Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 262. Knuck If You Buck

Episode Date: July 14, 2022

Check out LIFELINE! watchlifeline.com 🎟 Catch the uncensored/extended episodes ad/commercial free +1 entire bonus episode per month + Discord & exclusive content over on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia 👉 Thank you ShipStation. Use promo code congrats for a free 60-day trial today at shipstation.com. This week Kristin joins us to help fill in some blanks regarding Chris's recent nose surgery. Plus Hot dog eating, Elon Musk and more! Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's BetterHelp.com. meeting with friends before the show we can book your reservation and when you get to the main event skip to the good bit using the card member entrance let's go seize the night that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash y amex benefits vary by card other conditions Hey guys, and welcome to another episode of Congratulations. We're here, and by we, I usually mean just me, but this time I mean us. Me and my wife, Kristen. She's here. Dude, and we brought her here because of, first of all, actually, let me just, since the thumbnail is going to be popping and we're going to get a lot of views and it's going to be absolutely, we're going to do stupid numbers. Let me go to my tour first before we even get into it.

Before we get into it, let's get some, this is what they do in the radios. They say, let's pay some bills. So we're going to go to the tour section of my podcast grand prairie coming for you chrisalia.com i'll be there that's the dallas play uh i'm doing it there wichita kansas atlanta georgia washington dc these are all the places that i'm going to be going and touring and shit chrisalia.com stockton california oakland cal Oakland California bring your heaters Peoria Illinois and every time I think of Peoria I think of that fucking song and

Peoria and New York it's a little shop of horrors did it didn't get the part I wanted in high school all good Rockford Illinois Raleigh North Carolina which is where she's from chrislea.com October 22nd I'll be in Savannah Georgia Denver Colorado November 5th 2022 Cheyenne Wyoming Boston From Chrisley.com. October 22nd, I'll be in Savannah, Georgia. Denver, Colorado.

November 5th, 2022. Cheyenne, Wyoming. Boston, Massachusetts. We're doing two shows at the Wang. Your boy Phil Seitz in the fucking Upper East Side. And Albany, New York. Lakeford, Florida. And Jacksonville, Florida.

Chrisley.com for tickets. That's where we're going. And also, let's pay some bills. Let's pay some bills let's do this this just came out this just came out today so go get your periwinkle shits i got the shorts on too which look really good i'm not going to stand up because it's too cumbersome back here oh wait we got the shorts here dude check that out these are for you babe thank you life rips you're welcome so grateful um and then we got the hoodie.

We got it going right here with the hoodie. That's for you, babe. Thank you. So grateful. Robot. Thank you. So yeah. So chrislee.com.

And go to chrislee.com to get that periwinkle shit. And I don't know if you know this, babe, because I'm high on fashion. And you're probably high on fashion too. But dude, the periwinkle shits, that's the color that's popping this summer. Oh, is it? And I can't help that. But what I do is I've been with the times, right? I've been with the times and that's what I did. Here, they said periwinkle's popping shit.

And I go, let me take a look at the periwinkle. And they say, okay. And I take a look at the periwinkle and I say, how does Life Rips look? And then I cut myself off and I say, how does the puffy print look? And they go, we didn't even think about that. So we put the puffy print on the life rip shit. And it's periwinkle. And whoopsie daisy, we stuck with the times.

But we're still keeping it raw and real and uncut. Speaking of raw, my nose hurts like shit. Yeah. Yes, dude. But this is the reason why I brought her on the podcast, okay? I did surgery. I don't mean I did surgery like I was the guy who did it with a steady hand like the doctor. I went to surgery, as you could tell, because of my nose.

Okay? Now, I said I got a nose job. That's not entirely true. I mean, I did get a job on my nose. Sure. And it was a deviated septum because I couldn't breathe for a long time. Yeah. And I didn't know that.

Okay? First of all, give it up for my beautiful wife, Kristen. Now, I didn't know I could not breathe that well. You were hiding it from me because she didn't want me to feel insecure about my snorings. Yeah. Well, it has to be my fault. No, it's not your fault. This is me showing you what a fucking large heart you have.

Oh, okay. Like when they say the Grinch Heart It grew two sizes too big Or whatever how many sizes too small is it You know because you've seen the fucking thing so many times How many times is it A lot Okay so don't know a specific number though

But so that's your heart normally right That's your heart normally is at the end with the Grinch And yours is a little bean Now I was going to say that. You took my slam away from me. It's going to be a self slam. Sure. You took that.

And that's unfair because this is my show. Well, be faster. All right. So we're going to have her on because I don't remember this. I had a deviated septum. You were being very sweet about it, right? About not being shitty about my snoring. Yeah.

And then I talked to the nose doctor. Yeah. The ear, nose, and throat, the NT. And he was like, you probably snore a lot, right? About not being shitty about my snoring. Yeah. And then I talked to the nose doctor, the ear, nose, and throat, the NT, and he was like, you probably snore a lot, right? And I was like, you know what? It's funny. She says I don't. And then I look over to you

and she's like, actually, you know what? You do snore a lot because, I just don't say it because I don't want you to feel bad. Yeah. By the way, if you don't get good sleep,

you die early. So basically you were contributing to my early death. Yes. Nice. Well, I am a heavy sleeper. Agreed on it with that. Okay. I'm a heavy sleeper to begin with, but it's only when you would do these, it seemed like

you were dying. You'd go like in the middle of the night and that would wake me up. You know what I was dreaming? That would wake me up. My love for you. It was a good thing. I was going, so much. Did you hear me? Sometimes I would say that when I me up. You know what I was dreaming? That would wake me up. My love for you. It was a good thing. I was going, so much. Did you hear me sometimes?

I would say that when I wake up. So much, though. No, I only heard the scary breath. Cool. And then you would fall back asleep, and then you would snore pretty heavily. Okay. Well, you should have been up front with that in the beginning. Maybe I would have had some better sleep.

We learn to be up front, right? Okay. Do you want me to tell you from now on all the things that irritate me? No, no, no, no. Okay? No, no, no, no. Okay. No, no, no, no. This is an hour-long show. So she's here because I got the surgery, and she was telling me shit that went down that

I did not remember because I was under... Now, I had gotten general anesthesia before for my leg, right? Because of my knee, I got... What do you call it? I had a bucket handle tear um what do you call it no meniscus yeah and uh and i had the meniscus and uh the doctor tells me to put this on i'm not gonna have this on i don't need it um we do our own i prescribe my own shit yeah Yeah. So, so yeah. I mean, last thing I want to do is get blood

on this periwinkle shit. But, right. Wait, what was I saying? So I got the, so, anesthesia.

Well, this is good to have you here. Yeah. You remind me of shit. Okay, so anesthesia. So I got anesthesia and I got on my leg,

woke up and I was like smooth sailing. I don't know what was up with the anesthesia. I don't even know if they really did it to me. But like I woke up and I was like,

I didn't feel weird at all. This time, some very weird shit went down. I had no idea about that it was going to be going down. And I don't remember it. And she does. And that's why I brought her on the podcast because she's going to tell you what the fuck I did. Now, I don't believe a lot of this shit. Wow.

Because you know I'm a real man. Dude, I'm tough, dude. Oh, yeah. Okay. I'm a real man. Dude, I'm a, I'm a fuck. I'm tough, dude. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Well, before you were even on our way to the hospital, you were saying, I will absolutely remember everything. I'm going to wake up and remember every single thing you wait and see. And I said, okay. Okay. Well. Talk to you later, babe. Isn't that true?

I don't even remember that. Baby. I don't even remember saying that. I, baby. I'm not saying I didn't say that. I'm saying maybe the anesthesia was already in effect in my mind. I even remember what road i don't even remember saying that i i'm not saying i didn't say that i'm saying the anesthesia was already in effect in my mind i even remember what road we're on okay well don't say that people will know where we live okay um so so all right well first of all let's just back up even to let's we're gonna tell the story but that cup is the most annoying cup

i've ever seen in the world. Now that mug right there. No. No, I know it's, I know I get it, dude. I can't even make fun of a thing because it's a lovely thing. So explain the fucking cup. First of all, it's taking up too much screen time.

The amount of like, we're going to put graphics in this shit. We're going to have to put them over your face because this, it leaves no room for the shit. Put them over your face. We, you got to, don't bite the hand, right? Okay. So what's the fucking, so explain the fucking cup.

It's so tall and it sucks. There's no explaining. It's a coffee mug that I got at the Tower of London. What was there to say? So cute. All right. But it's so tall, dude.

You don't need it that big. It's like you might as well be saying huzzah every time you drink out of it. I like drinking my coffee immediately. So I put a lot of milk in it to cool it down. And so I need the extra little bit. So big, dude. You're one to talk.

Look at yours. It's off to the side, though. I'm good with it. Like, off to the side. Also, you can see through mine. You know what I mean? How about that? So we could switch the cup.

We bought another mug. In case, but we don't need to do that. All right. So, all right. So listen, dude. So I get to the fucking, I get, so I'm going to get this thing. I don't want to, I don't like, I don't do drugs, right? Right. I don't do drugs.

I've taken a few trips to Zanny Island and you know, I get nice with the Vyvanse when I'm on a boat. Okay. Yeah. And that's force fed. Yeah, I know. She's like, come on. You don't need to be a dick to my friends.

Take some Vyvanse. And I'm like, I'm a Vyvanse boy if we're going to be doing something like go to sea, right? If I got to be really, if we're going to go to an amusement park, I'll snort Vyvanse, right? How many times did I ask you to drink on our honeymoon? In London? Ten times. I counted. She asked, dude, she's a pusher, dude.

I want him to be not so square. Like, I think that broadening his mind, opening himself up to experiences that he has admittedly never done on purpose. I think it would be really, really good for you, honey. Wow, dude. You seem like such a nice person, dude. And that's so annoying because you're a pusher, dude. Yeah. You're a drug pusher. Yeah.

Dude, I don't, I get nice with it on Vyvanse only because of you. You asked me to do Vyvanse. I was like, all right, I'll do it. Okay, but what is- I had a fucking blast. I think you might have given me ecstasy.

But what came out of it? You had a great time. I had a great time at sea. You had a great story. I did have a great story. All of my friends were like, who is this charismatic, charming man that we've never met?

I'm good with your friends, man. He's, I mean, that seems like ABC check, check, check. I know, but it's just like, what's next? Cocaine. No, dude, I can't with my nose. It's true. All right, dude, if you see me in a few weeks and my teeth are looking real ragged, you know she pushed meth on me.

So listen, so I'm not good with the drugs. I didn't want to do it. I never do it. And I had to do the anesthesia. They can't. Anytime they go local, I'm like, just do it local. People are like, oh yeah, I got my wisdom teeth

out. And I say, oh yeah? Did you get put under? They go, of course. Did you? I go, fuck no, dude. If the shit's I would have done it with my, I almost did it with my knee. You're saying local as in local anesthesia. Okay in my house i mean yeah so so the doctor was like in your knee i'm just gonna do it local i'll put you on a little bit of a twilight in anesthesia and i was like good i'm up he put me out completely because he thought i was gonna be he's like you seem too nervous prequel something to think about prequel that was the fucking

jar jar Binks episode Of what has come In the Star Wars franchise Okay because What we do now is We go to the place Now I don't want to do it I don't want to get my

Fucking My nose done Right But I have a deviated septum And I'm going to die early If I don't do this Okay It's dire

Even though she's lying to me She's saying I don't I don't snore right i'm a liar so so so i get to the place and what what happens what you want you go ahead okay what point do you want me to start at well okay we get to the place is that where you want me to start i get to the i gotta put the stuff on yeah the row the what do they call it very cute all right and you said what i look what undercover sexy alert no okay but don't emasculate me cutie alert all right dude we don't we do all right so what what do i look like though you said strangely sexy is how i look in it yeah strangely sexy describe it please

for the audience genie tiny legs huge broad shoulders though very sexy and a hairnet okay but why strangely sexy because I don't mysterious handsome no but you said now this is what I remember you see you're using the anesthesia it wasn't kicked in yet I didn't use it what you said was because you look so big in it and it looks like unnatural that you look strangely sexy in it. Yes, I did say that. Okay. And I stand by it.

Okay. So I had a hairnet in too, like I was a lunch lady. Yeah. All right. So I looked like a trans lunch lady. So I was in the thing, right? And I was very big and beefy, right? And she puts the doctor, the anesthesiologist.

So the anesthesiologist is the anesthesiologist is the doctor's wife very sweet yeah comes in so sweet and she puts the iv in your hand yeah and from the two days prior you had been quite nervous i said very nervous last night and you stopped me and you said i was nervous. Wait, wait, wait. Like I was retelling this to our friends. No, Mike and Haley last night. Okay. And I said you were very nervous in the days leading up.

And you said no, just nervous. I was. Okay. It wasn't very. Okay. Was I shaking? I'm clarifying. Okay.

Telling stories around you is the hardest thing ever. You're welcome. Because you're such a stickler for. Keeping you accountable. Thank you. Okay. Okay. I wasn't shaking. you accountable thank you okay okay i wasn't shaking sure i was he wasn't shaking let's put a pin in it okay he wasn't shaking i'm a man and you described that that i look like a fucking trans lunch lady when i had the fucking hairnet on okay

okay so she puts the iv in yes and he keeps asking her questions about the procedure to a point where I knew that he was getting nervous. He was like, is it okay? I can't remember. He wants info, but he's getting persecuted for it. But okay, that's fine. But he wants info. Johnny wants info, but they're going to put him on the cross. But okay, go ahead.

That's fine. Why don't I do this while you tell the story? The only reason I'm even bringing it up was because I could tell he was getting nervous by the way that he was talking to her. Now, we dropped the extremely, didn't we? Because we realized the truth. Okay. Go ahead.

You're right, because what happened next wasn't the most extreme thing I've ever fucking seen. Hurts when I laugh, all good, worth it. Just the whole thing was like such a crystal-y surgery experience, you know? So, anyways, she says, why don't I give you a little something to ease your nerves? Because I can tell that you're nervous. And you said, nah. Yeah, I did. And that's when I said, uh-oh.

Okay. But what I did in my mind was, because you went, uh-oh in your mind. What I did is, I'm going to get shit anyway. I might as well just ride this out and experience it while I can. Sure, because the doctor doesn't know best. No, no, no. She does know best. But you know what she doesn't know inside my mind, right?

Right. Okay? Now, I don't want her telling me what she thinks I should be doing when I already know what's happening inside my mind. Now, it's a deeper yes, of course. It's a deeper. Okay? But you don't even really know what's going on inside your mind.

Who does? But I have a little bit of a gist of what's going on better than she does. So I say, nah, fuck it. I'll just, you know. She says, okay, cool. Right? So then what happens? The doctor comes in, the surgeon,

who's married to the anesthesiologist, right? He comes in. His mister jokes a lot. The guy jokes all the time. We should also preface it with, he's like the best in the country at doing this. He's the best. So if I were in your shoes,

I would have been like, oh, he's got this. Whatever he's doing to me, obviously, is the right thing and I'm fine. And you were not really in that headspace. You were more in like a defensive, who's fucking with me right now headspace. So I'm a CEO, technically, right? Of who? Of my business.

So someone's going to come in and they're going to tell me how shit goes. I get that I'm in your business, but also I'm a CEO too. Okay? Yeah. So it's more of a meeting of the minds than it is you tell me what to do now you're no offense not a ceo so when you go in what do i do ceo with me it's like when trump met the fucking guy from north korea oh maybe we shouldn't be doing this but let's work on some shit together right jesus christ so I get there and the guy is like The guy is like The doctor, no disrespect

The doctor is like, hey what's up, what are we doing So let's do it, let's lean back Already joking, he jokes so much and it's great He tries to put people at ease, but for me I already joke a lot, and I want the real facts Right, because I am Nervous, now let's put a pin in it, not extremely Not very, but nervous

Right, anxious Paranoid I am nervous Now let's put a pin in it Not extremely Not very But nervous Right? Anxious Paranoid But he's So he Before we even go in We're in the lazy boy chair We're not even in the gurney yet

Right? Sure And I know you have to get to your She has a virtual class But I wanted her to be here For this We got time Story

Okay we do So Because we're going to do The regular episode after this But I just You know I wanted to Because she remembers shit I don't You're kind of to do the regular episode after this, but I just, you know, I wanted to, because you remember shit I don't. You're kind of the one that's stringing this along.

Yeah, I understand. It's a slant, but it's fine, dude. Let's remember whose show it is. All good. Okay, so. It's kind of our show now, right? No. Okay, dude.

No. Okay? Yours is mine. No, dude. We didn't. That's what we vowed. We did not actually say that in the vows. We didn't's yours is mine. No, dude. We didn't. That's what we vowed. We did not actually say that in the vows. We didn't technically say those words.

That's true. So what's yours is mine, even the podcast. So fucking. So we're at the thing. So the guy says, okay, so I'm going to, why don't you lean back? He takes this very long steal. I mean, how long is it? But why does this get the very?

It was long. Wow, dude. Okay. Like if the other thing is not going to get the very, considering what happened afterwards, I think that this should not get the very also. I really appreciate how you're breaking this down. Thank you.

But you're wrong. And I will tell you why. I really do appreciate you. Sure. And that's you. But you're wrong. And I will tell you why. I really do appreciate you. Sure. And that's why I love you, right? But it's wrong. It's wrong and I'll tell you why. Because you have to break it down for what it is, right?

Is it very long if you're, you know, going to put it next to a Cadillac? No, the Cadillac's longer, okay? Especially if it's from 1978, right? 78, yeah. 78. But those are long as shit. One time my buddy Dave Meeting was trying to walk and turn over. He's walking along a Cadillac and it was parked and he was trying to take a left and it was

like taking so long. He was like, fucking, fucking, goddammit. And he hit his knee even though he was watching. That's how long it was. He took a left and he's like, god, the fucking thing was so long I hit my knee and I was watching. Bro, we laughed so hard we were outside a Taco Bell. A side note. On the side note tackle bell and um a side note on the side note i already did i know but side side note i always wonder how we get these little um like carpet fuzzies yeah

right under you because i'm like he's sitting in a chair how are these because i buck well yeah you like really are in it yeah dude you're. You're moving your feet. It's like a like an exercise. Yeah, I buck. This is like a Peloton. Knock if you buck. Okay, yeah. Do you remember that song? Knock if you buck. She does. So white. Knock if you buck.

Knock if you buck. Everybody now, knock if you buck. So, um. Anyway, so he is like, so he takes a very long thing for what it is, dude. He takes an instrument that's going to be used, obviously, on my body, right? That's what it obviously he's getting, right? The thing, the thing that I said was very long. Sure, yes. How long was it? Do it with your fingers. Babe. I would like to see. The thing The thing that I said was very long Sure Yes

How long was it? Do it with your fingers Babe I would like to see Memory is so fickle Oh but I remember Do you though? Yes I do

Because it was before What? Say it with me Anesthesia You didn't say it with me But you know what I was going to say Or it was before what? Your panic attack

Listen Which means that you were already Fading mentally No I wasn't Okay Do how say. Or it was before what, your panic attack. Listen, don't ruin that ending. Which means that you were already fading mentally. No, I wasn't. Okay. Do how long you think it was with your hands. I mean,

this is. There's no harm in that. It's like I'm, is this a trick? No, it's not a trick at all. So show the crowd how long you think it is. Okay?

Now, where am I getting? I mean, they're going to take, it's like I'm showing how long your dick is. No, it wouldn't be. You'd have to move your hand

A little bit closer to me If you were going to do that But no I'll tell you this The other hand Like this So listen So listen So listen

Do how long you think it is Because this is an experiment Oh who's show Hold on let me Who's show is it Let me google I got to google this Can we do the experiment

Please can we do the experiment How long do you think The thing was Okay Now Your honor What sir You're also your honor, by the way. Okay. These are a lot of rules.

What surgery was I getting? Was the- Septoplasty. Okay. And where is that located? In your nose. And where is that located on the body? In your butt.

Ma'am, this is not how it's going to- Ma'am, let's do this again and do it for real Where is the The What do you call him? The guy on the stand Accused Defendant Where is the defendant getting surgery?

In his nose And where is that nose? On his face Okay and the face would reside in the head, right? Am I right? So how large is the defendant's face? Including the nose, quite big. Your Honor, mark it down as a slam.

No, listen. Contempt, contempt, contempt. Onyx is there. Goddamn, that was a slam. I think it's objection. Yeah, but not if it goes Fucking crazy dude Okay So listen dude

Let's do it Can we not do Can we do it just like We were in an actual courtroom Please It's your name Honey So where was the surgery

In a hospital Ma'am And in that hospital Where was the surgery gonna get On his what On his nose And where does the nose reside to get? On his what? On his nose. And where does the nose reside? On his face.

And the face resides in the head. Now, how long is a head? How long is a head front to back? Either way, ma'am, top or bottom, front to back, doesn't matter. I would honestly have no idea how to calculate that, but I would say like seven or so inches, six or seven inches. Okay. Now, listen, we're talking about the client's face, not his dick. Mark that down, please. calculate that but i would say like seven or so inches six or seven inches okay now listen uh we're talking about the client's uh face not his dick mark that down please uh so uh

contempt contempt contempt order order onyx is like god damn you got a big dick so ma'am my hands are hurting ma'am please just for the i know this is getting shorter what's happening there erosion now listen what we need to do is Mark this down Is this larger than a head? One answer ma'am, that'll be fine, one answer Is that larger than a head? Equal Ma'am, is that larger than a head?

Yes Thank you, your honor, no further questions Okay, now we got to the bottom of that, right? So it's long So would you say it's long for what it is So if it's longer than what It is going to be inside of Would you say

It's longer than It's long for what it is What do I have to say for this to be over Yes Your Honor mark that down as it is The exhibit is longer than do I have to say for this to be over? Yes. Yes. Your Honor, mark that down as it is. The exhibit is longer than what it needs to be. And it is.

So he pulls it out. So he pulls it out and I see it and I go, whoa, because it's too long to be doing anything in my, where my surgery is going. And he, what, puts it in my nostril all the way in.'s so long i didn't know you could go so far back i mean it's so far back that i mean jesus christ it's so far back that i mean jesus christ it's so far back that jesus christ yeah i agree so then i i go oh and then I feel a release of ants. That's what I feel. Now, I know that's not what happened, but that's what my experience was. I feel like he released 60 ants.

That's how I feel. Okay. Then he goes, and another one, other nostril. I feel like he released 60 more ants. I feel like he released 60 more ants. So now I feel like there are 120 ants buzzing around in my brain. Now, you might be like, but Chris, what did he say he was going to do? And I would be like, hey, we're in the same boat.

Do you know why? Because we're together. Do you know why? Because we both don't know. And the doctor's the captain. Now, why didn't the captain tell us what was going on when it feels like 120 ants are rummaging around in my brain?

I think he was just trying to put you at ease and not worry you by saying too much. Oh, I should also preface this this might be part of the reason i can't wait to say can't wait to speak okay but that's fine go ahead no no go ahead okay his wife was trying to tell you things about the surgery what was going to happen proceeding right after she was going to give the IV. She was telling him everything that was going to happen leading up to going into the OR.

Me. And you said, this is making me nervous. And she said, oh, okay. No. I won't tell you anymore. Okay. And he said, thank you.

She was talking about the surgery. She was talking about the surgery. She was talking about the surgery. She was talking about everything leading up. He didn't tell me he was going to fucking blast ants in my brain, okay? Well, yeah, because maybe. No, that's not. He wasn't in the room then.

Yes, got out of that one. He wasn't in the room. Yes, got out of that one. Yes, dude. But he was still doing the surgery, so she was still telling you things that her husband was going to be doing. So it feels like 120 ants are in my brain. Sure. My heart's going.

Yeah. And I say, hey, I'm nervous as shit, right? They got my heart on the monitor. I said, what's going on? And he said, oh, I said, what'd you just do? He said, oh, I just numbed you up there. And I said, already? And he said, oh, yeah, we do it beforehand.

And I say, oh, my God. It feels so fucking weird when your inside of your face gets numb, dude. It feels so fucking weird when the inside of your face gets numb. I did not like it. It feels uncomfortable as shit. it felt like my brain was exploding so i say wanting some comfort did you did you get my brain and and he said

always and then internally hold on hold on he said always i my blood pressure was so low dude i said did he hit my brain he he says always decided to toss a joke on out and i go like this oh peace out bro hey bro oh dude hey that's about my limit man i'll catch you on the flip and i fucking i didn't know I did this. She said I started convulsing and I passed out. I didn't know I passed out until afterwards. I passed out. I mean, there's, of course.

It went, my blood pressure dropped to 40 and I'm not a resting athlete. Dude, but yeah, my shoulder's gone for days. I mean, if you see me, they'd be like, well, he definitely does a fucking high jump. But I don't, dude. And so, dude, the guy goes, oh, wait. Oh, you want to, oh, I know you're joking, but there's a part of me that's also a little bit nervous because you could poke through, couldn't you?

You could poke through and hit the brain, but you're going to take that and run with it? Oh, dude, real quick, let me shut the door on you. Peace out. I mean, your interpretation of that is so amazing what if I really did say peace out to him that would be so amazing dude well you just said I don't feel very good yes I don't feel very good and then I was like oh here it comes and then you started fading. Yeah. It was like you were acting out somebody having a seizure. Just like how I did right now.

Yeah. Fuck yeah, bro. And I was outside of my body. It was like one of those moments where I was so stressed out that I kind of separated myself. It was like I was looking over. You were astral projection. Yeah. I was just like, what?

Is my husband dying? Yep. But guess what I was thinking? Is your husband dying? I knew you weren't. Oh, I didn't. My aunts were like, we'll see what's happened. Yeah, yeah was just like, what? Is my husband dying? Yep. But guess what I was thinking? Is your husband dying? I knew you weren't. Oh, I didn't. My aunts were like, we'll see what happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we're going to kill this motherfucker. Yeah. I thought I was dying. I started thinking of Calvin. I got sad. You did? Yeah, I did, dude. Oh.

I really did. I got sad. But then I don't remember shit after that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, you fully passed out. Oh, God, dude. Your blood pressure dropped. There were some beeps because like your vitals were

going wow and the doctor and his wife were just both like it's okay relax you're okay you're okay could have been trying to sell me a refrigerator i have no idea and i was just like in the corner ghost and then maybe 10 seconds later you came to and i was like all right there we go and that i do remember that because then she was like the nurse was like all right you're okay you're okay and she was like and also i gave you something that's why you're starting to feel better i said cool could i remember i went like this yeah because i that thank you for doing that right she gave me a little something well you said you started to feel better like immediately. It was like all the stress that you had been accumulating for those couple of days just mounted in this weird, crazy pass out thing.

And then almost immediately you were fine after. It was so funny. You walked yourself to the OR. I did. I remember that. Yeah. I remember taking the thing and I remember he said, get on the gurney. And he said, lay down.

And I laid the wrong way. He's like, no, this way. I was like, oops. And that's all I remember. I remember as I was going back, I remember up and I don't remember I remember that. Yeah. I remember taking the thing and I remember he said, get on the gurney. And he said, lay down. And I laid the wrong way. He's like, no, this way. I was like, oops. And that's all I remember. I remember as I was going back, I remember up and I don't remember shit after that. And then I woke up and I don't remember this. Why don't you take the reins? This is why, mainly why I brought you on the show to tell this part.

So in the meantime, you had gone into the OR and the wife, the anesthesiologist. Yes. and the wife, the anesthesiologist, yes. She came to me and she was like, hey, Chris doesn't have an option anymore because the doctor really wanted you to go to aftercare to stay for a night. And she was like, after that thing, he's absolutely going, he doesn't have a choice.

And I was like, totally get that. That sounds like a good move. So I went home home packed up a little um like baby suitcase for you came back to the hospital regular size man suitcase but yeah yeah right around the time that you were getting out it was like two hours your surgery was an hour and 15 is what he's told me but oh maybe i i mean who knows the whole day is a blur but i walked in and i knew everything was fine because there was music on in the office and they were all eating and like asking each other what they were eating so it's

like everything went fine obviously doctor comes in and he was like surgery was beautiful 11 out of 10 went totally great i was like oh thank god and then he said um i'm gonna wait for him to wake up and then you can go back there because i have a feeling that he's gonna wake up real crazy and i said and i said what do you mean and he was like well he's just never done drugs in his life and like he doesn't really know what it feels like wow to be under this much anesthesia and right as he was telling me this i heard like that in the back room and he was like oh god he's waking up he's gonna be crazy and he jumped back into the room and i went into the part that i wasn't supposed to be in this like, you did? Yeah. Oh, fuck. This little hallway.

And it sounded like a woolly mammoth was getting into a fight. It was like, and they were all yelling, five doctors and nurses yelling, Chris, no, Chris, lay down, Chris, you're out of surgery. Don't hit your nose, Chris. And you were trying to take out the IVs and fight all the doctors and nurses to get out. And I was like, oh, my God. I mean, if I had to guess what you would have been like, right on the money. Just.

Yeah. Just didn't wild just a wild animal. Don't, you know what that goes? To show you, dude, it takes five fucking people to take me down. It takes five people to take me down. Surgery, man. Dude, that's cool that I did that. i i apologize the next day yeah well you apologize the day of actually yeah but i i wanted to do it with my wits about me not under anesthesiology so i went back and i was like dude i'm really sorry he's like dude there's nothing you do about it like you know it's not you and i was like i'm just really sorry and then he was like i

i had anesthesia and I woke up and I was doing weird shit too. And I was like, yeah, but you didn't try to fucking like kill everybody. I like literally was like, I don't know what, I don't remember it at all. But I was like trying to fight them physically. It was the primal noises like on both ends. Because I have, I don't think I've ever heard you like that.

I've heard you cry. I keep the beast inside. Yeah that i've heard you cry i keep the beast inside yeah i've heard you cry in like a really primal way but i've never heard you that's actually let's that's hilarious i've never heard you good joke yeah no i cry but i don't cry primal i let it out i go ha and then i'm all good dude yeah that's it she's acting like I'm here Fucking Hilarious Go ahead Okay But you were very primal In your noise Like the

Just you not knowing where you were And you trying to get up And get off Yes Of the table And then the nurses and the doctors That were like Oh shit

He could take us down yeah it was wild just like screaming and noises and moaning and a wild wild scene there you go yeah well that was the surgery chronicles and And now my nose is all stuffed up I blew my nose lightly Not supposed to do it But I did it a little bit Well and then you went to aftercare And then you broke up

Yeah I didn't want to be there You didn't want to be there So we broke him out He said that the doctor Gave him the okay to go home And he did not And I

Yeah Just a menace From start to finish He did not. Yeah. Just a menace from start to finish. When they said, well, you shouldn't leave. You should get the okay from your doctor. And I say, oh, okay. I was going to stay the night. And they said, I mean, we technically can't keep you against your will. And I go, oh, really?

Yo, true story. Me out with the fucking... They actually didn't say that we can't keep you against your will. You just said, well, they can't tell me what to do. They did say that. They did say that. No did. They did say that. No. You got class.

Huh? You got class. Babe. I know. I love you. I love you. And you made it out. Yeah.

And you look great. And you know what I was very surprised by? And I'll tell your listeners this. Fuck. I don't know how this, which way is this going to go? I was so anticipating the last five days to be like I was a nurse. I was like, he's going to be insufferable to be around.

And asking me for stuff, crying in so much pain. It's going to be a wild experience. And you have been lovely. Really lovely. You've been a little moody. I feel so strong. Can't take me down with those

rhinoplasty, what do they call it? Septoplasty. Septoplasty. Yeah. You've been great. Thanks. Only complaining

a modern mouth. That's all the time we have. Oh. Okay, cool. All right. Well, yeah. So that's that. Thanks for telling the story.

Is that it or what? I love you. Oh, okay. Well, I love you well, yeah, so that's that. Thanks for telling the story. Is that it or what? I love you. Oh, okay. Well, I love you, too. But this isn't about that. This was a documentary. Oh, it was? Yeah.

Okay. We needed to document that stuff. It's good. We'll have that. Calvin, I'll see that later. I got a headache from my sinuses. Fuck yeah, dude. Got a headache from my sinuses.

I didn't take codeine today, though. My man. My motherfucking man. That's not something to say to that. I didn't take codeine today. My motherfucking man. All not something to say to that i didn't take coding coding my motherfucking man um all right so yeah that's good now i can do the regular episode thanks for telling my listeners that was like 40 minutes they're gonna love that wow yeah it's a long time yeah i know flies by it does well when there's two people when there's one sometimes it

moves as a snail space all right okay cool love you uh see you in a little bit on the flip catch you on the flip have fun in in class. Thank you, babe. Uh, take your time getting out. Okay. Take your time getting out. Take your time getting out. Take your time getting out. Take a big, big chalice.

Take your chalice. See ya. Hell yeah, dude. Dude. So that's what we do. So now I have a different nose dude and it's different now and it's all good but it's it's fine should i move this should we cut and should i move this shit or what nothing really matters to me hey guys we're back dude i had to pee and uh all that dude it's good man we're good that was fun i can't believe i don't remember that shit it is crazy that that that that they could that's what

i don't like i never liked being on drugs or like under any sort of influence like ever since i used to watch those old batman tv shows with adam west when they would re-show them in the 80s um that like when when uh the penguin and like joker made people like laugh or pass out or like laughing gas that shit freaked me out man i think it's all from that for real uh which is insane that that could really affect someone just from childhood like that but yeah man uh i don't like that even with the like the pain pills i took the pain pills because like i'm slowly kind of like being better about not being so hard-lined you know uh so i took coating uh for the nose it really hurt man it really fucking hurts i don't know i saw so many like um uh youtube videos like i watched them do the uh surgeries on youtube and do the it is absolutely insane and everyone has different fucking opinions on it like some people are like yeah like there's

one guy who did a surgery did came out after surgery and he was like they didn't put packing in my nose and he went home and he was chilling no blood his nose didn't look swollen i'm like this is just he's just lying did he not get surgery and he was like day two i'm pretty chill been fucking all day like dude it's crazy they say not supposed to fuck for two weeks afterwards uh so um yeah and then some people are like it took a total of six months for me to breathe again and i'm like like, oh, for fuck's sake. Nobody told me that. So apparently my nose is going to be swollen for six months. But yeah, man, they cut into the middle part, the septum. And it's curved.

Like mine is curved because I can't breathe out of the right nostril. I can breathe here. I can't breathe here because this blocks it, right? Such a good diagram. And he takes this out takes out the septum and then cuts it up and then puts it together straight and then puts it back in the nose and it's apparently a it's they say it's a minor surgery but it hurts so much because it's in your fucking head in your face so the pain's all right here and it's just like come on dude this is like yeah okay but it's gonna hurt this much come on like i can't even do

high notes like oh when i go do n or m or p dude my shit hurts so bad and my sunglasses fell on it like on the top part and i go like this oh i oh, I'm gonna pull over, I'll pull over, I just sat there, okay, oh, it's gonna hurt this much, I was gonna hurt this much, it's gonna hurt this much, oh, my sunglasses fell on my head, oh, these are lightweight, oh, these are paperweight, oh, it's gonna hurt this much, okay, hurt so much, dude, um, so, anyway, uh, it's gonna be good, I i slowly blew my nose i'm not supposed to blow you're not supposed to blow your nose for like a fucking three weeks or some shit i slowly blew it i took tweezers and also q-tips got the gunk out gross but so worth it because now i can breathe and i still got the stents in there when he takes the stents out dude i'm gonna breathe like i got

i'm gonna breathe like i got a hole just a fucking straight up hole in the middle of my face. I can't wait. Uh, so yeah. Uh, but yeah, but I took that codeine. I took it for five, four days. I didn't take it today. Uh, I took it for four days and I think that that fuck man, I felt weird after anesthesia for like four days. Uh, but then felt, uh, now today I kind of feel normal i did lifeline yesterday was it yesterday was that yesterday two days ago i felt really weird doing lifeline i was doing lifeline in the middle of lifeline i felt like i was gonna pass out but that episode is up you could go to super cult studios subscribe to the channel super cult studios um and uh yeah and uh and i did that episode and i almost passed out in the middle of it,

because of, uh, just being so out of it, man, it really fucks you up, it's bad for you, right, uh, anesthesia, but I don't know, uh, that guy, uh, Tony Sirico died, right? From Goodfellas, was it? Or was that every mob movie probably he's in. But he died and I... That's Paul DeWalno. Oh, that's from Sopranos, right?

Dude, I thought he already died. This is... I swear to God, this is one of those... What do they call them? The Mandela effects. effects dude i swear to god it's a mandela effect who's with me he already died he died now again i thought he was already dead it was like that move the kazam shazam everyone thinks that fucking it's shazam the movie with simbad it's a movie with shack though and there's a genie and they call it shazam uh or uh what's another one of them mandela effect

that uh do you know what the mandela effect is i'm gonna fruit loops is about what mandela effect okay look mandela effect false memories can sometimes be shared by multiple people that is crazy this phenomenon was dubbed the mandela effect. False memories can sometimes be shared by multiple people. That is crazy. This phenomenon was dubbed the Mandela effect by paranormal researcher Fiona Broome. That's where you get lost, the paranormal researcher. Fiona Broome, who reported having vivid and detailed memories of news coverage of South African anti-apartheid

leader Nelson Mandela dying in prison. There you go. Same with her and Tony Hammond. Two equally great mans. Nelson Mandela and the guy from The Sopranos. What are good examples of the Mandela effect?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A common example of the Mandela effect relates to Curious George, a children's book character that first appeared in 1940 as a book and his lack of a tail. Remember Curious George having a tail? That's a stupid one. It's just like you just don't think of it that much. And then you go, does he have a tail or not?

And you go, no. Oh, okay. The Berenstain Bears is a big one. Huh. I guess everybody just... This is just... I don't like this whole Mandela effect. Really what it is is just like a't like this whole Mandela effect really what it is

is just like a bunch of people are wrong about something that's what it is it's not there's no effect you're just a fucking idiot you know like I thought this guy saw Tony Sirico died I'm wrong whoops no Mandela effect just not fucking informed that's what char um

but yeah that was weird when I heard he died i'm like again uh i wonder is anybody else with me leave it leave in a comment so i can ignore it uh but uh there's just just you know what's got to stop honestly the hot dog eating competitions stop it's so disgusting always they look so gross and they're so red-faced and they're you know what they're doing when they're doing it dying they look like they're dying and then somebody tried to protest out there they tried to hold the sign out and protest something that nobody even read and then that fucking joey chestnut dude just choked them out like how hilarious that you you didn't even compete

in the competition of hot dog eating, and you're the one that choked. You were just holding the sign. And Joey Chestnut, by the way, worst name. Dude, is he in a boy band? Dude, Joey Chestnut, is that? Hey, Joey Chestnut, P.I. Need any of my services?

I'll get to the bottom of it. Joey Chestnut, that's not his real name, right? It can't be. If it's not his real name, why didn't he just name himself Joey Hot Dog? Yeah, I'm going to eat so many hot dogs, be the ultimate winner, and then also my last name is

fucking a different food. Is that even a food? Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Eating so many hot dogs at once eat like 60 hot dogs my only competition is kibayashi oh joey chestnut what's the guy's name kobayashi my only competition is is that guy kobayashi. Worst song of all time. Joey Chestnut's choking out protesters.

Never choking myself. I eat hot dogs so clean it's like I'm sucking dicks. I'm basically sucking dicks. I'm basically sucking dicks. This is low-key homosexual.

It's actually high-key homosexual. Because I'm eating phallic things in the shape of dicks. Also, I changed my name to two words that technically are homosexual if you think about it. Because the only thing that's more homosexual than the word nut is chest. Couple them together. Chestnuts, the gayest thing ever. I'm so dizzy from my nose surgery. Yes, dude.

He can't hold a note without passing out, but he does it for you because he is a CEO. Oh, dude. Oh, my nose fucking hurts. How many black dudes outside of buildings that don't go in the buildings hand people cards and say that they're CEOs of something? Yes, dude.

He nails it. Dude. Dude. I've been so much pain laughing. Oh, dude. oh that's blacker than a dashiki for real dude oh shit oh i'm so dizzy dude oh my god dude so many fucking black dudes stand outside of buildings and don't go into buildings and hand people cards that come out of the buildings and say you know i'm a ceo oh dude it's unreal dude joey chestnuts roasting on an open fire. It's so gay. I put things the size of dicks in my face over and over again.

The only word gayer than nut is chest. Put them together. That's the gayest thing in the world. Nut on my chest. Dude. Oh, shit, man. Oh, fuck. dude oh shit man oh fuck i wish these hot dogs squirted cum out of them anyway dude is that like a picture of joey chestnut he's looking is it so gross like a picture of joey chestnut he's looking is it so gross oh god that's so gross bro he looks so british too he looks like he'd be in fucking what's it called that was that movie with train spotting oh you got all dogs we gotta go in we got a

that's the fucking new that's how how much does fucking joey chestnut look like he'd be in a guy richie movie where they're trying to rob a bunch of hot dogs we're gonna go in. We gotta... That's the fucking new... How much does Joey Chestnut look like he'd be in a Guy Ritchie movie where they're trying to rob a bunch of hot dogs? We gotta go in. We gotta get all the dogs. We gotta go in. We gotta get all the beef franks. Collect them all in these fucking buns. Eat them before we leave. He said, no, I love hot dogs. And then we're gonna run out.

Anyway, he's the champ, dude disrespectful to july 4th to have that fucking competition on july 4th dude so disrespectful so american but so disrespectful nothing is more american than having a hot dog eating competition uh to take over the Independence Day holiday, the only more American than that is being that disrespectful, and they did it. So that's great. So I laughed too hard,

I sang too hard, and I hurt, and I hurt my nose, and it's all good, and I feel faint, but it's all good. Definitely can't do stand-up yet. I want to do stand-up.

The doctor said three weeks. I go like this, okay, and then it's time like these, I think, well,-up. The doctor said three weeks. I go like this. Okay. And then it's time like these. I think, well, that's why I'm not the doctor. Pain's crazy, huh? Really takes a toll on you.

It's deeper. Hey, guys. That was the end of the episode for YouTube. If you want to catch the rest of the episode, the raw and the uncut version, the extended episode with no breaks, go on over to patrion.com slash crystal Leah. And, you can listen to every episode uncut and how it was intended to be listened to. And then also you can,

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