Congratulations with Chris D'Elia - 347. Oh My Gost

Episode Date: November 9, 2023

MY NEW SPECIAL: GROW OR DIE is here: chrisdelia.com/god 😮 Get 10-word ads at holler.baby/chrisdelia 😏 If you want totally ad/commercial free, uncensored/extended episodes 1 day early +1 entire bonus episode per month, exclusive merch + Discord & exclusive content... come over to Patreon: patreon.com/chrisdelia This week the studio got revamped! Plus we've got more Kodak Black, dime heists, Soulja Boy and Chris revisits that classic Charlie Sheen interview and all of a sudden everyone is winning! Spread the love using the hashtag #congratulationspod on Instagram and everywhere else, and don't forget to rate, review, listen on iTunes, Google, Spotify, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.  📸 Instagram: instagram.com/chrisdelia 🕺 TikTok: tiktok.com/@chrisdelia 🎮 Twitch: twitch.tv/flexavenue 🐥 Twitter: twitter.com/chrisdelia 👤 Facebook: facebook.com/chrisdeliaofficial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

oh here we go crystalia.com for the new special uh i'll talk a little bit about that later on in the episode about how my experience has been releasing it but crystalia.com uh for my special it is out now go to the website and get it now or hit the link below uh and i will be in fort myers and also orlando and also baltimore and also somewhere in uh virginia richmond and then somewhere in somewhere else trenton so go to crystalia.com for tickets uh just go to crystalia.com honestly spend some time on it have a great great time uh but other than, here comes the new and improved. Congratulations. How about that, playas and playettes?

How about that, playas? Look at this and playette. Check it out, dude. What the? I wanted it. Check it out, dude. What the? I wanted it more of a log cabin vibe so we could share ideas, so we could hang out. But welcome to the new studio. It's reminiscent of the old studio. Originally, we wanted to get back to our roots.

But check it out, man. Check it out. Check it out and stuff. It's awesome, right? Look at that. And none other than my wife did this. Isn't that awesome? No, we got this professionally done.

It took three weeks. The guys came in here and worked from 4 a.m. to noon. Why do... Because they... No. What I want... I know I've talked about this before, done it took three weeks the guys came in here and worked from 4 a.m to noon uh why do but because they know what i want i know i've talked about this before but people who do remodeling get here they work too early on in the morning and then they're off by noon and that absolutely pisses me off but my wife did this and she did it in one or two days um and it was great because boy, does she just hit the ground running with that.

She just goes, you want a new, you want a new read the thing? I say, yeah, maybe. Go upstairs,

come back downstairs. Half of it is already done and I say, I didn't really say yes, but this looks actually amazing. I don't have the eye for that, dude.

Some people have eyes for that, you know, they look at shit. It's like minority report and they're like if i put this here and that like this and then my mom does that my mom has my mom dude it's the home of 10 000 tchotchkes sounds like a horror movie that rob zombie directed the home of 10 000 tchotchkes directed Directed by Ellie D'Elia. It's just a clapping monkey over a fireplace and some spider plants.

The Home of 10,000 Tchotchkes. What did Rob Zombie do? 10,000 corpses or something? It's too many corpses. 1,000. That's not too much. That's just less than 10,000. Home of 1,000. No. than 10,000 Home of a thousand

No something a thousand It doesn't matter It's been out for 90 years So but yeah So this is what she did Look at that This is all fan stuff This is all fan stuff except for this

This was given to me by Ivan Getridov And And all the rest of the stuff is fan stuff. Have a good time. It says Dr. Phil, Marco Cain, Junko Van Damme, and Tupac, and then Blanca for throwback to my incorrigible special.

Speaking of specials, my special is out on crystalia.com, grow or die. Dude, it has been really wild, man, having this and doing this myself. Shout out to the fact that we can do this now. As artists, you can take the reins and steer the ship the way you want to steer it to. Right?

Now, take it from me. I've done both. I've done both. I've done with the streaming services. I've done on network TV. Dude, when you make your own channel, unstoppable, dude. And it's beautiful. And the streaming and the download is going.

It's going great. Bonkers. It's going great, dude. And I couldn't be happier. And I hope you enjoyed. If you haven't seen the special yet, go to Chris Leah.com and get it. And, um, also like on a serious note, thank you. Thank you for doing that. I really, really like can't even, you know, people say corny stuff like, oh, I can't find the words and all

that stuff. And it just, you know, it's like, there are words for everything, you know, like you can figure out the words to say it. So what I'm trying to say is I won't say there are no words, but I will say I'm too dumb to actually find the words and construct the sentence to express my gratitude because I mean it, man. We're filming this two days after the special came out. A guy stopped me on the street and he was like, dude, the special, and I go like this. And it was about six seconds until he said the next word. And I was like, I don't know how this is going to go. He goes the special. And I, I just stood there like a dumb, dumb, because these days people will say anything. And I waited, I was in the parking lot. And then I

finally went like this and he says, it's fire, man. It is so good. I mean, they're all good. But this one, he said, I just thank you. Thank you, he said. And dude, and I went in my car and I sat there for a little bit like I was in a movie and I just had a little bit of a moment. So anyway, dude, whatever. I'm trying to express my gratitude, but I'm too dumb to have the words to say it and construct a sentence.

So I preach, preach, preach all you. chrissy.com anyway uh i'm good i'm feeling good i'm having a good time haven't worn this shirt in over a year decided to put it on just throw it on and uh and i'll give it a give it a whirl again dude how about how it is when you find a shirt that you used to wear and you go, huh. You're so dumb, dude. When you're going through your closet, you go, oh yeah, that one.

And you go, huh. And you throw it on and you're like, huh. And then you walk outside and you feel good and you're just like, hmm, all right, huh. And nobody notices but you, you know? But you're just like oh all right huh and nobody notices but you you know but you're just like yeah that's the weird thing about fashion right it's a weird thing about fashion because i was i was watching uh i was at the gym earlier and i was watching uh a uh, my buddy, Steve Howie,

uh, who's on shameless, right? He was at the gym. We didn't go together, but I saw him there. And I was like, I wonder if we're going to say hi. You ever go to the gym.

You see somebody like, I wonder if I'm going to say hi to that guy. And I'm like, I don't know. And in my head, I'm like, Oh, maybe people,

everyone hates me. So he probably hates me right now. You know, I've known him for six years. I think the trajectory is he hates me by now you know i've known him for six years i think the trajectory is he hates me by now and um so i'm just working out you know how i do it i was doing all sorts of leg stuff and um and he's just the next batman i mean this guy's he looks great he looks awesome and he's beefed up he's yoked and i'm jealous it, dude. And he's also like two inches taller than me. The guy's a giant.

He's a good looking dude. Whatever. Anyway, he's doing these workouts and he's grunting and he's doing it good. And he's all sweaty. And I'm looking at him and I'm like, God damn, dude. And I go and I say, and I'm like, chicks probably love that shit. Just he's all sweaty and his hair's in his face. And I'm like, my wife probably thinks he's hot.

He's all big and tall. And it doesn't even matter what he's fucking wearing. You know, like chicks are always like at the gym and they're like, oh my God, I'm a mess. Oh, I can't even believe I got hit on at the gym because I'm in a mess. And I had a hat on and I just, women think that if they wear a hat that their tits go away. You know what I mean? Oh, you think this because you didn't put on makeup that your plush lips went away? Oh, my God.

And I looked so ugly in the meantime. Dude. You know? And so I'm looking at him and I'm like, man, it's kind of unfair that dudes just don't have to do shit, which goes back to what I'm talking about, putting on my own, my new shirt. I'm like, nobody, I feel better looking, but nobody thinks that it's all in your head. So the key is to always think to get to that level of, dude, I am looking fantastic, but you can't though, can you? Cause when you wake up, your face is puffy. because when you wake up your face is puffy because when you wake up your hair is absolutely terrible and when you wake up and you look in the

mirror you're looking a little flabby hey you can't get away from it dude just don't look at yourself honestly but then you start looking really fucking stupid right because you're like anyway i worked out harder after i saw him and we did say hi and he's a nice guy and she doesn't hate me so it's all good then i went and i got like a cuda i got a um protein or no a stupid shake that was at uh this spot this grocery store this high-end grocery store and um i went in and i got it and it's called the post dude I'm such an idiot I was looking at the things and it said post workout

which one am I going to get oh yeah post workout I'll get the post workout that just worked out so that's the one I got to get you know like let me get that post workout you know how stupid I felt I was all sweaty you know just came from the gym yeah let me get the post workout like and the guy was just doing the cash register was like I got him you. He was like, I got them.

You know? Ah, they got them. We got them. We got them. I don't like that's the other thing. When they're like we or behind the counter, they're like, I got, let's see, here's what I got. I got Brussels sprouts for bacon. Dude, you don't have shit, man.

The people came early in the morning and put the stuff here. You just came here and started giving it out. You don't have shit, but he did it. So he gave me the post-workout shake. Dude, $15. Hey, is it Thanksgiving dinner? Hey, what's in it? Hey, what's in it? Did you sprinkle gold bouillon in it? What's bouillon, dude. What is that? What's in it? Elephant tusks?

Hey. Hmm? It's got Dodo Bird's webbed feet grinded up in it. Dude, I want to know what... That is crazy. A $15 shake.

I got it. Took 25 minutes to make. make man nobody was in line and i'm sitting there sweating and my wife is like where are you because i have to be here for stuff anyway life is tough dude it really is it's hard when you have to wait that long for a fucking post-workout shake so anyway after that i hopped in my ferrari and came home dude um it's uh i don't give a fuck bro i'm unhinged man i'm freaking unhinged the mind of a madman you know i'm so happy i don't care man i'm so happy dude i have two kids and my life's beautiful, my babies.

My life's beautiful. Life's beautiful. What's that fucking thing? Sensational. Dude. Future's hot. Like sexy. Anyway, dude.

Let's fucking check and see what we have. I absolutely adore you guys today. I feel like I took a fucking, dude, did somebody put weed in my coffee? Babe, did you put weed in my fucking post-workout shake? Bro, I want to be this. I want to be this. This is how proud I am. Okay. I'm very proud to be married to be this. I want to be this. This is how proud I am. Okay.

I'm very proud to be married to my wife. But when, but later on in life, to be that old. Amazing, dude. She's drinking wine out of the bottle. That's my wife. I'm so proud. She's drinking wine out of the bottle. That's amazing. That's my wife.

That's my wife. That's your wife? Dude, there you go. The most proud person, and he's fucking 60. Love it. I... This is...

Hold on. Let's see this. Theft of two million dimes, two million dimes from truckload, it's just two million chicks with bikinis on, of coins from the U.S. Mint leaves four facing federal charges. Bro, how about this?

I'm like, we don't ever sit and think about this but let me just like actually take this home okay listen to me right now what i'm about to say people do heists you know what i'm saying like people do heists they're heisting out there like they actually are like at a point in their lives where they go Do heists. They're heisting out there. Like they actually are like at a point in their lives where they go. Imagine getting to a point where you could be like, I guess I could rob a bank. And then thinking, I better have some friends that would do it with me. Are you shitting me?

Why are the most hardcore criminals the most loyal motherfuckers? You know what I'm talking about? Dude, I could, yo, I'm down for you to rob a bank. Who the fuck would I rob a bank with? I would, you know what? Dude, if I had to rob a bank, I'd have to do it myself. There's no way. I think maybe my wife would do it with me and billy but not calvin he's too scared you know billy doesn't really know what's going on yet give me all your fucking all right dude everybody give me all your money and nobody gets hurt

sweetie can you hold him for a sec here hold him yeah he's spitting up you know what hold on one second baby hold the gun here hey buddy come here here i'll hold it baby fucking god damn it i can't do this shit without arguing um everybody on the floor stay on the floor just because we weren't looking at you and we started having our own shit doesn't mean you shouldn't be staying on the floor don't hit she hit the button we gotta go babe she hit the button she hit the secret button um baby we gotta go we got to go. Go, go. What do you mean? I'm driving. Move over. But you drive bad. Not when it counts.

Remember when we had the conversation in the car? When we said you were the better driver, but if we had to get away, it would be me? Move over. Come on. Here we go. Pop, pop, pop, pop. It's the fucking low pro tires, god damn it. Freeze. It's just that I...

All the coins. Oh, dude. Good thing the seats are already red. Oh. Good thing the seats are already red. Philadelphia. God, imagine being in Philadelphia and just like, I'll be in Philadelphia by the way.

Reading in Philadelphia, chrislea.com. I'll be there soon. Imagine growing up in Philadelphia and just being like so fucking obsessed with the Eagles and shit, you know? And just proud when they win. You know? Oh, dude, the city, I would hate to be in Cleveland the week after they win the Super Bowl, whenever that is. God, how annoying would that be?

When I went to Pittsburgh, you can't look anywhere without seeing a Steelers sign. You go to sleep and you're like, is that a Steelers sign on the inside of my eyelids? Philadelphia. Federal authorities have released more details than unsealed charges in the theft of more than 2 million dimes.

Dimes? Like actual coin dimes? Dimes? Bro, that's like $10 million. No, $20 million. coin dimes dimes bro that's like 10 million dollars no 20 million dollars it's 200 000 dollars oh that's not worth it also so heavy we need so here's what we're gonna do two dude my optimistic ass was like that's 20 million dollars Dude, my optimistic ass was like, that's $20 million. Two million dimes is the other way, dude.

Imagine being like, dude, they should make that movie. Oh, are you shitting me? Dude, if they made that movie, and we're going to rob them in dimes. Here's what we're going to do. First of all, we need 600 guys. Why do we need so many? Mate, they're so fucking heavy. Have you tried to carry fucking 300 dimes?

You can't, mate. You might think you can, but you can't. We've got to work out for fucking two years. All of us. We need 600 memberships to the gym. We fucking need them for two years. And then we're going to go rob two million dimes. We need 600.

No. We need 8. We need fucking 2,000 people is what we need. Freeze. This is a robbery. Just so many dudes in the fucking back. It's so... 150 guys got caught, but you know what? Dude.

Two times earlier this year from a tractor trailer. Okay, from a tractor trailer. They had picked up the coins from a U.S. mint in Philadelphia. Dude, imagine you're like, dude, let's get this van. Let's get this fucking van. Here we go. Here it is. Freeze.

And then it's just full of dimes. Oh, for fuck's sake. Dude, that would be my wife. We got the dimes one, babe. Great. I knew we should have got the other one. But you wanted to follow the other one. I said it was driving clunky. I said it was driving clunky when it went over the fucking potholes.

What did it look like? What did it look like? It looked like Lizzo and one of the people from the viewer fucking that's how much it looked like it was in there. The truck driver was bound for Miami when he pulled into a parking lot to sleep on April 13th. During the night, thieves made off with a portion of its cargo of 750,000 in dimes, a shipment weighing about six tons.

I was right, dude. How do you fucking, where do you put it? Thousands of quarter left scattered all over the lot in Northeast Philadelphia. Look at this, dude. Two hundred thousand, two hundred thirty four thousand five hundred stolen dimes. Where do you put it after that? All right, here's what we're going to do.

We're going, we'll get fucking two million dimes. We need two thousand people to help us with this high. So we're going to'll get fucking two million dimes we need 2 000 people to help us with this we're gonna rush into the fucking bunk all right and then after that here's what we're gonna do we're gonna deposit them but we probably have to do it like i don't know 200 dollars at a time otherwise people will think think it's fishy, especially if they know a lot of dimes are missing. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to take flights to other areas.

It's the most expensive heist, to be honest. We've got to pay everyone. Fuck it, the ticket's to go somewhere else. Shit, honestly, we're going to be in a hole after this. Plane flights to all the different fucking states and shit. God damn it. We're too deep. We're too deep.

We can't back out now. Detective said at the time the surveillance video showed six men dressed in gray hoodies. Who the fuck were they? Transformers? How do you carry six tons? Dude, you know who the guys are too. Imagine the big ass fucking workout dudes. They're just like,

imagine big ass workouts dudes fucking rob the bank and shit. Just so big. They're like that dude that died that is in all the memes right now. Or just like the dude you you love the one that you always send that's he died he's dead but the big ass fucking workout they got like what's his name uh ronnie cole coleman is that the guy no that's the ufc guy whatever you know i'm talking about

big ass fucking dudes they look like bradley martin and they're just fucking running around and they're like they're like switching outfits you know so they don't get caught but they still look like big ass motherfuckers and and the police are like it's it's that guy like no he's in a hoodie though that's not him it's just another big guy dude that's weird what about why do guys get so big i'm supposed to do bradley martin's podcast actually i gotta text him back why do guys get so big that's crazy why do guys get so big that's crazy ah how big should i get

detective said at the time okay six men middle of the night in the middle of the night approaching the truck look at this four men wrong oh here they are Look at this. Four men. Oh, here they are. 31-year-old Ronald Bird, Rakim Savage, Hanif Palmer,

and Malik Palmer. Dude, how big are they, though? Wow. Can't be that big. Just dragging it across the concrete. Boop-boop boop. Wow. Divided by four is 50k.

Worst heist. Hey, rob a Target. Hey, dude. Get into fucking Bitcoin, you know? Look at this here. Check out this forklift competition. No. The slowest fucking competition

wait hold on a second bro this is German this seems like it would be the most American shit of all time and these Germans just that's the craziest shit you don't even know they got forklifts in Germany and they're fucking hauling tires. This guy has them so precariously balanced. How the fuck did they even get them up there, dude?

How did they get them up there? The slowest competition of all time, dude. Benjamin Danker. Is that soft? Is that good? Is that cool? Oh, dude. Is that precise?

And now it's sold out here. It's packed. This is like a Burt Kreischer show. What the fuck? You think this guy gets pussy for this? Oh, my God. Oh. I mean, why do they all of a sudden have to run and hit the button?

That shouldn't have anything to do with anything. You know? It's not a timed thing. I mean, I guess it is a timed thing. But it's not a timed thing. I mean, I guess it is a timed thing, but it's so slow. Well, at least this guy looks exactly like someone who would operate a forklift. The thing I like about German is every now and then there's a word in English. Every now and then there's a word in English.

Dude, I was watching a show when I was in Europe once, and it was a German channel. It's crazy that in Europe, they'll have a bunch of channels, but then one that's just dedicated to German, the language. And it's like, we're in London. And I would language. And it's like we're in London. And I would watch it.

Because it's funny to me. And they would just be like. Every now and then. It was a. There was. There were English words. And German language. And the fucking.

I was watching this. Dude. That was obviously a bodyguard. Or something. Being interviewed. And he goes. I swear to God. He goes. Bro. I mean, I will never forget this.

He goes, And I was like, dude, there's definitely words for killing and technique in Germany. And technique in Germany. 90 U-spiel aus Leisen und Killingtechnik aus Pleisen. Dude. I swear to God. Why? Germans get with it.

So anyway. But they are obviously with it. Because they did the forklift. That was sent over by Rob Hay. On our Patreon. One shop sweatshirts and hoodies for you at sunkissedcoconut.com. Go to my page if you want to purchase a 10-word ad. Holler.baby slash Chris D'Elia.

Oh, man. I don't think anything's funnier. I don't think there's anything funnier than, like I was thinking about these two things, a guy, wait, that's not the, is this the thing, oh wow, you put something here that's not that, you said the worst laugh of all time and that's the that's also the forklift competition um i don't think that so these are the two funniest things to me either a guy trying to control his emotions uh which is why i love the chocolate croissant videos the chocolate croissant video and the guy and and the other on the other podcast that i do with my brother lifeline the guy who had the toothbrush the girl with the toothbrush in his

sink it seemed like he was so mad and seething and trying not to do it. But, or that is the funniest thing to me. A guy trying to hold in his emotion, but you can see the cracks to me, dude. I, there's only one other thing that, well, I would say two other things that are, uh, at that level. Okay. at that level, okay? A guy falling down, if it's funny enough, or a guy pretending he's not insecure and you can see he's insecure.

But you could argue that that's a guy trying to control his emotions. So, no, no, no. Here we go. Here we go. No, no, no. Here we go. Here we go. No, and no. It's today, Thursday.

Oh, God. Am I still rich? He's on a... Rich Homie Kwan is on... By the way, Rich Homie Kwan. But Rich Homie Kwan is... Mr. Homie Kwan is on, by the way, Rich Homie Kwan. But Rich Homie Kwan is, Mr. Homie Kwan is

on a live on Instagram or something and they say, are you still rich? Am I still rich? It's today Thursday slammed him ok then fuck you

crazy man oh oh oh so insecure dude am I still rich Oh! Oh! Oh! So insecure, dude! It's today, uh, Thursday? Didn't know what day it was.

Oh, stood up. Crazy, man. Thought about it. Thought about moving on. Couldn't let it go i'm so upset dude dude i love how black people always like they translate the same language into the same language. Black people would just be like, oh, he said, ha ha, he said,

like I was right there, you know? Dude, one time I was playing in the playground. I must have said this in this podcast before. I was playing in the playground. Dude, I was so mad. I was walking, I was actually looking. Bro, I must have been in sixth grade and I was this woman, this girl.

How old are you in sixth grade? This girl was hopping across puddles and trying to not – how do I remember this as clear as day? All right, was hopping off over puddles by herself, trying not to get splashed. And I was watching – I must have said this on the podcast before and um i was watching the uh this girl do this and next to me people were playing like kickball or dodgeball or some shit i was on a blacktop and uh i'm watching and the big red ball hit me on the head as i was watching this this girl and it felt uh and i felt super embarrassed that this happened because in my head everyone caught me looking at this girl but i was really just kind of in one of those i wasn't like it wasn't like i loved her you

know what i mean like when you're in sixth grade people be like oh you loved her or whatever I was just watching her but I was just like looking at her I was like I wonder if she gonna make the puddles but I was in one of those sleep days things the ball hit my head and it was one of those really those rubber balls that goes foing you know and Teddy came over Teddy Chandler Stedman his real name was dude where is he

now you know what I want I want a VH1 where are they now about everybody in Milan elementary school that's what I want like where the fuck is danny vick where's jenny conroy where's quite your turner where's sumatra i want to know where these motherfuckers are you know sumatra fucking dude one time she stole my answer i said it quietly next to her because the teacher was like what's the answer and i said it quietly and then she raised her hand and they called on her and she said it the answer she and i and i turn around i say i said that out loud you got that for me and she said you should have kept it to yourself never forgot it but anyway the ball hit me in the head and teddy came over and he said

he was dying dude i was so mad he was laughing he said ha ha he said ha ha the ball said boy and i said and i even then when i said it i was like man i sound so fucking insecure but i said a ball doesn't say anything teddy super white you know excuse me a ball doesn't actually say anything teddy thank you very much balls make noises it doesn't actually say anything. Teddy, thank you very much. Balls make noises. It doesn't have a soul, does it? Is it Thursday? He said. Crazy, man.

Me when Teddy said the ball said boy. Since the last one is crazy. Speaking of laughs. Damn it. Via Google is an attractive but unintelligent or frivolous young woman. No, bro. Dude, murder me. Immediately murder.

No, come on, dude. Not real. I would be so angry if my... Via Google is an attractive but unintelligent or frivolous young woman. Come on, dude. A velociraptor. The one coming in from the side. frivolous young woman. Come on, dude! A velociraptor! The one coming in from the side!

Dude, get out of here! I've never been that loud in my life. No, I constantly am that loud. But that's crazy, dude. I did not know. Dude, you know what sucks? Having an annoying laugh. God, it sucks.

You got to be around that person and your friends. You can't not be their friend because of it, you know? You can't not be their friend with somebody because you can't be, you can't not be friends with somebody because of their laugh. But dude, if you're a real one, you can. You got to keep that fucking circle tight, bro. You got to keep that circle tight. You got it. But I'm a big believer in you got to hate that fucking circle tight, bro. You got to keep that circle tight.

You got it. But I'm a big believer in you got to hate your friends, though. You got to have some sort of level of hate with your friends. Otherwise, dude, you ain't shit. Um. What the fuck was also that what that guy said wasn't funny dude she looked like jar jar binks um um oh god dude we talked about kodak black last. Let's talk about him again.

Okay. DT Donald Trump? Yeah, fuck that, boy. We ain't got to talk so much about this shit. I got to ask. I got to ask. That's fire. You got bars.

That's legendary. How did that happen to you? Why is the sound on this podcast? I know it's popular podcast. Why is the sound so bad? It sounds it's popular podcast Why is the sound so bad It sounds like they're in a fucking iron lung Why is it so echoey Guys get these Things

Hey Nori Get these things Get the waffle things that you put up It sounds like they're in a fucking hangar it said i changed my life tonight if donald trump reduced my sentence can hear the air conditioner that is pretty cool he pardoned him for what what a caught up black dude Rob fucking two million dimes? Hey, you guys, what are you saying?

Dude, was Kodak Black's mom a creaky door? before he German I get his birthday after my shit and I'm well I he be vibing on here too right so so Trump right now even though he probably don't need it if he needed a million dollars would you give him a man of course His pants were... What he said down there? Having annoyed people and people couldn't grab it. Wow, his mom was a creaky door. His dad was a dying deer. Dude, I love rappers, man. I love how they...

My favorite is beef, though, when they have beef. I don't understand... Well, I'm a rapper. Fuck it. I guess... Wait, hold on. Soulja Boy. Oh, when does Soulja Boy not have beef?

Remember when Soulja Boy tried to make a video game console? You know? wait hold on soldier boy oh when does soldier boy not have beef remember when soldier boy tried to make a video game console you know and then it didn't work because of course rappers are crazy bro they're crazy for a rapper to just be like, yo, you know I'm going to make video games is nuts. Do you know what I mean? There's nobody, other people doing that. Imagine like fucking Tim Salmon is just like, dude, fuck PS5. Do you know what I'm saying? Imagine Jerry Seinfeld is like, I hate playing Wii.

I'm going to make the Seinfeld 3000. Bam-ba-dow. You put the cartridge in, bam-ba-dow. Bam-ba-dow. Welcome to the sun. Instead of Sega, it just goes... What is the deal? Bro, he made a video game console. What was it called?

I don't even know. What was the Soulja Boy video game console called? Soulja Boy video game console. What was it called? I don't even know. What was the Soulja Boy video game console called? Soulja Boy video game. Boy video game. Pumperdown. What's his name? Has beef with... Soulja Boy has beef with...

J. Cole or whatever big sean soldier boy had some hits though huh before look at this i bought the 200 dollar soldier boy console that's not expensive at all that's not expensive at all. It don't matter what the fuck you like, J. Cole. You stupid bitch. You see what I'm saying? Fuck.

It don't matter what you like, bitch. It don't matter if you use it. Okay. You know, it does to him. If you ain't like the song at first, now you like it now. Who gives a fuck? Who is you? Who the fuck is you? You ain't like the song at first, now you like it now. Who gives a fuck? Who is you?

Who the fuck is you? You ain't God. I mean, definitely the greatest rapper right now, you know? You know what I'm saying? You ain't nobody. You ain't bought my album. You ain't signed me. You ain't put me on.

You ain't put no money in no pocket. Who fucking buys albums now? My pocket? You ain't do a future with me? I don't know you. We ain't never met. We ain't put no money in no pocket. Who fucking buys albums now? My pocket? You ain't do a future with me? I don't know you. We ain't never met. We ain't never collab. You ain't never gave me no game. I mean, so resentful, dude.

Let's hop in the studio and work. Fuck you. What have you contributed to my life since I've been born to this day? What have you contributed to my life? Since I've been born, since to this day. What have you contributed to my life and my career? Not one motherfucking thing. What's he saying behind the beeps? A verse, a feature, a follow, a tweet, bitch. I don't even know you.

I ain't never spoke to you a day in my life. So does that fall about everything? Talk about you ain't used to. Who gives a fuck? Well, what? Hey, man, explain what happened, you know? Worst recap. What? What?

What did he say to him? What did he say on a podcast or something? Was that a podcast that he said it on? Oh, wow. What the fuck is going on here? What the fuck is going on here? Look dirty. Look dirty.

Did one person on Halloween dress up as J. Cole? Oh, not the litmus test. Not the test, dude. Imagine going into fucking spirit Halloween. Where's your J. Cole aisle? That's a hilarious thing to say. Who dressed up as Soulja Boy? And how many n****s dressed up as Soulja Boy?

Zero! The end. Don't nobody want to dress up as a dirty-ass, bummy, homeless-looking n****. The end. Don't nobody want to dress up as a dirty ass bummy homeless looking. The end, dude. The end. How many people dress up as Jacob Halloween? How many people dress up as Soulja Boy? The end.

I don't know. Go get my special at crystalia.com. How about that? Book audio time in Atlanta at Astro Studios. Astroatl.com. Go to my page if you want to purchase a 10-word ad or shout out. Holler.baby slash crystalia. Oh, this was great.

This was just great. This was great. This was just great. This was fantastic. This was just fantastic. The brazenness of it. Is the man retarded? I mean, I mean, I shouldn't use that word, but sure. Developmentally disabled?

Sure. I mean, still bad, you know? To think that he is going to... Nah, nah, nah. The worst backtracking. Go to the Clippers where they have Kawhi Leonard as the number one option. Paul George is the number two and still Russell Westbrook there. I think that he's going to I didn't know what you were going to say today. I'm I'm shocked. This is not going to work.

What? What's going on? Let me apologize for using that word. I have my first cousin. He died a few months ago, a month or two ago. He was developmentally disabled. So I didn't mean to use that word. I'm trying to garner sympathy! Yeah! What if he still used the R word at the end of it?

He just said it. He died. We put him to lay him at rest. He was... r-word at the end of it he was you know he just said it he died we put him to lay him arrest he was we put him to rest he was retarded dude that would have been the ultimate this guy got fired right i hope not audience oh that's that's very kind of you i don't think anyone would kill you for it um oh dude uh does damn well oh it's very kind of. I don't think anyone would kill you for it. Ow, dude! That was damn well! Oh, that's very kind of you. I don't think anyone would kill you for it.

I don't think anyone would kill you for it. What the fuck? He's going to mow, but it's not going to work well. Nick, what? Is the man retarded? Really leaned into it, dude.'s not going to work well. Nick, what? Is the man retarded? Really leaned into it, dude. Nick. It starts like this. Sang it.

Nick, is the man retarded? And then the other dude, the white dude, that just goes, if I said it, I'd be fired. You shouldn't use that word. Well, you shouldn't use that word, dude. Developmentally disabled. Oh, dude, if I was on that show as one of those guys and he said that, bro, I would be laughing. I'd be laughing.

Let me apologize for using that word. I have a first cousin who died a few months ago. He was developmentally disabled. We laid him to rest. You know? Trying to garner sympathy. How about Zuckerberg, dude? Tore his ACL.

I had a bucket handle tear. Meniscus? That sucked enough, but ACL tear, bro. These rich guys, and I mean rich, just they don't have the right hobbies, you know? It should just be training. It should just be he should be just casually doing jujitsu. He's not he's training for a fight, bro.

Like, you know, rich dudes are like, yeah, I'm more my hobbies is collecting boats. You know, it's like, hey guy, take up knitting. Yeah, but he's in. It's crazy that Mark Zuckerberg could probably kick my ass. Not now though. That's cool. It's all part of it though.

I didn't like, man, I did jujitsu for six years i was always injured i fucking hated it until i had to get my my meniscus fucking repaired and i'm like all right i'm done dude oh okay it got me i'm done oh it got me oh it just got me and it wasn't even when i was doing something hard i was just taking a step around a guy trying to get past his guard and my my knee goes and i go what i'm one of the guys like so you're gonna need surgery and i was like how the fuck do you know he was a black belt and he knew how to get surgery hated it didn't want to get it got it my legs fine

now i can do fucking five pistol squats in a row what the fuck dude now i can do five pistol squats in a row each like what the fuck even weak Even weak side. What the fuck? I can. And now I got a fucking other guy that came up to me and said, how do you do that? And I'm like, Jesus Christ. And he's buff. What the fuck? And he does crazy core work, but he still can't do the pistol squats.

What the fuck? It's a lot about flexibility, too, even though it's about strength, too. It's a lot about balance. What the fuck? You can say a lot of things about Chris Lee. You can't say he can't do Pistol Squad. That's for sure. What's up with Corey Feldman right here? oh

hey guy dude do you have one eye how do you not how do you not what do they call it the um your what do you not, how do you not, what do they call it? The, um, your, what do you lose? No, but not peripheral. You lose your, if you have only one eye. What? Depth perception. That's what it is. Dude, he has no depth perception, dude.

That's crazy that just two eyes like that, even though they're that close together, it could give you that much depth perception, you know? Even though they're so close. our eyes should be like this. We should be like hammerheads. Hammerheads probably got crazy depth perception, although maybe they can just see out each side. Oh, how did God fucked up when he made hammerheads, huh? That sucks.

That sucks, dude. Oh, my God, that sucks. Hammerheads are like Indian guys in America. You know what I mean? Chicks never want to fuck them. Dude, hammerheads suck, dude. The way they look, you know, I'm saying Indian dudes are very handsome.

Fucking, I don't give a shit. But in America, that's just how it is. Dude, don't get on me. Get on the chicks. Hey, chicks, fuck more Indian guys. You don't want a shit but in America that's just how it is dude don't get on me get on the chicks hey chicks fuck more Indian guys you don't want me saying this stuff I don't care anymore I don't care it's a bitch how Corey Feldman got hit with the fucking mouth

I mean I've done it before so it's a bitch I mean, I've done it before. So... I love it. Are you shitting me? Boston. Are you shitting me? Busting. Oh my gossed. You know? It's a bitch.

Dude. I mean, how did this guy beat this tree down? It's a tree. It's gotta be like a balsa tree. Dude. Okay, it's a banana plant. Still. Okay, one, that's not a tree.

That's a banana, which is kind of a plant. It's not a banana, you know? Come on, bro. That's still good. I don't give a shit. That's fast, huh? Oh, my gosh. I mean, busting, dude.

Oh, my gosh. Busting. Oh, my gosh. Hey, dude. Oh, my gosh. Dude, in no language is God gossed. Oh my gossed. Oh my gossed. Dude, in zero languages, God is gossed. Let me look at this. Let me look up, oh my gosh. Let me look up gosh. G-O-S-T for God. No.

What is the meaning of gosh? A spiritual being, angel, devil, spirit. Oh! A holy ghost. I guess it is, bro. Wow, this guy's ahead of ahead of everyone oh my ghost dude imagine you were fucking making love and you're about to bust you oh my ghost that'd be the last time you saw that lady that's for sure god i love when my bar my dogs bark too much.

What's this here? Two and a half men creator Chuck Lorre and Charlie Sheen ended their 12-year feud. It was healing, you know? Dude, how about how Chuck Lorre wrote the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song? You know this? I talked about this here.

We did 170 episodes together. Before it fell apart. Lorre said of their history. Oh they met or whatever? I remember Charlie Sheen called him a clown. A stupid stupid man. And hurled anti-semitic insults. In 2011.

Dude Charlie Sheen was like the first guy to get canceled. No. Yeah. At the time, the actor was struggling with his drug and alcohol addiction. I guess he's probably better now. Which led him to go to... Does he have AIDS? Where did it go?

That's not a real disease, dude. You can just get rid of it now. Which led him to go off on bizarre rants about winning and using tiger's blood. He was eventually fired from the hit sitcom and replaced by Ashton Kutcher, who played a billionaire businessman who bought Charlie's house after. Yeah. Okay. So they're not in a feud anymore.

That's cool. Yeah. All right. Oh, man man 12 years falling out i guess i have people i haven't talked to in years um what's the fucking oh here that that was so let's do let's round this podcast out with that here we go Round this podcast out with that. Here we go.

This was great. No, no, no. God damn it. I don't ever want to. Why am I never signed in, dude? Just never signed in. It's okay. I really wanted to prove to you that he is clean now.

Yes, good morning again, George. And he claims no drugs right now, but we did talk a lot. Man, this woman is everywhere, dude. Every time someone's being interviewed, this woman is doing it. Who even is that? I swear to God. Also, she's been that age for 90 years. She's got the Morgan Freeman disease. ...about his past drug use.

Charlie Sheen has never been more candid about it and makes no excuses for it. He also shared with us some of what really happened that night last month... 17. ...after a drug-filled night with poor jobs. Million views. Your anger and your hate, I think, is coming off as erratic to people. Passion. My passion.

It's all passion. Okay, your passion is coming off as erratic to people. Right, well, you borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like, dude, can't handle it. Unplug this bastard. Yeah, because... Dude, it's actually so messed up to look at this now because he's so obviously, so obviously on drugs.

It just, it fires in a way that is, I don't know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm. There you go. Anytime you talk about terrestrial. I think some of those things that you're putting out there are making people think something's wrong with you. That has nothing to do with me, really. Wow, didn't even say that. you know, you're on two ends of the spectrum. Wow. And then what? What's the cure? Medicine? Make me like them?

Not going to happen. Wow. Didn't even say that. I win here and I win there. Now what? Dude, this, this was so awesome, man. I'm glad he's better now because this,

this was great. I wonder what it's like for him to watch this if i'm bipolar aren't there moments where a guy like crashes and like in the corner like oh my god it's all my mom's fault shut up shut up stop move forward have you had any celebrities reach out to you oh yeah yeah radical people like sean penn and mel gibson and colin farrell and just radical people and it's and they're and Colin Farrell and just radical people. And they're not telling me what to do. Who gave you the best piece of advice? Oh, dude.

Oh, so sideways. And they're not telling me what to do. So, you know, if that's what you came here to do, you're bucking up the wrong tree. Colin Farrell didn't tell me what to do. Also, Colin Farrell absolutely told him what to do. Oh, wow. to do also Colin Farrell absolutely told him what to do I saw they didn't give me any advice and and and within that there's great advice just dude that's just it was just love and so you know just to just to see it's oftentimes as

unknown but occasionally you know a giant marquee name comes through on your caller ID and it's like winning. And it's like winning. Dude, when he did that, like seeing Colin Farrell's name on your phone, be like, oh, fuck yeah. He fucking fuck. Yeah, dude. It's not an unknown, dude. That is the says unknown. But occasionally, you know,

a giant marquee name comes through on your caller ID, and it's like winning. When was the last time you used? Oh, use... I use a blender. I use a vacuum cleaner. Oh, done it a million times. This is his go-to. Wow.

You know, household items. When was the last time I ingested or took drugs? Yes, when was the last time you took drugs? When you used such an AA, stupid expression or term, I don't remember. Do you like that? I do not remember. Why do you like that?

Yeah. A week ago, two weeks ago, two days ago. Maybe a month ago, six weeks. I don't know, I don't know. It was a couple days before the suits rolled in and said, "'Change it, change it. Change everything. We're shutting you down. Tell me about the last time you took drugs.

The last time I took drugs, I probably took more than anybody could survive. Joe said he didn't do it. How much? I don't know, man. I was banging seven gram rocks and finishing them because that's how I roll. I have one speed. I have one gear. Go. Love it, dude. That's how I am with shoes.

Because I'm me. Because I'm me. I'm different. I just have a different constitution. Oh, fuck yeah. The first two chains. I have a different, you know, I get tiger blood, man.

You don't worry that you're going to die when you take that many drugs. Dying's for fools. Oh, dude. Oh, dude. Wow. Oh, wow. Wow. Oh, wow. Wow.

Wow. What the fuck is this? It says Charlie Sheen and his goddesses? What was that all about? You remember that? Who were they? Red Light Theory. God damn it, ads.

What? Imagine if that happened now. I have goddesses. Winning. I've got one speed with my goddesses. I inject my tiger blood into them through my penis. I inject my tiger blood into them through my penis. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's scary. Come on, dude. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee. It's scary. Dude, just wakes up, you know? Just wakes up. That is the best quote I've ever heard in my life.

The machine has a shine for. So, let's party. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee. It's scary. People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view. Dude, when he did it, he went like this.

That is so gangster, dude. That's awesome. Wow, man. All right, look. That's great. Go to chrislea.com. Get my special. Go now. Thanks for watching. My special is available now. It is an hour and ten minutes or something

like that. Like and subscribe here. We love it. And thank you everyone for watching. If you have watched it. And then also I'm going to be in Fort Myers and Orlando. And also, what do you call it? Baltimore and Detroit. No, not Detroit.

Richmond is what I meant to say. And Trenton. That's it for YouTube. If you want the end of the episode or the rest of the episode, I should say, the uncut version without ads, go to patreon.com.

And that's it. It's six bucks and you get all the extended episodes and you also get all the rest of the episodes. We do one extra episode a month so you can go get them all right now for six bucks. Go. Patreon.com. Thank you. ...

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