Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 133. Crapola (with Matt D'Elia)

Episode Date: August 12, 2019

On today's show, Chris and Matt talk family, Police Academy, Quentin Tarantino, Kuffs, Paul Reiser, Christian Slater, Steve Guttenberg, and Matt's new podcast, Matt D'Elia is Confused, which you can subscribe to here: https://apple.co/2MaKvG6 Tweet your questions and spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Twitter and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. For the true babies: Merchandise: https://store.chrisdelia.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrisdelia/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/chrisdelia Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial/ YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/2rA0sI0 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's BetterHelp.com. meeting with friends before the show we can book your reservation and when you get to the main event skip to the good bit using the card member entrance let's go seize the night that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash y amex benefits vary by card other conditions Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. What's up, my babies? Hi, what's up? It's Chris Lee here, and this is, um, congratulations to episode. And I don't do it like, uh, I don't do it like how guys do it. Like, this is episode yada yada. Congratulations, and welcome to my podcast. I say all the words and I just throw them out there. And you guys pick the fuck and make the sentence about it.

Because I don't give a shit. Okay? And that's how it's going to be. And that's fine. Because you need that. You need a guy like that in your life. And that's me. And so today we have another, we have our guest.

Our second guest. But it's really our first guest because, you know, it did so well last time and he's my brother and we have Matt D'Elia here on the podcast. And so Matt D'Elia is here. Now, first of all, actually, before we even do that, I'm going to be in fucking San Diego or some shit. Go get tickets.

You know what I mean? I'm so fucking blase about it. Because I don't, you know, because they can come if they want. But, hey, by the way, have you ever been to San Diego? I've been to San Diego. Yeah, where? I've been to San Diego with you. Where?

We went to the fucking, I went down there one weekend when you went to the comedy store there. There's a comedy store there, right? Yeah, you did? Yeah. Yeah, we were in that weird fucking blue room that they put people up in and shit. Remember that? Yeah. Yeah, that was a long time ago. Wait yeah yeah i was there i was with who with you you were there yeah and i know i was you were there well i actually don't even remember i don't even know if i know i was i don't even remember who else was there well you don't remember who was

on the show you and and other was i headlining or was it i don't know i was on the show? You. And other... Was I headlining or was it early on? I think it was earlier than that. Yeah. Wow. Jesus. God, I have the worst fucking... Oh, yeah. It was that guy, Brandon...

I had no fucking idea. The British guy. Remember who used to bring his own microphone? With the guitar guy? Brandon Christie. Oh, fucking the guy that you did the Wonderwall thing with? Yep. That shit is so fucking funny and stupid.

Wow. Were you there? Oh, he was there too. One Fire was there. Okay, cool. Yeah, One Fire was there. All right. So, all right, cool.

Wow. Fuck. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I miss that guy. I haven't talked to him in a long time. Anyway, nobody knows what the fuck we're talking about, but there is a comedy store in La Jolla, and we went to do that.

Is that the only time you've been to San Diego? Maybe. Do you know San Diego sucks? I did know that for sure. When I went there, I was like, the thing about this place is that it fucking sucks, is what I remember about San Diego. See, the thing is that there's just bros, and it's a weird mixture of people, but it's very beautiful, though. It's very pretty, but it's like you're in a fr mixture of people. But it's very beautiful though.

It's very pretty, but it's like you're in a frat. Yeah, it is like that. When you go. Yeah. Automatically. And the crowds are fucking bonkers, dude. Yeah, I believe that. And I always say I'll never go back again.

And then when I go, then I end up going because I have to do the fucking thing because I want to make money. You're lying to yourself or you say it out loud to other people? I say it and I think, you know what? I'm never going to go back. And then time passes and I think, well, I guess let's make money and go there.

Right, right, right. You know what I mean? Right, right, right. There's a line in fucking a Tupac song and I always think about it. bit made a song about um not making not me not making uh not doing rap for money and about doing it for the you know love of it or whatever and and then there's a guy one of the outlaws in the tupac song says if you ain't in it for the money then what the fuck is your purpose man and i always think about that in regards to my life and it and it's so silly that i think about one of the outlaws and then i'm like yeah i gotta fucking do

this to make the money even though that's not why i do it but basically i'm one of the outlaws is what i'm saying i think that yeah i think you're like one of the outlaws are you one of the outlaws the worst the worst interview of all time so are you one an outlaw? Dude, you know what I don't want to do is fucking interview. But that's why I've had no guests. Before you continue, I'm not one of the outlaws. Yeah. So let's look at the outlaws' names first. It was such a bad interview that you actually didn't even let me fucking answer you.

Yeah. I don't want to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, nah. But go back one. One fire. Young Thugs with a Z, you know? Young Thugs with a Z is so fucking 90s.

These are the guys. Yaki Gaddafi. Vocals, you know? It says vocals. Like there's going to be one of them playing the drums. Yeah, they all say vocals. Wow. Edie, I mean.

I mean, Edie, I mean. Whoa, dude. That fucking rules. Yeah, that does rule. Edie, I mean? Yep, dude. That fucking rules. Yeah, that does rule. Edie, I mean? Yep. Mm-hmm. Yep.

Oh, that's the coolest fucking thing I've ever seen. Or it's like Edie. I mean. Yeah. Since 1993, he's been doing vocals. Young Noble. Young Noble. He's got a frilly collar and shit.

Vocals. Hussein. A fountain pen in his hand who's uh hussein fatal oh these guys are the shit okay i mean i don't want to skip any but in a couple there's a really good one okay here's another one that i and i I know, and this one I like, and I can always tell his voice, Big Psych. So he is in a lot of, he's in a lot of the, he's in the, All eyes on me.

Is Big Psych like Big Psych got you, or like Big Psycho? I think it's Big Psycho, even though it's spelled S-Y-K-E, but of course it is, because rap. Right, right, right. He's in this song. He's the one, you're going to, he's the course it is because rap. Right. He's in this song. He's the one you're gonna you're gonna, he's the one who's this guy. Hold on. Go back.

Go back. The laugh in that is so fucking insecure, the big one. I think he's saying something, but he's this guy. That's Big Syke. Yeah, that's Big Syke for sure. Big Syke. No, Hank. Oh, that's what he's fucking saying?

I mean, I thought he was laughing. It's so fucking not clear, you know? Hank. Big Syke. No, Hank. No, no, no, no, no. The best laugh is a... Did you even hear that one?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even hear that one. That's like the cute, insecure thing. Yeah, yeah, he's like... no. The best laugh is a... Did you even hear that one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even hear that one. That's like the cute, insecure thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like... He's got the finger up to his mouth. Excite. Noob.

That one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So fucking insecure. That one's not even part of what he's saying. He came in and was like, I want to do a cute one. Yeah, yeah. Did you get the cute one in there? Yeah.

Excite. Noob. Hank. Oh, God. Like he's eating a candy bar got a little cookie he's eating a little cookie yeah um famous emmys cookie then there's then there's then there's castro with a k yeah of course vocals from 1993 to 2009 after that he was like you know what fuck it i'm retiring hanging up the spurs then there's just straight up napoleon that's my favorite one

yeah because he didn't even try didn't spell it wrong the spelling's right they all so many of them have like legendary terrible men names yes yes yeah well of course because they're badass qaddafi ed i mean yeah that's where young noble really sticks out he's like a good guy right yeah true yeah uh napole. Napoleon did vocals from 1993 to 2003. Mopreme Shakur. I believe Mopreme, yeah, okay, well, that's dumb that I said that because it's the same last name. He was related to him. I think it was his cousin or something.

His name was Mopreme? Mopreme. I don't know if that's his real name or what, but that's pretty... Unbelievable. Mopreme. Oh, right, Maurice, yeah. Okay. Okay, go back.

Let's go back. Stormy. Vocals for only six years, really. Maurice, yeah. Okay, go back. Let's go back. Stormy. Vocals for only six years, really. He came late. Oh, Sean Cole. I don't know that guy. He's been vocal for one year. He only was there for one fucking year.

Yeah. The Storm, two years. And then there was Muzamil. Metamucil. Metamucil. Vocals for like one month, maybe. It says 1996 to 1996. Got kicked the fuck out.

And then there was New Child, 1996 to 1996. I think New Child was maybe a girl. That looks like a guy because he has a beard. No, there's no picture for New Child. Oh, that's fucking stormy. There's so many of them. I'm getting jumbled here. So. So.

So, yeah. So. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Past members. Mussolini, deceased. Wow. A lot of them are dead. Hussein Fatal.

Machiavelli. Well, that's Tupac. That's Tupac. Yeah. Yeah. You knew he died. Didn't you? I did.

I heard that. Okay. So, anyway anyway it's the congrats podcast congratulations and we always like to start by talking about uh slain members of of the outlaws um but uh yeah man it's crazy actually how many rappers have died and also keep dying that's actually fucking insane and we're not going to get into that. So that's it. So I have Matt D'Elia here. And one of the reasons why I have Matt D'Elia is, well, the main reason why is because I love him.

Right. You know? And another reason is why, because the podcast that he was on, the episode, did really well. People like to hear us together. And another reason why is because you started a podcast, and it's out now. I did. Yeah. I did, and it's out now.

And it's called Matt D'Elia is Confused. Yup. But don't go like that. Don't be like, yup. Yup. Yeah. Because it's infuriating. Right, right, right.

And so the artwork that you have on your podcast is very cool. I really like that. It captures you. Thank you. I like it more that you have on your podcast is very cool. I really like that. It captures you. Thank you. I like it more than my podcast art. That makes me mad. Actually, I do too. Okay.

Well, I didn't know. Here's the thing. If you had your podcast out first, I would make sure my artwork's better. But I didn't know you were going to do a podcast when I started. I'm 130 episodes in. You are, yeah. So I actually thought about changing it when I saw yours. Like to try to one-up my shit?

Not even, no. Just to be like, oh, if his is going to be that good, I've got to step my level up. I don't care if yours is better, but it can't be that much better. You know what I mean? That's annoying to me. Yeah, the art is good.

Look at that shit. What is the thing on the right? Just design? What is that? Oh, that's like a fucking fiery explosive mess because I'm so confused. Yeah, magically it's confused. The whole thing is like i have guests on unlike you i have actual guests yeah and uh i have people on that can like talk about shit that confuses me and clear

shit up for me or shit that is like funny or fucking crazy right every guest like uh can kind of color in something that sort of baffles me about the fucking world well and i don't want to talk you know this isn't like a fucking i don't it sounds like i'm interviewing you i'm not but i i actually haven't asked you this yet uh or even told it's a telling you thing oh Oh, uh-oh. How come you're so good at... Do you consciously do... Do you consciously... Okay, so like take... Like I've heard maybe four episodes now. Are there five out?

Five. Okay. Yeah, I think I've heard three or four. So how do you not make... Bad brother, bad brother, but yeah, okay. No, but that's a good brother, by the way. Should have listened to all of them, but yeah, okay. So I didn't yet, but that's a good brother.

Okay. Because I've listened to fucking most of them, and I'm going to listened to all of them but yeah okay but so i didn't yet but that's a good brother okay because i've listened to fucking most of them and i'm gonna listen to all of them okay so so uh uh by the way do you remember the fucking thing when the guy was like a lot of money oh yeah dude i think about that all the fucking time me too dude yeah there was an infomercial i'll go back to what i was gonna tell you yeah because it's a compliment no i know so just be ready for it i'm ready uh so there's a fucking infomercial and we would watch infomercials all the time and uh we and uh when we were like we do we live together yeah you would hold on before you go we would watch infomercials so fucking much and so late and you were so fucking annoying about making me do it with you.

Well, because it is so fun for me. I know. No, I got it. But I would do it and I'd be like, at 3 a.m., I would just be like, my eyes would be so fucking heavy. Yeah. And we would be pissing our pants laughing. But yeah. It would be me, you, and like a lot of, we lived with like five guys.

Yeah. I remember Dave Miller was. We lived at Five Guys, the burger place. And no, we lived with five guys. It was Dave remember Dave Miller was- We lived at Five Guys, the burger place. No, we lived with Five Guys. It was Dave Miller. It was Chris Paul, our other buddy, Chris Mako, and then other guys too, I feel like. I don't remember. It was a role.

I don't know. Whatever. We were in our 20s. We were the mainstays. They were like the outlaws. They were Idi Amin and fucking Young Noble. Young Noble. And we would just make fun of infomercials and we would laugh so hard.

It's one of my favorite things because they – one of the reasons why I like Infomercials so much is because I know everybody on it is absolutely fucking lying. Yeah, they're bullshit. They know it and we know it and also everybody knows it. Everybody knows it. But everybody is watching this like it's not bullshit. Yeah. Like, they'll be like, it is just the best product, and they know it's not because you see that same guy selling that product, selling another product that's saying, this is the

best product. Yeah. So there was one that was like a make money, get rich thing. And he was like, and I've made a lot of money. And we laughed so hard because he whispered it for effect. And now we i've made a lot of money and we laughed so hard because he whispered it for effect and now we always say a lot of money a lot of money yeah he was being such a fucking prick about yeah he was being like i make money right and like it's so much i'm gonna do like this yeah yeah yeah it was like when jay-z's rapping he's like yeah you know so did and when

he goes to that for effect he was like you know you know what I mean? Because I'm the man. Like that kind of shit. He was like basically doing the jazzy of infomercials. So anyway, what I was going to say about you, the idiom of infomercials, is you are really – because I'm listening – because I'm self-centered, I'm listening to your podcast and I'm thinking how would i do this okay i i could not do it and i'm surprised you can do this because it's a it's great to do this that you can do it with some of the guests you don't believe a word they're fucking saying right you don't rather you don't believe in a word they're

saying it's not like you think they're lying yeah right right yeah you don't you don't call them out on it yeah and you don't even really i know because i'm your brother i can hear you be like okay and i know you think they're crazy yeah maybe yeah or whatever but i i would be like the whole time i would just be going you know what i mean the whole time i'd be like well the crazy time I would just be going, eh. You know what I mean? Right, right, right. The whole time I'd be like, well, the crazy thing about that is it's absolutely not true. So now what? Right, right, right. But you don't do that.

Right. And you don't do that consciously? That's kind of the point for me. Like the easiest example is we had this famous exorcist, this dude Bob Larson, who – by the way, if you don't know who that is, look up his videos. It's fucking crazy. It really is amazing it's insane but he's like obviously to be an exorcist you have to believe in a lot of shit that like well i certainly don't believe in you know but the thing is is like i'm interested in that guy right so what i didn't what i don't want to do with any guests is be like

you believe that that's dumb of course any judgment on it for first of all because i want to know more and that's going to close them up but also like the whole thing for me is like i don't i'm not trying to like get you i'm not trying to like corner you and make you look dumb and in doing that they'll talk about way more shit like that episode is called sexually transmitted demons because he believes there's a thing called sexually transmitted demons right we talk about that for like 10 or 15 minutes and you know hit for sure but it's totally yeah i i i but but i think it's very interesting as well i i i mean i would say i i think it's interesting i mean i would i'll watch those

videos on youtube too but i i guess maybe it's why i'm a comedian i can't i can't not make fun of it yeah right i mean i just can't yeah like i would i i would laugh you don't even really like laugh like i would laugh i couldn't help myself yeah i would laugh in their face yeah and and and and i wouldn't but i wouldn't want them but I also wouldn't want them to feel stupid. Right, yeah. So maybe that would make them feel stupid. I would want them to, like, I love, don't get me wrong, dude. I make fun of a lot of shit on this podcast.

Yeah. And I would make fun of Bob Larson on this podcast. For sure, yeah. But I love that there is a Bob Larson. And I love that he's doing that. Yes. And I would not want to live in a world where there isn't a Bob Larson and I love that he's doing that. Yes. And I would not want to live in a world where there isn't a Bob Larson that doesn't do that.

Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, I just like, like kind of what you're saying. I like that he exists to me.

It's like a show, you know, like if I, if I, if I thought too much about it, it would maybe like make me fucking cry or call and write and think about how these people believe this shit. But it's really ultimately just so fucking absurd right that i like it you know so do you think so bob larson is this exorcist that has been doing it for fucking

50 40 years he's been doing it for 40 years he's done it he says at least 40 000 exorcisms yeah i heard that so and also which is you know that yeah it's very it's very that but also do you think i always wonder if guys like yeah he he absolutely believes in it oh dude he this wasn't we don't even have video of it yeah we're gonna end up doing videos soon but he with him has a fucking big cross and a Bible that he always has with him. I don't know if it's because some exorcist shit is going to crop up at any given moment. But he just got it with him. It was on the table between us.

It's like all of a sudden you're going to be like, so Bob Larson, I have a question. He's like, oh, give me my cross. Give me my cross. Exactly, yeah. But that didn't happen. He didn't need to do shit to me. I didn't have a demon. Yeah. But everyone, yeah. So – but that didn't happen. He didn't need to do shit to me. I didn't have a demon. Yeah.

But everyone – well – He says everyone should get an exorcism whether you believe or not, which is – it's a businessman. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's so businessman. Even if you don't believe – He wants to make money anyway. Even though he believes in it, he's like, I can also make some money and do the bullshit thing. That's the thing I like about him.

He's such a showman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is great. I believe in this shit, but also got to make a living. Right, right, right. I'm on his newsletter and there was a thing

he was trying to raise money for like kidney stone, like a thing, like some operation he needed to do. He was like, God needs you, because I got to keep doing it. That's like,

wow, that's like the version of me doing a fucking corporate gig as a comedian or something or doing a wedding. I've never done a wedding, but I've heard like, I don't know, comedians do me doing a fucking corporate gig as a comedian or something. Or doing a wedding. I've never done a wedding, but I've heard comedians do weddings and shit. Oh, man. Yeah.

Really? Yeah. Somebody told me the other day that Jim Jefferies, they were like, he got hired, and they pay him a crazy amount of money, these rich people. And he's like, all right, I'll do it. Whoa. But it's weird, too, because when you, as a comedian, you'll get hired for these fucking things that don't, you don't know. You're like, they'll be like, we don't, you know, we want that guy. But they don't know the act.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They want, like I've been hired in a corporate gig in Las Vegas for this. I don't even remember the company. But I was hired because the guy who ran the company's son was a big fan. Now, the guy was older. The son was probably 30-something. But the guy was like fucking in his 60s. And I'm like, I don't know if this guy knows what I talk about.

And this is his company. It's not his son's company. So like a bunch of older guys, it went fine. But you never know how that's going to fucking go. That must be so fucking weird. Because they hire you and they think, oh, a comedian. He's going to be like Paul Reiser. Yeah.

And I'm not up there talking about socks right right you know how come you ever mismatch your socks and shit paul reiser yeah yeah they're like you ever fucking you ever put the wrong thing with the wrong thing in the car and then you know the worst bit of fucking of all time paul resier oh okay do you remember fucking uh the sony hack shit no oh yeah yeah of course i remember that yeah paul riser's emails from that oh i never seen it never heard about this are straight up the saddest fucking no things ever yeah dude he's like where's my money from mad about you residuals no i've never seen this before my life like there are a lot of dvds in the world where's my money and it's like it's 2016 dude your show was on in really when i was and he was talking about dvds look 2014 yeah look it's like a long ass email oh he wrote this to have your agent do it yeah that's well see the problem is when you get that big like he was very

big he knows everybody and he has everybody's email he's like i'm just gonna reach out myself and do it the old school way which is a horrible idea so wait yeah okay almost yeah this is this is i never read i never heard this i didn't remember it being like a fucking epic poem this is like the longest fucking email ever well go out go out go out let's see a little bit of it hope this finds you well last time i saw you i think it was in the lobby of the Moscow Hotel, which was just nuts. Whoa. You know it's going to be sad.

I was just going to say that exact sentence, right? And you know it's going to be sad because you used a parentheses and a fucking, and the exclamation point, trying to make it like. We're good. We're good. Yeah. Now here comes the fucking back door. Here comes the fucking back door here comes this sad fucking shit anyway i'm writing just to tell you about the great meeting i had yesterday

with your people that's on and here it comes and you know it's not that yeah not sure if you even know about this but i had been trying for the longest time to try and get some clarity as to why mad about you was not available on its entirely entirety season six and seven were never released on dvd at all. iTunes offers only season three and seasons that, by the way, the fact that he even knows all this. Don't even know it.

Don't even know it. Yeah. You know? Very difficult to find. I had not even known any of this until I started performing on the road again

over the last two years and people just kept asking me why they couldn't get the season. Okay, so that's how I found out. Apparently, there's a few people out there who want these shows.

It was a big, big, big show and it was very funny it was really as i remember yeah uh anyway turns out music clearance issues seem to be the problem okay that's sure so yesterday along with my attorney uh and a long-term producing okay i met with you yeah okay geez this is business shit they were terrifically helpful and all right i told them that my recollection comedically distorted i'm sure to help us get to show out there so my hope is that you can once again use your magic wand and help us get to show out there as i explained to the group yesterday my motivation here is not financial though if we could i i mean yeah it is dude yeah the truth is i just wanted to rectify the crazy making situation, which we... It's got to be financial, right?

Yeah. Or maybe he wants to be... Or maybe he thinks it'll be like a friend's thing. Yeah, but that's not going to happen. Yeah. Just to make it available on iTunes? Yeah, true. Yeah, true.

Buried in the latest hacker release is one of the most depressing emails you'll ever read from a man wondering why more people can't buy his 90s sitcom. Yeah. Yeah. I always liked Paul Reiser. I always thought I was a fan of his, like always, like from Diner and even Mad About You I thought was fucking hilarious.

Yeah, I like Paul Reiser. I think he's good. I haven't seen him in a bit. But a guy like that, like, I don't know. He was also a good actor. He was good in shit. Yeah, what's he like? I don't know what he also a good actor he's good and shit yeah what's he like i don't know what he's doing now i see him i see him in uh he was in that movie whiplash oh he was yeah yeah yeah he plays miles teller wasn't he in like fucking alien

alien aliens yeah like aliens he's rad and fucking alien yeah like he he's like he just kind of made money and then fucking bounced i feel like because he's not enough though he needs the fucking man about you season but he's probably got money i mean he's only 62 dude it's it's not like he's 70 fucking eight you know he can still do a lot of shit it's not like you're like where's gene ackman you're like oh he's 90 look how many like romance things he was yeah bye-bye love well honestly he was the marrying man you know but the worst fucking title there ever fucking was, The Marrying Man. But honestly, he... I mean, you know, he really was really romantic. But the...

That's the most Paul Reiser thing that could ever happen. What? What he's wearing. Yeah. The way he's standing. I know. Bye Bye Love. By the way, because also...

Remember, like, dude, this would even annoy me when I was 12. When they made a movie with the title of a fucking popular song. Yeah, yeah. It would be like if I fucking. It would be like if I started a movie right now called Ambitions as a Rider. Right. Well, I don't think people would know that song as much, but like yesterday, when yesterday just came out. Yeah.

But that's a little different because it's about the Beatles. Right. But fuck that, though. Really? Oh, yeah. i don't think that i don't i don't think fuck that well because it's about the beatles but the truth is fuck that well no i mean fuck that movie in its entire oh really you've seen it oh yeah oh really oh yeah why why is fucked why fuck it i think that sounds like a good idea i told you i had that idea right here's the thing okay not to fucking shit on you yeah you had the idea too no oh everyone in the fucking world ever has had that idea what idea what exact idea that idea about yesterday the idea of like what if there was a world where the fucking this didn't exist and the whole joke is just the whole movie is just like that joke over and over again. Everyone's had that idea?

Yeah, man. Including you. I thought about what if there was no... I wanted to make a movie about what if there was no Andrew Dice Clay and a guy... That would be way better. Yeah. Well, I didn't see yesterday. And a guy found out that that was a thing and then he took his act. And then he was like this fucking hack, like,

hey, you know, and everyone's like, whoa, this is amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really didn't think out the idea that well, but... It's already better than yesterday, though. Wow. Yeah. All right, well... The thing that annoyed me the most about yesterday was, like, we also have the fucking...

Like, there are other things that the world doesn't have too like cigarettes yeah and coke yeah you know really like yeah yesterday yeah yeah yeah why and spoiler alert okay fine very fucking end skip ahead 15 seconds the big big joke yeah is that also harry potter didn't exist oh oh i didn't see the movie that sounds fucking horrible it's a really stupid fucking thing yeah yeah okay all right look we're gonna go to we're gonna go we're gonna go take a commercial break here uh for for two seconds and you know we'll be back when we do we gotta do some ads or whatever the fuck i gotta make money do you know what i mean i can't just fucking be doing this podcast for free uh so we're gonna do some ads right now okay and here we'll be back in two seconds

yeah so you didn't like that okay well so Well, so you see every movie, though. I try to see every movie. It's hard. Have you seen Bye Bye Love? I've never seen Bye Bye Love. Okay. Well, you have to add that to your list. I should see Bye Bye Love.

Yeah. You added a bye in there. I should see Bye Bye Love, but it's the instinct version. So wait. I was gonna also say something else to you i don't know i don't remember i guess we're done fuck it no uh what was that oh um oh i told you this i wanted to this chick came up to me when i was at the fucking coffee bean i was killing it i was drinking an ice americano you know always doing that yeah yeah so but I wanted to, this chick came up to me when I was at the fucking coffee bean. I was killing it.

I was drinking an iced Americano, you know? Always doing that. Yeah. Yeah. So, but sometimes I get three shots over ice, but at coffee bean, they kind of do a good iced Americano. Now here's the thing. This girl came up to me and she was like, Hey, I'm a, I'm such a big fan. I'm so nervous.

Okay. But I'm such a big fan and I just wanted to tell you that. And I said, oh, my God, thank you so much. That's so sweet of you. She was very sweet. I was all smiles. And I was like, that's amazing. And she was like, yeah, I actually ran into you a few months ago, and you even held the door open for me.

And I always thought it was so sweet. So you're a really sweet guy. Gentleman. Yeah. And I was like, ah, well, you know what? I was like, hey, I guess you caught me on a good day, right? Sure, yeah. So she says, oh, I caught you on a good, okay.

You're like, oh, wow, cool. Walks away, goes back to her seat. She's back at her seat. And I'm drinking my ice americano, you know. And now it's half done. I think I'm waiting for my buddy to get there. Yeah, I am. And then I hear from over my shoulder at her seat,

I guess I caught you on a good day. Oh, she's like harping on it. And I say, and i turn around and i say yeah or whatever you know i don't know and she says you're an asshole just like that yeah uh and i said uh what and she says i guess i caught you on a good day i was like yeah you know like you know like i was just i don't know i literally i'm i i pride myself and kind of always at least saying something that keeps the conversation going bro i had no clue what to say. And I just kind of turned around and went back to my ice americano. And I was like, Jesus Christ.

Did she stay? She sat the whole time. She was there the whole time. Yeah, she stayed. She was like 10, 15 feet away from me. I pride myself on knowing what people mean, even when they're fucking insane. I don't even have a guess i know it's on that one i don't know either i i don't know either um there is a that's a funny story as it is okay just

because you know i didn't add anything to it just the fact that it happened was funny right a few things that that i didn't say about that happening make it a way different story oh this is like a night shaman exactly yeah or at the end was like i found again and guess what also there's no harry potter in the world where that happened right so um she said she had a really severe like physical condition like she had a um uh a walker and she was like so so so this is why you held the door open now yes

so I'm not that much of a gentleman it wasn't even that good of a day it was just like you can't not open a door for someone who maybe I don't remember

I don't remember right okay so she probably could have got out herself didn't have to do it no so I didn't have to do it

but maybe it's even you'd argue maybe it's nicer that I did it I don't know right right right yeah maybe I probably got up out of my seat did it. I don't know. Right, right, right. Yeah. Maybe I probably got up out of my seat to do it.

I don't know. I'm not trying to say I'm a good guy. But what I am saying is – You're adding parts that you don't even remember. No, you're right. Like bragging about being a nice guy that aren't even maybe true. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So do you – so I – that made it more confusing or less confusing? I don't know. Because I don't know. I was like, and now this is why maybe I'm a bad guy. I'm like, well, does she just not know because is her, does this get me in trouble? But like, is also her mind affected by this? Like, is it not just a physical thing? Sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe now I'm like, maybe she doesn't know the saying because of her handicap? She definitely doesn't know the saying, but that could be regardless of the situation. Either way, she's fucking demented. When you texted me, because you told me that. I didn't tell you the part about the thing. I didn't know the part that there was a gap between you telling her that and her being an asshole. My favorite part of the story is imagining her stewing about that and like unable to deduce that you meant good things yeah or innocuous

so do you think that because of her physical handicap that has nothing to do with it that's the thing i didn't know i think her physical handicap has not has nothing to do with it yeah i mean i don't think it may it maybe does but my sense is that look i'm always like my interactions with people throughout the course of the day yeah i'm constantly thinking people are fucking demented yeah like well bob larson demented people but even non-exorcists right fucking demented you know i mean they'll figure out ways to get offended yeah they'll figure out ways to misconstrue what you're doing or just be really fucking rude for no reason at all and that's part

of the reason i wanted to do my podcast because everything confuses me about everything everyone's always doing yeah that is a great fucking example yeah so you should have her on the podcast yeah get her get her in i also i also uh here's like the comedian in me which is like so shitty like but i and i didn't make this joke but i thought about if i did make this joke it would be shitty when she was came up to me she was um so nervous and i was like and this is such a bad joke but i was like i was like fuck and the fact that even thought it made me feel bad but i was like i wonder if she wasn't as nervous if she would be shaking less do you know what i'm saying yes i do know what you're saying that the fact that i thought that

i felt awful yeah don't feel bad though yeah yeah because i actually thought because i actually thought i wonder because she was like oh my god i'm shaking she was like she liked you so much yeah and you saying caught me on a good day yeah made her go from being a supreme mega fan yeah calling you an asshole yeah to you yeah true yeah that's fucking the biggest like leap yeah to go from loving you to thinking it was just such a weird fucking thing because like i felt bad for her i wanted her to be okay i wanted i you know well there's your problem right there you shouldn't feel bad for her. I wanted her to be okay. I wanted, you know. Well, there's your problem right there. You shouldn't feel bad for anybody. Anybody?

I don't think so. You can feel it, but you can't put it out in the fucking world. You know what I mean? Right. Well, I wasn't like, oh, okay, well, you know what I mean? Right, right, right. You did open a door for her, though. Yeah, I know.

I don't know, man. The whole thing, like, I just, like, but the problem is, the problem is, like, then I started thinking about, like, the world we live in, and, like, in, and God forbid I said what I just said on Twitter. Yeah. It would be awful. Right, yeah. It wouldn't be funny. It's not funny that I thought that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But as a comedian, you think of all these bad jokes, and you sift them out. Right, right, right. And then the difference between burying yourself on Twitter and not is just literally typing this stuff and putting it in the world because everyone has those fucked up thoughts oh yeah yeah yeah you know yeah i mean if everyone was always saying what was coming into their mind every single person would be have to be in like a mental institution you know but isn't that but isn't that but but that fucking makes me lose that's crazy to me which part of it like that you can just think a thought yeah that that everyone's thought this shit yeah but if you write it on twitter you're you're

fucking done yeah you're done you're literally done we all think shit that if we wrote it on twitter we're fucking done right especially as like a fucking celebrity you're just done yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we should just we should just say a bunch of those things well my problem because i think that yeah well yeah no i think that um it's i literally think that one day like the sony hack shit right everything's just gonna come out yeah you've said that before yeah like you're gonna have the day where i wanted to make a fucking tv show about this and um i didn't i didn't ever pitch it but i wanted it to be about like the day that that

happens everybody's fucking email and texts and everything is just available because that day is going to happen yeah i agree yeah and and and then we're going to live in a very different world yeah because people like legitimately barack obama yeah yeah are are he's i mean there's no way he hasn't texted like let me see your titties yeah yeah yeah and i guarantee barack obama has texted at least once let me see your titties. Yeah. I guarantee Barack Obama has texted at least once, let me see your titties. Of course. Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, that's going to have to change everyone's judgment of everyone else. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. For sure, you know. You're going to have to like... Oh, let me see your titties. Yeah. Now, folks.

Folks, let me see your titties. In an orgy with just a fucking uh uh button down and a tie and a blazer and no pants you don't have time to take the whole fucking thing off bukkake obama so fucking worst joke even worse than the fucking off-color joke that i didn't do right i mean the things that you're talking about the things that we think about in conversation that just pop into our minds yeah i'll they'll often be like violent for me yeah even like with you i'll be like thinking about like ripping your throat out bad brother and it's all good but bad brother but i don't do it never thought that about you by the way and it's all good okay well now i feel bad yeah even though i shouldn't but like but it's probably honestly honestly it's all good Okay But now I feel bad Yeah Even though I shouldn't But like But it's probably Honestly

Honestly It's probably because You're my younger brother And I'm your older brother Because you Well that's not psychoanalyzed No Do you know what I mean

Because I feel like There is a part of me Where I feel like I would take care of you No matter what And that's because You're my younger brother Honestly you're making me feel

So fucking bad And it's all good It's just like admitting This one No no no it's okay Because you want to kill me Because that's That's a fucking thing That younger brothers have Yeah yeah yeah me feel so fucking bad it's all good just like admitting this one no no it's okay because you want to kill me because that's that's a fucking thing that younger brothers have yeah they want to be the fucking and i get it okay now chill out though i would let you that's now how bad do you

feel definitely chill out though but like even like just like if i'm like ordering a fucking bagel you know like like what if i just like i want to like spit in this person's face. You know, just like constant barrage of that. You know, barrage Obama, barrage Obama. Folks, I want to spit in your face. Yeah.

Why is he Southern when you do it? Folks, why is he on a King of the Hill? Listen, I want to spit in your face. So, um, Oh boy,

it's a hot one out. Uh, um, I want to ting. So I know that's mine. mine yeah that's the guy from police academy so no that guy was a rat yeah yeah by the way let's just say right now there was no one greater in the 80s or 90s than whoever that guy was who did all the sounds in police academy and that's it and we're not talking about it yeah i mean police gotta mess so much great shit yeah

the dude oh proctor i'm that fucker dude I just made fun of this last night on stage. What? I just fucking talked about this last night on stage. The mic was buzzing when I was on stage, and it wouldn't stop. And I got the guy. I was like, yo, can you fix this? And they had to literally bring a ladder on stage to go up while i'm on stage to go up and unplug a speaker so it would stop buzzing and when he got on the ladder it kind of like

felt back a little bit and i was like a fucking john candy movie like like i was like i was like like you remember in the 80s when they would like do shit and they wouldn't stop themselves they'd be like whoa and he'd keep holding on the ladder just like just let go asshole let go and then i brought up like the shit where you'd be like i have to tell you something and he'd keep holding on the ladder and he'd be like, just let go, asshole. And then I brought up the shit where he'd be like, I have to tell you something and he'd be like, Proctor, not now.

And he'd be like, but I have to. And then he'd get hit on the head with an anvil and he'd be like, just fucking say the thing. Just be like, there's an anvil.

I just said that on fucking stage last night. Yeah, those Police Academy movies are the shit. Michael Winslow was the guy. But, yeah, Michael W winslow and he was the bell no michael winslow was the guy that would just go like no i know his character was yeah the fucking lavelle larvel jones yeah michael winslow's guys fucking rules um so

and by the way you know a white guy wrote the script and fucking named the character Larvel, and that's racist. Larvel? Like Carvel? Yeah, I guess. Or like Larva. Okay. But then remember the fucking David Graff? Go back.

Go back. You're going too far. One fire. Too far. But now he's going too far, right? He went too far. Now that makes us mad because he's going way too quick. He went too far too fast. So David Graff, Eugene Tackleberry.

Remember when he fucking held the gun to the shark and the shark swam away? Oh, dude. It's the 80s. Tackleberry and Hight he fucking held the gun to the shark and the shark swam away? Oh, dude. 80s. Tackleberry and Hightower were like the badass ones. Yeah. And then Steve Guttenberg. Dude, let me just say this right here. I'm going to agree.

Dude, Steve Guttenberg's face. Yeah, dude. Okay. I was so ready to agree. I didn't know what you were going to say. Yeah. I fucking agree. No.

Steve Guttenberg's face. Steve Guttenberg's face. Steve Guttenberg's face looks like he's wearing a Steve Guttenberg face. Dude, look how rad. Look at that shit. Oh, dude. Steve Guttenberg. The picture that you have with the fucking purple bullseye behind it. Dude, that guy, the devil in Steve Guttenberg, that is an article I'd read.

I'd prioritize reading that article over almost anything else. You know Steve Guttenberg gets so mad he blacks out for 20 minutes and wakes up and thinks, oh, God, what were we doing? You know what else, though, too? What? For real? His dick hard is like three inches. You know?

Yeah. No, his dick is bigger limp than it is yes it like goes you're like what happens a little bit like scientists would look at it and they'd be like what's going on yeah they'd be like first of all take off that mask and he'd be like it's not a mask but steve gutenberg how much is steve gutenberg a guy that would join a jujitsu class and you'd be like oh my god Steve Goomberg's in he has a fucking brown belt while he's going through a divorce while he's going through a divorce you're like heard it's good for your mind oh my god dude he is so a guy that would get into jujitsu late in life holy How many pictures of him are there with his shirt

off? And also, why is he so fucking yoked? Dude, look at, there's a video on YouTube, Steve Gutenberg shirtless. He's got the raddest body I've ever fucking seen. I knew that already. Every time he took off his shirt, he was so fucking shredded and also puffed.

It was unbelievable how shredded it was because his face doesn't go with a shredded body. It doesn't at all. But it does in the 80s. And that's why he was so fucking famous because he was 80s. I mean, dude, he was great, man. What a rad guy.

Does he ever not smile? I don't think so. Like when he's sleeping, he's got his teeth showing. Right. He's just like... I think so. With his rad body. I think so like when he's sleeping he's he's got his teeth showing right he's just i think this rad body i think so oh fuck does it also google jujitsu and steve goodberg nothing might get lucky go to google images he wasn't three men and a baby which also rules yep he did a lot of cool shit talk about a guy that just couldn't be famous now if he was that age now.

Like, he would literally never get hired. Yeah, I know. To be, like, that much of, like, a boring, regular-looking white guy. Like, good fucking luck, dude. I'm still laughing at Steve Guttenberg. Look how subitched that dude is. Like, who the fuck is that subitched guy? John Hines, owner of Monkey Bar Gym.

Dude, no. Steve Guttenberg, for sure. that's the first guy yeah john heinz owner of him monkey bar gym um dude uh no steve gutenberg for sure i can't i mean because i used to do jiu-jitsu there would be guys that would be like fucking in the class and he would just so be one of those guys and he would be good and it'd be so annoying and you'd be like i should be able to kick his fucking ass but it right he's also got really good chest hair that guy yeah he does he's also aged kind of chest hair, that guy. Yeah, he does. He's also aged kind of well. He looks kind of good. He just looks exactly the same.

Oh, fuck, man. What's he doing? There you go. Him and Paul Reiser need to do a movie about jiu-jitsu. Yeah. They could play like brothers. That would be the worst movie of all time. That would be the worst movie of all time if Steve Guttenberg and fucking, what's his name?

And Paul Reiser did a movie about jiu-jitsu late in life. Steve Guttenberg, and fucking, what's his name? And Paul Reiser did a movie about jiu-jitsu late in life. I mean, I would, but the thing is, it would be bad, but there's no way I wouldn't watch the living fucking shit out of it. Look, he was in Short Circuit, Cocoon, so much shit. Look at that. There's nothing more 80s than go down, than that image right there of that thing.

Go down. Look, the classic trailer of the two people yelling it in. Wow, dude. Dude, Larvel, you know? Larvel, bro. For no reason, it reason it would be like well we got to get larvel on the case and then he would just be like yeah and then they break in the fucking thing remember when you do the air he'd walk through the airport thing and he would do this yeah yeah yeah for no reason for absolutely no reason that even as a kid i was like dude did he get the part

or did they write the thing and find the the perfect guy? Let me tell you something. I have thought about that exact question for like a grand total probably of like 70 hours. We can find that out. It's very easy to find that out. We just find out one of the writers and shit. But they had to have written it for it. You know what I mean? Well, maybe he got the part and they were like No no way

I also know this guy who could do sound effects We could include that into the thing Maybe he was already big for being that He probably was He was probably like a comedian-ish kind of guy That would do like sounds Like an impression of comedians But uh

I was gonna say something about the Oh you know what I laughed so hard at It was like an impression of comedians and stuff. But I was going to say something about the – oh, you know what I laughed so hard at in – it was like Police Academy 6. One of the big – There's so many. Big bad guy. Big bad guy. We're trying to remake that movie actually. Fuck that. Like three years ago.

I also got you a box set of DVDs and you definitely never fucking opened them. From me? Brother, yeah. Oh, yeah. I remember you got me that. Yeah, and you didn't open them. But that was – were you Paul Reiser buying me fucking DVDs? My brother, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I remember you got me that. Yeah, and you didn't open it. But that was who you, Paul Reiser? Buy me fucking media. So he, and the big bad guy stole ice cream, and then he went to go eat it, and it fell on the concrete, and he says, oh, crapola. And I thought that guy, the juxtaposition of him, oh, this is, is this the scene? Yeah. Oh, my God, this is... Is this the scene? Yeah.

Oh, my God. This is it. Let me play it. Let me play it. What is it? You just literally Googled crapola? No, man. Police Academy 6 ice cream.

Oh, really? But it's called crapola. Oh, it is? Yeah. Crapola. Hold on. Oh, my God. Here.

It's so weird. I thought just everything's online. I know. Always everything. I thought this was so funny when I was eight. Look. Look. Is that Larvel?

No. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Push it back a little bit. Oh, boy. There we go. Oh, crapola. Oh, yeah.

I forgot about that part. Oh. I was so angry about it. You know what the... I've done that. Oh, I was so angry about it. I've done that. You know what's so fucking bad about this scene? I'm ready to disagree. No, no, no.

It's good to be ready to agree or disagree. I agree with that. But this is a mistake. This is not the script. This is a mistake that happened during shooting. and they should have just done it again. All right. What is it? I don't know if I agree. Dude, the actor is so eh so bad that he goes to eat it, and then it kind of falls off,

but he knows it's supposed to fall off. Because he pushes it off. And then he waits for it, but he reacts too soon. Watch. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Coming.

Oh, boy. Look, look. Watch, watch. That's so bad. Also, just cut earlier when it starts to tip, you know? Yeah. Also, just do it again. Just do it again. Also. Let me tell you what i do like about that sequence though the close-up of the ice cream falling is is fucking

rad like that makes it to me way better so much so that while it was happening i was like great close-up yeah yeah yeah i'm a filmmaker i'm a filmmaker i don't know that's what you say that one of my favorite things about this is going to look at the YouTube comments is always so funny. Can't believe I found this. Whoever put this up, thank you. Still. Okay. I remember this.

Oh, it was that guy? What? That actor fucking is rad and in so much shit. Oh, let me see. The tall guy? Really? Yeah. That's funny that there's other people's favorite parts.

This is the internet. Here's the thing, though. There is no scene that you can't find. If it's from a movie, you remember. Other people remember it, too, and it's online. Dude, hold on a second, though. Wait, I was going to say something about this. Yeah, that's so bad.

You're right, dude. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Oh, boy. Why does boy, oh, boy. Oh, boy. Why does he sing oh, boy so much? Oh, crapola. By the way, he's saying oh, boy so much because, honestly, he's such a bad actor. Right, right, right, right. Like, no reaction.

As a matter of fact, don't watch this. Just listen. It couldn't sound more like a guy busting up too quick. The whole thing. Right, right, right. Yeah, dude. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. And then the splat, and then the crap holder.

Just listen to it. Don't watch it. I'm going to close my eyes. Fucking. Okay? A guy fucking. I'm ready. Listen.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. And that's him coming. Oh, crapola. And he came too early. Yeah.

The oh, crapola is he came too early. Dude. The oh, boy. Oh, boy is really uh-oh. I'm going to come too quickly. It is. And the laughing, too. Because he's so nervous. He's so nervous about it. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. boy, oh boy is really, uh-oh, I'm going to come too quickly. It is. And the laughing, too, because he's so nervous. He's so nervous about it.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Oh boy. Also, the amount he's out of breath, that's exactly aligned with. It's because he's so big and walking. Right, right, right. If you're that big, just walking gets you straight up out of breath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we all know that.

We all know that. Yeah. For sure. Okay, wait. So, oh, fuck, man. I'm laughing. You know? I know.

I'm laughing. I laugh so much, dude. Do you laugh a lot? I do, too, dude. Some people don't laugh. I talk about this sometimes. I'm like, guys, I just don't get... Some people just don't laugh, you know?

Dude, laugh more. Everybody fucking laugh more. Nah, people don't want to. That's so upsetting. They want to be so serious and to be taken so seriously. That's so upsetting. I know, but whatever. Crapola, you know?

I know. Total crapola. Fuck. But also, I wanted to talk about, kind of, I guess, I wanted to talk about QAnon. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Which is another person you have on your podcast. Yeah, I have an expert on this fucking crazy conspiracy theory. You know what you should have on your podcast, though? Okay.

This is just a suggestion. I mean – Because here's why. Because it'll fall down. The microphone will fall down, so I'm putting the Batman cup on it to prop it up. So you've rigged it? I've rigged it. Okay.

And when it falls, I go, crapola. So, no. I mean, get a different microphone stand, but for, yeah. Yeah, no, bro, it's fucking one fire. Yeah, well, so. That's his name. No. That's the reason.

So listen, here's the deal. The QAnon, you had a QAnon expert. Yes. He's like a researcher that knows everything about the people. Try to quickly explain what QAnon is for those who don't know, researcher that knows everything about the people. Try to quickly explain what QAnon is for those who don't know because a lot of people

don't know what the fuck it is. QAnon is, it started as like this anonymous person posting on, I think 4chan and now it's on 8chan. This person claiming

to be a military insider who, yeah. I mean, it's the most, ah, shit. I'll handle the hits

and you just keep going. you do the hit shit and I'll just run it down. Everything that hit shit And I'll just run it down Everything that's hit I'll just fucking go ahead And it basically posits that It's this person that's posting his name's Q Yeah Okay well look

I'm just going with it Stop stopping me You're stopping me You're saying don't do the thing I'm just going to do what I'm going to do. No. Okay. Because here's the thing.

I have a podcast just me and I have to do the hits by myself. Okay. But a great thing is for you to just talk and I'll handle the hit. I didn't fucking do the hit. I didn't do a single hit. You're having all the hit. Okay. All right.

So this fucking person or people Q posts these things. Right. They're like really, really vague code-ish coded things that people are convinced are clues about what they call the coming storm. And the coming storm is going to lead to the great awakening. Donald Trump is going to usher the great awakening donald trump is going to usher in this new era of peace and prosperity and it's totally like a maga thing okay you know and it's and it's and it's this the the broader theory is that the milit people certain people in the military and donald trump are working together to get rid of the deep state which is like clinton obama george

soros the rothschilds like anybody who anybody on the right wing hates you know and so there's like this cabal uh controlling the world and trump and these people in the military are like taking them down yeah but every fucking prediction this q entity has made is oops i know no it's okay no no you can do it like this okay it's like fucking wrong right right you're never ever right everything this thing's always wrong it's always fucking wrong but then they hillary clinton being arrested on october 18th 2017 and obviously wasn't right you know and then but then they they say well, Q, the guy who leads it or whatever, will be like, yeah, but disinformation is the thing. Exactly.

I did that on purpose. Right, right, right. That's insecure. Right, right, right. So it's always cool to have a cabal that's super insecure. So you had an expert on that subject on your podcast and talked about it. It's very interesting. I listened to the whole thing.

You got to listen to it. To clarify what's up with these. How do you believe this? Right. Now, my suggestion is you have to get somebody who is an absolute member of QAnon on your podcast. For sure. You have to. Yeah.

Because I have to know how that person really actually believes it and thinks that. Yeah. I'm going to for sure. Yeah. that's i have to know how that person really actually believes it and thinks that yeah i'm going to for sure yeah so one thing we want to do is like we'll have someone who's like an expert on a thing and then who after that either a week or a couple weeks after that we'll have like someone who is an actual person among that thing like like they're like the incel culture yes like we i talked to somebody about incel culture and what the fuck that is where that spawned from i'm also going to talk to an actual incel. You're going to?

Yeah. You plan on doing this? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's great. Okay, good. Good. Hell yeah. I mean, the incel thing is like, whoa.

Yeah, that's a pretty wild thing. We've talked about that here. Yeah. Butters is an incel. Well, that's unfortunate. Yeah, my dog is an incel. He's a father. Yeah, he's a father. He's a father? he's busted but he's he's still an insult did he bust in it in in another dog he did yeah well then he's not

a fucking insult well he yeah but dogs are different busted if you're a dog and you've busted in another dog i know but you're not an insult i know that but one fire ruined it by exposing that butters as ruined it By exposing that Butters as a father He said that And it upset me too And the truth is I didn't even know

Why it upset me But I was like What he's saying Is gonna It's bad Yeah you're intuitive Yeah yeah yeah Crapola

Oh crapola So I thought that was so funny When I was fucking nine Or whenever it came out Oh boy oh boy City under siege I'm gonna say that Every time I come now

Yeah Oh boy oh boy oh boy And then say crapge. I'm going to say that every time I come now. Yeah. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. And then say crapola after I do. Yeah. That's a good idea. I think so. When did it come out? City Under Siege.

Oh, is that the actual title? Yeah. Police Academy. Police Academy. City Under Siege. Wow. Peace Academy. So drunk the way you said it?

Peace Academy. 1989. So I was nine Wow I was nine 1989 1989 I was nine I was drunk I was nine

So there we go I fucking said it And I knew it That's fucking amazing You called it Well the thing was I was like You know how I thought it

Maybe I was nine At what point in my life Would I think that crap All that is funny And I was like nine I honestly I would laugh at that Now Yeah I would too But for a different fucking reason Yeah okay Yeah yeah yeah think that crapola is funny and i was like nine i honestly i would laugh at that now yeah i would

too but for a different fucking reason yeah okay yeah yeah yeah do i love shit from like the late 80s and early 90s like tv movies i know me too i think it's because you i think it's because probably we grew up then i think oh yeah for sure like when like like drake came out with a fucking this is hilarious but drake yesterday or two days ago came out with like a fucking or a week ago i don't know when this is going to air but came out with a um a greatest hits album and it's like well you don't have to do that anymore because of fucking spotify yes totally but he did and people are like wow it's bringing me back and they love the music extra because they grew up with it in 2012 now they're all fucking 20 right but like you love it extra because you grew up with it right right and that's

what crap all is but also looking back like an early 90s movie there would be like a guy being like to like a really like attractive woman would be like you got to lose some weight i don't want to be married to a whale yeah yeah you know, yeah. You know, and like the context isn't like, what a piece of shit. Right. It's just like a scene. Right. And you're just like,

oh my God, the world is different. You know what I mean? The world certainly is different, yeah. It's like calling your wife a whale with like a smile. Yeah. It was like chilling back then. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I stopped doing that. I had to stop doing that. Yeah, well, once, you know. I had to stop calling my wife's whale. Your wife's, yeah. So, yeah. Remember this though? I wanted to stop calling my wife's will. Your wife's, yeah. So, yeah. Remember this, though?

I wanted to tell, because we love this video. I think I know what's coming. Yeah. This is, I'm going to laugh. The Quentin Tarantino slaps a cameraman. Fucking. Oh, goddamn. How much does he, okay, yeah, let's watch it.

How much does he deeply regret and is, like, after he does it, is like, oh, no. Okay, I got to watch it. I forget it. I haven't seen it in so long. What's going on here? How's it going, man? How are you? What's going on here?

Nose demo. What's going on here? Put that down. What's going on here? What are you doing? What are you doing? Can you not talk to me? Just for the, what are you doing?

Don't do that. Don't do that again. Kicking him. That rules, actually. How did he get so far? I don't understand how he gets so far. Go for it. I'm so scared that it's on camera.

Yeah, go. You start. Oh, I'm starting it? Yeah. So you're not just a guy from around here. You're actually a paparazzi guy? Nah, I can't do it. Oh!

Yeah, you know you can. Get coffee! That's better than Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, the way he sits for coffee. But if that was off, I'd be whipping your ass up and down this street. Yeah, cool. There you go. Whoa. You know what?

This is the greatest film Quentin Turner has ever made. I'm sorry. He's the shit. Like, he just is the shit look at his jacket with the thing on it dude like

just that he's wearing that is already like you're the shit let me tell you something man I agree with everything that happened here where's he going I don't know

where did he come from where's he going he's definitely in Utah yeah he's he's at Sundance for sure but also like where is he going? How did he get there? Look at the finger placement.

Yeah. No, what's going on here? No, what's going on here? Like, he's fucking... A magician. Yeah, a magician. No, he... This is...

I'm happy that he slapped him. I don't think he slapped him. I think he slapped the camera. Yeah, okay. I'm happy he did that. He shouldn't slap the guy's face, obviously. But the guy shouldn't just be in his face doing this. Of course not.

Of course, right. I think that if a guy is in your face filming you, it should be a rule. It is okay to slap the camera out of the person. It is your right. American right. To slap that out of him. You shouldn't ever physically assault someone, but I think it's okay if a guy has a camera on somebody's face on you know what's the word no what unsolicited yeah if it's like yeah exactly and you're just

and you have it it's okay you basically have signed this contract i it's okay for me to get smacked out of it you know what i think is? It's like they've broken the contract. People are constantly not knowing the rules. And if you don't know the rules and you break the rule, all bets are off to you. I'm going to slap that shit out of your fucking head. Right, right, right. And I hope it breaks. Also, but in the video, how does the person get so fucking far away?

Quentin gets far. But he slaps him and then suddenly there's like a football field between them. Is there a cut? No. There's not a cut, right? I mean, unless they cut it afterwards. It's unbelievable. You have to watch this.

So Tarantino slaps the cameraman. If you're watching the video podcast, you can see it. But he slaps the camera out of the head and it's like he's the Flash. All of a sudden, he's fucking 20 feet away. Yes, yeah. It's really weird yeah oh it makes it way funnier and then and then it man when he does that thing it's how i know i know but you know okay if you're here i also such a fucking good impression thank you what the fuck

like man you know what i'm doing but so good i i i actually disagree with you that he feels bad no no no not feels bad he's like nervous because he's on camera he slapped somebody i i disagree with that too i well we can talk about after and you know i think what he's doing is coiling up as a snake and and i might have to do something else here oh i think he's like man all right i'm acting like cool i'm gonna lure him in and i'm gonna fucking because i might i might fight this guy i think that's what he's doing i don't think that what you're saying is right play the tape again i appreciate you saying that though what's going on here put that down what's going on here? So good. What are you doing? Do you not talk to me? Just for the... What are you doing?

Don't do that again. That's the shit. Now, the camera falls. How is he that far away? He's so far. He must have ran. He must have ran. Hit me.

Go. This is bullshit. He wants him to hit him. He says, hit me. Yeah. Fuck that guy. But by the way, that should be in a court of law. It's like, well, he said hit him.

He asked for it. Yeah. I agree with that, too. Yeah. That's a fucking bullshit thing. So here we go. Go, go, go, go. Yeah. Fuck that guy. But by the way, that should be in a court of law. It's like, well, he said hit him. He asked for it. Yeah. I agree with that, too. Yeah. That's a fucking bullshit thing. So here we go. No, I ain't going to do that. Go, go, go, go.

No, I ain't going to do that. He's just coiling up as a snake. Why are you saying snake so much, though, for real? Because that's what a snake does. It's like, okay, look, just come by. I'm just part of the bush. That's what he's doing. I'm just part of the bush.

Come on. But he's already. Walk on by, squirrel. Walk on by, squirrel. That's what he's doing. He already hit him. No, I understand. But it was like a fucking smack out of the bush come on but he's already squirrel walk on by squirrel but that's what he's doing already hit him i know i understand but it was like a love it was like a fucking smack out of the thing i'm gonna choke the shit out of him and look it's all good i'm in a bush it's all good so you think he's like luring him in a hundred percent i disagree but i like yours better so let's just go with you know why i know he's coiling? No, I don't. Because he sips his coffee. There is no fucking way.

Okay, this is good. He would sip his coffee at this moment unless he was like, look, I'm just going to act natural. Everything's all good. I agree with that. It's a high-tension. I agree with that. But what I think is he's like, I don't want this guy to report me. And he's like, no, you know,

it's all fun. I'm so chill. Yeah. I'm actually just going to sip. I'm not even going to punch. I'm not going to kick. I'm going to sip. And like,

no, we can be, we can be like, yeah, no, I, I, I,

but you know, Quentin Tarantino, you know how he thinks about things. Yeah. You know, he hates this guy. Yeah. And, and he thinks there's, he thinks basically like i should be able to beat the shit out of this

guy yeah he should i should beat this guy he should yeah and i so i think that i think that my way is right it's also way funnier well here's the thing whether you're right or not yeah i like it's a better that better so i believe that now like anything that can be better even if it's not true that's the thing that's it again is now are you doing can you not talk to me just for uh just for the what are you doing that is so bitch though the way he slaps it holding a coffee far away holding a coffeeicking someone is amazing Go Go for it Go for it No I gotta go

Go go go go Go for it So he's poiled Yeah Go The exhale You start Oh I'm starting it?

Yeah Are you So you know she's not just a guy from around You're actually a paparazzi guy? Nah I can't do it Oh The head swivel I can't do it Yeah I love swiveled I can't do it

Yeah I love that And then the sip dude You know he's going like this Extra too Yeah yeah To sell it He's selling it

This is the WWE Yeah Oh he definitely is in it That shit yeah Yeah you know you can't do it That noise Yeah cause you're filming Yeah

But if that was off I'd be whipping your ass Up and down this street That is the raddest Fucking thing anyone's ever done To say that To get clarification Yeah. But if that was off, I'd be whooping your ass up and down this street. That is the raddest fucking thing anyone's ever done. To say that, to get clarification, and then be like, oh, right, because if that were true, I'd be whooping your ass up and down the street. And then to turn around, walk away from a Starbucks up a street with that puffy raccoon

thing jacket on. Dude, look at where I paused it. Look where I paused it. Look. It looks like a... Look at where I paused it. It's fucking... A wild animal.

You can't even see. Dude. Dude, he... Yeah, because if that were off, if that camera was off, I'd be whipping your ass up and down this fucking street. That's fucking so cool to say. That is so...

No wonder he's a great writer. I was just going to say that. Yeah. Doesn't stutter. He's just like ready to say it. Fuck him. You know what? I've been in this situation in my head 90 fucking million times.

Right, right, right. Yeah. So I sip the coffee. Okay, I would have written it down. The lead sips the coffee. The lead sips the coffee. And here's the deal. If it was off...

Oh, dude. God damn. Fuck. God, yeah. He's fucking funny. I fucking love fucking love tarantino dude he was at the comedy store once yeah and i fucking ate shit oh really yeah it was so long ago i was like i want to go out for a quintet you know maybe help out me in the next one this is so long ago and i ate shit it's all right and yeah it's okay i mean i'm sure he doesn't even fucking know who i am still but he was just like, yeah, you know,

he, man, he fucking bombed. He ate shit and walked away with his big puffy jacket. That's all good. He ate shit. He ate shit. Fuck.

Um, I mean, I've seen that video 300 times. You know what I mean? How many views does a video like that have? Not enough. Whatever the amount. Yeah.

Cause that was one of those things that kind of went viral before people really gave a shit about viral stuff. Yeah. It should be more. Latino. How many views does it have? Four mil? Oh, that's a lot. Oh, that's a fucking lot, dude.

Wow, he's... That's a lot. I think he's doing something with Gerard Carmichael, yeah. I think I read... I can't remember what it is, but that's very fucking cool. Yeah. He's... Yeah, he's just... You know when I don't like his shit, I'm like, fuck yeah, dude. Nah, but that's very fucking cool. Yeah. He's – Yeah.

He's just – You know when I don't like his shit, I'm like, fuck yeah, dude. Nah. That's the thing though. It's like he's one of those guys that – and I've never not liked one of his things. But I haven't seen all of the things. Right, right. But I'm sure everybody makes bad fucking movies.

Yeah, yeah. It's such a – it's like make a choice. Yeah. And he's making such a choice that it's just a choice. It's like make a choice, you know? Yeah. And he's making such a choice that it's just fucking awesome. It's, yeah, it's so,

it's, he's so him. That's, yeah. When someone is so themselves, it's, I, even if I don't like it,

I like it. Yeah. Cause I'm like, that person's doing the fucking Hulk, what you just did. I don't know. But that, they're just so themselves and gonna go all the fucking way with it and he's like the most that but yeah right

now like like jim carrey's that way like he just fucking is so funny because he makes such a choice and commits to it yeah yeah yeah there was one i'm never gonna remember this but the jim carrey thing i watched the clip of him doing the do not go in there oh yeah and i was thinking about like on a page that is just not funny at all i know i know him doing it is the funniest thing there ever was jim carrey is i i i don't i don't understand how good he is at doing the most ridiculous shit. And it's funny. It's so hard to do that. It's so hard to commit that much

and still be funny. Yeah. Dude, I think we talked about Jim Carrey the last time I was on here. Oh, we did, we did, we did. You fucking love Jim Carrey so much? Yeah. I do love him so much.

What's that movie where there's one movie where a guy. Dude, I know movies. I'll help you out. All right, bro. I just know a movie where a guy opens the door to something and he goes, oh, and he faints. Jim Carrey does? No, it's not Jim Carrey. I put it on my Instagram once.

This guy falls down, and that's all I know. Wow. And all I remember is the manager at the comedy store thinks it's funny and remembers the movie. Well, dude, that's a bad story. Yeah, I'm going to text him. You know what I mean?

Yeah. That story's like really bad. It doesn't even have a middle. You know what I mean? I know. I know. It bad. Yeah. It doesn't even have a middle. You know what I mean? I know. I know. It literally has only a beginning. Yeah.

And a vague one. I'm going to... What was the movie where the guy... I'm going to text him right now. Falls down and... Oh, man. I can't even know how to describe it. And it was so funny.

80s? Does he need to know 80s? What was the 80s movie yeah 80s movie do you remember fucking when we were watching vice versa not vice versa what was the one was it vice versa we were watching with dad when we were kids and i was like this is so 80s and dad was like yes exaggerate don't know how to spell it oh wow i do but i don't want to okay also exaggerate you know um yeah true and he said confused he said what's ad's that's and we were like 80s yeah fucking the word and time period of the movie and he was like what's that's so dad and we were like what's wrong with your brain yeah you know i mean no it's so it went it was like so 80s we were he said something right or the movie was so 80s or the movie was so 80s and i said you said so 80s

and you were like i know oh yeah so 80s and he goes like that and he was like acting like huh cool yeah and then he was like what's right what's uh oh yeah he said what that. And he was like acting like, huh, cool. Yeah. And then he was like, what's. Right. What's. Oh, yeah. He said, what's 80s? Yes. And we were like, what? Nothing. Like, no, 80s.

And then he goes, oh, oh. And then we were like, do you get what we're saying? And he said, what's 80s? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were like, 80s, like the year. Yeah, yeah. Fix your brain. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now we always say, what's 80s? Yeah. We always say it. Also, to not... It was so 80s. I know. The movie was so 80s.

So do the work of connecting things, right? Yeah. That is so him, though. Yeah. That's so him. What's 80s? So there's a... But I love having that shit.

I love, you never know when some shit's going to like be with you for the rest. I always talk about this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you, I love this. You never know some shit's going to be with you for the rest of your life and then it happens and then you'll always talk about it.

I love those moments cause you never know they're going to happen. And now you have it with you for the rest of it. And it's a happy accident. I have the worst memory, but there's like a handful of things like that that I remember that just happened. He remembered it. He just texted me back. Dude, it's the movie Cuffs. Dude, Cuffs?

Okay. Cuffs, starring Christian Slater. I think of that movie a lot because there's a play on words that he says in that movie. And it's, you know that expression, to people to see things to do people to see you know that expression oh no that's he says no he says oh yes yes yes yes people to do yes things to see like he's gonna fuck a lot of people you know i mean like yes yes yes yes yes that's which is the raddest thing that is the raddest thing yeah yeah oh okay okay i gotta find this video because this is the greatest greatest example of what we're talking about jim carrey does right right

this is the greatest example of of this shit oh that shot's fucking amazing this is so funny and this guy went for it and i couldn't believe are you gonna find it i don't know i mean you said you can find everything on the internet oh so you're putting me yeah this is you dude now yeah we'll put in maybe cuffs something specific like movie guy falls down pratfall opens door cuffs the guy opens the door and he gets oh wait uh fall down no that's not it oh he's he was fucking... Look at Christian Slater, dude. Is that it? Oh, that's it. This is going to be it. Is this it?

No, that's not it. Oh, so dangerous. So 80s. Wow. I mean, shoot him faster. Also, be already ready with the gun. Shoot him faster. He shot his cuffs.

Yeah, he said it was cuffs. I'm looking. I'm looking. I'm looking. Whoa, this movie's amazing amazing i'm watching this tonight i gotta find this video before we are done okay pratfall pratt to watch this scene from cuffs how do you spell pratfall just the way you think it is one but chris pratt is a thing now and now i do that it's just one

labeled to pratt that's the fucking line i think about all the time And now I do that. It's just one. Label to prop. That's a fucking line I think about all the time. Ricky Gervais in the original office. I guess I could look up the cast here and find a guy that did it. IMDB.com. What are you laughing at? Cops. Is that it? Oh, wow. Okay fuck it oh i love how they like tell you that it's hilarious like ahead of time cups get ready hilarious yep okay okay i got it i got what if it's like

chris d'elio like you posted this because you love it well let's just put up 11 okay don't don't play i want to we this yeah i think this is it. Okay. This is so, I mean, how many hilarious door reactions can there be in Cuffs? Freeze, asshole! Jeez. With the arms! With the arms! Wow, wow, wow, wow. Bro, I mean.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. The fact that, when I saw that. I gotta see it again. Okay. When I saw this. Yeah fact that when I saw that. I got to see it again. Okay. When I saw this. Yeah, you would die at that. You must have, like, almost died. He did this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This was a choice. First of all, the fact that the actor thought this is the choice I'm going to make. this is the choice i'm gonna make the fucking goddamn boulder balls you have to have those are mondo as not the star by the way he's the guy in the boat right yeah i mean imagine being the director being like you don't know what he's gonna do yeah and you'd have to take the rest of the day off because you're like my movie is going to be a fucking masterpiece now unbelievable so um all right so i'm gonna play it again please and then and then for the fact that it's to make it funny that's your banker that's your banker

whoa dude that is a genius thing to do i mean he keeps his arms up why is this why do his arms go up why do his arms go up that's actually kind of too funny i can't even laugh at it i know damn you're a genius i feel like if jim carrey saw that, he'd be like, oh, wow, that's great. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. We should show him. Freeze, asshole!

Jeez. Wow. He almost knocks into the other guy, too. I know. How mad was the other actor? I know. I know. I know.

That was so loud in his ear. He's like, I thought this was going to be my scene, you know? That was your banker. Christian Slater's hair. I thought this was going to be my scene, you know. That was your banker. Christian Slater's hair. I know, dude. Christian Slater's hair is the most ruling-ass-ass shit there ever was in 1992. Yeah. Fuck, man.

So funny. All right. Well, that's good. I mean, we did one hour and 16 minutes. We're good, babies. You can download my app, too, if you want. Get the merch, chrisdalia.com. And subscribe to the YouTube channel.

Thanks so much for having my bro, Matt D'Elia, on the podcast. You've got to check out his podcast called Matt D'Elia is Confused. It talks about a lot of the stuff that he interviews those guys from QAnon and also Bob Larson. They're really good. And who else have you had on? Tea Party, former Tea Party Congressman Joe Walsh. We've had some artists on to talk about getting canceled and shit like that. Oh, cool.

Yes. Just kind of like a wide array of things that I'm like, what the fuck's going on in the world? So subscribe to his podcast definitely and check it out and listen. It's great. It's on Spotify, Stitcher, Google Play, or all the shit, whatever. Everywhere you get a podcast. So that's it. Thanks a lot. And I'll see you soon, San Diego.

And I'll see you soon, all the other places too. San Jose and Vegas and Peoria, Santa Barbara, Riverside. Oh, wait. Didn't we do a new one? Oh, Houston and El Paso. Houston's going to sell out soon, so get those tickets, Houston. And that's it. Join me New Year's out soon, so get those tickets, Houston. And that's it. Join me New Year's Eve in Chicago.

All right. Thanks, babies. And remember, crap all that. Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Outro Music