Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 336. A NEW CAR!

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

😏 If you want totally ad/commercial free, uncensored/extended episodes 1 day early +1 entire bonus episode per month, exclusive merch + Discord & exclusive content... come over to Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia Steve Ballmer, Denzel, Bob Barker, Rod Roddy, Liam Neeson, and a bunch of angry people join Chris for the 336th rip roarin' episode of Congratulations. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Runk. chrysalia.com and then i will also be in canada coming up in cleveland and vermont i think and detroit go to chrysalia.com bunch of different cities uh there are there is amazing merch there at chrysalia.com if you go and you can get the pocket stay deep uh hoodie and um regular t-shirt you got the uh the pocket the uh the diving board on the pocket to let people know that you got money let people know that you've got a bunch bunch of deep pockets and willing to spend on everything. Anything, anything, anything. And look at that. Look at that fabric.

Look at that absolute beautiful fabric made by the pocket stay deep. And then we've got the grow or die merch, which is absolutely one of a kind. Look at that, even though there's two and there's two different versions. You got the dying rose on it.'re absolutely beautiful grow or die um so go to crystalia.com to get that merch and let them know um and also welcome to the new episode of congratulations We in it, dude. We built this city. Brown, pick a brown. Let's start by watching this.

This is Steve Ballmer at.net presentation developers headquarters. And this is old. And this is a fucking amazing thing. I don't know if I've if I don't think I've ever talked about this first of all guy doesn't get out much also

this is like the first time he hasn't been drunk in fucking like three months this I mean sweating so much it's unbelievable this guy was the like a like a Steve Jobs type guy in Microsoft, for Microsoft though. Just a fucking Will Ferrell character, straight up. You know he's getting started.

The anger already, the vitriol. Such a specific question and went through puberty at the same time. Just such a specific question that nobody has ever been asked ever or even thought about and then went through puberty immediately. So it's all good. Holy cow. I'm going to have to tough it up now. Here we go.

The beginning of it. Okay. So what is the $64,000? I mean, dude, the beginning of it. 14. Almost, Rob. Why are you yelling? Will Ferrell. Why are you yelling? We'll figure it out. 14. Dude, how is he alive? Honestly, a guy like this, you look at this, at what he's doing, how is he alive?

Is he still alive? Unbelievable, dude. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Here we go. Unbelievable, dude. Unbelievable. Here we go. Oh, my. Developers. The key.

A musical. .net. The key to industry transformation. The seven notes in one. The key to success is developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers. Developers, developers. Dude, a developer fucked his wife and knows he's fucking her right now. Developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers. Dude, a developer fucked his wife and knows he's fucking her right now. Knows they're on a date right now and there's nothing he can do with it. Completely emotional.

Everyone's so weirded out. Dude, this guy owns the Clippers now. This is unbelievable. Dude, knows his wife has slept with three different developers the whole time. He said, you know what? I'm not going to do the developers, developers, developers. No matter what happens, I'm not doing the developers, developers, developers thing that he thought he was going to do. And then he was like, I'm not going to do that because it's too much.

And then realized one second before the okay that he was going to do. And then he was like, I'm not going to do that because it's too much. And then realized one second before the okay that he was going to be doing it. Okay. So what is the $64,000? And started it by thinking if I could just actually, the reason that made him change into, okay, I'm going to do the developers, developers, developers thing, is I'm going to start it with the $64,000 question. I found a way in, he thought. I found a way in, and he did it with the $64,000 question. So here we go. Here we go.

Okay. So what is the $64,000 question? Holy cow. Almost dropped. Almost dropped. What's the's the 64 000 question for the field what is the most asked question that his hair stops he is bald it's unbelievable when guys are so immediately bald like they're just like hair hair hair hair hair stop no gradualness just immediately stop and then fucking shiny cue ball like they're fucking um what's the fuck in uh dope sick the guy they

had the terrible bald wig the bald cap on him it just was so bad this is what it looked like we what the hell are we gonna throw up and knows it steve ate so much chinese food the night before and it's got a very very clear answer developers the key to dot net the key to industry transformation the key to industry transformation, the key to success is developers, developers, developers developers, developers, developers developers, developers, developers developers, developers, developers

developers, developers, developers oh, gonna cry dude, I mean, I actually think a developer did fuck his wife, I'm not even bullshitting, That guy's unbelievable. Oh, that guy's unbelievable. Oh, it just got me. Look at this thing on BuzzFeed.

A viral discussion about men smashing cake in their partner's faces has taken over the internet because, quite frankly, women are fed up. Bye. Bye. A viral discussion about men smashing cake in their... This is what the title should be a viral discussion about men smashing cake in their partner's faces has taken over the internet because quite frankly women are fed up by there's footage of some men literally tackling down their brides just to shove cake in their faces and it's not cool all right well yeah do it of course

100% don't ever tackle your wife right i mean dude i'm imagining like a horror movie like no no and he's just like crawling after with a cake like a piece of cake and she's like get away get him fucking away in a world where viral where we're smashing cake in your fart partner's face has taken over the has taken over the world. It's sexist. Now, now. Smashing people's. What's wrong with me? Smashing cake in people's faces, particularly women's faces.

I love it, dude. I love how they make it a fucking. Dude, the women do it to the men, too. Particularly women's faces has been a topic. Can't you just see an annoying asshole saying this? Like behind some podium. Smashing cake in people's faces, particularly women's faces. Okay. topic can't you just see an annoying asshole saying this like behind some podium smashing cake in people's faces particularly women's faces okay has been a topic that has been around for a long time and is often talked about when discussing wedding trends that people hate um

buzzfeed dude BuzzFeed, dude. Smashing cake in each other's faces is one. I will be paying a lot of money for the dress, makeup, hair, and the cake, so don't smash it in my face. It's old and, frankly, rude when couples shove it up their significant other's nose. Am I the only one who feels this way? That's what somebody said. Somebody on TikTok said it. What do you know? somebody fucking annoying on tiktok um well dude obviously look at this getting a cake

smash in her face by her husband at her son's first birthday party is generating a lot of this is a thing uh video i was very hurt i remember i immediately went to the bathroom clean up myself up and faced on my dad bawling. Jesus. Okay, let's see this. Let's see this. Also weird. It's not even a fucking wedding.

It's the kid's first birthday. Any time a cake's around, that's how much a guy hates his wife. That's how he lets it out on her. And a yummy cake is right in front of him for his birthday. Dad helps him taste the icing and encourages him

to just go for it and dig in with his hands. So cute. Oh! Smash it! Smash it! Boom, boom, boom. Everybody, you know,

has their child do a cake smash for the first birthday. But the unexpected happens. Dad picks up the cake. Wait, so. You can clearly hear me say no. Yep, Candy Mulroy of Tampa. Not. Hit smack in the face.

I thought he wanted me. Not a big deal. Dude, this is the woman. This is the wife of this guy. She's talking to Inside Edition about it? Hey, you got to go home later. That's going to be so... Are you kidding?

Are you absolutely... Are you mental? Who cares? Lady, people are dying in Rwanda. What is going on? Lady, people are dying in Rwanda. What is going on? You remember that scene where Don Cheadle is in Hotel Rwanda racing after the bus? That's real. Yeah, Don Cheadle's an actor that's worth millions of dollars,

but that's the scene that really happens, and you're worried about this fucking shit. Dude. I immediately went to the bathroom cleaned myself up i i facetimed my dad obviously you have other issues you know what i'm saying posted the video she captioned it if he does this ever again he won't live to talk it's okay the reaction is setting social media oh my god. Imagine. Imagine her serving divorce papers to him

because of this. Get out. He lightly put it on her face. Well you are a fucking train wreck then. Yeah no shit. Oh dude I wish he did it. I wish he did it I wish he did it

Hey I was just trying to have a good time And play a joke on her And I put a cake on her face a little bit I guess she didn't like it How do you feel about You know I kind of You think he's very embarrassed No shit because you're being a fucking asshole about it.

Oh, wow. Look at this. She politely said no, and he did it anyway. Smashing cakes in people's faces stopped being funny after age 10. It especially needs to be addressed when men are blatantly ignoring their partner's question. This is a wild man. Look at this. These men are literally tackling their brides down just to throw cake in their face.

Like, are they? I've never seen a video of a man running after a woman like fucking Michael Myers. Instead, with a knife, he's equipped with a slice of strawberry vanilla cake. Look at this. Immediate divorce. Immediate. Would walk right out. BuzzFeed. BuzzFeed.

Fucking get a grip. Come on, dude. What is this one? This was on Reddit. what is this one dear this is on reddit dear prude dear prudence i got married just before christmas and i'm hoping to be divorced and annulled by the end of january obviously that wasn't the plan originally but i never cared about getting married but i wasn't opposed to it so when my boyfriend was in 2020 we decided to go for it we each took on about half responsibility for organizing the wedding but i think it was pretty reasonable about compromise when he really wanted something. My only heart. Okay. Being a reasonable man who knows me well, he didn't. Instead he, okay,

so hold on. So, um, okay. Okay. My only hard and fast rule was that he would not rub cake in my face at the reception. Being a reasonable man who knows me well, he didn't. Instead, he grabbed me by the back of the head and shoved my head down into it. It was planned since the cake was destroyed and we had a bunch of cupcakes as backup. Oh, wow. Okay. I left. Next day, I told him we were done.

I am standing by that. The thing is that over the holidays, everyone has gotten together to tell me I should give him a second chance that I'm overreacting because of my issues. I mean, maybe I would say give him a second chance. That's pretty fucking crazy. There were other problems. You didn't want to get married. Okay.

Well, okay. Hey, they'll learn, won't they? What's this? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on, dude. We got it. Christian songs that shouldn't go hard but do.

These never go hard. Everyone always thinks these kind of things go hard. They don't go hard, but do. These never go hard. Everyone always thinks these kind of things go hard. They don't go hard. What's the new thing? The way he's dressed. It's insecure. Alright, this is terrible. Um, dude. God is doing a new thing

God doesn't change but he knows the time from heart piano What's the new thing God's doing? God is doing a new thing Oh, oh, oh Never held a microphone before in his life Oh, it's insecure, dude Sw dude swallowed in the middle of jesus bless christ dude here's the thing man uh god's not doing a new thing okay the world's gone to

shit god's not not even doing the old thing god's not doing the thing okay period there's like people who are dying uh tsunamis and fucking earthquakes and And I mean, for fuck's sake, Los Angeles had a hurricane the other day. God's not doing a new thing. The only thing God's doing is a new thing is a bad thing, okay? God, shape up. That's the song that should be. God, shape up. This world's a travesty.

God, fucking shape up. Where the fuck are you? I'm about to be non-Christian. Okay. You know what? This song sucks, but the guy's outfit is pretty hard. The outfit goes hard. The dancing, dude.

The dancing. And they just cut off something disrespectful. Dude, that is... God is not doing a new thing. That song does not go hard. That kid, his outfit goes so hard, I can't even believe it. Yeah. Just absolutely fucking.

I can't believe all of these. These fucking tabloids now that they're not just in the supermarket, that you have to see them when you scroll past Instagram and shit, are just unbelievable. And it's always, they're always the biggest hyperbole shits. It's like, like this one here. Kanye West's wife, Bianca Sensori, so Italian, can't stop wearing naked outfits made from see-through tights.

Can't stop. Like it's a fucking condition. You know? Like she's just like, I would love to, honestly, but the way my mind and body works, even if I put on something that is not see-through, it immediately becomes see-through and nude and looks like I'm naked.

Or I think I put on a thing that is like a shirt that is regular and I am mistaken because when I walk out, everyone is like, wow, you have really nice titties and you look naked. Kanye West's wife, Bianca Sonsori, turns head once again in a risque sheer outfit. Dude, I need to get one of these outfits.

Straight up. Just fucking with the cock outline. Not just the outline, like an elephant trunk. Like I have to fit, you know how you put fingers in gloves? I need to put my cock in the outside of the thing. I mean, she looks naked, dude. That's so gangster.

I want one. Oh, I want one so bad. A man one. They got married after like a, like really quick, she looks like King of Redemption. I mean, you know. It's so crazy to be built like her, huh?

I mean, she's... I mean, the nipples are out, actually. This is the most Italian shit. It's great. Good for her. Okay, well. I mean, God is obviously doing a new thing here, because I've never seen this before.

It's crazy what's going on with Trump and his fucking mugshot, dude. Everything they do just helps the situation. I mean, I don't know if he he's gonna be the next president or not but it's so crazy that no matter what happens it just helps like the guy was arrested put out a mugshot and he just did this shit he was like and now people go, ah, I was charged once. I'm going to put my mug shots on, up. Look at this. That's just hilarious that these people,

I stand with President Trump against the commie DA, Fannie Willis, who is nothing more than a political hitman tasked with taking out Biden's top political opponent, persecution, and then she puts, Marjorie Taylor Greene puts her thing up. Now it's a badge of honor. That's like, but what were you arrested for, you know? He's not going to face one day in prison, you know?

If anybody, only Republicans can get away with this. If a motherfucking Democrat did this, done. He'd have to be like, I'm a Republican now. Fantastic. I love it. Now I'm so deep in the headlines. Joe Rogan, look at this headline. Joe Rogan declares, look at this headline. Joe Rogan declares Melania Trump

the hottest first lady of all time. Okay. Well, yeah, she is. You know? Because who were the other ones? Who do you want to put her up against? Nancy Reagan? The lady is hot.

She's hot professionally. Podcast says after hitting out a report that the former first lady is laughing off husbands' legal problems. Dude. Look at the way they fucking do this, Toronto. Joe Rogan is a big fan of former First Lady Melania Trump calling her the hottest First Lady of all time. An article speculated that she's disinterested in her husband's recent legal... I mean, dude, you know?

She also is far and away the hottest first lady, right? I mean, who else would come close? Grover Cleveland's wife? Like, who comes close a fucking uh michelle washington or whoever the fuck he was married to francis cleveland nah yeah it's between her and francis cleveland she took some awesome black and white photos of her face back then. Woo. I can't stop jerking off to him, dude. Between Melania Trump and Francis. This is how the article goes.

What about Francis Cleveland? What about Melania? What about Michelle Washington? I mean, just really going with this Michelle Washington thing. I don't know her fucking. I don't know who it is. Unreal. Martha Washington?

Probably it was way back then. George Washington wife. Martha. Wow, he knew it. God, imagine being alive in 1700. George Washington's first wife. She died of a fever. God, dude.

Now it's going to be like in 300 years about cancer. They're going to be like, oh, they died of that back then? Fuck. Crazy. Oh, RIP Bob Barker, by the way. What a great career he had. I thought he was dead already. So many people I knew thought he was dead already so that's so many people i knew

thought he was already dead i hit the timer um and that's exactly how it should be by the way sincerely you should live so long that if you're a personality that if you get to the point to where like i'm done working i don't want do this, that you still have 10 more years and people forget about you and think you probably died and then you die and be like, oh yeah, that is the shit way to die. And it's the best way to die because you get more time than just like,

you get to retire and have fun, you know? A lot of people just die when they stop working. Like William Shatner, he's still doing shit. You drive by, you see billboards, William Shatner's like, this show now. And that's what it's called. And you're like, oh, when he stops working, guy's going to die a week later. He's going to be like, I'll take a break. Oh, that's how he's going to do it.

That's how he's going to do it, for real, 100%. You know, I've been thinking about slow and, oh, that's how he's going to do it. That's how he's going to do it, for real, 100%. You know, I've been thinking about Slum and... That's how he's going to die. And Bob Barker was just like, No. You know? I'll keep living for 10 years after I stop working. Is that even how he sounds?

Kind of, right? That's kind of how he sounds, right? But that's like the vein of it. Yeah, like the last big thing he did was the Adam Sandler movie and then they did that documentary on him. Remember they did that documentary on him where it was like,

where his nose was all fucking red and shit? What the hell was that? It wasn't supposed to be about his red nose, but his nose was red a lot. That happens to old people. You just get red, you know, in certain areas, your body, your skin, part of your skin is just like, ah, we give up here on the forehead area. People with HIV get it way earlier, but people who just are regular that don't have HIV, they get to be

a hundred. And then there's just parts of their skin that are just like, oh dude, there's just going to fuck it. You know what? Open up. It's too hard to keep together. Open up. And then there's just parts of their skin that are just like, oh, dude, they're just going to fuck it. You know what? Open up. It's too hard to keep together. Open up. And then their skin untethers and there's like a Sarlacc pit inside of it. And it's just like too. It's too much. Shout out to old guys. None of these Twitter links work, by the way, because I can't.

I don't know why. They all say nothing to see here, looking for this. Yeah. But yeah. So shout out to Bob Barker, man. He, you know, the price is right, baby.

And how many people are making the joke where he died right before a dollar, you know, right before 100 years, 99 years, without going over? Is that the fucking, that's not the other one. What's the other one? The Survey's Holes! Remember that guy? Who was that that did that? Who was the guy that did that?

That was Family Feud, right? Survey's Holes! But he killed himself, right? I think he did. That makes so much sense that the host of the Family Feud murdered himself. Survey's Holes! Oh, wait, I think he did. That makes so much sense that the host of the Family Feud murdered himself. Service house! Oh, wait, no. You know what? Bob Barker was like, no, that's what it was.

Bob Barker was, let's see what's behind door number two. A new car! That was what that was. A new car! A new car! But that's not Bob Barker. That's the other guy, right? He would do that? I don't think so. other guy right he would do that i don't think

so i think the announcer would do it the announcer let me let me look at this up this is so this guy was the number one announcer i think um what's his name uh what's the price is right. Is right. Announcer. New car. I think Bob DeBarker says a new car part. Yeah, here we go. it. In a car. Dude. Look at the car, too, here. What the fuck, dude? Now, Josh, my boy, I'd love to give you that.

A new car. Hell yeah, dude. Look at Roddy Rod. Look at Rod standing over there. Calm, cool. Dude, what the fuck does this guy look like? Oh my God. A fucking Dick Tracy character.

He's in a dress like DL Hughley. Dude, dress like 100 percent what's his name um are you looking at him right now dress like steve harvey in 1995 on fucking wearing the last thing bernie mack wore before he deceased on believe roddy rod smoked so many polls it's unbelievable roddy Rod was so gay and it's okay but he was he would just be like face fuck me make me jazz I get off on you telling me what to do I don't even need to come let's jerk off in your new car! Wow, hurting my voice so bad. Cool and collected, but not so.

Only a half hour or so ago, our beloved Radz was almost run over by an automobile on stage. Because it was a stick shift, and the young lady, whose name i shall not mention in the car doesn't know her break from her clutch oh sexy let's do it she's a bitch the only job she could have is a nurse coming on stage the automobile headed for rod and she kept stepping on the clutch screaming the brake won't work and Rod stood there smiling until the very last moment and then believe it or not Rod leapt from the stage into the audience

nice dude that's true he keeps saying dude this guy wow I want a documentary on Roddy Rod right now dude called Face Fucker so disrespectful he's dead you know I want a documentary on Roddy Rod right now, dude. It's called Face Fucker. So disrespectful. He's dead, you know. Wardrobe mistress, make a Superman cape for him to wear.

Prepare to jump. It's a new cup. I know this one well, Bob. This one nearly ran me down. It's the Mitsubishi Mirage four-door sedan with a clutch. God. So good, dude. Rest in peace, Bob Barker. Rest in

peace, Roddy. Roddy Rod. Rod Roddy. Rod Roddy, dude. Wow. A candy bar in the fucking 60s. And the new Rod Roddy with almonds. Killed it. Great.

What's this one? Oh, here's Roddy Rod. Sorry. Well, no, I'm not sorry. This is fun as shit. Just a moment. Just a moment. Hi.

The candelabra on your podium over there in the future. Thank you, Bob. Thank you very much. Thanks. Who is our next player? It happens to be Vicki Fowles. Come on down. You're the next contestant on the Price is Right.

Dude, I wonder why they got this guy to do it. Like, just have Bob Barker do it. Vicki Fowles! That's great. Oh, God. TV was just different huh remember appointment television dude like if you wanted to watch a show you had to fucking sit down at 9 p.m come on and you miss dude if you got there late you missed it what bro that's crazy i i remember that, all right? I'm 43 years old. I remember that.

And I still am like, no way. No way. Unfrinkin' real, dude. Oh, fuck. You know what? Dude, I can't believe I... What's his name? Came out with a new movie.

Liam Neeson. retribution it's called retribution of course it is it's called retribution dude he has so many he's gonna come out with a movie called... Dude, it's Retribution. The other one was like Cold Pursuit. He's going to come out with a movie called Distribution. Jesus. All this soft-like lens shit. Yep.

Do I have your attention? Did I do something to you? You sound so guilty. What do you want? Drive to this location. Wow. Honey, something's happened. There's a man who's put a bomb in the car. He's got the best fucking nose. Under our seats. I know I've said this before. Wow.

He's got the best fucking nose. I know I've said this before. Dude, just... Oh, Matthew Modine's in it, dude? Oh, no, dude. I mean, doing the whole movie for us. Yep, there it is. Oh, he boxes. He's 107, you know?

Ooh, she's good. I mean, just so many cars exploding in this video. In this preview. He is still out there. If you can't find him, I will. I'm in control here. No, you're not. You hurt my daughter.

Son of a bitch. I will kill you. Yeah, dude. I'm going to watch it. What's it going to be? Shh. Drive. Shot the whole thing in Italy.

Dude. unbelievable. They go like... I mean, his agent must just be fucking swimming. Dude, his agent just must be getting sucked off in his pool so much. Just not giving a fuck, dude. Wait a minute. I'm in the car now. I was in a plane and now i'm in a car

he hasn't done a movie on a boat let's get him in a boat i'm in a boat um amazing dude wow this tweet right here i mean you know i once tried to suck a guy off in an alley behind the club all i remember was his dick stayed flaccid in my mouth for two minutes before he told me to stop. That's so, imagine it's the first time you're like, okay, I'm gay. I'm going to go do this. Fuck it. Here we go. Hey, let me get down on my knees.

Let me start doing this. And then for two whole minutes. You know, like, you know, fucking equalizer guy can kick. How many people's ass could he kick in two whole minutes? In nine seconds, he took down five guys. So in two whole minutes, this guy can't even take down one guy sexually. In two whole minutes, you know how many people, it would be more deaths than John Wick.

And this guy can't even get a guy, not even to completion, but hard. Unreal. Once tried to suck a guy off in an alley behind this. So crap. Why are you tweeting this, you know? Just like keep a secret. Like, you know, what's wrong with people who just, ah, you know what? I'll tweet this one day.

That's the, that's the, they broke one day. I started to suck a guy off, and now everyone knows it. Great tweet. Great tweet. Phenomenal tweet, honestly. Here's the William Shatner thing. William Shatner William Shatner

Describing the awe of space to Jeff Bezos So So dick Dude Doesn't give a What a dick dude What Dick Dick, dude. What? Dick! Dick!

Bro, this is like... This is like it would be in the office. He should have said shut the fuck up shut the fuck up give me this i want one dude he just said i want one we've shutters like the awe of space you're just shooting up and all the only thing that's there it's between you and yeah give me one of those things that spray fucking shut up up. Dude, hey, here we go. And then he did the thing. That laugh that he does.

Dude, wow, he's worth like 800... What is he, billion dollars and shit? What's he worth, 50 billion dollars? 200 billion dollars, dude. Where's the fucking... My sound plan's not working great. Great doesn't work sometimes. I want to do the hell yes, doesn't work.

God, that's great, dude. I just love it. God, what a great video that is. That's a phenomenal one. I've never seen that one. Okay, okay. Where's my Google Chrome? Come on, baby.

There we go. Okay, I asked my... team to get people getting pissed. team to get people getting pissed. That's too loud. Oh, this is ripe. Hold on a second. Here we go.

Hold on a second. Attacked the girl he was with. Richard Grieco. Oh! You gotta be kidding me. And then didn't even go that far and stopped. Is he gonna get out? No, right? No, of course not.

That's un... How's that? Dude, of course not. That's un... Yeah, look, you're an idiot. How's that? Idiot. How's that? Dude, that's so Italian. How's that? You're an idiot. How's that? Learn how to drive. Oh my god, what an ugly girl, too. Oh my god. I mean, girl had nothing to do with it, dude. Wow, that guy's got so many problems, man.

God, you're a bad driver. How's that? Oh, and an ugly girl, too. Unreal, dude. Unreal. There you go. People getting pissed. Love it.

Oh, what an ugly girl, too. And he goes, ugh. What's this fucking idiot doing? Like, like, for real, bro. She want me to hit her. No, I just want you to put the refrigerator in the house. Dude, she's under the person's car. On, in front of her.

You know what? White women. Straight up. Only a white woman. Or an old Japanese man would do this kind of a thing. White women are Japanese men, for real. And not in the mindset, in the what they'll do. Like a white woman will just flagrantly be like, you know what? I'll get under the thing. I know you're not going to kill me, right? Because they just think that they're not. And then the person will just run them over an old japanese man will be like it is my duty

to risk my life for a refrigerator there is an honor in that if i die like this so be it and then he would do it and then he would die and as he was dying he would think for my family and as this white woman would die she she would think, oh, my God. What? It's not supposed to happen. We can't lift that thing. We don't even have a dolly. Come on.

Look at this crazy shit, man. Like, for real, bro. She want me to hit her. No, I just want you to put the refrigerator in the house. We can't lift that thing. We don't even have a dolly. We don't even have a dolly, she says. What a fucking moron, dude.

Somebody just comments, lesbians. People getting mad. This is a good account. Wow. people getting mad this is a good account wow white women are i didn't realize that white women are also japanese men that's crazy that's a good observation thank you my fucking bush i've seen this that's tough shit all right now you're gonna get the cops because you know something put me 50 fucking dollars i've done this one. Oh my god, I would...

I swear to god. Oh my god, I would... I swear to god. I mean, this skateboard guy is just like, come on, man. This guy... I had to replace one already. You ruined that. You fucking asshole. Who the hell are you to touch other people's shit? Don't you think somebody has to pay for that? That's unbelievable.

Why did they stop filming? This guy loves his plants, dude. I would have... I don't know what I would have done. What would I have done in that situation? Somebody comments, typical skater loser being a loser, you know? Look at him run up. What?

My fucking bush! All right, I always put it back. That's tough shit! I always put it back. Now you're going to get the cops. You know something? Cost me 50 fucking dollars! Chill out!

Chill the fuck out, man! All right, dude! Call the fucking cops! I wish they did. Honestly, what the skateboarder did is fucking dumb. It's dumb if he keeps fucking up the plants. But holy shit, I wanted that guy to get knocked out. The owner. Owner, show me love up in the club. Come on, let's do another one. These are great. She roasted him. I mean, let's do another one. These are great.

She roasted them. I mean, I just want to fish, ma'am. Oh, no, no. Hell, you can't fish. You don't know how to fish. You don't even wear the right kind of clothes. You got damn stupid shoes on anyway. Where'd you get them ugly britches?

You asshole. It's like how black 20-year-olds do it. She's doing it. Holy shit. Get your ass out of here. You got license or something? I mean, I just want to fish, ma'am. Oh, no, no.

Hell, you can't fish. You don't know how to fish. You don't even wear the right kind of clothes. You got damn stupid shoes on anyway. Where'd you get them ugly britches? You asshole. Where'd you get them ugly britches you asshole she calls them britches holy shit dude

this one's great where'd you get them ugly britches you asshole well that's great dude what a good one oh fuck these are funny as shit

huh how come I can click on these Instagram ones but not other ones maybe it's cause they're individual things oh wait this one get out of the truck little lady

no i'm good see because you know you lose this guy fucks it up so bad because i will beat your fucking dick into the ground so so gay that's kind of gay isn't it i will beat your dick wow dude that's so good i would have... This was me if he did that. Get out of the truck! Get out of the truck, little lady! No, I'm good. See, because you know you lose. How do I lose? Because I will beat your fucking dick into the ground all day long.

Suck it, dude. Why don't you suck it? Suck it nice. That's kind of gay, isn't it? The way the guy... I will beat your dick. The way he stops. Hop out.

I will beat your dick, dude... I will beat your dick. The way he stops. Hop out. I will beat your dick, dude. I'll beat your dick. I'll suck you off, bro. That would actually be good for fighting. Yo, come on, man. Let me suck you off, bro. Oh, my God, dude. I will beat your dick all day long.

What a good... Are there other good ones on that one? What a good thing. People getting... What is it? People what? Wow, an account came up. People getting pissed at facts.

That's funny. I bet that's good. Mad, oh. Wow. I'm going to follow this one for sure. Oh, shit. and what's he trying to punch I mean, the state of that woman. Jesus Christ. The fucking state of that woman.

Oh, my God. Old guy. Old guy with the fucking... Old people don't give a fuck, dude. He took a sledgehammer, one of those little sledgehammers to the truck. I want that truck off my lawn. Oh, he's doing it more. Bro, I would smash this dude.

What? Okay. Oh, just unload the cement on it You're kidding me he's ruining their work by walking to the cement. I hope he gets stuck oh What a dick oh, I'd fucking smash this dude. I don't care how old He can't get out He can't get out He can't get out. No He fell in he's gonna die. Oh

Oh my oh my fucking oh my god, dude He oh my God, dude. He, oh my God. What a good account. What if he just got stuck in the cement and then couldn't stop and then just became there? And every time people drove by, they were like, that's the guy that fucking you should learn a lesson from he got too mad and now he's cemented like lips manless right before they threw him in the fucking ocean in dick tracy oh man when i was in when i was a kid we watched dick tracy that was one of the scariest things i ever saw is when they fucking put lips manless in the cement tub and threw him in the i think they that might have been in the comics but one of the guys they put in the cement tub and threw him in the, I think they, that might've been in the comics,

but one of the guys they put in the cement tub and put him in the ocean. And I thought that was the scariest thing I ever fucking heard of in my life when I was a kid. Put cement boots on someone and just put them in the cement boots, dude. And then it's like, once I tried to suck off a guy in an alley behind the club and all I remember is his dick stayed flat in my mouth for two minutes before he told me to stop, you know? God damn, people getting pissed. Why is it so funny?

Because it's because we relate to it? Why is that so funny dude this is from an airport dude again people get so mad in an airport because they they don't make they don't have any the rules of airports are so fucked up they'll be like sorry you needed to come a half hour early and you're like huh Because they don't have any... Rules at airports are so fucked up. They'll be like, sorry, you needed to come a half hour early. And you're like, huh? It's right there.

And they're like, it's the rules. They make it up as they go, dude. Sorry, you're wearing a polo shirt. We can't. What? We can't. You have a polo shirt. Now you need to pay for the second bag.

They make shit up, dude. Oh, I fucking hate airlines. United is terrible, but American is my new kind of one that it's like, update your planes, dude. $20 for Wi-Fi. Get your boy on the horn and get him back here. I'll write every single one of you. Every single one of you were called in for passing on the burn, passing in the middle. Every single one of you.

It's my buddy. He's coming. I know exactly who he is. I'm not playing. It's not the one on the bike, though. Not at people breaking the rules. Like, it's, like, personal for them, you know, sometimes? It's personal for them. One time a cop pulled me over because i made a right i and i could have but i guess it was like too close to a car or something he pulled me over and i looked at him and he said the officer said lewis it says on the ticket i was like

i guess he thought i was looking at his name. Man, he was so mad at me. Wow. Cops got other shit going on, you know, and then they have guns and you're like, oh, I want all your ID now. He's got him. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. I don't want your explanation.

I want his ass back here right now. Bullshit. You're getting a reckless offsite. That's what you're getting. I mean, I'm breathing so hard, this guy's so nervous. Jeez. Oh, jeez. My interstate. Also, like, just okay, you know? Just give me the ticket. Like, not... If he doesn't come back, every single one of these bikes will get towed.

Every one of them. For your reckless operation. Every one. Get him back here, you can leave with a piece of paper. You don't get him back here, I'm taking your bikes. Wow, goddamn, dude.

Somebody said we need more cops like this? Well, if they were doing reckless shit that's stupid my interstate is great yeah I guess so somebody's saying the fact 12 different people called 911 to tell them these guys were driving recklessly 12 could have killed people or themselves

yeah that's fucked up. Fuck those motherfuckers. Honestly, motorcycle guys, for the most part, they're so dorky, dude. Like, they're so dorky. Me, me, me, me, me, me, you know? All right. That's good for this one. I appreciate you guys listening.

That's it for YouTube. If you want to watch the rest of the show, going over to Patreon, patreon.com slash crystalia.com. I'm sorry. No, patreon.com slash crystalia. Um,

that's it. And, there's also a bunch of other episodes. There's like 30 plus episodes there that get unlocked. If you sign up for just six bucks now. Uh, so I appreciate you. I'll be in Nashville.

I'll be in little rock, Arkansas and Canada and Detroit and Vermont and all sorts of different places. So come on by. And you guys, thank you very much. Appreciate you. Leave a comment. I'm gonna fuck your child, I'm gonna fuck your mother.