Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 218. Desert Power! Spooky Edition

Episode Date: October 31, 2021

🎟 Catch the uncut/extended episode +1 entire bonus episode per month + Discord watchalongs & exclusive content over on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia In this week's episode Chris discusses island boys, the legacy of Colin Powell, and he explains to all of us what life is. 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's BetterHelp.com. Meeting with friends before the show? We can book your reservation. And when you get to the main event, skip to the good bit using the card member entrance. Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by card. Other conditions apply. Hey, everyone, and welcome to another episode of Congratulations. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Hey everyone, and welcome to another episode of Congratulations. Alright man, yes dude, we're doing it. My eyes are teary because I had to down a Perrier before we even started uh so i could get that out and i got

two dude or as calvin would say because that's what he says for two but we're here and we are ready it is a very spooky episode of congratulations just like we do every year. This is probably the third, maybe Halloween we've done. I don't know. And you know, we get real spooky dude. And that's, uh, instead of going, you know, you know, you do the trick or treatings and you ever, you always hear the people. How is that not phased out? Don't know, but it hasn't, it's still around. You walk around town, don't know, but it hasn't. It's still around. You walk around town, October 31st, you hear, but anyway, dude, we are that spooky. That's how spooky we are, dude. That's how freaking spooky we are. So anyway, dude, um, I'm, for those of you that don't know that live under a rock for Halloween, I'm Rick Sanchez.

And I'll tell you what, dude, my dogs are incels, and that's why we hear them. They're incels for Halloween, just like they are every other day of the fucking year, dude. I don't like my dogs. Yes, don't think about them ever. When I'm on vacation, I don't even fucking think about any of them except for Cooper. Yes, dude. I don't. And then I come back, and I fucking sometimes don't even fucking think about any of them except for Cooper. Yes, dude. I don't. And then I come back and I fucking sometimes don't even pet Sam for three weeks.

Yes, dude. Sometimes I don't even pet Butters for even longer than that because we're easy all the time. Yes. But it's all good, dude. We're having a good time. We're having a good, you know, month, a good holiday, dude. I hope you have or had. I don't know when this is coming out, but a good, you know, month. A good holiday, dude. I hope you have or had. I don't know when this is coming out, but a good.

I hope you got lots of candy and all that shit. Now, the costume, I will tell you this. I obviously didn't have much creative say in it. I did absolutely decide on being Rick for Halloween. But, you know, it's like uh it is it is what it is i wanted to do it like this showed it to calvin and this is what he does when he sees it he didn't see me getting ready for it showed up he was watching some fucking show that's like i oh i love apples and beninis i love fucking oranges. Oranges and Bananis.

And fucking, I'm like, Calvin, what's up? And he goes, and he goes like that. This is what he does when he's watching the show. And he goes like this. This is how his dad looks. All right. He's been alive a year and a half. The only thing he's ever seen is me in me mode.

Okay. So he goes, I'm like, this is going to be great. This is what he does. Talk to this time. This is what he does. Okay. so he goes i'm like this is gonna be great this is what he does talk to this time this way does gave a fuck about apples and bananas more than his dad dressed and like for all i know my son's fucking hero at this point i don't know i mean he's seen rick and morty before but what i am saying is my head itches yes did i just wash my hair and I need to wash it again to take this blue out?

Yes. Did I want to do this? No. Did I want to just put the fucking unibrow with the tape on it? Yes. Did Kristen have other ideas for me? Yes. Is it okay?

Yes. Am I going to build resentment for it? Yes. Will it not come out until a few months later? Yes. But it's fine, dude, because I'm in therapy, man. Okay. So I'm figuring out how to be real chill with my emotions

i'm figuring out how to make it go from mach 11 anger to right about mach 8 mach 8.5 mach 9 maybe mach 10 back to mach 11 but we're we stay trying to do you know what i mean she saw it um so yeah she's like let me just and i know dude the fucking thing is always like, anytime she's trying to do something, she's always like, let me just, you know, and if someone says, let me just, I'm just like, the answer is no, you know? No, let me just. So she's like, she's like trying to fucking, she's like, do have the have the we're gonna paint your eyebrows and i was like you got the unibrow why don't we just tape it on and she's like it's gonna look way better i'm like no it'll be fucking funnier if it's just and she's like no trust me your eyebrows are good that's why people say you you look like rick anyway and i'm just like all right fine and

then she did this and she's like i'm not i, don't put it on my hair and get it ready because I want you to put it on. I don't want to be, I'm watching something on YouTube, you know? And she was like, okay, well, I'll just put it on a fucking pumpkin and then did the hair and then put it on. And it itches, dude. Yes. Does it itch?

Yes. And it itches real bad, but I'm keeping it cool, dude. I remember I had to wear a wig once for a movie I did five years ago, and oh my fucking God, dude. Couldn't wait for it to be done. I'm an ingrate. Anyway, um... Yeah, dude.

So, she's getting it ready. She's getting the costume ready, and she's putting it, and she's like, let me just do this and that, and we had to cut some shit in the back, but then she's like, can we just do this and that? And then I have to get rid of his like, cause I'm looking miserable. And he's like, wow, you're really excited to do this, huh? And I said, you know what, dude, I'm just fucking basically Rick. I'm pissed.

I'm fucking upset that I got to do this fun shit. But in real life under that, I'm happy to make you happy dude because everybody you know you learn it like halfway through the season that rick's kind of got a little bit of a heart you know he won't admit it but he does anyway dude shit is getting real spooky um so yeah dude and i don't have you know the fucking i've never done the show without the headphones but we're going we're it's on it's, dude. It's on and, it's on and popping. Um, you know, and then I looked at my notes and I was like, dude, I have so many actual serious

topics to talk about. I can't wait for the clips to come out and fucking, you know, your boy goes fucking stupid viral. He's going to, that's going to blow you a fucking, it's going to be fucking viral, stupid viral tenfold. And I'm going to look like this and people are going to be like, why the hell is he talking about the Alec Baldwin thing?

But he's dressed like fucking Rick Sanchez. So I basically get down, can't talk about anything serious. But whatever, we will. We will anyway, dude. What are they going to do? What are they going to do? Cancel Rick Sanchez?

So yeah. Well, we could start off with a silly goose time. Dude, I fucking posted this thing on TikTok about the ILM boy. I'm an ILM boy. Wagwan ILM boy. I'm an ILM boy. Wagwan ILM boy. I'm a just ILM boy. I'm a just ILM boy.

And I did the fucking TikTok on the thing. And I put it on TikTok and so many people were like, wow, fucking bullying the island. Wow. You're a piece of shit. Wow. Can't believe you're fucking talking shit. Grown man talking shit to these 21 year old fucking island boy oh you said you think they're white they're cuban you fucking

piece of shit you're sad fuck you bullying hey didn't we all agree this shit sucks now i gotta fucking backtrack and be like oh oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah. Everyone's talking shit about the fucking island boys. And now I'm doing it. And now under the comment, wow, bullying. Hold up. Didn't we agree? Didn't we agree these two dudes suck?

And now I got to fucking know I'm the island boy. Wagwan. What's going on? Wagwan, dude. What am I, the hot pig on the movie on the area? What? It's not safe. I can't blame.

I can't blame. I can't blame. I can't blame. I can't blame. I can't blame. And I'm just sitting here like what one do so anyway i'm a fucking i you know now i'm the island boy because everyone's talking shit about me i'm under my tiktok dude stay making friends in the comments you can get the merch

you can get the merch making friends in the comments there's can get the merch. You can get the merch, making friends in the comments. There's new merch. There's the Sandstorm merch. There's also some fucking merch that's very important nowadays to flex at the gym with. It's coming up. I don't actually know if it's out yet, but if it is, we'll put it out. If it's not, we're not going to talk about it on the podcast yet. But dude, yeah, man, people just don't get jokes. It's weird, man. And everyone's bringing up the Chappelle thing too, is the main thing. Like everyone's like, I'm like, bro, this, I'm just, this is a joke. You know, I'm a comedian and they're like, fuck you, dude. Fuck you.

You're bullying. And then other people are like, this is exactly what Dave Chappelle's talking about. This is exactly what he's talking about. I'm so I've, I've taught, I've talked about the Dave Chappelle thing. I'm not going to talk about it again. I've talked about the Dave Chappelle thing I'm not going to talk about it again And it's all good but Whatever

I actually look like a fucking island boy Actually now that I think about it I have this literally I have the same I'm the blue hair island boy So great awesome Tried to be Rick Sanchez What can one do So yeah So everyone was mad at me, uh, on TikTok for posting that

island boy shit, but it's all good. I'm going to probably make it through the fire and, uh, be a better person afterwards. Um, I can't even see my shit. Uh, we saw Dune dude. I saw Dune every dude. I saw D all right, look, no knock, I saw Dune. Alright, look. No knock. No knock to nothing. Beautiful movie. Let me just say, started off, thought I was watching a cologne

commercial. Everyone looked handsome as shit. I mean, they looked so good. Aqua Di Giorgio was watching this movie. Three minutes in, it goes like this. He swallowed on nothing, okay? Three minutes in, Acqua Di Giorgio,

drunk Mr. Noir, just watching this movie like this. Mr. Noir Just watching this movie Like this But they know our secrets That's what they're But they know our secrets Mr. The boss of Hugo

Second scene in it Dude He's like this How'd they figure out How'd they figure out How'd they figure out What's'd they figure out this how'd they figure out what's in this dude everybody is so handsome in this movie the chicks are handsome as shit did there's some dudes in the movie then chicks show up oh the chicks could ask women out on a date the chicks are walking down like a dimly lit street

with a wet asphalt just like they're handsome as shit the chicks are in contention with the chicks that aqua de georgio is getting right it's unbelievable how handsome everybody dude everything everyone everything is so fucking handsome in this so i'm like all right it's beautiful this can be an experience dune i spell it d o o n because that's what dune should be spelled like i guess it's dune because it's dunes. I didn't read the book. I bought the book.

Read one page so far. And it's a lot different. The first page is a lot different than the first. It really is. It doesn't start with him eating with his mother, using the voice. She's like, use the voice. He's like, can I have a water? They got this voice where you can make people do shit Which by the way is scary as shit

It's like the force With Star Wars but it's the voice And actually Dune was written before that right So Star Wars Say what you want but So He's like can I have some water like a

16 year old kid and the mom's like use the voice and then he's like can I have some water just like did it with like the fucking voice dude did you see the movie I know everyone did but he's just like dude imagine me in that part hey could you pass the

water use the voice. Alright. Can I have some water? And then just, you pour it without even here. You don't even know, right? That's what happens in the movie. Kill him. You're just like, kill him. And then you jump out of the airplane. And then you have to do it,

dude. It's like the force only, it's the voice. Anyway, dude, Timothee Chalamet's hilarious, but they use effects on it, but I would try to do it au'll not chorale i'd be like i'll do dune but i'm not you know you're not using god damn it how much better would the movie be if for real he was just like could i have some water that would be so much better dude i'd be like immediately right there timothy chalamet congratulations you happen to be the new nick cage you're my new favorite actor okay um so i'm watching dune and everyone's handsome as shit right even the fucking jets the copters that flap their wings stupid as shit we figure you know what i mean just because it's the year 3955 million or whatever it

is doesn't mean the airplanes didn't already figure it out in the year 19 whatever it was when the wright brothers came together but they're flapping now dude dune has the shit we're flapping now timothy chalamet just like get on the helicopter and they fucking get in and they're flapping now dude and it's like all right dude all right i i'll see if this sinks in right because sometimes you watch a movie and you sit and you're in a world and you're the world hits you over the head with it and you're like i don't know i don't know but halfway through you're like okay all right i can get it i can i figured it out i got it with the fucking flap i i can i can get in i i get maybe the this is dune's world i came in a little bit like me and dune wanted me to be living in dune's world okay so every actor is in this fucking movie

from josh brolin to that fucking old woman who plays his grandmother that's in uh ozark and uh i'm watching the movie and i'm like an hour in and there's one fight scene and they and and it's one fight scene. And it's one of those movies that everything is something new. It's like a science fiction. It's like, yeah, the Harkonnens and the Israelites and the Aids and Boots and the Nodes and the 19s. Like every other word is a word you understand. And I'm like, all right, I got to fucking under. Okay. Okay.

Okay. This is what science fiction is. Science fiction happens to be one of my favorite genres. fiction is science fiction happens to be one of my favorite genres okay it really happens to be one of my favorite genres it's between you're probably like oh chris lee what's your favorite genre comedy no comedy is my least favorite besides fucking like independent movies that think that they're so good about drugs or like a movie about like a family going through a hard time that has a fucking joel edgerton in it you know which by the way is a fucking banging actor but i just don't want to see that movie it's going

to have so much brown in it like he's going to be wearing a flannel and have a beard and the sun's going to be fucking dressed in long johns and i'm just not about that movie how about that all right so i'm watching dune and uh and it's got so many of these words in it that I don't know what they mean because they're created by the fucking guy who wrote the book in 1976 or whatever the fuck it was. And then it gets to the part where they have to, one of the characters says, they're describing a way to become one in the sand with yourself and how to use the sand for your advantage.

This is what the Fremen do. Another group of people labeled by a word that happens to be made up. Fremen. Should it be Freeman? Yes. Is that not? Yes. It's Fremen.

Does it piss me off? Yes. It's Fremen. Does it piss me off? Yes. It's like in the fucking movie with Tom Cruise, Minority Report, and his fucking character's name, his last name is Anderton. Just make it Anderson. All right. We've talked about that before on this podcast, but just call the Fremen Freeman. Whenever they said Fremen, I'm just like adding E. Dickwad.

Dickwood. they said fremen i'm just like adding e dickwad dickwood so um so so now uh i'm watching it and they get to the part where they describe how you use the desert to be and the guy fucking's got the nerve to say that's called desert power why do we get off the train here That's called desert power. Why did we get off the train here? Why did you stop unpacking the suitcase now? Why did we take a rest nine tenths up the track? Why did we do this make if you're making a name for an entire race of people if you're making a name for a 400 meter worm that swims underground if you're making a name for planets that by the way you created that don't exist then make up a name for having power in the desert okay that right there i paused it

and i looked over to chris now here's my first of all here's the other thing too i love josh brolin i love josh brolin he killed it when he played than, right? He really killed it. He was wasted in this movie. He was wasted in this movie. He did one scene where he fought, and he should have been more like fucking, hello, Timothee Chalamet, right?

But he was just like, come on, come on, you know, like that typical general. I wish he was more creepy, whatever. That's how I would have played it. Dude, I can't wait to fucking do a part it's over it's over any insecurities i ever had with any directors should i say this should i make this choice i'm doing crazy shit anyway um so now they're they're calling it desert power and i pause it and i look over to kristin they say desert power like three times in the movie by the way i look over kristin and i'm like what the fuck huh and

she's like it's so great and i say the movie and she's like i love it and i'm like oh for fuck's oh for fuck fucking cock sucking sake why and i say why do you love it and she says because it's beautiful it's an experience and like and i was like yeah but the story though and she's like well i don't know i like it i'm like oh for fucking cock sucking shit ass okay fine but i rested within myself knowing that when we were done with the movie, I was going to look up the reviews and I was going to be right. And not only that, I was going to comb the internet for fans and what they said. So I turned it off, slept on it, woke up the next day, checked it. Everyone fucking loved it.

Everyone loves the movie. So I guess I'm wrong, dude. I guess that's just how it's gonna be Okay yay fucking you win world Everyone likes Dune so I like Dune I'm changing my fucking opinion I don't know movies anymore God damn desert power Fucking desert power

That's what you're gonna call it Bitch ass dude Call it something fucking desert power. That's what you're going to call it. Bitch ass, dude, call it something. It, call it desert magic power. That's like something Jean-Claude Van Damme would say in a movie. That's because we have,

that's because we have desert power. And you'd be like, well, yeah, that's what fucking John. That's the writers they got. You know what I mean? That son of a bitch. We're going to get him. Well, how are we going to do that?

John, for some reason, that's your name, even though you're fucking so obviously from Belgium. Not Jen. John, J-O-H-N. We're going to use Desert Bar. And you're like, oh, okay. That's what fucking, and then you Google the writer and he wrote like this and another thing called

like fucking Cabin in the Valley. That was like the fifth guy from CSI was the lead of it and it came out in fucking 2002 anyway dude um dune's fine everyone likes it and they already are making the sequel and i'm like dude just don't set the movie up how did i don't i don't know dude and then i was talking to somebody that loved the movie and they were and i was like dude it just seemed like everything i've seen before and they're like well yeah but dune was first and i'm like you're right dude all right i lose then i fucking lose you're right you're right it was before star wars they're using the voice fucking luke skywalker

uses the the the force and timothy chalamet in Dune fucking says, can I have some water? But it is what it is, dude. There's a lot of stuff going on in the world, though. Oh, fucking speaking of Halloween, Michael Myers, the movie came out. Halloween Kills, it's called. There's like 20 of them. Jamie Lee Curtis is still in it. Usually movies that just keep going and going, like eventually they're like, all right, to the first, like Johnny Depp isn't still in Friday the 13th reboots and shit.

But Jamie Lee Curtis is still in friday the 13th reboots and shit but uh jamie lee curtis is still in it and and usually they're like okay you're 90 fuck it we we let's she's in it though um and um i i watched it uh half of it just to kind of see it and then i saw i google movies always after i googled it and i saw the headline that uh now michael myers is canceled because he's homophobic and that's a real thing that i read on yahoo that people were covering because there was a Twitter outcry about how Michael Myers is homophobic because he killed two gay, uh, a gay couple in the movie. And Michael Myers,

uh, is not homophobic. He just kills. The problem with Michael Myers isn't that he's homophobic, you know? That's not the problem. The problem with Michael Myers is that he's a psychopath killer. And even still, he's not real. You can't be homophobic if you don't exist.

Right? Hey, Jiminy Cricket, you're racist. Hey, they're three little pigs. You're toxic. No, you're not. Because you don't exist. Clavorp, you're sexist. Right now, you're probably like, who's Clavorp?

He's no one. I made him up. You know why? He doesn't exist. So that's the same thing as saying, Michael Myers, you're homophobic. Michael Myers has a butcher knife and stabs whoever's closest to him. But also more importantly than that, Michael Myers doesn't exist. So he's not even really stabbing anyone. Also, how about this? People who are mad that Michael Myers is now homophobic? Don't you want to be included?

Isn't it right to include everyone? Nowadays, you need to be inclusive. whites blacks jews uh homosexuals trans people uh you know short people also he hasn't killed a short person yet that i've seen short people should be angry at him you can't win. Imagine your platform is fucking... Imagine on your platform you're yelling about the wokeness of a fucking slasher film. I just can't really understand things anymore. And I suppose that's just how it's going to be for me. Because what, is it going to get better?

I'm 41. What, is one day I'm going to wake up and I'm just going to get the world? The older you get, you get smarter, I guess, but it's not like you learn more, the exponential, uh, you exponentially learn what you don't know and you're fucked, you know, after, I mean, 40, you're just like, oh, there's so much I don't know. And there's going to be a whole much more that I don't know. I think that's why we end up dying. It's just the weight of, you know, people get curvy as shit, right? They just fucking shrink a little bit. It's because the weight of what the fuck they realize they don't know is just like, oh, fuck, it's so heavy.

What? And then one day they're like, I'm going to croak. And they don't even know that they're subconsciously doing this, but it's just like, fuck, man. That's why people have heart attacks and get cancer. They're just like, I don't exactly want to kill myself, but god damn. We all got to fucking get desert power is what we gotta get michael myers included gay people and that's why i think that michael myers is an ally

for lgbtq community um lgbt fuck did i say it right? God damn it. Yes, I did say it right. I did say it right. Yay. Go me. I love this fucking. Here's another thing that. Does anybody online ever, are they ever nice, you know? Like I saw Virgil Abloh's new shoes that he's coming out with their mid, uh, um, Air Force Ones. And at first when I saw him, I was like, oh, cool.

I liked them. I looked on many posts and there wasn't one good one, one good comment. And I hope these motherfuckers honestly mean it. Because I want to get them, all right? And it's too hard to get the shoes, man. You got to wake up at like 7 o'clock or pay over price. And that's just like, I'm not going to do that for these at least. But I like these shoes.

So, motherfuckers, I didn't see one good fucking thing, dude, about these shoes. Even my friends were texting, look how horrible these are. Once you get to be the top dog, man, everybody hates you. But where's the love, though? Where's the love? you don't see it right like all everyone talks about on twitter joe rogan is how how much they disagree with his opinions you know what i mean he's the number one fucking guy. Elon Musk. I mean, really, honestly, the only people that tout Elon Musk on social media are like frat dudes, but everyone else is like, oh, fucking what a quack. Where's the love, dude?

Everyone fucking hates Jeff Bezos. I don't know dick about Jeff Bezos. Oh, wrong one Hell yes But where's the love dude I don't fucking know My head fucking hurts from this shit Um I guess from this shit um i guess spreading more love or whatever is what i'm trying to say how about this

fucking alec baldwin thing jesus christ man i didn't really want to get too heavy because of this fucking wig i'm wearing but jesus christ dude it's timely alec baldwin i mean everybody knows i'm but i guess i to explain it to lead into it. But like Alec Baldwin had a gun given to him that was loaded on set and he shot through the camera and killed the DP or the camera woman. And she's dead. She died.

The fact that anybody, first of all, let me just say this. Let me just start by this. I don't know how that happens at all. Okay. I don't know how that happens at all. I've been in on set holding guns and firing guns. it's very obviously not a gun that works it's a gun that is plastic or some metal components and you shoot it and it goes and it's air that comes out and they you can put the fire the cgi shit in later okay um so even on that set, they would be like, don't point the guns at anyone. Yeah,

it's just air, but you never know. And nobody did that. Nobody did it. The whole set was flooded with guns. Nobody ever did anything like that. The fact that there are still guns, like real guns being used on sets at all is is just not it's

so stupid it's just dumb right one life is too many and this has happened multiple times um So everyone is now shitting on the woman, I believe, who was the handler. I forget what they're called. Armorer. And she got the job because her dad was someone who was important in the industry. And everyone's saying, this is what happens with nepotism. She didn't earn her position. Sure. Of course, that's wrong.

She didn't earn her position. Sure. Of course that's wrong. Um, this woman apparently went shooting with the gun before this, and then somehow it wound up on set and it was given to the AD and then the AD gave it to Alec Baldwin. Now, nobody should touch guns on set except for the props person. And then also the actor using the gun um that's often not the case you know because it's just a rule and people don't abide by it but this is what fucking happens uh everyone is want you, screaming for this woman to look.

My friend texted me, this woman should go to fucking jail. She ruined so many people's lives. And I wrote back, I might be way off here, but it was a mistake. Yeah, it's horrible.

And he's like, but she affected people's lives. It's manslaughter. Even though she didn't mean to, she gives like, well, I guess affected people's lives. It's manslaughter, even though she didn't mean to. She goes, I was like, well, I guess I don't know really what technically manslaughter is, but I thought it was like drunk driving or you get in a bar fight and they're not killing someone.

You don't really intend to kill someone, but then they end up dying. She was not trying to do any harm here. She was trying to do her job. Albeit it was a really bad job. Her life, guess what is over no matter what, right? Her life is over whether you shame her or not. She has to feel the worst she's ever felt. And by the way, probably the worst she's ever going to feel. And that's going to last a long,

Probably the worst she's ever going to feel. And that's going to last a long, long, long, long time. People are mad at Alec Baldwin. Most people are, who are mad at him are, have, what I've seen online are the was wanted an advocate of gun safety or i don't know if he didn't want them or why i don't i'm not really clear on alec baldwin's whole stance on gun control but i know he isn't a proponent of it and um now like donald trump jr and shit are posting like countless memes about how dumb alec baldwin is and you know i'm not i don't believe in like the whole shaming culture and shit like but like if if there is shaming this is what it is um they're shaming alec baldwin in oh you know i i'm a

respectful gun owner i have fucking 60 guns and i've killed less people than you have and it's like putting it like donald trump jr put something like this up and everyone is like oh shit uh ha ha fuck alec baldwin not everyone you know people are are in support of him but this was a mistake. And guess what? This is probably the worst thing that is ever going to happen or has happened to Alec Baldwin. His life is forever changed. And guess what? All of your memes and shit attacking these people and trying to make them fucking want to end their own lives. Um, it doesn't change what happened and how about the fact that somebody died

for real during this accident this is the thing i never understood dude and i see some comedians doing it too it's like the quickest to make the joke oh fucking this happened gotta make a joke about it what about the fact and i make a lot of jokes dude i never am the guy i've never i've never done the thing oh i gotta be first to talk about it oh i gotta do this joke before someone else does it i don't give a fuck about that shit never have i ever been like that um but i see these people that are like trying to make these fucking first jokes which are terrible fucking jokes and this husband and her kids or one kid or two kids their their their life is forever changed dude their life is forever changed alec baldwin's life is forever changed

it's fucked. Put shit into perspective a little bit. And now I haven't always done that in my life, but I have a fucking platform. Look, should she work as a fucking armor ever again? Probably not. Should you go to jail? I don't think so. It was a mistake.

I feel really fucking badly, man. I see that shit. And I don't know if it's because like, I'm in a different place now, or I have a son or all of the, you know, PTSD that I have about the internet or whatever the fuck, but it puts me in a real fucking shit place, man. that I have about the internet or whatever the fuck, but it puts me in a real fucking shit place, man. And I start crying because people lose focus of the fact that this family is ruined. I mean, this, this woman's dead and this husband doesn't have a fucking wife anymore. And these kids or kid or whatever, I can't remember if he has one or two kids, they don't have a fucking mom anymore.

And now I got to see along with the rest of the world that picture of her behind the camera that's this beautiful shot of her doing what she loves and i gotta know who she is because of this and i'm not saying in a selfish way but there's no reason why i should know or anybody should know who this person is because they should just be living their fucking life and not everybody knows what the fuck happened you weren't on set ah god i'm so sick of people fucking doing these ah whatever pushing their agenda you know it is what it is nothing i say is going to change anything It is what it is. Nothing I say is going to change anything.

And Michael Myers is fucking homophobic for fuck's sake. I was on stage the other night and I did it. Now, let me just tell this actually. I woke up. It was a day. I don't remember what day it was, but I woke up. It was like a week ago. Nah, it was less than that.

I was in a shit mood. I was fucking not happy at all. All day. Cried twice during that day. I'll be honest. Fuck it. I know a lot of people are going to watch this episode because I'm in a Rick wig and I didn't want to fucking talk about this, but who gives a shit? Look, I cried twice that day for, I don't even know what reason.

I just started crying. Okay. I was alone most of the day, uh, except for in the evening or in the afternoon I was playing with Calvin and it was very bittersweet because I was in a shit mood and I was playing with Calvin and I love being his dad. And, um, there was a point where I was so deep in the darkness that I was like trying to just focus on Calvin to make sure that he felt loved. And I think I was able to crack a smile, but it was just shitty all day. And I told, uh, this Booker that I would come down and do a set all day. I was thinking, I'm not going to be funny.

I'm not good. Um, I don't want to do this. I haven't done i've only done stand up a few times since i've been back what 20 times um and i feel like i don't have the chops to fucking overcome this emotion um i don't know what's going on with my body but i just don't feel right going on stage but i told the guy i'd go and he was counting on me to go so i thought you know what i don't i don't want to go but i told the guy I'd go and he was counting on me to go. So I thought, you know what? I don't, I don't want to go, but I told the guy I would go. I got to be a guy who says what

he means. And my first show ever, ever my first show ever, when I started doing standup, I remember being so fucking nervous that, uh, I was like, how am I going to get on stage? And I thought if I just put my legs in the direction one by one by the, in the, in the direction of the stage. And then I got on stage, uh, I would be on stage and then I would have to talk. So I'm going to make my body move. Even though my mind doesn't want it to. And I did that. And I went on stage and I had a fine set, whatever, but now here I am again, and I had a fine set, whatever. But now here I am again, and I'm in a different situation. I'm in a darker place.

I've had a rough year and a half, whatever the fuck it is. I can't shake this horrible feeling. And, and, and I don't want to, uh, underplay the feeling. It was a very dark feeling that, um, I couldn't, I just, there was no snapping out of it. And I thought, here I am again. I don't want to go down to the, to the, to the laugh factory. I don't want to do this show, but I made my body get in my car. I made my body drive down to the place and I drove down to the place and I sat in my car for 20 minutes.

I didn't want to get out of the car. And I thought you got to make your body fucking go into, at least go into the laugh factory. After 20 minutes I did, I walked in and the guy, the woman there says, hey, glad you're here. The next comic isn't here. Do you want to go up next? And I say, and I, and I,

I listened to the crowd and the guy in front of me is murdering. And I think, fuck, I'm still really upset. And I don't have the chops right now to go on and do well after this guy who is absolutely murdering but i gave up i gave up on the feeling of darkness i gave up on the feeling of feeling shitty and i made myself say yeah fuck it i'm gonna bomb but i'll go up and she said oh you're, you're not going to bomb or something. And I said, oh, we'll see. So the guy gets off stage. Everyone goes nuts. And they, he comes off and he's like, hey, are you on next? And I'm like, yeah.

He's like, hell yeah, kill him. I was like, dude, there's no way I'm going to fucking do this. I'm not going to be able to do this. So he says, he laughs. He says, you'll be fine. So I get on stage i get a really big ovation when i go on stage and um i do my set for some reason it's the best set that i've had in five years.

I don't understand why. Something about the energy, something about how I felt like the deck was stacked against me, the awful feeling that I had all day for hours and hours, for some reason, just turned into this moment of, in my mind, it felt like this magical fucking thing. I was on stage. People were laughing when I thought they should laugh. And when I was quiet, they were listening. quiet. They were listening. Nobody was trying to ruin any punchline or nobody was, woo. It was all, it was like perfect. And I put the microphone down. I say, thank you. And the whole place stands up and they give me a standing ovation. i walk off stage and i'm in now back into the world i had this crazy bad day on stage i let it go it felt like magic and now i step back into the world

and immediately guys want to give me hand shakes. Girls are out there. Hey, with their fist bumps and do's are fist bumping. A guy says, Hey, will you sign this for me? I grab a pen. I'm not even looking at what I'm signing. And then I realized it's the menu to the laugh factory that I'm just defacing. Right. And I walk upstairs and I'm by myself and I don't really know how to process everything that's happened.

Because when you go on stage, every single time it's like you hear this big train going by. And you're just like, okay, this is going to be not what life is usually like for the next however long this train lasts. And that's how long your set is. It's not normal. People are just staring at you. And that's how long your set is. It's not normal. People are just staring at you and life is different for a little bit. And it's loud and it's fast. Things are happening that you're not really,

you know, used to in your daily life. As a comedian you are, but that's only when you're on stage. So I'm, now I'm sitting there alone and I'm alone again. And I remember how I felt 30 minutes before this. And I remember how bad it was. And I don't feel that bad anymore. I actually feel okay. And then this guy comes up to me and he says, Hey Chris. And I say, yeah. And he says,

I got to say, and he gives me a compliment. I'm not going to tell you what the compliment is because number one, I don't want to seem like I'm bragging. And I can't do that without telling you what a guy said when he compliments me for. And number two, I don't want to tell you because that's for me. It's for me. And this guy told it to me and it was special and it was nice. He gave me the compliment and then he walked away and he said, thanks. And I said, no, man, honestly, you made my day. Thank you. He walked away and I cried for the third time i mean i burst out but it was for a different reason it was because i got through the day and it was hard but i just made my body do the things that it needed to do

and now it was a different time and i felt differently and ain't that just how this podcast goes where the time i'm going to tell you a long emotional story about a dark period i had in a fucking rick sanchez halloween costume but that's how it goes and that's how it goes. And that's when it happened. And I just want to let you guys know that that happened because I know some people listen to me and struggle with their own things. And you're listening. I'm talking. We're together right now. I'm not the smartest person here with all of us. Okay. I just happen to be the one talking and you guys happen to be the ones listening. I say, I'm not the smartest one. I'm not the most emotional. I'm not the most talented,

but I am telling you, if I can get through that day and not be any of those things the most, then I know you can. So that's that. And I thought about telling you this next week because I wouldn't be dressed like Rick Sanchez, but no, that's not how it's going to be. There. No, that's not how it's going to be there. Um, what else happened? That's fucking funny. Oh, that fucking night.

No, no, not that night. That fucking, it was a night before this is fucking, I get on stage. I'm talking about shit on stage, like all the shit I went through and my family and my fiance and my kid. And I get off stage and I go to thank the people running the show. And this, I go to thank them and I get a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and it's this beautiful uh, I go to thing and I, and I get a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and it's this beautiful woman. Right. And she's like, Hey, that was great. And I say, oh, thanks.

And she says, you should come get a drink, uh, with me after this. And I fucking laughed very hard, like interface. I didn't mean to partially because look, uh, my act was all about my family and my fiance and this struggle. And partially because this is it, dude. And partially because this is it, dude. This is the moment where I can either crack or not. And I laugh and I say, oh, oh, I would love to, but I can't.

Just like that. I said it just like that. I said it just like that. And fucking the, the fucking promoters laughed hard. Right. And I'm cause we know what the fuck's going on. And she says, Oh God. Cause she's taking it back because I laughed. And she said, how come she said, are you sober or something? She said, are you sober or something? And I said, actually, yeah. And they laughed even harder. And it just felt good to, like I was talking earlier, be a guy who fucking said I, uh,

be a guy who can struggle, but also wants to be, uh, true to his word. Uh, yeah, but it was fucking funny as shit man We were dying We were dying And then she had a fucking purse that had It said Kristen Dior And CD and I was like oh those are my initials Yo I gotta get out of here

And I fucking left Yeah That was funny I told it to Kristen Uh, yeah, that was funny. I told it to Kristen and we laughed and we laughed. I'll save that story for next time. Um, Dune, huh? I don't know.

What else can we talk about? Is there anything else that I fucking, did I miss anything that happened? Oh, dude, the fucking, how about the fact that I'm smart as shit, dude. I know people. Dude, if there's one thing I know, it's people. I don't know things like math and science and all that other shit. Things about the earth. Dude, bye-bye. I don't know about you.

But one thing I know about is people. Now, either one or two episodes ago, I was talking about the Property Brothers, and I said about the Property Brothers, I was talking about the property brothers and I said about the property brothers. Hey guys, there is no way one of you don't have Knights armor set up in your fucking house. And guess what, dude,

they do. They do. They do. One of them has Knights armor set up in their fucking house. They have that. I know that. And I know that not because I saw that. I know that because of course those guys are those guys. And I want you to understand how much I know people because that's how I did it. I'm like the Simpsons when they predicted everything about fucking Donald Trump and shit. You can go back and be like, the Simpsons really predicted everything.

How about the fact that I predicted also really important things too. Like the property brothers happen to actually have a fucking night. So I just know, dude, I told you about the story once when I was with my, one of my exes and she was like, we were talking about some guy down the way. And she was like, I was like, ah, you probably like that guy. He's handsome, huh way and she was like i was like god you probably like that guy he's handsome huh and she was like yeah something and i was like yeah i was like i i was like uh we've got into an argument about who knows people more and i was like pick pick anyone and she said what about that guy said oh yeah that guy you like it's because you like that guy you think he's handsome huh she's like no she's like i don't know whatever and i'm like you think you

know more about people than i do all right cool i'll tell you right now that guy makes his own furniture and she goes that's the fucking thing that's the thing you want to say i said yeah she had balls not actually you know i mean she had like gusto or whatever the fuck she walked over to the she didn't give a fuck she's like i'm gonna go walk up she sits down talk to this handsome hunk yeah yeah yeah looks over me like what the fuck comes back he says yeah he actually made a fucking he does he makes like he made his table in his house and he put together his cat i'm like dude even i shocked me with that one but dude sometimes your first fucking go-to shit is i think sometimes we have this fucking sort of like i read that book

the gift of fear and it was like it lets you know that like that thing, a whole thing, women's intuition, that shit is real because that's how it keeps us alive. Um, right. Like there was one story in that book where this guy all of a sudden knew he was going to get robbed in his car and he didn't know why until like weeks later he realized maybe he saw some like something he saw he saw the guy coming out of his rearview mirror in his peripheral view but he was like but that shouldn't be weird to me because the rearview mirrors or the side mirrors you always see people from coming from behind you but then he realized that the reason why he knew he was going to get robbed is because if he actually thought about it um that image in that side mirror was moving was moving way quicker than normal so he knew something weird was going to happen my point is you can pick shit up

and you don't even know why maybe that guy was fucking with his hands like how i saw him another guy fucking with his hands that used to do manual labor or some shit i don't know but i guess furniture making and he makes his own furniture and your boy fucking deserves a medal for that doesn't deserve a medal for turning the girl down for a drink but definitely deserves a medal for understanding that that dude definitely absolutely makes some furniture and also one of the property brothers has a fucking knight's armor in his house. So that's it. That's that, the episode. That was the

Halloween episode. It was very spooky, I know. I'm sorry to scare the shit out of you. But just remember, make friends in the comments of this and brush up against that like button and absolutely fucking unbelievably obliterate that subscribe button. Subscribe, dude.

You know what I mean? mean hey guys that's the episode on youtube uh to catch the rest of the episode all you have to do is sign up for our patreon patreon.com slash chris d'alia and uh you can get the extended version of this episode and Also, we do one episode a month that is extra, and that's on our Patreon. And you can get access to all those back episodes on our Patreon. It's six bucks a month. So we appreciate you, and bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye. Oh shit! Congratulations! Congratulations!

Congratulations! Congratulations motherfucking Bob! You scared the fuck out of me! I'm gonna fuck this motherfucker right in the motherfucking mouth! Motherfucker! so annoying babe so so annoying here we go ready