Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 181. Praise to the Lort

Episode Date: April 9, 2021

🎉 Join the Patreon! https://patreon.com/chrisdelia On today's episode Chris discusses Undercover Billionaire, The Learning Channel and Salt Bae. He also watches some videos including a man converted by the Lort, and the genius of White Claw Gabe. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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your order. This is episode 181 of Congratulations. All right, dude. All right. And I already made a mistake, dude. I fucking Google. Every time I go to Google, a counter, counter timer and I don't click stopwatch. I click timer and I click timer and it goes fucking.

What is it? A stopwatch or a fucking timer, dude? Stopwatch because I want to know how long I'm doing, but I put timer and timer counts down. Yes. From five minutes. It starts from five minutes, dude, which is great. We're not going to do a five minute podcast. Uh, we're not going to do a five minute PCAST. We're going to do a fucking hour long PCAST if you're on Patreon. And if you're not, then you're going

to get the, uh, not the extended version. And, uh, you know, that's just how it's going to be. So this meme all day, guess I'll die now. Or the chick that's like this. With the blue shirt. Already fucking have Ivan get rid of, already gave him some work to put that fucking picture in the upper corner. So that's how we do it, man. We fucking, we work hard. Wow. Wow, dude.

My phone just clinked and it made a fucking ka-ching sound. So you know I'm an asshole. That, so I put it on silent and we're and we're good we're good to go and we're and uh so i put it on timer and it went down so i had to google stopwatch i never know what what the difference between a timer or a stopwatch is it doesn't matter when i work out i do it in intervals and my knee hurts because of that does my knee hurt yes dude am i dude. Am I sweaty? Yes, because it's getting warmer in California. Yes, and I didn't adjust the heat, the way, the heat or the air the way I wanted to

on the fucking bottom level. Yes, so is it too hot? Yes, is it fine? Yeah, it's fine. But, you know, I'm going to have a lot of fucking beads slowly cascading down my fucking moguls. My fucking back is a ski slope, dude.

I, you know, I don't know why you listen to this podcast and I don't know why I, I, yeah, I don't know why I'm still doing it, but I'm doing it. And, uh, I fucking, I thank you for listening. Um, but yeah, I started a new workout kind of plan. Uh, this guy in Montreal is, is, uh, has been fucking on my case. John Chamberlain shout out to him. I like him a lot. Uh, dude. And I work out and I thought I was good at working out and guess what? I'm not dude. The second you get somebody helping you to work out, you just realize you're a fucking doormat. You're just a piece of shit. Like you could move around weights all day by yourself. And it isn't as hard as like a 25 minute session from some guy that just like studies nutrition and also fucking weightlifting.

And it's just I wanted to I wanted to die. And I was gasping for air. I was gasping for fucking air like Adam West when the penguin just goes and fucking puts the the the gas on him the green gas it's green in that fucking show dude in Batman in the old show Batman it's green dude so we all knew it was coming out of the umbrella just fucking i don't like that when the shows do that when it's like like everyone's ringer is always on just so you know at home they're getting a phone call when it's like we're not idiots nobody's ringer is ever on i've never heard i haven't heard a ringer in like three years and this and when you do everyone is like oh that's

the asshole and everyone on every show is just like oh hold on i'm getting a phone call it's like dude come on get it together make it fucking more real. Snap back to reality. Oops, it goes rambity. Boops, it goes rambity. Boop, it goes rambity. Yeah, so it's just like, all right. Okay, TV show. It's just like, okay, TV show. If that's what you're going to do, I'll still watch it.

I'm not going to stand for anything. I'll just keep watching. Shows do it. Shows are, it takes a show a long time for me to piss me off. I mean, it'll get me going, but then I'll just be like, all right, I'll just keep watching. Fuck it.

I'll just be like, oh, come on. This is me watching every show. Oh, come on, dude. Really? All right, well, let's just see what happens the next scene. Just for fucking eight seasons. Eight whole seasons. All right, dude.

Really? Well, hold on, don't change it, let's just see what happens the next scene, yeah, so I've been watching that undercover billionaire show, which just, by the way, I played it just because of what it's called, it's so hilarious that the shows are all like million- matchmaker millionaire so i want to be a millionaire so i want to fucking marry a millionaire are you a millionaire let's all be millionaires there's 900 shows with the shit fucking thing millionaire in it and then some jackass show just comes along and it's called undercover billionaire like some billionaire was like oh i just i don't give a fuck i'll just be on tv

the guy's worth a fucking two something billion dollars and he decides to go to erie pennsylvania don't go where everything's just brown and green and gray and there's so many fucking water tanks and shit dude i gotta be an author and just write about Erie, Pennsylvania and just write. Yeah, it was brown and gray and green a lot. And, and, and fucking, there were so many water tanks all around. Jimmy was walking down the street and he was cold as shit because it's always cold there. Why is it called Erie? He thought shouldn't be called Erie because Erie is a fucking negative connotation and everyone in Erie wonders why it's down in the dumps. They're still trying

to rebuild. Anyway, Jimmy was walking down the street. Worst book ever, dude, but best book ever. So yeah, so he goes to Erie with a hundred dollars, no contacts in his phone, and just shows up and in 90 days 90 days he's gonna fucking

make a million dollar company uh guess if he's five five or not he's five five dude he's so short and of course he is because no guy who's six two or above is just going to be like, I got something to prove. Yeah, so he comes out, and he sleeps in his car. Dude, the guy's worth over $2 billion. That's too much. Dude, if I was worth $2 billion, I'd keep it all all and i'd die with it i wouldn't tell anybody

about it um no but uh so he so we we so we watch and he's got like nine you know five kids or something and kristin is next to me and as soon as the show starts she's like that's like really irresponsible for him to like leave for 90 days and he's got like two young kids and i'm just like just are we watching it or not and um so we watch it and he's five five and he comes out and he's just like so i left everywhere to come here to erie pennsylvania with a hundred dollars no contacts and i changed my last name so nobody knows who i am everything's a show now. Everything is a fucking show now. I'm not going to eat bread for nine days. Tune in to TBS. Let's see if I can go. Let's see if I can go 900 years without walking, without walking. I'm just going to crawl everywhere. I'm going to do an army crawl everywhere on the next episode of crawling.

Oh, it fucking hurts on my torso. On the learning channel. It's always the learning channel. Hey, what the fuck are we learning, dude? Hey, learning channel, what the fuck are we learning anymore? Dude, it's just like, what's that one? Midgetville or whatever the fuck it is. Tiny guys in tiny houses i don't know

it's like what are they doing the learning channel fuck off dude what what are you what are we learning uh the learning chat 90 day isn't that on fucking 90 day fiance isn't that on the learning channel what the fuck are we learning what are we learning how big of a jackass not to be yes dude these guys are just like troglodytes or the female is a troglodyte and then the guy or the female is from the other country and he comes in and he's just like gaston and shit dressed up with one of those fucking coffee filter neck neck things that gaston wears hello i'll marry you are you sure it's not because you want to live in lafayette you want to live in america no i love you okay can we have sex no no no i'm a virgin and i'll be that way until i get my

citizenship um but that's the thing and i know what that feels like too when you just want it to work so the fucking the the the hopefulness of it is just come on dude it's like when you're when you watch that old press your luck show and they're just like no whammies no whammies no whammies no whammies no whammies so bitch how they always do it no whammies no whammies no whammies no whammies and then and then oh we got a whammy you hope for the no whammy so much but the fucking whammy comes every time and the whammy in this case is he doesn't love you because you're portly and you're fucking 60 and he's 22 um but uh yeah so 90 day fiance don't don't be on that show but everyone just wants to be famous you know uh so this guy's a billionaire and he goes to erie pennsylvania

and tries to and i didn't fucking dude And I watched five episodes with my fiance, with my 600 day fiance. And, uh, cause COVID happened and everything else. And, um, and dude, I, we watched five episodes and I went to sleepies and then I woke up and I went to go get a coffee and I came back five o'clock rolls around she's like I finished our show and I'm like how there's fucking 20 episodes and she's like I just watched 17 and 18 fuck it and I said well how'd you you just skipped and she she literally said I don't know and I said what do you mean oh no did you watch all of them or not she's like I I don't know I just ended and, what do you mean? Oh, no. Did you watch all of them or not? She's like, I don't know. I just ended. And I'm like, oh, she's not going to fucking be even I don't even. So now we got to watch a new fucking show, dude. When you're when you're when you're when your fiance watches the end of a show that you just

fucking spent five hours on, guess I'll die now. guess i'll die now dude wow anyway um so yeah so we watched fucking undercover billionaire dude wow i wish there was a show called fucking undercover trillionaire and it was a guy who was worth a trillion dollars and he just came in and he floated in with on a jet pack or on those fucking water things that don't work where you where you go in the water and then they squirt you up like nine feet for two seconds and then you fall on your neck and hurt yourself dude those those talk about so bitch those water things where you do in the ocean or the lake where you hook on your feet first of all those are way too big that's the whole thing where it's like i don't invent it until it's better do you know what i'm talking about like don't invent the fucking thing till it's better

i feel that way about the internet half the time i'm like if it doesn't work don't have it if i'm in a fucking coffee shop and and i'm like and i'm like do you guys have wi-fi and they're always like yeah but it's not you know what stop do you have it or not does it work don't have it if it works have it do you know what i'm talking about yeah it's every coffee shop i go do you have wi- Yeah, but you have to, the thing, oh, you know what? Stop, dude. Stop. You have to sign into the portal and then the point, then you need it here. Let me write it down. Why do you have fucking things that you give out? You have to write it to here. It's a weird here. It's a weird password and it's case sensitive.

Oh, for fuck's sake, dude. I'm just using G network or whatever the hell it's called. fuck's sake, dude, I'm just using G network, or whatever the hell it's called, 41, um, I'm just using G network, sounds like a rap group in 2001, um, oh, man, me and my friend used to do the PIMP song, that's the only song you can't fucking hum, or the fucking G unit one. What was the one that goes... Can't even fucking hum it. My uncle once said that rap's the only music you can't hum. Think about it every six months. Anyway, dude. it is what it is

calvin's doing this thing where we when we drink we'll go like come on calvin's my son for those of you that don't know but we'll go like come on drink you drink we'll do that, like, you know, we're in a Pepsi commercial, and so he does it now, he just goes, he'll drink it, and then he'll, like, you know, every sip, like, a toddler takes is just, like, okay, I think I remember this, I think I remember how it goes down, but let me just make sure that everything's cool, my eyes are watering a little bit, all good, everything's cool my eyes are watering a little bit all good okay and then he'll do it it's so funny it'll he'll just like he'll have to reboot after every sip he'll drink he'll drink and then he'll just act like someone's spraying his face with a water gun for a little bit he's just like it's like you don't have to forcibly do you can it's just supposed to be refreshing kid

and so he does it but now he just thinks it means drink and so every anytime i'm drinking anything he'll just point to it and he'll go whether it's a bottle or a cup or a jug or whatever the fuck it is whether it's a bottle or a cup or a jug or whatever the fuck it is. And I'm just, and I'll be drinking like coffee, like cold brew, or his mom will be drinking, my fiance will be drinking a fucking, what is it, a margarita. And we're just like, no, this is for daddy. No, it's for daddy and he'll go and i'm just like it's coffee you're gonna be up all night

it's or it's like lacroix and i know the bubbles he can't even barely he when he drinks water looks like eyeballs are gonna pop out of his head and so i'm like all right fine today i was just like okay here here's la croix and i gave it to him and he just goes and i'm like are you gonna are you gonna make it through this or what and he's just like and then a kid like he just is hilarious kids are hilarious you know god he's so funny love the motherfucker uh i gotta get him to fucking start working out soon man the worst thing the the thing that he the one of the most annoying things about a baby is or a toddler is they don't like i don't know if they like don't remember or they just don't

give a fuck which i like if they don't give a fuck, which I like if they don't give a fuck. But when you like, when you're wiping their face, they act like, they act like you're trying to like suffocate them. You know, they act like they're trying to like, and you're just like, just, you got, you have one thing here and they're just, and it's like, dude, you, do you remember that this just takes fucking four seconds dude if you just relax sit the fuck tight you got milk all over you from you got milk all over your face all it takes is a little dab or two and if i miss it i come back and i dab another and they're just like i'm not hey and you and it just taken a long do you remember from lunch

i literally left the fucking pesto on the ravioli on your chin because it's so annoying no no no he's just and you're like right, then have a messy face, dude. And then if you, I post you on my Instagram story or somebody sees you, then people just think that we're a dirty family. Great. We're a dirty family now.

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see in store for details dude you bought something on the apple tv today? Like, legit. I know people, like, always joke and lie about that to make it funny, but straight up, Callie, grab the Apple remote, which is the worst remote on the fucking planet, okay? Because it's the size of a stamp.

Like, dude, that's one of those things that I don't need to be so small. It's a remote control. We lose it anyway. Remember the universal remotes when it was like, what do you want to watch?

You want to watch Mr. Belvedere? Great. Let me play it. Remember the universal remotes when the fucking shit was, when each button was as big as your hand? Those were so big.

That's one of those things where I said, don't invent it until it works. Those universal remotes. The Apple remotes need things where I said, don't invent it until it works. Those universal remotes. The Apple remotes need to be bigger. Anyway, my kid's got it, and he's crawling all over creation. I don't even know where the fuck. And he's got it, and I see the Apple TV just bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop.

It goes to that page where all of the different applications are open. And I'm just like, is this a computer now? Hey, kid, is this a computer now hey kid i'm a computer bro that old gi joe shit hey kid i'm a computer um i fucking love that shit on ebom's world anyway he um he he fucking grab it does it and i'm just like you know what dude i'm just gonna let you have the remote what are you gonna do break it? I'm just going to let you have the remote. What are you going to do? Break it?

And then he just goes blink, blink. And then it just signs it. It just plays the thing. And I'm like, oh, I have Apple TV. It's fine. And then I'm going number two. And I check my emails because that's the only time I ever check my emails. And I look and it's like, thanks for your purchase of the fucking Apple TV. I'm like, do you fucking bought it?

I thought I had Apple TV. I only have Apple TV on the other on the other fucking account or something. I don't know how many accounts. I don't understand really what happened, but I do know that he bought something. And here's the fucking kicker, dude. Because he just played it, I started watching it. And I'm just like, ah, this is kind of good. Now I'm going to fucking watch it.

I got to buy the whole goddamn thing. This kid works for Apple TV. He's got his dirty face just, ah, ah, bloom, bloom, bloom, bloom, bloom, playing some shit with that girl from the Jumanji, the new Jumanji. She's such an actress that would have a show on Apple TV it's unbelievable the the one with the she's in Jumanji and also she plays somebody in one of the X-Men shows or something 41 dude I was on my discord chat earlier and someone was like I'm gonna I'm gonna what'd they say what's your favorite Star Wars and I was like, I'm going to, I'm going to, what'd they say? What's your favorite Star Wars?

And I was just like, um, yeah. I fucking, anyway, wiping a baby's mouth takes so fucking long, but we love him so much. I said it a little bit the other day. I forgot to finish talking about it on my last podcast, but we love him so much i said it a little bit the other day i forgot to finish talking about it on my last podcast but we love him so much he's gonna have a complex dude we're just like we love i mean we tell i don't know like we tell him we love him so much that he's just like yeah okay i'll play with the i'm gonna play and um i feel like this kid is just gonna grow up and you know how i said i walk into rooms and I just assume everyone hates me? He's going to have the opposite. He's going to walk in the room and just be like, where are my presents?

Where are my presents? Why are you not on your knees for me and playing with me? Why are you not on your knees doing things for me um so yeah i don't know man we love him i love being a dad dude being a dad fucking rips dude being a dad fucking rips dude being a dad fucking rips renner took me out um so yeah so oh i got you know what i haven't done for a while man is uh looked at youtube videos and i don't a lot of you guys are hitting me up on my patreon telling me patreon.com uh slash chris delia i gotta watch youtube videos so i'm gonna fucking watch some youtube videos and some of these are fucking

sent from you guys but also other ones that i like a lot now here's the thing i fucking clicked out of it oh fuck yeah dude i clicked out of it oh yes dude fuck yeah, dude. I clicked out of it. Oh, yes, dude. It's gone. Dude, before I sat down, I got four fucking things, put them on four different pages, and I clicked out of it. Woohoo! Do you know why I clicked out of it? Because I fucking, the stopwatch thing was on it.

The timer was on it, and I clicked out of the whole thing, and now the only thing that's up is the stopwatch, and that doesn't even matter. Yeah, dude! Woohoo! was on it and I clicked out of the whole thing and now the only thing that's up is the stopwatch and that doesn't even matter yeah dude I had four fucking pages clicked on and I don't have any one of them yes man dude I you know what fuck it I don't dude god how do I have a fucking show that people listen to I don't know but anyway the I you know i could i could pull it up because this one was so good to me man um youtube let's go to youtube how many got any good youtubes lately um that was the doorman at my brother's building got any new got any good youtubes lately uh nah like it's candy um no what is it not gay no more. This fucking thing, man.

I can't remember how I saw it. Somebody sent it to me. Somebody sent it to me. Do you believe that the Lord tonight. First of all, black preacher and he said Lord. Said Lord. Do you believe the Lord? There's a D. He doesn't give a fuck. Why would he? Um,

he's a preacher. Preachers don't give a fuck. You know what I'm talking about? They do everything for the Lord and have a jet. These, these television and they're, they're just like, give money to the homeless. In their jet. This is from Silly Funny Videos. Okay, you know, try harder. Silly Funny Videos, try harder with the account name. Anyway, young gay man is delivered from homosexuality and party dances. Oh, so foreign. Party dancing.

Dancing is fine. Anyway, do you guys party dancing? Or what, tonight? You guys party dancing tonight? Or are you just... So, this shit. Do you believe that the Lord tonight has set you free? Yes, sir. Okay.

Do you believe that the Lord tonight has set you free? And then the guy just goes without hesitation, which is what I fucking love about this shit. He just says, yes, sir, dude, there is no second guessing. And that is because the preacher knows how to talk and knows his shit. This preacher is the mentalist. This preacher tells you how to feel. And the dude is just like, yes, sir, I don't have a mind no more. So I ain't got no mind no more so shoot from the hip so he just goes do you believe the lord has set you and on the back end of him talking yes sir nodded so hard his head almost lopped off now we continue around and tell those people

now turn around and tell those people. And this is the best because the guy goes to grab the microphone. And then the preacher has something else to say. And the guy goes to grab the microphone and misses. This is a bitch. And I'm not. Oh, wow. He grabs the microphone.

The first thing he does is so good dude i used to have a spanish teacher that was named mr take me and he would he would breathe so much it was unbelievable it was like dude how many fucking lungs do you have he would just be like uh hello muchachos uh who got a los baseball um gay no more oh what dude this is the best right here well let's start it over because you really got to ramp it up when you ramp it up there's a big pay payoff dude so he just turn around and tell those people i also so not specific dude turn around and tell those people. Tell them. And the guy just grabs a microphone, literally could have said anything. Um, I am sand.

So, uh. I'm not gay no more. I'm delivered. Oh, well. I'm not gay no more. I am delivered. Oh, well. I'm not gay no more. I am delivered. Wow, dude. He just, the enthusiasm.

He goes, I'm not gay no more. I am delivered. And he says, delivered. Delivered. The Lord delivered him. Wow, that is just... I'm not gay no more. I am delivered.

Wow, he felt it, dude. I love when people feel lies. I love when a guy gets fired and says, oh, this is the best thing that ever happened to me. That's the best thing I ever had. Just start a new life. Delivered. Eyes rolled back in his head when he said it.

I'm not gay no more. I am delivered. Cool. Let's keep going. I'm not gay no more. I am delivered. Cool, let's keep going. I don't like men no more. Oh, screaming it, dude. I am delivered. I don't like men no more. Oh, my God, dude.

I don't like mans no more lost credibility when you made men even more plural I don't like mans no more it looked like he felt himself so hard that he I'm shocked he didn't do this

afterwards this guy wants to believe it so badly that he's yelling it so hard wow I don't like this no didn't say it didn't say it and then he says I said I like women and as he's saying it he turns around and faces the back lying hey

you turned around and faced the back. You're lying. Hello, officer. Why did you pull me over? Do you not know why? Do you know how fast you were going? do you not know why? Do you know how fast you were going?

No, I honestly have no idea. Why did you turn around? Oh, I'm lying. I mean, dude, he turned around. That's the best. Also, guess if he's wearing a bow tie or not. Oh, you guessed right. Guess if he's got a bow tie or not. Oh, you guessed right. Guess if he's got a paisley blazer on.

You guessed right. Oh, wow, dude. I did not know he did that. I don't think I watched this whole thing. I actually don't even know if I... Wow. Possessed, possessed, possessed. Underwater. Women, women, women, women, women.

Put his face in titties, you know. So anyway, motorboating. I'm not gay. Screaming. Screaming so loud loud has a microphone the guys on stage with him are just like i don't uh we thought we thought this was we thought he was paralyzed and we were going to help him stand i would not say a man telling himself i would not carry a purse telling himself i would not put on makeup so so not sure what he is going to say dude also went way further into it like talking about how

he's not gay and then immediately we got a hint that he also dresses like a woman, you know? I will not carry a purse. I will not put on makeup. Okay. That's fine, dude. That's all good. And then he says, I will love a woman. Like he's one of those fucking Saudi Arabian guys that comment on Instagram girls' pictures. Picture of bobs, please. fucking Saudi Arabian guys that comment on on Instagram girls pictures picture of Bob's please

um I will I will love a woman wow so not sure what he's gonna say listen what y'all praise God with him hold on wait a minute somebody believe God you know what's You know, it's fucking, it's funny, but it's also like, here's the thing. I think two years ago, I would have just thought this was funny. But just because like, I'm, I'm like really trying to like understand myself. Like everybody's got their shit, you know, everybody's got their shit that they're, that they're, that they're trying to fucking work through. And it just, it just is sad that this guy thinks that he, it's sad to me, this video, because like, dude, if he's gay, fucking be gay. And let's just chill, man. You don't have to like a woman. You know?

You don't have to have the fucking Lord delivered you. Just fucking be gay. Be so gay, dude. Put on makeup. Wear a purse. Rock that motherfucker. You know? Let's see the comments someone writes i said i like women's women's women's women's blah blah blah blah blah blah

wow wow i mean dude it's just, uh, well, I hope that that dude is just out there living with a guy and loving it. Uh, this is another video. This was sent by a guy on my Patreon that calls himself bags dentless. So it doesn't get the jargon, but anyway. Well, if you find yourself stuck trying to move around on the ice, many people say you should kind of walk like a penguin. Dude, I just, you know what?

I don't even want to watch this fucking, well, no, we'll watch it. This guy, dude, it's just the whitest guy of all time. If you find yourself walking a block, look. But it's 10 news reporter Coulter Anstead. They're teaching you how to walk on ice. There's a better way

to keep yourself from falling. Dude, what about how everyone's dying news? You really that short on news? Everyone's dying. Everyone's getting beat up. No matter what race you are,

you're getting beat up. No matter what race you are, you're getting beat up. No matter what, where you are in the world. So many of your friends died. And these guys are like, walking on ice is actually something that we can tell you about tonight. Uh, and they say to walk like a penguin.

Okay. You're just going to stride on it to work and come down to the set walking on an icy surface like a sidewalk or park dude i'll fuck in the news dude there's always a guy who introduces it and then there's a guy with the voiceover that has to be higher than the news guy you know i'm talking about they say when you're walking on the ice to walk like a penguin, and that's what it is. But we're going to check in with Johnny Johnson, and we're going to know what's going on here. And then it cuts to a guy in the field, and the voiceover is like, they say when you're walking on ice,

walking on ice safely is actually... It's literally what happened here. You're just going to strut on it to work and come down to the set. Walking on an icy surface like a sidewalk or park like what is this guy talking like this for just fucking be regular when i want to do the news and i just want to be like yeah it's gonna fucking rain over here and a guy got beat up in huntington beach but he fucking kind of deserved it hey i'm here i'm chris talia i'm live at huntington beach where a guy got fucking kicked in he was at a pizza place and uh he kind of fucking, I don't know, man.

This guy came through. What happened? Yeah, he came in my pizza place and basically he was acting all jittery. I thought he was on drugs and I had to kick him out and he tried to fight me and I punched him in the face. All right, there you have it. it what else back to you or whatever i i don't like the whole thing you think dude the shit that we're pouring money into there's a fucking mechanism dude it cuts to for those of you listening to this it it cuts to a whole device. That's like, uh, uh, one of those, it looks like monkey bars and then a tether coming down from it. And then a guy's got a vest attached to the tether. And then there's like a plank of ice under it. And he's hooked

into the fucking mechanism. And he's like trying to walk on ice, this is like millions of dollars just if if you fall on ice get up you don't who's to learn who watched this whose life did this save put the money in fucking cancer everyone's. And some guy's just walking on ice like a bitch strapped in under his legs. He's all bunched up and shit. So what you're going to do is... What the fuck?

Biodynamic slip simulator. What is this called? This fucking waste of money? slip simulator. What is this called? This fucking waste of money. Industrial biodynamic slip simulator. Industrial biodynamic slip simulator. Hey, if you fall on ice, you fucked up. Okay. That's it. Dude. My uncle fell on ice, hit his head so bad, got a concussion. That's on him, man. that's on him, he hurt his back for fucking three weeks, that's on him, and if I fell on ice, that's on me, you think I would fucking be like, oh, I wish I saw this fucking thing on WSLS 10 news, evening news, so I would know how to walk, also, it's uneven,

ice is not even, and this shit is like a sheet of like it's like dude what are we the fucking kings or whatever is that even a fucking hockey team anymore what are we the hurricanes probably as a team what are we the fucking oilers uh fucking sports teams dude the browns is a team you know like what try harder it's football i know i know i know i'm joking okay The Browns is a team, you know? Like, what? Try harder. It's football, I know. I know. I know.

I'm joking, okay? Walking normally... You know what this mechanism looks like? When, like, TV with... When movies that don't have enough budget, like, show someone hang themselves. It's like all... The whole backpack is on, and you're like... You ever see the movie where the guy hangs himself, and you're like, you ever see the movie where

the guy hangs himself and then you know, the budget was bad because the guy if you hang yourself, it's like that, you know, but the fucking in low budget movies, he's got like, oh, and he's just like, and you're like, oh, he's got the pack on. He took me out of it. His shoulders are touching his ears. That wouldn't happen. Struggled to keep my balance and made the mistake of using my arms to help. The problem with that is we get stiff. So as we start to slip, we start to do this kind of motion, and that really enhances that slip. This guy's studying people slipping.

Industrial biodynamics president John Hager says marching with short, flat steps is the best technique. Marching with short, flat steps is the best technique. Marching with short, flat steps is the best technique. Dude, just let me fall. Imagine just like, oh, hold on. It looks slippery. Like you're one of those monkeys with the symbols that wind up. Hold on, dude.

They say it takes. Imagine you're on a date. Hey, let me just. I'm going to. You know what to do, sweetheart what i know it's our first date but i might as well tell you this is icy we got to walk like this completely dry um uh yeah dude just fall you know i don't want to see shit like this it's called best technique to use when walking on ice no tech

to technique you know just that has to like it's not badminton there is a guy on oh by the way salt bay you're done dude thanks you're done this guy made fucking eight billion dollars off of doing this more power to him dude i'm in love with him actually hey is he in costume or is that his face also you know he's fucking you know he's five4 and that's it that's all i have to say about that and why is he dressed like a fucking johnny depp character in 1994 always and that is the truth and dude the new shit that he does on the thing he just goes wow dude stick to just salt in your elbow, man. Yeah, so I got a guy who did the... I found a guy. And I've been waiting to talk about this guy.

It was sent to me by my buddy Cannon King. And he is on... He had some followers when I first found out about him, when Canon showed me. But I found, he's been gaining popularity now. And I'm like, I got to fucking do the podcast because I want to talk about him. This guy is my favorite person, dude. His name is White Claw Gabe. Now let's bring this guy up. Instagram on Instagram. I know he's, I think he's bigger on TikTok, but this guy, dude, what was the first one I saw of his?

I'm just going to play a random one. It's so great what this guy's doing. Here we go. play a random one. It's so great what this guy's doing. Here we go. Fucking Friday. Going for my fucking daily walk and shit, man. Fuck. Last night was a blast. I feel fucking, a little fucking tired right now. At least I'm going for my fucking daily walk. Get up, you lazy bums.

Take your fucking walk. Friday, yeah. It's the weekend, baby. Fuck. It's nothing like Friday. Friday and Saturday and Sunday. Who deserves Friday, Saturday, and Sunday? Me. Fuck. Friday doesn't feel like Friday. Friday feels like Saturday for me.

Just doing my... Like, you know, hey, dude, figure out what you're going to say first. Hey, it's fucking Friday. So many fucks, dude. This is great. Anything you click on is amazing. Watch.

Here's a random one. Hey, it's Saturday. I got to go to the studio and ballin', baby. Wow. First of all, dude, the first one started with, it's Friday, fuck. And then this one, which is like seven videos after, he says, hey, it's Saturday, baby, fuck. Dude, so many videos okay fuck yeah i gotta ball at the studio yeah i gotta make some fucking money at the studio

balling baby yeah fuck for for fight night so unsure what it seems like for the fight nights and steaks fuck i gotta get to the studio and fucking bomb. What's up, motherfucker? Bitches, fuck. Going to the studio Saturday, bitch. I mean, dude, cut himself off. Fuck. Going to have steaks tonight.

Fuck. Always thinking everything's a problem. Always realize, always remembering something. Oh, this one's good. Here. This one's good. God damn it. Fuck.

What the fuck, man? Fuck. It's fucking Monday. Said nothing so far. Fuck. Wow. Said absolutely nothing so far. It's been...

And Monday, go fuck yourself. There we go. Gotta get up. Everybody gotta get up. Go to work, go to school, fuck, fucking Monday,

I hate it, hate it, man, fuck, ah, shit, man, it's fucking Monday,

this guy, oh my God, I could watch this all day, I don't give a fuck, here's the thing, man, some people are like, okay, it's funny, whatever, like, move on, dude, I want to watch this this all day i don't give a fuck here's the thing man some people are like okay it's funny whatever like move on dude i want to watch this guy all day you don't get it

you don't get it i want to hang out with this guy this guy's my new jackson human i want to hang out with this guy and chill with him man the guy's into it ah baby happy monday fuck baby fuck hey monday go fuck yourself if you gotta go to work or go to school hey money go fuck yourself i'm just done going to the bathroom fuck and i'm gonna show you something baby fuck baby fuck hey monday go fuck yourself baby fuck the toilet baby wow yeah hey monday go fuck yourself amazing payoff toilet baby yeah what an amazing payoff hey i'm gonna show you something fuck baby yeah fuck uh hey monday let me here i'm gonna show you oh fuck fuck i'm gonna show you something baby and then just takes toilet paper puts it in the toilet and flushes it.

Yeah, Monday. Fuck you. Such a good payoff, dude. That was better, honestly, than the fucking Avengers movie when he goes and everyone faded away. That shit's better. He's the Avenger. White Claw Gabe the Avenger. This guy's a riot you gotta follow

this motherfucker dude he's got 16,000 followers he had like 9,000 when I first saw hmm oh he's on cameo dude I'm gonna get a cameo from him 100% no doubt um anyway anyway that's it that's it

I'm done uh hey you guys sign up for my patreon patreon.com slash Chris D'Elia uh there's two tiers there check it all out that's how you support the show there's also some fucking merch out we got that summertime merch

and I'm rip roaring in it dude I wear the life rip shirt and the life rips hoodie and I'm walking out styling dude I love making my own clothes and wearing them shits man you guys are great thanks very much and dude if you support the show

thank you it truly means a lot love you guys bye Thank you.