Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 150. Matt's Back

Episode Date: December 10, 2019

Matt D'Elia is back for Episode 150! Today Chris and Matt dissect the trailer for Drunk Parents, watch scenes from To Catch A Predator, and share stories from La Cañada High School. Tweet your questions and spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Twitter and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. For the true babies: Merchandise: https://store.chrisdelia.com  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrisdelia  Twitter: https://twitter.com/chrisdelia  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial  YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/2rA0sI0  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is an advertisement from BetterHelp. Everyone knows therapy is great for solving problems. But turns out, therapy has some issues of its own. Finding the right therapist, fitting into their schedule, and, of course, the cost. BetterHelp can help solve these problems. It's online, convenient, built around your schedule, and surprisingly affordable, too. Connect with a credentialed therapist by phone, video, or online chat. Visit BetterHelp.com to learn more.

That's BetterHelp.com. Whether it's the weekend, the beginning of summer, or the end of the school year, Celebration Cookies celebrate good times. Hey, this is it. Congratulations. Episode 150. We told you we might have a special thing going on, and we do a bit. It's me and my brother Matt D'Elia. Now, before we even get going, I got to plug my New Year's Eve date in Chicago. There are still some tickets left. Celebrate New Year's Eve with me. And if you don't, and you live in Chicago, and you don't celebrate New Year's Eve with me,

then you don't love me or you don't love my brother and you don't love my family. So it's all good, but that's how it is. If you live in Chicago and you don't come, you don't love me and you don't celebrate New Year's Eve with me, then you don't love me or you don't love my brother and you don't love my family. So it's all good, but that's how it is if you live in Chicago and you don't come, you don't love me and you don't love my brother. He's on the episode right now. So Chicago, New Year's Eve, chrisdalia.com for tickets live at Chris Dalia. But we've got Matt Dalia here

for the 150th episode of Congratulations. And he's here, so hello, Matt. Hey. You said it was special when you were talking about 150 yeah 150 and then you walked it back because you said a bit afterwards right it's a bit special it's a bit special a bit special is is i think actually kind of nicer than saying it's special how about how you think about that how's that uh because you know what dude it's like it's it's a bit special like it's not just It's like it's a bit special. Like it's not just the regular thing. It's a bit special.

Right. If I say it's special, then I sound like a cock because it's just my podcast. You know, I mean, it would be special. I guess it would be like really special would be like if, you know, I had, I don't know, somebody who was back from the dead. So like fucking Sinatra. JFK. Sure. Or that. I had, I don't know, somebody who was back from the dead. Like fucking? Sinatra.

JFK? Sure. Or that. Didn't want me to do my Sinatra thing, but okay, sure. No, Sinatra's good. Yeah. So anyway, it was interesting, though, when we started the podcast, though, immediately, I told One Fire to not start right away, and then he immediately started right away, right?

Which is against what we wanted, right? So that that sucks right yeah so you agree he's one fire right i saw it happen in in real time in real time yeah and he he basically proved why that's his name right yeah okay so uh we got some things to talk about and mostly we like to just come up and bullshit though you know because we just hang out anyway and we like to do that but uh uh i got a new tattoo. Oh, yeah. I'm a little cooler. You want to talk about that a little bit?

I don't know. What do you think about it? I like it. I like it more than your first one. Why? Slight diss to your first one. Yeah. I just think it looks cooler.

I like how it goes all the way around like that. Yeah. It doesn't look cooler, though. It looks the same cool. Did you know that? I don't think I did know that. Yeah, it is. Because you have to think something. You have to have that opinion to know know that? I don't think I did know that. Yeah. Because I don't think... You have to think something.

You have to have that opinion to know it. And I don't think that. It's a 10. They're both 10s on the tattoo scale. I think the second one is a 10. Yeah. I think the first one is different than a 10. You're saying like a 9 or an 8?

Just different than a 10. So definitely... I mean, it's a De Niro. Different than a 10. 9 or 8? That's different than a 10, you I mean Sid De Niro Different than a 10 9 or 8 That's different than a 10 You know So anyway dude

I don't know You know You've been into tie-dye lately a lot I'm way into tie-dye lately Yeah Wait let me also say Also you washed your hair recently Yeah yeah yeah

And you trimmed your beard Yeah Now Yeah yeah yeah Yeah you did Yeah Cause it used to be really really scraggly on the neck here Okay well now you're starting to sign I to sound like you had an issue with it.

No, I didn't have an issue with it. But we'll say this. Because it was real scraggly on your neck a little bit. You had a problem. No, it looks a lot better like this. You look really good. Thanks. You look more handsome.

So I'm a 10 now, and it was before it was something other than a 10. Different than a 10. A different than a 10. Yeah, no, I fucking love tie-dye. I got three tie-dye hoodies. You gave me a tie-dye hoodie. Yeah. I have a tie-dye hoodie in the car just in case i want to put it on yeah but i got a tie-dye t-shirt right now cool cool cool that's too much too much tie-dye it's entirely too much tie-dye so

uh but that's very cool i really like that i remember when i was in high school when i was in high school i was thinking about how uh i didn't want to do tie-dye and i thought i will never wear tie-dye and then and then i got older, and this past year I was like, I guess I got to give up because it looks really fucking bitching. And now I saw the Life Reps hoodies and their tie-dye. Oh, yeah. And that's what's up. And the whole thing one time, J.J. Lee, when I was younger in high school,

J.J. Lee was a guy in high school, and he said, you become what you hate. He said that in high school? Yep, and it's so true, dude. Was he fucking Sun Tzu the high school years? Yeah, yeah become what you hate. He said that in high school? Yep. And it's so true, dude. And I always think about that. Was he fucking Sun Tzu the high school years? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He said, you become what you hate. And I never, ever fucking don't think about that. So that's cool that when I was in high school, fucking J.J. Lee from high school, from La Cunada, California, told me that you become what you hate.

And we were in La Cunada. And I still fucking believe that. So that's cool. You know what that makes me thinkada, California, told me that you become what you hate, and we were in La Cunada, and I still fucking believe that, so that's cool. You know what that makes me think of, though, which I hate, is how kids will say shit like that just because they heard an adult say it. Right, I know.

He did. Of course he did. Yeah, and he didn't even know what it meant, really. He was right, so he got lucky. Right. But he was just parroting some shit his dad or uncle or somebody in a movie set. I know.

I don't like that. No, I don't like it either, but now it affects my life, and I fucking think of J.J. Lee. I guarantee I think of J.J. Lee more than he thinks of me. When you say J.J. Lee, I just think of Jennifer Jason Lee. That's what I mean. Oh, yeah. It was Jennifer Jason Lee? Jennifer Jason Lee, when I was in high school, said that to me.

No, he was cool. He knew fucking Kung Fu, I think. I don't know who J.J. Lee is. I think you might be making him up. No, I know. JJ Lee was a really handsome guy. Dude, remember when we were younger, you were in high school. I don't think I was even in high school yet.

You would come into my room really, really, really late and do impressions. Oh, yeah, dude. Everyone on your basketball team. Oh, yeah. I played basketball when I was in sophomore year. Yeah, you played left bench. No, that's such a stupid fucking dad joke so uh yeah no i did i did all of them and i did all of them very very badly no they were good no they weren't i mean can i blow them up like can i sure yeah it was robert c stream uh derrick yee oh wow yeah derrick you threw him i

threw up in my fucking car once and didn't give me a good enough apology, and I'm fucking still mad at him for it. We went to Moose McGillicuddy's. Dude, it was so fucking annoying, man. We were in Pasadena. One of my best friends, Mike Stevens, okay? He was like, we were, Derek got so fucking, he drank like Mind Erasers or some shit. First of all, don't have a drink called Mind Erasers, okay?

That's something? Yeah. shit first of all don't have a drink called mind eraser that's okay something yeah and derrick yee dude he was first of all derrick yee was so he was so loud okay and he goes like this and he would go like this oh have you seen like he like right now like this is probably what he this is what he did all the time he'd be like have you seen the irishman and i'll be like no and he said and then he said oh you haven't seen it? Oh, it makes me so mad. You don't answer the same question twice. Okay?

We're not on the stand. You asked me once. I said no. And I didn't see it in the amount of time, the fucking two seconds before you just asked me. Right? So the answer is no. He would be like, dude, did you see what happened yesterday at lunch? No.

Oh, you didn't? And I go, no. So that guy, that guy fucking, fucking that guy that's that guy okay first of all really tall chinese kid super tall for some reason i don't know how he got so tall being a chinese guy and he played basketball he was like the center and then he would also say john kemp oh he would always say sean kemp is the most entertaining player in the nba yeah and that pissed me off because I believed it but when he said it I got more mad that I felt the same way that he did because he was the kind of guy that has the same question twice now we a year after high school went to Moose McGillicuddy's or whatever the fuck it was it

was a bar in Pasadena and well there's your first mistake I know I know I know I know I went with Mike Stevens and Derek got so fucking drunk that they had to be like yo man you have to get out of the car okay there he is wow wow he would be like you got to get out of the car also he he was like the kind of guy i don't even know he had like braces until he was like 35 i don't know how it happened but he had it for like 20 years so wow that's him yeah uh such a big he was he weren't fucking tie-dye in that pic was he no but he would wear so fucking he would wear like fucking shorts that were so big that were just basically pants. He dressed like Kevin Smith.

So he would say, so he got so drunk, they threw him out of the car, the bar. And then we went back to my car and I was like, yo, Mike, he's going to throw up in the back of my car. And Derek's like, hey, I'm not going to throw up in the back of your car. And I was like, no, you're going to throw up in the back of my car. And Derek's like, hey, I'm not going to throw up in the back of your car. And I was like, no, you're going to throw up in the back of my car. And he was like, I'm going to be okay.

And Mike was like, dude, it's going to be fine. Trust me, I've been drunk a lot. I had never been, you know, I don't drink. So I was like, he looks like he's going to throw up in the back of my car. And he says,

he's not. And Derek Guy literally puts his hands in, like he's crawling into the backseat of my car. And as he crawled, it was like he went into my car to throw up. It was legitimately like he just went, I'm not going to throw up. John Kemp is the most entertaining player in the NBA. And he goes, tick, tick, tick with his hands, tick, tick, blech, and just throws up so much.

And then I couldn't get in touch with him the next day, which fucking made me fucking rip roaring mad, dude, because obviously get in touch with him the next day, which fucking made me fucking rip-roaring mad, dude. Because obviously get in touch with me if you threw up. If you fucking yacked all over the backseat of my fucking Envoy, get in touch with me the next day, dude. Derek Yak? Dude, he... Oh, did I throw up in your car? Yeah, I did. But he didn't apologize?

How's that even possible? No, I think he was too embarrassed, but it was so annoying he would tuck his shirts in no matter what, and I got so mad. Oh, also, dude, he would wear... Oh, my God, I forgot about this. Dude, he would only wear fucking T-shirts with a pocket. And the pocket would have Bugs Bunny coming out of it with a basketball. Wow. Or it would be like somebody dunking a basketball into his...

Dude, the guy loved basketball, man. It's so fucking funny how many Asians loved fucking basketball in La Cunada, dude. Well, there were just a lot of Asians in La Cunada. Yeah, but they loved basketball, man. It was insane. They loved it. Wow. John Kemp.

I remember that from your impression. Yeah, that's right. I would come in and say, John Kemp is the most entertaining player in the NBA. But yeah, you keep me up fucking so late. And actually, I would hate it. These are the shirts, dude. These are the shirts he would wear. There.

There. They're always like funny little design. He would hate that. That's the Derek E. That. Had it. Wow, that's so bad. These are the least fashionable clothing of all time.

That's bad, yeah. Wow. Anyway, so what was it about? yeah blair schober was another guy uh yeah who's the strongest man alive he was he literally always he's 510 he was the strongest man alive it was unbelievable but that was the kind of thing you would do this a lot when we were kids you would fucking you would do something that like before you would do it i would dread it like i hated that oh yeah yeah yeah but while you were doing it yeah yeah it was it was actually funny so i i didn't want to like not laugh yeah it was like it was like a dreadful experience i was like get out of my room but i

was laughing yeah yeah it's like how i watch documentaries you do i don't want to watch it and then when you turn it on i'm like oh shit that guy has cancer and i'm all in yeah i don't like to watch documentaries. Oh yeah, you don't. Everybody likes documentaries. Yeah, it's weird being a filmmaker too, which you are. You don't like watching documentaries, which is crazy because filmmakers love documentaries. The thing about documentaries is that- I already agree with you.

It's so dependent on the subject that you can get lucky, make a shitty movie. What is besides the subject, the the shitty movie and it's a great documentary because it's about a fucking insane thing yeah right it's not even necessarily a good documentary it's just a good subject yeah yeah and so i've specifically i think because i'm i make movies and i think about them that way i feel sort of i don't know it's fucking weird and the other way around is true like you can make the best documentary yeah but if the fucking person it's about or something crazy doesn't happen during the making of it right right right you don't want to fucking watch it right like if i made a documentary about derrick key and it was before he threw up in my car i would be unlucky but if i got the moment

he threw up in my car and made it about how he said he fucking wouldn't throw up in my car and then did throw up in my car then it'll be a great fucking smash hit documentary i would watch like a staircase version of that like an eight eight-hour fucking epic about that. I would have to put it in parts, like seven episodes of like, yeah, just like, I didn't, I wasn't going to throw up in his car, and I knew I wasn't going to throw up in his car, and then the moment changed once I got in his car. So boring. And it's crazy because John Kemp is still the entertaining player in the NBA.

But we're not asking about that. This is not about basketball at all. Oh, I know. I understand. And you can't wear that shirt because of licensing because it has the Tasmanian devil on the pocket. I mean, how many did he have? He had all of them.

Any fucking character he had. He definitely had a Tasmanian devil one. He had a fucking Daffy Duck. And then he had a fucking, for sure, Bugs Bunny. He had like plenty plenty of bugs biting ones it was so too like his mom that got him for him yeah that was like oh fucking this is american you know because she was not from america right right right oh man was he trying to never fuck is that why he wore yeah no you know the only thing he was trying to do is play basketball

100 like a girl would come over his house he'd be like you want to go one-on-one she'd be like well i was hoping we can get a little bit more intimate and be like oh I could just turn the lights out and we could play one on one I bet no one no guy who's ever worn a shirt like that

has ever had sex like the day he wore it yeah you know what I mean like no one would have sex with you if you're wearing that shirt

as a fucking adult as a Bugs Bunny thing like coming out of the thing yeah or Tasmanian Devil coming out of your shirt pocket definitely only well if you're a black guy definitely you have but not if you're a white guy no a fucking way yeah a black guys can wear black guys could wear cartoon shits and

it's kind of dope well what about what about asian guys like derek uh i don't know what kind of you'd have to think about asian girls and be like oh but what are they into they probably do like cartoons right yeah so maybe. But not a white guy, dude. Forget it. If you're a white guy and you wear a Tasmanian devil coming out of the pocket and a fucking t-shirt, there's no way you're getting your dick wet.

Yeah. Zero way. Zero fucking way. There's no fucking way, dude. If your name is just like Tom or some shit and you're like, hey, ladies, how's it going? And you have fucking legitimately daffy duck going like this out of your fucking pocket,

get the fuck out of here. You might as well literally have no dick or elmore fudd dunking um anyway dude uh so yeah so that's derrick e and then there was blair schober but you remember the one time dude that you that i came to see you'd play baseball oh yeah who was the guy that hit the fucking foul ball that was that was steven you steven you of course derrick e steven you okay cool anyway we fucking um there was i was like the the older kid and i came to see my brother play baseball and he hit a ball steven you hit a ball and it was coming right at me because i was at the foul line. I was like off. In foul territory, off left field.

That's him. That's him. Okay. So he hit the ball, and I was like, oh, shit. And my first thought was, well, fuck. I'm older than everybody here. I can't get hit by a baseball. Totally, yeah.

Because my brother and his friends are going to be like, oh, fucking Steven, you hit Chris D'Elia with the fucking baseball, and you're a chump now. Right. And you're less than. But I got to stay. You know what I to be like, oh, fucking Steven, you hit Chris D'Elia with the fucking baseball. And you're a chump now. Right. And you're less than. But I got to stay. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got to stay fucking being cool. So I was like, oh, shit. Here it comes. And I went. In my head, I remember thinking, just pick a way. Commit. Don't fucking hesitate. And I did.

I picked a way. But I picked the way that the ball was 100% curving. It was slicing. It was absolutely slicing. It was like a golf ball. I couldn't even believe a baseball was slicing that much. And it just nicked me. And I moved.

And I had to end up diving out of the way. But also your back bent. Yeah. If you just stayed there, it wouldn't even have been close to you. That was like the stupidest fucking most uncool shit. And it was absolutely S a bitch because I fucking had to bend my body out of the way yeah it it it was like proto sa bitch it was pre before we were it was it was it was i mean we were in high school still you definitely were yeah anyway yeah maybe before yeah yeah uh so that's it i don't know uh but you know i i uh so steven you and

derrick ye those guys fucking vomited in my car and hit me with a baseball yeah uh that's some shit by the way are you are you're uh how's your podcast going it's going good yeah fucking a lot of good guests uh it's weird like i love podcasts yeah and i and I've listened to them for a while but I never really knew how much people want to listen to them. Yeah. It's fucking crazy. It's been the past

three years, honestly. When I first started podcasts, like, 25-year-old girls didn't even know what a podcast was, for real.

And now they're like, I listen to your podcast. I'm like, oh, now not only do they know what it is but they listen to a fucking bunch of podcasts.

It's insane how quickly they blew up and how much people want to be listening to them. I know. Because people are fucking bored as shit and you're in your cubicle right now listening. Hi. Or you're driving in the fucking car. Hi. Kevin Spacey.

Why do... I know. Yeah. You're driving in your car. Hi. Or you're in your cubicle. Hello. We said that last podcast, right?

That we always had a joke about how Kevin Spacey walks in a room and says hi, no matter who's there. Yeah. I don't know if that was with me, though. I want to know... Oh, really? I think you just talked about it. Well, you're the only person...

Okay. Yeah, okay. You abandoned me. So here's the deal, though. Why... Do you ever do a podcast and then you think, why the fuck... This one isn't that good um yes i have you have okay yeah but they're they're all good and mine that's how i feel every single

time all good that they're not good yeah all good i listened to your last podcast actually when i was coming up here so hey did it you've lost your fucking mind. No, that one was one of the best episodes. The beginning, like the first 10 minutes, you just lost your fucking mind. Those are the best episodes when I come in and I'm feeling good and I know I feel like a tall drink of water and shit like that

and I'm going to be like, oh, I'm in a good... Like today, I didn't get much fucking sleep. This morning, I didn't get much fucking sleep so I feel like I'm a little bit off. But it feels good because we're talking about Derek Yee and shit see that's the other thing dude i don't give a fuck about i want it when i'm taught when i when i listen to a podcast if i listen to a podcast i

listen to somebody talk i want to know really i want to you know okay here's the here's what it is for real okay if you're making a movie and the movie is all explaining and shit i don't like it that's why john cassavetes is one of my favorite directors okay like exposition you don't want that dude you don't know what the fuck anyone's saying yeah you don't know what they mean you don't know what they're referring to yeah but it's their world and the director captured it i agree okay so in a podcast i'm talking about derrick yee i don't give a fuck you never met derrick yee yeah okay this is what this is my world i think it's funny that he's got the fucking bugs bunny shit coming out of the pocket okay and i'm gonna talk about it

and if you don't give a shit then tune out but here's the other thing too when you're talking about some shit that's very specific to you and you fucking are are and it's all your world and i don't necessarily know about it that's the most interesting shit to me. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Like the end of Vanilla Sky. Oh my God, okay. When the guy's in the elevator,

and he's like, here's what happened to our movie. Oh, right. Go fuck yourself, dude. Don't have that scene. The whole movie was rip-roaring awesome. It was fucking rip-roaring awesome. Oh my God.

And then in the elevator, he's like, this is what happened. I'm out, dude. Yeah. I'm out. I don't want anything explained. Don't tell me what's like, this is what happened. I'm out, dude. Yeah. I'm out. I don't want anything explained. Don't tell me what's going on.

Do what you're doing. And that's like, you got to treat me like a fucking hot chick, man. Treat me like a hot chick. Dude, if you want to have sex with a chick, then you just got to pretend like you don't give a shit about her. If you're like, oh, but sweetheart, this is what I'm like. This is what I'm like, sweetheart. This is what I'm like.

Right. Then the girl's like Check please And you're not even at a restaurant my baby You know what's weird I think that that is done Because people are constantly like Are they going to get it

Are they going to get it And I feel like everyone says Like this is just true I feel like people don't want the explanation scene, but it's done for people who are expected to want the explanation shit. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't even want to know what happened, like, before the movie started.

Bro, remember what I told you about J.J. Lee said that fucking you become what you hate and that's something that resonated with me? Yes. Dude, I was watching Men in Black and another thing resonated with me that Tommy Lee Jones said andones said and i never don't think about it so wait hold on just before jj lee and tommy lee jones but you have to have a lee in your name okay but tommy lee jones something that tommy lee jones says to will smith in men in black stuck with you yes okay you're 12 well i was 12 when i fucking saw it oh i thought you meant you saw it recently. Nope. You're saying it stuck with you for this many years?

Oh, 100%. All right, you got problems. But what is it? This is what he said. He said, Will Smith is like, I don't know, man. People are smart. And he said, and Tommy Lee Jones says, no, a person is smart. People are stupid.

And that's kind of what it is. And when that happened, I turned into the fucking Wee Bay meme. I went, oh. He's from The Wire. But that's what I fucking thought of. Yeah. I mean. And I was like, oh, that's true. And so people don't.

A person doesn't want the explanation, but people want the explanation. But when I'm in a room with people and we get the explanation, I go like this. Oh, for fuck's sake. But everyone else is the Weebay meme. Oh, he's from The Wire. Wow. Yeah. Right, right, right, right right right right right yeah i don't want the explanation i don't want the explanation at all but that is actually a pretty wise thing that tommy lee jones said in men in black i know it was probably written but that would be crazy if it was an ad that's not a documentary if it was

an ad lib and you ad libbed uh people are smart uh a person is smart but people are stupid and then the director was the weeb in me he was like oh we gotta leave it in did you see the new men in black with fucking the two people no i tell you what though i saw the poster to make me real mad oh got it well why i don't know well i don't know dude it just was like sometimes i'll see a poster or see a trailer or hear about a movie. And it's just, for some reason it's like, it's like the movie.

It feels like the movie version of like a fucking happy meal. Like it's not a real movie. very interesting. It's not a real movie. It's just like some shit put together for you to like, yes. Yes. Like here's the toy in it too.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not into it. Oh man. Neil Brennan and I would always text each other fake movies that were coming out, even though they were real movies coming out. Like, there's one called, like, Drunk Parents with, like, Alec Baldwin.

Okay. And it's just... Here, let me just... Drunk Parents, Alec... That's something? Yeah, it's a real movie, dude. Yeah, with Salma Hayek and Alec Baldwin. That sounds like the most, it's a real movie, dude. We didn't... Yeah, with... Salma Hayek and Alec Baldwin.

That sounds like the most depressing movie. Let's watch this trailer after we take a break. We're going to take a break a little bit, okay? And then we'll watch this trailer. So we're taking a break and we'll be right back. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure?

We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. Hey, guys, we're back.

What's going on? And if you listen to the commercials, thanks so much, man, because you're helping me fucking back it up. You know what I mean? No dunce. Anyway. Fuck.

No dunce, dude. No fucking dunce. Right? Insecure. So this is a fucking trailer of a real movie called Drunk Parents. Now, I have not seen this trailer. I just know it's a movie. Why?

Because I travel on an airplane a lot of the time, and every now and then you'll look at the fucking shit. When you travel on an airplane and you see the fucking movies that are... Sometimes you're like, oh, did they make these movies sincerely just for american airlines right right that's what this shit is like this movie's called drunk parents it's with alec baldwin and some high like now what all i can say is of course it's with them in it now i like alec baldwin i'm i'm you know i don't want to say he's my buddy but i've done his fucking show a few times you I run into him. He's a good guy. But this movie seems hilarious.

I haven't looked at it yet. I'm looking at it for the first time. So I don't know if we're going to have fucking, you know. Look at our college girl. We're just a phone call away. I love you guys so much. Thank you for everything. Can I help you?

I'm just doing my job. I just need a little more time. Why don't we find a way to put some loot in my suit? Sell some crap. We're out of the dark. That's what's his name. This is so boring so far. I can't even believe that this is something to sell something.

What the fuck is this? That's Kid Cudi. Isn't it Kid Cudi? Kid Cutie? I don't know. That's my nickname. Sell some crap. We're out of the dark. Why does the sound sound so bad? It's because it was... Isn't it Kid Cudi? Kid Cudi? I don't know. That's my nickname. Sell some crap. Drop a jack.

Why does the sound sound so bad? It's because it was... If this was made anywhere but Vancouver, I'll fucking straight up rip one of my balls off. Oh, wow. I'll tell you why it sounds so bad. Okay. Nobody gives a fuck.

Oh, yeah. Nobody that made that movie gives a fuck about anything. Sound guy goes like this. They go like this. Do we get it? Sound guy goes like this. Yeah, we got it. Let's go. Totally, yeah. Nobody that made that movie gives a fuck about anything. Sound guy goes like this. They go like this. Do we get it? Sound guy goes like this. Yeah, we got it. Let's go.

Totally, yeah. Oh, yeah, we got it. We about got it. That's what he said because he's from Vancouver. A break. Does Alec Baldwin ever not wear that coat in a movie, by the way? No. It's always a fucking gray double-breasted with fucking gloves.

I swear to God, it could be August in New Orleans. He's still wearing it. Finally, a break. Hello? Here's your money. I'm his bubba, not his accountant. That was Master Kirk. What the fuck is this?

What the fuck is this? What did he say? I don't know. I don't know what the fuck. How is this the beginning of a trailer? Okay, okay, okay. So far, what happened? okay okay So far what happened Let's break down what happened

So of course Sweeping shot So Vancouver Okay Yeah Look at our college girl So she's going to college So she's going to college

They're together And they're leaving her to college And he's wearing the coat Okay He's wearing the coat In every fucking scene He's wearing the coat And she's always dressed for a funeral

For some reason Right Okay so Don't call away I love you guys so much and and the college kid the interesting about the college kid is she's 34 right so that's all good yeah so let's do this thank you for everything that was by the way no humor or anything really in that just just exposition in a trailer which is crazy without that terrible music you would

actually have no idea it was supposed to be a comedy. Okay. Can I help you? I'm just doing my job. I just need a little more time. Where were you? Found a way to put some loot

in my suit. Sell some crap. We're out of here. Finally a break. Okay, so his car gets towed. Why? I don't know. What?

He says, I need a little bit more time. Right. But we don't know what that means for the car. We don't know what that means for the movie at all. Yeah. And you definitely don't know. What? He says, I need a little bit more time. Right. But we don't know what that means for the car. We don't know what that means for... The movie at all. Yeah.

And you definitely don't know what it means in relation to college or a daughter leaving. 100%. Okay. So, okay. So, here we go. Hello. Here's your money. Okay.

Now, he's talking on a phone. With an accent? I was mastercraft. Yeah. He was talking in a phone with an accent. Yeah. And his wife was watching him. And she's still dressed for a funeral.

And by the way, he still has the jacket on. How much did the director beg him not to do the accent? And he said, okay. And then did it like that every single time. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I won't do it. As a matter of fact, the director at the end, he did fucking nine takes and the director was like,

and he was like, did we get it? And then the director was like, sure. Because he's like, okay, he's not going to do it. I told him not to do the accent. And then I always says, oh, wait, well, let's do one more because you said you wanted one without the accent. And the director says, yeah. And they said, and action.

And he still did the accent. Okay. And then walked directly to his trailer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So, and he still did the accent okay so i walked directly to his trailer yeah yeah yeah yeah okay so and then what does he say here that was mr kirk that was that was master master card oh that was master mr kirk okay i was master kirk they're losing money okay going broke Going broke. They're going broke. It's because it says they're going broke. Okay.

I'm going to Nigel's for a minute. Nigel's? Okay. Now, Nigel is for sure British. Come on. Now, he's going into a wine cellar.

Worth $800. You're supposed to be looking after his property. What's next? Rent it out? Rent out his house? Rent out Nigel's house? That's insane.

There was a rental ad for this house on craigslist that's jim gaffigan i think he was sent from god as a new neighbor i'm legally required to tell you that i'm a registered sex offender that's funny i actually think that's funny i think african's funny uh yes very weird to funny. Yes. Very weird to go in this trailer. Very weird to go in this trailer. Absolutely weird. A sex offense joke? Absolutely weird.

The most benign trailer so far. And now all of a sudden, this guy's like, I'm a sex offender. A new guy. The only... Okay. Okay. So... And I'm not...

I love Gaffigan. He's funny. This is my favorite part of the trailer i will say okay that i'm a registered sex offender come again wow really pretty funny actually okay as jokes go he says come again right that was funny funny delivery alec baldwin yeah alec baldwin's fucking funny he's funny yeah um okay excuse me we got a report of suspicious activity nigel how's it going over there in london huh i just had a conversation with the police we're going to jail we got to get out of here just take what you need for the next few weeks

okay so i don't know i'm lost so he's they're renting the house out or no they're they're are they renting the house up that's nigel they renting the house out? It's Nigel's house. Yeah. And Nigel is getting pissed because he's away and he heard the cops called him because something happened to his house. Yes. And they're renting out Nigel's house. Yes. So far it has nothing to do with drinking.

Yeah, it's not drunk parents. No. Or parenting. Yeah, the kid is away at college still. The movie should be called Nigel's House. Yeah. Well, actually, probably the main problem I have with that is it shouldn't be called Drunk Parents.

I don't like titles like that. Okay. Why? Because it's just a blanket. It's like plain, like bad teacher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That kind of thing, yeah. Gotcha.

Okay, cool. Dad, Uncle Frank and Aunt Nancy are here. You two are welcome to bunk in the twins room. Joe Menjie or whatever the fuck. The hot guy? The hot guy's in it? The hot guy, yeah. The workout guy?

Yeah, he's the hottest guy. What is up with this? I get mistaken for him all the time. Yeah. With what? D? Yeah. What's the deal with this movie?

I don't... I mean, I have was it supposed it was definitely supposed to come out in the theaters yeah alec baldwin selma hayek joe mangioliano fucking um and jenny yellow i think um fucking uh i mean kid cuddy has a cameo i'm sure he's the cameo guy and then the other guy jim gaffigan's in it too, yeah. These are big, big acts. It doesn't look cheap either. It doesn't? Not to me. You don't think so?

I mean, it can't really be that cheap with those people in it. Right, true. Hilarious. Mike Frank and I can overcome anything. As long as we are together. Let's do this every month. Your mother, she seems a little unhinged keep it close those guys have booked those guys right there i'm telling you right now i don't

know this never seen them before i'm telling you they've booked over 110 commercials. I mean, look at those two guys. Those guys have done so many commercials where they go like this. Yeah, they make the face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you talked about the face? No. You should talk about the face. I will talk about the face after this. That's fine. Alec Baldwin.

What the fuck is this happening? The song? You come at my house! The song? What? I'm on the right side of the grass, my man. What's the haps? Wow. What is it called? They're not even drinking in it.

What's the haps? That made me mad when he said it. I don't like that at all. You don't like that? Why not? Butters is an incel. Why don't you like that? I'm just not into ending the trailer on what's the haps. Oh, ending it on that is bad, yeah. It's not? Butters is an incel. Why don't you like that? I'm just not into... Like, ending the trailer on what's...

Oh, ending it on that is bad, yeah. It's not good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, they're not drinking once in that trailer. No, not even a little bit. So that's a weird thing. They might as well call it fucking Avatar 6 or some shit. It's not that either.

So anyway, the face, yeah. You haven't talked about that? No, I haven't, actually. The face, yeah. You haven't talked about that? No, I haven't actually. It's every movie poster has this face on it. Every comedy has this face on it. Yeah.

Like this. Right. And 99% of the time it's a guy. Yeah, it's also girls. It is. Now it's equal. You know what I mean? Now this 2019 girls do it too.

Now you're making me sound sexist. It's not what I meant. It's sexist when it comes with the face. But every comedy. Look up anyone. Look up any comedy poster. Look up anyone with Tim Allen. Especially sitcoms.

TV. Yeah. Comedy is the most most. Like look at this situation I'm in right now. How I got myself into. Hijinks. Right. Right.

Right. Catch you later. They're all doing it. They're all doing a version of it. All of those guys are doing it. That awkward moment. Knocked up. Look at the knocked up one.

I mean, he's tip standard up. Scroll up. There we go. That's the face to a T. You almost got some. I just now. Right there, yeah, because he wasn't scrolling up

and I wanted him to scroll up to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's the most, yeah. Yeah. I don't know what it is. You know what it is? Because I've done sitcoms and shit.

It's hard to not do the face. And if you do it once. They got it. That's the one they're going to use. Yeah, most, yeah. Yeah. I don't know what it is. You know what it is? Because I've done sitcoms and shit. It's hard to not do the face. And if you do it once... They got it. That's the one they're going to use. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, look at you. Go to your... Go back to the one you just said.

With the Justin Timberlake. I'm getting pissed. I'm getting pissed. Go back to Justin Timberlake one. You just had it. Just go back. Just go back and I'm pissed. Friends with benefits, dude.

Fucking Justin Timberlake. Right, right, right. Yeah. Now, the thing is, Justin Timberlake is just making the face because he's a singer and he's like oh this is the face the actors do yeah what but that's the thing though people uh people uh they'll like when you're shooting the shit for the stuff because they did it for the sitcom and they were like hey you know what's up what's up now how'd you get yourself into this position like they'll do that and you'll be like i don't know and then right and you're like oh hey, what's up? What's up? Now, how'd you get yourself into this position? They'll do that and you'll be like, I don't know.

And then you're like, oh, fuck. And then you're fucked. Yeah. So anyway, go see Drunk Parents. All you have to do is take a flight somewhere.

You can't. Yeah. There's nowhere to see it. Yeah. That reminds me of that fucking movie I did, Fate Totally Worse Than Death, though.

That's why I say it's in Vancouver. Oh, wow. I did a movie the other day. Wasn't Aaron in that? Yes. Aaron Paul was in it. That's how we say it's in Vancouver. Oh, wow. I did a movie look the other day. Wasn't Aaron in that? Yes, Aaron Paul was in it. That's how we became friends. Anyway, that's what it is.

Should we take another break? Let's take another break, okay? And then we'll be right back. What? Hi, we're back. So, yeah. So, I don't know. Dude, you know what we should watch that I never fucking watched on this podcast,

and I don't know how I never fucking watched on this podcast, is fucking, are these things. And I can't believe we, I never fucking watched it, and I thought it would be a good thing to watch with you. I can't believe I never watched these. But the catch-up predators. Oh, my God. These guys...

The way they try to lie is the best shit. I was watching one. The pizza. The guy had a pizza. He brought a pizza? This is the... This was the... This one, dude.

He brought a fucking pizza. It's Saturday night in the Connecticut... First of all, dude, how many syllables does the word it have? It, it, it, it, Saturday night. I mean, the way

the graphics... Ah, so far, nothing. This guy is bringing pizza to the door. And it looks nothing. This guy is bringing pizza to the door. And it looks like Robocop is looking at them. Look at this. Oh, wow. I don't understand that these guys text these things

to who they think is a 13-year-old. You know I could be put in jail if the police found out we were intimate? Syncriminate. That is the worst thing to text someone. because that that means that okay so you know you know yeah you can't what you're doing is really bad yeah dude this guy is essay insecure when he gets caught dude it's unbelievable so dude he fucking is there and he thinks she's 13 years old she's laying it on thick yeah and she's laying it on thick dude she's like 20 something

you know and she's like my my, killing it, doing acting. In the meantime, if I was in this situation, which I would never be in this situation, I would be like, she's laying it on too thick. That's a girl who's been to acting class. She's 22. But this guy is hoping so much that it's for real. Okay. Like a perv.

Right. What's that? I have no idea. Do you want me to check? Is somebody here? Is somebody here? Somebody's so nervous. Oh, idea. Do you want me to check? Is somebody here? Is somebody here? Somebody's so nervous. Oh, wow.

No expectations whatsoever. No. Oh. Look at what he says. No. With her. Look what she comes in. Look what he comes in.

Can I tell with online things? You're Jeff, right? Yeah. Like he's the dummy. Yeah. Hanging out? Hanging out with whom? With her.

Who's her? I want to know who you are. Try to flip it on a flip. Try to flip it. The way he takes the water? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So fucking nervous to grab water like that. What are you doing here tonight, Jeff?

Hanging out. Hanging out? With who? The way he grabs the water, yeah. Because he has to do something. I don't know. I want to know a little bit more about you first. Can I eat first?

Sure. Ah! Ah! Can I eat first? And. Go ahead. Can I eat first? And then he goes, sure. He's so relaxed and convinced of his innocence, he eats a slice of pizza. Tell me who you are, because, you know, hey. Just relaxing. You know who he is.

Fumbling so hard with the pizza, dude. It's so weird that this guy chose to eat pizza in this moment. That is the weirdest, weirdest fucking thing. Yeah. Also, for any of these motherfuckers to act like they don't know who Chris Hansen is. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe this was, no, this wasn't a while ago. I don't know.

I don't get it. Boston man drives two and a half hours to Connecticut to bring pizza to a 13-year-old girl that meets Chris Hansen instead. Sub-basics are right to the point. Didn't know there would be other people here uh uh no shit man well what did you expect to happen didn't have any expectation no exit oh well you fucking definitely expected to eat some pizza i'll tell you that much yeah so you drove two and a half hours? Sure did. From Boston. I like how he owns certain parts of it, you know? Sure did.

Not a crime against driving two and a half hours, is there? Right. Who are you? To cops? Dude, taking the pizza, the cheese is connected from the end to the pizza, can't get it off, and just relaxes into it and says, who are you? Is the most ballin' out. Like, I actually think he could maybe get away with it with that. If he was just that, I mean, he's just like, listen, guy, let's cut to the chase.

Who are you? Eating pizza, dude. Like, it's cut to the chase. Who are you? Eating pizza, dude. While he gets caught being a pedophile. I know. Well, what else is he going to do at this point? He's fucked. Yeah. You have to just eat the... At least enjoy the pizza, I guess.

Last meal, yeah. You're a dad. To meet a young girl. Are you a dad? I will get to that in a minute. Look at, look at. Go ahead, have a bite. Sokol probably should have brought napkins.

What a fucking demon dude yeah eating pizza gets caught being a pedophile and is like just munching on pizza like that too eating it like a fucking slob somebody

coming to meet a young girl yes yes He had a marriage contract with her that he wanted her to sign. Look at him laughing at him. Slammed him. I would, but only if you want me to. slammed him I should come see you on Saturday well since your mom isn't home it's the best time to do it

I would but only if you want me to I mean eating the pizza you say it's making me hungry I can't go to jail my life would be ruined

right right right right that sounds like me that sounds like me right right you do agree with that. Can't go to jail. Life will be ruined.

Wow, that was a good one. Okay, let's see if we can hear that. My life would be ruined. Right. Could be locked up for 20 years. Yep. Yep. That's about right.

Could be locked up for 20 years. Yeah. Chewing. Oh, wow. I can see why, you know, a girl would like this guy. Just his confidence. You say, do you trim your... Blank.

Okay. Oh, he loves that. Oh, yeah. He loves that. Okay, it sounds like me too, yeah. Okay, okay. You're going to bring that up? Okay, great.

You're going to bring that up. Now, you know that this girl is 13, right? Wasn't sure. She's told you. Oh, wow. Wasn't sure. So he says he wasn't sure she's told oh wow wasn't sure so he says he wasn't sure how old are you you might as well just tell me because i can find out like that who are you can you tell me who you are first i will tell you that in a minute because you know now you're you're making me nervous and now oh yeah you're making me want to stop eating my pizza.

Kind of losing my appetite, honestly. How many fucking pieces of pizza is he eating? Housing that pizza. Two and a half hour drive. He is fucking housing that pizza. What? I mean, housing. Yeah.

Fucking housing, dude. He is fucking... It's like... Like a tree trimmer. Or like a fucking... What do they call them? Tree... What do you call it? Log fucking cutter? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. He is fucking... It's like... Like a tree trimmer. Or like a fucking... What do they call them? Tree... What do you call it?

Log fucking cutter? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been talking to 13-year-old girls like this. Yet I want to. What am I supposed to make of that? Dude, he knows. Sorry, I'm paranoid. He's fucked.

From eating me? No, potentially having sex. Oh. Okay, so... The 13-year-old... I mean, Stan... dude he knows he's fucked for meeting me no potentially having sex oh okay so I mean Stin first of all what I don't understand is these guys

when this guy shows up how do you not leave Matt broke the set how do you not leave immediately just leave when that happens immediately

right yes I don't know dude I don't I don't well he's Just leave when that happens immediately. Right? Yes. I don't know, dude. I don't... Well, he's so... He is so fucking scared. Yeah. Well, of course he is.

Well, obviously. But that explains every weird, fucked up, stupid thing he's doing. Like, his brain is clearly not working. He knows it's Chris Hansen. Right. He knows how fucked he is. He knows he's never going to eat a pizza again in his fucking life. Right. Or that's all he's going to be

eating. Or that's all he's going to be eating. And now I can't stop fucking thinking about how my fucking voice is sounding like that. Or that's all he's going to be eating from now on in fucking jail. You know she's 13, don't you? I have it right here.

Well, you might as well tell me. Who are you? I will get to that. I'll let you know when. Why won't Chris Hansen tell him who he is? Because he knows once he tells him who he is and who he's with that the guy's going to leave.

And he wants to get good television. So it's just entertainment value shit. Yes, but also, Chris Hansen, didn't he have some shit come out about him? What? Yeah, you didn't know about this? He did? Yeah, Chris Hansen,

what would I call it? What would I type in? Bounced a bunch of checks? Really? Oh, I thought you meant like no no he did he had some like some other stuff uh 26 no he fucked it up and they went free but also i thought he had his own things where he was like trying to confront women or something not not young girls but

no maybe i just made that up i probably just made it up i don't want to say that now this is a story and i will never ever watch this youtube video that begins like that so never mind i hate when a video says it's a thing yeah it's not the thing dude there's some fuck just introducing it yep get you out of there yeah get. Get your view count up. Why are you in the video of Chris Hansen bouncing? It'll be like new Eminem song. And you'd be like, click.

You'd be like, what's up? You know, Eminem came out with a new song. And I'm like, that's fucked up to do that. But my buddy, you know,

cause we're friends now. Right. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. Eminem. Yeah.

Yeah. So anyway, uh, well, okay. That, what is all, what do you think?

There's another thing I wanted to ask you about. Okay. Since we've got you, and since you're huge in the art world. Yeah. What do you think about the banana with the duct tape? There was a banana with a duct tape that sold for, what, you even know how much? $120,000.

$120,000. And at Art Basel, right? Basel? Basel, yeah. I know, I know that. Oh,000. And at Art Basil, right? Basil? Basil, yeah. I know. I know that. Oh, okay. And banana duct tape to wall sells for $120,000.

My first question, because I actually don't know the answer. It's not like mounted. No. What do you get? What do you take home? The artist comes and puts it on your wall, and you exchange the banana as you feel needed. Like you replace the banana? You replace it, and when it gets brown, you can replace it as much as you want. I mean, or the artist comes along and replaces it which either way is is it's either way is stupid

okay hold on why didn't that guy who wanted it right just do it I can make my own yes yeah uh because he's fucking a because he's a cuda yeah that's the most cuda shit yeah so a performance artist on saturday afternoon eight do you know what happened to it, by the way? No, I don't. You didn't read what... You didn't hear about what happened. The headline got mad, didn't click. Oh, okay.

So somebody bought it, and then some asshole... Do you know about this, you guys? Came into the fucking exhibit, took it off the wall, and ate it. Good. Well, yeah. That guy's good. But how funny is it that he'll get arrested for that? They can't just use another fucking banana?

What's happening? Using another banana wow right it would have been brown by the time i put up in the house it's better somebody eats it it's called the comedian which it shouldn't be it should be called banana duct tape against wall that's the worst part it's called The Comedian? Yeah. The artist also said there was nothing. The art was not compromised in any way by the guy eating it. Good to know. Wow. The artist said the art was not compromised any way by the guy eating it. Well, okay. Well, he was just getting so fucking nervous that he wasn't going to get the $120,000.

Right, right, right. Oh, oh, he did. Well, you know what? It actually doesn't compromise the art, so you can still own the art, and I will get another banana. How's that? And this is like a fucking Chris

Farley movie that you'd be like, they wouldn't even make this movie now. This is unbelievable, dude. Have you seen the movie The Square? Yeah. About art, the ridiculousness of the art. the square? Yeah. The movie. Yeah. About like art. Yes. The ridiculousness of the art. Yes.

I saw some of it. It, this is like too ridiculous for that. Right. I mean, that movie is fucking great. You like that movie? Yeah.

I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That director is fucking, I saw a lot of it. I think maybe not all of it, but I don't know.

Okay. Well, it's bad. You know how I do it. Why do you do that? Cause I get, how do you like a thing and not finish it? How's that work? I get tired, but then I'll tell you how, because i get how do you like a thing and not finish it how does that work it's

hard but then i'll tell you how hey this how but then you wake up yes there's still more time in your life and it's but then it's fucking 10 a.m the next day and i gotta get coffee dude you know how i do it but you're answering the question as if i'm asking you why you don't do it immediately right why don't you eventually finish the movie if you like i'll tell you why the mood passes my babies now the next question is why do you have the taste in movies of a 12 year old no i don't i watched the square you like the square you didn't finish the square and i told you why i fell asleep and then the mood passed my what is that it's my new thing that i'm doing well no but i i fucking felt it right now it was cool i couldn't the angle's bad so wait if you could do it again i'll watch it on that dude the mood passed my babies yeah i'll tell you what dude i saw last night fucking angel has fallen

with fucking morgan freery and gerard morgan freery morgan free free and gerard butt butt out of fucking stroke that fucking shit morgan Free Free and Gerard Butt Butt. And that fucking movie, it was not that good, to be honest. Oh, yeah? I'll tell you what. No fucking way. But I swear to God, dude, I would be in that movie in a fucking heartbeat, dude. Yeah. I would be in that movie in a fucking heartbeat, dude.

I do like to watch movies like that, I'll be honest. Morgan Free Free and Gerard Butt Butt killed it, dude. And I call them that because that's the mood i'm in my babies wow yep gerard butt butt is so good at that that he really is dude my he rips dude and he's just like look you're gonna stay there no he goes to morgan free free he's like look here's what you're gonna do you're gonna follow me men will fall but you won't be one of them. And you're watching it, and you're like, Gerard Butt-Butt, dude, that's just the kind of mood you're in, my baby. Wow.

Yeah. You do do that. So wait, is Morgan Free-Free the president? Of fucking course. How many times has Morgan Free-Free played the president? So many. He was in Deep Impact. Nine times.

Even in movies where there is no president, where it's like about aliens, he's like, I'm the president so many he was in deep impact nine times even in movies where there is no president where it's like about aliens he's like i'm the president right i'm the president of you aliens morgan free free has been the president at least seven times dude he was in deep impact yep he was interesting how i'm looking and then every time i move my head you move your head yeah the same way i moved it yeah blocking my view every single time it's making me real mad yep look at this look at all the people look at what they ask what movie did morgan freeman how many times has morgan freeman played god who's played the president the most it's got to be him no it's some old sydney blackmer sydney blackmer played six different films from 19... Well, that's fucking weird. I know who Sidney Blackmer is. Do you know who that is?

No, of course not. And that's as far as we go with that. But yeah, so anyway, we watched that movie and it was so fucking... It was so that movie. My shit is like... It's so...

By the way, the first two I thought were legitimately a fucking, they were really cool action movies. This one was. Olympus and London. Yeah. This one was okay. I like those movies. Me too.

They're. Yeah. They're bad, but I like them. Why do you say they're bad? One time, Brian Herzlinger, he's a director and he's a friend of ours. And he said that the one with Ben Affleck and Morgan Free Free. Ben Affleck. The sum of all fears.

Yes. He said that movie is so good. He was like, that movie is so good. He was like that there was a montage in that movie that rivals the one in The Godfather. That's what he said. And my dad heard him say that. Our dad. Oh, that's not good and and he fucking laughed so hard and he got so mad at him and that's the end of the story but um yeah

that it was really funny so uh and what was that what were we talking about though oh yeah you why do you think they're bad well they're they're not well they're good because you like to if you like to watch something then i think that that thing is good i don't like the thing where people are like it's a guilty pleasure i know it's bad but i don't do that i don't like that either because if you like a thing then you it does nothing guilty about it yeah it's just good you just like it yeah you like it and that's and if you like stuff on the wb and if you like that stuff that's just the kind of guy you are you don't get to get you don't get a skirt around not being that guy by saying like it's a guilty pleasure no just turns out you idiot right that's why i don't like it right it's being that guy by saying, like, it's a guilty pleasure. No. Just turns out, you idiot.

Right. That's why I don't like it. Right. It's like they're getting out of. Look, I understand it's bad. Right. But I make an exception for this. Right.

No, no, no. No, no, no. You just like that. You don't understand it. And you don't understand it because you idiot. Yeah. Oh, you're watching The Arrow? Oh, well.

Are you watching all of the episodes? Oh, well. Do you enjoy it and is it a guilty pleasure no turns out you idiot have you seen the ads robot have you have you seen the ads and trailers for cats oh yeah dude i spent 30 minutes talking about this last time yeah yeah yeah well then never mind yeah but it's we know what it is i what i don't understand is i don't understand people roasted sonic the hedgehog when that fucking trailer came out i didn't think it was all that bad and they remade it and now it looks better okay why is not everybody

roasting the cats trailer they're not doing that they're not i haven't seen it not like the sonic thing the sonic thing was weird and it was very weird that they recut it because of that yeah it was yeah it was yeah it was a lot of men will fall but you won't i gotta be in one of those movies I am actually in one of those movies coming up. So go fuck yourself. Oh, wow. Yeah. Crazy, right?

Yeah, that's pretty crazy. Yep. Army of the Dead on Netflix coming out. So. I mean, so insecure. Yeah, it's all good. I don't know. I'm also in you coming up.

So eat that. Put that in your Mike and Pocons. Okay. Mike and Pocons. Yeah. put that in your mic and pokens okay mic and pokens yeah put that in your mic and pokens um i keep fucking getting out of frame here but uh what were we talking about yeah i don't know yeah guilty pleasure shit yeah you ever seen those things like like arrow or the flash would never could never i like you're 12 i watch i do i've seen one or two episodes of them. And? Well, they're not like the movies. And the movie ones are good.

I like, I appreciate those. Like what? I like like fucking Marvel shit and DC, some of the DC shit. I do. Oops. Yeah, what? You're making a mistake by saying that. Okay, well.

Yeah, you do like that shit, though. You like, well, no, this is what I'm saying. You like all shit that 12-year-olds like. This is kind of moving on in, babies. So drunk. But I'll tell you what. I did see one recently. I'm not going to mention it. But it was in...

Because I don't want to fucking... Because I do like those kinds of movies. But there was one movie that came out. And it was either a Marvel or a DC movie. And it was a recent one. And it came out. And I watched it on the plane. And I couldn't believe how much it was for legitimately a seven year old i want to know what it was but i'm not i'll tell you i'll tell you off mike okay

i don't even you know i just know the superhero it was about i don't even remember the name it was about you know the superhero but it wasn't named after the superhero i don't remember what the fucking movie was called it was called thathero and then whatever it is after that. You know how they come up with the names afterwards? Because they have so many of them. Yeah. But they need a colon and then a subtitle. Right, yeah.

There are so many of them. It is amazing how many of them are so much the same. But all of those movies are all the same. Like Angel Has Fallen is like this thing. It's like I'm being set up and it's like, oh, shit. And they're like, oh, no. And they're like, well, I got to get back to my wife. It's like all the same. Like, Angel Has Fallen is like this thing. It's like, I'm being set up. And it's like, oh, shit. And they're like, oh, no. And they're like, well, I got to get back to my wife. It's like all the same.

Yeah, they are. Yeah. The only movies that aren't the same are movies that fucking not everybody is going to go see. Yeah. Every now and then there's a movie that fucking breaks it. Like, I don't know. Is Lady Girl a fucking movie or something? Lady Girl.

What the fuck was that movie called? Lady Girl. Lady World. I didn't see it but didn't fucking gretta von gerwood do it or something that's lady bird yeah that one's probably like a one that's not like a lot of the movies it's like a lot of it is okay well i don't know it's just a different kind of movie that it's a lot like vettel gone gerwood vettel gone gerwood what's her name greta gerwig ah okay i made her a little bit more dutch yeah or uh german yeah i know i said it i don't know why it's on there i never watch fucking porn

i have a fucking frequently visited on porn hub and i don't fucking watch it i also have the help center on twitter i fucking never clicked on that it's probably one fire hacking into my shit. Also, I watch porn. Yeah, I don't though. Dude, I mean, I do sometimes. I definitely do sometimes. I'm not saying I don't fucking watch porn, but like one time I was in fucking Starbucks and I guess I was watching porn earlier

and I fucking opened up my laptop and it just went, oh yeah, in the middle of Starbucks. Starbucks. Dude, I had it. I was watching it on my phone. Like earlier in the day. Oh, car.

Getting in a car. Of course. With a girl I didn't really know. Of course. Dude. Just ha, ha, ha, ha. And I was like, I didn't know what was happening. Dude.

So not good. Get that figured the fuck out Audi, Mercedes, BMW, Range Rover, all of your motherfucking Bluetooths, man. Don't hook it into the Safari shit ever, by the way. You think I want to get in? No matter what the fuck I'm listening to, even if it's not porn, it's fucking embarrassing. That shit's for me.

You ever have somebody come up to you on the street and be like, hey, I saw your Instagram? Dude, shut the fuck right up, dude. That's for online. Don't talk about my shit online in fucking real life. You want me to get in a car? All of a sudden, I'm fucking popping into my Kia even. And we're going on a date with a girl.

Oh, you never met her? You're going on a date with a girl you never met? And then fucking get in. All of a sudden, yeah, let's go. Hop in my Kia. Vroom, vroom, vroom. Hell yeah. Whoops.

I was watching red tube red tube you know i was just gonna say that name it something different but yeah so that that's that's it i i don't know you know 150 episode though man you know so insecure what else should we talk about before we go do you have anything you want to talk about

I can't believe I love this fucking part dude I'll tell you what man everyone that listens to thanks so much right yeah yeah yeah so insecure again

everyone listens to mine though too thanks so much for that too let me ask you something almost broke my mouth yeah what happened did uh did you uh where do you fall on the calamari thing that we're gonna call my dad singing i'm happy you brought this up but you agree with me i agree with you thank you and that's the show. About 85 to 90%. Okay. There's a little bit that I agree with him about that. Okay. And what do you agree with him about?

Well, I just... My dad fucking ate two calamari on one fork, one fell off in the sauce, and he fucking ate the... He ate one and dipped halfway in the sauce and then he fucking scooped out the other one all the way in the sauce and then ate the fucking other one and he didn't care which one he liked better.

Absolutely asinine. Well, you have a problem with the fact that he even grabbed two in the first place. Well, you can grab two as long as you know what the fuck kind of sauce you're getting involved with the two. How could you know? Because you control the dipping fucking capability.

The guy was willy-nilly fucking dangling off the thing like he was spinning plates yeah and the way he just goes about the second one i'm just like god damn dude you're 72 it was amazing how quickly that to be that carefree into something that everyone was talking about yeah i can't and i can't even tell you how... I know I talk about this too much, but that's the fucking... I cannot believe how different...

I'm so much like Dad, but I'm so much... I would never do that, dude. And those are the hard-hitting issues, to be honest. You're not that much like him, are you? Talk about the sum of all fears. You're not that much like him. No? No, you would never do the calamari thing.

No, I don't even eat calamari. But that's what I'm saying. I would never do that. Yeah. no no you would never do the calamari thing no i don't even eat calamari but that's what i'm saying i would never do that yeah yeah i would i mean i honestly i wouldn't do that and he made a grave mistake but i'm just not as like hard on him about it because what he says about you have to allow for the fact that i like him like this sometimes and I like them like that sometimes. You don't accept that. No, that's fine, dude. That's fine. That really is fine. But you prefer it one way or another. You can't just say...

Think about it. Think about what you like. That's all I do all day long is think about things and think about how I like it and think about how I can it and think about how i can fucking uh think about how it can how you can make that happen to make it the thing you like happen yeah but also like if it's funny why is it funny and this is the rule because this has to happen because if that doesn't happen then this happens that's all i think about all day long

and this guy is just fucking willy-nilly just learned willy-nilly just fucking letting calamaris fall in the sauce i mean it was did he let it though is the thing that either way dude have it on the fork fully dude like spirit fully he didn't see it was hanging off of it i i was like did you even know it was dangling off? He's like, I didn't. I don't know. Oh, well, are you fucking insane, dude? That's that doesn't help him at all.

Yeah. Like how? No. No. If the fucking thing is on it or not. That's it. I don't. We don't need to fucking dwell on it.

But, you know, it's just like. I ain't got no. You know what i mean so quick um so yeah that's it that's it we're over an hour now i guess we don't need to talk about this anymore talk about anything but what have we what have we learned though though? I'm fucking way cooler. I got the new tattoo. We learned that Tida is the shit. We learned about drunk parents. Yep.

Somebody watch that movie and let me know. It shouldn't be called that. And then also, we're done. But I guess that's it. I'll wrap this shit up here. But come see me New Year's Eve on, on Chicago. Go to get tickets at chrisley.com or you don't love me

and my family, right? Yeah. We can agree on that. Download the cash app for free on the App Store or Google Play Market. You can text me

at 818-239-7087 and, oh, merch, new merch. We're restocking that Life for Ipsody. I know everyone's

fucking been wanting that, so we're restocking that pretty soon, so be on that. Peoria, Illinois. I'm going to be there. Aurelia, Ontario for some reason. I'll be in Irvine and Pasadena and West Palm Beach.

Robinsonville, Memphis. Is that what that is? Made it up. No fucking Robinsonville. Roanert Park, California. I don't know. Roanert Park, California. Robinsonville, Missouri.

No, I think that's Memphis. Mississippi. I think that's Memphis. Memphis isn't a state. But is it Memphis? Oh. Oh, so what would that be then? Mississippi.

Robinsonville. I'm going to Mississippi? Missouri. But I do have a gig in Memphis. That's why I'm saying that. Robinsonville. Robin. Mississippi.

I'm going to Mississippi. What the fuck is that gig? Robinsonville. Wow. When fuck is that gig? Robinsonville Wow When's my Memphis gig? I do have a Memphis casino coming up Anyway Also listen to Confused

Which is Matt D'Elia's podcast Right here Matt D'Elia is Confused It's very good Matt D'Elia is Confused So sorry I mean But I mean

Bad brother You can just type in Confused You'll get it And I've listened to a bunch of the episodes They're really very good. He's much smarter than me. And I don't know how you fucking sit there and interview people without saying, what the fuck are you talking about?

But you seem to be able to do it. He's got great guests on there, and it's really fucking good. So subscribe to that as well. And that's it. I guess we're good. You's coming up on December 26th. Thanks very much for listening. And we'll catch you later.

And remember, that's just the kind of mood I'm in, my babies. Thank you. Congratulations! Thank you.