Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - The Stranger

Episode Date: November 17, 2022

Conan talks to Jenna from Dallas about working as a middle school principal and which classroom management strategy Conan should use with his team.Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hello. Hey, Jenna, meet Conan. Hey, Jenna. How you doing?

I am great. Tell us. Where are you coming to us from? I am in a suburb north of Dallas. Okay. I know Dallas a little bit. I did a week of shows there. You were there with me for those?

I was. We did a week of shows. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. You did a Mary Kay remote. Yeah. We had a good time. You did a sheriff's team.

I used to live next to the Mary Kay building. Yes. I studied. I trained. You can see this on YouTube. I trained to be a Mary Kay sales representative. I think I killed it. I did a great job.

I use their products every day. Oh, I can tell for sure. I will have to let my mother-in-law know who still is a consultant just so she can get the discount. Show her the remote. I'll show her so she can see if you're doing the way you're supposed to do it. Yeah. Show her the remote we did.

It ends with me staring in the window with lots of makeup on, creeping on some women. It's quite a chilling ending to any remote. But enough about me. Let's talk about you, Jenna. All right. You live in Dallas. What do you do? I am a middle school principal.

Oh, my God. You terrify me. I was. I was always. That's what I like to do. Wow, the principal. That is, do our kids scared of you? At first they are, but then I get a lot of things, oh, you're so nice and I'm like, you

don't really know me that well, but I used to be a coach. So all the kids now that used to have me as a coach have cycled out, so they're not as scared of me anymore. Oh, so you used to be a coach at the school. This is an elementary school? No, it's a middle school. Middle school. Yeah.

I've been in the same district since I started in education, but I'm not at the same school from when I was a coach. Okay. All right. What kind of coach were you? I did volleyball, track, cross-country, and basketball. And when we were short-handed, I would step in for soccer. Oh, incredible.

Like everything. Yeah. It sounds like there's nothing you can't coach. You were also the boxing coach? Yes. Yes. That's always interesting at the middle school level. Fencing.

Yeah. Fencing. Ultimate fighting. MMA. Yeah. Page match in the gym. You know, octagons are not that hard to construct. So just think about that.

No. I mean, that's all my wish list for my PTA right now is like, let's get the octagon up. Yeah. Guess what? It gets rid of a lot of aggression. And you can start, once you get a, you know, make a deal with a cable company, you make a lot of money.

And that all goes to the school. That's very true. Yeah. You'll never have a baking sale again. Yeah. So Jenna. Baking sale. It's just a bake sale.

Baking. I like that. I call it a baking sale. A sale of goods that were formed through baking, hence the term baking sale. Makes sense to me. Jenna, you get me. And these guys don't. And that's why I like you.

Good. I was going to tell you, so at the beginning of this school year, I had a very Conan moment and I almost, like I laughed at myself on stage. I was doing the like little camp for our incoming sixth graders. And I was demonstrating this relationship building practice that we use in classes. And it's just like, you know, pose a question and talk to somebody about it. So the question was, I said, you cannot talk to who you came with. You have to turn around and talk to somebody else.

So what was the last TV show that you binge? So they're like, what? And I said, yeah, like, oh, minute, I'll call you back, but it's ready. And so you always end the question as a classroom management strategy by saying, all right, well, this is what I did. So the last TV show I had watched at the time was what we do in the shadows. Very funny show. One person in the back went, whoo.

And I said, thank you, sir. And I was like, that was, I got a big laugh. So your Conan moment. You're now defining a Conan moment as one person out of 300 acknowledging you. Okay. That's wonderful for my self-esteem, Jenna. But no, no, no, I'm laughing. Now I see a picture of you and a gentleman behind you.

Is that? Yeah. Is that? Wow. A good pointing on the monitor. I was Zoom teaching for a while. That was really, eerily good. You just went right to it.

Is that gentleman, is he a gentleman caller or is this someone you have a relationship with? Well, he's my husband. Okay. I don't know. Yeah. I think a husband can still be a gentleman caller. You know what?

Whenever I go home at night, I've trained my son to go up to my wife and say, you have a gentleman caller. And then I come in. Your poor son. Yeah. That's awful. Yeah. I make him wear a dress as a butler.

And he goes up to my wife and says, you have a gentleman caller. And she goes, ah, Conan. And then my son says, I hate, yeah, I hate all of you. Yeah. Well, Jenna, I think you'd be a great principal. You seem so nice. You're very funny. Thank you.

I remember, I don't know if they still do this, but when I went to elementary school, they would say, there was an intercom and they, the intercom, they'd come on and they'd say Conan O'Brien, report to the principal's office. And everyone in the class would go, does that still, does that still happen? The intercom does it, but the happens all day every day because because how do you contact if they don't use an intercom anymore and I'm dating myself here because no one else will date me. Oh, God, oh, but in the 70s, they used Son of Place, this is good stuff rolling their

eyes. My eyes hurt from rolling. Okay. Take it easy. So hard. Please put a G in there. Anyway, Jenna, if they don't use the intercom, which is what they used in the mid 1970s, what do they use?

We do actually still have the intercom. We just don't use it to like call individual kids out of class. Oh, but that was so fun. It was so it was such a great moment of shame and terror. It is, it is, but then like for the teacher's sake, good luck getting your class back. Got it. So every teacher has a phone in their classroom. So now it's just a phone call.

But then you still get that aspect of Conan, go to the office, Ms. Martin needs you and then. Oh, my God, I got sent to the principal's office many times. Yeah. I don't think you did. Well, we were having an affair. Oh, yeah. Oh, that makes sense.

She was 77. I was 14. And for some reason society judged us. I don't get it. I mean, I'm sorry about that. Anywho. Oh, God. Listen.

This is wrong with you. Jenna, what is wrong with me? If you could help me. Hey, what's wrong with you has made you very successful. So. Hey, wow. Oh, that's what they said to Jack the Ripper. What's wrong with you has made you quite good at what you do.

Thank you, Governor. I'm off for me. Stabby stabby. Jenna, I don't know what's wrong with me today. I've clearly gone. But I like you. I wish I wish you had been my principal. I mean, I liked my principal, but you seem like you'd be fantastic.

And you have a good relationship with the kids. How do you? Connect with the youth of today, because I don't understand these youngsters with their iPods and their, you know, iPods, iPods, iPods, iPods, iPods, iPods and then you just stopped right after that. I had nothing else. You couldn't think of anything else. They still have Zoom.

And their iPods. Stop making iPods. Dot, dot, dot, dot. What? How do you connect with them? In all honesty, like just being smiley and having a positive and saying hi and giving them fist bumps and high fives in the hall back, it's amazing how far that goes. I'm going to write this down.

Being nice to people. Being nice to people. Sona has mentioned this to me many times that I haven't tried it. Be nice. Okay. Yeah. Worth a shot. Sona, if you saw me in the hall and I tried to fist bump you, would you fist bump me back?

We're in too deep. There would be, there's too many years of bad behavior before that. So no, I'd be like, why are you trying to hit me? To be fair, I thought a fist bump was when you made a fist and you bumped someone really hard in the shoulder with it. And then I found out that that's called physical abuse. Yes, that's exactly. That's a, that's a slug.

Yeah. Okay. So you sound like you're very up with them. You're, you're. Yeah. Super, super hip. Um, if all else felt just act like a complete idiot. Um, that's what I'm really, that's what I'm really good at.

Me too. So yeah, it's, they're so awkward at the middle school level and that's why I love it. Like when I go for a high five and then I sometimes like to close my fists at the last second for a fist bump and then make a turkey with them. And it's funny to like see them try to figure it out. So that always gets me glad. Well, you, um, they probably just think something's wrong with you. Yeah.

Like she's old and arthritis and the joints are acting up. No, that's a possibility. Um, I just, I like to dress up a lot and just make a full of myself basically is, is it, if you can make a middle school or laugh, like it's done, you got them. Yeah. That's, uh, I love making, I always think, uh, the greatest challenge, um, and the greatest joy is making a kid laugh authentically, you know, that always makes me happy because I think they're the hardest in a way, you know, a kid that doesn't know what I do for

a living. Or if I can get, if I can really get a kid going, I've got beef right now with one of Sonia's kids because he didn't laugh. Yeah. Yeah. If he really had Mikey going, Charlie still stones me and I won't speak to him and I'm his Godfather. Yeah.

So yeah. He only asks me about Mikey. Yeah. I say, well, tell Mikey that I love him and have a good, and she's like, well, what about Charlie and the phone just goes dead. Yeah. That's exactly what happens every single time. Well, he's one.

He should know how to laugh. Um, my strategy would be the nice things, just, you know, be nice and maybe one day he'll think you're funny. Hey. Nope. He needs to pay for what he did. Oh, okay. He's a professional star.

I don't need to take this crap. That's a strategy. Charlie. Hey, what's it like whenever I used to see a teacher or especially a principal outside school, it was weird. It was very strange because I didn't think they could exist outside of the reality of school. And so have you had that experience where a parent or kids have seen you out in the

world and it's weird? Yes. Um, I don't live in the town that I work in for that very reason. I feel like there's, it's a healthy buffer or I could still live my life. You live over seven hours away. Yes. I commute. That's why I listen to your podcast the whole bunch.

You live in Florida and you own a seaplane and you go to Dallas. That's incredible. Uh, so, so you live far away. Does it ever happen though that you still see somebody? Yeah. Every once in a while, I will still still see people. I mean, like I live close to Dallas and so I, when we go to dinner, go do fun things, go out, like I go towards the Dallas just so I can avoid that, but you know, I still

will always see a kid. I learned my lesson my very first year that I was a teacher and coach and the town that I taught in, um, it's huge and they have this beautiful mall. It's beautiful. And I was new to the area and I was like, well, let's go and I needed, um, underwear and I went to a place to buy underwear that everybody knows by the look of their bag, you know, where you've been, which, which store, which store is this? Cause I know them all.

Oh God. Oh, okay. Uh, Victoria's secret. Okay. Yeah. You know them all. I know we're all, I know. I've been to every Victoria's secrets outlet.

That's one of my claims to fame. I just hang around and then I get asked to leave. Now they have my picture up, but anyway. So what happened? You went to a Victoria's secret and like they have a good sale. It's like five or 35, so I go there and I walk out. Can I ask you so quickly, Jenna? Did you buy some?

Unmentionables. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. I love it when people refer to them as unmentionables.

Oh, I thought you were. Okay. Unmentionables. Sorry. I thought it was cocaine I had just before we did this show. Yeah, it was. I didn't know what that was. You were snorting.

Oh, I thought that was. This is delicious cocaine. I thought it was an analgesic. I shouldn't have said, this is delicious cocaine, because that ruined it. Who says this is delicious cocaine? No one says that. That's so stupid. I'm sorry.

So Jenna, back to your story. You go to Victoria's secrets, you purchase a few, let's just call them unmentionables and you're walking out. Yeah. And I walk out and I hear, uh, coach Posey, coach Posey. And I was like, that was my maiden name. And I was like, oh my God. And I turn around and it's a boy, a little sixth grader that I had in classes, his dad.

And they're like, Hey, how are you doing? But you can just see like the dad's gaze like honed in on the pink bag. Yeah. And then you see the kids. I wonder down there after it got past the shock of seeing, you know, your teacher in public. I no longer shop in the town. I teach you were driven out of, you were pretty much driven out of town, you know, basically, because of that embarrassing moment.

What I do is I carry everything in a Victoria's secrets bag so people get used to it. So that's a good strategy. Yeah. I just, instead of a briefcase, I have a Victoria's secrets bag. And then when I do go to Victoria's secrets, I'm not embarrassed because people say anytime people stop me, I reach into my Victoria's secrets bag, it's got like, you know, Coors light in there. Or sometimes I just Miller light. You mean Miller light because they, you're right.

It's got Miller light in there because they are advertisers. And or it's got my books, a book I'm reading or it's got some papers or sometimes I'll just scoop, you know, turkey chili in there. And I carry that around. But then occasionally when I buy my wife some unmentionables at Victoria's secret, no one knows. Yeah. And sometimes I forget to take the chili out first and they're just covered in turkey chili. Oh, God. Yeah.

But that's one of my kinks. Oh, no. Jenna, did I ruin your day by talking to you? No. I hear crazier things every day. That's not possible. That is not possible. She works with middle schoolers by the way.

I think I've got them beat. I think I'm the least mature person you've spoken to in years and you're a middle school principal. I mean, turkey chili in a Victoria's secret bag was not on my bingo card for today. No, it was not. I bet you you're very good at what you do. I think you'd be a really good principal, you know. Well, thank you. Don't you think so?

I think she'd be great. I actually remember my principals and I loved all of them. They were all really nice and a good principal makes a huge difference, I think. A good boss would make a big difference. Yeah, well, you can't get everything you want in life. You take what you get. And I'm glad that you, and by the way, I'm sure COVID was very difficult. I'm sure that was just a very difficult time.

So I hope you're on the other side of that now and things are kind of back to normal. It's back to normal. I will say that just I realized last year when all of our kids were actually back in the building physically, like, you know, a second semester seventh grader when they're, they don't know how to do something that is very routine. I'm like, what are you talking about? How do you not know where that place is or whatever? And then you realize they haven't ever been in middle school.

They haven't. You know, they hadn't seen school since they were first semester fifth graders basically. And so that was a huge reality check. And just, you know, they're not allowed to have their cell phones out and they can keep them in their bags for, you know, safety reasons or emergency, but they can't have them out. And so having them like sit together and socialize at lunch, like that's a crazy thing to see them go through and like learn again how to, you know, you're around people again and you can talk and have all this fun, but also temper it because you're at school and you can't be

running around and screaming, you know, it's, it's been interesting to see after COVID. But I will say that it is getting a lot better and there, there, it's, it's a lot like how it was before. Good. I'm glad that you guys are bouncing back. Did you have a question for me? Is there anything, anything I can do for you? I did.

So with, in regards to my job, I have a lot of first year teachers on my campus this year and I'm always looking for strategies and ways to help them with their classroom management. So I want you to envision a classroom full like 36 graders. Some of them are very Sona ish. Some of them are very gorely ish. And then you have a couple of like Dana Carvey's who go off on, you know, tangent. So if you were a teacher, what would be your classroom management strategy to get them all those personalities to learn from you and be engaged in your English lesson?

Am I allowed to medicate them without their knowing? Oh, that's frowned upon. Oh, so. Yeah. Okay. That's a problem because I would say basically, yeah, immediately, immediately medicate the Dana Carvey's. Oh, okay.

And if I couldn't put it in their grape juice, I would, I would get a little dart gun. You know, you can get them right in the neck and they get, they get real under control real fast, but I'm told that's frowned upon in some parts of the country. All parts. Yeah. Well, really all. The whole country. You can't drug a kid.

Didn't know that. Yeah. Well, okay. No blow darts even in Texas. Really? Yeah. Not even. I love that you said not even in Texas.

You can have my blow dart when you take it out of my cold, dead hands. I would try and get the kids, I would speak very quietly because I have found that when you speak quietly, everyone leans forward and I would drop little hints every now and then that I had a dark past and was capable of terrible, terrible things. And I think kids would be hanging on my every word. You know, what did this guy do, where does he come from? I would, I would give them as little information about myself as possible. And you're also encouraging critical thinking.

Yes. Yes. Yeah. Sounds great. I wear a long dark duster and a hat when I came in and I'd say, class today, we're going to learn some very important lessons. And then I'd pause and say, I wish someone had taught me those lessons, but maybe I'd have had a different life.

And then I'd look out the window wistfully and these kids would think, what is this guy all about? We're going to listen to every single word he says. That's actually cool. If I had a teacher like that, I'd be like, what is his deal? Yeah. Whenever we're going to talk about algebra. You're going to make your voice this way.

Yeah. I wish I had known about algebra and I wouldn't have had to kill that guy. What? Did you say kill that guy? Forget about it. That's not what we're here to talk about. Get out your textbooks. You know, I would just get very mysterious.

Yeah. And that's a good one. Would you be one of those teachers who you like, or is it cool if they call you Conan? No. Oh, okay. They have to call me the stranger. Excuse me, the stranger. Could I use the bathroom?

Of course you can, Stephen. I wish. That's going to go really well at your first parent teacher conference. I wish I had had a bathroom when I was a child. I've been holding it in for 35 years. Wait, so then I know she brought up a good point at the parent teacher conference. Are you normal or are you this? I come in through the window.

Hello. Excuse me. What is your full name? I'm the stranger. No, excuse me. That's all you need to know. And then you get me fired because I am the one. I wouldn't get you fired.

I don't know. I would say nobody goes after Jenna, or you incur the wrath. The wrath of the stranger. The only thing that would blow it is then they would see me get into my little Hyundai to drive away. Yeah, no. And on the back, it would have a little sticker that said, I heart poodles. And that'd be, and then some kids would see me coming out of the, some kids would see

me coming out of a Victoria's secrets. Hey, the stranger. What's that? Oh, oh, I mean, what's that? What you got in that bag there? Oh, um, some chili and three thongs. Okay, stranger. See you later.

Is there a window here I can crawl out of? No, it's a mall. What's your problem? Oh, yeah. Jenna, this is all your fault. This is stupid. You took, this is one of the stupidest ones we've had. I couldn't be happier.

I really couldn't be happier. You made my day. It was so nice talking to you. Seriously. I envy your teachers and your students. I think they lucked out the day you came to town. Oh, well, thank you. And I mean, I can't, I can't, I can't even tell you how amazing this is for me growing

up in, I grew up in a very, very small town in West Texas where, you know, you were the weird kid if you were watching, you know, if you weren't watching football or out on the farm. And so, um, and I just, I've been a fan of yours for so long and, Oh, that's really sweet. It's a, it's a dream come true. Well, yes, I've always tried to be there for kids that are no good on the farm and have no athletic ability and, um, just like some weirdness.

So, uh, it's, it's, I'm really happy, I'm really happy that you, you tuned into my kooky wave length. That means a lot to me. Seriously. Thank you. My husband plays college. We met in college. He was, he was a baseball player and like, he's a fan too.

And one of our favorite things is to watch your old timey baseball. Oh my God. Yeah. It's our favorite. You know what? I'm so happy. That's a gift that keeps on giving. I love that that's still bouncing around out there because I did say years ago when

I left the old late night show back in like 2009, I said, you know, please just play this at my funeral cause it really is everything I'm all about. This is, so. Love it. We're probably responsible for about a thousand of those views. Oh, cool. Well, very nice. So, hey, listen, Jenna, my best two, uh, what's your husband's name?

Kyle. Kyle. All right. My best to Kyle. And, uh, someday I'll come and visit you as the stranger. Maybe they won't let you in the building. They'll get you in the building and then, and then you can play the stranger. I love me standing outside the school.

Oh, come on. I'm a stranger. Oh, come on. Hey, Jenna, really lovely talking to you. You take care. Thank you so much. You were great. Bye.

Thank you. Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gorely, produced by me, Matt Gorely, executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Salateroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf, music by Jimmy Vivino, supervising producer Aaron Blair, associate talent producer Jennifer Samples, associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm, engineered by Will Beckton. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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