Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Welcome to the Con-gregation!

Episode Date: October 28, 2020

Team Coco now bows at the altar of scams. That’s right—the Scam Goddess podcast has joined the Team Coco network! Scam Goddess is a show dedicated to fraud and all those who practice it. Each week host Laci Mosley digs into the scammiest scammers in history with guests like Paul Scheer, Jameela Jamil, and yes, even Conan! Get a taste of what Scam Goddess is all about with this clip featuring the hilarious Nicole Byer talking about career conman Jeremy Wilson.

Hey there, listeners. It's me, your old pal, Koenzee. That's what it says here in the text. Your old pal. Who wrote this? Who wrote this? Identify? Joanna? I wrote that. You think you can take li- How long have you worked for me? You're relatively new. And already you're calling me Koenzee? Four months. Okay. That seems like a four month name basis.

I know. This is a four month plus. I don't know. What kind of alcohol were you drinking? I'm gonna go with it. I like it. I like your style, kid. It's your old pal, Koenzee, here. I'm here to share something special with you. We've added a terrific show to the Team Coco Network. It's called Scam Goddess. It's hosted by the very, very funny Lacey Mosley. Each week she sits down with a guest to dish about the scammiest scammers in history, conmen, catfishers, fake heiresses. This show has them all. It's great storytelling. It's comedy. You actually feel like you learned something, even if you're learning about truly terrible and dishonest people. I, myself, had a chance to sit down with Lacey to talk about Jordan

Belfort, the real wolf of Wall Street. You can check that episode out now, but if you're not ready to dive all the way in yet, here's a taste of the show featuring Lacey and the hilarious Nicole Beyer digging into the story of the career conman Jeremy Wilson. I think you're gonna like it. Scam, con, robber free and fraud. Scam, con, robber free and fraud. I've got it. This is Jeremy Wilson's story, a.k.a. Finn, a.k.a. Angus Wilson, which he's a bald dude by changing the first name and not the last name, because everybody knows and scams.

You can track people by their last names. Right. And also, if you got to respond to a name, then you have to remember that name. So you got to constantly be like, oh, I'm Jeremy. I'm Finn. I'm Angus. Also, Angus. Angus is a nasty ass name. It's fucking nasty. Finn is cute. Right. Finn is like, I would fucking say Angus. I don't trust Angus. Ever. Well, the story is Finn and Angela, so they meet for the first time on OK Cupid. They meet up and they have

their first date at Steak and Shake. Okay, which is fast food, yes? Yes. Okay. That feels... But she's 19. Okay, that makes sense. You don't have no money.

You don't got no sense. Because, bitch, I ain't going to no damn Steak and Shake. If someone's like, meet me at Steak and Shake, I'd be like, you can meet yourself. Right. Take me at least to Red Lobster. Right. Somewhere where they got to present a check. Bitch, I got to go.

We going to the counter? No, absolutely not. Absolutely not. So they go to Steak and Shake and they talk. He has an Irish accent. Is that sexy? Have you ever dated a guy with an Irish accent? I've talked to guys with Irish accents. Okay. They're like, I can't do it.

I sound like a pirate. I'm like, that pussy is so good. Oh, your pussy tastes so good. It tastes like corned beef and cabbage. It's a very bad Irish accent. I think we sound like the pirate from SpongeBob. Yes. That's literally what I think Irish people sound like.

Yeah, so he has an Irish accent. And Angela recalls, it's not like a leprechaun. It's like more, she said musical. Okay. And that he was from Europe, which made her interested in him. Right. The date lasted 16 hours. Oh, Lord.

That's how you know you're 19. You ain't got nowhere to be. 16 hours. You don't have a job. I don't got 16 hours for nobody. You don't have to go back to school? What? 16 hours?

Nobody's looking for you. Honestly, that, yes, she's young. She is young. There is no way I could talk to a man for 16 hours. About what? I don't know. Could a man talk for 16 hours? Absolutely.

Right. I hope at least she got another steak and shake meal. I hope that he went back to the counter. Got my 16 hours. You got to get me dinner and breakfast. Yeah, come on now. We need meals in between. So then she says, we had sex.

Of course your young ass had sex with you. He took you to a damn steak and shake. Awesome. 16 hours. Yes, you have to fuck in those 16 hours. Definitely. At least get something out of this. You know what I mean?

You had a steak and a shake and then you got a little... He gave you his steak. All right. So she said it was her first time doing BDSM. So they really... Bitch, y'all jumped the gun on this one. So was it 16 hours because he tied her up and left her? Perhaps.

Okay. Angela. I mean, why not first steak, get a little kinky. The sex was spectacular. That's what she said. She said the sex was spectacular. So at the time, Finn was couch surfing and staying with a friend who offered him more than just a place to sleep. So also, you doing BDSM is somebody else's house.

So he like a broke ass Christian, great. I would be so upset if someone tied me up and was like, we don't fuck on this couch. I'd be like, oh, well, this is a little bit more private. Like I'm very vulnerable. Right. You can't be fucking broke ass Christian Grey. The whole reason that we was getting our ass beat by Christian Grey was because he had a yacht and a plane. He had some money.

Yes. I would be tied up on your boat. Hell yeah. Put on me up on the yacht. Put on your couch. Do not tie me up on the couch. Do not spank me on your couch. I need at least a door.

Right. You know, just a door. Also, like a roommate could come home at any time. Yes. Also, you couch surfing the audacity. Oh my God. If I had someone who was staying with me and I came home and they had a woman tied up on the couch and they were like, oh, we're going to fuck. Is that okay?

And be like, you can get the fuck out of my house. Immediately. That's where you could fuck off. Fuck off. So when Finn applied for a new driver's license, he used his host social security number and birth certificate, the one that he's staying with on the couch. Right. In return, Finn had agreed to supply the man with a Walther handgun. So we live in America.

Okay. This is in America. You can go to Walmart and get a gun. Truly. You can go anywhere. You can go to Dick's Sporting Goods and get a gun. Literally, you can go to McDonald's and probably get a gun. Probably get a happy meal and instead of a toy, it's a gun.

Right. So, and that's fucked up. I hate that that's how it is, but like, why would you give away your social security? Yes. You literally said a gun. A just a handgun is worth more than my person. My life? Y'all need to look at my booty hole.

But as long as the gun comes with bullets. It's insane. What? So this guy's an idiot, whoever this guy is. So this deal falls apart. He steals the identity and doesn't even give the man the gun. Okay. Finn is greeted.

Okay. So seeking revenge, Finn's acquaintance calls Angela's family to warn them about his identity and criminal history. So the homeboy calls the house and is like, hey, your daughter been tied up on my couch getting the ass whooped. He unloaded now what is really his real true story. So he was scamming Angela at first. I would say his name was Finn, but he was like, all right, fuck it.

Like, let me tell you the truth, sis, because I'm into you. This is real love that we have. So okay, my real name is Jeremy Keenan. He was 35, not 24. So he told her on the date that he was 24 and he was 35. That's disgusting. Also like, bitch, that's 11 years. You couldn't tell.

Yeah, right? You couldn't, there wasn't a rank on nothing. Was he white? Yes. Then she was in denial. But also I will say this, as a kid in high school, every movie that we saw. You know what? Was 35 year olds pretending to be high school year olds.

And that's why I went to high school thinking everybody beer was going to connect. And they did it. And I was mad. You were like, how come everyone has whiskers? Right. Where's my full beer? I said, who are these bird-chested little boys? And where the fuck was he ledger?

Ain't nobody had long hair, no jaw lines, nothing. A lot of zits, a lot of badly dressed little skinny scrawny dudes. Right. So I understand why she might have thought that this 35 year old was 24 because. So wild. When I was in high school, you know, I got her wing too. He hadn't gone to MIT. He told her he went to MIT.

He'd been in prison, but he'd walked away from a work release program. And he walked away. So he escaped from jail. What do you mean he walked away from a work release? They said, all right, you can go to work. And he said. That will sound like he was released away. I didn't even catch that till you said it.

Like that'll sound like he was released. Oh, I think they let him outside and he was like, I'm going to keep going. And then the guards were like, oh, well, he kept walking. They said it was a work release program. He said, you know what, I'm going to take the release. Yeah, I'm just going to go. But I'm not going to take the work. I'm just.

Bye bye. Thank you so much, though. Thank you for the offer. Okay, you just heard host Lacey Mosley and Nicole Bayer discussing the career conman Jeremy Wilson on scam goddess, the newest addition to the team Coco Network. If you'd like to hear more. Well, I know you do. You can find the show on Apple podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to this right now.

Be sure to check out the episode where Lacey talks with yours truly, Conan O'Brien, a.k.a. Conzi, according to a very new employee who shouldn't really be calling me that. Anyway, Lacey and I talk about Jordan Belfort, the real life Wolf of Wall Street. I had a great time. I'll see you soon. This has been a team Coco production in association with the Wolf.