Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 341. Print My Meat

Episode Date: October 5, 2023

😮 Get 10-word ads at holler.baby/chrisdelia 😏 If you want totally ad/commercial free, uncensored/extended episodes 1 day early +1 entire bonus episode per month, exclusive merch + Discord & exclusive content... come over to Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia This week we've got Trump trials, Tupac's alleged murderer arrested, Ice Spice, 3D printed meat, and the most b**ch vehicle ever! Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Runk. Covina, California. That's Southern California. I'll be there October 12th, 13th, and 14th. Covina, California at the Laugh Factory. Going to work on some new material. This is not the Don't Push Me Tour. Come on out and check me out.

And then I'll be in Pittsburgh and Cleveland and Detroit. October 20, October 20 areas, 20 something. Then November 10th, Orlando, Fort Myers. I got a bunch of spots, Baltimore,

Philadelphia. Then I just, uh, booked these shows, Oxnard, California, December, in December.

So go to chrislee.com for all your tickets. Uh, uh, and the Oxnard one will be new material as well. Um, that being said, we also have absolutely some beautiful, beautiful merch. If you want to go and get some merch, all you got to do is just go to the merch,

chrislea.com, and we've got, go ahead and join our cult, the t-shirt, the hot t-shirt that is absolutely flying off the shelves. The flannel is beautiful. We've got it in medium, large, extra large, and 2X large if you're a fatty. Join our cult flannel. It's a join our cult flannel experience. That's what we call that. They've got the t-shirts too.

We've got a join our cult and share ideas t-shirt, which is absolutely beautiful. Medium, large, extra large, 2x large, and 3x large if you're a fatty boombaladdy. And we've got our popular oops buttons. Without further ado, let's get into it. It's the new and improved episode of Congratulations. Hey-yo, hey-yo, hey-yo, hey-yo. No diggity, White. Um, hey-yo, hey-yo, hey-yo, hey-yo.

No. Mmm. Mmm. Hey-yo, hey-yo, hey-yo, hey-yo. No. So anyway, dude, I'm just feeling musical, you know, and I'm not a musical guy, dude. I don't really understand what the deal is. Turned on some Tupac, and I did it the day before i turned on some tupac i was this is i did it the day before the man who kit well supposedly allegedly who uh got charged with murdering tupac the ma'am who the man who was a former gang leader so So that, dude, do you understand? I think about Tupac every day for since 1996. So that's crazy.

You know I love Tupac, right? You know I'm the kind of guy who absolutely loves Tupac, dude. Rude. But we love Tupac, dude. Rude. But we love Tupac. I ain't got it. So, uh, and so, um, isn't this crazy, dude?

This is 30 years later. 30 years later, and the man is charged, a man is charged with murder in the Tupac Shakur case. The man man a former gang leader named duane keith davis um all honestly terrible names if i'm being honest duane keith and davis the fort he has said the four shots that killed the rapper 96 came from the vehicle he was riding in incriminated himself um was on a podcast incriminating himself also wrote a book about it incriminated himself um more than 25 years after the killing of tupac shakur became

a defining tragedy in hip-hop this is from the new york times uh the man dwayne has said in interviews in a memoir that he was in front in the front passenger seat of the white cadillac that pulled up near the vehicle holding mr shakur uh after 1996 um shot four times and died in a hospital so okay so he said he did so why did he do that hmm bad crook um the worst crook of all time did you do it? Yes. Clink. Oh, fuck. This is pretty crazy. I don't, despite the plentiful speculation, evidence, and reporting across nearly three decades, no charges have ever been filled. This is crazy, bro.

Yo, he changed history. Do you know what I mean? If he did it. He admitted it. But if he did it. But, you know, he admitted it. Do you know what I mean? If he did it. He admitted it. But if he did it. But, you know, he admitted it. But it's like... In 2019 memoir, Mr. Davis, who goes by the name Keith D.

Worse name. The only way to make the name Keith worse is to call yourself Keith it's like Calvin would say it Keith uh recounted a gang dispute that escalated after Mr. Kishigura and his associates beat up Mr. Davis's nephew okay so see I knew that this was part of it I've watched all the documentaries on it all of them dude and I knew it was somebody who had something to do with the fight. Dude, I'm a detective. Fuck yeah, man. I ain't got no motherfucking... I know this stuff.

I'm smart. Okay? And I knew it was something to do with that shit. It's too bad I didn't work for the police, man. If I did, dude, God, we would have fucking nipped this in the bud a year or two later i ain't got no motherfucking so rude to start a song like that but okay um he said them jumping on my nephew gave us the ultimate green light to do something. Ah, sir. Incriminating, dude.

Mr. Davis said in the memoir, Compton Street legend Tupac chose the wrong game to play. I mean, dude, you know. That's weird. Dude, gangsters just think that they're gangster than now. You know what I mean? More gangstery than now. Right? They just are like, yo, you know what I mean?

Ain't nobody bigger than the streets, dog. Ain't nobody bigger. Ain't nobody better than the streets. Ain't nobody better than the hood. You ever see those like, you know, documentaries or like the, what do you call it? Not necessarily the documentaries, but the, well, I guess so. The docu-series or something like Gangland or something. And they just have a guy on camera and he's just like, yo, hell yeah.

I killed 12 people when I used to roll with them. You know what I mean? Motherfuckers, I was the muscle. Motherfuckers had to get dealt with, you know? And it's just like, hey, get them with you know and it's just like hey get them you know i don't understand hey hey hey ho hey get them dude hey documentarian call 9-1-1 hey boom guy call the police hey craft service call the authorities hey hey key grip tell the media hey get them you know i mean back in the when i was in the rolling crips or something is that a thing i basically um killed nine people dog it's this's these people. Here's a list.

These are their pictures. You know what I mean? And then it's just like, on Discovery? Hey, producers, get them. You know what I mean? I don't know. It's crazy. It's pretty crazy.

So anyway, they're going to get this guy. Ah, this guy. I don't know. Mr. Davis had avoided directly naming the person who opened fire in recent interviews. But in a tape confession released by the former LAPD

detective who investigated Mr. Kishore, Dr. Mr. Davis told the police that it had been Mr. Anderson, his nephew, who was known by Baby Lane. See, I knew this. I read about this already. I saw the documentary. Mr. Anderson was questioned by officers in 1998, but then he died, right? I think Mr. Anderson died. And his memoir, Mr. Davis, who's also been known as keith d

said that after the shooting the men abandoned the car and walked back to the hotel picking the vehicle up and uh okay i mean this guy just basically said wow okay so did it anyway got him this is like when r kelly sang that song i admitted did it. And it wasn't about that, but it was actually about that, you know? This is a wild thing, man. I can't believe that that's done. All right, cool. Well, it's such a crazy time, dude. My wife wants to go see that movie, The Creator, and I'm just like, okay, fine. But I knew it was gonna bomb dude just like barbie and uh denzel washington uh two is in it whatever his name is marty washington and um he's jewish and um marty washingtonstein and so he's in it and like ai is tripping people out i think a bomb because people are scared eric griffin said because people are scared. Eric Griffin said this.

People are scared of AI, and I think that it's true. I think it's real. It's kind of weird that we're seeing it, and we're like, we don't want to go see it. Remember when monster movies were big because everyone thought the world was going to end or some shit? I read a thing on it. I don't know. I'm an idiot. But, like, they were like, monster movies are big because of the fear in Americaica that and all across the world that is happening

because of something i saw a fucking article or read a fucking thing or saw a documentary and shit now and that's what they said basically and so now it's like everyone's scared of ai but the movies aren't popping because that shit is really real there are no monsters it's not a way to get away and relieve yourself of the fear it's a way to go and see, oh, this is really what's happening now? Well, isn't that crazy, dude? And some AI is for good. And, you know, I guess it's like you get to learn stuff. And like we got one of those LG stand-by-me big tablet things

that Calvin just plays the games on that. It's crazy. They're pretty wild. And then you got Tom Hanks says that it's not really him selling dental insurance and Instagram ads, you know? Hey, we know. Unless it's in Japan. Dude, if you go to Italy, you will see straight up Tom Hardy doing a fucking like an ad for a restaurant and he'll just be like yeah that probably me a fucking bag for it here look here's the here's the here's the dental insurance thing here

tom tom hanks beware there's a video out there promoting some dental plan with an ai version of me i have nothing to do with it, Tom Hanks, signs everything, you know, so let me see it, can't find it, wow, dude, that's crazy, can't find it, because that's how strong he is, that's how strong Tom Hanks is, it's so obviously not him, bro, he's like, so handsome, and his teeth are fucking killing it, you can't do comments on tom hanks uh instagram because everyone you know there's like fucking 10 of people on reddit thinks he eats kids so he had to had to shut that down so it's all good yeah he doesn't eat kids so um it's anyway it's not him dude false alarm oh man i wish this kind of shit happened to me about how like fake dental ads

but anyway some ai is good and some ai is bad and this is bad they're gonna sue him dude you know you can't use someone's light likeness for a fucking grill you can't use someone's lightness for a teeth cleaning dude for anything really for that matter dude people are gonna get so sued with this ai shit i can't even believe it the laws won't be able to catch up to you're gonna sue they're gonna sue you for ai shit you're gonna go to court and there's gonna be already by then there's gonna be ai lawyers and we're gonna be there and it going to be like an AI judge and everyone's just all fucked. And they're just going to they're going to sue you monetarily and you're going to pay with crypto. So it's like nothing ever happened.

Anyway, Tom Hanks isn't that that's not him. But I do love how technology has just taken over i saw i saw on hoda and whatever it is now it hoda and yoda whatever the fuck the news new good morning america it's hoda and somebody used to be hoda and Kathy Lee Hoda and fucking Lance Bass and Hoda and Neil deGrasse Tyson. I don't know who the fuck it is, but good morning. Good morning and welcome to Hoda and Neil deGrasse Tyson. We're on billions of channels, billions and billions of syndicated. Who is it?

I thought you said something. Hoda and Jennaenna bush no clue um the today show okay so anyway they were like i just calvin all of a sudden took the remote and just goes press it's so loud and it's on and it's on the good morning today show with hoda and yoda and and uh she's just like beyonce is it was her and another woman and then a gay black guy. And it was like, Beyonce, if he's not gay, he needs to change the way he talks, but he's gay. And so, um, they were like, Beyonce has a documentary coming out in theaters. And, and then one of the fucking Hoda girls was like, I saw her post it on Instagram and I watched it over and over and over and over again. And it's like, first of all, crazy that there's news about Beyonce posting something.

It goes from the documentary about what the movie's about to now the Today Show is just talking about what Beyonce posted. And then it's like hey how'd you didn't watch it over and over again you watched it once you watched almost the whole thing once you know i'm talking about and you didn't watch it over and over again and that's fine and then they're like if beyonce uh is if this is in theaters and then the gay black guy was like, Bieber's movie made $99 million when it came out. Nobody knew that was going to be. Beyonce could actually surpass that. We're talking $300 million.

The guy's just talking out of his ass. And I'm sitting here watching the thing. And I'm seething, dude. I just get to seething man calvin had no idea when he hit that button dad was gonna get to seething because what the fuck dude hey guys i want to be like get a job but this is their job they're doing this shit and they got people outside the window in the back just like that fucking thing you know whatever like trl started it and now it's got it all the shit everyone's in the back just they know it's not news they know it's not even worth

talking about because they got people in the back distracted you from it they don't even give a fuck how has nobody flashed them by the ever. Nobody's taken their penis out. Nobody's turned around, opened up and shown them the, you know, Sarlacc pit. Nobody. Anyway, dude, so I'm watching this and I get to see them and I turn it off and it's okay because Calvin wanted to watch Big Giant Pac-Man on YouTube is what he called it. And so we did watch that and that's much better than Hoda and uh no no disrespect to Hoda you know even though I disrespected her for about you know six minutes so far um but so it's just crazy to me how pervasive I guess or omnipresent god god and I only got an 1100 on my SATs but um

and this was back when you could only get 60 I think you get like 25,000 now or something but um so so now I'm like oh crazy how much like inundated we are god damn it and only 1110 on the SATs um but I'm firing out three crazy words like I don't like I mean you know I obviously learned stuff since the sat but i'm just saying that's just incredible but anyway i get this thing that's like now everyone's phone alarm will go off at 2 20 p.m eastern time on wednesday now that was either that's either today if you're on the patreon patreon.com slash chrysalia or you get it late that was yesterday now you didn't know what was going to happen i didn't know what's going to happen until i did know what was going to happen i didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know it was going to happen until I did know it was going to happen. I did know it was going to happen because the news vetting here at Congratulations Studios, at Super Good Studios, is absolutely incredible.

And, you know, this came hot off the presses. And it was like, hey, dude, we got this just in. You might want to talk about it. And I was like, I don't think I want to talk about it. But then I did want to talk about it because it's like, dude, everyone's phone is going to go off. And so I'm thinking, oh, this is crazy. Wild, right? And I'm like reading about it.

If you hear a screeching alert go off on your cell phone and everyone else is on it, this is by CNN. So you know it's true because CNN has obviously never lied in the world, right? Until every day. So the federal government said it will conduct on Wednesday afternoon a nationwide test of, you know, this and shit. Anyway, the purpose is to ensure that the systems continue to be effective means

of warning public emergency, whatever they want to test it. You know, you get why. You understand. You only think bad if you don't. And then it... So I texted to my mommy. And she says,

straight up, I say, why everyone's phone will alarm, I send her the article, she writes, I doubt it, huh, like just straight up, just, probably didn't even read it just negating what i'm i'm trying to help her out and she says doubt it dude and he got to see then dude but he loves his mommy he really does i love my mommy but how funny is that though it's funny um technology is crazy my mom sends me the craziest shit dude so check this out it's like you know it's it's it's on instagram but it's a it's a tiktok thing with a like that somebody uploaded on instagram and it has a tiktok watermark you know that's like such a mom thing to send and it'll be like somebody that's just like, my mother came through

and the reason I always love your mother. And I'm just like, mom, I love you. You don't have to send me a 60 second video of like some woman in Tallahassee just talking about eight reasons to love your mother. Cause she was, and here's the number one reason is always in these videos because she was always there no matter what and it's like yeah my mom was always there for that no matter what but also some moms weren't always there no matter what so in essence

what i'm saying is don't make that video that This is why I love when the government is like, when like a big catastrophe happens and they're like, we will make it through. And we have made it through and we will persevere. And it's like, yeah, except for the fact that, except for the people that didn't. I don't like when they say that. It makes me feel bad for the other. What about the other people? I want the government to come on and be like, hey, we didn't all make it, dude. And that sucks. We failed hundreds or thousands of people because they always come out. The president always comes on during a natural disaster. And it's like, and we will prevail.

And we have prevailed and we have prevailed what do they mean all nine billion of us it's gonna take more than a tsunami to knock us all out one tsunami in india is gonna fuck who who 2 000 people died yes but we made it through dude if one of those 2 000 people were the people like like we made it 9 11 we made it dude. Dude. What about all the fucking dude? If you knew somebody that was dead in the building and they say, Hey, we got through it. How about at home when it's your dad? And you're like, no, we didn't. No, we didn't.

But we just hit the hard hitting facts, you know, and we talk about what we talk about and people still get mad. Dude, I made a joke on this podcast. Hey, why don't people understand? Comedy is comedy. I don't get mad. Dude, I made a joke on this podcast. Hey, why don't people understand comedy is comedy? I don't get it. I don't get why people don't understand comedy is comedy. Okay? This is a comedy podcast.

I'm always talking bullshit out of my anus. Okay? And I put up a thing. I talked about how we shouldn't look out for the environment because somebody was going to hit the red button and kill us all anyway with a nuke. Okay? And everyone was like really fucking irresponsible, dude. I put it on an Instagram clip. Go look.

It was like really irresponsible. This is the message you want to send your kids? And I'm like, that I'm a comedian? Yeah! Anyway, dude, it's so insane. So go get your teeth cleaned is what Tom Hanks is trying to say. And I agree with him, frankly.

I agree with him. I agree with him. I talked about this already, didn't I? I did on... We got a Karen on the golf course right now. Didn't I already talk about this i talked about it on this guy so much anger management dude like just

has been i i understand i know he's dealt with this anger issue because of how he's trying to hold it together and And he goes zero to 60 in negative four. The outfit is a lock me out in 1996. So here we go. Here's the deal. That woman needs to shut the fuck up. Right? Okay? She's only going to make a... When two dudes are barking at each other, hey, women, chill.

You know why? You're going to get your man beat up. Or you're going to get your man catch a case. Either one is going to happen. Because you just exacerbate, God damn it, I got an 11-10 on my SATs. And it's crazy that you'd have no idea. But you're going to exacerbate the issue.

And it's going to lead into fucking some pandemonium. Oh, for fuck's sake. Are you kidding me? 11-10? You took her ball. Bro, You took her ball. Bro, you took her ball. Dude, lady, lady. That's me.

Me. I turn it into Jerry Lewis if that happens to me. Lady, quiet your mouth. And then the guy goes nuts. The guy goes ham and runs out of his golf cart. Dude, how bitch is it to get in a fight near two golf carts for real, though? Anywhere in the golf cart. You should be in a fight and you're about to be like, all right, square up, motherfucker.

You see a golf cart. You're like, you know what? We got to actually cool out. Let's go. Let's take it somewhere else because this is crazy. A golf cart. You should be in a fight and you're about to be like, alright, square up, motherfucker. You see a golf cart. You're like, you know what? We got to actually cool out. Let's go. Let's take it somewhere else because this is crazy. A golf cart just came by. You know we can't get into this fight in a vicinity of a golf cart. Come on, dude. Look, here we go. Look at him snap. If you need money for a golf ball,

I said zero to 60, but he did kind of hit one or 2 miles an hour before that right here here we go not buff oh and then the chick's all okay you know what he's mentally ill I actually thought there was going to be some sort of

thing that we were going to what did you think they were going to work some shit out the guy's so mad oh you know what he's mentally ill we can't talk to him you thought you were going to break through this is the thing that all the chicks they think they're therapists you know oh man

my therapist always wants to talk about my fucking feelings man and I'm just like hey can we just fucking chill it's so annoying sometimes because they do like how do you feel and then you tell them and then they fucking say how do you feel about that and you're like, what, what is this? Are we falling backwards in a van into a river? How many layers, how many levels are we going to go down? Let me just tell you, Hey, I'm pissed. Next question. This is like fucking, it's like Inception, dude.

Hey, how do you feel? You know, it feels bad. What about that, though? You know what? Actually, I'm out. Me and fucking three other... Tom Hardy and the asian dude just me and leo oh how do you feel about that i i you know it's making me sad i guess fuck how many layers just and it's so it's like dude it's a feeling yeah it's just like it's like, dude, it's a feeling. It's like, lady, can we just like, you know.

I don't know. I always want to get like when I get into an argument with anyone, I want to blow my lid and then chill. It's kind of like busting a nut, honestly. I want to pop my top off, dude. in a nut, honestly. I want to pop my top off, dude. I mean, I just, I want to go ham. You understand? Like when I get pissed and I'm talking about if I walk around the corner and an end table catches my hip, I want to look into the nearest person's eyes and say, Hey, fuck you for having that be there. And I could be at a fucking bank of America, dude. I don't, I can be literally

somewhere that has nothing to do that guy who I yell out and look in his eyes. He didn't put the end table there. I don't give a fuck at that moment i need to pop my motherfucking top off okay and here's the deal if the guy's a good guy take it i'll take it if i'm out at a park and somebody gets you know if they're walking and then uh you know they'll get their phone and then a branch smacks them in the face. And I'm nearby swinging them kettlebells, getting real fancy. And someone says, hey, hey, fuck you for having this branch hit my face. I go like this.

Yo, bro, I get it. I eat that. Thank you. I'll take it. That's my whole sandwich. All right. But I can't do that at home. So I got to eat that anger. I got to eat the anger. I got to keep I got to eat it myself.. So I got to eat the anger.

I got to eat the anger. I got to keep, I got to eat it myself, right? I got to do it myself until it becomes cancer, right? Cause I can't pop my top off at my, I can't,

who am I going to pop my top off at? Calvin ruined his life. William, way too young. Billy grow up and be so stunted. He's five, five months old. I can't do it at my wife.

She start crying. Who am I going to do it to five months old i can't do it my wife she start crying who am i gonna do it to the amount of times i said to my wife can i just pop my top off for a little bit and she goes she says no and i go and it makes me more angry dude i'm like just let me let me fucking bust off dude you know what i mean and i just can't i can't under you know what I mean, and I just can't, I can't, under, you know what, dude, not even that I can't, under no circumstance can I, right, oh, under, oh, oh, under no circumstance can I pop my top off, and I couldn't do it at my mommy, when I was growing up, couldn't do it at my mommy, I get grounded, one time I did, one time I did, once, one time I popped my top off, dude, she said, are you ready for bed, are are you ready for bed are you ready for school are you ready for school you know how many times i was late to school zero times dude the thumb to the tip of

the finger zero zero times i was late for school zero times my mom you're ready getting up for school you get mommy yeah yeah i got it right and she didn't even get up to wake me up. She called from her bedroom. Oh, shit, he's cooking. She called from her bedroom. Hey, you woken up? Oh, my dad was already at work, right? Oh, you woken up, Chris? Yeah, yeah, I got it.

I don't hear the shower. Oh, fuck, dude. Let me pop my goddamn morning top off, right? Let me pop my top off top off, right? Let me pop my top off. But he's not allowed. But one day, one day when he woke up with the crust in his eye, maybe he was up too late pretending to do homework. Who knows?

Maybe he was watching that fucking channel in the middle of the channels with the purple and yellow wavies and try and catch a tit. Maybe that's what he was trying to do. But he woke up and I'm talking about me here. I'm catch a tit. Maybe that's what he was trying to do. But he woke up and I'm talking about me here. I'm doing a novel. He woke up, dude. And my mom said, you ready yet in the shower yet, dude, I cranked that shower on. And in my head, that was all I needed to drown out me. The shower turning on. That was all, all, all I needed to pretend, to convince myself that this next thing I say will drown out my scream. And I said, yeah, bitch.

Know what I heard back? Nothing. Uh-oh. Hey, it's worse to hear nothing. Uh-oh. Okay. Uh-oh. And what I did was went to school, came back. My dad got home from work and he says, hey, so you're grounded. You can't pop your top off. You can't pop your top off.

So how am I supposed to get rid of this shit? I got to go to therapy. I got to talk about my actual feelings. Oh, fuck. Well, dude, this just in. I don't like doing that. So I'm all uncomfy, huh? So I got to be all uncomfy staring at the fucking computer through Zoom. Ah, he's all uncomfy. He's got to do it right. And that's the quote unquote right thing to do. But is it the easy thing to do? Fuck no, dude. God. So he doesn't pop off the top and he has to talk about the, you know, he's in his men's group.

Right? I'm in a men's group. I'm in my therapies. Like right now I kind of want to pop my top off because I hear stuff right outside of my door, they should be quiet, right, but I can't pop the top off, I got to sit here and I got to pretend like it's not happened, I got to talk, I got to keep on talking, I got to do this monologue even though it's eating me inside and you don't know it because you can't hear it, but I can, yeah dude, and that's why this guy is going to live. I tell you right now, this guy who just yelled at somebody at a golf course,

at a golf course, yelled him at the fucking two at the golf cart. He called him a shit stack. Dude, that put years on his life. When you get to a point where you rip your shirt off like you're Hulk Hogan and scream shit stack to another grown man, you just added days to your life. Me? I'm already on borrowed time. I can't say shit.

Anyway, dude. It is what it is. If you want to test God, come and get it, shit stack. And I agree with him 100%. I agree with him 100%. Bro. These guys. For the NBA.

Remember that? Kawhi Leonard? There's a new guy, Jaden Hardy. That's like a fake AI name, by the way. But, dude, so we remember the Kauai Leonard laugh. I mean, it's like if you rewind it, it would be like Satan is our leader, you know? If you rewind that, it would just be like Satan is our leader, builds above the teachings of Abadook. Learn the teachings of Abadook. Learn the teachings of Abadook.

My son's crying. So there's the – I'm just kidding, Calvin. Did you hear him in the headphones? Okay. So Kawhi Leonard, and then here's the Jaden Hardy laugh, which is the new shit, dude. There it is. I don't know. Oh, dude. There it is. I don't know.

Oh, dude! I mean, dude, that was a fucking... I've never heard a loud giggle before. Let's play it again. That one probably still reigns supreme, dude. Uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Beelzebub is our savior And uh Like you just saw a big baby Let me tell them to be quiet Hey guys Hey guys Can you be not here Thank you Let me tell them to be quiet. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Can you be not here? Thank you.

He said it a bunch, though, right? Oh, no. This is me. Me when I say, hey, can you guys be quiet? That's my wife me pretending i'm not mad me pretending i'm not mad when i hear it and then my wife right here i'm like this uh excuse me can you guys be quiet and then just my wife i don't know anyway dude um

i guess ice spice almost got burned or something. You know, the thing about ice spice is I'm officially too old. That's the thing about ice spice. Did she actually get burned? Oh, almost. Imagine she farted and it just fucking... That would be the best. Also, she's Annie.

Why is anyone acting like she's not friends with Daddy Warbucks? Hey, I spice your Annie. It's all good. She's got good music, probably. I have no idea. More Khaled news here, it's a hard knock life for us, it's a hard knock life for us,

dude, Khaled, I have two Drake songs on my new album, he writes, and just leaves, just, this guy's nuts bro, he just a he's walking with drake where the fuck is this anyway and he's he's got a uh a thing holding it god this guy's a he's a genius

idiot dude like this guy every time i think he's I also think, but he fucking knows what's up, dude, he's unbelievable, oh, wait, dude, that's right, the ice spice Dunkin' Donuts ad, with, isn't, I love, look, I'm a big fan of Ben Affleck. He's in the thing. Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck. Here. Dude, I'm already signed in.

I hate when they do this, dude. Here. Here we go. Here it is. Big promotion. Made me brand ambassador. Oh, wait. I love Ben Affleck.

Fucking love him, dude. Is he this Boston? Or is he like, I'll do the commercial if I can do a little bit of a character. I mean, he's so Boston. I saw The Departed the other day, and they fucking all tried to do it. That accent's so hard. Things with Duncan are going well. Things with Duncan are going well.

Big promotion. Made me brand ambassador. We gotta come up with a drink name, but it's not easy, right? Nowadays with social media, the kids, it's gotta be authentic. It's weird because Ben Affleck doesn't act like that. And he's playing himself, but he's like playing a guy that should be wearing a pinky ring. How are people gonna connect you with Duncan? Yeah, I'm a Duncan

guru. I'm not seeing it. Ice spice. My fans are the Munchkins. Where are you going with this? Ice spice Munchkins drink. I got an idea. Collabs like they do, right? Ice pit bars with you. We're called Vanilla Ice Spice.

Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Here I am. I'm with Duncan. You go. That's kind of funny at the end. Why aren't commercials funny, though? Ba-ba-ba, you go. at the end why aren't commercials funny though you go um why is ben affleck and ice spice in a commercial it's just so weird like they're like that somebody from marketing was like all right

look here's what we're gonna do we're gonna get everyone we're gonna get the older crowd because this guy is a respected filmmaker and actor he was nominated for oscars and then we're also gonna get whoever this fucking annie chick is that you know how that's a dead talk right ice spice is crazy dude is she the first gray person i'm not even trying to be like don't come at me right now but she's the first gray person right because i thought i was kind of gray but then i saw her i mean come on But she's the first gray person, right? Because I thought I was kind of gray, but then I saw her. I mean, come on. Is she black or white?

I have no idea. That's the thing, dude. When people say, I don't like when people say, I don't see color, you know, because it's like, I think what should happen is you should see the color of the person, respect it. But with I spice a I don't see color. And that's true. It's a hard knock life for us. It's a hard knock life. Also, did she say munch in that fucking ad? OK, that means.

It posse. I know, but they got her because she says munchkins called munchkins so really it's like pussy flavored donut holes is what it is hey yo hey Ben Affleck hey look they wanted me to be brand ambassador hey they wanted me to be brand ambassador

you know what I mean I don't know i just pop out the car get over here anyway what the fuck i spice how's going on that everyone's like uh ben cut cut ben um what the fuck can you uh maybe just be you ah you know i'm from boston boston guys always want to tell you they're from boston you know? They won't, for a fucking second, let you forget it. Even actors, they'll be in other movies, they'll be in like King Arthur, and Mark Wahlberg will have a part and he'll be like, he'll just slip it in.

Ah, it's over, ah, yes, yes. The problem is, it was different. He said something else when we were over in the courtyard. And you're like, oh yeah, he's from Boston. Yeah, I know this is King Arthur, but he's from Boston. Right, he's from Boston. Ah, yeah, that, yes. Yes, that's right. That's absolutely

beautiful, and we love, we love that. That's great. We're going to have to take it to the town. Let's meet in the courtyard, huh? Oh, yeah, yeah yeah that's right he's playing the guy who gets beheaded but also he's I forgot how could I forget he's from

he's from Boston right he's a Celtics guy yeah go Celtics yeah yeah fucking die hard right um are there other commercials with them in it I think there are they don't ever just film one commercial, too. They do like 900.

That's how it goes. Because they call it a campaign or something. Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck. Here we go. Here's another one. Duncan, it's very advanced.

Science, algebra, formulas. There's a lot that goes into this. You can't just come up with a name. I don't like funny commercials because here's why. I imagine everyone behind the camera the whole time when they're shooting like this. Just let him go. And I just want to fucking no sprays munchkins drink what would that be you put the munchkin in the duncan i think i got replaced i mean who wrote that you know? Duncan is very advanced. Science, algebra, formulas.

You know, there's a lot that goes into this. You can't just come up with a name. Ice-Bray's Munchkin's Drink. What would that be? You put the Munchkin in the Duncan. I think I got replaced. That's a cool song. I want to hear more of it.

Why is... So there's donuts in a drink what the fuck is going on dude um wow ben affleck is in so many dunkin donuts commercials oh dude i hope he's getting so much money. And you know she is too. Dukes of Apollo is so good. That is a holler. That they wanted me to do it. I think they said sing it. And I'm not singing it. Because I mean, like, you know.

There's limits to this shit. There's levels to this shit. But yeah. Go to my page if you want to purchase a 10-word ad or whatever you call that thing this guy paid for. Holler.baby slash Chris D'Elia. Sorry, my Billy was crying. I want to make sure he was okay. Trump fraud trial underway.

And apparently the lawyer, I guess no lawyers want to work with him because he like doesn't pay or whatever it is. But like the lawyer forgot to check the box to get him a jury trial. Now, oh, dude, now if he loses, he's going to be so, it's rigged, it's rigged. And it's like, oh, he wanted a jury trial so bad. Because there are at least people who are on his side that are people but the government is not on his side and judges are probably not on his side too he's fucked and the lawyer who just kind of is like a hot woman is just like she looks like she'd be like, yeah, I'll do it. But she definitely eats the fucking munchkin drink. But she forgot to check the box to ask for,

dude, women saw this and they go like this. She set us back. She set us back. Trump women go like this. She's fucking, this fucking woman set us back because she did because she forgot to check the box that she wanted a fucking jury trial and now you don't get to go back you know you don't get to be like oh i'm sorry can i actually no you don't do it

now there's got to be a judge and uh he's going to preside not in trump's favor because the system is rigged because everyone and i'm not saying he should or shouldn't. I don't know the fucking case at all. But the boy speaks the truth, you know, so that's what happens. That is pretty crazy. Unreal dude. Here's another sign that the future is messed. Uh, what, I mean, this can't be, this is, yeah, you know what makes sense? 3d printed steak. Um, and so what we have here,

our specials are, we have a steak that is 3d printed. Um, And it comes with the idea of mashed potatoes. And you can also get some virtual broccoli. And you will leave so hungry. Could soon be 3D printed. Come on, dude. Here. Your steak could soon

be 3D printed. Yum! That's if you live in Europe. Israeli company Redefine Meat has struck a partnership with importer Giraldi Meat. This is so crazy, dude. To drive European distribution of its new meat steak cuts. So it's not meat. Startup is hoping to establish its products as an alternative to conventionally produced meat. I'm so hungry.

Just seeing those machines go back and forth, making that steak appear out of nowhere. God, that just gets me salivating, dude. Operates large-scale meat printers at its- Oh, dude. Nothing makes me hungrier than hearing the words meat printer. Oh, fuck, dude. hearing the words meat printer oh fuck dude hey you got a meat printer at your house oh let's do the barbecue there hold on nah dude uh yeah my grill's fine but my friend bruce has got a meat printer holy shit you take one one taste of these fucking virtual meats

headquarters south of what do you want a ribeye or what do you have ah whatever you want i just fucking put it in a computer i plug it in what do you want you want duck as well as in a new factory in the netherlands you know what's funny is why do they make it look like how it looks? Just make it look like anything. Make it look so different. You can. It'll still taste the same. Imagine how bad the first ones are that they made.

When I want to make my steak, I have a library of a few different slabs. I can choose each one of them, and I can adjust it accordingly. I can define the amount of marbling. Yeah, this guy. The internal fat or the external fat. And then I can start and go and print it and produce it. So I'm putting it. This is my queue.

This is my timeline for today. go and print it and produce it. This is my queue. This is my timeline for today. I know that in an hour or something from now, I will need to refill the machine with new material. Now I can go directly into the printing process. And you can see how

the process starts to build layer by layer. And then you eat it and everybody gets cancer immediately. So we print the meat. The company makes its products from ingredients including and everybody gets cancer immediately. So we print the meat. The company makes its products from ingredients including soy and pea proteins. It looks kind of good, but that side doesn't.

Peas, beetroot, nutritional yeasts, and coconut fat. Co-founder and chief executive... It looks real. ...Ben Chitrit said redefined meat was launched in tenderloin... That's real. ...and strip-loin steaks. In the past two years, we have been working deeply on understanding meat and what makes meat so exciting, and we identified a few components Bro.

The performance of meat. Such a cock. I'm eating a meat just being like, oh, what a gorgeous performance. God, this is a gorgeous performance in my mouth. You still got to cook it. Look. You ever have a fucking,

what do you call it? Impossible burger? It's good, but it doesn't taste like meat. And then also, it's really bad for you. Hey, just eat the cow. Hey, print your meat. Isn't that, isn't meat printing another word for masturbation?

I'll be right down. I'm printing my meat. Isn't meat printing another word for masturbation? Ma, I'll be right down. I'm printing my meat. Each cut, $400,000. Companies such as U.S.-based Beyond Meat have cut their sales outlooks. Redefine Meat, however, has big ambitions. Its new meat is currently available in Israel, Britain, the Netherlands, and Germany. Everyone in those countries will be dead within 10 years. This is crazy um it also will be for sure cheaper and so every store is

gonna have it like mcdonald's is gonna just be fucking fake ass meat printed meat papaya Papaya, printed meat. Pa-da-pa-paya. Man, remember when we were kids? Some of you are probably kids even still. You listen to this podcast, you shouldn't be. But how crazy the world is now from then. When I was 17, nobody had a cell phone. When I was 19, everybody had a cell phone. When I was 19, everybody had a cell phone.

Okay? I went to Canada to do a movie for a month or two. I came back, everyone had a fucking cell phone. Everyone was hot on playing Snake. Remember Snake? Fuck, that game was so addictive. Right? Just trying to eat that little ball on the fucking Nokia. Right?

Right. Just trying to eat that little ball on the fucking Nokia. Right. And now, I mean, if you had told me when I was 19, hey, they're going to be able to print stakes. I mean, I wouldn't have believed you, but this is crazy. What's out there that's going to happen that we don't know about? Wow. Remember when we were like, hey, by the way, what's up with fucking flying cars, dude? Remember the future meant that? Let's do that before we start printing my fucking meat. This is my favorite tweet, I think, or it was on Facebook or something. Donald Trump, when he wrote, I am pleased to report for those that care,

this is a while ago, but that I just won the senior club championship, and then in parentheses it writes, must be over 50 years old. Like you didn't want them to think he was, you know. At Bedminster Trump National Golf Club, shooting a round of 67. Now, some people will think that sounds low, but there is no hanky lanky. Many people watch. Plus, I am surrounded by Secret Service agents. Not much you can do, even if you wanted to.

And I don't. Oh, for some reason, I am just a good golfer athlete. I have won many club championships, and it's always a great honor. Jesus! Racked the whole time! What is Hanky Lanky? I know Hanky Panky um shooting around of 67 now some people think that's i think that sounds low so he's saying like i know people are gonna think i'm

cheating right it's good wow it's hilarious but there was secret service agents around him like they were gonna be like sir sir sir hit it at it hit it as it lies like this like this like yeah he's down there in the brush make sure he hits it as it lies and doesn't touch the grass around it please uh-huh you know they gotta listen to him he's the president hey don't tell anyone i'm moving i'm i'm i'm i'm placing it out of the fucking what is it the sand trap um wow that's great that is a that is a sensei um let's look at some um i got a tiktok here oh this is so bitch here come on

come on please play please play thank you please please play so bitch so bitch twisting it

too many rounds no come on Too many rounds. No, come on. Dude, hey, guy, get a car. So bitch, dude! This sound. Oh my god, bro. This sound.

That sucks. This thing sucks, dude. What is it? Fucking 1905? So loud, dude. Get Bluetooth with it. Why is it so sharp in the front there, dude? If someone... If he crashes, he's gonna stab someone in the...

Just spear someone's heart. Wow. I hate this thing, dude. You know? I hate this thing, dude. You know? I hate this thing so much. Look at this shit. What is this shit? Oh, what is that?

Look at this. You got to do that to drive it or something? That sucks. How much is this thing? $110,000. What is this shit? Oh my god, dude. That thing sucks, dude.

Look at this. I love vintage cars. Where can I get this? Wish I had an opportunity to ride one. Guy writes, if your comment gets 100,000 likes, I love vintage cars, where can I get this, wish I had an opportunity to ride one, some guy writes, if your comment gets 100,000 likes, I will fly you in, and we will drive this together, the most rich guy thing ever to do, why do people like this, people love fucking shit like that, and I'm just like, get Bluetooth, People love fucking shit like that.

And I'm just like, get Bluetooth, you know? I love bitch shit though, dude. God, I love bitch shit. Oh, dude, come on. The guy on the thing with the... The longest fucking golf club of all time. He's on a table. Imagine seeing a guy, a guy's got to bring the table around and fucking shoot. Oh dude, hand me my, guy dragging the big ass golf bag. It's so long, just dragging on the ground. Dude, so... Come on, asshole.

Dude, how'd he hit it? That's pretty good. So bitch, dude. I would fall off that thing so hard when I did it. I... Dude, hitting it like that and just being like, I sliced it. Gotta bring the hitting it like that and just be like, I sliced it. Got to bring the tip.

Got to bring the table, the high table. What do you call it? High. What do you call high top around? That's amazing. Anyway, that's it, dude. So watch the yeah. Watch

the YouTube episode. That's it for the YouTube episode. That's what I'm trying uh youtube episode that's it for the youtube episode that's what i'm trying to say that's it for the youtube episode if you want to watch the uh regular version or the the patreon version the edited the unedited i mean it's not regular and it's not edited it's the longer version unedited and it's the uh uncut uh version of this episode that is longer and is called uh and you get that at patreon.com slash chris d'alia and uh like and subscribe you can also if you if you get the patreon that's just six bucks you get all of the backlogged episodes that we've done for over two years i think at this point so there's like 30 something episodes that do one a month that is

uh only for the Patreon members we appreciate you so you can do that and then you can also do leave a comment that'd be great leave a comment my babies we love you chrislea.com thanks guys you