Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 180. Falling Up Stairs

Episode Date: April 2, 2021

🎉 Sign up for the Patreon for the private RSS Feed with the full, uncut episodes! https://patreon.com/chrisdelia  In this week's episode, Chris talks about Chet Hanks and White Boy Summer, how great infomercials are, and Joe Biden vs. the stairs. For more topics and the full Congratulations experience join the Patreon! Tweet your questions and spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Twitter and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrisdelia/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/chrisdelia Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial/  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's BetterHelp.com. Meeting with friends before the show? We can book your reservation. And when you get to the main event, skip to the good bit using the card member entrance. Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by card. Other conditions apply. What's up, everybody? It's episode 180 of Congratulations. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. What's up, everybody? It's episode 180 of Congratulations. Okay, you know, dude, here we go, man. And we tried to start this podcast already, and we fucked it up. And so we had to start it again, and we fucked it up, and so we had to start it again.

And we wasted two minutes, and it's all good, dude. Did we waste two minutes? Yeah, it's fine. Did I overreact? Yes. Am I probably going to get into trouble later? Yes. Am I probably in trouble now?

Yes, because I overreacted. It's all good. Don't even worry about it, you guys. That's behind-the-scenes footage. Speaking of behind-the-scenes footage, speaking of behind-the-scenes footage, so drunk, is you can join my Patreon. It's patreon.com slash chrisdalia. And what I have on there now is you can join and you get the full extended episodes a day early.

And you get an extra episode a month. And then there's all sorts of, like I've been posting stuff all week just extra content on there uh and it's been a lot of fun man and there's another tier that's higher there's the second tier where part of it is we have this this group discord chat i don't know what you fucking call it i'm 41 and um we are on there and we uh and i we chat and i've been like chatting with everyone and they're like, hey, don't you have stuff to do? And I'm just like, oh, it's just fun, you know?

And I realized that I'm a fucking big loser. So it's all good. I just don't have much to do. The only thing I do all day is I wake up, I have my fucking coffee, I hang around with the family. And then I, uh, and then I, you know, I fucking, I build my shoulders and my teardrops, man. I built my toe, my shoulders and my, uh, and my, and my teardrops, which are my, my quadriceps above my knees. And I said, um, and I said a few, a few things wrong there. What did I say? My, my tolders, my tolders that I said tolders and I don't think I forgot. Do not think I forgot that.

I fucking said tolders. So anyway, I'm chilling, dude. So join the Patreon, patreon.com slash Chris D'Elia because we don't have ads anymore and I fucking, but it's up to me.

This episode is brought to you by fucking Cinnamon toast crunch like i give a shit uh man i there's so much shit happened that i haven't talked about and and and and all that by the way i love chet hanks i love chet hanks that's it that's it that's it i don't want to talk about it anymore I love Chet Hanks no you know what I am going to talk about it that dude is on another level of of performance art the guy when he made up the white boy summer and then people were like dogging him on twitter because of white boy summer here's what I would have done I would have left it alone i would have made the one i would have you know i love i love when people come i love when people come up with terms dude and like coin shit like so when he put white boy summer i was all in i could have been a

fucking asian girl i still would have been all in and um and then i would i would leave it alone like when people come back and and hit back and to hate, I just want to leave it alone. I was like, I said what I said. But this dude is on another level. He's smarter than all of us. He came in with the fucking response. And look what he says. Wow.

White boy somewhere going up. It's fantastic. Hold on. Let me start it over. This guy. I love this guy here we go and this sounds not playing white boy summer going up it's fantastic i love to see it thanks for making that a thing uh you know they've been asking

thanks for making that a thing is the most subtle diss, you know, because he made it a thing. Wow. White boy summer is going up. Thanks for making that a thing. Dude, he's like, fuck you, assholes. You were making fun of it. And now it's a thing. Thanks for making that a thing.

Just so ill how we laid into it right there. It'd be a white boy summer. Does that make it a black queen summer for you and i said uh do you know me ah and i said uh do you know me by the way there is no situation where you say do you know me that isn't that doesn't automatically make you the fucking shit you know for real batman could be here and he would be like i just saved your whole family and you'd be like oh cool and you'd be like yeah and then you'd be like you, you have a nice house. What do you do for a living? And you'd be like, do you know me? Batman would be like, anyway, so. And just zip line out of there.

Like a bitch. My bad. I don't know. Maybe you're a doctor or something i noticed that i thought i noticed a diploma at lsu in the other room and maybe you do dental but anyway just zip one the fuck out dude i always thought it would be funny if batman tried to zip line out with his fucking utility belt and he thought that there was no ceiling but there was a ceiling and then he just fucking broke his neck and died and the batman credits run that's how the justice league the new one the fucking new one ends the director's cut justice league what's the fucking Dude, the Batman song, you could sing for nine years.

It never stops. It never stops. And then he just... Anyway, you're welcome for saving your fucking lives. Oh, no. And then just, I can't feel my leg. And then the house burns with him in it and he dies. And everything's fucking... And his face is all charred up but his

arms and legs are okay because he's in that fucking bullshit bat suit that saves for some reason makes him know like he has a fucking makes him like a tank anyway if you did you know that's all year round ah when he goes dude when chet hanks turns his head and goes, that is, that's the illest shit. I got to adopt that. That has to be my thing now. Sorry, Chet, but that's my thing now. No, I can't do it. I mean, the guy has the perfect face for it.

But yeah, he did the white man wait wait white man well it makes it way funnier white man summer i wish that's what it was hey it's white man summer just you fucking a bunch of middle-aged guys and fucking dockers and that that blue no the blue button-down shirt with the with the pink salmon shorts that everyone wears in goddamn maine and connecticut if you I think I've said this. I must have said this before. We're doing reruns today, babies. Woo!

We're doing reruns. The pink salmon fucking pants that people wear with like penny loafers and the button-down shirt and the braided belts. If you don't have that and you live in Connecticut, you don't really live in Connecticut. You are made in a laboratory. Try to think back when you were six, can you? No, because you don't have a fucking memory of it because you weren't six.

You were made as a 30 year old or probably a frat guy, like a 22 year old. Anyway, let's listen to that. Yeah, if you want to know more about the white boy summer, hit the link in my bio and register for actors advantage. My acting community I'm dropping where I'll be sharing all the game, all the gems on how to get into the game and actually make a living from

being a working actor in film and television. If that's something you're interested in, you know what I mean? So hop on the right foot and make your next move. Your best move, you know, is good for you. And you know,

everyone have a great Saturday. Peace, love, and light. Bye. Can't believe how amazing that take was i know i don't know what's better to think of chet hanks only doing like i'm gonna get this right the first time getting it right the first time or i'm gonna do this till i get it right and he's sitting in his car and did it nine or 12 times.

I don't know what's better. But goddamn, that's funny, man. Huge Chet Hanks fan. We were watching a little bit of fucking QVC the other night or whatever it was. And it was so great i i don't know what it is about qvc that i know i know what it is that i love but like i could just watch all day long like my brother said by the way it's my birthday we were recording this on my birthday i'm 41 years old um and my my brother said for your birthday i I got you, we're going to go to a hotel and we're going to chill in the hotel and we're going to watch infomercials all night.

And I was like, dude, you could have gotten me a heavy gold bar and it wouldn't have been better than that. I mean, that's just, you know, fucking a night in a hotel room with my brother watching infomercials, dude. Are you kidding me? Fuck yeah, dude. So fun. fuck yeah dude so fun i can't wait to do that shit and here's why i love watching infomercials because every infomercial the person selling the thing doesn't give a shit about the thing. And it's still happening. It's been happening for decades. And people are too stupid to catch on or give a shit.

You think that motherfucker gives a fuck about the shark vacuum it's a vacuum no it take cleans up more shit than the shark one this is the shark two so what the fuck was with the shark one then it left some hair fuck y'all for that i don't trust you this is unbelievable here and we've only got you know what we've got it i don't know if we have that minute left do we i love when they trail off do we have that minute left we had some from the other okay we'll bring them in here yeah okay see these are going just all serious about and they don't give a fuck about it limited Limited edition. Always. It's never just stuff.

Limited edition. It always seems like there's one extra syllable in there, but there's not. For some reason, they do it magically. We have got Anheuser-Busch bottle caps. Limited edition. Limited edition. We have got, we've got three, what do we have, 30 left? Limited edition. We've got 30.

They're gone. They're gone. We found more. We've got limited edition. Anheuser-Busch. Model caps. It's my favorite. So how could you not listen to a guy that you know is lying knows he's lying

how could you and still sell it sometimes it's the same dude that sold you the other fucking bullshit the the fucking projector that made the house look all Christmassy or Halloween. The good thing about this, the good thing about this projector is you can use it on any holiday or any day of the year. That's my favorite. Cause it's like, who the fuck, what do you want to project in your house? Just Tuesday in May. I get Halloween. It looks like a ghost is in the window and someone's stabbing someone on your front door or Christmas. there's like a long red arm with a white glove coming out of your living room what the fuck but you could use it every day i use mine and i use mine every day lie everyone knows it ka-ching also they're they're so janky. You ever fucking order something from that?

It shows up. It's always like, you're like, this is it? It's all plastic? That's what you always think. That this whole thing is plastic? I love QVC shit. And we're going to throw in, that's my favorite part. We're also going to throw in some of my hair.

We will throw in, as supplies last, some of my hair. That's my favorite is, you get the whole set you act right now you get some of my hair you know what i'm just gonna do it we're gonna give you phil's hair phil come here show him your hair we're gonna cut some of phil's hair we'll send it out to you they don't give a fuck those guys are hookers, dude. Discover more value than ever at Loblaws. Like Fresh Promise. Produce is carefully selected and checked for freshness. And if it's not fresh, it's free.

Yes, you heard that right. From the crispest lettuce to the juiciest apples, Loblaws is committed to fresh, so you get the best fruits and veggies. Look for new value programs when you shop at Loblaws, in-store and online. Conditions may apply. See in-store for details. Whether it's the weekend, the beginning of summer, or the end of the school year, Celebration Cookies. Celebrate good times. Oh, speaking of cereal, we were talking about fucking cereal.

How about the shrimp tails in the Cinnamon Toast Crunch? That's what I was fucking talking about. Jesus Christ, it must have been on my mind. There were shrimp tails in it. Did you guys know this? There were shrimp tails found in did you guys know this there were shrimp tails found in fucking cinnamon toast crunch hey cinnamon toast crunch pack up leave leave the facility it's all good. You had a great run. Yeah, we had a great run, dude.

You sold candy as cereal for fucking 90 years. Then you added fish. That's it. Go ahead. There couldn't have been a worse thing. Well, no. Well, syringes. No.

You know what? A fucking really small person. That's the only thing that could have been worse. Syringes or a really small guy that came out of the box. It's like, hey, what's up? I mean, I was in here for like so long. I'm so glad you opened it. What the fuck?

Are you only wearing a t-shirt? Yeah. They didn't give me pants i fucking hate cinnamon i will never eat cinnamon again and then you just fucking does the does that run away um yeah just shrimp tails were in it, that's so disrespectful that not even the whole shrimp was in it, just the tail, like some fucking factory worker was like, fuck it, drink it with milk, bitches, and they came out with the cinnamon on it, dude, the guy who tweeted it,

wasn't he fucking Topanga's husband or something from the boy meets world or was that the thing and uh he was fucking uh yeah topanga canyon's husband and she and and he was like hey yo cinnamon toast crunch he tweeted him and he was like i got shrimp in my fucking cereal and they were like oh is that to happen after the factory you can tell because it's not and he and then he took a closer picture and he was like it's coated in sure in fucking cinnamon it's coated where would it get coated but at your fucking factory but maybe it is their fucking mistake that's the other thing well it doesn't matter it's not like they're gonna go out of business uh yeah so but for a limited time you get cinnamon shrimp and your cinnamon toast it's not toast crunch totally it's shrimp too dude shrimp is in there fuck that's gross ew dude i love shrimp and i after that i was like man maybe i won't eat shrimp anymore shrimp's all fucked up dude they're all

like this just in the fucking ocean and shit are they even good for you you think about it like you think about like oh yeah they're good because it's fish but dude shrimp they're bottom feeders dude fucking gross eyes out of their their snails you know i saw something about a snail earlier what the fuck was it about the snail that i saw i don't know um how do i go back to facetime there we go um yeah man i i uh i talk i talk um i talk about you know what i realize i do so much is i'm i'm so all in on being a dad right right now like that i've not or i should say now that I have my son.

And it's all I do all day and think about and talk about and just I watch him. I watch my son and he doesn't even know I'm watching. And I'm just, I catch myself just like staring at him like an asshole

while he's like trying to peel stickers off. And it's like, imagine if like you did that to a 40 year old like i just i i just he's 13 months you know and i just love i love him so much and i'll just stare at him and uh and he's just and i so i talk about him so much and I know I do that. And I know a lot of you like that. I don't know if some of you don't like that, but I just, I'm still so jacked on being a dad that I can't help it. I just can't help it. I just, like I was brushing his teeth today in that where we were brushing his teeth and it's so fucking cute dude because like you just you you put the first of all he wants everything but the to have his teeth brushed like i'll take the the toothbrush out and he'll be like what was that and then i'll take out the

toothpaste and be like give me that too i want the two things and then i'll fucking and then i'll take out the the and then i'll i'll turn the sink on to do the water on the toothpaste and he'll be like the sinks what is that i'll put my hand in that water i won't it's coming down i want to feel that is it translucent i don't understand you can grab it you can't grab that and um and then when i put the thing on the toothbrush i put it in his mouth he's just all like what what's what's going on here and it's like you want all the things just relax let me do the thing and so i put it i put the toothpaste i put the toothbrush i go to brush his teeth and and and of course he just like if this is the toothbrush he just goes like this and i'm just like nobody and then by the time i take it out all the toothpaste is off and he's

just like bubble gum and uh it's bubble gum flavor by the way which why don't they just keep that it's awesome have you ever had kids toothpaste i was like what is this is it is i thought i was like is it less minty than it normally is for adults because it's pretty minty you don't want the kid being like is my head going explode and so i i i tasted it and i tasted it i was like i tasted bubble gum and i was like great got a tumor gonna die because you ever you ever think about tasting something and then it's not, it's totally not the thing that you thought it was? My eye jumped to Tumor City. I'm the mayor.

Tumor City and I'm the mayor. Hello, guys. And Tumor City, population one. Nice to meet you. I'll be here a few months and then I'll be gone. So, very nice and uh and so i um

yeah so so i i put the it's but it is it's bubble gum so hey toothpaste companies that fucking rips keep that why are we brushing our teeth with mint when the kid's shit is the shit? I want to brush my teeth with a fucking bubblegum flavor shit. That is so banging. And Calvin loves it, dude. At first, he doesn't want to do it, but then when he does it, he's all...

And I'm trying to move it, and he just moves his head with it. And I'm like, no, you got to go go against the shit but it's really cute dude there's a little ass teeth and i try to do the top ones he didn't go fuck but dude it was just so cute man i love doing that i love doing that i sent we took a video sent it to my mom and my mom was like, you sure got a lot of patience. And I was like, it's so fun. What's that say? Yeah, so. I don't know, man.

He's going to have a complex, though. We love this kid so much. I swear to God, like we're so involved. And I thought in the beginning it was about the pandemic because I thought like, oh great, I'm going to have a fucking pandemic. Maybe he's never going to know anybody until when we get this all figured out. And now I realize that, oh, this is just how it is. I'm just, I would just want to be like, dude, I don't want to go on the fucking road and not be around him for four days. And, um, so he's got, so I'm always in his face just like, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey. And he's just going to grow

up and be like, he's just going to think fucking the, like when I walk into rooms, I've been talking about this with my therapist, but I didn't realize this about myself. When I walk into rooms, I immediately, and this is for years, decades think Everyone in here fucking hates me I gotta win them over And I said that to my therapist I didn't think it was a big deal And she was like hold on a second Back up because then I started talking about Fucking pants or some bullshit like I like to try

To like skim the surface a lot of therapy You know and she'd be like no no no Go back to when you said the thing about how you think Everybody hates you in every room that you ever walk into And I was like but There shouldn't be cargo pants are you sure there's pressing issues and she was like yeah what's about the thing and i was like i just imagine that people are gonna hate me she's like how long have you done that and i was just like ever ever since when i was in kindergarten and the fucking teacher grabbed my face

when I did something wrong and squoze it too hard and told my mom about it 10 years later. And she said, that happened? That's not okay. And I said, but I was wrong, right? And she was like, no. And so I was like, right? And she was like, no. And so I was like, yeah, no, every room I walk into. And she was like, oh, that's sad.

And I was like, no, no, fine. I win them over. I win them over with my comedy. I win them over. I win them over with my comedy or I help them out or if they spill a drink, I'll clean it. It's fine. She's like, no, it's sad. And I said, no. It's not sad.

It's fine. It's normal. It's okay she was like well let me ask you a question um why don't you think that they like you and i was like i don't know i don't know maybe i they like you? And I was like, I don't know, maybe they know my comedy and they don't like it or something, or maybe they just don't like the way I look,

or I look like an ex of theirs and they just don't like me because of that. She was like, well, what if they like you and i was like yeah i look i don't if we could just get back to cargo pants i just think they have too many pockets and she says Calvin, your son. And I said, yeah. She was like, well, you love Calvin, right? And I said, well, of course I do.

And she said, why? and I said he didn't do anything to she said he didn't do anything to earn your love did he and I was like, no. She was like, well, maybe we'll just like you because,

because. You think I didn't cry you think I didn't cry on the zoom dude she said maybe they like you just because and after the fucking one twotwo punch with my son, my eyes went filled up with little pools of water. And when those got full, they emptied out.

Dude, they just go boom and i because and i fucking cried oh that is so beautiful you know um yeah so So, kind of makes you think, been trying to walk into rooms now and hope for the best. But yeah, but Joe Biden fell. Did you see Joe Biden fall? By the way, something, oh, I was gone for like nine months not doing this podcast. There was one moment where I was, one, because I didn't want to be funny or do anything.

I just was moping around. But there was one moment, dude. I talked about a while ago, if Joe Biden was president, you know he's too old because imagine him hearing a gunshot. Do you remember this? Do you remember this?

Okay. And if you know somebody is too old, if you hear a gunshot and you, first of all, an able-bodied regular person, I'm ready, right? But old people, when you get too old, if you were to hear a gunshot, they go, hey, what, where is it? You're dead, dude. All over your fucking old head just fucking tommy gun in your fucking you know because that's the gun you think of because it's the old-fashioned gun but but so i was you know imagine the fucking i mean take barack and this

isn't a democrat thing i don't give a fuck you democrat take barack pow barack he's ready democrat thing i don't give a fuck you democrat take barack pow barack he's ready donald trump's old pow donald trump i feel like he's on his way but joe biden pop where's our hooded what i all up in his neck and face and just and fucking and and fucking so when he got a nog or one or whatever the fuck even though you know even though it's documented he's a hologram and Donald Trump is still the president. Even though it's well documented that Donald Trump is only is it's still Donald Trump and he's wearing a fucking Joe Biden skin mask. The bull, a balloon popped or something. And,

and Joe Biden fucking did that he did that the balloon popped and joe biden goes and he was in a line with his family everyone in his family went there was a fucking baby that even was like i got this joe biden goes like what did i did i draw my keys he did it and i was like i fucking want to talk about this so much find the clip it's out there um anyway uh anyway yeah Anyway, yeah. But he fell, dude. He fell. Here's also how you know he's very old.

He fell. Walking up the stairs. Three times. three times there's nothing more bitch than falling up the stairs dude because i'll tell you why you You fall down the stairs, everyone gets it. That's where gravity's going. So if you don't have footing, you're going there too. But if you fall up the stairs, you're just not really that sure where the stairs are. And you only caught the fucking stair with your tippy toes so bitch and then you fall and

it makes that noise thump and your shin if you're lucky you don't hit your shin on the step and then you try to grab whatever's there you miss or you or even worse you grab one a little bit and then you you fall the other way because you're holding which is what happened i gotta watch this now dude i have it right here biden falling up how the fuck do you fall up the stairs three times in a row i love the noise of the jet. There's one. Oh, wow. Caught himself with the left hand. Again. And then again. Wow.

The second one is a... The second and third one is a double one. Just figure out where the stairs are. And then he turns around and salutes. Hey, dude. No. The fucking army was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.

You fell up the stairs. Dude, if I fucking were to fall up the stairs and people were why i would be so angry he is the president i if i would just you can't get angry i would be i would immediately if i if i did that i'd go fuck fuck and i turn around to the news and be like fucking fuck you BBC I fell up the stairs dude whatever I'm president dude fuck off I'm getting in the this is my plane look how big it is and then I'd go

backwards on the stairs dude you fell up the stairs three times in a row that's hard to do. That's harder than playing Cuphead. Try to play Cuphead. You know, I told you we're playing video games and the Cuphead is just way too hard. Did I talk about this last, on the other one?

Cuphead is the hardest game. It's beautiful. It looks awesome. It's got that like 1920s cartoon style shit. And it's so awesome, but it's so fucking hard. And we were so angry that they put out an up that it was so hard that they put out an update of an easier version and so we got that beat all of it and then realized we couldn't fight the final boss because you got to do it on hard hey dude

fucking come on please make it so we can get to the final boss there's one more boss we bonded so well fucking cop head dude how about when people get so mad that you're not speaking up about issues i saw somebody a comment under one of the fucking this big star's instagrams like why haven't you mentioned the thing but why haven't you talked spoken up about it was something about i don't even know it was like that whole fucking silence is violence thing where it's just like nah what you can be you can just not know something's going on. It doesn't make you part of the fucking KKK.

People act like they love it that it rhymes. Silence is violence. By the way, have you ever seen violence? That shit is never silent. You can't, what are we, ninjas? Violence is so fucking loud. Violence is the, it was so loud, it's the loudest people get.

Pop, pop. Ah! You see guys get stabbed and shit? No! It's fucking, violence is violence. Leading up to violence is silence. Then you move a little bush. A little bush.

It's the bush. It's the bush. Just go the other way. Go around the other way. The bush is in the way. The bush is in the way. Go around the other way. What? The bush is in the way. The bush is in the way. Go around the other way. What?

The bush is in the way. What? Just get your phone. I'm going to text it to you. I'm going to text it to you. The bush is in the way. Oh, fuck. Shh.

Hey. Ding. Oh, fuck. We didn't turn our phones off. Okay. Shhh. Silence. Silence. Then we'll do violence. Oh the bush. Oh the bush. Shhh! Oh I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Go around him. Okay.

There he is. Okay. Let's murder him. Okay. But do remember, as silent as possible. Okay. Get the gun. I thought you fucking had it What?

You have the gun I told you to fucking bring the gun It's in the fucking car We're fucking 12 stories up How the fuck are we gonna go down? You know what? Honestly It's better actually That we don't have it. You know what? Honestly, it's better, actually, that we don't have the gun.

You know why? Because guns make too much noise. And the second we pop that gun, we're 12 stories up. Everyone's gonna hear it. And everyone from the 11th story down, they're gonna turn on their lights. They're gonna see us running down.

Perfect. So instead of that, we'll fucking choke him. We'll choke him until he expires yeah okay cool here we go you want to do it or me go i'll do it what the are you sitting there Huh. BWAAAGH! WHAT THE FUCK! AGH! Are you shittin'? What the fu- Mm! Oh, fuck! Ah!

Get him! Get his arms! Fucking shit! Ah! Hey, fucking get him! Honey, get the gun! I got it! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

Get her! C-AGH! MWUAH! AGH! W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W He threw up. Get him. Fucking, fucking. Ah, the fucking dog doing quick. Up against the TV. Tonight in the news. The record player.

Sink on. Toilet flushes mirrors we got it fucking go that's my whole point dude so silence can sometimes just be silence or you can just not really know that this stuff's going on anyway uh, uh, I'm out of breath. How long has that been? One hour. Well, you know, you guys have been a lot of fun, dude. Uh, mostly because you're not talking back and it's just me kind of talking, but, uh, you know, just, uh, remember life fucking rips, man. Uh, and also, uh, you know, you got the,

you can get them where people are asking me, can I buy merch? Yeah, dude, just go on my website and get fucking life for people. It looks fucking awesome when you wear it. I'm not big into wearing shorts and a long sleeve, but man, I'll tell you what that life rips hoodie with the fucking shorts, the life rip shorts looks dope as shit. I've got to go against my, man, I'll tell you what. That Life Rips hoodie with the fucking shorts. The Life Rips shorts looks dope as shit. I got to go against my... I don't do it, but I see other people do it. And I'm like, I got to start doing that. Because I repost them on my Instagram a little bit.

And then also... The fucking... We got beach towels that say Life Rips. Man, Life's going to rip at the beach. Bathing suits. It's awesome, dude. Hey, guys. So that was the episode of congratulations, but it extends.

You can catch the rest of the episode over on my Patreon, which is patreon.com slash Chris D'Elia. That also gets you access to an extra episode a month, among other things. Go check it out. You can sign up right now and listen to the rest of the episode. If not, thanks. And if you do, thanks.