Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Tracy Morgan Live at the Beacon Theater

Episode Date: November 21, 2022

Tracy Morgan feels like a man about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Tracy sits down with Conan live at the Beacon Theater to discuss getting back into dating, his famous relatives, and gentrification. Plus, Conan answers audience questions about winning the lottery, the law, his favorite tv show, misfit toys, and more! Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone]. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.

The fall is here, hear the yell, Back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking blues, con la fence, book and pens, I can tell that we are gonna be friends, I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mr. Conan O'Brien. Hello, how y'all doing? Yeah! Hi! Hello, New York City! Hello, balcony! What is that at the top? That's crazy! Hi, how are you? There's nine levels, it just keeps going and going and going. Welcome everybody to the show, and we are doing this program, as you know, live from the Beacon Theater right here in New York City. There's no better place to be, and I want to start by thanking you guys, because let me tell you what happened today. Today,

it rained. You may have noticed, but it rained, but you're New Yorkers, so what did you do? You had tickets to go see Conan. You said we're still going to see Conan. It never occurred to you not to go about your daily routine, just because it rained. Who got wet today? Did you get wet? Yeah, you got wet. Some of you are damp right now, which sounds quasi-erotic, but that's not how I meant it. The reason I'm bringing all this up is that I live in Los Angeles now. Yeah, let's go. Not my choice. Clearly, I went there for the sun. Me and Jim Gaffigan, we just like to lie out in tan. No, in Los Angeles, if we were doing this show in Los Angeles at the Wilton Theater and it rained, they would cancel the show. I'm not even kidding. They would cancel the show. People would

get, they would abandon their cars wherever they are on the highway, and they would start running and screaming in any direction. They don't know what it is, and they don't know what to do, they'd call in the National Guard. People in LA when it rains lightly act like, lava is falling from the sky. But you people, you didn't care. You came here and you made the commitment. And here we are. I'm smelling wet wool right now. That's what I'm getting. And I mean that as a compliment. It is so nice to be back here tonight, and I am thrilled that we were doing this podcast for you guys. We haven't done the podcast. It's been going now for about five years. We never did it here in New York City, so to bring it here is so nice. And you're

going to be our soundtrack tonight, which will be a lot of fun. We're going to have a really good time. We have a special guest, but before we bring out that guest, I'll be remiss if I didn't mention I'm really not the only part of the podcast. Now, I can tell by your reaction that you're saying, Conan, you really are. Kind of it, you know? That's how I took what you just did right now. But what that really meant for a lot of you is that there are two people that really make this thing. They're this special sauce. We've got to bring them out right now, and we'll start chatting. And yes, they are coming right now. Don't you worry. There's a woman over there. Sonia! Oh, it's Sonia's family. Well, there you go. Let's bring them out right now, my good

friends. Sonia, Movesesia, and Michael. How are you guys doing? We're good. I almost didn't come. Yeah. Because it's raining. Because it's raining. Yeah. Well, you admit that you, when it's raining and it doesn't happen in LA and you spent all of your life in LA, you just, you hate it. You both of you hate it, don't you? Oh, no, I love it. But we don't go for different reasons, I think, because you don't want to deal with the rain and I want to get all cozy at home in the rain. Oh, man, likes being cozy. I do. You put a fire on the TV. We don't have a fireplace. That's right. It's Los Angeles. You build a fire with your remote control. That's right. Yeah. And then you, you sit there and you relax. I want to say, I went to something

crazy last night. We did this show and it was over. And of course, you know, I go outside and people are, you know, excited to see me and I'm signing stuff and saying hi to people. And then you walked out, Sonia. And people went insane and started chanting, Sonia, Sonia, Sonia. And what's amazing is that it didn't seem to delight you. It seemed to frighten and upset you. Yeah, it did. It is frightening and upsetting. I mean, I know that it like for you, it makes you like stronger and you're like, yeah, chat my name. No, no, no. Not stronger. It makes me for the first time momentarily complete. That's what it does. I walk around with a giant hole and for a second, it's filled only to quickly recede back to nothingness. Okay. But anyway, go ahead with your, with your characterization. So

yeah, you don't, you have yourself esteem already. Yeah, I'm fine. I don't need it like you need it. Do you know what I mean? Like you're like, yeah, love me. I need I'm one of six kids. I'm in the middle like I need this. And I'm like, I'm good. This is a great impression. It's such a good. I close my eyes and I hear myself. I need this. I just don't. I mean, it's really nice. And it makes me a little like, I don't know what to do with it. Yeah. Yeah. And what about you, Gourly? How do you handle it? Fans get very excited. We did a show in LA and you couldn't be there. And I went out and I told the crowd that, well, everyone's, you know, Son is going to be here, but Matt Gourly can't be here tonight. And some people got visibly upset that you weren't going to be there. That's

probably because they just wanted to like beat me up. No, no, no, no. These people really were there for you. And I didn't come close to matching their dreams. That can't be. It's true. You were there. So remember this at the show we did at the Sirius XM? People were really disappointed. Matt wasn't there because it's also, it really, we're the three pals and it's incomplete when you're not there. Yeah. And I handled it poorly. I got angry and I just kept interrupting the podcast and saying, you know, you over yet? You know, we don't need Matt Gourly. And I started to spit a little bit. Remember this? Yeah, you were, we're really hostile. Yeah. And then I needed to be medicated. Remember? Yeah, let's be honest. I mean, I'm not being self-deprecating here, but I'm the

most expendable member of like, what? No, you're not. What? No, you're not. Don't do that. We're no bull. No difference. No difference. Wait a minute. I'm sensing even an energy rising. That's what I'm sensing. That's because I'm back. Oh, he's back. I'm like a child. I was delighted when you reappeared. Because all the attention went back to you. No, I was just, no, it was just exciting to me. I love peekaboo still to this day. You want to see me go down an escalator? No, no, I'm just leave that alone. Yeah, we'll be fine. We'll be good. And this was a big day for you, Sonia, because you brought your little children who are a year and a half old. And I tried, would you admit that I tried for maybe 45 minutes, I stopped rehearsal and tried for 45 minutes

to win them over? I mean, to the point where people here at the theater were getting upset, because we have to vacate the stage at six, and I wouldn't get, I wouldn't stop. I'm like, just leave me alone. And they're like, Conan, we have to go over light cues. And I was like, no, no, no, no, I've got to get these kids. You were doing a lot of physical humor, too. And you were like, it's almost sweating. And I was worried you were going to hurt yourself before the show. And it is true. I was really working up a sweat. I was doing all my best stuff. And her kids just stoned me. Yeah. Now this is Charlie specifically that won't give you the time of day, right? But now it was today, it was both. But then I did ride political humor, killed them.

No. Killed them. It was all about, you know what I mean? It got really into the weeds about, you know, Nevada and what's going on there. And they just, they just loved it. They were, they were really laughing at that stuff. They like that stuff. Yeah, they love that stuff a lot. Yeah. But you know, I think it's, I think you're chipping away at it. But I also think they kind of sometimes sense your desperation. And they, and even though they're like a year and almost a year and a half old, they're like, Oh, this guy really needs it a lot. Like he should just, he should go outside in the theater where people will chant his names so he can get it. Well, this is what got me mad is I was working really hard for about 45 minutes getting nowhere.

And then Matt, you walked up to one and you just went, and he went, and I said, what, what, I just did my, my Nixon for like 20 minutes. And I got, that works on me. I forgot who I was dealing with. I think they, they finally gave into you because they realized if they just laugh, you'll go away. That is the secret. It'll happen for you one day. That is the secret. I want to mention something that is important to us. We have a brand new Sirius XM channel. It's going to be a team Coco radio. So if you're a team Coco fan, and it's going to be on channel 106. And as I've said before, if you don't have Sirius, go out because we premiere on September 15th. Yeah. Yeah. It's

the 15th of November, which is this coming Tuesday. And if you don't, if you have Sirius, great, check it out. I think we come on at eight o'clock in the morning. If not, I'm asking all of my fans to rent a car. You will not be compensated. This is so the opposite of an Oprah giveaway. Guess what? You are going to rent a car at your own expense. You rent a car. You rent a car. You rent a car and make sure it has a Sirius package. No, and then you'll listen and it'll be original stuff. It'll be old stuff. It'll be podcasts. You'll still get the podcast where you always get it, but you can also listen to classic podcasts there. Occasionally I'll do news and weather. We're really, we're really having a lot of fun. And then what's really cool is that this show

is going to play on that channel. Right. So you will have the experience of listening to it here live, then hearing it on the podcast when it airs in the normal podcast way, then driving around for a really long time in a rental car to try and hear it a third time in your Sirius Exemption 106. That's a lot. But that's cool. And you know what? You have so many years to like draw material from and stuff from. Why are you doing this? I don't know. You know what's so funny? It's not you. I don't know. You tried for a second to be kind of corporatey. Yeah. And what I love about you among many things is that you were like, yeah, because this is a way that people can enjoy. Oh, fuck it. Yeah. That's like when, when you just tried to

say what a, how a download gets delivered to people right now. You were like, well, how the podcast will come out in the way that it does. I don't know how podcasts work. I made that very clear on the podcast. But you just said, and then the podcast will come out a way that it does. Yes. So vague. I'm always saying how did that taping go? And you're like, it wasn't really a taping. And then I say, when does this air? And you said it doesn't air old man. Yeah. And then it's compounded by the fact that people in my family, my parents won't listen to a podcast. They will, they know that I, a guy that shows up on television until they see video, they're not going to listen to this. My brother, Neil, who's just a few years older than me, has never listened

to a podcast and never will. He's like, I'd really like to listen to it, but it's on one of those computer things. That's not going to happen. They don't even lie to you. They don't even say, oh, I listened and it was good. They just like, I'm not even going to try to listen to your podcast. They just told me, no, we didn't listen to it. There's no time in our family for kindness. There's no, there never was. Here he goes again. Yeah. What? The needy thing. I just wish someone liked me. The, uh, no, but I, I do, I am excited that we have this, uh, that we have this channel. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. I think it's going to be great. November 15th, serious. When you do it, it blows. I don't like it. I want to see, I want to see Sona do an infomercial. I want

to see Sona do an infomercial for like, it's the craftmatic adjustable bed. If you have problems, just like, I don't know, just go to sleep. I don't get a bed. Do you have a bed? It's probably fine. I'll fuck it. Oh, look, marijuana, you know, and you wander off. I knew it was going to end on that. Gummies. Is there marijuana here? No, no, no, there isn't. We don't have it. Oh, you should do an infomercial for marijuana. Hey, I could, I could crush that. You would wander away from any infomercial you taped. I would. You would start to do the infomercial and then just wander away. Yeah, serious. 106. Did you bring those gummies with you to New York? No, I did not fly across the country with edibles in my luggage. What are you doing?

Are you some kind of narc, man? What are you doing? Do I look like a narc? Oh, there it is. Has anyone ever looked more like a narc than I do right now? Hello, kids. Anyone got a jazz cigarette on them? What's up, 58 Jump Street? Come on, I want to get groovy with you guys. Oh, come on. Look, how can I be the cool one? I'm in a turtleneck. What's going on here? We have a fantastic show. I'm very excited about our guest, big fan of our guest, and very excited that this person is here. Never quite know what's going to happen when I talk to this individual. See how careful I am to still be mysterious. But I think we should find out

right now how things are going. So here's how we bring out the guests. Let's bring the lights down. Hey! What's up, guys? How you doing? I'm regular. That was an amazing... No extra cheese, no pepperoni, just a slice of the coke. I'm regular. You light up a room. Every time I talk to you, every time we do anything, you come out and people go crazy. Who me? You, you. People love you. I never know what you're going to say. What's important is that I love them back. Yeah. Conan, somebody in the second row up there farted.

Just want to put that out there. It's good you're going to mention it. Yeah, okay. Okay, it's good to just, yeah, let's get that out. Just get it out the way. Yeah. We all fart. But females poop. Females be pooping, but it's deadly. Yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh. Listen, Tracy, my job here tonight is for us to have a great conversation. That's my, that's my job here tonight. Can I say something? Is that dude right there on the drums? If you get on crack, you're selling that drum set. Let me get that drum set. I already got the Coleco vision. You like that? I love Coleco. I don't know what's happening already.

You've been out here, I think maybe a minute, 40 seconds, and I don't understand what's happening. Sometime. Sometime. How are you, Tracy? How's your life going? I'm good, man. I feel electric. I look at all these people. Yeah, it's a lot of people. Yeah. Jesus. I know somebody out there is my child. I got a baby with somebody. Because you know what I mean? I don't pull out. What? I don't pull out. That's for college kids. I ain't got nothing to lose. I'm a pit-talker. Come on, see. I mean, eventually you have to pull out. I mean, eventually... No, I don't. Wait, you're just... Wait, you're in there for days?

You pay for what you get. I'm a jiggalo. Okay, well, okay. I'll just settle down here. Glad you're contained by that. You asked me. I did. Wait a minute. No, I didn't. I didn't ask you. Hold on. I'm playing it back in my head. Did you have a baby with someone in his side? I never asked that question. I'm a good dad. I'll even come back every 10 years. Just to tell him I'm daddy. Are you a good dad? Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, it's important. You got to be a good dad. I'll be the coma just to come back for my daughter. What's that? I'll be the coma to come back for my daughter.

That's my stink of mama. How long are you in the coma for? 10 days. Yeah. And then you came out? Best sleep I ever had. Don't recommend a coma to people out there. I got to try this coma thing. That's right. This is a big event in your life. It changed everything. Walmart. Yep. Well, I mean, yes, Walmart was involved. Yeah. I use that as excuses, everything. But my woman don't want to give me none. I got hit by a truck. I want to skip the line. I got hit by a truck. I want to do coding. I got hit by a truck. So you go to that no matter what's happening anywhere. That's your go to. That's why I got so many kids.

Yo, man, I'm dating again. I'm out there. Oh, you're out there. That's right. Because you went through it. You're on Tinder. You're single now. You're a single man. Yeah. And I'm on Tinder. My tingles, my Tinder profile is a Walmart truck dropping off a bag of money on my That's my Tinder profile. Uh huh. Yeah. And how's that working out for you? What are the responses you're getting? I'm great, man. So many old bras are coming my way. Oh, yeah. I love old bras down, man. I've got a new bag. My ex wife was 18 years younger than me. So now I only want old bras 75, 80.

You're you're gonna want them to suffer from emphysema. Wait a minute. That's one of your oxygen take around all day. Wait, that's one of your turn on so sexy. She got the wire across. I love that. So you're looking and this is we got to get the message out there. You want women in their 75 with emphysema so she don't got no more meat in her breast. It's just flat nipples. She's trying to go young with me and get a nipples pair so air rings is way down here. All the way down by a fucking hip. Right next to a vagina.

Okay, all right. You suck titty and he puts you at the same time. Okay. I knew I'd get him. Just checking on the podium. Make sure it's okay. That thing needs constant care. What happened while I was gone? Listen, so this is something you're really looking for the more mature ladies. Maybe that's a smart decision at this point in your life.

You know, a lot of men in your position go the other way. I think you're making an interesting call here. Come on, man. Old broads. That's my thing. Well, I don't know. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Maybe not broads, you know, older women. Yeah. Sure. Oh, man, I'm telling you, I love it. You've never been with an old broad. You got to get with one 75 80. Okay. Well, I'd have to talk to my wife and say, I want to bring an 85 year old woman into our bedroom. Swing with one.

You think that would go well, swinging with an 85 year old woman? Look at me. Listen, man, you can't just say, listen, man, and then leave it. Listen, man. You just said that and then let it go. There was no wisdom afterwards. Can I say something? Yeah. It's about time you said something out here. Chewbacca ain't shit. Oh, yes. Everybody knows he's behind on his child support payments.

He got 16 puppies running around out there. Wait, how did you know that? You know that girly loves Chewbacca, right? He loves Chewbacca. Well, yeah, but I talk to your boy. I'm talking to him. You're right. He's out of line. He's crazy. Yeah. Getting upset because the little mermaid is black. What? The little mermaid is black now.

Yeah? People upset about it. I'm fine with that. It ain't like she's going to be jumping in the water and saying nobody. She just got her head done. She ain't messing up her perm. There was no transition from Chewbacca to the little mermaid. You got to keep up.

Okay, I'm sorry. You'll see how fast that conversation is moving. I love it when you yell at me. My mind is at the speed of light. I want some lasagna tonight. What? We don't talk enough about lasagna. Okay. Everybody talk my pizza.

Well, let's talk about lasagna then. I want lasagna with six different cheeses in it. Okay. Six. Imagine that. All right. You know I broke up with a woman because she messed up the cream of wheat.

How you mess this up the back of the box and just add water? And why do it smell like that? And why is it green? You ever ate green cream of wheat? No. Don't. Okay. So safety first.

Thank you. Do you know what she's... Safety is always first. Okay. Thank you. I'm still here. What did they... What did she do to the cream of wheat that made it green and taste...

I don't know. You got to ask her. She's not my woman no more. Okay. All right. So you're dating now. You're out on the scene. I got to tell you this.

I hugged you on the way in. I've said this before. Every time I hug you, you smell amazing. That's because my pops told me always wear with frequencies. Men love a woman. Women love a man that smells good. Okay. I do not wear...

That's why you be in the elevator and they go, you smell that? You smell like that? You go, yeah, that's me. So what are you wearing right now? I don't know. You don't know what fragrance you're wearing? No, I just put it on.

I just like to smell good after I get out the gym. Okay. I smell good. Did you go to the gym today? I walked out. I did chest and shoulders. Then I ate a big piece of chocolate cake for my birthday yesterday. Yes, it was my birthday.

Yes, it was your birthday. Happy birthday. Wait a minute. Was it? Was it? Yeah. You say so much bullshit. I don't know.

I honestly, anyone else that just say happy birthday, but with you, I feel like I need to have this... We need to have the government look into this. I always say it's my birthday. I'm not saying it's my birthday. I'm not saying it's my birthday. I always say it's my birthday because I can get gifts. So it's not, wasn't your birthday yesterday?

Not really. They knew it. But then I got a lot of gifts. And that was the whole thing. Get your gifts. All right. Should I wear a cologne? What if I wore a cologne?

You think it's a good idea? I've never worn a cologne before. Come on. Yes, you have. No, I haven't. I've never worn a cologne. You never put nothing in the square? You never did none of that?

Never did that. Wow. No, I just didn't. No. You should do it. Okay. Get some jup. What's jup?

Classic jup. Jup. Classic jup. What is it? Then go to Benihana's. So your curls smell like Benihana's and jup. Can you please tell me what jup is? You got to look it up.

Okay. Do you guys know what jup is? Told you. Do you really or you just want to hear yourself later on when you have your rental car? Listen to Sirius XM. This people lie all the time. They know what jup is.

You hear her scream? Yeah. Uh-huh. She loved me. Yeah. I said jupy, you see the reaction? Yeah. Do you want to hear that?

She might actually be in some kind of danger. You know, Conan, this dude is on his phone. What's that? This dude is on his phone. He telling on us. Yeah, jup. Magical off-grid dwelling and glamping destinations. There's no such thing.

No, jupy, is that what you're talking about? The fashion line? No. Well, I don't know. It's cologne. Okay. Jup cologne. How do you spell it?

It's cologne. Jup fragrance. Listen, I kid you not, get some jup. This is worth the time to investigate. If you a single, get some jup. You know what? I have unerring instincts as an interviewer, and I know this is a worthwhile avenue to go down.

Yeah, I found it. I know this is the best use of our time. So, jup is an actual fragrance. Yo, you be interviewing me? Not really, no. I don't know what this is. Yo, man, be having fun. I have fun with Conan.

You be interviewing me as well. No, no, I wasn't really interviewing you. We was just... Sometimes I'll be bugging. What? Sometimes I'll just be bugging out. Yeah, you bugging out right now? Who, me?

Yeah, yes. Sometimes I'm bugging. Are you bugging out right now? Who, me? She got weed. She got weed. She has... No, she doesn't.

She traveled on an airline and she's... You don't get hot. What? You don't get hot. Why are you... Everyone in Los Angeles gets hot. You serious? Yeah.

I gotta move to LA. It's legal. It's like people do it on the street. You serious? Yeah. So why still be going underground to get my weed? I don't know why you're doing that.

Because that's where the best stuff is underground. I mean, no, it's... I'm not going to CVS to get a pound. That's too commercial. I like to take the risk, get caught by cops and stuff. I like the whole thing, you know? It's not. No, it's a whole new thing now.

There are all these incredible dispensaries people go to and they... That is so corny. Why is it corny? Who's going to a dispensary to get a bag? Come on, get out of here. I'm going underground to the green and white gate. That's where the Jamaicans is at.

That's where I'm going. So even if it was... Even if really good high-end stuff's available right around the corner from you, you still want to go... Underground. Underground. That's the best stuff.

Because they spray their weed with road spray. So you get an extra high. You like that. You like it when the weed you're smoking is... You start coughing. I wish I could have got high with Bob Marley. Yeah. Imagine...

Yo, you know, I smoke weed. Everyone's got their own use if they had a time machine. Some people want to kill Hitler. You want to go and smoke weed with Bob Marley. That's Bob! Bob! Don't yell at me. I mean, go ahead.

Yell at me. That's Bob. I get it. Imagine that, right? I know. That'd be cool. Can I come? Wallah!

Yeah. I would love that. Wallah! I thought that was cool when I met my girl because I was smoking weed. And I thought she liked when my voice said... I used to think she liked that. You think she liked it?

And then she tried to get me to start smoking weed. Yeah. I thought that was the reason why you dealt with me. Because I got high. What happened? Oh, I don't know. We all just went back in time with Bob Marley and now we're back.

You know, I want people to know something about you that I don't think a lot of people know. What's happening now? Are you okay? There's a lot of people out there, man. Yeah. You saw them earlier and you... You see all up there and everything.

Yeah, they're up there. Yeah. That's called a balcony. Yeah. Hey, listen, Tracy. I remember talking to you once when we were on a Zoom and I saw a shark swim behind you and it blew my mind. You remember that interview?

That's what he was doing? I remember that interview because it's the only time in my life that I've been talking to someone who's talking to me from their home and sharks start to swim behind them. And I asked you what's going on and you said that it was your shark tank that you had a giant tank in your house that you filled with sharks. And I didn't forget that because that doesn't happen

when you talk to anybody else in show business. Yes. I told you my great-great-grandfather was Jacques Cousteau. He is! My great-grandfather. Really? Yeah. Okay, so... He used to take me underwater all the time.

He took you underwater as a child. As a child. He took me underwater. Did he... You had a scuba outfit and everything, right? Jacques Cousteau. That was my grandpa. Oh, okay.

He loved me. Yeah. You knew who he was? Yeah, sure. Jacques Cousteau? Yeah. You ain't no one. I'm just the explorer.

No. You knew him? Oh, I didn't know him personally. I know you didn't know him personally. Okay. My grandfather. I believe you. Happy birthday.

Thank you. You're welcome. It's such a mess. And it makes me so happy. Nothing goes the way it's supposed to go. Remember when I told you Charles Heston was my uncle? Yes, I do. He had me on the set of the Planet of the Apes all the time.

Come on. Yeah. He did. Really? I was raised on that set. What? Yup. You were what?

The Planet of the Apes. I was raised on that set. Whoa. I heard a different word. I heard a different thing. All my life. I'm telling you. I thought you were violated on that set and I got upset.

Oh. You see too. He had two sticks or bad here and that's what it sounded like. Oh, ain't nobody ever touched me. Charles Heston. Yeah. So he was your uncle and your grandfather's... We used to call him Chuck Hess.

Yes. No one shortens the last name. You call him Uncle Chuck. All my life I've awaited your coming and dreaded it. Your forbidden zone was once up out of nice. Your brain made a dozen tougher ages ago. Wow. Wow. That's very cool.

I learned that from him. From Chuck Hess. Your uncle was Charles Heston and you guys would call him Chuck Hess. I used to love Zero. What? Zero. Zero. Zero.

I'm a Zero. Yeah. I'm the Eight. Don't we call him a Gullah Eight? Oh. Wasn't she? I'm enjoying the silences more than anything. It fills me with absolute joy.

You are... You know what you are? You're very musical as a comedian and as just a performer. You just hit all these different notes. You don't have to talk about Jimmy. It's very musical. You know what I mean? How do you know?

You play the bass. No. No. That's a guitar. Mike plays the bass. Mike. Mike. Without Mike.

Ain't nothing, baby. He was good. How much you want for that bass, man? About $20. I get about $40 on the streets for it. Huh? Like me. You want some weed?

You don't want to get high like me. Let's not do this here, guys. All right? You're making a transaction. Okay. Yes. Miles Davis. You hit all these crazy notes.

Do you know that? Do you... Are you a musical... Oh, when? What happened? Are you a musical person? Are you a musical person? Am I...

I'm a musical person? Yeah. I always heard like one of your heroes was Louis Armstrong. Oh. Lou, Lou, Lou. I see trees of green, red roses too. That's how my old bra sounds. She got an old casino voice.

She got an old casino voice. Tracy, I love you. Give me my cigarettes. I see trees of green, red roses too. Skies that are blue, for me and you. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world. Yes. Beautiful.

Tracy, why don't you... She got an old casino voice. You could... You should play Louis Armstrong. I am. Sure, sure you are. I am. When?

Soon. Soon they bring me that bag of money. Well, maybe it's not about a lot of money. Maybe it's just an artistic dream. Maybe you won't get a lot of money. Who said that? I need a bag, man. You need a bag.

I need a bag. I need a bag. I need a bag. I need a bag. Where do you go in between when you're present? You are so present and you're so here. And then I see your eyes go kind of dead. And then you look out here and see the audience for the first time

every 10 minutes. What's happening? Conan, you got to get out my head. You in my head. I got to get out of there. I know. Maybe trying to get in my head. Yeah.

You see me wondering where I'd be going and stuff. You ever see Star Trek? Yeah. Can I ask you a question? Sure. In Star Wars, where was the relationship at? Ship at. You mean the relationship was a Luke and a Han Solo?

Was a Han Solo a Leia? Or was a Chewbacca and Han Solo? Who had the relationship? I think what we're talking about here is a romantic Mexican standoff between three couples. What you said? I ain't said nothing about no Mexican porn, man. You don't got to go there.

I'm talking about Star Wars. He bringing other things into it. Your big old freak. Thank you. You freak. You get him. That's it. You got him.

He's a weedy, weedy, big-bong freak. You know the relationship was between Luke and Han Solo. That's where it lied. You could tell that Empire Strikes Back when they on the ice planet. Remember when they told Luke, don't go out there. You'll never, you'll freeze before nightfall. And he went out there anyway.

Remember? Yeah. And then the ice polar bear hit him. The Whomper. He came at him with the break. I don't think it was an ice polar bear. I think it was a Whomper. Well, you asked me.

Say, dang! Well, he hit Luke. Did he hold him on the side? Wait, what? Someone else has it out there. I just said... It's a tauntaun. No, a tauntaun is what they ride.

Wait a minute. No. Y'all get me confused. You shouted out the answer and you were wrong? They said Whomper. In front of 3,500 people? You got to be sure when you do that shit. You don't stand and go tauntaun, sir.

Oh, my name is not Ichabod. It might have been a tauntaun. Was it? I think it was. No, it wasn't. What was it? It was a Whomper. Okay, Whomper hit him.

You know what's funny? There are notes here. There are notes here. And I swear on my life, we have not touched on one of these things. And we never, ever will. No, me and him don't be doing interviews. Me and him don't do interviews and notes.

We never do. We never do interviews. We get out here and that's my guy. Some idiot always hands me notes and I'm like, it's Tracy. You don't have notes? This is hand-to-hand combat that's happening right here. Yes, it is. And I'm getting my ass kicked all up and down.

All up and down the road. And I love it. I love it. I'm telling you, you are a musician. I'm inside your head again. You see musical notes. It's impulse. The high highs, the low lows, the quiets.

Then an explosive sound. Yeah. Yeah. You went away again. Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes I'll be going and I'll be thinking my stuff. You be what?

I'll be thinking my stuff. I'll be thinking my government cheese and orange soda just now. Government cheese and orange soda? You know when I was just taking them out, when I was in the third grade, I liked this girl. So I wrote a note. If you want to be my girlfriend, check guess or check no. And she checked no. So I started aiming for her head and dodge ball.

Since you ain't going to be my girlfriend, I'm going to take your head off. Okay. Well, that's a bad impulse. And I'm glad that you outgrew that. That's good. I have. Good. Are you looking for a long-term relationship?

Do you think you could be with somebody for a long period of time? As long as she know how to make lasagna with six different cheeses. Yeah, but Tracy, if you end up with someone who's 85 and has emphysema. Adam got to worry about her. She ain't never going to leave me. She's just going to die. Well, okay. Okay.

You're dying. She's dying. Old women don't leave you. They just die. Don't you see any sadness to that? That's, be very sad. Be very painful. My old broad?

Yeah. We had a good time. We had a great week. That's what she had left. So she was going to leave anyway. She was going to leave this earth anyway. And you gave her a good time on the way out. She ran a good race.

Talking about it. That was my sea biscuit. She ran a damn good race. Well, Tracy, what's on the horizon for you? You know, what's your, what are projects are coming up for you, Tracy old chum? I don't know. You gotta, you gotta ask my agent. Yo, Matt Frost, where you at?

Back there somewhere. Would he know what this, and what happens? Did they just tell you this is what you're doing next? Or do you have meetings? How does it all work? Then I'll go do it. Just say be funny. Yeah.

I'm just out there. Yeah. I love making them laughs. You're very, you man. I'm making her and her laugh too. Yeah, you are. I love y'all, man. Y'all for real.

You've been nice to me over the years, Tracy. You've always come on. I love you. You see black? You my dude, man. You know I gave you the A.K.A. See black. See blizzard.

You know your ghetto pass is stamped by me. You free to walk all in Harlem. So wait a minute. Because you don't gotta worry. How does that work exactly? Do I dial you up if I get into any kind of situation, or is it just people, the word is out that you've given me a pass?

No, I didn't know you're coming through. Everybody uptown know you're coming through. That's see blizzard. That's trade man, leave him alone. And this is okay the way I'm dressed? Yeah, you might have to change your shoes, but you good. Gotta get some pumas. Gotta get some pumas.

Get some pumas. So the word is out. Because everything is changing in Brooklyn, man. Especially in Brooklyn. Everything's becoming gentrified. Yeah, that's what I heard. Everybody's gentrified. I don't think it's gentrified.

I used to live in Williamsburg back in 1988. You lived in a bar? It was not gentrified. You lived in a bar? Yeah. You lived in a bar? Yeah. You went to Eastern District?

I don't know where I was. I know this is, look. I was in Williamsburg and I was not too far from the bridge and it was not a good time to be there. There's a lot of crack epidemic and a lot of heavy stuff was going on. I was a part of that. My aunt used to get hot. One time she bought me a Game Boy for Christmas and then she stole it.

And then she helped me look for it. I said, why are you burning Game Boy and then stealing? Then help me look for it. She said, I had to eliminate myself as a suspect. That's a terrible story. That is so crack. Okay. But I couldn't do it no more.

I couldn't do it no more because I'm gonna feel sorry for the crackheads. I was selling them crack and didn't feel sorry for them because I was a crack dealer with a heart of gold. Uh-huh. Were you really? You had a heart of gold as a crack dealer? All right. Sometime I'll just be checking on you. Yeah.

I kind of like it. It's a good instinct. I can't show your life is good because I can hear it. Well, you're very funny. I can hear it. As long as you don't be like, as long as you don't be like that. No.

Just laugh it smooth. Yeah. Just move your ladies' man. You got that turtleneck on. He's got that turtleneck on. I noticed that too. Women love turtlenecks, kids. Men love turtlenecks, kids.

He knew it. Yeah. He knew it when he came. He's 3,000 miles away from the wife and kids and suddenly he's wearing a turtleneck and out in New York. Yo, you're gonna get in trouble, kid. Oh, no.

Yeah, you are. Have your wife see you with that turtleneck on? Keep on. I keep this turtleneck in an apartment in New York City. It just, it's just here by itself. Good, good. Yeah. That's good.

I'm just gonna let it, this one go as long as I possibly can. You got any words of wisdom for us, Tracy? These are difficult. Do I have words of wisdom? Words of wisdom. People look to- You made peanut butter and jelly put the peanut butter on first.

Does that make sense to everybody? Yeah, because you don't want the jelly and the peanut butter and the jelly get hard and then you don't want that. So peanut butter goes on first and then- Everybody know about PJ, man, come on. Come on. Everybody here know how to make- I bet the Tauntaun guy has a different way of doing it.

He probably don't know how to make peanut butter and jelly. No, or he does the jelly first. Then the peanut butter- Yo, you gotta know how to make peanut butter and jelly, kid. He left a while ago. You shook him up. He's walking downtown crying. You shook him up.

I put it all on Tauntaun. He's a shook kid from Brooklyn. Where do you live and when can I come by? Could I come by? What would it be like if we hung out? How would it go? What? It'd be straight in love.

What? Be straight in love. Okay. I'm hanging out with Conan O'Brien. They would never- How did that happen? That's what you'd be thinking. This is looking at all these people, man.

Yeah. This is not bad, man. But you know, I want to hang with you. This is not bad for a dude that didn't get his GED. Not bad for a kid that with the P.S. 59. This is dope. I said that to myself when I ate dinner at the correspondent's dinner.

Conan was there. Yep. And I looked around. I said, not bad for a guy that graduated from public school. That's an- Now I'm dead. Look at all these people. You see it?

Yes. Yeah. Tracy, you're the only one who keeps seeing them for the first time. I've been out here for an hour with these people. I'm well aware that they're here. It's so- Must be so nice that you're constantly having these new experiences. You're Conan. That dude right there keep looking at me.

What's his problem? I've got my eyes on you. What do you think he's looking at? Got on a white shirt. I see him. Yeah, I see him too. Oh, that's a female. I'm sorry. That's why she keep looking at me.

Because I got on that cologne. I got on a juke. You think it's the juke? Is the reason the ladies are looking at you? I know it is. Juke is sort of- It's moving around and people are- I walk past females and they go, what was that?

Who smelled like that? Will you hook me up with some juke? Is it easy to get? I got a bottle coming your way now. I don't think that's going to happen. Yo, Lucas, we're buying me to send Conan some juke. It's $35 on Amazon. It is, right?

Yeah. Okay. That's expensive. I'd like it to be a gift. Yeah, okay. It would be more to me if it was a gift. And then I want to surprise my lady with it. I want Liza-

I want to come home some night. And I'm going to have- Test it out. And how much juke do I put on? Half a bottle. You a beginner. You got to go half a bottle. Do I use a ladle?

Well, how does it go on? Keep spraying until your finger get tight. Okay. Tracy, I've never met any- I've spent a lifetime talking to funny people. And I see like, they're these categories of this kind of funny person and that kind of funny person. And then there's you.

I've never ever met anyone like you. I never will again. This is a high compliment. You are just a delight. It just happens with you. It's really- You're very special. Seriously.

I mean that. You don't know- I know I've never told you this before, Conan, but you don't know what you mean to me, man. Oh, sweet. Thank you. You don't know what you mean to me, man. I feel safe.

I feel comfortable with my sense of humor around you. Well, I'm glad. I'm not sharing it with- Because to me, you're the pro of pros. You're not a pick and choose your fights. You are the pro of pros, man. I love you, man. Oh, that's really-

Thank you. Thank you. You're a good friend. You're a good friend. And you came here in the rain. All these people came in the rain. You know what it's like in LA. There's a rain in our side.

Tracy Morgan, everybody. I love you, Tracy. I don't understand. It's such a happening any time I talk to him. And the thing I love so much, and you know, these clips go out and they're worth looking up because you'll hear this on the podcast.

You'll hear it on Sirius XM, whatever. But just go online and find the clips because when Tracy, the expressions he has, the way he uses his face, and he says these things with absolute conviction that are such bullshit. And then he's able to just have his eyes just settle in the crowd

and he almost gets sad. And he goes someplace else and then comes back and he's always been like this. It's just heavenly. It's like he's looking into another dimension but seeing the truth. It's amazing. It's nice.

Well, if that's the truth, we're in terrible trouble. Are you actually going to wear a jupe? You know what I am going to do? I'm going to get jupe and I'm going to put it on and not tell my wife. And I'm going to just to see what happens and then we can talk about it on the show.

I really will do it. And trust me, she won't know because she doesn't listen to me. She doesn't listen to me. Well, we'd like to take some voicemails from the audience. Yeah, voicemails. This is, we pretend we're, we pretend we're listening to voicemails

as if we were doing the podcast instead. These are real people who are here right now. That's right. These are real live voicemails. So we're going to start with, we've chosen some fun people. We're going to begin with Tim. Here comes Tim.

Yeah. Here is Tim. Hi guys. Hey Tim, how are you? I'm doing good. Yeah. Tell us a little bit about yourself. I'm a Bridgentunnel Irishman. Is that true?

That is very true. From New Jersey, I came across. How much, how much Irish are we talking about? Oh, grandparents came over. My dad told me when I was growing up that all Irishmen were short. So you were very confusing to me when I was younger. Yeah. Yeah.

But have you had your genealogy done? Do you know how much Irish you are? Oh, 100%. Me too. Yeah. And I've got it. Did you get excited when you heard you were 100%? Oh, absolutely.

I got so excited. And then the doctor told me, you idiot, it just means you're inbred. And then I looked in and I'm like, oh yeah, that's right. Because we've been living in the United States since like 1850. So if I'm still 100% Irish, and then I looked into it and it's like, yeah,

everybody kind of lived in one house and had babies for 150 years, which explains a lot. What? You're like the Targaryens. Yes, I am. I'm an Irish Targaryen. Yeah. Well, very nice to meet you.

You too, guys, too. So the quick question, I know you don't like to date your podcast, but we heard this week there was a Powerball drawing and I think it was $2 billion winner. Yeah. It was picked in Altadena, California, which is where Sona's from.

Yeah. Yes, yes. This is such a good question. They announced the Powerball winner and it's a massive amount of money, $2 billion. And Sona, all of us thought the same thing. The ticket was purchased at a gas station that is how close to your house.

It's the gas station I go to. And I know it's so close, but I don't play the lottery. I don't play Powerball. Yeah, but also, when you think about it, you won the ultimate lottery. Oh, boy. If I won, I would not answer a single phone call from you

for the rest of my life. I would be so out of here. Hey, has that person come forward yet? Do they know who it is? So someone's walking around with a ticket in their pocket, but they don't know it or for some reason they haven't come forward yet? Empty your pockets.

Yeah. But how do you know? You're whacked out half the time. How do you know you don't have... Seriously, how do you know you don't have the $2 billion ticket shoved into your Hello Kitty purse somewhere? What? What do you think my life is? You think I just get...

Because we're talking about me getting high, I just go to the gas station and buy lottery tickets and then I went $2 billion and I'd be like, I don't know, I was high. I have kids. I have to be somehow coherent most of the time. What's that little catch-all there? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Most of the time. Somewhat coherent, most of the time. What would you do, Sona, what would you... The real question is, what would you seriously do if you had $2 billion? I mean, that could have been you. That really could have been you. You drive past that gas station all the time.

All the time. I honestly, I don't even... I would donate a lot of it because it seems like a lot. I don't know and I'd buy... Oh, that's it. I would donate it. I would donate it.

Because one person does not need that much money, right? Oh, man, would... Yeah, tax the rich, right? Guys, I don't know. I'd buy a beach house, a really big one to be honest. Can you imagine how angry... I've always thought about this, how angry people would be

if a very famously affluent person or a celebrity won the $2 billion lottery and people said, so what are you gonna do in their lake? Real estate, real estate. And I'm also gonna make... Just nothing at all. I'm gonna give it away

or I'm gonna do... How angry people would be? I know. Well, they should be. Why is a wealthy person even playing the lottery? It's not for those people. It's for those of us who want to be rich overnight. So, yeah.

Well, anyway, I'm glad that... You didn't need that $2 billion and I think you have a very happy life without it. I don't need it. And also, everybody who wins the lottery ends up being miserable. Yeah. It's a curse.

It's a curse. Isn't it a curse? I think it is. I'd like to find out. Can you really... I imagine the number of relatives that come out of the woodwork and are like,

oh, hey, I heard you won $2 billion. Why do they make that noise up front? Hey. Are they just secreting this ooze from their mouth? Could I have some money? What would you do, $2 billion? You're close, too. You'd buy a turtleneck that goes up even higher.

Yeah. That's you. That with the yachting cap on. Hello, everybody. I would buy Team Cocoa and run it into the ground like Elon Musk did with Twitter. All right. Well, I think we've answered your question,

as best we can. Thank you, Tim. Nice to meet you, Tim. Who's next? Braylon, come on down. Braylon. Come on down. You've won nothing.

What is your name? I didn't hear it. Hi. My name is Braylon. Hey, Braylon. How are you? Hi. I'm good.

How are you? That's a lovely name. I like that. Hi. Thank you very much. It's actually Irish, Conan. That's why. Yes.

All customers today are Irish. I know. It's Irish night here. It's either everyone here is Irish. What if every single person says, ah, Conan, I have a question for you. When you have a Guinness, do you wipe it off with a piece of cardboard?

Or do you use your pinky? What are you, where are you from? I'm from central New Jersey. Okay. Yeah. Which does exist. Tonight is exclusively Irish from New Jersey. Yeah, wow.

I'm currently a law student. So my question was actually, I know that on one of your latest podcasts, you mentioned that your backup to comedy would have been law. And I wanted to talk about what kind of lawyer you'd be and why. And more than anything,

I wanted to thank you guys for all the laughs. Oh, thank you so much. We love doing it. Thank you. I'm going to say that I never really thought of it. I remembered someone asked me, it was, you know, when I was going to college

and I had worked really hard as a student and someone said, you know, what are your plans? And I just knew that you had to say something. So I said, well, I think I'll work hard in college and then I'll go on to law school. But that's about as much. It just sounded like something

that would get someone to stop asking me. So I didn't really think that I would, I didn't hadn't given it any thought. It's the way if you're like five and you say, I'll be an astronaut, you know? And so I didn't know. I just said that. And then the irony is that I worked really,

I dreamed about show business and then said, well, that's never going to happen. And gave up on it as a kid and then decided, well, if I'm not going to do that, I better work hard and be a good student. So I did that and then got to a really good school that happened to have this insanely cool humor magazine.

So in order, in by trying to escape that world and be sensible, I ended up in this foolishness factory. And so we'll never know what kind of a terrible, silly lawyer I would have been, you know? But we can imagine. Yeah, yeah.

You know what I would have done? I would have done a lot of, I love the idea. I want to be part of a trial at some point and make big speeches because those are some of the funniest moments in movies. They're just so many great comedy scenes that take place when someone's making an ass of themselves

in front of a judge. And I love a serious environment because it makes me act very silly. So when we shoot remotes, we're always looking for a place that takes the wine tastings very seriously. And it makes me crazy and I go insane and it forces all my energy in the other direction.

So I think I'd be one of those lawyers that would just say insane things in front of the judge. I think all of my clients would be executed, even if they weren't up for a capital crime. Just misdemeanors. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you didn't pay the proper tax on this parking lot you own.

Death! You'd be disbarred immediately. I would be disbarred, but I would have a lot of fun. I would have a lot of fun while I was doing it. Do you know what kind of law you're going to study? Yeah, so after graduation, I'll be going to a national firm to do litigation.

I'm not sure specifically which type of litigation yet, but I know I want to do that rather than transactional. Okay, it was a mistake for me to ask specifically. Yeah, that's not on you. That is so on me. I forgot that this was a show and I thought for a minute that I was hiring for a law firm.

And you gave the correct answer and then I realized, oh right, wrong setting. All right, I think we have another question here. Should be Martha. Let me guess, you're Irish and you're from New Jersey. No, I'm not Irish, but I am from New Jersey. Hey, what is your name? Martha.

Martha, okay. Tell us a little bit about yourself. Well, okay, since people brought up their nationality, well, I'm Nigerian and I work in a city as a television news producer. Good for you. You seem very young. You're moving your way up in the world.

You've got an incredibly cool jacket too. Thank you. I love your jacket. Thank you. I want that jacket. You're going to give me that jacket right here. What are you doing? Would that jacket fit me?

It might. Do you mind if I try it on? Sure. All right, so Conan is walking to the edge of the stage here. So now let's play by play this. Okay, he's trying on that jacket. Yeah. You know, it's not bad.

It's very cool. The sleeves are a little short, but the length is good. The sleeves are short, but it does fit. And it's a really cool jacket. Okay. Conan is wearing the latest Tom Ford fashions with a scent of jube cologne wafting through the air. He's changed.

He's a changed person. Yeah. Get that dry cleaned. What's your question? You're going to be going home and you're going to say, why does my jacket smell of desperation? That was amazing. There's a needy musk in this jacket.

Thank you. Thank you for that. Sure. Happy to help you. Oh gosh. So yeah, I work in television and I really love television. So like one of my favorite things to know about people is like, what's their like comfort TV show?

Right. Like the show that you watch when you need to like cheer up. And like it's always good every single time. You know, I have to say there's a bunch of them. And there's some that I didn't really get to know at the time. But but I got to know them better over time. And I formed a really good bond with my kids where we watch them together. And I have a 17 year old son is a big comedy fan.

And so we whenever he's stressed or we're both stressed or we just both need to blow off steam, we will watch Arrested Development. Also, I completely in this happened during COVID, but I and I'm very good friends with Joel Mikhail and I had seen community, but I but I over COVID, we started at the beginning and we watched it all the way through. And it is absolutely transformatively funny. It's it's and it's very it's so creative. Yeah.

And when I used to read about it, people would say, yeah, it's really like that. They're doing a claymation episode. And I think well, maybe they're just being meta for meta's sake. You know, no, they did set show is unerringly unusual and kind of perfect and sweet. And so I love that show needs to be celebrated. So I those are shows that I relate. What are the shows that you go to? So I watched like a lot of science fiction. So like my favorite ones are like Star Trek.

The original series, which really hold up beautifully. Yeah, it does. And then Babylon 5 and then Quantum Leap. Thank you, Martha. Thank you. So where do I meet you to pick up my jacket? No, you can meet me after the show. It's not your jacket.

Thank you very much. It's so cool talking to you. Wow. Time for one more. Let's one more. All right. We'll close out with Kara. We'll close out with Kara or Kara.

You choose Kara. Or Kara. It's Kara. Okay. It's Kara. Hey, Kara. How are you? Good choice.

I'm great. This is amazing. Hi, guys. Hey, how are you? Awesome. I can't believe I'm talking to you guys. Sweating a lot. Oh, don't worry about it.

We're just people who happened to have attained a very... Oh, wait, that's what... Godlike status, I suppose. Trust me, I bleed if I'm cut. It's more cold than blood, but... I will live forever. We know that. Wet, tell us a little bit about yourself.

I'm a new mom. I have a seven-month-old son. Hey, congratulations. Thank you. We did it. We did it. Yeah, yeah, very excited. And how is little Conan?

He's great. No one goes with that name. No. Except now there's this guy, Conan Gray. Yeah. And people love this guy, Conan Gray. He's so cool. He's creeping up on me.

I don't like it. He's cool. He's young. He's really young. Okay, whatever. I could be young again. He's gold. Wait till my album comes out.

Oh, I'm sorry. No, it's okay. This is actually... His name is Harrison. This is the first time that I am leaving him overnight, so to come see you guys. Hey. This is the first time I've left my daughter, too.

Yeah, it's hard, right? Yeah, I don't think we should have done it. Where did you leave, Harrison? I left it. A bus station. I'm from Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Are you Irish? No.

Ooh, you have to sit down. You have to have one of the two. Sorry, we have no time for your question. Okay, bye. Next, Conan. Well, actually, so my question is, Conan, I don't know if you're aware, but sometimes you do this voice on the podcast,

and it reminds me of Charlie in the Box from the original stop motion, Root Off the Red Nose Reindeer, and the Island of Misfit Toys. You got to look it up. No, no, I know that special really well because people used to say I looked a lot like that elf. Her be the dentist. And I used to get people all the time like,

hey, turn me the dentist. And, you know, I want to be a dentist. And so I know that show really well, but I don't remember Charlie in the Box. Well, when they go to the Island of Misfit Toys, there's squirt gun that shoots jelly. And Charlie in the Box is like the sentry for the Island of Misfit Toys.

He's on a talk like this. Yeah, that. Oh, that guy. I'm a Charlie in the Box. You're right. Maybe that's where it comes from. I don't know. So I was wondering what would your,

what misfit toy would you be? And Matt's on that as well. What do you mean, would I be? I feel like, I really do feel like I have been a misfit toy. No, I mean, in a good way. I mean, I think that's one of the nice things about that story for kids is that I very honest about the fact that I felt like a misfit.

And then so many of the people, I found this career where I just kept picking up other misfits and there's power in numbers. And I think that's something really fun, especially about the comedy community, is all of my heroes are misfits. You know, we, we don't, so it, I don't know. I never felt secure.

Right. I know this is like a serious answer, but I honestly think I never felt, I felt like, you know, when I was 15, 16, 17, well through my 20s, I didn't have it together and I didn't think, I didn't really know what my personality was. It just took so long. So I think I would fit in very well

on the island of misfit toys. I think, yeah. And I, I don't know exactly what toy I would be dressed exactly like I am now. All black denim. But I don't know. I mean, I don't know. Do you, do you have any thoughts about what I should be?

I mean, yeah, like you kind of are dressed like a snake eyes, the G.I. Joe or something like that. You know, wait, what's snake eyes, the G.I. Joe? Well, he's dressed all in black, but he wears like a hood and, and he doesn't. There was a G.I. Joe that went around wearing a hood. Well, not a hood, but like a, like a, a head, like a ninja mask and, but he's in the army.

That's, he's in the, he's in the United States army. This is not your generation's G.I. Joe. What happened to G.I. Joe? It's called G.I. Joe. No, they got crazy. There was a Samurai in G.I. Joe. That's just insane. Oh, I didn't do it.

I don't know what's going on. G.I. Joe draft dodger. Conch, you're just objecting. Yeah. Push, push the button on his back and he presents his Canadian passport. That's the G.I. Joe I would have. Great. Love it. Love it.

I'd just be a weird draft dodger. I would have misfit toys. Yeah. Love it. But I love that. That's, I'll, I'll, I'm going to watch that again. I got to see that again. It's a classic. Every year you got to watch it.

I love that. I remember seeing it for the first time and when the, I'm a spoiler alert, but when, when Yukon Cornelius charges the abominable snowman and they both go over the cliff, I, that was like my first experience with death. Seriously, I thought that he had died. And I mean, I was very young.

I was like 24. And a very naive and sweet 24. But I was horrified. I remember that really clearly. It was really scary. Yeah. Terrifying. I've never seen it. You haven't seen it?

No. What's your problem? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let's, let's roll it right now. Yeah. That's, wouldn't that be great if we could? Oh man. All right. Well, that's what I think.

You know, yeah. I literally watched that two days ago with my daughter. I'm glad you watched it with your daughter. Well, what if you're just, I just watched it on the plane alone. I think my daughter was an excuse. Yeah. Yeah. You do kind of look like Hermie. I look a lot like him.

Yeah. I've, I've, I've just, my whole look is like inspired by him and the Wendy's girl. Oh, sorry. Well, thank you, Kara. Thank you. Nice to meet you. I just want to say thank you guys because during COVID, I think a lot of people here probably had anxiety like myself

and you really helped us all. So thank you. Thank you. That's so sweet. Thank you. Thank you very much. That's very cool. That's sweet. I hear that a lot from people, which is nice.

I think it helped, it helped me too, doing it. Yeah. Yeah. You know, just even being on a Zoom with you guys was nice. Right. Just talking and doing our foolishness. It was, it helped. And you mocking me for not being able to figure out a Zoom. Oh, that's right.

That was really funny. Oh, I'm the worst. Man, you had to have a human come over and risk COVID to set that up for you. You really did. I didn't, I can't do it. It's a machine that I don't understand. It's a computer.

It's not a machine. It's stealing my soul. It is. It's not a machine. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. It's so easy. All right.

You know what I think we should do? I think we should, we should wrap things up here. We've had a lovely time. Oh, well, maybe there's room for one more little piece of business over there with Mr. Jim Avevino. So let me thank my two people who make this amazing for me. Sonamah Sassian, Matt Gorley. Follow us here, hear the L, back to school.

Ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking blues. Climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are going to be friends. I can tell that we are going to be friends. Let's do it, everybody. Walk with me, Susie Lee, through the park and by the tree. We will rest on the ground. Look at all the bucks we found.

Safely walk to school without a sound. Safely walk to school without a sound. Here we are, no one else's sweet. Walk to school all by ourselves. There's dirt on our uniforms. We're chasing all the ants and worms. We clean up and now it's time to learn. We clean up and now it's time to learn.

Here we go. We don't notice any time pass. We don't notice anything. We sit side by side in every class. Teacher thinks that I sound funny, but she likes the way you sing. Tonight I'll dream when I'm in bed. Silly thoughts go through my head about the bugs and alphabet.

When I wait tomorrow I'll bet that you and I will walk together again. I can tell that we are going to be friends. I can tell that we are going to be friends. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gorely. Produced by me, Matt Gorely. Executive produced by Adam Sacks and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Year Wolf.

Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Britt Kahn.

You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.