Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - You Are So President Taft

Episode Date: December 12, 2024

Conan talks to healer and soccer player Héloïse from Manila about throwing events for the local trans and autistic communities and to get advice on using slang to blend in. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started. Hi, Eloise. Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Hello. Hey, guys. Hey, Eloise, how are you? I'm doing okay.

Yeah, I'm doing good. Okay. Well, you're talking to myself, Matt, Sona, the gang. Hi. Tell me, I don't know much. Tell me where are you right now? Who are you? Tell us the whole story. Sure. My name is Eloise. I'm a pronouncer, she, her.

I'm calling from Manila into Philippines. I am a healer in my community, so I'm a relationship and life coach. And I'm also my country's first openly trained soccer player. Wow. That's fantastic. And you say you're a healer as well. So you can help people.

Maybe you could help me. Please. I don't know. That's a tall order. Because Eloise, people here think I need a lot of help. Oh, God, I hope. Please. I don't know, that's a tall order. Because Eloise, people here think I need a lot of help. A lot of help. Okay, who do you need help with? I was hoping you would know.

I have some guesses, but I think that would be rude. Well, you live in Manila, and tell me just a little bit about your life. What do you like to do? How do you have fun? Yeah, so I work most of the time. Me and my fiancee, we like to throw events for our local trans and autistic community. We throw little parties. We're doing an autistic-friendly drag event.

And what do we do? I play a lot of soccer, and I've been eating a lot of pizza lately. we're doing an autistic friendly drag event. And what do I do? I play a lot of soccer and I've been eating a lot of pizza lately. So that's. I love pizza. Wow, pizza is the great unifier. Yeah. Of everything you just said.

So you are very active in the trans community. You have lots of get togethers. What kinds of things, what kind of things do you like to do with your friends who are trans? What kind of, you know, do you have, do you have parties? Do you have, what do you do? Yeah, we do like to have parties. We like to watch a lot of movies together and kind of just bond and connect over being weird. Yeah, I would like to join you because I am told I'm weird, you know.

I think you would be a good addition to the LGBT community. I'm not a certified representative, but I think we could use a little bit of Conan, because I think I'm the only one in my community that listens to Conan. Okay, well, all right, well then there's work to be done. That's why I'm here, I think. Leave them alone. My mission has always been to expand my presence in the LGBTQ community in the Philippines. Yeah, very specifically. I said that in 1963, the year I was born.

I remember that was a good episode. Yeah, wow, you have a time machine apparently. Yeah. Yeah. Well, would I get along? Would I fit in with everybody? I'm a pretty friendly person. Would they accept me? I guess that's a pretty friendly person. Would they accept me?

I guess that's the big question. Would your friends accept me? Well. So this isn't going well, Eloise. Eloise, I'm not getting good signals, Eloise. Well, I think there's a lot of work to be done and I'm not just talking about like therapy But I think I'm in terms of flight and the queer community

Mm-hmm, like I will be playing your podcast when I'm doing my makeup in the morning and my fiance It's also fear will be listening You feel like what are you talking about? Oh, I think so What is yeah, your there's like references. Your friends are picking up when I'm laying down is what you're saying. Yeah, I think like the James Bond references aren't going like- Yeah, Conan. Those are not my fault!

Specifically the James Bond references. That's Matt. That's Matt who has the obscure references. Hold on, last time that came up in detail, you brought it up. Who brings up Calvin Coolidge? Cause I don't think that. Thank you. I always thought that Calvin Coolidge was huge

in the trans community in the Philippines. Yeah. That was my understanding. Not so much President Taft, I get it. But Coolidge, yeah. Lyndon Johnson, I think is, if you reference Johnson more, it might be a little bit better. Okay, I'll double down on Johnson, okay.

Um... Well, okay, so, um... You say that, uh... Let's say I came to Manila. And let's say that you and I were to meet, and you were going to take me out for a night with your friends in the trans community, what would we be doing?

Okay. I was thinking about this. And the first thing we would go to is, there's this event called Girl Nation. It's a lesbian event, and it's mostly all lesbian women and some trans men. And then like one or two chill guys. So you have to pass that test of being chill and also an ally.

And once you do that, yeah, I think that's why I'm here to help is maybe I can teach you some slang or some things that will help you blend in and not stand out. Yes, I wanna blend in very much. I wanna be considered a chill guy when I go out on the town with you and your friends in the trans community.

So tell me, what are the things I should know? Thanks. I think that there's some using gay lingo, like offhandedly, being very used to it. You don't have to use it all the time. But if you use it like once a day in a podcast, then yeah, you'll be fine. Give me an example.

Right, so I think you could say it's giving... and then you make a reference at the end of that. And you can use that to like, when you're like giving someone a compliment or if you want to be passive aggressive, you can use it to give them an insult, but you use a very specific and obscure reference at the end of it.

So you can say like, oh, it's giving like season one, Love is Blind episode two. So you can say, like, oh, it's giving, like, season one, Love is Blind, episode two. And someone would just be like, oh, my God. Could I do, like, it's giving a view to a kill, Scarpeen. Of course. I'll go back to James Bond. It all goes back to James Bond. I see what you're saying, though.

It probably has to be a reality TV show, right? That's better. It could be a reality. Like, like, right now, Eloise, you're totally giving me, you know, season six, Love Island, episode three, uh... Cheetah. I just made all that all up. Cheetah?

Cheetah. Okay. Does that work? I think the delivery has to maybe improve. You know what? Yeah, because I was too deliberate about it. Yes. You got to just toss it off. You know what I mean?

You don't have to be like analyzing. You can just be like throwing it away. Like, oh yeah, you're totally, you can even reference like presidential terms. As long as you're specific and you're like throwing it away in a gay way, it's like- Okay, you are just right now. You know what? I don't need this from you.

You are so president taffed in selling the OC. I don't need this from you. You are so president-taffed in selling the OC. Ugh. I don't need this right now. Do you know what I mean? And I would be like, oh my gosh, slay, okay. Yeah. I don't know what that means. And then I say slay right back to you.

Slay. Okay. See? I think already I'm doing pretty well. No one would know. You're basically a woman right now. I've heard that before. That's a compliment.

I'm not a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman.'re basically a woman right now. Yeah. I've heard that before. Eloise, this is a big help. You're helping me. This is good.

I think you are here. Yeah. I think I have to learn more about reality shows. Yes. What are the popular reality shows so I can just toss them off? Oh, Love is Blind. Love is Blind. S, love is blind. Love is blind. Sona maybe knows more.

I would say the entire Real Housewives franchise. I mean, if you know. Oh yeah, if you can reference that. Yeah. But is there a city that, cause is there a Real Housewives Cincinnati? Salt Lake City? There's Salt Lake City, there's Atlanta,

there's Orange County was the original. I call, I'm gonna go with Atlanta and I'm gonna call it Hotlanta. Okay. I'm not gonna do that. No, it's not good. Okay. That's not good. All right.

But yeah, you know, what else? I mean, I think, when I think of, you know, popular shows, I think of Real Housewives, but that's all I can think of off the top of my head. I don't know, Eloise, you're, popular shows, I think, of Real Housewives, but that's all I can think of off the top of my head. I don't know, Eloise, you're totally giving me... It's going well, it's going well, buddy. Keep it up, you got it. Don't make me flash cards.

Like, Teresa from New Jersey, she's the classic. Oh yeah, a little Teresa, season four, Real Housewives of New Jersey, much Eloise. Does that work? Yeah. Sleigh? It sounds a little like an insult, but I'll take it. Vanderpump rules?

Yo, yeah, Vanderpump rules. Yeah. Do you know, you're very van- I don't know a lot of the characters. Scandival. Scandival. Oh, that's too obvious. You got to pick up someone obscure.

More obscure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Svensson. What? He's the accountant on the show. I'm gonna do the best I can though, to learn more about reality TV. I'm gonna say slay a lot. What else would we do?

Would we- Giving, oh, you can join a women's soccer training. I coached when I was younger. Yeah, you could become an elite athlete and I can help you. Yeah, I got news for you. I think you'd make a really good- I got news for you. I think I have a much better chance in the trans community.

I really do. I think I have a better chance than becoming an elite athlete. I just, I don't know. I just. You don't think you have it in you? You have that dog in you? I'm an old, old fellow. And the other day I got out of bed quickly and my left leg fell off.

And I used electrical tape to put it back on. So that's what I'm concerned about, is pieces of my body coming off in the Philippines. You know? You're so Kyle versus Kim Richards in season one of Desperate Housewives. Exactly. Yes. That's so true.

Thank you. You are really giving that Kyle from whatever math side. The reason I know this is because Kyle Richards, who's one of the Housewives, played Lindsay as the young girl in Halloween. That's how I know that. See? It doesn't matter where you get the knowledge, as long as you have the knowledge.

I just shouldn't reveal that, right? Right now, you're being so Winston Bufferman on American Roadshow with his collection of pneumatic tubes that he sold. You are such a Jamie Heidemann from Mythbusters right now. Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God. Yeah.

You guys are slaying each other. Yeah, she's incredible, right? You are such a Walt Kellerman from American Pickers, season four. Oh, my god. Spoken like a Darwin Hammelsmith from the TV sci-fi makeup show Face Off. OK.

Yeah. You guys are like a couple detectives on the first 48. Yeah. What? What? That's a docu-series, not a reality show. What is the difference? They're reality.

There's a different kind of reality No, okay. All right. All right. I look why can't we do docu-series? You can't slay with docu-series You can't slay with a docu-series Eloise can you slay with docu-series? I'm gonna have to call RuPaul and ask but I RuPaul with definite no. Okay. Well, definite no. Okay, I mean- Hold on, I got RuPaul on the line now. What's that? Oh, quick no.

Okay. Invisible phone, everybody, and I hang that up. She wouldn't take your phone call. I'm sorry, Sona. Yeah, okay. I don't know any of the references you just made. I mean, I think I'm becoming straight again. No, I think I'm in trouble, because if I bring COVID and you guys make these references,

me as a healer, they'd be like, are you a spy? After what you've heard today, do you want me to come visit you? And you're allowed to say no, you've changed your mind. That's such a long time. to come visit you. And you're allowed to say no, you've changed your mind. That's such a long pause. That's a long pause, Eloise. She's a fan of yours. You just answered my question. I am a big fan, but I am also, you know,

I have a reputation to uphold as one of the healers in my gay culture. And I don't mean that in a rude way. I think that maybe I can do your makeup and we will style you. The American Pickers reference really. I think that's what did it. I think that might scare people. Yeah, I probably, yeah.

Well, I admire your honesty. I really do. And I appreciate that. Can I ask you a question? You've mentioned autism also during this interview. Do you, are you autistic? Yeah, I'm autistic. When did you find that out?

When I met my partner who is autistic and I realized, oh, we are the same. I have what you have. But for most of my life, I didn't know that I had that. And I think with autistic people, Conan can be a big hit or sometimes a miss because we have, might be issues of taking people very literally.

And so for example, my whole family, we love watching Conan and we've've been watching since I was 18, and we would be around the TV with my mom, my sister, and my brother, and we'd be all enjoying it. And like one day, my dad came in the room to kind of see what's going on, and my dad kind of takes the people very literally. I don't think he has a good, you know,

understanding of that context. And we watched the whole episode of your show and we all loved it. And I look at my dad to see what does he think. And he just goes, he's rude. He's really rude. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, what if he sees the real me? What if he's right? I think... I can see, yeah, it's different. You know, it's not... I'm not for everyone.

And that's always the way it's been. Who are you? You would be like, I'm on the next flight out to the Philippines to meet your dad and make him love me. Oh, I'm gonna win him over. I was pretending to be okay with your dad not liking me, but this is odd. Yeah. I'm obsessed now.

What would you do? What would I do? Well. Yeah, if he thinks you're rude, how would you, what kind of comedy would you go? Well, first of all, I'd be very respectful and kind to him. So respectful and kind that he would see that I'm not rude. Then I- So hilarious.

Yeah, and then I would probably bring him some gifts and- What would you bring him? Oh, well, what is your dad like? Pork. Yes. That'll fly well. Goes right in the overhead compartment. So I would wrap some pork in newspaper.

Just a full pig. Put it in the overhead compartment and fly. I think it's probably a pretty quick flight from LA to Manila. And then get in a cab in the hot sun and take this rotten, fetid pork to your father and say, hey, you're the guy that thought I was rude. Have this rotting pork. And then I think we'd be best buddies.

Don't you think? I think he would think you were courting him. But yeah, you know, give it a try. You are so season three American botulism. So. I can't believe I got three seasons. You are so season three, American botulism. BOTH LAUGH So... I can't believe I got three seasons. BOTH LAUGH

It almost didn't finish one. If you can win my father's approval, then you can do something I haven't, so that'd be really cool. BOTH LAUGH Maybe we can work together. I have my ways. I tend to win people over. Sonya, you've seen me in action.

I have, I have. Yeah, even the biggest naysayers, you get them on your side. I think there are that many, but yeah. Yeah, I've seen it happen. So big naysayers. Not so big. Just people that had slight hesitation

and they overcame it. Quite a few people. Not a lot. Lot of people. Not big nicksayers. Eloise, are there any events that we would go to together? Are there any events in the trans community that I could participate in?

Yeah, we are doing some events for trans women and trans men. We're doing one for men, where we talk about healthy masculinity. What does it take to be a good man? And we also give people, or I hope we're planning this, hoping to give people haircuts while we're talking about that in a barber shop.

And then we have one for trans women where we talk about what it means to be a good woman in a more progressive way. Cool. Healthy. Are you interested in either of those? Sure. I was just hoping at one point there's alcohol involved,

you know, going to a club or something. But yes, I like those. I think what you're doing sounds very cool and very healthy. But at some point, I want to hit the dance floor. Do you understand? You've got to see my moves to believe them, Eloise. You've got to see them. And that...

Why does this sound like a threat? Yes. Yes. That's not necessarily a brag. Unless my demands are met, Eloise. Unless there's a suitcase full of cash in this podcast office tomorrow, you will see me dance. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

You have 24 hours. The clock is ticking. Well, Eloise, it was- I mean, it's a good way. Eloise, it was very nice talking to you and you are very funny. You seem very funny and very cool. And I do believe you're a healer

because I've had fun talking to you. And you have healed me. So what do you think of that? That's great. Yeah. I think that'll be $250. All right. I'll get it to you.

Thank you, Eloise. Nice talking to you. Bye-bye Eloise. Nice talking to you. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye. Thanks, guys. Thanks. Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien,

Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leal. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. and Nick Leal. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer Aaron Blayard. Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples. Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months

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