Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 186. Show Me the Ghosts

Episode Date: May 7, 2021

🎟 Catch the uncut/extended episode—as well as 1 entire bonus episode per month—over on Patreon: https://patreon.com/chrisdelia  In this episode of Congratulations Chris watches a bunch of videos including: Mr. Unlimited, a hockey player with a catchphrase , and the worst/best battle rapper of all time. He also met a ghost named Ado. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's BetterHelp.com. free. Yes, you heard that right. From the crispest lettuce to the juiciest apples, Loblaws is committed to fresh, so you get the best fruits and veggies. Look for new value programs when you shop at Loblaws in-store and online. Conditions may apply. See in-store for details. What's up? Check it out. Check it out and stuff. It's congratulations. Nice, dude. It is episode 186, I think, maybe, unless we change the order, which we might, because we do what we want. Hell yeah, dude. Don't like it when I have plastic water bottles on here, because then people think I'm being bad to the ocean. When in actuality, I love the ocean.

I love the ocean so much, I don't get in there and piss in it. And I don't get in there, period, pretty much, because the ocean is for basically marine biology and sharks and stuff and not me dude did you know that well now you do let's start with a disrespectful drink which you know means respectful and uh let's just get into it dude previously on congratulations Previously on Congratulations Whoa! Dude, the ABC time! We added it to the soundboard, baby

Yeah, dude, that's fucking amazing It makes me feel So, you know I'm not going to lean on the soundboard you know what i mean but i'm gonna have a little bit of fun with it every now and then i'll pop in and i'm gonna pray some shit and then i'm gonna fucking sit back and relax and just talk a little bit but um it is what it is and you know what dude uh i i you know it's cool it's hot in here, so that's great, it's almost a sauna, the background looks like a sauna, by the way, every podcast has this now, so that's great, yay, we want it to be original, and then every podcast got this, yay, dude, that's fucking

amazing, man, that's so cool, every podcast got, every podcast got this, and I, and fucking, there's literally nine, nine fucking comedy podcasts they got this like okay that's fine i don't give a shit i really don't but i just want to point it out if i did it and someone else had done it already people would be like that delia motherfucker he's biting and i'd have to be like nah i don't think so um because who gives a shit what the wall looks like, but they're doing it. That's all I'm saying is that they're doing it. Um, so yeah, so I ordered food. It'll be on its way.

It's on its way and it'll show up when it shows up. And that's when I'll have to fucking make a slice in the editing shit and then have to get the food. So that's what's up. And maybe I won't, but, uh But maybe it won't get here because it's Postmates and Postmates sometimes comes and sometimes it rings the doorbell and sometimes it rings the doorbell when

it's instructed not to ring the doorbell. And sometimes it fucking, it doesn't give you option for priority and then it makes all sorts of different trips before it even gets to your fucking house and the time you get it you're eating a chicken sandwich and it's colder than a fucking polar bear's toenail. Dude.

Like, what's his name said on OutKast? Yeah, so that's, you know, how's it been? How's it been? Well, you know, it's been okay. Just got out of my group therapy, so feeling a little bit good. That always makes me feel, feel good. Um, and, uh, I, I, I honestly wanted to start with something.

I can't even remember what it is, but that's what this fucking podcast is all about, dude. It's about not having a fucking, you know, these guys will be like, so what are we going to talk about today? Like there's some late night show host and that's, I'm not that dude. Have you seen, by the way, late show in the pandemic? What, what are we going to talk about today? Like there's some late night show host and that's, I'm not that dude. Have you seen, by the way, late show in the pandemic? What are they doing? Hey guys, just wait until everything comes back. They're doing like bits in the bathtub and shit. Stephen Colbert will be like in a bathtub and just be like, oh guys didn't see you there oh wow and i love steven colbert but i'm just still like oh wow why are you doing that in the tub dude um so yeah i'm

but yeah that's what's going on but i was gonna say something dude how about the fucking how about uh sign up for our patreon that's that's what i was gonna say sign up for our patreon uh patreon.com slash chris leah you get the raw uncut congratulations episodes you get one episode uh extra a month and you get all sorts of extra bonus content you know um so that's great and live it up live it up. Live it up, baby. Live it up, dude. Beep. Remember that fucking... Unlimited.

That was the thing that happened. What's that guy's name? Russell Wilson. Beep, beep. Unlimited. Dude, I'm going to fucking play this clip. This was one of the things that happened while I was on my hiatus, where I was like, oh, for fuck's sake, dude,

this motherfucker had to do this while I was on hiatus? Mr. Unlimited. A lot of you guys probably know what it is, dude, but dude, it is so amazing. For some reason, I keep thinking he goes, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Unlimited. Let's see if my memory serves me correctly. Mr. Unlimited typing this into fucking YouTube and it comes up. I type Mr. You and it comes up.

Mr. Russell Wilson. Russell Wilson is one of those names I can't fucking say. Russell Wilson. I got to say it quick. Russell Wilson. Mr of those names I can't fucking say. Russell Wilson. I got to say it quick. Russell Wilson. Mr. Unlimited. Dude, first of all, that's just the middle of it.

Mr. Unlimited. You got to be unlimited. You got to have a thought process of being unlimited. Said absolutely nothing, dude. 10 seconds of fucking absolutely saying nothing. And that's the most amazing thing that you can do is be talking but not saying anything and that's what this podcast is all about um can you find just the regular clip of it where it's just the whole thing because the whole lead up into it is amazing the whole thing's like three minutes and he can't even fucking and he's saying nothing and it's also the most fucking Cincy thing I've ever heard in my life.

It's the most fucking insecure thing I've ever heard in my life. It's Cincy. It's Cincy. He's basically from Cincinnati, dude. I can't even believe how insecure it is to be like, uh, uh, sneezing, dude. Sneezing while he says it. Uh, uh, unlimited. Sneezing while he says it. Huh?

Huh? Unlimited. Sneezing. We're going to find it. Did we find it yet? No. That's what I hate about fucking YouTube, dude. You go to type it in and it's like, oh, here it is.

And then you play it. And then it's like, so Russell Wilson did a fucking thing. And check it out. He's the king of cringe. Here on Extra Points. You found it? Are you sending it? How are you sending it to me?

At the top of the... All right, here we go. It's at the top, my baby. It's at the top, my baby. And I can't find it on my fucking thing? Yeah, dude, here we go. It's at the top. Here we go.

Oh, yeah, that's right. He fucking tweeted it. Here we go. Hey, guys. Here we go. It's at the top. Here we go. Oh, yeah. That's right. He fucking tweeted it. Here we go. Hey, guys. Russell here. Yes, the typical boring. Yes, Russell. Robot Russell.

The one you guys love to know. Humming so much. The typical boring. Yes, Russell. Yes. An evil villain. A fucking evil villain, dude. It was unlimited.

Dude, I love how there's a fucking chick in the background in the mirror too like what is she thinking dude let's break this video down hey guys uh russell here yes the typical boring oh the fucking blasé attitude that he went into this with is only something mr unlimited could do that's russell the robot russell the one you guys love to know a real real exciting you know i'm real exciting. I'm real excited. But anyways, everybody has to have an ultra ego. Ran out of breath. I've been thinking about it.

For no reason. Ran out of breath. Everybody has to have an ultra ego. Ran out of breath for no reason. Everybody has to have a... In the fucking middle of having breath, ran out of breath. Unbelievable. But anyways...

How about... You know he's not unlimited about fucking breath. Everybody has to have an ultra ego nope they don't i've been thinking about that'd be so nervous anyways uh everybody has to have an ultra ego right and i've been thinking about you know how you could tell someone is so fucking from cincinnati when they when they're talking is when they open their mouth for way too long before they say something. And he does it right here. Ultra ego, right? And I've been thinking about what my ultra ego would be. Here, wait, hold on. Where is he? Everybody has to have an ultra ego. No, no, here's right here. You guys love to know. Real, real exciting. I'm real excited. But anyways,

everybody has to have an alter ego, right? And I've been thinking about what my alter ego would be. And I think I have an alter ego. His name's... The payoff, dude, it better be good. You know what I mean? His name better be like, my alter ego is Dick Sucker Jones. Do you know what I'm saying?

The bombastic pussyussy Chaser. But this guy just says, his name's Mr. Unlimited. You got to be unlimited. You got to have a thought process of being unlimited. So when people ask you what you're thinking about or what you want to do in life or where you want to go, you've got to be unlimited. Tell them, I'm unlimited.

You know what I mean? So when they ask you certain questions like, who brings you motivation? Oh, uh, got his wife involved now. Ask you certain questions like, who brings you motivation? There was that fucking pause like it was on the news. We're live to the fucking to fucking guy guyerson and uh he's there live at the scene here

we go what do you think guy hi uh that that's that's how the girl was and she's right there she's not certain questions like who brings your motivation russell mr unlimited who who's your role model the shrug unlimited who's your go-to person for advice russell they think pete carroll they think this person think that person i love you pete but it's mr unlimited tom wow ended it too soon. Dude, I love how he says, they think it's, who? Who did they say? They think Pete Carroll. They think this person. They think that person.

Didn't come up with, come up with three people, you know? Totally fucking not unlimited with how many names you can think of. Totally limited with how many names you can think of. They think Pete Wilson. They think, well, it turns out I'm limited thinking of names. But this person, that person, they say, you know, who is this? Unlimited. Dude, when I saw that, that's it.

That video was so fucking unbelievable to me. When I saw that, I got shorter. That's how fucking badass that video was. Hey, guys. Russell here. Yes, the typical boring yes yes robot robot you guys love to know a real real exciting real i'm real exciting um anyways love it dude everybody has i love this he i love what videos where guys are walking around their house and you get to see how fucking dope their house is you ever see that p diddy one where he's like he's like talking he's walking so for so long i there's no way i'll be able to push it pull it up but dude he's just like talking and it's like a minute log instagram and you're like

is he at the fucking four seasons and then he's just like at his house p diddy you know, talk about Mr. Unlimited, yes, that, that Russell, he's boring, robot Russell, Mr. Unlimited, he sounds like my old fucking, you know, my old manager, you know, just, look, look, find Mr. Unlimited in there, you know, like, you know, he's unlimited, okay, you know, like, he's talking about Russell Wilson, okay, and, like, yeah, yeah, sorry, he's got a limit, so he's unlimited, okay, um, but, man, my God, dude, Mr. Unlimited, fuck that, bro'm mr limited okay you're limited i don't like that whole thing that whole vibe that whole like no fear i'm mr unlimited you can do anything you put your mind to mind to what about dying you know what about giving up what about giving up sometimes what about knowing your limit so you don't die what about that you ever go on a walk and you're like oh fucking i should have brought water and you turn

back that's the shit you know what i'm you know what do you what do you you put gas in your car you literally put gas in your car and when it runs out you put more gas in your car. And when it runs out, you put more gas in your car. You don't drive the motherfucker and you're like, let's see what happens. You fuck your car up. If your car's not Mr. Unlimited, you're not Mr. Unlimited. Your body is a machine.

Don't do things like climb the fucking Mount Everest. Everyone's got to do some shit to prove they're a real person, you know? Oh, I want to watch this, dude. This is the greatest. I came across this. Somebody on the Discord.

If you're on my Patreon, you sign up for the highest tier, you can get on the Discord, and you can pitch me segments. Somebody pitched me this segment. I don't know who it is. That sucks. I need to start remembering their names so I can shout them out. Thank you, whoever did this. I'm sorry, little kids. This is called Sn called snipes rap battle verses i don't know i guess this is just you have to put

the words in the sentence but uh snipes rap battle verses i'm sorry this is the worst freestyle well it's not even that but in a way it's the illest. And you know what? I've decided this is the greatest freestyle I've ever heard in my life. And let me tell you why this guy knew he came with nothing and didn't give a fuck and still did it. That's the best. I'm going to... Neil Mickey, that's him? Neil Mickey D? Oh, Neil Mickey D shared this on my Discord. Thanks, Neil Mickey D. Change it. Here it is. I'm sorry, little kids, but I'm going to kill a clown today. So from New Jersey. I'm going to kill a clown today.

Sorry, little kids, but I'm going to kill a clown today. So fucking Essex, New Jersey. Little kids, but I'm going to kill a clown today. Oh, man, that guy's my cousin. Say, bullets are going to spray. I'm from Brooklyn. So fucking absolute... Is it lackadaisical? Is that the word? Lackadaisical? So fucking lackadaisical, dude.

Sorry, my bullets are going to spray. An accountant, dude. I'm sorry, little kid. Wow, the fact that the guy had so much faith in him before he went that he goes get it how fucking stupid is rhyming in a circle i'm sorry little kids but i'm a killer clown today i could say bullets are gonna spray i'm from brooklyn that's all right but let me just say i like to get close and personal with a razor sharp object oh he's

british but let me just say this so far saying a lot of stuff and prefacing it with let me just say love that i'm sorry little kids but i'm a killer clown today i could say bullets are gonna spray i'm from brooklyn that's all right oh Oh, he's from Brooklyn. Why is he British? I like to get close and personal. So confusing already. So confusing already. Bullets are going to spray. I'm from Brooklyn.

That's okay. Let me just say I'm British too. Object. But let me just say this. Okay. I'm not going to stab you in the heart. Oh, thank you. What I'm going to do is grab a pen, stab you in the neck, punch you in the lungs,

and slam a blunt object into your stomach uh fuck completely fucking off the rails already and it is fucking 26 seconds in on fucking believable this guy got to a point in his rap battle career that he thought he could enter this cypher and fail so miserably 26 seconds. Dude, I can rap for 26 seconds better than this. And I'll do it afterwards. Okay. Object into your stomach. Cause internal bleeding. Oh, so fucking specific.

A doctor, dude, and cause internal bleeding. Now, before you die, let me just say this. Okay. Okay, so he's very graphic. He hit it, he stabbed you in the neck with a pen and bludgeoned something else in his stomach

and then did something else, right stomach and then uh did it something else right can't remember what it was but he did a lot of a lot of bad stuff at causing internal bleeding now before you die let me just say this so this is going to be a banger this is going to be the punchline right this is where everyone's going to go oh myself snaps is because i take my time okay here we go the reason i call myself snaps is because I take my time to rhyme. I'm not complicated. But... Well, we know. The reason I call myself Snipes is because I take my time to rhyme. I'm not complicated. Imagine a guy telling you that before you die.

What? He fucking stabs you in the neck, bludgeoning you in the fucking internal bleeding. You're dying. Coughing up blood. And he's like, I just want you to know the reason why they call me snipes is because i don't i don't i'll take my time to write i'm not complicated

i'm like a sniper i am straight through the heart or the head i'm straight and direct i might hide two k's that way you'll know when i hit you oh you as soon as you hit the ground. The dog crying, dude. The dog is even like, where's this motherfucker? Get the balls. You'll know when I hit you as soon as you hit the ground. But, this guy said some shit on Facebook. Here we go, joke of the Dark Knight shit.

So don't let me go all James Holmes on you, Dark Knight shooter. Is that a little bit too soon? It's too soon to be rapping in a cypher. Say this as well. If you want to be the Joker, why don't I give you a bottle of pills, a Chelsea smile, and instead of Heath Ledger dying, why don't you replace his death? Oh, that is the fucking hardest. That is the hardest rap bar I've ever heard in my life, dude. Oh, you want to be the Joker?

Well, how about this? Instead of Heath Ledger dying, why don't you take his death? Oh, that's the hardest. Dude, this guy's hard. This guy has bars, dude. Instead of Heath Ledger dying, why don't you replace his death? Well, if you want to be the joker,

why don't I give you a bottle of pills, a Chelsea smile, and instead of Heath Ledger dying, why don't you replace his death? Ledger dying. Why don't you replace his death? That's so hard. I gave you a fucking renter, dude.

That is so hard. I gave you a renter. I mean, that's the hardest rap lyric I ever fucking heard in my life. All right, here we go. Moving on. Nobody would give two shits about a guy who looks like a fucking meth head. Wow. So raw. What's wrong with that?

You said in your first battle against H.W. Murray. Just talking. Just talking. Just talking. Just talking and reciting. Okay. Says face so many times. Pausing for so long Still pausing They cut, they literally cut

So defensive Ricky Gervais in the office You love what, dude? You're talking. You love what? Oh, is the fucking Postmates here? Oh, yeah. Dude, that is so

fucking funny. He rhymed once. He rhymed once so far, I think. The dog cried again. So offensive. So offensive. Inspirational. So crass and so violent, dude. We should make a law. If Touche is ever going to make a kid, ever have a kid, get his dick in a cunt, we should shoot the little kid.

So crass and so violent, dude. Touche is coming around. Dick in a cunt and make a kid shoot the little kid. So the most awful thing I've ever heard in my life. Like headless fucking chickens. A waste of space. Wow. Damn.

But. Some guy goes, damn. He was feeling it. That guy. I want to know. I want to interview that guy. Space. Damn. But. Damn. I'm feeling it. That guy. I want to know. I want to interview that guy. Space. Damn.

But. Damn. I'm going to say this. Maybe next time I'll come prepared. I got fucked up last night. I forgot my lines. Wow. I'm going to memorize them. Don't know where the fuck I put the piece of paper in my house.

Admitting it. Next time, I'm not going to fuck up I'm going to memorize my lines and I just forgot the piece of paper I forgot to bring the piece of paper from Brooklyn that's real I bet you after this battle I'm going to go home

just be wandering around having a ciggy and then I'm just going to find them and be like oh fuck no there they are just talking that guy's my favorite rapper of all time great congratulations thank you very much you have duh you are dubbed congratulations greatest rapper of all time that is unbelievable dude i'm surprised you didn't say hi I just want to say one more thing. Do you know who I am right now?

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Just need a nice place to settle in enjoy your room upgrade wherever you go we'll go together that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash ymx benefits vary by card terms apply um this other video makes me fucking laugh dude i can't believe i've never talked you know, we had a few odd man rushes there in the first period, which was not good. I love when guys just don't know what they're doing. This guy's never been on camera before, you know, and he's, it must be, Mark Senden, I guess this must be like his first time being interviewed because when he sees it, this guy's going to be like, oh no. Yeah, you know, we had a few odd man rushes there in the first period, which was not good for us.

But, I mean, everyone had their nerves going and everything like that. And then, which we were glad to just keep them to one and everything like that. And then we went back after the period in the locker room, just talked about what we need to fix and everything like that, stick to the game plan, get back on it and everything like that. So, just paid off, stick to the game plan, you know, stiffen up defense and everything like that. You can't say it again. He did. Oh, he did again. Two in a row.

Oh, it still goes? It's six so far. Oh, so that's where he gets it from, his fucking uncle. He said it in the text. That's seven. ...your game, which is what I try to do out here and everything like that. Even the guy's laughing.

Oh, what? ...the semifinals, you get Stillwater, your initial thoughts on the big matchup. I can't wait to play them. I know they're doing good. Only one loss on the season, I believe, and everything like that. i can't wait to play them i know they're uh doing good only one loss on the season i believe and everything like that and dude he hit 10 and everything like that in um yeah how many minutes dude in one minute dude in one minute he hit 10 and everything like that in one minute that's one and everything like that like every seven seconds or so six seconds six seconds right every six seconds dude he's good at math oh we only got it fucking wrong once and then got it right fuck yeah you know what happened one dude

um actually should i even tell this on the podcast yeah okay so my fiance she's taking classes because she's going back to school and shit fuck yeah dude that rips dude going back to school and she and she's retaking

some classes and she couldn't fucking figure out the answer for a math problem. And I fucking helped. And I did it, dude. And I said, go away. I'm going to get this. And I fucking did it. And I got it.

And the answer was one bit. There were two parts. It was one billion and 880 million was the second part. Dude, and I got it right. I put my mind to it and it took 43 minutes for me to get the right answer. And I fucking got it, dude. I got it. And it was about what was it about? Like treasury bonds or some shit, dude. And I fucking got it, dude. I got it. And it was about, what was it about?

Like treasury bonds or some shit? Dude, and I got it right. Your boy got it right. Your boy got it right. And it was about treasury bonds? Dude, oh, you thought he was a comedian? But in actuality, he could do math and it only takes 45 minutes? Hell yeah, dude.

Mathematical renter. That's so ill that I did that. You can put your mind to it and everything like that and do it and everything like that. You can't put your mind to anything. You can't do anything you put your mind to. But, dude, I was looking at equations. I was Googling stuff.

Hell yeah. Isn't that cool? I'm cool. Sometimes you got to do stuff in relationships. Like, you know, you don't have to necessarily do schoolwork if you don't want to. She was like, let's have friends over and i was like fine you know when you decide to have friends over and it's just like then it's like a whole thing and then you like you make plans she's like i'm like when she's like monday and i'm and it's like wednesday and you're like i gotta make plans fucking five six days in a row.

Who knows what Chris D'Elia I'm going to be by then. Who do you want to invite over? And she goes, a couple I know and a couple that you know. And I'm like, they don't even know each other. We're all going to have to be like, yeah, and yeah, oh, yeah. And you, you know, you did that. Didn't you do a similar thing with you? Because you were in,

but you were around that area, right? So you guys. They're getting along. It's very good. luckily we've got great friends and stuff so everybody was on page one immediately they came over everyone was on page one friggin immediately now we're laughing we're having a good time we're eating food we ordered italian you know and we're having a good time we're eating it and shit my friend brought over his dog and the dog literally shit in calvin's play area pissed on the kitchen table in the hallway in the bedroom and tore up two slippers from different pairs don't bring it again. Okay? So, we're laughing, having a good time

and then like Kristen brings out a fucking game and I'm just like, no, she brings out like five games. Like she's like she's Where's Waldo

with the games. Like just toppling over and shit. Just holding them like this and then fucking puts them down and she's like, which one do you want, just holding them like this, and then fucking puts them down, and she's like, which one do you want to play? There's like telestrations, scategories, and just fucking fantabulous,

you know, all these games where they use the same word, the two words, and they make one word, and then fucking Catan, which is like, all right, you know have never seen it but it's like it's supposed to be a great game and we've had it for nine years and we've never even opened it and then another one i don't know what it was and and and they're like how about telestration and i'm like dude give me a game where i don't have to do work i gotta draw and then and then guess and write i i i'm i'm not going to school anymore i don't want to do that shit don't give me a game where i have to like fucking all of a sudden be

an artist just let's play a guessing game what number am i thinking of seven no four all right i lose i want to watch YouTubes and um so we're playing Telestrations it'll be two rounds of course the the girls are like oh we fucking

thought it was the thing oh you know after everyone and the guys are like oh fuck alright well oh

that was cool no we gotta do another round because we gotta fucking think about the thing we gotta do the thing we gotta pen and fucking cheat and figure out we're like alright we'll play again

what other games do you have and they're like we can play Scattergorge we're like nah let's fucking stick with illustrations I don't want to have to guess 10 of them and um so we play a few times I'm being funny it was actually fun right and then we play the heads up thing And so we'd play a few times. I'm being funny.

You know, whatever. It was actually fun, right? And then we'd play the heads-up thing. And the one where you go up and down and shit. And there were act-out ones. So we got 10 on that motherfucker. And then I don't even know. How did we get on this, but Kristen was like,

I think somebody was like, talking about, do you believe in ghosts or some shit, yes, that's what, that's how it came up, and I was just like, I'm not gonna believe in some, like, there's so many, like, the topic of, like, my buddy from Ghost Hunters, like, I asked him once, Aaron, I asked him once about like, do you believe in ghosts? And he was like, oh, fuck. Yeah, dude. And I was like, cool. I'm, I'm, I'm happy you believe in it. But like, until I get some sort of haunted type shit happening to me, even remotely something

I can't explain, Then I'll be, oh, Weeby meme, right? I'll be, oh. But until then, any fucking apparition I see, that's a person, and I just fucked up.

Right? Like there's never been, there's never even been, I thought I closed that door, that's never happened in my life, why is that door, or what's that shadow, oh, yeah, it's a plant, that's always how it's been, you talk to motherfuckers like Bobby Lee, he would be like, and then I saw a face, and it was upside down in the upstairs of the comedy store, and the lights were on, but nobody was in there and i'm like are you just lying and um and uh and so we fucking we so so i'm like nah and all the guys are like nah and all the girls are like no i totally believe in ghosts and we were like how does this matter if you have a dick

or not like that we you believe in it so my kristin where i'm like all right we're talking about ghosts is fine at least we're not playing games you know great we're not playing games i'm smooth sailing from here we're back to talking we're able to make fun and we're joking around kristin is going like this in her head, I realize. She's just going like this. You think that's it, Chris? She's not saying this, but in her head she's like, you think we're just going to be talking the rest of the night?

Wouldn't you like that? Dude, she says, let's do a ouija board now the problem with that is viciously don't wanna right and the guys are like what the fuck you talking about and she's like, no, we can, I'm like, we don't have a Ouija board, haha, fucking nailed you, and she's like, we can print one out, it's 2021, and I'm like, nah, it's not gonna be the same, and she puts it, prints it out, already, by the way, printed it out, I thought she went to go get a drink, she came back with a whole fucking Ouija board, with a whole ass Ouija board she made it she made it dude and she had candles

she's like turn out all the lights and I was like come on dude this doesn't work it doesn't work it's a fucking board game there's no spirits dude so they're like well we don't have the moving thing and then and then one of the girls like you know you can use a quarter and we were like no you can't because you can't even use the thing it doesn't work because it doesn't work and then dude so we get a quarter and it nobody can see the lights are on and i'm doing jokes every time i'm doing jokes just like it's not the time you know and i'm like it's a fucking come on if we're gonna do this we got a joke at least what do i have to fucking you i gotta actually believe in it you're making me believe i don't

believe in it i gotta act oh oh oh what is this Oh, you're not pushing it? You know what I mean? These fucking assholes that do it, you watch it on YouTube. Are you pushing it? You're not pushing it, you swear? Dude, I'm not pushing it. Are you not pushing? What's it?

Oh, it said Howard. Are you kidding me? There's a guy, Howard, he died in this house. No. No. No, it never happened. None of it ever happened. Dude, and she was like do it and so i did it with the guys the quarter never moved how come how come the quarter never moved when the guys did

it and when the girls did it it spelled fucking ado a d o by the way, which is nothing. They were like, are you putting, no, are you, three of them, three fucking little fingers with the, pushing a quarter, not knowing which one of those motherfuckers are pushing the goddamn quarter, but one of them is for sure pushing the fucking quarter. And they're just like, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not. The person who's even pushing it, they probably don't even know they're doing it. That's how fucking stupid it is. You're not, you're not. You're not. The person who's even pushing it, they probably don't even know they're doing it. That's how fucking stupid it is. You're not.

You're not pushing it. A, oh my God. Where's it going? D, oh my God. You're not pushing it. O, who's Ado? Nobody's Ado. And then the girls immediately get on the phone. Ado.

Ado. Ado, Los Angeles. Aldo came up. The shoes. Is it the shoe store? Is he alive? Check if Aldo who owns Aldo is still alive. And then fucking how, how old, Ado, how old are you?

Three. What is it oh my god are you pushing it no it's 3 then I'm like is he 3 she's like wait it could be another number 6 he was 36 oh my god google Edo 36 right now you know what came up a bunch of Japanese

shit Google 8036 right now You know what came up? A bunch of Japanese shit Who lived in this house before? Who lived in this house before? Looking at who lives Dude, if you saw my house Go on my Instagram and look at the fucking background I have the least haunted house there is There's like marble and shit places

Like nice lamps. There's never been a rocking chair in my goddamn house. Nobody's ever even worn a flowy dress. And then she's got the nerves. The girl's got the nerve to be like, don't. You got to take it serious. Once when I was in high school, somebody wanted to play fucking frisbee golf. And we were playing and I was laughing.

He said, you know, it's a lot more fun if you take it seriously. Fucking goddamn motherfuckers. Can't I just do me, dude? I got to do everything your way? Mormons got it right. They won't even let you in the goddamn church if you don't believe it. Good. I'm outside. Are you Mormon? No church if you don't believe it. Good. I'm outside.

Are you Mormon? No. Then you can't come to our wedding. Oh, well, fucking thank you. Jebediah or whatever the fuck they're called. I don't know. It's crowded anyway. We have 19 brothers.

But anyway, we have 19 brothers. So we did the Ouija board, which is spelled W-E-E-J-I-E. Period. No matter what. I don't. O-G. It's not, you know. Dude, the fucking look on my buddy's girlfriend's face was just like well they were like have you ever had anything that's inexplicable and i was like

no i have really yeah what is it, when one time these like Southern men who I know very well were like out on a field and they saw like all together saw a horse and carriage like way out on the path. And then they were like, what the heck is that? And then they went to sleep and then they woke up and they went out to look at the path and there were no tracks.

Get a new brain. It was people. Or they all saw something that wasn't there because ghosts are always in a fucking horse and carriage and shit you know with like bonnets on where's the cool guy ghost is this hacky a guy has to be hacky some comedian must do a bit like this where's the ghost that's like fucking fonzie hey you'd be like oh fuck i want to hang out with that this isn't spooky at all that's why because it's not spooky at all don't talking about it's always the creepiest ghosts because it can't be fucking cool ghost because it's not creepy dude if that motherfucker came out and it was like uh who george clooney with his fucking

lopping ass head just well hey guys i'm a i know i died but i'm just here to kind of does anybody need some tips on how to fucking bag a hot lawyer? Do you know what I mean? Because it's not creepy. You'd be like, oh, cool, ghost. That proves it right there. Is anybody in here? Those fucking things.

What was that? Did you hear that? And then they got the fucking tools, all the tools that measure all the bullshit wow this measures heat in stick figures and this is obviously bent neck lady because it's a i don't know man i just don't i and it's like i know the argument was like i don't know, man. I just don't. And it's like, I know the argument was like, I don't believe it. It's like, yeah, but you don't believe it. Why you don't believe it? Because you can't see it.

We can't see air. You still believe in air. Yeah, but there's science that backs it up. Show me the fucking ghosts, dude. Show me the ghosts. This is. this is uh and i'm on tiktok and i'm trying to fucking you know and like dude every tiktok i i don't watch tiktok i don't see any tiktoks my buddy's like you should go on tiktok it's funny man there's funny tiktoks no but let me tell you something, dude. Every TikTok is, I used to be this way and now I'm fucking this way. And it's like, I don't care.

Oh, you use, oh, somebody I don't know. I've never seen or met or even thought of or knew existed used to be a certain way. And now that person is a different way. Oh, well, hold the fucking phone, dude. I love when people are, are don't know our ways or not ways god people love to be like check out my glow up and dudes do it the one tick tock of the guy fucking hey we're partying you gonna come the guy with the fucking tongue movement dude that's so gross that's so fucking gross hey you guys wanna hang i want to go to a party and the guy the other guy's in a passenger seat like yeah

are you fucking are you a lizard dude put your tongue in your mouth put your tongue in your mouth i am dochi i am dochi or whatever the fuck it is i'm 41 um. How about the Papa John's TikTok? Shut it down. Shut it down now. Papa John's made the illest TikTok alive. Shut it down. That's it.

That's it. Papa John's started a TikTok where he was facing the other way, swiveled around in his chair, and winked. Shut it down! Shut it the fuck down, dude. And he duetted it with a 21-year-old girl. Shut it down! R.I.P. TikTok. You fucking did it, Papa John's. You did it again. You made it, said the N word,

fell out of fashion, and made it again. Dude, you're my hero. How'd people know you as Papa John. That's the most DMX shit I ever heard. He's more DMX than DMX. He winked. Anytime. Can you find it? Send it. Dude, Papa John's shut TikTok on its fucking ass.

He kicked the shit out of TikTok. He goes, where's TikTok? Where the fuck is TikTok? Give me a fucking, come here, TikTok. Got it. Had to, TikTok. Got it. Had to cut to fucking find it. Duet with Paige M. Evans and Papa John's. What's this Papa Bless shit?

Papa John Schnatter. Wow. Here we go. Gonna play this. This shit shut me down. Don we go. I'm going to play this. This shit shut me down. Don't flirt with him. I'm not going to... Oh, the ice-cold wink, dude.

Don't flirt with him. I'm not going to flirt with him. And he turns around. Before he winks. Wow. To wink like a real motherfucker is hard. And this dude is the realest winker alive. I can't fucking believe he did it. Don't flirt with him.

I'm not going to... It's a pause on the face. Don't flirt with him. Why can't I fucking... Unbelievable. Let's get that face. I'm not going to... Pause that face right there.

Oh, I almost got it. Oh, he went... I can't get over it. That's it. He's my best friend. Oh, how about the fucking, let's turn this music off. These are the guys who show their tongue 900 times in the thing. First of all, he's got a fucking Bass Pro Shop hat on.

You know? Just here's what I have to say about that. you know, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, just here's what I have to say about that, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, fucking they went in reverse by mistake oh god look at look at the music pulls up next to us oh yo we got a party y'all coming what unforgettable are you coming to the party or no we might just have to the both of them dude Dude, why not? A good time never hurt nobody. I got a little drink, but it's not Bacardi. Was you there? I bet. Whoops, we went backwards.

That's a little awkward. Just like both of them? But both of them, dudes? Hey, guys, do you, I get not knowing what you're doing, but do you look at each other? Hey, dog, stop putting your tongue out like that. It's like mad weird. What? I'm doing it too?

No way. Yeah, look. What? Just a fucking, just gross. Hey, guy. Move on. Imagine pulling up to someone, dude. That's also the shit that only works when you're in fucking whatever these guys' ages are.

Papa John's took this shit and was like, nah, fuck that, y'all. He took back the fucking tongue out lip eye wink. Papa John's took that shit back. Papa John's made it and made it again. He reheated the pizza on y'all motherfuckers. Unbelievable, dude. Yo, we got a party tonight. Y'all coming?

Oh, shit. Nah, we got, but it's not Bacardi. Here we go. Let's watch again. Yo, what? And you are unforgettable. That's me. Are you coming to the party or not?

We might just have to. Oh, why not? Good time never hurt nobody. I got a little drink, but it's not Bacardi. We'll see you there. All right, then. He comes back, tongue out. That's a little awkward.

And drives away dude yeah dude this podcast is the fucking shit man we talk about fucking god damn I need to fucking

I need to talk to Kristen like that tonight dude I need to get on that tonight man I need to talk to kristen like that tonight dude i need to get on that tonight man i need to be like i need to get the candles on lights down ouija board to the side she comes out what's going on are we trying to summon some spirits? And I just go, nah. Really?

Then what? You thought we was going to summon some spirits? Nah, I got a drink, but it ain't Bacardi. You know me. It's LaCroix. You want to get freaky without these spirits? And she says, what? And I fucking take a step back.

Whoops, that was awkward. And then walk towards to the bedroom. Just like. And then we fucking. I'm a dad. My mom and dad. Pre... Fucking... Fucked it up because the sound was off.

Woo, ruined the surprise. Yeah, love it. Whoa, fucking. Fucking. Previously on Tongues Out. Shout out to Bryce Parker for fucking making my year with that shit, dude, that guy's tongue is out so much more than regular people's, your tongue is fucking 70%, your tongue is out 30% of the time,

do you know what I mean, on that kid, you know his parents are like, dude, what's up man, you're gonna have a dry on that kid, you know, his parents are like, dude, what's up, man, you're gonna have a dry ass tongue one of these days, 70% of his tongue is out 30% of the time, and that's just the motherfucking facts, man, all right, dude, how long has it been, an hour and what, 12, cool, let's see if i had anything else to talk about hey guys what's up uh i had to find this shit so i cut um but i wanted to um i wanted to uh talk about this here uh support this guy i know dave brown and his family organized this was organized by by Ryan Hall. But it is a GoFundMe. And we'll put the link in what? The video under in the YouTube video?

Would that be good? And yeah. It's our friend and coworker, Dave Brown and his wife, were going through a very unexpected and difficult time in their lives. Dave spent the last couple of months not knowing what his symptoms were leading to. It turns out it's a blood and bone marrow cancer. Anyway, you can read all about it. It's really, you know, it's hard for these people.

And everyone's going through shit in life. And I just figured since, you know, this is personal to me that I would share it. If you guys can, and if you want to hit up this, go fund me, um, and help support Dave Brown and his family. Uh, and if you can't, you can't, but, uh, just keep them in your thoughts. Um, that'd be fucking awesome. Uh, all right, you guys, thank you. Um, that's it for this episode on YouTube. If you want to keep watching the uncut episode, go sign up on our Patreon. There's also behind the scenes footage. There is also, uh, an, an extra episode a month, uh, and all that is on our Patreon. Uh, it's at patreon.com slash chris d'alia and you can find

it all there but sign up there's a discord we all chat on you can pitch segment ideas um and i use some of them on the show so uh yeah you guys uh that's that Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Motherfucking Bob, you scared

Motherfucking Bob! Congratulations! Motherfucking Bob! lenochi's talking about i i made a hundred bucks i took it out i'm like bro what are you doing