Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 330. Intergalactically Republican

Episode Date: August 3, 2023

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runk here we go guys um it is the week of august it's august what the heck how did that happen it's august and also we are going to be in charlotte north carolina knoxville tennessee nashville we got a bunch of these coming up it's actually crazy that you can get tickets at chrisaleah.com but it's crazy that it's already August and I'm now I'm hitting tour hard again I'll be in Irvine and Brea coming up also

just to work some new stuff out, Little Rock, Arkansas that's the one, Calgary, Alberta you know, that's all and Australia, I know, I'm just chill, I'm coming I'm just chill. I'm coming. I'm figuring it out. Crystalia.com. And with that being said, oh, there's also a new, there's a bunch of merch.

You got the Pocket Stay Deep merch. We got the, with the little diving boards on the pocket there. It looks really nice. And then we got the different Life Rips colorways and the Grow or Die new stuff, which is awesome. We love in the Grow or Die stuff. Saw people out with it the other day. But anyway, without further ado, God, I hate when people say that, but I said it. Let's do the newest episode of congratulations i'm in my friggin tattoo era dude i gotta keep i gotta keep getting these tattoos man i got another one i got two more wow i got 16 whatever what we're gonna do

and then pretty you know what next tattoo i not going to say I got this many. I'm not going to say I have 17. I'm just going to say I've got, I'm tattooed. Hey, how many do you have? I just go like this. Dude, you know, just look at me. And I rip off my shirt with just one arm like Hulk Hogan used to do. Even when it's a heavy, heavy shirt.

Because that's how frigginggin because i also work out a lot so how crazy is that um not crazy um we got a a bunch of crowd work clips up on my thing um the pueblo one or wait no not the pueblo one i don't know they're doing well but go over my youtube page chrisley youtube um and uh yeah i do it but i have a lot of... This shirt's definitely broken, so that's great. There's always something broken, right? Yeah, I got all these tattoos, dude. I'm never going to stop. I'm getting a chest piece. What the...

Dude, they're going to go... They're going to see me at the end of the summer, they're going to go like this. He did it again, dude. That's what they're going to go like that. They're going to see me drive by with my arm out the window. No shirt. After the gym, they're going to be like that. They're going to see me drive by with my arm out the window, no shirt after the gym. They're going to be like, he did it again, didn't he? He's got a whole chest piece?

I mean, what the? It's like he's Battle He-Man or whatever that was when you used to hit the thing and the chest used to change, whatever that was. I don't remember. But, yeah, dude, so that's it. And I've been working out, and I have tennis elbow. You know what? I'm going to call it climber's elbow because I got it after I don't remember. But yeah, dude, so that's it. And I've been working out and I have tennis elbow or rock or you know what? I'm going to call it climbers elbow because I got it after

I went rock climbing. Yes, dude. The tendons didn't catch up to my muscles. Yes, man. So now the tendons are sore and you can't do anything to get them better. Yes, dude. Looked up some YouTube videos to see if I could get them better. Of course I did. And then what were they saying to do? Do the exercises that absolutely hurt my thing. So now it's making it worse. Yeah. So I don't do it. Awesome. Do it. I got tennis elbow climbers slash climbers elbow. Yes, dude. How much does it hurt? Not enough to stop working out. Why? Because we go for it, dude. We've seen too many David Goggins video, David Doggins videos. We've seen too many David Goggins videos to give up that simple little bit of elbow pain, we work through it.

Is it bad for the body? Maybe, but it's good for the mind, dude, because we keep going. Now, is it good for the mind? Yes, because we can persevere and get through it. Yes. Do we stop working out after just one little thing hurts? No, we don't do that. And is that good for our mental? Yes. And then later on, is it bad for our mental? Because we dwell on it. Yes, but it doesn't matter because we also have good for our mental before that dude so it's also good and you know it's a good and the bad it's the yin and the yang really is what it is it's the yin and the yang my babies um but yeah dude uh and i guess also there's aliens hey so it doesn't matter really if your elbow hurts right because there's aliens and now now people are just going to be like oh what do you think about people just going to ask me stuff now what

do you think about black lives matter there's aliens dude so it's like what do you think of the the you know the trans movement there's aliens i don't what's it matter there's aliens and guess what the guy said under oath and senate they do harm so what's it matter huh they're piloting they're out piloting were they human when she says were they human and he says they were not human well specify could they have been dogs um just tell why are they always so cagey about it right it's so annoying this is we're here because we want you to be specific and were there human remains there were not human remains dude you know how she wants you to answer the question what was it were there human remains i i am i i don't know there Were there human remains? I don't know. There were not human remains.

What were there? Not human remains. Okay. Did you put it on the thing? The aliens? Under the aliens thing? Or is it new? Oh, he said non-human biologics.

Like, dude, just say, are there aliens or not? What was in the thing? They were aliens with beady eyes. They look like the thing on the cover of that book, that old book, Communion. It's so annoying, dude. Look at former military

officials, and then people are like, we need proof. Well, of course we need proof, man. If you got crazy claims, you need need crazy proof i want to see that alien going through the friggin uh wendy's drive-thru i want to see former military officials made a series of mystifying claims about unidentified aerial phenomenon phenomena uh under oath at wed Wednesday's congressional hearing. He'll today held a hearing on unidentified aerial phenomena, also known as UAPs or used to be known as... Also, when did they start this UAP shit?

Are you going to switch it now, now that they're admitting it? UFO. UFO. UAP, unidentified Aerial Phenomena. Why? This is like, is this like, are they protesting out there? We are not UFOs. We are aerial phenomena. We are not unidentified flying objects. Flying is derogatory. We are aerial. We identify as aerial phenomenon, not flying objects. That is objectifying us. Literally calling us objects. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We are aerial phenomena.

Okay, dude. Why did they start that shit? That's so annoying. Why change it when the shit's real now? That's super annoying, dude. I don't mean to be hating. I'm not hating, but it's like I'm still with that UFO shit. I'm old school, dude.

People are going to call me racist, alien racist. Alien racism. Hey, guy, shave your head, this guy already, you know? And the other guy. Aaron fucking... What's his name? A-Rod. That... A-Rod. ...who goes a step further, and he alleged that the government is concealing a, quote, multi-decade

crash... Well, dude, no shit, man. It's like they didn't just show up today. I would be... There have been aliens all over the place, all the time. And I don't... I'm not... Look, I'm not saying there's aliens or there's not aliens, there's aliens you know what I'm saying

like there's definitely aliens because we're not the only things in the atmosphere that are like you know bumping into walls and shit UAP I won't stand for that stop with the UAP shit I won't stand for that I'm not the only

being on the planet that like hits his hip on the side of an end table and goes, ah! We're not the only beings that do that, okay? There's absolutely people who do that that take UFOs. And a retrieval program. Take a listen

to more of what this person had to say. If you believe we have crashed craft... Let me just just this is how they should just answer this earlier do we have the bodies of the pilots who piloted this craft as i've stated publicly already in my news nation interview that's what he's saying biologics so dick as i've stated already in my news interview so dick so pissed off he's here some of these recoveries were they i guess human or non-human biologic no they weren't human we're talking about aliens

right that's why i'm here that's me answering the question non-human biologics. No, they weren't human. We're talking about aliens, right? That's why I'm here? That's me answering the question. It's non-human, and that was the assessment of people with direct knowledge on the program I talked to that are currently still on the program. I mean, so many words, dude. Non-human biologics, a.k.a. alien. For its part, the Pentagon rejected those claims.

For its part, the Pentagon... Shave your head. non-human biologics i'm making up all sorts of new words now that this shit's going on this is a distraction you know i don't know if i believe that but this is a distraction that's what everybody's saying now this is a distraction because there's an election coming up this is a distraction trump's gonna get out there and be like aliens we'll kill them all and everyone's gonna be like fuck yeah we'll kill them all we'll kill all the aliens and then he's secretly going to move that into adding mexicans into that category you know let's build a wall and some tasers that's going

to be his new platform um yeah so i i just wonder how the fucking liberals are going to spin this alien thing. You know, I can't imagine how these liberals are going to spin this alien thing because it's coming. Mark my words, it's coming. We need to know. Hey, dude, let's just do this, OK? And if this is what it takes me, if the aliens are hearing this, I'm sorry. But dude, I'm racist when it comes to aliens. Stay on your own fucking planet, okay? Yeah, I don't give a shit. Even if you look like us, stay over there. I'm racist when

it comes to aliens, all right? And I'm going to die racist coming. I don't want, look, if you want people, if you want Mexicans to come over the border, great. I don't, you know, I don't want look if you want people if you want mexicans to come over the border great i don't you know i don't know i don't really know the whole logistics of it but what i do know is when i meet a mexican illegal or not i go like this hey man so cool to meet you nice to i hope you have a good day right i'm not racist when it comes to aliens dude if we're going to start to integrate because the liberals you know that you know we're uh you know 15 20 years away from like just liberals being like they're people too and the aliens are just like we are not people they don't even know we are not people but let that it's cool because at least we get to go to target this way we don't have target

on our plan on and um and uh so but when i see aliens i'm gonna do all sorts of racial alien slurs like that's the kind of guy i am that's who i am i'm the down south racist alien guy you know chris alia yeah oh he fell off after the aliens came to earth now we're all accepting the aliens he doesn't accept them dude he tries to go out and actively kill them. And he says it's in self-defense, but really he's egging them on. That's what I do with the aliens. You fucking me-borp. You fucking me-borp. Get these me-borps out of here.

Or whatever the new slang is. We didn't do anything to you. Get on your own fucking planet, man. This is our shit. Ting. We didn't do anything to you. We just want equal rights. Fuck you, me-borp.

I'm intergalactically Republican. I'm so intergalactically Republican. I'm so intergalactically Republican. I'm a centrist when it comes to the world and America. But bro, when it comes to intergalactics, I'm so Republican, it's ridiculous. I only think that aliens should marry other sex aliens. And the second an alien, a male alien, has sex with another male alien. Dude, that is against the Bible. Fucking me-borps.

There's aliens. Who cares about whatever's going on? And we knew there was aliens. We knew the whole time. We knew. I don't know what to do about this alien thing, though. You know?

Saying it does not currently have, nor in the past had, any extraterrestrial materials. Lying. Everything comes as more lawmakers... Of course they're going to say that, dude. By the way, I don't... I don't even think they should have

admitted this now publicly. You know how many idiots out there are going to turn this into something that's like so much... Like, dude, we're fine. They're not going to... You think aliens are just all of a sudden going to come here like now in the next week and just oh no, shrink us down to pocket size and shit?

What the fuck? I'm intergalactically racist dude I'm intergalactically republican I'm intergalactically alt-right I don't know though man it's fine Kristen was like should we connect to the thing when we were flying she was like should we connect to the thing

when we were flying she was like should we connect or should we go and stay in New York a little bit and just take the get the first class

lay down beds and I was like what are you asking me and she's like well one is way more expensive and I was like do it but fucking

there's aliens you know spend it I bought Prada overalls spend it I bought hey dude there's aliens I'm going to Prada

dude there's aliens I bought Prada the second I learned to wear aliens I got Prada overalls that's it and they're off white oh

they're cream you think I'm gonna wear them with a shirt bro when I get that chest piece I'm gonna put that shit on and they're off-white. Oh, they're cream. You think I'm going to wear them with a shirt? Bro, when I get that chest piece, I'm going to put that shit on. It's going to be crazy, man. Your wife, your wives are going to have to fucking bring towels where they see,

just in case I might be out. They don't want to slip and fall and hurt themselves, right? I'm going to be fucking ridiculous with that chest piece and the fucking overalls. Oh, they're going to say, oh, he did did it again again that's what they're gonna say um but anyway dude so there's aliens and it's all good speaking of which not even it has nothing to do with speaking of which

but dude i got this electric electric electric bicycle from super 73 and i'm ripping all over town on it super 73 i gotta i'm gonna do an Instagram post about it, but super 73 makes the illest bicycles. I'm not paid to say this dude. Super 73. If you want the, uh, I was, I did the George Janko podcast. He had a super 73 bicycle. Um, what do you call it? An electric bike.

And I go, what, what is this? He's like, take a ride. I was like, I don't know. I don't want to, he goes, hop on. I hopped on. I went down. I did a block. I was like, yo, I got to get one of these. So I got one and they are absolutely ripping. You could do jumps. The tires are so fat. You feel so cool, dude. They have hydraulics and all that. They got a lamp on the front, a headlight. You could turn it on at night, bro. I ride it and I'm so cool in it. You could turn it on at night.

Bro, I ride it and I'm so cool in it. I ride it and I'm sexy in it. I pedal when I want. I don't have to pedal. Electric bikes are the best. So thank you, Super 73, for making these absolute beauties. It's black on black like my Rari. It's so cool.

I'm cool like my Rari. It's so cool. I'm cool. So anyway. But yeah, there's aliens. Isn't that crazy? What's up with X? So all of a sudden, X is going to be what it is? Twitter is not Twitter anymore?

Like, is the media and stuff, are they calling it X now? Elon, how could you, dude, how could you just do that? Just call it Twitter still, you know? We all decided it was Twitter, and it's Twitter. It's been Twitter for fucking 15 years, and now the guy who owns it is just like, it's X now. Dude, we still call Facebook Facebook. Nobody calls it fucking Meta.

Nobody says, are you on Meta? Oh, look what Grandma posted on Meta. They don't even know what it's, just like it's x now dude we still call facebook facebook nobody calls it fucking meta are you noises are you on meta although grandma posted on meta they don't even know what it's they think it's facebook why are we just like kowtowing to a guy who's just like yeah we're gonna make and i don't i'm not talking shit about elon i i know nothing about elon except for that he owns twitter and also he put a car in fucking space that's it that's all i know and tesla's i know the tesla teslas are they're just they look so bad they're so ugly that's it you know but they're good for the environment and they go fast this is literally all i know about elon musk um could be the world's best too and he was once talking about my show at the comedy we just gonna call it x because you know uh i'm calling it twitter dude i never heard my friends call it x and the media is just like elon posted on x that

x is nope not doing it dude not gonna do it let's look at this Mitch McConnell thing. Is there a video here? McConnell. I saw it. And first of all, he's a frog and that's fine. No, he's a turtle. And that's fine. He's a turtle out of his shell and that's okay. Like, you know, I don't want to, but he is and that's okay. You know, and he knows it, right? Why did he freeze? okay, you know, and he knows it, right? Why did he freeze? Why did he freeze? I know he hasn't said, but like, why? What's the reason? Maybe he is just 90? You know what I'm saying? like how old is he 86 81 out of that frightening moment in washington today senate they call it frightening you know so liberal alarmed his colleagues and many watching when he froze on political news conference garrett hake now i wish more guys would freeze and think about what the hell they're going to

say by the way you ever see you ever see that clip with, what's a Canadian fucking king? What's his name? Do they have a king? Trudeau, where they were just like, what do you think of Donald Trump? And he's just like. Funny you should ask. And everyone's like, oh, dummy. No, dude, that's good.

That's good. Think about what you're you're gonna say everyone just talks and shit you ever hear one of these politicians talk they don't even fucking answer the question let's see i haven't even seen this yet to be honest by 19 seconds of silence interrupted himself turning to concern for the health of senate minority leader oh boy here we go. All right, dude. Harrison Ford. Hey, he's too old. Hey, he's too old. Hey, he's too old. Hey, he's too old.

That's what he's thinking. His fellow senator. That's what he's thinking. I'm too old. 19 seconds of... That's so gangster, dude. That is so good. This is so good. He's the moderate...

I mean, he's basically Dave Chappelle. Dave Chappelle could do this and still hold attention. He held attention. This is amazing. Dude, Mitch McConnell is the Dave Chappelle of politicians. This is awesome that he did that. And he's a turtle, and that's fine. Right then, what he was thinking is, where's Michelle?

That's what he was thinking, dude. You know what he was thinking? Where's Splinter? That's what he was thinking. And you know what he was thinking? I'm hungry for pizza. That's what he was thinking, dude. You know what he was thinking? Are Bebop and Rocksteady here? That's what he was thinking. That's what he was thinking, and that's okay. You know what he was thinking, dude. You know what he's thinking?

Our bebop and rocksteady here. That's what he's thinking. That's what he's thinking and that's okay. You know what he's thinking? April O'Neil's titties are so hot. You know what he's thinking? That's it.

I love that yellow jumpsuit on her. That's what he was thinking and that's okay. You know? But, he's 80. He's over 80. Everyone over 80?

No, dude, straight up, and I'm serious. Everyone over 80? Retire. 100% immediately, effective immediately. When the aliens do come down, I hope that that's what they think. You're too old. Everyone over 75, retire immediately, dude.

Did you see Indiana Jones? I didn't. But did you see clips of it? I did. What's it look like? He's too old. Harrison Ford? He's too old. Retire. Dude, you're so tired. When they said, where's the number one place you'd love to be right now? On the red carpet. And Harrison Ford said,

home. It's been a long time since I've been home. Hey, billionaire, go home. Hey, dude, if you want to be going home, be home. What's the reason, baby? What's the reason you're still out, man? Hey, enjoy all your children and your children's children and your children's children's children's children. Because you got them because you're too old. What you doing making Indiana Jones 7? Newsflash, it's going to suck anyway. Harrisonflash? It's gonna suck anyway.

Harrison, what you doing? You're a good actor. Stop. Hey, time to hang it up, dude. I was watching Tulsa King, Sly Stallone. He's killing it. He's like 80. Just you can say

we're in the same bowling league. Favorite line. You can tell them we're in the same bowling league. Anyone over 80 retired. I'm serious, dude. And also, stop driving for fuck's sake, dude. I saw like an 80-year-old driving

the other day, and I was like, it was so slow, and he didn't know where he was, and it's sake, dude. I saw like an 80-year-old driving the other day, and I was like, it was so slow, and he didn't know where he was, and it's like, dude, the rule for driving is after you turn 65, every year you have to do a test. The test is having a ball thrown at you. If you catch it, you get to keep your license. If you drop it, you get one more chance.

Bend down, pick it up. If you can't do it, you get to keep your license. If you drop it, you get one more chance. Bend down, pick it up. If you can't do that, you get no driver's license anymore. It's insane, dude. I mean, my dad's 75, and he's good. He's spry. And even he fucking backed out of the driveway and hit my mom's car. He fucking hit his car and my mom's car at the same time. And he's good.

He's chilling. Mitch McConnell, you think that, I mean, imagine Mitch McConnell behind a fucking wheel. Thank God he doesn't drive. He has drivers, you know? At least he'd be driving, so he'd be looking and he'd be like, oh, well, you know, that's a turtle, so that's okay. It's crazy all these people are dying dude from Angus Cloud to Pee Wee Herman Angus Cloud huh

he died he was on that show Epiphany or Euphoria who had such incredibly emotional strong reactions to the finale um I'll tell him uh such incredibly emotional, strong reactions to the finale? I'll tell him, uh, that's what's up. You know what I'm saying?

Oh, the shit, bro. Oh, this guy. See, now I didn't know he was until now, and now I want to be his friend. That's so dope. Oh, that's so good. Such incredibly emotional, strong reactions to the finale. I'll tell him uh that's what's up you know i'm saying the sexiest man a lot well okay he died but the sexiest man i've ever seen in history uh didn't even wow that's gangster dude uh i tell him that's what's up man oh that's so cool dude

not even joking your reaction when you first read the script i go like this that's what's up oh god damn dude this guy's dripping i mean oh dude i love it putting him to the test dude well part of the script dude the fucking rind the the the brads the final episode oh yeah i was uh oh hell yeah i was i was kind of tripping i'm like oh yeah that's that's wild oh okay so he died of drugs, right? Had to have been. I was kind of tripping. This guy, oh, man. Now, see, if I saw this interview, I would fucking watch everything he did,

and now it sucks he died. Where do you hope the show goes from here? I hope it keeps going up. Have they all been emotional for you? Yeah. How? Tell me. Mac Miller. No, thank you.

Oh! Whoa, this guy's... You look awesome. Go have fun tonight. Anybody you're excited to see? Everybody. I'm excited to see everybody. I love everybody.

And what's next for you? Leaving. Shit. I don't know see everybody. I love everybody. And what's next for you? Leaving. Oh, shit. I don't know. Take some pictures and whatnot. Oh, this guy's cool, man. Shit. I don't know. Take your pictures and whatnot. He says no thank you. Oh my God. What this person said. It's not not a bizarre interview that's just how he is he

wasn't raised in hollywood he's a real person come on i mean yeah dude that's great i wish more guys were like this for real i i dude if i ever make it back into hollywood which you know You know, if I do, I'm just going to do it. They don't. I, bro, you thought you seen real. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You haven't seen real until I get back into Hollywood, dude. My shit's going to be so real. It's going to be a fucking, they're going to call me a heart attack. That's how real I am.

Oh, here comes fucking heart attack Chris. That's how real he is. Dude, you don't want to interview him unless you want to get stuck off the realness. Do you want to get stuck off the realness? What's that mean? Oh, go ahead. Ask me a few questions. Hey, Chris, what's up?

Are you excited to be here for this movie? Nah, I'd rather see Sound of Freedom. Fucking, what's that meme where the glasses go over the thing and fucking one, two, three, and they're the foe. What is it? No, no, yeah, yeah, where it goes. Where it... The fucking... It's this S-N-O-O-P or whatever the fuck. It's the D-O-D-O-G. Wow, you picked the wrong word to do it.

Yo, Chris, are you excited to be here? Nope. Oh, hell yeah, dude. Chris, you excited to be back in Hollywood? Just excited to be getting that money. Don't really care about it other than that. excited to be getting that money don't really care about it other than that hey chris what do you think about your cast members i only liked one of them and then i name them what do you think about the director he was fine i could have done it

also didn't have fun on Army of the Dead It was too hot, we did takes for too long And the fucking movie is probably bad, didn't ever see it I still have pictures of me in uniform and might post them one day Wait, Chris, what do you think of the Ah, fuck it, release the Zack Snyder, Chris D'Elia cut. Ya-da-da-da-da. Dunk, dunk, dunk. Dunk, dunk, dunk.

Dunk, dunk, dunk. I stole the movie. Good thing that they cut me out of it. Ya-da-da-da-da. Dunk, dunk, dunk. Dunk, dunk, dunk. Yink, yink, yink, yink, yink. Hey, Chris, what do you think of the movie?

Haven't been the same since Pee Wee Herman died. Ya-da-da-da-da. Dunk, dunk, dunk. Dude, Pee Wee Herman died Haven't been the same since Pee Wee Herman died Ya da da da da Dude, Pee Wee Herman died I love Pee Wee Herman It is so crazy, man If he did that, respect Pee Wee Herman, I think he's great And I don't even give a fuck, really About his scandal Back when it was like 19-something

Got arrested for jacking off in the movie theater Or whatever He was at a porn theater. He should have done it. You know, it's like he's not the only one doing it, by the way. So and then everyone just forgot. Dude, if he did that shit Tuesday, if he did that shit, you know, four years ago, boom, that's it. That would have been it.

People would have been like people would have been like, I mean, he would have been done for. Not that he was really doing shit. Now, he was great, though, dude. A fucking R.I.P. was great though dude a fucking r.i.p pb herman r.i.p pb herman um but yeah man isn't it so crazy that nobody gives a fuck about stuff unless it's now that's how you know that the me too movement is a little bit like dude come on, man, you know? Yeah. But it's all good.

Rest in peace, people of Herman. We loved him, man. Got it. That guy was so funny. Ha ha! You know? Dude, he was a girl and he did that? That is so funny, bro. Ha ha!

Dude, that's actually genius. Wow. That's some Beavis and Butthead level funny shit. Ha ha. Like, dude, how did he know? You know? And then he, dude, you know his thing was an adult show. And then people were just like, let's make it for kids. And then it became dude, you know, his thing was an adult show. And then people were like, just like, let's make it for kids.

And then it became a huge hit. He was Playhouse. That is crazy. He had cancer, I guess. See, this is the stuff that drives me nuts. And I don't mean it's his fault. This is the public's fault. When he says, he writes, please accept my apology for not going public with what I've been facing the last six years.

Mr. Rubin said in a statement released with the announcement of his death, I've always felt a huge amount of love and respect for my friends, fans, support. I have loved you all so much and enjoyed making art for you. Dude, he doesn't owe you that shit, man. He probably just wants to be alone and do that thing. Like, shout out to fucking Chadwick Boseman. That's his name, right? The guy who died of, like, he just was like out. He was just peace out. Did he even say anything? He didn't even say anything when he had it. And then right the guy who died of like he just was like out he was just peace out he didn't even say anything

when he had it and then when he didn't have it he just peaced out which is really the way to that's a gangster way to do it he didn't say shit dude it just goes fucking peaced out It just goes fucking. Peace out.

But yeah, God bless. I'll be with Herman. He was the best. He was the best. Look at this. Basketballnetwork.net. Worst website. Look at this. Shaquwork.net, worst website. Look at this, Shaquille O'Neal on why he believes the world is flat.

This is crazy. I mean, that tracks, you know, because Shaq, although he's a good businessman, I don't know if he's the brightest ball, but I don't know. Kylie Irving made headlines in 2017 when he said the earth is flat not round while it was kai who um drew plenty of flack for the statement he wasn't the only ambassador dude it's so nba basketball player to fucking think the world is flat a month or so after irving made his controversial remarks former all-star lakers great she killed oh this was a month after he made it? I didn't hear about this. What?

That's crazy. Why is it news now? Speaking at his, the big podcast, Shaq said, I'm from Jersey, and it's just how we think. So listen, I drive from coast to coast, and this shit is flat to me, said O'Neal. I'm just saying, I drive from Florida to California all the time, and it's flat to me. I do not go up and down at 360 degree angles and all this stuff about gravity. Have you looked outside Atlanta lately and seen all these buildings?

You mean to tell me that China is under us? China is under us? It's not. The world is flat. Oh my God. How is this a real thing to say? My whole thing about the world being flat what's the conspiracy it's just one big psych it's uh the world's flat they're lying to us k? What is the government board? NASA is just they don't they want to do a prank.

What's the reason? Do you know? Why would they fucking make it up? They might as well say it's a star shape. Who gives a shit? What's it? What's the reason for making it flat? You know, the government, dude,'d just be lying and pranking. I just, it's so entirely stupid to just make, dude, I was watching this thing called The Truth, The Cost of, I think it was The Cost of Truth, Truth Movie. of, I think it was the cost of truth, truth, uh, movie, I think that's what it was called, the price of truth, was it the price of truth, I don't know what it was, was it, let me look it up,

no, no, the price of truth, nope, nope, it wasn't a movie it was a documentary and it was on max whatever the fuck you call it now max or hbo max it took out the hbo part now it's called max um i'm just gonna start calling porn hub hub um the the thing was saying how it is so crazy how like this. Dude, like all these conspiracy theories, they just and like, look, some of them are OK. Yeah, they're not all wrong. Like there are some conspiracy theories that are like the JFK one. That didn't happen the way they said it happened.

And that's 100 percent very obvious because it's not you can't shoot him fucking dude the guy didn't have a sniper rifle you know or did he i don't even know but then they caught him and they killed him it's like so coincidental but dude if you think podesta is in the basement of a fucking pizza shop in dc just molesting you're crazy Like, dude, how about this? Get a better area, you know? In the dude, I watch this thing. I forget it was on Max. It was like a documentary.

This poor guy who owns Comet Pizza is just like, yeah, man, some guy just said on Reddit that we that we have a dungeon where we molest kids and so now people were coming in the shop with guns telling us to show us the dungeon and like these fucking mental i'm so done like mental health is real like you need to understand it and and we need to get better as uh people but like dude when when there's guys with guns coming in your shop because they're mental it's like it's so annoying dude it's it's so i would be like as scared as i would be as if somebody came to my uh establishment with a gun because they thought something was happening that wasn't happening

i would be so much more annoyed i would be like oh dude really man you know what just shoot me you fucking like you just you 4chan fucking reddit reading motherfucker that just you just think that this happened because some guy said it you kook have a fucking pepperoni pizza sit out like it's so you know how annoying that we got to deal with these fucking the internet is so good it's so awesome but it's so annoying for these fucking losers that it for that they're just like hey like i could just start a shit right now hey you know fucking um the uh american idol doesn't really happen it's actually not ryan seacrest he died 20 years ago and it's been a ai or a robot since then simon cowell is actually a 400 pound woman now he transitioned and dude you say that at the right time in the right

fucking chan eight chan whatever they're on now, 16 Chan, dude, you get, you get that going in the right time, it's a board news day, in fucking five years, someone shoots Simon Cowell because what some guy said on the internet, the internet isn't real, and now we have to deal with real consequences. It's just so, it's so beefcake annoying, dude. It's so annoying. And now we got, because of this shit, Shaquille O'Neal and other basketball, dude, Nikhil O'Neill and other basketball, dude, they're just like, well, you know, the court's flat. It's not hard to, what about roads aren't flat? When you drive from coast to coast, what about how they're not flat though? I mean, some of it's flat, but what about it? Well, you go like this. Why the, my whole point is why, why would that happen? Why are you going like this? My whole point is, why? Why would that happen?

Why would the government lie about how the earth is flat? Why would, why? Why would they have a fucking dungeon under a pizza place? Why would it be there? Calvin's doing Pac-Man right outside the door outside the door

he's got this new thing called the toilet morph bro man I don't know what happened with the toilet morph the skibbity skibbity toilet morphs you ever seen this oh have you seen it because of my son or have you seen it okay dude

this is the scariest thing and it just started Okay, dude, this is the scariest thing. And it just started, I think. And what's the deal? Dude, look at this. This is Skibbity Toilet 54. This came out 12 hours ago. It's got 13 million views, dude.

Is it music? This is my comeback. Nah, get out of here. Come on, Purdue Global, get out of here. We have... This is the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life. I mean, just guys with faces coming out of toilets. Oh.

Why is this something? Dude, my son loves this shit. I mean, this one's way too violent for him. Oh. Oh. Oh. What is, like, a top comment on this thing? I mean, look at the fucking time that they... Somebody said, I love this episode, bro. Wow.

Oh, dude, shout out to the cameraman who was brave enough to show his feelings. Ah. What is going on? What the fuck? Um. I don't understand, but my son loves it, dude. And he'll just walk around the house all day. Skibbity, skibbity, neef, neef, skibbity,

skibbity, neef, neef. Da-da-da-da-da-body, skibbity, skibbity, skibbity. Um, I don't understand, uh, come on, I'm trying to fucking send this to you so you can know which one it is. Ah. Ah.

Um. to you so you can know which one it is. I don't get this at all, but I don't get, I guess, I don't know. I guess I don't have anything to say about that except for, what was I talking about? I can't even remember. about that except for what was I talking about? I can't even remember. Look at Kyrie apologizing for

saying the world is flat. You said you're joking and then you weren't joking. So which is it? Which side are you on? Well, I mean, hopefully after this, I'm done answering. Good. Let's clear it up for good. You never have to be asked again.

Let's clear it up for good. People are going to ask me regardless. But I think what you say and what you do and how you mean it. At the time, I was like huge in the conspiracies. Everybody's been there. I mean, not really. Everybody's been there. Like, yo, what's going on with our world?

You know, like, you click a YouTube click and it goes, like, how deep the rabbit hole goes. It's like, yo. But not really, though, dude. Not really, though, you dork, you know? Not really, though. You talk about the world's being flat, dude. You start telling all your friends, like, yo, did you see that? Did you watch this video?

I'm telling you. And at the time, it was like, you know, you're like innocent in it, but you realize the effect of the power of voice and even if you believe... But also, who gives a fuck if people... Why is this... Who cares if people believe this?

Who cares? This one doesn't matter. Let them believe believe it so they don't believe the other shit uh yeah the world's flat oh yeah yeah that's cool yeah for sure dude i i get it man i walk away yeah it's not flat but yeah it's flat oh the world's flat oh yeah it yeah, it's not harming anyone. It's not flat. But yeah, it's flat, dude. I get it, man. Hey, Hills. It's like, you just don't come out and say that stuff.

That's for intimate conversations because. No, it's not. Perception while you're received. It just changes. Dude, the earth is flat is not for intimate conversations, you know? Smartass. That's cool. So, yeah, I'm sorry about all that, you know, for all the science teachers, everybody coming up to me like, you know, I got to reteach my whole curriculum. I'm sorry.

I apologize. That's cool. He's a cool dude. I like him. That's nice to say that. Was he the one that put, no, he's not the one that put that stuff, that Jew Hayden documentary. That's not him, right? That's the other guy.

Very handsome as shit, huh? I could be that handsome if I tried. This is Subway to give free sandwiches for life to one person who agrees to legally change the name to Subway. I mean, dude. Sad. Everything about this is this, what kind of fat fuck would do this, you know, hey, it's me, can I get the fucking roast beef, oh, hey, Subway, how about that, dude, the world's so big, there was somebody that was like, I mean, I was going to do that anyway. I might as well do it and get the free sandwiches. Somebody identifies as a Subway, right? So the winner will receive $750 to cover the cost of legally changing their name along with $50,000 in Subway gift cards. Nah, dude. That's so annoying that you got to carry around a fucking gift.

that's not dude i don't want that's so annoying that you got to carry around a fucking gift dude if i legally change my name to subway you put posters all over the fucking place in the subways and when i get in there they just make me whatever the fuck i want hey i'm this there i am me subway give me the turkey with the fucking white american i really like you know what i mean to have to actually be with the card. Here, can I see your driver's license? Yeah, here, Subway D'Elia. I like this too. The winner will receive $750.

Dude, so easy to win. The winner will be chosen at random. How many people are going to be doing this? Imagine changing to Subway and it's not. And you don't win. You're just the guy Subway and it's not, and you don't win. You're just the guy Subway. Ah, fuck, I'm Subway Jones. Wow, the clickbait of this bullshit.

Look at the clickbait. Look, 31 celebrity who have destroyed their looks. Look at this. One drop makes me so productive I get a day's work done in three hours. This is my favorite. NHL player's wife is hands down the most beautiful woman in the world. That's not

math. It's an opinion. That's just like your opinion, man. I wanted to talk about one other thing, and I can't fucking remember. God damn it, dude. It's like skibbity-skbity neef neef, dude. Let's look at the Deserved Scales.

Here we go, Deserved Scales. Rapper wanted to jump like an athlete. Oh, dude, there's never been anyone more out of shape than rappers. For real. Oh, fuck. than rappers for real oh fuck this song keeps going died what is i mean dude uh rick lost dude why is he The worst show dude Why did he jump like there were people in the crowd There were two people in the crowd So out of shape dude

I fucking can't stand when someone's so out of shape You know Like work out Or something I eat pasta I eat pizza but I work out I something. I eat pasta. I eat pizza, but I work out. I know my metabolism is kind of this shit,

but also, like, deserve it? Scale 10. No, 9. Running up on Leet Singer. There you go. That's beautiful. Don't run up on that motherfucker. Hell yeah, dude.

He ran up on him. Fuck yeah, barreled him down, dude. Ooh, that must have hurt. God damn, that's awesome. Good job, dude. He ran up on him. Fuck yeah, barreled him down, dude. Ooh, that must have hurt. God damn, that's awesome. Good job, guy. Look at the... Nah, didn't deserve it. Get him off.

That guy deserved every inch of that fucking huge... Frank Thomas looking guy. Smashing him into fucking the next universe. Nine. These are good ones. Here we go. Stairway slide. Sounds like it could be

fucking hilarious. Here we go. What happened? Oh, fucking idiots, dude. Ooh! Ooh! Just got two inches shorter. Oh, sat the fuck down.

I love how there were pillows there, and he just moved them out of the way to just get fucking smashed in his anus. Ooh, that's an eight. Smashed in his anus. Ooh, that's an eight. I think they actually... Let's see it again. God damn, these guys.

That's a... Eight. Let's go with this one. Do you get that Spider-Man one? Okay. Here we go with this one do you get that spider-man one okay here we go with this one sapo guapo on youtube sapo guapo

is this one on tiktok it's a good thing it's taking so long to do it man oh here we go here's the spider-man one yeah it says bro is not spider-man Man. Oh, here we go. Here's the Spider-Man one. Yeah. It says, bro is not Spider-Man. There we go.

Come on. Nope. Don't want to sign in. Thank you very much. Don't want to sign in. Thank you very much. Don't want to sign in. Just want to see it.

Come on, dude. Here we go. Okay, let's do it. Throws. Throws a fucking cord over the lamppost and now going upside down as Spider-Man. Oh, the noise, dude. Smashed his head against the pole super superheroes in real life that is a fucking nine it would be a 10 but it looked like he probably died oh my gosh dude spider-man

somebody wrote under it spider Spider-Man forgot my helm. That is so bad. Come on, play again. Look, they're so jacked. So Mexican. Oh, so bad. Also, this isn't even cool, this whole thing. Like, you're so dorky.

It's rope, dude. You're not Spider-Man. Oh! Nine, bro. I thought a car was going to hit him when I first saw that, and I was like, oh, no, dude. God damn, that's so... That is some gangster shit. And that's why, that is some gangster shit.

And that's why there's no Spider-Man. WCGW playing Min, Minievel, Knievel, Minievel, Knievel in a parking lot. What is that? Oh, fuck. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Bro, they ramped the thing. Oh, no. Bro.

They ramped the thing. How did it fucking make that much of a... What is that thing? A toy? You know it? Oh, that fucked up that car, dude. That must have... I hope it was theirs. God, that sucks if it wasn't. You know they didn't tell anyone. And they still post it

and they're going to get caught. Love it. That's not, they don't deserve it because it wasn't theirs. It was theirs. They deserve it. Fucking full on 10.

Why is that thing so heavy? Make it lighter. Skating down a ramp in a parking lot. Well, we know how this ends. Oh no, this ends. Oh, no. This idiot. Oh.

That, dude, if that was me, I would die. I'd be on the way. I died. On the way hitting the thing. Guys, I died. Eddie Murphy, the way he's laughing. Dude, I hate dudes that laugh at that shit. That's a nine.

These are good ones. Wow. Sad, huh? I like how people are like, hey, this is just your run-of-the-mill skateboard thing, somebody said. Nothing. This is what happens. Bro, I got to understand more about parkour.

I definitely need to understand more about parkour because parkour seems like you just fucking have no ankles and no wrists because you broke them. What is he in? Mud? Oh, he can't get out of the mud? Ew, dude. That was actually pretty impressive how he jumped on that one. And fucked up that one.

And now he's in a... Ew. Ew, dude. He's just in a bunch of fucking elephant shit. That's so gross. That's a 10. Fuck that. Ruined his shoes.

Why are those guys on there, dude? Quicksand. Gonna die. Quicksand in the city. Wow. These are all nines. These are really... That one was okay. He could have been a little funnier.

Look at this. All right. Let's do some misconnections. Am looking for the couples for friends. La Puente. I'm a male and I'm looking for a couple to hang out. Same deal as always. I just sit and watch respectfully. I mean, respectfully, you know, let me know. I can help. I can help for your time. Let's talk, dude. I'm a male and I'm looking for a couple to hang out. Same deal as always. I just sit and watch respectfully. Why does he say same deal as always? It's new people. Same deal as old. You may have heard of me. I'm M M looking for the couples for friends. Look, I just sit respectfully. I wear a suit. I come.

I watch you do some different positions. He nuts all up in you, and then we go home. We go to our separate houses, man. That's all I need. You know he jerks off. You know what I mean? What's respectfully? Girls, come over.

Let's play, Compton. It's dangerous. Come over. Let's order some food and have a good time. I'm Hispanic, skinny, and 32. Send pics send pics and please be serious let's make it happen wow this guy's so positive nothing bad has ever happened to this guy in his life what I'm sorry there's a website that what that's him and you could just really and for sex well I don't even mention sex but they'll probably blow me great perfect. Perfect. Where is it?

Girls, come over. Let's play. Compton, come over. Let's order some food. Have some good time. I'm Hispanic. I'm skinny and 32. Why are they not responding?

Only fat dudes are. Here's another one. Looking for a lady to eat out. Eh, seh, right to it. Ride offered from L.A. I mean, that's the least you could do. You come over to me, I come over to you, or we can do it in my car. Wow. So desperate. Single white guy is here in good shape. So desperate, dude. This one says, and I know this is a slur, but looking for a

tranny, that's what it says, in Palmdale. Go figure. Where are they at, period? Is they a hangout or something? Wow. So if you are one, hit them up, Palmdale. Grandmother help is missed, Los Angeles. I miss my grandmother. She would have me help her and do things for her.

If you see this, please thank you I mean what dude You want someone to do it Or is this just a Fucking are you in therapy I miss my grandmother and she would have me help Her and do things for her if you see this Like he wants to help you Is he looking to get paid

Or is this a kink thing Sup hey guys sup sup? You alright? Um, alright. Look, thanks guys. Appreciate ya. Uh, Charlotte, Knoxville, Little Rock, Nashville, Alberta, I'll see you soon. Uh, and Brea and Irvine.

Thank you, uh, and if you uh, wanna watch, thanks for watching this. It's the YouTube episode. If you wanna watch the end of, if you wanna watch the rest of it, the uncut, the uncensored, the extra long episodes of congratulations, go on to patreon.com and you can also

go. If you do that, you can get one episode extra a month and it is actually, there's like 31 or 32 there now, so go binge them. Patreon.com. thank you very much