Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - The Thing

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

Conan talks to Alexandra about being a janitor in Antarctica, traveling the world, and which Disney Princess Conan identifies with the most.  

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay. Let's get started. Hi, Alex. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Hello.

Hey, Alex. How are you? Good. How are you? We're doing great. Hi, Sona. Hi. Nice to see you.

How's it going? Not too bad. Beautiful California weather. Won't have that for a while. You're in California right now? Yeah. You're in Palm Springs. Mm-hmm. Is that where you hang out mostly in Palm Springs or are you just visiting?

No, not at all. My uncle lives here, so we have Thanksgiving here. Oh. So it's a big family reunion. That's nice. Yeah. So where do you mostly spend your time? Uh, Lottville, Colorado.

Oh. Tiny little mountain town. But I'm not home much. Very nice. I change out my suitcase a couple times a year there, so. Where do you spend most of your time? Well, I work seasonal jobs, so last year I was in Antarctica before that in Africa. I'm about to go back to Antarctica for about a year, so all over.

Wait a minute. I want to hear about this, because I'm very intrigued by Antarctica. Mm-hmm. What do you do in Antarctica? I was a janitor on the research base there at McMurdo, so like the largest base down there. Wow. There's about 500 to 1,000 people in the summer, about 100 for the winter, but.

Oh my God. So it's deserted in the winter, practically. Yeah, and it's dark, too. Have you been there during the winter? Have you been there during the winter? No, I'm about to go back for my first winter. I'm really excited. Like, it's going to get weird.

You're going to spend a winter in Antarctica. Yeah, it's going to get weird. Now, first of all, it's going to be really weird, and you're going to be spending it on a base, and all I can think about is that movie. Oh, The Thing. The Thing that takes place, I think, in Antarctica. And man, it's such an intense environment. How are you worried about going to Antarctica for the winter?

I mean, yes and no, I'm more excited. I mean, I'm glad I did a summer first because I don't think, you know, like, it's a lot. It's a different world, but I'm ready for it. I'm excited. Okay. Well, okay. Just tell us what life is like on the base. Do you work as a custodian, is that what you said?

Yes, the master of the custodial arts, yeah, I mean, Antarctica itself is like one and a half times the size of the US, and there's like about 50 bases, about 15 different countries. They're all very, very spread out, so none of them are, you know, you can't like visit any of the other ones really, but McMurdo is the largest one. It's American base because they have a lot of field cancer, a lot of research about it and about, but life on the base is, I don't know, I mean, it's a lot of work, like you're there to work. So that's, I guess, the only downside.

You're there to work, but are you living in barracks, so you're living in dorms? Yeah, I mean, they're more or less dorms. So like part of the Antarctic treaty is leave no trace, so everything has to be semi-permanent, and then, you know, not taking up as much space as for heating purposes. I mean, I guess a lot of purpose is just building as well. So yeah, it is kind of like college style of dorms. Like everyone has a roommate, and then like bathrooms down the hall, yeah, it's very dorm style.

And how do you, do they give you any kind of testing or psychological testing? Because I think I would go insane. I'm pretty certain that if you put me in the winter in Antarctica with, you know, 50 other people in dorm style living, I would be the one that snaps, and I would snap very quickly. Within half an hour of the helicopter leaving, I would snap. Half an hour, yeah. I would, yeah, it would be about half an hour, maybe, you know, I would say 35 minutes. Yeah, it would become the thing.

I would be the thing. Yeah. It would be about Conan. True story, yeah. Going from place to place. Just doing bits. Yeah. I'm driving people crazy.

I mean, I think it would be entertaining at least, so what is that? For a while, and then I'd just be crying and I'd go insane, what do they do to make sure that you don't lose your mind? No, there's a lot of testing. I mean, there's, it's mostly like health testing, you know, physical, like dental. I think it's a bit of psychological. There's not like, you know, they're not showing you the photos of the, like pictures, which you imagine.

There were a lot. Yeah. I think it's, you know, that's why they want you to do a summer first when they can get you out if you do go a little crazy, but it's more the, the like physical background and stuff. They just want to make sure that you never have to go to a doctor. There's nothing that's like, would be wrong because you would be stuck down there. You know, say like a gallbladder scan or if any, like stuff like that comes up or like

your wisdom teeth out, just to. But if something, I mean, sometimes things just happen, they do have a way to get you out of there if they need to, right? I hope so. Yeah. It sounds to me like Alex, it sounds to me, I don't know. I, they can test you for so much, but sometimes things just happen. You know, I, I take care of myself and I routinely, you know, you know, take care of my, my body

and I have things checked, but I'd say about, I don't know, every three or four months, I have major organ failure and it's just something that happens when someone hits my egg. Yeah. I remember suscitated constantly. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there are, yeah, like you could fall and break your leg.

I think there was like a sort of evacuation a few years ago. I mean, I just have to be careful and I guess, you know, the better chances, if you're healthy or going in, the better chances you'll come out healthy, I guess. Do you, do you, um, do you ever go outside when you're there in the dead of winter or are you not allowed to? Oh, no, you can go outside. Um, like in the summer, there's all kinds of hikes and stuff. It's beautiful around.

No, I'm, no, I'm, I'm fascinated with the winter. The winter is what fascinates me if I, if you go out now, first of all, I don't know. And I, this is a dark joke. I don't mean it to be, but, um, with global warming, I don't know if it's like 55 in the winter there now. I don't know. I don't know what it is, but it must be terribly cold. Yeah.

No, it's really cold. Um, I was checking the weather there this week when it's light out, it ranges from like 15 to 20 degrees. That's during the summer. I mean, I know like the coldest temperatures on earth or in the winter, but it feels nice, dry heat or hot, dry cold, I guess. So it doesn't feel like it's, you know, that like when it's humid, it's a different kind of cold, but it's the wind that, that'll really get you in the winter.

You are mostly inside. I also think it's Antarctica. That'll really get you. Yeah, it's fair. It's the wind. No, no, no. It's Antarctica. It's at the bottom of the planet.

Yeah, you got me there. It gets no heat. Yeah. Wow. Now you should stay in Palm Springs. Yeah. It's pretty nice here. I mean, it's changed my mind.

What's with you and your polar opposites? Can't you just find a nice temperate zone? Yeah. Yeah. Why can't you just go hang out in, uh, you know, I don't know, Kentucky for a little bit. Yeah. You know, just fix some medium.

Well, I mean, I think Antarctica over Kentucky. Yeah. I'm sorry. Kentucky was, I want to stick up for Kentucky here. Where's place of Lincoln? Illinois claims that. Anyway. Is that true?

Is that right? Yeah. It's born in Kentucky. I just think of, like, what, whiskey? Or is that? And then his family moved. Bourbon? Yeah, Bourbon.

Yeah, that's what I, that's where my head went. That's where he spent most of his, uh, life was in Illinois. Oh, okay. Two separate conversations going on here. Bourbon. And I'm happy where I am. Hey, speaking of Bourbon, uh, when people are forced to live in a very cold, secluded environment, many of them, uh, turn to alcohol.

Yeah. How do they keep that on control, uh, at the base? Um, it is rationed. Yeah. With. Oh, dear. And how is it rationed? How much alcohol do you get?

Let's say a week. Um, you can have, like, you get, like, three points this house was in the summer. So, like, a point, I'll get you, like, a bottle of wine or a six pack of beer. Um, dear. So, yeah. So, like. Three points. Yeah.

I can't. That's a, how do you get a point? Well, you get a point. No, you get three a week. Yeah. That's like your ration. Oh. I'll explain to you.

You automatically get it. Yeah. Yeah. You get three points and then a point would be a bottle of wine. Oh. Or, like, a six pack of beer. Oh. So.

Can you save up your points and then just go on a bed? Yeah. That's what I would, that's what I would do. Yeah. Yeah. Technically you could. You couldn't save your points. You still have to spend them that week, but you could, like, stash what you got with

your points. Okay. Quick question. Can you buy meth with your points? And how many points? And how many points is it? Yeah. Um, I have, you know, I haven't, uh, I haven't found, found the guy down there yet for,

for the meth. Just the best guy. Just ask. Oh, trust me. He will run. He's got the crystal. You'll know it when you see him. He'll find you.

Yeah. You'll know when you see him. Yeah, you know, we have to go through like the dental checks. Yeah. It's easier to pick up, but. Yeah. He'll be someone who will not be having a dental emergency. Cause he has no teeth.

Um, so that's got to look out for. Yeah. He only, he only eats snowballs. These are delicious. That's your meth place. Uh, I like the meth place. So, uh, wow, this is, um, I'm learning a lot. I'm learning a lot about Antarctica.

Hey, you know, you seem like an interesting person. Alex, you seem to have this, uh, compulsion to go to these really, uh, you know, far away places that no one else would ever go to. And I applaud that. I think it's very cool. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, you only live once and hang, especially after COVID.

It was like, why, you know, like, if the world could end. Right. But I. Yeah. I'm tired of being in isolation. Yeah. I want to go to Antarctica. And live in a cement army base.

Yeah. I did my isolation differently. No, your, your response to COVID is hilarious to me. It's absolutely hilarious. I can't take it anymore. I go to Antarctica. Well, like a rich response to COVID is I went like after initial lockdown, I went and I started searching abroad where I could go

and Tanzania is the only country that wasn't shut down. They just denied it completely. And they had, you know, really good prices for the Serengeti for like refugees migration for climbing Kilimanjaro. So I went there for three weeks. So it's not that they didn't have COVID. It's that they just didn't accept it. Oh yeah.

No, I landed. You went there. I landed and I, I landed in Tanzania and got off the plane and they were like, you can take your mask off. There's no COVID here. And I was like, all right. That's not how it works. So how does that work out for you?

Did you ever get COVID when you were in Tanzania? I did. I mean. We just had a very unusual reaction to, yes, I got COVID. Biggest laugh of the year. I mean, did it. Did you ever get COVID? I mean, eventually.

Yeah, I mean, I never got COVID. I technically have still not had it though. Who knows if I did. You haven't either, Eduardo? I did. I just feel like putting that out there. I'm going to get it now. Yeah, probably.

I mean, I'm not going to go chasing it down like you did. Well, it still took like nine months for me to get it that way. Chasing it down. Yeah. You went to the home of it. Yeah. You went to the one place that denied it existed just so you could get it. Well, that's what I could get it.

I just didn't want life after lockdown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, please, please. I am not questioning any of your choices. Thanks. What I am going to ask you is what's the other place you want it? What else is on the list? I mean, besides Antarctica, what else is on the list?

I really want to do a riverboat cruise across the Congo. I think that's what I'll probably do, the Congo River. I did the Amazon a few years ago for like a couple of weeks sailing into, well, it's not sailing. It's like a motor boat. And so you keep just in the Amazon. And I want to do the same thing on the Congo River from Goma to Kinshasa. Good for you.

Yeah. Do you do all this yourself or do you go with friends or family? Oh, I need to go alone. I have a lot of friends. Cool. I mean, that I've met from all over the world as well. But no, I like traveling alone. It's, you know, it's, no, but I guess it's, I haven't found anyone that'll do what I

do either. So there's that. You know anyone. You see when you say I'm off to Antarctica, you have to go alone. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, there's people in Antarctica. Yeah, some of the other ones, I guess are a little harder to find someone to jump on

a boat in the Congo with me. Alex, you have a pretty interesting question for Conan. Do you want to ask it? Yes. I was curious of all the Disney princesses, which one you identify with the most? Oh, that's a really good question. I am terrible at knowing who the Disney princesses are. And I've experienced this because when my daughter was younger, we took her to Disney

world and she loved that whole Disney world. And I just didn't know, I didn't know who was who, I have to say. I know my first ladies of the United States better than I know any Disney princess. So I mean, I honestly don't know who they are. It might be Ariel the mermaid, not just because of the red flowing hair. I was thinking Ilsa from Frozen. Oh. He likes the cold.

But Ariel has that rebellious spirit. Yeah. That's like me. Yeah. Yeah. And also, she turns from a fish. A mermaid. Yeah.

But her lower part of her body turns from fish to woman. She becomes a mermaid too, human. What's that? I have to say, she becomes from a fish to a human. She's a mermaid. Her body happens and she turns into, she gets her legs. Right. Well, yeah.

It took me a while for me to get my legs and then, man, did I get some long legs? Uh-huh. You know, like, I don't know. I really, I don't know. What? When she first asked this question, I really thought, Ilsa, because you would rather, you would like to isolate yourself in an ice castle. Well, there's always Rapunzel and you could have, you know, you could sneak boys over

and they can climb up your hair, you know, in this house. Yeah. I'd love to sneak some boys over. What are you talking about? I don't know. Uh, I haven't, well, Matt, you're an expert on all things Disney, rattle off all the princesses. I'm not. Uh, well, let's start in the beginning, there's Snow White, and I don't know what order it

goes, but Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, then we get into, like, Belle, Ariel, Jasmine. Oh, for guidance. Oh, that's Belle. You, you're a reader. Yeah. For a guy who starts off saying, oh, I can't really. Alice in Wonderland. Anyway.

That's because I'm a red-blooded American child. So, which one is Belle? Belle is Beauty and the Beast. Belle is Beauty and the Beast. She's a reader. Right. She just wants to read all the time. Her dad goes to the castle and is captured by the beast and then she goes and saves him

and, like, makes me. But also, Belle is able to look past the surface of people to see their interview. Oh, yeah, so that won't work. That's, no. That's me all over. What do you mean me? That's me all over. I don't know.

I look past everyone's physical flaws and I just see the interview. Okay. No, he's not Belle. Oh, he's not Belle. Is there a Cinderella princess? Oh, maybe that's the way to head. Yeah. There's that character from Brave.

That's Irish. Oh, that's right. Merida. Merida. You're Merida. I'm Merida. Yeah, because she's kind of fidgety. She's Scottish.

Yeah. She's not Irish. She's Scottish. That's Scottish. Okay. That's close enough, though. Tomato tomorrow. Close enough.

Close enough. It's going to go over really well. There's going to be a Disney army coming after us. That's why, again, I think Ilsa, because she was kind of a villain. All right, well, I throw this to them because I don't know my Disney princesses. Alex, do you have a suggestion? No. I mean, I'm just trying to take up all of the princesses.

I mean, I guess, like, there's Cinderella, Pocahontas. Oh, yeah. Maleficent. Was she a princess, though? For your purposes, yeah. But don't worry about it. Right. Maleficent.

Yeah. She sounds more up my, yeah. She intends people great harm, yes? I think so. Yes, yes. Is she from Sleeping Beauty? Maleficent. Was she Snow White?

Okay, that makes sense. She's what? She's the mistress of evil. She's the evil queen of Snow White. I think she's... I think she is Sleeping Beauty. Yeah, Sleeping Beauty. All right, well, listen.

There's a lot of princesses. I could talk about this more than I can think of. Disney princesses over here. I know. You know, the good news is, Alex, you're going to have a lot of time to figure this one out. Because you're leaving, when do you leave for Antarctica? Saturday. So you're going to go from Palm Springs to winter in Antarctica.

It'll be summer for a couple months. This is going to be an incredible whiplash for you. This is like that guy last week that would go from the sauna to the freezing water. I know. This is going to be an intense change for you. Yeah. Now, will you be able to listen to our podcast when you're down there? It takes, like, we don't have internet down there.

It'll... What? What? We do, but it's like, remember, like AOL, like plug-in, like... Dial us. Can you watch porn properly? Not properly. Yeah.

I mean, you can download it and bring it down there. Yeah, I mean, or... Yeah. He's meant to be watched improperly. Yeah. That's great. Listen, there's always a way. Yeah.

Alex, there's always a way. You can download it at night and it'll, you know, it's kind of like a Napster file. It'll take a couple of days. It's like old school. Internet. You better hope it's one you like. I know. No, I'll probably have somebody save it and bring it down in, like, January or whatever.

Oh, secondhand? I love that we figured out a way how to watch pornography effectively on an Antarctic base. You got to be thrifty. Hard drive. Yeah. USB drive. Can I ask a quick question? Did you guys ever hook up down there?

Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh. It is like college. Hey. Well, that kind of girl ratio is pretty high, so it's very... Now I... Oh, wait.

So, uh, that's not frowned upon then. People accept that that's what happens. I mean, we're all adults, right? Or most of us, I guess. What? Well, there aren't any children allowed down there. I'm still incredibly immature about these things. Yeah.

Oh, okay. So, uh, wow. So, okay, things might... Yeah. Things might get a-boilin' when you're down there, you know? Liar porn. That part may come to a simmer. What?

The real reason for climate change is you guys are meltin' the ice caps. What an unsexy waitin'. Oh, God. Boilin'. That's, uh, incredible. All right. Well, hey, maybe I'll be coming down there to join you guys. Oh, you'll kill it.

You'll kill it. I won't get my freak on. Oh, the thing's here. If that's the reason you come. Yeah. I'm gonna show up with a... They'll say, like, did you bring a parka? No, I brought a velour shirt.

Lots of condoms. A red velour shirt. Six points of that cologne that Tracey wore again. Jupe. Jupe. And, uh, an 800 condoms. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's what I'm coming down with.

800. Anything else in your... No, I have nothing else. I don't have a toothbrush. So I'll be hangin' out with meth mouth pretty soon. And, uh, in Antarctica, 100 scientists set off into the wilderness with no provisions to mysteriously avoid... Avoid the velour shirt in three.

They'll be takin' over the base. Matt, we definitely have to do a remake of the thing. There's me in a velour shirt... Velour shirt coming on to everybody, men and women. Oh, God. Wearing too much cologne, and everybody is trying to kill me. Oh, can we get Kurt Russell to do that? Oh, trust me.

Amazing. I will talk to Kurt, and he will be on board. Oh, heaven. Hey, Alex, it was really fun talking to you. It was fun. And in all sincerity, be safe down there. And I do admire your adventuring and adventurous spirit. I think it's really cool and enviable.

Thank you. And, uh, I wish you safe travels. Thank you. That was very nice to meet y'all. All right, we'll see you later. Bye. All right, see you later. Bye.

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. With Konan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gorely. Produced by me, Matt Gorely. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Salateroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf. Music by Jimmy Vivino. Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples.

Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Konan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. Music playing. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.