Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 272. Hip Hop Feud

Episode Date: September 8, 2022

Check out LIFELINE! watchlifeline.com 🎟 Catch the uncensored/extended episodes ad/commercial free +1 entire bonus episode per month + Discord & exclusive content over on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia 👉 10% off Pure Spectrum CBD, use code CONGRATS at checkout purespectrumcbd.com This week Chris is part of a hip hop feud! Plus we've got Calvin swearing, racist home appraisals, Kanye, Tinder convos, Deserve-It Scale videos and scorpions! Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app. 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's BetterHelp.com. meeting with friends before the show we can book your reservation and when you get to the main event skip to the good bit using the card member entrance let's go seize the night that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash y amex benefits vary by card other conditions apply hey guys and welcome to a super cult production of Congar-gulations. So it's back. We're back. Congratulations, we are back a week later, and it's always a week later. When we do the thing, it's back when we do the week later. It's back when we do the week later.

You know what I'm saying, dude. I want to get to the point in my life where I'm just saying all the words in the thing, it's back when we do the week later. It's back when we do it. A week later is when we, you know what I'm saying, dude. I don't want to, I want to get to the point in my life where I'm just saying all the words in the sentence and then you make the sentence for me. I think that would be amazing, dude. Like, come on, Elon Musk, what are you doing? Get it? So we can have things in our head where you just throw, you know how we fuck sentences up all the time, left and right?

We'll be like, it's, it's, it's it's you know we'll just do what i just said right like sometimes you say yesterday instead of tomorrow i need auto correct for that come on elon musk let's get it going dude um you know but i i don't know maybe i don't take gabapentin anymore so it's like it's not that but sometimes i need word i think it fucking i need my word recall is getting worse yes dude my word recall is getting worse i'm getting older and i'm 42 right now and uh you know every time i say my age i've been i think about i used to be in this art class i've definitely said this before on my podcast but i think about this kid in this art class i was like 10 in it and then every time they asked somebody how old he was, he said nine

going on 10. And I always think about it because obviously 10 comes after nine and we all know it, dude. He would always say nine going on 10. And then we have to write in all of our information on a thing that we passed around. And mine came to me. It went to him first and mine came to me. It went to his first. See, this would be one of those times where you could just understand what I'm saying. It went to him first. And then I saw what he put in under age, and he wrote it in the little box nine going on 10. And that's absolutely ridiculous to write it. We know what comes next, but he was insecure about it. And we're all insecure about whatever we're insecure about. There's nothing you can do about it. I mean, you can go to therapy and shit, and I'm insecure about being alone,

and I'm insecure about who I am as a person, but it's all good, dude, right? We're all insecure about different things. Some people are insecure. He's insecure about how he wants to be perceived as more of a man because he was also a little bit of a shrimp boat for nine years old. And me, I'm insecure about being alone, right? I'm insecure about that, okay? We got dates coming up. Washington, D.C. I will be there Saturday. Washington, D.C. You go to crystalia.com to get your tickets. Then I will be in Stockton. Then I will be in Oakland.

And I got to get bulletproof vests for those motherfuckers. Although Oakland seems to be doing really nice nowadays, right? Uh, but, uh, not Stockton. So anyway, then I'll be in Peoria and Rockford, Illinois. And then I got other ones coming up. So go to crystalia.com and do that. You know what actually might be helping? Because I had the word recall shit with the gabapentin.

And now I got the CBD that I'm taking, Pure Spectrum. If you go to the website and use code congrats, you get 10% off of that. They got gummies. Bro, they got all this shit. They got bath bath fucking bath you can put in your bath and just fucking toke out in the bath there's no th but you can toke out in the bath and just fucking you know helps good with the restless leg syndrome and my anxiety has been lower and honestly dude i've just been fucking at a more leveled kind i was at a wedding recently and i go, I feel pretty good.

Is it the CBD? And my wife goes, I don't know, but I ain't arguing. So 10% off. Go to the website. Code congrats. And yeah.

But yeah, so I'm fucking going on tour. I can't wait to get out there. Atlanta's already sold out. B.O.B.'s coming. Fucking told me he's coming. Shout out to B.O.B. Love B's already sold out. B.O.B.'s coming. Fucking told me he's coming. Shout out to B.O.B. Love B.O.B.

B.O.B.'s a fan of the fucking podcast. So sue me. All right. Him and his chick. Put me in a song, too, I believe. You put me in the beginning of a song. I can't remember what the fucking song was, but me laughing or something or saying congratulations. I don't know, dude.

Whatever, dude. It is what it is. And we keep pushing, right? Came home the other day. Look, I'm not going to be one of those boring people that talks about the weather, but something's got to give, dude. All right? Something's got to give. It's 108 degrees in Los Angeles. Where the fuck are we? Baghdad? Is it even hot there? I have no idea. I'm an idiot. Where the fuck are we? Indad is it even hot there i have no idea i'm an idiot where the fuck are we uh in uh pakistan it's definitely hot there right i don't know i don't fucking know dude

is where are we hell how about that dude it's 108 degrees and it's drier than a motherfucker i walk outside i had man it's the kind of thing where we're not ready for this that's the thing i want it to be as hot as it's gonna get I don't want it to be hotter than that. The second you have that heat wave week, it's like LA can't deal, and LA can't deal with the rain. LA deals with the weather on this fucking sort of a pendulum, right?

If it gets further out rainy or further out hot, we're fucked. If it snows, God forbid, everyone stays indoors. Because I'm going to play Chicago, a little bit of a slip, but oopsie daisy, but also I'm letting you know, I'm going to wet your beak a little bit, right? I'm going to wet the appetite. I'll be in Chicago when it's really fucking cold. In February, I believe, is when I'm doing the date. And I'm like, can we even sell tickets? And they laughed. They were like, yeah, we can sell tickets. They come out even if it's snowing. It's not LA. And I felt a little bit love. I was like, okay. So it's hot as shit. It's 108 degrees. And I'm not joking. It's 108 degrees.

And people in Arizona right now are like, so who gives a shit? And people in Baghdad right now are like, so what does it matter? But I'm telling you right now, it's too hot for Los Angeles. And how do I know? How do I know it's too hot for Los Angeles? Because, dude, breaking news, I killed a fucking scorpion in my doorway the other day. A scorpion. A scorpion. A scorpion. But it's okay.

It was a small one. But then I Googled it. Those are the more poisonous ones. Why? Because they need to rely on poison, not their pincers. A scorpion filled with poison at my door, like it's a Jehovah's witness at my door, like it's a Hare Krishna at my door, like it's a Mormon missionary at my door door like it's selling me girl scout cookies but it doesn't have all that it doesn't have a white button down with short sleeves and a tie it doesn't have that orange fucking robe that they wear it doesn't have any of that it just has a motherfucking tail ready to attack dude a scorpion now i've been in los angeles for 23 years that's a

long time okay 23 fucking years some people die before that some people die before they're 23 i've lived in los angeles a lifetime that's what i'm telling you dude i've seen a scorpion one time and it was when i was watching by mistake scorpion king it's the worst movie of all time but i've never seen a scorpion except for on youtube or when i'm in arizona i've seen scorpions okay but there was a scorpion in los angeles california and i saw it and it was just chilling at my doorway i got home it was late at night they come out at night because that's when you know it gets hot, dude. I wanted it indoors, man.

Even the scorpion was like, really? Nighttime? Come on, get the fuck out of here. We're going in. Dude, it was ridiculous. And I was scared. I was scared as shit, dude. But guess what I did? I overcame it. Now, whereas

if it wasn't a spider or a scorpion, would I have killed it? No. If it was an ant, even if it was a big ant, I would have probably shoot it away. I would have probably kicked it, right? Even if it was a bee, I probably would have flicked it. Like there was a bee on Calvin's floaty the other day. And Kristen says, there's a bee on it. You might want to do something about it. Now, I wasn't worried because Calvin's been stung before and we know he's not allergic. So we're past that shit. He's two and a half. I took the bee. I lined it up, ping, flicked it out. It hit the side. It was on the ground for a little bit, thought maybe I killed it. And then it just kind of walked away, right? I think I probably ended up flying. I didn't kill it. Okay. That's my point. I'm very

good with nature and I'm nice with nature. Okay. I don't fucking break off branches and I try not to kill bees unless they're around, right? Somebody that like, if I didn't fucking break off branches and I try not to kill bees unless they're around right somebody that like if I didn't know Kevin was allergic or not and a bee was around I would kill the bee right but a scorpion dude so I looked at it and I fucking stomped it and I dragged it all in the house

when you man it was like I shot somebody there was so much mess it was like and it was like i shot somebody there was so much mess it was like and and it was a mess and then there was like its body was still there like scraped it was like a fucking i needed to take cut like little fucking spokes and little caution tape for crime scene and put the outline of the scorpion with the fucking white little white tape with the little tail scooped up you know but dude it was uh it was a menace man it was at my door knocking and then i fucking

killed it and i walk up and one of my friends was over with kristin and i say hey i just killed a scorpion and she says really and i say yeah and then i go to kristin and i say i just killed a scorpion and she said really and i and i say yeah she said where was i told her where it was we saw the body dude it was just like this this was the scorpion was like like this so anyway i googled it and i was like okay it wasn't a purple you ever see like big purple if i saw a big purple one forget it dude forget it first the spiders in seattle and now this? Because scorpions, big scorpions, they have armor and shit.

They look like they belong in Game of Thrones. And so I killed it and then I googled it and it said you'll never see multiple scorpions together. Like they're lone wolves. And I'm just like, fuck yeah, dude. Maybe I'm like a scorpion, dude.

Because that's kind of how I am, right? I'm the scorpion. You know, I don't really like to fuck with people cause I don't trust them. Scorpions, you know what scorpions are like? Tupac. They're the Tupac of the arachnids. They're like, yeah, but trust no one. That's what a scorpion's like. And that's what I'm like. You see a little scorpion with the two little pincers and a fucking backwards bandana tied like Aunt Jemima, but it's Tupac with a fucking chain and a cross and a thing that says 50 scorpions on his chest with a Z. That's me, dude. I'm the lone scorpion. I don't

fuck with nobody, dude. But I killed him. Hey, it was either me or my fucking son getting sniped and hurt, you know? Fucking scary to see a scorpion for the first time ever. People think I'm lying, dude. I'm like, dude. So anyway, I killed a scorpion.

I'm fucking awesome. If it was one of those blue ones, I would have got a fucking shield. God, I don't like doing that. I don't like doing any of that killing shit. It makes me feel bad a little bit. I used to think it was clever when I was a kid. People would be like, I'd be like, ask me if I'm a killer.

And they'd be like, are you a killer? And I'd be like, yeah. And they'd be like, you never killed anyone. I'd be like, killed ants. And then I would fucking walk away. That's so something a nine-year-old would do that would think he's badass. There's too much shit on Instagram. Instagram's the only one I go on. I do post on TikTok and then I fucking, I don't ever really look at comments and on. Instagram's the only one I go on. I do post on TikTok, and then I

fucking, I don't ever really look at comments and shit. Instagram's the only one where sometimes I'll catch a comment, dude, right? It's the only one. And I watch it, and then I see, like, the Kanye West shit, and it just makes me sad, right? Like, hey, he's having a manic episode. Hey, somebody help that guy. Hey, guy, yeah, it's good, but people are

like, but it's good for publicity. It helps his pockets. Yeah, okay. Oh, but he's probably releasing an album or a documentary. Yeah, okay. But what about his mental? What about how he's doxing everybody at Adidas right now? Just posting pictures of old white dudes and Jackie Joyner-Kersee. Hey, it's fucking their lives up, dude. Just posting all sorts of shit.

He says, sometimes I dress like it's winter when my outfit is hot. Sometimes I dress like it's winter when it's hot because my outfit hot. I'm a sweat before you catch me looking regular at the BET Awards. This, N-word, that work at Universal asked me was I hot. I told this, N-word, you work at Universal, LOL. Salidus, also dude dude not even a bad job universal is a working at universal's good they got good dental right like you got health insurance this is a job everybody would want and this guy's like

also how about how aren't you hot isn't even a snake this aren't you hot is just oh man are you sure you want to are you hot are you sweating didn't fucking uh uh martin lawrence collapsed because he was wearing too many layers this guy could have just been fucking concerned and this guy goes and then kanye says you work at universal haha haha so dick so dick wasn't even remotely shitty are you hot you work at universal fuckface oh oh okay and then people are putting out there about how

like Kanye there he goes again and it helps his ticket sales and it helps albums or whatever the fuck this guy's losing his mind dude and then he said he was going to go to the weekend concert and that's what I call him the weakened Weekend, because there's no E. It's the Weekend. If that's what he wants to spell it, that's how we're all saying it, dude, the Weekend. So he went to the Weekend concert, and dude, and he was saying how there was going to be no security. Find me if you want to find me, dude. This guy's going to get fucking, this guy's going to get his wig pushed back, dude.

Fuck, man, I want to get a bulletproof vest. I really do. And I want to do my shows like the fucking Tupac comedian. That's what I want to do. And Kristen said, don't get a bulletproof vest. And I said, dude, I get death threats. And she's like, I know, but it seems like you're egging them on. And I go, all right, well, you know, if I do get shot in the chest, then what? You're going to wish I got a fight. You know, I wish I got something. You're going to wish I got something with no sleeves and me and black, dude. You're going to wish I got something vinyl with no sleeves on man I rocked the shit out of that put over a fucking t-shirt look illicit

I don't know man. I'm just sad for Kanye. Honestly, man. I know it seems like he has it all but dude That guy's got fucking he's at what's up with the yes, man. I'm just sad for Kanye, honestly, man. I know it seems like he has it all, but dude, that guy's got fucking... What's up with the Yes Men, dude? Help him out. Take some fucking CBD, dude. Take some CBD. Smoke some weed. I don't know, man.

I just feel bad, dude. I really do feel bad. I want Kanye to be okay. I want everybody at Adidas to be okay. You know, doxing people online isn't cool. I think that we need to fucking help each other out and love each other a little bit more, right? I think we do.

Adidas offered him $1 billion and he said, no, I want $2 billion. Imagine being that. And they said he wants to keep the Yeezy brand and he said all the sorts of shit that are under his terms, and Adidas is just not going to let that go. You know Yeezy is 60% or 60-something percent of Adidas sales?

That's crazy, dude. That is so crazy. This guy is Adidas. This guy is a force to be reckoned with, but he's not all mentally there. Feel bad for him, want him to get help, Willie. I don't know, man. When you're that big, what's it matter?

What's that thing called? Escape velocity. You can't touch these motherfuckers, right? You can't touch these motherfuckers. You know, it doesn't matter what this dude does. You can't touch him. Is that what that's called? Escape velocity.

I think it is. Let me look it up. Escape velocity. I mean, every, you know, it's like. How do I make it? How Let me look it up. Escape velocity. I mean, you know, it's like... How do I make it? How do I make another? There we go. Escape velocity.

The speed in which the sum of an object's kinetic energy... Hmm. A rocket continuously accelerated by its exhaust can escape without ever reaching escape speed since as well am i a scientist dude what is escape velocity the minimum velocity that a moving body such as a rocket must have to escape from gravitational field of a celestial body such as earth and move outward into space and that's exactly what i'm kind of talking about maybe i think i heard it somewhere i can't remember but whatever dude i heard it somewhere i can't remember where um i think it was on rogan's podcast what the fuck was it i don't know um anyway dude you work at universal plebeian uh speaking of mentally not ill and speaking of speaking of mentally ill and mentally

like not all there um i am i am a uh i am this is not the thing I wanted huh I wanted the fucking I'm in a feud I'm in a hip hop feud I'm a hip hop dude and I'm in a hip hop feud That's why I say don't push me bro But he wants to push me Busybone wants to push me dude He wants to push me

This is not the fucking link One fire put the link on the thing and this is not the link He wants to push me though is not the fucking link one fire put the link on the thing and this is not the link he wants to push me though baby busy bone wants he wants smoke and it's fine and look here's the thing dude i was a big fan of bone thugs in harmony way back when and i think i talked let me just let's break down this where's this video dude let's get this video i may have to cut because i need to get this video and fucking of course one fire sends me a video of's break down this. Where's this video, dude? Let's get this video. I may have to cut because I need to get this video and fucking, of course, one fire. Send me a video of a car video. This works on the thing.

Okay, let me get it. Why did it start with a car? Did I click the wrong thing? Let me do it right now. You're going to want to hear this. Pardon me, dude. As he said to me, pardon my motherfucking interruption. You're going to want to hear this, dude. Oh, I don't know why it had a different thing here we go all right

dude here it is bone thugs in harmony member busy bone so here's the deal i told a story on the fucking podcast a while ago and it was about how i was at the comedy store with my brother and phase on love all right you might know him from friday we were hanging out talking and in the middle of the conversation busy bone walks up to us and wants to say something to Faison Love. Now, he says, pardon my motherfucking, pardon the interruption, pardon the interruption. Didn't need all that. We were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck is going on?

Yelling and screaming, pardon the interruption, pardon the motherfucking interruption, pardon my motherfucking interruption. Kept saying it. Must have said it 12 times. Told the story on my podcast. Said he didn't need to interrupt that hard. Didn't know what it was. I hope that he's all good. Wanted to talk to Faison Love, talked to Faison Love a little bit, walked away. And that was my whole experience with Busy Bone. All right. Now it was on some hip hop news outlets for a little bit.

And it said, Chris D'Elia talks about Busy Bone. Of course the media ran with it. Like Chris D'Elia is talking shit about Busy Bone, but that's what happened. Don't know what Busy Bone saw. Don't know how he took it because again, not all mentally there. Who is though? Not me. Who is though? No hate on Busy Bone. Think he's very talented in 1999 and that's fine. All right. The one issue I had with Bone Thugs-N-Harmony is everyone was, they had 95 songs about how everyone was trying to rip Bone Thugs-N-Harmony off, and these bone clones were out there trying to fucking jack their style, when it's like, huh?

There was nobody like them, and there never was, and that's why they were fucking awesome for three years and then weren't. Now, no hate hate there's still bone motherfuckers out there that want to be out there and be like you know i mean dude honestly when they said a song giving a fuchada for tzv fukatsu got it i felt that shit dude right when they said it's i'm giving it for easy easy fukatsu got it and i'm gonna miss everybody and now that's when i was sat back and I was like, you know what? These lyrics actually mean something to me.

So say what you want. They got a fan base and I'm all for it, dude. But like I say in the hat, don't push me. I said what I said because it happened with no hate. but he wanted to pardon the interruption, and he did. And we let him talk to face on love. Don't know what he said because after that, I was astonished. And my brother and I were looking at each other like, wow. And I said, is that Busy Bone?

And my brother said, yeah. And I said, that's crazy. So now Busy Bone goes on this fucking thing, streams live, and starts talking shit about yours truly, me. And now, as a 19-year-old, when I was listening to fucking Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, listening to Foucault, got it, gonna miss everybody on now, listening to it in Tim Chung's Forerunner as we're going to get fucking Jack in the Box at lunch period, right? as we're going to get fucking Jack in the Box at lunch period, right? I never thought that I would be this 42-year-old man, still young as shit, spring chicken, a little bit of salt and pepper,

but it's nice, right? And I've got beef with Busy Bone. And this is what he says in his video. Man, I wrote some stuff about Tupac, and Tupac said, I don't know what this is about. I said, well, that shit still holds true today. Then the motherfucker just started bucking on Tupac. Okay, here we go Yeah, but he's a contribution. After this. I DM'd the dude special. I said The house, the house you said. Yo, my man What the hell did Tupac do to you? Okay, here we go. What did Pac do to you? Were you even alive when Pac was alive?

Here we go. What the fuck did he do? Come on. Ah, dang. Okay, so that, you know, that's just, let's get down to the real shit. Okay, cool. By the way, thank you for calling my shit the real shit. I don't know what it was before that. I didn't watch

the whole thing, but he was bullshit. He was doing some bullshit stuff, I guess. But this is the real shit? Okay, great. All right, I got to stand up for this shit. Oh, he's mad. He's mad at me. Uh-oh.

This is real. All right. In front of the chair. Move the chair. So it's been three comedians, y'all. And I want y'all to pay close motherfucking attention. It's been three comedians that has in-specifically

came at bone thugs or busy bones in general. First of all, we're going to deal with Chris the bitch. Of middle school. Chris Da Bitch. Dude!

Oh, that's a sign. Give it a putchada for these things. God's got it. Come on, man. I ain't even gonna say your whole name, you whole-ass motherfucker. They know it's me and I'm not a hoe-ass motherfucker they know it's me and they know me dude and you know something about me I'm not a hoe-ass motherfucker dude so here we go dude we're on we're on dude I'm alright this is oh alright let's listen and I would listen this whole thing yet cuz I wanted to do it with you guys.

So, Kristevich. Running with it. Dude, I'm not a hoe-ass motherfucker. Busy bone, dude. You want to smoke? I'll perform in Cleveland no bulletproof vest. Says he supposedly met me. Yep.

At some show. My show. And I was supposedly this a-hug no you were not an asshole you just said pardon my interruption 19 times didn't understand what was going on and it was not at some show it was at the comedy store here we go okay first and foremost when i'm in my zone cool man i can't have nobody around me great so you were in the zone like when i'm about to get on stage wait a minute dude what okay but you're not a comedian so what do you mean when you're about to get on stage were you playing a house of blues no you weren't because it was already demolished by that time across the street from the comedy store so let's go electric okay

these people have paid for a show right man people at the comedy like that hold on i ain't drinking i ain't smoking you know i have none of that like i'm focused like artists these people the best show in the world come on oh he must be talking about boys know their lines this is my chance you know your lines your boys know exactly where you breathe and that the show is perfect you just make sure you do the right stuff cool don't do too much. Don't do too little. I mean, that's what's going on in my mind. So if you're trying to come up to me and like

before the show and be like, hey man, how are you? Man, I am in a zone. We finna get crazy up here. Did he listen to the video, dude the thing on the on this podcast i said it was at the comedy store it was my show he either saw it or he didn't if he didn't then don't talk about

it but if you want to smoke dude i'm gonna give you four free tickets to any show you want to come to come come actually you know what i'm gonna give you 20 free tickets to any show you want to come to. Come. Come. Actually, you know what? I'm going to give you 20 free tickets. Come with all of the bone thugs and all the bone clones, dude. We could talk this out. So you ain't going to really get no conversation.

That don't make me an a-hole. You came up to me. Youngblood, it just don't. I'm not a... Youngblood is better than... So just refrain from trying to cap and think, I'm not going to answer you right away, bro. I'm not going to give you what you're asking for. I'm going to get blood is better than. I mean, made it up all in his head.

I was in the zone. It was my show. I was talking to Faison Love. He was on the show too. And I had family there. It was my show. If anyone's in the zone, I'm in the zone, dude. Don't twist it like you're in the zone.

You weren't in the zone then. I was in the zone and you were interrupting me in the zone. Somebody in their craft and they master in their craft. Man, they're not trying to joke. I'm not a comedian. I mean, I'm not here to play. I'm not a comedian. I mean, I'm not here to play. I'm ready to explode on this motherfucking stage, my man.

Wow. So that's the first thing. So he got all on his little website. He got all on his website. 60 years old, dude. Got on his website. Are you talking shit about me on your website? Got all on his website.

You know what I mean? Uploaded some videos to Funny or Die. Checked out E-Bomb's world. You know, this motherfucker got on there, man. He went on AOL, got in some chat rooms. Started talking shit about Busy Bone. You know it's Lou. You know it's Lou Podcast.

There you go. You know I got it, bro. You know I got a podcast that does stupid numbers. You know, dude. Stop hiding behind this shit on my website. I do have a website, too. You can get merch there. But come on, dude.

I wasn't talking shit on my website. You know what it is. It's on the critically acclaimed Congratulations podcast, dude. Bad impression of me. Don't call me that. Hell, he talking about, yeah, you know, have busy bones. Bad impression of me. You know me, nigga? If I didn't even, nigga. Don't call me that. Why don't nobody say nothing about flesh?

That's my only question. Why don't nobody always come to the light-skinned nigga, man? God damn. I got to always fight for my liver. I like he's having fun with it, honestly. Okay, cool. I like that. I ain't going to keep going on and on about that. But, you know know it would be nice

if you really felt some kind of a way dm me i don't feel seeing you at the show really didn't get it it was my show i like what you do no i wasn't saying use me for clout i'm not using busy bone for clout it's not what happened! So now I'm in a fucking beef with a hip-hop... Fucking shit, dude. Chrisley.com. God damn it. I'm in a beef with a fucking... Dude, now I have a fucking hip-hop beef.

God damn it. Fuck, dude. Get these at Chrisley.com. Fuck, dude. God damn it. It's a new brown one. You can get Chrisley.com. Fuck, dude.

Fucking, fucking. Periwinkle 1, you can get Chris Lee.com. Fucking god damn it, dude. Can't believe I have a fucking hip-hop beef now. Sorry, guys. Fucking jacket for the fall. Get Chris Lee.com. Fucking god damn it. Fuck, guys. I can't believe I have a hip-hop beef just because I told a story about how fucking Busybone goddamn fucking... Because Busybone fucking... What do you call it?

He fucking interrupted me and Faison Love, dude. Just trying to hang out with my brother. Matt can back it up. Faison probably can't because he was high as shit. Am I in a beef with Faison now now too dude also dude man you know like i appreciate what you did for hip-hop man i like busy bone and i like that he's having fun and i like that he's kind of doing it what is this a podcast or whatever the fuck i don't know what it is but i like that he uses the he's got an elliptical back there so that's cool man he's

trying it's good you know i mean i don't want to it is, but I like that he uses the, he's got an elliptical back there. So that's cool, man. He's trying, he's good. You know, I mean, I don't want him to be hardcore, but also he's into his health. So he cares about living. You know how like rappers are like, I don't give a fuck. I ain't afraid to die.

You obviously are afraid to die if you have a fucking elliptical. Okay. Because you're trying to stay healthy. That's all. So pardon my motherfucking interruption, but it's hard out here on these fucking streets, to be honest. Rappers and everybody, they're all mentally ill, you know?

Everybody, not just rappers. I shouldn't just say rappers. Oh, this shit happened the other day. This was hilarious. Oh, this shit happened the other day. This was hilarious. Racism does exist. I know that like... Top Gun, Matt.

No, not what I wanted. Just wrote $900 million. Not what I wanted. Not what I wanted. Skip the ad. Is this an ad? All right. So I was watching a thing the other day about how this black family was trying to sell

their home and they were trying to sell it and they got it appraised and it was appraised for four hundred thousand dollars and they were like this doesn't feel right because we did a lot of work on the house and then they went to go uh get it appraised but with a white family so they took all their pictures out of their black family all of they had some black artwork or whatever the fuck and and um they moved they they they no remnants of of anything black in there no no no no pictures no nothing and then they had a white family get the shit appraised and they got appraised for three hundred thousand dollars more dude and that's crazy now whatever you want to blame the system the people the person who was fucking doing the appraisal whatever you want to blame the system the people the person who was fucking doing the appraisal whatever you want to blame it has to do with racism in some way all right okay like even if you're like well

they don't want to live there that's not their fault if if they don't want it's racist to not want to live near blacks it's racist to not want to live near fucking whatever near whites it's whatever it is there's racism somehow whether it's in the system or with each person or whatever. And I understand we're not going to solve that tomorrow or whatever the fuck, but, um, that's crazy to me. Like racism. Okay. At some point I get it. Like if you're going to be 75 years old and you're white and you just want to chill with a bunch of other white people till you die. That's the amount of racist that I think it's okay. Right. You're not outwardly doing anything shitty towards any other race. If you're fucking 85 years old and you're black and you kind of just want to chill with some black people till the day you die and you don't really want to be

bothered by white people, I get it. That's the level of racism that I think is okay and we can also still function nicely as a society and i don't think that we can really get beyond that i think that as humans we're tribal and there's we have that in us right okay okay but three hundred thousand dollars racist is insane, dude. But this stuff happens. Look, it happened. This stuff happens. Is it okay? It's not okay.

It's hard. It sucks. And it leads to all sorts of other shit that fucks up the world and it's bad. Now, I know because I'm a smart person that that's bad, okay? But this was great. There was a guy, a black a black guy watering i mean not great but there was a black guy watering his neighbor's plants because of the the neighbors left town and they wanted this dude to look after the plants and he came over and was watering the plants

for the people and someone the warm late spring evening in the small alabama town of childersburg police are responding to a 9-1-1 call from i mean this guy's a voice dude have you ever heard i was by the way this voice that people a black pastor arrested while watering neighbors flowers he was supposed to be doing it but someone called of suspicious behavior. And dude, like that's always the voice, you know, it's, it's either that, or like, this is how it is in sports events. Dude, have you ever seen a sporting event where the guys don't talk like that? I have college, college football. I watched college football. I watched the Seminoles versus the fucking, uh, I don't know who cares, who cares really, but I watched them and this, and they were just dudes that were like, oh, man, whoa, whoa, oh, wow, threw it over there.

Whoa, that's crazy. Oh, look at that. Oh, yeah, it's a touchdown. Hey, all right, he got a touchdown. It was none of this stuff, and it was so fucking weird, dude. You got to have the voice. This is the voice we're all accustomed to. Have the voice.

My neighbor reporting she sees a young black male in the car. She doesn't recognize at her neighbor's home who she knows are away. We're watching the police body cam footage. What officers find is a man holding a garden hose watering flowers. It's not intimidating. It's so great. All right. Been black his whole life.

It's so great. Look, all right. Been black his whole life. Just absolutely knows what's about to go down. You know what I'm talking about, dude? Imagine black people doing this shit and doing nothing at all. And then the cops show up and they're just like, here the fuck we goddamn go again. Dude, this guy couldn't be doing something more peaceful. Even if he is at a stranger's house, he's still helping.

He's watering the plants. It's hot out. Even if it is a suspicious person, dude, if I, if I walk out, if I'm, if I peek outside, someone's watering my plants. I don't give a fuck who they are. I don't say nothing. I let them finish up and leave. Then I don't have a fuck who they are. I don't say nothing. I let them finish up and leave then I don't have to do it Are they saying that is that your vehicle

It's not the neighbors Okay You live here now Okay, they saying that this vehicle is not supposed to be here and you're not supposed to be here. Who's saying that? They called about it. I don't know who called.

I'm supposed to be here. I'm Pastor Jennings. I live across the street. Dude, he's a pastor. Couldn't be more innocent, dude. Couldn't be more innocent. Just, nah, nah, nah. That's cute, man. I'm supposed to be here just start spraying

like just knows what's up oh you're gonna be racist okay i'm pastor fucking the subdued gotcha in his voice oh no i'm supposed to be here i'm pastor without looking and spraying is so the shit dude what's saying i'm not supposed to be here no i'm supposed to be here i'm a pastor the pastor jenny yes i'm looking out for their house while they go the scene quickly escalates when police demand 56 year old michael jennings a pastor of 31 years provide some identification look man don't do this to me there's a suspicious person in the yard. This is the cop talking. And if you're not wanting to identify yourself... I don't have to identify myself.

Still spraying dude! Knows the lawsuit's coming, loving it dude. This guy's about to be rich as shit. And where he lives, refuses. He don't live here. I'm not saying nothing about... You have no right to approach me if I ain't did nothing suspicious or nothing wrong. Moments later, when Jennings attempts to use his cell phone, he's placed in handcuffs.

Who called y'all? I don't have to. You will not listen. I have a call on you. I don't know what the, you know, I get, I get like comply. I get it. I get that like cops can do whatever they really can do whatever they want it's like you have no right it's used for you to say to a cop you have no right to do this

they get you on something you know like they i i get it but for having to deal with this shit their whole lives i under i also understand that look motherfucker i'm not doing anything people are out there robbing and stealing and shit let me just water these goddamn plants because i'm not doing anything people are out there robbing and stealing and shit let me just water these goddamn plants because i'm black you fucking i was called obviously what's like why what here's what i don't get about and i support the i'm not one of these motherfuckers that's like fucking defund the police i think that's utterly fucking idiotic we need police the crime in la sucks because they don't have enough the police don't have enough money because fucking we're we're cucks you know what i'm saying it's too liberal all right so by no means am i saying oh defund the police fuck the police fuck all cop nah i

we need them okay i want all the cops i want more cops all right But I don't understand why when a cop shows up to this house and sees what's actually happened, they don't say, oh, I get what's happening. It's racism. Ah, racism again. The only thing that I can understand is, is that the cops are racist. And maybe they are, maybe they are, but they're not racist because they're cops. People have all sorts of different levels of racism, you know, and I think that it's kind of,

like I said, we're tribal. And if you want to be 80 and Asian and only hang out with Asian people, that's the amount of racism that's totally down. But $300,000 racism. This is how much it is. This is beyond. This is $300,000 racist. That's what that is. I don't know why cops don't show up and they say, oh, he's watering. Oh yeah. The fucking chick. She was probably white. Let's go fucking talk to her Cause then they're like Well why don't you show us the identification We have to arrest you if you don't And then the black guy's like

Well I shouldn't have to do that just because I'm black And then you get the thing and I get it Let it go dude Let it go, let it go That's what the fucking Disney song's about Racism secretly Homie no we let it go Let it go we let it go let it go let it go

oh i don't know what anything is anymore honestly i see j cole on the fucking nba 2k cover and i'm just like what how long do we have to pretend that j cole is fucking good at bat this is the thing remember the fucking uh master p how he was kind of good at basketball and shit and there was that rumor that hanging with mr cooper almost made it on the fucking hornets or whatever the hell it was i don't care about those and people are like yeah j cole's actually good all right you know not re okay okay and now he's on the cover of fucking mba 2k that'd be like if fucking guy fieri was on the cover of this shit you just don't do the thing

oh yeah oh yeah but oh yeah but i cook out i there's a fucking cooking video game yeah but i cook at home oh we'll put you on the cover no you put guy fieri on this shit if guy fieri on this shit with a fucking goddamn raptors jersey on so weird dude i don't like the sports video games dude my fucking buddy loves the sports video games loves playing them and it's just like I'm like, you get it every year. He's like, I get Madden every single year. And I say, what's different? And they said, just like the updates and the players and shit. And I'm just like, but the game's the same.

And he's like, usually. Oh, you sucker, dude. NBA 2K23. And I want the games also, how about this, dude? Video games. I want you to stop being stop with the realism just fun fun all right fun i don't want the oh but you see the sweat coming off i don't oh you remember tecmo ball you remember n Jam? What the fuck video game, basketball video game

is better than NBA Jam? And you could trade. I don't want to buy it. How much money do you have as a team manager? Fuck off. You want to do manage mode? Nah, I want a ball. That's why I'm out, dude.

It's too real. It makes it less fun. I'm out, dude. It's too real. It makes it less fun. I'm not into it. I want to jump on somebody's head and fucking warp through a fucking green pipe. That's what I want. I got to take a break. It's so hot. Yeah, it was too hot.

You know, that's the thing about the heat. I had to cut because it just gets... I mean, I went to the bathroom and my underwear is just soaked. A little too much information, but whatever, dude. And you know that's the thing about the heat i had to cut because it just gets i mean i went to the bathroom and my underwear is just soaked a little too much information but whatever dude and you know what what i was thinking in there is there's like 16 or 17 patreon episodes that we have so if you sign up for the patreon patreon.com slash crystalia then you can uh go watch them all now uh what are you doing um yeah oh, dude, you want to know what happened? Fucking, this is hilarious. So I was on, I was, I took Calvin to see his, my mom, which is obviously his grandma.

She calls herself Gammy. And he says, Gammy, going to Gammy's. And so I took him. Kristen had to stay here and do some work. And I took him. And then she was watching that fucking seminal game, whatever the fuck. And who is it?

Oh, and LSU, I think they played her. No, I don't remember. It doesn't matter, dude. Why am I trying to think of it? So, and she was like, my god this game we're on a group text because mike lenochi loves our buddy who's a funny comedian loves florida he went there to wherever the florida seminar fsu and she was like this game is crazy she wrote crazy c-r-A-T-Z-Y. And I sent a voice note and I said, oh, wow. Like on the text, I said, this game really is Crate C.

I said, this game is fucking Crate C, right? That's what I did. And I didn't think that Calvin, he was in the back seat. I knew he was in the back seat because I was coming home from Gammy's. And then he goes, that's fucking crazy. And I was like, oh, no. So I started recording it. Why can't it?

Why won't it play? Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. What'd you say? I said, that's crazy. I heard that part. You heard it?

Okay, cool. Okay. A little bit of a relief. Yes. What did I say? I wanted to make sure. heard it? Okay, cool. Okay. A little bit of a relief. Yes. What did I say? I wanted to make sure. It's fucking crazy. Yeah, it's crazy.

It's fucking crazy. No, no, no. It's crazy. It's crazy. There you go. Yeah. Dude, so funny, man. So cute, dude.

What'd you say? I said, that's crazy he's a good boy you heard it okay cool is that what i said yes what did i say it's fucking crazy yeah it's crazy it's fucking crazy no no no oh that's so cute, dude. He goes like this. It's fucking crazy. Like, oh, he just learned a new word. Dude, I love being his dad, man. That's so cute, man. Everybody's been a child.

How about that, man? How about that? Everybody's been a child, even Busy Bone, right? And then he grew up to be a guy that interrupts me in Face on Love. And my brother. Family. Family time. Pardon the motherfucking interruption.

So, yeah yeah that's so cute dude wow so funny he's been funny man i want to know when it stops getting funnier as a dad i know a lot of your dads out there dude it just keeps being funny it keeps being funny he starts he keeps saying shit and it keeps making us laugh i don't even dude i have so much material on my son now that like come out chrislee.com i on tour. But like I got so many fucking jokes about my son, I have to fucking stop doing them because I can't have it all be about my son. But it's so fun to talk about him too. I'm going to Atlanta. I'll be in Atlanta on Friday and my dad is coming out.

He's working in Atlanta and it's so cool because Calvin knows that when he goes to daddy's work pop pop's gonna be there it's pop up and gammy that's what they're called that's what life's about man that's what life's about um yeah man so uh what else did you that was funny you did something else that was fucking hilarious the other day i don't remember because of the fucking i need ginkgo biloba i need more pure spectrum gummies. Let's do some of these Deserve It scales here. And then we'll do some Deserve It scales and then we'll do some Tinder. I don't know, I kind of like the Tinder stuff more, but we'll do some of these.

We don't need the music. Oh shit, dude! Oh shit, this guy fucking, this tree tried to fucking fuck him do the way the tree falls well that guy's lucky as shit could have been killed oh if he stood on it that would have been a that would have been if he stood on it and balanced oh well of course he didn't because he's fucking fat and bald but dude if he stood on it and

balanced that guy immediately is in my family i don't give a fuck what't because he's fucking fat and bald. But dude, if he stood on it and balanced, that guy immediately is in my family. I don't give a fuck what anyone says. He's a family member of mine because I get to adopt him in my family because that would be amazing. I don't know if he deserved it. Don't chop down trees, you know? Maybe you deserved it, but don't chop down trees. That was funny, bro. Here we go.

Here's another one. Attempting to do some sort of stunt involving a beer can. Some sort of stunt makes you know it went way wrong. I mean, why is his face painted like a lion? Oh! All unnecessary, dude. Just...

Was he trying to catch it afterwards? Wow, that was... Well,'s a an eight or a nine throws it up and then in a parking garage too so unforgiving dude oh God. That's an eight for sure. That guy got fired. That lion got hurt. Why is he fucking painted like... He's at a state fair so drunk with a Balmain Paris hoodie on. And then just... Here's another one.

What could go wrong using an escalator as a conveyor belt? Okay. What? A moron. what a moron dude no they took her away to gurney yeah wow this is so something that would happen in an asian country i'm sorry i know that's racist but it just is dude actually i can see a white person doing it she put it on the conveyor belt. The fucking thing, for those of you listening, the suitcase, she put a suitcase on a conveyor belt or on an escalator.

It tipped over and fucking shot down and hit this woman on the bottom that was just like some lady. You ever see some lady get hurt? That sucks. Oh, no. Move a little bit. She's running, dude. She's running from Jason Voor vorhees wow that's

amazing she didn't deserve it though but the other oh man can you sue somebody for that or what's the deal that's horrible what is that she would be like i didn't mean to yeah she didn't mean to oh it sucks man give her 50 or some shit oh fuck using a table as a diving board that's why they have diving boards jumping on the tape see this is the thing they they jumped on the end of the table like it was a diving board because they had that in their head it was muscle memory that's great this is a fucking eight oh that looks like it hurts and the whole table falls on them and the other fucking chick is laughing in there so shitty dude also why is she wearing full clothes this whole thing makes no sense it's also in the rain this whole thing's bad

happened in virginia no doubt but dude it's so oh her shins are done all right let's look at these tinders um no thanks here we go mckenzie 25 uh must want lots of children looking for a life partner here that means no hookups i'm very caring i would love to have a big family and to continue to be a stay-at-home mom until my last child is in school and then would like to go to school to get a career most likely in the health field i do suffer badly from my mental health, so I am not great at keeping a clean house. My biggest flaw. Also, do not enjoy cooking or sexually touching people. Oh, the last one was where it kind of...

I feel like men can deal with a lot as long as that's there. Is this a joke? Also, she's... I feel like I thought anyone named McKenzie was kind of a slut that's like one of those like Nicky names or something you know

McKenzie and you're just you're like you don't go to fucking Florida State you know that's a really bad and you don't keep the house clean which is is fine, but if you stay at home, it's like, here we go.

A for effort. Are you single? She says, yes, of course. Aren't you? She says, no,

I have a BF. Oh, to be honest, I'm not interested in using a dating app to talk with people who are already in a relationship. Hope you find what makes you happy. Good luck. She says, can I still suck you until you come?

Uh, I feel like, yeah. You know? Okay. You know? Until you come. I love how specific people get in dirty talk sometimes. It's hilarious.

Here we go. Did he ruin it? Hey. And then the girl says hello william what's going on not much just woke up from a nap nice lol what you doing tonight haven't thought about it what are you up to she says he says i'm at my buddy's house he's away his house sitting i'm feeding his cat and just chilling here, LOL. Yeah, kinda. Okay.

I'm, uh, and he says, aren't you a good friend? And he says, I need some company. She says, hmm, I'm giving it serious thought. He says, LOL, are you joking? She says, I'm seriously thinking about it. I'm not joking. And then he says, well, we could have some fun. She says, I know. Well, this is like a podcast.

I'm gripped. Like, what's going to happen, dude? This is like one of those fucking who the bleep that I marry podcasts. Not going to lie. I've been horny all day. Sorry to be up front. She says, so it will be a short performance then? Says, no, it won't.

I have been drinking. Oh, God. A drunk stranger, red flag. Ha ha. He says, I don't know if you do coke, LOL, but there's some here if you do that. She says, keep digging. I know that's random, just saying. She says, what the fuck, William?

He says, LOL, I didn't know if you were into that lol but I'm not doing just saying would be good she says all my spidey senses are tingling I'm going to have to pass oh god this guy had it in the back he says did I ruin it I'm not doing it let me bend you over oh the Hail Mary dude well she didn't like the drugs talk let me fucking go back to what it was let me bend you over dude what this woman would have to be wow that was that was maybe my favorite let me bend you over oh shit oh she didn't like the my favorite let me bend you oh shit oh she don't like the coke talk let me bend you over eh sir unromantic do it at least mention kissing you know Jesus Christ let me not look at you

Wow did I ruin it let me bet over there let me bend you over came after did i ruin it amazing dude my favorite tinder interaction of all time here we go this or do you want to fuck no she says why she says because i don't feel respected okay fair uh okay fair enough sorry just to let you know though i meant no disrespect i found you attractive and thought being straightforward on an app like this could work that's i've tried that that's how i got in trouble she says straightforwardness is a very nice thing especially in our current culture i'm sorry that i snapped at you he says no worries i probably shouldn't have started with something as crass as that fair enough i've definitely we live and we learn um she says well damn look at us being mature adults he says a and one of those emojis and then he says awkwardly fist bumps back do you want to

retry this entire conversation and the guy says for sure can't promise i won't fist bump though all right fine you want to go first or me dude oh man i try to leave but they just keep pulling me back in that's what he said oh that's great dude honestly that deserves at least an otp hj that deserves at least an otp hj that is unbelievable dude that he did that he strung her along that whole time and then just hit her with the same shit as a joke that guy is a full fucking comedian that's great dude also her name is alissa and alissa is pretty much up there with mckenzie on the fucking you know you know what i'm talking about you go to florida state all right one more and then we're

out oh god i bet you laughed out loud. It's called, okay, heart emoji. And then they write a smiley or a cute smiley face. What are you up to? Working. You? Just hanging out. Think about those giant sweater yams that you have. Oh my fucking God, dude. Okay, that's the guy. I can almost bet that you actually laughed out loud when you read sweater yams. And then she says, oh, no, that's weird. And we're done here. Dude, I can almost.

That's like fucking David Brent. I can almost guarantee you laughed out loud. No, we're done here. Ah, okay. Sensitive. Wow, dude. That's great. Sweater yams, you know?

Not fucking good or funny at all. Gross. Hey guys, that's it for the episode here on YouTube. If you want to catch the rest of the episode, the uncut, raw, uncensored video and podcast, all you got to do is head on over to patreon.com slash crystalia and it's six bucks and every episode is raw and uncut if you sign up for the Patreon and also there's one extra episode a month.

A whole episode. There's like 16 or 17 episodes backlogged right now. You can go binge them right. You go binge them like it's Peaky Blinders or something. All for just six bucks. You get access to that just right now. We also do review mode, which is another segment and some behind the scenes stuff. We also have a Discord that we chat on. I'm going to that just right now. We also do review mode, which is another segment. And some behind-the-scenes stuff.

We also have a Discord that we chat on. I'm going to get on right now and talk to the people. You guys are great. Thank you very much. I'm gonna go fuck your child. I'm gonna go fuck your mother.