Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 332. Death Hoax

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

😏 If you want totally ad/commercial free, uncensored/extended episodes 1 day early +1 entire bonus episode per month, exclusive merch + Discord & exclusive content... come over to Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia This week Chris is probably gonna get a minivan. Plus Taylor Swift, ridiculous Emmy nominations, Tory Lanez sentencing, and some of the best deserve-it scale videos ever! Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Runk. Charlotte. I'm going to be in Knoxville. I'm going to be in Little Rock, Arkansas, coming up here, Nashville, Calgary, Edmonton, Ottawa, Montreal, Hamilton. And that's where I'm going to be coming up. So you can go to chrislea.com, get those tickets. And then also we've got beautiful merch that you can go to chrislea.com. We got those pockets stay deep tees and the pants that look absolutely gorgeous. We've got the hoodie that are the pockets stay deep hoodie that are absolutely gorgeous. We've got grow or die hoodies, two different styles, absolutely gorgeous, and a bunch of different life rips colorways. Go to ChrisLeah.com for some absolutely gorgeous merch. Thank you very much. And without further ado, welcome to this week's episode of Congratulations. of congratulations you know i've been thinking first of all like subscribe we love it um we

love it my babies uh but yeah dude i've been thinking about uh look here's the deal. I have to succumb to the family life and get, I think, well, I'm trying to, here's the deal, dude. I've got a car for, I've got, my wife has a car, all right? And it's a great car. And it's, well, it's an RS Q8, which is awesome. It's an awesome car. You know, I bought it and was like, got a new car. And she's like, okay. She doesn't care. She's the kind of person that doesn't understand what, like, dude, we'll be at the, like a valet.

We could valet her car and then go back and get it. And she'll be like, is that my car? And it's not her car. And you're just like, you're in it all every day. So like, and it's like, but she's like, well, it's black and it has the things on it. And you're just like, yeah, but it, you know what I mean? It's another four circles in the front. And also it's not your car. So, um, I got the car. She doesn't want to get the windows tinted. So it't look as mean it doesn't look as mean i want it to be it's all black i want it to be mean right i want it to be mean you start it up it goes and dude i want it to be mean she doesn't want it to be mean she doesn't want to be tinted because i get it my cars are so tinted that it's crazy. You got to roll down the windows to pull out, right?

So, so I, she doesn't get them tinted. So I, you know, so she wants, so we got the car, we got, we don't have a lot of room in the driveway

because we're in our house now. Whatever, this is not relatable to anybody in the world but um i'm still telling you because this is a cult congratulations and we love it and you listen and we love you um but yeah we basically what i'm starting to just come around to i need a minivan that's it dude i need to get minivan. And I've been on this minivan train and I'm like, babe, let's get a minivan. And she's like, dude, I'm cool still. And I said, well, then what car, what you still want to be cool, mom? What car do you even have? She has no idea. And it's like one

of the, it's the most awesome car. RSQ8 is so dope. It's ill and she's like hey i still want to be cool okay what car do you have she's got no idea so i'm like so let's get a minivan and she's like well i'll say you could keep your car we don't have the room but we could park it on the street, whatever, you know? And she's like, well, let's look at minivans, dude. So we look at best minivan because, dude, here's the deal, man. I got an electric bike from Super 73, which is so cool. I took it out. And, dude, it's so cool that, like, I can't tell.

It doesn't fit in any of the cars. So, like, I'm like, I'm going to get a minivan For the car But she thinks it's for the I'm going to get a minivan for the electric bike She thinks it's for the family It is I'm joking But you know no one will ever know It's inside my head not yours

So we're looking at minivans And dude the fucking Kia Carnival One looks pretty dope The Kia Carnival one looks pretty cool And I think that's going to be the one dude And I have to look at them the fucking Kia Carnival one looks pretty dope. The Kia Carnival one looks pretty cool. And I think that's going to be the one, dude. And I have to look at them. I have to look at like, what do you call it?

The different ones. People are like, oh, get the fucking Chrysler. No, Chrysler nothing, dude. Chrysler straight up nothing, dude. You ever seen Chrysler's with the wings in the front? No. That looks grandpa shit dude it didn't chrysler make the pt cruiser dude my dad rented a pt cruiser once and i go like this ah dad dude yo no he was how old must have he must have been i don't know

but it was so bad the pt cruiser oh my god that point, maybe worst car of all time. Severely. I mean, it's been trumped since then, but yo, the PT Cruiser, dude. Oh, it looks like, like it's like a Dick Tracy style fucking Dick Tracy on mushroom style thing. It's just so bad. If you look it up, some of you might not even know it. They made it for like three years. Um, Chrysler makes some fucking terrible cars, huh? Yeah. All good. Uh, make Chrysler, get it together. Hey, you got Christ in the name, make it way better. Okay. Um, Christ should be the best, right? Um, so yeah, so I'm going to get, I want to get a, I want to get a minivan, I think, but I want to black it out. That's the thing about me is whatever I get,

I want to make it the illest version of it. I'm just like, dude, can we put a spoiler on the back of a fucking minivan? Let's get a, let's, I bet you can actually. I want the 18 one is what the one I want. Dude, you know what? I'll get it. I'll get a, um, uh, Kia Carnival. Is it Carnival or Carnival? Carnival? Ah, whatever.. And I'm going to paint it like the 18 ones. Just myself. Me and Calvin are going to do it. Anyway, it's a cool car. But it's still a minivan.

And I get that. But it's like, they're so convenient, dude. You got to break every now and then. You got two kids. You got to break. Right? Maybe I should just only get the minivan and that's it. And just, we should just have one car.

That would be fucking kind of ill. And just honestly put furniture in there. They're big, dude. Just kind of live in it. You know, you can straight up get minivans with like fucking honestly furniture in there. You could get them, first of all, optioned with seats that are like, you could either have them like six, seven or eight seats. And then you could have some seats like facing the other way you could have a desk in

there with like fucking sconces and then there's one with a kitchenette that i think honda makes it doesn't have a full you know thing like no garbage disposal but you can really just open the window and toss the chicken bones out. So that's me about the minivans. Saw the fucking best looking dude ever like a few days ago. It was troublesome, dude. Here's the thing. Here's the thing.

The guy was so good looking that I go like, this is how good looking the dude was. First of all, taller than me. Whoopsie daisy, right? Not my fault. I'm tall. I'm a tall drinker. What do you know how tall I am? I'm six, two. I'm almost six. I might be six, three. I'm six, four in heels. And so I'm, I'm, I'm at Erewhon, which by the way, I wouldn't have gone there if I knew I had been going already. I didn't know it was nowhere backwards. And I, I've already spent like thousands of dollars at Erewhon now over the years. And it's like, now it's nowhere backwards and i i've already spent like thousands of dollars at arowan now over the years and it's like now it's nowhere backwards and so i'm like all pissed off i wouldn't have done i wouldn't have gotten any of your cute shit if i had known and then they made fun of it in the show you they did this whatever it was there it was called like

something and it was backwards it was a take on arowan but i'm at arowan and dude you know there it's like hot chick city it's like hot it's a hot person city you know and i'm there and i walk in and i see this woman that's like oh wow hey dude hey i just wanted to be like you know what hey hey pat her on the back go get him dude. Dude, you got it. You're so lucky. Hey, don't do anything extra. Just be. You got it. You won the genetic lottery.

Don't do shit extra. You know what I mean? You don't have to do. Don't go get a law degree. You know, a lot of these hot chicks feel like they have to, like, you know, prove themselves. Why? prove themselves why bro if i could come back as a dumb fucking model like a like a like a 5 10 you know what i mean not even a tall one because they look weird in pictures but like a 5 10 photogenic angular shaped v'd out dude with like a maybe even a small cock you don't know because i don't do nude stuff, but like super chiseled without even working out. And like when somebody says, what's up? I go like this, like that kind of dude,

forget it. I'm dude. If I could come back as a dumb motherfucker, that's it. That's it. That's me, dude. Just dumb as shit in a gap ad with another older guy. You know what I'm talking about? That's me, man. Just come back dumb as shit. And I mean fucking straight up. Like I can't, I'm not going to say the word, but I don't mean like actually, but like almost to where I'm like one IQ thing above. You know what I'm saying?

Right? And like to where I just go like, I don't really know to most stuff, right? No, this is how I describe stuff. Like I'll be like, man, that's crazy. And they be like, what do you mean? And I say, you know, it's just like crazy. Like that's the kind of guy I am. Like so dumb, I can't even describe what I'm already talking about. I can talk about the thing I want to talk about, but I can't describe what I'm talking about. Like, those shoes are so dope. They're good for basketball players. What do you mean?

You know, like, they're good for basketball players. Like, that's how I describe everything. That's the kind of dumb motherfucker I want to be. Worse than someone with Down syndrome, because not that people with Down syndrome are bad, but worse than that, you know, smart-wise, because at least people with Down syndrome, you go like, oh, well, they got, you know, smart wise, because at least people with Down syndrome, you go like, oh, well, they got, you know, they got Down syndrome. This guy doesn't have Down

syndrome and he still doesn't know how to describe stuff. Anyway, dude, I'm getting a lot of trouble with what I'm saying. It doesn't matter. I don't care at all, dude. But that's how I want to come back. One degree smarter than someone with Down syndrome. You know, I'm trying to not do it, but the bit is kind of just what it is. And that's that, dude. Like I put out, you know what? I'm done. I'm actually done.

Because here's the deal. On TikTok, you know, we go dummy viral on that shit. Like just stupid viral. And I posted this clip, this old clip from congratulations about Italians and how they get mad, and this fucking lady said to me, where is it, come on, where, I'm finding it, oh, I can't find it, she said, oh oh basically what she did was she said oh where where you should oh here it is stop calling italian americans who have one relative long dead who visited

into the italy once by the way is that that's not the whole sentence right stop calling italian americans who have one relative long dead who visited Italy once. That's not the whole thought. So I said, calling them what? Your sentence isn't finished. And she said, I had time today. It is. No Italian ever is called Vinny.

In extremis, at least say Italo-Americans, but not Italian. And I wrote, no. And she said, okay, fair enough. It's not you who has to deal with stereotypes coming from people that have nothing to do with you daily. Cheers. Yeah. I don't know anything about people fucking supposing shit on me. That isn't true. And by the way, and then I wrote, yeah, I don't care. Sorry. Wouldn't have done that in 2018. Woo. He was pushed. Don't push me, baby dude. He wouldn't have done that in 2018 whoa he was pushed don't push me baby dude he wouldn't have done that in 2018 he's pushed dude so um anyway that's all i want to come back as a dumb

motherfucker so these chicks they don't don't be doing anything just relax man relax enjoy life get some fucking kombucha. You know what I mean? Get a nice hoodie and just snuggle up in your fucking cute pants, right? You know how they do it with the blankets? Or get those fucking sleeves that come over your palms. You know, like it's like you're cozy. Like you don't know it's cute, but you know it's cute, dude.

Hey, what's up? And you're doing it like this and you're fucking, you know it, you know it's cute, dude. At a diner while I made a breakfast burrito and you're just like this. You know what's up? And you're doing it like this and you're fucking, you know, you know, it's cute, dude. At a diner while I meet a breakfast burrito and you're just like this. You know what's up, man? The fuck out of here, right? But you don't know because the fucking sleeves are long over your palms. And you know what's up. You know, you're activating it, man.

Right. But you all, but you're being normal. But what? I'm just, yeah, you know what's up. But anyway, I obviously have some fucking issues, but it's like, dude. So I walk into Erewhon and I see this. I mean, dude, if I, I mean, you know what she, who she was like?

She was like a cast member of the God of Gods of Egypt. Remember that fucking movie with Nikolai from Game of Thrones and Gerard Butler. She would be like a cast. The chicks in that, wowee, you know? And this woman is in Erewhon. I walk in, I go, wowee. I just go, wowee, man. In my head, I just go, wowee.

Excuse me. You know, the kind of hot where you just, you see and you just go like this. Fuck. And you want to just clear a table of like glassware. Like you literally like the fucking, like somebody killed your witness to the crime that you were about to fucking take to a case.

We have no case now. That's how hot she was. And then I go and I order my two roasted salmons. You know how I do it. With a little bit of white rice and some greens. You know how I do it. And you know how I do it because I keep it lean, dude. I keep it lean.

That's why my body looks like the current affair fucking logo, right? Upside down, maybe. I don't know. I think it's a triangle. But upside down. You know what I'm talking about. And so I eat the roasted... I get the roasted salmon. I look over next to her, dude.

I see this dude. He's about 6'5". Long hair. Long... Like a beard. A little bit like an olive skin. Dude, this is how hot he was. He looked like he was Native American, but he wasn't. Dude, you ever seen a white guy that looks Native American but isn't?

All right, dude. We got to get out of here and pack it up. Hold on a second. We got to pack this out of here let me get get it going ah shit a guy walks into the club he's native american but what but not though you just think he is and he's actually white and he's six four hey dude we got it you know what let's pack it up here yeah we gotta go dude the guy's here he's gonna get out get all the chicks hey let's pack it up here take the bottles here, here, here, let's go, dude, but Nelly's on, it doesn't matter, yeah, but we're at the club, and we still have vodka left, leave it for him, it doesn't matter, he can get them, he can get the chicks, great, he's here, dude, fucking Turok is here,

awesome, dude, that's it, that, that's for real, I swear to God, That's how, and I see the dude and I go, oh, well, okay, I get it. Dude, I didn't even look at the girl again. I'm all eyes on the dude. This guy was so hot, I go like this. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost. I lost.

So that's how hot the dude was, that the hot chick. She was like, all of a sudden I saw the hot dude, and she goes like this. I feel funny, Mr. Stark. Dude, she's gone. I don't feel so good, Mr. Stark. And then I look at this dude he's the only one left um so that's what's up

I took I went to go pick up um my wife from the airport because I wanted to see her she was like I'll just get a ride home I was like nah because I wanted to see her. She was like, I'll just get a ride home. I was like, nah, dude,

I want to see you. I want to see you as soon as you land. I'm going to be there. But she was like, really wanted to see Calvin and it was like, she landed at 930

and that's past his bedtime, you know. But I was like, Calvin, let's go. And he was like, you want to go to bed or you want to go pick up mommy with me?

And he said, I'm going to go pick up mommy. So I put him in the back seat, drove him to the thing, right? William's sleeping at home. I didn't leave him alone. There was somebody there. And we're going to the airport and Calvin is just such a good dude. He's not even like not falling asleep.

Dude, my favorite thing about a kid, about a little kid is you just, they will not admit they're tired. Dude, there were 10 minutes to the airport. It on it was like must have been like man there's so much traffic but it was like her listening at 9 30 i got there like 9 50 which is bad i'm a bad i'm bad but uh i was so i was apologetic and i felt bad but i got i was getting to the airport and calvin was falling asleep he was asleep and i was just like dude buddy are you tired and he's dude he's literally like this like dude just admit it man you sure you're not tired i'm not tired asleep it's so cute man uh picked her up and he woke right up it was so cute and we took him back when but and uh it's just a sweet moment, you know. Being a dad is the best thing ever. I know I always say that, but it is.

I don't know what I would do, though, if, like, my kid was old enough and he wanted to go to the Taylor Swift concert. Dude, you see these moms and shit that are there, and the kids are, like, asleep, and the moms are there for the mom, and she's like, oh, I took my daughter. And it's like, dude, you went for you. You went for you. Why is it on Instagram if you took it for your daughter?

Why is it on Instagram at all if took it for your daughter, why is it on Instagram at all? If you took it for you, if you went, if you took your son and your daughter there and everyone has bad seats, by the way, I have not seen somebody at a Taylor Swift concert. I mean, I'm talking about everyone. I see big celebrities far away. It's like, stay home, dude. If you're at a concert that far away, just stay home. You're almost at your house. These fucking concerts were so big. I mean, dude, it's going to be the highest grossing. She gave her drivers like $50 million. Like she's just giving people

bonuses out the wazoo. I love Taylor Swift, man. She just gives people bonuses out the wazoo. It's awesome. And she just played like 19 Staples awesome and she just played like 19 staple centers and she just is like i mean bro she's going to she man i mean billions of dollars she's going to be worth billions and billions of dollars she's worth like 800 million now which but that's conservative i mean dude she's definitely worth a billion dollars.

This tour is going to grow so much. The line of merch was like longer than the line in Russia for bread in the 80s. It was unreal. I don't even know if that's a right thing, but I think it is. Communism and all that. I have no idea, dude. But yeah, Taylor swift killing it she made like 50 makes like 50 million on merch for 10 million on merch a night or something and it's like jesus i'm just gonna sell taylor swift merch on my show honestly that's what i'm gonna do just her face taylor

swift tour and under it it says this is it says chris is, it says Chris Leotor. Nah, but we clean up with the merch department. You can go get your merch at chrisleotor.com. You know what's up. I don't know what the fuck is up by the way. When did the Emmys come? Dude, I gotta look this up. The nominations, when did they come out? They're out. Nah.

They're out. No. They're out. And it's the 75th Primetime Emmy Awards. And the interesting thing about that is nobody watches it, so that's good, right? And terrible shows are nominated for terrible actors. Well, I shouldn't say terrible actors. It's popular actors and popular shows. Well, I shouldn't say terrible actors. It's popular actors and popular shows.

But, dude, do you know the last – dude, I found this. I put it on Instagram. I rented it out a little bit. The Last of Us is nominated for 24 nominations. Dude, 24 nominations. Let's just – don't look it up. Let's just go through them, okay? Now look, I know you're listening to this.

You're not in Hollywood. I'm not in Hollywood. I know about Hollywood, though. So let's just do this. 24 nominations for Last of Us, okay? Let's go through it, all right? Best actor. Let's say somebody's nominated for two best male actors, two. Two female.

Three. Five. That's five awards. Okay? There you go. What else? Effects, right? Cinematography.

Script. That's all I got. Now I'm struggling already and I have three different categories and five of them were from best actor. Oh, supporting actor, supporting actress. There's 14 left. What? Costume? Okay, 11. Editing? Okay, 12. There's 12 left.

Makeup? 13. There's 11 left. Audio mix? makeup 13 celeb left audio mix 10 left these are the bullshit ones the fuck are they getting nominated spread the love this is the thing about the popular shows spread the love

then if it's like dude dude spread the love then if it's like dude dude then i found out that succession is nominated for 27 awards i didn't i i actually didn't even know there were 27 awards I'm being fucking honest what the fuck what are you nominated for best fucking uh teamster see what I mean best fucking cleaning service after the show the fucking after on set the people come and they what is it? This is so Hollywood is up its own ass. You can see my Instagram about it, dude. It's so ridiculous, dude.

Here's the thing that it's here's the thing that this is the best thing it got nominated for right here, right here. I'm done, dude. Outstanding contemporary hairstyling dude you got nominated for running your fingers through some hair why are they if you're not you can be nominated for emma or the queen where you gotta fucking these people are doing their hair for eight hours. This is what they did to Pedro Pasqual. They go like this.

Hey, sit down. Let me see your hair. I'm not even bullshitting. This is what they do. Okay. Yeah, it's good. You got your stuff in it. All right, cool.

Go ahead. Dude, nominated. That's what they do. That's what they do. That's what they do. And they get nominated for this shit and they're going to jack up their price. They're going to be like, oh, I got nominated for best contemporary hair styling. Hey, dude, suck me off real quick. That's ridiculous. There should be a nomination

for best chilling off off camera, best off camera work. Dude, this is so honestly crazy. There should be a cap for real. A show should be able to be nominated for eight times. That's it. And remember the back in the nineties, you'd be like, Whoa, it got nominated 10 times. Dude, there there's more shows now. Nominate the shit on BET nominate some to be shit for real best commercial breaks. It's on it, dude. It's on. Dude, it's crazy. And then what's the other one? The Wednesday one got nominated for. Dude, that show I have not seen.

I know it sucks. And then they said beef was. I'm sure beef is good. Actually, beef looks real good. But dude, I drove past the billboard the other day. It said the greatest piece of art I've seen in decades. Hey, look at a fucking painting asshole dude what are you what what this is hollywood this is hollywood just all day long just hey i have a suck-off meeting i gotta go i'm doing a pitch i got a

pitch at 3 30 and then at 4 30 of a fuck i have a suck-off meeting, and then 5.30, I got a tongue-in-my-anus meeting. The guy, yeah, it's a guy. He's hot, dude. He's a hot shot Hollywood producer. Comes in, he just tongues my anus for, it's going to be probably a 45-minute meeting. Yeah, crazy. And then I got drinks with some guys that are going to suck me off, and then I got to go suck off a guy for dinner. So that's it.

That's Hollywood, dude. It's unbelievable, dude. Outstanding contemporary hairstyling. The word contemporary just ruins it. contemporary hair styling. The word contemporary just ruins it. Pedro Pascal got nominated for Best Comedy Guest Star

when he hosted Saturday Night Live, you know. Guy wears shorts and a blazer. Look, he's fucking LeBron James. I guarantee you Pedro Pascal will show up at the Emmys with a briefcase for no fucking reason. I'm telling you right nowascual will show up at the Emmys with a briefcase for no fucking reason. I'm telling you right now,

he'll show up with a fucking a low scoop neck shit so low that you almost see his nipples and a briefcase, dude. I swear to God. And a dress. I swear. A skirt. I swear to God. I'm not gonna... I don't know if he's gay or not or what or LGBTQ

or whatever the fuck. But, you know, whatever the fuck, but it's like, dude, it is what it is, my babies, um, I can't believe it. Hey, shout out to fucking... Well, this sounds like I'm like... I almost did what that guy David Guetta did. Shout out to Martin Luther King Jr. or George Floyd. He ended racism. We're sorry for his family. Here we go.

I have a dream. I can't breathe. Um, but, uh, I was going to say shout out to Maui, which is so shitty. You know, everyone's dying in their historic town. It got fucking exploded. And I'm just like, yo, shout out to Maui. But, uh, my condolences to Maui. Uh, and it's, uh, it it sucks that's horror harsh right because it had a bunch of winds and and then it started fires and then

maui's just gone and uh it's a historic town and a lot of the history is now gone and that's bad but let's look at the bright side dude at least you get to like uh you know start new get you know because a lot of those old places don't have air conditioning you can make some fucking top-notch shit you know what i mean like make straight up like it's hard to get the materials in but make places that like dr evil would live like this is the thing about when historic towns get wiped out bro this is thank god and then you can also make shit crazy crazy crazy nice. Like super clean and super, like, I mean, you can make the illest shit. You know?

You got people out there that are like, I don't mean Maui, but like different places that happen. Like, oh, there's been a drought in, you know, Tucson for such a long time. We don't know what to do. Hey, start over. The art there is horrible. Now'm talking about tucson but maui yeah my heart does go out to people in maui that really that does suck i i think i don't know people lost their lives or what but it's so tragic it really is um and we make jokes and we'd be silly but you know that's sad dude i uh i feel bad and then at maui even people dude it's gonna hurt the tourism business so bad I know that Maui too is like a huge tourism business but man people are like

you know when Jason Momoa pops off Jason Momoa is just like dude don't come don't go to Maui man don't go he said don't go to Maui and that made people want to fucking absolutely go to Maui you know what I'm talking about um but he said don't go to Maui um and you know he means business and I still see chicks on their stories posting that they're on vacation in maui in hawaii and fucking just living it up and that's absolutely un-frinkin-believable read the room it's town deaf best contemporary hairstyling most outstanding contemporary contemporary styling. So. And then also, what's the deal with the, so, man, this is so funny, dude.

Zuckerberg and Elon, it's like the fight, their fight that is going to never happen, you know. I don't know if they know, if they're in cahootsots together, but dude, it's so funny that they're just common calm. They're just responding to each other on each other's platform. Like, dude, use the same one or just use one that you both don't have that you both don't like use only fans. But Zuck got upset for sure, because he was like, I think we can all agree. Elon isn't serious and it's time to move on. I offered a real date. Dana White offered to make this a legit competition for charity. Elon won't confirm a date. Then he says he needs surgery and now has to do a practice run

in my backyard instead. If Elon ever gets serious about a real day, an official event, he knows how to reach me. Otherwise, time to move on. Now, this is my favorite part. I'm going to focus on competing with people who take the sport seriously. Guy, you do apps, okay? Hey, what is it, 40, 45? Hey, guy, you type. And it's all good. Look, I don't know anything about Mark Zuckerberg except for this fight, and he made Facebook, okay? And I know probably less about Elon Musk. I don't even, I don't know shit about him. But guys, taking this sport seriously is hilarious. You've done it how long?

Two years? In your fucking backyard? Oh, I got to see that fight. It's entertainment, dude. Do it in the Coliseum for real. So now, so he's going gonna move on and take the sport seriously great and by the way power to him dude i feel like zuck is just the kind of crazy and go-getter and has that go-getter attitude that could like really kind of do some damage maybe if he started

when he was really young but you know he looks like he's in shape god bless dude elon musk writes knock knock challenge accepted. Open the door. Thought you might want some tea. So I brought the bags. I, you know, okay. You know, so dorky, but like, don't know really even what that means. Cause there was no picture or company with it, but I guess that me, I guess he's responding to Zuck's Zuckerberg's thing and they're going to do a fight and I can't wait, dude, it's going to end so quickly, you know, they're going to be gassed, and then they're, you know, it's going to end, it's going to end by somebody slipping a little bit, and the other guy falling, because he got caught up in the slip,

and then somebody's going to punch somebody's orbital bone, and it's going to crack, and it's going to fucking, and they're going to have to get surgery on the orbital bone, and the doctors come out and be like, lucky they didn't go blind but they didn't and then that's it and it's gonna be in the coliseum you know the italian doctor is gonna be like oh you almost went blind but you didn't because he doesn't hit hard enough right because you guys make apps um good thing that you guys are just app makers yes otherwise you could have maybe went blind but you didn't because all you do is type um entertainment is is fucking bonkers and then trump keeps doubling down and then the guy keeps getting indicted now he's getting indicted for the georgia stuff and he's

just like hey bring it i think trump's just like dude i'm old enough to where maybe i'll die first before this shit happens right the guy keeps eating cheeseburgers and cokes he might um but it's you know i mean god damn dude they're really coming for him i can't i can't wait to see what happens in 2024 and also i just can't even believe i'm all here's what i do know here's i'm not saying i'm not saying i'm voting for trump i do know i'm not voting for biden because of how he treated the fucking cuomo shit that dude was a bitch ass that dude was a motherfucking bitch ass for for being a pussy when somebody said Cuomo kissed their cheek. And now he can't be the fucking whatever he was. Mayor.

Because he kissed someone's cheek and said, oh, wow, you look good to a lady. And then fucking Biden, little pussy ass, was like, oh, you know what, dude? Forget it. I can't condone that. Bro. You don't get to delete a vote no more. And I'm not saying I'm voting for trump i don't know who i'm voting for i may just not vote but biden bro you're a pussy ass bitch for that i just get

fucking taken out get him get the guy in the blue shirt with the fucking dumb chains in the podcast get him um he called him a bitch ass. He called the. Entertainment's crazy, dude. Sydney Sweetie's Spider Woman. Oh, thank God. Dude, Sydney Sweetie's hot. All right.

Good. That's it. Yay. Good. She's a good actress. Yay. This fucking Marvel shit's out of control, dude. Spider Woman.

She's going to be Spider Woman. In Sony. Sidney Sweeney is confirmed to be Spider Woman in Sony's weird Marvel sub-universe. What does that even mean? Oh, the Venom thing. Yeah. what does that even mean oh the venom thing dude there's too many fucking spider-mans by the way stop what about just regular spiders dude they must be in their feelings right so many movies about yeah imagine being a spider nowadays dude

oh this sucks you got people talk about representation. Dude, we were barely in a bug's life and now you got fucking they're like, oh, they want dude, they want. You know, remember the Donald Glover thing, he was going to be Spider-Man. What about a spider? Anyway, dude, Sidney Sweeney is going to be Spider-Man. What about a spider? Anyway, dude, Sidney Sweeney is going to be Spider-Woman. Can't wait to see. Can't wait to see that. Going to go dressed up as Spider-Woman and wait in line.

Yeah, so anyway, she's going to do that. She said she was freaking out, of course. That's cute. That's cool. That's cool. Loving it. I don't know. Marvel movies are the movies that they should be making because it's the only movie that's fucking...

It's the only movies that are fantastic and you can go see it in the theater and it's fucking ridiculous, but it's like... You know. What are you going to fucking go see? A movie with fucking... What's her fucking name? Frances McDormand, you know?

That boring shit? Where she's just wearing a fucking brown jacket with too many pockets on it? And she's just roaming around and then she cries in two scenes? For fuck's sake, dude. In a green room? You know what I'm talking about?

You going to go see that movie? Let's see what Taryn Manning had to say. I have to pull over because I'm just like I don't want to like cause crashes because I'm just so rooted right now. So Rooted?

I'm just like I don't want to like cause crashes because i'm just so high rooted right now so oh shit so high the last man that i've been messing with is a married man and every night oh shit well for about three nights in a row. I haven't seen this. Or even maybe there's a night in between. I was licking his butthole. Dude. The meme of the fucking white guy with the blonde hair. Nope.

The fucking radio in the background, dude. Wow. Fucking. Ne-Yo moves up three spots to number two this weekend because he liked it and i didn't mind doing it because he liked it i mean you know what does it mean they you know yeah does that bother is that weird yeah and that is what demons do okay kinks your kink demons don't do it also there's no demons so let's move on hey what's first of all we are 41 seconds into this three minute and 30 video what where could this go so, we drove all the way down to Newport Beach today so I could buy him a boat. I was so in love.

So I thought so I could buy this gentleman a boat and I, and I brought cash to put a down payment down. Like I really loved him. I was like, yeah, it was like we're into the same thing like we're hold on hold on hold on so he's married you were gonna buy him a boat i really loved him and i was like we're into the same thing does that mean eating his butthole that's the thing well that's not love, you know. Kinky, blah, blah, blah. And his wife, because he's married, and I feel so bad because I can't stand her. Okay.

I can't stand her, his wife. Because she wasn't even like, wait, what? You've been messing with my man? She said, you lunatic, you get out of my life or I'll get an R.O. on you. Well, she was mad so gotta forgive her i'll put your ass in jail anyway so i've been licking your man's butthole for dude the best anyways so of all time anyway so i've been licking her man's butthole for some time weeks on end because he he likes it a lot and i do it to him, and he comes to me, and it happens.

Jay-Z. That's a lot. Dude, her laugh is the Jay-Z laugh right here. Come on, play it. It won't play it. Why won't the sound plan work? It just worked with this. I'm pissed. Great. I on work? It just worked with this. Huh.

I'm pissed. Great. I'm pissed. It just worked. Okay. I'm pissed. All good. Jay-Z's laugh goes like this.

There we go. That's a lot of information, but I'm the lunatic, right? Well, yeah. No, I'm just single. Very single. Right. And he came to me. So you don't accuse me of to me so this may be all made up though that's the good thing about that it's all made up you want to put me in jail i'll put you in jail in jail for what your head will be spinning don't you ever threaten me nice i actually i will i will

show you how i do i actually like. Don't you ever threaten me. I agree. When your husband came to me to get his butthole licked. Dude, this is the most gangster shit. Don't you ever threaten me again, Leanne. This is gangster. Dumbass. And now I'm a Terran Manning fan. I cannot believe you.

You've lost it. Not I. Oh, so she... Not I. Oh, dude, she's just she just been watching like so much tutors you know not i i brought your husband to newport beach we drove all the way together we had so much fun he has a hand on my leg the whole time most of the time finger banging me i'm not gonna lie i'm not gonna lie anymore about about it anymore, I had no one to ruse on. And every time, like in his fingers, to buy him a boat. To buy him a boat.

This dude was making out like a bandit. And all day we went on a boat. He's going to have a boat and get his butt eaten? The boat that he wants. And I was going to buy it for him. He's going to call the boat the butt eater. He messed up real bad today. Can we paint butt eater on the back? And you're coming after me.

No, it ain't going to happen, lady. Oh, my. You made a huge mistake. You made a huge mistake. She says. In the name of. You're dusted. Dusted.

I ain't scared of you. You should be scared of me. Well, I hear you. Here's the thing about that is she didn't make anything worse for anybody but herself. Like, she didn't even say the people. And I'm not saying she should. She shouldn't. You ate someone's butthole, and their wife's mad.

And that's honestly the end of that. That's really the end of that. You ate someone's butthole. The wife's mad. Well, look, let bygones be bygones. You know what I mean? Like, men, they keep fucking up. But also, you ate a married man's butthole. So it's like, you weren't going to buy him a boat. So it's like,

okay, you know, let's just kind of move on. Now what's happening is you look, the wife got mad and she started yelling at you saying, fuck you. And this, that, the other thing, look, that's bad, but also let it go. Find another butthole to eat. You know what I mean? There's out, there's men out most, most men would let you eat their butthole. And I You know what I mean? There's men out there. Most men would let you eat their butthole. And I mean that. I don't know. Probably a lot of you are like, no, not most men. Some men. It's a weird kink. Maybe it's not. Dude, I guarantee men can be talked into the shit by a woman. You know? You ever see men around sex? They go like this. Can I eat your butthole? What? No. Can I eat your butthole? No.

Let me eat your butthole. What's it feel like? I don't know if it feels good. People say it feels good. Really? No. Let me eat your butthole. All right. That's how it would be. You find another butthole to eat. Because at that point, it's not about the man. I understand it's about the man if you're going to give a BJ or sex. Of course it is because you want to be in love. But butthole, you're all back there and stuff. You're not even facing the guy. He could fart on you. It's just all disrespectful.

It's not about the guy. It's about the kink. So just do that with any guy. You know? My heart goes out to Taryn Manning, though. I feel like she probably needs some help. Yeah, it's, you know. Anyway, the way I've tried to get a restraining order against that,

man, that's okay, I guess, I don't know enough about that, I don't think it exists, I think she's just being silly, let's just assume the best, right, because I don't think that that's real, oh, man, I would love it, how about if the lady was like, it was, it's me, motherfucker, you ate my, you ate my husband's butthole, wait, hold on, we're home, knock me down, butthole. Wait, hold on. We're home. Knock me down. Hello.

Goodbye. There you go. Knock me down. There you go. Bye-bye. And then take a trot. Oh my. Dude, a dominator in sex. This is a home run call. Knock me down.

Hello. Hello. Goodbye. Knock me down. Hello. Goodbye. There you go. All the salutations. Knock me down. There you go. Bye-bye. And then take a trot. And then take a trot.

Dude, the fucking Akin Complex. Dude, this is the worst home run call. Wow, dude. Rubello Knock me down Hello, goodbye There you go Knock me down, there you go

Knock me down, there you go Just loves This guy's kinked out, dude This guy needs to get his butthole eaten by Taron Manning Bye-bye. And then take a trot. So drunk you can talk about the way he says trot. Holy shit.

Ravello. Knock me down. Hello. Goodbye. There you go. Knock me down. There you go. Bye-bye.

And then take a trot. Bro, that is incredible. Uh-oh great oh there you go knock me down there you go and then take a trot wow that was the best oh wow this is worst home run calls part one dude somebody said sounds like a parrot left alone that's a a great, dude, I wish I was an announcer. That's how I would do it, dude. That guy's inspiring. I love that guy. That's my favorite announcer.

Long fly ball deep to center. Uh-oh, there you go. Knock me down. Dude, what is knock, why is he just saying country songs? These are all country songs. Dude, these are all fucking, uh, uh, what's her name songs the blonde knock me down hello goodbye hello goodbye there you go there you go knock me down there you go knock me down there you go he this is a country this is a country song, dude. All the lyrics to a country song. Here we go.

Ravello. Knock me down. Knock me down. Hello, goodbye. Hello, goodbye. There you go. There we go. Knock me down.

There we go. And then take a trot. And then take a trot. That is a country song, dude. Reading something from Travis Tritt, dude. that's the best home run call i've ever heard in my life unfrinkin believable unfrinkin believable oh dude this is crazy that tori lane That Tory Lane got fucking convicted, sentenced to 10 years for shooting Megan Thee Stallion's foot. Dude. Honestly, you deserve three years for shooting someone's foot. Who is going to disagree?

Honestly. Who is going to disagree? who's gonna disagree honestly who who's gonna disagree probably the foot is the most mistaken shot body part there is right and wasn't he just doing the dance dance bitch dance and shot 10 years bro i i get it but whoa bro i also if both you shot both feet oh well now we're looking at some fucking hard time actually i you know what this is me as the judge tory i would love to give you only three years but the truth is it doesn't feel like an accident because you got both feet. So, ten years. Glank. Both feet, wow.

Okay, well then it maybe wasn't an accident. But here's the deal, dude. If somebody shot my feet, I wouldn't want them to go to jail for ten years. I might want them to do a year. For real. If you shoot my feet, if you shoot both feet, definitely at least a year. What do you shoot my feet if you shoot both feet definitely at least a year what do you guys think honestly how many years should you get for getting shot in the foot

and then how many years for shooting someone in both feet you're still shooting a person but it's like not a fatal shot you didn't mean to i don't know man tough shit Megan Thee Stallion is fucking dope though remember when Tory Lanez got up and he was the same height when he was sitting down he stood up he's like five six and he and he and he's got a bad hairline but the thing is it wouldn't be that bad if he was tall right if you're short and have a bad hairline you're kind of fucked but apparently but he could spit them bars right I mean he could really spit them bars can't he But he can spit them bars, right? I mean, he can really spit them bars, can't he?

But wow, he got 10 fucking years for shooting someone's foot. Both feet. That sucks. What are you in here for? Shooting someone's feet. I'm going to fuck you now. I know. That's how that goes. Crazy dude sad everything's sad but the most sad thing is

bobby and drake unfollowed each other and i wish they didn't honestly just for the fucking just for the culture you know we gotta see what's up with that somebody get to the bottom of that uh all right look well no let me actually do some no i'm not going to do any well let me do some uh let me do some of these why not uh deserve it scales here we go with the deserve it sales a kid tries pressing me irl bro when i travel in the 11th i'm waiting for the day that a kid tries pressing me IRL, bro. When I travel on the 11th, if you see me IRL, I genuinely want you to fight me, bro. Real shit, bro. This is a public announcement. Anyone who sees me IRL, I will give you $1,000 if you beat my ass, bro. No one's fucking touching me. I'm untouchable.

Hey, look who's shoes we got. Got his ass lacking. Come on, bro. You're taking the video right on your phone. You're kidding me. You're kidding me This can't be real It is oh no I wanna do this Hold on he's just playing a video game Talking like this Oh god and he's saying IRL

Instead of in real life oh no dude this is sir you deserve this this is the most deserved scale i can't even believe this hold on if you see me irl i genuinely want you to fight me bro real dude he said genuinely bro this is a public announcement anyone who sees me irl i will give you a thousand dollars if you beat my ass bro no one's touching me i'm untouchable oh man he meant it too that's the he meant it dude while he was sitting there in that chair playing fucking gran turismo god God damn it, dude. That's the best part, dude, that they just, it starts with,

hey, look whose shoes we got. Like, dude, not even what the guy said, but so good. Oh, God. You a bitch right i'm a bitch i'm a bitch everything about that is so bad see people think they should buddy put a bounty on his own head the reaction to that was justified in my book yeah wow and they kept their crocs on he said somebody said damn dude that sucks i feel bad he's just a young kid you know oh god that's really annoying though god i mean you kind of want him to get at least smacked around a little bit and then they took his panda fucking dunks that is the most deserved scale that is not that funny

that i i can't have ever seen that's a 10 oh my god irl bro oh this guy's oh no during the wind he's gonna hold on to an umbrella gone he's gone this is a video game he's gone dude oh wow you deserve umbrella. Gone. He's gone. This is a video game. He's gone. Dude. Oh, wow. You deserve it, bro. Let the fucking thing go. What is it with people when the wind comes, they hold on to the shit? Let go.

IRL, bro. IRL, bro. A thousand dollars, dude. Who is that kid anyway? Do you even know? I mean, obviously, he's a Twitch guy. When an adult... Oh adult oh bro this one this one's so funny bro he flew out i wish i knew what that last word was that she said dude why did he fly out like a fucking it honestly it looked like in the 80s when they use a dummy for this stuff.

Bouncing. Bouncing. Dude, what is he wearing? Is it a cop? Oh, the guy's a cop, dude! Maybe the fucking perp jumped down that tube. Or no, maybe he was running after a perp, and he jumped in a tube, and then came out that one like it's Mario Brothers. Oh my god.

No. After this came out, it went so viral, there was a 45-minute line of adults to do this. That's unreal, dude. IRL, bro. It went viral and then people started doing it. IRL. Dude, somebody said so violent for a short slide. It

is, man. Well, actually it's pretty, it's not that short. Bro. How did this guy? How did this guy? Dude, how did this guy? He must be too heavy is the thing. It must be for kids.

They must go down slower. Holy fucking shit, dude. That's so bad. Oh god damn. Alright one more. Ugh. This guy's hyped before his match. He's hyped.

He's going to be exhausted fighting. He's a UFC or whatever it is in Peru. What happened? He hurt himself jumping up and down? No. Oh, no. Oh, my. Come on, dude.

He didn't want to fight, you know. So he lost? I guess he forfeit right? What a fight for the other guy Dude we got to watch the end so what happens do the medic This isn't really deserve it because he was just kind of excited about the fight poor guy hold on so he's jumping up and down oh he fucked himself up one jump one jump dude dude it's probably better he didn't fight you know he would have really got fucked up how much is he so because he's from peru he's just like man this was a blessing and so

a blessing in disguise you know i could have been dead for this. Jesus Christ made me come through. Jesus Christ came through for me because I would have died probably this one. Oh, it's so bad. He was fucking excited, ready to go. Let's do one more. Oh, this one is so funny.

I've fucking seen this. Holy shit, dude. Did we do this one yet? Lady's car rolls away after getting out of the car, yelling. She gets out to yell at the drive-thru people. Dude, she's like, get your car. I think we've already done this, but holy fuck, this is so funny. What an idiot.

What a shot. Oh my god. Manager. Dude. I. Oh, my God, bro. This world is mad. She deserved it.

A 10. These are good ones. Wow. These are good ones. I felt real bad for the other. I felt bad for the kid. And then the guy who jumped and just broke his fucking kneecap, you know? Well, let's do one more.

These are good. Do a to do a perfect backflip. Oh, dude. He's in Vegas. No, he's not Well, let's do one more. These are good. To do a perfect backflip. Oh, dude, he's in Vegas. No, he's not even. He's probably in Reno. Oh, dude, he did not do a backflip. He did a front fucking face smash. Ah, 10.

Absolute 10. 10. Smashed his fucking nose. Fucked himself up so bad. Spencer, dude, get out. Is this... 11. That's an 11.

He's... It's security, dude. Wow, this is so awesome. He's got sunglasses on. Dude. This is... What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. This guy's got sunglasses on dude this is what happens in Vegas days in Vegas

this guy's got sunglasses on holy fucking shit this is unreal this is unreal he's got sunglasses on he's standing on one of those fucking table those top

high top table chairs tries to do a backflip falls forward breaks his sunglasses into his nose and mouth Spencer Spencer what happened, bro?

Listen. They're calling security, dude. Dude. They're calling security, dude. They're calling security, dude. They're calling security, dude. Dude, that's un... What a...

Somebody said knowledge. If you are standing on a bar stool in a bar casino, in a bar and casino, there is nothing perfect about what will happen next. Oh, man. That is a 10. Smashed him up. Good, huh?

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