 40 minutes ago and it hasn't happened yet.

And that's weird when you wouldn't show up, I'm like, she's fine. Oh, okay. But when David doesn't show up, it's weird. Oh, he's so great. Well, here's David. Oh. Hello Conan and the chill jumps stupid name. Long time

listener first time caller. Every day I come into this office and what do I see? Conan, Conan, Conan. Everywhere I look it's a picture of Conan. It's disgusting. So guess what? I've kidnapped your precious assistant, David Hoppin. You have one hour. If every photo of your face isn't taken off the wall, you'll never see your precious David Hoppin ever again. Oh no. I'll be in touch.

Jesus, that was a first fall. I don't know. Eduardo, do you know how that got patched in? No idea. Okay, I have a couple of comments quickly. I know David's not a good actor. And he does seem to be in some peril there. Because I know he can't fake it.

The other thing is, that's a fucking good head shot of me. Okay. I easily look 20 years younger than I really am. Oh, yay. And so I don't know what this guy's gripe is. Here's the thing though. If the thing is removing your photo, everybody in this building can be a suspect. Okay, that's okay.

That's true. I worry even suspects. So Amida understands now, and I have great yes and skills from years of improv. Amida understands that David Hopping has been kidnapped and tied up the way a damsel in distress wasn't like a 1921. There was there a tutu train coming down. Yeah, tutu trains coming to get him. But anyway, in a very caricatured stupid way, David's been kidnapped. And if I don't take down all the pictures of me, first of all,

you know that would take a while. There are a lot. And also, you know, what? They're not just hung up on the wall. Those things, I make sure those are secured very carefully. Just put a cone in face wall paper. That's essentially what's out there. Because it was ordered two years ago, but the die they use in Sweden takes a long time. It's coming. I've just been handed this thing. Now, we three were sort of like innocent bystanders in this whole thing. I've been handed this. We have to question people. There are suspects in this building. We have to find out who did this. Oh, I like that we're not even pretending that why don't we just go take down the pictures of Conan and save David's life. Well, we know you're not going to do that. No, I'm not going to do it. We

just blew right past that. Well, Conan's not going to say so. I guess we should try and solve the case on our own. I don't think there's anything to say. At no point did this villain, who clearly is working off of 1920's imagery of kidnapping, this villain never said don't call the cops. Usually there's a reason why we can't call the cops. That's right.

Or we can't contact the FBI. Should we just call the cops? I think we should. Why do I think the cops would just be like, just take down the photos of people? Oh, yeah, fuck that. That's not going to happen. Well, we're not doing that. Two reasons we can't.

Because number one, you can't give in to kidnappers, terrorists, because it sends a bad sign that anyone could hold you hostage on any given day. You're right. For number two, we know you're not going to take them pictures. If anything, you're going to put up more despite the kidnapped. Could we do a trade? Could we trade you for David?

Yeah. You do a swap? Well, okay. I mean, I guess I... It depends on where I'm being taken. When I... Did he threaten to kill David? Is that what he said or just take David maybe to a better job?

Oh, that's there's no motivation. You don't know. Can you kidnap me? Kidnapper? You know what I look? This kidnap her has really sloppy. This kidnap her is very sloppy and very vague about and you won't see your hopping again, which probably means you'll get a really good job at Amazon, and he'll move quickly up the ladder. And then, yeah, okay, we don't see him again, because he's just way richer than we are. My guess is, for this to be a good podcast, we should probably try and solve the crime ourselves.

I think if we just listen to me place a call to the FBI. And then... I want to listen to that. And then watch them show up and probably search the building for maybe 30 seconds and find a very pale guy from Southern Illinois, comically tied to a chair. I mean, I have some ideas from where that thing was filmed where David is currently. I know, it looks very familiar. This is not a large building. No, it's not a large building. No, it's not a large building.

Nonetheless, we need, I'm told we need to figure out motive means an opportunity. So Eduardo, if you wouldn't mind being the first to celebrate the suspect, the suspect chair. Oh, Eduardo. Motive means opportunity. Yeah. Okay, yeah.

Okay, and I also have something else I have to read here. Act one, the motive. In this act, you will only be able to question suspects about who they think had a reason for hopping getting napped. About who they think had a reason, okay. Okay. Who has a, in this act, you will only be able to, in this act, you will only,

wow Matt, wow, wow. I did it. Do you want to, yeah, also kidnap your ability to speak. You got to keep that in now. You okay? Yeah, also kidnapped your ability to speak. Gotta keep that in now. Gotta keep it in. Gotta keep it in. Or you'll never see hopping again. If your flubs aren't left in, you'll never see hopping again.

Nixon. Nixon did it. Hello Conan in the chillchums. Earlier today, David Hopping went out to get Conan's coffee and never came back. He's been kidnapped. It's your job to figure out who the kidnapper is and save Hopping before he uses up all the air in the room and time runs out. Welcome to the Hopping. Wow, that's a good, you know what? I think they worked backwards from his last name. Yeah, that's my first clue. Yeah, I think whoever thought of this is so lazy.

Yeah. They thought hopping, hopping, oh, let's do a horror thing. Well, there's okay a reason this isn't called the most sussing. Yeah. The most sussing, s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s- Okay, chills, Eduardo, Lisa, Maddie, Ruthie, and Sam. Wow. To solve this mystery, you must question these suspects to figure out three things.

Oh my God. Who had the motive, the means, and the opportunity to kidnap hopping. Okay. Number one, motive, who has a grudge against hopping? Or who would benefit from hopping being kidnapped? Number two, means who has the skills necessary to kidnap hopping?

Or who has the tools? And truthnap hopping or who has the tools. No, he's about as strong as a stock of rye. Or who has the tools or access to the tools to do such a thing. And finally, opportunity. Who had the chance for the time during the day to enact such a devious plan? There is only one person who has all three and this person is your kid next. Okay, can I say one thing? One of the problems with opportunity is

no one here seems to do much. Oh. And I'm serious. A lot of people here just seem to screw around. This is your company. I know, but the fish stinks from the head. And so I'm just saying opportunity who who who slipped out without punching their time card at the large mont offices of team

Coco. But anyway, let's get into it. We're sitting with us now. Okay, hold on. Hold on. There's more little bit more. God, whoever organized this is really just a pain in the ass. In this act, you will only be able to question suspects about who they think had a reason for hopping, getting napped, who has a grudge against hopping or who had benefit from hopping, being kidnapped. In the first video, the clues you learned were the kidnapper was throwing paper balls at hopping. There were travel books for Norway and Thailand

stacked up in the back. Is it okay if I start now? Are there seven more pages to get to read? Are we good? Is that all we have? Okay, we're good. Yeah, clearly someone had a lot of extra time. Okay, Eduardo, full name please.

Eduardo Perez. Okay, and where were you more? Eduardo Perez. Excuse me. Say it after me, Eduardo Perez. Eduardo Perez. You got it, very good. Eduardo, in the KP's, well, I'll use English

because I think we have other people. Thank you. Thank you. Eduardo, first of KP's, well, I'll use English, because I think we have other people at the end of the video. Thank you. Eduardo, first of all, I wanna start by complimenting you. You are ingenious. You built this beautiful sound booth that we use, this studio. I don't know, I gotta tell you right away. I mean, this is a very talented man.

Ah, it's a hell of an interrogation. I know what are you doing? I'm, it's a hell of an interrogation. I know, what are you doing? I'm, it's called good cop, good cop. Oh. This cop's gonna leave soon and then another cop's gonna come by and tell him how handsome he is. Oh.

It really, here he comes. Ah, you're a good looking fella. Hey. And my partner tells me you're also very talented and that you built this whole place. That's true. Who do you think, who do you think did it? I'll tell you for sure, first off, just to get this out of the way, I didn't do it.

Secondly, good enough for me. Yeah. I'm eliminating you as a subscribe great. No. Great. Yeah. Just to get out of the way. Secondly, you know, it pains me as we know snitches get stitches.

Yes. So this is not easy for me to do. Yeah, but you're saying it very readily. So especially, especially to do. Yeah, but you're saying it very readily. So especially sitting here. Yeah. Of the, sorry, can you repeat the six suspects? Oh my God. Chills Eduardo, Lisa, Maddie, Ruthie, and Sam.

Okay. These are by the way to the listeners, all people that work in the building. Right, okay. So kind of work sometimes. I do think Maddie, as talented as she is, I don't know if you guys are aware, but she's, she's dababbled and more than dabbled

in stand-up comedy. Yes. That is quite great. What is guys right down? Oh, I wrote down, I know who it is now. And every now and then, she's kind of filled in for David-like task. I've noticed, you know, when you need water

or stuff like that before interview. Right. So I would believe maybe next step up, she could fill in. This is interesting to me. This is interesting because yes. So she interfaces with talent a lot. All the time.

She's the one who, when talent comes in to do the podcast, she takes care of them. She gets them into the building. So she has a great awareness of the facility, which I don't, I don't, I just go right to my office. That's exactly right. And I hear what you're saying. I could see her thinking, wait a minute, if I get hopping out of the way, I slide into

that position, then I become Conan's assistant. We all know what happened when Sonia was my assistant. She became a star. And then Maddie becomes a star. That's very interesting. She's my question. Yeah. What do you think about all the photos of Conan in the building? I thought a lot. I could care less. Okay. I'm in the room with this guy all the time.

Assaulted visually when you walk in from both sides of the hallway. It's like running through that scene and Raiders of the Lost Ark where darts are shooting at you know, I put my head down and come straight into this room So there's a wall size photo of him as a Viking. There is one. Yeah, right. Yeah, right when you come in. I personally thought that's a cool looking photo. So I don't have no problem with it. And one last question.

Should I get lip fillers? I have very thin lip. Oh my god. Now that I'm sitting, now that I'm sitting in these clothes, they're very thin lips. I can see that. Also, I've got beady little eyes.

But I think have hampered my film career. I have beady little suspicious creepy eyes. We're the worst investigator. Yeah. All you're doing is complimenting you're terrible. Also, can I just say one thing? Very handsome and you do an amazing job here. Thank you. And here's my partner to really rough you up. Okay, great. You are fantastic. Oh my god. And uh, you're lovely. Yeah. And uh, yeah. You crossed out his name and then you starred next to Maddie. Yeah, I think it's Maddie. And well, can I just say something?

I am easily swayed. So right now I'm quite certain it's Maddie. And also you actually really work here. And a lot of people don't, but every time I come in this building, you are hard at work. Thank you. This guy does not have the opportunity. Right, I have a slight concern about Maddie though.

One of the clues was the travel books to Thailand and Norway. She didn't go to Thailand in Norway. That doesn't mean the person had to go to Thailand. I know, I'm just saying, but that's a clue. Who here did, chills. Chills went. The only other person by the way. See, Ruthie?

No. No. Sam? Maddie? Lisa? No. Only chills, right? No, but this is the thing. You gotta be careful. You have to just be very careful about this because we'll work our way through the investigation. Lisa? No. Only chills, right? No, but this is the thing you gotta be careful.

You have to just be very careful about this because we'll work our way through the investigation. You may be jumping ahead. Why are you getting so serious? Because you're just gonna want to know down. I don't know. You want to know down. I don't know.

You want to know down. I don't know. I don't know down. I don't know down. You want to know down. I don't know down. You want to know down. I don't know down.

You want to know down. You want to know down. You want to know down. You want to know down. not doing a good job. You gotta be very careful about this. Yeah. I hate that you jumped ahead and started making assumptions when we don't have all the facts yet. I take this very seriously. I'll tell you something else. I take the fact that I might need lip fillers.

Seriously, it's always bothered me that I have no lips. I'm like a muppet and I think that's hurt me. David could be getting murdered right now. And you're talking about lip fillers and your eyes. We got to move on. Thank you, Adra. No problem. Thank you very much. Anytime. You know what? It's interesting.

He like passed the blame on me. Okay, here we go. Leave the state. You stay nearby. Oh, actually, you have to stay right here. He's got a nice walk, too. Oh my God. Coney, you can't treat the sun. You know what? He's his nice walk in a way as he is coming towards you God, Conan, you can't treat the sun this way. You know what?

He's his nice walk in a way as he is coming towards you. You know, it's a good looking fella. I'm just saying. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Who do you want to bring in next? Let's bring in Lisa, because I want to, I have some questions about her. Lisa, and I'm just going to say this to our listeners, so they're aware of Lisa. Blair, hello.

Is the sister of Aaron, and they've both worked for me for many years. So let's get her in here. Oh, hello, Lisa. Now, her. Now, her, she's married now. I know, but what I'm saying, I was telling them that she's related to Blair, and also I only use maiden names. Oh, hello, Lisa. Now, I'm her. She's married now. I know, but what I'm saying of telling them that she's related to Blair and also I only use maiden names. Oh, okay.

I still, I still call my mother Mrs. Reardon. Lisa, how are you? I'm good. How are you? Okay, listeners, this is Lisa and Lisa, you have worked for me for how many years? I think 20. 20 years. And in that time, your main responsibility has been to get audiences for me.

Yes, I was the audience coordinator for a very long time. For many, many years, is it tough to get people to come and listen to me? Oh my God. Come in. Jesus. Oh God. No, they come in droves. I had to, like, to beat them off with a stick, basically.

Okay. But like, because we're like a murder. That's interesting. You just said, when approached by people, you swing a stick, basically. But like, because we like a murder? I know. That's interesting. You just said when approached by people, you swing a stick. No, I'm very friendly in my customer service skills. But you're saying the cone and ticket, even at my advanced age, is still a hot ticket. It is a hot ticket. Very good.

Okay, I just wanted to establish that. Like, I'd help us with the crime. Not at all. Doesn't help us at all. You get really good laughers, too. It's terrific. Sometimes I feel like the better people are in the back, and you get them to the front? Oh my God. Hopping has got, first of all, David is dying. No, he's running out of air. You know what? Can I say something? Yes. I know this building well.

You know how well you know how well this building would have to be built for any room to be airtight? You don't know. There's plenty of air getting it. You probably put a towel underneath the door. Oh shit, I didn't think of that. Okay, so Lisa, some questions. Hopping is missing. Okay. And I'm really sad, like I hope he's okay. Sure. Me too.

I might, no, whatever. I don't know. I told you. Whatever. Well, I'm just saying, I tell Jeff Ross, Hopping's gone and there's, you guys are like, Dixie cups, you put one, and another one drops down. I've had 55 assistants.

So whatever. Okay, oh no. I might have to ask Jeff to make sure someone else is here from the Midwest tomorrow to get my coffee. Oh my God. Who also doesn't know what a Tesla is. Oh, I'm really fucked.

So anyway, Lisa, it's probably, I mean, he knows my paypal and stuff. So it's good. What's trying? You have a paypal. You know, I don't know how to use these things and he knows how to do it. Why do you have a paypal? You don't want to know. Everyone needs a paypal. Brian, what do you? I love paypal. You got to pay pal it up all the time. Yeah. That's how, by the way, that's how you're paid for this podcast. Have you noticed? No, I haven't gotten any time.

Well, I didn't say I was good at it. We've accomplished nothing. Listen, my paper is completely blank. Lisa, I gotta get to it. Okay. Who do you think committed this crime? I, you know, I really think like two people could have done it, not together, but just suspiciously.

You have two people on their suspect list, okay. Yeah, I mean done it not together, but just suspicious. You have two people who are under suspect list. Yeah, I mean, first of all, I just, I'm sorry Eduardo, but like, you know, I just see how Conan treats you. And like everybody talks about in the office, they just say that like he doesn't respect you and he like, what? Throw stuff at you all the time. I said that stuff behind his back. Yeah.

The whole point is to be nice to him to his face. Throw stuff. Throw stuff. Throw stuff. The kidnapper was throwing stuff at hopping. That could be kind of a revenge moment. Wait a minute. You know what's interesting? What?

You bring up a really good point. Oh, now I don't jump in ahead. Yeah, before you were. Okay. Before you, I mean, that was criminal what you did before. Okay. And I'm surprised you still have your badge. Go ahead with the paper thing.

Tell them what. The one of the things we learned from the clue in the videos that the kidnapper was throwing paper balls at hopping. Yeah. Interesting. And you do that to both play and Eduardo. So Conan's. Maybe I would know if I were involved hopping would be dead.

Yeah. And be kidnapped. I just kill him right away. Did you know that the time it takes to tie someone up? Even someone that week. No, what I do is when we read ads, I crumple up the papers afterwards and then I don't know if you can see it, but I fire them at Eduardo or Blay. And then Eduardo was often protected

by his computer screen, which really unrages me. I want to actually get a new kind of computer that has a big hole in the middle. Anyway, so I can hit him in the chest. That's interesting. So you're thinking, I think I'd see their Eduardo or maybe Chils. Why Chils? Well, I worked on the show forever and I used to even share an office with Chils

and I just know he loves chaos. He does. He's an agent of chaos, yeah. And I just think like what a better way to cause chaos than to take away hopping. Yeah. But I mean, don't you kind of get sick of Conan after a while? Like you you used to walk by so many pictures of him. All the fans were like Conan, Conan, Conan. Doesn't it make you sick? No, you know what? It's like I've been on I've worked for Conan for so long and my brother works on the show.

Like, I feel like I'm family. You are family. So it's like walking into like my house. And that's the lady down for test too much. I mean, I don't know. It's a lot of coin. No, I just, it's like a warm hug. Yeah, and I'm gonna tell you something else.

First of all, I feel that's how everyone feels on these two or outliers. It's absolutely not. And then, I don't think it's Lisa because she gets my audiences and that is a sacred trust. I need good audiences and you've been handling that for years. So I don't think you would. She could have snapped. Sorry.

Yeah. She could have. She could have snapped. Right. True. I guess she could have a mental break. I'm about there. Yeah. It happens to everybody who works here.

So you think chills, well, obviously, chills goes on the travel shows and he has two travel books. Throwing the papers takes me more to Ed Wardo. And maybe the books are there to throw me off or maybe the papers are there to throw me off. Any last questions for Lisa? Is there a way that we could get just people that never stop laughing? Oh my god. Oh my god. Thank you very much. I'll wear that. Even during the setups to jokes, they're just, they're laughing. I'm on it. Okay. Thank god. She's fantastic. Oh, talk, tick, talk, times of wasting gang. And I don't see any photos being taken off the wall. I asked David to do it but he's a little tied up right now. Sorry, just some kidnap or humor.

Conan, I think it's time to light a little fire under that flat Irish ass. Guess what I find unhopping? You're special cream. That's right. If you don't take those pictures of you face off the wall, not only you never seeing hopping again You're never gonna see your cream again, and I know you're not gonna ask for it yourself. Take the pictures down. I'll be in touch Again that video ended with the headshot. That's a great headshot. Oh, I thought that was like an extra system when they flash the demon

Pazuzu on the screen for a split second. I didn't go there I just went to that guy has aged for first of all. It's an old photo, but man. It looks good. I saw a lot of merch in there Yeah, yeah, that's Ruthie's territory. Oh, Conan at the Apollo. Yeah, there's there's merch. That's Ruthie That was merch. Is it also worth noting that David's tied up in XLR audio cable? Very good. Yeah. But can I say something? Again, to me, that eliminates Eduardo completely because he knows that that XLR cable,

if you tie it up like that, you can damage it. I mean, right? We're talking about it. Correct. If I were to tie somebody up, it would be like that with that. No, no, this is, I mean, there's someone with a true, he's like a fine chef who then is killing people

with his best cut of vial. No, he's not gonna do that. He's not gonna waste that. Eduardo, it's not you. Thank you. That's interesting, actually, because I was just handed this card. Thank you, Blake.

Here are the things that we were supposed to look out for. There, hopping was being kept near a pile of merch. Hopping was tied up with audio cables who has access to the audio cabinet. Well, we know, I mean, that's too obvious. Eduardo does, but... No, it's not Eduardo. You can't say it's not Eduardo just because you like Eduardo.

Yeah, he's very talented and he's quite good-looking. Oh my god, Conan needs to kill. Don't think people like that don't need to kill. I need to kill. Okay, let's bring in our next subject. I still think Bundy's innocent. No, that's good-looking guy. Oh, no, no, Conan, no. Let's bring in our next subject. I still think Bundy's innocent. That was a good looking guy.

Oh no, no, Conan, no. That guy cleaned up real nice. You ever see him in a polo shirt? I mean, I saw, hey, I saw a son of Sam once had a tuxedo. Fucking guy. What's amazing? I'm just saying, they should re-look at the evidence.

These might be innocent people. Oh boy. Who are we calling next? Well, I guess it's time to talk to Maddie. Maddie, please come in. Let's get Maddie to come in. I know who I'm taking off my list. I've already taken that one.

You've already eliminated someone? Yeah, that's how I do it. I work really quickly and I eliminate most people. Just on. Here she is. Hi Maddie. Hi Maddie. Excuse work really quickly and I eliminate most people. Just on. Ah, here she is. Hi, Maddie. Hi, Maddie. Hi, me.

Excuse me, I'll run this interrogation. Oh, you're really bad at it. Quiet, please. Okay. Okay. Maddie, are you a fan of my work? Oh my gosh. Are you a fan?

You're a, I will remind you you're under oath. Yeah. I am under oath. Honestly, I am a fan. Okay, all right. I love the kind of qualified. Guilty. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. oath. Honestly, I am a fan. Okay, all right. I love the kind of qualified. Got true sociopath. No, no, I should get some more important matters. Lipp filler for me. My lips. My God. Okay, no, I should have to get into it. You've heard Hopping is missing. He's

somewhere in this very small building, but we don't have the energy to leave the building and find him quickly. So we're going to play this out because maybe we can monetize it. James Madsen here. But that's not the point. A man's life is at stake. Maddie, who do you think is responsible? You know, I don't know anything about cables or audio equipment. I don't associate myself with that.

I work with my people, celebrities. And aren't we amazing people, celebrities? I'm a huge fan of Stephen Wright and Taylor Tomblinson, Bill Hader. It's been a true pleasure to work with them. Wow. Oh, innocent. Yeah. But, you know, who does know where all of the audio equipment is, is Eduardo.

Yeah, he seems so loved working with stuff. Second finger, second finger. Oh, okay. Well, that makes me suspicious. You're now suspicious of Eduardo? No, I think it's too many people pointing fingers at Eduardo. Exactly. And when too many fingers go towards Eduardo, I start to think Matty, you've been accused. You've been accused because it's no secret that you are a very talented person. You're funny, you're pursuing pursuing possible career in the comedic arts.

And you might see an opportunity, say something where it happened to hopping. Let's say he's comedically tied up and then suffocates in a room that has plenty of air. And a very small recording studio where he's probably feet from us, but that's not the point. Why do you have to be this room? Maybe in the corner.

I have to make sure I don't avert my gaze or turn my neck slightly, because I might see him and be able to rescue him. But that's not the point. The point is, you really stand to gain. If something happens to happening and you slide into that position, you could be the next sona. And that's about as big a star as anyone can be.

Well, I mean, New York Times number one telling book seller, seller book. That is true. And by the way, Sona, it is my mom's favorite book. You should know. Thank you, Summer's Trip. You're next to Scientology. But you've seen us interact with each other. You've seen, I mean, I worked for many, many years.

Yes. Is there anything about this job that seems even slightly appealing to you? Well, we could be honest. I mean, listen, I'm I jealous of the social media following and fan base that you and David have seemed to have garnered from getting Conan to do funny bits with you that could possibly get me a career

in comedy that would make me more successful and hotter than Matt Wright. Oh wow. I'm so... Are you aware you're crying right now? Are you aware? You're crying. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Oh look, there's blood in the tears. There's absolute blood in the tears. It is so happy. Oh look, there's blood in the tears. There's absolute blood in the tears. It's so heavy. I've never been in my entire life for anyone.

Wow. Motive, underline. Yeah, there's a motive here. I'm sorry, Maddie, but even you have to admit there's a motive here. Fame. You know? What?

Thunder riding. No, no, no. You want fame. I mean, listen, you just performed very poorly on the witness stand. You just pretty much sealed your fate. I mean, you got it all. But you said I'm so talented.

Yeah, I mean, you went on and on about Matt Rife. And so, you know, I mean, whatever, these young people, I got to kill him in the crib, you know. What? I can't let them. Wait, any, you in the suspect, any younger comedian who's really good and successful and moving up quickly, I need to squash that shit now. So that was a mistake.

Well, even I can say, even Hader, I should have, I should have knocked him out of the box a long time ago. He's gotten too big. Anyway, he's great. I wouldn't mind some photos of him up in the building. He's too great, right? Yeah, I don't know. There aren't too many photos of him.

Never quite made it. He's very famous. Not sure. Really, really well-formed. Never really done much after SNL. Mike, you're right. Honestly, you might not have my comedy career after. Let's Barry.

I don't even know what Barry is. To work for him. It's Emmy nominated show that he had on HBO. Is his assistant feeling okay? I know. We should to work for him. It's Emmy nominated show that he had on HBO. Is his experience feeling okay? I don't know, we should check on his assistant. Maddie, you seem extremely guilty. I like your gummy bearings. Yeah, I do too.

Yeah, you're lucky that Sonor didn't just swallow one of those. Oh. Okay, thank you so much, Maddie, for your time. Appreciate it. Maybe there's gonna be another spooky video soondie, for your time. Appreciate it. Maybe there's gonna be another spooky video soon, or maybe not. Oh, no! Come on, hi, hi, hi, hi, it's me.

David, I think you can act. You're a system. I did manage to escape. I'm really proud of myself about that. I'm usually not gonna act the kind of thing. But I did manage to escape, but I cannot get out of this room. I know that whenever you hired me, you said you hate it. Whenever your assistant gets kidnapped, and I'm really sorry that I feel like I let you down.

No, I did not get a good look at the kidnapper. One minute I'm outside walking, I have your coffee, double shot latte, just how you like it. And then all of a sudden, bam, I get hit in the head and I'm out cold. Now, listen, listen. The kidnapper must have been someone that can leave the office during the day. And then they also must be really sneaky because I heard nothing. They must walk so quietly. When I woke up, I was in this room right here. I was still being tied up. And here's the weird thing.

This kidnapper had really strong hands in Conan. One more thing. They have your special cream. The one that you're coming back up to go. Wow. Okay. Well, we do need to get him an acting coach. What was amazing?

Why did the kidnapper leave him with his cell phone? Well, first of all, I said out the cell phone is the kidnappers VHS camera. The kidnapper blows. I mean, let's just let's just let's call let's just put right to the chase for sure. This is a terrible kidnapper. I wish all kidnappers were this bad because then there'd be no kidnappings. Here are the clues. The kidnapper was able to leave work during the day, uh, during day, which anyone can. Yeah. Okay. Oh, the nipper was sneaky and strong. Okay. Well, first of all, this is not an army base. This is, I mean, this is about, this is a basically like a pizza coffee. Who cannot leave during the day? This is a, this is a, this is a, a pizza coffee where they happen to make a podcast in the corner. Yeah.

People are coming in and out all day long. Yeah. Mo, a lot of people work remotely. They don't even come in. Someone who can leave during the day. Everybody leaves during the day. I feel like there's a more of a clue that we're sneaky. Oh, oh, there was something.

What? Um, they walk very quietly. Sneaky and strong. They have strong hands, according was something. What? They walk very quietly. Sneaky and strong. They have strong hands according to data. Strong hands. Well, I have very strong hands, but I know it's not me, because again, out of murdered David,

and may still your hands adorado. No, not for you weak. Wow. No, they do. Sorry. You look like you sleep with both of your hands and little bowls of heavy cream. You're just, I swear to God, your manicure looks nice. But no, it's not, it's not, those are not working man's hands.

Okay, let's bring you to the other hands. Let's bring someone else. I mean, let's bring old iron grip Ruthie in here. Okay, iron grip Ruthie. IG Ruth. Ruhu. Let's get Ruhu in here. Oh, I have, I thoughts. Ruthie is our social media and merch manager.

Yeah. Yeah, she does. Pretty much everything. Ruthie, a jack of all trades. Lovely person. Ruthie, you have a seat please. Your first, your full name please. Ruthie, why is?

Ruthie, why is it? And Ruthie, you've worked for me for how long? 13 years. What merch is moving? What merch does well? Oh, God. Oh, Jesus Christ. What? What merch does well? Oh, God. Jesus Christ. What kind of stuff goes well?

If it's just Conan, it probably sells. And then when you add these two numb skulls, we probably see a little bit of a dip pearl. I noticed there was some leftover Conan at the Apollo shirts in there. Yeah, there are. Yeah, there are. We've got that.

Well, those were saving those for this Smithsonian. Oh, yeah. Was it being set aside? So, Ruthie, you handle merch? Sign posters by you. Sign posters by me, and it goes through the roof. A lot of photographic stuff. I've taken most of those photo-pictures.

You have? I have many. I see a lot of pictures. Oh, I see a way that I did it, though. Why? I love David. But not Conan. I love Conan.

She does love me. She said that many times after a couple of drinks. Yeah, so many pictures. Who do you think did it? Well, I hate to say it, but it might be Maddie. Why? I think Maddie is looking like a strong suspect because she's clearly insane.

Well, you know what I mean? Just like, I'm gonna be in comedy! Oh my God! Yeah, you know what I mean? Just like, I'm gonna be comedy. Like, oh my god. Yeah, you know. She's able to leave whenever. She does have a new comedy show that she's producing on her own called OG Dix. Oh, okay. I don't know.

She's able to leave. She has to leave all the time. Oh, she's going to get ronson stuff. Are you telling me that she's on company time? She leaves to work on her new show OG Dixx. OG Dixx, yeah. Wow. Is that what you're saying?

You're saying she part of her job is that she leaves work. Well, she has to leave and run errands sometimes, like if, you know, like she needs to refill the basket of snacks for talent and for celebrities, right? Like, she has to go out. But then like, you know, she's also got her own stuff going on with her comedy career. She's very funny though. She's very ambitious. Very ambitious. How strong are her hands? She's very strong. But delicate also. I mean, I'm not gonna put put her, you know, do you mind if I shake your hand right now? Sure. Yeah, I would love to. Oh Jesus Christ. That's try wow. That is a grip.

We hug. Yeah, I love you too. I don't know. We don't take hands. No, we hug. We love you too. Ruthie didn't do it. I cut it. You're in on it. Ruthie, you know, I adore Ruthie.

But I will say this. Ruthie has traveled on many travel shows with me. She is familiar with my travel shows and she has worked, traveled often with Blay on many travel shows. She is familiar with the travel milieu, so I could see her having access to those books. Also, merch. And you got a good grip. See so many photos of you. Wouldn't it be nice if there were just a few less photos of Conan in this building? If anyone's going to snap looking at my photo, it might be Ruthie, right?

It's Ruthie. I'm with you on this. Do you have access to the audio cabinet? It's Ruthie, right? It's Ruthie. That's not fair. I'm with you on this. Do you have access to the audio cabinet? Yes, you do. Eduardo. Is that true?

So does Eduardo. That's true. That's true. Eduardo's jumping in. Can you shake? Can you shake? It's interesting he's jumping in. Well, no, no, I'm saying it.

What I'm saying is, but you have access to the audio class. Well, yeah, that's my case. You also do in merch. You also are sick of seeing my face. No, I'm not. I believe. Do you leave throughout the, can you leave? Yeah, I can leave.

Riffy, most important question of all. Is it bother you that my lips are so thin? You look at the photos all the time. I've not seen them a lot. But can we plump some, do I need to plump them up a little bit? Are they okay? No, I like your lips, they're great.

All right, I don't know. Don't put anything in them. Okay, I'm thinking of doing it. We need you as is. What does that help the case? How does that help get David back? We get David back or we don't. We, I have a goddamn career to think about.

This pumpkin's rotting fast. Can you just show me what, what, pluff up your lips, let's, let's, let's, God, it's terrible. But maybe you get a lip tattoo. I'd say do it.

Maybe you need a lip tattoo. I'd say do it. Oh my God. Yeah, you should do it. It was really luscious lips. Oh God. Plumpy, pillowy lips and women are always looking at it like I like to smack a roux with him. Is that something they say for kissing?

Smack a roux with him. Yeah, I wanna smack a roux with that guy. Okay, so, uh. No one will question it. Ruthie, I'm with you. I am highly suspicious of Maddie. First of all, I'm highly suspicious of anyone who, just young people that are ambitious creep me out.

Oh. So I think she's got to go. I mean, I don't know. I mean, we still have chills in Sam, not too interrogate. Thank you, Ruthie. You're welcome. Thank you very much.

Okay, you're welcome. I love Ruthie though. I really do. I know that a lot of clues point to Ruthie, but I don't think it's Ruthie either. Okay. I mean, she has a motive. Hey, has a motive. Who else do you throw paper balls at?

I'm just curious. Do you throw them at Chills? No, you don't. You throw them at play. You throw them at play for sure. But play's not on the... I will say Chills is the one that picks them up. He is right. Because I refuse to clean up after myself.

Yes, you don't ever clean up after yourself. Right, because that's the status I've achieved in this world Sam Oh, here we go. She's got cool style. Yeah, she does Sam, oh, here we go. Oh, right. She's got a cool style. Yeah, she does. I like your style, Sam.

You can't keep complimenting people. No, you can't. It's my technique. Oh, okay, but it's not good. Sam, would you put the, you seem like you're too good to put the, just you put the headset on or not? If you'd like, I mean, it just, you don't have to. You don't have to.

It's my hair look, okay. Your hair looks amazing. I'm gonna start with a few compliments. Thank you. I think you're terrific. You've done a, you do a wonderful job. And I love few compliments. Thank you. I think you're terrific. You've done a wonderful job and I love your style. Thank you. You just walked in here.

You got those cowboy boots. You got the cool berets. Thank you. I don't know. I just think she's great. David Smith. Are you a murderer? David Smith.

Not that I'm aware of. Well, first of all, we're not even looking for a murderer. Yeah, David's alive. Yeah, I consider him dead at this point. Even if he shows up, if we get him out of this alive, I may kill him. Okay. Are you a kidnapper? Ruthie.

No, no, no, no. We just talk to Ruthie. I don't know. Sam, who do you think may have done this? Look, this might get me fired because she is. It's hard to very hard to fire people because if you go through the HR, it's so difficult. Okay. And we have to give you warnings. You can get away with murder at this point.

Okay, fire me. Yeah, but I do think it's Ruthie and she's my boss. So why do you think it's Ruthie? This is the thing. She is constantly trying to go viral on like TikTok Instagram and this is the exact kind of thing that would get the clicks. You know, like this is going to be written about People are going to be posting it and interesting. No, I think it's a good click-bady thing Do you have access to the audio cabinet? I mean, I do but I do everything on my phone So there's no need for me to go in the cabinet But you do have access. Sure. Can I see your hands please?

French bracelets I I do. You know what else is a Swiftie? David Hopping. David Hopping is a Swiftie. Yeah. Did you get to go see the recent tour, but Hopping did. Did that make you angry?

That Hopping got to go? You didn't. When you consider yourself the bigger Taylor Swift fan. Look, I'm happy for him. Do I wish he would have invited me to a couple of the shows? Yeah. He went to several shows. He went to several shows and didn't invite you to one.

No, and I made him. I made him friendship bracelets. This was thousands of dollars. I tell him. He has access. First of all, here's how it works with David. You better check your page. No, it's the same thing with Sona.

I always tell my assistant, here's my bank account and then take out what you need for your living. And there was like six years later, I saw this one on Lake Mead in a boat, a huge boat. Yes, thank you. That said, Cone Saka. Okay, Sam, wow, maybe it's you. Tell me. Wow, we got a real's you. Tell me. Why? Wow, we got a real, real, real pro here.

No, I know this is another technique I'm trying. What? Tell me why it isn't you, because I think it is. You keep changing. It's just not my style. I think it's you. I've never liked you. And your style is nice stuff about me.

I said that to butter you up, but now I'm a different guy, and I'm going to throw you off balance. Your style's, you've got no style. Trust that name. It's not my butter you up, but now I'm a different guy and I'm gonna throw you off balance your style So you've got no style Sorry, but you know look I am a very Zen person. I'm a yoga teacher. I am not about any of this violence. I Meditate like this is not who I am the people that tell me there's Zen and meditate are the ones that have more anger And frustration than anyone else I know. Yeah, I swear to God every yoga teacher I've ever known has done some time in jail for trying to kill somebody. Sure, it's the every single yoga teacher.

Oh, okay. Yeah. That's not me. I wouldn't be me. Okay, so you're Zen. I have very petite hands. But, you know, I will say this. What?

You're quiet. Yeah. Let me see those. You've got some tattoos, some ink. What's this room? This one? Oh, that's an Iceland Icelandic room Icelandic room. What does it mean? Love? Okay? I love tattoo you know, I'm gonna kidnap someone on your thumb the cherries from Pac-Man It's not from Pac-Man. Okay. Hey, what about that one on your forum? It says live to kidnap. Yeah. Yeah. What's that all about? Oh, we can Disregard that room. All right, forget it. Well, thank you Sam very much. We can disregard that for you. We're getting that right.

Okay, well thank you, Sam, very much. Sam, I do admire you, and now I'm going back to the regular guy. Your style is off the charts. All right, thank you. I tried to rattle you with the whole your stuff. You keep changing your interrogation technique. Yeah. It's not a good strategy.

Or the best. No, it's not. Or it is. No, it's not. Or it is. No, but then it's still not the best. It is the best. How do you change it like it hurt my feelings exactly, but later on you're gonna think he also complimented me I don't know what I think and then you're gonna start crying and then you can confess to this terrible crime

Am I done here? employee Okay, we just have one more and it's chills. Yeah, chills, man, chills. I mean, his name's chills. That right there feels a little red herring. I feel like he can get away with anything because you value him so much, too. Chills, I'm gonna give everyone a little,

before chills gets in here, I'm gonna say, my nickname for him is the warrior. He's been with me, he started working for me like two years into the show as an intern. He has been everywhere in the world with me. He'd do anything for me like two years into the show as an intern. He has been everywhere in the world with me He'd do anything for me Wow, you think it's a long let's get him in here. Yeah, I think so. I mean he does really seem to make this place go All right, she'll get to see you. Oh friends. He said interesting now we're friends

Quiet when he walks in here dixie cuffs before maybe die Snuck in here. He's quiet when he walks in here. Dixie cubs before it made me die, but great. Hey, now he's flattering you. Hey, look at that. Look at that. Wow, look at that. It likes my bits, huh?

True. Kidnapper. Innocent. Okay, chills. Yes. You started working with me what year? 96. 96.

Okay, 27 year. 27 year kid assembly. That's nothing to do with David. Hold it. Hold on a second. This is a man who, I think loyalty and this incredible, I mean, talk about this, the record of this gentleman, you've been everywhere in the world with me. Yeah.

We've been through every adventure. You were on the old timey baseball remote. Yes. You've been in the trenches with me and so many different countries around the world. Yep. This guy, I call him the warrior. I can't believe he would do anything to harm me

And now I'm thinking about it. How does kidnapping hopping really harm me? Oh, he's your assistant again. We've proven It's not about harming you. It's about getting your goddamn face off that wall. Yeah, you know I walk in every day and it's like seeing that picture these pictures again for the first time like I love Oh and it's like seeing that picture, these pictures again for the first time. Like I love seeing this. Oh, God. Oh, God. Come on, chill. I don't believe it for a second. You walk up the stairs and you see him as the Viking. I've seen in between takes.

I've seen him come up to you and like rough you up a little bit sometimes. That's what brothers do. That's what brothers do. What brothers do. Paper balls that he throws around, all the ad copy that he do pick. This is the studio. I can can kind of like run this, like not run it, but like I tend to it, make sure everything's running smoothly.

So yeah, I clean up at the end. And you don't mind that that as a bother, you spark it out. That's a good thing, like I, I mean, we clean up after ourselves. But Coleman doesn't clean up after himself, doesn't have piss you off. No, no, no, no, no, it's like Louis XVI didn't say, oh, I'm sorry, I'll get, I drop that, I'll go get it.

That's ridiculous. I totally agree. Yeah, I mean, this is Versailles and you know, like chill. What's wrong Louis? I might have dropped put up my croissant. I should go get it and pick it up with you. Someone sees it. They shouldn't have to pick it up.

I should do it. That was not Louis XVI. Where are all your travel books? Do you know where they all are right now? I know where they all are. Do you? Yes. Let's see those hands. Yeah. Pretty easy. It's very strong. Oh my god. I can't say something about this guy.

This guy's been wrangling props, dragging him through airports in Milan. Pables? Pables? No, I have nothing to do with cables. You have access to the audio. I certainly have access. But there's a lot of people who have access. I'm in this room. I mean, the room next door, the control room to do with cables. You have access to the audio. I certainly have access, but there's a lot of people who have access. I'm in this room, I mean, the room next door, the control room, all the time.

But we wouldn't always see everyone coming in, you tiptoe around because you're conscious of the audio recording. You are kind of furtive and, you know, in the shadows. I see. Yeah. Yeah. If I left that room for a second, this place would fall apart. I believe that. Yeah, I do too. I believe that.

I believe, and I've often said this to chills when the end comes is probably going to be me and him alone. The last three will be Ross, me and chills, but then Ross will get a call that his reservation came through with the restaurant and he'll leave. And it'll be just chills and I as the monsters move in, the works. Jeff will be in an Uber headed off to Latanzi. And it'll just be the two of us.

So I am not going to look at you as chills. I just don't see it. I don't see it. It's impossible to me. You have complimented every single person on this list. Except Maddie. Now, Maddie, I grant you. What you did.

No, I know what I said is that Maddie's talented. She's funny. I think she's going places. I'll do everything I can to help her with her comedy quirks. I think she's got it. But I think she's a murderous. I think she's too fresh. I think you need somebody who's seen you a lot, who's sick of you and your photos.

And chills has been here the longest. Chills would I just can't. I can't, I can't turn against chills. Not even if it's some kind of comedy conceit, I won't, I won't do it. As an outsider, I have the least bias on everybody here. And I do think that all the clues point to chills and then you're kind of denying them, but you must like at least admit that you seem suspicious on paper, right? Based on all the clues. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait a minute. Can I leave? I can't leave this room for a second. Also, can I say something else? I constantly walk around the neighborhood and I see all of you getting your

parfaits, your your crembroulets, having your Belgian waffles, toasting each other with glass and apparel, spritzes, you all just goof off all the time. I never see chills. That's true. I go days without eating. That's true. You don't, you don't leave. Yeah, he just sucks on his wool cap

and gets some of the old beef broths from our Ireland remote. But you're like on the move a lot with Conan and things change up, the shoots change, and you have to to you have to be the one who changes everything. Isn't that piss you off? No, I love what I do. I love working for this guy. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man, you had the glazed overlook of a hostage just that you're really complimenting him a lot right now. I just can't it's not chills. And it is chills I would pardon him and then I would help him kill Okay, let's release chills because we got to we got to figure this

We're not they'll never turn against you. Please don't leave the state. Okay Times up you had an hour to figure out my identity. And what did you do? You spend it arguing amongst yourselves, pathetic and unsurprising. Well, I guess it's time to hear your accusation. Who do you think I am? Uh, cue the dramatic royalty-free music, please. Oh, boy.

Well, you can tell it's royalty-freefree because it's really not fun to listen to. Who would put a royalty on this piece of shit? No. It just sounds like I'm watching. Yeah. Selling sunset. This is like a whale's EKG. Oh, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,

boom. Hmm, it's royalty-free. You know we'll get no money from this. Well, here's what we know about the kid now. Wombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombombomb in strong hopping was being kept near pile of merch hopping was tied up with audio cables who has access to the audio cabinet the kidnapper was throwing paper balls at hopping there were travel books for Norway Thailand stacked up in the back only one suspect has a motive a means and an opportunity well i'm gonna say i agree that chills a lot of things can point to chills but he did not have the opportunity to really can't leave i think you right and um sorry, chills.

I was wrong about you. Eduardo can't leave during the podcast either. No. It has to be like, it's like not just the whole day, but it's during the podcast. I think it's during the day they can't leave. Because I think these threats are all pre- What's during the day, chills can leave during the day. So it can really can't.

But I'm getting signals from you. You can't go outside in LA with a wool hat on. With it and not get picked up by a car, at least car. So I'm gonna say it's not chills, but it could be Eduardo. Eduardo can't leave. He's doing this. I'm saying it's not chills for sure.

Could it possibly be Eduardo? Yeah, but I'm gonna say no, it's not. It's not Eduardo. So I know who my suspect is. I think we all know who your suspect is. Yeah, it's Maddie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think there needs to be less people in comedy so that I can flourish. And she threatens me. You've already done it for a long time and you know, but you know, you've established yourself. My I talked to my doctor the other day and he said, I have a good six years of life left. And I wanna use that.

I know I was shocked too, that's not a lot. He said six max. Oh man, we can get another job. So anyway, yeah, I don't know. I have mine. I have mine is up to highs. My mine is that Ruthie has the motive, the means and the opportunity.

Her motive is she has to take pictures of you all the time. Yeah. She can leave and she has access to the audio cabinet. But then that's the paper balls and the travel books. But also strong hands, strong hands, right? Now, I don't know. Strong hands from pressing photograph pictures all day. Pressing them?

Pressing them? What are you mean? Pressing them. What are you doing with them? You're moral. Take your pictures, your fingers flexing all. I don't know if I thought you meant she had a giant Ben Franklin press. I'm gonna say it's Eduardo. There, I'm saying it.

I'm saying Eduardo is my suspect. All right, well, Eduardo, I refuse to say it's you. Thanks. I love you. Thanks. I love you, man. Bro, back up. Oh my, I just think God, he's very good looking. Sorry, that's confusing. I think, I think, yeah, Ruffy,

but God, I've been with Ruffy so long that would be such a betrayal. We don't have to agree, right? We don't have to. You have to agree, it has to be one person. Oh, you don't have to. Shit. Guys, don't have to agree. Has to be one person. Oh, you don't have to. Shit. Guys, Maddie, come on. I mean, she's crazy.

Who wants to be in comedy as a profession? I know you have to be sick to do that. She doesn't have access to the audio cabinet. What does she care about paper balls and travel books? Yes. Oh, I guess that eliminates her. Well, it's not for a reason. Damn, that was a terrible put down. That was just logical what I said to you, but I said it like it was a put down. Oh, man. You're right, maybe it's not Maddie.

I wanted to be Maddie. Those are Eduardo, I'm sorry. I know you got a chills boner, but I think it might be chills. He checks out every box. Except he can't leave. He can't leave. It's not chills.

And also I can't live in a world where it's chills. I can't. This isn't real. Gotta hope it's chills. It is real quick chills. No, I'm telling you, I will not. If we all have to agree, bark up another tree, it's not chills.

You won't do it. Can you agree that Eduardo has all of the... Sure, I'll throw him down the deepest hole. I don't care. He can't really leave really leave either though but are we saying during the podcast recordings I thought we said during no no just during the day he can at work I'm getting signals from the guy who created this whole show that he can't leave okay all right so it's not at wardo I'm telling you it's not chills and I were and so just throw that away

So who's left? We never went back to Lisa who has seen yeah Lisa is Dealing with your fans all the time she always looks at photos of you and has to deal with people who love you She has access to everything. She I don't know the audio camera Sam does Sam can leave the Sam of them So she, I don't know the audio camera, Sam does, Sam can leave. Does Sam have a motive and I do think I'm going to say this. He's a ball and travel. I noticed a lot of times I make my jokes and quips and I'm always doing bits and stuff. And everyone's laughing. Sam, not so much.

You can't penalize someone. No, not penalize, but I do know that Sam has that, you know, that kind of, she's very young. She's in the corner. She's got cool style and she's just sort of staring at me like keep laughing laughing man Keep laughing away. I'll see you in your coffin one day. That's the that's the look I get from her I have a new respect for Sam. Yeah, well, you know what Lisa has I think motive because you abuse her brother all the time But she hates but she doesn't like her brother you throw paper Yeah. Because then the travel books and paper all relate to play. He leases. He goes on those. I think it's Lisa on those uh, that's actually interesting. That's

interesting. Yes. Lisa is related to play. Yes. Play goes on the travel shows. She sees me throwing paper at him all the time and I do a saltine. He beat him. Well, I beat him with an inch of his life, which I think employers are allowed to do to employees. No, no, no, no, you're not supposed to. Okay, good, good. Okay, from now on, no more.

Should we go with Lisa? I think it's Lisa. I think it's Lisa. I want it to be Maddie because I really want to nip that career in the bud. I want it to be chills just to see your heart break. Okay. But let's do Lisa, I think we have Lisa. I think we have to accuse Lisa. Okay.

Alright. Eh, wrong. No! Like I promised, you'll never see happen again. But I'm not killing him. Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm sending him to Hawaii, where he'll live out the rest of his days in paradise. AKA away from you three

Later suckers. Now it's time for me to come into the studio and reveal myself This is exciting. What if it's David I'm excited. I actually am quite excited. Yeah, I actually this is well done. I have to say this is well done. And I don't like anything. Oh, it's Roothy! Oh, my God! You're my first pick. I know you were on to me from the start. You know what? I couldn't. I care about you too much. I know it. Thank you. I know. She's been in my corner for so long and you betray it. Well, and actually again. I don't care that much about hopping so whatever

The paper balls and travel books red herring Yeah, that's called bad writing You know she came in here. She had the attitude of someone who was guilty, too. You know what? You know what? Blame you crafted this whole thing, right? Yeah. That's what.

If Blame were a mystery writer and he did a murder on the orange express and at the end, the answer was, nobody, they're not even on the train. What? No, it's that guy who lived 80 years later. The trains are red herring. I would be all for red herrings, but the stuff you gave us to read that are like meta

below the performance are saying, here's a clue, here's a clue. Clues have to make some sense. I think the paper and the travel books and really the cable just don't apply to Ruthie at all. She had, but who had the motive means an opportunity? She had the motive. Yeah, that's just a fun work.

Right, more clicks. She had the means because she keeps her camera in the audio cabinet with the, you know, the things. And she has the opportunity, which you never asked her about. She parks in the street a lot, so she has to go move her car all the time. Well, I gotta say this.

My favorite part of every Agatha Christie novel is where Agatha Christie would afterwards would afterwards yell at all the readers. Hey, wait a minute, no, that's perfect sense. They're all on the island. No, shut up, shut up. It makes perfect sense, because the science is, no, shut up, shut up. Well, that was fun.

I have to say, that was fun. Is David okay? Blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Well, that was fun. I have to say, that was fun. Is David okay? Ah blah, blah. These videos are going to do great on social. Guilty. Guilty. Man, I did. Oh, fun.

I really wanted it to be Maddie. You really did, you have it out from Maddie. I'm sorry. When I see talent, I have to squelch it. Well, let's give a big round of applause to Blay. Thanks, good job, Blay. This is all his idea and his execution. Great job, everyone.

I'm sorry about the red herrings, nice job. No, no, no, you did what you had to do. You clearly put some thought into this. Next time we'll know better. No, good job, Blay, and that was fun. I enjoyed the happening. Yeah, me too. It's all about that title, baby.

I want to do it again. Excellent job. And you're fired. Yeah. I love you guys. You've been trying to make me work here. Yeah. Well, thank you.

Kono and O'Brien needs it for end. If Kono and O'Brien sonom of Sessie and and Macgrillin, produced by Macgrillin. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Lear, and Jeff Ross at Team Copa. A card embers an important official at New World. Original fumesome by the white stripes, with this cover and all incidental music by Aaron Dwells. Take it away, you damn idiot. Okay, those are the missing. Our supervising producers is current Plans, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Sampals.

Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melmock. Teleporting by Paula Davis, Gina Petista and Breakcom. You can read them with you to show an apple podcast, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Chrom. Call the team local hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too can be featured on a feature episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Prologue Prime, need to friend whoever's smoking podcast is downloaded. And just remember, every moment is spent at listen to this podcast is another moment that brought you closer to the grave.

The Tutorials! Whoa! The turtles!