Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 159. Sensational

Episode Date: February 10, 2020

Today Chris talks about the Oscars, and congratulations to Bong Joon Ho, favorite past Oscar moments like James Cameron’s acceptance and Travolta trying to say Idina Menzel, Future, Only Fans, white knights, and making sure you get that scrilla. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is an advertisement from BetterHelp. Everyone knows therapy is great for solving problems. But turns out, therapy has some issues of its own. Finding the right therapist, fitting into their schedule, and, of course, the cost. BetterHelp can help solve these problems. It's online, convenient, built around your schedule, and surprisingly affordable, too. Connect with a credentialed therapist by phone, video, or online chat. Visit BetterHelp.com to learn more.

That's BetterHelp.com. meeting with friends before the show we can book your reservation and when you get to the main event skip to the good bit using the card member entrance let's go seize the night that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash y amex benefits vary by card other conditions apply hey babies it's episode 159 of Congratulations. What the frigging fuck, dude? It's Congratulations, Episode 159. Started out with a stutter. It's all good.

Dude, my voice is scratchy, but I don't have a sore throat, so I don't understand really what's going on. It's just kind of scratchy. Maybe it's the wind in Los Angeles. It's windy as fuck in Los Angeles. I don't like the wind. Wind sucks, dude. Anybody who would try to tell you that the wind is good is just, um you know they're like maybe they're leaves or some shit you know because wind is just not cool man it's just shit's blowing in your eyes it's messing up your hair if you got a little bit if it's a

little bit longer but then like four inches which mines is mines dude when I was in school in New Jersey, everybody would say mines instead of mine. Mines is better. So, yeah, I have shows coming up in West Palm Beach, Florida, March 20th to the 21st. West Palm Beach, Florida, playing a Palm Beach improv, working on this new material. You got about 30 minutes of new material. I'm just trying to stick in, sandwich in some old stuff, but figure out how to babbida-babbida. And then Robinson, Mississippi, for some reason. And then Roanoke Park, California, some reets.

And then doing Brea, California, for two weekends in a row because the demand is just popping. Spanning time popping spanning time spanning time and then uh we got las vegas dates coming up and it's cool man somebody just asked me when i'm coming to minneapolis and i was there two months ago so it's all good and um did my special there and she was like well put it on your website so people can get tickets and then i wrote well uh that's how everybody got their tickets because there were fucking 4,000 people there. All good. All good.

Polite roast. So, we're chilling, my babies, you know, and you can go get your life rips, hoodies, and the most important thing about the merch, dude, we know we rock merch. We know them babies have good merch,

but you got to fucking wear your merch to the other comedian shows, particularly Brian Callen. Particularly Theo. Andrew Santini. Anywhere. Whoever. Josh Wolf.

A lot of people wearing some. He keeps texting me that that shit's happening. So whoever the fuck. Whitney, especially, if she's got shows. Whoever, dude. especially if she's got shows whoever dude um and so you know what what was that oh that was me um so the aftermath of the fucking um of the turtleneck shit was man i bought so many towels and had to hand them out to so many fucking people. It was really lucratively a bad idea for me because I had to fucking buy a bunch of towels.

It was all good. So, when you, yeah, when you were a turtleneck, man, I was watching, you know what? I watched that movie Knives Out. You know, I want to be in a movie like that because... I don't know, man. I saw Chris Evans in it, and he's good. He's good. I like Chris Evans.

And there was one part where he was like... Where they were like... Wanted to interview him, and he didn't want to be interviewed. And he walked into the house anyway, and he looked at the interview guys, and he looked at the FBI guys, or whatever the fuck the detectives, and he goes into the house anyway and he looked at the interview guys and he looked at the FBI guys or whatever the fuck the detectives and he goes like this

or something and I was like it would have been the shit if he just went like this why don't people do that in movies you know dude why don't people do that in movies why don't they do extra hardcore overacting

for no reason oh fuck that's so funny that would be the shit that man there was a guy who did that one there was one actor who did that that i know in a drama it rules of what was that fucking bready snellis movie rules of attraction one actor did that and that guy's my idol he was just laughing through the whole scene and it was like so weird because it was like did he did he do that in the audition or what i don't know what it was and i don't know who the actor is i'd have to look at it but it's just if you watch that movie rules of attraction man i love that movie james van vanderbeek is fucking awesome in that movie james vanderbeek is so good james vanderbeek's gonna

win an oscar one day and i ain't even fucking around either i wonder who the actor was oh it was russell sams that guy richard dick guy i think it was that guy anyway uh rules of attraction is a cool movie bredesen ellis's books are so fucking funny, man. He wrote American Psycho. I don't know if you know. Well, you know American Psycho probably. But like the Christian Bale shit. Man, I read that book and then when the movie was coming out, I was like, I can't wait to fucking see it. Yeah.

And he was like, there's like whole chapters of him talking about how much he likes Phil Collins, which is fucking hilarious, dude. Bertie Snell has just wrote that shit. A whole chapter of how good the fucking discography of Phil Collins is. Like to take a break from writing a book and then to write a chapter about the discography of phil collins is literally the most boss move of all time it's quite simply the most boss move of all time do you know what the most boss move of all time was i recorded it last night and put it on my instagram if you can go if you can look at it uh my instagram story pass all the pictures from the ice house it's the last thing i post on my instagram story i I'm going to fucking save it.

Save video. And so this way I can just post it on my Instagram. But holy motherfucking shit dude. I'll send it to you guys. This guy who is in that 70's show. The dad from the 70's show. Is fucking talking to this guy. About how he owes him some money. And how he needs to.

I just said it to he owes him some money and how he needs to, I said it, I just said it to you, needs some money, and he fucking, the guy's drinking wine, and he takes, and he's bossing him out, like he's bossing him up, he's giving him the biz a little bit, he's sitting and watching him, and as an actor, he goes and he takes two fingers, dips it in the guy's wine, and then goes, and sniffs it in his nose. Dude, if you can get to boss level fucking if you can get to mach 10 boss level boss level mach 10 and dip dude it was so fucking

hilarious because then the other actor drank the wine anyway like you know they were acting off you know like that's how guys act off one guy makes a choice and he's like oh you're gonna make that choice okay well i'm gonna I'm going to make this choice. Then I'll still drink it. I don't give a shit about your fingers. You ain't no boss. He fucking stuck his fingers in his wine and then sniffed it. You don't do that.

You don't fucking know for no reason. Put snort wine period. Wow. It was so boss. So therefore, he's my favorite actor of the week. Actor of the week, dude. We got to have actor of the week. Dude, RoboCop, the movie RoboCop is so fucking ill.

It's one of my favorite movies of all time, the original one. And then I saw the one with Joel Kinnaman, which I love Joel Kinnaman. And it was still cool to see them do it with all the technology now and the CGI and shit. But that original Robocop movie was so fucking good because it had like this weird dark humor in it that the new one didn't have. The new one is more just a straight up action movie, which I guess the box office draw. But they did that with fucking the new Total Recall, too. That fucking movie is one of my top movies of all time. And then they made it with Colin Farrell, and it was just an action movie.

But, man, that shit was funny. It used to be. It was funny, dude. Wow. He's sniffing the wine right here. Dips in the thing. I don't want to fuck with you sal or whatever the fuck his name is dude in the 80s there was always a bad guy named sal and not even in movies

in real life you'd be like i gotta talk to sal um yeah dude, RoboCop is the shit. You know what I want to do is a live stream watching a movie with you guys. Like on either Instagram Live or YouTube or something. But it'll get taken down because of, um, uh, rights or whatever. I don't know. That sucks, huh? Oh, well. Hey, dude.

Sometimes you have ideas and they can't put them into real life but um you know and that's fine life still rips uh so uh so uh i went to and i did the ice house working on some new i have about 25 minutes of new material that i'm working on uh and then i have like 25 minutes of old shit that I throw in there just because I need to fill out the hours so I'm trying to fill it up I got these dates coming up so I want to start you know that's how I do it I implement the new shit until

the old shit just falls to the wayside and so I was in Pasadena man that Ice House Club is amazing I met Johnny Buss who's the fucking owner of the Lakers, and he was there because he owns the Ice House now, which was fucking wild as shit to meet him. Nice as shit.

And the Ice House, that club is awesome, man. If you're in the Pasadena area, or even if you go to the comedy store and you're in L.A the pasadena area or even if you go to like uh um uh the comedy store you're in la you got to go see sometimes and go see the fucking ice house man it's such an it's an historic was it the first comedy it was like one of the it was like it's old as fuck but it's really nice and that room is electric sometimes you go to the ice house you do material and it kills so hard and then you go over and do it in the comedy store and you're like, oh, this doesn't work. Dude, the crowds are – I don't know what it is about rooms and shit that just make – they make people – it's conducive to laughter. Like the Laugh Factory is like that.

The Laugh Factory is like that. The Ice House is like that. But, bro, the comedy store and the improv are not like that. Like you go up on the improv, you could have a good or bad night depending on the crowd. But if you go up at the comedy store and you're not funny, you eat shit. Period. Doesn't matter if the room's good or not. If you're not funny at the comedy store, you eat shit.

I feel like the comedy seller's that way too, although I haven't played as much as I have at the comedy store? Yeet shit. I feel like the comedy cellar is that way too, although I haven't played as much as I have at the comedy store. But yeah, something about these rooms that hold like 110, like the comedy store original room holds like 110 or 120 and the comedy cellar holds like fucking 90. Anyway, so I did the the

the ice house it's a great room and then and then I fucking did you see the Oscars man I watched Parasite and I loved that movie but I thought the main good thing about that movie

was the screenplay um and i thought it was directed great and all the acting was really great i fucking liked the movie um and then this guy tweeted this thing about it's such a bad tweet john miller is at miller stream a man named bong joon-ho wins os Oscar for best original screenplay over Once Upon a Time in Hollywood in 1917. Acceptance speech was great honor. Thank you. Then he proceeds to give the rest of his speech in Korean.

These people are the destruction of America. That's so bad to say. You know? Like just straight up. What are you saying? Hey, dude, trying to dig your own grave. See, it's interesting that like Trump has really brought these motherfuckers out, you know. Bring them out.

Bring them out. That's what they'd be yelling the barrel's in the mouth, you know that song, that Jay-Z song, I never knew what he was saying, barrel, I was like, barrel, he's saying barrel, I wish he just said, that's what you say, saying when the barrel's in your mouth, why doesn't he do that, why, I don't know, why does he say, I ain't until I can do, no way, why does he say that in a song, don't but he does yeah it's insecure always how he laughs it's okay okay i ain't into liking dudes no way anyway um um Anyway, um, without the Jews, that's why the Jews bought all the property. Should have bought a property in Dumbo, but I didn't because the Jews bought it.

And now I'm kicking myself. Ain't into liking dudes, no way. Um, so yeah and then i wrote j jesus i wrote well there's a ridiculous tweet jesus christ um it's weird to think like extremely left and then also it's weird to think extremely right like and then you see people like fucking what's that girl's name brin fucking who's the girl who played captain marvel and she's just like a guy looked at me no and you're like okay let's just meet in the middle i you know or or or joaquin phoenix acceptance speech where he's just like thanks for the oscar don't drink milk okay see ya thanks thanks for the oscar thanks for the oscar stop squeezing cows okay see ya pivot

whether we're talking there's a part where he was like whether we're talking about black people or cows like and how how do we not miss that dude like it's all because we love hockey fetus who is a super talented guy and obviously his heart is in the right place and obviously he's such a great fucking guy just cares about lots of shit but like if I went up there like if I for some reason went up and was just like, guys, thanks so much for the Oscar. This is amazing. But also, black people and cows need rights. You'd be like, okay, we should have gave him the Oscar.

Whether we're talking about Koreans or animals. Like, how did we miss it? It's because, dude, you give people... They make a... Like, if The Rock said it, it would be okay. If a comedian said it, they'd be done, dude. If Rogan or anybody

went up there and just were like, said what he said, they'd be like, why is he comparing black people to cows um these acceptance speeches are just i love joaquin phoenix i'm not even talking about his but these acceptance speeches are just fucking so awful you know once they get to that point you're oh great oh great no well I'd like to thank this person that person I'd like to thank that and you know once they get to

that point you're like oh here it comes the destruction of the and oh boy and the thing is in the rights and if you we've got war and oh you are wearing a $170,000 dress. Okay.

Bye. What if he just really went up and said, you know, he walked up and said, thank you so much. Black people and cows need rights. And fucking. need rights and fucking next up that even the guy who does the next up oh okay well next up fucking Colin Firth gonna gives the award oh boy gives the award for best picture that's him doing king speech for those of you that haven't heard the fucking god some this i should have just called this podcast sounds um so yeah man these i don't know i don't know how So, yeah, man, these – I don't know. I don't know how – but this guy – I don't understand the problem with Bong Joon-ho winning and then saying great honor, thank you, and then these people destruction of America. He went on to tweet – John Miller went on to tweet, these people are obviously not Koreans, but those in Hollywood are warning a foreign film that stokes flames of class

warfare over two films I thought were more deservingly simply deserving simply to show how woke they are. Uh-oh. That should be clear from the rest of what I tweeted about tonight's production. You know, okay, man, you

don't vote for that you're the host of something on blaze tv you know i think um i don't know who this guy is whatever fine i'm sure maybe his heart's in the right place i have no fucking idea but sounds sounds bad. Tweet sounds bad. Um, also if you're going to argue anything about any screenplay, that was that to me. And I, I didn't see all the movies,

but that was that movie's screenplay was so good. If you have a gripe with that movie and, and it's the screenplay, I don't know where your fucking head is, man. It's also not like to say that he won because Hollywood is woke, I guess maybe why, because he's Korean, I guess? I don't know.

Weird. Weird that he's saying that. Weird that he's picking that battle, I think, because that movie was fucking awesome. And how cute was the guy who won it when he won? He was just like, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh. And then he fucking was, like like talking about all the other guys who were when who he was like martin scorsese you know i i can't believe i'm standing here with you or whatever the fuck he said i don't know it doesn't matter but it was cute as shit man

god that guy looks so polite god bong joon-ho looks so polite. God, Bong Joon-ho looks so polite. He looks like he's never fucking eaten something and gone, yuck, even if it was gross. He's so polite. Like he fucking for sure eats at people's houses, and he's like, what a wonderful meal the whole time, no matter what it is. They'll be like, this is the cardboard fucking,

this is cardboard. And he's like, oh, i want for a meal that's how he looks have you guys seen the host it's so good and uh snow piercer is so good with Chris Evans. But I got it. I wish I could see that movie again. I never watch movies twice. Fuck that, dude. One time in high school, my buddy saw Braveheart and every time people come over, we watch Braveheart.

And I was like, dude, you watch it one time. How are you going to go through that fucking shit again? Braveheart. Of all movies to watch over and over again, what's wrong with you? The guy gets his fucking dick cut off at the end. Ruined it. Spoiler alert. Or maybe they cut his tummy open.

You never really know, actually. Whether it's the weekend, the beginning of summer, or the end of the school year, Celebration Cookies celebrate good times. Twitter was fucking nuts. Anyway, I wish Cats was nominated for an Oscar. They had to be nominated for Best something no that's nothing no that would have been hilarious if they're nominated for anything so i did a uh tweet this was crazy to me this is how sensitive the world is this was crazy to me i wrote i did a a thing i put on my

instagram tv and it was a um a a clip of me kind of just messing with the audience. You could look at it on my – oh, you could look at it on YouTube too. And I was talking to these people in the crowd, and they turned out they were on these thing called – fucking not my OnlyFans. Fucking goddamn, why do I always want to call it that? It's called OnlyFans. goddamn why do i always want to call it that it's called only fans for those of you that don't know what only fans is you can go on and subscribe to chicks and they show you their fucking fried butterfly and booby lubies and you can do it for like 9.99 a month or whatever the fuck by the way

that always tripped me who the fuck is getting tricked by the 9.99 it's ten dollars dude if i ever have a company i don't want it to be $9.99. I want it to be fucking $10. As a matter of fact, fuck that. I'm going to make it $10.01. When I was a kid, I would always be like, why does it say $9.99? It's just $10. Why don't they just say $10? And my mom would be like, well, that's because it makes it

seem like it's less money. I'm like, it's one cent less money, dude. What kind of fucking idiot is like, well, that's cheaper than ten dollars are you fucking idiots dude even as a fucking children's i knew that even as a fucking children's i knew that i was fucking four one of my first words was like why did they made it a fucking 1999 when it's only $20. My mom was like, well, because people think it's less money. That's only one thing, Lou.

So dumb, dude. If you're buying some shit that's $9.99 because you think that it's less than $10, that's one cent. So anyway, you can subscribe on OnlyFans for fucking $9.99 or $15.99 or fucking $2.99 or whatever the fuck it is. If the girl doesn't have that good of a body, maybe it's less money. I don't know.

Or if her fucking duck lips are bad, it's less money. Or maybe it's more money if you're like fucking... I don't know. I feel like Persian guys love all that shit. Persian guys, not OnlyFans, but Persian guys love the fucking, oh, damn, she put all that much makeup on? That's fucking amazing, bro. She's out to go out tonight, bro. Oh, man, she put even more collagen in her lip?

Dog, that's it, man. I want my girl looking like a Simpson, dog. That's crazy, bro. She did her hair really nice, dog. Look at that, man. Look how much dippity-doo she used dog oh dog that's awesome look at that outfit bro she's got three outfits on at the same time dog she's got an outfit on and then on top of that she's got an outfit on and then on top of that

dog she's got another outfit on dog and then she she didn't even use makeup dog she used paint on her face she used house paint dog on her face fuck contouring dog she used white and black paint and then she told her doctor to put straight up cement in her lips dog she's so hot she can't even keep her head up because of the house paint and cement in her lips dog she's so hot she can't even keep her head up because of the house paint and cement in her mouth dog she basically drags her fucking face on the ground dog and she pushes it forward and she's sweating so hard because she's got three outfits on dog um what the fuck was i even talking about oh yeah only fans um only fans so this girl was talking about how she does only fans and i knew what it was kind of but i didn't really know and and i was like and she's like i'm on only fans and i was like oh you're on that shit so i was kind of like not roasting her but kind of just having fun with her in the audience and making fun of it.

It's on YouTube. You can look at it. They'll fucking add the link or something in the bottom. And they don't want fire in heaven to get rid of. And so I was like, so I tweeted something. And I wrote, God, this is so, everyone's so sensitive. This is crazy. I wrote, I'm on OnlyFans. Because it was on my mind. I wrote, God, this is so, everyone's so sensitive. This is crazy. I wrote, I'm on OnlyFans because it was on my mind.

I wrote, I'm on OnlyFans. Can't wait to show you my tits for 40 bucks. Thinking how funny would it be if me, a 39 year old male comedian, not gay, straight, not gay, straight, like not trying to fucking pimp other dudes so they could see my tits, aka chest, because I don't have tits. Can't wait to show you my tits for 40 bucks. It would be fucking funny.

If you don't think a 49-year-old, or a 49, a 39, whoopsie, my secret's out. If you don't think a 39- old showing his tits guy on OnlyFans for 40 bucks is funny, then I can't help you. I can't help you. Especially if he already has a fucking successful career doing something else. Can't help you. Can't help you.

You don't think that visual is funny or even the idea? No, not even the visual. To me, the visual is not even what's funny. For a 39-year-old guy who's successful in another arena to be like, got to be on OnlyFans and show my tits for $40. You don't think that's funny? Want nothing to do with you. Could grab a towel in there.

Want nothing to do with you. Now, I'm out here spilling caveman coffee on that. That's how it's pissing me off. Right? got my towel in there want nothing to do with it now i'm out here spilling caveman coffee on that that's how it's pissing me off right um so thanks bro so i i uh i tweeted that and at first it was like you know it's getting a lot of traction i was like that's funny i guess people think it's funny. And then people were like really mad about it. Like actually. Like, and it wasn't the girls really that do OnlyFans. Like some of the girls were like, ha ha, let's fuck. But like these fucking guys i don't know we're like great stuff

here funny ass stuff man hilarious can't stop laughing keep it up bro somebody else like obviously sarcasm somebody else wrote hysterical man like egging me on and then some other guy was like oh you're gonna slut some other people like slut shame me oh you're gonna fucking you know we're out here getting killed all right dude first of all to get the fact to think about the fact to to think that um first of all to think that I'm somehow making fun of only fans in that tweet, you just don't get the joke, first of all.

Second of all, if I am making fun of only fans, who gives a fuck? You gotta be, you make fun of everything. Comedians make fun of everything. So shut the, relax. You can be offended – you make fun of everything. Comedians make fun of everything. So shut the – relax. You can be offended if you want. But you can't tell me not to say some shit, okay? Because I'm gonna.

Now – but people were like – people are out here getting killed because of this slut shit. Yeah, okay, cool, man. I'm not making fun of that. And also if I was okay it's twitter but like to be it just is like the the cuck dudes that were like trying to come to the rescue are the worst like dude you're not getting laid because you're the fucking friend guy you know you're not coming

to the defense of the people that can fucking come to their own defense by the way you taking that away from women is the problem is one of the problems like women can fucking, can say no. They can do this shit. When guys step in and are like, hey, it's not right, you're being sexist, dude. I'll handle this dame. I'll, don't worry, sweet tart. I'll handle this. this dude sit the fuck down girls can say fuck you how about that dude if they're equal then they can say fuck you

how about that dude you cucking ass motherfuckers. Also, it's Twitter. If you don't think something's funny on Twitter, that's because it's Twitter. Dude, all the shit I say on Twitter is not funny. It sucks. It's because it's free. You want to see something funny? Come see the act that fucking worked out.

Complaining about free content is great. Dude, it's like, it's so annoying when people take shit the wrong way. I hate that. I'm making fun of me showing my tits and people are like you know it's much here's the other thing about it if you think i'm making a fun of only fans and you're mad because i say hey i joined only fans i can't wait to show my tits for 40 if you take that, that's literally what OnlyFans is. It's literally what it is. You're paying to see girls show their bits and pieces.

So I'm saying that. So take that out of it. Like the humor, take the humor, whatever you think, out of it. It's literally what it is. Therefore, how are you mad at me for saying quite literally what it is? You're mad all over the place for zero reason. And also, it doesn't matter. For zero reason.

And also. It doesn't matter. I'm fucking. By the way. Get your fucking money. No of course not. Get your money. Get your money. Get your money.

Dude. I think it's fucking awesome. So awesome. If you've got tits. And you want to charge dudes to see them. So awesome. If you've got tits and you want to charge dudes to see them, get that fucking Skrilla. And I barely say Skrilla. I barely say Skrilla. But if you've got tits and you've got a fried butterfly and you want to say, hey, dude, want to see it for $11?

And the dude goes, yup, then rake it in. Rake it in, dude. Get $11 from this guy. Get $11 from that guy. Get $11 from this guy get $11 from that guy get $11 from another guy get $11 from the fucking cuck that thinks he's defending women but he's not because women can defend themselves

and then guess what you've got $44 just for having tits dude I love OnlyFans and I love the girls on them. And if you're trying to act like I don't, then go fuck yourself, cuck! And that's a delayed Jeremy Renner sting.

I don't fuck. You're not going to put me in a hole that I'm not in dude. Show that ass and make $11. Dude, show that ass to a guy, collect $11. show that ass to another guy collect $11 show that ass to another guy who's married and sad collect $11 and show that ass to another guy who thinks he's defended women when women can defend themselves and don't take their autonomy away from it

and make $11 and then guess what you have? $44. That's lunch for two days, bitch. I mean, dude, you're not going to put me in a fucking hole, dude. I'm climbing the fuck out that hole. And that's why we listen to this podcast. And that's why we listen to this podcast, dude.

Because we break down all of the real issues. Fuck NPR. Fuck all the podcasts where people fucking talk about worldly events, dude. Fuck them all, dude. We talk about the real shit like OnlyFans and fucking whatever. It doesn't matter, dude. What I do know is I fucking love Jeremy Renner for making that song. I fucking love Jeremy Renner for making that song.

He's a talented actor, and I'm his biggest fucking fan, dude. Who drink, my babies. Anyway, dude. I don't know. I love when you get that money, dude. Stop with that 1099 shit, though, man. Uh-oh, shush. Shush.

You're an insult. No, shush. Be quiet. What was I talking about about the fucking, man, how sexy is Future? The guy, Future. I think he's fucking sexy I'm a dude and I'll say it

I don't care Future's a sexy guy bro look at that you know how you know he's sexy the sexiest guy has a not that good body he's fine his body's fine but like it's not like ripped and god damn that guy's sexy when he said sensational when he said that dude i was like

oh my god i'm not even fucking gay but boy oh yeah he goes sensational and i'm not even gay but brad kakakak dude that guy when he goes sensational i And I'm not even gay, but bracket. Dude, that guy, when he goes sensational, I was like, God damn, dude. You know what he does that? Can you bring it up, dude? And chicks, if I was him, whenever I had sex with a new chick and she said, how was it? I was a sensational. When he when he says, what does he say about the new song?

He's like, never lied to my homies, I lied to my bitch. Yeah. So fucking disrespectful. Priorities in all the wrong places. Oh, I got sensational right here. Sensational.

I'm going to play it. Dude, this shit has got to be a sting. Here we go. Here we go. We're playing it. Listen to it. Sensational. Oh, wow, dude. The laugh and the...

Sensational. That's the word you live for. Exactly. Yeah, sensational. Oh, wow, dude. That's so sexy, dude. Sensational. Is that the word you're looking for?

Sensational. Oh, and even somebody under the thing, under it says, he said it cool as fuck. Yeah, that's true. He did. Nobody can say sensational cooler than that. Man. You know what, dude? I don't know who's interviewing, but if I fucking interviewed some guy and that was the answer that he gave me, I would pack up everything right there and leave and be like, I have to go.

You're the sexiest man alive. He should have won People's Magazine sexiest man alive. It should have just been a fucking picture of him with that microphone in his face and you'd be like oh yes because he said the sensational thing right oh wow these guys wore turtlenecks all together look at this myself and my mates being turtleneck wankers it's the british at cures of war look up that wow they got fucking turtlenecks on congratulations pod there you go repping that At Cures of War. Look up that.

Wow, they got fucking turtlenecks on. Congratulations, Pa. There you go, repping that fucking wet lifestyle, dude. You know what those fucking turtlenecks are. Sensational. That's the word you're looking for. Exactly. Yeah, sensational.

The guy became gay when he said it. The guy goes, sensational that's the word exactly and became gay that guy because that's so hot dude i don't give a fuck i'll tell you when a guy's hot that's hot future's the sexiest man in the whole fucking world right now nobody's sexier than future dude he fucking wears fur and shit and doesn't i gotta get to that level dude i know i always talk about this man and i got a jacket the other day that's long and it's fucking mustard yellow so watch the fuck out okay and then i got another long green flannel and i'm'm just saying, watch the fuck out. Okay? Because my shit... You know what I got to do?

I got to wear a fucking long shirt and no pants. That's what I got to do. And go shopping. For, like, groceries. And when people be like, do you have pants on? I just go like this. You don't get it, bro. Also, I should start smoking fucking so much weed and just be that guy uh timothy chalamet i like timothy chalamet man definitely call it chalamet timothy chalamet

Definitely call it Chalamet. Timothy Chalamet. But look at this. This fucking shit. Look, News AV Club. Nobody knows what to do with Tim and the Chalamet's Oscar look. Huh? He just put on a... He wore a tracksuit, dude.

That's the shit. I like that he's doing that, man, because it's so annoying. Everyone gets all dressed up and everyone's so fucking annoying. Bro, some of these dresses, they got to stand out. Who is the fucking girl that wore the hood? She looked like a Star Wars character. Janelle Monae, is that her name? And it's like every time it showed the audience, my eye went right to her.

It's like, oh, how about fucking spike allay he wore a purple and yellow tux with 24 on the lapel for kobe bryan hey dude and a fucking driver's cap and didn't he uh he made it he uh did a um what did he present what did he present whatever he presented fucking the guy came up and it was like so beautiful i think it was bonjun or whatever the guy's name is he won and then and then he fucking walked off ruined the moment you know looked awful oh so bitch with the hate love fucking there's a picture of him with the hate love uh bare brass knuckles and he's doing it like this bitch with the kobe bryant journey by the way kobe bryant if you saw that he would be like, what you doing? Chew dune.

Dude, it's for a conch. You can do it, but chew dune. Like, people think they really out here saying shit just because they have hate and love on their fucking. That's hilarious, man. What are you? What? What? Oh, you're both those?

Hate and love? Okay, cool. Anyway, dude, you know what we have to fucking say about that sensational that's the word you're looking for exactly yeah that was the word i was looking for did you know that? my brother's texting me. Here's, he's like, here's a cut of your special. And then he,

cause I told him to make a few changes. And he says, my brother directed my special. And he says, he sent me the link and he writes, here's the password, check it out. And he writes,

it's perfect. So don't say it's not, you know, dude, Matt, the layer, um, you should listen to my brother's podcast. you know dude smat delay um you should listen to my brother's podcast it's really good it's called uh matt d'alia is confused uh this is this is still my uh this is still my favorite uh oscar thing here that has happened was when fucking john

travolta god damn dude was when john travolta did miss messed up the adina minzel name let me break this down always's going so well is my favorite part it's going legitimately swimmingly like he's killing it he's very eloquent he's got his hair piece on and it's looking natch and he's got his fucking cool tux on

handsome great work on memorable moments handsome he'd perform the oscar-nominated gorgeously empowering song let it go great work from the oscar winning this is this is when he really knows he's starting to kill it too right here when he says wickedly movie frozen please welcome the wickedly talented one and only uh the wickedly talented one and only this is what i think went on in his head right now he's forgetting how to pronounce her name. He knows it. And he thinks, you know what?

I'm going to use all my confidence and I'm going to start it with the word wickedly and own my shit. And by the time I get to her name, it's going to come out right because I've said it before. And then it doesn't. And that, to me, honestly. It doesn't and that to me honestly that moment look at the frame when he's looking to his left he's just like okay well i fucked it up and that moment was the fucking moment where you know how you've seen john travolta a lot bald a lot lately he was just like ah fuck it i you know how you've seen John Travolta bald a lot lately? He was just like, ah, fuck it. That moment, I guarantee that moment was what made him realize, I don't need to

fucking wear a hairpiece. Fuck this shit. I mean, bro. The build up, the smile, ready, just killing it. And for the songs that create their most memorable moments, here to perform

the Oscar-nominated, gorgeously empowering song, Let It Go. I think he realizes he can't remember her name when he says gorgeous. Let It Go from the Oscar-winning animated movie Frozen. Gorgeously empowering song. Right here. Let It Go from the Oscar-nominated, gorgeously empowering song. Come on. Here to perform the Oscar-nominated, gorgeously empowering song.

Yeah, it was gorgeously. Because he had something else on his mind. It was like a little too long to say gorgeously. And then he was like, I'm fucking, I don't know what it is this whole time. And then when he, he says, you know what? I'm going to use my confidence. That's the confidence kicking in. And then it didn't have it, though.

Dazeem. Literally just say fucking Frank Drebin. You know what i mean fuck it it would have been way better people would like why do you say frank drebbin you'd be like oh i was thinking about fucking uh naked gun lieutenant drebbin please welcome lieutenant drebbin that would have been amazing and then everyone would have clapped still and you would be like you fucking asshole still clapped at least own it like that oh don't ever fucking stutter syllables just pick a new name and say please welcome

lieutenant Frank Drebin and then she goes let it go let it go this so great Adele Dazeems you know oh his kids were like oh no um This is so great. Adele Dazeems. You know? Oh, his kids were like, oh, no. But the other one was good.

Another one was good at the end with James Cameron. When he wins for Titanic. With the tails, you know? Built the deep diving camera system. When he does this. Nice. So sweet. So sweet.

Whoa, he was married to Linda Hamilton? I didn't know that. Still is? It's a cotton mouth. It's a cotton mouth. Philip and Shirley Cameron, mom, dad, there's no way that I can express to you what I'm feeling right now. My heart is full to bursting except to say I'm the king of the world. Oh, man. My whole thing. Don't woo.

Never woo. My whole thing is never woo. And he goes, I'm the king of the world and that's one of those god it's amazing these guys who's i mean one of the i mean so talented makes creates these worlds and then they just get up on stage and you can see they're not used to it and they're a little bit nervous and then just it's funny dude being a stand-up comedian helps so much just in life man it just helps so much you don't give a fuck about stuff like you could tell he was like oh this seemed like a better idea in my head when i fucking because it's a line in the movie and then when he said he's like oh maybe

it's insecure but it's like if you're a comedian and you did it and you were out there and you went i'm the king of the world you're like oh this is a bad idea you'd literally be like oh whatever i fucked that up and then it would be fine, you know? But instead? One and only, a disease. A disease, he just says. The wickedly talented, the one and only, a disease. Aziz Ansari.

Wow, dude. The Oscars are hilarious, dude. Aziz Ansari wow dude the Oscars are hilarious dude when Brando brought up the remember this shit I don't but it's a thing right here

when he won for Marlon Brando in The Godfather when he won for Godfather obviously look at accepting the award for Marlon Brando

in The Godfather, Miss Sashene Littlefeather. He brought up an Indian woman. Native American, whatever, I don't know how. Hello, my name is Sashene Littlefeather. I'm Apache, and I'm president of the National Native American Affirmative Image Committee. She's so nervous. I'm representing Marlon Brando this evening.

Look at that dress. That's banging. I'm here to tell you in a very long speech, which I cannot share with you presently because of time, but I will be glad to share with the press afterwards that he very regretfully cannot accept this very generous award wow and the reasons for this being are the treatment of american indians today by the film industry excuse me wow wow wow people boo trying to make a point here people boo that dress is awesome Wow. Wow. People boo. Trying to make a point here. People boo.

That dress is awesome. And also with recent happenings at Wounded Knee. I beg at this time that I have not intruded upon this evening and that we will in the future, our hearts and our understandings will meet with love and generosity. Thank you on behalf of Mom and Brando. Damn, dude. He didn't even show up. And he was like, yeah, you'll do it. You'll go. Talk about wounding name.

If I get a fucking Oscar, dude, there's no way i'm going up to accept it i'm sending fucking for real david caruso and he's gonna go up and he's gonna he's you know he's gonna say he's gonna say sorry but chris delia can't be here and And he's going to say he wanted to, but the, but he went to the doctor the other day and it turns out he's just too sick with it. And then he puts his fucking glasses on and pivots. And then that happens. And then they say, coming up,

coming up award for best cinematographer. Dude, that would be the shit, dude. He went to the doctor the other day. And he was like, oh, it's okay. And it turns out he's too sick with it. Fuck yeah, dude. Fuck yeah, dude. Anyway, dude.

I guess that's it, you know. Sensational. Good podcast. Sensational. And it's all good. I guess that's it. What am I going to do here? Oh, yeah.

You got to come see me in West Palm Beach. You got to come see me in Brea. You got to come see me. Other places I'm doing this shit. Text me at 818-239-7087. West Palm Beach, Robinsonville, Mississippi, Rohnert Park, California, Brea,

Las Vegas. I'll see you there soon. Have a good one. And remember my babies. Remember my babies. Remember my babies. Here we go. Sensational.

You guys are great.