Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 259. Brick House

Episode Date: June 23, 2022

Check out LIFELINE! watchlifeline.com 🎟 Catch the uncut/extended episodes ad/commercial free +1 entire bonus episode per month + Discord & exclusive content over on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia This week Chris discusses his wedding! The guests, the food, the speeches, and best of all, the wedding singer. Plus Biden fell off a bike and Missed Connections! Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's BetterHelp.com. meeting with friends before the show we can book your reservation and when you get to the main event skip to the good bit using the card member entrance let's go seize the night that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash y amex benefits vary by card other conditions Hey guys, and welcome to another episode of Congratulations. It's lit. It's always lit. It's always lit, my babies. Dude, what's up? Hi guys. Oops, hit it by mistake, the oops button. Hit it even by mistake. Starting it out with a mistake. Not even a mistake. A mistake was hitting the thing. How crazy is that? The mistake was hitting the oops button and the oops button made the fucking sound that it should have made when I made mistake.

When I made the mistake, when the mistake was the mistake. It's like a fucking crazy Chris Nolan movie, but whatever, dude. Let's do some... You know what we got? Do we... What we're doing today is uh first before we get into it before we get into it we're doing today we're going to where is chris leah going to be on the road you go to chris leah.com to get your tickets chris leah.com to get your tickets

is grand prairie texas which is right outside of dallas if you're in dallas you get to grand prairie texas august 26th You go get tickets in August 26th. Those tickets are flying, so go and get the good tickets. It's going to be the next day, August 27th. It's going to be in Wichita, Kansas for some reason. That's where the BTK killer is. The BTK killer was. There were a lot of killers in Wichita, Kansas, and that's where Chrisley is going to be August 27th.

Wichita, Kansas has a sordid past when it comes to serial killers, when it comes to serial killers. PTK. And then Atlanta. We're going to be definitely a lot of murders in Atlanta, too, because it's Atlanta. September 9th. So many murders, and Chris Lee is going to be there September 9th. Washington, D.C. Politically

motivated murder. September 10th. A lot of political assassinations. Going to be in Washington, D.C. September 10th. Stockton and Oakland. Well, you know what? Stockton and Oakland. Lots of fucking murders.

Lots of getting your dome split by bullets. But Chris Lee is doing the murder tour. September 23rd and 24th. Coming at you. Stockton, California and Oakland. It's absolutely fucking dangerous when it comes to bullets. Peoria and Rockford, Illinois, no clue if it's dangerous, but it's right near Chicago, so it probably is.

So it probably is. Probably Chicago is a hot, hot, hot bed for getting your wig pushed back, player. Rockford, Illinois, and Peoria, right outside of Chicago. Go to grizzly.com for tickets. Might get shot. Raleigh, North Carolina. No, North Carolina. Going to be in Raleigh, North Carolina.

October 21st, North Carolina. That's where that dude pushed his bitch down the stairs. That's their case. Raleigh, North Carolina. Maybe not bullets, but also the dude fucking absolutely committed capital murder on his wife. And then Savannah, Georgia. It's actually really nice.

Got a lot of horses and fucking farm life. So October 22nd, I'll be in Savannah, Georgia. And then Denver, Colorado, which is November 5th, which is a lot of weed, a lot of really cool, nice stuff going on. Cheyenne, Wyoming, beautiful, beautiful mountains. November 6th. And then Boston, Massachusetts. Boston, Boston, no stranger to getting killed. November 12th, November 12th. And then Boston, Massachusetts. Boston. Boston. No stranger to getting killed. November 12th.

November 12th. Two shows at the Boston at the Wang Theater. No. No. No fucking stranger to getting your wig, wig, wig pushed back play. And Lakeland, Florida. A lot of crazy shit happens in Florida. Like getting your wig pushed back.

And also an incest. An incest. And then Jacksonville. An incest and incest and then jacksonville incest incest and also getting your wig wig wig pushed back december 2nd and 3rd dude so fuck it's the murder tour of america chrislea.com so go over there i don't even know if you heard any of the cities because of the bit i was doing but you know try to push tickets and fucking all those areas so go to to ChrisLea.com. Anyway, dude. Wow, I do bits so long and it's so annoying and I get it.

And my son does it too. Basically what I'm saying is I'm a child. So sue me, I'm a child. I do those things. I do those things. I do bits that take so long. And my son loves those bits. And he doesn't even say again, daddy, again.

You know how kids go again, daddy, again, again, again. He doesn't even have to say that because I'm already doing it because I do it and it takes so fucking because i love doing bits so long i love doing bits so long and i'll keep doing the bits so long so dude he's got the best dad when it comes to again daddy okay um but i love doing it we do lots of crazy bits me and my me and my son and my son's a fucking stud dude love him so much uh yeah dude it's different now your boy got married um and that's that's what happened this week so fuck yeah dude before i get into that i'm wearing the new join our cult and share ideas merch chrysalia.com chrysalia.com wear this and go to go go to fucking atlanta get your get your wig pushed back um get your get your wig pushed back. Get your wig pushed back, playboy. And so anyway, I got married, dude.

So that's what's up, dude. So that's what's up, man. Hell yeah, dude. And it was a beautiful ceremony. It was out in Santa Barbara. Still drinking the fucking water from the dude who brought up waters. You call a fucking place down there, and you're like,

can we get some waters? They'll be like, can we get room service? And the fucking, in Santa Barbara, they're like, sorry, everything closes at 4 p.m. Everyone here has dinner at 3.30, because you have to be fucking a gajillionaire to live there, because there's so many fucking Republicans, dude. If you're Republican and you live in LA, you go to Santa Barbara after you turn 60

and you fucking and you get a place that's super nice and it's a quiet, sleepy town, but it's beautiful, dude, and all the buildings look the same because you know you're in a nice town when all the fucking buildings look the same, right? Because everything has to be to code, right? If you do a place, if you're at a place where all the buildings are the same, you got to fucking do it to code. And doing stuff to code is completely annoying, especially because times change and things that are beautiful change, right? But the code and the town, they don't give a fuck, dude. Especially if they're old and white, they're like, you ain't changing shit. That's too new. That's too new

for this city. So we were in Santa Barbara and I tried to get a fucking room service and they were like, no. And I was like, can I just get four waters? And they were like, sure. And they brought up a whole case and he was like, you want more, Mr. D'Elia? And I was like, sure.

So they gave me a whole case and now we got these waters and we're just drinking these fucking waters from Hotel Californian. It's a lovely place. It's a lovely place. It's a lovely place. Welcome to... It's actually fucking...

It's pretty silly to call it the Hotel California when there's this huge song called the Hotel California. But whatever. Just added an end to it. Yeah, so it's like fucking naming your motel the look look la queen tan in um or the la quinta in with fucking three n's um so worst joke of all time so um all good but it's all good get your head out your ass boy dude so we went to that fucking sleepy town and and we got married, dude, and everyone was so

beautiful there, and my son was there, and he was so beautiful, and he had a bow tie on, and it was cute as shit, and he was saying cheese for all the pictures, it was so fucking nice, man, and I'm just happy, dude, I'm happy to be fucking, you know, hitched, or whatever they call it, and I don't know, man, it's, I talked a little bit about it on The King and the Sting and the Wing, but it was just cool, man. Was I nervous? Was I anxious? Anxious, maybe. A little bit of anxiety.

Just having everything go according to plan. Have it be nice as shit. A lot of people are coming, making the trip out. But it's really nice to have friends there and support, man. Shout out to a lot of people that fucking were there. It was really nice to see all of them. A lot of dancing, a lot of beautiful stuff's going on. And had a great band.

I forget the name of them, of course, like a piece of shit. Hey, what's the name of the band? Great. And I'll find it and I'll fucking put it up. But, dude, they were, well, you know, we paid for them, a fucking arm and a leg, so, what's the name of the band, the Cowling band, because the guy's Cowling, last name is Cowling, Cowling, yeah, got it, cool, awesome, and so, so that's the name of the band, and dude, the band was fucking, it ripped, the band ripped,

So that's the name of the band. And dude, the band was fucking it ripped. The band ripped. The band ripped. They sang songs, dude, that were just like the shit. That were just like the shit that came out when it came out. They were just like, do you remember when you beat a lot in September? And that's just me without warming up.

But these guys, I don't even think they needed to warm up either. But the cool thing about the band was that they were so good all of them had all sorts of fucking different instruments that they were playing they were doing a guitar a violin a guy was singing and doing a lot of spinning and then hitting the mic and singing and then he would spin again and fucking come back again dude and it was like three hours until they played shout so they were a good wedding band because they were doing so many songs before they're like all right we got to get the shout then they played shout and then i went gotta leave hit the doorway but they were so good that i was like you know what they're actually kind of killing shout and i went back in there isn't a whiter song than shout dude when they get a little bit quiet and shit fuck all that uh and uh but dude the guy the lead singer of the cowling band, my God, dude, we, we

picked him because we picked that band because of that guy. When Krista was showing me the links of bands, I saw a picture of the guy and I go, I don't need to see anyone else. That guy's the wedding singer, dude, because of how he looks, you know? And guess what? Your boy was right. Is he a you know? And guess what? Your boy was right. Is he a precog? Is he psychic?

Because the dude came through and fucking flamed the area. It flamed the area. We had a beautiful, let me get it, before we even get to the dude, we had a beautiful ceremony. It was out on the fucking roof. You know if a ceremony is out on the roof forget it dude so nice the views crazy nice the views of the beach and even if you look back in the other direction you couldn't even see a parking lot that's how nice it was dude views in every direction were nice dude like an orgy it was

unreal there are probably some bad views and orgies, to be honest. Is that Frank's asshole? But yeah, dude. It was like an orgy view with no Frank's asshole. And who knows a guy named Frank anyway? Especially in an orgy, dude. A guy named Frank in an orgy would be just a fucking... Okay, Frank. Just with a cigar fucking ashing out on other dudes.

So the ceremony was beautiful. Vows were nice. We wrote him, was nervous, went off without a hitch, had some mic issues. It was all good. Fell back into my fucking, I did some crowd work material at my own wedding, right? Asked the guy where he was from. Kidding. Well, I actually did, but as a joke. And the vows were great got through him didn't even cry

close to as much as eric griffin fuck yeah dude eric griffin cried so much at his wedding and i cried medium amount hell yeah dude because why because i practiced dude i practiced i wrote it in my notes and then i practiced and i thought maybe i wouldn't read it but then the fucking the lady printed it out and i read it and it was still nice dude heartfelt as shit dude so um not a dry eye in the audience. Except for Cooper. Cooper was there, our dog. And Calvin was actually not. The one who cried the least probably at the wedding. He was literally just.

At one point, we were in the middle of it, and we said, do you want to come up? And he goes like this, no thanks. And everyone was just, ha, ha, ha, ha. Weddings are good audiences, dude. They're just thinking, right? Everyone laughs. All you got to do in the vows is be like,

and I promise to try and love chocolate chips as much as you do too. And the audience was like, no, he does like chocolate chips. That's one of his things. And I even promise to try and be a little more patient when I teach you origami. But yeah, dude. We killed it.

Had some mic issues. And it was all good though. We got it on video. And the mic went out, but it was cool because we use the, what do you call them? The efficiency mic. And I, and Kristen was holding it and then I was holding her vows. Cause she has only two hands.

Yeah. Go figure. I married a chick with only two hands. And, um, so it was cool. And then I have one of my friends that fucking like, everyone was like, okay, go ahead and make down to the reception. And then I have my gangster friend. I have one of my friends that fucking like Everyone was like okay go ahead make down to the reception And then I have my gangster friend I have one gangster friend That's like

No matter what dude His name is Sam and he's fucking Persian And no matter what he fucking hangs back You know he's like one of those guys that's like I'll hang back for you dog You know and everyone went to the reception And he didn't he was just like holding a bag Which wasn't his he's always carrying For some shit he's like I take care of my people you know, and everyone went to the reception and he didn't. He was just like holding a bag, which wasn't

his. He's always carrying some for some shit. He's like, I take care of my people, you know? And like, and like the family was taking pictures and shit. And Sam was just watching lurking. And like, he's one of my best friends. But if you didn't know that, you'd be like,

who the fuck is this guy with the long hair just staring at? And that's Sam. And Sam's like, you good you're good dog you're good and then it'd be like yeah and be like okay you want me to hang back nah just go to the reception man no nobody's gonna fuck it what do you think who do you think is coming the crips okay dog and then he walks down and has a reception and oh dude i met sam when i was in high school and we were in summer school and dude the guy told so many stories and every story he told ended with someone stealing a car, dude.

And I would be like, dude, you know how many stories you tell where the fucking guy steals a car? And he laughed so hard and we fucking made friends, dude. And he was a bully and now he's not a bully anymore. He's reformed, dude. He's a good guy. I fucking love that, dude. Sam Sheik, baby. So yeah, he's a good guy i fucking love that dude um sam chic baby uh so yeah he's a fucking good dude always wears black calls us car van perella unbelievable dude i have the weirdest friends it's unbelievable and i love them all and he showed up to support everyone was there you

know fucking had people that we loved was there fucking eric griffin bobby lee the fucking uh brendan shob they were all there it was a fucking love fest dude um mike lenochi crushed a speech it was a funny funny as shit too bad he can't put it on his fucking tiktok because it's personal uh but they he would rake the views up dude but that shit was hilarious he did a speech my brother did a speech it was beautiful even though my brother dressed like a Dick Tracy character. But yeah, it was awesome, man. It was awesome. My brother, Dick Tracy character, fucking mustache Pinkerton or some shit.

And mustache maroon. Wow, that would be, we got to get Dick Tracy a mustache maroon because he had a mustache and only wore maroon. And it had a shirt on that said powered by dreams at a wedding. And so, and it said it so many different times and had a mustache and a little Bob's Burger haircut. Dude, it was unbelievable. And so, so anyway, dude, my brother killed it. I love everybody. I love everybody, man.

Adam Ray, fucking so many good people ian edwards my friend gavin from childhood you got no you got no idea who that is and it's fine he's a wrestling coach and um yeah dude killed it Killed it. Had a good time. And the wedding singer, dude. Let's get back to the wedding singer, dude. This guy, first of all, walks up to me before the dinner drops. And I'm like, why? Right?

Because the band isn't playing yet. We just fucking all got done crying. We sat down at the long table because we sit with our friends. We don't do that fucking bullshit honeymoon table. What do they call it? A fucking, the table with, it's just, it's where you're like, you're like, it's just you and the bride, like Game of Thrones. And like, we're always with each other. What the fuck is this?

It looks like somebody's going to go like this and somebody's just going to slit someone's throat. Yes, that's what we do at our wedding. We sit together and, and make sure that we are the fucking king. That's bullshit. If you do that, you sit with your friends, dude. You're here with your friends. It's a love fest.

So, um, and Eric fucking did it with his bride. He fucked up, dude. I'm telling you, you want to sit with your friends, man. And, uh, so we sat and we were sitting down and all of a sudden I get a tap on my shoulder and there he is, the fucking leader of the Cowlings band. He says, hey man, dude, I just, and I I knew it I knew that's how he was gonna fucking sound because of his face sometimes you just guess and you know right when I was a kid I used to have

this feeling that I thought I would be able to predict who the next person I was going to see in my life was oh dude I am crazy But I had this strong feeling Like a very strong feeling That the next person I saw when I was out Whether I was at a mall or turned a corner or whatever That I should be able to see And know what he was going to look like And of course I never did it, but I always tried

But voices, I'm good dude One time a guy walked in a room And I was at CCD Communion, and I was with my brother And he came in and I was like Oh that guy's going to sound like this, and I was at CCD communicate community communion. And I was with my brother and, uh, and he came in and I was like, Oh, that guy's going to sound like this. And I did his voice. And then he fucking started talking. I was like, dude, I knew it. My brother's like, how do you do that? And I go like this. I got powers, man. I got powers. So, um,

so the guy came in and started talking and he was like, dude, I just want to say how happy I am to be here. And I was like, Oh, he's one of these positive guys, right? Like he's got to be one of these fucking yoga dudes. He's got to be one of these guys who eats a lot of granola, does yoga, always is positive. And probably, I'm not saying he did. I have no idea, but probably has bad breath, right? Like guys who are super positive and do yoga, if you don't have bad breath, something's seriously wrong with you. You're not doing it right, right?

You got to have bad breath if you do yoga and you're always positive, right? So he comes up and he's just like, dude, I'm so happy to be here, man. He's one of these 55-year-olds, one of these 50-year-olds that says dude a lot, you know? And I'm so great. This is such a beautiful time in life

and you're getting married and I'm so happy you hired us such a beautiful time in life. And you're getting married. And I'm so happy you hired us. Is there anything that we can do that we can sing for you guys that you'd like? And I said, oh, dude, well, we saw your video and your demo reel. And you killed it. It's amazing. This is why we hired you. I didn't tell him we hired him because of his face.

Because you're obviously a wedding singer. And this is the guy I want to sing at my wedding. Because of his face. Because of the because of his face because you're obviously a wedding singer, and this is the guy I want singing at my wedding because of his face, because of the aesthetic of his face, right? This guy goes, move over, Adam Sandler, with Jerry Curl. I'll do it, right? So I say, it kills. You guys are great.

Just do what you do. And he said, oh, really? You sure? We could do a sort of mix of stuff. And normally what we do is classic rock. We play the classics, if that's cool. And I was like, absolutely. And he was like, so you don't want anything specific?

You don't want to lead me in a certain direction? And I was like, nah, dude, you do you. It's why we hired you. And that's something I believe in, dude. It's something I believe in. We had a wedding planner, and she said we were the easiest couple that she ever fucking worked with because you delegate, right? We delegate my babies. We're all about delegation.

That's why when you join the cult and you share ideas, what do you do, dude? Everyone has a fucking thing to do in the tall grass or they're working on the cabin they're putting out wheats trimming some shit hanging up curtains we gotta live baby but we're all about delegating this is delegating central right and uh so we're so so i say you do you and he says all right well if you change your mind if you think anything i'm your guy just come. And he says, all right, well, if you change your mind, if you think anything, I'm your guy. Just come to me. And I go, all right, cool. And then he walks away, and I see my beautiful bride.

So I say, hey, you know what? Guy who has that face, why don't you ask her? She would know. And I see him. And then Kristen just goes like this. And he's like. And she goes. And he goes like this.

And then walks away, right? So I'm like, all right, he's just going to play the hits. He's going to do what we saw in the video. All right. So we get to dance him by the way, the food was spectacular and you should have, you should, they didn't, I feel bad for the people who are like, this food's great. I was like, you, you didn't even fucking get to taste what we cut. You didn't even get to taste what we didn't use for the tasting.

Dude, we had some crazy chicken that didn't even make the cut dude dude we've got chicken with all sorts of nice drizzle on it that we tasted that didn't even make the cut enjoy your short ribs though enjoy your salmon with barrow enjoy the tortellini risotto what the fuck i don't even remember at this point, but I got the short ribs. And by the way, if short ribs are ever on a menu, you get the short ribs, dude. That's just how it goes, man. Okay? So we eat the shit.

It was really good. Gave the speeches. Mike Linochi was funnier. I wish he was that funny when he opened for me. You know, Chris's mom did a great speech. She used to be a newscaster. A newscaster. And she killed it. Everyone was like, she really knows? And I would be like, she's a newscaster. Okay, that makes

sense. She ended with, she started the speech with, tonight at 11. And is broccoli bad for you? Kristen and Chris met. So then we start, we go into the fucking room that was all done up nice. It was beautiful, right?

I shared some images on my Instagram, but Chris Lea. And we get there. The band is in full swing and they are just fucking killing it, dude. Flaming it up, right? Okay. And so the guy's singing, and oh, he's singing with his face, just doing his fucking thing,

just killing it, doing all sorts of great songs, songs where I'm like, wow, I hadn't even thought of that. Okay, yeah, very cool. And the first set ends. You know, he does like a 40-minute set or whatever it is.

He said, we're going to come back for another set. We're going to take a little break. He comes back. I'm fucking talking and shit. The music's playing and all that shit. I got a tap on my shoulder. Who is it, dude?

It's the fucking wedding singer. And he says, hey, man. And I said, hey. He's like, dude, I'm so happy I'm here. And this is great, isn't it? And I said, yeah. He said, dude, is there anything that you want me to sing for you? And I was like, oh, man, oh man dude honestly this night is going spectacular and i'm just fucking love what you're

doing he says all right because if you want me to do any certain things i mean you can give me a few songs or whatever and i could play them we know everything and i was like dude honestly no notes you're killing it everyone's having a good. I don't want to interfere with it. So please just continue to do what you're doing. And he goes like this. All right, man. Well, let me know if you change your mind. And I said, okay, cool.

He puts his fucking ear things back in and he goes and kills another set. Yes, dude. Everyone's having a good time. The cotton candy swirlies is happening. The fucking Life Rips coffee shop is happening. Yeah, I had that. That was a surprise from Kristen. I had no idea, but there was a coffee spot with a sign The fucking Life Rips coffee shop is happening. Yeah, I had that. That was a surprise from Chris. I had no idea, but there was a coffee spot with a sign that said Life Rips coffee.

Fucking was awesome, dude. We had little fucking fried chicken shits. Even my old manager was there just like, oh, you know, there's chicken in there. Like it was just a fucking love fest, right? Yeah, look, I'm so happy I'm here. You know, be invited, you know be invited you know i don't check it in there all right so oh killer merch did the life rips thing shout out to killer merch that do the merch right cool um and so that's very cool i didn't know that so um anyway uh so so now they do another set, and they kill it, dude.

This band, they take fucking, you heard about spin moves in the first set? Dude, this guy was spinning so hard, he looked shorter by the end of the second set because he was drilling a hole into the ground, dude. This guy was now just fucking, he looked shorter. He was like Akon out there, just fucking, convert to music. Getting fucking small as shit, dude. Shout out to the old episode where I made fun of Akon. He should be short because of the fucking voice he has. Anyway, dude, for all the true babies, they know that shit.

So it does another set, dude. And this fucking, I thought the first set was good, and they are just firing, right? That set, and we're're gonna take a break because now it's like three hours into the fucking uh dancing i get a tap on my shoulder and i'm by the by this time i'm sitting down my legs are done like you know when you're just working on adrenaline and five ants and you're just like oh okay cool i had no idea that my legs were moving this much so long and now i gotta just take a fucking seat and you sit down to somebody you barely know and they're just like so is it hard what you do and you're like oh here we go what do you mean dude it's not brain surgery but so uh how do i if i wanted to get into stand-up i you're 50

and so so i i who comes up to me the fucking wedding singer and this is three hours into him already singing i mean the guy's crushing it right and he says oh man this is just great what a vibe i'm so happy i'm here and i'm like still okay but i get it and he's like sure enough says you know what he's gonna say but he actually says again for the third time is there anything you want me to play and i'm like this guy he really wants a suggestion okay but i don't know i'm not even i don't know what he played or what he didn't play so i say you know what man i know you keep asking but you're killing it i don't want to get in your way of the shit you're just on this mode of absolutely everyone's having a good time, play whatever it is that you got. If you got more shit you want to play, keep doing it.

Do whatever you want. And he says, are you sure, man? I mean, it's been a whole night. And like, if you want, you can tell me. Now I'm like, does this guy think I'm like lying to him? Like I do have a secret song that I want him to play that maybe I'm not saying because I'm bashful. I'm not bashful.

He should know I'm not saying because I'm bashful. I'm not bashful. He should know I'm not bashful. I mean, he's definitely Googled me and knows what I do. Hope he didn't Google me. But like, so I'm like, he's like, are you sure there's nothing? And I'm like, all right, you know what, dude? It's been three times. So now you win. You win.

I'm going to say a song because everything's going right now here in my head. I'm going to say a song. He's going to say, we don't know if we know that. Oh, okay. And then he's going to fuck it. It's gonna be my fault. Right. But I'm like, the guys come up to me three times.

The night's almost over. So I say, okay. Brick House? I haven't thought of the song Brick House since I first saw Pulp Fiction and Brick House was on in the background in one of the scenes. Okay? I mean, I haven't thought of the song brick house in decades i don't know where i pulled this fucking title brick house out of but i do like the song and that's where my mind went so i said to the guy brick house and this is what he does now i gotta stand up because this is what he does. Now, I got to stand up because this is what he did. This is what he did. He goes like this.

I know you can't see me in my body, but this is what he does. This is what he does. He goes like this. He goes like this. Oh, man. Oh, man. oh man oh man that is great i am just so happy i'm here thank you for having me and i say yeah man i'm really happy you're here and he starts to walk away and as he's walking away he says it feels so good and walks away so i was like man i really nailed this suggestion they do their set they play for another hour the guy never fucking played brick house

the whole time you didn't play Brick I still haven't heard Brick House now I still haven't heard Brick House the guy fucking asked me three times monopolizing my conversation I'm giving him my energy please please tell me a song I finally pulled out Brick House

because I heard it once in fucking 1992 and the guy fucking looked like he was about to stroke me off with pride and then didn't fucking play it how can you be like that that guy is my fucking hero dude that is unreal to do that. I love this dude. God, I would fucking hang out with that dude so much. Yeah, dude. I feel so bad that I already had my wedding. I would invite him to my wedding.

To be in the fucking... In the actual... Wedding party. Like, we didn't have best men or whatever. We just had my best man calvin my son's really serious bro he just fucking so serious that's how i was eric griffin was like your son is so serious i was like hell yeah dude he's just always trying to figure shit out man my son's always trying to figure out figure shit out um and then we had a good time man and we were uh we went to another bar at the end

my dad was drunk i haven't seen my dad drunk that drunk in a long time everybody was drunk man people were on ma was on molly i don't even know how the fuck where did where to get molly some guy just fucking came and was throwing molly in don't even know how the fuck where did where to get molly some guy just fucking came and was throwing molly in people's mouths and shit um shrooms everyone did heroin no and um meth my dad was on ayahuasca and um no and so uh so then we were like all right let's keep going let's keep partying So everyone walked down the street Um And

We went to another bar And we were in this bar Like this dueling piano bar Fucking dueling piano places you know Have one piano Have one piano or no piano You need two there's some places out there with fucking no pianos You got two Fucking There's some places out there with fucking no pianos. You got two?

Fucking piece of shit place. So we're in there and, you know, Sam's there and he's like, you want me to go in and scope the place out first? Make sure everything's cool? I'm like, bro, it's fine, you know. All right, let me give these things to this other person I'm holding. holding and um so we get to the fucking uh dueling piano place and we're hanging out having a good time and we and i gotta go pee so i go i walk over to the fucking bathroom and i'm not one of those bitch asses that's like where's the bathroom i look for it first okay do you guys it's you know where it is it's in the fucking back you know why because the

toilet's never in front because of shit and piss if i worked at a restaurant and somebody was like where's the bathroom i would say i would get five i figured you guess oh you yes, oh, you got it, didn't you, and so, um, and so, uh, I go to the bathroom, and I'm pissing, and it's one of those things that's like a, uh, it's got a urinal, and then it's got a, a shitter, and I'm in there in the bathroom, it's so fucking messy, right, it's a dueling piano place, there's like a fucking, there's like a family of toads in the corner. And, and, why is it so,

it's so fucking gross in Bath and Public Bath. It's like, dude. And so, so I'm pissed. I look over at the family of toads. It's like, I'm like,

yeah, I guess. And so, as I'm pissed and I I hear behind me these words. So you got married today? And I'm in my tux. And I'm pissing. As I'm pissing, I say, yep, I sure did. And as I'm saying, yep, I sure did, a different voice behind me says, nope, not till next week.

So now I realize that I'm not even in this conversation. Two guys are talking to each other behind me and i'm just holding my cock so i so then the guy who says no not till next week looks at me and says oh you did and i'm like i got a fucking boot near on asshole there's a flower close to my chin what do you think i fell off a cake like what of like come on that's the ultimate work with me man like just be like hey yeah dude i see that i'm mindset but now he's putting me into i'm holding my cock looking over like this and he's like oh you did and i'm like yeah i didn't realize you guys were talking to each other and he says yep i'm getting married next week i said and i say and i say no shit congratulations man and he says you too and then the next thing he says is i broke my foot today

and i say really like like where like what is is, did David Lynch fucking construct this bathroom, and I look, I look behind me, I say, oh yeah, and he says, yep, and I say, oh shit, man, well, you know, you're, you're a fucking trooper, I zip up, and I walk out, and I wash my hands, because it's too weird, and also my cock's clean so I leave and I'm like this is so weird and I walk out and I sit down and then I'm like I wonder if the guy actually broke his foot and he walks out with no foot brace just shoes on and he's limping so hard and I'm just like hey dude go home or to the doctor but dude every i love weirdness bro i love weird ass motherfuckers and we walked down the fucking street and there was a dude that was just like

yo bro you want a rose and i was like nah you know don't ever give me anything if i'm walking you know here hold this i don't get all right and he was like not give it to her man and i'm like okay and i took the rose and i said hey hey, baby, look what I got for you. And she was like, oh, my God, how nice. And then I looked over and the guy goes like this. And I'm like, where is this world, you know? And Santa Barbara, we walked all the way back and Santa Barbara was, you know, and then Kristen like took off her heels and she was like, I'm just going to walk barefoot.

Like there's, I'm like, baby, you're going to get fucking stuck with a syringe. And she's like, no way. I used to do this all the time in college. And I'm like, just can you put your heels on or can I carry you? You know get fucking stuck with a syringe. And she's like, no way. I used to do this all the time in college. And I'm like, just, can you put your heels on or can I carry you? You know, cause I'm a real man. And she was like, no, I got it. Don't even worry about it. She'd get her fucking back to the room, feet all dirty and shit. People came back to the room. There were fucking people. I didn't even know were there, dude. And, uh, let's see what else the fucking, uh,, David Sullivan was there.

He said it looked fucking really good sitting the way I was sitting. He was like, I never tell you this, but right now you look really good. I had my tie on done. My chest was out. So it was fucking ridiculous. I have a picture of it. I told him to take a picture of it. And your boy ended up getting some sun, dude.

It was 530, but that Santa Barbara sun beating on my head, dude. And I still got it, dude. You're probably trying to adjust the hue on your fucking television screen. But dude, turns out your boy got some sun when it was 5 30 talking about his vows dude so we had a good time we had a good time so that's that's it man and um you know cal's talking dude cal's talking a lot and it's great uh i walked down the street and fucking the other day this was in santa barbara santa barbara was insane and this guy like every now and then i will santa barbara was like a place where a lot of people were coming out to me i don't know what it is that's my demo but like this dude i was walking down the street and some dude i was just like i'm gonna go get some fucking i don't know what it is. That's my demo. But like this dude, I was walking down the street and some dude, I was just like, I'm going to go get

some fucking, I don't know, I was hungry, right? And I saw this pasta place and I was like, this is what I want. But then they had zucchini pasta. I was like, this is what I want and also I can keep it healthy. And so this guy looks at me before I walk into the pasta place and I can tell he's going to say something. He just goes like this.

Right? Anytime a guy looks at you like a fucking meerkat and you're a little bit famous, you're like, here he comes. And he's just like, and I don't look. I go straight because if you dance with him a little bit, it's sometimes awkward. And I understand how that could make me, by the way, somebody came up to me today and they're like, I know you hate when fans come up to you. And I don't hate that. But come correct. I don't hate that. But come correct. I don't hate that at all.

But this is a transaction. Let's get it done. In fact, I don't hate it. I love it. But come correct, right? So I got this meerkat looking at me from across the street. And I'm like, let me just dip into this pasta place, get some zucchini pasta.

So I get it. And I see the guy waiting outside of the fucking zucchini pasta place and i'm like great now i gotta have pressure while i eat but i'm not gonna go back outside because what if he just wants to stare i mean i do the thing sometimes where i jump the gun i'm like you want a picture and they're like nah bro and i'm like haha no i it's oh i i don't No, I know. So I'm chilling in the pasta place, waiting for my food. And then he comes in and he says, hey, man. I say, what's up? And he says, dude, what are you doing here?

And I'm like, I'm just going to probably eat some pasta. And he was like, yeah, but like, you have a show out here? And I was like, nah, actually just chilling. Because I don't want to get in. I'm saying, get married. And then he's like, oh, really? And we got to talk so long, right? Grateful for the dude that he knows who I am.

But, and he goes like this. Oh, cool, man. Well, like, I love your stuff, man. I'm a big fan. I say, oh, thanks so much, dude. And he says, you want to do my podcast? And I'm just like everybody's got a fucking okay everyone's got a fucking podcast then huh fucking dead people have podcasts now it's like the podcast of napoleon ruben they

they're like we've reincarnated napole And also, we've reincarnated a regular guy. There's just so many. They're a duo that has a podcast now. Napoleon and Frank. Hey, Napoleon, how was it invading everybody, giving them fucking leprosy? This podcast makes no sense hey napoleon don't you like talk regular napoleon and frank

they both used to be dead Now they have a podcast So I'm just like He says you want to do my podcast And I fucking literally said No But I'll take a picture with you And he was like oh dude You know what I don't have a phone

Hey guy You want a podcast Hey, guy. You want a podcast? Step one. Have a phone. The guy goes like this. Oh, dude, I don't have a phone. Then how do you have a podcast? How does Santa Barbara exist is what I'm saying.

It's like fucking fantastic beasts and where to find them. This is where you find them in Santa Barbara. There were some fantastic beasts. It's unbelievable, dude. So anyway, if you want to do a podcast, just wander around state street a little bit and that guy will come up to you and then he like wrote me the other and he's like verified i'm like oh i'm an asshole i don't know what was he doing in santa barbara dude it's crazy i could just have a podcast

and be successful in a place like fucking santa barbara or wichita what wichita the murder capital bbtk every time someone says the bt killer, I think of that fucking B2K group. I don't even know what they sang. Was Omarion on that? Who was on that? Am I racist? I'm sorry, little kids, but I'm going to kill a clown today. So what else happened, dude?

This is great, man. All right, we're back. it got hot as shit i had to let the air in dude i was gonna faint man um it's uh i was just thinking about the world man while i was going to the bathroom you know sometimes i like talking about news on this on this podcast you know i like doing a little bit i always kind of try and do a little bit of stuff that happened to me and then also like some news and shit and i do like doing misconnections and stuff but like i don't like talking like politics and shit and so much of the shit that's happened lately is politics like ukraine and the fucking kids dying on with the with the gun control and

all that shit and like i don't want to talk about that shit you know you come here for real issues you know you come here for the hard-hitting shit like what pants to wear and how it feels when somebody is waiting for you outside of a fucking zucchini pasta place and um that's why we say fuck npr you you know? So like every now and then there's a political thing that happens that I got to talk about and this week it's Biden falling off of the bicycle, dude.

This is the whole thing. I always said when I was a kid, I said there should be one more rule on having your driver's license. You should, and this has nothing to do with the Biden thing, but it kind of does at the end of it. You have to be able to catch a ball.

That's it. If someone throws you a ball and they can underhand it, but you have to be able to catch it. If you can't catch it, you can't operate a car. You can underhand it, but you have to be able to catch it. If you can't catch it, you can't operate a car. You can't operate a bicycle. You just can't, you got to stop doing that. Right. Okay. And what this does is it weeds out the people who are going to fucking kill people by mistake. It weeds out people that are going to crash in you. It weeds out people that are going to fucking drive off a cliff by a mistake.

They're going to be operating a forklift and spear somebody, right? This is a thing. After 60, there has to be a universal test across the whole planet, and it's the throw a ball test. It's the throw me a ball test. You got to stand there, and somebody's, somebody's going to be, you know, five feet away from you and they throw you a ball. You get two chances.

If you can't catch a ball two times, that's it. You got to walk everywhere or be a passenger and you can't operate heavy machinery. Joe Biden, there's no way this motherfucker would pass this passable test. So he shouldn't be on a bicycle. This guy fell harder than Dogecoin. This guy, dude, let's watch him. I got it on Instagram. It's a bitch.

Not moving at all. So nervous. Can't get his foot out of the pedal dude it's a bitch when you're coasting and you're not moving just like this it's a bitch with the helmet has to do you're 80 get off the bike not like that get off the bike don't ever get on the bike promoting health promoting safety smith with the helmet fell got upset he's okay defensivo now to Defensivo. That's our president. How? Look, I'm not politically charged. Vote for whoever the fuck you want. I don't care. I got friends that voted for Trump, close friends. And I have friends that voted for Biden, close friends. I don't give a fuck.

I buy Yeezys, even though Kanye's a lunatic. I don't care. I don't give a fuck. I buy Yeezys even though Kanye's a lunatic. I don't care. I don't give a fuck. I don't do the thing. I buy New Balance. I had a New Balance. People tried to pressure fucking Steph Curry to not work with him because they voted for Trump and he's now spoken about

Trump. I don't give a fuck, dude. If the shoe's nice, the kid's getting it. But the president has to be able to catch a ball or he's going to lay off the bikes, you know? And it's fine, but it's like, dude, this guy can't catch a break. Poor guy, you know? Poor guy. Fell hard. I'm surprised he didn't. I'm surprised, honestly, he didn't die. My grandma, my great grandma, we used to call her super grandma. We would laugh so hard. I don't know why we called her super grandma, but we used to walk in and fucking make her put her arms up like this

because she was flying. Never saw her bottom half because she always had a blanket over it. And we'd be like, do super grandma. And she'd put her arms up like that. We would fall so hard. And then one day she fell down the stairs, broke her hip, and died. That's a death sentence. If you're fucking 80, you fall down, you break your hip,

that's a death sentence, dude. I have no idea why, but if you break your hip, you die. That's what happens. If you're 100, you break your hip, that's a death sentence, dude. I have no idea why, but if you break your hip, you die. That's what happens. If you're 100, you break your hip, instant death. Joe Biden's 80, can't believe he didn't break shit. Maybe he didn't. They're trying to cover it up. I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but, you know, I still think he's a hologram, honestly.

Look at this. This is from... At this point, I think what happens is he takes his left foot off, as you can see. He thinks his right foot is on the saddle. Clearly, it's not. He goes to step down. Why is it? This is from, first of all, this is from, it says President Joe Biden falls off his bike.

This is the first YouTube video I clicked. It's from Boxing Now. Pick a lane. Also, why is Boxing, why is Boxing Now commenting on Joe Biden on his bike? Joe Biden on his bike. Joe Biden riding on his bike. Joe Biden riding on his bike. And also, why is there commentary on it?

Dude, I hate when you can't get the fucking video, dude. You're supposed to see Joe Biden fall down and some guy's like, and that's where he did it. I think it's because now, now let's sit. Now, here we are at the round table. Why did you? It's like, dude. That's where he did it. I think it's because now, now let's sit. Now here we are at the round table.

Why did you, it's like, dude. Pulling him to the ground, obviously pretty scary for someone that age to fall like that. But obviously he's, he's up. He's talking to people. He's actually talking to a little girl there in the crowd and things seem to be going fine after that point. The White House chimed in. Their press secretary said that he was fine. I mean, this is boxing now, you know, not news. We talked to the White House chimed in. Their press secretary said that he was fine. I mean, this is boxing now, you know, not news.

We talked to the White House. The White House chimed in and said that it's not a big issue. It's going to be fine. Now, back to talking about Evander Holyfield. That's it for the episode here on YouTube. If you want to catch the rest of the episode, the uncut version, the raw, rough, rugged and raw uncut version, go on over to our Patreon.com slash Chris D'Elia. Patreon.com slash Chris D'Elia. For only $6, you can

get all of the complete episodes and also there's an extra episode a month and there's like 14 by now, maybe 15, so you can go binge those. $6 a month, sign up today. Patreon.com slash Chris D'Elia. There's also more. There's more too.

All right, guys, take care. Bye.