Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 337. Nashville Fashion Sucks

Episode Date: September 14, 2023

😎 Get shoutouts or mini ads at holler.baby/chrisdelia 😏 If you want totally ad/commercial free, uncensored/extended episodes 1 day early +1 entire bonus episode per month, exclusive merch + Discord & exclusive content... come over to Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia Steve Ballmer, Denzel, Bob Barker, Rod Roddy, Liam Neeson, and a bunch of angry people join Chris for the 336th rip roarin' episode of Congratulations. Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

runk Ottawa, Ottawa I'm there September 21st Pittsburgh October 19th Cleveland October 20th Detroit, Michigan, Orlando, Florida Fort Myers, Richmond, Virginia Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia

and Redding can't wait to get out there the other ones are pretty are sold out so that's what I'm only saying the ones that aren't I think there actually are some tickets left for Edmonton I don't know but yeah go to

chrisleady.com to get them tickets and that's really what's going on here dude we got that merch we got that merch going on and we love the merch of course we do it's got the pockets stay deep we've got the pockets stay deep exclusive merch and we say exclusive just because it's not exclusive at all but that's what makes it absolutely amazing it's uh you could say it's exclusive means pretty much nothing who decides the who decides the

number of exclusive of exclusivity? Who decides that? Everything can be exclusive. Everything can be exclusive. It doesn't matter if there's four or four million. Because there can always be more. So we've got the pockets stay deep. Very, very nice.

Absolutely beautiful with that sparkle with the star in the back. Pockets stay deep. And we've got the Grow or Die hoodies. It is winter is creeping up. It's fall. Do you want to be freezing or do you not? We've got the beautiful Grow or Die hoodies at chrisdalia.com. So go on over, get that and prove. We also got life rips decals for your car. And without further ado, let's make it happen. The next new, incredible, exclusive episode of Congratulations. Brings up a good kind of point there, though though doesn't he yeah he does who me nice

what is exclusivity you know really really it's in the eye of the beholder uh when i was when i was younger somebody in my class thought it was the eye of the beholder and a guy was just holding a b uh it's an idiot i got grow up he's probably dead now um so it's all good dude you live and learn grow die that's what we say yeah you know uh but that's what's going on i was in dude let me just actually start off oh okay so i was in little rock hey little rock is fantastic time in little rock it's too hot the thing about little rock is i and i say this now that i can that i've been there and i should have said this on stage while I was there because I did some stuff on it, and I'm going to post it to my YouTube. But Little Rock, Arkansas is, you know, some people listen to this overseas.

First of all, Little Rock, Arkansas is, you want to know what Little Rock, Arkansas is? Okay, here it is. It's the place that 48 hours, the first 48, that's where it's filmed the most. It's either there or Memphis, okay? Like you turn on the first 48 and it's like Little Rock, Arkansas. You're like, of course it is. They don't even have to say it anymore. Just say when it's not Little Rock, Arkansas. Oh yeah, and this also isn't Little Rock, Arkansas. Anyway, we're trying to find out who did it in 48 hours. So Little Rock, Arkansas is the whitest and blackest place there is.

The mix of super white and super black in every sense it's unbelievable dude you've got like first of all all sorts uh like the the white country good old boys that are you got the ones with like very very very hey how's it going and then the ones that are just like and you're like oh you just spit on a bird on the ground and you're like i don't i don't look what are you here for and then you got we walked through a it's not just black people we walked through calvin and i walked through it was just me and him i took it was just just dad and son calvin at little rock arkansas kristin and william stayed at a wedding uh in vermont or something or no uh virginia i always say vermont i'm not

coming to vermont by the way i'm coming to virginia i may i may do vermont at some point but virginia is where i'm going i always say i'm gonna be in vermont and people hit me up like where's that vermont date And I just say instead of Virginia because they're both B's and I'm an idiot. But we went to this place that was like the riverfront or something and there was a full-on, not just concert,

all black people and the most soul first i've ever been a part of calvin's ever been a part of but i've ever been a part of dude i walked i was with calvin walking through little rock arkansas and the music kept getting louder and i don't remember what song it was, but it was some shit like, I'm going down. I'm going down. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, black lady was just singing and just killing it and i'm like we're getting pretty close we're gonna have to see what this is all black people dude and black people just have a good time you know i'm talking about it's just such a good time and i'm like holding calvin and i'm like i kind of want to have a good time now i don't like but look i'm not black and can i do it and also i don't want to i hate concerts you know but I don't want to impose that on Calvin.

So what if he likes it? So I walk up and then I realized that literally everybody is black. And I'm talking about, there's 300 black people just at the riverfront, just listening to this lady sing pretty damn well, full on band. And they're all just grooving to it you know and i walk up and i'm like i guess i gotta go in because if i don't i seem racist right because if i'm like nah not for me i'm like why not and i don't want calvin to think like that i want calvin to be exposed to everything so i just fucking walk hey i just walk right up i just walked right through and we listened to some soul shit, dude.

Calvin and I. And we were grooving a little bit. And we walked right through. It was too hot. And then we got there and I realized that, you know what? I'm exposing Calvin to all sorts of cultures and that's great. And then Calvin goes like this. It's too loud.

And so we left. So in a way, he said black people are too loud so that's racist um bye for racist son so um we went to a wedding uh shout out to mariel and dom who got married in uh where were we even new york upstate i never yeah i've been to upstate new york for shows and we were staying in like a place it was a i guess it was a hotel but there were more cabins and we didn't have a tv and it was fucking the first thing calvin said when he woke up he was like why does this room have no tv we went to bed when we got there we went to bed and he woke up he says why does this room not have any tv i'm like

buddy some questions your father just can't answer. And it's just, it was so hot and shit. And they got married. It was beautiful. The wedding was beautiful. We had a great time. And then we went on a trip to a place, Fremont. What the hell was it called? Kirkland?

I don't know. Someplace upstate New Yorkork fremont or kirkland or some shit like that and uh we stayed in a house that was absolutely haunted right now i don't believe in that shit i don't believe in that shit i don't believe houses are haunted i don't believe any place is haunted because ghosts don't exist know why where are they because there was somebody in our party because we stayed with like it was like eight to ten people at the house like all k all Kristen's friends from when she was like in college, and all the kids that they had, and Calvin and William, and we were all there, and we were having a good time, dude. We got this Airbnb that if you looked at it, you'd be like, okay, haunted, right? Because when was it built?

Not in this century. You know what I'm talking about? And I don't mean 2000s. I mean, like, this shit could have been made before like the rhyman theater which i'll get to because i played that in natchville but uh somebody looked up the history in the house i'm like i'm not even looking because it's going to say something about being haunted lo and behold it did but um apparently the house was like a safe haven for certain people in the war that would like get shot or their legs would get sewn off and then they would like come and like seek refugee at this house so you know so one of the people in the party was like oh this place

is haunted we're gonna wake up and there's gonna be ghosts with like one leg and shit nobody ever sees ghosts that like just died you know everyone's always like go this is like some fucking somebody with a bonnet and like a cane with a with a monocle that's like hello this is my house and you're in it it's never some dude that's just like hey man you're you're fucking up my algorithm dude those guys die hey man you're really fucking up my hulu uh rec uh suggestions man i can't even hit the remote because i'm see-through man i can't even hit the remote because i'm see-through um because that's the kind of ghost i would be by the way who did i say who was i saying this to i wouldn't be the ghost if i was gonna haunt motherfuckers who did i just i said this did i say this on my tour report i don't

know man we're double dipping though if i'm haunted bro i'm gonna be the most cool and ass ghost i'm gonna be chilling but i'm i'm pissed off because people are gonna be messing up my house but i'm not gonna be like get out i'm just gonna be like you better be a good roommate but anyway um you better keep the fridge stock even though i don't eat anymore cause I'm an apparition. What the fuck is going on? There's no mayonnaise. Even though I can't eat it. There's no food in the afterlife.

And we don't get to bust nuts. What the fuck? I don't get to bust nuts or eat shrimp dude busting nuts and eating shrimp like i'm a fucking uh three six mafia member we eat so many shrimps i get iodine poisoning that's when hip-hop fell off so um was that even them i don't even know but they did do that. Oh, we were fucking so many, so many tangents. So we got to the,

uh, place, uh, and it was a haunted house. It was a beautiful house, big farmland and shit. And, um,

I don't fuck with Airbnb. I tell you, you know, since my Seattle trip, when I went to go, my cousin got married. I don't fuck with, with,

with Airbnb. And I will tell you why spiders. Okay. There's never spiders in hotels. Always spiders in Airbnbs. Wasn't a spider this time. Thank God. Was an absolute fucking snake in the pool. Hey, Four Seasons, where you at, dude? Hey, Hey, Four Seasons, where you at, dude? Hey, fucking Aloft or whatever that place is.

Where you at? Straight up. A motherfucking snake in the pool? Like it's a Sam Jackson sequel? Motherfucker. Get this goddamn snake out this... It was a little one and it was dead, but still, dude. Watch where you step, dude. We had like six kids under five.

So there was a snake in the pool. Yay. Pool was fine. It wasn't filled up all the way. Still okay because it went deep. Thank God. But dude, let me tell you something about Airbnbs, man. The people who run Airbnbs, they don't give a fuck.

They don't give a rat fuck. They go like this. It'll be fine. That's why people who have Airbnbs, they say that. They go like this. Ah, the pillowcases. Ah, fuck. We need to.

Eh. We'll rent it out this weekend. It's fine. It'll be fine. they won't want to switch the pillows, and then what happens, right, a raccoon comes in, shit's on the pillow, and then you need it, but you can't, because they didn't stock them, and you get texted, I don't want to have to text any, I want the guy to be downstairs somewhere, you know, I want there to be a fucking, if there was a concierge in Airbnbs, great.

A concierge, a bellman. And now I know it's a lot cheaper and better, you know, to do Airbnb sometimes, but you get what you pay for, man. Got there, needed the laundry, laundry machine didn't work. Yes. When did I find that out? Beforehand? No. I found it out afterwards.

When? When I put the clothes in there. When? Right then? Right when you put the clothes in there? No. When I put the Tide Pod on it. Oh, is that when you found it out?

No. When you closed the door on the Tide Pod and you hit start and it kind of went but didn't and then, oh, okay, so you took the clothes directly out? No, no, no, no, because it was locked and I couldn't and the Tide Pod kind of released into the clothes and so now, not only do my clothes smell like BO, but they also smell like Tide Pod. Yes, dude. So what the fuck did I do? Now I have to reserve a whole new suitcase, a whole suitcase just for laundry, because I don't want my clean clothes smelling like BO and Tide Pod. Yes, dude. And I text the guy. Could you get a guy to come out?

And he says no because it's Labor Day. Oh, dude. Airbnb is for the fucking. And you had a snake in the pool? Okay, fine. Now, here's the deal, dude. That's too much. So I say knock some price off. He knocked two hundo off.

Is that okay? I'd rather not deal with it, okay? So he knocked two hundo off and then guess what, dude? He knocked two C notes off and then guess what, dude? Okay? He knocked two C notes. He knocked two hundos off and then guess what, dude? He knocked two C notes off and then guess what, dude? Okay? He knocked two C notes. He knocked two hundos off. He knocked two fucking, right?

He knocked them off. He knocked off two bills and then guess what, dude? Then guess what? We had three days left. We had, I swear to God, one of the guys staying there was wearing, he wore a button up the last day and I was like, why are you wearing a button up shirt? And he was like, that's the only thing that doesn't smell like bo okay then guess what though what happened two days before we all left guess what let's see what happened oh the

fucking air conditioner broke I like to work out. So now I'm BO City, and it's so hot. And, dude, check this out. The fucking house is so hot. We're standing on the top floor. And what does everybody know about heat? What does everybody know about heat, huh? Dude, it rises.

So we're so hot, and the baby's up there. Oh, shit, it's going to die. Dude, and we're... But we've baby's up there. Oh shit. It's going to die. Dude. And we're, but we got to worry about the fucking baby, right? He's four or five months old. And Oh, Oh, it's 150 degrees up there on that third level. Oh shit. The baby's going to die. Oh fuck sake. He did it right. But I was worried and I'm smelling and I'm sweaty, dude. 200. Fuck it. Pay us to stay. I don't even want to be there anymore. But the people were very pleasant.

The people were nice. Like the people that we stayed with, it was very nice. Kristen's friends really got to know them. Stayed up late nights with them. Played fucking code names. Played Catan, dude. I played Catan.

Me, I played Catan. Dude, I fucking won too. See, you know what, man? The boy doesn't play games, but when he does, you give him two free games, he'll win the third one. And he did, dude. Dude, you know what's funny too The boy doesn't play games, but when he does, you give him two free games, he'll win the third one. And he did, dude.

Dude, you know what's funny, too? One of the dudes, he won the first game, and my Kristen was unpacking, and she went in my backpack, and she felt like I get all sorts of crazy shit from fans. Like, just sometimes I get cool shit. Like, they paint me pictures of like this. And then sometimes I get cool shit. Like they paint me pictures of like this. And then sometimes I get like crazy shit. Like some guy goes like,

here's a shark tooth. And I'm like, oh, thanks. So Kristen's going through my bag, unpacking everything. She goes, Hey,

what the hell is this? And I'll look at it. And she's like, and it's a big ass shark tooth, like this big with a necklace on it. And I'm like, no fucking idea a fan must have given it to me and i didn't want to throw it away because i didn't want to be rude like i'm like i'm like i'm a you know what i mean like i'm stifler or something like i'd wear it i mean dude it was like a big it must have been fake unless they got it from megalodon or whatever maybe it's worth something i have no no idea. So whoever won the game,

I gave them, I said, you are now the owner of the shark tooth as a joke. One of the other guys there didn't know that I gave him the shark tooth as a joke, dude. And he texted me on the side, bro. He texted me on the side, bro. that's crazy that dude brought brought out his shark tooth necklace mid-trip like all of a sudden the guy had the confidence to wear his shark tooth necklace like you know these guys probably like me i could get i could get away with just now and dude i fucking didn't text him back because i so badly wanted to just sit in that for a bit man and i did and then later i told him and and fuck we had a laugh but then i won so i got the shark tooth back so basically i'm mr shark tooth now i got the shark

tooth back um deepest bluest my head is like a shark's fin and hip-hop took a turn um i eat so many shrimps i got i die poisoning yeah hip hop took a turn deep it's blue it's my head it's like a shark's fin and hip hop took a turn okay so it's all good so um anyway uh we stayed there in that haunted place and there's always one person or more than one person that think that the the place is haunted like someone takes a picture you know like we had a polaroid for somebody dude kristen's great she'll just be like brought a polaroid camera and you're like what on a trip isn't it clunky to bring we had room and you're like okay and start taking polaroids and of course some of them had like weird flashes in it and the person who thought

that she was like see it's haunted and you're like that's the flash from in the mirror there's no such thing as ghosts dude you know like i'm not saying there's no no afterlife there might be almost up in my mouth but there's like to think of like ghosts roaming around like all those shows my buddy has one the ghost hunters ghost adventures or whatever the fuck it's like yo i love the dude love him love him i love him honestly fake all good where are they where are they dude it's always the people that are like you don't believe because they're like dude the one time and you're like nah dude come come correct man if you saw a ghost you know how much you'd want to not talk about it that's where i'm at bro

so anyway we stayed there and then uh kristin like, why don't you take Calvin to work when you go to Little Rock? And I'll keep William and go to the wedding. And I was like, that makes me nervous to just be alone with him while I'm working, right? Because I know I'm away for like an hour when I'm on stage. But what if something happens? And I sucked it up. And I'm like, I want to do it. Dude, I'm so happy I did it, man.

You could watch the tour report that we're going put up or maybe it's up at this point i don't know yet but man that was so awesome and the whole time i was like i hope he's old enough to remember this you know he's three and a half and like like we had so much fun just palling around, dude. You forget that like you're hanging and then all of a sudden, like somebody mentioned like, wow, your boy's being so good. And I was like, there we go, dude. That's it right there. You just fucked us, right?

You just fucked us. God, he's so good. And then what? And then what? The iPad, you you know runs out of batteries and then we're in nom all of a sudden we're the fucking dude looking for the grenade went off and he's looking for his leg and saving private ryan and we're like great dude he can't play fucking two three four whatever the hell the game is called on ipad he can't watch whacking inflatable tube man a lot of youtube videos that we download because we have youtube premium we

can't watch those anymore we We can't watch the fucking... So now he's just... You know what I mean? It's like that movie Dunkirk. Because the iPad ran out of batteries. And he's just like, it died! It died! Dude, my son's the shit.

And I'll tell you why. He goes like this. He was coloring on the plane. We're at the point now where we're potty training him. And I talk about this on stage, so I'm not going to do too much of the joke. But, like, we're potty training him. And it's like he needs to wear a diaper still sometimes because he has accidents, right? And sometimes he has accidents when he sleeps and it wets the bed.

So Kristen's like, dude, just put the fucking, put the fucking diaper on when he sleeps. And I'm like, you know, headstrong. I'm like, nah, we got to ride it out. You know, he'll piss on everything. I don't give a fuck. He's on the plane and I got him. So I don't have him wearing a diaper.

Dude, he's coloring. And he goes like this, I'm peeing, dad. And I'm like, oh no, on the plane seat. And I go, wait, did you pee yet like this i'm peeing dad and i'm like oh no on the plane seat and i go wait did you pee it or are you peeing he says yes i'm peeing i like to so enjoy the seat who's ever sits there next we tried to wipe it up but um it's all good i don't really you know it's all good, I don't really, you know, it's like,

and then we went to Nashville, dude, I played, we played the Ryman, the Ryman, Ryman, the Ryman, and it is,

man, I played a lot of venues. I think it's the number one venue there is. It's an old, it's like it got church pews in it, church pubes. It's got church pews in it. It was made in 1860-something or 1892. You know what I mean? I brought openers, Lulu, Denny, and Andrew, sorry, and Adam W., and Andrew. Man, I'm fucking up left and right. Church pubes, Ryman, and I called him Andrew.

Adam W., Lulu, and Denny, and we did a show there, and it was crazy that we did a show, and the place was built when my openers couldn't even get inside. But so did a show there was awesome. The Ryman is absolutely phenomenal. Dude, it's one of the venues that I would see like just go to any show just to see it. And Nashville is cool, man. It's really, really a cool place. I've come around on it

because I don't like places that everyone always talks about, like Austin and shit. But, you know, you go to Austin, you have a good time. Nashville has a cool vibe. It's too much music. Just too much music.

Stop with the music. You don't need to have music in every place. I mean, I've said this before, probably, I said it on stage, but I'm like, dude, you don't have to have music in just like,

because I was like, hey, went down to the the concierge at the um hotel and i was like hey where's the best coffee shop that's not starbucks because that's the fucking sucks at that because because of how much starbucks sucks and he was like oh there's a place called just love coffee or some shit i don't know this way that way this way that way go in there i go in there of course dude live music and i'm like fuck god damn it i just want four shots over ice and some you know woman is on stage singing to 12 people just in your head in your head zombie zombie zombie and i'm like i get it's too. We can't talk. We got to be quiet. God forbid we say something too loud and fuck her rhythm up. I'm a performer. I don't want to fuck it up.

But like, you know. And then she finishes the song and then three people clap. And I'm like, it's not enough. I got to help. And it's like, dude, you don't need to have. I feel like these places in Nashville, they're like, oh, we have to. You know, we have to. You know? We're Nashville, so. I know it's a banana republic, but where's the stage going to be?

You're looking at a sweater vest? In your head. In your head. Zombie. Zombie. Zombie. Just putting on pants, cargo pants in a fucking fitting room. I've been down all day, baby. I've been down the hard way, baby.

I've been down the hard way, baby. No, I don't think I like these. Standing in the place where you are. Our face laughing about erecting wonder why. Standing in the place where you are so bad um but the but so it's too much music everywhere let's talk about something dude the fashion in nashville is atrocious. Hey,

look, I'm not a cowboy hat guy. If you're going to wear a cowboy hat, wear it with a cowboy outfit. Okay? At least wear it with Wrangler jeans. Okay? At least wear it with a top, with one of those with with two pockets here and they have the the the you know what i mean the triangle thing to where you lift up and put the thing in at least wear it with that dude motherfuckers are out here in nashville wearing cowboy hats with like an adidas jumpsuit or or even worse a double-breasted suit

don't wear a cowboy hat and air force ones dip shit and the women dude if you're going to wear a cowboy hat, it better be tan. If you're going to wear a cowboy hat, better be black with tassels. Dude, these fucking idiots will wear like a, like a scaly white pink with the fucking. white pink with the fucking and like and like what do you call it with the not the fringe on the dress or some shit and you're like yo dude dolly pardon me take that off well producers go like this but take that off your head off your head unbelievable dude the fashion in nashville is some of the worst i've ever seen straight up it's crazy dude you know what it's like?

One of those things where the things slide like you'll have a person and you have one in thirds and it slides both ways and you gotta hit the thing like a, what do you call the slot machines? And you gotta line up the person and you just get what you get. That's what

a guy looks like in Nashville. Just like with cowboy boots, fucking cargo shorts, and then his top is like swimmies. And that's a guy in Nashville that like will tell you something. And you're like, oh, huh? It's incredible. So shape up, huh, Nashville,

when it comes to the fashion, my buddy took me to the Soho house, to get a coffee, I was like, I want to get a coffee, you want to come pick me up, you know, because I had to fucking,

I had him come out by, and I was like, where do you want to get a coffee, and he was like, let's go to the Soho house, they have really good iced coffee, so I was like, okay do you want to get a coffee? And he was like, Oh, let's go to Soho house. They have really good iced coffee. So I was like, okay, fucking.

So we went to the Soho house. That's that place where like, you can pay like $2,000 a year to like become a member or some shit. I don't know. I don't have it, but, uh, and then you go,

which I like would have never thought would have worked, but like we went and it was like, how does that work? How does fucking soho house work dude how does it work it's a restaurant and then it has like a movie theater in it that you can like schedule watching stuff in and's like a membership uh hey you're just a place like go fuck yourself like the cocksucking energy at soho houses it's unreal and they got one like downtown and in beverly hills and nashville and like one in toronto and then london and you could like pay thousands of dollars a year to go to a place dude it's so cocksucky it's ridiculous dude what do you do you go in you get you sit down get some olives and a tart ah i'm in the place and then when in nashville i had like a pool and it's like in a gym and I'm like this is a fucking hotel without

the rooms dude like I'm like you just are and I said this is a hotel without the rooms you just pay yearly and he's like yeah and he's like but it actually does have rooms and I'm like oh it's just a hotel this one in Nashville just a hotel and they're suckering motherfuckers to pay a membership. There's people out there in pools. Nobody was attractive except dudes. The dudes were fit as shit.

One chick was kind of attractive, but whatever. You're just a place, you know. That'd be like if somebody made a membership for Marie calendars and shit, all they'd have to do is like add like a grassy knoll on the outside and be like, oh yeah, you got to pay. You got to pay. Dude, look at Mike Lindell, my pillow fucking just crushed under pressure. You know, I love this. I love, you know, I love the, my pillow and I don't,

they're not paying me to say this dude. The, my pillows are shit. I have five of them, dude. I, I love my pillow so much. I sleep on them and hold them. I hold them like they're fucking dogs. And I go to sleep and I can't without holding a, my pillow. I hold my pillow so much in bed that my wife's like, why is there always a, my pillow between us? And I'm like, you want me to get good sleep or not? The other night I said, let's have sex. And she said, I don't know if I really feel like it. And I go like this.

I brought the MyPillow out. I put it in between us. And she started laughing. Just a little marriage humor, you know? Dude, look at mike lindell fucking concave under a little bit of pressure okay and i'm not asking about is this one of those depos uh the what's the word deposition with the the january 6th what the fuck did the my pillow guy have to do with this by the way did he put out information about it i don't even know how'd they lump the my pillow guy have to do with this by the way did he put out information about it i don't even know how'd they lumped a my pillow guy in on this january 6th shit

yeah but like in what way is he part of it he always is always holding the pillow who's fucking trusting him who's believing the shit he says isn't this guy a comedy isn't he a character he's a comedy character you can't put him in jail for being like, yeah, it's an insurrection and we got to go take back the government. He's holding a fucking pillow. All the time I see this guy's holding a pillow. He's got a pillow. He's sitting on a pillow. I sort of got in this deposition.

He brought a pillow. Set a. The lumpy pillow call. Look at this, dude. You do not. This is like when you call his pillow lumpy. That's like in Biff and Back to the future once you call him chicken dude look he takes off he goes to put here he takes off his glasses when somebody calls him a lumpy because his pillow lumpy this is how you know how gangster he is

because he takes off the glasses it's not just the fact that he takes off the glasses it's because three seconds before them he put put them on, dude. So you knew he was getting ready to either read something or chill with his glasses on. He put them on. Somebody called it pillow lumpy. He goes like this. Oh, shit. Let's rewind some time.

Okay, and I'm not asking about. Here we go. Put some glasses on. Lumpy and took them. No, they're not lumpy pillows. That's not what they call them. Oh, dude. On the real. No, no, they're not lumpy pillows. That's not what they call them. Oh, dude.

They're not lumpy pillows. That's not what they call them. So good. Okay, and I'm not asking about the lumpy pillow calls. No, they're not lumpy pillows. That's not what they call on. Okay? When you say lumpy pillows, now you're an asshole.

Oh, dude. and it's not enough to just call him an asshole to drill the point home is amazing watch it now you're an asshole you got that confirming he understands is the absolute gang this dude honestly is the tony soprano of betting and i i i'm like this is unreal okay they're not lumpy pillows all right and and and and you called it a lumpy pillow and that's what makes you an asshole do you got that you're an asshole drilled at home what you are like no he's an asshole nice in contempt in contempt an asshole That's what you are. Lumpy pillows kiss my ass.

Eh-sa-in-contempt. Put that in your book. Oh, dude. Put that in your book. Such a white guy thing to say. Why don't you put that in your book, huh? Jiminy Christmas. No, they answer anything any problem customer that wants to reach mike lindell those are the ones do it like he's ricky henderson it's so dope to do yourself in third person when you sell

pillows i want to talk to mike lindell i want to talk to mike lell. They send them to here and they go, or they call about, maybe they didn't get their pillow on time because of the FedEx or whatever. Well, we'll cover them even though it could be somebody else's fault. Nobody called because of a lumpy pillow. But good one, though. You done? Smashed him, dude. Guy says, you done?

Yeah, I'm done. Now, I like that. I like that he goes, yeah, I'm done. Smashed him, dude. Guy says, you're done? Yeah, I'm done. Now, I like that. I like that he goes, yeah, I'm done. I like that. Now, here's why you can't trust him. What I'm saying is... Obviously, you don't have... It wasn't done, dude!

Wasn't done! Love it. I'm done. I'm done. And another thing, dude. The Tony Soprano of betting. Yeah, I'm done I'm done And another thing dude The Tony Soprano of betting Yeah I'm done Here we go

What I'm saying Obviously you don't have a mind pillow too Product placement dude You probably wouldn't be in such a bad mood If you got a good night's sleep You don't do you What I'm saying is Mr. Rundell Asshole

Oh dude Just Yo Pressure Hey dude what I'm saying is Mr. Lindell asshole dude just yo pressure hey dude don't call my pillows lumpy man I swear to god this guy's a rapper go ahead no I'm pissed yep I understand when you're saying what oh dude

I don't even know what the fuck how did that like what's with the lumpy pillows like how did that even come up you with the lumpy pillows? Like, why, how did that even come up? You know, this is just a clip, but wow. Mike Lindell just fucking absolutely crushing under pressure, but also applying pressure. We love it. I love fucking my pillows, dude. And I love Mike Lindell. So there we go. Hey guys, I want to take a break. I want to talk to you about something. That's a new thing we're doing here on this podcast, uh, holler.baby. That's the website holler.baby. And, uh, it's a new thing kind of that we're trying to do where you can buy shout outs or like quote unquote mini ads for me on this podcast. All you got to do is

go to my page holler.baby slash Chris D'Elia and write what you want me to say. And then I say it, uh, it's as simple as that. Uh, so, you know, go say, and then I say it. It's as simple as that. So, you know, go check it out. It's cool. It's a website. Some other podcasts are doing it already, but we are jumping on board. And you can do anything you want. Go have me say happy birthday to someone for you or plug your pizza shop or whatever. If you work at a Radio Shack that you really love and you want to shout out, then we'll do that too.

Actually, I specifically would like to do one to a Radio Shack. But we'll put all the info up on the screen and in the description below holler.baby slash chris d'alia and if you get it now in the next few days then we'll put it up on the following week's episode so that's how it'll be but yes a holler.baby slash chris d'alia so go peruse man we're still figuring out the pricing and all that but it'll be up on the page so go to holler.baby slash crystalia and see what's up oh dude this one was funny so many people sent me this this one was funny but my god is it it's it's a level of funny that's pretty damn funny. The last second, the last second,

the last second, dude, is unreal. It was like when fucking Dogecoin exploded. Shabbit! Are you alright? Fuck you. i mean dude is that a guy a real voice like the dog just dog handled him you know what i mean like the dog just fucking straight up took him out let hey guy let go see that's the thing you shouldn't wrap that thing around like it's a fucking turbo graphics a handheld turbo graphics 16 that you're going to drop because of the excitement you need to hold the leash like like like this only like this you don't go and then hook around it then the dog takes you

places right the dog walks you hey dog you don't walk me i walk you right you're in front of me but i'm holding it like this not like a handheld turbo graphic 16 that you could drop because of the excitement okay dude i remember when i was a kid i got that fucking handheld turbo graphic 16 i said i saved all my chore money and then it came with a little fucking like strap thing i'll never forget this, dude. And it was like, this is the excitement strap. You need to strap on and have it on when you're playing it in case the game gets too exciting and you drop it. And I did it, and then I told my friend about it.

And he was like, why you got the strap on? I was like, in case the game gets too exciting. And I go to drop it. But anyway, I like to play by the rules. So the guy falls because of it because the dog walks him and then the lady just doesn't give a fuck, you know.

Their marriage is so over. It's been over for 30 years and she's just like, yeah, right. This is the best. So wind knocked his window. Here's the last second coming up i'm gonna go back upstairs debbie and just be in private okay dude like we don't know what you're up to up there feeling bad huh you're up to some feeling bad, man. Oh, dude, gonna be so much in pain the next day, you know? Honestly, you not only could have, but should have died right there. Being that old and

having that dog just fucking drag you out. Honestly, I think that that wife, when she walked out, she just kept going and left him. We gotta play this again. Fuck him, she goes. That's me. Dog shoots out. Doors open. Boom. Knocked over the... Are you alright? Doesn't give a fuck. He threw the chair, which is great.

I've done that before when I was mad. Get the dog! Get the dog! Hurry up! Get the dog! I mean, why is he doing it like he's making fun of her? Get the dog! Get the dog. Hurry up. Get the dog. I mean, why is he doing it like he's making fun of her? Get the dog. You know how you like to get the dog.

Fucking Adam Sandler, dude. Get the dog. Hop, hop, hop, hop. Hop, hop, hop. Hoo. Get the dog. Don't make a scene. Get the dog.

Don't make a scene, she said. What? Dude, if... You know what? I would have miraculously gotten better and left. Left the marriage when you're in pain and someone tells you not make a scene dude that's when i shit myself and make

them clean it up this is part of it watch i'm gonna go back upstairs debbie and just be in private okay the level of how much he was trying to control his voice into a normal tone and cadence it makes my it makes my all the parts of humor in my body swell my humor glands swell just to the point where they're just getting rubbed to bust a nut. Dude, I love it so much, dude. I love it so much that, you know, like controlling his diaphragm so much. And the the the the frenulum tip on my humor gland is getting touched so nicely when he does that, that I'm just about to just squirt to infinity when he does this, dude. You know what, Debbie, I'm going to go up and just,

just be in private when you know, he just wants to piss shit and scream and divorce. And that is so amazing, dude. I got to watch it one more time, dude, for my, for my humor glands, for my, for my friend you lem tip Don't make a scene. What a fucking... The dog's gone, and so is she. Dude. Oh, dude. The level of... Fun funniness and then.

Oh, that flight left late, but so happy it did. God, so good. Bro, let's just I know this is kind of racist to talk about this, but we're gonna. Indian rap battles. Hey, listen, man. Rap's just one of those genres that's just, it's not, it's not going to be Indian, okay? Let's just... All the other cultures and languages, cool.

But, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Once you hear this... Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, Indians. Hey, you know what? Go back to your... Whatever.

I know it sounds racist, but dude. Dude, on fucking, nothing rhymes. Just dude, here's how you know it's so bad. They start saying English words in it because they're just like, you know, fuck this law, right?

Come on, dude. Here we go. Indian rap battles dude i mean it said mickey mouse dude how about a... Here's how you know it's bad. What fucking rap battle have you ever seen where people just break out into applause in the middle of it? Dude, imagine you had like Freeway and Beanie Siegel going at it.

And then somebody did something and Memph Bleak was just like, dude. And everyone else was like, oh, shit, man. Dude, the fucking... Oh, dude, forget it. Dude, you know why we clap? Because of the... Dude, unbelievable, dude.

This is just unreal, dude. We got to play. Dude, he said Mickey Mouse and then the other guy said, we all like Mickey Mouse. And then the guy's like, he's joking. This, honestly, they're dressed like people in Nashville.

You represent Mickey Mouse, dude. And that was the line, dude. Hey, Indians. You know? So good. hey Indians you know so good come on my internet sucks yes dude but you're with me but you're with me oh this is great Ah, come on. My internet sucks. Yes, dude. But you're with me. But you're with me.

Oh, this is great. Negus. What is the language of origin? Ethiopian to Amharic. Come on. What is the definition? A king. It's used as a title of the sovereign of Ethiopia.

Negus. Negus. I mean, come on, dude. Can you use it in a sentence? The Negus ruled Ethiopia until the coup of 1973. Come on, dude, this white kid. Sweating. Negus.

So canceled. Dude, we're gonna get demonetized because of this. Negus. Andrew, would you say the word loudly for the judges? Negus. One more time. Negus. Neg judges? Negus. Oh. One more time. Negus. Negus.

Negus. Thank you. Now go to prison. Negus. I actually never... N-E-G-U-S. Negus. Oh, dude, and that's when the black community accepted him. He was so surprised at the end he got that wow i mean hey pick different words for it you know

next word flag it next word flag it from the origin of what in west hollywood the king of west hollywood can you use it was it what's the definition the king of west holly, flag it. From the origin of, in West Hollywood, the king of West Hollywood. Can you use it? What's the definition? The king of West Hollywood. Flag it. Um. Ah, man.

My son, I just hear my son outside saying i'm going poop so he's using the toilet awesome speaking of toilets delta flight returns after passenger has diarrhea all the way through plane hey dude you know it must have been david sullivan for real dude david sullivan will eat everything on the planet but not but get it without cheese and and he'll be like man i don't know why my stomach hurts i don't know why my stomach hurts i don't know why my stomach hurts i didn't eat the cheese and you're like yeah dude you ate everything else you ate jalapenos and ice cream um passengers reboard flight to spain after eight hour delay while social media posts describe flight crew mopping up mess. Wow, dude.

Passengers reboard flight to Spain. That's so great to happen in Spain, you know. The most romantic city. And they just fucking shit all over the aisle of a Delta, of a 747. Footage. They have footage of it. Footage is everywhere, you know. God, footage is everywhere.

Footage has emerged of the on-board medical emergency. That's so great that the one suffering diarrhea allowed to re-board after an eight-hour delay. Wow, he was allowed to re-board. Jesus Christ, I would have given him a fucking butt plug. Give him a seat with a dildo on it. They tried to do their best to mop up the mess with paper towels. Ew, dude. Ugh.

Doing their best to mop up the mess with paper towels and scented disinfectant, but that only had the effect of making the plane, quote, smell of vanilla shit, one passenger said. That's like that old Robert Schimmel joke. Another described cabin crew, where he's like, you ever shit, and then you use Lysol, and it smells like you shit in the forest? Another described cabin crew

placing an exorbitant paper runner over the aisle. Dude, imagine having a deep plane because some guy ate a goddamn chalupa. Dude, I would be so pissed off. So they had to go back down and on the ground because they called it an onboard medical issue. I'll tell you what. If I knew we were going down, if I knew we were going down because of a guy taking a shit on the, by the way, how do you not know it's coming? Get to the toilet quicker and also don't, uh, have it leak

out, you know, hold your pain or tuck them in, you know, tuck your fucking pants in your socks or, or what are you wearing shorts on plane? I guess don't wear shorts on the plane but then again you're in Spain and probably everyone wears shorts on Spain on the plane because it's fucking you know it's like a super cool like romantic town you just kind of want your balls flaring but if I was on a plane and then

people shit all over the aisle guess what your boy's doing right then shitting and pissing wherever the hell he wants to if we're going we're landing going, we're laying it anyway. I don't give a fuck, dude. Look at this. They wrote this article. This place wrote this article, The Guardian, and then they wrote.

I hope you appreciate this article. Before you move on, I was hoping you would consider taking a step of supporting The Guardian's journalism. You know, go suck my. Are you kidding me? Look at this. From Elon Musk to Rupert Murdoch, a small number of billionaire owners have a powerful hold on so much of the information that reaches the public about what's happening in the world. Dude, they just did an article about how someone shit on the plane. Put that after the other political articles, you know? I love how the strike.

Yo, let me ask a question. This actors and writers strike what's going on because they're still making movies they get all exemptions and shit there's so many different levels of corruption in this bullshit it's such fucking malarkey and horse shit Drew Barrymore is still doing her talk show the only thing that makes the drew Barrymore worse than the drew Barrymore show is no writers. The show's so bad. And she's just like, dude,

the fucking, these actors don't give a fuck about anything but themselves. Drew Barrymore slammed by Hollywood for bringing talk show back amid strikes um drew barrymore is being criticized by fellow actors and writers on social media for a decision to bring back the grammar show is set to return april 18th and then it's that's in the middle of the fucking strike barrymore is not violating sag afro rules but yeah no shit because there's fucking exemptions and also so many different levels of corruption. Guild contracts for talk shows, game shows, variety shows, and soap operas was renewed

and ratified in 2022. Her show does employ WGA writers. This means that so it has to go without writers, without WGA writers or or no writers. Dude, I'd love to see if she wings it first in line to watch it. I can't watch it. I can't wait to watch a train wreck. But people are pissed off like, you know, what's his name from West Wing and then the other guy from the other show.

I say it that way because who fucking cares who's pissed off, you know? This person, Jennifer Gross, who spells Jennifer with a G so we can trust her says, Drew Barrymore has always been someone who would recognize her privilege and aim to evolve so I hope she will reconsider this hasty decision intended to pay her crew because it weakens both

unions to openly endorse scabbing. She could personally fund their salaries for eternity. I mean, you know, like this is where you lose me. No, she can't. For eternity. Don't ever say eternity in any argument. Lonnie Love, who I actually fucking love. I love Lonnie Love.

She said, if you're giving Drew Barrymore heat, you got to hit all the other shows. Someone is writing. Still the focus should be on getting the studios back to the table so everyone get back to work. She's right. Lonely Love is the shit. Oh, Adam Conover, that guy, who always has something to say

about everything, dude. This is incredibly disappointing. Drew Barrymore shows employees, WGA writers who are currently on strike. She's choosing to go back on the air without them and forcing her guests to cross a picket line. Drew, this harms your writers and all the union workers. Please reconsider. God, that guy fucking talks about anything.

A fucking leave will blow up by Ben Affleck and I'll be like, you know, we need to talk about this leave situation. You know, we need to talk about this leave situation. Bradley Whitford, dude. Oh, dude, these fucking people just come out of the woodwork. Drew Barrymore, I own this choice. We are in compliance with not discussing or promoting film and television that is struck of any kind.

I don't know. And Bradley Whitford, oh, you own it for sure, Drew Barrymore, and we'll never forget it i love it dude so good everyone is sucks you know except lani love i love her um uh anyway dude god this fucking jimmy fallon thing is so crazy the fucking non-article is so insane dude you read this thing that fucking cuck-ass rolling stone made i mean dude they just make an article about anything they fucking made an article about how jimmy fallon is mean sometimes i don't give a shit did this whole thing about ellen like the ellen one was a little bit more uh you know eye-opening i guess if you say but i don't give a fuck.

If your boss is me, who gives a shit? Jimmy Fallon's a shit. And he went to, we got in touch with 50 employees. Rolling Stone called 100 employees that used to work for The Tonight Show or somebody worked for The Tonight Show. Dude, you're going to get something negative.

You're going to get something negative. Yeah, you know, sometimes he was a good guy, but also sometimes when he was a bad mood, all bets were off. And one time he was drunk and it was, it was, we were walking on eggshells and some guys said that they got uncomfortable and they got so uncomfortable that they, they, they turned their, their tonight show dream into their nightmare. And they would never wanted to work in the, on, in entertainment television again. Hey dude, that guy's a pussy. Stop coddling these motherfuckers.

Dude, I read that article on Jimmy Fallon. It ain't shit, dude. And I know you'd be like, oh, it's Chris D'Elia. He's toxic. Bro, stop throwing that word around. These fucking articles are lies, dude. You could talk to, you can, it's so ridiculous what they did to Jimmy Fallon, man. It's so ridiculous. And then people are Fallon, man. It's so ridiculous.

And then people are like, oh, wow, a fucking another white guy with his privilege. Dude, the society is no, not society. The media is so fucking shitty to white men. It's on and also just men that it's just unreal. It's so shitty to men. It's unreal. The media, it's so crazy. And everyone, no one will talk about it because, oh, you know, people are starting to talk about it, but no one will talk about it because they don't want to get in trouble. Bro, I've been in trouble already. I don't give a fuck. It's so dumb, dude. And then people online will just pretend they don't fucking even believe it but they're oh man this sucks about jimmy fallon and then you talk to him and they're like yeah they

got him man i hope they don't get me it's such bullshit horseshit dude read the jimmy fallon article it's nothing dude it's nothing they tried to fucking act like seinfeld he was on set with seinfeld and seinfeld um and jimmy fallon yelled at somebody uh on set that seininfeld and Seinfeld and Jimmy Fallon yelled at somebody on set that Seinfeld was there and Seinfeld was like, no, Jimmy, apologize to him. And they tried to act like it was this tense moment that made everyone awkward. And then Seinfeld put out a statement that was like, yo, it wasn't

like that. I love Jimmy Fallon and we talk sometimes. This is the shit that the media does, dude. I mean, dude, it's unbelievable. And obviously I have my gripes about it, but dude the the shit the piss piss poor journalism that they do just to fucking promote an agenda that gets clicks i guess oh what they want what they want jimmy fallon to lose his job fuck out of here this is why every single day i thank the fucking people that show up and sit in seats, dude.

Because I'm so grateful for these motherfuckers to see through the bullshit, man. Jimmy Fallon, go on tour. See who loves you. Because you're going through a rough time where you think everybody wants to fucking kill you. Trust me, dude. Trust me. I see through the lies. These people who show up and fucking sit down To watch you do comedy

Are the motherfuckers That get it And every day I'm grateful for these Every day I see the fans come out I make this about me now But I see the fans come out Dude and I see how effusive they are And how much

How down they are And now I'm fucking double down for them. I, I, everybody that comes and sits in a seat for fucking a comedy show. I don't have, dude, I don't have any deals. I don't have brand deals. I don't have, everything is direct to consumer. Everything is from me direct to consumer. Maybe I have one or two deals. I have no idea. I don't want to speak out of turn. I can't think right now. But these guys are out there fucking, you know, Burt Kreischer's doing a deal with dude wipes or whatever the fuck it is.

Hey, I wipe my cock so I don't come too early with my wife. All right, I get it. Bro, I don't have any of that shit. My shit is all direct to consumer. And the people who sit down, they see through the bullshit. And I love you motherfuckers for that shit. I love you motherfuckers for that shit. I love you motherfuckers for that shit. And the media can keep coming after fucking Jimmy Fallon or whoever the fuck it is.

Trying to play the Tupac thing, but I can't. It's broken. Yeah, dude, I love it, man. I mean, it's so shitty that they i love it man i mean it's so it's so shitty uh that they do that to a man it's like bosses are shitty sometimes you know why because people are shitty sometimes they act like this is a fucking privilege thing god this is supposed to be a comedy podcast but they act like it's a privilege thing dude it's just a person thing some of this shit some of this shit not all of it some of this shit yeah it's a privileged thing. Dude, it's just a person thing, some of this shit. Some of this shit.

Not all of it. Some of this shit, yeah, it's a privileged thing. Like Drew Barrymore thinking about how she's going to fucking still do her show. Why doesn't the media eat that shit up? It's just some fucking janky post from New York Post. Or the blast media. Hey, this is what people said on Twitter. Do a fucking thing on that.

Nah, they don't give a fuck because it ain't Jimmy Fallon. It ain't a guy. All right, that's it. I'm hot. Woo. Appreciate you guys. You guys are great.

I'll be in Ottawa. I'll be in Pittsburgh. I'll be in Ottawa. I'll be in Pittsburgh. I'll be in Cleveland. I'll be in Detroit. I'll be in Orlando. I'll be in Fort Myers, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Philadelphia, and Redding, Pennsylvania. Go to chrislea.com. And that's it for the YouTube episode.

We will see you guys on Patreon if you want to see the rest of it. Patreon.com slash ChrisAlea for just six bucks. You get the rest of the episode. You get all the rest of all the episodes. You get all the extended uncut episodes. And you get like 35 episodes that have already been aired because we do one a month. And we've been on this Patreon thing for a while. So Patreon.com slash ChrisAlea.

And I appreciate every one of you motherfuckers. I love you. Thank you.