Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Turner Classic Wine Club

Episode Date: December 16, 2021

Conan speaks with dental hygienist Chrissy from Baltimore about listening to the podcast while she runs and silent movie-themed wine. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: TeamCoco.com/CallConan

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Konan. Okay, let's get started. Hi, Chrissy. Say hello to Konan and Sona. Hi, Konan. Hi, Sona.

This is unbelievable. Wow. Chrissy, you are a dose of caffeine right to the heart. You've got a little Konan. You've got a little Konan pop doll there. That's fantastic. Yes, that and a like a Konan face. Okay, well just be careful, Chrissy,

because all Konan memorabilia is made very cheaply and it's all 100% asbestos. Yes, it keeps them falling down. Yeah, it could explode in flames at any moment. Chrissy, where are you right now? In Baltimore. You're in Baltimore. Baltimore, Maryland.

Okay, very good. And tell us a little bit about yourself, Chrissy. I am a dental hygienist. Oh. And yes, yes. And I loved when you talked to Jack Black all about when you go to the dental office, you never wait, you just go in and say,

I'm here and you just get in the chair. That is my, yes, that's my attitude. I like to walk into places and say, I'm here and I'm ready. And I do that in emergency rooms. Other people will be severely injured and I just like to walk in and go, I'm here.

I've been on television for three decades and I demand immediate treatment for my slightly ingrown hangnail. Just like when the Invisible Man was on... Yes, yes. Oh no, don't bring that up. Don't bring that up. Chrissy, you are,

you sound like someone who listens to the podcast a lot. Oh, I know. Every Mondays and Thursdays are my favorite days. I started running, I was training for a marathon and I tried listening to the classics like the Scarlet Letter and... No, there's nothing. Wait, you were jogging to the novel

the Scarlet Letter? Yes. Yeah, no one... And I wanted to jump off a bridge the third time that they discussed the letter. Yeah, no one jogs to Hawthorne. I can see why. Now listen, you can jog to Emerson

or Thoreau, but you can't jog to Hawthorne. You just can't. No, you can't. So I started listening to you guys, so I feel like you run with me. I feel like you're with me all the time and I absolutely love it.

It's been fantastic. I tell you... You know what we should do is if you listen to this while you run, let's all give her a little inspiration while she's running right now. When this comes out on the next whatever Thursday,

she will hear us inspiring her to run. You got this, Chrissy. You got this. Come on, Chrissy. Come on, Chrissy. Let's go. You got it. The last time I did, I listened to Bill Hader.

Again, like the second time, you and Bill Hader, and it was a 10K and I came 11th in my age group and then I did a 6K and didn't listen to anything that came third in my age group. Wait a minute. You guys just...

Wait a minute. Hold on. Maybe you should go back to Hawthorne. Chrissy, what you're saying is that when you don't listen to the... When you listen to me and Bill Hader, you come in 11th. When you listen to nothing,

you come in 3rd. Yes. Well, because I'm laughing. I'm laughing. Oh, I see. Well, that's the problem. Yeah, you know, we have some people... This is nice,

but I've had a lot of people tell me that they get in trouble or they get thrown out of the gym because they're laughing at the podcast, which is a compliment. Yes. But I guess when you're wearing earbuds and you're laughing loudly,

you look insane. Right, yes. Yeah, it doesn't take much for me to look that way anyway, but that does put me over the edge just a bit when I come up behind somebody and I'm laughing. And Matt and Sona are so stinking cute.

Hey! They're good. They're downstairs. I don't know. I think they're sleeping. Yeah, mom's out on a walk. Yeah. Oh, is she?

Oh, that's nice. Yeah, alone. She's walking. Yeah, Matt's daughter is out alone, wandering. She's walking. And Sona hasn't seen her children in weeks.

She's not really a hands-on mom, but that's her way. Well, this is exciting to talk to because, you know, we love doing the podcast, but it is really nice when we talk to people that are really listening

to every episode and apparently listening really closely for the hidden satanic messages that we put in there. Yeah. You know, and I'm glad you're a dental hygienist. I was at my dental hygienist

and I was complaining about tooth pain and they found an abscess. They found an abscess on my back molar and I just had root canal. Oh, so it wasn't your sinuses? Wow, you're good. I am so good. I'm all over this.

At first, they didn't see any sign of any decay. So they thought it might be the sinus and so I followed that course of treatment and then it just came back with a vengeance and I said, nah, it's the tooth

and sure enough, they found out. So I got a root canal two days ago and I'm feeling good now. I recommend everyone go out and get root canals if you need them or not because they're fantastic.

It's really good and you get some great food. Thank you. People love that. Well, I tell people all the time when they have their males open to listen to you guys because it's so funny.

It's the first thing I talk about in the podcast. Do you get a lot of resistance from people or they're like, oh, God, I hate that guy. No, I have sharp instruments. There's no resistance.

There's no resistance. I love that. I love that. You're converting people to our podcast by pretty much torturing them the way Laurence Olivier did in Marathon Man

to Dustin Hoffman. Is it safe? Is it safe? Is it safe to listen? Can you attend the university? Wow. Very good boy. You have an

encyclopedic memory for media. Yeah. Do you seem to know your movies, Chrissy? Are you a movie? Yes. Are you a movie, Beth? Oh, Turner Classic Movies.

I belong to the Wine Club. Wait. Tell us about this. Harold Lloyd. Oh, Lloyd. Turner Classic Movies. There's a Wine Club associated with Turner Classic Movies?

Yes. Yes. So what are the wines? Are they themed a certain way? They'll come and you can kind of choose what kind of wine you like and then I get like a case

every week. Every couple of weeks. Now we're talking. And it is, they'll have something on there and you know, just like the voices when you say hello,

you know, by the dancing around the Baltimore Berry Bush or something, you use all the old movies. I love all the old movies too. So this is Harold Lloyd. Wait, I didn't know what you just said. Oh, that was Harold Lloyd.

When you do the whole thing about state farm and you start singing, oh, by the sycamore truth. Oh, okay. God, I don't know what you're talking about and then I realized it was

nonsense I've said. But wait, so this is basically you love old movies and then you found a way to combine alcohol with old movies. Right. How do they choose?

They'll pair it up. How do they choose that? Because Turner Classic movies getting fast and loose these days. I saw like Cannonball Run 2 is on there now. Is there a wine for that?

Not yet. I'm hoping they're making it. It's a very mediocre boxed wine. By Jamie Farr. Yeah. It's a Jamie Farr Bougelet. I have a question. Do you think they'll ever do?

This is just a side thing, but I wonder if there'll be a wine club for like Saturday morning cartoons for kids. You know what I mean? So you can pair. I hope so. Yeah.

Those don't seem to cross over, but I'm just saying. I'm going to have a couple grand babies so Saturday mornings might be a good time to pop open a bottle and chill out with them. Get them started early,

I always say. Oh, wait. The wine. Bugs, bugs, Bonnie and somebody. Is this for the kids or for the parents washing the kids? Depends on how they're acting.

Oh, OK. OK. Just a little tip for you new parents, you know? Sometimes a little little rum on the gums settles them down. You know what I'm saying?

It works for daddy. It works for daddy. Not for daddy, and I don't care what the kids are doing. So you're a runner. Good for you. You know, can I ask you

a quick question? I am a rather tall gentleman and I've had people tell me a lot of people, because I started running recently and people are very vocal that I shouldn't be running. I get that a lot.

They're like, you can't be running. You're 6'4". You're too tall. You're too big. You can't be running. It's bad for you. Well, look at a giraffe. They have long legs

and they're quick and they can run. Yeah. Look at a giraffe. What was that thing you used to talk about outside of the used car lots? Oh, those inflatable socks.

Yeah. You see those jogging all the time. Yeah. Chrissy, you just made me feel like awful. You said, look at a giraffe. Look at a giraffe. That freak of nature runs.

Yeah. Look at Slenderman. Why can't you run? They're perfect. Yeah. If Slenderman can run. I'm short. So I'm short.

So it's easy. My legs are like this long and this wide. So you just, you know. So we should run together. We'd be a funny duo, you know? Yeah. That'd be great.

So what, you're a runner and it looks like so, because you've got great energy. Do you get that? Do you hear that a lot, Chrissy? Yes. You're like a nuclear powered person. That's the sense I get from you.

You know that you have a lot. Yes. And I love that. I commend you on that. Well, thank you. Yes. I've been diagnosed with hypomania. I have the maniac part,

but not the depression. So that's what I... Whoa. Oh. I'm sorry. I took a dark turn here, Chrissy. Oh, thanks a lot, Conan. I've been diagnosed as hypomania.

I'm a complete maniac. But not depressed. Have you? That's good. You know, a little... A little depressed. The mania is coming through though. Yeah.

We're getting on. Don't worry. Oh, okay. Take it easy, Chrissy. Easy on the wine, Chrissy. You know, alcohol is a depressant. So maybe that helps balance you out. Maybe that's why you have a case of week

while you're watching old silent movies. You got to... You know, they kind of pair them up with the silent movies. Yeah. They'll tell you, oh, okay, so if you're going to be watching the silent movie this week,

do the Harold Lloyd, the Petit Sera. Yeah. That makes sense. That's what it is. Yeah. Man, Turner Classic movies is really... It's really going for it. I think it's clearly just a front now.

I know. I don't think they're making any money on the movies. And so it's clear that they have figured out a way to... Hey, you know what sells well? Alcohol. Let's move some alcohol. Hey, it's Jimmy Cagney month.

Yes. Make sure you get your Pinot Noir. Yeah, get your arsenic and old lace weed. He's my favorite. James Cagney. James Cagney. I have a huge poster of him in my basement. Like, as soon as you go down,

it's like Jimmy Cagney down there. Right. Angels with dirty faces. Ooh, that's one of... You know what? That's one of my favorite movies as a kid. Angels with dirty faces. Yeah, I bet.

Yeah, I love that film. That's the ending. No spoilers. Okay, I won't say. Wow, you're quite the character. Christy, I'm going to give it to you. You are a nuclear energized runner who has an encyclopedic knowledge of our podcast.

You're a dental hygienist who bullies people into listening to us. You drink way too much while you watch Turner Classic movies. You have mania, so you go downstairs after you've had a lot to drink and you shout at a Jimmy Cagney poster. Yes. You got it. I love it all. Well, what can I do for you?

Do you have a question for me, Christy? Well, I think one of the questions that I wanted to ask is, do you like seeing your dental hygienists? I mean, now that I've found out that you had your root canal and things went well, I'm glad. But I was just wondering, do you like... Because now all my patients love that I will talk about this podcast. And one of the things that does help is I use all your funny lines.

So people do get more comfortable when they sit in the chair. Wow. So do you like seeing... Glad to know that I have funny lines. Well, Matt and Sona do do this. Good, good, yes, yes. Matt comes in, man. You've got some real good ones.

I like when you talked about finding a cousin between the walls or something. Something was dead in your house. Oh, yeah. Oh, God, I barely remember that. No, Matt, Matt, Matt's very funny. He comes in with some very good, sharp quips. He does. And Sona very reliably tells me I'm an asshole.

And people love that. Love it. Love it. And an idiot and a fool. No, so I... No, she doesn't. No, no. We have a nice thing going here and we have a really good time.

But yeah, I do... I'm going to say, I don't know if anybody gets excited about going to a dental hygienist, but I do feel the difference. And the big thing that I've noticed is the way they scrape tartar off your teeth. I've always thought, when are they going to come up with a better way than just taking a nice pick and scraping it tartar? You'd think they would come up with a hypersonic wand that they wave around your mouth three times and all the tartar falls out.

But... That would be good. That would be good. It feels like tartar removal has not changed at all in 600 years. It hasn't. Maybe the instruments have gotten a little smaller, but other than that, we're still banging it off, you know, kind of a... Things like that.

How much jackhammering. Oh my God, you're jackhammering now. Are you ever done any... Have you ever done any improv? Because you have very good space work, Chrissy. You're good at miming. I know. Have you ever gotten up on stage?

I bet you charge the stage all the time and have to be restrained during one of your manic episodes. They're stolen piano bars. I've been kicked out of there. You kind of go up on stage and sing and they don't like that. Oh my God. That's so cool. Chrissy, I see why you're a fan because you and I are very similar in some ways.

We may... The center of attention. Yeah, people know when we walk in a room. Oh, you bet they do. You bet they do and if they don't, God help them. God help them. Jesus Christ. Jesus Mary and Joseph.

Chrissy, I do... Let's hear it for dental hygienists. Let's hear it for people who run. Let's hear it. Let's seriously. They do a good job. They get rid of all that tartar. I suspect when I leave, they've saved my tartar and sold it on eBay.

I would be selling it. I'd be making things out of it. Creating maybe a necklace. You know what I might do? I'm going to send you my tartar and let's see what you make. Oh. Oh, come on. Tartar's not so...

It's not something engrossed. It's just... The whole thing is disgusting. You can dye it. Maybe make it color. Yeah. Make it a little... Chrissy.

Come on, Chrissy. I bet... I would love it if you made a Conan doll out of my tartar and then we tried to sell it on the internet and we said it was to raise money for a good charity. But then basically it was just so you and I could buy wine and watch the movie Yankee Doodle Dandy with Jimmy Cagney. Oh, my favorite. Chrissy, I love talking to you. You are really fun. You're a burst of goodwill, good energy.

Keep listening to us. We'll be thinking of you out there on the jogging trail, frightening people as you laugh maniacally and listen to the podcast. Well, before I go, I do want to thank you. It was a very hard three years for me and you guys had started this and both my parents had passed away. I'm sorry. All right. I would go and run was my therapy, but I started putting you guys on and I knew that on a Monday and then on a Thursday, that things would just be better. And you guys helped me through a tough time, so I appreciate it greatly.

Chrissy, that's a real gift that you would tell us that and I'm sorry you've had a tough three years, but you are a really good soul and I think your next three years... I seriously think your next three years are going to be a lot better. Oh, definitely. Good things are coming your way. It's okay. I'm going to come see you guys live. You have to do another live show. All right.

Well, let us know. You know what? We're going to take this. I think I very much want to take this act on the road. So how big is that basement? Yeah, exactly. So you let us know because I'd like to say hi to you in person. So when we go on the road, we'll figure out a way.

I want you to talk to our people after we're done recording this and so that we have your info because I'd love to say hi to you in person after a show. That would be really fun. Right. I feel like you guys are my best friends and I keep on thinking about the babies and how people are. Oh, that's so nice. It might be silly. It's not silly.

It's not silly. We are. You know what's nice? This is for better and worse. This is who we are. So whatever you're picking up on is real and you know, so that's really nice. And so it's nice to know we have a real friend out there listening. So thank you, Chrissy.

No, you do. Absolutely. I love you guys. All right. Take care. Okay. Bye. Bye.

Oh, she's so nice. I love her. She's better than you guys. That's for sure. Yeah, that's true. Well, she is. Well, she just is. She can hear this.

She can hear this. I mean, you know what? You're not wrong. She's not wrong. I mean, I take a Chrissy over a son any day. She's got positive energy. She's not. I do.

I leave. Am I supposed to leave? Oh, my God. She's still here. Oh, shit. Oh, Chrissy, what if we had gotten off and I had said, oh, Chrissy's insane. We're not airing that one. Hi, I'll leave the room.

She knows she just doesn't want to leave. Chrissy. Chrissy. Oh, my God. Leave, break out room. Leave meeting. I don't know where I'm leaving. I'm leaving and then going.

I don't know what I'm doing. Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gorely. Produced by me, Matt Gorely. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Soloteroff and Jeff Ross at Team Cocoa and Colin Anderson at Earwolf. Music by Jimmy Vivino. Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples.

Associate producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineered by Will Beckton. Please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Cocoa Production in association with Stitcher.