Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 327. The Assassination of Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: July 20, 2023

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You know, we're going, we're live. Okay. Oh, dude. When does this come out? Thursday? I'm in Vegas. I'm in Vegas. Actually, you're there too.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm doing shows in Vegas. I'm doing shows in Charlotte. I got Brea. I got Irvine coming up. I got, I said Charlotte, Knoxville, Little Rock, Arkansas, Denver, no, not Denver. Sorry about that. I don't know.

A bunch of different cities. Go to chrislea.com. But yeah, welcome to the new episode of Congratulations. Awesome. awesome and we have my guest which is you know she's the best needs no introduction especially to the people who are avid listeners because you make an appearance pretty much on every episode even if you're not physically on it because i I talk about you, my wife, Kristen Taylor. Now, babe, what we do is, um, we have a new thing where we start the podcast with a few minutes of laughing because I'm getting absolutely jacked.

Oh, sorry. Can you explain like, just like this? Well, it's just funny because I, you know, I do, I'm always broad, right? But when I start working out, you know, I get crazy into it. Oh, no. I know. No. But I get crazy into it and I'm beefed up.

What the, what the frick? You know, because I don't swear, but I actually worked out today. No f***ing way. Okay, so we're going to have to bleep that out because it's the beginning of the episode. She doesn't know the rules and that's fine. Oh, that's kind of rad though. So it's going to do the beep. Whatever it is or it might quiet it out.

Oh, I seem like hard. We got to quiet it out, okay? We got to remember to quiet it out. Because we don't mean to, what do you call it? Stifle you? What do we call it? Censor you? But yeah, we can't because we'll get demonetized.

But we can swear after like five minutes isn't that crazy my man dude so i worked out today and guess what happened you got extra swole no well yeah but i i pulled my back a little bit in the middle of it he's old folks i am old dude and what did i do i kept going and kept complaining, as I knew you would, sweetheart. I kept going, dude. I kept going. Not only did I keep going, I kept doing the same exercise. I go like this.

Ooh. Ooh. No. No, body. Let's keep going. And I did. No, you got to listen to your body. I know.

That's your body telling you you got to stop. And I wonder if it was a mistake. We'll find out tomorrow when we wake up. Tomorrow, we'll find out if my back still hurts or worse uh but anyway yeah i don't i don't i'm not gonna stop dude you see these from dead lifting anyway dude enough about me how are you i'm good good we talk every day but you know not on the podcast so yeah uh what's been going on i listened to about 50 of them i'm a mom of two we got a lot going on you should force the kids to listen but the kids to the podcast yeah i don't think this is like kid appropriate no okay no um but what what kinds of things do you say on the podcast

about me and are they nice oh oh yeah always i always say you're my angel and then i talk about how i always feel like that's weird to say you're my angel because you're just an angel that was put on earth, you know? And I'm lucky enough to be around you. It makes me feel like a simp to talk like that because I never used to talk like that. But really, when you realize that stuff, you got to say it because you got to be who you are. Sure. Right? But anyway, whatever.

I don't really know what a simp is. Yeah, it's like a simp, like a guy that'll do anything to get a chick. Yeah. There's so much of the lingo. It's funny, like growing up and you hear your parents saying the dumb things. Oh. That was like a decade ago. Like my dad is like the king of that.

Like he'll be like, what up, homie? Yeah, rolling with my homies. Yeah, yeah. He'll be like, oh, 50 cent. Remember what? Dude, one of the things that bothered me the most is when people said 50 cent, when white people said 50 cent and they would say 50 cent because it's, you're making it racist, right? Whoever does that is racist.

Oh, okay. They're in the clan. Remember when we were listening to the podcast last night and the guy said- Whose podcast? Just the one that we were listening to and the guy said ambulance. Oh yeah, he did. Ambulance. Ambulance. Ambulance. He was black. I'll say it. I know you're not going to do it, but he was black. Black people say ambulance. one that we were listening to and the guy said ambulance oh yeah he did ambulance ambulance

ambulance he was black i'll say it i know you're not going to do it but he was black black people say ambulance and library and i don't know why it's just in their culture it's part of the coach um but yeah dude ambulance it actually should be ambulance i agree with black people it should not be library though okay because that sounds like fruit. But ambulamps, 100% it should be that because it's at least ambulance sounds so clinical. Ambulamps sounds awesome. It's me. Ambulamps, I'll turn it off. So rude.

Ambulamps sounds awesome because at least if someone's dying, you get to be like, the ambulamps is coming. It's fun to say. Yeah, I think he had a stroke, but don't worry. The ambulamps is coming. Dude, that's awesome. Wow. I hope, well, I don't hope we don't have to, I hope we have to call the Ambulamps soon,

but not on us. You want to call them on somebody? Yeah. You want to call the Ambulamps? I would just call them randomly on someone. Yeah. Sometimes when I need a break. You want to call, you want an ambulance to come?

Just like a ride with some peace and quiet. This is you. Just away from my family. This was a great idea. And I'd send you the bill. Oh, and I hurt my back. Wow. Yeah, I don't think it's as big. I don't think it's like a bulging disc or anything like that. So you know how you're going on about ambulants

and what was the other word? A library. You think so deeply about these odd... Okay, so here we go. This is going to be not a compliment. It seems like a compliment, but it's going to be not a compliment. Welcome to my wife's world.

Go ahead. Okay. I'll rephrase it so it's complimentary. No, it's okay. I like it the way it is. You be you. Okay. You fucking suck.

Nice hat, you suck. I didn't even have a hat on. You think so deeply about these minute things in life that have no meaning, that don't matter, and will not affect anyone or anything ever. Ambulance. Simply that thing that you thought so deeply about will never affect anyone or anything. Why don't you want to focus that energy Onto things that could Not only better you Benefit the world I'm not a doctor

You could be a mayor You could like do some things I could be a mayor I could do this That would look good on a poster right I was ready to slam But you did look kind of cute Dude so I could be A mayor but I don but I don't think I could be a mayor.

Because I don't think that, I think I would blow it. Like very early on. I would just, I would get so pissed off. Yeah. And I would be like, I made the fucking point. You know, if you don't get it, then you don't fucking get it. And you would just be like superimposed to the stats going down over my face. Yeah, I don't think I could be mayor.

Well, imagine, like, me if you were, like, doing a speech at the podium and how embarrassed I would be. You'd be so proud and then immediately so wrecked. Yeah. So much sweat. And I'm just, like, smiling, like, crying tears. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to keep together. And then I come up, babe, I don't even know if I really wanted to do it. Yeah. So much sweat. And I'm just like smiling, like crying tears. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to keep together. And then I come up, babe, I don't even know if I really wanted to do it.

Yeah. But it's crazy black people say ambulants. Oh. I would say at the end. You know what being with you is like? What? It's like, you know the owners that have the dogs that they love, but they like bite little kids in public or they bark too much.

Yeah. And you have them out and you love them so deeply but you're constantly apologizing for them you're like sorry he's just like that's rude that's me being in a relationship with you i'm like i'm sorry he's just like kind of a little bit yeah and then i go like this she doesn't do well you have a thing where you talk you're you feel like you want everyone to be okay and like, everything's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bull could like literally like crush into our living room and you'll be like, do you want anything to eat to the bull?

You know what I mean? Sure. Like you just, I don't want. Yeah, yeah. Which is a problem in itself and something that I need to work on. And that's why we make a great couple. And that's why we also butt heads sometimes. Because you want everyone to be okay.

And I don't give a fuck. Want everyone to die. And I'm a nihilist. Yeah, but I don't know. Speaking of you thinking about things, oddly, we had a conversation this morning and I cannot stop thinking about it. And maybe we can talk about it here.

Oh, really? It's crazy that two people can have something that happens and one person can be thinking about it and maybe we can talk about it here oh really it's crazy that two people can have something that happens and the and one person can be thinking about it non-stop and the other person is just like we talked in the morning i thought i just got up and and went to the gym but what happened i was so excited to talk to you about it i had to stop myself from going upstairs and wake you up and when i heard your little feet steps, I was like, oh, yeah. Oh, dude, this was ridiculous how you woke me. I woke up.

Dude, okay. Let me just start by saying when I wake up, I don't, I'm awake. I'm not ready, period. I got to hang out for like at least 40 minutes. I don't open my actual eyes for 30 minutes. I'm walking around, one eye's open, you know what I mean? I'm like halfway. Dude, you wanted to wake me up for that?

Yeah. Unbelievable. I'm walking down. I'm not even downstairs yet, okay? This is what happens. Go ahead. No, you can go. I want to hear it from your perspective first, and then I'll correct.

Dude, okay. I walk down the stairs. She's at the bottom of the stairs already, okay? In one of her nine rows, all right? It's blue, right? The blue one you had the blue one on? I had the pink one on. God damn it, memory.

So I, she's, you really had the pink one on? I don't know. I think you had the blue one on. Well, I guess I'll find out upstairs when it's on the bed. You think you had the pink one on? Yeah. Wow. That's crazy. In my head, it's blue. That's really crazy. All right. So she's at the bottom of the stairs. I'm walking

down the stairs. I'm not down the stairs. I'm halfway down the stairs. Exactly halfway down the stairs. And she says, babe. And I said, yup. And she says, I think I know what you have is this what you're talking about right yes if you woke me up for this i say and i go like this huh but very groggy you know because i'm not awake yet and she says i said huh and she says i think i

know what you have you know how you sometimes think that you're autistic and i and i and i'm no you know i don't mean that to troll people who have autism i think that that's you know they have some of the most beautiful minds in the world yeah i mean and then you know there's both ends sometimes it's great sometimes it's not great right but um i i i wonder sometimes if i'm on the spectrum, right? She says, you know how you think you have autism sometimes? I think I know what you do have. PDA, right? And I said, public displays of affection.

I don't like doing that. But that's not what she's talking about. She's talking about. It's like a sect of autism. The PDA type. And it's on the spectrum? Most of the people that have PDA are autistic,

but it's not recognized by the DSM. I have a lot of things that the DSM don't recognize. That's true. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. By the way, they recognize hoarding, don't they?

I know. It's so weird that sex addiction is not added. Yeah, how'd you know I was talking about sex addiction? So yeah, they have hoarding and don't they? I know. It's so weird that sex addiction is not added. Yeah. How'd you know I was talking about sex addiction? So yeah, they have hoarding and shit. And like they talk about gambling, right? And I don't know if they have gambling, but overeating.

It's like, dude. I mean, yeah, if gambling is one, sex is so obviously one. It's the same thing as gambling. They're in talks about it though. Yeah, I know forever. That's never going to happen. Insurance companies don't want to pay for it. He gets real.

Dude, he gets real sometimes. Is that what you think it is? Yeah, dude. It's the insurance company. They Insurance companies don't want to pay for it. He gets real. Dude, he gets real sometimes. Is that what you think it is? Yeah, dude. It's the insurance company. They don't want to have to pay for fucking rehab and shit. That had to come out of my pockets. By the way, speaking of pockets, we got the diving board right here because the pockets stay deep, dude.

We got a diving board right there. And it says on the back, pockets stay deep. That's the merch. You can get it at chrysalia.com right there. Pockets stay deep. It's absolutely Ellen. And so what were we talking about? PD,

autism. I guess we could look it up, right? Yeah, let's look it up. I was reading the symptoms and, Simp.

I was reading the symptoms and he wasn't saying anything and then I got to the end and then he just looked at me and he said, I'm every one of those. Hold on, PDA. of those. Hold on.

PDA. Autism. Autism. Put in adults. Because childhood symptoms, you want to know. So hold on. What is PDA like in adults? Individuals with PDA may engage in, you want to read it?

Sure. Okay. individuals with PDA may engage in behaviors that allow them to avoid these demands, such as withdrawing from activities, avoiding social situations, distracting the person who is placing the demand, making excuses for not doing something, or even lying if they are desperate enough to avoid demands. All right, so let me just say something. What they're describing, honestly, is a person.

No. Oh, come on, dude. Every guy that's listening to this goes like this. I got PDA. No, you think that that's everyone because you're in your own head. This is every guy except David Sullivan. Oh, he's the best. I'll do it, man.

He's got true, true, true. He's running do it, man. He's got true, true, true... He's running from something. You want him to be running from something because he's such a lovely, healthy person. We've got to have something. When everybody's honky-dory and all that shit... Honky-dory?

Yeah, it's just not okay. Stupid. So that's PDA. Okay, let's go through these and see which of these that you have we just did no but these are this is like a more um specific okay highly intelligent hilarious need for autonomy and control yeah resist demands of everyday life yes even activities that the person enjoys there's honestly no such thing as demands of everyday life. So, yes. Oh, God.

May not recognize hierarchy. Yeah, I agree. I agree with that. Thank you for making that list that I agree with. Sure. Uses fantasy as an escape to avoid demands. Yes. You go like this. Hey, can you clean the dishwasher?

And I go like this. Sex. You go like this. You go like this you go yeah this can you move the car i go like this hmm well i'm thinking of sex what's it do car what car you say sex you got real problems huh what you got real problems huh yeah talking to the mic man all right especially when it's slamming go ahead um difficulty with emotional regulation or mood swings. I don't know if I, yes. Yeah. Well, anger.

Yes. Might appear interested in socializing. No. But has difficulty interpreting social interactions or situations. No. Yes. I don't have that. Sweet.

I know what's up. That's the opposite of that is knowing what's up, and I have that. The doctor would be like this, I don't know if you have that one, because you know what's up. Oh, wow. Impulsivity? Yes. Difficulty with self-regulation?

No. May have special interests or seems to have a one-track mind. Yes. Can become obsessive. No. Meltdowns or shutdowns? Shutdowns. So.

I'm like that. You go like this. You go like this. You go like this. You say, can you do the dishwasher? And I go like that. You go like this. You go like this. You go like this. You say, can you do the dishwasher? And I go like this. Sex. I shut down.

I just don't. There's so many things like that happen. Oral copulation. That happen in our day-to-day life. Sex. That I try to understand. Playing horizontal with our woman. This is the one track mind.

Yeah, dude. You have to get the joke out. Humor though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is the one track mind Yeah dude You have to get the joke out Yeah Yeah Playing with a partner Downwards European slope of titties You know what I mean Dude some Europeans

They have the tits that go Like Persian shoes How many It goes like thisits that go like Persian shoes. It goes like this. Arabian Nights. And you go like this and the blue genie comes out. How many have you seen in person? European slope titties?

Yeah. Probably not many. I always put those back. How do you put them back? Stupid. Arab walking away dude i so do you think you have this or not slub titties uh yeah i think i probably have it but dude this is but this is honestly like it's what this is like they're making something everything they're making everything something okay either way i think you're generalizing like not wanting to like the making demands thing It's what, this is like, they're making something everything. They're making everything something. Okay. Either way. I think you're generalizing, like not wanting to, like the making demands thing.

And it's like, every guy wants that. You have to know that you are so far on that end of the spectrum. I get it. Anytime that someone even has a tone where you, they could be telling you in your head what to do. I get it. I mean, even now I you're already checked out. Yeah, we did this conversation.

And I asked you, which is so funny because it's like making a demand. I was like, well, look it up on your own time so that you can. And you know what? I thought when you said that, when you told her, I said, she's doing the thing that she knows I don't. She just pointed out that I'm like this and she's doing the thing. She's making me do something and she's already fucking pointed out that I don't like to do it. I go, the nerve.

In my head, I go, the nerve. And then I go, yeah, the nerve. I'm two people. Are you kidding me? Yeah, I can't believe she's there. That's unbelievable. What the fuck are we going to do? I don't know, man.

Sex. Is this normal in relationships? Or is this like really on the bad end? Who knows, dude? I don't know. Yeah, I don't either. What I do know is we're great together

and that's that. So let's, boop, leave it alone. Boop. Anyway, dude. It would make a lot of sense. Yeah, I guess. Back's feeling great, man.

It would make like a lot of things in my head make sense. Like the puzzle pieces I've been trying to understand about you. Puzzle pieces, huh? Yeah.

Speaking of which, why don't you like to watch movies? We watched a movie last night though. Yeah, we did. And you liked it. I did. Well, you were interested in it. I would say I was interested in it too.

Yeah, it was fine. It was good though. It was good. I'm starting to like it, but just a little. You don't like watching this stuff and i get it but uh you stayed up and you watched it and it was a movie called sanctuary and it was i didn't know what we were getting into when we turned it on we turned it on it was crazy it was wild but anyway

um and uh the guy from girls is in it what's his name he's so cute you said he's cute i think he's so cute i don't know i i didn't think that but like uh i'm a guy and like i was shocked that you said you thought he was like kind of hot what's what's it what's the guy's name well why do you think he could always know like who i'm going to find hot i don't know i think i do and then you always like here christopher abbott i mean he's definitely a good looking dude but like i was like i was shocked yeah i like that he looks like a little jewish Yeah, you like that. Yeah. You like guys that look a little Jewish.

I do. You play like Adam Driver too then, huh? Oh my God. Yeah. Is that a yes? That was too effusive. I'd leave you for him. Oh, okay.

Straight up. Okay. Even though he was in that movie 65? What's that mean? Oh, the movie 65. It was terrible. Oh. But it's okay.

I've been in bad movies. Yeah. So. Is he married? Adam Driver? Yeah. Let's see. I don't know. Is he married adam driver yeah let's i don't know i don't know is he married adam driver married probably not joanne tucker cute he's married oh she's so cute wait she's in is she an actress or no oh no she's not in it she's a politician? Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Damn. That's rad. We got to get politicians.

We got to get into politics? We got to get into politics. What would be your platform? Enough. Enough. Vote for me. So good. Hey, hey, enough. All right. Pack it up. You have me. So good. A, A, enough.

All right. Pack it up. You have one minute. Yeah. To give the speech of a lifetime. To convince. Got it. All these guys. No, I want you to do a minute.

Okay. All right. Ready, set. That's my mouth. It's not the thing. I gotta go go like this i know i'm not the president doesn't matter i'm not even going to be in the president i'm not interested in being the president we got a lot of stuff to iron out all right and i'm not even going to talk about what okay because you know what there's common sense and then there's us we're not near common sense as a whole mass we need to be at the level of common sense. So I say to you people of whatever, you know, body I'm trying to govern enough.

That's what I'm running on. I'm running on enough's enough, dude. And I'm not saying I'm against certain types of people or against certain types of ideas. What I am saying is I'm against not being for common sense. So ladies and gentlemen, and whoever else you may be, enough's enough. Vote for me.

That was exactly a minute. It was at 52. And I would get votes, dude. You don't think I would get votes? I would get votes? You don't think I would get votes? And who would I be running against though you're my first i vote for you and then at the end i go i go like that well that was and then they cut back to the people they go oh that was okay well i don't know dude i i did- If you did that, you would get elected.

Yeah, I know, dude. It's just like- Straight up. It's just so annoying, especially because I've had a scandal. Dude, if you have had a scandal, you can, on a politician level- Explain. Because people are like, what the fuck is up with this guy? And they go, hmm. And then they go, ah, fuck it.

Oh, but that- And then half the people have to hate you, right? Sure, yeah. And half the people have to be like, yeah, but fucking he's making sense. You know, I made so much sense in that speech. Yeah. Anyway, you know what? That actually made me think I could actually do it.

Let's do it, babe. President or what? No, not president. I would love to be first lady. I would love picking out dishes for the White House. Don't say that. I hate every single time that we do one of these. It's not going to happen.

I know, but you always somehow speak into existence. Who talks about death more, me or you? Me. So then what are you talking about? Yeah, but not to like out into the world. I don't put it into the ethos. Oh, okay. Well, ethos.

Suck it back in, into your body. Take it out of the mic and suck it back into your body. That's not how things work. It does in my brain. Thank you. But I want to go on with the bit Sure I would love to get dishes And pick them out for the White House

No the bit is I get A-S-S-I-N-I Whatever the rest of the word is Okay but I want to decorate the White House Okay that's very self-serving Dude you want me to run the country Because you want to decorate the ice house? White house? The ice house.

My first speech as president would be, Ladies and gentlemen. Babe. You'd be in the back sweating. No, I'm in the back like walking with the lamp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With dishes. Trying to get out of the shot.

I'm going to decorate it anyway. Dude. Anyway, man, you know, it's like, so what else is going on? Dude, you know what? Let's look up how you, like, enter races. Nah, nah. You're not into it? Nah.

That was a demand. And I have i have pda you know what what i want to know is i have been getting more fit okay and you say you like me better when i'm not fit true and true dude what is up with that man what is up with that yeah well tell me about that because i don't believe you know I don't believe people anyway. Right. Yeah. That's my childhood. But what is the deal with that? Because how could you like somebody who's less fit?

Okay. There's something about, it's not, it's not how your body looks one way or the other. It's the act of wanting to go and constantly make yourself look better. It's like that thing that's less attractive. That's a turn off. It's not a turn off. Good. I'm still doing it.

It's not a turn off. It's like, how about this? There's something very sexy about a guy that's like, yeah, fuck it, I don't give a shit. Right, I know, I know, I know. But doesn't it make up for it if after the guy takes off his shirt and it's a roadmap? To where?

Sexville. No. Okay. No. Well. no okay no well i love the thing i like about it is that you found something that you really really love and like watching you like you're so obsessed with it right now that like anytime i look at you yeah you're just like obsessing about finding workouts and planning what you're gonna do the next day and counting your calories and I did, yeah. It's very cute.

I read so many articles about working out last night. Wow. And then I pulled my back today, so. There you go. 43. Dude, what are you going to do for Barbie Barbenheimer? Barbenheimer. Are you having a stroke?

No, I understand why you say that, but Barbenheimer. Opp having a stroke no i i i understand why you say that but barbenheimer oppenheimer nope barbie and oppenheimer are coming out in the same day oh did they come out already so what are we going to do for barbenheimer is that what people are calling it that's barbenheimer yeah okay um i don't even know what you mean by that what are we going to do for it are we going to see bar, we're not because we're going to be in Vegas. Carissa.com. We, I don't want to see the Barbie movie. I don't care.

Neither do I. I don't care at all. So let's go see Oppenheimer. I want to see Oppenheimer, but we'll probably wait until we come back. Did you see what Christopher Nolan said about the strike? No. He said he's not going to make another movie until they figure it out. Well, yeah, no shit.

That's what a strike is. I know, but I'm saying that. Oh, you want a strike, huh? Well, check this out. I won't make another movie until the strike ends. No, but like he's putting his back in the game, skin in the game, and being like, I'm not going to work again until you do this, this, and this. I understand that.

But he's trying to get credit off of something that everyone is already doing. And he's saying it in a different way when realized all he should be saying is, I stand with them because I'm striking. He's lost me as a fan. No, but it's. I'm kidding. I love his stuff. It's cool because you don't think about the actual implications of it. And he's putting those implications to the forefront where, like, you're not going to see another one of my movies.

Until. And I make rad movies. Yeah. Until we get what we want. Which is? implications to the forefront where like you're not gonna see another one of my movies until i make rad movies until we get what we want which is can you look this up i mean what's he talking about i don't know money and money and i mean the ai thing i think that honestly what i think this writer strike and the actor strike i think what they're doing is i think because what they said about the background actors and about how paying them for a day for their likeness and perpetuity I don't know I know what that word means because I'm smart but like perpetuity means forever but like so I don't want to just don't say and so they use it forever they say in perpetuity it's not smart which is fucking horseshit but I

know it because I'm smart so um but why why do they I think that when they said that they were going to do that they were just like well we don't actually give a fuck about actors and we're not going to need them in a little bit. I actually think that actors are fucked. I think writers are fucked. I think because in five years, you're going to be able to make a dope movie and they're going to have their own movie stars that are fake, not real, and it's going to look real and it's going to be great.

It's going to be gripping, dude. And I think that Hollywood's going to be like, we don't need Chris Pratt. It's nice to have them, but we make way more money without Chris Pratt because we don't have to pay bots. What do you have to say about that? I don't know. I mean, I'm thinking about it logistically and I think there's something to it being a real person.

Like you following there, you're not just watching it because it's, they're a good actor. You're following it because a real person. Like you following their, you're not just watching it because it's, they're a good actor. You're following it because they're this bigger than life thing. I understand that. I hear that.

But how, until when? How long does that last? I have no idea. Because that's, you know, people love Chris Pratt. People love Adam Driver.

But after they get old, AI, what? They'll just make a new movie star. They'll make Flimbot 75. And they'll be like, starring Flimbot 75. Grownups 10 starring Flimbot 75. I have no idea what's going to happen.

Obviously, I don't think anyone does. I hope they make a Grownups 10 is what I'm saying. In like 10 years, I think it's going to be insane. Starring fucking David Spade, Chris Rock, Kevin James, and Flimbot 77, and Adam Sandler. It's a Flimbot 77 vehicle. Oh my God, we are grown-ups and we're in a pool. Oh my God, we are grown-ups and we're splashing. Who peed in the pool, Kevin james god damn it kevin james

if they asked you to do an all ai movie i'm in dude i don't give a fuck about the strike i'm in i'm in black ball me i'm in i don't care i'm in an all AI movie and it's also just me, Chris D'Elia. Babe, we have so many actor friends. Fuck them. Fuck them. Dude, fuck them to their face. How come though? Because I don't give a fuck, dude.

I'm in that AI shit. You wouldn't be in the AI movie. Dude, I am gangster, dude. You can't be like on the side. I'm acting to no one. You can't be on the side of the robots. That's like so not the right way. I am.

I'm the bad guy. I'm the bad guy in the AI wars. Don't say that. I want to be with a good guy. Dude, I could be a politician and be the robot fucking guy. And we all have such a great life, babe. We already have a great life. I know, but we would have riches.

No. We would have robots doing stuff. If you didn't, you know, if you didn't want to do stuff, I could have the robots do it. I don't mean sexual, but that too. I don't mean sexual. I mean dishes, dude. I want the robots to do the dishes because I always have to do stuff, I could have the robots do it. I don't mean sexual. But that too. I don't mean sexual. I mean dishes, dude. I want the robots to do the dishes because I always have to do the dishes. That's the only chore that you have and that's what you're recommending the robots do in our house?

That's one thing that they could do, yeah. I like doing all my things. You like doing the dishes? I don't do the dishes. You do the dishes. What a politician. That was good, dude. You make a good first lady thank you um yeah dude i i just think that uh ai is going to take over i think actors and writers are fucked and i think that people are afraid to say it and i'm not

afraid to say it i think that that's what's gonna i think that that's what's going to happen i think that they're fucked how do we help oh we don't we can't it's impossible you know how they go like this yeah but you gotta die trying you don't you can just chill and and let it kill you yeah you're gonna die anyway i'm an analyst dude i what what you can't go against ai. You can't. We're already, it's already done. But we made it. We can go against whatever we want. We made COVID too. Wuhan?

I don't know. I don't even know if we made it or what. We got to get into like conspiracy theories and look it up on YouTube. Joe Biden's a lizard. When he goes in the ocean, it's the only reason is to get his, to shed. Did you see the thing about the cocaine in the White House? No. Really?

No. So what do you look at when you look at the internet? I'll tell you right now, working out videos. Wow. That's all I look at is working out videos and reading workout. I like to think of how I keep my heart rate going. I buy stuff sometimes. I can get that heart monitor thing. I try not to buy shoes. I keep my heart rate going. I buy stuff sometimes. Like I get that heart monitor thing.

I try not to buy shoes. I look at shoes a lot. Yep. That's, you know, I text my friends. You at no point want to be like, what's going on with the world? No, it makes me sad, dude. It makes me sad. Avoid it.

Yeah, but like you can't beat it. You know how much happier I am i am sincerely that i don't have to hear about kanye west it's it makes me happier sure it makes me happier i don't want to i don't want to read up about a guy who's being anti-semitic and and then and then he loses money and shit and like you know it's all sad the whole thing i don't i was like i'm not once i was like i'm not ever gonna look at this shit ever again. And I wasn't already, but for some reason I kept looking at the Kanye thing. I stopped looking.

I was happier. Yeah, but that doesn't have any... Or I look at my Instagram feed with my friends and shit. But it doesn't have any weight in our real life. I'm saying things that affect our day-to-day life. Things that you can learn about. Like AI? Yeah, just shit like that.

Well, what happened with the cocaine thing in the ice house? Is that something that... In the ice house. The White House. Is that what's going on? Ice house is good.

It's a good comedy club. They found... I don't know a lot about it, so I'm just, you know, ripping, but... Great. They found cocaine in the White House.

Where? In a baggie. Oh. And I think in the Oval Office, right? Is that right? Hell um and they no fingerprints sketchy it was planted planted you think planted that's your go-to if there's no fingerprints dude i see my thought is they know whose it is but they can't do anything about it.

Well, they're lying about their fingerprints then. Yeah, it would be too big of a security risk. Well, yeah. Who has cocaine and is wiping off the bag and then leaving it in the White House? How did it even get out? How did it even get out, the information get out? That's a good question. Do you guys know?

Cover that up. Hush that up. Oh, there's White House in the... There's snow in the White House. Oh, fuck, what are we going to do? Oh, I don't know don't know hey look bolivia marching powder is in the fucking white house what are we gonna do i don't know how they found who found out i i don't know babe i don't know i don't know enough about it but i know people are like up in arms about it and the theory being like if we can bring cocaine into the oval office like who can bring anthrax and other

chemical weapons yeah but when has there not been cocaine in the white house there's oh you know dude they're all coked up how could you do that job and not be fucking coked up i want joe biden to do cocaine yeah a lot of it yeah like just get this over it'll keep him awake um you think he's gonna be president again i don't care they're both i don't care they're both i don't want biden to be president i think he's doing an okay job oh you're crazy you don't know you just admitted that nothing you don't read anything about anything that's the i that is the point that we both agree on is like no one knows shit about no one knows shit yeah i do agree that i i do say, like, do your own research,

it's like that you can't. I know. I think, like, also going through our own thing and understanding how little people actually know about, like, the reality of the situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That, like, no one knows shit about shit. No, I know, yeah.

People don't know shit. Biden, yeah, I don't have a clue. I don't know. You know? All I know is fucking Trump's hair is sick. And I want somebody with a sick hair. With a sick hair? One hair.

It is one hair. It's just twirled around a little. It's like cotton candy. Is he running again? I don't know. Yeah. That's what he says. Oh, I'm tired.

I'm too tired. I'm too tired. I'm too tired first. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm too tired for it all. Yeah. We'll see if the libtards can do it. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm too tired for it all. Yeah. We'll see if the libtards can do it. You know what I'm saying?

Mm-hmm. We got to be a fucking super right Republican, dude. No, sweetie. What? No? Okay. No, no, no. Whatever.

We don't need to be anything. Yeah, true. I'm center. I'm in this. I'm in the middle there. Are you? I think. Yeah.

I think probably. Sure. Because like gays can get married. Yeah, of course. Hell yeah. They probably have really cool weddings. I'd love to go to a gay wedding. Invite us.

I don't want to go to any wedding. And don't invite us. I don't want to go to any wedding. You're missing one of my best friend's. I have PDA. Weddings from high school. Not on purpose. I'm not on purpose.

Because I have a show in Nashville. ChrisLea.com I have to be in Nashville. ChrisLea.com Such a bummer. When is it? I forget. September something. That's i have to be in nashville chrysalia.com such a bummer when is it i forget september or something that's when i'll be in nashville yeah unless when your friend will get married i do feel bad though i would have gone i didn't know you know it's like they they should

have done it they should have told us early early on they told us a few months beforehand but you will admit that like any kind of regular event like that, getting you to go and seem somewhat interested is like, woof. Well, you've gotten better. I feel like I've gotten way better. You definitely have. Yeah.

I remember a wedding thinking back where you were literally just like in the corner of the, yeah, I used to not be able to do that. Um, I was like hiding almost behind a curtain. Like it was a movie. Yeah.

It was a piece of shit. I couldn't, I couldn't understand really. It was like, I really felt like a foreign person, was a piece of shit i couldn't i couldn't understand really it was like i really felt like a foreign person like a like an alien like how are people having fun doing this that's the social interaction thing now i i can do it for sure and i actually enjoy myself but like man i don't like it was i was it was like i was so into my first of all first of all into my, first of all, first of all, into my addiction. And I don't mean a specific addiction. I mean all of it, dude. Like I was tracking my money.

I was tracking my shows. I was trying to have sex. I was like, whatever it was, I was just well in the things that I wanted to be doing. And when I had to have a conversation with somebody that wasn't a lunatic comedian, it wasn't stimulating to me. It was like drug, it was all drug. You know what I mean? I mean, I never did drugs, but like, yeah.

So it's like so weird that that's like, but that's how I felt. And I was like, how do I even get out of this? I would spend time thinking like, I'm not normal. Like, how do I not have fun at these things? Look at everybody. Like they're all having so much fun and I just, I can't. And I don't know, you know.

Your brain was hijacked. I know. But now I can do it. Now I can, now I can do it. I have fun. I did. I go to weddings. I went to, you know, went to my cousin's wedding.

We went to Jordan's wedding and it was fun. I went, I go to your friend's weddings. I find ways to have fun, you know? Yeah. And, and, and like, if you ask me, do you want, bro, you know, you ask somebody, do you want to go to your wife's friend's wedding? Like most guys would be like, I mean, nah, but like they go and they make it work. Yeah.

Right. You know? Well, I think for you, like, especially with your addiction, I, for a long time thought that you were just aloof. Yeah. Like I thought that that's where you were in your head. Well, I do think I'm aloof. I mean, to a degree, but you're actually very focused on the things that you're very focused on.

Yeah, true. And like you're always doing something in your head. And I thought you were just like, because I wasn't seeing anything happening. But now, like especially after rehab and like hearing and understanding more about how your addiction manifests, like you're like planning, plotting, obsessing, thinking. It's wild. It seems thinking. It's wild. It seems exhausting. It is exhausting. I don't want to.

Yeah, it is exhausting. You know? It's super exhausting. But proud of you for. Thanks. In recovery, baby. What Calvin likes. So, yeah.

But I'm glad you voted for me. Anytime, any day. What? I'll vote for you every day. Do you think that my back will feel better tomorrow or worse tomorrow? I don't care, sweetie. I don't care. That's really shitty.

I'm your husband. I know, but there's a version of this question every single day. What is it? It's, I, okay, two days ago, I got tennis elbow at the gym. Do you think this is going to last for two weeks? No. And you said, how do you know? And I said, but who cares?

You just like bump and bruise all the time and then you just don't. How about this? What? Why do you want to constantly talk about the gym? I'm obsessed. But what are you going to gain from me i uh what what are you gonna gain from me and talk to you about it like what are you seeking when you're like went to the gym today what would be my i'm riding the high of being in the gym oh i'm like fuck yeah

dude i did it i still i'm i did it dude i still think And I did do it. So do you need anything from me in those conversations? Uh-uh. You just need a warm body to like bounce off your energy? Yes. My man. You know what we should do on the podcast? A Thanos check-in. No way.

Why? I'm not doing that. Not on the podcast because that's for us. I know, but. No way. I think-in no way why i'm not doing that not on the podcast because that's for us i know but no way i think there's no way but i'm saying for we do a check-in you could tell them we do the check okay so we do a check-in every day this has been since rehab so like what eight months yeah it's just look you know it's like it's a it's called fanos you can look it up but i think it could be really helpful for people for people you always want to help strangers you know me too me too and what do you want to do work out people laugh work out titties sounds like a fucking awesome life it would be so sad though mean, you were doing that for quite a long time. Yep.

So, FANOS check-in. Okay. It's for couples. Okay. And, I mean, you're saying, okay, like we don't do it every day. Okay, never heard of it. And it's an acronym. Okay.

And for couples that are going through hard things or fine. No, this is anytime. Yeah, anytime. It's like a. All the guys on the podcast, all the guys on the podcast are going right now, they're. No, this is anytime. Yeah, anytime. It's like a- All the guys on the podcast are going right now. They're going over to fucking listen to Theo. Go ahead. So F, Thanos. F is for feelings, what you're feeling that day.

Oh, simp. A, affirmations. Oh, simp. I am worthy of love. Oh, dude, you're gonna cry Pick other ones that I don't say I'm a good mom I don't say that one

You often say I'm a good dad I'm a good husband Yeah alright dude You don't have to air my shit out dude Okay you can cut that No it's fine leave it But don't do any more of the things that I do on that N or O or S

Okay need what you need from your partner Yeah I need You to understand my PDA O ownership Okay, need what you need from your partner. Yeah. I need. You don't understand my PDA. O, ownership. Things that you did that were not so great that day. Pull my back, sucks.

No, not like that. Like other things. Well, it could be I pull my back and now I'm pissed off and I let the anger get to me. Yeah. S, if you're in active recovery, you talk about your sobriety. And what else? And then if you're not in recovery, self-care. Yeah, self-care. So things that you did for yourself.

Why did I say safety? That's weird. And then we added a G to it. Okay, yeah. And then we do gratitude, things we're grateful for. And it's really helpful. Yeah. And I recommend it to-

It's hard for me, yeah. Any and all couples. Yeah, it's hard for me. But you've gotten good at it. Yeah, but it's hard, though. Because I just don't want to be reminded that there are feelings. Sure. it's hard for me. But you've gotten good at it. Yeah, but it's hard though because I just don't want to be reminded that there are feelings.

Sure. I don't, dude. I don't. Yeah. I want to play games. I want to fucking, I want to work out. I want to watch TV.

I want to veg out, dude. I want to fucking escape. Mary Riley. Remember that movie when they would do that? I didn't, when the preview, that movie came out,

it's called Mary Riley and instead of it being like Mary Riley, it would be like, the preview would be like Mary Riley. Remember that movie when they would do that? I didn't know the preview. That movie came out. It's called Mary Riley and instead of it being like Mary Riley, it would be like, the preview would be like, Mary Riley. You know what we've been doing to escape?

And it's so cute to watch you. Come on, dude. You know what, man? I gotta not have you on the podcast anymore. We've been playing this game called Codenames.

Oh, fuck, man. I'm not a bitch. And this is the cutest thing. Me and David Sullivan were playing together, sitting on the couch watching Chris play. And we were both looking at him like our little... He's enjoying himself and thinking about it. That's so cute.

The game ended. I've never seen you so into any kind of game. The game ended and you were going back and thinking of strategies and things you could have said and done. Okay. And you were like, yeah,

and you remember when you said this and you were like, oh, you could have done this and this. Yeah. It was so precious

watching you be into something. None of that really happened though, huh? You made it all up in your head? And you were like pacing the room and doing your like, thing. This?

Yeah, that's when I know you're happy. Okay, hold on. Let me see the end of this. You're still on the Maryary riley thing i mean it was good to tell them about the game i just i just want to see if they did that don't you know who i am that's so dumb wow dude m dude. Mary Riley, dude. He brought it up from the fucking archives.

From the trenches, man. Mary Riley. I want to hear it again. Let me hear it. Mary Riley. Put on your thing. Put on your thing. Oh, you don't have one here.

I'll just play it for you here. Oh, she fucked it up, dude Here. I'll just play it for you. Oh, she fucked it up, dude. I'm so pissed, man. This is just... I can't put it in. Is it in? No. Oh, dude. What's wrong with you? You got PDA?

Okay. Okay. Don't you know who I am Mary Riley dude he remembers wow how do I remember that shit I can't even remember

what color robe you had on this morning anyway she's a lonely servant of in the home of Dr. Jekyll devoted to her

position and masters her slowly gradual friendship between Mary and the Doctor as well as the anyway it's a fantastic movie by Touch of a Picture

it was made in like 19 something but yeah speaking of YouTube I went on the you guys should go check out on my Crystalia channel

I did posted a half hour crowd work there oh my god it's fucking spectacular oh yeah you saw it oh thank you very much I watched it this morning and I laughed so hard

really and you live with me so there you go that's high claim yeah it was so great go watch that uh get them numbers up because we like to go dummy viral you know what i mean oh yeah we like to go stupid whoopie viral can you talk about the difference of like crowd work and regular shit regular shit just like your material. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what do you want to know? Like, I feel like crowd work is in the ethos right now. Like Matt Rife is doing it. Yeah. I mean, people, it's so funny. Shout out Matt Rife.

He's so sweet. Yeah, Matt's great. But every time someone like becomes somebody that people notice that does crowd work, like they're like, yo, why are you fucking jacking their style? It's like, dude, it was, it used to be Andrew Schultz and nowz and now it's matt rife it's like dude everyone does crowd work when the fucking crowd is nuts you just do it and they're like this guy's trying to be fucking this guy it's like dude like everyone just does crowd work when the shit pops off and sometimes the shit pops off and when it does i gotta make sure that it fucking i can handle it and you know i'm a businessman because

you can find me in my place of business. Tupac said the best shit, huh? Extra paper scoop. That was LL Cool J, but anyway. Did you think that was Pac? I don't care. I didn't know. That was LL Cool J.

I just say stuff that you say. Aw, cute, dude. All right, so what do you want to know? So the difference, like crowd work versus... Well, crowd work is when you go into the crowd

and start asking crowd questions and then work off the crowd through what they say. Yeah, I know that part, but it seems like magic. So what are the hacks? I'm going to tell people right now, this is what it is. Well, here's what crowd work is. To me, it's flirting.

If you're not good at flirting, you can't do it. You have to be able to be comfortable enough with the opposite sex or the same sex if you're into them and confident enough to be able to crack jokes with them. If you can do that then you can figure out how to do it on stage. Because that's really all you're doing is you're making fun of people in a nice sweet joking way or you're roasting them which you can also do that flirting wise too. It's called nagging, right? If you have to be good at flirting

then how are you so good at crowd work? You killed it, dude. You killed me. See, that would be good crowd work. Thank you. That would be good crowd work if you're talking to me in the crowd. So, you can't go,

oh, to your own thing, by the way. I just did it, baby. Oh! Dude, so, what were we- That black kid with the glasses

standing in the- Who? The meme, like in the sea of people. Yeah, yeah. Where they go, no, what do they do, like this? And then the one guy's like that? Yeah.

Oh, okay, cool. They say librarian ambulance. But, so what, yeah, here's the actual truth, though. And people, I think comedians don't like saying this because it, people, comedians who are good at crowd work, they wear it as a badge and it it is definitely hard to do and it's definitely a different thing like some great comedians are horrible at crowd work and some people are really good at crowd work and not the

best comedians but i'm going to tell you right now generally across the board crowd work is way easier way easier than material is Is that the general consensus? Yes, absolutely. And comedians will either not publicly say that, it's not like a big thing, I mean, fucking comedians, some comedians would say that,

but I feel like people don't talk about that a lot because they like to think their crowd work is badass. But dude, it's so much harder to have good material than it is to have good crowd work. Because good, passable crowd work is,

if you can't do passable crowd work you should never be on stage because all you have to do is literally be like hey nice jacket hey what's going on there where'd you get that uh fucking uh this this and then people like oh he's making fun of the moment what's happening right now that's so easy but it does seem like magic it is well because it's special for this time yeah and it's special for us and people think it's great when it's your friends and then the people in the room that are in the room with you are being made fun of but to actually craft and i hate using that word but to craft a joke five minutes it's fucking impossible i don't even i just don't even know how comedians do it it's so hard to do that yeah it is hard um you know who does great crowd work i haven't seen him in a long time but he always makes me fucking laugh rick ingram oh yeah he's

yeah he's great well he's like one of the best at it is he yeah yeah yeah i would say laugh he's so good at him like coming onto the stage especially when he would follow you he's great yeah he would follow me all the time uh i don't remember no he would say you? He's great, yeah. Do you remember what he would say? Yeah, he would follow me all the time. I don't remember now. He would say something like, I mean, you're going to have to bleep this, but I just heard all the pussies in the room dry up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He would say that.

No, I'm not deleting that. That's kind of nice. So wait. Yeah, he's hilarious. But he also, but here's the other thing about crowd work is, and I've said this before but like eminem is amazing at rhyming right freestyling and when you when you watch it you're like how the fuck is

he rhyming all these words in real time but what you don't realize is he's already thought of everything that has rhymed he already knows So he's just pulling from his database. So crowd work is, if you've done stand-up long enough, and I've done it for 17 years, if you've done it long enough, you have situations that arise that have been versions of things that you've been dealing with for years. So it's not like it is still very impressive when a person is... If you crush with crowd work, that's impressive like it is still very impressive when a person is, if you crush with crowd work, that's impressive. It is,

but you're just picking from, uh, I've been here before. I'm comfortable enough. Oh, what's this person going to say? Fuck it. I know what to say because I've done this before in fucking Wichita.

The same kind of thing happened. It's always a little different, but, um, you get the stuff that you say and you, and you, and you, and you fired it off.

It's kind of like material, but it's not though. But I like to, you know, sometimes I do get into a rut. I have gotten into a rut before of saying the same thing crowd work wise. And I'm like, I got to change that, man, because I'll like record it. And then I'll be like, oh, that's too much like this other time. I don't want to post it. So I like try to like force myself to talk about different things uh in crowd work which is what the the one the half hour thing that i did on my on my youtube is uh is on right now which is uh

it's all it's all like just off the cuff stuff i was in a crowd with a bunch of gang members and shit in pueblo colorado and uh i mean that crowd was fucking insane they were insane they were and and no comedians go there and and it's like yeah no comedians are gonna come there if this is a fucking these are the the people in the thing but i was i was in the fucking one of the reasons i did half an hour material and then there was one dude just in the back doing like this kind of thing and i was like all right what what are you saying bro that's just like dude i'm not doing this for you guys didn't some guy get stabbed outside of your show in uh oakland wow yeah i have another comedy question okay so this is something i've thought a lot about but i've never asked you really yeah i don't know i i just we spent a lot

of time together sweetie i know but we talk about other stuff that i we never really talked about comedy i get it it wasn't part of our final check-in uh so like typically comics will do their hour and like perfect it for a couple of years at least you're closer to like a year yeah but you know when you first tell a joke on stage and you get that like yeah that laugh of like first doing it there's something to that and then doing it over and over and over again do you lose the magic of it and how do you keep the magic in a joke that you've told a thousand times it's hard uh sometimes because but sometimes if i think a joke is really funny i get excited to tell it most of the time you know what i'm saying okay like uh Like, especially if I know it's going to, it pushes some of the audience members to laugh or not get offended.

But, like, you know, I mean, I'm not here to offend anybody. I'm here to just. But so, like, I'll do the joke and I'm excited to see how this audience will react to it. So there's that, which you can still be excited about it. But often you'll do a joke. Like I told this one, I did a new bit a fucking month ago. I got to do it in Vegas now coming up. Have I heard it? often you'll do a joke like i told this one i did a new bit a month ago i gotta gotta do it in vegas now coming up but um have i heard it four or five new minutes no and um

and uh it crushed and the second time you do it it'll bomb it's just i don't know because you're because i think that that's the most time you're trying to you're not speaking from your truth you're trying to recreate what you did and so you need to get past that and then try and um just uh try and just uh find the excitement in but i i'm i'm i think i'm particularly like it's it's i'm i think i'm good at that like i like to find the excitement because it's exciting for me i think it's hilarious that i'm even doing stand-up like all the time so like when i'm on stage i'm so happy and uh you know i used to like try to not laugh because i was having fun i was like i shouldn't laugh but then i was like why am i trying to not i was like i'm having so much fun fucking i'm gonna laugh and then like people will be like i like your laugh so i'm like all right

fuck it i'll just do it you know um but yeah it it can it can you can lose like sometimes i'm like i'm sick of this joke like i toured man on fire for two years and i was like dude i have to film this like this i i'm so i should have filmed this six months ago and now i'm like i don't even want to do it um with this one i filmed it in eight months i mean it's very quick so i think it was right there well this new one that i did is the best thing that i've done but like i'm so excited for it to come out but that was fun but right now like also when i have it in the can when it's done i know it's filmed i want to do new shit so like i just get so bored of doing it and i'm so excited of what's next you know me too yeah we don't say me too anymore. Say same. Same.

Yeah. Or me also. What was the thing that when we were at dinner, that thing that our buddy said, and then I was like, we have to remember that thing that he said. It was so wise. Yep. I do remember that moment. What the hell was it?

Oh, shit. Were we at dinner? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were with our buddy. We went to malibu with um yeah yeah our buddies yeah and uh hold on and so what did he say he did he said something it was very wise and we forgot because we are dummies no i told you to write it down i didn't no i don't remember that even oh god i can ask him james what did you say that was so wise? This is going to be the worst moment of podcast history because we're both not going to remember. It was the wilderness wandering.

No, it was around that time when he was talking about the wilderness. Wow, this is so dumb. We can cut it, right? Yeah, we can cut it, but we're not going to because I want people to see you hang out to dry. What the hell was it? It was, because I thought it was smart too, and you thought it was smart. How dumb are motherfuckers, you know? You were like, that's so smart.

And I was like, yeah, that's, in my own head, I was like, that's so smart. Later on, you're like, you know, we got to remember that. And we're like, yeah. And then we just go. And it just goes out of the mind. And you think like. And we go, Mary Riley. Dude.

What was it? Speaking of the mic. Wilderness. Wandering. No, it was, God, if you're with us, man, you ever do that shit? You don't know what you're saying? What was it, babe? Google what my friend said, man.

No, I don't know. We're not going to remember. Text him. He's not going to remember. I don't want to. I'm putting my foot down. Fuck. Well, I'll text him after the podcast.

I know, but it was so meaningful, and I feel like it could have impacted us, and then we'll never remember. No, we will not never remember. We will remember. Sweetie, we're never remembering. We'll remember, because it was important. It was a long thing and then a quick thing it was like a sentence and then another quick one i mean why are you looking at them they're not i thought that they were like i don't know why anyway enough of that you know but it is what it is oh that's what it was it is what it is

um what else you want to talk about? Whatever. No, come on. We have two kids now. Yeah. They're fucking so cool. It's so fun. William looks a little bit like you, but also like me in the eyes.

And Calvin looks like me. Oh, I know what I want to talk about. What? I have a book club now. Oh, yeah. And you guys should join. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally.

It's called the Cozy Row Book Club. Cute, dude. And it's on Goodreads. Goodreads is an app that you can get that you go on that have book clubs on it. Yep. How's that going for you? It's going really good.

You're part of the book club. I am on it. I can't figure out how to post. Wow. But I how to post. Wow. But I want to post. I always want to reply to people's comments, and I can't. That's cute. Yeah, you have to show me how to do it.

It's really, really amazing. There have been some really cool, vulnerable sweet shares, and I feel really lucky to be in the group. I'm a simp. Just anyone. Simp seems like a great thing. Simping is cool. I think simping is cool. Simping.

If you simp for somebody, you're kind of the shit. Yeah. Like, yo, it's like you're like the guy in like the 1600s who were like, I will do anything for you,

my love. I will travel long distances for something that might make you cough less in these dreary times. How long would you travel for me? If you had to walk, how far would you walk for me? Six blocks.

And I go like this. Oh man, I should have turned back two blocks ago. When I come back, I'd be all sweaty. I'd be like, babe, I love you, but I don't know. What did you want i'd do that wait no we got to talk about your book club oh that's it no but also i have a cool logo right it is cool and if you're on goodreads check it out but i want to know something about this because it's awesome because you wake up and you wake up before the kids get up sometimes. Yeah. And you read. Yeah.

And then you post about it. Yeah. And that's amazing. And that is something that I love about you because it's awesome and it makes you happy. Dude, doing something when you wake up that makes you happy is like, man, remember someone was talking about waking up. I follow this guy on Instagram. I can't remember what his name is, but he's a workout guy. And he's like, I wake up every remember someone was talking about waking up. I follow this guy on Instagram. I can't remember what his name is, but he's a workout guy. And he's like, I wake up every morning, I do the same thing.

I drink, I down a whole bottle of water, and I go outside for 20 minutes. I do not look at my phone first. I do that, and then I can go to business if I want to. And I was like, man, that sounds like such a good idea. And I did that one time so far. But I only read it like a week ago. Right. Right. Yeah.

The sun feels so good, huh? Well, right now it's real hot, but yes. Too hot, too hot, too hot. Being outside, it's something that we need. I know. I always think back to like our original caveman people and what were they doing, what were our bodies meant to be doing.

Yeah. And we do so much different stuff now. Is that what we were meant to be doing, though? Constantly being. I could drag you by the hair. Constantly being outside? Sweetie, you know what they used to do. I mean, we were never inside, you know?

I know. Totally bypassing my bit. Not even paying attention to the humor. And I'm doing it for free. And I get paid to do it. But it's all good. You want to talk about what we used to. See, this is what we talk about.

You always want to talk about something serious. So what is it? What is it? Just don't you think we should do what our caveman people did? Yeah, I would be naked a lot more. Yeah, sure. I would just wear one of those things over my thing. Well, you'd be a hunter and I'd be gathering and toodling.

Oh my God, dude. I'd come back. Everything would be rearranged in the hut again. I'd be like, I would be like, and you'd be like, and I'd be like, Yeah. Yeah, but I think there is something to waking up early

and doing something that you like. Yeah, it's awesome. Especially pre-kids. It's hard. Like getting in, if I wake up and- You don't mean pre-kids before you have kids. You mean before your kids wake up. Yes, like before my kids wake up.

I get my own coffee. I have time to myself, reading by myself. What do you mean get my own coffee? Like we don't split coffee. I'm saying like if Cal were downstairs, I would get his milk first. I would get him set up. Oh, got it. Okay.

And I'm just like immediately tending to my own needs. Got it. Like as a mom, that's so not typically what you do you do that like three percent of the day what tend to your own needs yeah you know um but yeah it's been really nice and i feel like i'm a better parent when i have that time yeah because i start the day you're not resentful not not that you were resentful you're never resentful with the kids. I mean, you love, being a mom is your number one. Yeah. Yeah, resentful isn't the word, but I feel like balanced, like aligned. Ooh, you know what we can talk about?

Oh, God. We are. Oh, God. We might do psychedelics. Oh, this is the new thing, dude. You know, chicks be crazier than a motherfucker, man. I swear to God. First of all, let's say it for real.

You decided that you might want to do psychedelics. And that's where it ends. I'm not saying I won't. But she had me have a conversation with one of the people that is from the company. By the way way the fucking phone call cost 49 and she was just like so you want to do psychedelics and i was like i don't know maybe what's up she told me a little bit about it anything i could have googled and i could have i watched you on the phone call and you were like this

yeah did you did you do it was it okay did you feel okay she made me sound like a bitch i am not. But you weren't like hard on the phone. You were like open and sweet. See, this is why people think I'm a dick. Because they don't understand that I'm not always in podcast mode. Sure, yeah. Right?

Yeah. Yeah, I never see this side of you. It's like you're electric when you're on here. You're like in electricity mode. You got to... And then the other half of the day, you're asleep., like you're electric when you're on here. You're like in electricity mode. You got to, you got to. And then the other half of the day you're asleep. Ain't that the fucking truth. Dude, you nap so much.

You know what? I haven't been napping lately at all. And you know why? Because I've been working out. That's why. Really? Yeah, it gives me more energy. Huh.

And the pure spectrum CBD is nice. And magic mind. Yeah, magic mind is great. I've been feeling better doing that. You've been taking the magic Mind. Yeah, Magic Mind is great. I've been feeling better doing that. You've been doing the Magic Mind. Yeah, that's why we ran out. Okay. It's all good.

You've been giving it away. But yeah, we had calls and it's a five-week program and you do two sessions prior to taking whatever you want, whether it be mushrooms or ayahuasca. And then the third week, you do it at our house, which would be amazing. And you go through the whole six to eight hour ceremony.

I don't like that they call it a ceremony. I don't think they actually do. I think they call it a session. Okay, that's better. And then you have two Zoom wrap-up calls. that kind of thing I don't want to be doing but the whole thing is you have to like integrate it I know it's like 50% of it yeah yeah and then you talk about what you learned and see how it can fit into your real life your brain is so beautiful thank you you. And it's right.

It's narrow. Rigid. Yeah. Rigid. I want to do mushrooms and I'm just going to be like. What are your fears? I don't have. At this point in my life, I've been open to a lot of change.

So I don't really have them. I don't really have fears. Really? The only thing. I mean, I could say I have no fear about it. really have fears. Really? The only thing,

I mean, our kids have no fear about it, but like, I, I, I don't, I, the one thing that I don't like is that it will take up a whole day. And I've never done drugs.

So I don't know if I want to break that. Even though it is. Is it just on principle? Yeah. Really? It's also not, but it's also not, it's,

it's, it's not like it's prescribed, but it is like, it's not like I'm recreational, recreationally doing drugs. Totally? Yeah. Really? But it's also not, it's not like it's prescribed, but it is like, it's not like I'm recreational, recreationally doing drugs. Totally, yeah. But. It's like someone that's

allowed to. A shaman. Yeah. But, yeah, I'm not, yeah, at this point,

it's just like another, you know, I don't like to do things. Is it working out? Is it stand up? I'm sorry, is doing mushrooms working out? Is it stand up? I'm sorry. Is doing mushrooms working out? Is doing mushrooms stand up?

Is doing mushrooms making love to you? Is doing mushrooms hanging out with my children? No. Those are the four things I do. Is doing mushrooms getting coffee? At Coffee Bean and Teal for a Pete's? No. So it's a new thing that I don't want to do and add to my life because i like five things

and if i like anything more then i can't do those five things as much you have autism pda type i hope you do i might i might do it you never know I hope you do. I might. I might do it. You never know. God, you and mushrooms. I can't even imagine.

Like, I feel like the... You know what you can't imagine? I feel like you'd start floating. You know what you can't imagine is me on Coke. Dude, I would be so extra me. It would be fucking... Dude, I bet I would be... You know what? I bet my price would go up so...

I would start selling out arenas, dude. If I did Coke and went to do a show, you know how on fucking fire I'd be? You know how Mach 10 I'd, bro, I'd be Mach 11. I'd be out there, what? I would pay to not have to be in a building with you. And another thing is,

and another thing is, I would be like that, and they'd be like, that was another thing. You think it would make you a better comic? No, no, no. You don't think? No.

It might be funnier for about five minutes. Yeah. And then the world would explode. Anyway, that's good for this. I really enjoyed having you on here. That was a long time. I thought we were rolling into two. It was long.

No, it's an hour and eight minutes, I think it's been. Cool. That's not too long, because we cut a little for the Patreon. But anyway, I appreciate you guys. I'm going to be on chrislea.com. I'm going to be doing a lot of different dates. I'm going to be in Vegas this weekend. I'm going to be in Brea and Irvine, Orange County.

I'm going to be in Charlotte, North Carolina. I'm going to be in Little Rock, Arkansas. I'm going to be in Nashville, as she said. She'll be at the wedding, but I'll be in Nashville. And we've got the Pocket Stay Deep Tease right here at chrissalee.com. So go to chrissalee.com and get that stuff. And then also join her book club if you're into reading

and talking about your feelings and all that stuff. It's on Goodreads, the app Goodreads, right? Yep. And she's running it, dude. Run it, run it, oh no. Run it, run it, no, no, no. I got friends, you out. Run it, run it, and out. I got friends. You got friends. They're on your book club now.

And at ChrisDelia.com. Okay, well, you can leave, but I'll keep doing the Chris Brown stuff. That's it for the YouTube version. If you want to watch the Patreon version, the unedited, the extra long version of this episode, go on over to Patreon.com. And then also, you get the extra episode a month. And there's also a tour report on there

that I didn't upload to the public. But there's a bunch of little things over there. So go to patreon.com slash Chris D'Elia and sign up for the Patreon. Thanks very much, my babies. Congratulations motherfucking Bob, you scared fucking fucker! You fucking fucking motherfucker! You motherfucking clown motherfucker!