Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 212. Dare To Chill

Episode Date: September 29, 2021

🎟 Catch the uncut/extended episode +1 entire bonus episode per month + Discord stuff & exclusive content over on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia In this episode Chris talks about the hypocritical Emmy's, the sweet melodies of slv_soundss and his shoe critiques, and his newfound love of Red Dead Redemption 2. He also plans to get a fake ass. 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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and cozy on up next to the fire. Come along for a ride. For this next episode of Congratulations. Oh, yeah, we're here, dude. I have a fucking cap. You cap you know what man i've been playing this red dead redemption on uh twitch and uh really been getting into it so uh my fiance got me a bolo tie and a fucking cowboy hat so i'm getting good use out of them dude and i look really actually sexy to be honest if you really look through uh true if you really look in your true heart you're not you know and you wanted to get a wiggle on to that answer you would understand

that i look sexy as shit dude imagine me with a fucking long black shirt on, like a long sleeve black shirt on, just this hat and like some badass sunglasses, just on a fucking horse, slowly riding, not fast. You know what I mean? Just like this, just slow riding like this, right? Where it kind of looks like I'm maybe possibly sitting on a Sibian, but also I'm on a horse though, right? If you just, cause you can see the whole thing right now, it looks like I'm on a Sibian right now. It looks like I'm on a Sibian because I'm an, I'm behind it that you can't see the bottom, right?

But in actuality, I'm on, if you saw the whole thing, you saw how I'm on a horse, I would look fucking really badass. And I won't take any fucking other answer. Honestly, I would look fucking amazing with a long black shirt and a fucking, so why don't you cozy on up to that like button? Why don't you cozy on up to that light bulb? Why don't you fucking nail that subscribe button to the counter right if you're a fan of this fucking podcast why don't you nail that subscribe button up against the counter so i played red dead redemption 2 and uh i have a good time dude i like red dead redemption 2 finally a video game i like yes dude why because you can

do it all you can chill you can go fucking feed your horse you can run around shoot people you can kind of you know what i mean rob a bank you can you can ride the horse real fast and then fucking jump on a train to get away from bad guys it's fucking killer shit dude so thank god that there's red dead redemption 2 because i'm out here playing outlast 2 and fucking you you know, fucking Donkey Kong. It's not fun anymore. Here's the thing I am guilty of. I am a person who is too old to play these bullshit games where you're going to be born,

like Fallout 3 or the old games of the past because they're not fun anymore. the old games of the past because they're not fun anymore. Mario, excuse me, but jumping on the fucking Koopas and into the green fucking, uh, the pipes, it's not fun anymore. I'm 41. I'm a tall drink of water. You know, I'm not two feet anymore. So I can't be playing them shits, dude.

So bring on some real life shit, but also make it nice, dude. And that's what red dead redemption does i don't want to talk about video games for too much but if you want to follow us on twitch it's flex avenue dude we're right on the corner of flex avenue and uh twitch i guess but that's where it is yeah dude but i'm southern now man and i just but i you know it is what it is i i i you know i have a i have a good time on there too it also makes me forget about uh thing you know i get now i told you i get like you know through all this therapy i get escapism you know because when i'm in therapy i'm doing the shit i'm doing it hard and i'm

fucking confronting shit and i don't like to confront shit like you know not that anything crazy bad happened to me but like my childhood like i don't like talking about that like the uncomfortable shit that happened like i don't like talking about that. And like the uncomfortable shit that happened, like, I don't like talking about it, but now I got video games. I could talk about it. And then I go and I get on my horse for a fucking hour and a half. And you know what I mean? Just get on my fucking horse for an hour and a half and have a good time, dude. Um, but yeah, man, cause it's like the fucking hustle and bustle of the world right like the fucking crazy shit that just i can't even take anymore and i'm a and i'm a you know i don't know if my

fiance would say i'm a chilled dude but like you see me laying down you know you see me on a chair right i look like hot lava just fucking destroying it i mean i chill i chill hard sometimes i don't even i just look like a pile of clothes like i'm just hanging you know right but you know stuff gets to me like the fucking emmys was on and i don't want to see it i don't want to watch it because i don't like actors just, you know, basically good job me. I did. I did do that. Well, didn't I, you know, actors just talking about, you know, also in times like these,

it's just like, oh, did you fucking, didn't you just play a mailman? Yeah, but I just want to say thanks. And I also, they're bringing up up shit that isn't even a problem anymore the the olympics in fucking when the when that you know movies like munich they really speak to it's like dude it's not even a fucking problem anymore and you got fucking uh some chick on the show uh what's the fucking show god damn it god damn it never remember shit dude what's the fucking show with the lev lev there was a show on fucking tbs and it would have been the best one to use with this fucking joke i'm finding it dude come along with me come along with me come along

with me i'm finding it tbs show it's called like Levitation Or some Leverage Was Leverage a show? Let's look Was it Leverage? TBS show Leverage Leverage TV series

Yep that's what it was Leverage dude Worst title of all time man Leverage was what it was It had a guy who had fucking long hair that shouldn't have long hair in it right and it was called leverage dude some guy who's some fucking you know what i mean like the third lead of leverage and and dar for and people who just you know and it's i gotta listen to some guy and oh you what you what do you do you show up you eat some fucking kale guacamole

and peanuts you say a fucking few lines nine times in a row you shoot it from four different angles and then you fucking go home huh so please tell me about dar for our four. Tell me about anything systemic, please. Fucking everything is so fucking systemic nowadays. People just be like, well, you know, it's systemic. And you're like, I'm just in line at the grocery store trying to buy lettuce. Well, it's

a systemic problem. Okay. Boop. $4.50op 450 thanks ma'am it's fucking everything is systemic everything's bud word bug bud what the fuck there what am i there are these what's the word there are these buzzwords fuck dude there are these buzzwords that people you problematic systemic you know what i mean they just come in well you know why fucking plat is in right now it's systemic it's systemic plat is really it's or is it fall is it problematic or is it almost the winter i just don't it's like dude it's so i'm watching the you know i didn't watch the emmys but then sure enough i don't want to hear about the emmys i'm not on twitter i'm not on fucking social media really except for instagram twitch and

tiktok and fucking you know what i mean i'm only on fucking Instagram, TikTok, Twitch. You know, I check Safari and I look at the news, Apple news, but I'm not really on social media, dude. You know, fucking Patreon. And, um, and it's like, dude, they're just like, here's the thing. That's just nutso. All right right demis takes place where in la okay twitter i don't know what is worse you're watching the emmys and you're like hey what's what's going on here because i saw a few clips since then what what where's uh oh oh more people are here than i thought there would be because we're in a right pandemic this is a global pandemic and la they've been taking this shit real seriously but why does why does rita wilson why why is she so close to

cedric the entertainer she? She's not six feet apart. Oh, well, it's because they have masks. They don't have masks on. Unless they're not really Rita Wilson and Cedric the Entertainer. Unless they're in Rita Wilson and Cedric the Entertainer masks. But they're not. Hold up. It's really Rita Wilson and Cedric the Entertainer with no mask on. Oh, so the Emmys must be in Dallas this year. Oh, but they're not. Well, why did all these stars fly to Dallas? Oh, they didn't. They didn't because it's in la

so why aren't they wearing a mask because the masks were the emmys were exempt from wearing masks so basically it's off then it's all off and i am not an anti-mask person i am not an anti-vaxxer i was vaxxed the fuck up. Felt chills. Got shot twice after the second one. Felt chills nine hours later. That's how I know it's real. I wear my mask indoors always, unless I got to run in quick to get a straw at the coffee bean, right?

But sometimes I put my shirt over it because I want to be able to feel comfortable. I'll go by the rules. You know, your boy, he goes by by the rules. You know your boy. He goes by the fucking rules. And you know why? If you listen to this podcast, why do I go by the rules? So then if something gets fucked up, that's on you. I played the game.

So if you're saying, well, these guys from Ted Lasso don't have to wear a mask. These guys from that fucking show with Brian Cox that Chris Dilley always forgets the name of because it's regular succession. They don't have to wear it. Well, if they don't have to wear it, then it's not that serious. Spread the fuck out. So then I'm like, oh, well, fuck all this shit. Because it's LA, right? Gavin Newsom is like, well, wear the mask. Don't wear the mask.

Wear the mask. Everyone wear the mask. Except the Emmys. You don't got to wear the masks. And then you're looking at the fucking movie or the music awards, whatever it was the other week. When Conor McGregor and Machine Gun Kelly, they're not wearing a mask. But everyone was handling them. They're all wearing fucking masks.

So it's like then they're on twitter and they're just screaming hey you motherfuckers how could they fucking do this you know this is so irresponsible is it is it Is it irresponsible? The problem is you made the sauce, the media. We bought the sauce. We were like media. All right, we bought the sauce. And now you're televising the group that sold the sauce. And they're not eating the sauce. And now I still got to fucking rub the sauce all over my fucking steak? When I eat it?

Fuck off. So I will put the mask on when I go into an establishment, if that's the rule. But guess what, dude? I take a right off when I get out, and I'm not wearing it outside, dude. It's so annoying. I was driving by the other day.

I saw a guy wearing a fucking mask, sitting alone. Nobody was within 100 feet of this this dude he had a mascot what's he fucking think coronavirus is like what's he think it is a ninja oh i didn't see you there what does he think he's my fucking friend mcleovio perez in high school every time i was in fucking, oh shit, you're right there. That was his move, dude.

I'd be eating lunch, I'd be like, oh shit, I didn't know you were there. Is that what the fucking coronavirus is? Was my, is coronavirus my friend Maclovio Perez

from high school? It's indoors. Nobody's wearing a mask nobody gives a fuck it's like they're laughing in here's the other thing too like i said i'm not an anti-mask anti-vax dude i got the vaccination is it real or not does it fucking help i think so but i don't if you don't want to get the mask or the vaccine don't get the vaccine i don't really give a shit okay um i just did it because i thought it was for the greater good but here's the deal you got to understand that if you say don't wear the mask to the people on this show it's going to fucking enrage people and whether or not those people who are anti-vax or are anti-masks, whether or not, you know,

history will tell, were they idiots? Because a lot of people are like fucking anti-mask, anti-vax people, they're fucking morons. A lot of people say that. Only time will tell. Okay. Only time will tell.

But you have to know if you're telling, if you're perpetuating this from the media and then you televise this shit, people not wearing the mask and they making the sauce. You have to understand they're going to feel more right and they're going to get angrier and it's only going to be bad. So all I'm saying is fuck the Emmys, you know, or fuck these Emmys, you know, or fuck these Emmys. It's just like, dude, it's just, it's just like, I get it. I get why fucking people are in QAnon, like fucking they're laughing at us. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't believe that shit, but I get why they do. It's like, I don't believe that shit, but I get why they do.

Nobody means what they fucking say. Not anymore. Nobody means what they fucking say. And that's all I'm trying to fucking do is mean what I goddamn say. It's so hard to understand. You know, it's so hard to mean what you say anyway, right? Because it's so hard to be honest with yourself, isn't it? Isn't it?

Isn't it? Isn't it? You know, when you're a kid and they're just like, yeah, you're fucking beautiful. You're beautiful. It doesn't matter. Yeah, so what? He said you're fat. The kid in class said that you look like a fucking,

you know, you look ugly or they don't like your hair. You're beautiful. Everybody's beautiful. And then you grow up and you're like, yeah, I am kind of beautiful, but also I secretly know I'm not really beautiful. Right? What do you mean? Beautiful on the inside. The whole fucking Mr. Hustle trophy shit. I got Mr. Hustle one year when I was fucking like 30. Nah, I was younger than that. I was probably 11 and tennis. I got Mr. Hustle trophy shit. I got Mr. Hustle one year when I was fucking like 13. Nah, I was younger than that. I was probably 11 in tennis. I got Mr. Hustle. And it's just like, I knew it was bullshit.

They were like, you really were, you really did hustle. Ah, fucking bullshit, dude. Even as an 11-year-old, I was like, they're giving me, because I wasn't the most improved or the best or the highest score. They're giving me Mr. fucking Hustle. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. I don't know, man. Fucking Hustle. I don't know, man.

I just couldn't believe that Emmy shit. I mean, I could believe it, but I couldn't believe it. Let's get it to something a little fucking lighter. We're going to do a new segment, okay? This is a new segment that I have on my podcast. All right? I know everyone wants me to do um craigslist shit again and i will in the future but right now this is a new segment and this segment is video of the week all right so welcome to the new segment video of the week uh and here it is this

is posted by mr give your girl back and. And I'm going to play it. And for the people listening, I'm going to describe it. But, you know, for the people watching, you'll see it. This is a car accident on the scene of the car accident. And I'm going nowhere. That's why he got smacked. He tried to bend the car. Nigga wasn't going nowhere.

Nigga was spinning right there in the middle of the street. Two cars crashed. Uh-oh, shit, souther, god damn it. Another car almost crashed. Oh, shit, souther, cut. Hey, cut, we got the goddamn, cut, we got the goddamn minutes of car here, souther. What the fuck going on, cut? Only in Cleveland, souther.

Cut, that bitch running, oh, shit, he's sliding that bitch, souther, cut. That bitch running off of three AAA batteries. That bitch running off of vegetable oil, power steering fluid. Dude, the fucking car is this big and there's a guy in it like this just whipping around. It sounds like one of the cars from the Jetsons. And it's so little. Two cars are crashed on the scene of the crime. And then another fucking car

pickup truck almost crashes into the frame this fucking little bitch-ass car comes in and he's like only a cleveland cut i love when people are like only in wherever my city is like crazy shit doesn't happen in every fucking city only in fucking idaho falls only in albany this fucking little car dude this was video the oh the week when i saw that little bitch-ass car fucking driving and then the guy comes in screeches somehow it's not even going that fast he says what happened you're what happened you're the icing on the cake. Love it. Listen to the way this guy sounds. It's awesome. Hey, Kurt, we got the goddamn minutes of calm here, Salt.

What the fuck going on, Kurt? Only in Cleveland, Salt. Kurt, that bitch running. Oh, shit, he's sliding that bitch, Salt. Just different syllables. That bitch running off of three AAA bags. You're riding it, Salt, Kurt. Oh, Salt.

Salt, Kurt. Just fucking love it, dude. Let me get this guy um that i follow on instagram oh my god dude this makes me this guy makes me laugh so fucking much let me find it i might have to cut because i got to find it um fucking instagram what is it instagram what backslash yeah slv sounds is that it there it is wait no that's not it i gotta search instagram slv sounds here it is oh underscore slv underscore sounds with two s's dude this guy okay i did the video last week or two weeks ago about the chanclet chrysanth that was that made me laugh harder than maybe any video i've ever fucking heard

okay and we did the whole breakdown it's on youtube you can watch it it's on fucking episode 2000 or 209 why do i do that why do i say 2009. But this guy, dude, all this guy does is find, first of all, there are so many videos of this guy finding people with fake Jordans, all right? Or like ridiculous, ugly shoes. And then he makes a song about it and fucking like zooms in on their shoes. And it's so fucking funny, dude. Now, here I am. I'm going to play it i am i'm gonna play it i'm gonna play it let me go let me go down actually let me go to see all hold on oh no that's oh they're not gonna

let me see all of them i might have to play it from my phone huh show more posts from somebody here we go um here we go this is what he does let me. Let me actually play the first one I ever got, because this shit sent me, dude. All right, dude, we're back. Look, we had to find it. I couldn't find it. It actually took a long time to fucking do it, because they wanted me to sign in the Instagram, so I got it on TikTok right here. I hope Ivan gets rid of all the bullshit filler. Here we go, dude. I believe in him. I believe he did that, dude. You didn't have to wait around for too long, because Ivan gets rid of came through even though i wouldn't get rid of also ivan stays in the game here we go first of all so dick the guy's riding by on his bicycle and the guy's screaming out, what the hell?

Okay. And the guy on the bike is, you can obviously see it's only his leg, which I love it, dude. And the guy tries to fucking roll away a little bit, but he keeps going. Hold on, man. Hold on. Hold on, man. Please, please, please, please, please. Who is that coming out the goddamn pick and roll?

Oh, brother, who got on the logo? Because Jordan never did that move. Just sing it, dude. The guy's got fake Jordans on. Jordan never did that move. Oh, my God, dude. They never wore these goddamn shoes. Brother got the baby blue goddamn, goddamn.

God, how I can't afford. Got the J's with the Air Max bottom, man Brother, come on, let me do three things Let me blow, let me Oh, oh Got the coconut Got the sky blue, man Take them all, thank you, man What a dick dude dude he always does three things got three things

for your brother i gotta uh uh rub and then he goes pluck pluck pluck and then he says he hits him and he says take them off so dick dude also only black guys would flick and say pluck pluck pluck dude that's such a fucking oh man i i kid my the fucking black kids in my school used to do that they used to call flicking plucking i love it dude loving it hold on oh oh oh who is that coming out the... Wait, I love how... Here we go. How you doing, Bobby? How you doing? How you doing? Oh, let me see your shoe. Oh, what the hell?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Who is that coming out the pick and roll, am I? Oh, who's that coming out the pick and roll, man? Hey, we don't know, na, na. Oh, man. Dude. We don't know Nah nah Oh man Dude That's our three time man Cause Jordan never did that move He never

What he's got there Oh Let me run Let me plop plop plop Brother Take him on What's the point of the guy brother take them off staying around dude it's so good man take them off wait and then this one fucking sent me dude this guy's walking around in a wrestling in a wrestling outfit any fucking man brother are you really a wrestler man oh god damn

like dude i love that he's already breaking in a song like the the reaction and the he like the the the song is just coming out of him do you know what i mean he's he's going like oh and he starts laughing and he starts singing in the laugh dude it's so dick hold on here we go ready oh man brother oh you're really a wrestler man oh god damn hold on the guy tries to get away dude and he's still walking oh he got the belt now brother you got the belt hold on can i see brother got the goddamn Hold on. The guy tries to get away, dude, and he's still walking. Oh, he got the belt now. Brother, you got the belt. Hold on.

Can I see? Brother got the goddamn. No. Brother, come on. You ain't got no goddamn shoe. I ain't got the time again, son. And he said, I don't give a damn like so dick dude look hold on hold on man just hold on brother can I talk to him man oh let me roll brother hold on man goddamn brother like the blue ranger

the baby blue ranger oh hold on hold on okay about September 25th is the 22nd I got two more things really a wrestler man come on let me get my damn breath man what are you doing bro let me plow plow plow oh come on man pick me up pick me up bro no you better pick me up come on one more time

come on you wanna do that one oh fuck dude he wanted him to fucking like get out that's fucking hilarious dude he wanted him to be fucking mad oh god damn it this guy makes me laugh dude there was a there was one where he was a you know what i got to look at it on my fucking phone because i sent it to my friend and i can pull it up that way i mean this one dude is just where he he's there's like a couple on the on the uh on the shoe here it is here it is Oh, fuck.

When he said, brother just got on, I just got married. Oh, fuck. When he said, brother just got on, I just got married. Oh, fuck. I love the internet, but I hate it. I love the internet when it's on your side, but I hate it. Yeah, dude. Jesus Christ, man. That shit makes me laugh. You got to fucking follow him.

Slv underscore sounds with two S's. You know, get a better name um brother got the goddamn goddamn goddamn jordan never did that move let's look at another one of those just for fucking shits dude here we go it's not playing i just want to say a few words oh man brother got the goddamn whoo-hoo it's a mustard sandwich right here oh man god damn look at this shoe got these tied to the tip it's a single souls man I never see this kind of Tim right here man but look at it Tim these is these I don't know Tim I don't got the coconut

bread right here. With the lemon. This the lemon. Lemon right here. This lemon sprout. Got three things, brother. Let me roll. Ah, look at the crease.

Brother, come on, man. Take them all down for her. Thank you, man. It's so dick to sing. Look at the crease. Sneakerheads hate creases, and he's just singing, look at the crease, while he touches them. Oh, fuck, man.

Oh, shit. oh shit, man, I got so much fucking mucus, man, when I drink water and shit, when I drink too much water and shit, and I eat those fucking cheese balls from Lala's kitchen,

or whatever the hell it is, I ate a bunch of fucking cheese balls, and my fucking mucus goes bonkers, man, I got fucking dummy cheese balls right now. Dummy mucus in my fucking shit from cheese balls. I was watching this documentary on this thing, which I had no idea even existed. I don't know how I missed it with uh with the internet i was on the internet a lot in when they blew up and i just fucking maybe it's because it was for women and i just not

something i would care about but lula rowe did you see the documentary on netflix lula rich it was a company founded in 2012 and it was a multi-level marketing company as they say, but has, you know, a lot of people that even work for them say it was a pyramid scheme where you would get most of the money. Um, you'd get most of the money for trying to get people to sign up, but the difference between a multi-level marketing scheme or multi-level marketing company, which is legal and a pyramid scheme, which is illegal is that a multi-level marketing scheme or multi-level marketing company, which is legal and a pyramid scheme, which is illegal, is that a multi-level marketing company, uh, has goods that they're actually selling in a pyramid scheme, I guess doesn't.

And, uh, they were selling shirts and pants that were just, you know, you could buy a box of them and then sell them at a higher price, but it was on you to try and get other people to sign up to also sell these things. And it was like a $5,000 buy-in fee, you know how like we live in a like a culture now where everyone is like you know feels like they're a victim online they'll just be like you know hey you know i was at nordstrom's and this man or woman tried to fucking upsell me this isn't right you know and it's like dude you're just you kind of just got had you were or it didn't happen you know or you're just fucking telling your side of the story or whatever the fuck it is but like so

that's in my psyche ingrained in it now because because like, I've seen people get mad at things where I know it's their fault. I've seen it, you know, um, friends and family and shit like that. But, but this, now I'm watching this Lula row thing. And like, everyone was a part of this pyramid scheme building off of each other's backs, right? The 1% of the tippy top was making all the money. And now they're all broke and they're all screaming that it's the person above them's fault when it's like the pyramid doesn't exist if you don't either. You know what I'm talking about? Okay, let's take the bottom level out of it. What about the top five levels? Some people were like, yeah, you know, i was a part of it and it was shitty but they're throwing around words like

yeah well these people were you know uh predatory and fucking dude you're selling spanks you bought a box of Spanx for $11 each. And you want to scream about, dude, you're the, at what point are you the idiot? At what point is it your fault? And I will tell you, I watched the five episodes of this mini docu-series for four and a half episodes. I was, I was on the top number 1% side. And I'm like, I think they're making this documentary to like make us feel for the people who got had.

And it's like, I didn't until the last part of the last episode, I was like, all right, I guess it was unethical and shitty. But I saw people that were like, oh man, one episode in, can't believe these fucking greed, manipulative, fucking predatory. It's like, but it's Spanx. You can't throw around these fucking words sometimes you just got had you know if I buy a fucking ballpark beef frank and I took a bite into it

and I realize it's vegan or an impossible hot dog or whatever the fuck. And, and I find out the other dude who sold it to me knows. I don't have to fucking write home about it. Oops. That's my bad. I fucked up. It's not easy to make money.

Be on your guard. Somebody says, you know what? Here's fucking $5,000 worth of clothes. Pay me $5,000. You can make 50 grand off it. And you will by the end of the week. If I go, okay,

I'm a fucking moron. And guess what? If somebody did that to me, I'd have that in the back of my head. Well, I could turn this, flip this money. Okay.

I can do that. But that's on that person or that's on me. I know, you know, these people are out there. You know, every business, you know, most businesses are not legit. But you're still, oh, but I'm the one though. I'm the one who figured it out. This is my fucking, uh, this is my come up spanks this is my come up striped pants that are comfy middle-aged women loved it dude the mom's at home you could be an entrepreneur

and still have time for your family no you can't how about you can't remember the 90s when you know stay at home mom stay at home dad whatever the fuck it was they were just staying the fuck at home there was no computer they were just making sandwiches and cleaning up that's what they were doing and i don't mean to be sex it's men women whoever was the stay at home whoever and i know it was mostly women because that was the fucking very that time was a lot more patriarchal than it is now. But all I'm saying is now you got computers, you got people on the other end of those computers trying to had you. It's not always someone else's fault you know what i'm talking about i just i want people to fucking you know what i want people to just be like all right like these documentaries i watched dude

did you watch the fucking one what was the one the the one that was was so big a few years ago uh but the the brendan dassey or whatever the fuck what the hell was that one called making a murderer right you you dude i watched that shit on what was it i don't know netflix or fucking crunchyroll and dude i watched that fucking thing and like i'm watching it and i'm like, wow, this guy didn't do it. I can't believe that he didn't do it. And they made this fucking case. Oh, yeah. You do a quick fucking Google search after all those episodes.

And in 25 seconds, you go like this. Oh, he did it. And you had the fucking nation up in arms about how he didn't do this shit. Google it. Google it for fucking five and a half minutes for real. Watch Making a Murderer. Google it for five and a half minutes afterwards. Oh, he did it.

I had a buddy. What was the other one about the fucking kids way back when? Remember our buddy that wanted to go to fucking Louisiana to try to get the guys out of prison? What was that one called? Fucking what the hell was it called? The three kids that they blamed on it because they were goth. God damn it. What the hell was it?

They were like 16 year olds and everyone's like they did it because they worshiped the devil and they were like uh we just like music with guitars in it and they put them in jail forever and like you know they apparently they didn't do it because they were freed wasn't it called free something freeing i don't know no no no it's not that but um yeah they they uh you know what i'm talking about if you're listening and you've seen it you know which one i'm talking about but they fucking i get the guy did like time like two decades and then he finally let him out and we had a fucking actor friend i had a fucking actor friend a while ago we're not really friends anymore but he was like

i'm gonna go and i'm gonna fucking try and petition and i'm bro, just do your fucking guest star at fucking NCSI, you know? You're not going to help. Also, maybe they did it. You're just a, I mean, we've come to know that they didn't do it, but you don't know, dude. You're just acting in a fucking, you know, you did a movie with Dennis Quaid and now you're like, I'm going to stand outside of the prison until they let him out. What is it? Paradise Lost. That's what it is.

Look at it. It's pretty crazy, though, dude. Fucking goddamn. LuLaRoe. Look, it's still on, too. God, this shit blew up so quickly. In like one year, it was a billion-dollar company. And here I am watching this documentary, and I'm like, how do I fucking make this billion-dollar company? You know, it happens.

Kanye West, Elon Musk, Steve Jobs, they did it. LuLaRoe, they did it. And some of them crashed, but there's a way to do this shit. And then my next thought, ah, nah, nah, can't really do that. It's like playing the lottery. Yeah, hard work, sure. Yeah, you could do it with hard work. Yeah. Hey, go ahead. Go do it with hard work. Go ahead. Okay. Well, let me get all the fucking paperwork involved Yeah, go ahead Go get that paperwork, alright Let me go get some fucking funding and shit Yeah, go for it, man

Come on, champ, go get the funding Ah, cool, let me meet with fucking product Developers and management And all that shit Yeah, go for it, champ, you got this Yeah, alright Now what? I don't know, alright, I'll figure'll figure it out yeah champ you go figure it out

and then you'll be one of those guys who makes it through that actually isn't in the red or just stack your money and work a crate and one day, one day, you'll have enough to take a week vacation every year. You know? What's the right way? I don't know. It's nice to have a dream. It's real nice to have a dream. But most of the time,

dreams are dreams. Right? People say, dare to dream, but man, it's kind of daring to just chill. You know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? Daring to dream.

Dreaming is fucking easy. And even trying the first few steps of your dream that's fucking easy too chilling daring dare to chill you know there's that whole quote i forget who said it it might have been bill burr but he was like you know nah it's not hard it's not hard to fucking do hard work because the opposite is terrifying. Maybe it wasn't Bill, but the opposite is terrifying, you know, like living every day and

just not achieving it and becoming somebody that you realize you never wanted to become. That's, that's, what's terrifying. I think it was. Yeah. I think it was Bill. Uh, yeah. Nah, you know, nah, nah though, you know.

It's so scary to go out there and do this shit. That's why most people chill. Dare to chill, bro. Otherwise, you're looking for a shortcut, right? Multi-level marketing scheme. And sometimes it works. LuLaRoe. I need to do Spanx is what I need to do. I need to sell Spanx.

I got the new merch. Make friends in the comments. We re-upped it. We put it on Patreon and people on Patreon ate it up. And then we fucking re-upped it and put it out to the public. And you can go. We got the stuff right here. We'll show you right here in the image. image but it's make friends we got the hoodie the mint the mint green hoodie the tan t-shirt and then the pink long sleeve which is fucking i can't

wait to cozy up on that fucking hoodie make friends in the comments you see someone talking shit if you're looking at an artist's page on instagram and you see someone your music isn't as good as it was you say hey bud to that person want to go to red robin you make friends with that motherfucker because that's what they need man dude i was in line at the starbucks i went to starbucks because it was closer even though the even though that coffee sucks so fucking hard um and uh i saw this lady with the the the she had such a fucking fake butt i i can't it's actually insane to me that um people because you gotta you gotta think look if you're a lady with a fake butt, you also have fake lip.

Now, look, let me preface this by saying I'm in LA. Everyone walking around looks like a duck. Even the fucking chicks, gay dudes, even some regular dudes that are just look regular, but straight. And they, some of them have fucking duck. Like I know guys who have gotten work done. Like I know 50 year old comedians that have gotten work done, which is fucking crazy. Right.

And, um, but like I saw a woman with a fake ass, um, and I knew, I actually knew a woman with a fake ass, uh, years ago. And she was like, would like, you know, my, my friend was like seeing her and she would like show, she showed up like for a week or two with like a, uh, one of those fucking donuts that you sit on.

And like, she would come out and sit down like at the comedy shows or wherever the fuck. And she would have like a sit on a donut. She would bring this fucking big donut to sit on. And everyone would be like, what is going on? And she'd be like, oh, it's just a thing I have to do. The doctor said. And it's like. You got a fake ass.

We all know. Because your back went straight down a fake ass. We all know. Because your back went straight down a week ago. And now I could set my drink down on it. Your back went straight down a week ago. And now I got a place to lay my sprite. ago and now i got a place to lay my sprite but it's just like these fake asses are getting bigger and bigger and also the chicks will get either it's weird because like in la i used to go to this gym that was just like there would be women with fake asses but they would also be working out which makes like kind of no sense because it's's like, you're doing the hard work, but also you're doing the, not the fake shit.

But then it's like, you kind of got to do that because if you don't, then your shit just looks like an upside down musical note, right? Like your ass is that big bulbous thing and then you've got like two fucking kid legs just dangling like two uh two fucking carrots that just got plucked and that's gross but also just stop getting fake asses. And don't get fake lips either. I know I get it. You're probably listening to this. You have fake lips and that's fine. Look, ultimately, you know me.

I want you to do you and what makes you happy. And if fake lips makes you happy, cool. If a fake butt makes you happy, if you like sitting a little higher. Great. If a fake butt makes you happy, if you like sitting a little higher, great. But the fake butt, the fake lips, I mean, there's people out there, fake butt, fake lips, eyes done, facelift, fake boobs, ribs taken out, fake tan, you know, fake nails. And it's like, basically, you're just turning yourself into one of the aliens from Battlefield Earth. And then dudes are out there just like in a shirt and jeans. I get it.

The pressures of, you know, women being beautiful are, you know, I don't get it the pressures of you know women being beautiful are i you know i don't get it they're it's tough but also you know dad left early dad died early um nah just fucking chill sit down where you're supposed to sit down. The fake asses are weird as fuck, man. I'm going to get one. I'm going to get a big fake ass and take shits in my pants and just fucking walk around with shits in my pants. And people will be like, you shit your pants. And I'll just say, stop looking at my fake ass. Just walk in a fucking low cinema bro fat fucking fake ass shitting just walk into a fucking low cinema yeah let me get the big popcorn

fucking shit out my fake bubble ass feet dangling like some carrots. Yeah, I shit my fucking fake ass. Two, please. For me and my fucking homie. Matinee. Just walking in a fucking United Artists Theater. Yeah, two for the fucking latest Vin Diesel travesty. Brat.

Sorry, I just shit my fake ass. Where do I go? I went to my dentist and my jaw still still fucking hurts dude my my my tmj disorder whatever the fuck the the the the soft i don't know what it is cartilage or some shit it slipped and it's not going back and i can still fucking talk thank god but it didn't help you know he gave me a bite plate that shit didn't help then we went in and he adjusted it i've had it for two nights this shit's the same i wake up every morning it's like somebody just took a hammer and nail to my fucking jaw on the left side i can't even eat a sandwich hurts so fucking bad it's not gonna help you know um but that's that i guess that's it we're just chilling. Crystalia.com for all your fucking merch.

Been on stage a few times. Who knows? It's been cool. It's been good and bad, up and down. But we're having a good time in life. I love my son. And I love my family. And my daddy and mommy.

Hey guys, that's it for the episode on YouTube. If you want to catch the rest of the episode, the uncut episode, uh, plus many more episodes that aren't on YouTube, just go to patreon.com slash Chris D'Elia and we'll see you there. We also have other segments that we do and other behind the scenes stuff and different things that we do. There's a discord where we chat and we watch along in the podcast. And if you want to do that, then do that. Patreon.com.

If not, we appreciate you anyway. Bye. Congratulations, motherfucker! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations, motherfucker! Congratulations, motherfucking father! You scared the fuck out of me! Did I already say cozy? Shit, man.

Hold on.