Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 200. The Fabric of Me (ft. Bill D'Elia)

Episode Date: July 21, 2021

🎟 Catch the rest of this episode—as well as 1 entire bonus episode per month—over on Patreon: https://patreon.com/chrisdelia  In this very special 200th episode of Congratulations, Chris sits down with his dad, Bill D'Elia to discuss toasters, tea, calamari, and how many meats they like in their pasta. 🎽 New "Be More Memorable" Merch: https://store.chrisdelia.com  Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrisdelia/  🕺 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chrisdelia  🐥 Twitter: https://twitter.com/chrisdelia  👤 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial/  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's BetterHelp.com. free. Yes, you heard that right. From the crispest lettuce to the juiciest apples, Loblaws is committed to fresh, so you get the best fruits and veggies. Look for new value programs when you shop at Loblaws, in-store and online. Conditions may apply. See in-store for details. Hey guys, welcome to episode... Oops, I said that to the wrong camera. We got three cameras now. Hey guys, welcome to episode 200, a very special episode of Congratulations. Hey, what's up? So we... Okay, it's episode? So we, okay.

It's episode 200. I had no idea we were going to do 200 episodes when we started this. And we did. And I've had my brother Matt on before. And I always talk about my family. And episode 200 is now. And this is my father, Bill D'Elia. So I know everybody knows him if you're if you're an

avid listener of the show then you know about him but he's finally here and with a little convincing um actually you were all up for it but whatever but anyway you can say any words at any time okay but when you first got here though, yeah, go ahead. I want to hit this. Nice. That's his intro. You came in with a Jeremy... I meant to hit that one. I know, but previously on Congratulations.

I have to say that. What do you mean meant to hit it? It literally says the thing. Okay, hold on Previously on Congratulations What's this? My dad directed what? Now you can't Just keep fucking doing it So okay, we do that bit once An episode

Now listen, when we got here You sat down and you immediately started With something negative And that's shitty to do when you're a guest You did here, you sat down and you immediately started with something negative. And that's shitty to do when you're a guest. You did do that. You sat down and you said, hey, guys, what did you say? What did I say? Put this.

You got to talk into this. What did I say? I said, hey, guys. You said, hey, guys. You don't remember what you said. No. You said, hey, guys, do you do this every week, right? And what did I say?

You remember now, right? And I said, yeah. What do you mean? You listen to it. And what did I say? You remember now, right? And I said, yeah. What do you mean? You listen to it. And you watch the show and you listen to it. And then you said, well, then why does it seem like you guys, why does it take you this long to get it together or whatever, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. And then we said, or I said, because we now have more cameras, just in case we want to pop in and get good reactions out of both of us. And then also, it's a whole different setup when we added a microphone. Okay. And that was my answer. Okay.

I got it. No, I understand. But you're in the business. You're not in the podcasting business. But you know that sometimes it takes extra time to do shit, right? Okay. Okay. So then, don't you think that you were disrespectful?

I guess that's what my whole roundabout thing was. Okay. You don't think you were disrespectful? Of course I don't think I was disrespectful. Okay, cool. Yeah, it is. I think you took a long time to set this up. Right.

That's all. Well, yeah, we kind of did, you know, because we wanted it to be good for you, comfortable for you. And now I understand that. We've never even had two chairs back here, honestly. Got it. I wore this Billy shirt for you because your name is William and nobody really calls you Billy, but they did when you were a kid.

Willie. They called you Willie. Yeah. And I wore this sweatshirt, Life Rips, for you. That's very sweet and it's very cool. Thank you. And you can get and it's very cool. Thank you. And you can get that actually at crystalia.com. And you can even wear it if you're 73, 2.

What are you? Up there? 73, I think. Wow. You know what's funny is, remember when I used to say, no matter what age you were, like starting when you turned 50,

I would always say like happy 70, I can't believe you're finally 73. I think it was 73. You're literally the age I would make fun of. You used to say that every year. Yeah. When I hit 40, I think. And now I got to do like 90.

Yeah. Wow. But that's great. That's okay. You did it. You're supposed to get old and you did it. But you don't feel old. Getting older is to just keep doing it.

Keep doing it. Keep living? Yeah. That's like a very Matthew McConaughey thing to just keep doing it keep doing it keep living yeah that's like a very matthew mcconaughey thing to say getting older just keep living man um if you want to adjust that you can just adjust it what i just hit you even you don't even know which one you hit huh it was david caruso did you mean to hit the david caruso one yeah okay Okay. You just did that. Now I can hear it. But that, talk into the fucking mic. But I couldn't hear it. Okay.

But that's fine, but you can move the mic. Okay. Do you want to move it like this? Here. Where do you want me to move it? Well, just you have to talk into it. Okay. I thought I was talking into it.

Now I hear you much better. You know if you had these on, you'd be able to tell. Okay. But you don't have to have those on. When I asked you. You don't have these on. these on no but when i asked you but also here like this god like tighten it dude you're you're you're a person you know what to do that's okay there we go i got it you see the difference i got it but also okay just before we even get into the show uh you said something that is very very very very typically you before the show even started when you were sitting down and it wasn't a negative thing and this is

exactly these are the stories i tell about you on the podcast which you know because you listen but this is what you did was so quintessentially you and i'm going to tell what it was it just happened so you put on the headphones we said do you want the headphones or not you said i won't wear them and i said well why don't you try them this way you could have them on and then if you like them you wear them if not then no and you put them on and he and then he took them off he said i'm not going to wear them. And I said, yeah, is it because of your glasses? They're uncomfortable. And you said, yes, it's too tight.

And those are two different things. And also nobody cares. No, but I care. And I'm your son and I'm like one of the most important people in your lives. Yeah. Because if you don't say what you mean, then you have nothing basically. By the way, you're not one of the most important people in my life.

Okay. You're one of the most important people in my life, not lives. I said lives. Okay. All right. So that's tit for tat. We both fucked up.

Yeah. But honestly, why, this is a segment I wanted to do with you and it's called, why do you do that? So why do you do that? Why do I do what? Why do you do that where you say shit like you agree with the negative and then say something completely different? First of all, you're making me out to be a negative person.

You're not negative. And I'm not a negative person. No, not at all. You are one of – you're actually one of the most, you're very, very positive. Yeah. Yes, you are. I'm an optimist.

You're for sure an optimist. I don't know. If I am. I don't think I am. I don't know if I am or not. I don't know. I always feel like things are going to work out

and then sometimes when I get real depressed, I think about how everything has gone to shit. I'm very quick to that. But you've always been really positive. but why do you do the thing about the words thing? I, cause I think it's funny. You know, so you know what you're doing. I think it's funny to not answer the question. And I like continuing things and answering in a way that doesn't make sense to you.

Okay. I understand that. But I think that you are, I have two things to say about that. I think that you do it and you don't know you're doing it sometimes. And here's the other thing. You get mad at me sometimes for doing it. But you created it or your family did. I mean, Uncle Vinny and Uncle Richard are the same way.

But Bam wasn't like that, was it? Your dad? Grandpa Bam? Was he like that? I don't remember. But what about other people? Because I didn't pay attention to it like you do. Mainly.

Because you do shit like that where you say, oh, it's because of your glasses. And then you'll say, oh, it's because of your glasses, and then you'll say, yeah, it's too tight. And it just drives me fucking nuts, dude. Doesn't that mean, yes, it's because of my glasses, and it's too tight?

Aren't I still answering the question? Yeah, but you don't say it the way to where, oh, but you're also adding information. I don't say it the the way to where oh but you're also adding information way you want me to say that's basically what you're saying i'm not answering the question the way you want me to answer the question okay well i think that generally you know what i'm talking about and also we need to uh come to a better understanding about that and but i'm still very young i'm 41 and you're 73 or something like that and we can absolutely uh we should work on that so

that's good that we're figuring out things to work on on this podcast that we may not under normal circumstances so in a way this is a bit like family therapy i really appreciate that but also what were you gonna say something no, but you were though. So you just did the same thing. You went like this and you were about to say something because I know you weren't about to sing. So what were you going to say? Now you don't remember. And now that's what pisses me

off the fucking most. But first of all, why don't you just ask me another question and then I'll answer. But I have a whole slew of things that I can even refer to. Okay. That you, like people on the podcast are always like, we want to get Bill's take on this.

Okay. Because I talked about it before. Like what? What was the, actually we wrote it down. Hold on because I fucking never remember before. Like what? What was the... Actually, we wrote it down. Hold on, because I fucking never remember shit. By the way... What? You mostly tell family stories wrong.

No. That's such bullshit. No, you tell them wrong. How do I tell them wrong? Because you get the facts twisted. No way. Yeah, you do. Hold on.

For example. Okay. You told a story about my grandfather. Yes. Stealing from the druggist. Yes. Oh, yeah. And you made it seem like it was my father.

Okay. It wasn't my father. It was my grandfather. But it's just a different person. Okay, it was your grandfather. Yeah. I knew that. Did I say your father?

Yeah. And my grandfather stole from the druggist and the druggist called my dad and asked my dad to ask him to stop. Right. And my grandfather said to my father when he told him that, he's stealing from me. I'm going to steal from him. He knows that he's stealing from me. Right. And I know he knows that he's stealing from me. Right.

So it was like tit for tat. Yeah. Don't you think honestly that in a way that created me yeah like in a way him him and that attitude that's like i live by that i think that that's awesome that he did that yeah do you think that that's awesome that he did you think that's wrong i think it's funny yeah it is funny wow you're very political i think it's hysterical it is funny and it's fun to know that you came from that yeah it is funny huh the the the one the the one thing what was the fucking one that christian christian just brought up that i wanted to talk about or you brought it up it was just the thing that was funny and i was

like i don't want it but it's not here is it hold on let's just we can cut this out if we want the toaster fucking thing that's the main thing that everybody that that's the thing i had the toaster i had the breville thing right here and it was like i we don't need it but this is your this is the thing that I ended up getting because you said to get it, or you were raving about, I want, basically what I want to do is I want you to talk about the toaster that you have, first of all. And I want you to talk about why it's good and why you like it. It's a toaster. No, but now you're making it seem like when everybody already knows the deal, you're making it seem like you don't really care about it. But I spent a lot of money for a toaster.

It's not even that it's what is, what are the buttons on the toaster that are so fucking annoying? And you should know that. You're annoyed by the buttons on the toaster. It's, it's, it, the buttons on the toaster.

What's up? Say, Oh, talking to Mike. What's up? Say. Talk in the mic. Oh, talk in the mic. Okay. The buttons on the toaster say toast. Yeah. Bagel.

Yeah. A bit more. Take a look. Take a look. Yeah. You can hit a button and. Oh, and it comes up a little bit to see it and goes back down. Okay. And you like the toaster? Yeah. Is it the

best toaster you've had? Yeah. All of those buttons are the same button. I have news for you. They're all the same button. But they don't do the same thing. But they do though, kind of, in a way. What are you talking about? Because there's one thing a toaster does. It toasts and then it stops toasting. There's two things, right? It toasts and stops toasting. Every button you hit either toasts it or stops toasting it,

even if it's just for a little bit. So you don't even, so first of all, you don't need a little bit more. You don't need the button that says a little bit more. Here's the thing what I think that you did. First of all, you don't need a little bit more. You don't need the button that says a little bit more. Here's the thing what I think that you did.

You saw it and you were a cuda about it. You were sparkly. It was sparkly because of the a little bit more button and the take a peek button. Those are the same things as the other buttons, the on button. Okay. First of all, you're wrong. Okay. And second of all, it was not a CUDA thing.

It was not a sparkly thing. It was just, I wanted to get a toaster and stop buying toasters. I wanted to get the toaster that would end me from buying any toaster ever again. And why is that that toaster? Because it has all those buttons. So basically what you're saying in essence is you always wanted a toaster that had a little bit more button on it. No, I didn't always want the toaster. Okay, why not? That had that button on it.

But the fact that it had those buttons made it better to me. But that's what like somebody who's like, Akuta, what Akuta does. Okay. You know what Akuta is. Okay. Right? Yeah.

Okay. Because you've listened to the episodes. Yeah. So now you're just willing to accept that? Or is it acceptance or is it I don't give a shit? You don't care, yeah. That's where you would have a different shirt. I don't give a shit. Okay. I think it's I don't give a shit? You don't care, yeah. That's where you would have a different shirt. I don't give a shit.

Okay. I think it's I don't give a shit. Okay. Yeah, I mean, if you don't give a shit, only you know that. Yeah. So you're telling me you don't give a shit. Yeah, I don't give a shit. Don't.

It's so annoying, dude. Is that happening again? No, it's not. It's a different thing, but it's fine., dude. Is that happening again? No, it's not. It's a different thing, but it's, it's, it's fine. It's fine.

I love that you do it, but also you got to understand that you do it and you also have to understand. I don't even know what you're talking about. Okay. Well, fine, fine. Explain it.

No, I'm just saying we're, we're spending too much time on this, but you, okay, no, it's, it's fine.

It's good. But you, you, you know what it is like? No. Yeah. I know. No, but I'm going to explain it. Okay. You don't know what it's like.

You throw this shit out there and it, and it, and it works and it it riles me up and then you act like you don't care about it but it's like it's like it's like teasing in the most grandmaster way maybe that's why i do it yeah but that's fucking sucks it's bullshit but i love it but don't change it it's just part of the fabric of me yeah Yeah, part of the fabric of me. That's who I am. That is the most cock way to say anything, but as part of the fabric of me. Okay. That's part of the fabric of me, is cock.

So what else do you have on that list? I have stuff on the list if I need to go to it just to remember, but we don't need to go to it. I mean, I have stuff, but we talked about the toaster, and then there's other stuff that you did that was bullshit that we could talk about, but I don't even care about that necessarily. Um, and also I, I'm not in like an interviewer and we're not doing that. Obviously you've seen when Matt's on the thing, we just kind of talk and make fun of stuff. But what do you, um, how much you love me. Like, how much do you love me? Because I had a kid,

because I had a kid like 16 months ago. Right. And it's unbelievable. It's crazy. It's the craziest thing ever. It's, it's, you can't describe it, right? No. You can't describe it. You cannot.

Yeah. Which is, you can describe everything else yeah i think i think that's the thing about it almost everything else really can you describe your love of someone anyone well so here's the thing you can say have you ever loved someone and they say yes and then you say it's like that but if you haven't had a kid you can't say it's like that's a whole nother level because they have nothing to draw it from right because it's not like having a pet right that you love a pet but it's not like having a dad it's not like having a a a brother sister or a wife or whatever and and also it's it's not like you

could say if an alien came down i've said this before but if an alien came down and they were like what's baseball like you'd be like have you seen football and they'd be like as a matter of fact i have and you'd be like okay well it's kind of like that only different but you can't do that with a kid it's literally like nothing else so i wouldn't tell an alien that baseball is like football. Okay. I wouldn't do that. I mean, so missing the point to even hang on that, hang that on. No, it's just a bad example. Okay.

It's a fine example. What would you say? It's a bad example. What would you say? Hello, so I'm an alien. Hey, I came down to earth. What is baseball like? What's baseball? I heard about baseball. What is baseball like? What's baseball?

I heard about baseball. What's baseball like? Let's go to a game. Dude, that's not describing what baseball's like. Let's go to a game. What game? And I'll show you what it's like. What game?

No, but I don't have time. My spacecraft leaves and I don't have your number. You need to tell me what it's like. Quick. There's a quiz when I get back to Mars. I'll see you next time. No, no. Please. I came to one person. See, this is...

I ask, how do you describe baseball and you say, let's go to a game? Yeah. Right. Assume I don't even know what a game is. Right. So you don't just say, I'll see you next time to an alien. Why not?

We're making this shit up anyway. Yeah. Okay. So you're not an alien. You're making believe you're an alien. Yeah. And I'm making believe I'm me meeting an alien, which is absurd to start with. Okay.

You hung on to the thing. I'm just trying to tell you that having a kid is crazy, and you know that, and how much do you love me? When you were born, it was like when you experienced Calvin being born. Yeah. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt, and I felt like I could conquer anything because you were in the world. Isn't that weird? It's because I, remember I would text you like the first few months he was born and I'd be like, I can't believe how much like love you have for a kid like and you said that's how i now i know now you know that's how i felt when when when you mostly you but also a little bit matt you said

no you and matt is what i said chris you mostly but also matt a little bit that's exactly what i didn't say i I know. I know you didn't. And I know we have to go on record to say you didn't say that. You said that, you know, because you love us both equally. But, oh, but also remember, dude, I don't know if I ever said this on the podcast, but Matt and I always fucking talk about it, about how you

said when we were in Italy, and then I was dressed with the green shirt and the rose-tinted sunglasses, and Matt was dressed, I guess, a little bit more normal, and you were like, hey, Matt, you look great. And then you saw me and you said, hey, Chris, you look funky. Yeah. That's so fucked up, it seared into my brain. That happened.

I know, and I'm different because of it. How do you feel about that? I've never stopped thinking about it. You never know when you're going to fuck your kids up, is my point. Yeah, you never know. But you are going to fuck your kid up. I know. That's scary. I know. That's like kind of, that's scary.

You know? Why? Well, because what if it's real bad? You know? Like I have like. You're not going to do anything bad. Yeah, true. You're just going to do stupid shit.

Yeah. Like you're funky. You look funky. Yeah. Yeah. I love when those kinds of moments happen though. And then you don't know they're going to happen. And then they happen.

And you're like, oh, immediately. That's something. By the way, when that happened. Sure. Yeah. Cut me off. I saw Matt first. I know.

And then you walked in the room second. That's how I described it though. Yeah. Yeah. So what the fuck's that have to do with anything? Why did you go back and say that part? I don't know. You don't even know?

You don't even know why you said that? I don't know. That's unbelievable. You know why you did everything? Why you do everything? No, I don't know why I do everything, but I try real hard. I don't. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you.

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Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. One of my friends also said once about you that you never fidget. And you really don't. You're real chill.

Yeah. How do you do that? You just relax pretty much wherever you are. You just don't fidget. Yeah. Okay. Why can't I just be chill? Who said I don't fidget?

It was Ryan Davis that said that, that you were fidgety. That I wasn't fidgety? That you're not fidgety. Ryan Davis said it. He's like, how come your dad doesn't fidget. It was Ryan Davis that said that, that you were fidgety. That I wasn't fidgety. That you're not fidgety. Ryan Davis said it. He's like, how come your dad doesn't fidget? And I was like, oh, yeah, he doesn't, huh? Does everybody fidget? I mean, yeah.

Everybody else fidgets? Yeah, you're like James Bond. It's like you're a movie character, only you don't really do high-octane shit. Do you know what I'm saying? You're just like, chill. It's like James Bond after he retired. That's what you're like. You're just like, don't fidget.

And you're just like, I've seen it all. But you haven't even seen like 30% of it. But when Ryan Davis said that, I was 20 years younger than I am now. But you don't fidget. You're very, like for someone in their 70s, you're very, like you can just, like you can squat down on your knees and get back up. Yeah.

You have like no hunch and shit. Right. All your hair. Right. What do you think that's from, eating salad? This is all my hair. Yeah, yeah. Eating like salads and tuna and shit?

No. It's just. You're on your feet a lot. Also, it's just the luck of the draw, I think. That's so disheartening. You know what I mean? Like some guys are like fucking 50 and look older than you. Some guys are old when they're 40.

Yeah, true. Some guys are forever young yeah i always feel young i feel like i'm your age still except when i look at you uh-huh or if you catch yourself in the mirror when i see myself in the mirror i can convince myself that i still look the same wow when i see a picture picture yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when I realize who the fuck is that old guy? That's funny because I do that too.

When I see a picture of me, I notice I'm older, but not when. It's only with pictures. Yeah. It's interesting. You know, do you think it has anything to do with like everyone has their mirror face and they do what they do, but they don't do it for

the picture because they can't tell what they're doing in the picture? Because I have a mirror face. I think you can fool yourself looking into a mirror. Yeah. And you can't fool yourself when you're looking at a picture.

Yeah. We used to make fun of you with your mirror face. Do you remember that? Yeah. I definitely have a mirror face. Yeah. But I think most people do.

I do. Mine's like this. That's a good one. um wait hold on what was i gonna say about the fucking thing i don't remember i don't remember what i was gonna say about the thing see that's good the good thing about this podcast is that when i forget i just keep talking and go to say whatever i'm going to say but with it's a little trickier with someone else oh that's the good thing about this podcast yeah there's not much trust me that's the good thing but uh oh if you want sign up uh for our patreon it's patreon.com slash chris d'alia um and to and all that i did yeah you're a patreon subscriber right yeah that's really cool

because you definitely don't have to, which is nice. You always wanted to support, huh? You always wanted to support. Like you've seen every episode of this. Yeah. You've seen every episode of anything really I've done.

Yeah. And you came to all the baseball games that I used to do. Baseball is a lot like football. Tell that to an alien. Yeah. I have not really seen. I have not seen everything you've done.

That would be too hard though because I was born already when you were 30 or something. Yeah, but you could catch up. Yeah. Well, now that everything is streaming. Yeah. I'm disappointed that you haven't. Yeah. Well, that makes one of streaming. Yeah. I'm disappointed that you haven't. Yeah. Well, that makes one of us, honestly.

But that's good. I do have to catch up on your show, Big Shot. Right? That's what it's called? Yeah. Yeah. With John Stimson. On Disney Plus.

I love him. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You could fucking do like a plug here. I didn't even realize that. Big Shot on Disney Plus. Yep. All episodes streaming now.

Yep. Are you going to do a second season? You don't know yet? I don't know yet. Yeah. Okay. I hope so. Yeah.

What's up with... Okay. One thing we have in common, we both love coffee. Yeah. You say you love coffee? No, I only drink hot coffee. Right. That's where we differ.

Right. Okay. We drink hot coffee. Right. That's where we differ. Right. You drink iced coffee. Did you catch that, listeners, the way he did it? Did you catch it? Okay. I just want you to catch this shit so you know what I'm talking about from now on. All right? See, you didn't even realize you did it.

So you say you always know when you're doing it, but you don't know when you're doing it. But I did it again. No, because so what you did was I said, we both love coffee, huh? Do you love coffee? And I said, we both love coffee, huh? And you said, no, I drink hot coffee. That's insane to say that that way. No, that's not.

Was I insane? I'm not going to say it's insane. That's not exactly what happened. But I just want the viewers to catch in real time. That's not exactly what happened. So what's exactly what happened? What happened is you asked me, do I love coffee? And I said, no, but you like cold coffee and I like hot coffee.

Okay. All right. You know what? This is honestly a perfect time to do this. Do what? Previously on this episode. You say you love coffee? No, I only drink hot coffee.

Right. That's where we differ. Right. You drink iced coffee. Did you catch that, listeners, the way he did it? Did you catch it? Okay, so now that we cut that in, that's what happened, okay? That's what happened.

Now, we don't know because we're sitting here right now, but the viewers will be able to tell, and when we see it, we'll see what happened. But I'm pretty sure I was right. But you might be right, but I think it was me. Because they started laughing even before I pointed it out behind us. Here's why you're wrong. Okay. Because you tell the stories about the family

incorrectly. Okay. Because you tell the stories about the family incorrectly. No. And we should move on because that's the end of that. You always tell them from your perspective as if you are the center of the story all the time. Thank you. And you're not the center of the story all the time.

I am though. Because I'm me. And I'm no one else. But when you tell a story, you have to tell the story from the perspective of the story happening, not from the perspective of I am the center of it. That might be the worst advice for a standup comedian though. Because you have to be like, this is what happened and this is how I feel about it. This might be the worst advice for a stand-up comedian though. Because you have to be like, this is what happened and this is how I feel about it. This isn't NPR.

Okay. And you know what I say about NPR. Fuck NPR. Yeah. But you probably listen to NPR. So, you only drink hot coffee. Yeah. You don't drink iced coffee. No. Why? Never. Because. Right, but why? Coffee should be hot. Okay.

I like that you're taking a stance. You know that. But why? Because coffee is hot. Unbelievable. Is this a children's book? Why? I like iced coffee. I like hot coffee. Coffee should be hot, Bill says. I don't like it.

I don't like the way it tastes when it's cold. don't like the way it tastes when it's cold. I only like the way it tastes when it's hot. Do you think that iced coffee tastes the same as hot coffee except for the temperature? No. I agree with you. I agree with you. I like both.

So, but you drink coffee. I only drink a couple of cups a day. Okay. So, but would you say, which is my original fucking question, that you love it? No. Okay. I don't love it. Okay.

I like it. Okay. So you, and you drink it because it wakes you up maybe? Yeah. Okay. Fine. This tea thing. Remember when you started drinking tea at night?

Yeah. Okay. Sleepy time tea. All right. Just don't even let me, don't get ahead of everything. All right. I said to you, I noticed you were drinking, you only drink coffee till when? What?

Like 11 PM or 11 AM? In the morning. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So I noticed he had a coffee cup and he was drinking it at like 9.30 PM. And I was like, what, what is your, I can't believe you're drinking coffee so late. And you said, it's tea.

And I said, oh, wow. I didn't know you drink tea at night. And you said, yeah, I do it every night before I go to bed. And I said, really? And you said, yes. And I said, that's crazy. I said, does it work? And you said, I don't know because I haven't been doing it that long.

And I said, when did you start? And you said yesterday. Okay. So why did you say I do it every night before I go to bed, when you don't even have a streak? You literally started it the day before. This was the second time you were drinking it. You're going to let me answer? Yeah, but I got to get all the points out.

Okay. Okay, go ahead. It was fun to do that. So you knew, you brought, right when I said that, you thought, I'm going to have fun doing this. No. Okay, so then. No, it just developed that way. So you knew what you were doing from jump?

No. So then what the fuck are you saying? What I'm saying is that as the story, as the conversation progressed, I decided to fuck with you. Why not? All right. Yeah, fine. But I just, it's like, that was so funny.

I didn't plan it. Right. Ahead of time. I got it. It just developed that way. Okay. Look, that's fine. Your brother, Uncle Vinny,

my Uncle Vinny, has two wallets. Yeah. Okay. I've talked about it on the podcast before. He is probably, honestly, when it comes to this shit, he's probably me on steroids. Would you say? Like with the, why did you say that?

Well, you said it like this? Or you think I'm worse? I don't know what you mean. What do you did you say that? Well, you said it like this? Or you think I'm worse? I don't know what you mean. What do you mean you on steroids? The thing about, okay, I don't mean he's a muscular me. Like I don't mean like steroids, but I mean like. What do you mean about the two wallets? Okay.

So he has two wallets. And you don't. I don't. I have one wallet. Yeah. Just like you. Yeah. But he has two wallets.

Why? Because he likes to keep different things in different wallets. Yeah. Just like you. Yeah. But he has two wallets. Why? Because he likes to keep different things in different wallets. Right. So if he gets, if he gets robbed, he can give a guy the money, the wallet with the less shit in it. He can give the guy the wallet with just the

ones in it. Yeah. That's what he does. And he really does carry around two wallets, right? Yeah. Okay. So I want, this is something I bring up

because I want the fans of this podcast to understand that I don't lie about this shit. You are backing me up about this. Yeah. Great. That's a true story. And my whole family's crazy. Yeah.

Yeah, because of that. Okay, good. I just want you to know that. He's nuts. Yeah, he is nuts. My brother is nuts. More nuts than Uncle Richard. Yeah, he is nuts. My brother is nuts. More nuts than Uncle Richard. Yeah.

What is the deal with that? Growing up with him that he was always nuts or what? No. No, I think he became nuts as he became an adult. Right. That's what I'm doing. Yeah. That's for sure what I'm doing.

That's you on steroids? That's what you mean? I'm saying, yeah, I don't know if I'm doing. That's you on steroids? That's what you mean? I'm saying, yeah. I don't know if I'm that way that much. Like I don't have two wallets, but I'm definitely specific about other things. Yeah. But I think he might be. You are specific about too many things.

Mm-hmm. Like what? Like every conversation we have. Right. Like every conversation we have is true. Like when you say the thing about the headsets. Right. And the glasses.

Yeah. Yeah, all right. Okay. Fair enough. Or making a deal out of the calamari. Right. Okay. So you listened to this and you were saying how I, I didn't tell that wrong, the calamari thing.

No. You told that from your perspective, which was incorrect. Okay. So here's what happened. I don't eat calamari. I've never had calamari. Did you know that? No.

Okay. You should listen to me more. I know that now. I've said that a lot. I know that now. You were eating calamari and you went to fork some calamari, right? Right. Or I'm just going to tell it because I don't know if you remember, but you got two.

I remember. Okay. Well, why don't you tell it? The way you tell it is incorrect. Okay. Well, I'll tell it and then you tell me what's wrong. Okay. All right.

So you forked the calamari bowl. You got two. One was secure on the fork. The other one was dangling a little bit. You went to go dip the calamari into the sauce. The dangly one fell in. The other one got a little bit of sauce on it. So you were like, okay, forget it.

Ate the one calamari, right? With a little bit of sauce on it. Then grab the other calamari, had so much sauce on it because you dropped it in. And then you ate that one, right? Right. And I asked you which one, I asked you how much sauce do you like on your calamari?

Do you put a generous amount like that second one or do you put just a little bit each time? And you, you said, I don't care. Right? Right. What's wrong about that? That's all correct. Okay.

So my point is, we talked about it for like a half an hour at dinner. You don't eat all of your calamari with the same amount of sauce. This blows my mind. Here's your thing. Okay, what? Here's the thing that bugs me about what you're saying. Okay.

You also talked about how much meat you put in a pasta dish. Yes. This blows my mind. But you think that everybody gives that thought when there's no thought involved in eating. You just eat. But isn't what you do who you are, in a way? Yeah. So in a way, you don't know who you are is what you're admitting. Yeah. So in a way, you don't know who you are is what you're admitting.

No. If I'm going to get a bowl of pasta. No. Who I am is somebody that doesn't care about what happened to the calamari, doesn't care how many pieces of meat are in the pasta dish. Okay. So I like about four pieces of meat in my pasta dish. Yeah. You said that.

Three, four. Right? Five to me would be too much. You don't think about it, right? Right. You just put pasta and meat in the bowl. Right. Cool, great, cool. So we figured it out.

Now, if you had only gotten three meats in the pasta bowl and you noticed that, then what? I'd eat them. Okay, if you got four, then what? I'd eat them. Okay, if you got five, then what? I'd eat them. Okay. If you got five, then what? I'd eat them. And if you got six, then what?

I'd eat them. Okay. And if you got seven, then what? Who knows? Okay, but I want to know. Do I have the same amount of pasta each time? Or what am I imagining? What I wanted-

A little less pasta and more meat? The same bowl. Or the same amount of pasta? The same bowl. The same amount of pasta? Yep. You'd eat the six ones. If you got seven, what would you do if you got seven in that same amount of pasta bowl?

That's too many. Okay. So we know. So we know. Then you like about five, you know, six is a lot. Meats in your pasta bowl. Three or four is plenty. Oh, my God.

So now you actually know. So you knew. You know the whole time. This is the shit that is insane to me. You made me think about it. And I don't think about it. I think you do. No, I don't.

I think you do. I think you visually see it. Because you never put nine pieces of meat in the pasta. This is what all podcasts should be about. You might put nine pieces of meat in the pasta if you have less pasta. Honestly, what do you even mean? What do you mean? If you want to fill up on meat and not pasta? Yeah. Okay. That's what I mean. But you mean i mean you want to fill up on meat and not pasta felt yeah okay that's what i mean but you don't do that so why are you giving a hypothetical because this is all hypothetical it's really not though in a way that part it's fine the fact that

you care about this is ridiculous but of course i care about what my food is going to be. It's ridiculous. Okay, okay, fine. Can I have one of these? Yeah, hold on one second. We got to do it like this. I don't know why it keeps doing that. That's it.

You did it. A piece of fucking pasta flying across the thing. Nice. All right. Look. Wait. Okay. When I watch your podcast, I always want to hit those buttons.

Well, you can now. And honestly, I'm sure a lot of people do. That's why I came here. I just want to hit the buttons. Okay. I got other why do you do that's. We talked about the calamari. Why do you always cheat at games?

Because it's fun. Board games and any kinds of games, guessing games. I want people to know ahead of time that I'm going to cheat. Okay. And that's part of the fun of the game for me. Okay. Remember the thing you told about fun of the game for me. Okay. Remember the thing you told about how mom was calling you and telling you the, what was the thing a long time ago?

That was a specific thing. I know, but that's hilarious. When we lived in New Jersey. Yeah. And I was shooting a commercial out here in California. Yeah. And there were no cell phones at the time. And it was a car commercial.

And we finished the car commercial early. You were shooting a car commercial. Yeah. Got it. Are we back? Yeah, if you want to be. Okay. Alright, we had to take a break because it's got so hot and we had to take over off of his really great life rep

hoodie. but you were talking about and you you'd like to cheat at games yeah because you think it makes games more fun yeah which i agree with you because i don't like games yeah um basically i don't like games right okay and so i let people know ahead of time if there's a way to cheat i'm gonna cheat yeah and i let them try to catch me and if they catch me that's fun and for you and if i get away with it that's more fun right so you okay so all right so but okay and then there was this one time okay so when you the story i was telling was about the car commercial. And how old were you? This was before me?

Yeah. Okay. You might have been a baby at the time. Okay. All right. I was doing a car commercial here in California. I was directing a commercial. And we finished the commercial in front of a building. And there were no cell phones at the time. Yeah.

So I went into the building to make a call, to call home. I called your mother, and she said, I can't talk right now. I'm watching Jeopardy. And she said, I need to get the final Jeopardy answered. And then I got mad at the final Jeopardy answered. Yeah. And then I got mad at her. We had a fight. She said.

Oh, because she couldn't talk. Yeah. Okay. She wouldn't talk to me because of a television show. Yeah, that's annoying. So I got mad at her. Okay. She said, okay, Queen Victoria is the answer.

I can talk now. Got it. So you remember Queen Victoria? Yeah. Wow. I can talk now. Got it. So you remember Queen Victoria? Yeah. Wow. And then I didn't want to talk to her and I hung up. Because you were upset. And I said, I don't want to talk now.

Interesting. Oh, I didn't know that that's how it started. If a TV show is more important than talking to me, then I don't want to talk to you. Interesting. I like that. So that night, in my apartment, I was staying at the Oakwood Apartments here in California. Burbank? Yeah. Wow.

I don't think they're the Oakwood anymore. Yeah. They're not the Oakwood anymore. But we were here for a series of commercials. It was a package. Okay. So we were staying there for like a couple of weeks. Uh-huh.

And Denny Tedesco. Oh, really? was a package okay so we were staying there for like a couple of weeks and um denny oh really okay i didn't know it's him yeah your uncle denny yeah yeah he was taking me out to dinner that night and he we were going out to dinner that night and he was coming to pick me up yeah and the tv was on and Jeopardy was on. Right. And I thought to myself, could this be the same show that mom was watching? Yeah. I bet it is. It's syndicated.

Yeah. It's three hours later in California and they're running the same show. Right. California and they're running the same show. So I said to Denny you know it's uncanny but I always get the final answer.

I don't know why. I don't know what it is about me but I can get a lot of the answers incorrect but when it comes to the final answer I always get it. that's the stupidest fucking thing and and he that's what he said oh yeah he said that can't be and i said i bet i get

it tonight and the question was about clearly the answer could have been queen victoria yeah yeah so i said i don't know why, but I think it's Queen Victoria. He said, that's amazing. Because you got it right. Yeah. Yeah. And I said to him, I'll get it right all this week. I'll bet you that I get it right every night.

Okay. And so every night on set, we'd wheel a TV onto the set and we get to the final Jeopardy answer. And I called your mother that next day and I said, no matter what happens, I'm going to call you around 4.30. Yeah. And I want you, regardless of what we're talking about, to give me the final Jeopardy answer. You have to watch Jeopardy every night. Okay, okay. And she said, okay? Yeah, she did that.

And so I said, no matter what we're talking about, you have to give me the final Jeopardy answer. We were talking about the kids, you guys, or whatever, the weather. And she would say, the 1939 World's Fair. Because you couldn't say it out loud? Yeah. I would just continue. Because you didn't want them to hear you.

Yeah. And so every night, I would wheel the tv in yeah and get the final jeopardy answer and then denny said to me right after three nights of this oh okay i remember he said i know what's going on right you're getting the answers from ellie back in new jersey uh-huh and she's watching the show and she's giving you the answers right right and i said indignantly how dare you accuse me of that yeah that's absurd for as long as you know me yeah why would you think i would stoop to something like that wow i mean you really laid it on thick okay and he apologized he apologized he was right and he apologized okay cut to the end of the week he drives me

to the airport i get out of the car and i say to him, by the way, I meant to tell you, you were right. I was getting the answers from Ellie. She was watching the show every night. She was giving me the answers to Final Jeopardy. And I said, here's the mistake you made. You love me, so you believe me. Yeah. You shouldn't have done that. You should have just trusted yourself. This is like the first draft of a Bronx tale. This is the worst lesson to teach somebody. Hey, you were wrong about Jeopardy.

But that's what I did. I was calling my wife and getting the answers. But that's what I did. That's so ridiculous. That's the story. Yeah. And by the way, there's something I did. I was calling my wife and getting the answers. But that's what I did. That's so ridiculous. That's the story. Yeah. And by the way, there's something I need to tell you. But it was fun. Remember when you brought up Jeopardy?

It was a lot of fun. You made a grave mistake. You trusted me just because you loved me. In real life, don't make that mistake. You'll end up with two in your head. That's exactly what happened. Except for the two in your head that's exactly what happened except for the two in your head that wow i thank god i have a dad that did shit like that because most dads just are like hi how you doing and how's the weather i think that that's great you know what i actually

thought about that made me think of this for some reason but when you when you um took me to my first baseball game, I think that this might be why I don't like sports. What happened? First of all, how old was I? It was the Mets versus the Pittsburgh Pirates, and you were four. It's crazy the shit you remember. You remember it was versus the Pirates. You probably still have the fucking stubs or something. I have the fucking stubs or something i have somewhere yeah yeah i have the tickets and the article that was in the paper

the next day right because of what happened during the game okay so no because i brought you no no no no no i know i know that but that's why what happened tell the story because you it was my first game i had never i actually remember this I was four and I remember feeling the anger. It's one of those memories. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. I had never seen a grand slam.

Darryl Strawberry gets up with the bases loaded and hits a grand slam. First inning, right? Yeah. Wasn't it in the first inning? Yeah. Okay. I think it was the first inning.

Yeah. And it might have been the second or third inning. Okay, whatever. But I don't remember that. Everybody in the stadium jumped up and screamed bloody murder. Yeah, right. Because. It was insane.

It was a grand slam. It was a grand slam. Yeah, and Darryl Strawberry, one of the faves. And as I'm on my feet applauding and screaming, I think to myself, I wonder how the kid's taking this. And I look down at you, and you're crying your eyes out. Yeah.

And I say, what's wrong? And you said, I can take it that it's cold. I can take it that I don't know what's going on. But when everybody stands up and gets mad at me like that, I don't like it. Dude, thinking. I took you out and I bought you t-shirts and pennants and candy and hot dogs and whatever I could buy.

I didn't like to be. It made me so scared. I remember thinking how scared I was. You were all crying your eyes out. The sound of it. I hated it. It was so deafening and loud. And I remember also Grandpa fucking laughed at me.

Grandpa, your dad, turned around and laughed at me he's like why is he fucking crying yeah it isn't a grand slam i'm like i don't even know what baseball is that would be him yeah that would be my dad i fucking love i loved your dad i remember even as a kid like when he would be like, because he had his chair, you know, in Queens, in his house in Queens. Like Archie Bunker. Yeah. He just had his chair. He had to have the chair. And he would always sit in his chair.

And if somebody was sitting in the chair, he'd make you get up. But that's what I was going to say is I remember I sat in it once, one time. And he came back and he just goes. And then I got i got out and i remember as a kid thinking like that's so fucking cool he has his chair and like nobody says shit about it and like like to me like that's what it was being like a homeowner like you could just and and like being like because he was older than everybody he had his chair i was like i can't wait to have my chair you know and i don't even have my chair now. This is my chair.

But like, I remember thinking that about him. Everybody should have their chair. Yeah. You, do you remember when you were yelling at me once in high school? And I was, I think you'll remember this what was i yelling about i don't know what it was about what'd you do you weren't yelling but you were like having a talk with me it definitely weren't yelling but you were it was like a sit down like you were sitting me down saying like you can't do this and when this happens you do that and that and i said

uh and you and i said okay and and you said do you have anything that you want or have to say about that or any questions? And I said, no. And you said, well, what are you thinking about? And I said, your ears are just like grandpa's. Yeah. You remember that? Except the conversation was this. Oh, you remember what it was about?

I remember the exact conversation. Oh, okay. Okay, what? It was when you were like 15 i was in high school for sure yeah and that was the age where you stopped wanting to be with your parents yeah and and we sat down i sat you down to talk to you about why. That's right. And you said, Dad, it's just the age I'm going through. You probably went through this with your dad. All right, I remember, yeah.

And I said, yeah, but my dad was an asshole. I'm cool, right? Which was the wrong thing to say. Right, right, right. Then you said, nah, you're not cool. Well, I think... At 15, I wasn't cool. Right, but then what did I say? I said the thing about how... Then you said, nah, you're not cool. Well, I think. At 15, I wasn't cool. Right.

But then what did I say? I said the thing about how. Then you said. Yeah. Yeah. No, I said about how it was only going to last a few years. Yeah. You remember that?

Because I was like, it's not cool to hang out with your dad when you're like a sophomore, junior, senior in high school. Right. And then once you're out of the house or in college, it's high school. Right. And then once you're out of the house or in college, it's cool again. Right. And I said, so just bear with me for a few years. You were smarter than me at that moment.

Yeah. Because you knew that was going to happen. And it did. And then I would come back from college and we could hang out again. I don't know what the fuck it is about that shit though. It's so weird. Like I remember feeling embarrassed when I was out with you and I would see either girls

or some of my friends and I had in their, in my mind, they were like, oh, Chris is with his dad, loser. Just know that Cal's going to do that too. I know. It's going to happen. I know. I suppose I dread it, but i do remember that i remember the feeling and i remember that conversation we had so i am prepared for it

and um i'll tell him this or i'll just show him this clip actually that's uh that's so i just can't believe he's gonna be sick what the fuck is it like to see your kid grow up and now I'm 41? It's pretty amazing. I mean, like... It's great. Like, I saw a five-year-old today. I was at a... I can't remember where.

I was somewhere with Kristen. But I just saw a five-year-old and, like, Cal's one and a half. And I'm just like, I can't believe he's going to be, like, talking to me and shit. And the five-year-old had a hat on. And I'm like, Cal's going to have a hat one day, like, that he talking to me and shit. And the five-year-old had a hat on and I'm like, Cal's going to have a hat one day like that he wants to wear and shit. Wait till he tells you no for the first time and means it.

Yeah, he doesn't do that now. He just goes. Yeah. He'll look at you and say no. I remember that with you and your brother. The first, like the first few times I said, no, you said no.

What happened? What the fuck? What do you mean? No, I'm in charge here. You do what I say. What do you mean? No.

And then I, and then I made no sense to it. Yeah. And I didn't do it. Of course. I'm fucking, that's good. That's good for me.

I'm glad I did. I am glad I did that. That's what kids do um what yeah that is what kids do but i don't know i see other kids parent like or other parents parent than the way they parent and sometimes i'm like you're not you gotta fucking they'll be like nah don't all right okay then and they're just running around and shit and i'm like dude i'm not going to do that. But do you give up a little bit? Like, are you like, all right, you got to acquiesce a little bit?

Fucking incel dogs. Hey! No, you can't give up. Yeah, you can't, right? You can't give up. Because then? You have to present a united front with you and your wife and you can't give in yeah is um okay let's see there's other things i want to talk about but that is uh

very sweet and very nice by the way once I won at trivial pursuit and nobody could believe that I didn't cheat I didn't cheat and you did win yeah I won legitimately and then what did with your mom and aunt Michelle oh yeah you've told me this and they couldn't believe I knew the answer what was the answer but I didn't cheat if If it was Queen Victoria, that would be great. I don't remember the answer. Yeah.

That's fucked up that you remember the cheat answer, but not the real answer when you did win. That's not fucked up. No? Maybe. I don't know. I don't really have conviction with that, to be honest.

What's up with... You have conviction about everything else. I know. Things that really... Here's another thing, too. Things that don't matter. I know. You have conviction about. It might be my OCD.

It might be. It might be my OCD. I think that's part of it. If I think about... If I really think about it, the fact that you have a carton of whole milk in your fridge and not just the little whole milk bullshits, or half and half. Half and half. That's not... Half and half. Half and half. You have a whole carton of whole milk in your fridge and not just the little whole milk bullshits or half and half. Half and half. Half and half.

You don't have a, you have a whole carton of half and half. Yeah. Because why? Because I bought it. Okay. Because I was home a lot and I was using the half and half a lot. Yeah. And so the little pint containers weren't enough.

Right. Because as you know, and as you've established, I love coffee. Right. So hold on a second. What do you mean the little ones aren't enough? I would run out of the pint and have to buy more of them more frequently. So if I bought the quart, it would last longer. Okay. But I'm talking about the little ones that are at restaurants.

Yeah. Why don't you get those? Where would I get those? Can't you get those? You can get those. We have those. Nobody gets those. I have those. Nobody gets those. I'll show you them after the show. I have them.

Yeah. But nobody gets them. You get a container them after the show. I have them. Yeah, but nobody gets them. You get a container and you put it in the refrigerator. That's what you do. But yours is very big. Yeah. It's too big. It's a quart.

Don't, I know what a quart is, but it's very big for half and half. How is a quart too big? For a half and half. I'll tell you why. I have already thought about this. I love when I've already thought about something and I have something cocked.

Yeah. It looks like regular milk then. And I almost gave it to the baby. Except that it says half and half right on it. It does. But when I looked at the whole milk, it was a little bit bigger. And the only thing different about it was it didn't say half and half.

It said whole milk. And you know I have a baby. By the way, there was no whole milk in the refrigerator. There was. There was 2%. Oh, right, 2%. Yeah, okay. And half and half.

Right, 2%. Yeah, you don't drink whole milk. And you grabbed the half and half. Yeah. And you poured it into the baby's bottle. Yes, I did. Yeah. And you poured it into the baby's bottle. Yes, I did. Yeah. And then you reacted like I was putting in ricin.

You were reacting like I put in, I had a bottle of ricin I was going to give. You said, you can't give baby half and half. The real reason I reacted like I did was because you were using my precious half and half. Okay, yeah. And I needed it for my coffee. If it was smaller, I would never have used it. It looks too much like the milk.

The fact that it says half and half on it. Dad, you don't read the fucking things so closely. No, you do. If it's orange, you look at it. You open the refrigerator.

Okay. You look at what's there. Okay. And you take out what you do. If it's orange, you look at it. You open the refrigerator. Okay. You look at what's there. Okay. And you take out what you need. Cool. You don't just absently take out a carton because you think it's milk. Okay. You just don't.

Okay. Nobody does that. I think that that's wrong. I think what you're saying is wrong. But I'm going to let you have that. Maybe I'm wrong about that. You are. But okay, fine.

So let's say I'm wrong. You're wrong. Okay. We're both saying that. You don't need to keep saying it because we both said it. All right? I'm going to say it again. Okay, fine.

But when you're done saying it, I have something that will add to this whole fucking thing. Okay. Okay. Have you ever had grapefruit juice? Yes. Have you ever... I know you're confused, but what I do is I start it a certain way

and then it all comes back. It's like a Tarantino movie. You don't know why John Travolta gets killed in the middle and then he's there also at the end. Let me explain one thing. But I'm not done, but okay. I'm not confused. Okay.

I'm traveling with you. Okay. You've had grapefruit juice. Yeah. Have you ever had pineapple juice? Yeah. Okay. Now, you keep grapefruit juice in your fridge all the time.

You got a little handle. It looks like a carton. You know, you got a thing. Maybe it looks like that. Maybe it's a carton. Whatever. You see it. Okay.

Grapefruit juice all the time. My family loves grapefruit juice. It doesn't, but in this hypothetical world, my family loves grapefruit juice. We're the grapefruit juice family, okay? We're the family that when you come over, you know you get grapefruit juice. One day, you decide to get pineapple juice, all right? Doesn't look that much different, does it? And the only thing different about it is it says pineapple and not grapefruit. Okay? I'm Pavlov's dog.

When I'm opening the fridge, I grab the pineapple juice, I drink it, and I drink it, and I think, what the fuck? Pineapple? Whose fault is that? Whose fault is that? Is that my fault?

I think it's yours. So in essence, what you're saying is whenever you grab a carton, even though you're always there and you pretty much know what it is, you should read it every time? I'm saying that when you open a refrigerator to get something, you have to look before you take it out and use it. That's what I'm saying. It just, okay. Grapefruit juice, pineapple juice, whatever the fuck. And how do you feel? So, and you were upset that I, by mistake, used it because now you didn't have enough half and half?

Right. I guess that's cool. That's fair. Not only that, you were poisoning your son. No, you can feed... I looked it up afterwards. It just makes him fatter. Okay.

I'm sorry, little kids. Hey, guys, that's it for YouTube. If you want to catch the rest of the episode, all you got to do is go to my Patreon, which is patreon.com slash Chris D'Elia. There's the rest of this episode and the backlog of Patreon episodes and all sorts of other stuff.

So go sign up. It's probably annoying with your glasses. Is that why you didn't do it? Yeah, it's just too tight. Don't need them.