Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Thinking About Stew

Episode Date: November 18, 2021

Conan talks to Brittany from Buffalo, NY about working as a skydiving instructor and whether Conan would be able to keep it together on a dive. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamcoco.com slash callkonan. Okay, let's get started. Hey, Brittany, meet Konan and Sona. Hello. Hey, Brittany, how are you? I'm good, how are you?

I'm great. Where are you coming from? Where are you in this spinning blue globe we call Earth? I'm in Chile, Buffalo, New York. Ah, what's the weather like right now? How cold is it? It's like in the 40s. Oh, okay.

It could get colder. It is going to get colder. Well, here in Los Angeles, if it dropped into the 40s, they would declare a national emergency. Right. There would be mass suicides. Brittany, thanks for joining us. Tell me a little bit about yourself. So I am from Buffalo, New York.

I'm a skydiving instructor. Whoa, really? Yes. Wait a minute. So you are the person that's in the plane with people that never went skydiving before, and you jump out of the plane with them, or do you throw them out of the plane and watch them fall? I'm always with them, but sometimes I'm attached and sometimes I'm not, but I'm supposed to always be with them. Okay, so the idea is, what is that called when you're tethered to somebody?

That's a tandem jump, is that right? Yes, yeah. Okay, which one do you prefer? Do you prefer to skydive with someone who's just flying on their own, falling on their own, or do you prefer to be strapped to them? I prefer when I'm just flying with someone, not strapped to them. Right, because it's a pain in the ass to have this, and is the person who's strapped to you, what are they doing if they haven't gone skydiving before? Are they losing their shit as you jump out of the plane? It depends.

Some people, yes, I took someone recently who was afraid of heights and he was shaking and he was freaking out. He did good, but he was freaking out. And some people are naturals at it, so that's the thing is you don't know what you're going to get until you get out of the plane. So you took someone who was afraid of heights, did they understand what they had signed up for? They did, yeah. Okay, so they knew they were going to be getting out of the plane? They did, yeah. All right, it's not like you sprung up, you can't surprise someone with a sky jump, like a birthday party.

No, I mean, I guess you could blindfold them, right? And they don't know. That's true. Maybe they were just going on an airplane ride and then suddenly... It would be hilarious, yeah, if you were like, hey, we're surprising you, you're getting out of the plane now. So, wow, how did you get into this? This is amazing. Yeah, so this is how most people get into it.

I just was going to do one. I'd always wanted to do it and I decided finally to do one. And then before I even landed, I knew that I was going to keep doing it. This is how I feel about heroin. Yes. It's the exact same thing. Yeah. I thought I'll just do it once and then before that first high even wore off, I was like, this is me for the rest of my life.

Exactly. It's the same thing. So you just kept doing it. So you're an adrenaline junkie? I guess, yeah. I don't usually use that term, but yeah. Well, I don't mean it in a disparaging way. Right, right.

I mean it that you can't get enough adrenaline. You've got to have more and more and more. Yeah, that is disparaging. Something is growing inside of me. Something is terribly wrong deep inside you. No, you like it. You get a thrill from it. Yeah.

I seek out a lot of high adrenaline activities. Yeah. What else do you do? Well, I scoop a dive, which is like the opposite of skydiving. I ride a motorcycle. I play roller derby. Oh, cool. Roller derby?

Yeah. We talked to a fan once who was into roller derby. I know. I heard that one. So you're not afraid to just lay someone out if you have to? No. That's the whole reason to do it. That's why you do roller derby.

I assault people regularly and I work on comedy. Yeah. I'm constantly. Imagine if you wear skates and do it. You know what? That's way more fun. Now I'm wishing that I wore skates. It might be good for you.

Yeah. I would just go skating up to some of the writers and just tackle them. When I had a problem with what they were doing. So, wow. Okay. So you do all kinds of stuff that just, I think other people would be scared to death to do and you've just, this has been you your whole life, right? You just, you weren't afraid.

Yeah. Yeah. I always, I like a challenge. I like to learn and grow. So, you know, these all fall under that umbrella. You know, I have a question, which is you've clearly jumped out of an airplane. I'm going to guess thousands of times. Yeah, over a thousand.

Yeah. Over a thousand times. Okay. So my question is, does it ever get almost boring? You know, when you do something 11,000 times, have you ever jumped out of a plane and been falling through the air towards the earth and been thinking, what am I going to have for dinner? Maybe a microwave that's, a microwave that's stew that's in the fridge.

Maybe one more, it's good for one more night, I bet. Does it ever happen? Sometimes on tandems it does because they're, you know, you're just doing the same jump over and over again. But those are different too. You get excited for the person that you're with and you get excited for their first time and they're always different. So I don't, I don't usually think about stew, but I'm not always as excited as, you know.

I always go to stew. I'm thinking about stew constantly. Well, next time I am going to think about stew. Yeah, you will. You're going to, next time you jump, you're going to think about stew. You don't want to get distracted though. Does the parachute, you have to pull the cord, right? Yes.

And do you have an altimeter that's telling you exactly when to pull the cord or do you just go by gut feel? No. So I have one on my wrist and then I have one in my ear also. Okay. That beeps. And it beeps. And does it say initiate shoot?

Or is it just beep? No, but now I want one that says initiate shoot. Yeah. I'm going to make thousands of dollars, not millions, just thousands of dollars. You know what? Thousands. Trust me, thousands is plenty. It's better than nothing.

Yeah. I would want the voice of Siri. Does anyone ever, if I said into my phone, hey Siri, tell me when I hit 1,100 feet. I wonder if Siri would be able to do that. I don't know. Does it know altitude? That's a good question. You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to jump for the first time, not use an altimeter and just trust that Siri will do the right thing and tell me when. That's a good idea. I mean, you would make the news one way or another. Trust me, if I don't make it, we have an amazing suit against Apple. That's the way I look at it. True. Well, my wife does, not me.

Right. Yeah. I won't be around. So have you ever had, I want to be ghoulish, but have you ever had an issue in 1,100 jumps or over 1,000 jumps, a moment where you're like, this is a little wonky or has it always been exactly the same? No. They're all different.

They're all different. And I do different things on different jumps, but I have had a cutaway. So I have had to get, actually, it wasn't a cutaway, nothing came out. So I had to deploy my reserve. Wait, so you pulled the cord and nothing came out? Yes. Oh my God. But that happens to everyone at some point.

And it's going to happen to me again. So we prepare for it and we have the equipment to deal with it. And it's just part of skydiving. Okay. All right. Now, is that because someone packed the shoot incorrectly? So I packed it. Well, we know that's not the problem.

See, I would, I love blaming someone so much. Sona, back me up on this. I'm backing you up. If Sona packed my parachute and I jumped out and I pulled it, even if I didn't have a reserve shoot and it didn't deploy because Sona made a mistake, I would be more happy than afraid because I would know that I had the dirt on Sona. You're right. Wouldn't I, Sona?

I would be plummeting to my death going, ah, I've got her. This is, this is so her fault. For the last 30 seconds. As she's falling. Yeah. And I would purposely not pack his shoot correctly. Right. Yeah.

I just think that that would be a mistake. Yeah. I would pull the shoot. I would pull the shoot and just a bunch of Taco Bell burritos would come out of the shoot. That's a good way to go though. You have a snack. Yeah. Well, no, they're above me.

I will have no way to get to them. Well, that's true. That's true. So, so when that happened, it didn't freak you out. You had had enough training to know, okay, I got a cut. I got a, I've got to deploy the emergency shoot. Yeah. I mean, there's always a moment.

There's, it's a little extra adrenaline, but yeah, it was, you know, you trained for it. A little extra adrenaline. That's really nice. I love that. Was that, was that jump tandem? Were you with someone? No. Oh, okay.

I was going to say that person must have pooped. Yeah. No, it was just me. Oh, okay. Okay. No. It's funny. A lot of times if there is a tandem cutaway, the, the passenger doesn't notice it all.

Yeah. I wouldn't tell them. Don't tell them. Never tell them. Right. You don't want to tell them after you land. Oh, but, or especially don't tell them in the air. Hey, hey, what's your name again?

Chad. Yeah. Chad. I think I got it covered, but the shoot we were going to use isn't available. Chad. Oh man. Chad, what's happening? Can I ask my husband's name?

No, it isn't. Yeah, I swear to God. You're kidding. I swear to God. I just made up, I just made up a name. That's insane. That's crazy. I swear to God.

I did not know that. I did not know that. I didn't, I didn't put it anywhere. That's crazy. That's crazy. Well, I, I don't know. I, maybe I have special abilities. You must.

Wait. I'm checking and I'm just looking at myself on, I'm googling myself and no, I don't. I don't have a special ability. That's very cool. I love that you do that. And I, I love that. I mean, are you one of these people that's going to do this just for the long haul? Do you think?

Is this? Yeah, I hope so. So I jump with people that are like in their 80s and are still skydiving. So you can do it for a long time. The first president Bush, George HW Bush. Yeah. He did it every year on his birthday into his 90s. I know.

I mean, towards the end, I think parts of him were falling off as he came out of the plane. They would just lose it in the. Yeah. No, he lost an arm and a leg and they'd have to go walk through a cornfield and get it and sell it back on. But he was still happy as a clam. He was really delighted. Yeah.

Yeah. He'd just be a torso that would land and he'd be like, yay. And then they'd sell him back. That's incredible. That's absolutely. Now, can I ask another question, which is, is it rare? Is it, is this a male dominated industry for the most part? Or are there a lot more and more women doing it being instructors in skydiving?

Yeah, it's starting to swing, you know, more even there. So women only take make up 13% of the skydiving population. So there's not very many of us. And in history, in the history of the world, there's only been 348 female tandem. Oh, wow. You are an elite group. That's very cool. I guess, yeah.

Yeah, that's pretty elite. It's the history of skydiving, but I like to say the history of the world because it makes it sound better. I know. Yes. In the history of the world, I just pick up. Hey, I have a question, Brittany, which is, you can read people. How do you think I would do?

I've never skydived before. If I came to sign up and you knew me or you know me as well as you know me, how do you think I would do? I think you would do okay. I mean, you're very tall, so that's a big consideration because you have a lot more body than I do, so you can control the wind more. Oh, and that's a plus. It's a plus if you do it right.

But if you're on the front of me and you're doing all sorts of crazy stuff, you're going to outfly me. So you have to really... Well, I would be flailing a lot as we fell. I mean, I'm just telling you right now, I'd be flailing and you'd be behind me, right? Yes, and nobody could see me because I'm small, so I didn't know you're tall. Right, they wouldn't see you. People would think I was parachuting alone.

I'm so tall and gangly. Which would be cool for you. Right, but here's... I can tell you a few things for a fact. One, my arms and legs would be flailing wildly. Okay? I would be shrieking and not like a yee-haw shriek, but a shriek of impending doom. Right, right, crying.

And I would be trying to reach back and claw at you. I'd be trying to physically claw and attack you because the fear part of my brain, which is not reasonable, would be blaming you and wanting to kill you. You know what I mean? I get it, I get it. That's just honest. That's just honest. No, I get it.

And you know what? The honesty is helpful because then I can prepare for it and just like knock you out before we get out or whatever. Yeah, you should bring... It would be your first dive that you ever did with a powerful syringe of horse strength. Yes. Right. And so...

Just as we get out the door. When I would land... Now, when you land, how hard do you land? I've heard it's like, you can hurt yourself. When you land, it's like you're going... It's like jumping off what? A 10-foot wall or an 8-foot wall or something? So not anymore.

Back when we jumped with the round shoots, that's how it was, but now they fly a lot more forwards. There's a lot of forward speed and we just slide in on our butts and it's actually quite soft. Okay. Okay. I think in World War II, a lot of people... Yes.

They'd jump out of planes and they'd break their leg when they landed because if you didn't do it just right, it was nasty. Right. But now it's... Yeah, you're coming straight down. And what's your biggest fear of something that you might land in accidentally when you land? Like, let's just say you get blown off course.

What's the thing you would least want to land in? So I have never had this experience with other people have. If you land in, you know, you look for a field if you're not going to land at the airport and sometimes there's bowls or like other aggressive animals and apparently that's not a great place to land. So imagine being a bull and you're in a bad mood anyway and then this jackass just falls out of the sky and lands and knocks over your water trough. So you land and then you're attacked immediately, right?

Right. Exactly. Like you survived a skydive and then you get killed by a bull. I would try. I would love to. If I got blown off course, I would want to land at a big festivocation like a wedding that was pretty fancy. Right?

Because everybody gets so excited to see you? Well, I also, I'd want to smash into a bunch of stuff like a cake, you know, I would love to land on someone's wedding during a pretty important part, smash into the cake, knock over all the wine, slam into the, you know, the bride and the groom, just, you know what I mean? Yeah. And then get up and act like you guys ruined my skydiving joke. Right.

Right. Totally have an attitude about. It was their fault. Yeah, that's what I would do. If you find them with me, we can find a wedding and we'll do that. Okay. You know, I have never gone skydiving before and I have to admit, it terrifies me, but if I did it, I would want to do it with you.

I really would. Oh, thank you. No, you seem very cool and I would trust you 100% and you also seem very, very funny. I think we'd have a good time. Well, thank you. I think we would too. Yeah. I want to reserve a slot with you if I do it.

Okay. All right. I think I'm going to do it. No, that's okay. Pretty sure I'm going to make, I'm going to do something embarrassing. It's going to be embarrassing. Well, the flailing and you know. The flailing and the shrieking and you're probably going to make, I know you, you're

going to have one of those go-pros on and you are going to get all the footage of me begging for my life, cursing you out, shrieking. Yes. The crying. Yeah. Yelling at God. Right. Saying I blame God.

Right. Completely breaking down as a human being, becoming a child, babbling, crying, soiling myself and then you would probably, you would put that online. I know you would. Well, yeah. I would go viral. So. Well, it was really nice talking, hey, I think you have a question.

Do you have a question for me? Yes. Yeah. So I've been watching you for a long time. Obviously, you've spent a lot of time doing visual comedy and you know, on television now you have, this is a more audio centered medium. So I was wondering what are the big differences in performing in those two mediums and what you like better?

You know, it's funny. I don't, I don't necessarily prefer one to the other, but I know that I'm going to have to get visual performing back into my life because I love using my body and my face to make people laugh as well. And one of the things I love about the podcast is that it's opened up this whole new dimension to me of, first of all, instead of talking to, you know, celebrities for six minute chunks and then going to commercial, I'm talking to people for 45, 50 minutes. I love that.

But I also love that I truly do love meeting people and finding out what they're up to. And so the fact that I can talk to you in Buffalo, talk to someone else in Cairo, literally talk to anybody anywhere in the world who's picked up on what we're doing and wants to chat, I find that to be electrifying. I absolutely love it. But I do miss the part where I use this God given strange body to make people chuckle. And so I will figure out a way to work that back in. So that's, that's, that's coming.

I wouldn't say that I prefer, I guess, if, if I really had to say, which one do I prefer? I would say, well, being in front of an audience and being able to use everything all at once, your mind, your overly long legs, your foreshortened torso, your ridiculous hair, and your sad face to make people laugh all at once, that's, that's pretty cool. That's really fun when it works. And so I will get back to that. I will find a way to get back to that, but that's a very good question. I like it.

Thank you. Yeah. Well, listen, I want you to stay safe. I know you will. Keep being safe. And I will find you. I will track you down in Buffalo and I'm not, I think we'll jump, but if I jump, I'm going to do it with you.

Okay. All right. I'll hold you to it. All right. What does that mean? You're going to. I don't know. It's ominous.

I wanted to end it with a threat. How are you going to, how are you going to enforce that? No, my word is my bond. Uh, well, Brittany, really cool talking to you. Yeah, you too. Thank you very much. And I can't believe I randomly came up with your husband's name. That was crazy.

Yeah. That's just nuts. Chat. Chat. Crazy. Chat. Chat. Now you get it wrong.

Now I get it wrong. I know. I was so proud of myself and then I blew it by getting it wrong. All right. Well, uh, I will see you. I will see you soon. Okay. And we're going to, how fast do we plummet?

What's the maximum velocity? 120 miles an hour. Man. I do that on the freeway every day. All right. We'll talk to you later. Take care. All right.

Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gorely, produced by me, Matt Gorely, executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Salateroff and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson at Earwolf, music by Jimmy Vivino, supervising producer Aaron Blair, associate talent producer Jennifer Samples, associate producers Sean Doherty

and Lisa Berm, engineered by Will Bekton. Please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend on Apple podcasts, Stitcher or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.