Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 293. Rehab Chronicles

Episode Date: January 5, 2023

🎟 Catch the uncensored/extended episodes ad/commercial free +1 entire bonus episode per month + Discord & exclusive content over on Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia This week Chris discusses his recent experiences in rehab, plus Andrew Tate, Jeremy Renner's accident, and Dr. Miami. 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys and welcome to another episode of congratulations Happy new year dude um annoying starting the year off annoying as shit you know um welcome actually let me start with this man i just got news that um jeremy renner look we, you know, I love Jeremy Renner. There's no, uh, that's no secret. We love, we love Jeremy Renner and this podcast. And, uh, he's a great actor and he's phenomenal. And, uh, he was in a snowplow accident and this is not a joke. Uh, you probably have heard the news. Maybe you haven't, maybe you haven't. I don't know how savvy you are, uh, with news, heard the news. Maybe you have, maybe you haven't. I don't know how savvy you are with news, but he is in a, he was, he was, I guess maybe the information I was told was he was run over by some sort of snowplow vehicle and that he's in critical but stable position, condition,

which I have no idea what critical and stable, why can't, why do I want to say position, uh, condition? I don't know what critical, but stable condition is, but critical and stable condition sounds critical, right? Like that's doing the heavy lifting, you know, it's like, um, you know, if peanut, peanut, if you put peanut butter on something you don't know you know that peanut butter is in the fucking shits right it's not like this kind of thing where it's like oh but the the main thing is though also there's pineapple and we like that no absolutely not the shit's full of peanut butter if it's got a little bit of peanut butter in it now um jeremy renner is in critical but stable position he's saying position

dude and i don't know i'm not even on the fucking geppa pinton right now i'm on a lot of other meds um but yeah dude i i just um i don't know how he is by the time this comes out there might be more information on it and i really hope and pray um you know i've been trying to get in and get into praying lately uh that um jeremy renner is doing okay because our heart goes out to him and we love him here at the congratulations on the congratulations podcast and um i really hope that he's okay dude he's hawkeye he's got to get that arrow flying. So, yeah. So, that's... I hope that it's okay.

And also, like and subscribe. You know how we do it. You know how they do it here on fucking Supercoat Studios. Shadow Band City. But, yeah. So, we're probably going to have to change the name because, I mean, you know, I don't know what the fuck's going on So maybe drop some comments on what we should call it But yeah, dude

Happy New Year You know, and all that shit How we do it, very annoying How I was doing it on Lifeline and all that shit And just appreciate another year It's 2023 And we're living large, right? We're living large We're making sure everything is good we're making sure everybody is happy it's going to be a you know i don't know

what the fuck's going to be going on honestly with the um you know here's the thing dude like you think about i heard that trump was going to run again or whatever really don't you know at this point biden and you know we get political, at this point, Biden, and you know, we get political, but at this point, Biden, what's he doing? Right. He's not. Yeah. You fall off a bike, you're done. Right.

President. The president. Right. I'm not saying we should like, you know, absolutely remove his head if he's a citizen, but you want to lead the nation, you fall off a bike, right? All wrapped up. He should have been like this. All good. Take his tie off. Here you go to whoever the fuck. Um, uh, but yeah, so, and obviously that's old news that he fell off the bike, but, um, yeah, so I don't know what the fuck's going to be going on in 2024 when the when the election happens again. But that is something I've been thinking about because now, you know, Trump is back on Twitter and all that shit. And they reinstated, you know, all the shits. who got arrested recently and is still only on Twitter

because Elon's holding strong on everybody gets to be on Twitter and he's off Instagram and Facebook and I don't know what the fucking guys, what's going on here. Who knows what's real and who knows what's not real. The whole world's a mess.

Yes. Dude, the whole world's a mess and fucking Hawkeye got run over by a snow plow. So it's all good, dude. That's a mess and fucking Hawkeye got run over by a snowplow. So it's all good, dude. That's where we're at. Dude, 2023 started with Hawkeye getting run over by a snowplow. You understand?

So we hope that everything's okay with everybody, honestly, dude. I just, you know, I really, really, I don't know. I fucking, who knows what's happening. All I know is I've been really watching Dr. Miami and that's the fucking, I don't understand Dr. Miami because I don't understand this whole thing about, look, I've been watching it. It's on Hulu. You know, Hulu is the thing that like I mainly watch. You probably don't know that, but I'm telling you that now. watch you probably don't know that but i'm telling you that now uh and i've been watching dr miami and this guy is a guy who got big on tiktok i guess is what kristen said and then uh became

a guy who has a tv show which is cool i guess i don't even know if that's backwards now at this point though right like everybody wanted to get a tv show and i still that that i still think that's the thing but like even thinking about like calvin my son when i when when he wants to watch fucking youtube i mean he's he's been getting into teletubbies a little bit which is on netflix he calls it tebetubbies which is cute as shit dude and he also says he also says we say like how do you feel and for some reason he'll just be like i'm nervous dude it's so cute that he says he's nervous and i say why are you nervous and he says i'm nervous it's cute dude and then he says i'm frustrated oh god damn he's growing up before my eyes you know as they say he's growing up before my eyes and we love him dude and we and we grow together right um and he's got a cut on his fucking nose

for fucking two and a half weeks because he can't stop picking it but anyway uh watching dr miami and is in my son i think well you know he's two and a half he's almost three but he want he wants to watch the the shit which is just accessible and that's on youtube now i get like netflix and hulu's all that shit but like i try to watch a cooking show, Big Food – what the hell is it called? Big Food Bucket List because Calvin is kind of into cooking a little bit, but he wants the YouTube shits. So, yeah, I watch Dr. Miami, and this guy is now doing – this is the problem with doing the shows from TikTok shows from tiktok and from instagram and all this shit they're trying to make it like tiktok which it's not that it's a show but this guy is now on hulu and he's like doing the shit that he does on tiktok where he's like hey and he's wearing a wig for no

fucking reason meeting a patient and he's like so we're gonna take that uh that lump off your nose and he's got like a pippi long stocking wig on and it's like k but also this is surgery right so it's different if you're doing it for tiktok than if you are actually interviewing the people that you're gonna give a bBL in a fireman's outfit. Right. And then they got the dads, dude. There was one episode where they were so Italian, dude. I really feel like Italians speak to me, you know, and I know that I'm Italian and I come

from that shit. Like, look, I have a cousin, Butch. I got a cousin, Butch, baby. I got an uncle Vinny, right? Like these are my, this is my blood, dude. Hmm. So I really love the italian people like i don't feel that connection with southern people but i wish i did because i love southern people right but i love i love specific people right like if somebody is saying something about like hey man i got a fucking landscaping business or something.

Like I'm from fucking Tulsa. I got a landscaping business. I'm like, that's so specific. That guy is immediately my best friend because I love it. Right? I don't know anybody with a landscaping business. You love front lawns, bro? If you love front lawns and you're from Tulsa, I'm in.

Right? I'm in. Because what the fuck is that? Oh, you're passionate about it? I'm in, right? I'm in. Because what the fuck is that? Oh, you're passionate about it? I'm in. Okay? You want to talk about planting hibiscus or whatever the fuck? Dude, I am so in.

Number one, I'm in because I'm in because I can't believe you want to talk about that so much. And I love your passion and it bleeds from you. But also, we don't have to talk about me, my baby. Right? So, it's very hard for me to talk about myself. And I'm learning and I'm getting through it. Right? A lot of stuff that went on in childhood wasn't necessarily,

you know, maybe I'm going to put the walls up for what. But, yeah. um but yeah so uh i don't know why i started talking about all this from dr miami but uh oh italians this woman wanted to come in to talk about um wanted to come in to get a note the people who are like come in and do all the plastic surgeries at once god bless dude right like just going in and coming out just straight up a different person god bless i under i understand you don't want to keep going in because you don't want to keep getting knocked out and fucking obliterated with your you know but this woman got a liposuction you know her her boobs different and then like a

bbl and a nose job which means you're gonna have to fucking turn the person over in the middle of it i don't know how they do that honestly because it's got to be bad for like the healing process but anyway the dad was so italian and he was like your beautiful nose. What are you going to do? That's my face on your face. It was es-a-chauvinistic. He's talking about like, you know, you want to change your face. I'm happy you're happy, but that's how everybody knows you. He literally said, everybody knows you with that wart on your nose. Worst thing to be known for. That wart is how people know who you are Bad

Get it removed That's my nose on your face It breaks my heart Dude he was crying He was crying in the fucking room To the side And the guy was talking And by the way they're filming the episode But also Dr. Miami is doing this to the side and the guy was talking. And by the way, they're filming the episode, but

also Dr. Miami's doing this to the guy's face. Yo, they got the cameras, but then they go to Dr. Miami's. This is what the thing that fucking Hollywood thinks. Oh yeah, let's do it also. We'll get the TikTok engagement with the shit. Dude, it's like, hey, the cameras

are there. It's like when people are at my shows, by the way, I'll be in San Diego on Sunday. And Seattle and Portland and all this shit. And Brea in California. So go to ChrisLea.com. But he's like, I just don't know. It breaks my heart because that's who she is. And it's just like that makes our genes just like she's

disappearing our genes are disappearing and he's crying dude and he's got a fucking bowling shirt on stallion um but people know you from your word on your nose stallion dude she looks like a witch get it removed had a bowling shirt on Guess if he was fat or not Don't have to So yeah anyway She came out looking fantastic That's how they do it dude

I like when people say they get plastic surgery for themselves I guess they do But also That's also not true though It's great to get plastic surgery for yourself And I get it but to get plastic surgery for yourself, and I get it, but also, hey, no. Right? Got it for yourself?

You get a painting, where do you hang it? Behind the clothes in the closet? What do you do, huh? You're showing it off, dude. There was another one where a guy was like, where a woman wanted a breast reduction, and the dude was, dude, her boyfriend was so trying to hold it together dude he was just like yeah you know um i don't know you know it's just like um it's not her though and they were like well yeah but her boobs are fake and they're like yeah yeah um yeah yeah no, but it's like, that's her to me.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And she was like, but I need to do this for myself. And he was like, yeah, yeah, nah, nah, yeah, nah. Like, I know, you know what I'm saying? But like, you know what I'm saying? Like the, how do I say this? The squirt engagement, you know what I'm saying? Like the, how do I say this? The squirt engagement.

You know what I'm saying? Like just was so worried about himself. I don't know, you know. She was like, but they hurt my back. He was like, yeah, yeah. No, no. I mean, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, but you know what I'm saying?

The boner inducement. You know what I'm saying? So anyway, she got him reduced. And the doctor was like, would you like to come in during the surgery? And the guy was like, yeah, I think I would. And he went into surgery. And, dude, he goes in with the mask on, took the mask off in the surgery, he dude he goes in with the with the mask on took the mask off in the surgery septic and then left and didn't talk to her for two days wasn't there when she woke up dude like and then came back and it was all good and he was like sorry i made a mistake and it was like oh dude uh yeah yeah you know i thought it was gonna to be worse. But yeah, dude.

So anyway, this is what it is. We watch TV, dude. Over the break, we watch TV. And also, yeah. Actually, I went to fucking... Nobody knows about this, but I went to rehab. And I don't know if I was going to tell people this or not, but I did.

I went to rehab. I was there for tell people this or not, but I did. I went to rehab. I was there for over a month. I went back in November and, um, we pre-record a lot of the shit. Um, and just should have done it this whole time. Honestly, like should have done it years ago. Didn't cause had excuses in my head about COVID and shit, but, uh, and all that. had excuses in my head about COVID and shit, but, uh, and all that. And, uh, but yeah, the, uh, I did it cause I, I had to, you know, for, for, uh, my addiction and all that shit. And I, I need to be present and my God, it was a trauma-based thing that I, uh, I went to and, um, one of the best in the world and holy fucking shit, man. Really, uh,

the world and holy fucking shit man really uh the work that they do there is absolutely amazing dude i i was there and i was scared as shit and i thought that um everybody when i was there two weeks in after i stopped being scared of shit i was like oh everybody should do this dude because you do shit where like you sit in a chair and close your eyes and talk dude who you think you talk to man who you think you talk to think about it who you think you talk to think about it you're probably like oh your mom or oh your dad or friends or enemies or people from your past and i would be like yeah but then they're like but then you're like oh yeah oh you probably talk to also maybe who else you talk to your friends your mom your dad you know your brother you talk to friends you talk to people that wrong you you talk to

people you wrong oh yeah yeah yeah But you know who else you talk to? You close your eyes and you talk to you as a seven-year-old. Oh, shit, dude, when I did that. that's the the water the floods just you dude coming from the How old The doctor How old are you When you imagine yourself as a child I don't know like 7 And where are you

What do you mean Where are you as a 7 year old If you were gonna If you as a 42 year old Were gonna walk up And talk to yourself As a 7 year old Where would you be

Like this though. I don't know. My old front porch. dude was in a trance I wasn't in here's the thing man I wasn't hypnotized but dude the fucking tears bro and it was it was transformative dude it was so unbelievable dude um yeah and i'm i'm i met so many great people dude people, dude. And, uh, yeah, it was, it was, it was crazy to, um, think about every day being in there. Yeah. I went in November through December and it was just like, I don't even know what to say about it, man. The food was trash. The food was fucking trash.

Get it together. The food was trash. It was literally like from like my little kitchen where you're like, do you eat this part? But yeah, man, you know, a lot of those guys in there um obviously like you know you don't share names and shit but like my god they were just like the the most to make lifelong friends at 42 and already know about it like a weekend just like these are these are my people it's hilarious too like because like when you like when you're an addict, you're also yourself.

Do you know what I'm talking about? You're also yourself. So I went in as myself what I thought, right? And like you're like, all right, I'm going to go to this thing. Now I have an unbelievable amount of fear in my life, I have an unbelievable amount of fear in my life. I have an unbelievable amount of fear in my life. Ever since I was a little kid, just every second in my head is something, somebody's going to abduct my parents.

Somebody's going to kill my dad. Somebody's going to poison me, right? Just been there from as early as I can remember, did not sleep through the night in my bed until I was maybe 13. Like I would run into my parents' room, like just being honest with you guys, like run in my parents' room. My dad would come in and be like, can I go to sleep? Whatever. Dude, just terrified of everything. And you go in with the tapes that play in your head you know of i got this but i also secretly don't have this because i'm scared because like i'm lonely i think i'm not worthy of love and like whatever it is and i think I'm not important.

Do I matter? You know, the real, the negative core beliefs that you have of yourself. And you go in and you think, but I'm me. I'm different. I'm, you know, that whole, that's poison to think that you're different or above it all or whatever the fuck it is. But you walk in that way. And then when you walk in or above it all or whatever the fuck it is but you walk in that way and then when you walk in with that fear me me i should say me when i walk in with that fear and that all that compartmentalization and all that stuff that i've

been working with and working on for 42 years to build my fucking walls up um you just walk in and you see the other dudes who just they just they you know what they look like people they're just people they're people that you might see you know where somewhere somewhere somewhere on the way somewhere or maybe at the place right or on the way somewhere. Or maybe at the place. Right? Or on the news somewhere. Talking about some fucking, you know, parade that they're, yeah, I'm really happy about that. That guy is there. And some people look cool. Some people look not cool.

Some people look fashionable, not fashionable. Some people look sad. Some people look fashionable not fashionable some people look sad some people are joking around and you walk in and you just go i you have this i had this thought where i was just i walked in and i was just like oh i'm like this right you walk in with all that baggage and then you see everyone else. You see a guy with like a, a fucking, um, uh, uh, a Beijing soccer team Jersey on, and then a tall guy from Kenya who's like 6 foot 19 with Patagonia on and you're like oh ah I'm like

this though and those were my motherfucking people dude I didn't want to well I don't know if I didn't want to talk about it but it's just it just went on it's it's what's happening in my life and it's so important to me you know and I and I and I love those guys and and and the therapy there, dude, was, I mean, it was like the therapists take their heart out, put it on the front of their boots, and kick in the fucking teeth for hours a day. That's what it's like. They take their heart.

They take their blood. They take their tears from whatever they've been working with. Because a lot of them were addicts too, or are addicts. And they just take their heart out. You go, you sit in a chair. They put their heart on the fucking tip of their boot. And they just go sit tight and fucking just kick in the goddamn teeth. And it is the most painful beautiful thing

and it's necessary and it's hard um yeah it uh it just is something i should have done a long time ago, and I didn't, and I did. And I can't express enough that if you are an addict or whatever it is, even if you think you got it, you know what I'm talking about? Even if you think I got this, or even if you think you got it. You know what I'm talking about? Even if you think I got this or even if you've had it, it's so hard to make. It's so hard to make.

It a priority. Mental health. it a priority mental health um and doing it moving life you know to do it for me it's just it was too important man like i i like i know i come on here I'm this funny guy but like you know like I get these fucking you know suicidal ideation and shit like that and it's just the you have to keep that shit in check and I fucking I cry on fucking podcasts all the goddamn time but

whatever Keep that shit in check. And I fucking, I cry on fucking podcasts all the goddamn time. But whatever. So you have to get, you have, it's just such a good idea, man. And it was so cool to hear the therapists and how much they care about you. And they keep in touch with me now for fuck's sake. You know, I heard that the guys in there miss me now so but that fucking Dr. Miami thing man is just like he's so annoying dude

everybody knows you from your what what the fuck I love you like that whether it's plastic surgery or fucking you from your what? What the fuck? I love you like that. Whether it's plastic surgery or fucking... You know? Shit is a struggle and shit is a fucking... You know, it's all about growth.

If you ain't growing, you're dying. That's what I'm gonna run for when I'm a mayor. The mayor of fucking... I don't know, dude. The whole fucking, yeah, I don't know, man. Well, whatever, fuck it. But I love you motherfuckers. I love y'all. Love y'all.

Yeah. uh i love y'all love y'all um yeah didn't have fucking my uh dude i like to go to zany island i like to take the i like to be the boy didn't have that for for fucking didn't have it. Dude, how about this? How about me gently, where you're like, oh, you're thinking of Chris, how'd it go in there? Oh yeah, the fucking, yeah, he's wearing his own clothes,

but he's probably still got the fucking four shots of espresso. Dude, they don't let you have coffee. You got to wake up at 6 a.m. for meditation on your own, dude, with your brain, and that's it. You get used to it. After over 10 days, you get used to it. Okay? The first 10 days, you get headaches. It's like a fucking... It's like a Mack truck hit you in the goddamn... In the head. And you wake up and you go...

That second day, that third day, you wake up and you go... You say, oh. You're... Oh, oh. you wake up and you go you say oh you're oh oh and then you go in and you say can i get actually can i get some uh advil oh we actually have you know when like you're like you whatever you want whatever it is you want by the way i don't know what the fuck the difference is between ibuprofen, aspirin, Tylenol. I don't know, dude. But no matter who I ask, they never have the fucking one I want, dude. Hey, do you have Advil?

Oh, no, but I actually have. Have you ever heard of fucking... What? This, it's the same thing. It doesn't have ibuprofen in it, but it's got the... What? If it doesn't have ibuprofen in it, but it's got the, what, what, if it doesn't have ibuprofen in it, how does it help, what, isn't that the thing, I got no idea, I got no idea,

I have no idea, taking it to say, dude, when I was there though, in rehab, they would give me the fucking, here, this, fine, I'm, dude, there's a fucking sun rising in my head or give it to me give it to me it would tamper it a little bit but you had to go through like red tape to get fucking whatever bay or excedrin or some shit and then fucking halfway through they were like do you want the thing for your headache with the caffeine or without? And I was like, this is for coffee headaches. Give me the caffeine. Why was the nurse hot? Fuck.

God damn it. That was going to be funny. Whatever, dude. Don't have hot nurses in rehab. Always a struggle um yeah dude so uh always a struggle but yeah so um yeah man it's all good i think i want to have some of these fucking mental health professionals on my podcast and shit dude the stuff that they would talk about was amazing but anyway dude decaf coffee for fucking i drank decaf coffee the whole time and uh and yeah dude finally got over

the headaches got out and then got a coffee took a few sips and i was like not for me dude what now i gotta drink hot coffee in the morning i guess it's better they said it's better for anxiety but your boy still anxious as shit but your boy though and now he's off the fucking zanny and off the, was never really on it, but, you know, occasionally I take the zany, took a zany the other day. Dude, oh! I go like this. Well, I guess maybe I can.

Eight and a half hours later. Yo, when you do that, if you don't take some shit ever you don't take anything for that dopamine hit dude i didn't even masturbate with the whole time i was there zero dopamine hits zero i didn't know what was going on with kanye west didn't have my phone. Zero dopamine hits. First time I talked to my wife two weeks in. Just fucking, I'm coming up. I want the world to know. I hung up.

I'm coming up. Oh, I want to do the dude it was for real honestly when I talked to my wife two weeks in after not talking you know what it was like dude you know oh yeah that's right this fucking I forgot about this this internet doesn't work um what's the fucking... It's going to be a commercial because I'm not signed in. It's great.

I hung up the phone. I just go like this. Dude, I just... I don't... That dope... That was... I'm codependent. I'm codependent. Something I learned. Still this. still this dude i uh codependent is when you get your uh

acceptance from someone else the way they feel and the way they react yes dude i have that your self-worth is based off what other people think of you yes i have that obviously you probably already know that because i'm a stand-up comedian. Didn't know that, though, because walls up, dude. Now I really know it, and it sucks. But it is what it is. And, you know, you go to CODA meetings. They got meetings for fucking everything.

They got Workaholics Anonymous. They got fucking all sorts of Anonymouses, dude. And all they do is, like like change the one word in it. But yeah, dude. Yeah, talk to my wife and holy shit. Dude, I felt like I was in Castaway. That's what it was like. At the end when Tom Hanks is in the middle of the fucking roads and he's talking to Helen Hunt.

And it's like even though they ruined the fucking movie in the previews because you saw him meeting her at the why do they do that with the preview of the fucking castaway preview don't show that part in the preview only show the plane crash and then his beard all big and the soccer ball or whatever the fuck it is henley the fucking volleyball stan, yeah, man, it was awesome. Hey, what's up? You know, dude, we didn't even get to fucking watch. The only thing that we could do is watch, uh, DVDs on Friday and Saturday night. Otherwise, this is what we did, dude. Besides crying and getting our fucking teeth kicked in with hearts, the fucking only thing we would do is this.

You ever been, dude, you ever been chilling? Guess what? No. The answer is no. Maybe if you're older than me nobody fucking chills anymore i go to my phone for that dopamine hit dude nah not anymore can't do it i go to my phone i go to my i fucking go i go to fantasy in my head for that dopamine hit i don't do that anymore i mean i have to stop myself sometimes think of the sex with past

sexual partners and shit like that that would be my escape dude because I don't want to think about me goes back to why I like talking to fucking landscapers about how many pots they're

planting because I don't pots they're planting the plants they're putting because i don't because i don't pots are planning to because i don't want to have to talk about me sad but dude it's all from childhood you know those negative tapes that play in your head that shit is absolutely something that you cannot... I don't know, man. You got to deal with it. So I'm trying, and it's tough. But yeah, anyway. We watched fucking DVDs.

I saw Hunger Games. Sat and watched a movie without my phone. Saw Hunger Games. I saw... Oh, dude. sat and watched a movie without my phone saw uh hunger games saw um oh dude bro the funniest thing the hardest i laughed the whole time there was a guy there that was uh of a religion of a religion that doesn't let them um shit hold on i gotta to plug my headphones in. Of a religion that doesn't watch like the Amish, you know? They don't have shit. They like churn butter. And he was there.

And dude, he got there and it was like movie night one night. And he was like, oh, awesome. And so we watched Born Supremacy. And he was was dude, just like the screen was here and just watching the people. Like at the end of the movie, one of the dudes says,

Oh, do you like that movie? And he says, fuck it, dude. And he was like, and they were like, Oh, you've never seen, you've never seen the Bourne movies before?

Dude, he said, I've never seen any movies. Dude, holy fucking shit. Dude, he said, I've never seen any movies. Bro, we fell out. It was the funniest fucking thing, dude. it was the funniest fucking thing dude it was the funniest goddamn thing um like also the fact that his first movie he saw was born too um yeah, so much funny fucking shit. But anyway, yeah. But that dopamine hit is real, man. Got to keep that in check. I do at least.

Fuck yeah, I love that song, dude. I love calvin dude i got home saw my wife and calvin it was just the greatest um you know it's crazy to be a dad and see my my son and know that to see things in my son that I was like, he is so sensitive and I, I am so fucking sensitive, dude. Like I, I, as I said, I was scared of everything. I thought my parents were going to get abducted and shit like that. And like, I thought I was being poisoned slowly as a kid. I thought my friend's mom was going to poison me. I mean, just like all sorts of fucking crazy shit that I believed. I actually believed it wasn't like something that I was scared of. I thought it was happening. Every day was the end of the world for me when I was a kid. And, uh, yeah. And, um, and so I see Calvin and he's just, I see him be so, you know, sensitive and I just,

He's just, I see him be so, you know, sensitive and I just, I don't want to make the same fucking, I don't want him to have the bad parts, you know. But you're going to fuck up your kid no matter what. That's the thing. That's the fucking hardest truth, you know. And the things also that your parents fall short on aren't even their fault a lot of the times. I mean, of course, if they're beating the shit out of you, it is. But like to hold space for people that, to hold space for both things, things that you didn't get as a child that you needed from your parents and the fact that you still love them and it's not their fault. It's just those two things together are something that I really struggled with, you know, um, because it's just going to happen no

matter what. So I do also, cause I live in fear, get so scared of fucking Calvin and, uh, you know, fucking him up. Um, but I just love that boy so much, man. Um, I love my family so much. And it's just, uh, the first thing he said to me when I got back was he looked at me and he goes like this. We call his, we call his grandma, my, my, my wife's mom, Kiki. First thing he said was he looks at me cause he woke up from a, from a nap or in the morning. Right. Yeah.

In the morning I woke up and he looks at me and he goes, he looks at me and sees it's me and he goes like this. Let's go see kiki's toys and i was just like that is the fucking funniest sweetest thing and i said let's see dude and then i he was like so like showing off and being excited and i was just the happiest i was just the happiest man um. So I did take a break because of my mental health. Um, and that was why. And, um, I do feel a bit refreshed and I am excited for my shows. I haven't performed in a bit. It's going to be a bit of a fucking memory game.

Um, but yeah, been trying to potty train calvin which is really fucking hilarious uh he just he'll go he'll go on the little potty you know we got that little potty and shit for him uh i shit in there too it's a mess no i don't. And he has a little potty and he sits on it and he waits to pee. And he's just like waiting. And then he'll go, it'll go, and it'll jump up. And as he jumps up, he'll go, I did it. And piss all over the floor also. And I'm like, dude, you're doing such a good job, dude.

You are doing such a good job. But you got to stay there on the toilet. And he does again. He lets a little bit out more. Stands up as he's, I did it. And I'm like, I got piss all over me. I'm just like, you're doing such a good job, dude. You are doing such a good job. You got to stay on there. I'm pooping. I'm pooping. I'm like, that's actually pee, but you're doing it, dude. And then, and then he's like, I have to poop. And and he goes on there sits on the toilet for 25 minutes doesn't poop and i'm just wasting time dude but i'm not though because you know i'm teaching him

how to potty how to be potty trained but it's so fucking cute and so funny dude i'll actually sit there with him all fucking day dude i don't get bored we chat we talk about fucking different things i mean mostly it's bullshit because he's leading it but like dude it's stuff that you know what it's important to him how about that how about maybe that's what he needs so if he wants to talk about fucking purple crayons for way too long which he does sometimes

we talk about purple crayons if he wants to say it's crayon day even though he's using a highlighter then you know what it's fucking crayon day dude um but he'll just even though he's using a highlighter, then you know what? It's fucking crayon day, dude. But he'll just sit there. He hasn't pooped in there yet, but he'll pee in there sometimes and we'll take the thing

and we'll walk it over to the toilet, dump it out, and then he'll go, he'll go, bye, pee-pee, and then he'll run back over to the toilet. But yeah, dude. I went in last night he was he was up till I mean I put him in bed at maybe nine something maybe 10 you know he sleeps late because he's

comic hours but he he didn't have his blanket he was still bucking around until like 12 30 it's been two hours and i'm like fuck i i said kristen i was like should we fucking go should i put put a blanket in there and he was she was like yeah yeah but the one blanket that he likes is the only blanket he'll allow in the bed i mean he's so me already he's two and a half and just like he's got to have the fucking one blanket and she's like it's in the car and i was like okay i'll go out and get a car and get to bring it i bring it in i said hey buddy he says hi i said do you want your blanket and he says yes and i put the blanket on him and i said how are you doing you okay and he said yes and i said do you want me to uh get in there with you and sleep in the crib and I was kind of

like just saying it and he said yes I said you do you want me to come in he says yes and so I move so he moves over I go in in the crib and I'm sleeping with him actually we have a picture of it we can put it on the uh on the video and uh and then I and then i wait and then i and then i'm i'm there for about 10 seconds and he's looking at me in the eyes and he goes like this go away stick dude and i said oh you want me out and he says go away Go away. So I fucking left. And he cried a little bit. But it's weird how, you know, managing. Look, he's a lot smarter than I am in a lot of ways.

He knows how to manage his emotions a lot better than I do. At least he fucking feels them, right? That's the thing. It's so hard to actually know for me how I feel sometimes. I wonder if you're like that. Like it is so fucking hard. Like, you know, a guy shit is like, oh, something happened. Boom. Anger. That's what I feel. Uh, do you though? What's under that scared of shit. And I'm angry about it. What's under that heartbroken, sad as shit. And I'm angry about it. What's under that?

Well, I'm happy and i don't want to be happy so i'm mad about that because it feels better to be angry because that's where i live and where do i live because of my anger fear and why do i do things that put me in fear because that's what i'm comfortable with and i keep reenacting trauma sad but that's the truth because that's where I'm comfortable. I asked my therapist, why do I do things that jeopardize myself and make me in fear? And she says, because that's what's comfortable for you. And that's when I think, well, that makes me scared.

And that's when she thinks, I know, dude, because that's what's comfortable for me. Oh, yeah. And thus goes the cycle. How do I break this and only become happy? Oh, we got to work through this. but the thing is i don't want to because it hurts because when we start talking about things i mean dude retrospect will candy coat everything nostalgia makes shit taste fucking real nice. But what is it really, dude? So tell me about you sitting on your porch when you were seven years old playing with the dinosaur. Is it for the kind of honey?

Since it was the last. For the exotic frozen mad world. since it was at last forging Sonic Frozen Mad World blood from the eyes Mad World um yeah dude and uh so did I rip these fucking pants? These pants are done dude I'm done with these pants man, I got them fixed 19 fucking times

and now I just can't, they're so tight because I keep patching them up, I'm done with them Diesel, you made a piece of shit pants um, and they're my favorite pants, so great, whatever dude my therapist told me that I should fucking imagine myself as 7 years old, meet myself on the porch and then

bring myself to my mom and my dad and talk to them and fucking make sure that I could take care of them and then open up literally my chest and open up my heart physically, actually, because there was a door on my chest and imagine it. And then imagine my seven-year-old crawling in there and closing the door on him. And I know what, no matter what I do in my life, he's also there too. And I'm like, okay. But I imagined myself seven years old, not the size of Jiminy cricket. So now I got this big ass lumpy seven-year-old sitting in my fucking chest, just knees up in his fucking mouth, all crunched into my chest. And that's where I am in this fucking, you know what I mean? Trans state. And I'm still crying, but I'm like, hey, it doesn't really fit. Dude.

All bunched up. Can this dinosaur, dinosaur can't fit. He wants a dinosaur. It doesn't fit in it. Should have told me I should imagine him the size of a fucking mouse. Seven year old in my chest and shit. Seven-year-old in my chest. So, yeah, man.

I'm going to pee bad, but I'm going to ride it out. Is he still sleeping, Calvid? Almost dropped it in my mouth right there. That's great. That's great. Dude, I kind of want to get back on the coffee train, but I also kind of don't want to get back on the coffee train. If you see me, I don't know, man.

People give me Starbucks gift cards and shit. Of course, that tastes like the back of the cow's mouth, but I get it. They're doing things to be nice and thank you very much, fans. I got meet and greets and shit. Oh, dude, they make you fucking set boundaries dude wow one thing i fucking hate is setting boundaries i'll tell you that much you know why i want everybody to like me and if i put a boundary on someone and they don't like it then they don't like me yay dude i'm 42 and i just figured this out you know what um so i had to put boundaries on people that's what my therapist told me that i had to put

boundaries on people that was like my assignment and one guy that was like eating in the fucking dining hall would uh fucking pull his chair out too loud and i'm like larry david sitting there i'm just like i can't how does this bother me that much dude i'm like a nom vet dude i'm like a fucking nom vet when it comes to noises dude i used to go out with this woman when i was 32 and she hated loud noises and it always bothered me i'm like it's just a noise and dude motherfucker if i don't have that now is it a condition loud noises look that up loud noises you can't be around loud noises i don't know whatever the fuck it's called audio sensory whatever the hell dude he would the fucking chair would come out it would be like all of a sudden an elephant just and i and the guy's a

fucking navy seal or whatever the fuck he actually. And so he gets up and does everything all loud. Nice guy, handsome as shit and fucking and I'm, Oh, Hey bro. Ha ha. Right. And he'd be like, and then he would go like a fun guy. And I'm like, yeah, dude, I get that's the thing to do as men, but holy shit, man. I got a seven-year-old inside my chest, and we don't like that, but I swallow it, you know, because I'm me, and I don't want him not to like me, and I'll sit, I'll sit with it, okay, I'll sit with it, and so then, I got to set these boundaries, you know, like two weeks in. You got to set boundaries.

You got to give somebody a boundary a day. And I'm like, for fuck's sake. All right, I'm going to give this motherfucker a boundary. So I'm sitting there at the fucking dining hall. It's just me. And he's at another table. I like the guy. He's a friend of mine.

Gets up. I go. I like the guy. He's a friend of mine. Gets up. I go. And I stand up and I say, hey. Hey, bud.

He says, sup. And I'm like. Could you not. Could you not do that so loud with the chair when you get up? It's so loud. And he said, huh. And I said, I got to put boundaries on people. They said I have to practice putting boundaries on people.

And he said, that's not a boundary. And I wasn't really equipped for that part. So I said, what do you mean? And he said, well, a boundary is like, hey, when you do this this it makes me feel this way and if you keep doing it then i'm gonna have to do something else and remove myself from the situation i was like oh okay right i'm saying it wrong um okay so when you um move the chair like that, like a fucking asshole, I didn't say that, but I wanted to,

but it was right, I was doing it the therapeutic way, so I'm like, when you get up and do that, it's loud for me and if you do do that,

when I'm studying here and I'm reading books telling me how fucked up I am and filling out the worksheets on how much of a piece of shit I am. Right? And I want to write letters, fictitious letters, when I'm writing fictitious letters to my

mom and dad and that I'm never going to send them because it's just an exercise, right? As I'm writing a letter with my left hand to my inner child on what what i might need from him as a 42 year old man i'm i can't hear that i'm gonna have to go into the other room um and uh and so so that's that and he said oh okay um well i don't want you to have to leave the room. So I'll be more conscious of it, man. And I won't do it so loud.

And I said, oh, thanks. And then a beat passed and I said, I said out loud, I feel so awful right now. And he said, really? And I said, yeah, man, I feel fucking horrible saying that shit. And he said, why? And I said, I mean, he's 40, I'm 42, and we're standing there, and we just ate piss poor halibut and cereal for dessert

because there's no sugar. Cheerios, by the way. And he says, why? And I said, because I'm afraid when I say that you'll like me less. I'm 42. He's 40. He's killed people. In the ocean.

He's an elite Navy SEAL. he's an elite Navy SEAL. I'm a dumb as shit comedian. I talk about things like pants on stage. And here we are looking at each other. Now, let me paint the picture, and I don't mean to do this in any shitty way or braggadocious, but we're both equally as handsome, dude. That's neither here nor there, but I just want you to know that. And I said, I want you to like me. And he says, oh, well, I do like you.

And that was that. and that was that. And me and the seven-year-old inside my chest finished our work. And you know what? When we were joking about the fucking chair beforehand, like a week beforehand, I was like, bro, that's so fucking loud. What the fuck? And he would go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you know?

He goes like this. He said, do I really do that loud? And I was like, yeah, man, it's, it's loud as fuck, you know? And he was like, yeah. Oh. And he was like, do you know, like who's bad at it now? There's three dudes that are real bad at it here. And he's like, really? And I was like, yeah. He's like, how do you even know? And I was like, that's the mind I got, bro. This is how it is for me. And he says, oh, well, who's the worst? And it was him. So I said, you, man. Dude, he laughed. That was great. That was great. There were such moments of levity there. It was hilarious. That was great. There were such moments of levity there. It was hilarious. That was great.

We were watching DVDs and shit. We watched, what did we watch? The Adam Sandler movie, Waterboy. And we were watching that movie. I had never seen that movie. Sucks donkey balls. And so we watched it. And of course they were like, some people people were like this movie's fucking hilarious and sucks donkey balls and so i was watching it and they were like dude a sex scene is coming up

and i was like really they're like yeah now obviously at this rehab they don't allow coffee so they're not gonna allow some fucking fucking screen of teddies bouncing around, you know? It's like, oh, my God, what the fuck? Dude, the scene comes up, the sex scene. It gets fat. What the fuck? We look, the nurse's station with the fucking DVD. Like fucking, dude, like Hawkeye with the arrow, dude, just ready for that shit. It was like, oh, my God.

Oh, I like you. I like you. Go to take off the shirt dude just ready for that shit it was like you're like oh my god oh i like you i like you go to take off the shirt and just the nurse with the fucking hawkeye shot dude unreal man un-fucking-real the nurse with the hawkeye shot don't want to trigger anyone that's what she said hilarious don't want to trigger anyone one time I was making everyone laugh and she came in and she was like what are you guys laughing about and I was like

we were just making a joke I don't know I was making a joke I don't even remember and she was like okay I just don't want to trigger anyone and I'm like what did she think I was fucking doing you know

whatever And I'm like, what did she think I was fucking doing, you know? Whatever. It was a beautiful time, man. Well, that's the episode for today on YouTube. If you want the rest of the episode, the uncut episode, the extended episode, ad-free, all super extended, go on over to our Patreon. It's patreon.com slash chrisdalia. And it's six bucks and you get all the previous episodes

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and all that shit. But our Patreon's popping. Go on over to chrysalia.com or, sorry, well, it is on chrysalia.com but you can go to patreon.com slash chrysalia.

Thank you, guys. Congratulations! Congratulations, motherfucking pop! You're a good motherfucker! You're a good motherfucker! You're a good motherfucker! You're a good motherfucker! I'm out.