Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 292. Christmas with Kristin Pt 2

Episode Date: December 30, 2022

🎟 Catch the uncensored/extended episodes ad/commercial free +1 entire bonus episode per month + Discord & exclusive content over on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia It's part 2 of our holiday episode with Kristin! 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

previously on congratulations it's a point of contention in our relationship with this oh the weather outside is frightful let's not get too deep into it let's keep it on a light note and not get argumentative like if you don't suffer any shit storms or have people that call you out on shit then you become an absolute lunatic and i think that that's why people you know i, I mean, look. Look at Jeff Bezos. I don't know what he's like for real. He seems like an insane person to me, right?

I'm sure Bill Gates is probably the same way. I don't know. I mean, Steve Jobs died, but he would have grown up to be a warlord. You know what I mean? And so. As would have you. I say that often. I always say that.

I thought I said that first You said it Maybe you said it first But I say it as well Okay So it's my idea now Thank you I'm the captain now

And But yeah I think that Yeah I What were you saying? Fuck Jeff Bezos

How they Yeah but before that They've gone to crazy Before that Warlord Steve Yeah, but before that- They're going to crazy. Before that- Warlord. Steve Jobs would have been a warlord. Yeah, but before that. Right?

I want you to know what I said before that. Can you be a better stenographer when I talk, please? Oh, that's what we need. That's what we need, dude. No, there's no- This is another there's no we here. I need- We need a fucking stenographer, dude.

We need a stenographer for the house imagine i would realize i was wrong so much can we check it back it did oh it did i did i did say that all right well all right well i did you get you got that i think you might have got that wrong all right well i'm gonna get a new fucking stenographer because you're failing for every one word i would say on the transcript, how many do you think you would say? In a day. I would be like, what did Kristen say last?

And she'd be like this. You were late. Okay, what did she say before that? And you'd were like. Stop. Yeah. Yeah. Was that a real laugh?

Yeah. I'm going to be asking you now. 42 to 1. 42 to 1. Words? Oh. I say so many words. Yeah.

And we made Calvin And he said more words That's so cute Yeah he says too many words So now you're gonna Have to deal with that Yes I do Yeah I did Yeah I did

Did you eat the spaghetti? Yeah I did It's in his pocket Yeah I did So Yeah I don't know I just think that

Oh I was talking about Oh So Al Pacino is an example. Al Pacino is a great actor. If he doesn't have a director to direct him, he'll just be like, oh, yeah, oh, oh, oh. And you're like, dude, you're playing a mute. What are you doing, right? The director, because I feel like the director's like, we got Al Pacino, we're so lucky. And then he's just watching him chew up the scene.

And he's like, I guess I don't know. I don't know. And I was like. Chew up the scene. That's cool. Yeah. Can I do one more? Can I get another one? You know? And we're like, sure guess I don't know. I don't know. And I was like. Chew up the scene. That's cool. Yeah. Can I do one more? Can I get another one?

You know? And we're like, sure, sure. Go ahead. And he's just at this point, he's like, I want to get props in here. I need wings. So then what's the difference between that and then like a Christian Bale that just like continues to fucking get incredible? I think that one has.

Well, they both probably have huge egos. But like, I think that. Look. I think he's the shit though. He like never does interviews. Never. Christian Bale? Yeah, he's just had the same wife for decades. Christian Bale's one of the greatest actors of all time, no doubt.

I think... I don't know. I don't know. I don't know the difference. I mean, yes, thank you for saying it's me and Christian Bale and Al Pacino are contemporaries, but... Well, it's like I'm talking to my husband, you, Chris D'Elia, and then we're talking about Al Pacino are contemporaries, but... Well, it's like I'm talking to my husband, you, Chris D'Elia,

and then we're talking about Al Pacino and Christian Bale. Us. So that is the... The three of us. That is crazy. We've done a lot of stuff. Oh, yeah. So I think that Al Pacino and Christian Bale...

I don't know, dude. I don't know, really. I think that Al Pacino and Christian Bale, I don't know, dude. I don't know, really. I think that it's very easy for an actor to get jobs, start becoming a star, and then it's not necessarily about the acting anymore. It's more about themselves. And it's different, too. Like, look, if you go see a Nicolas Cage movie or take it, there's a bunch of actors like this.

Keanu Reeves. Denzel Washington is like this, I feel like. And I'm not talking about talent. I'm talking about when you're going to see them do a movie, you kind of know what they're going to do. Denzel Washington is one of the greatest actors. But you kind of know what he's going to do in movies. Christian Bale, you have no fucking idea what he's going to do. There are actors like that. Mark Ruffalo, you know what he's going to do in movies. Christian Bale, you have no fucking idea what he's going to do. There are actors like that.

Mark Ruffalo, you know what he's going to do. He's great, but you know what he's going to do. Right? Yeah. What was that? This is Mark Ruffalo. That's your Mark Ruffalo impression? Yeah.

That's terrible. Give me people to do impressions of. Okay. Philip Seymour Hoffman. He's dead. I mean, dude, you know. Dude. Okay, when he was alive.

I've never seen him. He's a great actor. Do another one. You're not doing them well. You can literally just do anything. Do one that I know. Okay. Johnny Depp.

Where's the rum? So fucking bad. Is that from Pirates of the Caribbean or whatever? You don't even know. I just saw it a lot during the trial. All right. People saying it. Yeah.

Memes. Memes. All right. So, okay. That's fine. You know what I read today? Okay. You're jumping around a lot now.

But what? No. But that's okay. We like to jump. You're on the technical of the octopus. I was reading this, somebody that worked in a mortuary. Okay. And she was saying. Wow. This is so something that you saw on TikTok that you're trying to act like you read a mortuary. Okay. And she was saying.

Wow. This is so something that you saw on TikTok that you're trying to act like you read an article from. No. Okay. You know what I was reading the other day? So, all right. In the background, there was Kodak Black and I, oh, wait, no, hold on. I mean, go ahead.

She was saying that she doesn't trust any, like she tells all of her friends and family that like if any female passes away to make sure that the person that's like handling her body afterwards is a woman or someone that she knows because like she knows so many cases of oh fuck bro no come on i swear i mean i guess you know everyone does everything but that is so wild. Yeah, but just like that it's common enough that she's heard multiple stories

and she like doesn't trust bodies with her. I mean, I understand that, but also, okay, there's two things that I have to say about this. Number one is. Yum.

No. No, no. That is not one of the things. That's not one of the hundred million things. Oh, do you remember yum? Yum, yeah. Yum.

From that. Sword and Scale podcast? Yeah. That was a one of the things. That's not one of the 100 million things. Oh, do you remember Yum? Yum, yeah. Yum. From that? Sword and Scale podcast? Yeah. That was a big kick for us for a while. That was. Yeah, we did Sword and Scale for a long time. We were listening to it. And then I was on an episode of Sword and Scale.

I recorded it. Yeah, you were. And you surprised me. My voice is on there, yeah. You told me, well. Yeah. I told you I wasn't going to do it, and I did do it. Or no, I didn't tell you I was going to do it.

Right, right. And then I said, listen to this. And you're like, is that you? Yeah. But what was the, what was I going to say? So now you interrupted me and I had two things to say. Okay, so two things is, so I got pissed, but I got through it, right? Because you interrupted me and I got pissed and I got through it, so I'm growing.

You're just saying a lot of words you don't even know. So there's two things. I can only think of one of them right now. And I'm pissed again. There's two things. I can only think of one of them right now. And I'm pissed again. But one of them is if you are a mortician, do you think, number one, there's something wrong with you?

First of all. Second of all, if the answer is no, not necessarily, can you do that job and keep continually to do that job without getting really fucked up? Okay. I don't think so. So you have fucked up people in that profession is what you're saying. Yeah. No matter what. Well, I think that's like the dirty little secret that we just like to gloss over about all of life. What?

There's another thing that I have. Go ahead. I didn't get to number two okay go ahead no you can go i can have it in my back pocket just that there's so much trauma that we're like constantly interacting with and it just like fucks up people continually and we expect people to not have these issues yeah but like life is so fucked i know it really is fucked up to come out like, to come out even a little, just a little traumatized is, like, a miracle. Yeah.

And so sometimes you might get morticians that are just fucking bodies. You know what they say. And you know what? You know what they say. Maybe this is a fucking hot take. Oh, boy. But Jews. No, like, obviously, that's fucking terrible.

And if that was my body, I would be pissed. But, like, isn't the- Well, you wouldn't be. You'd be dead. Isn't the worst thing in the world? Oh! like obviously that's fucking terrible and if that was my body i would be pissed but like well you wouldn't be you'd be dead is it the worst thing in the world oh okay so yes but here was my second question she's making a joke haha very funny it's horrible yeah but like it's not murder you're not actively hurting an alive person listen my second number two thing it wouldn't be the thing i would protest okay that's it i wouldn't be chanting hell no don't fuck dead bodies hell no don't fuck dead bodies outside of fucking alan's mortuary listen the number two is would it be that bad because

you'd be dead you said i'd be pissed which that bad? Because you'd be dead. You said I'd be pissed, which you wouldn't be. You'd be dead. So my whole thing is, like I asked my dad, like, what do you want? My mom and my dad have way different ideas on what they want when they die. My mom wants a beautiful funeral. Everyone to be there. She wants fucking to play, what a wonderful world.

She wants that song at her funeral. By Louis Armstrong or whatever. That's the one who went to the fucking. With all of diamonds just like planet yeah yeah yeah yeah um but my dad says i don't give a fuck i'm dead yeah i don't know i don't care if you knew that when you died a mortician was gonna absolutely have sex with you i'd haunt him okay but you know what's worse than getting fucked burning and people get burned in ashes all the time so it my point is when you're dead it doesn't matter you're not thinking anything it's for your loved ones if you knew that's fucked up well i think that's what you're protecting it's just like my what i want for a funeral is what is going to make my children

and my family the most fulfilled and happy grandkids and everything yeah and like like what if so you're saying what it doesn't have to do with me at that yeah they don't they fucked they fucked grandma after she died you don't want to you don't have to tell that to cal's kids what's that from oh the um the uh judge no i think it was just mathis or something one of those judge shows where the ladies go i forget why she did it. But what you were saying is trauma is so pervasive and life is so fucked up. And what I'd like to say to that is, you know what they say, death is just the moment when the dying ends.

Do it again. Death is just the moment when the dying ends. That's from the song. There's a song that Edo G. Edo G's good, dude. Old rapper. Premier did the beat on that. He says, that there's just a moment when the dying ends.

And it really, really spoke to me. It really spoke to me. For a guy that doesn't like music, you certainly. It speaks to me. Music speaks to me. I've got a huge headache. I need you certainly... It speaks to me. Music speaks to me. I've got a huge headache. I need Advil. Do you?

Yeah. Oh, she's so sweet. The way you cared. Well, this is just regular behavior. You're surrounded by... Sociopaths. Yeah. Just comedians.

You, if you said you had a... Why don't you just have one fire go get it? No, it's okay. I can get in a little bit. We can, you know, we'll do like, you know, 21 minutes and then... Okay you just have one fire go get it? No, it's okay. I can get in a little bit. We can, you know, we'll do like, you know, 21 minutes and then.

Okay. And then I'll go get it. And by that time, my head will be screaming. Still gotta go to the post office and all that stuff. I got a package here, but it's all good.

This is why you're sad. Oh, talk about a hot take, dude. What do you mean? You constantly anticipate the worst thing happening and so it's as if you're living through yes you're just anticipating the experience to be shit okay you're anticipating the headache to get way worse

you have plenty of shit to do after this and so you're already dreading it and so you're going through the bad stuff twice and it may not even be bad so even if let's say the experience is good like we go to get the packages and we take cow and it's like a beautiful evening and it's a good experience

you have a good experience but then you made it's a good experience you have a good experience but then you made it into a bad experience before so it like cancels each other out hell yes why do you do that press the button no why are you ready for life to fuck you you ready for life to fuck you hell yes i don't know dude i have to drop that shit yeah it's really interesting yeah but it's just like you're right dude worrying makes no difference because whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen

yeah it's like being like oh god you really opened up a fucking pandora's box for me by asking that and i do not like it like we were discussing something last night that you're going to be doing and like the amount of things that absolutely will not happen that you brought up as a possibility yeah one of them was a porcupine finds its way in my anus and lives there and has a family. Could. Right. Because then that porcupine, what would it be like?

Hell yeah. But like even as a kid, you were like anticipating someone poisoning your parents. Oh, dude. I went to Comic-Con as a kid. This was before Comic-Con was a big thing.

And I went with my friend who invited me there. And his mom took us. And she had the adjoining room. And I made him lock the door so she couldn't come in because I thought she was going to poison me. And that is a real fear I had. And that's how fucked up I am. Think about if that were Cal and he was sharing those fears with you how alarmed you would be i called my parents and they laughed so hard that i thought she was going to poison me just deeper and they were in lake arrowhead and i was in san diego and they they told everyone at

lake arrowhead and they were all laughing and i was like crying i was so scared oh yeah yeah that's the thing that was like we didn't know so scared. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's the thing though. It was like we didn't know then that like laughing was maybe not the best reaction. Now we have all this fucking science and data that like, you know, backs up. Yeah. I was like, mom. Like our parents were just free balling it. So the fact that they did as.

Yeah, there was no internet and shit. They did as well as they did. Like hats off to free balling parents. Free balling parents, you know. My, by the way, her son, my friend, was in the room with me. I was like, Mom, I think Mrs. Foundley is going to poison me. I was a lunatic, dude. And I am.

If that was Cal, how old were you? I was too old. I was probably 13. Really? I was crazy. I was so, so scared about everything when I was too old. I was probably 13. Really? Mm-hmm. I was crazy. I was so, so scared about everything when I was a kid. 13, wow.

If that were Cal. Yeah. What would you do now that we're not free balling, that we have a lot of data and science backing up our parenting decisions? Well, I would just be like, well, why do you think this? And what makes you think this? And then if you had said what I said, I would probably have to still laugh.

Because what I said was, well, we were at dinner and she got a ginger ale, but she said she wanted it with a twist. And I don't know what that is, is that poison? That's so sad and cute. So you're doing what my parents did, which is laugh.

Well, you're 42 now. Sometimes. You're not 13. No. If you were 13, I would be like, oh, sweetie. Really? Yeah. I would laugh later, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I would say like, well calvin uh that's not gonna happen and then i i would i would say as a kid how do you know though i feel like she's going to and i guess i would say like i can i can hear that you feel that way but um you have to have you know in life you're going to feel certain ways and you know, it's not about, it's okay to be scared, but you know, you, you need to being brave is not, not being scared. Being brave is being scared and getting through the night. And, and, and I feel like you're going to be okay. Cause I know Mrs.

Fowley and I don't think that's going to happen. That's what I would say to Calvin. Is that good? You're an awesome fucking dad. And I always say no matter, well, we have a great relationship, but if God, you can't count on the future. Right. No matter what, I know that you will always be a fantastic dad. Yeah.

And I know that that's not always the case. With people? Yeah. Just like in in you know yeah i love being a dad i know but no i love being his dad yeah no i think you i do no i i absolutely love being a dad but the stronger thing is i love being his dad i mean he is just my i i you know i mean i don't know he's just i love being a dad, yeah. And I love being, I just, I care about him so much. It's weird.

It was like when he arrived, like it was the first, really first time I was forced to feel in a certain way that I had never felt before. And have my walls down and not live selfishly because, you know, and I'm, I'm still selfish and I, I work through it and it's, it's hard, but like, it's the first time I realized what it's like to not be selfish. Right. Like even just little things, like I took him to lunch today and he, and I, I got him Turkey, which is what he said he wanted. And I got a club sandwich and in my club sandwich, there's bacon. And I love the bacon in the club sandwich but i i thought oh calvin loves bacon i didn't think about that i know he said he wants turkey but i'm gonna take a piece of bacon and put on his plate and then he ate the bacon immediately

and he said i'm all bacon and i just gave him kind of almost all of my bacon even though i wanted my bacon and even though it's just little things i was like that's makes me feel really actually really good to legitimately not eat this bacon because i know he's having it and he likes it and i wouldn't i might feel that way with another person but i'd have to make myself feel that way like if it was you or matt or somebody that i love i'd be like i really want that bacon but okay look they want it maybe they want it more than me, but I don't do that with Cal. With Calvin, it's just like, oh, he wants it. I want him to have it. And that's what makes me happy. And I wish I was like that more with other people as well, but it was Calvin to show me how to be like that. And that's a wild thing to feel,

you know, cause I think that I was just living very selfishly for so long. And I never realized that, you know, because I just thought everyone should live that way. They just don't do it because they're bitches or some shit. You know, whatever I was making up in my head, if I'm being honest. And, yeah, so. Yeah. I don't know. Well, and the journey hasn't been linear by any means.

Like I think when everything happened and you got into recovery, I thought that it was like a quick fix. I was like, oh, this means that like everything is good now. And seeing now like the past two and a half years, almost three years, it's crazy. Yeah. Um, like it's been up and down. It's up and down always. Yeah.

Um, and I only say that because I feel like I get, um, messages from a lot of women who are going through difficult things. Oh, got it. Yeah. Relationships,

you know, and on the surface, it just seems like you like figured. Relationships, you know? Mm-hmm. And on the surface, it just seems like you, like, figured it out. Oh, yeah. You know, like, under control in, like, two weeks. And that has not been the case. It's been so up and down. Mm-hmm.

You know, for you and for us. Yeah. I mean, life is real life. Yeah. And it's not, even though it's linear, it's not linear. Like, it's, you know, it's just. Like this. Yeah.

Hey, that's really artistic how you did that with your hand. Thank you. You should be a performance artist. Okay. Well, cut you so deep to your soul because you thought maybe you'd grow up and be a performance artist. No, I wanted you to keep talking about what you're talking about and not talking about the other thing. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

Life is real life and it's fucking hard. And yeah, everyone's a real person. And it's, you know, we're out there for you guys too. You know, everyone's going through shit. I also, like, there's a thing now too, like my meet and greets, like that I do on the road, like many people come up to me and tell me about the struggles

that they've been through and now that I am on this, you know, self, I try to be more self-aware than I ever was. It is a wild thing to hear people's stories with those ears and to like i think i

mentioned this in my podcast but somebody came up to me once about recently about um them uh them having these twins that were in the NICU for a while because they were born preemie and uh prematurely and my and their and and they listened to my podcast and my stand-up so much during that time. And they were like, you know, they came up to me in a meet and greet and they were telling me about their struggles and how they were like, it was cool to hear, you know, you and you made us laugh. And like that, you know, I say to them like, I'm so sorry that you went, I, I say to them, like, I, I'm so, uh, sorry that you went through that. Uh, but I'm

happy that I was there for you in a certain way because, um, I think when people go through real pain, uh, you know, and everybody's not perfect, but when people go through real pain, it's such a relief when you have something that you can do to take your mind off that shit. And I never really experienced that in 30 plus years because I was living just selfishly and being not, you know, now that I've felt what actual pain feels like through me and through other people, yeah, my heart goes out to you guys if you do feel that way or if you're having one of those times now or if you've ever had one of those times. Yeah. And again, it's not like a light that you just turn on.

No, I know. You have it. You go through periods where you're not. Yeah. Like you struggle. I'm not in a good headspace. I'm not whatever it is. you have it and i you go through you know periods where like you're not yeah you know like you struggle and i'm not in a good headspace i'm not you know whatever it is but and i and i and i've thought about too like this podcast is a lot of work i know it doesn't seem like it because i'm just bullshitting every week but like it is like i want to make it good sometimes i feel like it's you know it's hard and i'm doing shit with you know in my mental it's hard to like it's hard and I'm doing shit in my mental.

It's hard to perform. It's really hard sometimes to compartmentalize and perform on this podcast and talk about funny shit all the time. And I know I don't have to. And I appreciate you guys listening to it. And episodes like it and shit. And so that's why sometimes I do this podcast legitimately. So it's not because I feel charged to do it, which I do often, but sometimes I don't. And so, you know, I mean, listening to your iPod right now, not even listening to me,

listening to right now, fucking. And I will always love you. And I will always love you That's good. Whitney Houston was a good singer. We can say that. What else? Nothing. Just thinking about what you were saying.

Yeah. I don't like getting too serious. I don't like getting too serious. I don't like getting too serious. I definitely try to make jokes afterwards because we need some levity. We need some levity. Because we need some levity. Yeah.

Well, you like being serious though, huh? What is that about that? That's not true Well you like goofing off right You definitely like goofing off But you love getting in deep conversations Like dude You

Like if you're sitting around with your friends And you're having a conversation Oh yeah That shit will be Deep as the abyss That thing will be So deep Dude

It's so deep that we can see new species of marine life dude it's so deep we're in china it's so deep it's hot well i'm sure that's why I like being around you so much Because I What? We level each other out Maybe But when you go When you go deep

Sometimes you go deep I go here we go again Can't we just do jokes? But sometimes you go deep And then I don't want to go deep Really? Yeah The other night

Is this Are we being sexual? Stupid The other night When I was I wanted to go deep and you didn't want to go deep. Yeah. Yeah. You're right.

You're right. Sometimes we do it. We surprise each other and sometimes you do jokes, but I always want to do jokes. I always want to do jokes. And we have that, don't we? Yeah. That's the best. That is the best, dude.

I feel like this is another study. Oh no. Well, the last one was about fucking dead corpses. So this one should be, let's try and top that. They were looking up like. I like studies that begin with they. I don't know. Yeah, go ahead.

Researchers, they were looking at like qualities that fortify relationships. Because anything can break someone up. But it's more like what the buffers are to save relationships. And they found that having a common sense of humor and being able to laugh through difficult shit is like the number one thing. It was like 95% of the couples

that have gone through stuff and gotten through it had that in common. I'm just, what was that noise? I think he coughed, right? You coughed? Oh, that was the dog? Oh, I thought that one fire coughed. I thought he literally laughed in your face.

Like, I'm about to study. This study's boring like that. But yeah, having that in common with you. What was number two? I just said 95. It pulled that right out of my ass. Oh, come on. It didn't say 95?

I don't know what the number is. Oh my God, dude. I just know it's the top thing. I love that about you. I love when people make up percentages. But I tell you that I'm making it up. Great. But don't tell me that.

Lie to me. So I tell someone else and they go, I don't know if that's true. I want that for me so I can feel that pain of, oh, she lied. Oh, fuck, I'm saying. Okay, well.

Because at that point, it's on me. I can't be like, my wife told me, I'm saying okay well because at that point it's on me I can't be like my wife told me because I look like a bitch so I'm like yeah but I just I don't know what it was I thought it was not I must have misread it fuck now I'm lying why are you like that like why are you such a stickler for the details when someone other

than you is retelling something but you don't hold it yourself to the same standard control control he's got a control problem Other than you is retelling something. But you don't hold it yourself to the same standard. Control. Control. He's got a control problem. He's got a control problem. Ask me if I have a control problem.

Do you have a control problem? Hell yes. Ask me questions. How great am I? You're so great. And cute. Oh my God. Who's your favorite rapper?

Tech N9ne. Oh, nice. Really? He is? I didn't know that. I love Tech N9ne. I think he's the best. You know I love Tech N9ne. Oh, nice. Really? He is? I didn't know that. I love Tech N9ne. I think he's the best. You know I love Tech N9ne.

The album Killer? Awesome. Okay. That was it. Just how great am I and what was your favorite rapper? What was your favorite food? I mean- I have to go potty. No, you're kidding.

No. Well, we can be done, but what's your favorite food? This seems boring, no? You said ask me questions. I know, but not like that. I know, I was trying to do rapid fire shit to be fun at the end of the episode. Okay, okay, okay.

What's your favorite food? Pasta. Fuck yeah, dude. I love pasta too. But why don't I ask what's my favorite food? Why would you ask What's your favorite food? Pasta. Fuck yeah, dude. I love pasta too. But why don't I ask what's my favorite food? Why would you ask you what your favorite food is? No, I'm going to ask you what my favorite food is and you should know. Oh, I see what you're saying.

We've been together so long. That's a great idea. Go ahead. Ask me what your favorite food is. You do it about you. Do five. Ask me what your favorite food is. What's my favorite food?

Pasta. Yeah. I get that right. So now what? What's my favorite genre of music? The Yeah. I get that right. So now what? What's my favorite genre of music? The bullshit when you play when you're getting ready. No. Country.

No. I know. Sad shit. No. What? Hip hop? Hip hop, yeah. I know that.

Okay. One for one. How many kids do I want? Well you want eight But you don't want to be pregnant eight times I'll take that And we're not going to have eight Go ahead

Another one What is my favorite animal? Dog? Yeah Yeah okay If your favorite animal? Dog? Yeah. Yeah, okay. If your favorite animal isn't dog, you're crazy weird.

You know what I mean? What's my middle name? Anne? Every white girl's middle name is Anne. Sweetheart. Oh, Michelle, I know. I knew that.

It's actually not now. It's Taylor. Oh, yeah, I know. I knew that. It's actually not now. It's Taylor. Oh, yeah. Kristen Taylor D'Elia. That's sweet. So what happened to... What was my favorite part of our wedding? Our vows?

No. The coffee stand? No, that was cool though. Shout out to fucking Mark Bubb from Killing Ranch for doing that. Favorite part of the wedding, me? No. We were mine. What?

Dancing with Cal. Oh, that was very sweet. The first dance with Cal. Aw. Okay, you asked me now. What is my favorite movie? Swingers. Oh, good, good, good.

Do you know what I think the best movie is? The Godfather? No. I don't think you'll get it. What? It's called Husbands. Oh, I would have gotten it. Oh, you would have.

Yeah. It's by John Cassavetes. I don't fucking know if you can get it. I think this is the best movie ever. It would have. Yeah. It's by John Cassavetes. I don't fucking know if you can get it.

I think this is the best movie ever. What is one of my favorite things to do at night? Eat ice cream and take your pants off. Dude, watch movies and eat at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. What's my favorite genre movie? Thriller?

Yes, you got it. How many cars do I want? As many as can fit comfortably in your house. Yes, sweetheart. Yes. And also uncomfortably. Yes. And also I parked them on the street. Yes.

Yes. Very good. Yes. Very good. How handsome do I think I am? I think you think you're an eight. A nine? No, I think I am? I think you think you're an eight. A nine? No, I think I'm, you know, it depends on what day it is, really.

But you would say. Yeah, I would say I'm an eight. Yeah. Wow. I know you better than you know yourself. Keep going. What, if I had one, my appearance, what would I change my appearance? Nothing.

Oh, that's pretty good. But I would make my legs maybe a little longer. Wider? After I met Harry Jowsey. Howie Jowsey. Howie Jowsey. Harry Jowsey. Dude, that guy is tall as shit and he's got really long legs.

And I was like, fuck, I want that. I want those. Yeah, he's cool, dude. Oh, who is my hall pass? If I could have one. Is it Jason Momoa? Yeah. That's so fucking fucked up,

dude. I love that. I love all of that. You probably like it now that he's even a little bit fatter. You like that. Yeah. That's bullshit, dude.

Uh, I don't know who mine is. Uh, Jessica Chastain. She's great. Yeah? She's great. Yeah, she's great. She could be. Yeah, could be her.

All of your go-tos are hot women over 40. Yeah. Well, you know, because they know some shit that I don't know. You know what I mean? 50, 60, 90. Yeah. Anyway. All right. Well, that's good. I mean? 50, 60, 90. Yeah. Anyway. All right.

Well, that's good. I think we did a good, we did a good, you know? We did a good, didn't we? What? I love you. I love you too. And this was fun. And that wraps the year up, I think, probably.

So that's crazy. 2022. 2023 is coming up and we will be firing the podcast podcast on full syllables give a recap of this year like a general recap of like how you feel about it and how you feel going into the new one and i'll tell mine too you go first okay um i feel like it was a big growth year and forced both of us to like be out of our comfort and figure some shit out and um in the growth i think came healing and i'm excited for our next chapter it's gonna be really fun. Yeah. I hope. Yeah. I feel like, uh,

you know, I don't know. Uh, I feel like it was a lot of resetting, resettling. Um, and we, we feel good.

Uh, and this year has been good. And it, it, I have a lot, this year has been hopeful. I have a lot of hope for the future. And I've been very grateful this year.

So I feel grateful and hopeful for next year in 2023. And I really hope that you guys have a great year next year. And I will come back. I will come back for this podcast. It'll be just me doing an episode. It might be a little late this next week, but in the, in the new year, but we are,

we're back and firing on all syllables, like, and subscribe and also get tickets. I'll be in San Diego in like a week or two Seattle. I mean, I'll be in San Diego for a week or two. I've been in a week, in a week or two, I'll be in Seattle and in like a week or two. Seattle. I'll be in San Diego for a week or two. I'll be in a week or two. I'll be in Seattle and Portland, Brea Improv, Seattle and doing McCall Hall, and then New York, New York, Rhode Island, Chicago in February, and Louisiana and all that, Midland, Texas.

ChrisLea.com. Get your tickets. Thanks a lot, you guys. Well, that's it for youtube if you want to catch the rest of the episode go on over to uh patreon.com slash chris talia and you can catch the rest of the thing with me here and kristin we're doing it in two parts so uh you know it's either part one or part two right now but either way go and catch the full version of part one or part two by going to patreon.com chrisalia, you can get all the backlogged episodes that come out that have come out full in their entirety. And also every month we do an episode for Patreon that is not on YouTube.

So check that out, too. And all that is just six dollars. So going over to patreon.com. Thanks a lot. Congratulations motherfucking Bob, you scared fucking fucker And I'm a fucking motherfucker right here in the motherfucking cloud Motherfucker