Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 209. Get Cute With It

Episode Date: September 15, 2021

🎟 Catch the uncut/extended episode +1 entire bonus episode per month + Discord stuff & exclusive content over on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia In this week's episode Chris talks about Drake and K...anye, the getting arrested "challenge", and how to get cute with it. He also watches a bunch of NPCs in Grand Theft Auto who want to apologize. 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 This is an advertisement from BetterHelp. Everyone knows therapy is great for solving problems. But turns out, therapy has some issues of its own. Finding the right therapist, fitting into their schedule, and, of course, the cost. BetterHelp can help solve these problems. It's online, convenient, built around your schedule, and surprisingly affordable, too. Connect with a credentialed therapist by phone, video, or online chat. Visit BetterHelp.com to learn more.
Starting point is 00:00:27 That's BetterHelp.com. Meeting with friends before the show? We can book your reservation. And when you get to the main event, skip to the good bit using the card member entrance. Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by card. Other conditions apply. Hello, my friends. Welcome to Congratulations. All right, we are here. God, sometimes I just hear my freaking voice in the microphone and it just sounds like soda.
Starting point is 00:01:26 You know what I mean? It just sounds like soda filling up a nice glass on a warm summer day. God damn. And it's the end of summer. We're finishing up summer. So just, you know what I mean? Feel my voice. Feel my voice in a nice, tall, beautiful glass with some ice cubes, some square ice cubes just clinking around. I love ice cubes that are perfectly square. And that's it. I don't want to talk about it. I just wanted to mention it. And I wanted to move on because that's what I do on this podcast, dude. When I dwell on some shit, you're going to know it. All right. You're going to know it because it's going to go on for 15 minutes. But when I want to just touch and go, when I want to roll off a topic like Barry Sanders to a defender, when I just want to roll off it into the touchdown area, I want to just
Starting point is 00:02:15 say, look, here's the deal. I like perfectly square ice cubes and that's a touchdown. Okay. So that's it. We'll leave that one alone. We'll put it to bed. Now I've already been talking about it for a minute. Does that mean it we'll leave that one alone we'll put it to bed now i've already been talking about it for a minute does that mean it's been dragging on for too long
Starting point is 00:02:28 secretly yes but does that mean that it wasn't by design no it was by design so oops in your face right okay now the deal is this episode is uh it's you know it already feels like it's i feel like i'm in the middle here i feel like i'm in uh you know does he go rip roaring or does he just fucking kind of chill and do a relaxed vibe thing and i think i'm gonna meet in the middle dude i'm gonna shake hands with the middle of this man i'm gonna six out of ten and i don't mean six out of ten on the goodness i mean six out of ten in the energy vibe, because two episodes ago I was going fucking yeesh crazy, dude. I was on, uh, I was on fucking mock 11 and people in the comments, let me know.
Starting point is 00:03:15 They were like, Whoa, Chris Lee's going mark 11. And I was like, yeah, well, but, um, so that's, what's up. Uh, if you want, and if you love the, the, the, the podcast, you could sign up for the Patreon, patreon.com slash Chris Talia. Now you get all a bunch of extra shit. There's an extra episode, uh, and a month, and there's also extended, uh, episodes of each episode that comes out on YouTube. And another thing called review mode, which is a segment that I do only for Patreon and
Starting point is 00:03:42 behind the scenes and all this shit. We do polls. We have fun. We have a discord. We chat, we do watch along Patreon and behind the scenes and all this shit. We do polls. We have fun. We have a Discord. We chat. We do watch-alongs, and it's all good. So what I really wanted to get to is what's going on? This is something I've thought about for a long time,
Starting point is 00:03:53 and I've never really brought it to fruition on this podcast. I've never really decided to really talk about it because it kind of was a thing in like the late uh 20 you know 2000s it was like this this kind of thing uh hit the world and then podcasting started and then this kind of thing got kind of taken um it wasn't really dwelled on when the internet got really popping, right? Like when Vine came out on the scene, your boy exploded. When the internet got involved, your boy exploded. I was dot com. You understand?
Starting point is 00:04:33 I came out and it was just like, okay, I'll use this internet to my advantage. And I would say this to other comedians. You got to get on the internet. And they'd be like, nah, nah, nah. It ain't about that shit. Nah, nah, nah. I like to do standup. Okay, cool. How are they going to come see you? If you're not get on the internet and they'd be like nah nah nah it ain't about that shit nah nah nah i like to do stand-up okay cool how they gonna come see you if you're not getting on
Starting point is 00:04:48 comedy central if you're not getting on fucking whatever it is how they're gonna come see you your boy grassroots did vine instagram you know what i mean these youtube kids everyone was laughing at him and now boom what the fuck on fire but what i'm trying to get at is who and what happened to make soldier boy none i'm talking about now me even talking about this is passe it's like fucking me being like what's the deal with razor scooters are like hey how's george hamilton get work that shit is it's already passed but it's worth digging up and i'll tell you why it's worth digging up because i keep seeing soldier boy on the internet but what's he doing dude Is he rapping? No. He's signing artists, so he's got a label? Where is it? He made a video game console? What happened to it? And he's got a clothing line, I think, probably. Who wears it?
Starting point is 00:05:59 But the guy has a following like Jesus Christ. So what happened? That Soulja Boy popped off and continues to pop off, right? It's like the game. You know, the game was a hot rapper. He wasn't out there just going, you Superman that. Oh, he was a hot rapper. That dude had really, real good rhymes. And more than that, he had an attitude right
Starting point is 00:06:26 when you listened to songs by the game you really felt the lifestyle and even as a white boy i was like i kind of identify with that in a weird way he got me dude hook line and sinker he scooped me up but soldier boy what do you i'm gonna google him actually right now and this is no hate but he's always like on an instagram live joining someone else's being like nah fuck y'all and then it's like it'll make like fucking rap.com and it's like soldier boy talk shit to fucking little penis or whatever the fuck everyone's rap, whatever the new guy is, you know. If I just say, if I write Soulja Boy news, here we go, 23 hours ago, last article,
Starting point is 00:07:12 who's to run by Soulja Boy? Soulja Boy tells Kanye West to apologize to Taylor Swift in Twitter rant. I mean, what the fuck, dude? Let's see what happened here. Here's another one from a day ago. Soulja Boy and Chris Brown furious at Kanye Way cut them from Donda. I just, dude, these guys who make their name off of, or who keep their name off of talking shit about the relevant dudes. And I don't mean in a funny way, dude, because then I'd be burying myself.
Starting point is 00:07:49 I'm making jokes right now on, I'm not even talking shit about the dudes who are worth taking shots at. I'm talking shit about the dudes who are doing that. That's what this podcast is all about, dude. I'm taking shots at the dudes who are taking shots. But Soulja Boy, dude, if you straight up looked me in my eyes and said, you know how old Soulja Boy is? And I said, no. And then you said, he's 46. I wouldn't, I fucking wouldn't blink. I'd be like, yeah,
Starting point is 00:08:14 well, okay. That makes sense. Soulja Boy tells Kanye West to apologize to Taylor Swift, Twitter rant. Is this about way back when? This is about 2009. Is there a more 2009 thing to be doing than fucking to have Soulja Boy tweeting about how Kanye West should apologize to Taylor Swift? Didn't he already apologize? First of all. Second of all, she's past that.
Starting point is 00:08:42 She's the biggest star in the world. He's the biggest star in the world. He's the biggest star in the world. And you're Soulja Boy. Your last hit was Kiss Me Through the Phone. And that was in 2009. Or whatever the fuck. Soulja Boy and Chris Brown, Furious. By the way, we talked about the Donda album on review mode.
Starting point is 00:09:06 If you sign up for my Patreon, patreon.com. That's the last time I mentioned my Patreon. I did it too long. I didn't mean to. But I'm just saying if you want to hear my thoughts on Donda, that's where it is. Soldier Boy and Chris Brown. This is on Newsweek. Very, very, very goddamn reputable source if you ask me.
Starting point is 00:09:20 Soldier Boy and Chris Brown have both said they were cut from Kanye's new album, Donda. The highly anticipated, much delayed recording. Finally, collaborators Jay-Z, Travis Scott, and controversially Marilyn Manson. Rapper Soulja Boy, real name DeAndre Cortez, labeled West as a coward for cutting his verse on the track Remote Control. Coward, dude. Coward. Dude. You're not going to put me on your song? No, coward, dude, you're not gonna put me on your song, no, coward, okay, that's a coward move, wow, so insecure, dude, eh, Cincy, fucking David Brent, David Brent, that's coward a bit, isn't it, right, you don't put me on the thing, it's cowarded a bit. Because I speak real. Because I speak wrong. Because I'm wrong, right?
Starting point is 00:10:07 Dude, it's all fucking... It's so ridiculous. I just want to know, because Soulja Boy did the video games. Soulja Boy? Soulja? Do you remember that? Soulja Boy came out with a video game? Here we go. He released a brand new handheld
Starting point is 00:10:29 in 2021, Soulja Boy. Wow. What is Soulja Boy's game console? It's called, according to RetroDodo, TRDR Pocket currently being hawked by Soulja Boy is actually based on the retroid pocket which in
Starting point is 00:10:48 turn was cloned by pow kitty i mean so many made-up names okay cool done with it that's hilarious to release a handheld video game and be soldier boy how much is soldier boy worth i gotta know this soldier boy boy uh net worth and what? I got, this is always all wrong, by the way. Soldier boys net worth. How much does he make a year? 7 million. Come on, dude.
Starting point is 00:11:11 This year, here in 7 million in 2016, that was 2016, dude. Who gives a fuck, bro? This is always so wrong. You know what?
Starting point is 00:11:17 And if you're, I'm going to pretend like this is a radio show. And if you're just joining in, we're talking about soldier boy, call in the number. What? 800. Fuck it.
Starting point is 00:11:22 A bitch. Um, talking about soldier boy call in the number what 800 fuckity bitch um drake is coming out or came out depending on when you listen to this with a new album and the fucking artwork is red i like the artwork dude there's like 40 pregnant chicks on it but it's the emojis that guy has such a fucking way of tapping into the mainstream and tap it into what's like, who the fuck thinking about using emojis on your album cover is so not cool. But then when he's just like,
Starting point is 00:11:59 fuck it, I used a pregnant ladies. You're just like, damn, that's actually kind of the shit that the world wants right now. You understand? He fucking lets you know this is what the world wants right now. It's not really so much Soulja Boy tell him anymore.
Starting point is 00:12:16 It's a little bit more like Drake tell him. But they want the pregnant girls 40 times. They want the pregnant girl emojis 40 times on my motherfucking album cover. And then he did the Nike thing. Is the Nike thing an album? He put out Nike shit with flowers on it. The dude gets really cute with it, dude. He gets really, really cute with it, man.
Starting point is 00:12:39 And that's what I admire about Drake, dude. Did you see what happened when Kanye leaked his address? And then Drake put the shit on Instagram and he was just smiling all cute with it like someone else was taking the video? He was in his fucking Ferrari or Lambo probably just smiling, doing a selfie, acting like someone else
Starting point is 00:12:55 was taking it on the hood of the car while he was driving with their arm hooked over the windshield? But this is Drake just like Tee-Hee-ing it up? He was Tee-Hee-ing it up and fucking in the t.o like someone else was holding the fucking shit on a selfie stick on the front of the grill of the fucking rari oh come on drake but drake got cute with it man and he was like if you think that's cute just wait to the certified lover boy uh album art comes out and it's 19 pregnant ladies and an emoji dude
Starting point is 00:13:28 he's getting real cute with it dude you can't knock a motherfucker that gets too cute with it you can't dude drake smiles cute you ever see drake smile even in a still picture you hear him going he's real cute with it dude everyone throw one shoulder up forget it dude one time there was a pizza delivery man when i was like i was probably 16 i was still in high school and my mom and i ordered pizza it was really cute my dad was on business and my brother was at her friend at his friend's house and we ordered pizza for pizza and the guy came and he was like in his 40s and he made some kind of joke and then he went and fucking afterwards my i did that to my mom and she left every time dude and i still do it to my mom to
Starting point is 00:14:18 this day and i was 16 dude that was like 24 years ago and we fuck if i call my mom right now and i'm a mom remember the time the pizza guy went she laughed dude and that's a mother-son connection the pizza hut delivery guy got cute with it drake gets cute with it those are memorable motherfuckers dude if you want to make an impact you got to get cute with it if you're a man get cute with it dude i'm serious dude's, get cute with it, dude. I'm serious. Dude's out there saying, well, you know, if I wear pink, you know, it's cool because I'm, uh, you know, I'm very, I'm actually really in touch with my masculinity. So it doesn't, oh, shut up, bro. You don't know how to get cute with it. Give me all that pink and let me put it on and teehee it in the big apple. I'll strut around New York with that pink jumpsuit on, get cute with it. We talk about be jumpsuit on. Get cute with it.
Starting point is 00:15:08 We talk about be more memorable, but get cute with it. That's how you do that. That's a step up. You don't have to do that, but you can do that. Anyway, dude, I didn't mean to go on this fucking rant about getting cute with it and Drake and shit. But the album cover bangs, dude. Okay? It bangs. I don't know if maybe if it's going to come out.
Starting point is 00:15:24 We're talking about this before it came out, so maybe he'll change it like Kanye did. Remember when Kanye had that dope album that looked like fucking it was from a Pink Floyd concert? He was going to release it. He put that out there. We'll show a graphic of it right here, but he put that out there, and then he just released the Black Square.
Starting point is 00:15:40 You know what I mean? Maybe it was like a Black Lives Matter thing. I don't think it was because it's so after that but yeah that's the album artwork just darkness so yeah soldier boy tell him needs to get cute with it soldier boy tell him these people man and me too i'm in it you know it's not just them, I often talk about, hey, it's at somebody, it's them, but, you know, we're all the problem in our own way, dude, I'm not, people say, oh, he's fucking, yeah, he's always making fun of everybody else, and first of all,
Starting point is 00:16:18 that's comedy, open the door to it, okay, but second of all, it's like, dude, I am doing that because it's funny, but also there's problems with me too. Okay. I'm not trying to act like I'm better than anyone. You know, I'm talking about when I was in high school, I thought it was cool to fucking style my hair. Like Jason Preece.
Starting point is 00:16:37 I was in New Jersey. And then my dad was like, we got to move to LA. And I was like, cool, let's do it. And I started doing my hair like Luke Perry and walking around. Everyone was fucking making fun of me and laughing.
Starting point is 00:16:49 But guess what I did? I still did my hair like that. I walked every day to school. And when I got in, everybody laughed at me. But guess what? Guess who was more Luke Perry than Luke Perry, dude? Your boy in my head. And that's all that matters.
Starting point is 00:17:04 I was fucking Luke Perry 90210 in LCHS high school. And I made sure everybody knew it. I made sure everybody knew it. Ah, stupid hair. I go, nah, it's cool, man. And then your boy got real popular with that confidence.
Starting point is 00:17:22 He went from the outcast with the hair to the cool dude with the hair. Of course, the hair got lower and I styled it a little bit differently as I got cooler because I get affected too. I get affected too. But people are always like, you know, they talk about, you know, life can hit you fast. Life could come at you fast. You know, we all had weird years last year. Oh, we fucking woke up and life hit you fast. Life hit me fast when I got to LA. Life hit me fast when I got to LA and I thought I knew how it was going to be. I was one of the cool kids in sixth grade, moved here, seventh grade. I was immediately a dork and life hit me fast,
Starting point is 00:17:53 but it's not really that, you know, life hits you fast, but it's more like you're on your track and life doesn't happen. Life doesn't happen to you, right? People say, hey, life happens. It hits you fast. Life happens, but it's not that it happens to you. You got to let life hop in, dude. You got to be on your track and then life hop on in, right?
Starting point is 00:18:28 If life is hitting you fast, if life is happening, because it does, it happens, but bro, be on that track. Come on, life, hop in. And teehee along the way way throw one shoulder up one shoulder up for the homies man car full of homies no chicks tiki in it dude life hops in homie move over we're more crowded you understand me it's a mentality that's why when i talk about life rips, I really mean that shit. Life really rips.
Starting point is 00:19:10 This shit isn't just a saying. It's a culture. This shit isn't just a saying. It's a cult. That's what I'm telling you, man. So let life hop in and rip with it dude yes dude don't let life hit you fuck life dude
Starting point is 00:19:34 discover more value than ever at Loblaws. Like Fresh Promise. Produce is carefully selected and checked for freshness. And if it's not fresh, it's free. Yes, you heard that right. From the crispest lettuce to the juiciest apples, Loblaws is committed to fresh. So you get the best fruits and veggies. Look for new value programs when you shop at Loblaws,
Starting point is 00:20:06 in-store and online. Conditions may at Loblaws in-store and online. Conditions may apply. See in-store for details. It's what it is. I'm a fucking, I'm a motivational speaker from now on. Yeah, that's it, dude. Period.
Starting point is 00:20:18 I'm a motivational speaker from now on. You understand, my baby? That's it. I'm a motivational speaker because here's the deal dude somebody needs to do it somebody needs to fucking do it you know i watched this fucking into the storm q thing this q into the storm uh
Starting point is 00:20:41 is q into the storm on HBO max. And it's just like, it was one of those things that I just didn't want to watch because I knew it was going to be heavy, but Kristen put it on and I was like, no, come on, babe. And she was like,
Starting point is 00:20:52 what? Just give it like five minutes. And I was like, I'm already fucked. If you give something like this five minutes, I'm all in. You think I can, I can't,
Starting point is 00:20:59 you think I could turn off a documentary about QAnon bro. One time when that documentary loose change came out, I was on the floor of my apartment and I just clicked on it and I'd watched the whole thing on the floor of my apartment. And I was like, God damn, you can't get, dude, when it comes to conspiracy theories or breaking them down or negating them, bro, I am all in. I'm sucked in, dude. I'm sucked in. sucked in dude i'm sucked in forget it so i watched this queue into the storm it's like six episodes i finished it all in fucking three hours even though they're an hour each i finished it very quickly though it was about how 8chan was created for free speech because you know there was a fucking thing that the gamer gate was the
Starting point is 00:21:47 first thing that like stood up to quote-unquote cancel culture because video games were heavily male popular populated and the characters were male and they were four men and then a vocal minority was like what about the women characters and shit like that? And then Gamergate was like, fuck that. We want to be, we want our games. They can't fuck with our, you know, gamers. They don't fuck around, dude. If you're near a gamer and you're like, you bring up like Red Dead Redemption, you know, it just makes a laugh because Rockstar was severely underpaying their, and you're just like, yo, bro, yo bro i just i was i wanted to be a cowboy and kill a fucking bunch of people i don't know what you're talking about dude it just makes me laugh you know because it's like um yeah so gamergate was like the thing i think it was on 4chan but it was like this thing that
Starting point is 00:22:39 was like fuck this don't let the women take over video games it was highly extremely sexist and you know it was shitty and then they i think something like they went to like limit the posts about it so it seemed to be like they were saying it was like censorship or something like that so then they made 8chan and 8chan was this thing was like fuck, fuck it, dude. This is free speech. And we're going to fucking die by this sword. Die on this sword of free speech. Free speech. And they made 8chan. And 8chan was just like all of a sudden heavily racist.
Starting point is 00:23:15 It was like, oh, good. Nazis were like, finally, we can just chat about it, man. We can just talk about these Jews. Nazis were just like, oh, there's 8chan. Cool. Rally up the troops. Come on. Come over to 8chan. We're going to talk about these jews nazis were just like oh there's 8chan cool rally up the troops come on come over to 8chan we're going to talk about jews and people from 8chan would be like well you can say whatever you want it's free speech that's what america that's the cornerstone
Starting point is 00:23:34 of what america was fucking found on and it incited violence and then that's how q anon blew up and then people were like you know q anon was was the number one thing on 8chan and how QAnon was like becoming this huge thing. And then it was too late. It was a movement. It was Reddit banned QAnon posts, but it was too late because they were already mobilizing on 8chan and the people on 8chan,
Starting point is 00:23:55 the creator of 8chan, um, was like, fuck it. I need to, I need to quit. And then, so these guys bought it from them and then they were these free speech, uh, these people who really believed in free speech and then the the creator of hn was trying to fucking take hn down because they were like oh this isn't right anyway it's fantastic this documentary it's like three it's like six episodes long and the reason why you know that it's good is because my dad said it was boring but um it was just crazy to hear
Starting point is 00:24:27 about these q anon motherfuckers man like just insane like they just leeched on to the fucking save the children thing where it's like everyone's like hey what's up with uh like q anon would be like well don't you believe do you believe in QAnon? And you'd be like, nah, all that stuff sounds crazy. And they'd be like, well, what about the save the children thing? You believe children should be saved, right? And then people were like, I mean, yeah, yeah. Who wouldn't? Okay, cool. Then you're with us. And then some idiots
Starting point is 00:24:56 would just be like, okay, let's do it. Fuck it. It's just like, dude, who, it's like, hey, they shouldn't you hey you hate chris d'elea's comedy yeah well what dude do you like when they just fucking blow up buildings for no reason no well chris d'elea believes that you shouldn't blow up buildings for no reason right so he's funny right i don't know man i guess so here's a free ticket well i just i said here's a fucking free ticket come
Starting point is 00:25:24 okay I guess so. Here's a free ticket. Well, I just, I said, here's a fucking free ticket. Come. Okay. Followers, man. You know, and it's just, it's just odd because people are so susceptible to shit. I mean, they think that babies are being eaten by Hollywood elite. I was in Hollywood. You know? I've been to the parties. Zero babies were being eaten.
Starting point is 00:25:59 They don't even fucking eat carbs. Do you know what I'm talking about? They don't even eat carbs. They're fucking vegan. It's just, but I came out to this thing with a, I don't even know if I believe free speech in free speech anymore. I mean, I think it's important. I think free speech, I think there should be free speech, but like hate speech is fucking insane. And I also, here's another thing that I think would fucking absolutely fix it. No anonymous shit ever again. You have an account online, you post, you sign,
Starting point is 00:26:37 everybody knows that that's you. No doxing. Doxing is fucking shitty as fuck because that's free speech too. Doxing. You can go out there and be like, yo, this is Tom Cruise's address. Free speech. But it's fucked up. It's absolutely fucked up.
Starting point is 00:26:55 So that free speech, am I for doxing? No, not for that. I think if you sign in, I think everybody who goes online has to speak as themselves. I think everybody who goes online has to speak as themselves. If I sign into wherever, Twitter, HN, Akun now is what it is. Fucking Instagram, it's Chris D'Elia. No dummy accounts, right? If you're looking at my story, I know you saw it.
Starting point is 00:27:20 There's no dummy. There's no finsta. There's no bullshit. You know how much that would curb violence? You know how much that would curb violence? You know how much that would curb violence? So much. People will be like, well, I hate Jews, but I don't want everybody to know about it. What about that plan?
Starting point is 00:27:40 Nope. Whatever. I'm just a fucking comedian i'm just like this doxing shit's gotta go i gotta start doxing people man just straight up people just who people who disagree with me just be a motherfucker on my instagram story so here's somebody who said something about me and here's where they live go babies and they just show up and they just start going to like they just start going oh outside of their house oh you got doxxed i'll doxx people but crazy cool shit though, man. Grab a bunch of fucking fruit and just throw it on their lawn.
Starting point is 00:28:26 Doesn't really affect them, but they know what's up. Ah, so I had to go to the bathroom. Thank you guys for still sticking around. We put a cut in there. We were on a YouTube. I was on YouTube and one fire said that there was somebody getting mad because they said, oh yeah, Patreon is supposed to be uncut. And it was like, there's still cuts in it.
Starting point is 00:28:48 It's like, dude, I, that doesn't mean we're going to leave in the fucking moments that lag or the moments I have to go take a piss. Anyway, um, the, uh, this is something I actually can't even believe that is a real thing. This fucking, uh, uh, first of all dude on tiktok it's called the getting arrested challenge okay listen here all right not everything's a fucking challenge okay let's just call this i don't even like that it's a trend but let's call it that that's what it is all right or it's just a thing that people are doing. But this getting arrested challenge, Jude, where they just, I don't know how, I get how one person has this stupid idea, but I don't get how everyone then starts doing it. I know that there is a big portion of the people doing it as a joke and making fun of
Starting point is 00:29:41 the people who actually do it, but they're making fun of people who actually do it. There are people who actually do it. And I'm great. Spilled the LaCroix. Yes, dude. Got something here. Gonna go. Look at that, dude.
Starting point is 00:29:55 Look at that. That just wipes it right up. It just wipes it right up. Spilled the LaCroix and it just wipes it right up. And then you just put it down and it is drier than the Sahara. Look at that. Would you look at that? But this TikTok getting arrested challenge,
Starting point is 00:30:13 how about the getting arrested challenge is going up and punching a cop in the face. That's a challenge. And then running away. Can you get away or do you get arrested in this get arrested challenge but dude they this is a tiktok where these guys pretend to struggle up against the wall while they're getting handcuffed and looking at their significant other and being like don't worry about it babe giving them a wink or some shit and they put like colorful lights in the background. Like sirens are blaring. Dude, you're in your bedroom. That's wrong.
Starting point is 00:30:51 This is by Deaf Noodles. Oh, wait, was this even by them or what? No, this is just the person who posted it. The TikTok is fucking here. One Fire sent me the original version. TikTok, it's Tommy Talk. Jesus, that sounds like somebody who'd do it here we go i saw the life hands on your back boys and then they turn and then they're struggling still i mean oh and he says i love you oh he says i love you to his significant other and he's got a Letterman jacket on
Starting point is 00:31:25 And that's it No shirt underneath it And it's falling off his shoulders While he's getting arrested And there's another kid also next to him Getting arrested The way less good looking one dude How hilarious is that
Starting point is 00:31:38 That the fucking good looking one is in the forefront And the less good looking one is in the back That's like his little brother that was like Can I do it too? Let me do the getting arrested challenge with you, Tommy. Tommy talk. POV, the brothers in crime turned themselves in.
Starting point is 00:31:55 Oh, dude. What is going on? Nope, nope. Can't play it. Gotta stop it. Gotta stop it. Gotta stop it. Dude, that's hilarious. Are there more? That's the, oh, here's another one. Here's another one. Oh, wow. Oh, they turned him around. Oh, they pushed him up against the back to turn around. Oh, Ace Ventura. Ace Ventura, how he did it. Oh, growling and blowing out of his...
Starting point is 00:32:25 Oh, winked at her. Him, probably. Are we kidding? Dude, here's the deal, man. Dude, he goes like this, and he turns around, and he goes... Ace Ventura. Dude, on the catwalk. Getting arrested, but still modeling.
Starting point is 00:32:39 Dude, hey. I get it now. Strictly for gay guys. You know? It's strictly for gay guys. We figured it out. We cracked the code. It's strictly for gay guys.
Starting point is 00:32:59 Dude, how the Rihanna song is chopped and screwed. I found a lot of boo-boo. Wow, dude. how it's how the rihanna song is chopped and screwed wow dude the internet is you know what it is is there's too many people and so this stuff's going to exist because the internet is there so we all get to watch it thanks guys everyone's talking about how cringe it is look at the article here on sportskita.com they're just just like, just as one TikTok trend ends, another begins, the newest growing challenge on the platform,
Starting point is 00:33:28 getting arrested challenge, showcases content creators, yada, yada. Somebody writes, I need, but this is what the things are, beyond disgusting and insensitive, TikTok's bizarre new
Starting point is 00:33:39 getting arrested challenge slammed online. What's disgusting and insensitive about it? Like, that's the thing. They're going to turn this into a race thing. Watch. Here are the things, and then they add tweets here. challenge slammed online what's disgusting and insensitive about it like that's the thing they're going to turn this into a race thing watch here the thing and then they add tweets here i need you i need the getting arrested tiktok trend to be explained to me do y'all think it's hot it's
Starting point is 00:33:54 nauseating to me personally okay fine that's fine dude that's fine just want to know why all these caucasians on tiktok are fetishizing get arrested there we go already erased thing second tweet in let's guess it's a white person? Yup. White person. White people have problems with that. White people have problems with white people. White people eat their own. So crazy.
Starting point is 00:34:15 Isn't that cool? Dude, white people are just fucking... What are the animals that eat their children? There's animals out there that end up eating their offspring. That's what white people do. Not all white people by the way. Some white people are down-ass motherfuckers. But white people, that's the fucking thing that happened with the Jeopardy thing.
Starting point is 00:34:32 It's white people going after Mike Richards. They fucking, and nobody's standing up for him, dude! Here we go. They just cringe. The POV is all cringe everyone say who are these people sexualizing getting arrested on tiktok whatever why not make it a racial thing? Fuck it. Why not?
Starting point is 00:35:06 It's racist. I lose. It's racist. It's a hate crime to do that. There's so many challenges, dude. Even Kristen, we were filming a video for YouTube, this fall decor video
Starting point is 00:35:22 to put it up on our house. It's up on my YouTube. And, uh, and she, and she was like, put these pillows on the couch. Like how you think they are? I said, Oh really? I'm going to fuck it up. She's like, no, but it's a challenge. And she gave me five pillows. I'm like, dude, it's not, this isn't a challenge, you know, like just, this is putting pillows down. God. This sleepwalking woman. Long overdue to talk about this. What? Best of Selena spooky boo viral sleepwalking TikTok videos compilation.
Starting point is 00:36:13 Oh, she goes outside? Bro, people who go outside sleepwalking are are awake, okay? I don't believe you, okay? You may be in, your brain may be broken, but you're awake, okay? It was also snowing out, okay? You woke up. If you didn't wake up beforehand, you definitely woke up when your feet hit the ice.
Starting point is 00:36:54 I mean, my brother sleepwalked once and he walked out to, he walked out of the room and pissed down the laundry chute. He thought it was the toilet and that's, I can buy that. I sleepwalked into my parents' room once when I was a kid and I went and then I was like, dad, dad, come in my room. I don't feel good.
Starting point is 00:37:14 And he came in my room and I got into bed and I said, hey dad, when is a fire not a fire? And he said, uh, I don't know when it's out. And then I said, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I went back to sleep. That's it. I had a fever though. I had a fever that day.
Starting point is 00:37:26 So that's the sleepwalking I can get behind. But the people who fucking like wake up and drive to St. Louis, you're awake. You just took a road trip. Even if you go to the fridge and start eating. Just because you don't remember what happened doesn't mean you're sleepwalking. Also, why does this woman have cameras all around her house?
Starting point is 00:37:47 That's weird as fuck, dude. It seems so set up, but she's laughing at it like the shit. Wow, sleepwalking and carrying things? Going outside again? Oh, another person's walking by. Throwing sodas on the lawn. Yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. These sleepwalking clips are um
Starting point is 00:38:27 walks around getting salt i just think this is amazing dude i don't know maybe it is I'm no doctor. I mean, Kristen talks in her sleep sometimes. The other night we were watching that QAnon thing and she fell asleep before me and she goes like this. She says, she says,
Starting point is 00:38:54 she says, I guess this just never ends. And I was like, what? What? And she said, I guess this just never ends. I said, what? And she said, I guess it just never ends. I said, what? And she said, QAnon. Bro, talking in your sleep is so fucking, she talks in her sleep so much.
Starting point is 00:39:14 It's hilarious. One time one of my exes was talking in her sleep and she was like, we gotta get the birthday cake. We gotta get the birthday cake. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? And sure enough, a week week later it was my birthday she threw me a surprise party i was like oh you ruined it in your sleep and i had no idea dude she was nice sleepwalking dude you know in the movies how they do it like this like zombies
Starting point is 00:39:41 my brother pissed down the laundry shoe one time when when I was a fucking kid, I had that onesies. You ever zip up your penis in the onesies, dude. One time I zipped up my balls in the onesies and forget it, dude. I felt like I was good. I felt almost like I fainted. I was like weak in my knees, bleeding out of my balls, screaming. And my mom was like, what happened? What happened?
Starting point is 00:40:03 I was like, I zipped up my balls. Just fucking blood spurting out of my balls, screaming. And my mom was like, what happened? What happened? I was like, I zipped up my balls. Just fucking blood spurting out of my balls. Wow, dude. It's hard figuring it out. Calvin had a boo-boo the other day and he just keeps pointing to it saying boo-boo, boo-boo. Oh, it's so cute, dude. I love that motherfucker. I went to go put him to bed last, uh, two nights ago, last night. the other day and he just keeps pointing to it saying boo boo boo boo oh it's so cute dude i
Starting point is 00:40:25 love that motherfucker i went to go put him to bed last uh two nights ago last night and i went to go put him in the crib and he was like no dad dad dad and he was like grabbing my shirt dad dad dad i was like okay let's go fucking sit in the chair a little bit longer i sit on my chair and i'd be like it's okay it's all right buddy just chill and then he would just fucking pop up look at me and say and i'd say i'm still here and he would put fucking pop up, look at me and say, and I'd say, I'm still here. And he would put his head back on my shoulder and I'd be like, don't worry about it, buddy. And I went to go put him back in the crib again. He was like, no, that, that, that, that.
Starting point is 00:40:52 And he just stiffed up. I'm like, okay, let's go back to the chair. And then he would just fucking crying for no reason. And then look back up and he was like, and he would look up at me. Face would be right here. And he'd just be like, dude. And it was so cute, man. man he fucking we do this thing kristen started it but she'll try and like kiss he'll like hurt his foot or hurt his shoulder or hurt his face or something and then he'll walk over
Starting point is 00:41:16 to her and she'll be like i'll make it all better and she goes and she kisses wherever the boo-boo is and she'll say it's all better and he'll stop crying so now she was out today and he he got he um he oh he had like a little scab on his on his knee and he was just like boo-boo and i said yeah that's your boo-boo and he kissed it himself dude and he goes and kissed his fucking cut on his knee himself dude and my heart melted dude it was so cute, man. Love that boy, man. Love that boy. Hugged me, gave me a kiss on my fucking, he just went, muah, muah. He's just beautiful, man.
Starting point is 00:42:02 Kristen and I played that fucking game on Twitch, Outlast 2. Bro, I jumped like two, three times in that game. It's scary as fuck, man. You have to hide under a bed, and then the fucking demons are like, and look under the bed, and you go, whoa, in real life. Bro, it's scary, dude.
Starting point is 00:42:16 I want to play Resident Evil, because I think that that's scary too. But that Outlast 2 video game? Oh, it's annoying, though. You don't get to attack people, man. All these video games are making it too like real life.'t get to attack people man all these video games are making it too like real life i want to attack motherfuckers give me a machete and a fucking pistol you're walking around with a camera you're walking around with a camera after a helicopter crashed don't you at least have fucking what do you call it uh flares you you fucking crash and
Starting point is 00:42:41 you just got this camera and you got to document shit. Bro, I don't even document shit in real life except my son. These video games, man. And then they're like, play Until Dawn. And it's like, that game, all you do is walk around and ask people questions. The video game fucking a long time ago, Bobby Lee tried to get me to get. I got it. And I played it. And I started the video game game and you start being born.
Starting point is 00:43:10 You start by seriously, you start by coming out of your mom's wuss. Hey, I want to do video games when the guy's already all up to speed I don't need it's an open world game where you're like shooting guns and killing aliens and you start coming out of your mom's dugout
Starting point is 00:43:38 dude I don't need to be born in the video game unless the video game is about babies or your mom's hatchet wound. So gross, but we're real. I would get rid of just goes like this. Dude, you know what I'm talking about? Don't make a video game where the beginning of it is
Starting point is 00:44:08 you're opening your eyes for your first time and your mom's fried butterflies behind you just give me the gun let's go give me the gun where are the power packs never needs to be a baby involved okay the video game started with push one last push here he is and then you hear yourself going give me the fucking lightsaber dude i'm ready to go i because here i am adult me like already did this stuff in real life we got past the boring shit bro there was a fucking and you have to grow up with the kid i mean it all takes like 20 minutes but it's like dude i don't want to wait fuck all these cut scenes something smells weird here what is it oh my god then lift question mark box i guess i gotta lift it ah sure enough it's a dead fish i might have to keep it for later
Starting point is 00:45:17 keep circle okay keep you already have too many things in your utility pack. Well, fuck. Get rid of one? X. Okay. X. What would you like to get rid of? I don't know. Here are your items. Oh, for fuck, dude.
Starting point is 00:45:33 Give me the gun. Video games is getting more boring in real life, dude. There's going to be a, you know, I guarantee you, first of all, there's goat simulator or some shit. People are like, play that, it's actually fun. Keep it. No, keep it, keep it in the shelf. No, keep it.
Starting point is 00:45:53 I swear to God, there's going to be a game called like fucking fathering. And it's just going to be like, clean up this mess, X. Ask wife to do it box or you know what you can do to make everyone happy just make it so the video game is banging but you can do whatever you want in the world and don't have to do the missions like grand theft auto you can go fuck hookers pay them kill them take the money or you can do the missions where you gotta rob shit and fucking shoot people and whatever or you know what you can do in gta chill you can just
Starting point is 00:46:36 drive around that's boring as fuck but for all the boring ass motherfuckers that want to do them boring ass cut scenes just do that just do that just drive around look at the sunset make friends with a homie you could just walk up to someone be like what's up dude the fucking thing that i sent you guys the other day the the fucking can you send me it what is it the let me find it this shit made me laugh, bro. I'm trying to look for it. My brother loves shit like this. Hey, fuck you, or whatever it was. Here, let me find it.
Starting point is 00:47:16 God damn it. Here it is. I want to apologize on YouTube, it's called. I got it. What's up, Wade? You're getting on my fucking nerves, alright? Hey, fuck you, bitch. You are dead meat.
Starting point is 00:47:36 I want to apologize. Dude, video games aren't caught up to real life, you know? They try to make them like real life by having you be born, but then it's like, dude, the shit talking is unreal. Hey, fuck you, motherfucker. Click, click, pick a gun out. I want to apologize. This has 16 million views, dude. Unreal.
Starting point is 00:48:02 What is this game? I don't even know. GTA? It's GTA, right? I want to play it dude guy goes in gets like people are like oh video games are getting so real and then just imagine if this happened in real life what's up you're getting on my fucking nerves all right hey fuck you bitch you are dead meat. I want to apologize. You are dead meat. You are dead meat. I want to apologize.
Starting point is 00:48:34 Dude, it's so good. You're getting on my fucking nerves. You are dead meat. I want to apologize. Just got possessed. You are dead meat. I want to apologize. Just got possessed? You are dead meat! I want to apologize. Oh, there's more?
Starting point is 00:48:52 There's more, dude. Hey, dude. Hello? Yo! What it do? Man, you suck. You fucking fucking idiot would you fuck off you are dead meat i want to apologize so quick dude so quick you are dead meat. I want to apologize. Dude, that is absolutely great, dude.
Starting point is 00:49:33 Oh, let's watch that again. Holy fucking shit. That one's even better than the one I saw. Jesus Christ. Hey, dude. Hello? Yo. What it do? Man, you suck. Hey, dude. Hello? Yo!
Starting point is 00:49:47 What it do? Man, you suck. You fucking idiot! Would you fuck off? You are dead meat! I want to apologize. As if someone put, you just be that chill about it, I want to apologize. Like, dude, you are.
Starting point is 00:50:09 You are dead meat. I want to apologize. Look, man. I really made, I'm out of line here. I want to apologize. While a gun's on you, just not, not shitting your brains out. Oh, fuck. These are great, dude.
Starting point is 00:50:23 Oh, fuck. I didn't know there were more than one. Let's look and see if there's more. Oh, man. I guess those are the only two. But hold on, hold on. What's this one? What's a GTA random NPC conversations? These make me laugh, dude.
Starting point is 00:50:41 Hey, what up, my nigga? Hey. What it do? Bitch. Hey, what up my nigga? Hey. What it do? Bitch. Hey, ass face. I beat the shit out of lesser men than you. Weirdest conversation ever so far. You screwed with the wrong renting guy.
Starting point is 00:51:00 Oh, he hit him. I need me some meat. Some real meat. That's me, Toad. Oh, we hit him. Not listening to each other. Yo, what's up Wow, you know So where you from homeboy, hey, what's up? What's that bitch? Motherfucker this is a Honestly lame-ass bitch. I don't care. I don't really give a fuck pop This is a Honestly I swear to god this is like a David Lynch movie It's so weird
Starting point is 00:51:55 I don't really give a fuck For no reason with a Motorcycle helmet on I want to apologize Hold on it on i want to apologize oh there's more i want to apologize hold on i'm gonna rip you apart no i meant i want to apologize i was stuck in traffic dude it happened so quick hello yo motherfucker asshole hey fuck you bitch you are dead meat i want to apologize
Starting point is 00:52:26 you're getting on my fucking guy one's the one that we just saw oh man dude this is one fire just sent me this i guess this is now two days before this other uh getting arrested challenge pov i turn myself in fake situation it says by tommy talk wow this is another one let's watch this one hands on your back babe oh he just does it again it's the same guy just as a sultry while he's getting arrested always has a different necklace on too it was a hanky and now it's a fucking pearl necklace and to do the back of his fucking thing is always so far back the back of his shirt is always so far back because it's falling off needs to show his back muscles ah god what if that's really how you got arrested the cop would cop will be like, what the fuck are you doing? You can go. I stayed alive and freed and died. If I ever get arrested, I'm going to play that
Starting point is 00:53:33 part, the diamond song. And just be, when the cop's all on me, just acting over it. Look to whoever's near me, babe, I love you. Cop's like, what the fuck? Just go fuck just go dude was gonna arrest you for first degree murder but this is skeeving me out um all right that's cool we're done dude love you guys uh you guys are a fantastic audience and thank you so much for listening uh we got that merch out we've got a bunch of different merch we got new merch coming right uh one fire we don't know we do we're not not this
Starting point is 00:54:12 time but next week no i'm saying we got next maybe next week looking for some stuff but no um maybe not you know um yeah we got merch here we got the life rips we got the fucking uh be more memorable and remember to fucking make friends in those comments and everything like that. Like and subscribe, dude. It really helps our shit. If you listen, if you stuck with us all the way here throughout this episode, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:54:36 Dude, then maybe just like, and subscribe would help us out. Uh, you stuck with us this far. So, uh, like, and subscribe on the video and, uh, thanks so much for listening. You guys are great, man. Um, have a good rest of your day or night. Hey guys, that's the end of the episode for YouTube. If you want the raw uncut and extended version, go over to our Patreon at crystalia.com slash Patreon, and you can sign up and not only get the rest of this episode, but get the rest of every episode that has been and then also a free episode a month and you can get all those backlogged to they have access to it immediately and there's also behind the scenes there's other fucking segment we do called review mode and you get all that as well and and that's that's that you guys are great. Thanks either way. Congratulations Congratulations
Starting point is 00:55:51 Congratulations Congratulations Motherfucker Motherfucker Motherfucker Motherfucker Motherfucker Okay, here we go.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.