Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 120. First To Go

Episode Date: May 13, 2019

On today's show, Chris talks about strangers living in your house. Also discussed: Constance Wu, Dan Bilzerian, the Lakers fan protest, and eating peanuts. Tweet your questions and spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Twitter and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. For the true babies: Merchandise: https://store.chrisdelia.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrisdelia/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/chrisdelia Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial/ YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/2rA0sI0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's BetterHelp.com. meeting with friends before the show we can book your reservation and when you get to the main event skip to the good bit using the card member entrance let's go seize the night that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash y amex benefits vary by card other conditions Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, account? Nope. Welcome to episode 120 of Congratulations. It's on. It is so on. This is the best 120th episode we've ever done. And it's about to go down with fucking zero dents. I'm sporting my fucking wouldn't make a dent t-shirt that you can get on the fucking podcast on my website, ChrisDalea.com. But here's the deal, dude. We're going live on my app. You can download the Chris Dalea app and all that at wherever they are our apps, honestly.

So just go do that. Type in my name and you can watch it live before anybody gets to see it. And I've got some dates this weekend. May 18th, I will be in Edmonton. There are still tickets for the later show. And Victoria, B.C. on Vancouver Island, I will be on May 19th at the Royal Theatre. And there are still tickets left on the Late Show. There are only a few tickets left, though.

So go ahead, if you live in Canada, my babies, let's have a cult meeting. Okay? That's the Winspear Theatre and the Royal Theatre. It's pretty fucking cocked to call your theater the Royal Theater, but whatever. What do you got, Lords performing? What do you have, Beheadings? No.

You don't. Yeah, so I'm all fucking bummed out. They're making a documentary on my fucking shoulders. If you call my Instagram, it's called fucking Ba-Boom. I tried everything to do, I tried everything to stop it. I called my agents, it's called fucking Baboom. I tried everything to do to, I tried everything to stop it. I called my agents. I was like, dude, they can't be making this documentary about my shoulders and my shoulder workouts. It's called fucking Baboom. And it's so fucking annoying, but I can't stop it, dude. I'm walking around town. They got a film crew

after me and they're like, what's it like with the shoulders? How do you fucking, how do you get jackets on? You know? And I'm like, well, you know, they get on, but they're tough to take off. Anyway, dude, I couldn't stop it. And they're going to call it, but boom,

which is a huge fucking disgrace. Um, but whatever, dude, we're living life and life's good. Um, you know, it's like, uh,

uh, it's like, you know, it's like, uh, it's like, dude, you know what I did? Fucking man. I had the worst night's sleep, dude. I had the worst night's sleep, uh, two nights ago. I'll tell you what, man. When I was a kid, I used to get scared. I'll tell you what, man, when I was a kid, I used to get scared. Like as a, as I, if you're a listener, if you've listened to every fucking, um,

episode, you know, that I used to get real scared when I was a kid. And, uh, I used to run into my parents' room and shit. And then my dad'd be like, what are you scared of? That's the whole thing where I was like, everything birds. But, um, as I got older, I wouldn't really get scared at like i when i was a kid i was scared of like ghosts and shit and and like but now i'm scared of like real shit and i clicked on this video late at night which was a big mistake first of all i don't even know you know how you go into like a a rabbit hole of YouTube videos? I started clicking on it.

I saw these five. It was like five scariest things. It's like top five, you know, like they were doing that shit. And let me see if I could find the shit. But it was so, it was like top five scariest. Here we go, history. Scariest, here's one. Okay, top five scariest, top five secret rooms.

Top five scariest... Top five secret rooms. It's called five secret rooms found and strangers living in other people's houses, dude. And I watch this thing. It's always the guy's voice that's... First of all, static. If there's static in the beginning of your fucking video, you're going to fucking have to hold your shit in

because it's scary as fuck. Like, anytime you hear hear why is that scary are we just trained to let it's got to be trained like if if we were just born and then heard static it can't be scary but there's that whole fucking that's so scary bro if you were alone in your house and you heard that immediately you go like this oh oh shit oh god fucking shit came out a little bit and then the guy's voice which is always so normal like if they tried to make the voice scary if it was like top five secret rooms and strange visitors it wouldn't be scary but this guy just pops in he's like secret rooms and strange videos it makes five secret rooms and strange visitors it wouldn't be scary but this guy just pops in

he's like secret rooms and strange videos it makes five secret rooms and strange visitors first of all sounds so drunk he sounds wow he sounds i didn't realize how drunk he sounds top five secret rooms and strange visitors oh so drunk dude top five secret rooms and strange visitors um anyway i watched this fucking thing and one or two of them are fake like there was like this guy set up a uh uh a video camera he's like dude i i i kept getting on my girlfriend because i would go to sleep and i wake up and there would be less food in the fridge and i i would blame my my girlfriend eating my fucking cheese whiz until she said it wasn't her so i set up a camera and then there's like this fucking lady that comes out of the top cupboard and like eats it and pisses in the sink and it's like that's so fake obviously but then there's real

shit of like well here let me just play a little bit of it standing outside their house drawn here wall friends in the wall imager user donovan peters posted a strange picture that his daughter had drawn it showed him his wife his daughter sophia and his son tim all standing outside their house eerily there were also two extra figures look man let me tell you something man if i have a kid and he draws the family and there's two extra figures in the drawing up for adoption see you later dude guess what we can do not only can we remove the two extra figures we can also remove where you drew drew yourself dude rip it up also she made fucking one of the brothers look mad as shit

with eyebrows dude how horror movie is that though how annoying is every horror movie when they're like they drew a picture and they're like so yeah they they often draw and then they draw there's like a picture of a demon it's like who's that and the kid knows some shit i'm so sick i'm so done with the kid being the fucking thing i remember i saw this movie called identity i think it was called with john cusack and at the end i'm ruining the movie but also the movie ruins the movie for you so it's okay uh and the kid at the end was like the thing the bad guy that like blew up everything and i was like all right enough with the kids dude we get it kids are creepy it's never the kid in real life it's never the kid it's always the adult with the fat belly that fucking abducted the kid do you know what i'm talking about

it you always want it's always like oh but it's the kid and the fat belly that fucking abducted the kid. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's always like, oh, but it's the kid and the kid is creepy. Like, they did that shit way back in fucking the movie with the Shining. It's not the kid with the two daughters, the Shining, you know, the twins. It's not the kid anymore. Stop making movies where the kid is the fucking thing. And the kid's like, I know something you don't no the only thing you know that you don't is that you poop your pants sometimes because you're a kid say yeah so this video goes on to explain how there was like a secret room

this these college kids were living on campus, like close to campus, and there was a secret underground room, and he kept hearing shit. And then he found out that there was like a hatch, and he went in, and there was like a, I guess like a homeless person living under their house in their basement

they didn't know they had. Now. Ha. Dude, that's legitimately the scariest thing that I can think of because it's real. And I was up for hours. I was up for hours thinking about I hope no one's also living in my house. Top five secret rooms and strange visitors. I hope no one's also living in my house. Top five secret rooms and strange visitors. Top five secret rooms and strange visitors.

Visitors. Dude, imagine someone else is living in your house. First of all, how dumb do you have to be? For real. You could be Bruce Wayne. You could be that guy. Who's that guy ty lopez and have 40 rooms and just be taking instagram videos all around your rooms if there's anyone living in your

fucking house it doesn't matter how many rooms you have you're a fucking moron dude i could own a building i can own a government building with government workers and if at night i go to bed and there's anyone in those rooms and i don't know it i'm an idiot because dude if there's someone if it's your place and you don't know that's a college kid by the way it's so college kid to be like oh dude i didn't know oh oh fucking dude no it's like i thought it was, you know, they were like, I heard. No, I heard stuff for sure. But I just thought it was Tim.

Yeah, but Tim doesn't live with you. No, I know. But he's always trying to like hook up with chicks in the basement and shit. And like he comes in and out. Oh, man, dude. There was a guy homeless guy and then and then there was another one where like this guy was in his house and this chick was staying in his attic dude oh what's scarier than what's scarier the basement or the attic i don't know man to think of like a a fucking girl like overseeing you in an attic also addicts are like always

they always like have that fucking pointy shit at the top what do you call the a-frame houses so like so like at the end they would be at the end and the end would be really small and fucking like from the wall up to the to you know i'm talking about because the the roof goes all the way down so the the part where they would be would be like fucking four inches wide from from bottom to top because that's where the roof starts and apparently this girl was in like a fucking in in in like a corner of the attic that the guy didn't even know he had a idiot and and he went up and he was like and he was like hello and she was like, Jake. And she knew his fucking name. And he was like, hello, I'm going to call the cops.

And you're in my place. And she was like, you're in my place. Oh, dude, I'm my eyes are watering right now. That's how scared I am, bro. Hey, look. Here's the deal. If it's a guy that's like, it's my place. You're like, all right, dude, I. Here's the deal. If it's a guy that's like, it's my place. You're like, all right, dude, I'm about to throw down.

Okay? I'm about to throw the fuck down. This guy thinks he's out tough. He's tougher than I am. We're going to fight. Maybe I'll die, but at least I know what's up, dude. At least I know what's up. This is going to be a fucking mono-y mono fight.

We're going to, I'm going to, I'm going to'm gonna i gotta throw hands and i don't like to say throw hands but there's gonna be hands thrown okay and and i know what's up i open the door and it's fucking i think iron man versus captain america okay but dude if it's if you're like hey you're in my house and you hear a girl it's my house oh well well guess what dude it's a ghost because no girl unless it's a girl who's insane in which case she's just going to be like clawing at you and just but it's a ghost it's's 100% a ghost because no fucking female knows. You know I'm going to fuck. Me versus a girl, I win, baby.

But a ghost? An apparition? Oh, dude, you're an apparition. If someone's in your house and it's a lady voice, congratulations. You can't punch it

because you can walk right through that person. That's the scariest shit. Squatters, dude. Wow. person that's the scariest shit squatters dude wow how much balls do squatters have man that's just you know you're in my house you know what i swear to god hey this is me hello chris hey this is me hello chris yeah uh excuse me ma'am you're in my house no you're in my house i go like this oh sorry i had the wrong house and i leave you're right if you're in my house past 11 and you're arguing that this house is your house and not my house see you later i'll get a new house dude because you're a ghost. Fuck out of here, dude.

And then I watched another one, and it was like top five, this whole top five shit. It's always annoying when somebody does anything top five, but top five scariest. There we go. Scariest things caught on GoPro camera. This is specific. The top five scariest things caught on GoPro camera. This is specific. The top five scariest things caught on GoPro camera. I was so drunk. Train spotting. Top five scariest things caught on a GoPro camera.

So some of them are like these guys got caught in a train tunnel, and he was like, oh, we got to run. The train's coming. It's idiots. So don't go in a long train tunnel. That's all good. But there was one where he, these kids went to this abandoned insane asylum.

Dude, how white is it to go to an abandoned insane asylum? How white is it to do that? To be like, well, it's pretty good, man. Do you want to go see if we can get possessed? Everything's pretty good man parents are still together got money everything's good don't really have too many problems

let's go see if we can meet satan the whitest thing so they go to the fucking insane asylum and they fucking catch a another guy there using his cell phone and it's in the middle of nowhere dude and it of course there's spray paint on it because whenever something is a man and there's spray paint on it for some reason just like whenever something's creepy they're static i'll play a little bit of it creepy they're static i'll play a little bit of it they see a guy let's go back to the car oh this way literally have you ever heard anybody more scared than that listen to that dude though that's hilarious listen to how scared listen to how scared this guy is right here this so scary right here

let's go back to the car the way he says car let's go back to the car oh oh wow oh wow dude let's go back to the car oh gonna cry oh by the way crying me if i see a guy with a cell phone out and abandoned fucking first of all i would never do that but so many woods and shit i'm looking you're looking at they're in the insane asylum looking out of it at the stairwell and there's this guy i i it doesn't you can't really see a fucking guy it's like oh is it a guy or is it not a guy and he's got like a cell way there's a light or something somebody wanted to talk to us let Let's go to the car now. Oh, wow.

How scary. When the guy goes, so scared. When he says, let's go to the car now. And the guy goes, this way. It's somebody wanting to talk to us. Let's go to the car now. Oh, when I go, dude, he's so scared so the guy doesn't even know he's saying is there someone

wanting to talk to us like no dude so i see that immediate tears immediate tears streaming down my face and shit coming out of my asshole loud like that streaming down my face and shit coming out of my asshole. Loud. Like that. Is that a guy? What? Streaming? We got to go to the car, dude.

We got to go to the car, dude. I'm getting shit all over my Yeezys. Oh, dude, there's shit on the back of my knee, man. We got to go, dude. We got to go. And it's on my Adidas. Let's go. Come on, let's go.

Let's go, dude. Let's go. Come on, buddy buddy any guy that's like way too and also let me tell you another thing too if i was in this situation and i was the guy that was like yo we got to go because i would be that guy and then there was another guy that was like dude it's not he would get to the first syllable of nothing and then he and then i would be not he would be on i would be just knocking the shit out of him. Right there. Dude, it's not. Bam.

He's down. I pick him up. We go to the car. As I'm carrying him, shit all down to my Yeezys. That's it. Why are we here in the first place? Apparently, I was drugged because I would never fucking do this. We got there. And what are we doing? There's a guy out there. Oh, really? We got to go. But it's not. Why are we here in the first place? Apparently I was drugged because I would never fucking do this. We got there.

And what are we doing? There's a guy out there. Oh, really? We got to go. But it's not, bam, over my shoulder, all the way over to the fucking Civic. That's what we do, dude. Yeah, let's go to the car. I mean, so goddamn scared.

Let's go to the car. Wow mean so goddamn scared. Let's go to the car. Wow, that's hilarious when somebody's scared. Yeah, let's go to the car. Oh, we're realizing. Realizing they're fucked. Yeah, so let's go to the car. That's so funny when somebody just realizes how fucked they are. And they're like, this is what we got to do.

Let's just fucking get it done. Right. It looks like a cell phone, right? Like a cell phone. It's so, it's so funny too when you're scared and some, you're like, so you'll start mentioning shit that's just so not scary. That's like, but it's still freaking you the fuck out. You're like, yeah, it looks like a cell phone, huh?

It's a cell phone. Like when is a fucking cell phone scary, dude? You saw him, right? He had a blazer on. You see the blazer, dude? The blazer with the fucking, when is a fucking cell phone scary, dude? You saw him, right? He had a blazer on. You see the blazer, dude? The blazer with the fucking, it was a double-piece suit. It was a double-piece suit, dude. And the pants were matching.

He had a full suit on. And you're like, okay. Did he just fucking, was he just that, was he just that fucking Hugo Boss? Okay, dude. There's a guy with a fucking cell phone. Dude, you saw the cell phone. You saw the fucking homepage. And you had a picture of a fucking woman a fucking cell phone. Dude, you saw the cell phone. You saw the fucking homepage. And you had a picture of a fucking woman and a baby on his fucking home thing on the cell

phone. And it was obviously his family. And he had a full blazer on with a fucking matching pants. And it was a double-breasted suit, dude. So you tell me. You tell me, man. And you're like, um, yeah, you're right. Hugo Boss.

Okay, let's go to the car. Yeah. What looks to be someone using a cell phone is walking around just outside the building. Does it look like that? Again, keep in mind that this institution was in the middle of nowhere. There were no other cars around and no reason for anyone else to be there. Elks. He said Elks, so it's all good.

And no reason for anyone else to be there. Elks. He said Elks, so it's all good. And no reason for anyone else to be there. Loves Elks. Dude. And no reason for anyone else to be there. Anyone else. Yeah, so I watched that and I stayed up till fucking

0 dark 30, so it was all good. So it's all good got scared woke up was sad you ever have one of those days where you just wake up sad as fuck I woke up sad like bummed like blue

and it was a nice day dude and I just didn't know what to do man nothing was fixing it. Nothing was fixing it, man. Nothing was fixing it. People would hug me, and I would just go, mew, mew. Didn't work out.

Thought if I worked out, it would help. Mother's Day. It was just sad, dude. Just woke up sad. It was sad the whole day. Ate some food. Got nauseous. Went to bed.

Went to fucking bed. Yeah, why does that happen? I don't know. I don't know why that happens. I wasn't sure about that. But it's sad when that happens. You know what else is sad, dude? What's happening to Constance Wu?

Her show got picked up. What? Did you see this on fucking Twitter? When she was doing... She was like, oh, my show got picked up. Fresh off the boat, I think it's called. And she was like,

fuck, I'm pissed. I'm so sad right now. Like so ungrateful. She became a fucking like TV star doing this shit. Constance Wu was, actors Lampoon, Constance Wu's, what does it say? Reaction to her show being renewed. What a fucking asshole, you know? So upset right now that I'm literally crying.

Ugh, fuck, fucking hell, she writes. And then somebody, and then there was a post on instagram and she there's a congratulations for being for it being uh uh for it being uh picked up and she writes dislike and then she tried to go on about how like first of all just like the for to make a fucking show on air is so hard, like one percent of actors. And then and then she fucking complains. It's just so shitty to the rest of her crew. And. And she's a complete asshole, obviously. Obviously. I mean, and then her apology was even better.

Bring up her apology, which it wasn't even really apology, which is fine. You don't have to apologize if that's how you feel. Sure. Okay, fine. Just so ill-timed. But the end of it, go to the end. This is the best. People can hold conflicting feelings in their hearts. That conflict is a part of being human.

So I can both love the show, cast, crew, but at the same time be disappointed that I lost that other unrelated being human human so i can both love the show cast crew but at the same time be disappointed that i lost that other unrelated job of course you can i appreciate those who have given me the space and faith to believe what i say about both parts of my heart thank you it's meaningful when you make the choice to believe women like trying to wedge in that like women are victims like, yeah. Oh yeah. Or you're just a fucking asshole. How are you the victim here?

You are shitty to everyone. And you're trying to use women who are victimized as your platform to fucking, well, you know, believe women. Oh, I believe you're an asshole. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

I mean, dude, other people were bashing her and she and other castmates of hers were retweeting those tweets. You're obviously a dick believe women yeah how could you use that there's real women out there being victimized because they're women and just because you were a shithead about your cast and crew you're like well we should believe women yo you ruin this kind of shit you ruin this movement that's the worst thing a fucking woman can do nowadays is to just use that moment like that was way worse than i was actually when

she was like fuck this show that's hilarious to me i was like oh man maybe i'm a fucking constance woo fan but then when she did this shit the fuck out of here dude get out of here next you know what dude next these fucking actors think that they're like irreplaceable dude next you think people give a fuck nobody gives a shit about you nobody gives a shit about you you're replaceable dude unless you make yourself not replaceable which you haven't dude you are lucky you got on a show and it's a hit and then you were wasn't she in rich crazy Crazy Asians or whatever the fuck? Crazy Rich Asians? You're lucky, dude. Be happy with that. So now you can't do roles that fucking challenge you as an actor, as you say?

All right. Do it on your off-season. Take all the money you made and fucking fund it yourself. And do it in the off-season. Boo fucking hoo, man. Get out of here. Believe women, she says, because she was an asshole to her cast and crew nobody nobody doesn't believe you that you were a fucking that you said that shit that you said that you nobody doesn't believe that you want to do that project nobody doesn't

believe you that you that you that you sure you like doing the fucking. The show and you are upset you didn't do that. You can't do the project. Sure. Nobody doesn't believe you. Who gives a fuck? That's cool. You're still an asshole for saying it on Twitter.

And I love how she's like, whatever. I use the word fuck freely. You shouldn't be so. That's not what we had an issue about. That's not what people have dude there's fucking struggling out there actors out there that are like oh this woman is fucking cashed out because of luck and and you fucking and you're and and and and and you because you're making about because you said fuck nobody gives a shit you say fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck who cares you're making it up because you said fuck. Nobody gives a shit.

You say fuck. Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck. Who cares? You're being an asshole to everyone on the crew. What you do is after that is say, you know what? I'm sorry. I actually really do like the fucking show. I was bummed I didn't have a project that I couldn't do, that I have a project now I can't do because the show's picked up.

That was wrong, and I'm an idiot. Why can't people just fucking do that? Why the fuck can't people just do that? These actors, dude, they think that they're, you know, some of them. Not all of them, obviously. But some of these actors, they just think that they're just the fucking irreplaceable dude. If that, let me tell you something. If they got rid of that fucking woman on that fucking show

and just bounced her and didn't write her out and didn't do shit and didn't didn't say shit about it didn't replace her they just the next episode bam she wasn't in it none of the characters said said shit about it that show would still be a fucking hit nobody gives a fuck about you dude nobody gives a fuck about you, dude. Nobody gives a fuck about you. Period. Just like, it's just insane. Whatever.

I guess I'm heated. But it's like, dude, I fucking... It's like we all work so hard as actors, as fucking comedians and shit like that. And it's like, you're going to get on a... This shit bought you your houses. You know what I mean? And you're just going to fucking do that to the gaff, to the gaffer, you know what I mean, to the guy who's so happy that he's got a fucking job holding a microphone, man, for six years, and he can pay for his fucking kids, meals, and you're just going to be like,

oh, fuck, my show got picked up in your fucking, on your chaise lounge, on the fucking off room of your bedroom, in your reading room. You're just going to be like, oh, fuck, my show's picked up. Like, what an asshole. one time we were in Italy as a family and my and my dad said get dressed up we're going to dinner and my brother put on a nice outfit and I put on what I thought was a nice outfit and we walked to my parents hotel room and my dad said hey Matt you look great hey Chris you look funky and we never let him live it down because we knew what he was saying that I looked bad hey Chris you look funky and we never let him live it down because we knew what he was saying, that I looked bad.

Hey, Chris, you look funky. And we go, oh, immediately. We're like, oh, Dad doesn't like the way I'm dressed. Hey, Matt, you look nice. Chris, hey, Chris, you look funky. Oh, wow, dude. Dad, come on, dude. Come on, Dad. Yeah, dude dude we need a whatever man you know

i i uh dude i remember when i was a kid i was a fucking my buddy matt trevennan i had a there was okay so there was this kid who lived to the right of me my best friend matt trevennan and then three houses down to the left there was a a girl named Julie Racioppo. And she was like the first girl in my life that was like a girl and like where I was like, oh, you know, girls are different than guys. And this is – and this is a – you know, she's my friend but also, you know, a girl. And she was like one year older than me. And she would always like say like that Matt was cool to me because like I would be – not my brother Matt, Matt Tremenden. And I think that she did it in my head.

Maybe it was a defensive thing, but I think she did it like to make it seem like – to like make me feel like upset, you know, because like she liked him and not me. And then one time she said, man, Matt has a good butt. And I was like, oh, yeah. And she was like, yeah. And I was like, fuck. In my head, I was like, why doesn't she think I have a good butt? You know? And then she said, well, let me see your butt. And I turned around and I remember I flexed my butt so hard. And she was like, yeah, see, yours goes in. And I realized i realized oh i fucking shouldn't have flexed it because it goes in if you flex it i should have just fucking let it be plump you know i should just let it fucking kind of just thawed out i should have just let myself be thick as fuck dude

but i turned around and i flexed it so so hard dude like so hard i flexed my butt so hard and she was like yeah yours goes in and i was like no no wait hold on let me get a do-over dude i didn't say it but i was like oh yeah it's all good it's all good and matt played soccer a lot too though so his butt was probably better than mine but i mean i do squats now you know i don't think it's because of julie recioppo but i you know i my you know i now, dude. I got a good butt. I got a fucking good butt. I'm no fucking Mark McGuire, but I got a good butt. God, you got to get that horse butt like a baseball player.

Baseball players got that horse butt. You know, like Mark McGuire, bro. Anybody that hits over 40 home runs, they got that horse butt. Knock it out of the park and just fucking neigh around the bases. Yeah. Anyway. I was thinking about this, man.

I was thinking about, I was in a conversation with a bunch of people who was I talking about this with about like Dan Bilzerian that guy that does all the flying around with the chicks like I was thinking about that and I was thinking about how that's quote unquote

every guy's fantasy right right? To just have fucking, you know, 10 chicks around, you know, the Hugh Hefner thing, right? Like where you just got 10 chicks and you just around, they're around and you're just always around them and all that shit. And I was thinking about like, if I had that choice, like, like, like here's the thing, dude. Having sex with a bunch of different women, sure, I understand that. That's cool and that can be hot and it's great, whatever. But what's up with this guy though? What's up with – and the guy seems happy and shit.

And no knock on the dude. the guy's fucking doing what he wants to do but you this guy's not doing that he's like you gotta oh you gotta be on a plane with them for six hours like that's the thing that i don't get. Like, this guy's always chilling with them. And I'm not saying it's not fun to be around 10 chicks. I'm saying it's not fun to be around 10 thoughts. It's not. It's not. And maybe there's something wrong with me, okay? Like, but like, if Dan, and he would never because I'm boring as fuck.

But if he asked me to be like, yo, we're going to New York, get on the private jet. These 12 thoughts are going to come with us. I would be like, oh, bro, I can't, I can't go, dude. And then he would be like, but look at the girls. And I would be like, yeah, but they're going to talk and stuff. I'd say, yeah, but what are we going to talk about? What are we going to say? what are we going to say?

I get having sex with all of the girls is fun, but then they're all at your house. And they're like, where did I put my... And you're like, oh, I don't know. And the girl's like, you're always losing shit. And then the other one's like, well, hello. People just think I should be a comedian because, like, I'm always losing stuff and I'm always just commenting on it. And then another girl's like, you should be. And they just have a shirt on.

And I got to be like, yeah, you should be a comedian or what what or what what do i say to that if i'm in that situation i go like this hey hey hey hey no i just don't i don't get it I don't get that life. I wish. And I, like I said, no knock on the fucking dude and the chicks are, they're having fun. He's having fun.

That's great. You know, it's, it's like me. I don't want to fucking go to a football game. You know, I'm not, I'm not,

I'm never going to look at another guy running with a ball and fucking actually be like, fuck you. Like I, I, I, what for what? He went to the fucking place he went to the end oh see he doesn't even know who i am i don't give a fuck i get busting and coming. But hanging?

I get busting and coming. But on a plane to New York? Ha, ha, ha, ha. I just don't, I don't know. I don't get it get it maybe I like I think a lot of guys I think a lot of guys would not choose that right I want to know what kind of guy would go on that trip the girls are fucking hot dude they're all real hot real hot. I'm not going to be one of those guys. Here's what's annoying. The guy's like, those girls aren't even hot, dude.

Shut up, dude. Shut the fuck up. Those girls are all hot. Hot girls are hot girls. Yeah, dude. The guy who's like, you know, I don't care if the boobs aren't big. If they're fake, nah.

Dude, shut up. No knock on small boobs. Fucking small boobs can be great. But dude, just because they're fake doesn't mean they're bad. Yeah, girls who got the fucking too much of the shit. Nah, not for me. You're in your fucking cubicle. Just fat.

You know? Just fucking. fucking cubicle just fat you know just fucking hot girls are hot girls okay my point is being on a plane with them 12 of them when they're just doing instagram stories jumping out i'm gonna this how i'm having a conversation. Okay, cool. And I'm just like this. Birds. What are you doing here? Oh, dude, thoughts.

Mark. You know? Mark. What are you doing here why you jump out of the plane girl up there said she should be a comedian and all of her friends think that she should be a comedian you did the right thing she said she's the silliest girl in the world.

Brock! Yep, she's not. Brock! Brock, what are you doing down here? Oh, the girl up there said that one time she met Tyga's brother. Brock! Yep, you did the right thing i mean dude what's wrong with this world dude when you see a fucking picture in a club with a guy with his shirt off and fucking shorts on and another guy dressed up

like a fucking marshmallow you know you know dude oh fuck what's up vegas you know marshmallow dj marshmallow i like when he wears the fucking marshmallow can hat and also a white blazer like he dressed up for the occasion like he's like yo i'm still marshmallow but also this is my fucking you know this is in case somebody's this is a fucking business meeting wow look at the fucking tux he's got a tux on but still the marshmallow can hat how dumb is that? You know, maybe it makes good music.

I don't give a fuck. But, like, come on, guys. Show your face, you know? These guys who think it's interesting. I've definitely talked about this on the podcast before. Like, the rapper who thinks it's interesting to not show his face. Like, dude, show your face, man. It's all good.

Just make music. I'm marshmallow, by the way. You guys don't know. So, yeah. I want to... I don't know if I would go on the plane with those guys. What do those guys talk about? What do they talk about for real? The Lakers? They talk about the What do they talk about for real? The Lakers?

They talk about the Lakers a lot, right? Like, well, you know, Kobe's, you know, I mean, I know people think he's great, but, you know, now that there's LeBron, they don't fucking include Kobe as one of the GOATs, but he is. Like, they say stuff like that. And they definitely say stuff like

you know I Russell Westbrook like you know he may not be the greatest player but I'd rather have him on my team than anyone else like they say that you know he brings in ticket sales and he's also you know I know he's a selfish

player but nobody's more dynamic than him that's what they say and I know he's a selfish player, but nobody's more dynamic than him. That's what they say. And that makes me want to jump out of fucking play. So it's all good. Did you see the Lakers, by the way, the fucking fan protest? Dude, everyone that goes, there were a bunch of fans that came, that went to the Staples Center, outside of the Staples Center, and protested about how management was handling the team,

anybody who did that, anybody who went on that protest, you are the kinds of people that if the world ended, we don't need you. We don't need you anymore. Okay? We don't need you. If you were to take the top people, if you had to whittle the world down, if the world ended and you had to whittle it down to the necessary people, you'd be first to go.

Do you understand that? The people who stood outside of the Staples Center and protested how management was dealing with their team, the Lakers. Hey, guys, you guys are the first to go. You understand? Lakers fan protests arguably a rock-bottom moment for storied franchise. Hey, man, first of all, you're in Lakers jerseys.

Like, so fucking ironic. First of all, you're in Lakers jerseys. Like, so fucking ironic. Are you a fan or not, dude? Oh, look, I love the team. This is why I want to fucking... You're not a part of it, dude. You're not a part of it. George Murray and Jacob Samuel had seen and heard enough. The 18-year-old Calabasas High School students weren't alive George Murray and Jacob Samuel had seen and heard enough.

The 18-year-old Calabasas High School students weren't alive when Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal won their first championship together with the Lakers in 2000. They were eight when the Lakers won their last title in 2010. They have no vivid memories of the Lakers' dynasty. They've heard about from friends and family, and they're tired of it. So they left school early Friday with five classmates and made their one-hour drive to Sta stable center to join about 30 other lakers fans protesting the leadership and direction of the team the protest took place the day before frank

vogel agreed to become the lakers coach saturday afternoon hey guys you're first to go you understand that right you know that though right so it's all good if you know that if you're like look i'm gonna drive from calabasas to the lakers they They're not going to listen to me. I'm going to put my Lakers jersey on. I'm going to argue and protest about how they're dealing with the Lakers because I haven't seen them win. But I understand if we had to whittle the population down and the world was first to go about 30 other lakers fans not enough hey man not enough you're like the fucking ross perot of the fucking presidential debates ross perot now by the way you don't matter dude if i own the lakers and that shit was happening, I'd go out there and just start fucking laughing with only a shirt on. Just a shirt on, just laughing.

A long shirt on to where you could maybe see the tip of my dick under it. And they'd just be like, dude, what the fuck, man? And I'd be like, it's my team. like dude what the fuck man and i'd be like it's my team and then i go like this to whatever security i say never allow them in my fucking stadium and then as i walk away i make sure the night before i eat a whole bunch of fucking stuff that makes me fart and then and then and then i when i walk away every step i I take, I fucking fart. To be the most disrespectful man alive. Look it, look it, look it, look it, look it, look it.

This is on what's it called? Complex.com. The turnout for the Lakers fan protest may have been more embarrassing than team's season. Double slam. Double slam. Took him to Denny's. Complex took him fucking both to Denny's, dude. They were like, hey, Lakers fans and Lakers management, Took him to Denny's. Complex took him fucking both to Denny's, dude. They were like, hey, Lakers fans and Lakers management, come on to Denny's.

Look at this. Play this. What's this? Can we play this? Meet Charlie Rivers, the 22-year-old Lakers fan that organized today's protest on Reddit. What is it? Charlie? I'll play it.

Let me. Charlie Rivers. here we go. Here we go. Of course, I go on YouTube and a bunch of fucking guys, a bunch of fucking rivers come up. LA Times Sports. LA Times Sports. times sports la times sports here we go here we go here we go sports news la times.com sports is it on now is it up here

what do i do charlie rivers cool where's the search button cool cool oh dude do i want to get the newsletter nope not interested Everyone wants your fucking newsletter. Here we go. If it doesn't come up, I'm pissed. Nope, didn't come up. Pissed. I'm pissed. Just email me the fucking link.

And I'm not going to be logged in the email. And that's going to piss me off. This is a live play-by-play though for us here we go yeah i got it send it to me when you can did you send it to me i'm pissed it's not in my inbox yet i'm pissed yes it's taking too long yes oh he doesn't have one fire, doesn't have email on the fucking thing, dude. Yes! Oh, LA Times Sports Twitter. That's what it is.

You didn't say Twitter. No, I didn't. Yes, I didn't say it. LA Times Sports Twitter. This sucks, dude. This part sucks on the podcast. It's all good, though, dude. You're with us through thick and thin, dude. This part sucks on the podcast. It's all good, though, dude. You're with us through thick and thin, man.

Yes! Here we go. Here we go. Yes! How far down is it? Too far down? Yes! So far down, dude.

I'm not even logged into Twitter. Yes! Yes! You have email on the phone. Just log in, dude. Fuck, man. God damn it. He's composing the email now, dude.

He's composing the email now, dude. Unreal. Dude. Some of you babies like this shit the most, though. When shit fucks up, it's all good. And it's not. And I fucking must. Yes!

Yes! Dude, did you email it to me or what when what is it a fucking junk mail oh here we go finally dude jesus christ let's see what this bitch ass has to say go oh my god the video starts. And go. What is this, fucking 2009? I'm from Anaheim, California, born and raised. I currently live out in Phoenix. I'm 22 years old. And I'm out here from the Stable Center with a few people out here having my opinion heard. A few is right.

I just want to make it clear that this protest is not against the personal behaviors of Jeannie Buster, Kurt Rambis, Jalinda Rambis. I'm trying to find people on a personal level. This is about their direction they're taking the basketball operations at the moment. Hey, dude, you know what you don't have to do is tell us what this protest isn't. Okay? Because we barely give a fuck what it is. All right? Well, first of all, I want to tell you what this is not about.

You know, this is not about Jeannie Buss and anybody on a personal level. It's also not about any of the things going on with the Avengers and the Avengers franchise. And we know that the Avengers has been a lot of talk in the media lately. It's also not about anything that is not about what I'm about to say right now. Now, tell me, tell me why you... A guy who is interviewing. I mean, who's worse, dude? Okay, so, um, uh, okay, um, all right.

So, uh, this is a fucking Beavis and Butthead right here. ...the direction you're taking basketball operations at the moment. Now, tell me, tell me why you... You, you are the one that... And the internet's cut off. Organize the event. You're a reddit. Can you tell me a little bit more about that?

Well, quite frankly, I don't consider myself different from anybody else. I'm just a person like anybody here. I would be the first to go if they whittled the population down. I would literally be the first person to be gone. I would just be another mouth to feed and I would be taking up space. So if the apocalypse happened, I would absolutely be the first to go. And I didn't realize that. I just gave my opinion. A person told me, you know what? If you care about this so much, why don't you organize a protest? So that's when I realized I care about the wrong things. And I care about wrong things too much.

People are dying. People are hungry. There's an AIDS epidemic, and people are homeless. And I decided to drive all the way out to the Staples Center to complain. It's an impromptu protest. It happened on Wednesday evening. It's Friday noon. It's about a day and a half. And here we are. Dude, how did you organize that in just a day and a half?

How did you organize this protest with 30 people in one day and one half apparently the news covered it okay now tell me how the reddit community played a role into getting this thing off the ground well i'd say they helped in promoting it getting what do you mean off the ground dude there's 29 people there what do you mean how did ground, dude? There's 29 people there. What do you mean? How did you use Reddit to get this off the ground? This isn't viral. 29 people are there. Uh, hello?

There's one-fifth of that in my house right now. They literally were like, all right, here we go. They literally were like, alright, here we go. They literally had to think, should we carpool or should we... We can all fit. Making it go viral. Making it... It's not viral.

Making it be seen by the news and media outlets and the sports journalists and beat writers. They showed tremendous positive feedback. And of course, if anything else, there was also negative backlash, but the majority of it was positive feedback. And you drove all the way from Phoenix, Arizona, specifically for this protest?

Correct. I envisioned it to be as big on the news as it became, but due to the response and feedback that I had, I decided to drive out from Phoenix Thursday night. Dude, nobody's there. He's talking about this and nobody's there. The fucking... Oh, man. Here's another guy. Here's another guy. Oh, man.

This is... Here's another guy. Here's another guy. Oh, fuck. I love when it's a white guy. I love when it's a white guy. I fucking love when it's a white guy, dude. This is so hilarious. My name's Austin Sear.

Of course it is. And of course it is. I'm from Phoenix, Arizona, but lived out in Los Angeles. By the way, why the fuck is everybody from Phoenix, Arizona, dude? This is the Lakers. Go to a fucking Suns game. It's been the last five years. Diehard Phoenix fan from day one.

And to see the disarray my organization has gone through with recent leadership, all the instability, witnessing that has been painful. Witnessing what's going on right now with the Lakers organization draws in a lot of similarities. And to be able to be a part of this chaos, as an NBA fan but more importantly as a Phoenix Suns fan I'd be lying if I didn't say there was a little bit of enjoyment being taken from this but I can empathize with this whole thing the decisions the front office that management that ownership is making is a complete catastrophe related to the fan base of this wonderful organization hate to say that, but truth is truth.

The Lakers deserve better. They deserve some common sense in this space. But it's going to take a little bit of chaos before they arrive on that eventual new plateau. And this is part of that. This is part of change. This is part of the history of the Lakers organization. And I just wanted to be a witness of this going on. Go Phoenix.

But wish you all the best. Really, no ill will on that. What the fuck? The guy's got... Look at the peanuts. He's got peanuts. It's a show. We're here at Showtime right now, right? You've got to have some snacks.

You've got to be able to keep your salt content up, you know? Here for the fans, too. Anybody else here trying to get on with some peanuts? Let's hear it for the people. People love peanuts. By the way, how fucking annoying is our sporting event? Like, the only time you would ever crack peanuts and eat peanuts is at a fucking ball game that's so annoying nobody wants fucking peanuts what are we fucking elephants dude you go to a ball game and you're like yeah let's get some

fucking peanuts like an elegant like a fucking cuda dude you just follow all the trends man oh yeah you eat peanuts yeah cool yeah i don't eat hot dogs if i go to a dodge game though i'll eat 12 hot dogs the fuck kudas guy brought peanuts to a protest hey man you're first to go imagine bringing peanuts to a protest dude come on just actually think about waking up getting dressed taking a shower going to get peanuts driving over not opening the peanuts yet because you're going to save them

for when you get to the protest. Okay? You're first to go. All right. That's good. I mean, what the fuck else are we going to talk about? We covered it, man. We covered it, my babies.

That's good. I mean, what the fuck else are we going to talk about? We covered it, man. We covered it, my babies. Let's just skip it all. That's what you can do. And we've got, remember, shows at the Late Show, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada on Saturday. Still tickets left.

And then Victoria, BC, which is Vancouver Island, I believe. Late Show. And that's Sunday. And there are still tickets left. And then Victoria, B.C., Vancouver, which is Vancouver Island, I believe. Late show. And that's Sunday. And there are still tickets left. So go and get them and come to the Follow the Leader Tour. And that's it. And what else? Did we have to fucking – is that it?

That's it, I guess. That's it. Download the app. You can see the show live before anyone else, the Crystalia app. And you guys, thanks for being with me, man. You guys are great. And we'll catch you soon, my babies. Have a good one. Congratulations, motherfuckers.

Congratulations, motherfuckers. You're here for me. I'm here for you, motherfuckers. I'm a motherfucking child, motherfuckers. Outro Music