Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 125. Chips With The Dip

Episode Date: June 17, 2019

On today's show, Chris talks about Drake's desire for chips and dip. Also discussed: Kawhi Leonard, OJ on Twitter, inner beauty, the name Hugh, bad interview questions, and the blind French guy on the Voice doing Lose Yourself. Plus, we name an Elder! Tweet your questions and spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Twitter and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. For the true babies: Merchandise: https://store.chrisdelia.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrisdelia/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/chrisdelia Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial/ YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/2rA0sI0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's BetterHelp.com. meeting with friends before the show we can book your reservation and when you get to the main event skip to the good bit using the card member entrance let's go seize the night that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash y amex benefits vary by card other conditions Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. Episode 125. We keep it moving. We keeps it moving. And I washed my hair and it is looking fluffy as shit. I'm coming to Memphis, Tennessee.

Follow the Leader Tour. Just coming to Chattanooga, Knoxville, and Hoover, Alabama. And Tarrytown, New York, and Atlantic City. Now, here's what's up. I have a live app and I posted on my live app that I'm going live on my show. And what happens is when I get a phone call it stops recording and uh then what happens is i have to re-record it so right now it's it stopped and i have to re i have to re-go and the reason is because brian callan called me now this is what's fucking annoying about brian callan okay

he asked me to get together to do this thing for him to try like this video for him and i said to him i can't and now that's the end of that now instead of that he called me because he thinks he's gonna be like well what about if we do and i said i can't and that's it so brian callan this episode is for you go fuck yourself don't call me when i'm in the middle of some shit and i said i can't okay uh we love you brian callan um but right now you know sometimes when you when you love somebody you go through some shit and you're just like you know what they're pissing me off and now that's what's pissing me off because let me tell you why brian callan is the number one person that's hard to get on the phone or hard to text. So I got these shoes that this guy made. Cody, what is it?

Cody, let me look here. Cody, the creative. The Brinks, where he made these shoes, these congratulations shoes, where he got these Jordan 1s, and this is what he does. He can make these shoes, and he custom made these shoes for me backing up the Brinks and it's got money on the back here and then the Brinks logo on the tongue

which is fucking funny. And he brought them to the comedy store and gave them to me and that's pretty cool. So we're going to keep these here in the studio. Keeping it real. We got to keep it very real here. So that's what the fuck, dude.

But here's the thing about what I've been feeling is we're in L.A. and it hasn't been hot yet. It just hasn't been hot yet. It's been hot for like one day or two days, maybe two days at a time. And it's not getting there. And it's fucking June. It's mid-June already, right? Yeah. So it's not it's not getting there and it's fucking june it's mid june already right yeah so let's get it going dude i came to la i live in la i want it to be hot as shit but my hair is washed it's fluffy as fuck dude i get that good that's this if i here's the deal now this is very important because uh this is a very important thing to talk about. I know you guys are really, really, really wondering this. A lot of times people are like, oh, you don't wash your hair

because they think they're funny because I have long hair and a scraggly beard. And I got to be like, oh, yeah. I wash my hair, and when I wash my hair, the next day, it's banging, dude. It is over. When I wash my hair, the next day, it's banging, dude. It is over. When I wash my hair the next day, it's banging. Especially if I wash my hair, then work out. I have a light workout, a little bit of a perspiration, and I have beads of sweat dripping down my body

like I'm in a fucking Omarion video. And then I fucking go to sleep and then wake up? That's it, dude. Don't bring your girl around me. Especially if I fucking wash my hair and then worked out and then went to sleep and then wake up, that's it, dude. Don't bring your girl around me, especially if I fucking washed my hair and then worked out and then went to sleep and then woke up. That's it.

Yeah. I don't know. It's just, it's episode 125 and this is what I want to look up, though. This is the thing that made me laugh. It's been a while since I've laughed this hard. Bro, so the Toronto Raptors won. Congratulations, Toronto Raptors.

Love, Kawhi. Very cool. Very cool. It was hilarious how he won the game and then still wouldn't be excited until he got to do his free throw because he was fouled. Et c'est kawaii. But then when they won Drake, hey, Drake, I love Drake. You're not on the team. Okay? You're just not on the team. Okay?

You're just not on the team. Now, when you give post-interviews, you're on the team, right? So what the fuck's the deal? I get he's a major. People are like, why'd they even fucking interview him? Dude, he's Drake, okay? But, dude, this interview was the best. This is poetic.

This is poetic. You just got to watch it happen. The six and six. What does that mean? Six in six. So six, the six, which is Toronto in six games, right? That's what they want. Okay. Quiet Leonard. Bringing a chip to the city now all now now now what we know right there is he lost all the dads we don't know you know if you if you're a dad you don't know what

the fuck he's talking about right you're just like okay well what does that mean bring it brought a chip to the city i'm out okay if my dad was listening to this he would be like what was that you get chips when you win okay i want my chips with the dip that's all i know i don't want my chips playing i want my chips with the dip oh what i don't want my i want the chips with the dip i don't want my chips playing i want my chips with the dip so dude that's what he was saying, okay? I don't know what he means. Do you know what he means? Getting a chip? Is that money?

I don't... Here we go. Dude, my favorite thing is to think of drake being like here we go he's walking through the thing and he's like here we go i see the fucking guys and with all the microphones and everything like that and i and i like to imagine he was like i'm gonna do my chips thing like on the way to the game he was like if they win i'm gonna do that chips with the dip thing. Like he's just with this girl or with some homies.

And he's just like driving to the game, being driven to the game. And they're like, yo, Drake, this may be the fucking, this may be the time where they win. And they haven't won in a while. And he'll be like, yup. They're like, they're going to obviously interview you. And he's like, yeah. And he's like, what you going to say? And he's like, I got it all sorted.

No worry. I got it all sorted. Because you know they brought a chip to the city if they win, right? And the dudes were like, yeah. And they don't know. But they're saying yes because they're in Drake's camp. And you don't say no to Drake. And he was like, yeah. And they're like, all right.

Well, I'm just going to go on like this chips run. You know? Well, I say how he brought a chip to the city. And I'm going to start talking about dip. And they're like, yeah, that's dope, dog. And then he fucking came up and did this shit. Hi, Leonard. Bringing the chips to the city.

I want my chips with the dip. That's all I know. I don't want my chips plain. I want my chips with the dip. That's all I know. I don't want my chips plain. I don't want my chips with the dip. So bring them dips. You know what's funny is, too, so bring them dips. So bring them dips.

Dude, you know what's funny is, too, and I made a fucking meme of it, and I made the first one, and then people fucking kind of ripped it all off and shit and uh about the fucking i said hello welcome welcome to applebees can i take your order and then he fucking can i have it welcome to applebees can i take your order dude it so it's either he set it up but I don't think actually he decided on saying it while he was driving to the fucking game. I think it took him off guard. And he was like, they brought a chip to the city.

And since his music is so enwrapped, there's so many metaphors. And he's a pretty fucking hardcore metaphor guy. And so he was like, he said the chips thing and then he was like, I want my chips with the dip. And then there's a little flicker of like, oh, I don't know what the fuck. This wasn't the best analogy. But what I really like about Drake is he doesn't back down. He said, I don't want my chips plain. really like about Drake is he doesn't back down.

He said, I don't want my chips plain. I want my chips with the dip. And then further furthered it and said, so bring them dips, which was just in fucking credible, dude. I want my chips with the dip. That's all I know.

So bring them dips. Oh my God, dude. I know. so bring them dips oh my god dude I so bring them dips and then dude wow why does Kawhi look like he just watched

fucking seven documentaries in a rowi look like he just watched fucking seven documentaries in a row always looks like he just watched like like seven hardcore documentaries where everyone gets cancer and he's just like there was a meme where he was where they took a picture of him and he was like and everyone was uh cheering everyone was like excited that they won the championship and his face was just chilling and then and somebody wrote man kawaii Everyone was excited that they won the championship and his face was just chilling and somebody wrote, man, Kawhi just already forgot that he won. But he's so in his head, dude.

But dude, God bless. Bringing the chips to the city. I want my chips with the dip. That's all I know. I don't want my chips playing. I don't want my chips with the dip. So bring them with this. That dynasty's all I know. I don't want my chips playing. I don't want my chips with the dip. Let's see how it keeps going. That dynasty's over.

That dynasty's over. We did what we had to do. Praying for Haiti. Praying for Big Papi. But tonight we're off to Toronto. You know what it means? You can turn your cameras off to the screen and know what it means. We did this.

We did this all for the park. We did this all for art. We did this all for love. Dude, he's just talking. You don't even know what he's saying. What does it mean? He's like, it's not about what it means. What do you mean, dude? It's not about what it means.

He brought a chip to the city, dude. Of course it's about what it means. He's just so amped. You know what's funny is all the fame, all the fucking money, all the shit, like your inner dork will always shine through. You know what's funny is all the fame, all the fucking money, all the shit, like your inner dork will always shine through. You know? And everybody has some sort of version of their inner dork. But it always will come out if you're too excited.

I don't know what mine is. Mine is not basketball for sure. But it's so funny, dude. I guess a championship is a chip i want my chip i don't know what it means people on my app are like chips means championship um i fucking love drake dude that new song with chris brown who beats the shit out of women that that fucking uh song it's okay everyone's talking about it's the new out of women that that fucking uh song it's okay everyone's talking about it's the new anthem of the summer and it's okay it's okay um but also fucking oj's on twitter which is crazy and how bad if you follow oj on twitter chew dune

like what are you doing dude he has uh i always pull up the wrong one how about fake accounts dude this fucking kills me when somebody like i saw guy tory doing it the other day and i like i like guy tory but he was like he was like yo like how many followers does guy tory have on instagram he's like a comedian he's got so many followers and then like these this is you know who usually does this is instagram models because they're not famous um but they want to be and part of being famous is having like dummy accounts so if a girl has like 245 000 followers they'll be like this is a fake account it's not me and that that one has like five account five followers and they're like just so you know if this one is not like of course it's not you

the real one has fucking 2400 and fucking million followers but guy tory did and i was like guy tory um fucking 2,400 and fucking million followers. But Guy Torrey did it, and I was like, Guy Torrey? How many followers does OJ Simpson have? That'd be hilarious if Twitter verified him, you know? 657,000 followers, dude. That's fucking 657,000 people who are like, ah, we know you killed that.

We know you killed those people, but fuck it. I'll throw you a follow. You know how fucking disrespect that is? That's so shitty. Like, what are you doing, dude? And he was saying, Twitter world, this is yours truly. Now, coming soon to Twitter, you'll get the... Every time I hear OJ Simpson,

like, I don't hear him that much, and then, like, a year later, his voice is so much more his voice. Hey, Twitter world, this is... Hey, Twitter world. Like... Hey, Twitter world, this is yours truly. Now, coming soon to Twitter,

you'll get to read all my thoughts and opinions on just about everything. Now, there's a lot of fake O.J. accounts out there. So this one, at the real O.J. 32, is the only official one. So this should be a lot of fun. I got a little getting even to do. Ha! I got a little getting even to do. Hello, Twitter world.

It's O.J. Simpson. It's on the official account. There's a lot of fake ones out there. Why does he turn into a fucking old... Twitter world, this is yours truly. Now, coming soon to Twitter, you'll get to read all my thoughts and opinions on just about everything.

Just about everything just about everything i like how black guys are fucking so young looking until one day they just look 90 for 50 years right dude if you see a black guy he could be fucking for real 12 or 40 and then one day it's like when they hit 50 that's it they're morgan freeman for 50 years and then you're just hello twitter world hey you killed two people a lot of fake oj accounts out there so this one at the real oj 32 is the only official one so i want to know god damn i want to know how he's how is he doing that of course fucking theo follows him well man i don't know maybe he didn't do it you know um there's a there's a fucking um i believe in our court system you know um maybe he here's the thing about oj is there's a fucking uh

thing about how uh his he was thought he was they thought he was covering up for his son that's the only conspiracy theory that's like, oh, that shit. Because you believe a father would do that for a son. And he'll never admit it, right? But OJ was supremely jealous and definitely probably killed those people. So it's all good.

So it's all good. Hello, Twitter world. I feel like in a year he's just going to be like, hello, Twitter world. And then in fucking five years's just going to be like, Hello, Twitter world. And then in fucking five years, he's going to be like, Hello, working official. Official. I can't.

Like, what is this world? The fact that OJ Simpson is on Twitter. It's just everything is a South Park episode. I want my chips with the dip. Let's bring them dips. I want my chips with the dips. I want my chips. I don't want to wear regular chips.

I want them chips with the dip. Imagine all the people like this. Just like, oh. The camera guy's like, I don't know, but I got it. I got it. Dude, the world is nuts. Like, people thought, like, when Bieber challenged Tom Cruise to the fight, like, everyone was like, oh, what the fuck?

And then Bieber was like, yo, I'm joking. And everyone, I mean, no shit he's joking, man. No shit he's joking, man. No shit he's joking. Bieber's like, yeah, yeah, you fucking, you want to fight or you're scared. You think Tom Cruise would have beat up Justin Bieber? I think Justin Bieber would have beat the shit out of him. People are like, yeah, you don't fuck with Tom Cruise, though he does all his own stunts and he's always running. I think Bieber would have beat the shit out of Tom Cruise.

And, dude, Bieber would have beat the shit out of Tom Cruise. For real. He's 20-0. And Tom Cruise is 50-whatever. And Tom Cruise would have sincerely lost. And they would have interviewed him after the fight. And they are depending on people who... And he would have been like... Public.

It's like, we have a responsibility. It's not just the orgs. It's not just Dave Miscavige. It's not just me. Bro, I've watched that 75 times since the last time we talked about it. My favorite is when he's like this. My favorite? This is my favorite favorite is when he's like this. My favorite? This is my favorite, is when he goes like this.

In the end of it, they get this clip of him just going like this. And he's just like, and he does this. He does like what a fucking straight up guy who's just knows he's killing at life. And he's just like, and he's got his one ring finger in his mouth, and his other pinky is just, and he's just, and ring finger in his mouth and his other pinky is just and he's just and his two hands are up on the temple dude if you're doing that you're this shit dude he was

going he goes like this imagine doing that that's some shit dude if you put your fucking two fingers up to your temple and your one finger in your mouth, imagine this. Because some of you guys are just listening to this. And then your little pinky is just dangling. Dude, you got your two fucking fingers on your temple. Imagine this. Your ring finger touching your bottom teeth and then your fucking pinky is just dangling. Dude, you cannot be more confident than that you simply can't

that part is so fucking ill there it is it's so ill i gotta get to that point where you're just fucking laughing about life that's what what I love about Tom Cruise is that he laughs so much because his life is the shit. His life is the shit. There's nothing part of the way for me. It's just... Yup. ...are depending on us. There's nothing part of the way for me

because I'm just... And it does make me feel like a man. us. There's nothing part of the way for me because I'm just talking about that. And it does make me feel like, man, there's, you know, we got more work. I need more help. I'll get those spectators. You're in the playing field or out of the arena.

This is the guy I want to be. You understand? That's how I feel about it. You know what Tom Cruise is saying? For real. This is his version of I want my chips with the dip. And I do it

the way I do everything. He does. Look. It's not funny, but killing it. There's nothing part of the way for me. It's just

I do it the way I do everything. There's nothing part of the way for me. I just and just die and do it the way I do everything. There's nothing part of the way for me. I just, and just dying, dude. That, you don't understand. You don't understand, dude. People think that like Drake and like these famous people and Tom Cruise, they just, that's my goal is to get there, dude dude is to get to the point where i'm just and

by the way i'm not that famous but i'm almost there i'm the regular guy almost there that's just like i want my chips with the dip dude i want to go to meetings and being like well you know i want my chips with the dip and just laughing like a motherfucker, dude, of a shit that's not funny, but I don't give a fuck because I'm killing it. That's how we all have to get, dude. If we aren't all there, then life is just going to fucking crumble, dude. We're going to build these bombs. We're going to build these fucking cities are going to get, dude. We're going to build these bombs. We're going to build these fucking

cities are going to get too big. People are going to hate each other. Dude, that's the goal to get there, dude. To get there. I talk about this. This is a theme on this podcast. But it's the goal, dude.

I mean, Quentin Tarantino's probably like this. I don't know. It's kind of hard for celebrities to talk to media about their sexuality. This is Tom Hardy. What on earth are you on about? I was referring to an interview given to Attitude magazine a few years ago. But what is your question?

Nice. Oh, Tom Hardy talking about somebody asked him about his sexuality. Is it difficult for celebrities to talk about their sexuality? I don't find it difficult for celebrities to talk about their sexuality. Are you asking me about my sexuality? Oh, wow! Good actors in real life act better than anything in the world.

You are about. But what is your question? I was wondering if you find it difficult for celebrities to talk about their sexuality. I don't find it difficult for celebrities to talk about their sexuality. Are you asking me about my sexuality? I'll get the guy crumbles.

Sure. Why? Slammed him. Thank you. Okay. Oh, wow, dude. Yeah, that's so annoying, dude, that people want to know if somebody's gay or not or whatever. I would never tell anybody if I'm straight or gay ever in my life.

If somebody came up to me, if I hope I get famous enough to where people are just like, hey, Chris, what's up with your sexuality? I go like this. Not telling. Not telling. Maybe I fucking maybe I make love to women and maybe I fuck dudes all day long. I'd never tell you. We need a straight guy to be straight secretly and never talk about his sexuality and be like, no, I would never talk to you about my sexuality. I'm not telling you.

And then we find out later he's married with kids. And he's like, oh, we thought you were hiding that you were gay. And he's like, why? My sexuality is none of your business. I'm a straight guy and I got kids and I'm married. But I never would admit that because it doesn't fucking matter. Slammed them. As you guys were reading the script, did you ever...

This is a Hollywood celebrity shutting down reporters. Why are all these women in here? I thought this was supposed to be a man's movie. What? No. Not for one minute you um robert dane jr the reason i'm asking about the past is that you you've talked in other interviews again about um your relationship with your father and the world of all of that. Oh boy, you can see he's already steaming. You know, the dark periods you entered and taking drugs and drinking and all of that.

And I just wondered whether, you know, you think you're free of all of that or whether that's still something you... I'm sorry, I really don't. What are we doing? Well, I'm just asking questions, that's all. Right. Bye. Thank you.. Right. Bye.

Thank you. I'm sorry. Oh, man. Just saying bye, you know? He should have leaned forward and went. That's what you should do when somebody asks questions you don't want. You lean forward. You go like this.

And don't even say anything. And just wave your hand in their face dude imagine imagine if you just saw somebody like sam jackson just oh yeah so i would like to talk about and he just doesn't and he just goes until and is it what are you doing and you still and then just get up and leave you just fucking wave in their face. Oh, for fuck's sake, dude, I gotta get so fucking famous so I can do shit like that. You don't understand, dude, I'm telling you right now,

that's what I'm doing, dude. I can't fucking wait. You know what the fucking worst name is? Hugh. Straight up, the worst name on the planet is Hugh. Do you know why? It's not even a fucking, it's like a sound. You can name on the planet is Hugh. Do you know why? It's not even a fucking, it's like a sound. You can basically say the name Hugh without even using your voice. Hugh,

Hugh. That's the name. That name fucking sucks, dude. Hugh, Hugh. Hey, what's up? My name's Hugh. Hey, what's up? My name's Hugh. All right, here we go. On my chips with the dip. That's all I know. On the chips with the dip. If my name was Hugh and my family named me Hugh, the second I grew up, my first words would be like,

why'd you name me Hugh? Celebrities get nuts. That's why I don't understand. Like, I'm already nuts. I'm not as famous as these guys I'm talking about, but I'm already nuts. If I ever get to the level of Harrison Ford, dude, straight up, I'm just going to wear a shirt around. That's it. No pants,

no nothing. Just a long shirt and sometimes it'll like flap up and you'll see my dick and balls and shit and and i'll get arrested and i'll be like we shouldn't we don't have to wear pants this is the idea who cares and i'll be like whoa chris lee is fucking crazy i'll be like you saw the shit come a motherfucker look at the catalogs of congratulations um but that's the thing when you like when you look at somebody like keanu reeves it which is like just unbelievable how uh amazing he stayed positive how do you stay positive how do you stay like we don't know much about keanu reeves but we know every time you hear about keanu reeves Like, how do you stay positive? How do you stay? Like, we don't know much about Keanu Reeves, but we know every time you hear about Keanu Reeves, it's of him doing the nicest thing.

Like, people will be like, yeah, my dog, Keanu Reeves fucking literally jumped in front of a moving train to save my dog. Or Keanu Reeves. Yeah, dude, I was talking to Keanu Reeves and I mentioned he, you know, I mentioned I need, like, some fucking blood transfusion, and he straight up drove me to the hospital, and he gave me some blood. I guess it comes from him not, you know what it comes from? For sure, him not having a Twitter or Instagram. If Ken Reeves had an Instagram or a Twitter, it'd be over.

If you have a Twitter or an Instagram, you can get canceled. But if you don't, you kind of can't. I mean, you can, but not really, though. Because Sean Connery doesn't have the shit. And remember all the shit he said? People were tweeting about that shit, but he doesn't have a Twitter. I feel like if you don't have a Twitter or an Instagram, people think they can't write to you. So they're like, oh, but he doesn't have a Twitter. I feel like if you don't have a Twitter or an Instagram, people think they can't, like, write to you.

So they're like, oh, he's not going to see it. I think they do it when they're like this mother. Because remember what Sean Connery said about, like, you should slap women? And then he doubled down on it. He was having an interview, and I was like, so you said you should slap women? He's like, yes, I think that you should. And he's like, well, I don't like that very much he's like well sometimes they're acting up worst worst fucking impression ever but like he and and then and then like people were like we got to cancel him and

then it came out on twitter a little bit but then he doesn't have a twitter so people are like ah fuck it well he's not gonna he's all he's old i gotta get rid of all my shit. That's the thing. I got to get to the point where you look at Al Pacino. That's the thing. I always talk about this. It's like Al Pacino. You become undirectable in your own life. That's what it is.

If you're not with a fucking hardcore, if you don't have somebody that grounds you in a real way, you're done you go crazy like you need a wife or a fucking real person that can just bring that's what that's why that's why actors get so bad that's why you're like what the fuck happened to that actor he used to be so good now look what the fuck he's doing because he was in he got too much of an ego and then he started being in movies and the directors couldn't hold him down. That's why every now and then Al Pacino has a movie where he's just, you're like, what the fuck is he doing? He still kills it. I mean, he's still brilliant and shit as an actor.

Can actors even really be brilliant, you know? But Al Pacino, every now and then you're like, oh, he's too Al Pacino because you can't direct that motherfucker. Unless you're a fucking really good director. Directors don't want to tell him. They don't want to be like, can you do it this way? Because they know Al Pacino is going to be like, why? And then they have to have an answer. And you're talking to the legend Al Pacino.

De Niro, these guys. Walken is a great example. Really, really good. But if you're fucking not directing him, he would just be like, wow, wow, wow. And then you'd be like, okay. Does this make any sense, dude? You've got to have someone to direct your life, dude. You've got to have a wife or a partner.

Bring the chips to the city. Otherwise. I want my chips with the dip. That's all I know. I don't want my chips plain. I want my chips with the dip. So bring them dips. If Drake had a wife at that ride home,

would be like, what was it? She'd be like, what was the chips with the dip thing? 100%. And she'd be like, what do you mean? She would be like, what is the chips with the dip? And he'd explain, you know, like chips, the dip, the championship, and then the dip. So I went on like, it was like, like chips, the dip, the championship, and then the dip. So I went on like it was like if chips were – that's when you realize, oh, fuck, I'm an idiot.

Because you have to look at someone's face when you're explaining it for real. Wives or partners, whatever the fuck, maybe you – fuck dudes or whatever, that's good. But you need a dude to fucking keep it real. Keep it 100. That's why keeping it 100. You're not letting... But also, you know, you could still have a wife and fucking go nuts like Kanye, I guess. But that's probably because Kim K, you know, is probably...

Yeah, that's the thing. If you have another out to lunch fucking person on, on your team, that's the thing. I guess it's about staying grounded. I don't like figuring this shit out before the show, by the way, I don't like figuring it out.

I like talking it out because we need to figure it out as a cult. Cause this is a cult dude, but staying positive in the limelight is amazing staying positive and not losing your fucking mind like kennery's is done now granted he's only like 52 but there's this whole thing about doubling down though now that like seems to work because there's so many people out there on the the internet. Like Trump and everybody just doubles the fuck down. Look at Jesse Smollett. Any other time in history.

Fucking even 10 years ago. He would have been like. Yeah I fucked up. But he knows there's enough people out there. Because he sees them on the internet. That he's like. Nah I really got fucking jumped. Even though he orchestrated the whole goddamn thing

and it was s a dumb we know we know that he fucking made it up there's still conspiracy theorists out there there's enough of them there's hundreds of thousands of motherfuckers that do this that think this and he's just sitting there nah he knows he's lying but he's like nah didn't happen i got mugged and jumped and because of that people like even real people like anthony anderson and shit will be like yeah dude i believe him huh Huh? I got quest. Huh? My thing is, what about the so much evidence? It has to be now, though, because it doesn't last.

Like, everyone knows OJ didn't do it. I mean, everyone knows OJ did it. Sorry. So it has to be now. If some shit goes down now there's enough people to be on your fucking team because there's too many people in the world it's just just too many people

that's why I think Thanos was right you need to cut the fucking people in half. You saw Endgame, bro. The first one, I was like, I'm on Thanos' side. Look at all these assholes. First of all, look at how many annoying superheroes there are. Half of those got to go. And then

some people don't have superpowers and they're just, their mouths to feed, they got to go, dude. If the population was cut in half, people like Jesse Smollett, nobody would believe him. Nobody would believe him.

But there's too many people out there. Thanos for president dude um i got one more ad here uh so that's cool i'm chilling my babies i had a show uh saturday and i i had so much fun on stage at the Coyotes. I did an episode of Match Game. I did two episodes of Match Game. I did that I think last year, but they had me back. I don't know why, because I fucking said something like, come guzzler the first time.

Anyway, they had me back. And I wrote done pussy on my card, and they have cameras above you like Vegas, and had me back, and I wrote down pussy on my card, and they have cameras above you like Vegas, and they're like, Chris, you got to rewrite that over the whole loud thing, and everyone was like fucking knowing. So I guess you can't say pussy on network TV. So I did match game.

It was really fun. I met Horatio Sanz, who was like my new best friend. I love that guy. Kirstie Alley and a bunch of other people that I already knew. But yeah, Michael Shea was on it. Very cool. And Alec Baldwin is just killer at that shit. He's so good at – like there's a thing that a comedian has that like where they're just always on ready to fucking do a joke.

And he doesn't like – if you don't have that, you're not a – if you don't – if you're not a comedian, I've never seen somebody that like has that really unless you're like a strong like – if you do comedy sports or some shit, whatever they call that, improv shit. But Alec Baldwin kind of has that. Like he was – he's just so confident and good and quick with that shit. He was really funny. Anyway. You got to fucking... You got to watch Match Game when I'm on it next year or something, whenever it comes out.

Dude, I've done so many... I realize how many game shows I've... I don't know. I think I'm on the other one, too, to Tell the Truth coming out, and then another one. I don't even know when I did them. Game shows are like when you do this shit and they ask you to do a game show, you completely forget about it because it's not the shit you want to do.

You just do it because you're like, oh, it'll be fun. But it's not like your goal in your career. So when you do a game show and then a year or two later when it comes out, you're like, oh, fuck, yeah. I've done a bunch of them. I don't even know which ones I've done. Like I think I did To Tell the Truth. That's the one with Anthony Anderson, right?

I think that's the one with Anthony Anderson. Yeah, now. I think so. Yeah, Anthony Anderson. Yeah, I did that one. I only know by host and then I did one with the other lady who I love

what the fuck was the game show called God what the fuck was that show called no clue no fucking clue they're all reincarnated they always try to bring game shows back to they'll let a game show be a hit for 10 years and then it'll

go away and then 10 years later they'll be like, this is the reincarnation of fucking fuck bubbles or whatever the hell it's called. Because they know it was a hit. I mean, how many times have they brought back match game? Probably so many different times. And that's it. But when he shoots all of them in like one week, he shoots all of them in five days, he

probably will make four or five million dollars, dude. That's so dope. Doing a game show, being the host of a game show would be my nightmare though. That'd be my nightmare. Anytime you have to say things that other people wrote

not as a character, that's like death to me. Like Ryan Seacrest's job, dude. I mean, his K-Rock job, whatever the fuck, radio on the radio when he's just talking, that's one thing. But having to do American Idol, being the host of American Idol, is I'd rather be a fucking crack whore. Because at least you're on the streets and you're like, ah, it's kind of cool. I can do what I want.

Yeah, I have to suck dick every now and then to get a fucking kick. to suck dick every now and then to get a fucking kick but also at least i get to you know but having to show up to work on a in a suit and just be like this next contestant like dude get the fuck out i i swear to god i'd rather suck dick for cocaine than be like this next contestant hails anytime you have to say the word hails put a fucking dick in my ass instead for crack dude host worst job ever i'm a host here but i don't i get to say whatever the fuck i want i'm not even really a host i'm just fucking bullshitting but anytime you got to be like this next contestant hails from virginia let's listen to her do her sing-song rendition of lose yourself right you're gonna lose yourself in the moment you own it you ever see that french guy come out that blind French dude come out and sing Lose Yourself? That shit is so rocking.

He's like blind. And first of all, I didn't realize this, but being blind makes you look more French. I never realized this, but it's the truth. If you Google this guy, blind lose yourself, first of all, he looks so French, it's unreal, dude. Shaved face, nice glasses. Play it, yeah. Here we go.

So blind lose yourself. So blind, lose yourself. First of all, the fact that you can YouTube blind, lose yourself, it just means, you know. He comes out. They got to walk him out because he's blind as shit. Okay. That's his family.

The families are always just fucking so happy that they're even there, and that's so beautiful. Now, if he's blind, why does he have glasses on is what I want to know, okay? So either he's tricking us or what the fuck's going on. But you know he's really blind because he's got that one eye that's like going out the other way, right? Looks like wonky titties. That's how dumb guys are. You have a girl take her shirt off, and then she's got titties and one nipple's looking like it's trying to get away and you go like this, alright, well, fuck it, you know, I guess you can be my girlfriend and wife

looks don't really matter that much though, right? right, that's what looks aren't the important thing though, right? it's what's on the inside that matters, right? right? when you meet someone like i mean i'm not superficial right so you know if you meet someone of the opposite sex especially if you're a guy it doesn't matter right looks aren't it's not what's important what's important on the inside? So it doesn't matter if your face isn't symmetrical or if you're fat, right? So if you have fat, fat, fat. Guy or girl, it's all good, right?

So this guy sings Lose Yourself, and he comes out, and his parents are, and everyone's so excited, you know? And he just, dude, if you're blind excited you know and he just dude if you're blind i didn't know that if you're blind or if you have an eye that goes off to the side you look more french anyway this whole fucking whenever you see like the voice french version of the itips this guy is the shit this is awesome a little bit of like just like so you guys know and he's like I'm gonna start off with that fucking high shit so you know what's up

just so you know I can fucking be the shit and then this rips dude I cried watching this I'm a bitch since Akira the laugh Sin Secure the Laugh. So French.

What a key of a song, Forgetting. So French. Everybody's jumping out, not so now. Time's up, over. You know that illusion can't be abused in the moment. Oh, you better never let it go. You only want time to die. It's a dance of love. Time to let it go. Till the last night. You have had enough.

It's a little annoying when the hosts start dancing. It kind of takes away from it. But whatever. Hey, you know. The hosts are going like. And you're like, all right, stop. But let him have his moment let him have his moment insecure laugh is that english i don't even know it doesn't matter Is that English? I don't even know.

It doesn't matter. The end part of this is the shit. Dude. That's so dope. And ruined it by having that ad afterwards. But it's so fucking dope dude when he does that shit dude i gotta get going on my fucking high notes man that's so dope dude sin secure laugh in the middle where's the part? We got to find it again. Stop the laugh.

Where's the laugh? Please find the insecure laugh. Got to find this. Here. So insecure. Oh, dude. Like, he knows he's killing it, but he also knows he's still blind. Like, that's what that laugh was.

Dude, I love it, bro. Like, he knows he's killing it, but he's like, no, no, it's not that he's still blind. He knows he's killing it, but he doesn't know because he can't really see the audience. You know what I mean? Like, he thinks he's killing it, but that laugh is a little insecure because he's like, okay, but I know I can't see the people who have straight faces right now. Wow, that's what that is. Oh, like, I can't see all of you.

Dude, that dude rips. That rips, dude. I love that guy. Oh, man. How about people who would think what I just said was offensive? Fuck you, dude. You know? If I did that joke to that guy, he'd laugh and it wouldn't even sound like that.

He'd laugh. he'd laugh and it wouldn't even sound like that he'd be he'd laugh it's insecure god that guy rips dude i think singing is so dumb you know because it's like what are you doing with your voice just relax start talking it's all good but then when a guy rips like that it's all good but then when a guy rips like that it's so awesome man i remember when i was a kid my mom would always be like my mom put me in piano lessons for a little bit and i was like ma this sucks i don't want to do piano and she was like you're gonna wish you did when you were older i wish i could play the fucking piano and you know what dude i'm here to say i don't i don't i when i was a kid i remember thinking of my mom nah you're wrong and now that i'm 39 i'm here to say as an adult i don't wish i could wear wear the piano and i meant play and i'm gonna and i'm not but I'm not fixing it. I don't care.

I don't wish I could wear the piano. I'm not fixing that sentence. I don't give a shit, dude. Not fixing it. We need to stop fixing our fucking sentences for real. Oh, whoops, I meant this. No, I didn't. I meant what I fucking fucked up said. Oh, whoops, I meant this.

No, I didn't. I meant what I fucking fucked up said. Somebody writes in 218, when the hot... At 218, when the hot pocket burns the roof of your mouth. So dumb. So dumb, dude. That's pretty funny, though.

He looking like a mad scientist on his piano. I love it. So funny, dude. It's so funny sometimes how they react. He literally just goes, that's how he does. funny sometimes how they react. Like he literally just goes, that's how he, how he does. He just goes, and the, and the fucking French is shit guy on the, on the, on the back of the, on the chair. He goes like this. It just goes, and he goes, Oh, come on, bro. Oh. God, I love that, dude.

I love the new style to this already great song. He made it his own. Bravo. Bravo. TBH I clicked just to ensure he's cross-eyed I'm a bit too but not as excessive then I realized though the comments he's actually blind on top of it he has a great voice hey okay cool thanks bud

thanks for the fucking wrap up thanks for the fucking report dude dude the voice, the voice. Watching the foreign voice, I could do that all day. They rip. Oh, here's another one. Blind?

Another blind one? Blind guy singing You Lose Yourself? Another one? Look. Oh, no, no, no. He's not blind blind it's a blind audition got it never mind it's so weird to do a fucking um

rap song for the voice and actually rap um anyway what the fuck is this Chris D'Elia savage moments um okay um yeah but whatever i was looking at clips oh we gotta do a fucking oh yeah we have an elder dude this is awesome okay elder where's the pronoun oh uh kelly lael Kelly Lale, who made this thing.

She did it for her class. I saw this a few weeks ago. And she, Becoming a True Baby of the Congratulations podcast, A Complete Guide to Eldership. And she just, I guess we'll retweet it or whatever, you know, on her Twitter account. But she did all this shit, like where she wrote down, gather your materials. The first step in becoming a true baby is making sure you have all the required materials

since one of the tenants of the congratulatory podcast is making things as easy as possible since then I've created a short list of required materials for you. Internet access, a phone with a podcast streaming service, Ice Americano. All this shit. Thick skin and a playful sense of humor. Prepare yourself for your journey to begin. You need to acquire access to Becoming a True Baby.

Click the follow button. It's fucking really cute and funny. Get the app. Watch comedy specials and Incorrigible Man on Fire. Keep checking back for new releases. So funny. Anyway, we'll retweet this.

This is great. But Kelly Lyle, you're now an elder for this. She did this for her. I think she said she got an A-plus or something, if I remember correctly. So that's great. And that's cool that you used it to get an A plus and move along in your life. So well, congratulations. We'll DM you the details.

That's awesome. What was I going to say? Oh, yeah. I don't want to talk about that. I'll talk about that next time. I guess that's good. We did an hour and i'm sweating like a motherfucker it's unbelievable it's hot as hell right why is it so hot as hell oh man that's it

I'm done I guess what else that's it what do we have to say at the end here where's the oh shit I always lose these things

um go to chrislea.com and get the uh stuff going for my uh you gotta get the the um uh

get the tickets for a fall leader to tour. I still am doing, um, new, uh, I still haven't announced my thing yet. It's taking a while to get the deal done, but, um, I will announce it soon. And we've got shows coming up, go to chrislea.com. Uh, and that's it, my babies. Uh, let's get, my babies. Let's get this log cabin. Thanks, guys. Thank you.